THE Ceremony-Monger, HIS CHARACTER, In Five Chapters.  

CHAP. 1. Concerning Bowing to the Altar, To the east.  
CHAP. 2. Of Implicit Faith.  
CHAP. 3. Concerning the Reading-Dons of the Pulpit.  
CHAP. 4. Concerning Bowing at the Name Jesus, and the Power of the Keys, The Church-Keys.  
CHAP. 5. Concerning Unlighted Candles on the Altar; Organs, Church-music, and other Popish-like and Foppish- Ceremonies.   
With some Remarks (in the Introduction) upon the New-Star-Chamber, or late Course of the Court of King's Bench.  
Of the nature of a Libel, and Scandalum Magnatum.  
And In the Conclusion, Hinting at some Mathematical Untruths and Escapes in the Common-prayer Book, both as to Doctrine and Discipline; And what Bishops, were, are, and should be; And Concerning Ordination.  
Humbly proposed to the Consideration of the PARLIAMENT.  Ye men of Athens! I perceive that in all things ye are too Superstitious. Acts. 17.23. Behold, the Devil shall cast some of you our into Prison. Rev. 2.10. But, those that walk in Pride, God is able to Abase. Dan. 4.37. 
By E. HICKERINGILL, Rector of the Rectory of All-Saints in Colchester.  
EDINBURGH, reprinted in the year, 1689.   

To the Right Honourable CHARLES Earl of Shrewsbury in England, of Waterford and Weshford in Ireland, Lord Furnival, etc.  
His Majesty's Principal Secretary of State.  
My LORD,  
I Come not now to praise you, 'tis needless; for, who can be ignorant, what a mighty Hand (both Military and Civil) you have, as successfully, as vigorously extended, (under the happy Influence of their Sacred Majesties) as a Tutelar and Angelical Guardian of these Kingdoms, (amongst other Worthies) in this auspicious and late Revolution; And in the Hand of the Almighty, a signal Instrument of our Deliverance from impending Ruin, venturing all that was near and dear unto you, as well as your Life, to help to save ours, by a Kindness as superlative as your Courage and Conduct?  
Much less do I come with this little Manual, to avert your more Important Studies; It will rather (I hope) divert your Cares in your softer Minutes. But however, if the Picture I draw do not please, yet being in minoture, so short a view cannot long detain you.  
That Church-Ruffler (in this following Character exposed) has so discomposed and d●fa●'d to his uttermost the Church, that to portray his Deformity in its proper Features, requires more of the skill and dexterity (of a Titian) than to limn a perfect Beauty; and the Divertisement is as pleasant to a judicious Eye, that Examines even the Shades of every Line and Lineament; but my Ink is not black enough to draw him in his proper Colours, and suitable to that Havoc he has made in the Church in our Age. For, like the Moor of Venice, he has been as bloody as black; and to decipher his Face to the Life, my blunter Pen should have been sharpened, and (imitating the keen Fury against the less Haggard Face of Witches) scratched it, till the trickling Blood had supplied my Pen with Colours proper for his Character.  
Some perhaps will wonder where this Ecclesiastical Scarramuchio has ●●rk't all this while, that he should not be visible enough till his Picture ●e drawn: But, I bring no News, nor tell any false Tales, for he has long ●een descried, but now is the Time, to let him see the Spots in his dirty ●ace, if he will but impartially view himself in this Mirror.  
But, if he happen to be enraged at his own Physyognomy, (like that ●d Lady that broke all the Looking-glasses she could come at, because ●ot one of them would show her a handsome Face) and he offer to break his Glass, where can it better seek for shelter than under your Lordship's ●tronage, that is as generously willing as able to protect oppressed innocence.  
For, as such, I must and may recommend it to your Honourable Protecti●●; which would be affronted, if it appear not to be so very Innocent, ●at it hurts no Man; describing and characterizing the Vice, not the alty Person (vitium non virum) offending none but that dull Fool (if ●ere be any so dull) as to hold up his hand and cry Culprit.  
Some Ceremonies are as necessary as useful in our Address to Heaven; as also whenwe pay our due Respects to the Thrones below; but the Ceremonies here exposed, are the Bastard-brood that Popery and Foppery begot in our Protestant Church; and which neither the Laws of God, nor the King, does legitimate.  
For when the Popish Ceremony monger was at the Reformation excluded and shut out of our Protestant Church, he had (till now) Interest enough (notwithstanding) to make my Ceremony monger his Surrogate, or dull Tool: And the duller Tool, the fairer Candidate for the place; so he had but wit enough to remember his Creator, and know his Cue: And since Popery (plain bare faced Popery) was inconsistent with the Laws of our holier Church, and being Adulterate, and consequently Illegitimate, Therefore a Popish Ceremony in Masquerade, an Ecclesiastical Symn●● must be laid in its room.  
But none of their Spiritual Changelings shall inherit here; nor is any other here condemned but what has made great waste, and disturbed the Peace of the Church; and must necessarily bring True Religion to an irrecoverable weakness and Consumption, if much longer tolerated.  
That Redemption (which St. George, the Champion of England gave to the Virgin ready to be ravaged by the Dragon) may be fabulous; but it is certain, that your Lordship cannot better deserve the most Honourable (George and) Garter, nor more immortalize your great Name, than by improving your happy Talon, and Interest in their Sacred Majesties, that they may (by redeeming the Church from Popish-like Slavery, in nonsensical and illegal Ceremonies) grace with fresh Lustre, that old (but sometimes sullied) Flower of the Crown— Defender of the Faith: That so, as our Renowned King William, the Conqueror (of Hearts, and therefore the Conqueror) of Kingdoms, may perfect a Redemption for us in the Church, without Blood, as well as our late miraculous (because not sanguinary) Redemption in the State; Whereby Pri●e has the fairest Ground in the World, whereon to build herself a so idly, so illegal despair of the vain Attempt; their Sacred Majesties being as humble as high; like the Statehouse at Amsterdam, whose Foundation is as deep in the Ground, as their Pinnacles high, and ma●ing the Skies.  
And what Rebel to Heaven, as well as Traitors to their Sacred Majesties, can refuse due Homage and Fealty to such Landlords, to whom God himself has deigned to give Livery and Seizing, and given, by his visible Hand, Possession of the Throne?  
And as the Countenance (only) of former Kings gave Life to these Popish like Brats (merely for their likeness to Popery) so their sacred Majesties can kill the Changeling (only) with a Frown; so futile, so idly, so illegal and Spiritless a thing is this same Ecclesiastical Bugg (here characterised); And yet as little and as weak as he is, he has been a most mischievous Scandal and Stumbling block to keep his Betters out of the Church, as well as the better half of the Kingdom, and consequently has made the Church so little, so schismatical, so divided; and therefore weak, dull and dark; as being so mainly dedicated to the spurious and irrational Whimsies of his Ecclesiastical Noddle and Invention.  
But how Nonsensical soever his Whimsies are, he has made true steps thereon (sometimes) to mount to the Pinnacles of the Temple, and there secure as well as engross the Honours and Privileges of the Church (as a Monopoly) to himself (if possible) and to the Men of his scantling and little way.  
Have we not the like Convulsions in 1●89▪ a● in 1639, both in Church and State, and from a like Cause too?  
The than Star-chamber was revived in the late King's Bench, and the High-Commission Court sat again in the Council Chamber, the Popish like Ceremony-monger has again debauch'● the Virgin Purity of Primitive Religion, and ravished her mo●● impudently in the very Church; where we that have se●n both the Years,— 39, and— 89, may well be affrighted to see the Ghost of little Doctor Laud (that occasioned the Commotions of Civil War (first) in Sco●land, afterwards in England) now again, (to our great astonishment) to walk in the Church.  
I have done my endeavour to lay the Ghost, and charm it down; let it go to Rome, its birthplace, what does it do here in a Protestant Church? where, if my Ceremony-monger Sin before all, Rebuke before all; nay, rebuke them sharply, saith St. Paul, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, cuttingly.  
The Corruptions are great, and deeply impo●humated, a Gangreen may well be feared; and if I have, with sharp and cu●●ing Words (sometimes) gone to the very bottom of the Sore, (why should they roar so?) 'tis but to let out the Filth, my Ceremony-monger will thank me, if he overlive his Ulcer; was it ever (before now) dressed to the bottom?  
They'll say, my Style bites; Yes truly, I have made a File of it for the very nonce, to file off the Roast of an Iron Ag●; I have lent a hand to polish it: Let them call it an Incision Knife, a File, (or what they will) a Besom (if they please) I care not, so it do but help to sweep down the Futile, and frail Church Cobwebs, though they hang aloft.  
And though I have anointed my Incision-Ka●●e with Weapon Salve, to cure as it cuts, yet I But, as Bellarmine, in a far it is but wise foresight to ●eek some noble Shelter, and where better, than under Your Lordship's Patronage and Protection?  
To which I might make some remote and modest Title, by Consanguinity, (for no Man was ever counted Vain or Arrogant in making claim to his Bl●th right) one half of the Blood in my Veins, (my Mother ●●ing a Troutbeck) is lineally descended and derived from the Noble Blood of the Trout●eeks, the Autient Earls of Shrewsbury, whence you derive half of your Noble Blood, and all your Noble Title.  
But, as ●ellarmine, in a far greater Case, having writ several Treatises of the Merit of Goods Works, concludes, that in reference to the Soul's Salvation, The best Title is Free Grace; so, in this far Inferior Case, to protect and save this little Treatise, from the desperate Assaults of devilish and wicked Men, by your Noble Patronage, The best Title I can make to it, is your own Freegrace, and Generous Goodness, which (be pleased to) vouchsafe to  
My LORD, Your Lordship's most devoted Servant, and Admirer, E. Hickeringill   

The INTRODUCTION.  
AS Black as my Ceremony-monger is, (here described) he is neither Moor, nor Tawny-Moor, Infidel nor Jew; but a Protestant-professed; he may be a Papist, or worse (an Atheist) in Masquerade, but his Face is Protestant.  
I grant, that I have Censured, Condemned, and Hanged him up in Effigy; yet I have drawn no Blood, done hurt to none; for my Man is a Man of Clouts, a Man in the Clouds, a mere Individuum Vagum; so that no Man alive can be offended, because let his Gild be never so great, in being like my Whiffler-Ecclesisstical, though ●e●●ip him to the very Heart, and fly in so much influance the Throne, come thither, and make him blush, yet he is as sat as a Thief in a Miln, except he come into Court, and confess himself to be the Man which is here (for his guilt) Exposed and Sentenced.  
If the Fool Confess, he must Suffer, like that silly Witall, (who shall he nameless) and not being content to be a Cuckold, he must needs Wind his Horn, and Proclaim his own shame in open Court, by good Evidence; and so he remains a Cuckold upon Record; like the silly Snall, who had never been taken for a Cornudo, or Horn'd-Brute, if he himself had not thrust out his own Horns: If such Disasters behappen a Wise Man, his Wisest way is to make no Words on't, but to cover the shame as decently as may be, and put his Horns in his Pocket.  
This Brute with his Irrational Ceremonies, should belong to a Protestant Church and Constitution; but (like an out-lying Deer, which are usually the ●ustiest and fattest of all the Brutish Herd) has through Wantonness, or greedy Ravage, broke out of the Pale of the Church; where if he would be content to keep, 〈◊〉 would be safer for him; and my design is (in pure Love and Kindness to his Welfare) thus gently to Hunt him Home; and so he will acknowledge it surely: But what Gratitude can a Man in Reason expect from a Brute, who hears no Reason, but is guided by furious Passion and Appetite?  
And I deny not, but that he may owe much of the Flesh on his Back ●o his Rambling after Popish like Ceremonies, (when Popery did so much influance the Throne, in the happy days of the two Castle-mains, and Father Peter) who not being able to bring in Popery Barefaced, therefore the Quid pro Quo, the something like it, and near it, must be countenanced ●d preferred. And my Ceremony-Monger is now as loath to departed with ●em, (his Dear dear, Silly, and Illegal Ceremonies) for old Acquain●nce-sake, as with his old Dog, or old Horse, that though past Service, yet ●e retains them for old Kindness, and old done Deeds.  
And yet they are such, as neither the Laws of God nor Man ever made, ●d therefore must be Condemned and Executed, if brought to the Bar of ●ly Writ, and right Reason.  
At which Bar, no Man has a better Commission of Oyer and Terminer, to ●raign and Judge him, than myself, as being lawfully (into the Sacred ●der of Priesthood) Ordained, and the Holy Bible then put into my ●nds, by the Learned Saunderson,) than Bishop of Lincoln, and now (I abt not) a Saint in Heaven, though he was Nicknamed the Presbyterian an Bishop, and of a Captain, (both persuaded me, and) made me a Priest, saying, Take thou Authority to preach the Gospel.  
There's my Commission; and let any Man, Pope or Bishop, show a patent more Authentic to Teach all Nations; and I will never Preach nor Writ Divinity hereafter; but there are but very few Glergy-Men, or Bishops in England, (either in or out of the Universities) that can show any Authority of so ancient Standing, or of to old a Style and Date as mine. Nay, we had no Scripture, if Writing be not Preaching: Besides, if I should not thus teach my Ceremony Monger by the Press, I could not Admonish him at all; for my Pulpit is a narrow place, though it stand aloft; and few Ceremony-Mongers desire to be cured. For ●ike men that have filthy old Ulcers on their Legs, they hate to be dressed before folks; they had rather It should Fester, than be known. There is not one word in the Ordination of Bishops, in our Common-Prayer-Book, or in Holy Writ, that gives a Bishop more Authentic Orders to preach, than a Presbyter or Priest; only the King's Maodate makes him the King's Commissioner: But in reference to God or the People, a Bishop has no better or fresher Character to Teach, or Administer the Holy Sacraments, than any Presbyter, or than himself; whilst he was but Presbyter; Nor has any King or Parliament, Bishop, or Synod, any Power, any lawful Power to silence me for teaching Truth: The Character is Indelible; when they answer what I have Writ, concerning Imprimatur's, or Restraint of the Press (in my late Speech without Doors) they shall hear further from me.  
For no Flesh alive has more Authority than our Lord Jesus, and the Apostles had, which was for Edification, not Destruction; to do good, not harm; to Advance, not to Depress Truth; to save men's Lives, Liberties and Properties, not to destroy.  
But some may object to me, that the late King did silence me, shut me out of my own Pulpit, and banished me from my House and Home, myself and my Family, for three or four years' last; not only against Law, Equity and Conscience; but without Law or any Colour, Process or Form of Law; and yet I submitted in quietness and silence, and made no noise in the World, nor to the World; not so much as Groaning or Complaining, but far down silently.  
To which I answer, by confessing that it is (all of it) a great Truth, and I was by Arbitrary Power and Oppression, to my Damage! some hundreds of Pounds, thus silenced (as a foresaid) by Will and Pleasure: a word from the Court ejected me from my Pulpit and my House: but also a word from the Court recalled me, about a month before the Dutch Landed.  
But to whom could I complain? To the Throne? I did, without Remedy, for that oppressed me. To the Righteous God, I made my humble Appeal, and he heard in Heaven his dwelling Place, and laughed my Adversaries to scorn, yea the Lord has had them in Derision; and those that banished me from my House without Law, and without a Cause, are by God's Righteous Hand and Judgement, turned out of their Houses and Homes; and before they went, recanted their Oppression towards me; but going away in haste, his Apostles could not hear me Restitution for the injustice.  
There is a time for all things: our Blessed Saviour had ●any things to say, but even his Apostles could not hear them sometimes; I writ against these Illegal Ceremonies in The Black Nonconformist seven years ago: The times would not bear i●, the Criminals would not hear; P●pery, & Popish-like Ceremonies were Rampant, My Soul did weep in se●et for their Pride, they would not hear, the Judgements of God are beginning at the House of God. I'll now try again, perhaps they will now hear.  
But, may some say, Have a care of Scandalum Magnatum; 〈◊〉 a care that your Book be not a Lybel, and a Reflection apparent (visibly apparent) against great Men, you might have whispered these things so private to them.  
And have got a box o'th' Ear for my pains, (you mean) by that particular Application; whereas now none can be offended justly, except his guilty Conscience make him confess, that I have hit him home, and that he is the Man.  
But clear Scriptures (may some still urge) shall not stand for Law in the King's Bench; there you must follow the Course of the Court: Ay, ay, I know it has been so, but I hope, th● New-Star Chamher-Court (at that end of the Hall) will now follow the Fate of that other Old Star-Chamber-Court, condemned (by 17 Car. 1.10.) at the other end of Westminster-Hall; For introducing an Arbitrary Power and Government (the very words of the said Statute) as an intolerable Burden.  
I will remember (indeed) that Lord Keeper North, in his Speech, when he introduced the new Lord Chief-Justice (what shall I call?) Scro●●s, I think it was, told him how easily he might [notwithstanding the said Stature of Condemnation] resuscitate and re●●ve that old Star-Chamber, by a Resurrection more glorious, more extensive. In the King's-Bench, in its Cognizance, and Jurisdiction; then that old dead (and by Statute damned) Star-Chamber.  
He was too true a Prophet, witness their unconscionable, unchristian, unscriptural and illegal (nec salvn tenem●nto)) Fines, without Bowels of Compassion, making a Man an Offender for a word; and then ruin and undo a Man and his House, a Man and his heritage, his Liberty, his Rstate, his Honour, and sometime his Life: in such an Arbitrary, various and disagreeing Way to themselves as well as to Law, tha● in the late famous Trial of the Seven Bishops, the Bench itself could not agree, what was the Law of the Court.  
They all agreed that the Course of the Court, and the Law of the Court were Synonimous, one and the Phrase or Paraphrase; but what was the Law or Gourse of the Gourt, could not be de●lded! Judge against Judge, ●he Bench against the Bar; Attorney that was, against Attorney that is Soli●iter General that was. against him that is; and the most kill Arguments, were Argumenta ad Hominem, making the same Tongue in this Trial, Condemn, and Eat its own Words in former Trials, (viz. before they changed Places.)  
The Shot flew desperately from the B●r to the Bench, dreadful do there were; however they kept a Pother, Richard against Baxter, and L' Estrange against Roger, never made such a splutter.  
At length, to end the Contest, the Wise Chief Justice went to Council, and gravely asked the Advice of the Attorney. (Sir Sam— but he was puzzled too, and was Nonplused for the Course of the Law of the Court) except for twelve years, good Gentleman! only by hear-say, for sixty year more, as he was told, (by an Old Stager, that had been twice a Child, and no man alive could remember, that ever he was a Man, (In the right Sense) the Vacation betwixt the two Terms, (of Childhood and Dotage) was so very a shor● Vacation, if any at all.  
I Presume, says one. I presume, says another, I presume violently says a third; nay, (if Presume he the Word) than I presume also, that in so presuming against Men's Lives and Liberties, they were too Presumpruous. Therefore do not you tell me of the Course of the Court of King's Bench, if you know it, you know more than I know, or than the Judges know, when the course of the Court was Arbitrary, and out of Course.  
But if it keeps its due course, and pretend to no Dispensing Power, in Abrogating the Laws of God, and Christ, and right Reason, I fear them nor, for I hope in God, that I shall never by preaching Truth, Transgress; but a Truth may be a Lybel, as one of the Lawyers urged in the said Trial.  
Yet the Learned Gentleman (notwithstanding his De Libel' famous) talked without Book and against Truth and Law, like an Oxford-Apotheca●y. For Truth being an Attribute and property Divine, (as light is of the Sun, and whence radiantly and virtually, all light proceeds) can never be any! art of the Constitution of a Libel Defamatory. And therefore all the Statutes to which Scandalum Magnatum has any Reference, whether that of 3 Edw. 1.4. or those two of Richard 2d. Queen Marry. or Queen Elizaabeth, are only against such as tell false Tales, or false News, whereby Discord may arise, etc.  
So that in the 〈◊〉 place, nothing can be a Libel but what is false, and then it may be false, and yet no Libel. If it do not tend to Discord; and consequently, be malicious or Seditious; as to say a Noble Man is wet to th● Skin, came to his Country House, wore black-clothes, etc. all which may be fal●e, and yet no Lybel.  
To say a Judge, or Justice gives false Judgement, though it be True, may be so circumstantiated, that it may be justly Punishable, as a Mis-behaviour, but he shall not suffer by Law as a Lybeller, if it be apparently True.  
To say, a Lord is ignorant of Latin, or as one said in the said Trial, We are ignorant of Law- Latin; whether he said false or true, is no Lybel (though I had said it;) it may be false indeed, but no L●bel, because it tends not to Discord; but though it should tend to Discord, it is impossible to be a Libel, if it be true, though it may be sawey and unmannerly, because we must not imagine that a Lord is ignorant of any thing; he must be an infallible Man in England, though the Italian Pope be not so acknowledged: (Wise do the while!)  
But the Learned Judge Sir J. Powel, then in the said Case, very honesily and judiciously affirmed it for a Law, that a Lybel must be false, false Tales; it is not else within the S●atures on which Scandalum Magnatum is founded; and still the course of the Court varled from Law● never was the Punishment of a Libeler, or Honour-wounder a vecuniary Muict, but (till K. James!) always the Body by Imprisonment, etc. repaid, and repaired Wounded-Honour; nay, by 1 and 2. Phil. & Mar. 3 the greatest Scandalous W●rds against the King or Queen, were only Punished by Bodily Punishment, which a man might have bou●ht off, (whether the King would or no,) with too (not ready Money neither, the (Bill was not drawn upon him, upon fight thereof) bu● any time within a Month, (so tender were our Ancestors of undoing M●● so ●ill Words, even against the King; much more tender not to undo a Man and his House for a frall Word against a frail Subject, though a Lord. Honour, if it he ●ase and Dregss, is not Honour, and consequently, not wounded or hurt; but if it be true Honour, it is like the best Spirits. Airy and S●tri●ual, it can neither be Boug●t nor Sold; nor ever was it known in England, that so much as a Knighthood could be so base an Alloy, as that an ●surer (or Scrivener, o● 10 l per Cent,) could purchase it, till the Poverty of Scotland, coupled with an empty Exchequer, and a King liberal to Prodigality to his Countrymen, was glad to make poor Shifts to earn a Penny; this for one, of making Honour so Mercenary, ●hat some Gentlemen scorned to be Knights, whilst another rich Dame would give 1000 l. to be Lady Baronet, that so sh● might take ●he W●ll of her Grand-Dame. But enough concerning Lybels. you'll find none here nor any thing struck at, but Sin and Folly; and neither of them are Ingredients in the Constitution of true Honour; except Honour can be M●das'd, as he Exce●fiastical Fellows do Sins turn a● they can touch to G●id, calling it by a Word they borrowed from Father Peter and Rome. Commuring, or Com●nutation of Penance; a Word that buys Perriwiggs at Doctor-Commons, as f●●ly as it is.  
And if any Expression of mine (in this Discourse) seem too Airy sometimes, for so grave and solemn a Subject, it is neither forced nor affected, Nature will have its Course.  
But as it is easier to pick a Quarrel than to end it, so it is easier to find Fault than to m●nd 〈◊〉; and cannot a Man be sober, except he be sad? Nor Grave, except he be dull?  
Nor have I permitted one W●rd to pass with more Briskness of Air or Style, then just what was necessary to keep m● Reader awake; and is not it as Pardonable (at least) as that dull Parenthesis. by some Preachers so often Inculcated.— (do not sleep there?) Which is the more Unconscionable Start and State, wh●n he had rocked them asleep before, with his heavy and drowsy Lullaby.  
None can expect ●hat my St●e should be smooth in the Sinewy and Argumentative Part; it is not to be done.  
But, be it as it may, it the Subject matter be solid and weighty, let my S●ile shift for itself; I am not fond on't, yet, blunt as it is, I will neither change it with thee, (Drowsy Mr. Phlegmatic!) Nor yet with thee, that 〈◊〉 test Frowning and Centuring there, I see thee. Formal Mr. Hypochondriack!   

The CHARACTER of a CEREMONY-MONGER.  

