Don Zara Del Fogo: A Mock-Romance.  
Written Originally in the British Tongue, and made English by a person of much honour, BASILIUS MUSOPHILUS.  
WITH A marginal Comment Expounding the hard things of the History.  Si foret in terris rideret Democritus. 
London, Printed by T. W. for Tho. Vere, at the sign of the Angel without Newgate. 1656.   

To the most Nobly accomplished, ROBERT, THOMAS, and JOHN SPENCER, Esquires.  
IN this scribbling Age, when the Writing evil( a disease that in time will destroy us) is become epidemical, it being a matter of more intricacy to find seven fools now, than it was formerly to find seven wise men throughout all Greece; I say in this paper-spoiling Age you may perhaps ask me what scribbling fiend prompted me also to vex the world in print, and do more mischief than five whirlwinds; I answer, first, that the genius of the place where I then resided would needs command it: Secondly, myself found some kind of pleasure in the penning it: And lastly, because it could not find a fellow for method, it being indeed a most serious piece of Drollery, but no blown fooleries, or windy poor bladders, I confess a wanton method.  
Here you may perceive a valiant and thrice renowned Knight, surrounded with all the bewitching snares of beauty and excess having almost surrendered himself a slave to sensuality break through all those blandishments that have so long effeminated his manly heart, and( with Spencer's F●ery hero) return to the ruin of giants and Monsters.  
If I may but find a candid reception from you( noble Gentlemen) I have all my Ambition aims at: as for the other sort of people, I know their thoughts, and how their pulses beat, they have the gift of impudence let them be thankful, every man is not born to such bravery, I had rather get the Pox than their friendships, who are professed and mortal enemies to those honourable and luminous principles you own, and to  
The humblest of your servants, B. M.   

Don Zara del Fogo: A Mock-Romance.  

CHAP. I.  
Don Zara his descent. The description of his Shield, and martial Furniture. His invocation, and setting forth to seek Adventures.  
IT was now about that mongrel hour when the black-browed night, and grey-eyed morning strove for superiority, when the mirror of martial spirits Don Zara del Fogo sweeping the somniferous God from o●●is ample front with that Broom of Heaven his face-pounding fist, entered into serious contemplation of the renowned Acts of his most Noble Ancestors, Thistram the terrible and the great Lancelot of the Lake, so ravishing were those heroic, Rhapsodies, that( upon mature chew of the cud) the Champion began to tax himself of tardity, as not having accumulated that Fame, which at the price of so 
* See the legend of Don Sordido Knight of the dripping pan, written by the Author of Cass●ndra.  eminent dangers he had so hotly hunted after; this second cogitation had but a while combated with the first, when he summons the Squire of his body Soto, who lay soundly sleeping at his bed's feet, commanding him( since himself never knew Letters) to read the Chronicle History of Saint George, who bathed his body in the bloody bowels of a fell Dragon, or the like achievement of Sir Elamore, or the hard Quest of Sir Topa● after the Queen of elves to Barwick, or of Sir Guy and the fierce Boar of Boston; Sir quoth Soto( who had hardly gained sight enough to see his Master) you were wont to take great pleasure in hearing the redoubted Adventures of Sir Bevis, surnamed Southampton; and The Knight of the Sun; that, that quoth the Champion, the Knight of the sun's actions would put fire into a flint stone, animate a Log, and make a wooden leg to walk; Soto had not long led his Master by the large ears( 
* Don Zara descended of the stock of Kings, see Cambd. Avisoe.  for our Champion boasted a longlinckt genealogy, from the Phrygian King Midas, a hundred fourscore and fourteen descents by the father's side) but suddenly deserting his bed, he ceased( 
* For it was the custom of the Knights of that age to wear no shirts.  all naked as he was) on his naked Sword, that Thunder-crack of terror Slay-a-Cow, the very same that he lately won on Monta-Mole-hill from the great giant Phrenedecrenobroso, the son of Pediculo, and leaning thereon like the legitimate heir of Mars, he very attentively hoarded up the treasures of true Magnanimity. At every close where the Knight either wounded the giant, or rescued the Lady, in token of the ardency he bare to such illustrious Acts, he gave liberty to his nails to bring blood from either buttock, for such was the rankness of his courage, that not only his soul, but his skin had a perpetual itching after honourable Attempts, ●ugmented by a herd of small cattle, which some Authors will have to be the Genuisses of deceased Worthies, all waiting upon this man of men, which I confess 
* This is spoken with all reverenc to Antiquity, which we ought lightly to question.  I cannot credit since it was Soto's custom( in order to his Master's special command) every morning to kill some of them; but the cheerful Lady of the Light, old Tython's tender-skinned Madam, appearing our Champion, commanded his trusty Squire to buckle on his Armour; too long( quoth he) have we 
* This needs no clavis.  Padlockt fame's Tongue, not administering any tittle tattle to that tell-tale Goddess; Soto amazed at his Master's mood, soon girds that Sword about him which had often made headstrong giants to reel, the flinty-edged Slay-a-Cow, putting a Buckler fashioned like a Spanish ruff( full half yard deep) about his neck, in which with wondrous Art was portrayed the thricefamous story of that renowned Combat betwixt those two Arcadian Hero's, Clinias and Dametas, as I have seen those pair of Champions 
* Whether by Vandike or Hilliard, is not certainly known.  drawn to the life in Canvas against the walls of a mean Mansion made for good-fellowship; those Bucklers that 
* Two excellent forgers.  Homer and Virgil have fashioned for Achilles and Aeneas, were but the varnishes of some Indian hand compared with this rare piece of Sculpture, about the Reverse whereof was this Distich( which some attribute to Linus, others to Hesiod) engraven,  

This Shield by Vulcan  
was in Lemnos forged,  
That it might serve  
Don Zara for a Gorget.   
His Mace 
* enigmatically, intimating, that he cared not a fig for the stoutest antagonist.  bearing the figure of a Cambrian Fig Soto hanged at his Saddle bow, for he had abjured the use of a Spear since that fatal tournament in Utopia, when a splinter of his Lance forced itself against the face of the truly Sanctimonious Matron Bawdwhore●a; then seating himself on the back of good Steed Founder-foot( a horse not to be bettered in Phoebus Stable for the flownce or the frisk, and all the fashions of a prancing palfrey) he appointed Soto to lackey by his side, committing himself to the guidance of Fortune: Soto was armed( not so much for his own preservation as his Lord's defence) with an 
* This kind of weapon the old Romans termed a pile; the Arabians that bor der upon Italy a ●ave●n; the Britains a half-pike. See Scaliger de usu clubibus, l. 6. p. 10000:  Ashen plant, made tough by Time, and pointed with steel, his brain was bound about with a Monmouth turban, and his back and breast bulwarkt with impenetrable pastboord, so that he who had seen our Champion and his Attendant, could not but have fancied the mighty Primalion and his Page, or the famous Bragadochio and his man Trompart; nor could the piety of our Champion permit him to castigate his Courser for the mending of his pace, till he had offered up this solemn Orayson to the 
* Some may perhaps gather from hence that our Champ on was a papist or at least papistically inclined, but they ought to know that their opinion is no way warranted by Antiquity.  souls of those deceased Worthies, whose complicated lustre creates that splendent path, called The milky way.  
O Mervin, Mervin, ( quoth he) thou mighty Son of the munificent Oger, who at one stroke didst pare away three heads from off the shoulders of an ork begotten by an Incubus! Thou George the great Champon of Christendom( the true Apollo) who for the sake of the sultan's daughter, destroyedst a Python s●x acres in length; Thou Amadis de Gaul, wh● encountredst with a Dragon and a Devil at once; Thou Palmerin de Oliva, who ( by virtue of a Wart on thy nose) didst so many times pass the Aegean Seas in a Shallop contrived all of Coney-skins; and thou Errant Knight of the Ruby Rose; Look down ye immortal Essences of never-dying Fulgor, let your spirits be 
* Centred and centupled, meaning hid and hundrifide.  Centred and centupled in me whose 
* By this it appears that his heart was hollow:  heart is of a size sufficient to retain all your Excellencies, and in whose ample breast there lodges as sublime a Soul as ever yet Nature coffined up in a carcase composed of a metal more robust than that of Roderigo, or Rud-Hudrinbrass.  
This Ejaculation was no sooner sooner extinct, but Soto( enamoured on his Lord's perfections, as if he had been inspired by one of Agrippa's holy Demons) began to shake his skull very strangely, rolling his eyes like Abraham in Sands his Show, insomuch that our Champion( could it have been possible for that thing called Fear to build in his breast) had fled from the face of his faithful Servitor; but to put a period to his anxiety, Soto thrust forth these numbers, in a tone almost equal to 
* Stentor was a Grecian crier of the court to K. Aga memnon. Homer Illi.  Stentors, the presages of his Masters incomparable, incomprehensible performances.  

LAce on thy Helmit,  
mighty man of valour,  
Fortune shall never squeeze thee  
with her sq●llour:  
Fierce Knights and crnell Beasts,  
with many a giant,  
Thy charmed steel shall make  
both smooth and pliant;  
The fickle goddess  
on thy horses Crupra,  
( As her best boast)  
has fixed her Nil-supra,  
For things beyond belief  
thou shalt achieve-a,  
Which shall make after times  
to grudge and grieve-a,  
When they shall find thou ●●st  
as brave a Plea-as  
The great Achilles,  
and the stout Aeneas:  
O therefore of thy Fame  
b● no neglector,  
Thou that ar● born  
to rival glorious Hector:  
Were there a Troy besieged,  
and thou within it,  
Not Greece, nor Gallo-Belgica  
could win it;  
Troilus should live,  
so Rhaesus and Sarpedon,  
Achilles' die on's wounds,  
and Ajax bleed on:  
All that's Magnanimous,  
or high, or rare-a,  
Being locked up in the breast  
of our Don Zara.   
Heightened with this poetical prophecy( the British 
* Trim tram, &c.  Proverb being verified by this brace of brave ones) our Champion already fancied himself fighting with Gogmagog, or Gargantua for the moiety of the Universe; but so unfortunate was he this very first day of his most memorable resolve, that desired Adventurs offered itself, neither fierce lion, nor furious Bear, yelling Dragon, foaming Boar, or angry Antilope, no perjured Knight to fight withal, or injured Lady to infranchise, no magical wharf, so that the Champion did not causelessly curse so calm a Climate, that afforded no viands for Valour to feed on; Thus chewing the cud of courage, he rode on in much vexation, till the approaching night warned him to take shelter, which Fortune favourably allotted him, for at the foot of a huge mountain, whose head knocked against the Clouds, a 
* This was something too mean a recep tacle for so accomplished ●n hero.  Cottage with a 
* Called in old time a red lettuce, the signal of something that tends to good-fellowship. See Causabon de structuribus & liquoribus, lib. 90.  checkered Portal, piriwiged with thatch, and lined with mud, offered itself for his entertainment, its course outside was no less than a corasive to our champion's conscience, but he had heard of 
* That very Lucius Anneus Seneca, who wrote of temperance and Fortitude, yet lived like an effeminate Epicure, and died like a pusilanimous Coward.  Seneca's Avisoe, that, The wisest and strongest men ought to stoop to Time and Fate; and threfore making a halt at the door of this sedgy structure, he alighted from his good Steed, and demanded hospitable treat of the Captain of that carousing citadel, who( in much astonishment) gave a trembling reception to himself and Soto.   

