Machiavel's GHOST. As he lately appeared to his dear Sons, the modern PROJECTORS. Divulged for the pretended good of the kingdoms of England, Scotland, and Ireland. Printed by authority: In the year of Grace 1641. LONDON: Printed by I. O. for Francis Constable, and are to be sold at his shop in King's Street, at the sign of the Goat, and in Westminster Hall. 1641. Nicolaus Machiavelus Dilectis Filijs suis proiectoribus salutem, &c. ANd why dear offspring should you fear to fall, When you approach to trial, since you all Can with bold faces firmly stand the test, And on your innocence securely rest. Void of all blame, and spite of envy be As free from punishment as honesty. Who dares disturb my Darlings, or compel Them 'fore their times to take their Thrones in hell, Who can convert your meanings for the good Oth' public weal to bad? since what you would Have bravely acted was to increase the store Oth' kingdom, & your own wealth ten times more. Sweet Sons of policy, whose glorious train Flew like Minerva from my jove-like brain; Why should your actions suffer censure, when You were indeed the only Men of men, That did with cautious industry supply Nature's defects; and to monopoly Reduce all Trades, and Sciences within The kingdom, from the beaver to the Pin. With what a care of soberness did you Enhance the price of Wine, and made men brew By Licence only: not the Coals, or Salt, But was excised, not Butter, no not Malt; Nay, even the Rags themselves did tribute pay, Tobacco too, and every thing that lay Open to your Inventions: Cards and Dice, Laying an imposition on men's vice. Just so in Rome, where they do strive to win Souls, they do raise a profit out of sin: And to augment the holy father's store, Inflict a set rate on each public whore. Such a fine quaint invention, such a reach Had your etherial fancies, as would teach Furies themselves new Arts: and why then should You the grand Patriots of the public good, Suffer or shame or punishment; debarred Your liberty, when you deserve reward? Which you shall have, triumphantly to deck, Like a fair chain, each ones well-fashioned Neck. Nor shall Tiburnian Gregory with stroke Of paltry penny Cord have power to choke Weasands so meritorious: you shall shine Still in your orbs, bright Stars, and ne'er pay fine Able to break an Alderman: for should you Suffer, your punishment does kill virtue too. But to encourage you, dear children, look On my last Legacy, this little book, which now emergent from the press does show, (Perhaps what others scarce did know) Your noble quality, how just, how true You are to th' State, what ways you do pursue For your own profits: so dear Sons farewell, Ere long I hope to welcome you to hell. To the Courteous READER. THe Times being now open, and the mists of error being by our bright English sun (the Parliament) expelled, and scattered, I thought it a point of my duty (worthy Reader) to expand in its right colours some of the fatal clouds that occasioned our darkness: Projectors being principal vapours that dimmed both our quiets and our profits; behold them here defined generally and specially: And as thou readest their actions charactered, loathe their condition; for certain, more pestilent vermin they are than Foxes; not only content to devour for satisfaction of their hungers, but making mischief their sport. Bless heaven that has divulged and given us deliverance from these Vipers, who got life by eating out their mother's bowels, feeding on the Blood of the Common Wealth. And render due praise to this high and honourable Court of Parliament. Diram qui contudit Hidram, the Hercules that has destroyed this Lernaean Monster. So with my love to all that shall read me, and service to those that buy and pay for me. Farewell. A Projector in general, IS a creature whose Genus is animal, and differencia Rationale; only he is like cursed Cain: Ens projectum, that is a thing cast off all honest men's societies: he is quoad a man rationalis, and quatenus projector superationalis, his fine wit transcending his honest reason: and as work of Supererogation replenishing him with a main propension, to undo others to enrich himself. He is an Ubiquitary, being at one time in every place, till all places be weary of him. A Centimanus in his touch, and an Argus in his sight, though there he participate of the basilisks nature, killing all he looks on first. He is the Egyptian Frog, that creeps into every man's dwelling, nay into his dish, and sometimes into men's beds, for often he has been given to venery, and invaded men's wives. To conclude, he is every thing but what he should be, Honest: And is the Genus Generalissimum of a Knave. Furthermore, as some of the moderns affirm, He is a mongrel by birth: His Father was an Hittite, and his Mother an Amorite. His Education in his youth was with a Poet, and by him infected with strange raptures, and whimsies, which he strives to put in practice, and calls them Projects: his riper years were corrupted with the abominable terms of Lawyers Latin, and pedlars French. His actions at the first view speak him honest, and politic; but the end he aims at proves him the clean contrary way. He is in his discourse a Gymnosophist, by Religion a Bannian, and in his Faith an alchemist. He is the winter fowl that know their seasons, and you may find as many projectors in Parliament time, as Woodcocks in Summer: of all Professions, a bawd, a pimp, a pander, and a Projector, hate to be called by their proper names, although they love their Trades. He is one that hath always more money in his mouth, than in his purse, and feeds as heartily upon his Aicry hopes, as the news Mongers in Paul's upon Duke Humphreyes' Cates. He is one that is wiser in his own conceit than the privy council, can reform a commonwealth better than a Parliament: you may