CHAP. I. Concerning Bowing to the Altar, to the East.  
THe Cringes and Bowings of the Papists to the Altar, is in Adoration of their wafer God that 〈◊〉 there (they think) Enthroned; and is (by the Homilies of the Church of England) frequently styled Idolatry; and the Act of a Fool.  
But the Cringes and Bowings of my Ceremony Monger to the Altar, to the East, whe●● there is nothing, (he must confess whatever he has secretly 〈◊〉 here (nei●her more nor better than what is in the W●ll, in the Belfry, or the Body of the Church; therefore some call him a Fool; but (like Merry Andrew) though he act like a Fool, he is more Knave than Fool; and though ●ry Noddy pretends that he nods to nothing, yet the old Dotard does not play the Fool for nothing; but he is as well paid for playing the Coxcomb▪ in his silly Superstition, as the best Merry Andrew of them all. For it is well known what an Influence Papists had in the three last ●●●gns of B. Laud. the two Castiemains, and Father Peter; who not being able to bring in Popery, or a Bishop ●llis into a Protestant Church, and Protestant Preferment; (the Laws Excluding such) therefore they encouraged any ●●●ly Superstition that was a Quid pro Quo; and as like Popish Idolatry, as Twins of the same Womb.  
Thus putting the Chang● upon us, and Engrossing a great many of the Protestant Preferments. Honours, and Priunedges to Fellows that were as like Papists, and our Churches, and Worship, Adorations and Ceremonies, as like Popish Ceremonies; and our Paul's, as like St. Peter's, as one Egg is like another, to see to; though the Yolks within may perhaps show some little Distinction; and a Ceremonious Arminian is no right-down papist, for if he should, he could not be capable of his high Seat in a protestant Church; and therefore he will rather confess himself a Fool in cringing like an Ass to nothing, than be turned out of Church and the Revenues thereof, by confessing that he bows to things Divine, Transubstantiated from a silly Wafer; and rather than lose his soft place in Church or Senace, he chooses rather to confess the soft place in his Head.  
But if you take him really for a Fool, you mistake him vilely; (as I said before) this Ecclesiastical Mountebank is more knave than Fool, and bo●s for something; even when he bows to nothing, he gets Money by't, he gets Money by the Bargain, and though he shake his Reverend Noddle, as if it was empty (by making Reverences to an empty place) yet he knows why and wherefore.  
For though he seems to adore a Nonentity, you are mistaken in my Man, for he there by adores his chiefest God, (Mammon) And his making foolish Legs to the Altar, like an Ass, was the ready Road to make Legs at Court, and be an Ecclesiastical Apuleian Golden Ass.  
For as a Costerd-Monger gets his Living and Estate (often a great one) by vending Trifles and Trinkets of his own Purchase (as Perts, Plums or Apples) to that Improvement many times, that he makes Money (even) of his Rotten Ware.  
So a Ceremony-Monger gets his living and Estate (a great one oftentimes) by Trifling Trinkets, and illegal (as well as) nonsensical Ceremonies in Religion, (or rather his own Superstition) of his own Purchase, or the Invention of his private Noddle; to that Improvement many times, that he grows great in the World, and in the Church; and makes Money (even) of hi● Rotten Ware, especially in bad times.  
For this Ecclesiastical Quack (like other staging empirics) always gets most Money and Elieem; and both of them make the best Markets for their Impostures and Rotten Drugs in the sickliest and worst of times.  
'Tis best, with these Stagers, when 'tis worst with all the rest of Mankind: For it men be well to Health, and well in their Wits; both these Merry Andrews (that for Money make fools of themselves) may go whistle; they may shut up their Shops, and pull down their Stage.  
Risum Teneatis? Amici! Come hold your sides, and look demurely if you can (for your very guts, and spleen) to see a grave Dignitory of the Church, with Tippet and Satin Cap., a gaudy Cope and Hood (before and behind) Nodding his Reverend Head, and making Reverences of humble, that his brisly Chin even kisses the ground (no Antic French Man, or Father Peter, can out vic the Compliment) in an humble Address to the East, to the Altar, and where there is better something or nothing more than in the Belfry and in the West Catechise my Don, (for he has been twice a Child, Come! Ask him (I say) does his Ecclesiastical Donship bow and Cringe so supplely (notwithstanding his Age) to something, or to nothing?  
If he answers— To something; Then take him Father Dada, for he is thine, 〈◊〉 him in the Service and Devotion of thy Water-God.  
But if he reneages (because Papists are not capable of a Dignity in the Church of England) and i● forced to answer, that he bows to nothing; then beg him for a Fool, and his richer Dignities; take him Merry- Andrew, for he is thine: He is that ridiculous Stager that makes a Fool of himself, to pick up the Pence; and no little neither: For when Popery will not, cannot get up to the top of the Steeple or Pinnacle of the Temple, (where the Devil stood tempting our blessed Saviour with the World and the glory of it) my Ceremony Monger being possessed, runs mad to be there: which since all the Avenues are stopped against Lord Bishop Goddard and bare faced Popery, my crafty Ceremony-Monger claps a vizard over the ugly bare face, and pass most religiously so one of the Order, and Reverendly with a M●●que, does his Business, and perhaps gets a Mandate,— In a Mo●k Election of the Chapter, which in their Prayers for divine Assistance in the Election not only mock themselves, but which is infinitely worse, they mock the Almighty God too, when they pray him to direct them in the choice of a fit Man: when he is chosen before to their hands, and they neither can will nor choose.  
If you do not yet know my Ceremony-Monger, I'll tell you his Name.  
His Name is Legion, for never was the Herd more numerous, or more possessed, since the Devil entered into the Herd of Swine; and made them run (like man) violently down hill, though they are like to perish in the Waters.  
For this Ecclesiastical Hotspur (though he) has but a minute (Sober) share of Knowledge, yet he has Zeal like mad; And therefore never admits any hearty into his spiritual Muster-Roll or Lift, but blind Conformists; that are presently Tall-Fellows, and preferred if they can, but readily obey this one word of Command, Straighten your Files, Fellow your File leader.  
Thus, like Horses in a Team, they all Uniformly plod on together, most gravely and soberly (with Nose in his Leaders Hind 〈◊〉) and Showel-Hal●ers through thick and thin, at all adventures, minding nothing (they poor H●●r●s!) but following the Fore Horse, though he go out of the way, as irregularly and illegally, as irrationally, falling into a Slough, but desperately bend, though not one of them know why, not wherefore; nor dare say, whether they cringe and bow to something, or nothing. For they are forced to whisper when they say, that they crings to nothing, lest the Papists (that prefer them) should hear, and then they're sure to get nothing, therefore are forced to say nothing, yet nod to nothing.  
If I were a Papist or Anthropo-Morphite, who believes that God fits Enthroned in the East, like a grave Old King, I profess I would bow and crings as well as any Ecclesiastical Limberham of them all; and pay my Adoration to that one Point of the Compass, the East; but if Men believe that the Holy one that Inhabits Eternity, is also Omnipresent, and in every place, why do they no● make Correspondent Ceremonies of Adoration to every Point of the Compass?  
But I recant my Folly for ask a Ceremony-Monger an honest reason of his Cringes, who never (hitherto) could vouch his Supple him. Worship to the Altar, to the East, etc. except (as aforesaid) in Adoration of Mammon his God.  
But I'll be Positive, and Dogmatical in nothing of this Nature; I'll forswear nothing but building of Churches, after I have first pulled them down; as one did (a certain Chapel) in the memory of Man, because the Chancel stood East and by Nore a little sideling, whereas it should have stood better, dut East, that (with one Cringe) he might how to the Altar, and the East also; he was the wiser, for so he kills two Birds with one Stone; and one single bow (by this laborious Regulation) will serve to the Altar, and the East also; so to case his unweildly body, he punishes his Purse by Eccle●astical Policy, (called) Commutation; O the Wit of an Ecclesiastical Politician! But Fortuna favet fat— Fortune favours ●●t falks; a poor man might have been beggared by such a venture, but the old D●tard (Mr. Superstitions Noddy was his Name,) made Stairs of the Chappel-Stones, and so got up to the Top of Paul's, But let the Ceremony monger by his ●●ppery grow never so great, he is paid in his own Coin, for in requital, his only Adorers are Women and Fops; or such as love any thing that is great, only because it is great: May they not by the same reason adore an Ass' Head, with Flapping Lugs, for they also are great, very great.  
Thus the Hog●n-Dutchman got Money, being carried about from Fair to Fair, amongst the ●ops that admired his Brawny-Buik, the result of B●con and the Butterbox.  
The greatest Ingenuity of my Ceremony monger, is, that of an Ape, (viz.) Imitation or Mimickry) for the Monkey has indeed something of the V●a●e and Resemblance of a Man, (and so has the Ceremony-mo●ger's worship the Face of Religion and Devotion) but bo●h of them wants Reason, and therefore the more abominable, and of all Brutes, most oilous to radonal Men: 
Simia quam similis (turpissima Bestia) nobis?  
Of Brutes, none are so loathsome as the Ape,  
Wanting Man's Soul, he only has Man's Shape.   
But such is the force of Mimickry amongst Fops, that it is far more easy to make a cringing dancing Ass, than a dancing Hoary in our Academy; but the Mischief is, there is so many of them, they are not a R●e-Show; they are so common, that it will not quit cost to carry them about, and show them at Sturbridge-Hair, or Bartholomew Fair.  
Come, Friends! You shall see one of the Youngsters (the Foal of a cringing Ass,) for nothing.  
Come to your Postures, Lad! Hold up thy Head, and in thy Chin, thy Breast out, and thy Belly in: Now, your Reverences;— well done; face about again, down. I say, close down— to the haste, to the Altar, etc. well done; there's hopes in thee, thou may'st come to be a tall Man in the Church, in time, if this Trade do but hold.  
For my Ceremony monger is an Ecclesiastical Thomas Anello (or corruptly and vulgarly) Masanello, a despicable Tool to look on, take him out of his Robes, as silly a Fisher as heart can wish; and yet he may grow great by as trivial Occasions, the scrambling for a little rotten Ware (Nuts and Apples) in Midsummer Moons, when the People run mad and are oppressed.  
But the worst is, This Beast of the People is soon abused, and soon disabused, and is seldom long and quietly (in England) bestrid (I will not say Priestridden) by Fops; they are apt as suddenly to play as Jade's T●k; and after they have Huzzaed loud Hosannas one day, soon after ready enough upon a contrary Provocation, to cry, Crucifi●ite, Crucifigite.  
Yet the Fool Masanello trusted to the unsteady Populace (which made him insolent and insufferable, Proud and morose) till the same Mouths that cried him up, soon after were ready to eat him; dragging at a Horses Tall, whom ten days before, they cried up to the Skies; they would have done the same to a Broom-staff, if it could but have stood them in stead, or could help to withstand the Gabels and Oppression; but the Fool thought that the people adored his (own) worth, which made the Fool insufferably petulant, and was his Ruin.  
Yet (after all) now that I better bethink myself, and that seven years ago (in my Black Nonconformist) I did (in vain) wa●h this Aethiope, I'll even compound the Business with my Ceremony monger.  
And because he has been many times a topping Ecclehastical Fellow, Proun and Stomachfull, Uncontroviable and Wilful, right or wrong, he will l●ve his Will, his Suring, and his way, (let who will stand in his Way,) therefore since he says, he will still bow like a Fop to nothing (for he dare not say the Wafer is there hid (slyly) under the Carpet, nor yet that God is more there than every where; yet) I'll grant him a Licence upon two Conditions.  
First, That he never shake his empty Noddle at the Altar, but when it is covered with a Cap (a Sottin Cap to choose) the more decently to hid the soft place in his Head.  
Secondly, That also then he hid the Popish Face of Adoration, by putting on a Protestant Vizor Masque, not only that his blushes be not visible, (a Braz●n Face may do that) but to cover the Popish Physiognomy, le● the undiscerning and superficial Judgements of the rude Vulgar, spy it and nothing else; (for they search not the 〈◊〉 side) and consequently handle him, as if he really were a popish Priest: his Cope, his Hood, his Surplice, his Cringing Worship, his Altar with Candles on it, (most Nonsensically unlighted too) his Bagpipes o Organs, and in some places Viols & Viollos', singing Men, and singing B●●s, & are all so very like Popery, (and all but the Vestments illegal) that I protest when I came in 1660. first from beyond Sea to Paul's, and White Hall, I could scarce think myself to be in England, but in Spain or Portugal again, I saw so little Difference, but that their Service was in Latin, and ours in English; but less intelligeable and less Edifying, (for one half thereof) than Latin, by reason of the Inarticulate Boatus and Braylog, whilst all the People read half the Psalms, with a N●●se as confused, as the Rumbling Thunder (as I will prove more particularly by and by) that any man in the World that had seen High Mass beyond Sea, must say, That the contrivance of both was to keep people in Ignorance, the Mother of Devotion. Faith comes by Hearing, (saith the Scripture) but the Papist and Ceremony monger, make as though it comes by Seeing, they are all for a Show, a vain show. And shall not those that sin before all, be rebuked before all? That all may learn, and all may be comforted?  
But may some say to me perhaps, That I talk very boldly; why, do I? And do you th●●k in your Conscience, that they do not sin more boldly.  
There is a sinful Bishfulness (in being loath to reprove) as well as an Impudent Sin●e, and a Whore's forehead: And shall a B● Ceremony monger dare to transgress the Laws of God and Man, and Right and Reason; And is there not a man (amongst us all) that has Courage enough to antique him?  
Let him Huff like a blasphemous Goliath, I fear him not; (if I were young and in my Prime (much less now, when there are so few Sands in the Hour glass of my Life yet to run out, by the Course of Nature; the greatest Wrath can precipitate but a few minutes; die we must, and can any man die or suffer in a better Quarrel, than in vindicating the Laws of God and the King, in spite of the Pope in Italy, or any other in his likeness.   

CHAP. II. Of Implicit Faith.  
THat man has neither Worth nor Honour in him, that does not truly love and honour a Person of Honour, and true Virtue and Worth; and so much the more, for the Grandeur; but to idolise a me, Image, because a great and golden Image, and because (Neouchadne● Zar) the King set it up, what is it out Popery. Idolatry, or Flactery or Poppery? I know not how to absolve the Princes, in Dan. 3.3 the Governors, the Judges, the Treasurers, the Counsellors, (wise Fellows!) ●nd the Sheriff's, When they adored the Golden Image, which Nabuchadnezzar the King had set up, though I confess being sixty Cublts high, as high as the top of the Steeple, it made a great Figure in the World.  
And what can my Ceremony-Monger say more for himself, than that great golden Image? Both of them have a great Face and Bulk, but want 〈◊〉 for their standing, and are dumb and blind.  
For my ceremony Monger in the Church (I am in good earnest and in sober sadness, telling a woeful Truth, which has almost ruined our Church) does almost all his great Acts in the Church (like the Papists) by blind Devotion and implicit Faith.  
Is there any to be admitted into the Sacred Function of Priesthood? (who ought to be apt and fit for so great, so Holy, and so Divine an Office; otherwise. The contempt of the Clergy, and a Contemptible Clergy, is the necessary and sad Consequence) yet this is huddled up by Implicit Faith in M●. Archdeacon, or some casic Deputy or Surrogate; The Bishop that Ordains is not obliged to know any thing of the matter; but goes upon Trust for all, in that great Work of Ordination, as you may see in the words of Ordination in the Common-Prayer Book? all is done (I said before) by Implicit Faith, as the Papists call it; but this more silly than Popery; for it is more rational to believe as the Church believes, than to believe as a silly Surrogate believes.  
Is there a man to be thrown out of the Church? This is done by Implicit Faith too, in an easy Surrogate and Sell Soul Register, that perhaps has not paid the last payment for his place, and Money must be had; whereas the Bishop that signifies it, knows nothing of the Matter, nor of the Proceed or Proof; but by Implicit Faith in the Registers Certificavit, ●s aforesaid; and then the Judges grant a Capias by Implicit Faith too in his hand, that knows nothing of the Matter, (neither) of his own knowledge.  
Is not here fine do the while, in the greatest of Church Works? The out and in, The in and out is all by an Implicit Faith, more irrational than that of the Papists.  
Nay, the poor Parson of the Parish must neither will nor Choose, but must, in pain of the Law, Excommunicate, and deliver to Satan any bedy, that the Registers Hand and Seal marks out with an Anathema by mere Implicit Faith in Pope-Sell-Soul (the Register.) So when the Devil and the Jailor has worried him and tortured him (as they do suspected Witches) (till they confess) and he be willing to say or do any thing to get out of the Tormentor's Clutches, and the Excommunicated Person humble enough to open his Purse to Mr. Register; poor Parson must absolve him again, by the old and Implicit Faith in the Register.  
In Confirmation too, all's done by Implicit Faith in the Parish-Priest; nay, usually not so well, but hand over head to all that knelt for it, though some of them to my knowledge, were never Baptised, nor can yet say the Creed so well as it is possible to teach a Parrot; nor understanding one Article thereof much better than a Parrot: Here's sine do! And a rare Constitution to sight for, Tooth and Nalt, Swear and Forswear, by a blind Devotion and Implicit Faith, and scarce a man knows wherefore; But no Kettles make so great a Sound and Noise, as those that are empty.  
But when men go out of God's Way, the further and faster they go, the further and faster they go astray.  
The very Disciples of Christ (as well as Popish Priests and Cardinals) sell to Justling one another (even in the presence) for the place, the chief and uppermost; but our Lord told them, they behaved themselves more like worldly Princes than his Disciples; saying, It shall not be so amongst you.  
Pride says, It shall be so; but will my Ceremony Monger on his Deathbed, and at the tremendous Judgement Seat, say so, as he does now; In spite of Christ and his Word? I am your humble Servant, says the Pope; nay, your Servants Servant, Servus Servorum, yet Lucifer himself is not prouder.  
Dear Brother, says a Popish Bishop, in his Style to the rest of the Presbyters, when at the same time he makes no more of them than a mere Pavement, in State to walk upon and trample; money too, the poorest Priest must give his Highness, though the Family at home want Bread: Nay, the poor Sheep must not bleat neither, but though clipped twice a year, like Sheep before Shearers, they must be dumb; so open they not the Mouth; yet I told the Outlandish Bishops seven years ago, of this unconscionable Avarice to as little purpose, in my ●aked Truth, saying, I have read that Pharaoh's Lean Kine eat up the Fat ones, but for the Fat to eat up the Lean, 'tis most unconscionable; have a care of Barebones, lest they stick in your Throat, or in your—' what shall I call thee?, Ecclesiastical Greedy-gut! you'll never leave your Gormandizing, till you surfeit, I fear.  
This is the true Reason of Implicit Faith in Italy, and England; Bishops gape more than they can swallow; in spite of that terrible Thunder— Their Blood will I require at the Watchman's hand— They have Charge upon them, that no flesh alive can discharge; Bishops and Curates, says the Common-Prayer, implying that we of the small Fry, are only Journeymen or Curates to the Bishops; well, with all my heart, the greater Charge lies heavy on his Soul.  
No, (he may say) though I cannot be here and there too, yet I have Journeymen every where; I must by Implicit Faith believe my Journeyman, my Proctor, my Surrogate and my Register, but in requital, they also by Implicit Faith believe me.  
Is not here rare do? And all this Inconveniency came at first only by Avarice and Arabition, which a whole Dincess and sometimes a D●ancry, and a rich Commundum added thereunto, could not glut; well, that's as to the Wages, if they were twice as big, one Man can make a shift to swallow, yea, but as for the Work, it is impossible to superintend, or Episcopize, with one pale of eyes; then come (first) into the Church, implicit Faith in their Journeymen, and of all Journeymen, che●fly, the Arch-Deacon's called Oculi Episcoporum; there are but five Pair of such great Implicit Eyes in our Diocese; and if they could see without spectacles, they would be the better Eves, I think: But the Prospect is too far, all over the Diocese for one Bishop to see or superintend; But who made that Prospect so large? Pa●●ecia, a Parish, by our ancient Canons, signifies a Diocese, and a 〈◊〉 was no larger than a Parish,' ●ill Popish Avarice, and boundless Ambition taught Pluralities.  
A good Bishop, if he keep in his Bounds, as the King's Commissioner (not sancying that he has or can have any New Spiritual Character, or greater Spiritual Character than of a Presbyter as appears by the Words of Ordination of both of them) the same, the very same, in all Essential Points; only the King's Mandate or Commission, gives him an Ecclesiastical Character more than he had, and a Temporal Character by making him a Baron of the Realm, with Lands and Honours annexed; and not one jot too much, if he make good use thereof, in Hospitallty, Charity, and somewhat too as an Umbrage against Contempt; the Wages are well enough bestowed if he be fit for the place, pions, prudent and learned; and he has as lawful a Claim and Title to them, from his Predecessors, as other Lords or Corporations; and cannot without great Injustice, as well as dangerous Precedent, be bereft of them; who but a Fool will go about to remove groundsels and Fundamental Constitutions?  
But his Work is so great, and the necessary Qualifications so eminent and Extraordinary, that no one man is fit for so great a Charge; and those that are fittest, will scarcely accept it, the Temporal Honours and Rewards are no Temptation to them.  
For a Bishop ought not to ordain any, till he has first by his own Examination and Knowledge, found their fitness for so great and holy a Work: Not trusting by Implicit Faith to Mr. Archdeacon, nor Mr. Deacon's Deputy.  
And how can he with a safe Conscience, deliver a soul to the devil by an Anathema, when he knows nothing of the Nature of the Crime nor Prool? except by blind devotion or Implicit Faith in the Register and Surrogate, Mr. Necessity? so Men call him, Because he has no Law.  
So that the grand Distempers of our Church, do all proceed from this Original Sin, radical in our Constitution; and no Art of Man can cure it, or save us from a Contemptible Clergy, and more despicable (as well as profane) Discipline, but by applying Remedies to the very Constitution, which is neither incurable, nor hard to cure, if wise and willing Physicians do but use their skill.  
When Boy-popes' and Boy-Bishops, or ignorant and unlearned Bishops by favour, Money or Friends, were advanced; they neither durst attempt to Examine a Scholar's finless for the holy function, nor could do it, without betraying their own unfitness and ignorance; which begot Arch-Deacons, they served for Eyes to the blind, and at general Councils, usually for Mouths and Tongues, and Brains too: The Dotage of Bishop Alexander, brought Archdeacon Achanasius into the first Council of Nice, which brought him into Request, and when the old Mandled, into the Bishopric also of Alexandria.  
But above all the Implicit Faith-Men, I ever read, have my Commendations remembered to the Pope, in the words of Cardinal Bellarmine, lib. 4 de Romano Pontifice, cap. 5. Si papa erraret praecipiendo vitia, vel prohibendo virtutes, teneretur Ecclesia ●redere vitia esse bona. & virtutes malas, nisi vellet cont●à Conscientiam peccaere: If the Pope err (●hat's a buil● too, good Cardinal, as wise as you are) by Commanding Vice and prohibiting Virtue, yet the Church is bound to believe, That Vice is good, and Virtue evil; except the Church sin wilfully and against Conscience.  
Even so; if a Bishop by Implicit Faith and Error Ordain a vicious, or ignorant Person a Priest, or Bishop, and Madam Portsmouth, or Father Peter, help him to a Presentation or Mandate, (every thing may be done that has been done) or should Silence a vermous Preacher, yet the Parish or Diocese must, (I say) must accept him for their Spiritual Shepherd, Guide and Watchman; though he be never so blind a Guide, never so wolvish or cruel a Shepherd, never so dull and drowsy a Watchman or Reading-Don; or Copy-holding Plagiary; except they will be wilful sinners; though he starve their Souls, they must feed him with the Tythe-sheaf, and the Tythe-pig.  
He's not fit to be cailed to the Bar, that can but just read his Breviat, though he tell the Judge he has notable Books in his Study, that argue the Case, and state it notably, but he carries them not about, never in his head.  
Nor is he fit to be a Fellow in the College of Physidans, because Galen and Hypocrates lies moulding in his Study, nor is he fit to be free of the Pulpit, that if his Sermon Book fall down out of his hand, must also come down as wise (a man) as when he went up; l●● the Curtain fall down too, and the Play's at an end; good night, Parson.  
But all Preachers have no: Memory nor Elocution and presence of Mind: No, no: But then, there's a good Thrasher, or a good Cobbler spoiled, to make a bad Patson, a poor Transcriber, and dull Translator, whose Character next follows.   

CHAP. III. Of the Reading-Dons of the Pulpit.  
THis Ecclesiastical Sophister, is a true Son of the Church of England, (that ever was) and devoted to her Service, (as in Duty bound) for she gave him freely all the Devotion he has, namely, the Common-Prayer-Book and the Homilies: which are very good things to all, but to him a God, (a Creator) by which as a Churchman (though as lean and cadaverous as a Church-Mouse,) he lives and moves, and has his being.  
But as true a Son of the Church as he is, yet he is a Bastard Divine, but made a Denizon Ecclesiastic, and free of the Church by the King, and (notwithstanding his spurious Original) Legitimated and made capable of Succession in Church-Lands, Honours and Dignities, by Act of Parliament. viz. the Act of Uniformity In England; In England, (I say) for in the whole Protestant World, That Act has no Parallel, nor this fellow (I characteriz:) any Fellow in the whole Christian World, but such as himself; he is a None such all the World over, in all Churches, except what he calls, (and he may well speak well of her) the most Incomparable Church of England; not only the Protestants all the world over, but the very Papists, nay, the very Stage-players would kick him out, the very Boys and Wenches there, nay, Schoolboys, must say their Parts better, or they are sure to be whipped for't.  
Nay, the Stage Players would have no Customers (except they could get Penal Laws, and a Constable, A Jailor and Apparitor, to drive them by Shoales to the Play House) if they should admit any such dull Tools and Actors, that could not say a Word without Book; but must read every Word they say, or else they are dumb: For, take away the Playbook, or No●es, and they are mute as Fish; the Play is at an end, though you have paid your Money. (some small note indeed) or prompter the best may need sometimes, or some Breviate:) even so my Reading Don Ecclesiastical is a noteless Fellow without his Notes, and worse than an Ass (for he can Bray without book) nay, worse than a Peacok; for he can yawl against Rain) but this Gay Fowl has nothing that speaks him divine, but his gay out 〈◊〉.  
The Prophet Eztkiel calls him Dumb-Dog that cannot bark; meaning not that these Dumb Prophets or Dumb-dogs had no Tongue, and could make no barking Noise; but when he seethe the Sword or a Thief coming he giveth no warning, but being senseless and noteless, is therefore a dumb dog.  
For he (poor Heart!) has his Lesion before him, there is his stint, like a Horse in a Mill; he cannot go out of the Track, if he does, he must leav● work: if the Notes drop out of the Pulpit, or the Candles go out, or the Spectacles fall down from his Nose, or a dark day, or any such woeful disaster befall him, his busi●eis is done, he needs no Bishop to silence him; Come, Sir, you may (even) come down, out of the Pulpit, The Play is done.  
N●y, his very Prayers to Alrighty God in the Pulpit, he is glad to read them too, except perhaps he has (like a Pariot) got a few words by ●ote, which all the people of the Church can say as well as himself; for like a Turn-spit Dog in a Wheel, he keeps ado, but makes no Progress.  
For (alas! for Shame and Sorrow!) how should he speak to God, who is a Spirit, From his Heart or Spirit; or to the People's Hearts, that never had any Divinity in his Head or Heart: It is sufficient that he has It in the Book of Homilles, or in his Notes (stylo novo) of another Sermon book that is more in Yogue and 〈◊〉, because more adapted to our present Language and Age●  
Stole! said I, he'll bring his Action against me, of Scandalum magnatum perhaps; but I'll prevent him, for I recant.  
He did not steal his Sermon, nor Sermon Notes, for they were his own upon a double account; First, because he lawfully bought and paid for the●, six pence a piece; witness, the Book seller: Secondly, because all the Sermons in Print are dedicated to him: To the Reader— All— To the Reader, & sometimes, to Coaks him out of six pence. To the courteous Reader.  
If Parents have a Ricketty Son, and crooked legged, and Baker-kneeed; he'll serve to make a Parson, his Cassock will hid his Legs: Is the poor Child Purblind also? He'll serve to make a Parson say his Parents, If he have but Eye enough to spy Advent Sunday, the day of the Month, and the first and second Lessons for the day. Is he a half witted Lad? He'll serve poor Child, say his Parents, well enough for the Pulpit, if he but hold his Notes to his Purblind Eyes, it is but holding them the Closer, and the bunness is done; especially if his Parents or Friends scrape Acquaintance with a Patron, I know how, or buy 〈◊〉 Advousion or the next Avoidance.  
And then make room for the Parson, a true Son of the Church: Why do you smlle? It is too serious, too great, and too dismal a Truth and Mischief, to draw Tears from your Eyes by laughing; you have more cause to be weeping Jeremies, and make Lamentations at so mischievous a Constitution of a Church, in making Watchmen that are blind and lame, and dumb, being ordained unto Holy Orders by blind Implicit Faith: which we all condemn in the Papists, but in the Church of England draw a new Scene: and it is received with Applause: Oh poor English! A foolish people and unwise, though the most Courageable and best Hearts, as well as the most plain hearted Nation under Heaven.  
You think (now) that this is a Romance, and not literally true; well then, so let it go; 'Tis so much the fit for this Character of a Ceremony-monger, which is all a Romance.  
A Romance! What's that? It comes from Roma, Rome, the Ground and Platform of the truest and best Histories of Truth; and the Scene of the greatest Acts the Sun ever saw.  
And a Romance is as like a true Roman History, as my Ceremony-Monger is like a Papist, he is not a Papist, (he says) no, he is not a baresaced Papist, I'll do him right; but to see to, he is as like a Papist as ever he can look, and his Devotion as like Popery as ever it can look: He does not say the Mass indeed in Latin; but his Hood, his Cope, his Surplice, his Rocker, his Altar Ralled in, his Candles, and Cushions, and Book thereon, his bowing to it, his bowing or rather Nodding at the name Jesus, his Organs, his Violins, his Singing Men, his Singing-Boys, with their Alternate Jabber and Mouthings, (as Unintelligible as Latine-Service) and so very like Popery that I profess (when I came from beyond Sea, about the year 1660. to Paul's and White-Hall) I almost thought, at first blush, that I was, still, in Spain or Portugal; only the Candles on our Altars, most Nonsensically, stand unlighted, to signify, what? The darkness of our Noddles, or to tempt the Chandler's to turo, downright, Papists, as the more suitable Religion for their Trade: for ours mocks them, seeds them with Hopes only, he gapes and stairs to see the lucky Minute when the Candics should be lighted, but he is cheated, for they do not burn out in an Age.  
But the Foppery is Homogeneal, all of a piece, foolish and illegal Ceremonies all over, only my Ceremony-monger has got Law of his side for his Surplice, and his Common-Prayers, which are both very good things, and though perhaps he may be persuaded to part with the former, if you take away the latter, viz. the Common-Prayer-Book, ye had is good cut out his Tongue; nay, even few up his Mou●h also; for he has no occasion, for it, nor for his Teeth neither, for his Body most staries, and be as clean and jejune as his Soul: Therefore, as you love his Life and Soul let him have his Common-prayer Book, or else his Curate will have nothing in the World to do, but must be forced to turn Sexton; why should not the Dead bury the Dead? The dead in Sin, bury the Dead for Sin, to so liseless and spiritless a thing is Religion reduced by my Ceromony-Monger; nay, some of them in their pretended prayer before Sermon, do mock both God, and the people, praying, or pretending to pray as the mouth of the people in the pulpit and yet (like good Hannah's private prayer) their Lips only move, but their Voice is not heard.  
Old Eli thought the good Woman was Drunk or a Fool, to talk to herself; but she designed only private prayer.  
But certainly the Master of the Ceremonies, is either a Fop, or a Madman, or else takes all the People for a Fop of his own making, to have only a handsome gaze at the person, whilst he Acts his Mammery in the pulpit.  
Why does the pulpit stand aloft? But that the preacher should lift his Voice like a Trumpet, that all the Church may hear, or else what does he do there? The papists indeed do vindicate pictures in Churches, as being the Lay-man's History, though he know not a Letter in the Book, his Eyes may read by seeing a picture; and thus my Ceremony-monger brings up his Fops in Ignorance, and Ignorant Devotion; they know nothing of the matter, and cannot say Amen, to they do not know what; It is no matter for that, for (just like popish Mass, called Secreta, which the priest mumbles to himself, so our Foppish Ceremony-monger that must be like a popish priest, or else perhaps he had never come to so high a pulpit, and place in the Church, he must mumble too his prayers, though in pulpit, to himself, because 'tis just as the popish priests do, that make as if the people need not pray, nor believe; the priest prays for them, and believes for them; keep them blind, says the priest, and then you may lead them by the Nose, which way you please; O poor English Fops! To be fopt by an Old Fop, that is as much or more an Hypocritical Knave than a Fool.  
And I am the more apt to believe it now, because the mumbling Hypocrites, never mumbled so much, and so long in the pulpit-prayer before Sermon, as now a days in this Juncture and Revolution in the Kingdom, and change in the Throne; to pray for the Abdicated King, would be to own him and Popery with his Mouth, but he dare not do that, they have only his heart at present.  
And to pray for their Sacred Majestles, our Sovereign Lord and Lady, King William and Queen Marry, they are such Strangers to his Heart, that he chooses rather not to pray at all, in his own prayer before Sermon; or not at all to be heard, till such time, as it may be guessed, he had done it to himself, talking (as they say Witches do) to himself in the Pulpit; most profanely mocking God and the People, by pretending to speak, when he only mumbles with his Lips; for if his Voice be heard, the crafty Hypocrite thinks that some Body will tell (because the Tongue tells) who he is for: Where as now the Fox lies learing and lurching, to see which King will get the better, and then, (and not till then) he will declare himself, and in the Interim, his Ambo-dexter reserves himself; for he is true to no Interest, nor to any Religion, but that which most tends to the Advancement of his only God, Mammon, and his Curate only runs the Risque, in praying for King William, and Queen Mary.  
In short, (for I am quite tired and sick of him) his Churchwork is just like his Church-Clock, moved extraneously, by outward Weights, Wheels, Springs or Plummets, but has no inward or spiritual Life or Motion; such is his prayers, such his Sermons, (though he have a Budget-full) Dead, Dull, spiritless, lifeless, frigid, and perfunctory Devotion; he never converts any Man, except to silly Ceremonses, Because himself is not converted to any thing; else his Words die before they reach the Heart of his Hearers, for how can they well come to the Heart of his Auditors, when they never came in, nor from his own Head nor Heart; he is the great Stock-Logg of the Church, that has neither Fire nor heat within, the little he has, is all outside, superficial, and without; it takes up a great deal of Rome indeed, but 'tis good for nothing in the World, but the dunghill; he is that Salt that has quite lost its Savour, if over he had any, and good for nothing, but to be trodden under Foot of Men; and relished by none but such as have lost their Taste, or never had any.  
I'll tell you how you may be quit of this Ecclesiastical Copyholder; all his Tenure and Title to the Pulplt is Copyhold, get but his Notes, or his Copies from him, and the Pulpit will not hold him, he must come down and hire a Journey Man of more Skill, if any such can be had, for Money, so to debase himself to be Surrogate to a rich Fop, that with his silk Cassock, and Scarlet Hood runs away with the Galm, whilst poor Threadbare Crape takes all the pains.  
Yet, even these are scarce to be had for Love or Money; for the Ceremony-monger has so polluted the Fountain of Learning the Universities, that where shall a man sooner meet with noysie Impudence, and gingling Nonsense, (a sounding Brass, and rinckling Cymbal) than in the two great St. Mary's Pulpits in the Universitiis?  
So that if God be not the more merciful, and Their Sacred Majesties the more careful of their Academies, the generality of the Clergy must be like the Scribes and Pharisees, in our Saviour's time, painted Sepulchers, Gay without, fine Ornaments without, but within, nothing but Rottenness and dead Men's Boves.  
Just as we were in the Church of England (I remember) fifty years ago, in the Reign of that great Master of Ceremonies, little Doctor Laud, that did so discountenance lively and edifying Sermons, or almost any Sermons, that a Man must have travelled for it, and far too, if he heard any thing but the Common prayer and Organs, above four times in a Year. Indeed, now there is to many Sermons in Print, that we have plenty in the Pulpit, though generally such discrepant, Heterogeneous, and Immethodical Stuff, as being composed of several printed Sermons, a patch here, and a patch there described, that they are like a Beggar's Coat, or a Tallor's Cloak bag, made up of particoloured Lists and Parches, they are so discomposed by the Plagiary, in wise Prudence, like a Thief that takes By-Roads, for fear of being known, pursued, sound out, and taken by the Hue and Cry.  
Therefore this Plagiary Reader, conscious of Gild, disguises all discovery, if possible, like the crafty Hare that makes false Steps and Doubles in the Snow, when she is near her form, for fear of being tracked by her Steps, and Traced.  
Thus this Chattering Jay has nothing good about him, but the Gay Feathers, his Carcase is worth nothing but to Dung the Land; so that the Church, you see, can breed Vermin as well as the Barn.   

