Poor ROBIN'S VISIONS: Wherein is Described, The present Humours of the TIMES; the VICES and Fashionable Fopperies thereof; And after what manner Men are Punished for them hereafter.  
Discovered in a Dream.  
— Fatebere tandem Nec Surdum, nec Tiresiam quenquam esse Deorum  
Licenced May 17. 1677.  
ROGER L'ESTRANGE.  
LONDON, Printed for, and sold by Arthur Boldero Stationer at the Mitre in Mitre-Court near the Inner Temple in Fleetstreet, 1677.   

Poor Robin's Visions  

First VISION.  

By Vision in a Trance, strange Things I tell,  
What wicked Acts turned Mortals down to Hell:  
And who they are; whose crimes are lively drawn;  
Men once Incarnate, though the Devil's Spawn.   
IN one of those Mornings of the Year wherein the Earth breathes forth richer Perfumes than are to be found in the Palaces of Princes; by the wholsomness of whose scent, the distempered winds (purging their Bodies) ran to and fro, whistling for Joy through the verdant Leaves of shady Trees, whilst Sheep lay nibbling in the Valleys to teach men humility, and Goats climbing up to the tops of barren Mountains, browzed there upon weeds, and barks of Trees to show the misery of ambition; just at that time when Lambs were wanton as young Wives, but not lascivious: when Shepherds took care to feed their flocks, but not to fleece them; when the Lark with his Music had called up the Sun, and the Sun with his light started up the Husbandman then, even then, when it was a morning that would have tempted the worst of sluggards to have left his bed: on a sudden I fell into a Trance, and methought the Caves where the most unruly boisterous Winds lay imprisoned, were violently 〈◊〉 open; they getting 〈◊〉, the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 with fear of that 〈◊〉; the 〈◊〉 shot Lightning and 〈◊〉 in disdain of their threatening: the sturdiest Oaks were then glad to bow, and stand quivering, whilst low Shrubs and Briars received a reward for their humility by being out of fear of danger: so dreadful fury lead forth this Tempest, that had not the Rainbow been a Water-mark to the World, (had what appeared been real) Men could not have then suspected less than another deluge: for showers came down so fast, as if all clouds had been distilled into water, and would have hid their curled heads in the 〈◊〉, whilst the waves (in scorn to see themselves so beaten down) boiled up to that prodigious height, as if 〈◊〉 meant that Ships should sail in the Sky, and so waft men to Heaven that way. To make these terrors more dreadful, I fancied that the Sun withdrew his head as fearful to be seen, darkness then in triumph spread her sable wings, and totally covered the Hemisphere wherein I was; the blackness of Night was doubled at high noon; Beasts that were unaccustomed to such sights, ran madly up and down bellowing; men were amazed; and in short with the rain it lightened so fast, that the place wherein I was, seemed to be half-drowning, and half burning; the Waters striving to have Victory over the flames, and they sweeting as fast to drink dry the Waters. To conclude, this Tragedy was so long a playing, and was so dismal, the Scene was so turbulent, and affrighting: this battle of Elements bred such another Chaos, that it did put me in remembrance of that Ingenious expression.  


— Did not God say  
Another Fiat, it had ne'er been day.   A sudden alteration now appeared, for this storm seemed to be blown away, and all things being quiet, methought I saw a great number of men together, and drawing near unto them, I observed that each one had an Almanac in his hand of different sorts, consulting with one another; these Physico-Astrological Billmen (commonly known by the names of Mountebanks and Quacks,) endeavoured to Apifie the Doctors, and took a world of pains to no purpose, to know whence this disease of nature should proceed; but being all as wise as Gothams' calves, they could say nothing pertinent to the matter. The tempest blown over, the Celestial bodies (for any thing these figger-flingers knew) were all in very good health; the twelve Signs were neither broken nor beaten down from any of the houses in Heaven; the Sun looked with as red and lively a countenance as he used to do, and the Moon undoubledly (though then invisible) with as plump a face; and though some of them with their wont impudence and ignorance did endeavour to maintain that this dreadful and sudden alteration of the weather, did portend some! strange alteration in Church and State, yet one standing by, (wiser than all the rest) told me he could not find by all the figures which their Prognostications cast up their accounts by, that any such heavy event should befall the wickedness of these our present times.  
Hereupon another to satisfy my curiosity, told me he was credibly informed that this commotion of the Air had its rise & derivation from nothing else but Conjuring; hearing him say so, could not forbear laughing, knowing the bugbear Art of Conjuration to be as false and fabulous as the History of ` Pigmies, Amozons, and tales of old doting women. Though my laughter displeased the Gentleman, yet it hindered him not from assuring me, that which he said was a truth, and that this conjuring was about a Knight, not a Knight of worship, but a Westminster-Hall Knight, a Knight forsworn, a Poor Knight, a Perjured Knight, a Knight of the Post: Sir said he, this Yeoman of the Pillory and both Counters, (a long Inhabitant in new Alsatia) was sometimes since sent with a Letter to the Devil; but he not returning with an answer, some mad fellows, practitioners in the Black Art, laid their heads together, and swore to fetch him from Hell headlong; and now you have seen the horrid effects of their operations.  
Hereupon I was very desirous to know the occasion of his sending. It was thus, said he: the Temple of the Muses (for want of careful looking after) falling to decay, and many (that seemed to hate Barbarism, and Ignorance) being desirous to employ workmen about it, and repair it; But having many buildings of their own in hand, utterly gave it over; a common Counsel was therefore called of all those who lived by their wits, and such who were of the livery of learning, amongst whom it was found necessary, that to ease the private Purse as general Subsidy should be levied, for the raising of such a competent Sum as might maintain the said Alms-house, of the Nine Sisters in good fashion, and keep it from falling, long were they in the collection of this Money, and though the Collectors did even sweat themselves to death, yet no income, nothing could be gathered, the Gentlemen (for the major part) swore bloodily they would not contribute an halfpenny, they had nothing to do with the Muses, they were mere strangers to them, and why should they be assessed to pay any thing towards the relief of such laizy companions. Where is the Wit they boast of, if they cannot live thereon? As for Lawyers, they knew there was no Statute in any King's Reign could compel them to discourse on this account; men of the Sword swore by their Arms, (some whereof were miserably out at Elbows) that they never could satisfy their hungry stomach with the most curious dish that ever Wit had dressing of, and therefore resolved to keep their Money against a Gut-griping Campaign; Peace they cried had made them beggars, and were (some of them well qualified for that profession, having lost their Legs, went up and down on borrowed Stilts, that their Country might go sound and upright upon its own. They complain much for want of Action, and Poor men had a world of Actions against them, and were at so low an ebb, that Captains gave over their charge, and were led by Sergeants, Scholars, and could have found in their hearts to have made Money of their Books, Gowns, Caps, etc. to have paid their share to this commendable work; but Earthly Souls held all that was theirs (how good soever) in such vile contempt, that even those who upon a good pawn will lend Money to the Devil, would not part with any Money to them upon any Interest, so much did they hate the poor ragged Wenches, and their 〈◊〉.  
Hereupon at the next Sessions of the Wits; it was a greed upon to appeal to the Parliaments of Gods, who taking their condition into serious consideration on it, was by them presently enacted, that Apollo (out of whose brain men of Wit and Wisdom came into the World; should with all expedition descend and prevent ensuing mischief; least sacred knowledge having her intellectual Soul banished from Earth, having no house there to Inhabit, the Earth should (as of necessity it would) turn into its primitive Chaos, and men again into Giants, to fight against the Celestial Powers. Mercury was likewise dispatched from the whole Synod for the same purpose, as Ambassador to Pluto, (who is the chief) Infernal Banker to persuade him by the utmost of his eloquence, that Money might be more plentiful, or credit more easily obtained, that Scholars, and such who strive and struggle for the Bays for want of its assistance, might not be found to change their Lodgings oftener than their Shirts, and not knowing how to live at liberty, are compelled to confine themselves voluntarily to Ludgate, that to keep them from starving, they may go a share in the Lord Mayor and Sheriffs Baskets.  
Apollo (according to the decree of the Celestial Upper House) is now descending: the Fountains of Science flow, (by his influence,) and swell to the brim: Bay-Trees to make the Garlands for learning, are every where new set, and already green, the Muses have fresh colours in their cheeks again; their Temple is promised to be made more fair, and there is good hopes that Ignorance shall no longer walk or ride in that splendour, which better becomes the men of Wit and Learning. Yet for this Mercury's Embassy, (notwithstanding all his craft and polity) proves ineffectual; for he cannot raise the Golden Devil. A mad Greek hearing this, who was with a Poetical fury resolved to assist him, and in a bravery wrote a supplication in the behalf of Money, for its enlargement, vowing he would convert all his blood into Ink, and his brains into Cotten, but that he would have an answer.  
The Petition being drawn up, he thought none could run faster to Hell with it, and be sooner there, than a Suburbs 〈◊〉, a Broker, or a Knight of of the Post; the last he made choice of because of his name, and sent it by him, who it seems having a great deal of business with the Devil, could not of a long time be heard of; this was the cause of all this conjuring. Having ended his discourse, this seeming gentile Snipper-Snapper vanished, so did the rout of the non-sensicall deluding Stargazers, and I left alone; then did I enter into a consideration, how many shifts men make, and how many shapes they assume; what villainy they perpetrate, through what dangers they venture Conscience, Reputation, nay life itself shall be offered as a purchase for that glittering piece of Earth; the strange Magic of it drove me strait into a strange admiration. I perceived it to be a Witchcraft beyond man's power to contend with: a Torrent whose winding Creeks are not with safety to be 〈◊〉 into: a Poison that has a thousand contrary workings on a thousand bodies: for it turns those that keep it Prisoners in Iron chests, into Slaves and Idolaters; and yet even those that become such Slaves unto it, it makes them Sovereign Commanders over a World of People.  
My further consideration on this Subject was totally laid aside by a concourse of people approaching towards me; hereupon I drew near to know the meaning of this unusual meeting, I was quickly informed without ask, by their own voluntary talking; (for great wagers were laid) that when the Petition was sent, it would not be received; or if so, it would not be read over; or if read over, not answered; for Mammon being the God of rich men, and not beggars, was worse, thought on than he deserved, and therefore would not hear the Petition of the Poor; (like a Lawyer in a busy Term) not be spoken with because his Client had not a penny to pay Fees, but sued in Forma Pauperis.  
Had it been a challenge, 
The Devil the best Fencer, and very apt to quarrel.  it is clear, he would have answered it: for he was the first that kept a Fencing-School, when Cain was alive, and taught him that Embrocado by which he killed his Brother; since which time he hath made many Millions of Scholars as expert in killing as ever he was; and and there is not a Kingdom in the world, wherein his 〈◊〉 do not swarm; having 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 in them all to teach wicked men that damnable Science. At Sword & Buckler little Davy was no body to this skilful Master of the Science, and as for Rapier and Dagger the Spaniard may be his Journeyman, and as for single Rapier he values Monsieur with his Sa, Sa, as little as Jack-Pudding does a Custard.  
Now if he were to fight, it is a question which of the Playhouses his Prize should be performed at; and whether the Money when gathered, he would have cozened the Fencers thereof, or the Fencers him; because Hell being under every one of their Stages, the Players if they had owed him a spite, might with a false trap door have slipped him down, and there have kept him as a laughingstock to all their yawning spectators, or had his Infernal Ship been arrested to any Action how great soever, all the Law in Westminster-Hall could not have kept him from appearing to it, (for the Devil 〈◊〉 to be nonsuited) he would have answered that to: but the mischief would have been where should he get any that would have pleaded for him, who could have endured to see such a damnable Client every Morning in his Chamber? what Waterman for double his Fare would have landed him at the Temple; but rather have struck in at White-friar's, and left him there a shore with a Pox to him.  
Whilst wagers were laying on all sides as I said before, a little Pug, or rather Hellish Imp appeared among us; for his colour and shape differed from what was humane, yet he had the voice and speech of man; for thus he said; cease your vain babble, and do not by your Actions verify a Proverb among you; none but Fools lay wagers; for Grand Seignour Diabolo, my Lord and Master is fully resolved to answer his humble Orator, but being himself not brought up to learning, (for to tell you the truth he can neither write nor read,) yet he has been at all the Universities in Christendom, and thrown damnable Heresies, like bones for Dogs to gnaw upon amongst the Doctors themselves; But having no skill but in his own Hornbook, much perplexed he was to think where he should find out a proper Scribe to Scribble for him; most of the Scriveners in the Town he had at his beck, but they were so over-imployed in making Bonds between Usurers and unthrifty Heirs, indrawing up Leases between overreaching Landlords, and unwary Tenants, in Warrants of Attorney confessed to, the Wine-Merchant by a young raw nimble Squire of the faucet which gives him inlet to an House ready furnished with every thing good, but Wine; which House has been (it may be) the ruin of a dozen of his rash predecessors, and will be infallibly his if he have not an especial care: these, and a hundred things more these Scriveners are busied in, as Conveyances, Final Recoveries, etc. and at length by creating and undoing others, they turn Bankrupts themselves, and so knavishly deceive their Creditors. For these and other causes Don Lucifer was unwilling to take them from their Noverints, because in the end he knew they were but his Factors, and that he should be a part-owner in their lading himself. Then as for those Gallantillo's, who now wear misbecoming Swords by their sides instead of befitting Ink-horns, as in the days of old; those Lawyer's Clerks I mean who venture the dirtying of their Silk-stockings, and Alamode Spanish Breeches with trudging up and down from Office to Office, that they may bubble their Clients and abuse these poor ignorant Creatures to their faces, by exacting unreasonable Fees from them; my Master taking these things into consideration, would by no means take them from their wide lines, counterfeiting hands and Seals, etc. but stroking them under the chins, called them his white-boys, and promised to remember them for their Ingenuity and greatpains-taking.  
After this, my great Master Monsieur Malefico (for know Sir, (said he) he goes by several names, so that you cannot miscall him, call him what you please) I say he went next to the writing Schoolmasters, and writing Stationers (those puny Clark-undoers,) he took some of them by the fist, and licked their hands exceedingly, some of them having almost as many hands as Briareus, by which they were capacitated to counterfeit any thing; but perceiving by the copies of their countenances, that for all their good Letters, they writ intolerable bad English, and that the world would think him a dunce, if there came false Orthography from him; he resolved to have nothing to do with those Ignormus's (fellows whose faces look much like the first four lines of those humble Petitions they use to draw,) and in an angry mood, cursed them, which curse (as we have heard since) was converted into a blessing, so that many of them have got great Estates no body knows how, which has been a great satisfaction to our great Paymaster of Perdition.  
I hearing this, and fearing that our poor suppliant should lose his labour notwithstanding the Devil's promise, and be sent away with si nihil attuleris, resolved to do that for nothing, which many would not do for any Money. Hereupon turning boldly without any fear or terror (as I imagined) to his spawn of Hell, I would undertake the task if he would direct me the way to the infernal Regions; he presently took me at my word, and was strangely mistaken in him, for I took him to be a Foot-Post, but he proved an Aerial guide and hurried me, in an instant to the place by me desired: neither did I much fear my safe return, since I have read of several men who went thither and came back again, and as many women; but I could never hear that any of them ever returned; surely the Devil has a damnable love for the Female Sex, else he would never have put himself to the trouble and disgrace of stealing a wife from the Earth, called Proserpina Ceres' Daughter.  
Upon my arrival, I found Hell's Gates standing wide open; and afterwards by inquiry, I understood they were never shut. As I was entering, I cast my eyes about on this side, and on that, to the intent I might see that beastly monstrous Porter Cerberus so much talked on by the Ancients, but not a head of him appeared there, which made me think that he either died before my coming, or else never any such animal had a being. My guide and I proceeded forward at length he introduced me into a spacious Hall, where Pluto sat in a chair of state, attended by a vast number of his Subjects of different forms and 〈◊〉, and distinguishable as to dignity; by the greater or lesser splendour of Ornaments they wore about their heads. It was a day, or rather more properly night that, was set apart to give out new Commissions, and send fresh Emissaries into the World to supply the places of such who had tired and spent themselves in promoting new opinions in Religion, and propagating differences and dissensions amongst all sorts of People, etc. Watching my opportunity, I addressed myself to his Devilship, informing him of what I came about: but this cunning Devil suspecting that I came rather as a spy to betray him, then as a spirit to do his business, and that I was more likely to have him to Barbers-Chyrurgeons Hall, there to anatomize him, then to a Barber's shop to trim him, would by no means have an answer given to the Petition. As soon as this flat denial was pronounced, the Knight of the Post who brought the Petition, standing by me, presently thought to sneak off, which being perceived, it was ordered he should be secured, and that he should severely pay for all his false Oaths and Perjuries he had committed on Earth, etc. Hereupon he was hurried away by a throng of Sergeants and Yeomen whither I know not, but undoubtedly, directly to the place of punishment; for these Officers there, have not the convenience of milking their poor Prisoners by the way at Taverns or Alehouses as they had on Earth, till they carried him to that place of ruin, where there is no hope of ever coming out till Death becomes his Turn-key.  
This sight did somewhat startle me, and thought it not safe to tarry longer in the presence, but undiscovered slunk away, resolving to view this Hellish Country, and muster all my Wits about me, to fight against this Captain of the damned crew, and not only describe his Territories, but discover his stratagems.   