read all the penal Statutes, if his tongue chance to peep out of his mouth: only he makes a quaere, and demurs upon primo Hen. 8. where his predecessors Empson and Dudley were honoured with a Hempen Garland, and conclude, that Session to be Apocrypha, yet makes his brags in the vulgar, how they suffered for the commonwealth, and deserve to be styled Martyrs. He is made all of Cringes and compliments, as if he dropped out of the dock of a Courtier, and can change himself into as many shapes as Painters can do colours, either a decayed Merchant, a broken Citizen, a silent Minister, an old maimed captain, a forejudged attorney, a busy solicitor, a crop-cared Informer, a pickthank Pettyfogger, or a nimble paced Northern Tike, that hath more wit than honesty. These are the men that make the bravest Projectors, who in short time may be dignified with the title of Knight of the Post, or Canker general of the commonwealth. He will pinguisie all manner of Pullen, with Carrots and Turnips, fatten all four footed beasts without Hay, or grass, or any manner of grain, make bread of pompions, and Cucumbers, and will find the Guard beef and brews for God a mercy, till their bellies crack; and victual the King an Army without meat, and take all the Scots in a pursuit, if they rebel. He is an excellent Architecture, he will pull down Whitehall, and build the King a new Palace, to which the banqueting house shall be but half the porter's lodge, and at his own cost, if the King will not give him leave, he would turn an hospital into a Court, and annex the Savoy to Somerset house, if the duchy were not between them, and then all the poor people may be admitted in Forma Pauperis to seek their jodgings without certificate of the Parish. He is the only imitator of Guido Vaux his dark lantern, and by it, hath made a device to convey people above ground that shall see everybody, and no man see them, with the help of two footed beasts, and hath juggled into credit with a strange name and call it a Sedan. He will turn all wagons, Carts, and Coaches into the nature of Wind-mills, to sail to the Stages for the benefit of the kingdom in sparing horseflesh in the wars, and to that intent hath got a Patent to make wooden horses, fit for Brewers, Butchers, Maulters, and Carriers that shall do as good service, as if they were alive, carry burdens, and fast much longer. He is one that scrapes up a living in this world, though he be put out of possession in the next; and hath crept neatly into the favour of the clergy, by advancing the return of the whole kingdom a third part, whereby their tithes are increased more than ever. He can sail thorough London Bridge against wind and Tide, clear the Thames from Sands and Shelves; weigh up all Wracks, though in the bottom of the Sea, and fifty fat home under water, blow up the enemy with fire: if you seem to doubt any of these Projects, he hugs himself with conceit of your ignorance, and his own wit: if you question him, his answer is; This age is a cherisher of Arts, and new Inventions, the former dull and heavy, that these times are active, as may appear by the draining of the Fens, building of towns, and Churches, repairing of Paul's, his majesty's expedition to York, and conceludes, Nihil est quod non Solertia vinea●. To say truth, he is a man of knowledge, very great in knavery; he is well read in deceit of all Trades; he knows how to die silk to make it weigh heavy: he knows, that divers forts of wool mixed together, will never cotton well, to make good Demicasters: he knows those Malsters are knaves that make a bushel of barley pute above nine in malt; and I protest in good earnest, he doth deserve well, if he can cast out the beams of his own eye, that he may see the clearer to make themselves honest men. He is neither fool nor physician, yet undertakes to reform all abuses in the body politic with these three words, Carollus Dei Gratia: like Scale the mountebank, that cures all diseases with one powder: he is a great Traveller through England and Wales; but dares not peep in Scotland, until the King go in person: he is or would be a man of Government, for he desires all things to go according to his will, which he suspects to be reason: He discourses much of the danger of the times, and fortifieth his arguments with old wives Tales, and believes them to be prophecies, as Lincoln was, London is, and York shall be; and by opinion of his deeper insight in State affairs, hath frighted a company of silly Citizens out of their houses and estates from London to York, in hope to be rich, and will make them a Corporation free of Suburbs. He is one that thinks he can cozen the devil, for he will wire draw the Covetous, and worm the Usurer of their estates for hope of gain; they will drop all three into a hangman's budget, if my Art do not cozen me: he is a rare extracter of the quintences of beer, Ale, wine, Tobacco, malt, Bricke-tiles, soap, Starch, Allome, Cards, Dice, and Tapsters, cum multis aliis; the pure Spirit got by imposing a fine, and an annual rent upon those that take Patents to sell them, and suffer others to sell them for nothing. He is one whose Arse makes buttons by the bushel at the noise of a Parliament, more than the Scots do at the noise of English drums, and hath wrought under hand with Seminaries and Jesuits like a Mole, to set dissension between the two kingdoms, on purpose that he avoid a Parliament, and hath gotten a Patent or Grant of all the blue Bonnets that are taken in the first battle; but means not to be there himself, but stay behind, and engross all the Carrots and Parsnips that comes to London, to make Dildo's for the Citizens wives, old maidens, and poor whores that stayed behind the progress. Now you have heard of his life, pray listen to his death. He fell sick of scouring at Reference, founded