CHAP. II.  
Zara and Soto their entertainment in the Cottage, their Host( looking upon the champion's fist) tells him his Fortune, and recites a Copy of verses, with other remarkable passages.  
OUr champion's carcase was not more harrassed with tedious travail, than his colon crammed with an accustomed vacuity, for he having been managed to this maturity with mare's Milk, though he boasted not the strength, yet he retained the stomach of a horse; the first thing therefore debated on by our Don, was( as an Inquisitor) what food the Farmery afforded? the Host after many cringes began to excuse his unpreparedness; his bed-Cockatrice seconding him with an old-brewed apology, but quoth mine Host( who in all respects resembled that 
* This Roberts surname was Booker, a maker of almanacs, he had two handsome daughters & kept a Wine alehouse. See the English Chron.  Robert of the Vale, who foretold the landing of Henry the 7th.) if your worshipful Excellency shall deign to accept of such provaunt as at the present your servant can purvay, your worshipful Excellency will eternally oblige me: Pray thee( quoth Zara) leave thy prate, and provide such sustenance as my merit commands, and thy estate permits; for by the soul of Caesar, I am as hungry as an Ostrich, and could digest a bar of Iron bigger than an ordinary mainmast: The Astrologers( I am afraid) keep such 
* Being twelve in all. See Merlinus Anglicus de starribus & ejus mansionibus; tract. 100 p. 10000  Houses as thine when they sup on sides of Taurus, and joints of Aries: My guts quoth Soto, are contorted like a dragons-tail, in Elf-knots, as if some tripewife had tacked them together for Chitterlings: The Host wondered at these eager expressions, and concluded that the Champion had been lately upon some Adventure fasting; while meat was making ready, the merry Host exhorts his Guests to a free carouse, beginning a Health to Charlemagne, which Don Zara not refused, and commanding Soto to the same celebration; remember( quoth he) the great Duke of Drowndland, whose Champion I am, and his sole heir the most illustrious and divinely fair, Morphena del Stupratia. Soto was ever an obedient servant to his Master, especially if the injunction had any dependence on the pot or the spit, and therefore he failed not in the premises, so that Bacchus has almost balked Ceres, and our Champion is now more drink than diet: But by this time 
* It were needless to mention them covering of the Table, or ranking and filing of the dishes.  Supper is served up, but neither Hostess nor Host can be persuaded to sit down, but they waited on the Champion and his o'ergrown Page as incompatibly, as if Homer had made Nestor and Hecuba to dance attendance after Diomed and Teveer; they fast to admire Zara, and pray that themselves may escape the stroke of his 
* Or Knife,  steel, the Champion making it appear by the terribleness of his teeth, that he dares tear the strongest opposite in pieces: Nor was Soto's courage much inferior to his Masters, who eats and talks, making his stories the parenthesis of his meals, what Fiction reports of mad Ajax, that having killed a Sheep, fancied he had slain Agamemnon, is here proved true, for every gaping Orifice that our Champion created, most lamentably butchered his Host, what wide wounds he gives Routing all before him; so that he must trust to tradition, that should say such and such once were: But at last his fury began to be assuaged, being grown weary of the work of death, he sheathed his falchion, and commanded a bowl of the same cratonian liquor to be brought, which after a treble pledge, abolishes all nicety 
* Such is the potent vigour of Ale.  and makes the hero and his Host look like one another, the four which make the Family now tipple promiscuously; 
* Not that he was a Leveller, but being of the same humour of some kings, who play at ninepins with their Pages, yet thereby neither subject their persons not their ●owers.  His Excellency enforces the parity, who( big with fancy) narrates his several Encounters, Onslaughts, and Batteries, his enfranchising of enthralled Ladies, his finishing enchantments, his inquests at home, and Conquests in foreign Countries, his binding of giants in brazen Gyves, and driving out the souls of Dragons and Daemons; His Host and Hostess listening as attentively as if the Lecture of the Seven Champions were now reading: But, quoth my Host, if your Highness please I can inform you of your future Fate by an infallible Rule which I once learned of an old Gipsy in Monmouthshire, who penned it in Monosyllables, please to afford your victorious palm; these last words were more terrible to our Champion then the points of a thousand Swords, imagining that his Host would hint that old maxim in Palmistry, viz. the farcing of the fist with a piece of silver; but this terror was soon taken away by his Hostess ready reception of his hand, who( having gently wiped away that filth, which lay at the foot of his mons veneris with his spittle) began for to foretell many future events, and amongst the rest predicted, that such a year of his life the Champion should be 
* Not that he should be condemned to be hanged.  beholding to his book for his persons safety: This Clause made Don Zara( who knew that his neck could not be protected by his tongue) to laugh heartily, which his Host perceiving( though angry that his Art should not find a more serious welcome) he said, I find that your worshipful Highness had rather be busied about some more merry employment; I confess Palmistry is so profound a Science, that few or 
* Meaning that the Angels only are acquainted with the 〈…〉 pth of that Art.  none upon earth understand it: Behold Sir a Copy of Verses that our Vicar lately composed( on St. Valentins day) occasioned by a great 
* To which he was not invited.  Feast made by mayor of Quinborough, a City not above half a league distant from hence; then pulling out a bag of the best Buckram, the Champion having commanded silence, mine Host began to read the following numbers.  

SAturn grown old, the Gods agree, 
a The old mayor.   

b The new mayor.  Jove should assume his Soveraiguty,  
And become chief; a solemn day  
Appointed, when the Gods most gay, 
c The Aldermen.   
( Attaired in habits rare and strange)  
Came to be witness of this change;  
The Fry of Gods were there beside,  
Each with his Bastard, whore, and Bride,  
The path which to Jove's Palace leads  
In order, all this rich troop treads,  

d An old wife.  Ceres threw wheat on Jove most dainty  
Thereby forespeaking future plenty:  
Th'Instructed Swine did follow after,  
And for their Wheat left something softer,  

e You may smell out the meaning.  Civet, like Irish Soap, good beasts,  
Fit waiters at such solemn Feasts:  
At length they reached Jove's Hall of bliss,  
The Gods sat down, the 
f The aldermen's wives.  Goddesses  
Were striving for the Superiority,  
Till 
g Mistress majoress.  Juno challenging the Majority,  
Ended the business( most demurely)  
Placed and displaced as pleased her surely;  
The Tables stood full crowned with Dishes,  
Enough to satisfy all wishes,  
Of longing Wives, or Maids grown sickly  
With fruits, and doing nothing quickly;  
Huge Pots of Butter not full blue,  
With Custards of a doubtful hue;  
Stewed Prunes, bread made of 
h Bread made of Cruds see the Irish Dictionary.  Malahane,  
And Honey fetched from Sugar Cane,  
Green Apples, plenty of small Nuts,  
T'imploy the teeth, and gorge the guts;  
The Goblets proud themselves to see,  
So full of cider( verily)  
Both brandywine and aquavitae,  
And Ale in years & strength most mighty,  
As plentiful as 
i A common Irish drink. See the Dictionary.  Bonniclabbar,  
That each Guest his lips might slabbar;  
Thus with Satiety being crowned  
with Bacchus' wreaths in slumber drowned  
The 
k Two fiddlers and a blind boy with a Bag pipe.  spheres made music all the while,  
The 
l Their Poet  Bard brave Meeter did compile;  
Then fulgent 
m One of the A 〈…〉 〈◊〉.  Phoebus standing up,  
( In's greasy fist, a greasier Cup)  
Drank Daphne's health, Bacchus replied  
And qnafft another to the Bride  
Of Vulcan; this health passed along,  
Mars' feather wagging mongst the through  
Drank Pallas health( brave wench & wise)  
Which draught cost 
n The 〈…〉 dlers' Boy.  Cupid both his eyes  
Straining to pledge, Hermes stood still,  
And marked how Ganymede did fill  
The Bowls, which swiftly past around,  
Till God and Goddesses had bound  

o They were almost all drunk.  Their heads with ivy-leaves and Vines,  
His head to his knee, now each inclines;  

p The Sun went down.  Apollo then slipped thence half drunk,  
His burning Bonnet dofft he sunk  
In Thetis lap, so Heaven lost light,  
And day was damped with irksome night;  

q Mr. Mayor called to his wife for Candles.  Jove bent for mirth, bad Juno spread  
Her mantle o'er the world's black head,  
But 
r She was drunk and would none  she enraged with Lyeus' Juice,  
And madly jealous without' Excuse,  
Refused to guild th'unspangled sky,  
With the eyes of her Cow-keeping spy,  

s She took Mr. Mayor a bo● on the car.  And aided by a vigorous Fate  
And the shrewd Goddesses, Jove's state  
She durst assume, pressing as far  
As th'Gyants in their mountain war,  
They first bound Jove, the other Gods,  
( Constrained by darkness, drink and odds,  
Alas) were forced to condescend  
To all things for a quiet end:  

t Mistress majoress might do what she would.  Jove granted Juno rule o'th' air,  
Her frowns or smiles make't foul or fair;  
His Bolts and Lightning she may take,  
And with her tongue the Ax-tree shake;  
From hence her Sex their Charter hold,  
To rule against reason, cry and scold:  
Proserpina obtained of Pluto,  
That all should speed who she-saints sue to,  
That man's affairs in purse or state,  
Should be ruled by the woman's rate;  
Venus may lie with all that love her,  
No saucy God must dare reprove her,  
Dallying with manners, whilst Don Vulcan  
Should to their pleasures drink a full Can●  
Thus by the stern decree of Fate,  
Our isle's an Amazonian State.   
This Drollericall Poem mightily augmented our champion's mirth, who( as the fashion is for most great ones) was ever delighted with what his capacity most condemned, as soaring too high for the frail sight of Amphibion-like Genius, 
* Sentenc●.  but such great spirits as that of Champions move not by pedantic Statutes, for their actions, though eccentric, illustrates the cause, and Priscian's pate receives honourable wounds, when they please to pummel his skull, but Morba the champion's Hostess is almost in as bad a condition as if she had swallowed purging Confects, casting up a very fair account ere the Champion 
* Which he always omitted, terming it the Tarnish of his honour.  could call for his reckoning, so that six hands were not sufficient to convey her to her couch: The night now was more than half spent, Baron Tell-clock had twice sounded Boot-esel to our Worthy; and the busy bellman bounced twice at the door, and as well the Champion as Soto began to grow dormious, which occasioned the Host to petition their present departure to bed, which( with heavy heads heaven knows) they went to; yet maugre his pestiferous Ebriety, magnanimous Zara forgot not to have his Mace, and other Military Utensils conveyed into his Chamber( a Receptacle just five foot Diameter) where that night himself and Soto must make their abode on a canvas Quilt stuffed with the richest Rye-straw, their Sheets of a duskish kind of Flannel.   

CHAP. III.  
What happened to Don Zara in the night. His Host brings in his Bill of Fare. The manner of the champion's departure, with other accidents.  
WHole Warrens of starved Fleas, that bit like bandogs( which you will say was strange, considering their somniferous Ale-bury) the Champion and his fidelious Landloper Soto, that they thought themselves delivered over to the disposal of Demogorgon's diminutive Daemons, insomuch that the Champion grew unspeakably enraged, especially since he was out raged by an enemy whose existence pleaded a protection from the violence of either Sword or Mace, which causeth him thus to complain:  
O ye powers celestial( quoth he) 
* Zara's complaint.  that power down plagues at your pleasures on pervicatious mankind; what crime greater than that of 
* Who coffined up his Cousins in crust.  Atreus have I committed, that my body is thus baited by the basest of worms? Rather ye mighty Powers, who have endued me with Achillean Valour, and Herculean strength; let my blood be drilled by the mightiest and most Noble Champion in the world; order me the overthrow of Ottoman, to pull down the pride of Persia, or to ruin the Russian Tyrant.  
With these and the like complaints our distressed Champion spent the most part of the dolesom night, but finding it all in vain to bewail a helpless ill, he resolved to bear his biting Fate with as much magnanimity as was possible, and so defying the eagerness of those sanguine-coated Aestrums, he waited with incredible patience the approach of the sun's postilion, but was beguiled of that 
* Mean●●g the civic Crown which the Ancients appointed for 〈◊〉 who 〈◊〉 his bad fortunt bravely.  honour he hoped, for a sudden drowsiness stuprated his senses, and he slept as soundly as Adam when his side was opened to find out that Rib of ruin; so that the Sun had travailed almost a thousand miles ere he opened the windows of his eyes, by which time Soto( the very Emblem of an earnest zeal, and the mere mythology of masculine love) was currying of his Master's Courser, and polishing his Armour with precious Vulcanian dust; the Champion awaking, soon impoverished his bed to enrich his body, seating himself in his last night's tippling Tenement; nor must Fame forget to relate this( as an especial and infallible argument of our Champions incomparable candour) that though his skarified skin would hardly permit his shirt its wont familiarity, 
* Zaras unparalleled Magnanimity.  yet he took not the least notice of his last nights cruel sufferance, but with a cheerful voice accosting his Host and Hostess, he bestowed on them a compliment consonant to the time of the day, commanding a Toast( in folio) to be forthwith made, the steeple bowl to be repleated with Roping Ale, and( if possible) the powder of Nutmeg to be put therein; all which being performed with wondrous celerity, the Champion drank his noon's draught, and appointed Soto the same Doce, who by this time had finished his morning employment, and waited at his Master's elbow, who( whether by the malignant influence of some petulant Planet, or else vexed at the villainy of his last night's bedfellows) was exceeding sad and Saturnine, often starting, and sometimes with an ireful Aspect, laying his hand upon his Sword, to the amazement of his Host and Hostess; but Soto( who was intimately acquainted with these( seeming) strangers, and could learnedly Comment on the complexion of his Master's soul at such times as these) knew very well that these passions proceeded from no other cause, but that innate Antipathy between his Master's purse, and the proditory of a reckoning, which his 
* A very, very Victu●ller.  Host( the legitimate child of Mammon, and Madam Avaritia) had just now wounded his eyes with, the Champion( as not knowing its importment) accepted it, and( as his manner was upon all like occasions) gave it Soto, commanding him to read it; Soto receives it as a needy Gallant would his tailor's Bill, his countenance as pale as a country gentlewoman's, viewing the Lions at first time; it was written in very legible Characters, and ushered with this termagant Title.  