Second VISION.  

Hell's Maps here drawn, in which it does appear  
Where Hell does lie, and who they be live there.   
WOnder is the Daughter of Ignorance, none but Fools will wonder, how I and this grand Sophy of the Whore of Babylon should meet together, or what charms I carried about me whilst I talk with him, or without taking so long a journey to visit him in his own Kingdom, where, or nearer home (if any one had occasion to use his Devilship) a Porter may fetch him with a wet finger.  
These are but idle Inquisitions; his acquaintance is more cheap than a strolling Player or Fidler, 
The Devil's Rendezvous.  and a Night-walker's equally alike dangerous. His Lodgings here are as well known as a famed Miss, Midwife, or wonder-working Outlandish Mountebanks are, and his walks more open and public than those upon the Burse in Holland, or here on the Exchange; where at every step a man is put in mind of Babel, there is such a confusion of Languages. For in Termtime the Devil upon Dun rides to and frow (sweeting) from London to Westminster, seldom an hour in one habit, and of different fashion and colour. In the Vacation he either plays the Devil with spendthrift indigent Clarks, or else steals into a Gaming Ordinary to verify the Proverb made on him, that he will play at small game rather than sit out, and yet appears like a Captain; at a Cockpit, like a young Country Gentleman: at a Bowling-Green, like a wealthly, yet thrifty Tradesman, who understanding well the Ground, and Gamesters, never plays or bets himself, but on advantage: you can never miss of him at either Counter-Gates, Smithfield, the Bars; Turnstile in Holbourn, Drury-lane; sometimes he takes his walks in the Dutchy-Liberty; and if not there, he may be certainly found near the Monster-Tavern in the Strand. Having therefore (as Chambermaids use to do for the faces of those they attend on over night) made ready my colours, the Pencil in my hand, my Card lined, my Needle (that caper's over two and thirty points of the Compass) touched to the quick, East, West, North and South, the four Trumpeters of the World, that never blow themselves out of Breath; I will ingeniously and boldly give you a Map of the Country that lies lower than the Seventeen Provinces, yea lower than the Tin-Mines, or Coalpits of Newcastle.  
The names of the strange Country are many, which for brevity sake I shall omit to recount, and only call it by the most known name. Hell, in discovery of which, the quality of the Kingdom, the condition of the Prince, the Estate of the People, the Traffic thither, but none from thence 
Description of Hell.  shall be painted to the life, as it appeared to me in my Vision.  
It is an Empire that lies under the Torrid zone, and by that means it is hotter at Christmas then in Spain, Italy, or France (which are accounted pocky hot Countries) at Midsumer. To tell the truth and shame the Devil, it is built upon stoves and hothouses, and you cannot set foot into it, but you have a fieri facias served upon you; for like your Glass-house Furnices the fire never goes out insomuch that all the Inhabitants are broiled like Carbonadoes with the sweeting sickness, and yet none of them die on't.  
It stands further off then the parching Indieses: yet to see the wonderful power and Art of Navigation, if you have but a side Wind, you may sail sooner thither then a Married-man can upon St. Luke's day to Cuckolds Point from St. Katherine's, which upon sound experience, and by the opinion of approved Pilots and Mariners, may be done in less than half an hour.  
If you travel by Land to it, the ways are delicate, even, spacious, pleasant, and very clean; but towards the end thereof, the Road is dirty, deep, stinking, etc.  
You never turn when you are travelling thither, but keep altogether on the left hand; so that you cannot lose your way unless you turn to the right; and there you will sinned with much difficulty a narrow Path winding to and fro, nothing but thorns under foot, on each side thereof most dreadful precipices, from whence without great and diligent care you will fall irrecoverably to all Eternity. In this tract you will meet with ghastly apparitions, enough to run you into despair; but the greatest danger you will meet with, are a number of Ignes fatui, which some call new Lights; these will direct you if you follow them into an everlasting state of perdition; But if you keep your way, despising troubles, and trampling on difficulties, it will bring you to a place shall recompense all your sufferings.  
The Temperament of the other place aforesaid, is quite contrary to this, and the miles thither are not half so long as those between London and St. Alban, nor a quarter so dirty in the depth of Winter, as your French miles are at the fall of the Leaf.  
Some say it is an Island encompassed about with certain Rivers, called the Waters of sorrow: others prove by infallible demonstration, that it is a Continent, disregarded by Heaven, for the Sun never darts its benign, all comforting Beams upon it.  
Though unhappy in this, it is exceeding rich, for Christians, 
What Persons are there.  Jews, and Infidels that are Usurers, or men of Honour and Estates, not doing any good to King or Country but Mortgaging what they have, to propagate Self-indulgency, after the one has made away his Soul here for Money, and the other for pleasure and debauchery, they shall meet with them there again.  
You have of all Trades, Professions, Estates and dignities in that place; excepting Poets only; for I found very few of those who when living might justly challenge the Bays in those Dominions; but there were Millions of those who writ Pamphlets, Ballads, Bawdy Songs, or a Copy of Verses (three parts stolen) in praise of his Mistress. Player's too of all sorts swarm there, as they do here, who have faces like Flamboys, but Wits colder than a flint, for that when urged, will produce its nimble sparks, but you may sooner knock the others in the head than get two lines of sense from them of their own Composition. But observe how justly these Players were served, the Cacodaemons or Head Officers of that Country having smelled out that their ocupation was mercenary, and only for gain, he purposes to make up a Company; and be chief sharer himself, de quibus süo loco; of whose doing you shall hear more by the next Post.  
Though I have given you plain Instructions how you shall not miss of your way thither; however, lest you should forget, it is but enquiring of any Tavern Drawer, who has been Cupbearer to one of the seven deadly sins but half a score years, or any Merchant of Maidenheads that Trades in Virginia Commodities, and either of them is sufficient to direct you 〈◊〉 But neither they, nor the most weatherbeaten Cosmographical Star-catcher of them all, can take his Oath that it lies under just such an Horizon, whereby many are brought into a Fool's Paradise, by gladly believing there is no such place at all; or that it stands upon Fairy-ground, or is as that Enchanted Island, the imaginary O Brazeel.  
And now I come to unrip the Bowels of these Infernal Antipodes; and since my Flag of Defiance is hung out, I will yield to no Truce, and with Tamburlaine, like fury, march against this Grand Turk, the chief Enemy to Mankind.   

Third VISION.  