CHAP. IU. Of Reading of the Psalms, Te Deum, Althanasius' Creed, etc. Alternately, every other Verse, by the People.  
THis is such another Nonsensical Ceremony, that it is Point-blank against Holy Scripture, as well as against Reason and edification; and neither Canon of the Church, nor Rubric, or Rule in the Common-Prayer Book, to vouch it, and punishable therefore, by the Act of Uniformity.  
If so, then where is the Brains, you'll say, of all our Ceremony-Mongers? Where do you say? They are there where they always were, but never Consulted in any of these Illegal and silly Ceremonies, further then, whether they are like Popish Ceremonies? That's the Test, that's the Testimonial! that first gave them Entrance into a Protestant Church; and the Papists finely laugh at us, and deride us, for being their Apes as I have heard the Popish Friars beyond Sea Jeer at us for the Mimickry grave English Noddles, that have no other Reason not Religion for what they do, but that they are the Pope's Baboons, in spite of Holy Scripture, Right Reason, true Religion, and the Laws of the Kingdom.  
This confused Noise of the People, is not Articulate, but an un-intelligible and brutish Braying, one Man's Voice drowns the Accent and Articulation of another, and therefore is no more Intelligible than the Latin Mass, and I suppose that the best Reason that can be given for it, is, that it keeps the people ignorant, if they cannot read, of at least one half of the Psalms.  
The next step may be, if this be suffered, that the people shall read one half of the Chapters two; and than though the vulgar cannot kept together from hearing the Scripture, they shall be debarred one half; in time, we may go further, we are just in the Popish Road, that debars the vulgar from the whole Scriptures.  
Read but the 1 Cor. 14.11.23, 26.31, 33. And if you fear God, you will never do so any more; Latin Prayers, or Prayers in an unknown Tongue, or an unintelligible Tongue also, are Prophecies or Preachments in an untelligible Tongue, by the Confusion of which, God is not the Author but the Devil, and the Pope invented these Contusions, by them to beget, the Mother of Popish and Ceremony Mongers Devotion, Ignorance. For saith St. Paul, in that 1 Cor. 14.11. If I know not the Voice, I shall be unto him that speaketh a Barbarian, and he that speaketh shall be a Barbarian unto me.  
Here is a plain Scripture against this confused Noise, no man can know the meaning of a Voice that is not Articulate; But what cares a Ceremony. Monger for Scripture? Give him his God, give him his Mammon, give him his popish Mimickry; but whilst he makes himself a popish Ape, he makes dull Englishmen both Apes and Asses.  
All the Reason that ever any of them can give for this profane Folly, is, that the Singing boys do it, and the great Heads do it, and therefore, the silly people, like the Papists say, must not we believe and practise as the Church believes and practices? meaning, by the Church, the Clergy, the rich, the great, and the gay Clergy.  
And if this must be a Reason, why may we not as well believe and practise, as doth the ●ope of Rome, as well any old Innocent here at home.  
We talk of h●ting Popery in Italy, we do well; but not a j●● better for us, if we follow the same Implicit Faith in England, that the Italians do in Rome.  
Thus the Prophets prophesy falsely, and the Priests bear Rule by their means; and my people love to have it so, and what will ye do in the end thereof?  
Let all things be done to edifying, (saith the Apostle) and ye may all Prophecy, or read, for if Reading be not Preaching or Prophesing, we have abundance of dumb Prophets, if it be not a Bull, in England, 1 Cor. 14.31. Ye may all Prophecy, read or preach, one by one, that all may Learn, and all may be comforted; Implying evidently, that there can be no Learning, no comfort, no Edification in our confused and banling Superfuelon; which is just like the Gossips Chat, where all Tongues wag, and all are Preachers, and no Hearers.  
Since therefore, God is not the Author of this Confusion, neither Law, Canon, Edification, Rubric, Reason, Act of Uniformity, Religion, nor Scripture to ●ouch it, but point blank against all these, tell me how it came here, except from the Devil and the Pope? Short Ejaculations, as Amen, Lord, have Mercy, or repeating after the Articulate Voice of the Minister, falls not under this Censure.  
But, I wonder who taught the Women, whose chiefest Beauty is modest Silence, who taught them to prate in the Church? They are so full of Tongue, you'll say, that perhaps a little teaching would serve.  
I never suffered such a confused babbling in my Church of All-Saints, Let them play the fools, and popish Apishness, some where else, I never would permit them, at which abundance of people took Snuff, and because they might not be superstitious Apes, they would not come there at all: a good riddance of them; they left the Room to their betters; for we want nothing there so much as Room.  
Is there not some fear, lest we all be begged? Begged? For what? for wise men? No; but to replenish the College of Gotham; we are topping Fellows, if the Pinnacles of the Temple stand in view; which is the way thither?  
Are we not all as silly as that Cardinal, who says, Sit ergo Dominus noster papa baculus in aq●d fr●ctus, absit tamen ut crederem quod viderim: Let our Lord the pop●b a Staff, partly in the water, seeming crooked, yet God forbidden that I should believe mine own eyes. Like Cardinal Bellarmin, who makes Ignorance, not Understanding, the Ground of Faith: Intending surely, that none out Coxcombs, priestridden should be of the Church.  
This Ceremony monger carries one infallible Mark about him, you may know him from a thousand, for he sets such a Value and price upon his Illegal Trinkets and Ceremonies, that if you take them, or offer to take them from him, he cries out, and roars like mad Micah; Ye have taken away my gods which I made, and the Priests, and ye are gone away, and what have I more? And what is this that ye say unto me, what aileth thee? Would it not make a man bellow and cry, to lose the Diana's, by which he got his Wealth, and on which ●o chief volues himself, because it made him a man of value: and those that are his Favourites, on whom he puts the greatest Value, That Trinket after him, in a blind, implicit, slavish Mimickry and Imitation; He that calls for a Reason, he is not a man for his turn, but saucy, troublesome and petulant: Thus the blind lead the blind, have a care of the ditch there, just before you; you had better take warning than tumble in.  
But, I fear, lapidi loquor, I wash a Black Moor, I doubt, yet I know no harm I do, if I do him no no good, if the Leopard will keep his Spots, I did not make them; he is Bedlam mad surely, why dost thou strike so furiously? I would but unshakle thee, and set thee free; or make thee set thyself free, by representing thyself to thyself.  
For I'll assure thee, that in City and Country, good Master of the Ceremonies! thou hast not amongst rational men more Beholders than Abhorrers.  
Surely, thy Ascendant or Lord of the first House, was wonderfully culminant and strong, or else it is impossible that Irregularity and Folly could ever have been so notourly signified; If I can erect thy Scheme, I do prognosticat thou art in thy Detriment. Fall and Azimuth.  
I confess, that amongst Dancing masters, Rop-dancers, Spanials and Monkeys; he is the fairest Candidate for a Reward or Crust, that cringes, comes over, and bends the most nimbly; but that men by Illegal and Irrational Capriccios should cherish their hopes, so, to become Favourites in the Church, I do not understand it; if I were as supple as the best.  
I can only say, as Cicero in his Declamation against Catiline, Vivunt? imó vivunt & in senatum veniunt; Oh tempora! Oh mores! It was a sad time, when Father Peter, or Madam Portsmouth chose Senators: and that a poor Lad should find it out, that the readiest Road, to get into the Church, or to the Steeple, and Pinnacle, is to be like a young Setting-dog, that first learns to stoop, when he is bidden, to nothing; there's hopes of him, he's coming on, and may be a right Setting-dog in time, and stoop to something.   