A Bill of Fare.  
Imprimis, Six Black Puddings, each of them a full yard in longitude.  
Item, Five Loaves of the best Barley-bread.  
Item, An ox head baked after the Franconian fashion.  
Item, Seven pound of the best Essexian Cheese, sawed in sunder on purpose for the Champions eating.  
Item, A Gallon of mare's Milk thickened with Meal.  
Item, Nine Stanes of Lanted Ale.  
The Lodging, large Toasts, and other appendices not accounted.   
Soto sang these blank Verses in a very feeble tone, and having finished, threw the paper into the fire with such fury, as sufficiently expressed how angry he was that his Master's ears should be molested with such muddy Sarcasms, which act of his put the Host and Hostess upon the tenters, especially when gazing upon the Champion they beheld him foam like some incensed Boar, a pallid Lightning leapt from his eyes, and ill-portending Meteors hung upon his front so that he seemed the very picture of doomsday; but while all stood trembling, or rather wishing an immediate than lingering death, the Champion thundered out this menace.  
But that thy Stars never ordained thee, thou man of Motley, as a fit morsel for my renowned Kill-za-Cow to manducate, I would presently slice thee into steaks, and broil thee upon thy own gridiron; hast thou a mind to have thy fabric fired in so many places, that all the Ale thou art Master of shall not be able to quench it, till it lie( like another Troy burnt by me ( Zara) greater than the greatest of Grecians) low in its own ruins? hast thou a will to have thy barrel heads beaten out, thy brittle Vessels broken against the walls, and thy wife led captive in Ovant Triumph.  
This funguos Inflation operated so vigorously, that aswell Morba as her husband ●ell at the champion's feet, imploring remission, as not imagining his displeasure: The heroic Don graciously granted their Petition, not only pronouncing their pardon, but affording his hand in order to their elevation; but withal, warned them to take heed for the future, how they tempted the rigour of Fate by a pecuniary proposal to a Knight Errant; this the poor penitent swore to; which done, our Champion hanged on his Harness, mounting his good steed with a majestic nod took farewell of his Host and Hostess, who seemingly afforded him a Princely Valediction, but in heart wished him in Procustes bed, or Perillus brazen Bull.   

CHAP. IV.  
The Description of a fine, fragrant, flowery Vale, supposed to be the place where Adam tasted the Apple. The marriage of the Phoenix with the Bird of Paradise; her disloyalty, and his Tragedy. Don Zara's heroic hope.  
FOrtune having allotted so favourable a departure to her dear Don he was not only animated for after performances, but exceedingly pleased with his own perfections, which had not only crammed his colon, but administered instruction to the barbarous, how to bear themselves to true ennobled Personages: Soto was as bonny as a new Beneficed Priest, and ran by his Master's Horse as he had been ballasted with quicksilver. The all-seeing Sun had traveled more than half way to the Antipodes, when the Champion lighted upon a 
* This Vale is not now to be found, but that there was such a place. See Mandevil's Geography, lib. 10000 ●●ct. 20000  Vale, so rich and so rare, that Nature grew Bankrupt when she modelized it, and striving to be quaint( forsooth) forgot to keep any reserve; for by this work the Champion assured himself that she could make no more such; This goodly Plain was embossed with the choicest of nature's gems; no frost nor winter there, but continual Spring time, and everlasting Summer; here grow those happy Trees from whence flows that precious oil wherewith Kings and Priests are Anointed; the choicest Fruit that Europe affords with such toil to the Husbandman, are here to be had unplanted; Here Madam Flora gathers her Roses and Tulips, when we( alas) have not so much as a dasy to deck her head with; Here Medea picked those Simples that restored the wise Aeson to youth; And here( that the World may no longer be deceived) it is that the Phoenix builds his Nest, being ever distinguished by his menial Train, which are these:  

The pea-hen,  
The Turkey-hen,  
The Turtle,  
The goldfinch,  
The Pheasant,  
The Popinjay  
The Canary, and  
The Nighting●●●.   
These are the Phoenix his Favourites, who travail with him through the air upon all occasions, but he never passes the limits of this Tempe, as holding all other parts of the Globe not worth his visit: Some Authors( perhaps Pliny or Solinus) report, that the Phoenix had espoused the Bird of Paradise, his Bride was fair, and rare, and rich, and young, and wise, and noble, only her 
* She took this fault by kind, & therefore was the more excusable.  tail is too ponderous for her body; this noble pair dwelled not long in peace, for loves fire began to s●ake and cool 
* Riddle.  ere the unconstant Moon had twice looked upon the foodfull earth with half a face; she now began to hate and loath what she once so coveted, yet to 
* Cover her in the original.  overspread her had been no Herculean labour, had her insatiate tail and mind admitted of conscientious bounds; but thus;  


* Six golden Sentences borrowed from the 7. Sages of Greece.  The weakest stomaches desire the strongest meats.  
Thus the greatest smoke rises from the smallest fire.  
Thus slender wits undertake the profoundest matter.  
Thus swift pursuit makes a slow performance.  
Thus the Arpetite is moved by impotence.  
Thus Palmerin the Champion o'erthrew the giant Franarco.   
So she though little herself, loved every 
* Though it were long first.  great thing, and at last became so incorrigible impudent, that she durst mention a Divorce, although the Phoenix with tears besought the contrary, not so much out of affection to her, as to prevent the shame that must inevitably follow such a business, but all his persuasions were in vain, a separation is made, and she is married to Cynosure, an unknown fowl, both begot and bred by the air. he( according to kind) trod incessantly 
* Had all spice of the French  firing his own fabric to quench hers, who laid often, but yet they were but Wind Eggs, though some 
* See Co 〈…〉 and Poet Quid.  naturalists say, that such eggs do hatch the Cockatrice.  
How sad the Phoenix was in mind? how sorry to be so slighted by her for whose sake he had so debased himself I leave to those that have been Phoenixes to judge; but so mightily he took it to heart, that now( too late) he resolved to hate all second matches, and to die a widower; but grief perplexed him so, that he feared he should leave the world, ere he had created himself anew, and so his nest being unmade, he might quickly lose both life and name; to prevent which he takes his speedy flight over hills and Dales, Lakes and Rivers, over Kingdoms and Countries, both East and West, and all this to gather Spices for his funeral( O 
* The Author laments the deplorable condition of the Phoenix.  sweet Bird! how sad was thy Fate?) But it seemed better to him( according to his pristine privilege) to kill his body, and renew his mind, then to pine away with grief six hundred years, and therefore( having betaken himself to his Nest) surrounded with his precious Gums and odoriferous Spices, the Sun shining bright and hot, he with his wings augmented the heat, whose strong Retention kindled his Bed, as boys do dried leaves with Burning-glasses, which soon consumed his nest himself, and all to ashes.  
And lest all these sweets should want as sweet a harmony, a numerous troop of Nightingales conspired in one consort, to warble forth the delicacies of their abode, amid this Vale their glided a silver Brook, so gently, that the subtlest eye might gaze very strictly, and not perceive it, on whose violet banks grew thick Cypress trees, to keep out Phoebus' beams; Here Pan and Faunus, the Dapper Dri●des, with Madam Marisco, Queen of Fairies used to dance the Morris by moonlight; the bottom of this azure 
* Who knows 〈◊〉 this was 〈◊〉 very Ta●●● or Pactolus so famous in Po●si●,  Rivulet was paved with Pearls and Diamonds, which varied their gloss as the gentle breath of Zephir, purled the surface of the stream, and presenting to the eye( like a steel Glass) the spangled beauties of the Firmament; Dolphins usually deserted the Ocean, to sport in this Pactolian Fountain: Our Champion exceedingly rejoiced, that so happy a harbour proffered itself for his repose; As also, that there was, now, a fair, probability of some remarkable Adventure; and therefore clapping Soto on the shoulder, come 〈…〉 ( quoth he) with Roman-like courage, for the Gods, I hope, have appointed me some hungry Lion, or gag-toothed Bear, some deformed giant, or malcontented Knight to encounter with here in this Flowery Valley; So putting spurs to his Horse, like another Alexander on Bucephalus, he made his way into the very entrails of the Grove, at whose dreadful approach, Syluanus and his shaggy crew fled amain, and were soon out of sight, to the Champions extreme discontent, who would fain have been belabouring any thing that had life; but the 
* 〈◊〉 H●●nib●l was caught with the delic●cies of 〈◊〉.  pleasure of the place soon calmed his spit-fire contemplations, so that he unlaced his Helmet, and unharnessed himself, lying down at the root of an Almond-tree, where( having been kept waking by malignant Fleas almost all the night before) he so on became slave to Somnus, the prattling Brook in a pleasing tone chanting a Dulced lullaby.   

CHAP. V.  
What Discoveries Zara and his Squire made, wand'ring up and down the Grove. The Lady Gylo coming thither to disport herself, is encountered by the Champion. His most elegant Courtship. Her Responsion. With other pass●ges.  
THrice happy ZARA, who art thought worthy of that Paradise which the first man forfeited for an Apple; But while the Champion slept, Soto( being surprised with the beauty of the place) was ranging up and down to make discoveries, here Potatoes & ripe Grapes offered themselves to his lips, there pomegranates and luscious Dates contended which first should salute his goodly-sized grinders; Soto was not nice in acceptation, but gathered greedily of all sorts, returning laden to his magnanimous Lord and Master, who snorted so loud on his rosy couch, that the verdant Grove reverberated his garulous repose, while Soto sang this Dormitory.  

SONG.  
SOmnus, O thou Protean God,  
That with woollen shoes art shod,  
Thou that hatest Trump and Drum,  
Loath'st the Cock, but lov'st the comb:  
Grand enemies to Fifes and Forges,  
And the Daughters of Boanerges;  
Friend to Fishes and to dumb men,  
To silent women and to some men.  
great God of C●●s,  
of nods and naps,  
Clumzey Somnus now prepare-a,  
To rock the senses of Don Zara.   
Soto had no sooner ended his Epidiction, but the champion's scales fell from his eyes, and he perceived his faithful servant sitting at his feet, having prepared a Repast after his Repose; the Champion fed furiously on the Grapes, squeezing bunches of them by the dozen, as if he had search● for 
* Bacchus' his beloved a plump brown Nymph. See Cardan de ●●btilitate●.  Erigone, and now being sufficiently sated, he arose with a resolve to explore for flesh, either Goat o● Stag, but Nature had not played he● paat so profusely, and indeed she had manifested a prodigious prodigality, had she afforded a Shambles to her fruitery: The Champion and Sot● had not long qu●sted, but they happened on a spacious Cave, situate at the foot of a Cedar, it was a very vast Receptacle, seeming the work of some Sylvan, or Wood-god, for a nocturnal Repository; Soto was first sensible of the novelty, and gave information thereof to his Master, who commanded him forthwith to enter, but Soto gave a modest negation to his Master's mandate; for, quoth he, who knows but this may be the Mansion of that Genius which governs this goodly Grot, who being justly incensed at such an intrusion, may metamorphose us into Mapl●s, or some more sordid sort of F●well: Thou speakest well, quoth Zara, but( that thou mayst know thou serv●st a Master, whose courage is not a whit inferior to the stoutest Champion that ever bore Buckler) I am resolved to enter this Cave were it walled wit● Dragons, and inhabited with Demons; so unsheathing Kill-za-Cow, he resolutely leapt into the Cave, examining every angle thereof, he found it a fit residence for an Errant Knight, yea, and a Lady Errant if occasion commanded it; in all respects most resembling that very Vault which Joseph the son of Goron possessed, when that venerable Quack sold his brethren's lives( by a sortilegy) to save his own: Having taken strict notice of its Dimensions, he called Soto to the caves' mouth; Enter, quoth he,( thou sperm of a hen-hearted Groom) and make it thy wonder, to survey what a subteranean shelter Fate has allotted us: Soto( though shaken with an Ague fit) confidently entered, and seeing no occasion of dread, took heart of grace, insomuch that he hardly refrained upbraid his Master, as guilty of calumny in downright terms; 
* Soto his apology.  My Lord, quoth he, you are too much an heretic, if you think your Soto refused to cast himself into this Cave out of any anxious cogitation as to his person, for had it been the very throat of Tartarus, the gullet of Gehenna, or the belly of Barathrum, his courage had afforded him a will to any attempt, though supetnatural, especially having the great Hercules for precedent, who forced the very Fiends to a compliance, & 
* An. Mun. 75●9.  brought away Pluto's three-headed Porter; the truth is, it was my piety that persuaded me to forbearance; I have read Sir those Lay Divines, Homer, Hesiod, and Theocritus, and do believe with them, that 
* Witnes● the Aqu●tick and Te restiall Angel●.  every Grove, Grot, and Stream has its tutelar and vehicular Deity; but these obscurities( my Lord) are too deep for your reason, you must sit down with a description, Periphrasis, o● Adumbration; I say, had it not been impious for me to have rashly rushed upon the Genius of the place: ●rithee no more, quoth the Champion, these Puntillors befi● not my observation, let feeble-souled Doradoes listen to such effeminate axioms, I am the Rod of Heaven, a man made to let Mortals know how much that feared thing may be indebted to myself, the great and true Amphipium; for thee ( Soto) I do not much wonder at thy fear, though I hope thy converse with me, together with thy strict observation of my Actions, will render thee after some few months sufficiently heroic; Having said thus, he deserted the Cave( with a resolve to rest there that night) and returned to the place where he lately both slept and eat, near which he beheld the Thunder-crested Founder-foot feeding almost to a 
* Not but that the Champion● Horse was of a moderate temper, but this is spoken by a figure, called Aequo, intimating what might have happened to a more luxuriant palfrey.  surfeit on the sweet and verdant Grass, which that plat of ground afforded of an incredible height; Here arrived, he and Soto sat down, resolved to encounter with a second Collation, when they beheld a woman( an infallible Argument, that she was none of the soundest politicians) plucking pomegranates, and ripe Oranges, which grew there in abundance; Soto supposed that some new Minerva was dropped from Heaven, or another Venus newly born of the brackish waves, had chosen this Grove as the most pertinent place of etherial Delectation; she was clothed in a rich and sparkling kind of stuff, woven by 
* An eminent Spinster.  Arach●es fingers, of the finest Caledonian Silk, buttoned before with green emeralds, yet not so close but that those hills of snow, her immaculate breasts were visible, ●urking under the shadow of Lawn; that Globe of blisses her head was covered with a tire of green sarsenet, fringed with blue Flanders Lace, studded with Bristol saphires, which( could it be possible) augmented the lustre of her heavenly face, so that she seemed like another 
* A Venetia● Cou●teza●.  Aphrodite finified for the embraces of Adonis, or a second Helen proud of the lime-hound Paris: The Champion( though otherwise too tough for such tender Creatures, having been trained up in the School of Mars, and not of Cyprides) melted before the eyes of this Sunny substance, waxing 
* A Disease called the swelling of the ●e●. Se●●arnelius & Culpeper's ●egaci●.  proud beneath the navel, and in a minute was moulded into a perfect ●●amorate; Soto felt the same flames about his heart, but durst not manifest the itching of his soul; our Champion a long time feasted his eyes without speaking( resembling the Statue of Mark Anthony gazing on the beauteous Idea of Cleopatra) remaining as it were ecstasied.  