Charon's ill-natured; and to speak it fuller, (ler,  
there's nought more testy but a Gravesend Skull  
The Knave takes none in, but who Money bring,  
And seats the Clown oft with the greatest King.   
IN my journey to the lower Regions, I met with thousands of Infernal Travellers, who perceiving that my guide was one of their own Countrymen, interrupted me not in my passage; whereupon I asked him what they were? he answered, that they were his Masters, the Devils Nuntios; some bound for Rome, about Church Affairs, others for Turkey, Germany, Swedeland, Denmark, France, Holland and Spain, to make breaches amongst them the wider, that the feuds and differences among them might continue the longer; so that by the constant effufion of an Ocean of blood, Pluto hoped to have his Kingdom the better Peopled; in short, there was no Kingdom or Country, unto which there was not sent whole droves of these Diabolical Emissaries.  
In a few minutes, as I said before, I arrived at the Banks of Acheron, where you are not baited at by a whole Kennel of yelping Watermen, as you are at Westminster-Bridge, Temple-Stairs, etc. And ready to be torn in pieces, to have a tester rowed out of your Pocket. In this place there is no livelihood for Ship-Carpenters, for there is but one Boat, and in that one, Charon is the only Ferryman; so that if a Bankrupt should bawl his heart out for a pair of Oars to make hast away from his hot pursuing Creditor, he must be content, to go with this dull heavy Scholar. At first this Waterman's wages was but small, being but an halfpenny, than it came to a penny, 'tis now advanced, and is risen to three halfpences: for all things grow dear in Hell as on Earth, by reason it is grown so populous.  
The form of this Boat is like a Gravesend Barge, and the Passengers privilidges alike; for there is no regard of Age, of Sex, of Beauty, of Riches, of Valour, of Learning, of Greatness of Birth, he that comes in first sits no better than the last, for they all sit alike; Will. Summer gives not Richard the Third the Cushion, nor was there the breadth of a Bench between the Tyrant Oliver, and a Footman.  
Princes and Peasants, the Valiant and the Coward, Churchmen 
Moors Sceptra 〈◊〉 Legionious 〈◊〉.  and 〈◊〉, Aldermen and Cobblers, Booksellers, and Ballad-Singers are all alike to Charon, for his 〈◊〉, Luck, (the old Recorders Fool) shall have as much Mat, as Sir Lancelot of the Lake, he knows, though they had an Oar in every man's Boat in 
This Waterman is as Churlish as the worst that rows on the River of Thames.  the World, yet in his they cannot challenge so much as a Stretcher: and therefore though he sails continually with Wind and Tide, he makes the proudest of them all to stay his leisure, It was a Comedy to see what a crowding (as if it had been at a new Play) there was upon the Acorantick Strand, so that I was forced to tarry my turn, because I could not get near enough the shore; whereupon I resolved to wait with patience, walking up and down till the coast was clear, and to take my observations of the condition of the Passengers.  
Amongst these, there were a great number of Courtiers, who brought with them great variety of Alamode apparel which they had bought with their Money, and large Patents for Monopolies, which they had begged. Lawyers came in great droves clothed in Sheepskins, and laden with Writs, Declarations, Judgements, Leases; purchased Lordships, etc. Some of the Black Robe seemed there so pursy and windless with bearing three or four livings, that they could scarce speak to any body. Merchants came laden with Bags of Guinies, and other Coin, gotten no otherwise than by (smuggling, a smoothing expression for the downright word Robbing) their Prince's Customs. Captains came marching, some in Armour Cap-a-pee, but unbattered, some in Coats all over bedaubed with Gold Lace, raised out of the ashes of dead pay, Scholars in their 〈◊〉 ragged Gowns thronged here together, with their long sleeves crammed with Books of Logic of divers sorts, according as each one fancied; one was clearly for Father Aristotle, and his Commentators; another was so in love with old greasy Jack Seton, that he has licked him over again and again; others were for the new Des Cartesian way, and his followers: I asked a slander by (that was waiting for a passage as well as myself) what he thought might be their intent? Introth, (said he) I cannot tell, unless that hearing that the Devil is a subtle Logician, and full of Sophistry, they are going to try whether they can run him down in Disputation. Citizens, and others who made themselves Bankrupts; and thereupon took the Kings-Bench or Fleet, to no other end than to defraud their Creditors, came hither in great numbers, sweeting basely under the burdens of that, for which other men had sweat honestly before; there were some here, of all Professions and Occupations. At last, there came a parcel of things, Animals, what shall I call them, the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of whom had like to have made 〈◊〉 split my sides with laughter; approaching nearer their habits and expressions, informed me who they were, a Nursery of Rogues and Whores, spawned either in Hattengarden, Barbican, or morefield's, in proving their profession by strolling (like Gipsies) up and down the Country, as they could never agree when on Earth, there being always a Civil War among them; so their feuds followed them thither; there was nothing, but thou Rogue, thou Whore, to be heard among them, but the women were more violent one with another, then with their contrary Sex; there was hardly one among them that had not some very visible scar in their faces, which they received either from the heavy or hot blows of Mars or Venus, those who had them not in their faces, had sad Symptoms of their displeasure in other places, which might be conjectured by their halting, etc. The Van-Leader of this Rabble-rout, seemed at a distance, to be a very handsome young fellow; but coming near, and minding him well, I quickly found my mistake; for it was a Woman whom I knew, one that had been a Whore to the whole house, and such Auditors as would stick at nothing for above a dozen years. Necessity forced her into this Masculine habit; for having worn out her Petticoats to tatters, she undertook to play a man's part; and so apparelled, rubbed off with what belonged to the stock of the house; had not the Lace been copper, the red Coat she wore would, have amounted to a good price. The next that came had pinched something to cover his nakedness, but he fared nothing near so well; having only converted a piece of an old Scene into a Champain Coat, which made him look so Comically, that the most serious there present, could not for bear laughing. Every one had got his Snack, and all in several fashions, that one would have thought each man came from a several Country, all ready dressed to Act a Play, to the Devil. The Woman appeared most pleasantly to the eye, having taken up some properties of their House, without the consent of their Patron, with which they made a hard shift to dress themselves, having worn out their own clothes by strolling like Gipsies up and down the Country; one, though not above fifteen years of Age was dressed in the habit of an old Bawd; another as young as her, in the fashion of a Witch; a third in a garb representing a She-Devil, and all of them so strangely, and fantastically apparelled, that all the Drolls, Farces, or Comedies that they ever Acted, came short of this pleasant sight of their Persons.  
What every one brought with him, Bag and Baggage, he was compelled to throw down, like Travellers on the Road beset by High-way-men, were forced to deliver, ere they could have a Passport to be shipped into the Flemish Hoy of Hell bound for the Netherlands, for if every man should be permitted to carry with him out of the World what he most delighted enduring his abode there, the Vessel would be overladen, and consequently sink under its burden: Charon therefore strips them of all, and leaves them as bare as the native naked Indians; and glad they were (for all their howling to see themselves so fleeced) that for their Silver they could not have wastage over. In therefore they thronged, some wading up to their knees; and those were young men, they were loath to make too much haste, swearing they came thither before their times. Some up to the middles, and those were Women, they seeing young men going before them, were ashamed not to venture farther than they. Others waded to the chin, and those were old men, they seeing their riches and vast Treasury taken from them, were desperate, and would have drownded themselves, but that Charon slipping his Oar under their bellies, tossed them out of the Water into his wherry. The Boat is made of nothing but the worm-eaten ribs of Coffins nailed together, with the splinters of Fleshless shinbones, digged out of Graves, and broken in pieces. The Skulls that he rows with, are made of Sexton's Spades, 
The Stuff of which Charon's Wherry is made.  which had been hung up at the end of some great and dreadful Pestilence or Contagion: the Bench he sits upon, is a rock of dead men's skulls, the worst of them being an Emperor, as great as Prester John, or Mahomet, and a huge heap of their Beards serving for his Cushion. The Mast of his Boat is an Arm of an Yew-Tree, whose boughs instead of Rosemary had wont to be worn at Funerals. The Sail was made of two patched winding-sheets, wherein a Broker, a Catchpole, and Tally-man had been laid; and if at any 〈◊〉 it wants mending, it is always pieced with the winding-sheets of Bawds, Bullies, Pimps, Panders; and the like.  
The Waterman himself is an old churlish grisly-faced fellow, with a Beard filthier than a Bakers Maukin with which he sweeps his Oven, which hung full of knotted Elflocks, 
Charon's Character:  and serves him for a Swabber in foul weather to cleanse his Vessel. His eyes stare so wide, (by being bleared with the Wind) as if the lids were supported by gags to keep them open. More salt rheumatic Water runs from them, than would pickle all the Herrings that shall be carried to Rotterdam for a Twelve month; his hands are so hard, and scaled over with dirt, that Passengers think he wears Gauntlets. His breath belcheth out nothing, but stinking rotten damps, which lie so thick and foggy on the face of the waters, that his fare is half choked ere they can get to land. The Sea-coal furnaces of twenty Brew-houses, make not such a smoke, nor the Tallow-pans of as many Chandler's (when they melt) send out such a smell. He is dreadful in looks, and currish in Language, yet as kind, and as affable as a Courtier where he takes a liking. He sits in all storms bareheaded; for if he had a Cap, he would prove as unmannerly as a Quaker, and would not pull it off to a Pope. 
His apparel.  He has a Gown girt about him made of Wolve-skins tanned, signifying his greediness, but worn so long, that it has almost worn away his Elbows. He is thick of hearing to them that sue to him; but to those against whose wills he is sent for, a Fiddler hears not of a Wedding, or the opening of a Window sooner.  
The River which Charon plies upon, is as stinking, muddy, but much thicker and blacker, than Fleet-ditch after a great rain. In taste it is very bitter, yet to those who know how to distil these deadly Waters, very wholesome.   

Fourth VISION.  