CHAP. V Of Bowing at the Name of Jesus.  
THere is but one of these said Irregular and Illegal and Irrational Ceremonies aforementioned, that have any colour of Law, and that is the Canon for bowing at the Name Jesus; but that Canon is nailed by Scripture and Reason, as well as by the Act of Uniformity, which enacts great Penalties, even Deprivation, if any Ceremony monger obstinately persist in the Practice of any Ceremonies, except those alone that are contained in the Common-Prayer-Bock; of which that same of bowing at the Name of Joshua or Jesus; and all their other Bowings and Cringes to the Altar, to the East, are none at all; I protest, I wonder at the Ceremony mongers Audacity and Fool-hardness, that he still dare to do it, in defiance of the Law, Reason and Scripture; except he think to set the Convocation-House over and above, and on the Top of the Parliament-House, where it will stand most Totteringly, and subject to the Storms.  
Let no man therefore think this Discourse to be bold, or over-hold, having the Law of God and Man, Holy Scriptures, and right Reason on my side, and can therefore with such great Advantages baffle them all, wonder rather at my incorrigible Ceremony-monger, that will take no warning till he be forced publicly to recant the Schisms and Mischiefs his Noddle has forced in the Church of God.  
The strength of his Mai-Guards, like that of Hell and Popery, lies all in stopping the several Avenues of Light, that none may enter into the Kingdom of Darkness, for they hate the Light, because their Deeds are Evil, and therefore would, if they could, keep the Keys of the Press doors, as well as the Pulpit doors, that no glimmering may appear without Licence. Thus the Devil Rages the more, because his time is short, and Frets and Fumes when you discover his Cloven-Foot, especially when he has long been adored, of which he is most Ambitious, as an Angel of Light: But, Blessed be God, that is above the Devil? Truth and Light are his Glorious Attributes, as Error and Darkness are the properties of Heil.  
And if the Devil were not great in men, and greatly strong, they would submit to Law and Reason, to God and his Holy Writ, to the Laws of the Land. Equity and Conscience, and not call to the Bevil and the Gaoler, to help them to wreek their Malice upon Innocent men, that only show them their dirty Faces in a Glass.  
God's Will be done, I say with chrysostom to Eudoxia the Empress, I fear nothing but Sin; and I must Sin, except I reprove my Brethren, and not suffer Sin upon them; for as they have Sinned before all, 'tis sit they should Recant before all; And so all of them will, except they be passed shame, and consequently past Grace: When Sick Men are deadly Sick, and their whole Constitution so Distempered and out of Frame, that the very N●ble Parts are senseless, stupid, and past feeling, 'tis high time to Toll the Bell for them, they have not long to live.  
Come, then, give Glory to God, Confess and Recant publicly in the Church, where thy Nonsense was committed, and defy the Devil and all his Works, the Pomp's and Vanitles of this wicked World. Oh! but may ●ome say, It cannot be denied, but that your Coremony-Monger is the Fop of all Fops, for bowing to the Altar, to the East, now his Wafer-God is departed; bu● have a care of condemning him when he bows at the Name of Jesus; for Holy Scripture, the Canon, and Right Reason, all three, are his Vouchers.  
Poor hairs! And, as Solomon says, Ye Fools! when will ye be wise? have not I wash● the●● ●●aok●mor●s, and to as little purpose, long ago? For First, That 〈◊〉 Philipptans the second At the Name of Jesus every knee shall bow, woether in Heaven or Earth, etc. is no Precept, but a Prophecy, That the time shall come, it is not yet come, that the Name of Jesus shall 〈◊〉 above every Name, whether Barchochobab, the Jews Messiah, in English, the Son of the Star; Mehomet, Antichrist, or any other.  
The th●e is not yet come, for Jews, Tu●ks, Athlests and Devils, do no● own the Name of Jesus above every Name, whether in Heaven or Earth or Hell, or things under the Earth, but it shall come, (at least) at the day o● Judgement, and probably before.  
Besides, That Text— At the Name of Jesus— is depraved, and ill 〈◊〉 to say no worse, for if I did not revere to cast Dire upon the Ashe● of the Dead I could name a great Favourite-Bishop, under King Charles the 〈◊〉 that made that Text speak false English, to Countenance his ●illy and Fopplsh Warship from that Text; for because he could not bring himself and his Silly Worship to the Scripture, he as Impudently as Profanely, brought the Scripture to his Whimsy.  
Thus Mahomet pretending to have Faith to remove Mountains, told the People (his Followers and Musselmen) that he would make that great Mountain, that stood before him, to come down to him at his third Call, and therefore most gravely admonished it to come, Once, Twice, Thrice, but no Mountain would come, whereupon, without changing Countenance, he said, If the Hill will not come to Mahomet, Mahomet shall go to the Hi●l; and so marched till they met.  
For by that Holy Scripture 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 In the Name, is meant, In the virtue and power of J●us. Every 〈◊〉 shall how. etc. (As the Name of the Lord is a stoon; Power, the Righteous shall run to it, and 〈◊〉, Prov. 19.10. No● the Letters or sound of Je●ovah. not the Tetragrammat●n, but the Power of God, is the Tower, not the four Letters, or Sound of the Name, whither the Righteous run and are safe.  
Besides, my Ceremont-Monger does not bow at the Name of Joshua, which is the very word, Jesus. in all Languages: As Mat. 1.21. Thou shalt call his Name Jehoshua, Joshua, or Jesus, all one Hebrew word.  
Besides, That Holy Text doth not say, in the, Name Joshua, but in the Name of Joshua 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 not 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉; but my Ceremony-Moneer does not bow at the proper Name of our 〈◊〉 or Joshua, to wit, Emmanuel (or God with us, which 〈◊〉 both his divinity and Humanity) nor at the found of the word Christ, Messiah, etc. but stands as unconcerned, and as 〈◊〉 as a Stake.  
Besides, he does not how the Knee, but like the Papists, nods his Head, or puts off his Cap or Hat, as the Popish Jesuits do, when they Preach, every time they mention the word Jesus, if they do not forget, which they commonly do, and as commonly Sin, if that Foppery be a Duty.  
Besides, That Text says, Every Knee shall bow in Heaven, and Earth, and under the Earth: but there are no Knees in Heaven, and those in Graves, in the Earth, and under the Earth, are too stiff to how: Come, 'tis Now sense and Ridiculous all over, and as a very Specimen of my Fop as any other.  
For as there is no Scripture to Vouch for him, so no Reason: What, shall Christians be like that Hystaron Proteron Herb. which Physicians (as toolishly) call Filius ante Patrem? The Son before the Father?  
Do we well to blame the Arrians for placing the Father above the Son? Do we well to believe the Unity and Equality of the Holy Trinity? And yet do we bow at the Name of the Second, and not at the Name of the First and Third Person of the Holy Trinity.  
Nay, Is Christ divided? do we pay more Reverence to the Name Joshua, (the N●me of my Foot Boy) then to the Holy Name of Jesus, namely, Messia, Christ, or Emmanuel? For shame! do not pretend a reason for such Foppish Adoration.  
And, if neither Holy Writ, nor right Reason be of thy side, Mr. Ceremony-Monger, thy Canon will be nolled by the Statutes, the Acts of Uniformity, that makes it very Penal, even deprivation (〈◊〉) for thee to follow thy Trade of making Coremor●es, which God never made, nor the King and Parliament, or right reason ever made.  
Besides there are several 〈◊〉 of Provisors, and then he incures also a Prem●ire, to set up the Mi●re above the Crown, the Bishop and Priest above the King, and the Convecation-house above westminster-hall.  
And this Sawey and Priestly Petulaney, derived from Rome, makes my Ceremony-monger many times very troublesome to the State, and to the Crown, which he will obey, like Thomas a Beck●t with a salvo honore Dei, that is, many times, as far as he list, and when he list, or in any thing that is for his own ends, and his own honour, nor a jot further; of which I shall give no late instances here, of those that could strain at a G●at, when against their Interest, though for, and against God's glory, and yet could swallow a Camel, if sent from that Court, if it would but advance their Dominion and sway, or at least not hinder it, witnesses their publishing in Churches, the Sports that may be used on the Lord's Day, etc. when this Spirit possesses my Ceremony-monger, he is not only troublesome, but dangerous, and insufferable; which will make me repeat some o● my own Speech, Printed Anno 1681. p. 3.4. In Vindication of my Book called the naked Truth; though I am no Erastian, concerning the Keys, the the Keys of the Church; (which some said was true, but unseasonably urged; surely 'tis now seasonable, what was then said to the archdeacon, viz.  
And first like a Churchman (of the old stamp) he will permit his Majesty to come into the Church (that's more kindness than old St. Ambrose, Bishop of Milan, would show sometimes to the great Emperor Theodosius, when he did not do as he would have him to do) nay, this archdeacon opens the doors himself, to let his Majesty into the Church, but he will nor trust him with the Keys; as who should say, we will open the Church doors to your Majesty; and come in and welcome, whilst we continue good friends.  
But they that keep the Keys, and can open the Church-doors to let his Majesty in, can also (whilst we have the keeping of the Keys) upon displeasure, lock him out: well, for this very trick, and for another late Scotch trick; it I were a Privy. Counsellor, I would advise his Majesty, as Head of the Church, and the Governor thereof, to keep the Keys of the Church in his Pocket, or hang them under his Girdle; if it be but because this Prclatical Champion this same pitiful archdeacon, like another Pope, or Sr. Peter, w●●● keep the Keys of the Church, and will keep his Majesty from them, and we would f●●● persuade him, that our Laws, (to use his words p. 2. of the Proem) Excludes the purely Spiritual Power of the Keys from the Supremacy of our Kings: except it be to see that Spiritual Men do their Duty the 〈◊〉 Belike this same archdeacon carries the Leges Angi●, the Laws of England in his belly, and greedy gut; for I am su● he carries the● 〈◊〉 or no where, he carries not these bulky L●ws of England in his 〈…〉 no gues, in his brains. For, I pray, Good D D. where goes our Laws 〈…〉 ●urely Spiritual Power of the Keys from the Soptemacy of our Kings. if our Kings, (●ke good King David) or wh● King Soloman shou● have a mind to be ecclesiastes  
In the days (even) of Popery, I never heard of a King shut our even from the Topp●n-Pulpit, if he had a mind to climb so high; stone Henry the 3d. made 〈◊〉 to 〈◊〉 ●he Pulpit, took his Text, Psal. 85.10. Righteousness and Peace have kiss d●each other; and then in his Sermon ad Cierum— to the Learned Makes of the Cathedral Church of Winchester, when he had a little self end too (as some Pulpiteers have also had) in the case, namely, to Cajole the said Monks to Elect his Brother (Athelmar) Bishop of Winchester; Paraphrasing and enlarging upon his Text, and saying, (to use his own words) 〈…〉 To me and other Kings, who are to govern the people, belongs the rigour of Judgement and Justice; to you (who are men of quiet and Religion) Peace and Tranquillity; And this day (I hear) you have for your own good, been savourable to my requ●●. With many such like words. I do not know whether the King had got a Licence to Preach— from a Bishop. It seems the Clergy (than too) would favour Kings, in what was for their own good, and if it were for their own good, would also permit the King to take a Text and preach in their Cathedral Church; how hard hearted, or straitlaced soever our Archdean proves, and will not suffer our Kings to have the Keys neither of the Church nor Pulpit; I say, therefore, some Kings would therefore keep the Keys of the Church themselves, and trust never a D. D. of them all with them, no, not the Pope himself.  
But what if I prove that our Kings at their Coronations, have at the same time been ordained Clergymen, they are no more excluded (then) by our Laws from the power of the Keys, than Mr. Archdeen, or the Pope himself.  
What is Ordination, but the ordering, designing or setting a Man a part to some office? if, to the Ministry, than there are certain significant Words to that purpose, and what more significant words for Ordination to the Priesthood, or making a Man a Clergy man, than those the Bishop's uses to our Kings, namely, with Unction, Anthems, Prayers and Imposition of Hands (as is usual in the Ordination of Priests) with the same Hymn,— come, Holy Ghost, Eternal God, etc. The Bishop, saying, also, amongst other things, Let him obtain favour of the people, like Aaron in the Tabernacle, Elisha in the water, Zacharias in the Temple, give him Peter's Key of Discipline, and Paul's Doctrine.  
Which last Clause was pretermitted (in times of Popery) from the Coronation of Hen. 6. till Charles 1. and Charles 2d.) lest it should imply the King to be more a Clergy man, and Ecclesiastical Person than these Archdeacon's could afford him; but our Gracious King Charles 2d. and his Father, at their Coronations, had the ancients forms of crowning Kings revived, and in the Anointing, the Bishop said, Let those Hands be Anointed with Holy Oil, as Kings and Prophets have been Anointed, and as Samuel, etc.  
Then ●he Archbishop and Dean of Westminster put the Coif on the King's Head, then put upon his Body the Surplice, saying this Prayer, O God, the King of Kings, and Lord of Lords, etc.  
And surely (of old) the very Pope himself looked upon our Anointed Kings as Clergymen, else why did the Pope make Hen. 2, his Legate De Latere here in England, the usual office of the Archbishop of Canterbury (usually styled) Legati Nati?  
Therefore, Mr. archdeacon, you talk like an unthinking Black-coat, stocked with a little superficial Learning, when you say, our Laws exclude the King from the Keys of the Church, to which he has as good right as your D. D. Divinity ship.  
And (indeed) to give the Man his due, he is glad afterwards to confess, that Constantine, and the Eminent Christian Emperors called Counsels, and approved their Canons.  
Then, by your leave, dear D. D. They also, for the same reason, might, upon occasion, and if they had seen cause, also disprove the same, who then was Papa of old? Pater Pa-trum? surely no other but he that is PaPa, (I mean) Pa●ter Pa-triae.  
All the maladministrations in Ecclesia stical Government, take their Rise and Original from our Ignorance of the Power of the Keys; or who are the Clavigers, Key-keepers, or Porters to let them in, and turn them out of the Church?  
The bulky Clergyman called a Bishop, an Ordinary, or a Diocesian, he (we say) keeps the Church-Keys, he Excommunicats and Excludes Sinners out of the Church, and he alone receives them, and lets them in: (but that's false, the sneaking Register and Surrogate do that Job.)  
Ay, But who entrusted a Bishop alon● to be the Church-Porter, Doorkeeper, or Church-key-keeper? Where is his Commission, Where is his Authority, and who gave him this Authority?  
For it is evident in Holy Scripture, that God never gave him any such Commission, Place, Office or Authority to keep the Keys of the Church, any more than the Speaker of the House of Commons, or Chairman to a Committee, has power to turn out of the House, or let in any of his Fellow-Members; For does a Bishop differ from another Presbyter, more than the Chairman from the rest of the Committee, or he that gives the Rule of the Court at Session, differ from the rest of his Brethren and Fellow-Justices, he is no better man, nor the more learned, wise nor more honest a man, though he be Ordained to be the mouth of them (that's all) to to speak what they put into his Mouth: The Speaker takes too much upon him, to speak the Sense of the House till the Majority of Votes has given him Instructions and Commissions to pronounce a Sentence, or the Sense of the House, or to turn any Member out of the House of Commons; he has no such Authority, he is the Speaker (indeed) and is looked upon as the wisest and fittest Man for that place [it should be so, it is not always so] one or other of the Members must be chosen Speaker or Chairman, and have precedency, for Order●salte, and to avoid confusion; but he not otherways differs from other Members, except only that the Honourable Speaker, is the Honourable Mouth, that's all, after the Members have chosen and ordained him, and the King has confirmed him: Even so a Bishop has no new Character conferred upon him more than when he was but a Presbyter or Elder, save only the King's Ordination, or Mandate or Congee d' Estire. The E●●ction of the Dean and Chapter is a mee● mockery, as aforesaid, besides the playing with the Edge●ools, and mocking of God. Bishops and presbyters used to be chosen just as Parliament Men are chosen, by the Majority of the Vows of the people, as shall be more particularly proved in the 〈◊〉, in the Chapters concerning Bishops and Ordination. Thus Paul and Barnabas were chosen and ordained by the whole Church; Acts 13.3 Perhaps the chief Church-members laid their Hands upon, or ordained the Ministers, Missioners or Messengers of the Church, but the worst Member had as much power and virtue to ordain a Messenger, Elder, or Bishop, as the best Bishop or presbyter, if the Majority of Votes had ordained and so appointed, as is clear from Scripture, and the practice of the primitive Church, and shall be more particularly insisted upon in the Conclusion of the Chapter of Ordination.  
Ordination? What is it more than choosing, approving or setting a Man a part for an Office, to do business relating to this life or a better? I will not say, in Church or State, or as a Clergyman or Layman; for these are idle, ungrounded, vain and odious names of distinction, where God and Holy Scripture never made any such distinction, and has not only confounded our notions of things but has been, and yet is the cause of most of our Confusions, in, what Men mischievously distinguish and call Church and State; which are not two things, nor two distinct Bodies, if you make them so, you must make two Kings, and two distinct Heads to these distinct Bodies, and that is one too much.  
And if you make a Clergyman and a Layman, two distinct sorts of persons, you make a Man that God never made; And, if so! Then Clergyman! [I must Catechise you,] Who made you so? God? It is false; For God in Holy Scripture does not call the Preachers, but the Hearers, not the Bishops, Presbyters, and Minister's the Clergy, but the Hearers and Flock are God's Clergy, 1 Pet. 5.1, 2, 3.  
The Presbyters which are amongst you, I exhort, who am also a Presbyter, or Elder, or Elderman, or Grand Senior; no greater name can well be given. St. Peter was a Presbyter, can there be a greater Disciple of Christ? And the Presbyters to whom he preached, and were under him are the same with Bishops, and those Presbyters also to whom St. Paul preached at Ephesus, and are called Presbyters in one verse, are called Bishops in another, and their Auditors or Flock are called (the Clergy or) God's Heritage, 1 Pet. 5.3.  
How came Cassock men, and Lawne-sleev'd-men, (first) to make an Impropriation of this Word (Clergy or God's Heritage) to themselves forsooth?  
I'll tell you: First, it is clear that in all the Holy Scriptures this word (Clergy or God's Heritage) is never mentioned except in this place, 1 P●t. 5.3.  
Secondly, It is as clear that the word Clergy, or God's Lo●, belongs as much at least to the Laity, (as they call them in scorn) if not more than to Presbyters, or Bishops, or Pastors, who by another proud word too call themselves Divines, for distinction sake from the Flock, just as they have robbed the Laity of their good name Clergy, which by God was given to the Laity in Holy Writ.  
Thirdly, When the Pope and Bishops made Encroachments and Usurpations upon the Princes and Emperors, taking their Dominions into the Church, and St. Peter's Patrimony, then, the Pope and Bishops feeling their own strength, that they had strength enough of themselves (as a distinct Body) to go alone; then they set up for themselves, and made a new and distinct Corporation in the World, called The Church, The Clergy, The Clergy, The Lords Spiritual, which is (a Title absolutely and by Name) forbidden as a profane Name, 1 Pet. 5.3. and also in the very next words in the same Verse, they are forbid to Rob the people of the good Name (of Clergy or God's Heritage) because God gave the Flock that Name, and Peter charged the Bishops, as our Saviour did before, that they should not be Lords, nor Domineer, nor exercise Lordship, as the Princes of the Gentiles do: For, there was no such distinction, nor profane Names of distinction, as Clergy and Laity, Spiritual Lords and Temporal Lords, there was but one sort of Clergy, the Flock; and but one sort of Lords (Temporal) The Princes, or Temporal Lords; for it is a Jesuitical Tenet (which we practice, and an old Popish Tenet and Error) in making Dominion to be Founded in Grace; or to talk of Spiritual Lordship, quatenus Spiritual Men, or Apostles: for it is totidem Verbis, and by Name forbidden the Apostles.  
I grant, that a more Honourable Office or Officer cannot be in Nature, than a good Presbyter, or Bishop; nor can that Holy and Spiritual Office be more debauched and profaned than by making steps of Divinity to mount over all Humanity; This is to Rancounter and Ruffle the whole course of Nature; and make Heaven, a pair of Stairs (whither go you so fast?) To Hell, To Hell? And the Devil, by the Pomps and Vanities of this wicked world? (contrary to that (pretended) Vow in Baptism; of which a Bishop (one would think) should make a Conscience.  
Thou (that sayest) a Man should not Steal, (saith Paul) dost thou Steal and Filch M●ns good Names, that God hath given them, (the Clergy, the Church) and appropriates them to thyself and thy Coat? ●●le for shame, this is a proud and covetous Encroachment, (taking in the Common, by wicked Enclosures) forsake the Devil and the Pope, the Pomp● and Vanities of this Wicked World. In the Conclusion, (I'll tell thee) what Bishop; were in the purest and Primitive Times, and how much now they are unlike what they ought to be, if they have any Conscience or Reason in them; but if not, they are sit for any thing rather than Bishops.  
Which Honour of Bishop or Presbyter, (for they are all one, or little or no difference 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 saith C●●●sosteme (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 in Tim.) very little, no more than (〈◊〉) betwixt the Honourable Speaker of the House of Commons and the Honourable Members, no more, if so much: But this Honour no Man taketh of himself, but he that is called of God, as was Aaron? where note by the way, that he that is called by the Church, is said to be called by God, or the Holy Ghost; as Acts 13.2, 3. But how was Aaron called of God? By being Ordained Highpriest: Who Ordained him? The Captain, the Layman (as you call him,) the Prince, by Name, Moses.  
And why may not Moses, or any King or Prince, Preach (in his own Person, and Administer the Church Keys in his own Person) as well as Ordain a Deputy, or Deputies, called Aaron's, if he be a Member, as surely, the Head is the chiefest Member?  
A King Preach! You'll say, that would be worth the hearing: Yea, so it is; and does not his Sacred Majesty now Preach publicly once a Week (more or less) as occasion serves? What, in the Pulpit, as the other King Henry aforesaid? What matter is that? Whether in the Pulpit, or the Throne, or the Chair, or the Church, or the Banqueting-House, or Parliament-house? The place altars not the Sermon, or Speech?  
But, he does not Preach an Hour by the Glass: No, but Preaches more Divinity, Wisdom and Sense in a Minute, than the best of them do in an Hour, that I can Hear, and Preaches oftener than the Archbishop: It is a Thousand times more skill to speak much in sew words, than to talk Impertinently a whole Hour. Oh! but Preaching is not the Archbishop's Province, but ruling. I thought that Ruling had been only the King's Province. Yea, the Archbishop is Deputed by the King, and Commissionated for the Work.  
I am glad to hear it; he should be so Deputed and Commissionated, a● other Judges are; but he that gives a Deputation, may upon Maladministration take it away; and if either Arch Bishop, Bishop, or other Prelate of them all, pretend jus Divinum for that prelacy; it is not only false, but they incur all of them a Praemunire, by the Statutes of Provisor●s, made even in popish times, against those bold Intruders and Usurpers upon the Throne; nay, nay, If the Rook or the Bishop can Checkmate the King, (put them all together in a Bag) the Game is at an end.  
What's the matter with these People, that do not know themselves? If they do not, they must be made to know themselves; wherefore else do I bestow all this pains upon them?  
St. Peter, after he was an Apostle (are these Men more) was a Layman, so were all the Apostles, even the 13th too, St. Paul: Peter said, Lo! I go a Fishing; we also (quoth they) will go with thee? Did they throw their nets with their Cassocks on? Or did St. Paul Wove Tent in his Gown? If not, what Flesh alive would have taken them for Clergy men, more than other Fishermen or Weavers, as we foolishly and falsely accept and use the Word, Clergyman?  
In the Old Testament, Eli, Samuel, etc. were no more Ministers than Magistrates, no more Priests than Judges; nor David any more a Prophet than a Captain or King? nor Solomon the Wise any more a King, than a Preacher, (or Ecclesia●●●●.)  
In the New Testament, Annas, and Cajaphas were Judges and Priests also; whether were they Laymen then or Clergymen? The priest sat Judge upon the Bench, and the Judge Preached, or gave the Charge, Yea, but not in the Pulpit, and the Church: What then? does that make the least difference? He is not fit for the Pulpit, that understands not the Law of the Land and Nations (where he preaches) nor is he fit for the ●ench, that cannot Preach Gospel from thence, as well as from the Pulpit: Caesar was ●ontifex Maximus, Chief Priest, and chief General or Emperor.  
Amongst the Jews, the Scribes and Lawyers were Judges on the Bench, and Preachers in the Synagogues also; In all Nations it is generally so, in T●ky they have no Judges but their Preachers; nay, our Bishops rule not the Church otherwise than by Lay-Elders, (the worst that ever were) ●un●ers, Registers, Scribes, Notaries, Canonists, Officials, Vica●generals, Chancellors, Commissaries, and that Ecclesiastical Crew at Doctor's Commons; never was Church in the World ●o Disciplined: What Repentance? What Penance? The purse is punished, That pays the Reckoning! Oh brave Church! Oh! brave Keys of the Church! Fine Golden Keys, and Dainty Gay Porters, Doorkeepers, Key-keepers, or Ciavigers! In the first four Hundred Years after Christ (till ●ishops, and (afterwards) The Pope, made such encroachments upon the Laity (as ignorant persons, so esteemed, so called, and so treated) never was any Man let in to the Church till approved: By who? By the Bishop? No, by the whole Church. Nay, St. Austin, after he was Thirty Years of Age continued a Probationer or Catechumenist, before he could get Admittance into the Church, as a Church-member, Attended at the Door and waited (as he confesses in his Book of Confessions and Rec●●●ations) Three or Four Years; and then, most Votes of the House carried it, not Mr. Speaker's alone, as with us; nay, The Speaker, or Bishop, or Archbishop, knows nothing of the matter with us, but leaves all by implicit Faith, to Registers, etc. Was ever any Church of Christ under the Copes of Heaven Governed at this lose, filly, and perfunctory rare?  
The Papists have much the better on't, for every Priest Rules (as well as) Feeds, uses both Doctrine and Discipline (of Confession and Penance) but the great Diocesan Bishops permit no such matter to protestant presbyters? And why? are not they fit than Sel-soul Registers, Summoners, Officials? Yes, much fit; but then people would say that the great Archbishop, that preaches little or nothing of Doctrine, or Bishops that preach no better (if so well and so often) as when they were Presbyters only, are good for nothing more than common Parsons, except for ruling the Church? And how do they rule? by Implicit Faith in the Blackguard, at Doctor's Commons: Bless us! What Discipline is here? For above three hundred years after Christ, the people's Vote ordained, and where the only Clavigers, porters and Key-keepers, to let them in, and turn them out of the Church.  
So that the King who is Father of the Country, is Father also of the Father's Ecclesiastical (as well as Temporal) whether they know it or no.  
And if I were of Council with or for the Bishops, I would persuade them to alter their popish-like Style, in sending Process and keeping Courts in their own names, contrary to the express words of the Statute of Edw. 6. in that Case made and provided; as I have proved (as yet unanswerably) in my Book called The Test, seven years ago, have a Care of a Praemunire: A blot is not a blot till it be hit, but if it chance to be hit, the Game is at an end.  
Let them not strive to be Independent; are they Subjects in Spirituals, as well as Temporals? If Subjects, than act in the King's name, as other Commissioners do, who are authorised by him; but if they dare pretend to a Jurisdiction, Episcopal, Jure divino, more than a Presbyter, have a care of the Statute of provisors; as aforesaid.  
But some Men scar nothing, till it fall as heavy as Inevitably; Do we blame Arbitrary power in a King, and allow it in a Bishop? Or, would any Bishop, that knows what true Canonical obedience is, writ in that Magisterial and Apostolical style with Saint Paul, when perhaps the business is a mee● wanton or trivial Injunction, I might enjoin you on your Canonical obedience, but for love sake I rather beseech you. We own obedience to Bishops, and Judges, and Kings, alike in this, namely, to obey them in licitis & honestis, in all lawful and honest things: Loyalty is Legality, if I be legal, I am loyal: Cononical obedience, say all the Canonists, is obedientia secundum Canonem: If Bishop's, whom I reverence and respect hearty as the King's Commissioners, so that they do not exceed and transgress their commission, should command me to say twenty pater Nosters every day before breakfast; it is mandatum honestum but not licitum▪ quia lex non jubet: It is a good thing, but I am not obliged to do every good thing, no, nor, sometimes, not obliged to do the best thing: He that marries does well, but he that keeps his Virginity does better; If I do well, when I marry, let the Friars or Nuns do better that like, and if my Bishop command me not to Marry, which is an honest command, but not a legal command, but an arbitrary, lustful, imperious, Tyr●annical command, for which the Bishop has no Warrant and he talks without Book, which is more perhaps than he can do in the pulpit, when he prates of his power to command, yet for love's sake he rather beseeches; let him first learn to obey the Word, and to understand the mischief of Impositions, poor Heart! Before he come to give a Magisterial and Dogmatical Command, and to his Reverend Brethren, so, In compliment he calls them, but uses them perhaps like Slaves that must do his bidding with Cap in Hand! let him command his Servants and go himself, I am his Reverend Brother if he do not speak against his conscience; mentire est, contra mentem ire; like the pope who is the greatest Tyrant under Heaven, enslaving Souls and consciences, as well as J●●ling their Bodies till they be Carcases; yet his stile is, Servus Servorum, Servant and Reverend Brother; but I hate the Hypocrisy and dissimulation; It looks like Joab's compliment to Abner, Art thou in Health my Brother? And then stabs him: Go Judas! Mind the Bag, mind thy God, Mammon; mind the bag, and keep your popish Compliment— Dear Brother— to yourself, till you use him in respect as a Brother: comest thou to betray the Son of Man with a Kiss? Thou Hypocritical Judas! can any Man look into our Chronicles and not see the insufferable Arrogance of priests, in the Reign of popery, and since also, in the Reign of the popish like Ceremony-monger.  
What a Slave to priest-craft was stout King William the Conqueror, when Aldred Archbishop of York required a Boon of him, which the King was so bold as to deny; whereupon the Archpriest cursed him and fling away, in a rage, out of the Room; The King kneeled and said, he would never rise till the Archbishop would come and absolve him: The Courtiers begged, for they durst not, lay hold on his Laun sleeves, nor lay violent Hands upon a Clerk, but with much ado and much humble Intercession, they persuaded him at length to return, and to forgi●● th● poor kneeling King and humble penitent; No, quoth the Bishop, let him Kneel, that he may know what it is to vex St. peter and me; at length the King granting the Business, a Money matter, the Archbishop did lose him, absolve him, and bid him rise.  
The King in all other things was wise enough, but being bigoted by priest-craft, and priestridden, he was crazed with a foolish Notion and Superstition; Nay, he would not fight, nor inv●de England, till the pope gave him his benediction; a B●nner with a Wafer-God enclosed in a Golden-crucifix, and also one of the Hairs that once came from St. Peter's Head. People can scarce imagine, the Imperious force of a silly Ceremony and Superstition, even amongst Men, otherwise, wise even, at this day, amongst us, merely by blind Devotion and Implicite-Faith in a silly Ceremony-monger, because, like as I said before, the silly Image, and unthinking Black Coat, makes a great Figure in the Church, and which Nabuchadnezzar the King had ser up.  
But if they pretend that Jus divinum is the necessary attribute of Lawn Sleeves, and that all the little things he commands, are Law and Gospel; God help his Noddle, and keep him from a praemunire.  
A Bishop may possibly be a good Man, and a good Scholar, though made when popery Influenced the Throne; and some of them made so, for the unlikeliest Merits that ever advanced a poor heart.  
But, if he were not a good Scholar, a good preacher, or a good Linguist before; It is not probable that the Congee De●slyer, let it be got how it will, can Improve either his parts or his Learning.  
The King's Mandate can make a Man a Bishop, or Lord a Baronet; but all the King's Mandates in Christendom cannot make him a better Scholar; a better Man, or a better Linguist; this I can demonstrate, by my own Knowledge, Acquaintance and Experience, that they that knew not Syriack, Arabic, nor Hebrew (before they got the Congedeslier) are as igu●tant, and unlearned Linguists as they were when they only were 〈◊〉 not a jo● the ●ore improved by the King's Mandate, in any Knowledge, except that of their great now Rents; nay without a Miracle, their bu● Employments from the Parliament-house to the Council-board, or to ●rmations or Visitations, must hinder their learned Studies: For Law● Sleeves cannot make I man a Linguist, th●● was none before; pan●s pretend (I know not what, nor they neither) Episcopal Character, but a young Bishop, a Novice-Bishop, a Boy-Bishop, and unlearned Bishop; is a B●y, a Novice ●till, his Bishopric cannot make him more Learned, though it may make him more Right Reverend (I grant) than he was when but an ordinary Presbyter.  
In short, This Ceremony-monger is that Cumbersome Baggage that Pesters the ●hip of the church in a Calm, and helps to sink it in a Storm; but what Cares he? Let the Church or State sink or Swim, so he can but save his own Cargo and himself, in the Long-Boar.  
Nay, like an voruly Beast, when he has drunk his fill, he blunders, and puddles the Fountain with his Feet, that so the Streams may be muddy; this makes a Lean and Cadaverous Clergy, the whole Protestant World cannot sample such a jejune Crew; he does well to stand up for pen● Laws, and to bring Men with a Constable and a Warrant (into his Church) to hear him read his Plagiary No●es, or else he might read them to the Walls and his Sexton, (being conscious to himself of his own Emptiness and Demerit) for they must be very hungry that without force and constraint feed on lean Carrion, and cold Cramb's.  
Therefore he Caresses, and Hugs a Patron that has a good Living in his Gift; he is his Man of Metal.  
I have read an Oration in praise of Judas; I am apt to think a Ceremony-monger made it, because he admires any Man that carries the Bag; and in his heart loves Popery, because (like him) it makes Money of its God, and yet hates plain down right Popery in England, because it in capacitates a Churchman, and is inconsistent with a Dignatory Ecclesiastical: For though he be of no Religion in good earnest, yet I'll trust him for a sure Stake against baresaced Popery; whilst the current of the Laws of Preferment runs strong against it: He'll never kiss the Pops Toe, (I'll warrant you) whilst he lives in hopes to make Men kiss his own Golden Slippers.  
Thus my Ceremony-monger loves Religion and God too, as the Lions and other Beasts of the Wilderness love him, who seek their Meat from God, Psal. 104.21.  
Nay, he can fast and pray too, and keep Thanksgiving days (as the State calls) in show, but in his heart is as Hypocritical therein, as the Emperor Charles the 5th. Who Ordained public Prayers and Fasts to be made to God throughout his many Dominions, for the deliverance of Pope Clement the 7th from Captivity, when he himself had taken his poor Holiness Prisoner, and kept him Captive in the Castle of St. Angel● in Rome.  
Thus Mocking God (as the Dean and Chapter does in choice of a Bishop (as aforesaid) after they have received the King's Mandate to choose N. N.) and begging the a 〈…〉 ce of the Holy Ghost in their Election of a fit Man to that holy Office, when they knew well enough their Man befare hand, fit or unf●hcy can neither will nor choose; th●● (like Ephraim Hos. 11.12.) compass God about with 〈◊〉, and the House of Israel with deceit.  
Thus the crafty Fox (the Emperor Tiberius) Mocked Heaven by Commanding Common prayers should be said throughout the whole Empire for his safe Conduct in a Progress he never intended to make, pro itu & reditu (says Suetonius) supplicationes indixit cum non intenderet.  
Thus the Ceremony-monger is always crying up the Church, the Church, (meaning himself and such as himself) for whatsoever a do he makes about Establishing the Church, '●is the wages (it brings him) which makes him bustle, like King Hirams Servants in hewing Timber to build a Temple for that God which they never knew nor cared for, being a lover of his own Will-Worship, his own Will and pleasure, more than a lover of God.  
Uniformity he cries, and one Mouth; meaning his own; for with his Mouth he shows much love, but his ●eart (like Ezekiels Auditors) goeth after his Covetousuess:  
Yet as Covetous as he is, he will sometimes be as liberal as a Prince, to propagate, maintain and uphold that single and paramount Virtue of his Foppish and illegal Ceremonies: and therefore at the Choice of Parliament men, what pains and cost does he lavish in making Parties for such men as are most like himself, and such as he thinks will keep up the outside of the Church, how little soever of true Devotion is within; being Zealous for Faith, and perhaps true Faith in his head, though he banishes Charity by a Penal Law: Good or bad, are but empty Names with him, and things indifferent. Is he a Ceremony monger? That's his Test by which he tries all men's Religion and Devotion.  
Like the Prince of darkness, he hates the very Sun in the Firmament, if it discover his dark abode.  
This Eccle●cal Fop espouses' Religion (as other Fops Mary) only for the fair F●, Portion, and gaudy Dress; and may be a Son of God notwithstanding, (I mean) in that Sense the Scriptures called the Old Giants, the ●●ns of God, that seeing the Daughters of Men, that they were fair, took them Wives of all, which they chose merely for the Skin deep perfection;) Eyeing nothing of inward goodness, nor the Beauties of the mind: for both of them are Carnally-minded and Fleshly given, hankering after the Law of a Carnal Commandment, and Carnal Ordinances; O! how he hugs them?  
And if any Man dare speak a word against the Beauty of his Miss— or dare make Comparisons, or prefer a richer Beauty, Oh! how he Suaggers with his curses and anathemas, and dams him for a Schismatic, and if he can, Jay is him too, and there lets him D●● and Rotsie; what speak against Mis●?  
Thus, he is indeed the great Scare crow in the Church, a man of Clouts that looks like a man at a distance, but, if you search him, he has no bowels; he wants not Will, but Power to make his 〈◊〉 Finger thicker than his Predecessors Loins.  
His Conscience is always just of the Size with that of his Prince; If his Prince be given to Wantonness, he dares not so much as quote the Seventh Commandment in his Sermon, nor name Adultery; If he had lived in Maoedon in the Reign of Alexander, you might have known him for a true Courtier, by his Wry, neck, Regis ad exemplum.  
His Ceremonies are more futile and thin than a Spider's Web, and can neither catch nor hold any body but Flies or such silly Infects; yet he has in their Defence the Venom and Gall of a Spider, which transcends him in one thing, for she gins her Web at her Bowels, but he has none; as being of the Opinion of the Philosopher Zeno, who, amongst the Diseases of the Soul: (which he reckons up) makes Humane Compassion to be One.  
He keeps a bustle for his Trinkets, let it make never so great a Disturbance or Danger to the Church or Sat; pro Aris & Focis, he cries, stand up for the Church; though indeed his Area is the Ara to which he bows so devourly and demurely.  
Not that he cares for his Trinkets neither, if he could make more Money by parting with them, than he has got by keeping of them; He would forsake them and the Saints too, with Demas, for love of this present World, upon a fair Prospect of a better Market at Thessalonica, in the Idols Temple; Amicus Plato, he cries, amicus Socrates, fed magis amici Divitiae & & Honours.  
He is worse than Balaam, who would not curse Israel, tho' Balak would have given him his House full of Silver and Gold.  
For my Ceremony-monger is always for that Religion, that is most in Vogue For my Ceremony-monger is always for that Religion, that is most in Vogue and like a Frenchman, loves any thing that is infashion, but when out of fashion, he leaves it like Lice, that prey only upon the Living; but forsake men when they are going to die; or like Rats, that by Instinct, desert the House that is ready to fall: Thus he worships (with the Indian) the Rising Sun.  
When the Mendicant Friar, preached before Cardinal Odescalcho (this present Pope, before he got up to the Infallible Chair) and Cardinal Sachetti; he begun his Sermon thus:  
— St. Peter was a Fool, St. Paul was a Fool, the Prophets, and Apostles, all Fools, for wand'ring about in Sheepskins and Goatskins, being destitute, afflicted and tormented in their way to Heaven, when they might as well have gone thither (as their Successors) in Scarlet Gowns and Scarlet Hats; The Capuchin had an Eye to my Ceremony-monger, or to one as like him as ever he can look.  
For this Ceremony-monger (notwithstanding his voluntary humility) it as proud as Lueifer, and hectors like a Pope against all Opposition, exalts himself above all that is called God; valuing his Canons, above the Statutes of the Realm.  
Thus as the Papists preach up the Rules of St. Francis, St. Benedict and St. Dominick; that may be good things too (many of them) not only above the Laws of the Land, but above the Laws of God too, and strains at a G●at, at the same time, when he swallows a Camel; for in his Prayer before Sermon, he speaks like a Mouse in a Cheese, when he prays to God there, but when he preaches up ●he Gospel Rules, than he makes the Pulpit thunder (till the Church Echo again) with the Canons, The Canons (which may be good things too,) some of them, so that they make no comparisons with their betters) making a hideous noise with preaching up them and his Ceremonies: methinks he then looks like the Emperor Caligula, when with a numerous Army he marched with Colours flying, Trumpets sounding, and Drums beating (loud as a Thunder clap) to gather Cockie Shells.  
No man more zealously cries up the Laws of the Land and Acts of Uniformity, when he gets a Nonconformist thereby upon the Hip, and to Penal-Law him; but when the point of the same Acts and Laws of the Land are turned upon himself, or he be commanded to do any thing he does not like, he cries out Conscience and the Liberties of Holy Church are Invaded: Just as the Jews, to affront Caesar, they cried out, That God alone was their King, but to affront Christ, They altar their note, and say, We have no King but Caesar.  
Thus he lays heavy Burdens upon others, and grievous to be born, but he himself (that is the greatest Nonconformist to the Act of Uniformity with his irrational and illegal Ceremonies) does not touch the Burden with one of his fingers. Yet you cannot well discover him; for ye shall not readily see him walk, but like a Spaniard, never or seldom abroad without his Cloak; Beggarly enough too, for the most part, and can scarcely cover his Rags, and his beggarly Elements and Will-worship.   