Such is thy force, O mighty Cupid,  
Thou canst make mortals dull and stupid,  
And when thy Tyrant pleasure varies,  
Dick is all fire, and Tom all air is;  
From the flail unto the mitre,  
From the Galeon to the litter;  
From the Stall unto the sty,  
Are thy Trophies raised on high.   
But at length recollecting himself, he commanded Soto to make up to the Lady, and to compliment her in his name: Sir( quoth Soto) under your correction, I think it would make more for your Honour, and predict a surer Accomplishment of your wishes, if you accosted her in person, rather than by Proxey; The Champion could not withstand this Oraculous Incitement; And therefore willing SOTO to wait upon him in the most Ceremonious posture that could be thought on; he hasted to the place where this Piece of Divine perfection resided, who seeing( as she thought) a couple of Champions drawing near her, began to fly, as in a wild amazement, but the Knights 
* with his Helmet in his hand, and bowing himself often to the earth.  courteous comportment persuaded her, that harm could not be intended, where such officious zeal was intimated; fortified with this resolve, she stood still, expecting the Champions approach, who almost 
* Being used to ride, not run.  out of breath, could not express himself with that fluent accuracy, which otherwise he had done; but after some respiration, taking her by that moist Adamant, her lily-white hand, he delivered himself very volubly, Thus;  
Most fair and beauteous Lady, whose eyes are the Sun and Moon of the Earth, whose face, whose forehead, whose lip, whose hair, whose mouth, whose hand, and whose all, pronounces all other of your Sex, but mere dashes, strokes, a la vole●, or at random, that face was not form for any beneath the degree of a knight Errant to kneel to that lip( most fair Venus) was not vermillioned over for any to kiss, that cannot boast the spoils of War, & the Trophies of Victory; Behold( Nature's best Piece) where Don Zara( whom Kings have kneeled to for their lives, and Queens obsicrated as pensive Lovers) prostrates his Horse, Armour, Sword, Mace, Shield, Servant, and Self at your bright feet, imploring what the most resplendent beauties on earth 
* Meaning a retaliation of Love. See Cupid's Messenger. pag. 10000  have begged of him, it is Love most worshipful woman that Don Zara implores, without which this soul of his( though to the whole world's loss, if not ruin) must forsake its mansion, and yourself( all too late) repent your coyness, that has destroyed the most fidelious fighting Servitor that ever laid just claim to honourable beauty, and beautiful honour.  
Gylo( for so was the Lady called) knew not what Responsion to yield to this facetious Rhodomontado( a compliment not to be paralleled in any Grubstreet Romance) but at last making most humble ●beysance to our hero( with cheeks blushing like Aurora) she answered:  
Thrice Noble Sir, your manly figure, and soul-slaving Oratory, as they command my wonder, so they constrain me to an ingenuous acknowledgement, that I am no way worthy of your notice, whose wonder-working Valour merits a Minerva for Mistress, and whose copious elocution makes Mercury ashamed of his emptiness; but if the candour of my stars allot me so bounteous a bliss, that your honoured self shall think I deserve your commands, yonder Mansion made of Marble is my abode, and in the bowels of that room adorned with a Balconey do I constantly cover myself.  
Gylo had no sooner uttered this, but lowting low, she and her Maid forsook the place, leaving the Champion and his servitor in much amazement.   

CHAP. VI.  
Zara murders a monstrous Bear, who assaulted him in the Cave: He plays and sings beneath the Lady Gylos chamber Window, and receives a very lucky return of his Love.  
JOy and wonder( like two opposite winds disturbing the already distracted 
Simile.  Ocean) strove for Supremacy in our Champion; on the one side the Lady's worthiness, on the other side her coyness palsied her brain, so that he remained for a time as one 
* Meaning transmografide, or memorphosed into a Mandrake.  trans-elemented.  

Such is thy power, O Love,  
such is thy might,  
When thou surprizest any  
Mortal Wight;  
Whether Orlando Smith,  
or Oswald Clinker,  
Whether the Great Turk,  
or the brass-faced Tinker;  
Thou mouldest him anew  
in every part,  
And for a pint of Mirth,  
reckon'st a Quart  
Of Sorrow, making a most  
grievous pother;  
A Pox upon thee,  
and thy Sea-born Mother.   
Soto a long time observed his Lord with a serious look; but perceiving, that he cared not to put a period to this excruciating ecstasy, he burst out into a hearty laughter, saying, 
* Sentenc●  Cupid's Arrows( I perceive) can pierce the strongest Armour, and supple the most sternest soul, 
* Sentence upon sentenc inserted by the Author, merely for the solace of the sage.  as those are the most killing griefs that dare not speak, so( no doubt) those are the most ineffable joys, that cannot gain utterance: rejoice, my Lord, and sing Paeans to the pretty little God, who has thus courteously awarded you: You are the wittiest and best of Servitors, answered ZARA, O I could die upon her 
* Meaning some pri 〈…〉 mark.  Spot, and venture life, or otherwise do more for her dear sake than those famous Palladines, who were Kinsmen to mad Rowland; Hercules Labours were but á Bakers dozen, mine shall puzzle arithmetic truly to compute them: She is indeed( quoth Soto) the metaphysics of her Sex, the very Rule of Algebra; you are the Jove that must press this Leda, the Endymion, that are beloved by this Cynthia, and the Anchyses that must enjoy this Venus: I know it( quoth Zara) for didst thou not observe how her colour went and came all the time that I was courting her; and though I say it( that should not) I never in all my life had the happiness of more fluency on so short a warning: Hermes himself( quoth Soto) could not have handled his business better; but Sir, take it from me, 
* An axiom borrowed of Cato.  He that has a woman by the waste, has a wet E●le by the tail; And they hate delays as much as they abominate debility: What wouldst thou have me to do( quoth the Don?) shall we presently visit her; not so soon Sir, quoth Soto, you know that providence has provided us a place of rest, you may well waste this night in contemplation of her Excellencies, and to morrow, ere the fleet hours shall have harnessed Phoebus fiery Horses, we will bid her Bonjour at her Balconey, by which time( if the muse's favour me) we will be provided with an amorous Canticle, rival to best of 
* A most excellent Italian Ballad-maker.  Petrarch's, Sidney, or Ronfard, only the Alcean Lyre will be wanting, but that our voices shall supply,( 
* See Tom Dales aphorism, Tom 9 sect 12. Apho. 19  for the silent, note which Cupid strikes, is far sweeter than the sound of any Instrument) celebrating her beauty, and inciting to the Paphian pleasure. Thou art my better Genius, quoth Zara, and shalt share my Fortunes, this was excellently well thought on, and cannot but exceedingly take.  

Approach thou silent Night,  
mother of Rapes,  
And dreary ruin,  
friend to owls and Apes,  
Fly, fly, ye winged hours  
with eager motion,  
And bring the cheerful day  
from forth the Ocean,  
Father of life and light,  
when thou appearest,  
I'll take my rise,  
resorting to my dearest.   
I have often heard( quoth Soto) that Love can inspire the most insipid; now I have proof my Lord, that you are a very Lover, witness this polite poetical passion, but the Night-Ra●en( Sir) has chanted her Vespers, and Madam Nox has already hung her curtain over the Hemisphere, let us convey ourselves to our Concave, quoth Zara, and summon Somnus to a peaceful parley: I have, said Soto, furnished our pavilion with a bed of the best Moss, and the trunk of an Alder tree for a pillow: Thou art in all things excellent, quoth Zara; but now for the contrivance of our Ode: Let me alone for that, quoth Soto, I'll kick the Mount to atoms, swill up 
* 〈◊〉 John 〈…〉 lands ●●solvs, 〈…〉 m 2●.  Helicon, ravish the Nine, and break Apollo's Fiddle about his pate, but I'll Rant in most magnificent mitre; I'll warrant the Lady is your own, if( which we have cause to guess) she be one of Minerva's Maids of Honour: This said, they departed to their hollowed Mansion, and taking their couch, on a sudden became speechless, when Fortune, the professed enemy to worth, appointed them a very dangerous Adventure, for the fly Sergeant Morpheus had no sooner arrested their senses, but the proper owner of the place, a Bear as black as blackness itself, as fell as an Hyrcanian tiger, entered the Cave( as was her wont guise) with a resolve to rest herself there that night, but finding uncouth Inmates, she gave so joud a roar, that the Grove echoed the Thunder of her throat; This yelling alarm soon beat up the champion's Quarters, and he awaked in much distraction, giving Soto( though accidentally) so sound 〈…〉. on the breast with his 
* Whether his left or right is not certainly known.  foot, that he cried out as he had been broke on the wheel; by this time the Bear had bitten our Champion quite thorough the calf of his left leg, which made him roar more audibly than this beast of prey entering the Cave: Soto mean time( like a hardy Squire) strenuously assaulted this wild creature with his Javelin, but found his hide too tough for penetration, and such was the mockery of Fate, that the Champion had not opportunity to unsheathe his Sword, so that his face was scratched and scari●i'd, as his leg was bruised and wounded, no quarter from head to foot was free; was it not time then for the Champion and Soto to lay about them, for this hairy Monster fought not to gain honour, but to allay hunger.  
Ah Zara, Zara, had I my wish, some 
* The pious Author petifully bemoans the bad condition of Zara.  God should turn thee into a Sheep, or Goat, nay rather than sail into an Ass, to escape this vile visitation, than thus be taken like a tame Beast in thy own Den.  
Yet at last despite of Destiny he forced out Kit-za-Cow, and with one single thrust pierced through the skin ribs, and riff of this saucy Savage, cleaving her heart who giving a deep groan, became exanimate: This Conquest being so happily achieved, the Champion( with Soto's aid) disburdened the Cave of this rough creature, whose length( by London measure) was no less than six yards, and whose head the Cpampion immediately severed from the unwieldy Trunk, hanging it on the top branch of a Beech Tree, as a trophy consecrate to Nemesis and Astrea, engraving this Distich about the Bole.  