Charon and Robin talk, as Charon rows;  
And being landed, boldly on be goes,  
Session's in Hell, Souls brought unto the Bar,  
Arraigned, andjudg'diaCatalogue what they are.   
CHaron having just discharged his freight; I cried a Boat, a Boat; for I was unwilling to go over with such a crowd of miserable sad Souls. My voice being heard by this Scholar, although he was very weary; over he came; As soon as I was well seated, Charon began to complain what a bawling there has been, with what fares he has been posted, and how with much tugging (his Boat being so thwack the has split one of his Oars; and broke his Boat-hook, so that he canrow but slowly till it be mended. And were it not that the Souls pay excessive rents for dwelling in the body, he swore by the Stygian Lake, he would not let them pass thus for a trifle, but raise his price; why may not he do it, as well as fine Misses their rotten Commodities,  
And now he began to brag, what a number of glittering sparks, gallant Fellows, and delicate Wenches went lately over with him, whose names he had in his Book, and would have particularly nominated them unto me, but that they earnestly entreated him, not to spread their names any further, since they were so notoriously known already.  
The only wonder (said Charon) that these Passengers drive me into, is, to see how strangely the World is altered, since Pluto and Proserpina were married: for whereas in the days of old, men had wont to come into my Boat all slashed, stabbed and cut, some with one Arm, others with never a Leg; a third sort with heads like Calves, cleft in sunder, and the mouths of their wounds gaping so wide, as if they would have cried for a Boat to come unto them; but now the case is altered; for my Fares for the most part, are such, who were poisoned by their insatiate wives, that they may take the freedom of having their Lust satisfied by others; or else dispatched by their longing Heirs for living too long; Miscent 
By this you may understand that Charon can speak Latin.  Aconito Novera filius ante Diem Patris inquirit anno, some are scorched to death by whores, and so hurried out of this World; others come reeling out of Taverns into my Boat, and if they come bleeding too, it is ten to one the fatal wound was received either by giving the lie, or invindication of the pocky whore their Mistress. Surfeits on Food, as well as Wine send Shoals of wretched mortals to me. I have been lately troubled with great droves of People who died in the field; but how I pray? not in the bed of Honour by Sword or Bullet, the miserable wretches, were hungerstarved. A little before these, came a parcel of drowned Rats, but as fat as Bacon-hogs; they had been half roasted, and half boiled, by their rank scent, I knew they had more to do by water than by land; and since their profession was somewhat like mine, I was fain for pity sake take them in, for they had not a Stiver among them all. Now if the three Destinies spin no finer threads than these; men must either (like Esculapions) be made immortal for mere pity sake, and be sent up to Jupiter, or else the land of the Black Moors must be made bigger: for the Great Lord of Tartary will shortly have no room for all his retainers.  
By this time (Charon looking before him,) as Watermen use to do, that is behind him, perceiving he was almost a shore, he desisted from discoursing further, and without losing any time, I leapt ashore.  
The ways are so plain and direct, that I soon arrived at the Courtgate of Avernus, which stood wide open. Hell's Porter fawned upon me, yet would not let me pass, till I gave him his fee. He takes no Money, but executes his bawling office only for Victuals; his name is Cerberus, but the Household call him more properly the Black-dog of Hell. He has three heads, but no hair upon them, the place is too hot to keep hair on, instead of hair they are all curled over with Snakes, which reach from the Crowns of his three heads alongst the ridges of his back, to his very tail, and that is wreathed like a Dragon's tail. Twenty couple of Hounds make not such a damnable noise when they howl, as he does when he barks; his property is to wag his tail when any comes to the Gate for entrance, and to lick their hands; but upon the least offer of making an escape, he leaps at their throats; sure he is a mad Dog, for where ever he bites, it rankles to the death.  
His eyes is ever watching, his mouths are continually gaping, and his howling is perpetual.  
No sooner was I entered, But I met with thousands of miserable Souls, pinioned and dragged in Chains to the Bar, where they were to receive their Trial, with bitter 〈◊〉 bewailing (all the way as they went) and with loud execrations, cursing the bodies with whom they sometimes frolickly kept company, for leading them to those impieties, for which they must (to their everlasting ruin and destruction) dearly answer.  
It was Quarter-Sessions in Hell, and looking narrowly about me, I chanced to see my Knight of the Post, who was sent from Earth on a message to Pluto: though he had been at many of their Arraignments, and knew the horror of the Executions; yet I perceived by his Countenance that the sight of the Prisoner struck him into an astonishing amazement.  
The Judges are set, (being three in number,) severe in look, sharp in Justice, shrill in voice, and dreadful in their sentence: the Prisoners are Souls that have committed 
Sessions in Hell,  Treason against their Creation: they are called to the Bar, their number infinite, their crimes numberless the Jury that must pass upon 
Sin is the Jury.  them, who are their sins empaneled out of the several Countries where they had their being, & are sworn to find whose Conscience is 
Conscience given in evidence.  the witness; who upon the Book of their Lives, where all their deeds are written, gives in dangerous evidence against them; the furies who stand at the elbow of their Consciences are there already with flaming whips to make them confess: for they are the Beadles of Hell, that whip Souls in the Devils Bridewell, or else his Executioners to put them to worse torments.  
The Indictments are of several qualities according to the 
The several 〈◊〉 uts.  several offences. Some are arraigned for Ambition in Court and Camp: nor is the greatest Monarch on Earth therein the least spared, if his Ambition be found to swell to that height, that it runs beyond its own proper bounds, and overflows the Territories of his Neighbouring Princes: some for corruption in the Church, and minding more the fleecing than the fattening of their flock: Some for the hollow-heartedness in the City: some for deceit and cheating in shops: some for Pride in the Pulpit, and loftiness in the streets; some for abominable Hypocriste in a Conventicle: some for eating men alive in Prisons: some for Briber y; some for Extortion: a World for Drinking and drabbing; neither was there a small number of such who impudently and ignorantly kill People by virtue of a Licence to practise Physic. In short, every particular sin at his heels to condemn 
Such who sell. Sheepsturds guilt over, for Universal Diseases, curing Pills.  him; so that to plead not guilty were folly; to beg for Mercy, Madness: for if any should do the one, he can put himself upon none but the Devil, and they to make quick work, give him his Passport; if any do the other, the hands of an hundred Monarches under their great Seals will not be taken for his Pardon, nor the least mitigation of his punishments; for though conscience comes to this Court poor in habit; Diseased in herself, wretched in her face, heavy in her gate, and hoarse in her voice, yet carries she such stings within her to torture the poor Prisoner if he confess not the truth, that every word is a Judge's Sentence; and when he has spoken, the accuser is not suffered to plead for himself, nor to fee Counsel to do it for him.  
In what a lamentable condition stands therefore the unhappy Prisoner; his Indictments is impleadable, 
The misery of a Prisoner in that Jury.  his evidence irrefutable, the Judge Impenetrable and implacable, the Judgement formidable, the Torments insufferable, the manner of them unutterable, he must endure a death without dying; Torments ending with worse beginnings: by his shrieks others shall be affrighted, himself afflicted; by thousands pointed at, by not one amongst Millions pitied; he shall see no good that may help him; what he most does love, shall be taken from him; and what he most doth loath, shall be his companions. Ad hereunto the sad cogitation of that dismal place, to which he is condemned; the remembrance whereof, is almost as grievous, as the punishment there to be endured.  
That you may apprehend the better the horror of this Vision; suppose that being gloriously attired, deliciously feasted, attended on Majestically, Music charming thine Ear, Beauty thine Eye, and that in the very height of all Worldly Pomp that thought can aspire to, thou shouldst be tumbled down from some high goodly Pinnacle (built for thy pleasure) into the bottom of a Lake, whose depth is unfathomable, and circuit incomprehensible: and that being there thou shouldst be surrounded in a moment with all the polluted villains that ever sucked damnation from the nasty breasts of black Impiety; that the place itself is gloomy, hideous, inaccessible, pestilential by damps and rotten vapours, haunted by Millions of Devils, and pitched all over with Clouds of darkness, that the eye of the Moon is too dull to pierce through them, and the fire of the Sun to weak to dissipate or dissolve them: then that a Sulphurous stench, must still strike up into thy nostrils, Adders and Toads be still crawling on thy bosom; and which way soever thou turnest, a fire flashing in thine eyes, yet yielding no more light than what with a glimpse may show others how thou art tormented, or else show unto theethes tortures of others, and yet the flames to be so devouring in the burning, that should they but glow upon Mountains of Iron, they were able to melt them like Mountains of Snow.  
Lastly that all these horrors, are not woven together to last for years, but for Ages of Worlds, and Worlds of Ages. Into what gulf of desperate calamity would not the poorest beggar throw himself headlong into, rather than taste the least dram of this bitter portion.  
If Imagination can give being to a more miserable place than this described; such a one, or no worse than such a one, is that into which the guilty Souls are led captive after they have received Sentence of Condemnation: and what tongue is able to relate, the groans and Ululations of a wretch so distressed; ten thousand Pens of Steel would be worn blunt in the description, and yet leave it unfinished.   

Fifth VISION.  

The Writ for gold's enlargement now is read,  
And by the Prince of darkness answered:  
The devil abroad his commendation sends;  
All Traitors are his Sons, Brokers his Friends.   
NOw since the Infernal Sessions is adjourned, and the Court broken up, let us seek out our Knight of the Post, we have already related his ill success in his Message when he addressed himself to the Devil, and by delivering a Petition, for his pains he was sent to an house of Correction, but the Devil considering, that if any longer he detained him there, he should be a loser for want of his service on Earth, caused him to be set at Liberty, and ordered him to deliver into his paws the supplication about Gold, his Secretary was called to read it to him; but he had not read above half way, before the Workmaster of witches snatched it out of his hands, and thrust it into his bosom in great rage, railing at this Letter-Carrier, and threatening to have him lashed by the Furies for his loitering so long, or Canterized with hot Irons for a fugitive: but this Devil in carnate recounting the many services he had done his Infernal worship he was dismissed with a blessing, telling him moreover, that during his absence the Author of the supplication had been landed by Charon, of whom he willed to inquire within what part of their Dominion he had taken up his lodging.  
Now I understand he intends to answer every word of the Petition by word of mouth; yet because he knows, that at the return of the Post aforesaid, and walking upon the Exchange of the World, whither he charges him to hasten for the good of the Stygian Kingdom that altogether stands upon quick Trassique, they will flutter about him crying, what news? To stop their mouths with something, stop them with this; that touching the enlargement of Gold (which is the first branch of the Petition) say thus 
The Devils answer 〈◊〉 he Petition.  that Pluto's, (Pluto's Kinsman) being the only setter up of tempting Idols, was born a Cripple, but had his eyesight as fair as the day; for he could see the faces and fashions of all men in the World in the twinkling of an eye. At which time for all he went upon Crutches, he made a shift to walk abroad with many of his Friends, and none too but what were good men, a Poet or a Philosopher might then have had his company sooner than a Justice of the Peace, or a Scarlet Gown Alderman: Virtue went at that time in good clothes, and Vice fed upon beggary: Alms-Baskets, Honesty and Plaindealing had all the Trade in their own hands, so that Prodigals, Cheats, and Desperadoes with the rest of their dissolute Faction, could not tell how to live, for want of the assistance of their Guardian-Angels, and in great danger of starving in the very streets. Jupiter taking notice to what side Pluto's did most incline, for what reason I know not, struck him stark blind, so that ever since he hath played the good Fellow, and the merest Fop in all the Town may lead him where he list, and make sport with him in any drunken assembly: now he regards not who thrusts his hands into his pockets, nor how it is spent, a Fool shall have his heart in these days, as soon as a Physician and an Ass who cannot spell, that will never as long as he lives, get out of his Hornbook, go laden away with Guinyes, Duckatoons, and what not from his Indian Storehouse, when Ibis Homer, that hath lain sick Seventeen years together of the University Plague, watching, and patiently waiting for a Cure, shall not for an hundred weight of good Latin, and twice the quantity of most excellent Wit, and Reason, receive a three penny weight in Silver: his ignorance arising from his blindness, is the only cause of this Comedy of Errors; so that until some Mountebank or Quack by some means Galenical, Chemical or Chyrurgical, can pick out that Pin or Web which sticks in both his eyes, (and that will very hardly be,) it is Irrevocably set down in the Adamantine Book of fate, that Gold shall be made a perpetual Slave to Slaves, a drudge to Fools, a Fool to make Woodcocks merry, whilst Wisemen mourn for want thereof: or if at any time he chance to fly for refuge into the Chamber of a Courtier, to a mere Hawking Country Gentleman, to a young Student at the Law, or to any Tradesman's eldest Son; the first will be sure to hold him fast and make much of him, the second to it may be will take delight in his Society; but it was a thousand to one the last will be soon cloyed with his conversation, and in a little time be totally rid of his company.  
He would have proceeded further, had he not been interrupted by some weighty business; this gave me an opportunity to go and make a Geographical Survey of Pluto's Kingdom.  
The Temperament of the Air of this place, is very hot and dry, ten thousand times warmer than that which lies right under the Line. It is so unwholesome, that the strongest Mortal living cannot breathe in it the tenth part of a minute, unless he bring with him some Aqua Caelestis, a certain Heavenly Antidote which will preserve him from its kill Contagion.  
There are no lights in that Firmament but Blearing Stars putrid Exhalations, flying thither, proceeding from the rotten stinking Carcases of Vice and Vanity, the number whereof is innumerable: though light be comfortable, this is comfortless, and no otherwise useful than to burn in the bowels of Hells-dark-Lanthorns, and to light the eye where it shall see Millions of things in horrid and most dreadful shapes in different forms; the least affrighting of them all would if seen on Earth, at first sight, kill the most undaunted man that ever there had being. These Infernal Territories are so vastly extensive that not one of the Inhabitants (how skilful soever in Cosmography) nay not the GrandSeignour of the Place, could ever find out its Longitude, but the Learned here will not admit of Antipodes, that the form thereof is Globular, none will deny: and like the Earth in some measure has a small Sea or Lake, whereinto some Rivers do discharge themselves. There is one River of a very strange Nature and wonderful operation, the water is bitter in taste, and unsavoury in scent, and whosoever drinksd own but half draught of his remembered former follies, it will prove Amaulentum Poculum; Gall is Honey, and Assa Fetida, Damask Roses to it.  
Some I knew whose names were famous and dreadful, through the whole Town for making it their business to beat the Constable and his Watch, and in the continuance of their Morning Rambles, if they could not find the opportunity of being so mischievous to kill whom they met, then content themselves with breaking innocent Glass-windows; and at last being tired with doing things shameful, and evil, repair to their respective Lodgings, and sleep out the remainder of the day; that they may be enabled to go through stitch with the dark deeds of the ensuing Night. As it was no laughing matter, I could not find in my heart to be so vain as to smile to see what sour faces they made when they tasted this water, one sip was sufficient, it would not go down the thousandth part so fast as a Glass of Burgundy or Racy Canary.  
Madam Fickle, and Madam Fiddle Faddle with such like bundles of Exchange trumpery, who had blown up their unthinking Husband's beings, by costly Essences, they tasted too a cup of their never to be forgotten Pride and Vanity, but instantly their sighs came so thick from them, that filling the Soul with too much wind, Charon was in great fear that the Boat would overset; besides, this water is commonly turbulent, and how can it otherwise choose, being stirred with so many fight perturbations.  
Here were a number of Water-drinkers as of Epsom, Tunbridge, Dullidge, etc. who drink it not for any great Virtue they found in it, but they loved the places, because it gave some (and they were Gamesters) an opportunity to cheat and cozen, and to light on luxurious Women, to Cukcold their Husbands, these tasted too, but as gingerly as the Ass eating Thistles fearing to prick his chaps. That little they swallowed, brought fresh into their remembrances, all their cozenages Impieties. Debaucheries, etc. and without hiding the least fault, exclaimed aloud against their Villainy and wickedness. There was a parcel of Semstresses who were got into this crowd, and with the rest drank of these bitter Waters, to external view they seemed to be very pretty Moppets, but understanding what their profession was, and how educated, being first picked up by the Reverend Matrons their Mistresses, for the sake of their young and handsome faces, which would be a great inducement to bring Custom to their shop, viz. Young Gallants (alias) Scourers of the Road near Maiden head-Thicket, who teach them quickly another Trade besides what they learned of their Mistresses, and being set up for themselves, managed it to an hair, I say understanding their Occupation and practices, undoubtedly their outsides were not so fair, but that their insides were as foul, these (having each of them drank a draft) shed an Ocean of tears, running down like Torrents over their blubbered cheeks, and with such continued streams, that all the Linen in their shops would not serve for Handkerchiefs to dry their deluged countenances; and all this came by thinking what variety of pleasures they had untimely left behind them, and what torments they were like to endure everlastingly, for so much indulging their senses, with all manner of Riot and Luxury.  
As for the name of this first River it matters not much; the Ancients call it by the name of Styx; but call it by what name you please, all that I shall say further of it is this, that the Water is very thick; and how can it otherwise choose, being stirred with so many thousand fight perturbations. Having passed over this first River, you shall presently have your way stopped by another; it is a little cut by Land, but a tedious and dangerous Voyage by Water. Here too you must wait your Mariners leisure, the same wrangling ill looked Fellow that was your first man, is your last man; here you shall lie at every Havens mouth for a wind till Belzebub hales you: this River the Men of Old, whose Noddles were filled with stories of their own making about Gods and Goddesses, and their offspring begot by stealth on overpowered Mortals, Devilish fight Fellows. I say they called this River Acheron, which after many Circumgirations falls into the Stygian Lake.  
It is the Water of loathsomeness, 
Loathing of 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Second River.  and runs with a swifter current than the former: for when the Soul sees death's Barge 〈◊〉 for her, she begins to be sorry for her Ante-acted evils, and then she is sailing over 〈◊〉; but when she draws the curtain, and looks 〈◊〉 upon the Pictures, which her own hand drew, and finds them to 〈◊〉 ugly, deformed, disproportionable, 〈◊〉, etc. she abhors her own workmanship, and wishes for more Sail, that she may the more speedily be transported over the Stygian Torrent.  
The third River is called 
Repentance of our Sins, the third River.  by the first born Sons of Apollo, Cocytus, somewhat cleaner than both the other, and is the Water of Repentance, being an Arm of Styx.  
Many have here been cast away, and frozen to death, when the River (as oftentimes it doth) grows wonderful cold.  
All sorts of Souls are not suffered to sail upon it; for to some (as if the Water had sense, and could not brook an unworthy burden; it swells into inexpressible Tempests, to fling them to and fro, and at length in the storm are cast away and drowned; too others more love cannot appear between two faithful and endeared Friends, than the gentle smoothness of these Waters do express.  
Besides these, there are two other Rivers, viz. Phlegeton and Pyriphlegeton, burning Rivers which fall in with Cocytus: Sailing over which there is no great matter of danger; (though they look with all the 
Unless you sail safely even by the Waters of Repentance, you are in danger to be drowned in despair.  horror and dread imaginable,) but if they do no harm, it is because the Ferryman hath wafted you safely over the Waters of Repentance; otherwise those hot liquors will instantly invade and seize all parts of your body, and penetrate your very Soul. No boiling Oil, Led, or what the Earth can produce most hot, horrible, and tormenting comes 〈◊〉 it in the least degree.  
Whilst I was in a serious contemplation about things of this greatest importance; news was brought me by a certain malicious pug, (to divert me from such thoughts) of a very pleasant passage between Charon and Mercury, the Messenger of the Gods, which you shall find discovered in the next Vision.   

