Hog's character OF A PROJECTOR.  
WHEREIN IS deciphered The manner and shape of that vermin.  
With some other witty conceits unhappily falling out in these distracted times, in the Kingdom of England, and Ireland.  
And in Relation to a Book lately Printed, entitled PIGS CORANTOE, or News from the North, being near Alliance the one to the other; and therefore thought good to join them together for the better satisfaction of divers.  
LONDON, Printed for G. Tomlinson, July 15. 1642.   

Hog's character OF A projector.  
HE is a mongrel by birth, his father was an Hittite, his mother was an Amorite; his education in his youth was with a Poer, and by him infected with strange raptures and whimsies, which he strives to put in practice, and calls them Projectors. His riper years were corrupted with the abominable terms of Lawyers Latin, and pedlars french; His actions at the first spoke him honest and politic, but the ends he aims at, proves himself the clean contrary way. He is in his discourse a Gimnosophist, by religion a Bannion, and in his faith an alchemist.  
He is a maker of news, as well as of new invention, and for the most part happy in his proceedings; for which one and the same device, he can both tickle the ears of the King, and the purses of the Commons; he fears not the devil so much, as a reference to them that love their country; nor God so well as a good certificate from a Time-observer.  
His eye, observes Master attorney, as Banks his Horse doth his Master, and after long waiting like a spaniel, with expense both of money and brains, he is rewarded as they feed Apes, with a bit and a knock.  
He is like the winter foul that knows their seasons; and you shall find as many Projectors in Parliament 〈…〉 Woodcocks in Summer: And of all profesions, a 〈◊〉, a pimp, a cobbler, and a Projector, hate to be called by their proper names, though they love their trades.  
He is the only Corn-cutter of the times, his greatest fault only is the unsteadiness of his hand, which makes incision into the quick, when it should but pair away the deadflesh: His wit is to search out the abuses of the rhymes an● laugh to at them that simply thinks he intends to amennd them. His masterpiece is to propose the 〈◊〉 of Reformation, caught in such terms, as might take the ignorant with applause, for all his pretences are preten●ed to the benefit of the King, the good of the commonwealth, and the employment of 1000 of poor people; but ●ood man Never, thinks of any benefit for himself.  
He is one that always hath more money in his mouth then in his purfe, and feeds as heartily upon his airy hopes, as the News-mongers in Paul's upon Duke Humphrey's Cates  
He is one that is wiser in his own conceit then the privy-council, and can refine a commonwealth, better than a Parliament: You may read all the penal Statutes, if his tongue do but chance to peep out of his mouth, only he makes a quere, and demurs upon primo Henry the eighth: where his predecessors, Empson, and Dudley were both honoured with a hempton gallant, and concludes that Session to be Apocrapha; yet makes his brags to the vulgar, that they died for the good of the commonwealth, and deserve to be styled Martyrs. He is made all of Cringes and compliments, as though he dropped out of the dock of a Courtier; he can change himself into as many shapes, as Protaeus can do colours, either a decayed Merchant, a broken Citizen, a silent Minister, afore-judged attorney, a busy solicitor, a crop-eared Informer, pickthank Pettifogger, or a Northern Tick that hath more wit than honesty, and these are your onliest men that makes your bravest Projectors, who in short time may be dignified with the Title of the Pest, or Canker general of the commonwealth.  
He is the onliest executioner of summum sui, and so consequently must be the maintainer of ●uma funiria: He is one of the chief undertakers of improbabilities, or rather of impossibilities in this age.  
He will puinguify all manner of Pullen, with Parsnips and Turnips, fatten all manner of four footed beasts without. either grass, hay, or any kind of grainmake make bread of pompions and cucumbers, and will find the guard beef and brews, till their bellies crack for godamercy, and will victual the King an Army without meat, and take all the Irish in a pu●se-ne● that rebel.  
He is an excellent Architector he will pull down White-Hall, and build the King a a palace to which the Banqetting-house shall be but half the porrters' Lodge, and all at his own cost and charges if the King will but give him leave.  