Apollo, Python sl●w,  
which was no Bear-a,  
The Monster owned this head,  
was slain by Zara.   
But the wounds and scratches lately received, were not so irksome to our Champion, as the sorrow he underwent to be maimed at such a time by this beast of Mars, when he had wholly devoted himself to Venus, yet such was the ardency of his affection, that 
* Though one of his supporters had been 〈◊〉 o●●well says the 〈◊〉 Love will 〈◊〉 where it cannot go.  he resolved to visit his Mistress with the morning;  
O true and unparalleled Amorist, worthy the Pen of another Parker! Others if but pricked with Eglantine, or phlebotomized with the Guardians of Roses, think themselves sufficiently excused for not doing that devoir to their Mistresses which Cupid commands; but he, though creeping on hand and crupper, will not fail to compliment his fair one, and who knows but the compassionate Gods may reward this admirable Ardour, with the miraculous cure of his wounds, without the aid of Machaon or Podalyrius.  
The Olympic powers, said Soto, have manifested their care of your courageous carcase( thrice Noble and redoubted hero) in that they guided your good Sword to so home a thrust when in all probability you had been manducated by that Monster, who now remains headless; the fightless Deity does always file their names, whom he thinks worthy to wage war under his Banner with blood; But I too long neglect to apply some healing herb to your yawning wound: Having said this, Soto arose, and searching about the Grove for some 
* For a better understanding of this 〈◊〉 Dr. Trig's Pr 〈…〉 Pu●ril● p▪ ●0000  sanitating Simple; he at last lighted upon that( Hell-envied, Heaven-guarded) weed, called 
* See Clavels Recantation, pag. 121.  Morsus Diaboli, which he gently cropped, chanting a Canticle to Tellus, and resorting to his maimed Master, squeezed the juice thereof into his wound, and then applying the leaf itself, bound it about with the rind of a Mulberry Plant, which gave him present ease, and occasioned his benison on solicitous Soto: By this time Aurora was visible in the East, clad in her purple Robe; Aeous began to shake his fiery Main, neighing so loud, that Sol( 
* By this 〈◊〉 appears that the Sun himself is an ●dulterer. See the Act against Fornication &c.  who had slept with Thetis all that night) sat upright in his watery bed, and after a yawn or two, took his scourge in his hand; the Champion and Soto therefore immediately set forward on their amorous enterprise, and were under the Balconey, where our warlike Leander expected his Lilly-handed Hero ere the Sun was warm in his Throne; for some minutes they diligently listened if they might hear any sti●, but neither jar of Clock, nor the hoarse hum of any drowsy Groom to be heard, all things buried in so profound a silence, as if the God of dreams had here pit 〈…〉 his pavilion. Begin the Hymn, quoth Zara, the Canzonet that must give my Goddess the Alar 〈…〉 of love, myself will help to bear the burden; then Soto having opened his Organ pipes with a Pegasian hem, began to warble the following Song:  

SONG.  

1.  
ARise thou true Aurora from thy East,  
too long( good faith) thou keep'st thy nest  
Zara's no Incubus,  
Nor thou a lazy Sus,  
That thou art tardy thus,  
thy Champions ready with his spear in rest Ambo  
Then let the turn-pikes on my chin,  
Take thy halfmoon Fortress in.   

2.  
Cupid( alas) does suck my best blood out,  
I drop at heart as old wives drop at snout,  
No Brescian Bear loves honey,  
Or down-chined Miser money,  
Better than I thy Con—.  
appear, bright saint, and cure my amorous gout.  
And let the turn-pikes, &c.   

3.  
Love has not only drove his Peg  
Through my heart, but through my leg,  
After such dire assault,  
Here do I make a halt,  
for I was ne'er yet shuned by Doll or Meg.  
Let then the Turn-pikes, &c.   

4.  
Though ( Mars appointing so) I'm framed of Iron,  
And that strong bars of steel my flesh environ,  
Though strung with stubborn wire,  
I melt in thy Coal-fire,  
Cupid's strong Cu●rasiere  
I am, then glorious Girl put thy Attire on.  
Then let the Turn-pikes, &c.   

5.  
Be thou my Sea-born Venus, I will be  
Thy Mars, thy Vulcan( I go limpingly)  
Let me view thy silken Dog,  
( Able to vanquish Gogmagog,)  
I'll be thy Ape, be thou my clog,  
to love, and not be loved, is misery.  
Then let the Turn-pikes, &c.   

6.  
Let's laugh, and leave this world behind,  
And procreate till we are blind,  
That Gods may view,  
With a Dildo-doe,  
What we bake, and what we brew,  
yet our intrinsic fervour never find.  
Then let the turn-pikes on my chin,  
Take thy halfmoon Fortress in.    
They had no sooner finished their Ditty, but behold Madam Gylo( apparelled in a loose vestment, her hair bound up in a carnation Cawl, which excellently became her) appeared( like another Juliet ready to receive her beloved Romeo) on the Battlements, bearing in her hand a Pewter Vessel, containing the quantity of about three quarts of that( which like the Spider, she had extracted from her own bowels) she had on purpose procured for our champion's reception, and it appears( 
* See Albertus Aja●, de Modo Cacan di, Tom 〈◊〉.  if there be any truth in Tradition) it was the Lady's Ordure to precipitate any excrementious substance from that very window: The Champion and Soto greatly rejoiced to see this morning Star irradiate that Horizon, but were soon returned to their quondam dejection, when they found their ears unguented with warm water, well lanted with a viscuous ●ngredient; the Lady having accomplished her atchieumen, returned to her place of rest, leaving Zara and Soto in the wildest wonder; nor let any( seeming) Solon tax their ecstasy, for even Alcides or Achilles' had been the same sad ones, had Briseis or Omphale practised the like compliment; but after they had a long time busied their( new wrunced) eyes with gazing one upon another, like men dropped from the Clouds, and perceiving the Lady had left them, without probability of return, they( without speaking one to another, so vast was their amazement) retired to their Grove, their faces full of the ostents of shame and dolour.   
End of the First Book.   

Don Zara del Fogo: The second Book.  

CHAP. I.  
Zara's passionate Complaint against the Lady Gylo, and all her Sex in genial. Soto mitigates his ire, they travel to Mount Mongibell, where he is munificently treated by Lamia the Witch.  
REturned to their earth-waled citadel, the Champion and Soto( like penitent Pilgrims) entered their Cave, hardly refraining to bedew each others Aspects with briny drops; Soto was the first that broke silence, who taking his Master by that hand made to pull up mighty Oaks, and pound prodigious Monsters and tyrannous Tytans to atoms, 
* Soto hi● Oration.  Let not my Lord, said he, tolerate this source of sorrow and griping grief to overwhelm him; we cannot, Sir, expound this aenigma, 
* A Cunnin● man or a teller of Fortunes; th●s was he who told the old ●arl of Essex that his Mistress should make him headless.  Oedipus himself durst not enter the lists 'gainst this Sphynx, who knows but it may be the custom of this country for Ladies to treat their Lovers in this method; 
* Sentence.  women's actions are like their Wombs, not to be fathomed; but we have no Oracle to resort to, no Temple of Ammon or Cumean Cave; for my part, I believe the Lady whom you are so vexed at, is of too noble and generous a temper to welcome her Votarist with an affront, besides she seems no Penthesilea, no Camilla, or Britomart, that she should think herself of sufficient strength to Bulwark her Mansion, and all within from the Battery of just vengeance, in case your warlike selfshould vow a devastation, there is therefore some Hyerogliphicall Catastasis to be expected of this matter. Thou art( said the Champion a traitor to my Honour, and a betrayer of that Repute which I have hitherto retained despite of Envy; Dost thou think this could be any other than a contumelious Quip; 
* 〈◊〉 A●iome borrowed of Lycophron.  Love though he be blind can smell, and though thy sense and scent have forsaken thee at once, yet know that Zara cannot be deluded into a dull heresy; henceforth I will abjure the thought of that nefarious Nitrosulphureous Sex, I will find some country where it shall be Felony to acknowledge I ever looked upon a woman, and high Treason to say I had a Mother; let who will protect their persons, bols●er up their beauties, cringe to their commands, and die to do them service; Give me my Arms, I will instantly demolish this crazy Castle, and put all its Tenants to the Sword, not sparing this very woman, this vile woman, who has most egregiously abused the truest and Noblest Servant that ever laid leg over Lady. Soto perceiving that the Hemisphere being so strangely clouded, storms and tempests must inevitably ensue, fell upon his knees, embracing 
* The more to win upon him; this kind of posture was used by all suppl●●nts of old. See Cotton's Concord lib 20. p 30.  the calves of the Champions legs, beseeching him for his sake( his fidelious servant Soto) to mitigate his justly conceived displeasure, and not to destroy whole Families for the foolish perpetration of one whose ignorance( as to his person and parts) might somewhat excuse her crime; and though it be true( said Soto) that in all Comedies more know the Clown, than the Clown knows, and though your Fame fill the Universe, this Lady yet may be one of those whose ears have not sucked in the report: For thy sake, said the Champion, I will spare these wretches, and inhume my intended Revenge; I confess I had been too bloody but for thee; thus the Pelean Youth was persuaded by his Patroclus' to wire draw the Fate of Troy; I do acknowledge myself a sworn servant to that sweet Sex, and( if with Neoptolemus) I had sacrificed this foolish Female to Rhamnusia, I could not have expiated the giddy crime without a tedious journey to Paphos; But let us leave this place, the Genius whereof( it seems) is an utter enemy to Errant Knighthood, he then mounted his prancing Palfrey who fed not far off, putting on his shining Armour, and inveloping his head with a Cap of steel; Soto( having first repleated his Crib with ripe Dates, Almonds, and other fruits) had soon harnessed himself, and attended the motion of his Master, whose fretting soul occasioned the galling of founder-feet sides, and Soto's sweat, for the Knight rode as some would run for their lives, like such another Hotspur as Astolpho, or Rogero, posting away from Logestilla; and how long this eager mood would have held him, Heaven knows, if his eyes had not clapped plummets upon his heels, when he beheld a 
* Read Sir John Mandevil's Geography, l 40. And P●rchas. ●ilgrimage. Tom ●00. Tract. 10000  Mountain of an incredible altitude, for( like Atlas and Olympus) its head was hid in Clouds for many leagues upward, out of whose torrid entrails flaiks of fire( accompanied with most 
* Perhaps the howlings of damned souls  hideous noise) took flight to Heaven, towering in the troubled air like so many ruin-portending Comets; these were no sooner vaded, but( with the same Thunder as before) stones far bigger than those belonging to Meal-Mills, were ejected with horrible fragours, able to have astonished any Mortal save Zara, who all unmoved, beheld this flaming heap, being a great natural; and well versed in Pliny, and Albertus Magnus, but yet he would not dare his Destiny by an over-hardy intrusion to near the skirts of this voluminous Excrescence, whose 〈◊〉 were enough to persuade some that Tellus has formerly been a profound Tipler, and( to the immor 〈…〉 honour of good Fellowship) wears a rich face. The Champion had not long contemplated the mysterious, and not to be resolved 
* See Aristotle's Problems, 〈◊〉 Pater, and unheard of Curiosities.  Riddles that trackless Nature exhibits, but he perceived a Cot( not thatched, but covered over with blue state, the outward walls seeming all of shining Glass, yet not withstanding more hard than i●on) on his left hand in an humble Valley, that lay about half a league from this fiery Mountain, 
* Sentenc● borrowed out of Green's groa●sworth of w●●, p. 10.  as if this lowly Grot would teach aspiring mankind, that to be safe is to shun the Mountains heights of greatness, a thick smoke issued out of the top of this tenement, the infallible symptom of some Hospitable Inhabitant, hither our Champion addressed himself, with a resolve to rest for some minutes, but knocking at the door with the pummel of his Sword, and calling to those( in all probability) within, he received no answer, only the courteous door of itself opened, as inviting him to enter, which he did, Soto following him; the first thing he beheld was a kind of Pen, or punee Prison, but far stronger than those the British shepherds immure their Flocks in, in it were included a great number of( seeming) 
* Thes● were once very proper men, but now Metamorphosed by this Circe into Beasts.  Dogs, Wolus, Badgers, Foxes, Apes, and Monkeys, who upon the Champions approach manifested all the signs of Amity, the Dog● wagged their tails and friskt upon him, the Wolus licked his hands, the Badgers crouched at his feet, the foxes( throwing away all the wiliness) became his real suppliants; Apes danced antic merely to make him mirth, & the Monkeys( in the language of the face and the eye) made many protestations of sincere service: Zara was something amazed at this strange( yet auspicious) entertainment from creatures whom he had never before conversed with: what would have amated others, animated him; and that which to others had been* Lathe, to him was Helen's potion; nor was he so bestial, but to take notice of the courtesy of these creatures whom he complemented peculiarly, with so winning a garb, that though Oratory were wanting, their silence spoke more than some could have uttered with all the ornaments of Rhetorical Elocution: Passing these, he came to a door which he found fast locked, but peeping thorough the keyhole, he perceived where a Lady of excellent beauty was sitting by a fire made of the roots of Fir, sorting heaps of herbs, a Girdle( borrowed from the head of a Hyena) full of Magical Characters about her waste, her Rod, Staff, and other implements of Sorcery stood by her on a Table of Abstersive Ebony, and about her head( with such a noise of Bees commonly make when they conglomerate) flew millions of 
* These were Devils no doubt, who Complemented Lami● in such shapes S 〈…〉 Bodin de Bullibus, lib. 〈◊〉  bats, Dorrs, & butterflies: This Lady was no other than the Enchantress Lamia, a woman insatiatly luxurious, insomuch that no Traveller that way, of what degree or condition soever, could escape her; those that refused to accompany her, she immediately turned into beasts, appointing them perpetual captivity; this wicked Witch knowing by her Art, that Don Zara should about this time visit Mount Mongibell; she( as was her constant manner upon the like occasion) transformed herself( at other times a mere Maegera, the very Emblem of deformity, and the compendium of a Chaos) into a most beauteous shape; Don Zara must be the Ulysses whom this Circe will admit to her embraces, and now perceiving his approach she commanded her ill-mannered door to give him ingress, and herself rising from her Chair gave him that welcome which denoted the high esteem she had of him; her Menial Train( which were all 
* These Damsels were crea●ed by Dedalus, whose Statues( as Plato affirms would walk and 〈…〉 ewe many ●ine tricks.  Statues of Marble, bearing the figures of untouched Virgins) yielded him homage; an ivory Chair of its own accord branching itself beneath his buttocks, where he was no sooner seated, but a Table richly furnished with rare viands and sweet Wines opposed itself to his view, the Marble bodied Maidens waiting obsequiously and filling forth the Wine with much agility. Soto( at the appointment of the Chantress) sat down also, but he who had noted the gogling of his eyes( roving up and down as if he meant to muster all the varieties in the room) would have concluded him a Puppet, whose every part found motion upon wire: The Champion as was his usual guise) fed rapa ciously, and so gave Lamia good hope of his strenuous activity when Venus should make proof of his procreative part; the eating humour being over( grasping a vast Goblet in his hand, whereon was portrayed the History of Io, being turned into a white Cow, the great Jupiter Bulling her) he drank a deep health to the enchantress; Most excellent Lady, I now celebrate your highness' health with as true a heart as ever I came from school; This said, he exhausted the steeple Bowl with such vigorous velocity, that Lamia could not but be astonished at the worthiness of the man; Sir, quoth she, you are Master of all those ways that win most upon us women; but I cannot but wonder at the bravery of your brain that can brook such torrents as these: Sweet Lady, quoth the Champion, I always drink with the same courage that I use to cleave those Helms that are thought Thunder-proof.  