six VISION.  

Hell's Scholar and the Pursuivant of Heaven,  
Cast many reckon up, but are not even  
Till a Plague falls: Soldiers set out a throat,  
Men brave and stout come mangled to his Boat.   
AT the Banks-side, when Pluto's Pursuivant came to take Water, Mercury (that runs of all the Errands between the Gods) having been of a Message from Ceres, to her daughter Proserpina (Hell's tawny sooty Queen) finding Charon in his Boat, because as if it had been in a long Vacation few fares were stirring, fell to cast up old reckonings between himself and the Wether beaten-Skuller, for certain odd trifling things laid out about Charon's business.  
The first Item that stood in Mercury's bill was for Nails to mend your Boat, when two Bailiffs and their Bums came drunk from a Bawdy-house, and falling out upon the division of the spoil, which they had got by arresting a Moneyed Crack, split three of the boards with their Club-fists— 4 d.  
Item laid out for Pitch to trim your Boat, about the middle of the last great Contagion that she might go tied and brave, and do her labour cleanly— 11 d.  
Item For Glue and whipcord to mend your broken Oar— 3 d.  
Hold there cried Charon; in your two first Items, you have somewhatoverreatcht me; but I must 〈◊〉 this is reasonable; yet I have carried a great many in my Wherry Male and Females, from the Silken Whore to the pitiful poor Tatterdemalion that have had forty times more Whipcord given them for nothing: but now go on.  
Item For Juniper, and other Pocky and Plaguy Antidotes, Perfumes, to sweeten your Boat after it carried those bone-eaten, flesh- 〈◊〉, wretches whom Hothouses and Hospitals had spewed out of their tuition.  
A Pox on them (cried Charon,) who got by the Rascals?  
Item Lent to a Company of Countrystrolling-Players, Eleven in number one shearer and his Female Cub, three Hackney Jades, and Six Journey men, that with wand'ring up and down to Fairs and Markets to little or no purpose, through extreme want, Pox and Poverty were brought to Death's door; which Money was lent upon their stock of apparel, which they call properties, to pay for Boat hire, intending to try, if they might be suffered to play in the Devil's name, which stock afterwards came into your claws, and you dealt upon it, in all amounting to thirteen pence halfpenny.  
They had a Patent, and his hand to a Warrant, but their rags served to make me Swabbers, because they never fetched them again; so that belike he proved a good Lord and Master to them, employing them to make new Perge Mentiri, profane Drolls, and obscene Farces, which should be sent annually by Hell's Nuntio, to the Rabble of Witpretenders, and Play-spoilers that constantly erect Booths in, and frequent Bartholomew, and Southawrk Fairs.  
Item, when a Cobbler of Poetry, called a Translator, Play-patcher, or Cutter of Plays, was condemned to be ducked three times in the Cucking-stool of Periphlegeton (being one of the scalding Rivers in Hell, because he scoffed at his betters, and reprehended the works of those he could not mend, laid out at that time for a disguise to convey him away from the shame and punishment— 4 d.  
Item For Needle and Thread to dern above two and fifty holes in your sails, and to a Butcher for half a days work about it— 7 d.  
That botcher (cried Charon) I preferred to be Lucifer's Tailor, because he works with a hot Needle and burnt Thread, and that seven pence he gave me for my good will; why should not I take bribes as well as others: if it be Lawful for them, it is so for me. I know not how you may escape said Mercury; but for others you speak of, they will find a severe punishment for so doing.  
Mercury having cast up all the whole sum of his debt, the Scholar told him, he was now out of Cash, it 〈◊〉 a hard time, and he doubted there is some secret Bridge made over to Hell, and and that they steal thither in guilt Coaches.  
But however (continued he) though the Market proves bad, bear with me till another Epidemical Sickness happen; or some great Battle fought between the Hungarians, and the Great Turk, or next Champain between the French and Hollanders with their Allies, any of these three, will be sufficient to wipe off not only my old score, but build me likewise a new Boat: Mercury seeing no remedy, though he knew well enough that the old churl was not without Money, took his wings and away he flew to Olympus.  
Scarce was he out of sight, but on the other side of the River stood a company, crying out lustily, a Boat, a Boat hay, and who should they be but a gallant Troop of English Spirits, all stobed, cut, and slashed like so many old Romans, that for overcoming death in their manly resolutions, were sent away out of the field crowned with the Military Honour of Arms.  
The foremost of them was a person of so comely and composed presence, that Nature and Fortune had done him wrong, if they had not made him a Soldier. In his countenance there was a kind of Indignation fight with an exalted joy, which by his very gesture was plainly apparent; for he was jocund that his Soul shook hands with his body in so glorious a triumph, but disdainfully angry that she wrought her enlargement through no more dangers; yet were there bleeding 〈◊〉 enough on his Breast, which testified he did not yield till he was conquered, and was not conquered, till there was nothing of a man left in him to be overcome: for besides those Mortui & muti Testes, which spoke most for him, when he himself was past speaking, he made a shift to lay down an overplus of life (when the debt was discharged at one mortal payment before) only to show in what object account he held deaths Tyranny, Charon glowting upon him, demanded who he was, but he scorning to be his own Chronicle, or Trumpet of his merited same, and not suffering the rest to execute the Office, they all leapt into the Ferry. Amongst whom one that sat out of his hearing within the reach of the Waterman (to shorten the way, London quoth he) gave him breath, Holland, hath felt his blows, and England now cannot choose but find his loss. He was naturally inclined to the Sword, yet knew better how to end quarrels than begin them. At Sea he lost an Arm with unimitable patience, which first storm did rather drive him on to more dangerous adventures, though to the hazard even of a Shipwreck, then like a fearful Merchant run his fortunes and reputation on ground, for the boisterous threatenings of every idle billow. Wars at Sea ceasing, he went into France to try his Valour by Land, and it was his hard hap to lose an Eye before Maestricht, hereupon he resolved to leave the remainder of his body to that Country, which had taken from him one of the best Jewels of his life, since it had a piece of him he would not so dishonour the place, as to carry away the rest untouched, or unbroken, into the field therefore comes he, (the Fates putting both eyes into one,) of purpose that he might look on none but his Enemies; where a Battle being to be fought, his own merit advanced him to advance the Colours, by which dignity, he became of the fairest marks, which was then to be shot at, and where a great part of that days glory was to be won. But such was his hard Fortune that the Enemy's ambition thirsting after his Staff, threw at all in hope to win his Colours, and instead of striking them out of his hands struck him: in so much that he was twice shot and twice run through the body, yet would not surrender his hold for all those breeches, but stripping the prize for which they, off from the Staff to which it did belong, and wrapping his dying body in it, before his Colours could be called his Winding-sheet with his Sword in his hand he threw himself into the thickest of danger, where after he had made several prodigious proofs of his incomparable, Valour most valiantly came off with no more life left, than what would serve to deliver up his spirit in the Arms of none but his Friends and fellow Soldiers. So that as if Fortune had been jealous of her own inconstancy Death (at her entreaty) took him away in the Meridian of a happiness, lest any black Evenings overcasting should spoil it with alteration.  
Charon hearing so laudable a Character of this brave young Man, humed, and seemed much pleased with his fare: Now whilst this Comrade of his was making this Relation this Valiant Ensign was delivering an Oration to his fellow Soldiers there with him in the Boat wherein he proved this Thesiis.  