He will turn an ●●spitall Courtand 〈…〉 he Savoy to somerset-house if the duchy were not between, and then the poor people may be admitted in forma pauperis, to seek their lodgings without a certificate from their parish.  
He is the only immitator of Guido Faux and his dark lantern, and by it hath made a device to convey people above groud that see everybody and none see them, with the help of two-footed beasts, and hath juggled it into credit with a strange name called a Sedan.  
He will turn all Wagons, Carts, and Coaches, into the manner of Wind-mills, to sail to their stages for the benefit of the Kingdom, in sparing horseflesh for the wars and to that intent hath got a Patent to make wooden horses fit for Brewers, Butchers, Maulsters, and Carriers, that shall do as good service as if they were alive, carry greater burdens, and fast much longer.  
He was borne under the sign of Aquarius, and hath an Art to convey himself like a Dive-dopper, from Gravesend, to Amsterdam, to reconcile all Religions there, and make them of one opinion. But hog had rather he would go into Ireland, and appeal them there; for it is no true Religion to rebel against their Prince.  
He can sail against wind and tide through London-bridge, clear the thames of shelves and sands, weigh up all wracks though in the bottom of the Sea, and fifty fathom under water, blow up the enemy with fire.  
If you seem to misdoubt these, he hugs himself with conceit of your ignorance, and his own wit. If you question him, his answer is, this Age is a cherisher of Arts and new inventions, the former dull and heavy. That these times are active, as appears by the Drayning of the fens, building of Towns and Churches, repairing of Paul's, His majesty's expedition into the North, and concludes Nihil est quod 〈◊〉 solecta vincat. He is a busy body that gets small thanks for his labour; yet to say truth, he is a man hath very great knowledge in knavery, and knows the mystery of all Trades.  
He knows how to die silk to make it weigh heavy, he knows that divers sorts of wool mixed together, will never cotton well to make good Demicasters.  
He knows those Maulsters are knaves, that make eight bushels of barley, yield above nine in malt; and I protest in good earnest, he doth deserve well, if he could pluck out the beam of his eye, that he might see the clearer to make them honest men.  
He is neither Fool nor Physician, yet undertakes to reform all abuses in the body politic, with these 3. words Carolus Dei gracia, &c. like Scotto the mountebank, that cures all diseases with one powder; he is a great traveller in England and Wales, but dares not go into Ireland with his projects.  
He is or would be a man of great government, for he desires all things might go according to his will, which he suspects 〈◊〉 be reasons: He discourses much of the dangers, and fortefi●● his reasons with old wives tales, which he believes to be prophecies, as Lincoln was, London is, and York shall be, and one of the deep 〈…〉 affair, he frighted a company of silly Citizens out of their House and Estates here at London to York, hoping to be rich, and will make them a Corporation there free of the Suburbs.  
He is a rare extractor of Quintissences, he will draw from the dregs and essence of Bear, Ale, Wine, Tobacco, Brick, tiles, soap, Starch, Allome, Cards, Dice, and Lobsters, Cum multis aliis, the pure spirit of gold, by imposing a fine and an annual rent upon those that take patents to sell them, and suffer others to sell for nothing.  
He is one whose Arse makes buttons by bushels at the noise of a Parliament, more than the Irish do at the sound of English drums.  
be taken in the first battle, but dares not go himself, but stays behind for to engross all the Parsnips and carrots that comes to London to make Dildo's for Citizens wives, old maddams, and poor whores that are left behind.  
Now you have heard the progress of his life; pray listen to his death: He fell sick of a scouring, at a Reference, founded at a Certificate, lay in a Trance at Master attorneys, and recovering, fell into a relapse, where he dreamt of Angels ascending and descending, but waking found not his Patent sealed, he died of an obstructional stopping 〈◊〉 the Great seal, and made no Will as his Predecesso●●● did.  

Only you shall hear his funeral.  
He was buried in pomp, the Companies of London going before, and the Corporations he had made, and the country and Suburbs behind. He was carried from the Temple-walks without Heralds to the devil and St. Dunston's, where he lies Interred, hoping to be saved by Apollo.   
FINIS.