Fill me a Bowl, that I may bathe my head in't,  
And rise like Phoebus in the East,  
Shaking my dewy locks—   
This said, he kissed the Inchantress with such ardency, as he would have eaten her lips off, who very patiently permitted him to dwell upon those Twin-Cherries, and sometimes to practise what good Rogero and Alcyna once experimented, when their Tongues became insouled, as Samson's Foxes were inchain'd.   

CHAP. II.  
Soto courts Lapida. The Inchantress turns him into a Horse. She raises the Ghost of Hercules, whom Zara encounters with, and is knocked down. He is extremely enraged, but at length appeased by Lamia, who recreates his senses with many rare sports and pastimes.  
WHile his Master was thus Billing, it had been shame for Soto to sit as a Mute, or whistle upon his thumbs ends, when so many beauteous Objects( as it were) offered themselves to his embraces; therefore( after Solemnization of the Health) he rose up, and addressed himself to Lapida( the fairest and most portly of all the Attendant Nymphs) 
* Lapida in a most elegant, elaborate stile, perhaps h●●ving r●ad the Academy of 〈…〉  Most pellucid Paragon, quoth he, whose Fulgor famishes the Fame of HERO, HELEN, or Hebe; vouchsafe most illustrious morsel of maid's flesh, to accept of Squire Soto his service, chief Chamberlain and sole Secretary to the magnanimous and munificent Don Zara del Fogo, whose body and soul shall cringe to thy commands; Lapida returned him no answer, save what her Virgin blushes afforded, which animated Soto to a nearer approach, folding his sinewy arms about her slender waste, and clinging close to her coral lips, which occasioned many mops and mows from the other Marble Maidens, and caused Lapida to desert his desired embraces with a cloudy brow: Soto being thus shaken off, returned to his quondam station, finding his Master in deep discourse with the inchantress, who( at his request) informed him, That( those her handmaids were the legitimate issue of 
* Pygmalion proved to have had issue by his Marble Mistress, a rare piece of antiquity, hitherto not made public.  Pygmalion, whom( though the ancient Bards knew it not) the compassionate Gods( Pitying Pygmalion's sufferance) graciously trans-elemented, furnishing her with the finest flesh, and all other feminine endowments. I perceive Madam( said Zara) that your bright self can bring marvelous things to pass by your occult perpetrations, I was once so bewitched that I could not shit, till two or three Candls ends were thrust up—; Pray Madam, give your servant to know what miraculous things may be effected by enchantments: I will not hide from thee( my dearest Zara) said the Soceres, 
* The Inchantress declares what wonde●ous things may be done by Witch 〈…〉 ft, a fine story, and undoubtedly 〈◊〉, 〈◊〉 having be 〈…〉 an Article of faith in all former Ages, and believed by very wise men of our time.  that by the potency of my Spells, and Incantations, I can take off the top of St. Mark's Steeple in Venice, and clap it upon St. Peter's in Rome, I can contract the Elements, and( but that I would not destroy this goodly Mass of things) jumble all to its original Chaos; I can seclude Aeolus and his sons in a Hawking-bag. I can turn the tide o●Tygris or Nile, clothe the Earth with Flowers, the Trees with leaves, & the Fields with verdure; in the midst of winter I can call down Luna when I list from her sphere, give life to the dead, and death to the living; Metamorphose men into beasts, and beasts into men; cause Thunder and Lightning, Blasting and Mildews, Storms and Tempests, earthquakes & Water-quakes, demolish the stoutest Structures by land, and the goodly Vessels by Sea with a nod: having thus spoken, she called Soto unto her, and taking Zara by the hand, she said, That thou Mayst have proof of my abilities, and that thou art respected by her who can countermand the counsels of the Gods, behold the transmutation of thy Squire; With that, rising up, she waived her Wand three times over Soto's scull, thrice she turned unto the East, & as many times unto the West, mumbling over some mysterious matins, till Soto by degrees 
* Soto's Me 〈…〉 phosis.  was transhaped into a goodly Steed, who shaking his crested main, and pawing on the pavement, neighed aloud, like another Phobos or Dimos, insomuch that the Champion( had not the love he bare to his servant overcome his hasty wishes) could have been contented that Soto should have continued in that shape, Founder-foot being turned to grass to the wide world: Soto had not long proved himself a perfect prancing palfrey, but the courteous Inchantress restored him to his pristine shape, to the Champions exceeding contentment, but to Soto's extreme dejectment, who never after that could( faithfully) fancy himself any other save a very beast: This business over, the Inchantress willing to delight the Champion, demanded of him which of the ancient Worthies ( Goliath, Judas Maccab●us, &c.) he had most mind to behold; I would fain feast my eyes, quoth he, with perusing the person of that monster-taming Hercules, the son of Jupiter and Alcmene, he that made no more of a Lion then of an Iceland Cur, who wielded Mountains as pebbles, drew Cacus out of his Den by the heels, and demolished mighty Cities with a fillip of his finger: The Champion had scarce spoke, but a Tree sprang up, 
* By this it appears that the Roof was not vaul●●●.  whose top almost touched the Clouds, its broad branches were laden with Apples of Gold, most radiant to the eye, about whose body a Dragon( of an un-measured greatness) twined itself, evomorating flames of fire mingled with hailstones of an incredible magnitude, Hercules had soon vanquished the Dragon, writhing his neck with as much dexterity as a Poulterer would spoil the cackling of a British Hen: the Champion( though dehorted from it by the Inchantress) would needs salute this noble Shade, but received a very rough return of his Congratulation; for Alcides very rudely smote him on the head with his huge Club, so that he sank to the ground as dead, wallowing up and down, as their manner is, who are suddenly surprised with fits of the Mother, or ( Hercules his own disease) the Falling-sickness: Alcides having done this scathe, slipped away very slily, leaving the Champion( almost soul-less) sprawling upon the Floor: Soto was in an exteam Agony for his Master: Lamia was grieved and her handmaids heavy, but the Inchantress soon recovered him by watering his phisnomy with her warm Urine( the customary way( it seems) of that country to revive the enfeebled) which not only illuminated his dim eyes, but circumgyring about his weasand, enforced him to a manly neese, so that within a little time( to their great comfort) he sat up, calling for some Wine, which being brought, he drank a hearty draught to the Inchantress, though one might perceive( with half an eye) wrath and disdain in capital Characters on his front; which Lamia perceiving, administered this Julip to allay his fiery choler.  
Sir, quoth she, I perceive your soul sits heavy on its strings( wounded with dolour for Hercules his rigid contumacy, and that your heart has entered into Covenant with your hands( justly enraged to be shaken in pieces by a shadow) to inflict a sudden and severe Revenge; but know( most redoubted Champion) that Spirits are of a substance altogether impenetrable, and your anger cannot dilate itself to a deserved punishment; how much did I dehort you from so dangerous a●t Attempt; but the best on't is, your sunlike Fame cannot be, eclipsed by this Interpositon; for you were not felled by a giant, but a Goblin; by a Don, but a Daemon; not by Achilles, but by Aloides himself; O Heaven, said the Champion( pointing to the place where he was knoct down) that what neither man nor Monster durst to have put in practice, should be consummated by a paltrey Spectar, a subteranean shade, and airy Incubus; O Alcides, that thy soul werein flesh, that I might grasp thy Gygantick bulk betwixt my mighty arms; thou shouldst find me no 
* Two sturdy Wrestlers.  Anteus, or Achelous; but I power out my plaints to the vacant air, and fruitlessly deplore a helpless ill. Lamia( whose privy parts melted in the Paphian fire) purposing to put a period to the good knight's grief, by the potent vigour of her Thessalian Art, called up the Ghosts of 
* Two famous Fid 〈…〉.  Orpheus and Amphion, who playing upon their heavenly Harps, made most dulcet melody; Then entered Flora, accompanid with a drove of Dryades( clad in green, their heads encircled with Flowery Anadems) who hand in hand danced the Spanish way, to the Champions unspeakable Contentment; By this time the sun was sunk near his Evening Region, to Glaucas infinite joy, who thought each minute an Age, till she had tasted those Oily sweets( which she resolved to retalliate with Amber-Suds) that every Errant Knight prostrates at the portcullis of his Paramour.   

CHAP. III.  
Lamia and the Champion are transported through the air in a chariot drawn by two flying Dragons, to the Vale of Vassalage. The manner how Witches wed themselves to the Devil. They visit Charon's house, where they find his Wife Fatua at her housewifery. Charon's Canticle. They pass over the River Styx, coming to the very gates of Barathrum, where they hear Pluto's Proclamation.  

Lamia lay naked in her Bed,  
and Zara's self lay by,  
Upon his flesh she fiercely fed,  
more sweet than Pork or pie, &c.   
OUr Champion and his beauteous Mistress were no sooner secluded in the silken walls of a rich bed, but he performed those rites due to those twin-Goddesses, Concupiscentia and Cytherea, while Soto( like a faithful Squire) accommodated Founder-foot with Fodder, and other conveniences, hanging up his Master Armour, his Sword, Mace, and other martial properties( as he hoped) in the Acaenall of Janus; for though Soto could willingly 
* Soto's Elog c.  brook the brunt of a Bickering, the fata of a Fight, and the consternation of a Combat, yet he was no foe to a tranquillious subsistence, no peace-hater, or professed enemy to 
* A famous fat Cook, canonised by Pope Sylvester the 22 after he had been worshipped many Ages by the 〈◊〉 Greeks with divine Honours. See Cook's Instit. Tom 30. p. 100●.  Comus: Having disposed of all things most methodically, he departed to his bed with much grief( Heaven knows) that what his Master presided, could not be his example.  
Return we now to our thrice-Renowned Knight, and his Spel-charming Associate, the courteous Lamia, who having reciprocally recreated themselves almost to a surfeit, suffered Somnus to make prize of their senses, Doing causes Drowziness: But they had not slept six hundred minutes ere Lamia called to mind, what till then was slipped from her memory, viz. the hour of meeting her Sisterhood in the Vale of Vassalage( so called, for that in this swarthy Grot the Inchantress and her copartnrrs did Homage to the King of Flames) she threw herself out of the bed with such violence, that the Champion awaked, and desiring his Dear to give him the cause of her so impetuous arrisall; she answered, My dear Servant, it is no time now to use prolix Narrations, please to desert the bed, you shall soon know the cause why I left you. Zara( who was now as true a Lover as ever offered Incense to Aphrodite) soon obeyed his Mistress commands, and was presently( as already she had served herself) Anointed from head to foot with an Unguent, whose savour might aptly be compared to that 
* Ol 〈…〉 〈…〉 didum Infantium. See Culpeppers Dispen 〈…〉, p. 100  chemical Dew extracted from the dung of an Infant; this done, they adorned their bodies with the same weeds worn the day before, and then Lamia( having girded her magical Cincture about her waste) approached the Hearth, where( by the wondrous operation of her Art) the fire was never extinct, the immortal Flame deriving its pedigree from that celestial unextinguishable Brand which was born, before the mighty Darius, when he marched against little great Alexander, to make proof which of them two merited the world's moiety; Into this fire she flung a great many poisonous Weeds, which( with a rusty knife) she had lately cropped on Mount Caucasus, and other Cambrian Promontories before the break of day; to this she added 
* See Doctor Lambs Aphorisms, lib 2. tract. 17. Apho●, 1000000.  the entrails of those ominous Birds, the Owl and hoars Night-Raven, blended with red Storax, and the blood of a Lapwing, the shavings of a shoeing-horn, the feathers of a Salamander, the cry of a Mandrake, and the tongue of a Jews-Harp; this done, she entered her Orbicular goal( taking the Champion with her, who stood trembling all the time, and let none marvel if the most Magnanimous man living be appalled at the approach of Devils, there being no greater Antipathy to be imagined, then between a terrestrial substance, and an Inhabitant of Orcus) making the very basis of this vast Ball to totter with her first Accents, repeating this ●oercive Charm:  


* The Reader must take heed that he read not this Charm either in private with his face East by North when the winds are high, or after Sun set.  Great Hecate, rectress of shades,  
Plashey Grots, and gloomy Glades.   