at a Certificate, lay in trance at Mr. Aturney, and recovering, fell into a relapse at the privy seal, where he dreamed of Angels ascending, and descending, but waking, found not his Patent sealed, died with an obstructing or stopping at the great seal, and made no will, as his predecessors did. Only you shall hear his Epitaph. REader, here entombed doth lie, One, who thought he could not die, Yet Death to show no flesh can be Composed of immortality, Trembling did let fly a Dart, Which killed him midst of all his Art: For had he longer drawn his breath, 'Tis thought 'twould have infected death: So many hot contagions flew From his brain, each threatened new Infections: blasting where they came, The tree and fruit, nay even the name Of honesty: But now he's gone, Like a Comet by his own Fire consumed: The worms do fear, Now he's in earth that he should there Practise on them: for in his grave, He dead still lives tothth' world a knave. Now Gentlemen, you have had a sufficient Character of him in general; we will descend to examine his particulars: and first of the Wine-Proiectors, ARe Creatures that should seem to be compounded of Sack and claret; sack being their matter, and claret their form: the excise which they have laid upon either, being the union that cements together. Friends they appeared to the vintner's: indeed some of them are supposed to have been so: because by patent they sought to enhance reckonings, and by licence to cheat their customers. But now they are run to the Lees, and shortly will be searcely vendable to Aquaevita makers. The Wine-licence Farmers, and undertakers, Were main appendices to that apocryphal book, the Projectors: the Projectors serving as the Text, and they Comments in the margin: They were Cubs, which when the old bears had licked into form, became more ravenous beasts than themselves, and now their design being blind, 'tis like themselves, fit for no other exercises, but to be whipped: which if they scape, they fare better than 'tis supposed their principals will do, who may chance meet a worse punishment: the country cries out of these, the City of them, the whole Kingdom of both: these last by licence, farming their own ruins, and undertaking their perpetual infamies. The Tobacco projectors, Are great foes to Plantations: St. Christopher's has cursed them, and 'tis thought they would have received a defiance from all the Summer Islands, had they not now fall'n in a civil duel at home. Most gentlemen took them in snuff: nay, some had a project upon their bodies, viz. to beat them to sneezing powder, and transport them into Ireland. The country alewives curses has seized them, for 'tis thought, their Roll is rotten, and their prick Tobacco even in the pipe putrified: so that they will be smoked themselves. The Salt projectors, Were great powdered beef Eaters, betwixt Nant witch and Stone, begot in a Salt pan: their scene was the whole kingdom. In every part of which, they stoutly acted their well seasoned Interlude, which now at last is proved the tragedy of the Actors themselves, who like poor John are powdered up themselves. The Ragge-Proiectors, Were extracted from dunghills, the outcasts of a broker's frippery. In Long Lane they took their originals, and 'tis believed their endings will be in Hounds-ditch. The Card projectors, Were begot by the knave of Clubs, upon the Queen of Spades, and fostered in a gaming house: at a long set at maw they first achieved wealth, and lost it again at the same; the Ace of Trumps being taken by the Ace of Hearts: and now the whole bunch of them are all like their parents, Coat Cards, viz. proclaimed knaves. The Butter projectors, Were people that loved meat well, and now they are like to pay for the sauce, cattle of a soft disposition; and like May-butter, are all melted in the sun. The Soap projectors, Were great enemies to clean linen, though they appear friends. Their confection of Lime and Ashes being opposite to its own Colour, it would not wash white. Their Author was a Lawyer: all whose linen were like his term bags, black Buckram, and so needed no scouring; they are now grown so foul, a field of Brooms will not sweep them clean: though now thank heaven they are swept away themselves. The coal projectors, Were of a hot constitution, abhorred good fires here, because they were sure of a large one hereafter. Their consciences were like their coalpits, deep, and full of darkness in which they desired to continue, for they would admit of no fire-light, but such as was dearly paid for, forty shillings a cauldron being a charitable price for their far fet fuel; which though dear bought was hardly good for Ladies: They were mere Salamanders, that though lived by fire themselves could hardly afford it others, having a desire to reduce the world to a Chaos, and make all the year winter: But like Haman hanged on his own gallows, their own coals has confumed them almost to ashes, and the pit which they digged for others, they are like to fall into themselves; where we let them rest till they have cooled their finger's ends. The Corporation projectors. Were persons that loved civil government well, as it seemed, for they sought by Patent to make the whole Suburbs live under rule, to create every foreigner a free Denison, though many sold their beds; And more to purchase their enfranchisements made all their moveables inthraled to the Brokers. The City Charter was of no force with them; for Westminster and the Hamlets three mile about, by his power bade defiance to London. They had Justice on their side, and feared not to annihilate the Law, which has now light upon them, and the city Hangman expects to give some of them their Exit at Tyburn; where, with the rest of their brethren, they will as we hope make a joyful ending, as it is imagined they have deserved. FINIS.