CHAP. VI Concerning unlighted Candles on the Altar, Organs, Church-music, and other Foppish Symbols, etc.  
THE Papists, like the Cynic Diogenes, that went with his Candle and Lantern at Noonday into the Marketplace, to see if he could find an honest Man there, because the Sun could not show one, at their Idolatrous and Preposterous Mass, draw the Window-curtains and Window-Shuts, as if they were ashamed, that the Sun should see such a dark Devotion, and dissipate the darkness, like that heavy Plague sent by God to Egypt, a darkness palpable, a darkness that might be felt: Thus the dark Shop Commends the Ware, and like other Stage Plays, Act at Noonday by Candle-light to choose, lest their Tinsel-lace should not pass for Silver-lace, nor their Bristol stones for Diamonds: Our Fops, with less Reason, do set up Candles too on the Altar, as well as the Papists, we must still be like them, and be popish Apes, without so much as Popish Reasoning, filly though it be; Ours is Non-scene.  
For what signification of Light can this Ceremony be, any more than a stick? A Candle unlighted is no more a significant Ceremony of Light, than a Stick, before the fire touches it, is a Firebrand, I am not anly afhamed of my Fops, but really am ●fham'd to use any words about it; it is needless to expose it, and yet it is retained as a thing of value, because that Foppery, amongst others, made my Ceremony-monger, a Man of value; for without them he had still Sare in the Seat, which best becomes him, and it is too good for him, the lowest Stool in the Church.  
No●, that our Blessed Saviour loves to see his Spoure, the Church, In a 〈◊〉 D●ess; no, her ●eyment is, or should be, of Needle work and Wrought-gold; Does any Queen deserve it better? but her chiefest Beauty is her inward and Spiritual Grace and Virtues.  
There's something more than a pretty Face and Portion, that Wise Men look for in a Bride; though my Cremony-monger, like other Fops, minds little or nothing 〈◊〉, or nothing so much; he'll debar you of the Holy Sacrament, if you accept not his A●ry Cross in Baptism, tho' his hand in making it, 〈…〉 a Circle more than a Cross, or looks like nothing, 〈…〉 is nothing, or is I do not know what: And will deny the I'll 〈…〉 Bread of Heaven, and rather give it to Dogs if they crouch, except the children 〈◊〉, like Popish children, take it in the same posture of Adormion, as the Papists their Transubstantiated W●ser;' tho it offends the 〈◊〉; as a Baboon, so much the more loathsome, for being so like us.  
I know, that the Church of England declares in words against any Ad●on, tho' they retain the posture, the Popish posture, not our Saviour's posture at the Holy Supper, but vulgar people mind Works more than Words; and is not that Spiritual Father very Wanton, that will lay a Stumbling-block (so Popish like) to make his weak Child fall? You and I can 〈◊〉 over it, but all Men are not so ●imble; and can wear a Surplice or White gown as harmlessly as a Black; but others dislike it, because it is a Mass Priests Weed, which is true, tho' it is a silly reason, but all Men are not Wise.  
I Read of Vocal Music in the New Testament, and Singing of Psalms, but not a word of the little Instrument, the Violin, nor the great Bagpipe●, or Organ; nor of Men that made a Trade of Singing, as the Beggars do in Bohemi●, and as Gypsies, and our Singing-men, and Singing-boys get their living by Canting: Nay, most abominably and profanely they Cant the very Creed: what chopping of words so ludicrously in so Solemn a Confession of Faith; Born of the Virgin, Virgin, Virgin; Born of the Virgin Mary, Marry, etc. Oh! most profane! and every body hears this, but who reproves it, who amends it? That aught to amend it, and not fit (like so many unthinking Black-coats) not minding what is done with such Impious Mockery, and silly Echo.  
But, why not Instrumental Music as well as Vocal? There's a vastly different Reason, the poorest Men, the poorest Parishes have Tongues wherewith to praise God, but have not so much superfluous Money to spare, as to buy Organs, and then give as much or more to maintain an Organist, as the Vicar has.  
Some Bishop's talk of Uniformity and one Mouth; Why not one sound too? A poor Country Man may be as good a Christian, as a Rich Citizen, E●oker, or Usurer, that has superfluous Money to buy Organs, which if 〈◊〉 conduce to Godliness, the Bishops ought to commend it to the poor, as well as to the rich Courtier, King or Queen; and allow some Thousands Yearly, (surely he can spare it freely for the promodon of Godliness and Uniformity which he so eries up:) but Mum— not a Penny, I'll secure you, to make one Sound, and one Mouth.  
And who can blame that Country Man (though all the Church laughed at him in the great Ally) when the Pipes begun to Play, he fell a Dancing, having never heard the like before, except the Bagpipes in an Alehouse where he did always use to Trip it?  
And the Country people do think that they want some expedient and requisite Devotion, in Prayers and pralies, or else they and all the World must think that this Popish like Mus● and Organs, is too much Superstition.  
But what can ray silly Ceremony monger say for himself, why Sentence should not be pronounced against him for an Impenicent Dissenter, Anathematised, and then by (his own invention, the strange Wr● de Excom. cap●endo) be sayyed, and tormented (like poor Dissenters from the Act of Uniformity) till h● Roar again; and then Deprived and Degraded; Come! Perillus! 'Tis but just you should handsel your own Brazen-bull. For Disiencers (by Omission) are pardonable, th●y may pretend weakness and Conscience; but in those needless, silly, irrational, illegal and unscriptural Ceremonies, what const thou plead but wantooness, folly and Impudence?  
Mu●lick is a great Spender the greatest Spender and Waster or 〈◊〉, in the acquest of all Sciences, to be expert and ready at it: Nay, you'll lose it too, if you have no 〈◊〉 great deal of waste time (from business) to throw away upon it! David had nothing to do, when he was young but sit on a Hill and Pipe to his Sheep, and pinger his Lute and Harp, in which by use he was so skilful, that i● made him a Courtier (though King S●ul had forgot him when he killed Goliath) but he had often before used to play the Devil out of him: And 〈◊〉 ●ental Music was as Natural to him as Psalms; his Fingers as good at it, as his Tongue; if Men be brought up in Hunting, in Music, etc. they'●e scarcely leave it, when older or richer, but rather use it the more, & improve it; and when we have got David's Skill, and King David's exchequer, we'll have as many Organs and kill as many Bullocks for a sacrifice, as he did, if we have nothing else to do with our Money; or cannot cell how to while off an hour or two, in Devotion, without Org●●s to divert us.  
However, we may make my Ceremony-monger pull ●own his Organ, and S●ll it to the Playhouse, or M●sick house, because it is a Ceremony not contained in the Common-Prayer-Book, and therefore against Uniformley, & against his Act of Uniformity, with which he does 〈◊〉 Mouth, crying, One Mouth, one Mouth, why not one Sound, one Sound as well in all Churches?  
My Ceremony monger pretends to a have wonderful zeal for knowledge and against ignorance, and would have the Youth instructed (in the Catechisms) to admiration, like the Pharisee (of old) and yet to his utmost takes away the Key of Knowledge from the people, getting the Press Monopolised to himself many times, and (stopping the Press and the Pulpit-doors) and Silencing those (to choose) that Discover his Buffoonery in Religion; taking a pride in a Tyrannical prchemins●●●, (like the Pharisee too) and saying, That these same People who know not the Law are accursed: He would gladly be accounted the Domine sac Totum, and yet does nothing (at all) that good is, nor permitting others to do it; he neither enters in himself, and they that would enter in, he hinders, except he may be the only Authentic Porter, or Doorkeeper, scorning that Almighty God should give any Man better Lies than his own, though he (poor Soul!) sees but gl●●nerlogly, and by Spectacles, in a Glass darkly; and all to uphold the high Seat he has got in the Church, (I know not how; and yet I do too, in part, though not so well perhaps as the Pope's Nuncio, or the Ambassador Castlemain, or Father Petres.)    

The CONCLUSION.  

CHAP. I. Of Sureties in Baptism.  
AND now, you may see by the Picture I have drawn, that a Ceremony-monger's Soul, and Conscience is neither ruled by Holy Scripture, Right Reason, nor by the Law of the Land; but in despite of all these, some of them are such only through Custom, Ignorance, blind Devotion, implicit Faith, and apish Imitation; others, and those no small Fools, upon design, duckoyed by Avarice and Ambition: But, Custom is a second Nature, even in Religion too, or more properly, Superstition: Custom is the Father, and Ignorance is the Mother of their Devotion: As soon may an Ethiopian change his Skin, or a Leopard his Spots, as a Ceremony-monger his foppish Superstition, he is so accustomed to it. Custom can beget nothing upon a Man of Reason, a Man whose Reason is not clouded; and yet Custom has a Brood in the World far more numerous, than Truth could ever beget; because Truth, the Father of wise men, can never beget any thing, but upon Reason the Mother of true Devotion: But these Mothers are but few, and therefore there are but few of the Breed, very few rational Men, and rational Christians, in comparison of the Numbers of those that go the broad Way, and go in at the broad Gate that leadeth to Destruction; and many there be that go in thereat, namely, all those, whose Religion and Worship has no other Ground, except Custom (in Conjunction with Mother Ignorance) for their foppish Devotion; and Covetousness, for their Knavish Superstition.  
Thus the poor silly naked Indians, In America, (I have catechised, them) and asked them the Reason, Why they did bow to such an Idol, that was nothing more than other. Wood and Trees of which it was made: They had all one and the same Answer, namely, Custom, and their Peel's Peels, What are they? but a certain crafty sort of Men amongst them, that lead the rest of the Fops by the Nose, by some Superstitions of their own Invention, Peels, that is, Priests of the Devil, whom they worship in that ●owing Idolatry! for they never worship God, (whom they acknowledge in dark apprehension) for they say, God is good; and some of them will say. God is a good Man, and will not hurt them, and therefore they worship the Devil to assuage his mischievous Wrath.  
Even so, our English foppish Ceremony-mongers answer, (when I catechise them) and ask them the Reason of their bowing to the Altar when there is no Idol, and to the East when there is nothing Divine more than in the South and North, and the Altar nothing, but a piece of Wood, made of the same Wood and Trees with the Pues, the Stools and the Pulpit: then, just like the naked Indians, that are but just one degree (if they be so much) removed from a Monkey, answer, that it is a Custom and their (Peel's: or) Priests do so, and therefore the poor Apes imitate, that's all.  
Oh! but the Priests are crafty, and have some more Reason (though a wicked One) to bow to nothing; they do not bow for nothing, they get a Place by it, and Preferment; and therefore are forced to get as many Fools as they can to be their Disciples and Followers; for, when Owls are alone, they are houted at, but not Birds that fly in Flocks, though they be Jackdaws.  
I have asked some of them a Reason for their confused and profane. irrational and unscriptural babbling together the Reading Psalms! and all their Answer is, that [It is granted, that) It is a confused Noise, and therefore unintelligible; but their priests do so, and the Singing Boys; and they are accustomed to it: It is a very honest Confession; but is this Manlike, or Baboon-like?  
I have asked some account also, of others, how the Organs got into Church, to make such a Noise, and at so great a Charge and Expense, In the first purchase and continuance; Judas his Question is proper here, To what purpose is this waste? Had they not better be sold, and the Organist's Sellary retrenched, and given to the poor?  
They answer, that Mr. Alderman was willing withal, and that he could not stay a long Hour or two out of his Countinghouse, at Devotion, without sleeping; and therefore, how clunch-fisted soever he used to be at other times, yet on this occasion he nimbly opens his Purse to pay the Music, for that it either keeps him from sleeping, or joggs and awakens him, and makes him stare and look up; therefore, etc. Ay, say no more; you have said enough, and you deserve to be a Laureate, as well as Sir John Suckling's Alderman; come, clap the Laurel upon the Alderman's Head.  
But of all the brisk Reasons of my Ceremony-mongers, that of a She Ceremony-monger was very surprising, when being asked why she, in defiance of plain Scripture, spoke in the Church, answered nimbly, That her Tongue was so used to wag at home, that it could not lie still in the very Church? and yet the same Church-pratter, was silenced, when questioned, why she, in imitation of the Doctor's bowing his Noddle to the Altar, Madam Limberham made a Courtesy, and bowed both her Knees? no Reason could be got for that Mimickry; that is no more like, than an Apple is like an Oyster.  
And all the Reason that some Bishope can give, why they ordain many times, rude, illiterate, unthinking Don's to the Pulpit, to teach others, and know nothing of the Matter, nothing of their own Knowledge, no Divinity is concocted or digested, and made their own, and in their Head and Heart, (the Body of the Law is digested by a Lawyer, before he is fit to come to the Bar; and the Body of Physic, by Physicians, before they are fit to feel the Pulse, or be Licenced).  
His Answer is, That he trust; to his Deacon, or archdeacon, by implicit Faith, He believes as the archdeacon tells him; and that the form and manner of ordaining Deacons, Priests, and Bishops, requires no more: well, it is well, 'tis very well answered, and most Episcopally;  
And why do you Confirm, and lay Hands suddenly upon so many ignorant Persons that understand not one Article of Faith, nor can so much as say the Creed? The answer is, The Common-prayer Book requires no more than to believe oy Implicit Faith, the fitness of all that the Parish Priest says is fit, he must take it for granted, and believe as the Priest believes, and see with other men's Eyes; but that is the Fault (Brother!) of your Constitution, that obliges you no more Work and Inspection, than any Mortal can perform.  
Besides, where do we read (except in the Mass Book, and Common-Prayer Book) of such a thing in Scripture, as Confirmation by a Bishop? That Scripture of little Children coming to Christ, and he laid his Hands upon them, and blessed them, is, in the Common-Prayer Book, applied to infant Baptism, in the Office of Public Baptism; and most incongruously (too) for that purpose; for Jesus baptised none, neither Men, Women, nor Children, but his Disciples did that; Nay, the great Apostle of the Gentlies' went about confirming the Disciples by sound Preaching, but he baptised very few; one, or two, or three, he confeiles that he did baptise, and if he had baptised any more, he had forgot; therefore he did not make such a business of it in his own Person: And as for laying Hands upon any Children, or other, there is not the least mention of any such Matter. How came it then into the Church; I'll tell you:  
Infants being not able to make a Confession or Profession of Faith and Repentance, which two are required of all persons before they be baptised, (as saith the Church of England in her Doctrine Catechistical in the Common-Prayer Book, and so said St. Augustine, but I believe neither of them).  
But, because that Infants, by reason of their tender Age cannot perform them; therefore they do perform th● by Proxy, 〈◊〉 by 〈◊〉, because the Sureties do promise (a wise Reason, for ●ises may be broken) they shall perform both Faith and Repentance, when they come to Age.  
Ay! Here's a wise Reason for a Learned Church, and enough to make all Rational Men (that have not lost their Reason) be Anabaptists, or, at least, like Witches, to deny their Baptism so Infancy.  
For all Promises and Vows are either broken or kept, but the Promises and Vows of Godfathers and Godmothers in infant Baptism, are seldom or never kept; but are broken Vows, and broken Bonds and Promises.  
The Sureties Promise and Vow, that the poor Insolvent Child (that cannot speak for itself) shall when it can hear (for Faith comes by hearing) have Faith; and when it can speak, and gets Wit, than it shall have Grace to confess and repent.  
But, suppose the Child live to have Wit enough to be a Ceremony-monger; Had ever any Man or Woman of them the Grace to confess, recant and repent? And then the Promise of the Sureties is not worth more than some Lord's Promise, nor worth a Farthing.  
Again, suppose the Child prove Deaf, or Dumb, or a Fool, the Sureties Vow they do not know what; nay, if it live to be hanged, as many are for Thiefs, Witches, Murderers; Hlow is the Godfathers and Godmothers Vow and Promise performed, when they vowed and promised for poor Child in Baptism, that it should forsake the Devil and all his Works, the Pomp's and Vanities of this wicked World, and all the sinful Lusts of the Flesh. 2dly, They vow and promise that Child shall believe all the Articles of the Christian Faith; do they not break their Vow, If poor Child prove to be a sceptic, a Hobbist, or an Athlest? 3dly, They vow that the poor Child shall keep God's Holy Will and Commandment, and walk in the same all the days of its Life; Do they not break their Vow, if, poor Child, for whom they swore a solemn Vow and Promise, in the presence of God, being an Oath, happen to turn Apostate, Papist, Mahometan, or Infidel, are not the Sureties all forsworn? And though they be, or be not, there's the mischief, no good can possibly come of it, but that which is lucumbent upon Parents, and which Sureties seldom or never mind, namely, Christian Education; and if so, they should not Swear and Vow in the Child's Name, that the Child does or shall believe and repent; It is enough to promise good Education (if the Godfathers and Godmothers be barren, or old and past Children; in such case, it is enough to 〈◊〉 kind and careful of another Man's Child: But if they have Children of their own, or likely to have any, it is too much, because Charity should begin at Home. And therefore the said Vow and Promise, is, but usually like the common Discourse of Hector's and Bullies; (I swear and Vow, they cry on all Occasions) when they intent nothing; by Vowing and Swearing, but forswearing; and adding a Lie to the Promise and Vow.  
First, Then the Sureties promise that which no honest Man can honestly promise, who makes Conscience of a Vow, because he promises that which is impossible for him to perform.  
Secondly, If the Insolvent Child be bound by Sureties and good Bail, if he leave them in the lurch, he wrongs them not, he gave them no such Commission, Power, Deputation, Authority, or Request to promise and vow in his Name: And therefore that talk of a Vow in Baptism, it nonsense, idle, and vain: How can a Man break a Vow, or a Bond that he never made; but his Sureties made it in his behalf; Ay, without his order, knowledge, care, or desire: How is Child concerned therein, any more than other Children in the World? I have to hear Nonsense, much more to preach it, except I were sure, I was to preach to none but Fops, that swallow every thing that the Priest puts in their Mouth (like the Wafer God) without chewing.  
Thirdly, Suppose another Man's Faith or Repentance (that has enough of both) for his own Salvation, and also Merits (called Works of Supererogation by the Papists) to spare, heaped up and running over, which the Saints departed, St. Bridget, St. Winifred, St. Francis, St. Ignatius Loyola, St. Coleman, etc. has left at their Departure, as a last Legacy to the Pope (as the Papists hold) Faith and Repentance enough to save all the Whores and Rogues in the World, to whom the Pope gives, no Sells, to any that has Money, and is willing to Buy.  
If Works of Supererogation be true, it is the first Market I would make; I had rather buy Heaven than a Knighthood, or a Bishopric.  
But, suppose the Fool and his Money be soon parted, and a Man get nothing but Hell by another Man's Graces of Faith and Repentance, by relying thereon, as Church of England holds; then much more Nonsense it is for Church of England, on such idle and false Principles, to talk of Faith and Repentance to be performed, (though never so much promised to be performed) by Proxy, or by Sureties.  
If God Almighty would (like some Creditors) take Sureties, and quem pro quo, that if Child could not perform and pay Faith and Repentance, then fall upon the Sureties, and make them smart for it; than you speak to purpose. But, God is Just, the Soul that sinneth it shall die, and the Soul that believes and reputes shall be Saved, but I fear the best Protestant has nothing to spare for a poor Insolvent Child.  
Fourthly, Suppose (which is possible) that the Sureties are Insolvent and have not Faith and Repentance for themselves, than all this great Fat is in the Fire; they can never perform nor pay a Debt for another, that have not wherewith to discharge their own Debts, let them promise, and vow and be Bound in as many Bounds as they please for other People; any Fool or Beggar can promise to pay a Thousand pounds for another, but what signify Promises, Vows, or Oaths, made only to be broken and forsworn?  
Lastly, Which is the saddest Case of all, (or not a Pin to choose) suppose that poor Child is baptised without Sureties, as are the greatest number by far, in this populous own; and in private Baptism, neither Sureties, nor the Sign of the Cross is required; then they must bring Sureties afterwards to Church, and then it shall be signed with the Cross. But half the Parishes in this Town have no Churches, and they are not obliged to carry Child to another Church. Now you are graveled, Mr. Ceremony-monger, and you do not know what to do, or say.  
Again, those that have Churches, will not, nor cannot, for Love nor Money, get such good patured and kind Sureties, to promise, vow or swear for the Child; What will you do now? now you are worse graveled.  
For either the Child in private Baptism, without Sureties, and the Sign of the Cross, is baptised aright, truly and fully, or no?  
If not, then half of the Kingdom are unchristned Infidels; there's one of the two Sacraments half lost by your foolish Reasonings, and fond Doctrines; except you confess that the Child is rightly baptised without Sureties, or the Sign of the Cross.  
Which if you do, I have conquered thee, and thy silly Doctrine, of making Faith and Repentance requisite, before a Child be capable of Baptism: And when you had made so great a Flaw in Divinity, you sodder it worse with a nonsensical Whimsy of Sureties performing Faith and Repentance for poor Child by promising both, Sureties, Sponsores, Customers not more silly than Ancient, even in the 2d, or 3d. Centuries, as I remember, but have no time to turn to it, but an Error not so old as that of Papias, viz. Christ's reigning here upon Earth a thousand Years personally, as the Millenaries hold; and a hundred more Errors of older Style.  
Besides, the Vow and Promise of Sureties gives either true Faith and Repentance, or not: If only false, it is nothing worth, 'tis false Coin, it cannot, shall not pass current any longer: If true Faith and Repentance come thereby, then is this believing and penitent Child capable also of the other Sacraments of the Lords Supper; for no other Qualifications can be requisite; Faith and Repentance fits them for Heaven and Glory; and if so, it must needs fit them for the means of Grace, in the way to Glory. St. Augustine, good Man. was thus run to the Wall with this Argument, and so must Church of England, till they get a better Reason for Infant-Baptism, than they tell us in their Catechism and Common-Prayer-Book, and must rationally fall into the Error of St. Augustine, who put the Holy-Supper, like Spoon-meat, down the children's Throats, thus profaning, because not discerning the Lord's Body.  
But the Sureties do it for them; then let them eat and drink also for them, take both the Sacraments in their Name and stead, and go to Heaven also in their Names and stead. And what will poor Child get by all this? He will never know any thing of those Heavenly Joys which his Proxy and Surety enjoys.  
Therefore to salve this Sore, make room then for Confirmation, a Romish Sacrament. Well, (you'll say) you can expose Mother-Church, and show her Nakedness; but can you cover it? Yes! that I can, and have done it many Years ago in my printed Book called— Gregory Father Graybeard: If I be forced to launce my poor Mother's Sores, I always sprinkle sympathetick powder on my Lancet, that it may heal the Wound. It is forced to make, to let the corrupted Quitter out. But, if she be so wilful and proud, that she scorns my Hand, my charitable Hand and Help, march on, let the Blind lead the Blind; when you are in the Ditch, we shall hear you cry for help; though now, like the wild Ass in the Wilderness, she tosses up her head, and runs snorting away, in her month we shall find her.   

CHAP. II. Of Escapes in the Common-Prayer-Book, in reference to the Act of Uniformity.  
WHat! shall we have no Ceremonies at all then? Oh! yes, your fill, so you'll be content, and not impose your small sense upon others in Canons, and Acts of Uniformity; which are not only vain Attempts hitherto, (even since the first General Council of Nice) but all the great Wars in Christendom, upon the score of Religion, the Innocent Blood spilt betwixt the Arrians and Athanasians, the Papists and the Protestants, the Conformists and Non-conformists the Animosities. Jalls, Ruin, Fines, Imprisonments, Smithfield Friars, and Bloody Inquisition, must all be charged at the foot of this Account.  
It is very strange that Christians will not be content with the Imposition and Acts of Uniformity, which God, the Holy Jesus and his Apostles have provided. Hast thou Faith (saith the Apostle) have it to thyself? Hast thou a ceremony, thou art fond on, it may be good, it may be bad, make much on't, keep it to thyself; to thine own Master thou 〈◊〉 or fallest.  
We have general Rules, as to honour God with our Substance, or Estates, in Works of Charity, which is the greatest Thing in Religion, and without which all thy Faith and Hope is nothing, as saith St. Paul; or is a dead Carrion, as saith St. James, because Charity, the Soul of Faith, is de●ed, when thou evidences thy Faith to be a nothing Faith, a dead Faith, by destroying Charity, in killing and imprisoning thy Brother for Faith's sake; and perhaps thy weak Brother, for whom Christ died, through thy Imposition, and Penal Acts of Uniformity; Acts that are not only mischievous in breaking the Peace and Unity of the Brethren, not only uncharitable in beating thy Son, or thy Brother, because he is blind; restore him to his Sight, in the Spirit of Meekness, is the Apostle's Rule, blows will never cure his Blindness.  
Besides, Uniformity is an unnatural, impossible, and therefore an irrational, wicked, and vain attempt: Go, teach God to make a new Heaven, with Uniformity of Stars, and Skies spangled uniformly, they are now all of different Forms and Features: Go, reach him to make Men uniform, they are all now of different Forms and Features; Go teach him to make a new Earth, and set a new Face on it; The Landscape now looks so much the more lovely by the Variety, which God and Nature seems to delight in; And wilt thou (thou silly Ceremony monger, and Projector) be wiser than God?  
If thou hadst seen our blessed Saviour sometimes stand and pray, sometimes kneel and pray, sometimes lie on a Bed or Couch, and eat the Holy Supper; sometimes fall on his Face and pray; if thou hadst seen this variety, thou wouldst have Excommunicated him, then caplassed and jalled him, if thy fierceness had not kicked him, and spurned him up, hadst thou but had an Act of Uniformity to back thee.  
We are bound to honour God with our Substance, In Works of Charity (the greatest Duty) but how much; when, and how, in particular, is left to the discretion and liberty of every Man, no rule of Imposition is, or can be made about it.  
We are obliged to honour God with our Bodies, the least thing in true Worship, for bodily Exercise profiteth little, but how much, when, and how in particular, is lest to the discretion and liberty of every Man, no Rule of Imposition is or can be made about it.  
Then, you'll say, the Church of England was mistaken in one of her XXXIX. Articles, that says, The Church has power to appoint Ceremonies: And also the King and Parliament were mistaken in the Act of Uniformity, that enjoint all Bishops and Clergymen, on pain of Deprivation, to subscribe, assent, and consent to all and every thing, as true, which is contained in the Common-Prayer Book.  
Here is a heavy Charge, Convocation-House, and Parliament-House, both upon my back; but, come, one at once, and I'll deal with them both, one after another, as well and as fast as I can.  
First then, I say, in general, that any Decree under Heaven, that is either unlawful, or Impossible to be obeyed, is not at all Obligatory: This is so plain, that it needs no further Proof, it is like the Light of the Sun, self-evident; if the Sun shine, no man doubts it, but he that is blind, or winks on purpose, lest he should be convinced. And as to that Article, viz. The Church has power to enjoin Ceremonies— it confounds all the Ceremony-mongers amongst us. And in all my Travels, Reading, and Discourses, I never met with any Man; Bishop, Priest, or Layman, that ever did, could, or durst explain what is there meant by Church.  
If it be taken for the Clergy, either in (or out of) Convocation, or Synod, viz. That they have of themselves a Jus Divinum, a Divine Right, to enjoin Ceremonies to the People of England, they all incur a Praemunire, that claim such a Power, and justly, for they there by set up a Legislative power, independent of, and distinct from the King and Parliament, (the only Legislators) and is of most pernicious Consequence, and found to be so in all Ages; And by the Statutes of Provisors, made both by Popish and Protestant Kings and Parliaments, condemned as most pernicious and insufferable, by invading the only Legislative power, [Kings, Lords, and Commons] the great Fundamental of our Government, and setting up a Thing called, A Church, independent of, and equal with, or above the State, and bearding the State, if it be so bold as not to please them, or should dare to displease them. Better it is, not to be a State, than to be such a pitiful State, at this precarious rate, that dare not but be Priestridden: Our Noble Ancestors, in Popish Times, scorned the motion, and were true English Men: This distinction of Church and State, is a Popish and pernicious distinction; two higher powers is one too much.  
But if by the Church in that Article, be meant, the King and Parliament, the Representatives of the whole Body of the people, the Convocation and Canon-makers will by no means acknowledge that; for that makes them Ciphers, and [as many people account them] useless Tools: And never did King and Parliament, neither, make Laws coercive in matters of Religion, or Uniformity in Religion, but Confusion, Divisions, Schisms, Tumults, Sedition, Blood, Ruin, and civil Wars, were the dismal consequences in England; whereas there would be none of these, no dissensions, no penalties, no complaining in our Streets, if the Legislative power, unsuborned by Priest-craft, make no Laws but what are proper for their cognizance, and for the peace, welfare, good manners, and good abearing in the State: And then, where there is no Law, there can be no Transgression; and those odious Names of Dissension and Sedition, Conformist and Nonconformist, will find an eternal Grave.  
I'll give but one Instance in that same Act of Uniformity, which requires all Clergymen to give their assent and consent to all and every thing (for Truth) which is contained in the Common-prayer Book.  
But, who made the Kings and Parliaments of England infallible Popes, since the Church of England confesses she may Err?  
And how irrational and unaccountable is it for men that confess their ignorance, and yet with the same mouth will vote a Law, or Imposition of their Sense in Religion upon all Mankind under their Jurisdiction? For aught they know, they may command and enact that all Clergymen shall assent in their Judgements, and consent in their Wills, to a palpable error, lie, or untruth; or else, take their choice, to starve, lie down and die; for Farm they may not, Thrash they cannot, and if they Beg, they are sent to Bridewell.  
And this is our very case this day; We may not choose what Chapters for Lessons, what Collects, Epistles and Gospels, we list to read, but must read those that are appointed for the day: And the last year they were all falsely appointed, or else those words in the Common-prayer Book are false, that fixes and ascertains Easter Sunday (the Aera, or beginning of the Account, whence all the Lessons, Collects, Episties and Gospels, are computed, nominated, and appointed).  
But that is not only silly, and uncertain, but false and contradictory in the Common-prayer book, and therefore both the said Aeras cannot be true. As for example, by one Common-prayer Book Rule, the last Easter Sunday should have been kept upon April 8, because Easter Sunday (whence all other Feasts, Lessons, Collects, are computed all the year after) is always the first Sunday next after the first Full Moon which happens after March 25, which was April 8, last passed: But by another Rule in the Common prayer Book, it was (and so we kept it) upon April 15 last past.  
They cannot both be true, but one of them is a Mathematical untruth, (and which no body can deny); yet Bishops and Curates must all assent and consent, that this falsehood is a truth, and such a falsehood it is, and of so evil consequence, that it makes a blunder, and confounds all our wise Methods of uniformity in Common-prayers, Episties, Gospels, and Lessons: And if we do not confess and subscribe that this falsehood and untruth is 〈◊〉 truth, then starve and dir.  
I can give several other instances of our irrational Doctrine and Discipline, but I am loath to offend, let them even go on, they'll give me but little thanks for my pains already; but, I thank God, I do not find the fault, to expose it to shame, but to cure it, I know how: And, let me tell you, it requires some skill in the Cure, Why may not Lightning sometime come from a black Cloud? and a dull By-stander see better sometime, than he that play? Some part of that seven-hilled City (Rome) is situated in a Vale, as well as Westminster Hall; and therefore no wonder 〈◊〉 sometimes both of them be in a Fog.  
And if it abate the proved, pragmatical, imposing, self-conceited, dogmatical and imperious Spirit, that confounds the whole Creation by Methods and Aims of Uniformity, point blank against those different Measurer of God and Nature, it is well.   