That it is the pleasantest life to be always in danger.   Elevating his voice, said he, fellow Soldiers give me leave to tell you that danger is nothing else but a mere Chimaera, a notional nothing; for if we say there is such a thing as danger before hand, it may be fear or misinformation, yet possibly the danger may never touch us. If we consider it in the present tense, and really effected, 'tis not danger, but Misery, and if we consider it in the preter tense 'tis past and gone. Now 〈◊〉 all time is comprehended under these three terms, and this falls under none of them, it follows that this hath no time at all, which being inseparable to every existence, as the measure of its duration, it will be evident, that danger is a mere Nonentity, and those that fear it, fear just nothing.  
In the comparison of good and evil, we ever account those evils the least, which are the least lasting, and on the contrary, those goods the best which are the most constant and durable. Now for Dangers supposing that we should grant them to be evils, what more Courteous and slight evils could we wish for, than those that are come and gone in a moment. But dangers are so far from that, that they are commonly sooner passed than known, but the remembrance of them remains perpetually fresh, and bring every day new circumstances to claw the understanding. Nay and such a faithful good it is; that no Malice of Fortune can berave us of, but it stays with us in other miseries, whereas Friends Patrimony, Honour can quickly vanish, and as we can no more grasp them than a shadow, so we can no more recommand them, then call back Yesterday.  
But supposing Danger, such a thing as aught possibly to be feared, since all wisemen agree with the Stoics in this, that we ought not to be troubled for things which are not in our power, and we cannot help, and that the life of man is beset with such a many contingences, which may every minute either surprise or assault us, what a madness were it to anticipate our inevetable misery, and like one who threw away his Gold, for fear of losing it, yet since Death will at last conquer us, the madness of men hath not showed itself any more in any thing, then in their fear of it. Some assossinating themselves for fear of assassination, and therein showing at once an act of the greatest Cowardice and cruelty (for every thing must love itself the best) that is possible. Others execute themselves by lingering deaths, and tortures of their fears, and so make it a punishment greater than ever nature meant it. Whilst the gravest and most sober men put it only among the boons of Nature, and by their frequent composures, even at the very instant of their dissolution, confute the horror of it And if this great Bugbear of Mankind, when its Vizard is off, prove such a tame Foolery, I wonder what the Petty dangers must shrink into.  
There is nothing among all the excellencies of Mankind, more shining than knowledge and Courage, and both these without dangers would be dull, heavy and unactive habits, what use were there for knowledge if we met not with the mazes and intricacies of life? And what more wise than a present ingenuity in avoiding dangers, or a vast conduct in preventing them, or a sly dexterity in weakening them. If there were no storms at Sea, what use were Pilots of, but talkative burdens: but upon the 〈◊〉 outrage of a Storm, they are the only things, that are called upon, and worshipped.  
For Courage it is only seen in danger and without them Hares and Lions are of equal fortitude, great Souls that dare affront dangers are therein tried, and move at that time in their natural motion, and to its own proper bounds, every thing hath an appetency, and therefore must necessarily delight in it. And can there be a greater pleasure to a man than for so small a trifle, as his own heart should enable him to conquer a Monster or a multitude.  
Brave minds are like Gold purified by the fire of dangers, and exalted up to their due perfection. And if nature do so cheerfully, even in her vegetative things embrace every advantage, may we not think that rational Souls have these desires so much the more strong, by how much their natures are the more noble.  
For the passive part of Fortitude, it is so far from being a Traitor to the happiness of man that it inebriates the mind in all calamities and makes them luscious nay restorative unto her. Now this without danger could not be; for jealousy ever attends on Misery, and there is none holds fast one link of it, but he may justly fear for to catch another. What greater misery than Poetry, which threatens by flying from us, and is a negative Enemy? yet by enduring of it, it becomes light. And since what is not burdensome to us, but light must needs please us, and that a man is never himself but when he exercises his head or heart, which without dangers he could not do, it is evident that we are beholding to them, as the spiteful Spurs and dear entertainments of the life of man. Moreover man delights in nothing so much as in Fame, and how can he be more glorious than by showing a serenity, nay gladness amidst so many Enemies as dangers, are? Or what can be more delightful to him, than to see he is so much his own Master, that he can defy all casualties, and either carelessly contemn them or expect them with confidence. What more pernicious to whole Armies, nay even insulting Conquerors, than security? What better means to frighten away securities than dangers? which needs must be of a Sovereign virtue, that are a means to preserve whole Armies, and of a most diffusive fruitful nature, that when they appear lest they are greatest.  
Besides rewards are proportioned to dangers; which shows (them of a worthy and deserving nature; and therefore many men have been called the Saviour's of their Country, at one time for some little performances which if they had done at another time would hardly have been noted, and hence it is that many great Stratagematick Wits have no better ways either for startling their Enemies, or retaining their Friends, than by increasing the show of their dangers.  
But if the shadow and mere representation of dangers, what is the substance and dangers themselves; when a man's in safety few regard him many may envy him; but falling once into danger, tears, commiseration, relief, and that possible from his Enemies which is the sweetest of all come unto him.  
Since we have manifested the rare use and necessities of dangers, it will not be hard for us, now to show them of that gallant and cordial nature, that they closely accompany the cast things and immediately flow from our most apparent happiness, from which they are not more separable than heat from light.  
And are not I pray the best things in greatest danger; porcelaine, and Venice glasses are the most apt to be broken, the Richest flowers are the soon cropped, the best faces do the soon decay, the best men are most liable to envy, the Richest to spoil, and indeed, what better in all the World, than that divine Stone of the Chemist; yet men in the achieving of it, do commonly hazard both their brains and Estates, and in case they come near and end, it is a very good escape, if their Glasses be not melted or broken.  
But indeed to consider the thing aright, dangers are so incorporated and mingled with the best course of life, that like Hippocrite, Twins they both live and die together. What more fortunate than to be the favourite of the Prince, yet the Thrones of Princes themselves are not placed on Cubes, nor are those Cubes founded on Rocks, or Cemented with Brass, they may die by the cornel of a Grape, by an Hair, etc. and then where is the Favourite. Does not he hold by a poor Tenure, that has no more assurance.  
This brave young man undoubtedly had proceeded, but that he saw he was just upon landing. Charon (as well as the rest of the company was infinitely pleased with this Oration, who having rid his Boat of them directed them to those happy places, which were allotted to none but martialists.   

Seventh VISION.  

In the old Bedlam of this loathsome Hell,  
See more what Persons chained in every Cell.   
BEing tired with my stay in these Infernal Regions, I fully resolved to make my progress to Elysium, but before I shape my course that way, give me leave to tell you there are several sorts of Cells in this Bedlam of the damned for several sorts of Offenders; for Atheists, for Swearers, and 〈◊〉, for Murderers, for Adulterers, for Religious, Pipocrites, etc.  
There was here a large Apartment for Huffs (because their number was very great) who made the Earth quake where ever they came, with their roaring Broadsides of new Minted Oaths, upon every slight, or no occasion at all.  
Next these were a parcel of Beauty-Hunters, who for profit, or pleasure, or both (like the Libertine in the Play) will have no mercy (in their damned heat of Blood) on the Female Sex, from thirteen to threescore, having followed this Trade so long till their Carcases have become rotten by often washing and tallowing, patching and mending; that they hardly durst venture the striding over a Kennel, fearing they should fall all to pieces in that bold and desperate attempt:  
Casting my eyes of from these, I saw a number of spruce fine fools who (whilst on Earth) had more skill in fashions, than knowledge of good manners whose Wit and understanding did not lie in their Heads, but flaxen wigs; and their valour in the showing their Silver-Swords (with as much Ribbon at the Hilt as would go near to trim a pair of Pantaloons, and this garniture they had rather show in the open streets, than the naked Blade privately in the field, or publicly in the defence of their King and Country: instead thereof Oaths were their daily Prayers, acknowledging no other deity than a Miss, her Shrine the Stage, and a Comedy the samnity of all their Devotions: These were of the number of those dreadful Male Butterflies, which you must shun, lest they fly in your face, or bribe their Bullies to do it for them, because they dare not do it themselves for want of Courage.  
Here were a abundance of Shopkeepers and Tradesmen, either such who designedly broke to cheat their Creditors; or such whose Consciences were too wide to be measured by their own yard, for as the one is too large, the other is shorter than it should be; by which means they ran through the several Offices of the Parish, from Skavengers to deceivers of the Poor, and so forward, living plentifully at home, and allowing their Wives the longing satisfaction of having a Country house, wherein she may enjoy the full liberty of entertaining some peculiar friend, without any reflection from an Husband.  
Turning my head about I saw a thousands of such who were called by doting Poets, Earthly Goddesses, and yet poor worms lived on nothing but corruption; had they been composed of pure Metal, their often burning would have refined them.  
With these were mixed a great many whose Age pleaded five times their Antiquity, at first fight one would have sworn they were Mother Shipton's own Sisters they were so like her Picture, only they herein differed, that she is reported to have a monstrous long Nose, but most of these had none at all, and very few but what had lost an eye in the Battle. These Moths to Maidenheads, and Murdresses of Chastity, such, who nastily feed, on what others sit upon: these Beldames with the younger fry cried out they were undone by fire, and therein spoke truth, for they were burnt out of the World with a Pox to them, and came hither (black Souls) like Charcoal lighted at one end.  
I should tyre the Reader and myself too, should I give him a particular account of all the remarkable things I saw there, wherefore I shall come to my last Observation, and that was upon a sort of People I knew not what to make of, they were a Miscellany of several Sects, and were broachers of dangerous opinions, when they were on the Earth; and although they differed in judgement about many things, yet they all agreed in this particular.  
That Women ought to go naked.  
Observing them to be a parcel of Mad-fellows, and the women as shameless and as impudent as they, I inquired by what names they were known by and distinguished: one standing by, told me, that some were called Fifth Monarchy-Men, the rest Ranters, Familists and Adamites: Adamites said I? what Opinion are they of; the Ringleader of this Faction overhearing me ask this question, readily replied that they were such who endeavoured to prove that it was not only lawful, but necessary for Mankind to go naked; and since said he, I was one of the first that did spread this opinion, when I trod the Stage of the World, I will obstinately maintain the same here in this place, where for us there is no hopes of Redemption.  
Having so said with a loud voice, he delivered this speech, by which you may guests that the Creatures of the Devil, cannot only Cant, but speak eloquently too, when they please: and thus he began.  
Though we may justly 〈◊〉 the displeasure of the Women, in asserting this Thesis of the Lawfulness of going naked, by divesting of them of all that the Tailor contributes, which is as much as to 〈◊〉 them of the best part of themselves; yet I am sure, I shall have the 〈◊〉, if not the favour of most of Mankind; or at least the most noble and flourishing part of it, Youth, (did they hear me) which are the only Judges in this case.  
As for those things which they call Old men, I except against them as a Generation of decrepit and 〈◊〉 understandings: a People, whose minds could they be looked into, would prove infinitely more monstrous than their bodies; and such, as like Old Monkeys, having either gnawed away, or lost their Tails, read Lectures to young Ones to eat theirs too. And now to speak only like an Angel of Light, I positively affirm, that what was done in the Primitive times, when our reason was not depraved with long traditional Customs, nor tinctured by any prevalescent humour, is most consonant to the Law of Nature, and consequently ought most to be followed. The first Man and Woman were so far from being clothed; that it was the great mark of their Liberty and Uprightness; and the first brand that stigmatised them after their transgression. Nor did the Ages that presently succeeded that, either grow up into a garb or fashion, but continued with a very little variation, and possibly what their Progenitors did only with Fig-leaves, they supplied with Kids-kin Aprons.  
Yea, and those Nations who have not alienated their naked simplicity, either by commerce, or busy inventions, do as yet retain this open integrity, and declines not into these unworthy Sophistications of Garments; as was observed in many of the Indians at the first discovery, who living merely among themselves, and by their own peculiar Customs, it is to be supposed, most retained among them, of that which Nature desired to be kept pure and unvaried.  
Not to say, that all men naturally desired to go uncovered, yet certainly, it is a shrewd suspicion of it; for when the Sun begins to shine warm to cold Northern Countries, the People know no better way to congratulate the presence of that fruitful Light, then by putting on thin or open clothes, and frequent bathe: but since that Tyrant Custom, prohibits them absolute nakedness, they would approach it as near as they can.  
Now in Women these desires, are far more intense; for they at all times uncover the part of their chiefest Beauty, as their Face, Neck, Ereasts and Hands, so that they do endeavour in part to break that restraint, which hides the rest of their glory, and to set forth their delicate Tresses, pleated and weaved with such variety, their Ivory Necks, their Harmonious Faces, their Milky Spherical Breasts, and their melting Hands. And though possibly Jealousy may cause all these to be bad, yet 'tis but violation; and the weather, and yet that is but Providence, or possibly Company, and that is but compliance; for what Woman is there (if not tainted with deformity) that could not wish that all her Garments were of Lawn, and transparent, rather than Rich and Gorgeous: for if (as it is the opinion of some) that Souls unwillingly depart out of fair Bodies, that must needs be a curious Mansion which so fine a substance is in love with, and then I pray can you blame the owner to delight in it: and what a torment is delight, if shut up in one breast, and not diffused into a lively communication, for all kind of blessings multiply by their division, and what greater blessing; than a rare Symmetry and contexion of Feature, which can charm knowledge into admiration, and Majesty into Love.  
Mortal men give to Virtues the habits and visages of Women, and of all the Virtuous Truths among them (not us) is looked upon the best, for say they (Truth is looked upon the Mother of Justice, and Justice say they again) comprehends them all, yet she is naked, although she love the public, and hate corners, and is it not very fit, that all the Sex should imitate such an excellent pattern and Mistress.  
It may be objected by the foolishly chaste, and continent, that this would produce infinite provocations, and incitements to the enjoyments of the flesh; that I may remove all such scruples, from such Stomaches, I say not, (for though I speak) now against such Vices and Vanities that bring thousands into this Kingdom, viz. Painting the Face, light and loose Garments, Artificial Tours, Hexure and Fracture of Gate, with an hundred things more to hide deformity; I say these add more fuel to a lustful breast, than if all went with no other Mantles than nature thrust them into the World with.  
If men would consider it aright, there is nothing that doth so much puff up lust, as the circumstances of Rich apparel, curious Dress, Essences and strong 〈◊〉, which serve up the apprehension, and fix the Imagination upon something that is great. So that by this means by deligent search there might be found a vast number of great Persons, zealously courted to have their appetites satisfied; whereas if they were either left naked, or reduced to a Vulgar garb, they might lie fallow, or be Indcted for Witches. Now nakedness restores women to themselves; for what an irregular height do Venetian Chippins mount them to? What Towers do the Turkish Tires wear upon their women's heads? How are the Grecians buried in clothes? How do the 〈◊〉 of all Nations disguise them, that they must put on their Masquin habits, or be taken to pieces like Watches ere they can be enjoyed. And to what other end were they made? The Customs of Countries are different, and that garb is Majestic in one place, which is ridiculous or sordid in another. All People have not the same conceptions of Beauty; which is as hateful to an Ethiopian, as black to us. But once unclothed women and they were all the same, but the conceptions about the Harmony and measures of a body differ not. And what greater right can be done to women then to bring them to be judged by one Rule. And since every woman judges herself the fairest, she that would be backward to this Arbitrament, would be a diffident of herself, and consequently a Rennegade from her Sex. Now what better way of Judgement than those Rules, which the voices of all men conclude upon.  
There have two great blemishes lain upon this Sex: the uncertainty and change of their judgements, and their inconstancy in their clothes and carriage. And how can either be better removed, than if they were once reduced into such a posture, as they should all necessarily agree in, and they had not Liberty to change? And I pray what other way is there unless you make them all naked?  
But then they may complain, take away their Arts and Ornaments, they shall want of their complacency and provocations to either Husband or Gallants: to which I answer, that since it is fit to borrow the customs of others, as well as imitate those of our Ancestors the Danes and Britians, if they be useful and fit to be assumed, there may be seen choice of dress enough in the one, and other Indies.  
In a word, since Sun, Moon, Stars, etc. appear as nature made them, since the strongest and most handsome Animals are satisfied with their own natural vestures, and the most ugly and deformed repine not, since the most delicate and Aramatick flowers are not ashamed of their barks of Prickles which are commonly unsightly, if not offensive; in it is but an irregular and diseased desire in women, who are the Masterpieces of Nature, and of that sort of productions, wherein she is most vainglorious and emulous to undo her self, to descend to those little poor adulterations of Art, which are so far beneath her, as the most exquisite artificial thing in the world, is below the most careless production of Nature.  
As he was about to proceed, I slunk out of the crowd, fearing the pollution of my understanding, by the fullness of his Doctrine; and knowing the Devil to be a Logician, and a cunning Sophister, I knew not but that he might set on to work this dangerous disciple, of his to make me his Proselyte; and upon my return engaged me to be his Factor in spreading this erroneous opinion, to the utter undoing of Female modesty, and shame-facedness.   