Neptune's never-failing Friend,  
Whom Night-Goblins do attend:   

Flitting from their Ponds and Lakes,  
From miry bogs, and thorny Brakes.   

By whose beams( when Sol's away)  
Span-long Infants sport and play.   

By the Lapland hags hoars hum,  
And great Demogorgon's Drum.   

By the Mandrakes killing cry,  
And the Owls harsh melody.   

By Alecto's Snaky Twine,  
And the Tire of Proserpina.   

By fiery Phlegeton and Styx,  
And Puck-Hayries Genetrix.   

Lest I ding thee down to Hell  
( By the vigour of my Spell)   

Aid, O aid my great desires,  
By those ever-enlightening Fires,   

That lead travellers astray  
All the night, till break of day.   
This potent, and never-equalled Incantation( dangerous to be itterated by the Reader in an audible tone) was no sooner uttered by the Inchantress, but it tonitruated horribly, fulminating promiscuously from all parts of the troubled Hemisphere, the Earth was shaken with an Ague fit, huge Oaks were torn up by the roots, and steong Structures leveled with the ground, when behold a Chariot( seeming all of fire) drawn by a couple of Comets in the shapes of Dragons, received Lamia and the Champion, who travailed through the air till they came ro the Vale of Vassalage, where alighting, they found the mighty Monarch of Gehenna( 
* The description of the devil, according to the frequent confessions of Witches & sorcerers  his bulk like some huge Mountain horned like a Goat, his feet resembling Serpents, two rows of Teeth, each longer than the Mast of a Ship,) sitting beneath a cypress Tree, to whose Trunk( as his manner always was) he turned his prodigious, face, allowing all, or most part of his back parts only to be kissed, which all there( with most humble obeisance) saluted, and then with a joint Acclamation( crying 
* The same with that of Pasquil, de legibus, lib. 30 claw a churl( i. e. the Devil) by the Arsé he'll sh●●e in your hand.  Har, Har,) they joined in an antic Dance; which finished, each Sorceress had the fruition of her Incubus, Lamia not excepted, which exceedingly stirred the champion's choler; After this, they sat down to feast, the Earth, air, and Seas being plundered of its Inhabitants, to satiate these Sorcerous wretches; the Champion( who never gave his Teeth cause to curse his Tardity) fed with the foremost, but the spite was, the eating time being over, he could not mix with the rest in the Coranto; for the truth was, our champion's Parents were no Courtiers, nor himself ever acquainted with the nice Puntilloes of King's palaces; All being vanished on a sudden, our Knight and Lamia were left alone, who preparing to take Coach in order to their Journey homeward, the courageous Don grasping his Mistress snowy hand, thus divuled himself:  
So many and so great( most mellifluous Madam) have those favours been extended to me your worthless Servitor, that were my head stuffed with the wit of Hermes, my forehead decked with the branches of Pan, my eyes irradiated with the fulgency of Sol, my cheeks adorned with the Roses of Ganymede, my nose still running with divine Nepenthe, my lips qualified with a Carnation tincture, my teeth of that very Ivory which pieced up the shoulder of Pelops, my beard the besom of heaven, my neck a Pharian Tower, my shoulders bearing up the world with Atlas, my arms sphearing the Earth, my hands grasping both Poles, my belly more big than the Tun at Heildebergh, my thighs strutting like a Rhodian Coluss, my legs supporters of the Globe, and my feet like those of Erichtonius, yet I could never be Master of such a Gratitude as might refuned the fixtieth part of your incomparable indulgency; add but one more to all your past favours, and make me eternally yours. I have heard that Ulysses and Aeneas, 
* 〈◊〉 bring his affront, chap. 〈◊〉  I will not name Hercules,( the true Types of me) had the happiness to visit that dark Dungeon where the damned dwell, and to have commerce with those Aetherial souls that dance together in the Elysian Shades, and yet returned( safe and sound) to their terrestrial abodes; I would fain know what is done in the other World, though I have no ambition to injure any there, or( with Hercules) to captivate Cerberus.  
That you may know( said Lamia) what an immense power you have over me( though the Adventure be dreadful and dangerous) you shall have the fruition of your desires, be sure you enjoin your tongue the strictest silence; this said, she and the Champion re-entered their chariot, being transported over Woods, Cities, Seas, Villages, and tops of tall Steeples, and in a trice arrived at that very place where( after solemn Sacrifice to his mother's soul) Ulysses began his Progress to Pluto's Monarchy; here they disburdened their caroche, and the Inchantress taking Zara by the hand, departed down a pair of winding stairs, having no light sauè a kind of duskish glimmering, such as some call twilight; the bellowing of black Rivers and schrieking of Furies made a dreadful diapason, to which was added a pestilential smell as of Brimstone, Naptha, &c. They traveled so long down these stairs, that Zara( who now repent his rash option) imagined himself con-centred in the Earth, and now they beheld an exceeding high Wood, whose top seemed to touch the Clouds, every Tree had its branches laden with a kind of swarthy Fruit resembling Cucumbers, each of them including a damned soul, who were incessantly tormented in the bowels of these Cucumbers, without hope of enfranchisement: Having past this Wood, they arrived at the very brink of the River Styx, whose dark waves evaporated a thick smoke; here they found Charon's Boat( with only one Oar in it) fastened to part of that Cottage where the grisly F●rriman resided, but no Boat-man to be met with; the occasion of Charon's absence was this, Pluto had newly married his eldest daughter Tenebrosa to the great Duke Marathron, whose Territories extended from Phlegeton to the Lake Avernus, having under his command sixty Legions; and this withered Waterman had employment as Pilot in Pluto's chief Galeon, to convey the Princely pair and their retinue over Acheron to their own Dominions; the Inchantress was extremely vexed to find Charon a nonresident, insomuch that she was once resolved to punish Hell and Heaven, as culpable of a contumacy, when behold Charon's Consort ( Fatua) a Matron of much gravity, and daughter to Chaos and Nox, fell at the Inchantress feet, beseeching her not to be offended at her husband's absence, relating that his Prince had summoned his service, withal entreating her to approach her homely Mansion; Lamia and the Champion were not shy to enter this homely pavilion, where they found a candid Reception from the aged Fatua, who upon their entrance threw a kind of Gum into the fire( made of a kind of Pumice, much resembling the British Turf) by virtue whereof, the Room where they were seemed more luminous than the House of Sol, they received celestial Visions, and fancied themselves equal with the Gods, they had not long enjoyed this beatifical Vision, but they heard the aged ferrimen voice, who sang the following Canticle, walking upon the Surges.  

SONG.  

1.  
FOolish mortals( fed with Pap)  
( Sporting in cold Tellus' lap)  
Always scraping, always scoring,  
Always drinking, always whoring,  
you spend your lives,  
with wag-tailed Wives,  
While the subtle Siren's rock ye,  
Till your proud flesh make ye pocky.  
Driving Acres down your Gullets,  
Till you dine with buttered Bullets,  
Drink and drab, study and stare on,  
You must all conclude with Charon.   

2.  
Wash your throats with Wine and W●r●,  
The Gods made man to make them sport;  
Nor can ye ere be called men,  
Though ye write threescore and ten;   

you're leaden Daddies,  
To light Ladies,   

Ships floating on a Sea of Glass,  
The Stagerite was but an Ass.   

Drink and drab, study and stare on,  
You must all conclude with Charon.    
By this time the grey-bearded Oarman had gained his Hive, and with a cheerful hum saluted Lamia and the Champion after his rustic manner, who returned him more complemental Retribution: The Inchantress had no need to inform him of her design, 
* Sentence.  None ever touched the strand of Styx, but they ballasted Charon's Boat: wherefore taking leave of Fatua, they immediately embarked themselves, the tough old seignior( having been well feasted in the Court of Pluto) tugged at the oar like any terrestrial bargeman against Wind and Tide; but by that time they were half way over Styx, they espied an aged 
* He is very oblivious that knows not this old man's name See Apuleius his Golden Calf, li. 6. p 12.  person all naked, of a venerable Aspect( very near them) crying out for help, for that he was in danger of drowning: The Champion( moulded of a noble mind) was proffering him his hand, had not Lamia hindered him, who related unto him briefly what this old man was, and how inevitable a ruin had ensued, in case he had afforded him aid; ere her Caution found period, they were within sight of shore, where they landed, giving Charon his usual salary, who( Wondering what Mister Wights these were, since he had not above thrice before had experience of the like) took his leave with more Ceremony then usual, and returned to his Wherry.  
The place where the Sorceress and our Champion now were, seemed a Marish ground, or rather a perfect Quagmire overgrown with blasted Reeds, and withered Sedge, yet of so solid a surface, that they trampled as upon Scythian Ice; being past this ●og, they presently came to the very Gates of Barathrum, fashioned of burnished Brass, which( contrary to Ancient and Modern belief) were fast locked, for that the God of Ghosts had lately made Proclamation.  

FOr asmuch as our Brother Jupiter, King of Heaven( minding 
Pluto's Proclamation.  merely his peculiar interest and selfglory) daily Delegates numberless multitudes of the more leprous, turbulent, and Factious sort of souls for our Territories, to the disturbance of our Weal, and apparent assassination of our Monarchy, while we are in daily danger of dethronizing by the malevolent combinations of cursed spirits; These are therefore to will and command you Cerberus, our chief Porter in ordinary, with the assistance of Our trusty and well-beloved Minos, Lord chief Justice of Tartarus, that none of what condition or quality soever, be permitted to pass as Pilgrims, or otherwise) into our Dominions, that shall not be able to ●ender an account of their good behaviour in the upper World, and willingly take the Oath of Allegiance and Supremacy: This you are not to fail at your utmost peril;  
Witness ourselves, at Aetna.   
The horrid clamours that were heard within, made the Champion wish himself in that very Cave again, where the Bear baited him; But there is no receding now; 
* 〈◊〉  He who sets his foot upon hell's Threshold, shall be enforced to enter the house.   

CHAP. IV.  
The Inchantress and Sara visit the innermost parts of Hell. A description of the various torments inflicted on the damned, till now not known. Thence they pass to Elysium, where they find all in uproar, and return to Lamia's abode.  
LAmia and the Champion had returned without their errand, had not Minos( who knew the enchanters knock) commanded Gerberus to paw open the Gates, yet though the Judge were a great honourer of Lamia and the Champion, he durst not permit them to pass on till they had taken the 
* 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Comel A●rippa his Occult Philosophy. Or Tully's love written by the Master of Art.  Oath, and signed the Instrument; which done, they had free emission: Then the Inchantress again anointed herself and Zara( with an Unguent far different from the former) that so they might walk upon red hot Irons, tread on fiery Serpents, and( if need were) wade through Rivers of boiling Lead untouched; she also( for the preservation of his person, though to the torture of his tongue) boared a hole with her Bodkin quite thorough that garulous nerve, which Nature( very politicly) had secluded in 
* By this it is evident that the Champion was not toothless.  ivory grates, which made him bleat like one burned for swearing, drawing a ribbon of a Sea-green colour thorough the Orifice, which tied a true 
* The Emblem of Lamia's affection.  loves Knot so amply, that a gag could not have given better security to the Sheriff for a pillorized Factionist: This done, they beheld all that erring mortals so much discourse of and so little know; but the devil a Tyitius, Tantalus, or ●xion were there; Sisyphus indeed was sitting upon his Stone very melancholy, a bowl of boiling liquor before him, which he often ●ipt on, but very charily for fear of scalding his chaps, it seemed no other than an abstersive Posset, curdled with shavings of Ebony, Nero, Heliogabalus, Caligula, Comodus, Basilides, Mezentius, and a thousand other Tyrants branded by antiquity were there, yet neither broiling in blue Hames, nor fishing for Salamandels in fiery Rivers; but what was worse, Nero was cobbling of shoes, Heliagabalus and Caligula were busy at the Forge, Commodus crying( like any Costermonger) 
* 〈◊〉 wieker basket with three legs.  Pippins eight pence the hundred, Basilides and Mezentius( Sweeting under their burdens) were carrying sacks of Coals into Pluto's kitchen; such like punishments were inflicted on Phalaris, the Sycillian brethren, and others.  
The Inchantress and Zara made all the haste they could from this dreadful Den, and are now arrived in the Elysian Shades.  