CHAP. III. Concerning Bishops.  
WHat I am going to speak concerning Bishops, may the more favourably be received, because so contrary to self-interest, the worst of evil Counsellors.  
For why may not I, as well as any other, live in hopes of a pair of Lawn Sleeves, rightly put on, since nothing else keeps me from making as good a Speech in the House of Lords, as that which of late was only a Speech without Doors; and proves so genuine and well aimed, that all of it 〈◊〉 (now a Speech within Doors. However I could serve as well as the best, to make up the number of the Yeas or No's: And that's all the wise Speech that some men ever did make: (I do not say) that ever they can make; for the more frugal any man is, and the less he spends, the greater is his Stock.  
But if I had been so hasty as to bespeak the Lawn-Sleeves, this Sheet (that I am going to write) will spoil all my finery▪ And certainly there cannot be such a Fool in England, or the World, as to think that the King's Letters Patents, or Congee de Slyer, can make the Baronet or the Bishop, a Linguist, or a Learned Man, except he was so before, though usually the Vulgar are of Opinion; that if a Bishop, or a Lord says it, writeth or preaches it, O Heavenly! because O Earthly? and is a Judgement as preposterous a● that Action of the Orator, when pointing to the Earth, he declaimed— O Caelum!  
But, it is a received Maxim,— No Bishop, no King: I know not who invented it, but it may be true, in some sense; but it is false, If it be meant— no Rich Bishop, no King; for that the Rich Bishops were so Rich, that what with the Hank they got upon silly men's Consciences, and the Interest that their Lands, good Leases, and Dependencies, their Tenants, Servants, and Friends, they were so prevalent, when united, that, when our Kings have (sometimes) been so hardy and boid as to displease them, they have either taken the Crown from his Head, (as the Rich Bishop of winchester unking'd his Brother King Stephen) on whose Head that Nimrod of a Clergyman had, without any right, clapped it on; and upon displeasure, the Bishop chief unking'd him again, and (in effect) spurned 〈◊〉 off, as Pandolfus the Pope's Nuncio, did the ●rown off King John's Head, which say grovelling at his Foot, whilst the proud Prelate, put it on: and to show the Ecclesiastical Insolence of some Lawn-Sleeves, he up with his foot, and kicked it off from the Kings Head.  
So that— no Bishop— no King (Stephen, or John) and a Bishop— no King (Stephen, or John); for that Rich Bishops, like other Rich Lords, are a Strength to the Crown, when it does not displease them; and on the contrary, have been too great and dangerous when controlled, growing musty and morose; a King had as good be a Slave in Turkey, as to be at the mercy of such Popish-like Ecclesiastical Pride.  
Nay, did not the very Dean of westminster, and the Archbishop of York (chief, though with others bandied) make the Reign of Hen. 4. and Hen. 5. very uncasie? For which cause the wise King Henry 7. Invented a way to pull down the Stomaches of the great Temporal Lords with their own hands, by enabling them to alienate and sell their Lands; of which many were so glad, that it was the first Bargain they would make, [to choose]; away runs the Footman for the Usurer and Scrivener, who were as glad to buy as the other to sell, when both sides are willing, the Bargain is soon struck up, and Time was unwinged till the Entail was dockt.  
Then his Son Hen. 8. he reformed the Clergy with a Witness, and pocketed up the Reformation by Act of Parliament; and excluded from the House of Lords, all the spirtual Lords Abbots, and ●ut their Lands in his Pocket by Statute Law. Edw. 6. and Queen Elizabeth, were his own Children too; for they, and their wise Counsel, finding, that though the Spiritual Lords [Abbors] were excluded the House of Lords, yet the other Spiritual Lords [Bishops] were so proud sometimes, and high; that no Body could imagine them to be the best Disciples of Christ; who was meek and lowly; therefore Edw. 6. took at once from the Archbishop of York, about 37 great Manors; and were annexed to the Crown; and Queen Elizabeth, amongst other things, took all the Lands belonging to the Prince Palatine of Ely (Bishop, in the Vacancy, and gave 2000 l. to be paid out of the Exchequer, Annually, a sufficient Competency, and an Injury to no Man, for the Bishopric was in Abayance, as the Law calls it, in nubibus, it being in posse any, bodies, but in esse no body.  
So that I also am so much a Friend to that Proverb— No Bishop, no King— and so very much a Friend to Bishops, that where there is one now in England, I wish there were twenty; and as old as I am, I hope to live to see it: and yet not take one Farthing from the present Incumbenrs, nor in the least diminish the vast Revenues and Grandeur of, my Lords, the Bishops that are in possession; let them keep it (I say) till they die; and die they must, and then their Bishoprics being vacant, (by Death however, if not sooner justly forfeited) it will be no Injury to any Man, to share out and divide the vast Incomes to many Bishops, who must take the pains, and perform the Work of a Bishop, in their proper persons, which is now done by Proxies, Sureties, and Implicit Faith.  
And, I doubt not but that all my Lords the Bishops would be of my mind herein, as to the Work of a Bishop, which they themselves; and all Englishmen, find to be so great a Work, and a Burden so much too heavy for any single Shoulder, that they are forced to perform the great Acts of a Bishop, in Ordinations, Confirmations, Excommunications, Absolutions, etc. only by Foppish as well as Popish like Implicit Faith, seeing with other men's Eyes, and hearing with other men's Ears, that it is no wonder that they err so often.  
Oh! but the Wages than must be divided, as well as the Work, Flesh and Blood cannot bear this Doctrine:  
No, it cannot; therefore Flesh and Blood cannot enter (neither) into the Kingdom of Heaven: But a Bishop (of all others) ought not to consult with Flesh and Blood, and self-Interest, which above all things in the World does bribe men's Judgements, that they cannot (because they will not) give their Assent and Consent to so great a Truth.  
King Charles I. was tenaciously in love with Bishops, as now in England constituted, even to death, so great was his Opinionatree in the Case; ●nd yet he says, they were not Bishops Jure Divino, by Divine Right, and yet neither contra Jus Divinum: But, I think quite contrary, viz. that ●here is nothing in Scripture more plain, than that Bishops are Jure divino, and nothing more plain than that the Bishops in Eng●and, now constituted, are contrary (absolutely contrary) to Jus Divi●um: or Divine Right, so far as they act like Novices in Implicit Faith: Tim. 3.3. A Bishop must neither be a Novice, nor given to filthy ●ucre. For any B●y-Bishop, any ignorant and unlearned Bishop is as ●ood as the best, in those Acts of Implicit Faith; any Novice can see ●ith other men's Eyes, and hear with other men's Ears; any Novice can, and the greater Novice the fit too, believe as others believe, without any other Reason.  
Therefore, since the Holy Scripture says, a Bishop ought not to be a Novice; if he be a Novice, that sees but by Implicit Faith; then tell me, count them if you can, How many Novices have we in England that do all their greatest Acts by Implicit Faith? This is as bold a Stroke, you'll say, as ever was; and yet not a jot too bold to strike at so Grand, so Poppish, so Popish a Folly, as Implicit Faith; by which, it must be granted, and cannot be denied, our protestant Bishops do all their mighty Businesses, and is the cause of such a contemptible and ignorant Glergy, ill grounded Excommunications and Absolutions, and ●apias's thereupon; and such unscriptural, irrational, and Blind Confirmations, persuading the Ignorant that they are fit to receive the other Sacrament of of the Lord's Supper, when they know nothing of the Creed; and sometimes were never listed or matriculated into Mother-Church by the Initiating Ordinance of Baptism.  
But that is the Fault of the Person, not of the Constitution; If that were true, it might be amended; but it is false, for it is not the Fault of the Person only, but the Fault of the Constitution, which obliges no Bishop in his Office, and performance of these great Episcopal Acts, but only to the knowledge of a Novice, or implicit Faith.  
Nay, if our Constitution did oblige him, it would oblige him to Impossibilities, for his Work is more than any Mortal can perform in propriâ personâ; and the great charge of Souls, which he takes upon him, more terrible, if his Conscience be awake, or not bribed with the Wages, it must be sensible, that no Plety, Parts, or Prudence can possibly discharge, except as now, by implicit Faith, which any Bay, a● Child, a● Nevice can perform as well as the best.  
It was Covetousness therefore, and Ambition, that first made Bishoprics so large (for the sake of making all the Bishop's Lands therein one Man's Monopoly); and also made Bishop's Consciences so large, as to gape and swallow all, the relishing Bit was so gustful and grateful to a greedy Gut; but from the beginning it was not so.  
Now every County must have a Bishop, nay, sometimes two, or three, or four Counties will scarcely hold one great Bishop, nay, to them too, must be added sometimes a Rich Deanery. Is it not strange that a Bishop should be a Deacon again, for the Money sake, and a Parson again by Commendum, for the sake of some bulky Parsonage, like Wiggin in Lancashire, in Commendum held by Dr. Cartwright Bishop of Chester, now advanced to be a non-such Protestant Reader in Popish France, and Curate to a Popish Prince in the Protestant Chapel in the Castle of Merli.  
And I am persuaded they will have the Grace to blush, if it do not also make their heartsake before I have done, at the horrible Burden they have undertaken, which the Shoulders of the strongest and ablest Apostles of Christ never did or durst renture to take upon themselves, no Mortal ever did or can discharge it, but in this Novice way, by Proxy, or blind Implicit Faith; God, in his Mercy, forgive them, they know not what they do.  
Philippi. (nay, Jerusalem) a little scanty City, not so big and populous as Colchester by half, and yet had several Bishops at a time therein; Philip 1.1. To all the Saints which art at Philippi, with the Bishops and Deacons. How many Bishops of London, at this rate, must there needs be in London, not to mention the three Counties of Hartford, Essex, and Middlesex, into the bargain.  
Ay, but the House of Lords will not hold so many Bishops.  
No, I grant! There are Bishops ●now there already, as some have laid, and angrily grudge that we Clergymen (who are as much represented in the House of Commons, as any Commoners in England, and make as great a bustle at an Election of Members, to get Men for our turn) should also be represented in the other House, which no other Commoners are; and that my Lords the Bishops are tried by their Peers, that is, by their Equals, Commoners, but the Lords are Conciliarii Nati: It is part of their Inheritance to be the King's Councillors, and a Seat in the House of Lords is part of their Estate and State. But such Men talk like those that say, that we had English Parliaments before Bishops and Abbots sat in the House of Lords, and many Statutes (the Judges say are good Law) though made in several Parliaments, excluso Clere, the Lord-Bishops and Lord-abbots' being shut out of Doors, and not permitted into the House of Lords; nay, the Lord Abbots that had as good and as ancient Right to sit in the House of Lords, as Lord-Bishops, are Long ago, and to this day excluded? Notwithstanding my known Devotion to my Lords the Bishops, (I confess) I have not skill enough to answer such Reasons and Records; It behoves them that have more wit, and are more concerned than I, to give this a Rational Answer; I counsels my Ignorance, but my Devotion to them is well enough known.  
And I cannot deny, but that the Bookish-men (as my Lords are bred) and usually Fellows of Colleges, by that state they take upon them in the College, all but themselves going bare to them, if they do but see them at the further end of the Court, let it Hail, Snow or Blow; this inclines Men to be pedantickly proud ever after (I knew it too experimentally) being made a fellow of Gonvil and Cajus College in Cambridge, when I was but Junior-Batchelor, and not 19 Years of Age, till Travel and Experience in the World (which all Bishops have not) refines this Insolence, and makes it more sociable and complaisant.  
But let no Man envy the Liberality of our Ancestors, in endowing the Bishops and Universities so plentifully: a few that are truly worthy and Learned Men may well compound for the generality of a contemptible Clergy; that would not have been so truly contemptible, but that my Ceremony-monger in bad Reigns got possession too often of the Steeple, the lostiest Piece of the Church, by Popish-likes and Foppish Ceremonies; and than it behoved him to keep open the Door by which he entered, to such only, as were like him, and followed his Steps, and ezclude all others to his uttermost, whose Virtues and true Learning must necessarily [if set near him) ruddy his Cheeks, and make him blush for shame.  
But crafty young Lads finding that easy way to the Wood, and that it was much more easy and profitable to go to a Dancing-school, than to the Laborious Schools of Worth, and Crabbed Learning, to which it is so difficult and not so unprofitable (as times hath been) to bend the ●●nd; and also so very sicil, honourable and beneficial to bend his Body, in silly Cringing and Bowings; farewel Books, saith he, and dry, unprofitable Studies, I'll go to the Ecclesiastical Dancing-school, and commence Doctor Ignoramus.  
Hence it is, that our Wise Men of England have made our English Bishoprics out of two poor words in Tit. 1.5. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉; ill understood; in every City making Elders (or Bishops) saith St. Paul to- Titus, as I have appointed thee; 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, ●u every City.  
Thence it is, that such a pother wa● made to make such a little Town' as Carlisle, a City, for why? Forsooth, and Colchester an Ancient City, and twenty times bigger than Carlisle, to dwindle to a Village, for why? Forsooth.  
Because every Bishops See must be a City. (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) and but one City in a Bishopric, and therefore little Ca●lisle must be a City, and Colchester, which to my knowledge is Ten times bigger, and Forty times more Rich and Populous, must dwindle from a City (as Anciently it was the only City of Essex) and why?  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 has done its business, City and Bishoprics must be Convert●es, and London being the greater City and Bishops See, or Seat, E●go etc. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, which I confess, Origen (lib. 8. contrae Celsum) does Paraphra●, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 much like chrysostom 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 1 Tom. Homil. 1 in every City; thus the Lifeless Feather of on 〈◊〉, consumes an other Feathers that are near it, and in the Nest; whereas not only the hest Greek Authors, but the Holy Scripture, confounds the word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 a Village and a City, in several places, both in the Old and New Testament; as for Instance, in 1 Chron. 4.32. their Villages were Five Cities, (Exam, & ●)  
So, in the New Testament, St. Luke calls Bethlehem, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the City of David, (Luk. 2.4 but St. John calls it 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the Village of David and I'l● call Bethlebem, as I'll give Colchester a Name too (why not? Since I have helped to christian a great part of the Town these Seven and Twenty Years) 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, a City, Town, though the Bishops See or Seat at the great City of London, has taken its good Name from it most Scandalously and nureasonably, to give it to little Carlisle for the sake of 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉; a word, the Ceremony mongers never right understood, they were so busy about Ceremonies they had no more leisure to understand, Tit. 1.5. than Philip. 2.10. both of them falsely Interpreted, and the latter falsely constructed, and falsely Translated, either through Ignorance or fraud, to make room for a Nonsensical Ceremony.  
There were 1000 Bishops in Armenia, says Baron●us (ad An. 1145.) And Justinian the Emperor (Petravon, and Novel. 31. c. 1.) says, there were but Twenty Cities in Armenia in his time, and they have decreased ever since; how could 1000 Bishops then Sat in Twenty Cities, except there were many Bishops in one City, or many Bishops in Villages and small Towns?  
Nay, to go no further than Ireland, St. Patrick Founded there 365 Churches, and as many Bishops, saith Nemius, and also Bishop Usher, late Primate of Armagh; and yet there never were 365 Cities, and now but Ninteen.  
In St. Augustin's Time there were 900 Bishops in Africa (August. Tom. 7. de ●estis cum Emerit.)  
And yet not half so many Cities, and many of the Cities in St. Augustin's Time were Heathens; nay, the Inhabitants of the famous City in Syriae, called Heliopolis, were all Idol● to or 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 (Theodores lib. 4. c. 29. Eccles. Hist.) 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 nor a Man of them would hear (saith Peter of Alexandria) the Name of Christ.  
And yet there was then a Bishop of Heliopolis, says Bishop Eusebius Pamphilus (vit. Constantine l. 3. c. 5.6.) a Bishop, that had a Flock like that of Bishop Mills, in Arabia, who had not got one Convert in his City, nor any thing else but blows (Sozom. l. 2 c. 12.) these two Bishops had fewer Souls by Seven in their Diocese to Excommunicate than Bishop Ischyras, who had but just Seven, whereas our Dioceses are as much too big, nay. Moustrously too big, as the other too little; Is there no measure in us? No Medium? No middle way for true Virtue, which always sits Enthroned betwixt the two Extreama?  
In Gospel Times, the Bishops were chosen by the People, and most Voices carried it for two, of which God chose one by Lot, the Lot fell upon Mathias, and 260 Years after (Cyprian tells us) that all the People, that is, the Majority consented, or else no Bishop was chosen, Cyprian l. 2. Epist 5. Convocate plebe tot●, & de universae fraternitatis suffra●io, and Caec●lianus was chosen Bishop of Carthage, totius populi suffragio, Optat. lib. 1. by the general Vote of the People. No Man was Excommunicated, (Cyprian lib. 3. Ep. 14.) nisi causam acturus apud universam plebem? Not every sneaking Register, and peaking Surrogate could send a Soul to Satan, for refusing or neglecting to give the Knave a Groat, or the like; brave Ecclesiastical Discipline of Church of England! It is just so in Spain and Portugal, but not so bad as here in our (said to be) Reform Church of England; Reformed? In what? Oh! the Service Book is in English, and made Intelligible by the People's alternate babbling, like those illegal Irrational, and unscriptural Mock-songs of the Singing-men, and Singing boys, to feed which Mouthing Tribe, so vast an Income is Yearly thrown away in Gathedrais, that would easily supply, together with the Sleepy Prebendaries when Vacant, all the scandalous Live in England.  
For what Heart can a poor Minister of Twenty, or Thirty pound per annum have to Study? (A Carpenter Journey man has more) besides out of that, Synodals, Procurations, First Fruits, Tenths, Dilapidations, Repairs, Poor-Rates, Arms, Assessments and Taxes, besides a great deal of Money most unconscionably to the Rich Bishop, or his Secretary, for Ordination, Seven or Eight pound more for Institution to the Bishop, then to the Rich archdeacon for Induction, etc. though he seldom or never stirs one foot about it, but he and his Register agree to Pocket up the Money, these charges Preliminary must be paid, out of the poor Pittance, and Trade he cannot, Farm he may not, nay, Beg he may 〈◊〉; Starve he may, except his great Task be to Study how to get Bread, Drink and clothes, and how to keep out of his Creditors Clutches, Sergeants and Bum bailiffs; This is his greatest Study, and closest concern; If he can spare a sixpence or two to buy a Printed Sermon, his Study has Books enough; whilst the Lazy Fat Prebend and Ceremony-monger, with two Live, a Prebendry, or Deanery, and Arch-Deaconry, and two or three more (unseen) Incomes, Advantages and Pluralities, Drink Wine in Bowls, and is not affected with the affliction of Joseph, but as Red in the Gills as a Turkeycock, or his Searler hood, ever since he was made Doctor by Mandamus, or the Morrocco Ambassador.  
Virtue and Learning always Shoot low. If there he not some high, and glorious Mark set to aim at? Never greater Warriors in the World, nor more Successful than the Old Romans: Why? They were not so big as the Gauls, much less than the Germans, nay, less than the little Don Diego the Spaniard, yet Conquered them all, wherefore? The Historian tells us, by the great Triumphs, Privileges and Rewards they gave the Emperors or Generals, with all his Soldiers, which made them Fight like Mad.  
This is certain; Would you have a good Army? Pay them well: A Learned Ministry? Pay them well; but do not permit (as they do in some Fishponds) Ten or Twenty great Jacks to devour all the small Fry: Yet too great Preferment breaks a good Back by over loading it; A Scanty mean, Presbyterlan-level of Preferments, makes Scanty and mean Scholars, (for who will mend his pace and pains, when fast or flow is all one, all of a price, all of one Reckonine?) And poor Scandalous Live must make a poor and Scandalous Glergy, and reduce us again to Barbarism.  
How would such a Primitive episcopacy as I have shown here, Reconcile the difference betwixt Presbyterians, & Episcoparians, & so truly construe that saying of Jerom (Epist. ad Evagrium) I know not what a Bishop has more than a Presbyter, except Ordination; which is by our Bishops, for want of Numbers, now performed by ●he laying on the Hands of the Presbyters, in Conjunction with the great Bishop, who yet knew no more of the matter, as to the Fitness of the Person Ordained, than the Bishop himself, viz. by Implicit Faith in oculo Episcopi, called Mr. archdeacon, or some Surrogate (as is usual) in his Room.  
The Apostle Paul from Miletus sent to Ephesus, and called the Elders of the Church, Acts 20.17. which are there called, ver. 28. Bishops.  
Nay, Mr. Mede, in his proof for Churches, in the second Century, evidences, That no one Bishop had more than one Altar, and that o●e Bishop, and one Altar were Correlates.  
But Pride, Avarice, and the Pope (first) made one Bishop serve many Altars, by Curates and Journeymen, and in requital they made the Pope, The one great Bishop of Bishops, [Papa] as every bulky Bishop is usually Styled in our Ecclesiastical Histories, a Pope, Pater Patrum, ●ay, the Pope himself called our great Bishop of Canterbury, alterius orbis Papa.  
And Mr. Fuller, a great Friend to our Episcopacy, confesses (in his History of the Holy War, lib. 2. c. 2. p. 45, 46.) that Bishops were set (of old) too thick for all to grow, Tall, and to such a Height, as now, and Palestine fed too many Cathedral Churches to have them generally fat: Lidda, Jamnia and Joppa, three Episcopal Towns, were within four Miles one o● another, ●●d surely many of their Bishops, to use Bishop Langham's expression, had high Racks, but poor Mangers; (Ay! this alone will breed the quarrel against all that I have said; my lean Project starves greedy Avarice, that will be ready to eat me for my pains; well, actum est de Episcopatu meo▪ this is not the way for me to get a pair of dainty Lawn sleeves,) I have read my own Doom, and may use the Words of Bishop chrysostom upon Heb. 13.17. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. The fear of that threatening [as they that must give an account] makes my ●ul to tremble continually: And the pious Learned Bishops will thank me hearty; and those that are otherwise may live to amend: Here, has been a sad do with some of them in this poor Kingdom, and all, to keep up that Ecclesiastical Grandeur that God never made; which makes Chrys●stome say [in Hev. Hom. 34.] I wonder how it is possible for a Bishop, ●o go to Heaven, or to be saved.  
Read seriously his Homilles in Tit. in Act. in Heb. and if thou hast Grace, thou wilt not so strive so for a Bishopric; and if thou hast not Grace, thou arr not fit for a Parish-Priest; to whom Bishops allow no part of Discipline or Government, they are are only to Feed, not to Rule the Flock: But the Learned Fuller proceeds— after this Interruption, Neither let it stagger the Reader, if in that Catalogue of Tyrius, we light on many Bishop's Seats, which are not to be found in Mercator, Ortelius, or any other Geographer; for some of them were such poor places, that they were ashamed to appear in a Map, and fell so much under a Geographers notice, that they fell not under it: No, but as little as 〈…〉 [pace tuâ, acquaint Mr. Fuller] it is a great Bull] for in that Age Bishops had their Sees at poor and contemptible Villages.  
The Apostles, Paul and Barnabas, ordained Eiders, Bishops, In every City, at Antioch, Iconium, Derbe and Lystra, the three last are there called Cities, Acts 14.  
Antioch was a great City, the third in the World, but in that almost all the Christian Inhabitants could meet together in one place to hear a Sermon. Act. 13.44 And I●onium was but a small Village, says Strabo, l. 12. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, or 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉: And Derbe, only a Citadel in Isauria and Lystra, only 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. ● Village in Isauria too; And, as for the Names of Bishops and Presbyters, or Elders, of Aldermen, they are in holy Writ Indifferently used, to signify one and the same Grand Signior: Why are the Arians so condemned by the Orthodox, as Theodor, Synod. ep. l. 2. c. 8. for not being contented with small Bishoprics, and no bigger than a Bishop might superintend in his own person, If Rapine be no sin?  
It was never ● good World, since ●he Clergy and Laity drove on two several Interests, and two Bodies distinct, and made the Church one thing, and the State another; If the Clergy endeavour to keep the people in subjection, and under their Girdle Canonical, by Impositions, Canons, and Acts of Uniformity; endeavouring to Lord it over God's Heritage the Laity; no wonder, that they struggle for life and liberty, and that the Feuds and Animosities betwixt them are Immortal; but they would die, cease and decease, If Clergymen studied to restore sinners and erroneous persons in the spirit of meekness.  
Ay, but the obstinate will not so be restored; then, let him alone, perhaps he knows more than thou dost, that art his Teacher; However, to his own Master he standeth or falleth, and thou by giving him Warning haste delivered thy Soul; as to matters of Faith and Opinion; but as to evil works, that is the Magistrates Province and care to correct and punish.  
But, if we cannot fright our Parishioners, they will not care a Pin for us.  
No? (you should say) they do not care for you, nor love you, because you are such Scare-crows, and Bug bears, that would be; If they fear you only, they'll never love you: Do but labour diligently in the Word and Doctrine, and fear not, but that all good men will give thee of all men living (as the Apostle says, double honour, which is due to a Ruling Elder, much more to the Ministers ●hat labour in the Word and Doctrine; though with us. (quite contrary to Scripture) The Ruling Elder, or Bishop, is the man of double Honour amongst us, and the Pastor, or Teaching Elder, must scarce keep his Har●on in the presence of the great Ruling Bishop, to who● the Apostle indeed commands us to give double honour but more especially to the Ministers or Pastors, that Labour in the Word and Doctrine: Those are the most honourable, the most reverend Jure divino, if you believe the holy Scriptures. But Fops mind chief who speaks, not wha● is spoken, if it be the word of a Lord, It is with them more valued and obeyed, than the Word of the LORD.  
These are unjust and corrupt Judges; but, I will not punish them, (if I had power) as King Cambyses did one of his unjust Judges of the Kings-Bench, viz. pulled his Skin over his Ears, stuf● it with Straw, and there Hung my Gentleman over the Bench, in terrorem, that other Tresylians might learn to beware of undermining (the chief Pillar of any Government) the Fundamental Laws.  
Since therefore, to give a Ruling Elder or Bishop more honour than a Paster, or a good Preacher, is expressly against holy Writ, as aforesaid, look you to that; but that great Scripture, which they bring to prove, that every City had a Bishop, and but one Bishop, and every Bishop had but one City, you see by what has been said, both these assertions are sufficiently proved to be false: though we had no other instance than in Tit. 1.5. For this cause left I thee in Greet, to ordain Bishops, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 (that is) 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉: Greet, is an Island that 〈…〉 a hundred Cities, and was therefore called 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 in the Reign of Leosophus the Emperor, and Anno 880. there were but Twelve Bishops; but all that time, why should we imagine that they were all Christians? when the third great City of the Empire, Antioch, where Disciples were first called Christians, and bigger than any City, except Rome and Alexandria, yet had no more Christians in is, than one Church will hold, Acts 13.44. Nay, Jerusalem (where our Lord was Crucified) had so few Christians forty years after, at the destruction thereof, that all the Christians being warned by God to departed, did departed to Pella; a poor little Village, says Eusebius (lib. 3. c. 5.) held them all.  
But, we will take it for granted, that Titus ordained in every City (in the Island of Crect) a Bishop, namely a hundred: And, which is not at all likely, that all were Christians (for till Constantine's time, one Church held all the Christians in Rome; and one great Church in Alexandria held all the Christians there, as their Bishop Athanasius gives an account in his Epistle to Constantius, the Son of Constanine) yet Heylin in his Cosmeg. p. 263, says, There are in Crect but two hundred and seven Parishes, then by that account the great Bishops will get but a Plurality, two Parishes for their Dioceses.  
And ever since, that Bishops first Monopolised so many Parishes, all under their Ecclesiastical Government: There has been no Ecclesiastical Government at all, but a mere Anarchy and confusion, as at this day, and has been the occasion of setting up so many Independent Churches, to the care of themselves and one another, for whom the Ruling Bishop could not poisibly take care; Engrossing all Government, we have none at all but some silly face of it, in a poor surrogate and Register, that minds little else than to singer the Pence, and shear the poor Clergy and Churchwardens twice a year, in Visitations, etc. Deliver your Purse; Poor Sheep escape better than we, they are clipped but once a year, and the Master that seeds them has the Wool, but they that shear us poor Lambs, take our Wool, but seed us not; they have it for nothing, and their great Revenues will not satisfy, but (as I said in my naked truth) It is not a sin for a rich man to rob the Spittle?  
Let such hard hearted Clergymen, who have such exceeding many Flocks and Herds, read their Neck Verse, 2 Sam. 12.5, 6. In Nathan's Parable of the Lamb, and the Sentence.  
And David's anger was greatly Kindled against the man, and he said to Nathan, As the Lord liveth, the man that hath done this thing shall surely die; and he shall restore the Lamb four fold, because he did this thing, and because he had no pity.  
And, what do they visit for? To see that all be Uniform; Pish! it is not to be done; they themselves are not Uniform, nor their Cathedral Worship Uniform with one another, nor with Country Churches, nor with the Act of Uniformity; And what harm? So all things be done decently, and in order, it needs not, by order of Uniformity; Nay, Pope Gregory the 〈◊〉 Six hundred years after Christ, commends variety of Usages, In unâ fide nibil officit— Sanctae Ecclesiae diversa consuetudo.  
Let them show us one such Diocesan Bishop as we have got in England, In the best and purest Times, or one Bishop that ever durst pretend to Govern the Church by Implicit Faith in others, for the first three hundred years, or any thing like it, In holy Scriptures or any reason for it, or any possibility to discharge that heavy charge; And I'll strike out Avarice and Ambition, as the great cause, and Surrogate a better Reason in the room, and be their Profe●●te; Nay, I'll stoop lower, I'll condescend to be my Lord's the Bishop's Chaplain, and Apologist.  
But, If all their skill cannot do it, than it is high time to Recant and Repent, that iniquity may not be our ruin: and to restore the Lamb fourfold: and because rich Dives had no more pity of his brethren, whom the rich Diocesan calls (according to the Style in the Primitive Church) Reverend Brother, and Brother, but looks over the head of his Brother Elder, or Presbyter, as if a Congee d'Fslier had made him a Saul, and higher by the Head, when he only Struts (being Rich) and stands a Tiptoe, but is not a better man, nor a better Scholar than he was before.  
It may hinder his Worth and Learning, rather, by Avocations, running from Ordinations, to the House of Lords, thence to the Council-chamber, thence to confirmations, thence to Visitations, etc. If these do not hinder a Man's Study and Improvement, I have lost my aim.  
Let them but Read Mr. Baxter's Learned Book of Episcopacy, or Archbishop Cranmers Opinion or Ordination; This latter a Learned and Holy Martyr, The former a most Learned and pious Confessor; or let them bu● read the New Testament, and there is little or no difference at all, betwixt a Presbyter, or Elder and Bishop; what in one Verse is called Presbyter, in the next is called Bishop; as Bethlehem the Town, is the same with Bethlehem the City aforesaid: And a Parish signified the same with Diocese.  
But, in alter ●●mes, when Christians Multiplied, if a Presbyter could not Watch over all their Souls, they allowed him a Co-adjutor, and for distinction and Precedency sake called him a Bishop, who sometimes had not one Presbyter under him, as aforesaid, most commonly, but one; and till Bishops begun to Scramble for more Ground, and like other Princes to enlarge their Dominions and Jurisdictions, which was not till the Emperor Constantine made them so big, that in the Fourth Century, the great Work of Councils and synods was Perambulation, to Mark out the Bounds of the● 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, their Parishes or Dioceses, to keep the Peace bet wixt the Encroaching Bishops in that Fourth Century, called Ambitionis seculum, The Ambitious Century; not that Bishops in after Ages grew more humble, or were Ensamples to the Flock, in Self-denial, Modesty, Humility and Contempt of Worldly Grandeur, and (as they say they Vowed in Baptism) to forsake the Devil and all his Works, the Pomp's and Vanitles of this Wicked World, etc. But then (first) they begun to be ambitious of large Dioceses more than possibly they could (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 or,) oversee; then they got Journeymen, and Surrogates, and Registers, and Apparitors, and all that Tribe; to Feed whom, the Church Wardens are the Spaniels (Sworn) to Hunt and Flush the Game, that the hover Jar-Faulcon, the Register, may Pounce them, (there's all) and make a Prey of Poor Sinners, never to be Redeemed, but by Silver or Gold.  
The Golden Key always gets Absolution, which in Gospel Times, and the Primitive Times, never was purchased but with Tears, in the midst of the congregation (as Jerom of Fabiola, ep. ad ocean. Episcopo, Presbyteris, & omni p●puio Collachry-mantibus, etc. The Bishops, Presbyters, and all the People Weeping for Joy at those Peultent Tears; and at the Return of the Prodigal, mixing their Tears with his. (Heb. 13.17.) Obey them that Rule over you, for they Watch for your Souls, as they that must give an Account, etc. A woeful and sad Account must that Bishop make, when God calls him to give an Account, which will be very shortly, of his Bishopric, for he shall be no longer Bishop; Howought he to Tremble at the Thoughts of it? When in ●●ead of Watching for the Souls committed to his Charge, he has only watched for their Pu●●es; And instead of Guiding them, he has sent out Doctor's Commons-men to Watch all England over in the Bishop's Room: we Trace them by the Footing, at a Visitation, etc. What have they been doing? Citing. Admonishing, Excommunicating, Jayling, Absolving, (this Twenty Nine long Years) in all this Kingdom; What ●en●●en●s have they made? What Penance? What Repentance? Is it not a great Cheer that defeats all Repentance? By Commuting (as the Papists and we say) turning the Whores Sins (by which she got Money, they Joy in her▪ for they go Ships) into Money, and a few great Whores are ●how to Maintain all the Ecclesiastical freebooters in Doctors-Commons, she is the Thief that Pick's Men's Pockets, they the Receivers; Oh! the Jubi●ee's they make, when the Apparitor has found out a Rich Wh●re and a Rich Bastard; which (lest they should miss) let the Churchwardens look to it, for they Swear the Ecclesiastical Span●el (always) to quest upon a Haunt; if he do not, he is forsworn; Oh; most Precious Ecclesiastical Discipline! that gins with Perjury, and ends with Mercenary Repentance or Bribery!  
Why should not the King and Parliament be as careful of their Subjects Souls as their Bodies? For they also must give an Account: But, what an Irrational account would it be, if it was to be feared, that an Enemy should Land and Invade us at Harwich or Canterbury, to say, I have set a Watchman upon the Top of Paul's, or (to make sure) upon the Higher Steeple of Lambeth? (call to the Watchmen) is the Enemy Landed at Harwich? How angry would they be at such a nonsensical Question? And say, Surely you are Mad; Do you think any Mortal Man can see from London to Harwich? Or, from Lambeth to Canterbury? There may be a Hundred Thousand Enemies Landed for aught we know; How is it possible for us to Watch and Ward at this Distance?  
In the interim the Kingdom is well looked to. And the Coasts well Guarded, are they not, We are the next Door to Ruin, if more Watch men be not set, and stronger Guards, which is easy and no charge, or expense at all, when the Pay (that two Watchmen have engrossed) would well pay and maintain forty of as good Vigour and Ability, and (in some Sense) better-sighted, and better Tongued Watchmen, to Feed and give Warning; Or, are the welfare of our Lands and Bodies only the care of Governors? And as for men's Souls, one Watchman is enough betwixt this and Canterbury?  
But, (you'll say,) a Man is but a Man, he does what a Man can do? Nemo tenetur ad Impossibilia, I grant; But who bid him undertake such a Charge, that no Mortal can discharge? Who? Who think you, but Filthy-lucre, and Ambition.  
The Council of Sardica in the Fourth Century, Anno 347. saw this Devilish mischief coming Trolling into the Church, and a perpetual strife and comest about the Borders and Limits, as Litigious, as now at Doctors-Commons, about the Probate of Wills, and about Letters of Administration; namely, who shall get the Money, whether the Bishop's or Arch-deacon's Courts of that Diocese where the Man Died, or else a Prerogative Case, by the bona notabila, of the value of Five or Ten Pounds, old do there were; Wherefore the said Council made a Decre●, Can. 6. That no Bishop should be made in a Village or little Town, for which one Presbyter might well suffice; because it is not necessary to make a Bishop's See there, lest the Name and Authority be rendered contemptible. There were Three Hundred and Forty Bishops there, which exceeded the Number of the General Council of Nice, and they took care for the Honour of their own punction, yet they add, That when the People in a Town shall grow so Numerous, a Hundred and Fifty was the Common st●●●or a Presbyter's Care and Cure, Then that Village deserves to have a Bishop, and aught to have one.  
By this Rule, London had need have more than Forty Bishops; And this would where Industry, and make M●u S●udy to be Workmen that need not to be ashamed, lest the People should never choose them, as of old they did, wherea● now if they can but Buy an Advowson, or next Avoidance, or a Patron, &c Let the People go whilstle, they are their Feeders and Pastors in Spich of their teeths:  
But, how can Men Relish what is Cra●n'd down their Throats, as Capon's are served, or given them with a Horn like a Drench? This makes an Immortal Feud and Disgust, generally, betwixt the Physic's Patients, and their Ecclesiastical, not Father's but, Farrier's, that force open their Mouths, and pour down what they please; thus are the People Treated like Bru●es rather than Men, and Christians, they are like to be good ones; But what cares the Reading Don of the Pulpit? He cries, I am Instituted and Inducted, come to your Parish Church, the Horse and the poor A●s must Graze where he is Tied; I'll feed you in spite of your Teeth: Ay, and Starve us too, in spirit of our Teeth.  
There is neither Reason nor Religion for this; If he were never so good a Physician of Souls, all he says is accepred with Prejudice, and Disgustful; for let his Potion be never so wholesome, It goes against any Wife-mans' Stomach to be Drenched; this is the Fault (also) of our Con●●●●ution, and wonderful are the Inconveniences that follow this, as Antmosi●es Eternal betwixt Minister and People, Suits at Law about his Maintenance, for they Pay as they Heat, only so much as they are forced to, and as for the Care of their Souls, they'll trust him no more than they will their Bo●ies with a Physician of another Man's choosing.  
Patron's will lose nothing by parting with their Advowson's, not a Farthing honestly; yes. you'll say, he may make it a Portion for his Daughter, or to his Waiting-Maid, to a poor Parson that will Leap at her  
But, this is the worst of Simonies, and such never thrives no more than other Symonists a Curie attends it and blasts all; this Smock Simony; In other Simonies, Money makes the Mare to go; but in th●, the J●de make the Par●on Ride, that must otherwise have gone on Foot.  
Besides, the most of the Live in England are in the King's Gift, At the Chancellors, or the Bishops, or the Universities, few have private Patron's, except Noblemen, Gentlemen and Papists, the former are all t●o Noble to C●yn their Advowions▪ and the l●st, the Papi●is are very unfit, nay, they are by Law Inc●p●c●ared after Conviction.  
I● is certain, that, wherever the Carcase is, there will the Eagles be gathered together; every Man that is at a lo●s for Preferment, or for greater Preferment, will be sure to inquire, which is the way thither? And if Simony, Smock Simony, or a Ceremony be the way and the Doo●, thither the Clergy make Application, it is their great Aim and Study; thence comes the common Ignorance, Laziness, D●ed and Duil Freaching, or rather Reading, because it is ●asie, most in equest with the great D●n's that can do not better, and is therefore more acceptable than the best.  
But, If you make Merit, the only way to preferment, than you will ha●● a 〈◊〉 Learned, Loving and Lovely Clergy, that will go H●nd in Hand, and Heart in Heart with their People, and nothing thought? 〈◊〉 good for them; but, now what they get, is only got with Scrambling, in all places, especially in pluralities.  
By Pluralitles, I do not mean Two or Three Parishes, for one Pa●ish may be Ten times more a Plurality, (as S. And●●ws Ho●●born) than Twenty Norfolk or Essex Live in some Places.  
And I wish, that the Right Reverend Clergy man who was so Sa●acious (at some little Animals are) to leave the failing House, and the efore left his Seat in the High Commission Court, lest i● he stayed any longer, it had fallen upon his Head, would also be as Sagacious, as to leave his Inconsistent Pluralities; what Sense is it for a Bishop to be a Deacon? For the due joining of (which two) words in Coustruction; Subintelli●itur, Avaritia.  
And (by way of Parenthesis.) now I have Named that High Commission Court, I cannot but remember one word used by my old Friend, Lord Jeffery, soon after in my Lord of London's case, repeated, viz. ●●ptim, we do all things here (quoth he) Raptim, rashly, in ha●●e, without thinking, without consideration, without W●●●ing, without so much as a Clerk, or Register; Ay, the Wiser, for litera Scripta Manet, (but enough of that) and of Bishops, at present.   