Eighth VISION.  

The fields of joy described, there none must dwell,  
But purged Souls, and such as have done well:  
Some Soldiers there, but none that died in love,  
Poets sit singing in a Laurel Grove.   
WHilst I directed my course for Flizium, and the Ferryman was plying his Fairs for covetuousness of Money, the wand'ring Knight (aforesaid) having dispatched with the Devil, and understanding that he, upon whose business he was just at that time walking in the Elysian Gardens, he vainly thought to take that in his way; but the Infernal Laws barring him from entrance into those sacred places, he told Charon, that he was going on a Message for his Hellish Lord and Master, and therefore demanded waftage over; which was done accordingly: and finding himself where he would be with as few words, as he was wont to carry pence in his purse, he instantly mounts one of the Devils Hackneys, and away he rides to follow his other worldly business; about which, whilst he is damnably sweeting, take a survey with me of those 〈◊〉 Fortunata, ordained to be the happy Countries for none but blessed Souls possession.  
The walls that encompass these glorious habitations, are as white as the Front of Heaven, they shine like polished Ivory, but the stuff is finer, high they are like the Pillars that support the Court of Jove, and stronger they are then Tower's built by Enchantment: there is but one Gate to it all, and that of the most refined Silver: so narrow it is, that but one at once can enter round about; it wears a Girlde of Christalline-waters that are sweet and redolent.  
Walk into the Groves; besides the inexpressible harmony of the winged airy Choir, you shall see Swains piping, and Virgins chastely Dancing; Shepherds there live as merrily as Kings, and Kings are glad to be in the society of such harmless rural companions.  
The 〈◊〉 there complains of no wrong, the Orphan sheds no Tears; for 〈◊〉 has there no residence, nor cruelty abode with the sway of greatness: the poor Client needs fee no Counsellor to 〈◊〉 for him, for there is no Jury to bring in Verdicts true or false, or Judges unjustly to cast, or maliciously condemn, There is all mirth without immodesty, all 〈◊〉, without base abufing it, Songs 〈◊〉 continually without bawdry, all sorts of Wines without intemperance, all riches without Sensuality; all Beauty without Painting, or other Sophistications; all's 〈◊〉 without Hypocrisy, or 〈◊〉.  
Winter there Plays not the Tyrant, neither is the Summer breath contagious: for Spring is ever there perpetual, adorning the boughs with flourishing leaves, the Fruits continually growing, and the flowers ever budding. The Benches whereon the blessed Inhabitants sit, are sweet Beds of Violets; the Beds whereon they lie, Damask-Roses; their Pillows for their Hearts, are Hearts-Ease, etc. Neither is this a Country free from all Travellers, but is the Kingdom, and very Palace, where happiness herself keeps Court, and none are allowed her followers and attendants, but such as are of merit.  
Of all men in the world, gripping overreaching Landlords, dare not quarter themselves here, because they are Rackers of Rents. A Pettifogger, or splitter of Causes (who hath taken a Fee on both sides, from the Plaintiff, and Defendant) will be damned 〈◊〉 he come with in sight of this place: Some Shopkeepers come many yards short of it: Farmers, who raise their Corn in a dear time unreasonably, cannot reach it by thousands of Acres: Some Seamen, for want of a true Compass that may guide them thither, steer a quite contrary course, and a Tailor shall never get thither unless he creep through the 〈◊〉 of his own Needle: though true Poets, are free Denizens hereof; yet here is no Room for Pamphletteering Poetasters, Ballad-makers, and their chants, since by the insufferable noise of their Nonsense they must consequently be disturbers of the peace of that Kingdom. Women (for all their subtilety) scarce one among five hundred hath her Pew there, especially old Midwives, Chambermaids, and waiting Gentlewomen, their secret doings and contrivances are too well known to be let into these Lodgings. None can be free of these Liberties, but such as have consciences without cracks; hands not spotted with uncleanness; feet not foundered or worn out with walking to do mischief and injuries and Hearts that never were digged hollow by the Instruments of flattery and dissimulation.  
There are many sorts of Men more that are absolutely 〈◊〉 entrance, to tell you who they are, I shall not only take up too much time, but over-fret the Hearts and 〈◊〉 of them that are so concerned; I shall therefore inform you, who have free admission into these Territories.  
In the first place, young Infants, who died at the Breast, and never sucked of the Sins of their Parents: these are most welcome thither for their Innocence.  
Choristers if not drunken, debauched sinful Persons, but devout and holy Singers, whose Divine Anthems have bound Souls by their Charms, and whose lives are Tapers of Virgin-Wax set in Silver-Candlesticks to guide men out of Errors darknefs, they know their places there, and have them for their integrity.  
Some Scholars are admitted into this Society, but the number of them, all is not so many as two Colleges can produce in the University of Oxford: and the Reason, is they either kindle Firebrands (in the Sanctified places) by their contention, or kill the hearts of others by their coldness.  
One field there is among all the rest, set round about with Willows, it is called the field of Mourning, and in this upon banks of flowers that whither away, even with the scorching sighs, of those that sit upon them; are a great number of amorous Malcontents (there quantity for several years of late has not been augmented for People now adays, are not so foolish and indiscreet) I say these look of the same complexion, as the (much to be pitied) Mad-folks in Bedlam; and these forelorn Lovers like them desire to be alone; such as pined away to nothing, for nothing; such as for the Love of an inconstant wanton Weathercock, have gone drowned in Tears to their Graves, whilst she in the mean time went laughing into another's bed, to think she had lost so kind and melting a Coxcomb as this her deceased Sweetheart.  
All the joy that these poor fools feed upon, is to sit singing lamentable Ditties to some doleful Tunes; for though they have changed their old lives, they cannot forget their young Loves: they spend their time in making Myrtle Garlands, and shed so much water out of their eyes, that it hath made a pretty little River, which lies soaking continually at the roots of the Willow-trees, there is another piece of ground wherein are encamped none but Soldiers; and of those not all sorts of Soldiers neither, but only such who died nobly in the Wars: and yet of those but a certain number neither: that is to say, such that in Execution were never bloody: in their Country's revenge, severe, but not cruel, such who held death in one hand, and mercy in the other; such who when drawn out upon some Foreign expedition by the order of his Prince, was more willing to go than stay; not like such, who made all means they could in gloriously to stay at home, than venture the honourable dying a broad for King and Country, Beyond all these places, is a Grove, which stands by itself like an Island; for a stream (that makes Music in the running) clasps it round about Laurels grew so thick round the banks thereof, that Lightning itself, if it came thither, could not pierce through them. It seems without a desolate, and unfrequented wood (for those within are retired into themselves) but from them came such harmonious sounds, the sweetness whereof cannot be suggested to the best Imagination.  
There are none permitted to resort to this Heavenly Music-room, but the Children of Apollo (Poets, and Music all Composers) the one creates the song, and gives it life, or number the other lends it voice, & makes it speak Music.  
When these happy spirits sit asunder, their bodies are like so many Stars; and when they join together in several Societies, they then show like so many Heavenly Constellations. All the whole walk is full of pleasant Bowers and curious Arbours; and the discourse that one Brother entertained another with, was not in dull Prose; but like Evanders' Mother they speak all in Verse, no Antic, eloquence is so sweet; nay their Language is so pleasing to the Gods, that they utter their Oracles in none other.  
This place is not over-filled with Poets either Ancient or Modern (for Poets are rare Production) though there in habit a great many, of most Nations, men of incomparable parts, whose Poetical flights have soared out of the sight of such, who fancied the Eye of their understanding was as caute as the greatest pretender thereunto. I shall forbear to name the men of worth I saw there, if for no other reason that I am unwilling thereby to provoke the malice and envy of some, who undeservedly may (pretendedly) find faults in their Poems and severely censure their Persons, for no other reason than that they might impose upon the world, a belief that the (frothy non-substantiall Moderlins) deserve as good a place there, as any of those Witty Worthies of their times.  
Looking about me, I saw a jolly company of Souls grown up to full perfection, who had got under shades of a large Vine laughing to see M. S. (one whom I remembered I had not only seen, but had drank with him and A. B. an hundred times an Health to the confusion of Sorrow;) I say they laughed heartily to see their Brother (who was but newly come to their College) with the sharp and Satirical Spirit, that still haunted and followed him from Earth hither; for he inveyed bitterly (as he had wont to do) against dry-fisted Patrons, accusing them of his untimely death, because if they had given his Muse that cherishment, which she most worthily deserved, he had fed to his dying day on Capons, and on what his palate most coveted or desired, and not on Ship-Bisket, or the Sheriffs-Basket; not be forced to walk in the fields with an empty Stomach) when others resort thither to get one) there to contemplate the miseries of a poor Poetic life, or study some well laid plot to Hocus his Landlady into a further credence or belief; or to find out one, amongst the great number of his acquaintance (of whom he has not yet borrowed Money of) whom he may persuade to lend him some small matter to supply his present wants, in this his great extremity.  
Setting aside (the others laughing,) one came indifferently serious, and 〈◊〉 him what news in the other world; before he could return an answer to the question, he was surrounded and hemmed in on all sides, seeing so great a conflux on a sudden, I got as near as I could to the crowd, and could hear him say somewhat to this purpose, Brethren, the reason why I made more than ordinary haste hither to secure myself a Room, for fear I should be disappointed should I have stayed longer on 〈◊〉: for there the Age is grown so universally 〈◊〉 that if all the Professors of Poesy and Dramatiok Hero's must have a place here, I know not how it will contain them; nay the very Women are grown so 〈◊〉, that they presume to prescribe Laws to the Stage.  
Every one is a Wit, or would be so esteemed; and their whole endeavour is to 〈◊〉 their own reputation out of another's; thus it comes about that he that was cried up yesterday for writing a new Play, either by some of his Friends or Hirelings, was three days after as much decried by such who had no other way to shuffle in a Play, or no Play, imposing on the Credulity of the Actors.  
Sense, though insignificant words, 〈◊〉 clothed, will not pass current, mystical Nonsense guilt over, instead of Gold with Lacker, this is that precious Nothing so much in Fashion.  
There is great struggling for the Bays, and those that see it 〈◊〉 impossible for them to engross it wholly to themselves, will notwithstanding make a long arm, but they will reach a leaf thereof. As at an Hurling in Cornwell, there is commonly some mischief done: so some of these Witty Combatants or Contenders for this Prize, have received considerable damages irrecoverable: which made one of the most ingenious of the most known Wits write thus.  