CHAP. IU. Of Ordination, etc.  
I Never could understand any thing by Ordination, but what Arch bishop Cr●nmer makes it, a setting apart Bishops; as a Constable, a Justice, or a Judge is Ordained for some special work.  
And the grea●er and more Sacred the work is, the greater and more Sacred is the Ordination.  
The Church, the whole Church did this in the Gospel Times and long after; so says jerom. Requiricur in Sa●●dote ordinando etiam populi praesentia, the People's presence is necessary when men are Ordained▪ not as here, by a Mockery of this Ancient Custom, Ordaining Men in a Congregation, who are as Ignorant as the Bishop in Reference to their Person. Conversations, Learning or Abil●les; but, in the Pur●st and Primitive Times, they were always O●●a●n'd by the Church, as well as in the Church, and sometimes by Laying on of H●nds of the Presbytery alone, as Titus; and sometimes by the whole Church, as Barnabas and Paul, the Laying on ●f H●nds was only a Jewish Custom or Ceremony, Pointing out the Persion Ordained, It was not the hands did any thing, none are so foolish to think that except Virtue could go out by touching, as when our Saviour touchen the Woman (not willingly) which had an Issue of Blood; none are so Blasphemously silly as to pretend h●t; indeed the sign is taken often for the thing Signified; as, for this C●use Bow I the Knee to the Father; and sine stantibus non staret mundus; and, neglect not the Gift of God that was given thee by the Laying on of the H●nds of the Presbytery; by all wh●c● Ceremonies of Kneeling, Standing and Laying on of Hands, is only meant P●ayers made when they were in that posture; now, who can Imagine then that the Prei●●● of a Bishop i● more needful than the Presence of the Presbyters or People, except he could Pray more heart'ly, and more Spiritually than the rest?  
Which he usually was supposed to do, because his Worth, (no● his Friends, Relations, Mon●y or K●nd●ed) advanc'● him, in Gospel Times, and in the Primitive-Tin●s: When Timothy was Ordained a Bishop, the Presbyters only did it, except Presbyters; and Bishops be only two Names for one person, as undoubtedly they are; aftertimes did distinguish them, how? Only by Precedency, as the Chair Man of a Committee, the Speaker, he that in Sessions gives the Rule of the Court, but no better Men, nor other Character ●han his other Brethren the Justices, or Members, except for Order sake Precedency.  
And therefore for Order-sake, the Bishop with the Presbyters, or the Presbyters, or (in default) any Church Member, or the whole Church, might have L●id on Hands, as well as have Prayed at an Ordination, thus when the holy Ghost had chosen Paul and Barnabas, th●y had their Mission from the whole Church, Acts 13.2, 3. Je●om and Chrysostom agree; that there is no difference betwixt a Presbyter and Bishop; but only Ordination; and that was by Custom, as the best man, not as the sole men; he never could Lawfully Ordain but in his own Church, and his own Church Members only, and by the consent of the rest of the Members; for Bishops, for Three Hundred Years after Christ, had no more Souls in their Dioceses than they were intimately and familiarly acquainted with; this makes chrysostom say, that (notwithstanding the Custom of a Bishop's Presence at Ordination, yet betwixt Presbyters and Bishops there was little or no difference (Homil. 11. in 1 Tun) 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, very little difference: and in Scripture times nothing at all; Theop●●lact calls it, ferme ni●il, next to nothing; namely, Precedency; but the Church in Scripture, or the Faithful, Ordained as many Bishops as was needful, and may not Presbyters Ordain now, without a Bishop's Presence, as well as of old in Scripture Times, or as well as Bishops do Ordain Archbishops and Metropolitan's?  
But, in Holy Writ, if any had the Precedency, the Presbyter had it The Presbyter's that are amongst you (saith St. Peter, I exhort, who am also a Presbyter, 1 Pet. 5.1. no greater Titles of Honour can be given than what Age and Nature gives, thence comes, Sieur, Monsieur, Sire, and Sir; or Father; Ma●am, a diminutive, of Dame, or dam, Madam, my dam, or Mother; and Age being Honourable, the greatest Title of Honour is thence derived, Senior, Seniore, Signior, G●and Seniore, in Spanish, Italian, and Lingua Franka; Presbyter amongst the Greeks, Elder or Alderman, or Earl, all is one derivative from Seniority; to that if People be Ambitious of a Name, Presbyter or Earl, Alderman or Earl of the Church, is far before Overseer, or Bishop; whose Diocese was at first no bigger, than that he might ●asily Oversee it, or see over it, now it is Monstrous.  
The burden of a Bishop is so great, and the danger greater in Maladministration, that 〈◊〉, H●mil. ult 23 6. 13 in Heb. 12.17. says. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉; What 〈…〉 for Sours? Y●●, and at his 〈◊〉 too; Does not the Horrid Hazard threaten his Head?  
But, what cares some Men for the Thunder of Heaven's Vengeance till it fall upon them, they are Stouter than those two Atheistical Emperors, Tiberius and Caligula, they would Run under Ground in Yaults and Caves when it Thundered; but some are as unre●enring as the High. Priest of Rome called Julius Caesar, that notwithstanding that he Rea● Divinity Lecture in Rome to the People, was the greatest Robber and Murderer in the World and Sacrificed to his Ambitious and Greedy Rapacity, the bravest C●mmon wealth that ever the Sun saw; but he fell in the height of h●s Jollity and to shall all ●erably, whose Portion is, as they desire, in this 〈◊〉 only.  
In short, the difference betwixt Presbyter and Bishop in Holy Writ is nothing at all; no not in Ordinations: As in Asrica Presbyters did Ordain, and so now, at this day, in Germany, France. and in the most Prorestant Churches; And must we Schismatice from Scripture? And from all the Protestants in the World to follow a Custom they got into the Greek Church. (Forty Customs they had besides this contrary to Scripture Customs) chrysostom being a Greek Bishop; and Hierom though Writing in Latin, yet dwelling and conversing amongst the Greeks, but would never make so bold a venture as to be a Bishop, in those times so the Fourth Century, when the Task was forty times easier, because the Province or D●●cess was forty times less, nay a Hundred times less than now in England and Wales, besides 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 (make the most on't) is but per Civitates, alongst the Cities, which being a Hundred in Crect, and the Parisheth 〈◊〉 two Handred and Seven, and not a Tenth part Chilmans, this 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 is only sillily Construed to make such Havoc 〈◊〉 it has both in the State and all true Devotion.  
Yet Men drink Healths to the Prosperity of the Church of England; I they mean hereby a good Health to the Protestant Head of the Church, and the Protestant Members (the only True meaning) with all my Heart, let it pass  
Bu●, if by the Church of England, they Scandalously mean, there by only the great Diocesan's that cannot possibly Watch over Sou●s except by 〈◊〉 Faith in the Black Guard of Apparitors, Summoners, Registery Proctors, Canonists, Lay-V●cars, Vicars-general, Commissaries, Officials, Surrogates, (or I do not know who) at the General Rendezvous, and Head Quarters at Doctors-Commons; What an affront is this to the True Protestant Church of England?  
I grant, that the 〈◊〉 have all this whole Ragged Regiment, and by the same Names too, and for the same Service in their Popish Muster-Roll.  
But, God forbidden, That the Reformed Church of England should signally d●ffer from Popish Church Discipline, not so much as Nominally, and so little really, and to purpose, that some have only been Starved to Death in a Jail, and many Hundreds (and their Families) undone, whilst the Smith field Fire's were fierce indeed, but the tortures did not last long; Our merciful Hands made Men feel Death long and often, before that King of Terrors was permitted to end the Pains: Oh! blessed Reforma●n!  
Y●●, you'll say, our L●rany is in English, the Mass Litany in Latin; and the Saints are omitted; and Te D●um is ●ung in English, or half Jabb●rd over unintelligibly after the firth Le●n; We praise thee, O God, We Acknowledge thee to be the Lord, All the Earth doth worship thee, etc. All the Earth 〈◊〉 wish it did; but in my little Travels, I know it is lass; for more than half the Earth are Infidels to old Day: There we are out of the Truth, whatever be the Tune; And why do all the People say this Very? There's no Rule, no Rubric for it? Or, is it because the Ministers are wise and know better things, and therefore will give the loolish unthinking M●mick's leave to tell that false Story.  
But, I am quite Tyced, It is endless to find fault; I had much rather see it amended; the Common-Prayer Book is the more Amiable to me as Old Gold is more acceptable than New, it has been long Tried and has endured the Test pretty well, which is more than can be said of any other Desultory Prayers, that like New guineas may many times be Counterfeit; but as the most Tried Gold will well endure, to it may sometimes need the Refiners Fire.  
But as for the said Blackguard of Summoners, Surr●gaces, Apparitors, Informers, Registers, etc. that Live by the Sins of the People, it is as much beyond the Art of Man to amend them, as it is to amend a broken Cobweb, and when you have used your utmost skill, it will not quit cost: I have Studied the Point, and yet am I not one jot the better Artist at it, than I was Seven Years ago, when my advice (in my Naked Truth (was to dress them according to the Vertuoso's Receipt, to dress 〈◊〉, viz After you have washed them, in several Waters, than Salt them, Pepper them, and lastly, the surest way to prevent their Maliguity, is to throw them on the Dunghill.— A Racr— To bring the Pillory in Disgrace. Fruges consumere nati, as if they were born for no other end, but (like Rats, M●ce, Polecats, and other Vermin) to cat up the Victuals, Hunt about for a Prey, and Run Squeaking up and down.  
N●ver was there such Church Discipline, and such Ecclesiastical Fellows to Manage it, in the whole Christian World (except amongst the Papists) they indeed have the like Harpies, but every private Priest there is more than a Bishop here, can take Confessions; search their Entraps, and enjoin Pennance.  
Whereas we are Cumbered with the same great Diocesan's, but every P●●st there has Power to Rule as well as Feed the Flock; and the word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 (in 1 Pet. 5.2.) Si●infies both, to Rule and Feed; God commands both to every Presbyter, but the Bishop's Countercheck God's Commands, and will take all the Weight upon themselves, with the help of Summoners, Notaries, Register's, etc. Well, God help them, and forgive them; they can take the Charge, and strive for 〈◊〉, and think it a great Honour; Ay, so it is, if rightly d●arged; (which is impo●s●c in our present Circumstances) therefore have a care that the great H●nos ●e not too great an Onus, a Burden heavy enough to break the Back of any Mortal; no Apostle duest undertake it, but took care to leave Residentiary Bishops in Crect, one for every Two Parishes, when the Tenth part of those were not Christians neither; but the generality of our People also differ from ●●fi less only in Name, or the Baptismal Vow of Sureties in Baptism, (if ever they had any) and is not worth a Rush; nay, it is ●orse than nothing, by the Perjury.  
And in Italy at this Day they have many Dioceses that are not half so big, nor by half so Rich and Populous as the Pavishes of St. Andrews-Holborn, St. Margarets-Westminster, Sr. martin's Stepney, St. Giles, and many others? yet not any of these, is thought a Charge great enough for one single Shoulder under the Bishop; whereas good St Augustine knew not how to discharge alone the Eplscopal Work of little Hippo, without Co adjutors; and in the little Teritory Adjoining, there were many Bishops, (as one at the Castle Synica, near H●ppo; another at the Castle Eussula, ad Ecclesiae H●pponensis Paraeciam (August, de Civitate Dei, l. 22. c. 8 Epist 261. Epist. 68) Ecce Interim Episcopos nosires, qui sunt in Regione Hepponensi ubi a vestris tanta mala patimu●, convenite: Aslemble our Bishops, that are in the Territory of Hippo, etc. Bishops that had a City to Govern, did not use to Bishop it, in the Ter●ory Adjoining; the Bishop of Rome never pretended that his Diocese of Rome reached beyond the City; for at this Day there are Forty Bishops in the Ter●tory of Rome and of old, there were Sixty Nine Bishops there, and not one of their Diocesles is so Great, so Populous, and so Rich as St. Andrews-Holborn.  
Pope Innocent I. (Epist. ad Descentium Episcopum Eugubi. Ep c. 4) cum omnes Ecclesi●e nostrae intrae Civitatem Constitutae sunt. All the Churches of my Diocese are within the City; and Acts 14.23. A Bishop or Elder had but one Church. And Bishop usher (Irish Relig. p. 63.) says, that the Diocese of the Bishop of Duplin in Ireland, did not Reach over the City Wall; tantum intra muros exercet Episcopale Offi●ium.  
This which I have said is enough to pious Bishops; but to such as are given to Filthy Lucre, nothing will satisfy but more Mammon, more, more; even Pope Leo himself Condemns such Bishops, saying, Domìnarì magis quam Consulere subditis quaerunt, They make it their business to Dominter, but not to Consult the Welfare of those under their Charge: Pope Gregory Appointed Twelve Bishops in the County of York, (Respon. ad 8. Interrog.)  
Surely, our Bishops and great Doctors have contemptible thoughts of the Common Prayers, as a Mean, Underling Office, or else, why do they put mean Underling Curates, and Singing men, Saddlers or Cobblers that can Sing, and therefore, made Deacon's to serve to Road Prayers and ●lo● them, to some Tune; and as soon as that Drudgery is over, than a way goes the Chorister to his Shop, whilst the Doctor and the Bishop reserve themselves, for the Topping Pulpit, if they say any thing, except benedicite, leaving the Common Prayer to Readers, some Schoolboys, not yet ●n●ncipated from School-dames, will Read more Audibly and distinctly than many of them: In short, the Common-Prayer, if 'mended will serve for a Crutch to the Lame; and though I, blessed be God, need none, yet, the Crutch must not be thrown out of the Church; for than you must throw the Parson after it, general'y, all England over: The Common Prayer Book? Oh! 'Tis all in all, it is a Crutch to the Lame Parson, Eyes to the Blind Parson, and puts Words into the Mouth of the otherwise, Dumb Parson; nay, it is Ears too to the Deaf Disciples, and Music Ceremony monger, the very O●accusticon of the Spirit; Therefore, here's my Hand to it▪ it shall have my Vote, for my poor brethren's sake; upon condition, tho' that it be not G●amb'd down other Men's Throats, that need not be so Fed, but can Chew what they swallow; and also upon condition, That we do no longer exclude a great part of Holy Scripture to make Room for Tobit and his Dog, I mean, The Apocrypha.  
Have we not Apocryphal, and unscriptural Ceremony-mongers enough that fill up the Steeples and High Places in the Church, l●ke a great Cracked Bell, that is good for nothing but to fill up the Vocancy; But must Apocryphal books too Justle the Holy Scriptures also out of the Church? You'll say, the Mass-book did it before we did it: Yea, that's true; so a Popish interest also possibly brought this great Cracked Bell into a Protestant Steeple; (What does it do there?) there it hangs, but had never been hanged so high, but that it was cracked, and good for nothing but to give an unintelligible and Jarring sound, to keep out a better, and in room of a better, it will serve well enough to make up the number of the Yeas, and the No's.  
Well may this Cracked Ceremony monger dread a wise and a pious, and honest English Parliament, more than he sears either God or the Devil, more than Heaven or Hell, lest they spy this Church-Cobweb, (though it hang aloft) and sweep it down, or new Cast this useless Cracked Bell.  
You may know him by this certain mark; for conscious of Gild, and of his own uselessness and Futility, (through well-grounded sear) like the murmuring Israelites, he longs for the Flesh pots of Egypt again, Egyptian or Popish d●rkness, which has covered (as darkness does) all his faults, this Pope Joan (in the dark) has been as good as my Lady) and a Popish King (he joys in) to choose, rather than Angel's food, Manna, (What is it?) he knows not, he relishes it not.  
For he loves Popery in his heart (as the Carpenter loves his Ladder) because it helps him up so high, to overlook his betters; Well! let him (even) march then, after his Brother Cartwright, he is fit for nothing so well, as to read Common-Prayer in the French Protestant Chapel in the Castle of Merli.  
Thus have I run him to an Inavoidable Dilemma, one of the Horns whereof must Gore my Ceremony-monger; for, it he obstinately persist in his irrational and illegal Ceremonies, the Law and the next Jury deprives him by his own Celebrated Act, The Act of Uniformity, which condemns all Ceremony mongers, and all Ceremonies, not contained in the Common-Prayer Book; and then the King may in the Vacancy (without Invading any man's propriety, like Queen Elizabeth) put this unprofitable and impossibly to be performed Nuisance to its proper use, and to a good use.  
But, if he Recant, Abhor, Repent and Forsake his Illegal and Popish-like Ceremonies, we have got the day, he is converted to be a good man; and will then voluntarily relinquish that burden, which no mortal can bear, for fear of the Torments Eternal, which none can bear; the saying of St. chrysostom (in Heb. 13 7. H●mil ult. 24) will penetrare his hard Heart and scared Conscience 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 etc. I wonder in my heart (〈…〉) 〈◊〉 it is posh 〈◊〉 for a chief Bishop in the Church to be saved, etc. High Priest Aaron said, Nolo Episcopari, Moses also was as loath to come into the Collar, Send by the hand of whom thou wilt send, said he, in a Pet, to God Almighty; foreseeing the dreadful burden: St. chrysostom in that Homily says in effect, concerning a great Bishop, as one said of an Executor, viz. If I had a mind to send a man to the Devil, I would make him my Executor, and if I had a mind to send a man to the Devil, I would make him a great Lord— Bless me! That vain ambitious man should hope to comb Heaven by that very sin of Haughtiness and Pride, which made Lucifer a Devil.  
I well know that in this Juncture, every Projector is full of his Notion, which may do well to in Utopia, but is not practicable here.  
And I'll Answer such well-meaning Noddles (is a grave Senator of Old Rome did his pious Friend, that brought him an excellent Model of Government) my Friend? This would do well in Plato's Commonwealth, but it is not feasible for us who live in the Dregs of Romulus.  
But nothing is here proposed but what is easy, good for all, sound, pure, primitive and practicable, as well as profitable, and hurts no body, no not the great Diocesan and sleepy fat Prebend, in their present Incumbencies and Possessions, if they can (with a safe Conscience) continue them.  
For St. chrysostom is bolder with such Bishops as are so addicted to filthy Lucre, that he quite incapacitates their for the place, 〈…〉 in Ep. ad Tat. c. 1.) 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, & ●, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉; hic ut indigenus Sacerdotio est removendus; Let him be Deposed, nay Degraded, as unworthy of that holy Function.  
Some Repairs of necessity must be done, as the Wisdom of a Pious King and Parliament shall think meet, upon those that have by their filly, illegal, and foppish, and Popish-like Constitutions and Ceremonies, reduced all true Devotion to a mere Pharisaical and Outside Superstition, (which is also very silly and nonsensical) to boor.  
Does not St. Cyprian tell us, (Ep. 68) That in the Ordination of Sabinus, the Bishopric was conferred upon him by the Suffrage (that is, the Vote) of the whole Fraternity, or Brethren, and by the Judgement of the Bishops that me together in our presence? etc.  
That Exhortation in the Common-Prayer-Book, before the Communion, concerning the quieting of a troubled Conscience, (when the guilty person thinks himself not qualified sufficiently for the receiving that blessed Sacrament) gives the Minister power of Absolution; that is, power of the Keys, the Church Keys [good reason] of his own Church, whereby I judge, that every Minister has power to lose what any Register, or Bishop, or Surrogate, has ●ound, if he think fit, tho' they also have bound the Spirit down to Hill, or his body afterwards lies bound, for want of Absolution, in a ail; I think, a Minister has power, like Orphtus, to fetch him back from Satan, but not from the Jailor; is not this to give the power of the Keys to a Minister by the Stature or Common Prayer Book, which the common practice or Canons do not allow or admit? This is to give and take again; this is to give we do not know what; this is to give the great Bishop more eyes, than those same large eyes, called Archdeacon's; this is to give Ministers the power that Christ gave them, to Ru●e and Feed, for 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 in 1 Pet. 5 2. Signifies both Feed and Rule, and one as much as the other, God has joy'd them together, and woe be to him that sepatates those whom God hath joined together, only to gratify his own ambitious and avaricious Claw, that grasps more than it can possibly hold, and by endeavouring to be Mr. Do all, becomes Mr. Do ill; this is to mock the Presbyrery, give and take again: this is just like the silly Charm, In-Dock, Out Nettle. Ye shall, saith the Stature; Ye shall not, says the Present Discipline; here is wise work, and most cousounded clashing, and irreconeileable Ministrations Ecclesiastical; well, it is well (in Apology) that we can say, it was made in haste; but, we have had time to amend it: Yes? but, those that Steered then, must have acknowledged their Frailty, Weakness and Mortality, which flesh and, blood cannot deny, but is most unwilling to grant and coufess; which Popish (English, not Italian) pride, I fear, will put in a Caveat, as formerly, against Reformation.  
Never could any Bishop or Priest, (with whom I ever yet did discourse the point, either here or beyond Sea) allege any Reason, why the Presbyters should not be helps in Government, rather than filly and Rascally Registers, Summoners, Officials, Canonists, etc. except that the work being divided amongst his Brethren, in time the Wages would be divided also; whereas the other Freebooter's Ecclesiastical, or rather Mongrels [party-per-pale,] Lay-Elders, went, no purchase no pay, and perhaps gave Money too, to purchase such a spiritual Letter of Mart; Ay, and get good Booty too by the Venture.  
In short, such monstrously bulky Bishoprics, as now we have, has formerly been found too dangerously big for the King and Kingdom, as well as uneasy for the people, and [like a Shoe, too big] useless, except it be stuffed out with those said refuse Stuff and Excrements, Summoners, Registers, etc. or, if a great Shoe be too disparaging and disagreeing: Metaphor for such High-Top-Knots Ecclesiastical, (the Pride as well ●s the Mode of our High Church Man) 〈◊〉 compare them to the poor 〈◊〉 that has got the 〈◊〉, which 〈◊〉 the poor Limbs, to make a monstrous great Head, stuffed like a Bladder, sometimes with more Wind and Vapour than Brains: Verifying the Proverb, A great Head and little 〈◊〉, not, that the Diverb is always true, but it is often so when a Whore or a Jesuit made that great Head; so, that the Head had never grown so Ghastful a Portent, had it not been for a very carnal Heart.  
Me thinks it looks like Tom a Lincoln, (the great Cathedral Bell there) too big for use, or to call men to Church, it would well make ten good and useful Bells, if well Cast, whereas now it serves for nothing but a show; and only the name Rings all the Kingdom over, but good for nothing but to be gazed at, and admired by Women and Fools, for its huge Dimensions: And is certainly a too much overgrown thing, since the days of the Martyr Ignatius, Bishop of Antioch, and contemporary with some of the Apostles, when he says, Every Altar should have a Bishop, meaning certainly a Presbyter, or something very little different; Nay, in his Epist. ad Smyr. he says, It is not lawful without the Bishop to Baptise, or hold a love Feast, or any Ecclesiastical Assembly, etc. Certainly then a Bishop was not Omnipresent, or an Ubiquitarian, or else nothing like to the Bishop's Office (at this day) amongst us performed.  
Shall we call those separate Congregations, Schisms, from the Catholic Church, when they keep to the Primitive Rule from which our Constitution has swerved? What Vote Avarice and Ambition had in making such a Constitution by Precedent from the Hierarchy of Rome, let others judge, I shall not Dogmatically determine.  
But, (some say) Tho' the Bishop cannot see from the Cathedral what is done all over the County, Shires and Towns of his Diocese, yet he can Ride about, and go the Rounds, and Visit them; and so he is bound to Go or Ride once in three years.  
And what Improvement is made by such Triennial Visits in any thing except his Purse, and the thing he calls Confirmation? Can he possibly be a sufficient Shepherd and Bishop of Souls, or Physician of Souls, that has not so much as spoke with, or visited one of a thousand in his Diocese?  
Nay, grant that he do nothing else all the year (if it be not a Parliament year) but visit his Flock, we'll grant him for every Town, Village or Parish two or three days in one year, and by that account, in that two days, he cannot have Examined above the tenth part or Tithe of the Parish, nor heard their Causes and Complaints, for above one tenth part, and what shall become of the other nine? Nay, what shall become of that same tenth part till the next years visit; the Patient may be dead in that time, as well as all the nine, that get no relief from his Episcopal hands.  
Oh! but other Curates, Journeymen, and Apparitors, etc. do the Work for him; that Surrogated folly has been sufficiently Answered already, not but that sometimes he may by Implicit Faith, shooting at Rovers, hit the mark, but it is no the Blindman shot the Crow, more by Luck than by Wit.  
In short, when a bounteous Prince publishes the Bines betwixt a nee die, greedy Doctor, and a great Fat, Bulky, Unwieldy Bishopric, the Match is food made up, generally, tho' Conscience (●arried a little at the Tremendous Account and impossibility and impotency of performance) does whisperingly perhaps forbid the Banes; Avarice and Ambition are lewd and loud Speakers, and can soon silence the Whisper of a Conscience, that like some drowsy Judge, is scarcely awake, when he passes Sentence: And the Contract once Solemnised publicly in the Church, the Divorce is not so easy.  
No? Is not the Divorce easy in case of Impotence, and Impossibility of giving the Church due benevolence, the only design and end of such a Contract? The Civilians cheat us, if such an impotence be not a sufficient, a lawful and necessary cause of divorce; Nay, worse, it is (some say) ipso facto void, where there is Error personae, or not a sic man for the turn: But, I'll urge no Parabolical Arguments so far as, (of I lift) I can make them go; if before God, and in foro Conscientiae they can answer it, I leave them to those two Judges; Is it any wonder to see a Church barren and unfruitful of any thing, but Puppetlike, and Apish, as well as irrational Ceremonies, superficial and perfunctory Devotions, (the only fruits of such Decrepit Sons of the Church) which are begot, when impotency is supplied by Fumbling Registers, Apparitors, Lay-Chancetours, or Lay Elders, and forsworn Churchwarden?  
Sr. Paul (indeed) had upon him the care of all the Churches; namely to advise them, and leave Presbyters and Bishops to Guide, Rule and Feed them, but, did not Excommunicere, or Ordain by implicit Faith: When Presbyters were Ordained, he left the whole Government and Management of the Church to their care and prudence; but he never undertook the Load of a whole County, two or three, upon his own single Shoulders, lest with such a Weight he could never mount Heaven, but 〈◊〉 be cast down to the nethermost Hell, and become a castaway by Maladministration, and Impossibility of performing that Office and Undertaking. The Apostle himself could not manage a Plurality.  
A Plurality? What's that? Not such a thing as it is commonly taken and accepted to be, viz. two or three poor Parishes; for one Perish (such as St. Andrews-Holborn) has twenty times more people than twenty Country Parishes, so unequally are Parishes divided, both 〈◊〉 to Numbers and Estates: A Plurality than is more people than any one man can probably visit and regard, either by reason of their numbers, or distance of place; no men did rule or feed the people (in the Scripture times, purest and primitive times) by Proxies, Journey-men-curats', Sureties, Registers, Surrogats, or Implicit Faith; 'tis Non sense all over, as well as Irreligious, until blind men can learn to see (as our great men do now) by other men's eyes, and implicit Faith: I grant, that the blind Beggar of Bednal-green did do his business by the eyes of his Dog and a Bell, and got (they say) thereby a great Estate, but, still, in Spirituals, it will not hold good, and if it would, it would be no great honour for a Bishop, to be accounted, the great Blind-beggar-Ecclesiastical; yet, so he must always ways beg the Question, and do his great Church-works, by blind implicate Faith, or else be cannot possibly do business.  
Therefore, some Repairs must of necessity be done, and in time too, or else a Church so Crazy in her Discipline, and ●o Non sensical in her Ceremonies, cannot stand long, propl● how we can.  
The Papists upholds theirs with Dragoons, Constables, Jailers, Summers, Registers, ●●ng m●n, and the Inquisition, with Curses, An●them●● 〈◊〉. To●●●●●● and Jails; if ●ny body m●k● 〈◊〉 ●ment of like Props, they'll ●●●d th●m 〈◊〉, and give them the slip now in there day, and 〈…〉, when Governors (whose duty it is) to Reform, do negl●●●●o long 〈…〉 years' ago in 〈…〉 the people could beat no longer, and took them to do; but the people are but Tinker-like Refor●ness; if they mend one hole; they make two.  
Force and Jails, Impositions, & ●●●ght do in the Days of Ignorance, A Germane Writer tells us, That the people were 〈◊〉 ●illy there, before ●●ther's time, and so Devoutly priestridden, that i● the priests had 〈◊〉 them, they would have Eat G●●●s, as our Asses and Ja●●s do.  
But, those happy Days are done and passed; nor must we expect such success; formerly the Pe●●●● were the only Clerks, the only Scholars, and the G●ntry went to no School, but the Dancing School; but now qui●● contrary, the G●ntry are the most Accomplish'● Vertuoso's, 〈◊〉 knowledge, and the great Accomplishment of a Clergy Ceremony mon●er, is 〈◊〉 to 〈◊〉 his 〈◊〉, bowings, and Alamode postures Ecclesiastical 〈◊〉 the two Art demiss. (those two Fountain) of such Dancing ●●●●ature, 〈…〉 Ceremonies; wherein, being pretty well improved so Seven Years, 〈◊〉 hot and long a Skirmish of Ergo versus Ergo, is but Addressing to ●●me 〈◊〉 Chamber maid, or Groom to a Patron that has a void Living in his G●● and he is forthwith, by the help of Implicit Faith, made free of the 〈◊〉 pit; This may be done, because it is frequently done, and then the Flo●● are no● guideable by such a Novice; but go to the Conventicles, and 〈◊〉 out for better Pastures; What then? Then they are prefound; and 〈◊〉 then? Then the Registers Shears them takes their Fl●●●●, and 〈…〉 go, to 〈◊〉 more Wool against the ●●x 〈…〉 the next Vision, which gins (as all other matter of that Nature) with a Nomin? 〈◊〉 〈…〉 to be ready to pay th● 〈◊〉 to the Registers, whi●● the Bishop's great E●● 〈…〉 is getting himself a 〈…〉, with Wine and Oysters; 〈◊〉 nex● Question is— I D●ncer R●ady? Then, after Dinner, call 〈◊〉 to pay; there the poor Clergy mu● pay again after D●●●er, when the had paid for it once before, in their Procucations, and Synodals, 〈◊〉 they Eat a bit: well, the World grows worse and worse, Old Bishop Humphrey, Late Bishop of London, did, indeed, makes us pay our Visie, o● Pro●●●ations (incended and given at first) to be● charges, and pay the Common Reckming, and so he did; we never paid Twice, but that lanovation came in, as soon as he was Dead.  
Then after manuer to Church they go again, (when the Clergy are Short to do as much to the Churchwardens, and Swearing them to be forswor● (for no Man ever did or can keep that Oath,) sometimes a Church-Wat● den pays Four or Five Shillings, sometimes Two Shillings and Four pence; the Sell-Soul seldom refuses ready Money, then take in their Presentments, and having thereby notice where the Covey lies, by the help of his Stalking horse, (the Apparitor,) he catches some to be sure in his Net, whence they never escape, but with the loss of some Fathers at least.  
Well, may the Fops say, Here's a Hea●th to the Church of England, for never did any Sickly Church stand in more need thereof; if by the Church, they mean, the said Black Guard, and Ragged Regiment of Summoners, Jaylo●●, Sworn (I had almost ●aid, foreword) Churchwardens; Apparitors, Registers, Surrogates, Officials, and Ceremony-Mongers; here's an Ecclesiastical Body of a Church for you, the like of it is no where in the World; for though the Papists have the same Tools, and for the same use, and by the same Names called and known, yet every Priest Secular, besides the Swarming Monks, and Itinerary friar's) performs more Ecclesiastical Discipline in their way▪ than the best Bishop does here, in making Pen●●●nes; Is it not high time for our Governors to Imitate our blessed Saviour, and make a Whip of small Cords, and Slash these Ecclesiastical money-changers our of the Temple?  
When ●urrs get into the Church, the Sexton does not stand ask how they came in (when he sees the Doors stand open) but Whips them out▪ Even so, it is a folly to spend time in enquiring how these Ceremony-mong●●s, and Ragged Regiment got so high into Church, but Slash them out: For tho' the favour of a Jesuit or a Court-Whore, might have done Wonders in pu●●ing a great Fapping-Cap upon my Ceremony-monger's Head, yet I cannot Imagine how they could open his Skull and put in more Brains, except Scholars and Wits could be made, (like Knights) by Dubbing, or as Kings make Lords, by Letters Patents.  
Not, but that the Vulgar, and the Fool himself thinks himself some body for W●t, and knowledge (forsooth) Virtue and Valour, more than before his Father or Elder Brother Dyed, or before he got (I know how) to be a Court-favourite.  
But, Anatomize and Rip him up, and you will not find him to be made of Clay one jot more Refined, than the other Mortals, by the Sound or Title of Honour; but he that was a Fool and a Coward before, is to still, though he had Fools Fortune, the luck to have a King for his Godfather, an● to give him a Name, but, in all other respects, he is just as God Almigh●● made him, and as his Sin and Ignorance has Polluted him, only a great de●● more Lofty, and Confident, (I dare not say) impudent, Proud and High.  
But the Canons of our Church, now in force, I'll prove, foreseeing the Arrogance Ecclesiastical, took care (as well as our Saviour did) to prevent it; nay, even in Minute matters, such as that, namely, That a Bishop should not suffer a Presbyter (his Reverend Brother) so much as to stand bare, or keep off his Hat in his Presence, and Imitate our Saviour in Washing his Disciples Fee●, both of those Significant Ceremonies had no other meaning, but the Ruin of Prelatical Pride, which begun amongst the very Twelve Apostles, as soon as ever they came from Receiving the Sacrament or first Holy at S●●ife amongst themselves, who should be Pope, or Archbishop.  
Just like the Mother of James and John, the Love of Prelatical Price made her Pray (such was the height of her Devotion) that her Sons might fit Check by Jowl with our Blessed Saviour upon the Throne, one on the Right Hand, and the other on the Left, let not my Ink, herein, seem too Corrosive; it is the more proper Remedy to cure this spreading, Cancrous and Ecclesiastical Ring-worm, that defaces the Beauty of a Churchman, making him more like Lucifer than Christ, who was meek and lowly.  
I have compared Popeth Prelacy (which I have s●en beyond S●●, as ●●ll as Read of) with our English Prelacy, and I profess in the prescence of Almighty God, and before Men, that I could not discern any the least difference, within nor without, more than what was between two Crows-Eggs; no specifical difference, but mostly Individual, and where there is any difference, the Papists have much more Reason for theirs, than we have for ours.  
For an Italian Bishop has not the Hundred part so big a Diocese, neither in Numbers, not Extent, as is the Bishopric of London; nor scarce a Twentieth part of the Value; and yet in that little Extent of a Diocese he has a hundred times more Presbyters to help him in Discipline, or Penance, than the 〈◊〉 of London; we are suffered indeed (if We Blear the Bishop) to Prea● sometim ●●or to Feed, but as to Church-Discipline, we are just so many Ciphers; [the Papists defrand the People of half the Sacrament, and the Bishops take from their Brethren the Presbyters half the Work of a Presbyter; that they may be the Domini Do all's, and yet they cannot do at all, except by Sell-Soul Registers, and Summoners, of whom a Presbyter is but the mere Echo: What a Church have we got? The ruling Elder, in Scripture, i● worthy of double Honour, but especially the Preaching Elder, that Labours in the Word and Doctrine, but quite contrary with us: For the Preaching Elders is no body to the Register, Bishop or Archbishop, who if they be not Ruling Elders, are some of them nothing at all; for Preach they do not, Rule they cannot, except by Proxy, Sureties or God-father's, and Implicit Faith; Where lies their chief use ●hen, more than of old, 〈◊〉, and Antiquated Statutes, long laid aside amongst old Almanacs, and out of Date?  
Ay, say some, but old things and old Men must not be cast away: No, God forbidden; no more than Novices or little Children; but, woe be to that Land whose King is a Child, and the Land Ruled by Sureties, Godfathers' Proxies, and Administrators; so woe be to that Church whose Ecclesiastical Men are Nozices, or Antiquated, and Twice Children, an old Lawyer is not cast away, when he casts himself off, as unfit for the Bar, being half Deaf, and half Blind; 'tis time to have done, when Nature gives a Man— his Quietus est.  
Oh! but no matter who does the Work, (say some) yet the Profits, the Profits, the Wages, the Wages.  
To that, I'll Answer; Avarice, Avarice, (which made an Apostle ●ell his Lord) the work, the work, which none but a God that is Omnipresent 〈◊〉 discharge honestly, except by Deputies and Curates, a Name unknown 〈…〉 and the Primitive Church, till Pride and Covetousness would stoop to that Load, that is enough to break the Back of any Mortal, bonâ interim Conscientiâ frement intùs & objurgante, saltem susurrante meliora; we hoped, and are still not without some hopes, that as we have lately changed our Popish Taskmaster, our Popish Bondage also would have been eased; for it is mere Hypocrisy, and Mocking of God, to make a Thanksgiving for our D●llverance from Slavery and Popery, if we be only Translated, Latin into English, and the Amendment only in words, mere words, of the same Tenor and Signification, and are really Comrades Ecclesiastical and Prelatical, whom our Lord has Condemned, in every thing, except for Order or Methods sake, our Saviour has passed a Sentence against all Spiritual Lordships, but Temporal Lordships, and Temporal Lords only does he admit, Excluso Clero.  
I know not how, when, or how soon it shall come to pass, but the time shall come, (I'll say with my Saviour.— Mat. 15.13.) that every Plant which my Heavenly Father hath not Planted, shall be Rooted no.  
The Devil and the Popes made certain Laws called Canon-Laws; and to encourage Men to profess the Magic or Black Art, a thing was advanced called a Professor or Doctor of Cannon-Law, and we are such Wise Reformers, as to Choose our Officials, Commissaries, Registers, and Chancellors out of this Rubbish; it will cost a Man honestly 500 l. before his Son can he Free of the Sell-Soul Trade; but then; then, when he happens to have a Sell-Souls Place given (given said I? Fool that I am! I mean granted) to him, when he gets understanding to know the English of Consideratis Considerandis, or the meaning of a Gratulty, an Income or a Fine, he may get the Devil and all of Money, and a Purse as large as his Conscience. As for Instance: I myself Read an Absolution in my Church of All-Saints. lent to me from Doctors-Commons to publish, in pain of the Law; namely, I must cure a Young Lady, by Absolving her, that was Excommunicated, for breaking her Leg, or coming before her time; and because she was loath to Repent, she punished her Purse, sent up the guineas to Doctors-Commons, where a Proctor, that shall be Nameless, for 'tis usual, Swore in my presence before the Vicar-general, in animam Dominae, for the Soul of his Mistress (the said Young Lady whom he never saw, nor ever will see, for she is Dead) that he did believe her very penitent, for her Sin of Fornication; 'tis true, she never spoke to him, nor to the Register, nor to the Vicar, nor Surrogate, nor to any of that stabble, but her guineas did, to my knowledge; this is no telling Tales out of School, for I always defied them and all their Works, they are so profligate, and prostitute, without shame, or Conscience.  
A Whore in Rome may have a pardon or Absolution for a Julio or two, and for Twelve Royals (a Noble English Money) in Spain or Portugal: but our Sell-Souls have no Conscience in them; if they get a Rich Whore into their handling: Besides, The papists Colour over the pick pocket Rapine, with Enjoining some penance, as to say Forty Ave-maries', or sit all Night Naked upon a Cold Stone, to Cool and Mortify them at least, to Colour the Robbery of their Purses; but our ●i●ciplineri●ans barefaced, bid you deliver your Purse, (full of guineas sometimes) or else go to pound, or pind-sold, (the Devil) and Jail; but open your Purse, and you sha● not need to open your Mouth, and confels your Sins.  
I have seen a great part of this Moety, or one side of the Globe of the World, and somewhat of the other Hemispheres beyond the Aequator, but in all my Travails, Reading or Discourses, I never me ●th such a Ro●●en, Senseless, Shameless Church Discipline, as ours is, for it is nothing but a Money-matter, without any Sconce, or Colour; the Papists are as bad, but more Cunning and modest Sinners, they have some Cloak for their Knavery; They Worship Mammon their god, as much as any Church of England Man does, but they make some presence of Penance, and Repemance.  
Nor is there a Church of England-man that will ever come to Heaven, but, before he comes there, he will and must thank me (or such as me) for stopping his Career to Hell, (full speed) without Check or Remotie; they'll find, that neither Almighty God, nor the People will long be Mocked.  
If they can defend their Baal and Babel like Christians, Scholars or Gentlemen, let them come forth and Answer me; but, hitherto they never durst Encounter my Naked Truth's, but with a Picked sury, that Credited a single Witness, in Contradiction to Five unconcerned and unby hast, as well as substantial Witnesses; (but neither God nor any King has Pardoned Perjury, there is a time for all things.) It was well for him, as well as for me, that I fell into the Hand's of a Noble Person, that Scorned to make Money of his Honour, promising upon his Honour, that he would never take advantage of that Verdict of 2000 l. till I should Commit some other Crime, that might deserve so great a Penalty; whereas Truth, and Reformation is so far from being a Caime, that none can have such a Thought, but an Atheist, or he that defies all honesty & the God of Truth,  
The God of Heaven than has Decreed, that Pride and Cruelty prelatical, shall have a sudden and Dreadful fall; stand clear there, and look to your Heads, for prope it, and shoulder it up who will, they have been, and still shall be Buried in its Ruins.  
Oh! but the popishly invented Writ de Heretico Combutendo is taken away by Act of Parliament! Yea, I do not say that prelate's Burn Dissenters, (they cannot if they would) but there has been Ten times more Ruin to Families by Cruel and long Imprisonments, by Virtue of that other-popishly Invented Writ, de Excommunicato capicndo, that had the same Original and End with the Burning-Writ; they were neither of them plants which my Heavenly Father hath planted, and therefore you know their doom.  
Pillories. Excessive and unmerciful Fines, (the late cruel Whip of Gentlemen is a new Invention, the Welsh Monster must have the Honour of that base Cruelty, that even the Bloody Romans never used to any that out lived the infamy, nor to any, but such as were Condemned; Does not the Welsh Perilius deserve to Roar by reason of his own Brazen Bull? That the Welsh Blood of his back may Refund a little for the English Blood so shamefully Slashed out, and Spilt; but, (I say,) pillories. Excessive and unmerciful Fines, Imprisonments Eternal and to Death, (devising thereby Hell upon Earth,) cropping off Ear, Imposing of silly ceremonies, and Arbitrary Taxes, and Oppressions, (in the Reign of little Archbishop Laud) were the occasion at least (I well remember) of so many Dissenters, and the people's pretence (at least) of Rasing in Arms, which were not laid down with his Death, north crimes and Blood Expiated, but by committing greater, in ayn unnatural, and Bloody civil War of twenty long years standing.  
But, the Sarcasme put upon Archbishop Laud, by (Archee) the King's rester, I cannot forgive; in any other Man; namely, when at his Request, King Charles I, admitted the Fool to say Grace (his Grace little Dactor Laud then in presence) viz.  
Great praise be given to God. And little Laud to the Devil.  
For prelate's, were the people's Love and Hate.  
Cried down, and once (by Chance) cried up of lates  
(Rancour to the pope and popish Sta●e)  
And English popery shall have the same fate.  
(With last Years Almanac) quite out of Date.  
For a Ceremony-monger (that Church-Cob-web) can no more be mended (as aforesaid) then other tottered and broken Cob webt, and if you could, 'tis not worth the while; a Broom will do it: However, some repairs are as speedily as necessarily to be done: lest England become Allegorically Famous (as Denmark is in a literal Sense) for abundance of Woodcocks, with long Bills, gay-feathers, narrow Tongues, and little Brains.   
FINIS.