Amongst the men, I mean the Men of Wit,  
At least they passed for such, before they Writ;  
How many sad 〈◊〉 for the Bays,  
Proudly designing large returns of Praise,  
Who durst the stormy patchless World implore,  
Were soon dashed back & wracked on the dull shore  
Broke of the 〈◊〉 stock they had before, etc.   
To be short, (said he) I did there find (notwitstanding their fine and fair pretences) that Barbarism was grown to be an Epidemical Disease, and more common than the Gout (alias Pox) or Toothache.  
Being demanded how Poets and Players agree one amongst the other, he replied, as Physicians and Patients do agree; for the Patient loves the Doctor no longer then till by his means he hath recovered his health; and the Player loves the Poet so long as the Sickness lies in the Pit, when none will come into it, hoping by some lucky hit of this man of Wit, that the House will be so crammed, that they must be forced to raise the Rates double of the two Galleries, and thereby barracado out the Vulgar. None but the Favourites of the House (said he) can be admitted to have a Play Acted; and into so low a misery, if not contempt, is the sacred Art of Poesy fallen, that though the Author (who is worthy to sit at the Table of the Sun) work his brains to gain applause from the more Ingenious, yet when he has done his best, he works but like Occus, that makes Ropes in Hell; for as he twists, an Ass stands by, and bites them in sunder, and that Ass is no other than the misunderstanding Audice, or that which is prepossessed with Prejudice.  
And now (said he) having done with the Poets and Players, I shall (as briefly as I can) give you an account of what Remarks, and Observations I made (before I took my leave of the Terrestrial Globe) on the present Vices, Vanities, and fashionable Fopperies of the Town; the Infection whereof hath spread itself Universally.  
And first, by way of Paradox, give me leave to prove by good circumstances, that the honesty of the Age (wherein I lived) exceeded the Former and that the World was never honest till then, 〈◊〉 so proceed to my Observations.  
We read of a Golden Age in former times, but that was the mere Fictions of Poets; now some are of the opinion, that the Golden Age was never till now; since Gold and costly Presents compass all things: in opposition to these, some would have it the Iron Age, since fire and Sword of late has swallowed up such 〈◊〉 (and one would think) inexhaustible Treasures. Now all that I can say for the honesty of this Age I spoke on, that the worst of impieties are now adays honest men's Professions: let their Practices be ever so bad, yet they would be accounted honest men.  
There is a place called Alsatia wherein lies Quartered a Regiment of dangerous Fellows, who shall Mortgage their Ears to any Knave for a little Money, nay their Souls too, rather than he should lose an Estate in which he hath neither Right nor Interest; and yet these Fellows do impudently claim the appellatio of honest men, although there are not— greater under Heaven.  
Now are not the Employers every whit as bad as the foresworn Hirelings; nay worse by a great deal, and yet these must be called honest men, for no other reason, but because they look big in the world's Eye, and abounding with Money (according to which all things are valued, and is the equivolent price of all things) they imagine nothing to be above their reach, but being just and honest.  
The world is but a great Market in which every thing is sold; as large consciences, fair Misses with foul Bodies, Wit, Vanity, Knavery, men's lives, and their Reputations, and the welfare of their Families thrown in to boot.  
The opulent are the Men who fix their thoughts wholly upon 〈◊〉 their Estates, no matter by what means, and that which animates them, 〈◊〉 the consideration of this indisputable point, That the Rich man is never out of esteem, and repute, though he is generally known to be an 〈◊〉 Knave, but most stand so much in fear of his power, that they dare not call him so to his face; and he knows withal, that he cannot lose his interest in a good name, but by the loss of his Fortune. Who then would be in love with indigent Virtue? She may be admired by some, and followed by few, and here lies her unhapiness, that without wealth she seldom procures, and rarely maintains her esteem in the World. Hence it is, that Rich men conclude they may bear themselves (justly) high, even to the expression of others, being already owners of what all men covet, all admire, and without which, even they who vilify it, cannot subsist, or effect any great exploit.  
And now I pray, how contemptible is Power if not regulated by Wisdom, for it disposes the Possessors thereof to greater follies, and extravagancies than others; and if they be but for a while left to their own wills, without any check or guidance, Vices take deeper root in them, like Weeds in good ground, and afterwards grow too prevalent to be extirpated.  
What is it that man would not undergo, rather than subject himself to the Barbarous Pride and Capriciousness of some Persons, who are of so odious and insupportable a nature, that it is not to be wondered, if even men of despicable fortune, and rank, choose rather to suffer their present want and penury, then subject, and be concerned with them.  
And now Brethren (said he) for their better information I writ a satire, to let them know, that they are Obnoxious to Laws, and that neither Revenues, nor Dignities exempt them from the Rules of Civility, and therefore ought not to set at nought such as they surpass in Estate, and to think, because they are not wealthy, therefore they are not men, and because some of the meaner sort are servants, therefore they must be consequently their Slaves. These I advised (if they purposed not to resign themselves wholly up to Pride, and Arrogance, and if they will not divest themselves of all Humanity, and relinquish that Nature and Reason, which distinguish as much Man from Man, as from other Beasts; if they intent not to degenerate into bruitishness) to nourish Friendly Inclinations, and make an amicable temper of Spirit as much their nature as it is possible. In former Ages, he that was rich in Knowledge, and not as in these days in Lands and Houses, was accounted a Wise man; but alas now there is no man wise, but he that hath Wit enough to gather wealth. The honest and ingenious, if they chance to miscarry, and forced by necessity to desert their habitations, they are slighted, and derided by Rich men; and if pitied by any, it is no otherwise then by saying, Alas, poor Man, he was no bodies Foe, but his own, which is an English Phrase for a Fool.  
Was not that a strange Age I lived in, where Vice, went by the name of Virtue; Drunkness was called good Fellowship; Murder reputed Manhood, and the Actor, a Man of undaunted Courage, Petulancy and wanton Dalliance was termed Gallantry, and Gentile Courtship; Impudence passed for Audacity; Pride for Generosity; Avarice, for good Husbandry, hypocrisy, nicknamed, Sincerity; Adulation and Flattery bore the name of Complacency; and that which our Predecessors, called downright Knavery goes by the names of Wit and Policy.  
In former Ages there were many inperfections attributed to Women, that are now accounted no defects at all, nor scandals to a good name, viz. the bitterness of the Tongue the Pride of the Heart, the Shamelesness of the Face, immodest actions, impudent looks, lightness of Behaviour, looseness of life, nor some other remarkable Marks, or Symptoms of a 〈◊〉 vicious Woman, which are looked on as nothing, neither are these Imputations any blemish to Female reputation.  
A woman's honesty is penned up in a very little room, it is confined only from her Apron-strings downward; yet there is no imperfection in a woman but want of Chastity; and who is able to prove that; or who dares do it, if he could, if her Gallant be a I urioso, ` Desperado, etc. and being zealous in the vindication of the withered Honour of his 〈◊〉 sickle Mistress, nothing shall 〈◊〉 turn to wash off the 〈◊〉 slain of being called Where, but the heartsblood of him, that spoke that fatal, 〈◊〉.  
Whither will you tend your steps? Which way will you turn your Eyes? Or to whom will you lend your listening Ears, but you shall meet Vice most splendid in the fashion. Walk into the Streets, and there you shall meet with droves of Lack-lands, yet by their Wits, or rather Shifts, who more fashionably fine than they, that you would take each of them to be Proteus, the God of Shapes, or some there like Celestial power, then poor contemptible men, mean creeping creatures, whose over-indulgent Parents breeding them up to nothing, and feeding them continually without any pains taking of theirs, like a Pird in a Cage brought up there from the Nest, and never taught to provide for its self abroad, at length giving it its liberty it is only let out to starve abroad in the wide world; Thus these gaudy miscreants being never brought up to any civil ocupation, for an honest livelihood, as soon as ever they part from the warm spreading wing of their kindly foolish Mothers, are ready to starve, till the Devil taking notice of their wants and evil Inclinations, undertakes to be their Tutor, teaching them the Black Arts of Burglary, 〈◊〉, Dicing, Drabbing, Padding, etc. and when he has read to, and perfectly taught them the knowledge of these destructive (if not damnable) Sciences, some of his best and most forward Proficients he sends to a College called Newgate, and (to raise them to an higher Pitch) from thence to Tyburn, the Tunces, and the lesser expert in these Hellish Exercises, are sent to be corrected for their negligence and want of better understanding, some to the Pillory, some to the 〈◊〉- 〈◊〉, and others to People Foreign Plantations, and thus the Devil sooner or later 〈◊〉 his 〈◊〉 to his faithful Servants, by 〈◊〉 them after this manner.  
Now should any honest man be so inconsiderate as to tax any of those, with any of 〈◊〉 Villainies (though they know themselves to be guilty of every one of them,) the accusation to the Accuser, hath proved little less than loss of life, occasioned by the offenders, if they have escaped their own forfeited lives: when at liberty again, to let the world know how guiltlessly they are accused, and to possess 〈◊〉 with an undeserved good opinion of them, what ostentations did they make of their future hopes of their enjoying (after such a Relations decease) a large and plentiful Estate, though they never saw their Father, and knew not to whom their Mother was related; and ever had such little hopes that should attend them, whilst they lived in the world there, that they never had hopes of an Heaven thereafter.  
In short, Vanity was never so predominant, as when I lately left the Earth; Vice never so modishly 〈◊〉, and is grown so impudent, as to walk up and down bare-faced at noonday, and too frequently in public, shows her very nakedness.  
The world is become feeble, her spirits are spent, and her former vigour is vanished, she is now twice a child, and begins to dote afresh, on what she sometimes scorned.  
In former days men lent their whole endeavours to win honourable repuration by Virtue and Gallantry of Actions: but now they are for wealth (no matter how gotten) Popular Applause, Ostentation, Luxury, and what not?  
The old fashion was to do well; but now it is enough to speak well, to Drink, Eat well, Swear well, 〈◊〉 well, 〈◊〉 well, Damn well, 〈◊〉 well, Game well, 〈◊〉 well, 〈◊〉 well, Run in debt well, and never pay well, Sing and Dance well, with a great many other Wells which are the shameful Ills that now attend the Iron Age.  
In former times men were accustomed to perform, but now enough 〈◊〉 promise, and are as good as their words but in a different nature, for the Payment which they make is not to their Creditors, but thus; 〈◊〉 for an Habeas Corpus to the King's 〈◊〉 or 〈◊〉; or duce to 〈◊〉, the other disbursements are for 〈◊〉, Prison 〈◊〉, plenty of Wine, good Cheer, frequent Rubbers at Bowls for Guinies; and all this and much more at the charge of their poor sinking Creditors.  
The Monuments of goodness are so weatherbeaten, that Iniquity hath left almost no Character there of undefaced. And now adays, that man is looked upon by some as the most refined piece of humane nature, who is both Witty, and wicked; and where the Wit is 〈◊〉 by friendship or affection, the weapons of Reason are many times wrested, and sometimes managed against Reason itself: He would have poceeded much further I imagined, (for he was a man of a nimble ready Invention, voluble Tongue, and long wound,) but that he was interrupted by the loud laughter of the jolly (and ingenious) crew who were then his Auditors, wondering to here their Brother Poet turned Parson; the noise whereof (which I imagined) did suddenly awake me.   
FINIS.