Where are no Locusts, nor six-footed Li●e,  
But popinjays, and Birds of Paradise,  
Plump youths with buxom maids do what they please,  
And never fear the fatal French disease.   
Here they found fix of Sol's 
* viz. Phaeton, Bremio, Borachio, Brunello, Boreo, Bodino. See the Muses Interpr.  Sons( begotten on Climine) making perpetual day, not seated in Chariots, or forced to use the Whip as their aged father Phoebus, but walking up and down, ot sitting, as best sorted with the society of those sublime souls, who inhabited this thrice-happy place; not a shrub here but breathed odours, the bounteous soil was clothed all over with Roses and lilies, Fruits as fair, as fragrant of taste, offered themselves to be plucked by any consecrate hand, Vult●rnus was incessantly active in plundering the Ocean of its perfumes, which he unladed here, fanning whole piles of Sabean Gums and Syrian Spices, with his purpled Plumes, till these blessed ones were enveloped with aromatic Clouds: no Female, here, is branded with that egregious epithet of Whore and Strumpet, for all women are in common, only they boast not the act of Generation, for then Jupiter must in large his Elysium; but( as if these two had brought 
* A woman of a harsh tumultuous temper, a broacher of brawls and fomenter of quarrels. See Vasque● de Belins●atio.  Ate along with them) there happened such a business amongst these blessed ones this day, as had not been known in thirty thousand years before, for Ajax Telamon( by the instigation of Thirsites, a fellow as much misshapen of mind as body) had upbraided Ulysses with cowardice in the Grecian war, and( which all Lethe could not make him forget) that he attained Achilles' armour, rather by odious connivance then by oraculous Eloquence; upon this the Trojan Worthies congregated in heaps led by their old Chieftain Hector, and the Greeks appeared in great bodies, under conduct of Achilles, so that all Elysium was in uproar, while( as if to power oil upon the fire) another brawl was newly broached among the gownsmen, Homer having smote Hesiod on the head very grievously, for boasting behind his back, that himself was in all respects his rival, Pindar, Stesichorus, Coluthus, Lychopron, took part with Homer; but Moschus, Bion, Theocritus and Anacreon were for Hesiod; this was no sooner bruited abroad, but it gave occasion to Statius to vaunt himself equal with Virgil, as if Adrastus were coequal with Aeneas; here was a new matter for Lucretius, Lucan, Ovid, and Horace declared themselves point blank for Virgil; Propertius, Catullus, marshal, and Perseus took part with Statius, so that there was like to be fighting on all hands; the Greeks divided under Homer and Hesiod, and the Latins under Virgil and Statius, and it had been well, had the horror( like to ensue) made a halt her, for the fire of Emulation burned fiercely in every angle of this Paradise; the British Bards( forsooth) were also engaged in quarrel for Superiority; and who think you, threw the Apple of Discord amongst them, but Ben Johnson, who had openly vaunted himself the first and best of English Poets; this Brave was resented by all with the highest indignation, for Chawcer( by most there) was esteemed the Father of English poesy, whose only unhappiness it was, that he was made for the time he lived in, but the time not for him: Chapman was wondrously exasperated at Bens boldness, and scarce refrained to tell( his own Tale of a Tub) that his Isabel and Mortimer was now ●ompleated by a Knighted Poet, whose soul remained in Flesh; hereupon Spencer( who was very busy in finishing his Fairy Queen) thrust himself amid the throng, and was received with a shout by Chapman, Harrington, Owen, Constable, Daniel and Drayton, so that some thought the matter already decided; but behold Shakespeare and Fletcher( bringing with them a strong party) appeared, as if they meant to water their bays with blood, rather than part with their proper Right, which indeed Apollo & the Muses( had with much justice) conferred upon them, so that now there is like to be a trouble in Triplex; 
* Henry 4. his Poet, Law●eat, who wrote disguises for the young Princes.  Skelton, Gower, and the Monk of Bury were at Daggers-drawing for Chawcer; Stencer waited upon by a numerous Troop of the best bookmen in the World; Shakespeare and Fletcher surrounded with their lifeguard, Viz. Goffe, Massinger, Decker, Webster, Sucklin, Cartwright, Carew, &c. O ye Pernassides! what a curse have ye cast upon your heliconian Water-Bailiffs? that those whose Names( both Sir and Christian) are filled on fame's Trumpet, and whom Envy cannot wound, shall now perish by intestine Discord, and homebred dissension? While these stirs were on foot Pythagoras, Socrates, Plato, Plotinus, Epicurus, Empedocles, Anaxagoras, Anaximander, Chrysippus, Epictetus, Zeno, Aristotle, &c. both Perapateticks, Stoics, Epicureans, and all the ( sometime) discordant Sects of Philosophers( being now all of one selfsame opinion, Diogenes excepted, who could by no means be won to a compliance) were all seated in the School of Scepticus, not ashamed to learn 
* who taught that there was no power but that of the sword See Arise Evans prophecies.  this in the etherial, which they trampled upon in the terrestrial world: while they were giving diligent attention here, the gap grows wider, and open war is almost proclaimed by the busy ones of Elysium, but the clement Gods would not suffer so dire a catastasis, for Hermes entering the Lists, threw down his Warder, summoning the incensed Bards to Phoebus' tribunal there to render an account of this wild action; the ringleaders of the Greeks and Trojans( almost by the ears about Ajax his business) Cylenus arrested with his Caducifer, warning them forthwith to appear before Mars, to answer this prodigious contempt of his Power and sovereignty, for he being the God of Swords and Salt-petre, challenges the sole Superiority( aswell over the brawling wives of Belins-gate as the Subburbian Hectors) both for the creating, carrying on, and composure of all quarrels from the Irish Skeyn to the Scottish Dagger. This sullen Hemisphere is now serene again, and the more peaceful Souls discarded of their Anxieties; the Inchantress gave little regard to the( new-appeased) garboils, but the Champion took great pleasure in their perusal, wishing a prolix date to their dire distemper; by this time they arrived near the brink of a broad River, whose waves were of a greenish colour, but full of speckled Serpents, with faces like women, & tails like 
* A hot hill in America.  Vesuvius; this was that plashcy Purpatory where Clytaemnestra, Semiramis, Phaedra, Modea, Agave, Myrha, Canace, &c. were eternally tortured, the manner of the torment thus, twice every day they beheld( as they were chained to their torrid pillars) a troop of beauteous young men, all naked with 
* These torments must needs be inpressible.  vast-sized genitals, sitting at a Table furnished with all sorts of delicates, and after their repast dancing most gracefully, to the tune of Dido the hapless Queen of Carthage, whom Lamia and Zara would fain have blessed their eyes with, but could not, she had been there( it's true) but the compassionate Deities at the instant importunity of Aeneas( who himself was also deified) gave her an Habeas Corpus, removing the languishing Lady from her watery Gaol, to a starry Mansion, where she waited on Juno, rubbing her toes, and tying up the trammels of her hair when occasion commanded; The 
* Mark here our Champions incomparable conrage.  Champion would fain have exercised his valour for the present liberty of these Ladies, though all the powers of Orcus had thwarted him, had not Lamia declared the vanity of the attempt, and how impossible it was to procure their enfranchisement: Our Noble pair had now sufficiently sated themselves with Acherontic novelties only yet they had not seen Pluto's Palace, nor kissed the hand of Avernian Juno, Lamia would have visited the Court of that swarthy King, had not Zara's indisposition impeded her Resolve; therefore they hasted with all speed to the very Gates of Barathrum, which at their return they found wide open, but so great was the desire of their attaining the terrestrial Globe, that they made no inquiry of the cause thereof; their caroche awaited their coming very dutiously, into which having cast themselves, they were( within few minutes) conveyed to Lamia's abode.   

CHAP. V.  
Zara( having made a strange Discovery) can by no means be persuaded to dwell longer with his Love Lamia; his remarkable Speech at parting. Her woeful Lamentation.  
THat our champion's shirt was glued to his loins, and his whole Microcosm out of frame, will be no man's wonder that considers the length, or rather depth of his journey, and how hot a place Hell is, but no preservative is wanting that may restore him to his lost strength, but he being of a tough constitution, instead of gingerbread and Jellies, calls for the leg of an Ox, and the thigh of a Sheep, the desolation whereof rendered him in his full vigour( so that Lamia perceived it was rather his five hours fasting then any other obliquity that occasioned his distemper) which the Inchantress could not credit, till she had made experimental proof of his 
* Meaning how he could use his Pen.  Abilities; Long time our Champion and Soto remained with this Acrasia, this Armida, this Alcyna, this what shall I call her,— this Witch,— No delight whatsoever but resided here, the palate pleased with curious Cates and delicious Wines, the eye delighted with variety of the most glorious objects, the ear feasted with Soul-charming Harmony, and finally all the five senses fed to an atrophy in this Palace of Pleasure, yet cannot all these allurements and blandishments so mollify our Knight, but he remembers, in the midst of these false joys, these delusive delights, and Sugarplum contentments( that rot the eater) that his business on Earth is of a different Die, to succour the oppressed, to tame fastidious Tyrants, and make misshapen Monsters tremble at the clashing of his Arms, but( not to make our Champion more hungry after Fame, than indeed he is) why he would needs be going was, for that he had discovered the damned fraud of the fallacious Lamia being far enough( as 
* By this it appears that Witches are not altogether so omnipotent & omniscient as Gaffer Bodin and other witch mongers would make us believe.  she thought) from the perusal of her person, when peeping through the cranney of a wall, he perceived his cunning Concubine in her true and native shape.  

So old, so wondrous old,  
In the nonage of time,  
Ere the Serpent fed on slime,  
Or Eve put on her Petticoat,  
She was in her prime.   
It would have puzzelled that Female Mastix Mantuan to have limned this she-Chymera, 
* The Description of a virtuously disposed Matron.  the wrinkles on her face might be called Cupias graves( not that Cupido is dead) where the dandiprat Deity sits triumphing in his own Trenches; this is the Orcus that includes millions of fiendlike frowns, Myriads of deep Ruts and Sloughs, in all respects resembling a parched dunghill perpetually moistened with salt water leisurely distilling from the Lymbecks of her leaden eyes, her breath like the steam of Tenarus, blasts the Spring be it never so forward; take her whole face, together with all its furniture, and like Clouds it turns day to night, and mightier than the Sea, makes Moors seem immaculate: Our Champion was wrapped with no little wonder to behold this strange mutation, she that some hours before seemed another Helen, is become a very Hecuba, already barked into a Bitch, yet durst not our Champion take notice of the killing Object,( Note here our Champions mere cunning) unwary Narration his eyes had beheld a number of Metamorphosed men turned into Beasts by the enchantments of this wicked sorceress, and to be an ass was such a thing as made him tremble to think on, desirous therefore to be quit of this foul Quean( having recounted those many Obligations upon him, and protested the greatest Ardency of Devotion) he humbly and earnestly besought Lamia to let him depart; for quoth he, 
* See Caesar's Commentaries in English.  the Rust of Ease feeds on Honour like a Moth, and to a true ennobled mind nothing is more irksome than idleness, adding he had been long benumed with the Torpedo of Excess, and so made himself enemy to that employment which God and Nature had appointed; How many Parthenia's( quoth he) languish under the harsh Tyranny of flinty-souled Demagorasses? How many Phalarian Tyrants trouble the world with tempestuous Impositions and diabolical Edicts? How many Dragons sleep soundly in their Marble cells at night who all the day do nothing but devour those harmless Hobinols, that toil for the benefit of mankind? How many enchantments expect a period from the prudency of my courage; and how many formless giants( taller than Oaks) might have been hewed down with Kill-za-Cow, while Zara makes himself a milksop, a Carpet-Knight, a Coxcomb, and what not? Lamia had listened to this farewell( to her a funeral Oration) very attentively; but all the time our Champion was talking, he might perceive how her sick soul sat upon her lips, looking as 
* An infallible sign of a troubled mind See Culpeppers last will & Testament. i. e his legacy, chap. 12.  blue as buttermilk; Alas, said she, that the Fates should allot poor Lamia so sad a sufferance; is there but one only Knight in the World( who draws my soul as Barbary horses drag a Dutch caroche) and do I find his love loose in the hilts? who like those who choose rather to lie on boards than beds, with blocks for pillows, despises the silken delicacies of Repose, to tread the path of Tumult, and rashly wishes to experiment those hardships dogging Knights-Errant at the heels: O my Zara, wherein has Lamia displeased thee? What have thy wishes prompted thee to, that thou hast wanted? Has not Heaven, Hell, Gods, Men, and Furies been at thy beck? 
* Mark the Majesty of these trope●  Has not Bacchus prostrated his blood, Ceres her store, Cyprides her delights, Apollo his Lyre, Pytho her voice, Juno her stateliness, Hermes his wit, and Jove himself his Heaven, and yet cannot all this create a compliancy? O my dear Zara, let not thy ambitious desire to rival those rapacious Renegadoes of old, whose best happiness was to purchase a Pageant Fame with a real infortunity, and are at best but 
* See the History of Mervin and Pregosus, with his three sons.  blended with dirt and blood, persuade thee to a tedious travel after that glory which in the grasping passes through the fingers.  

This said, she with her goggle  
eyes did stare-a,  
( As if she meant to look  
him through) on Zara.   
It would have bruised a brazen heart( more hard than that Head once so baffled by Mounsieur Miles) to have beheld her in that agony for a long time, 
* As in expectation of the champion's remorse.  her looks gave the language of her heart, but reading his unalterable resolves written( Stenographically) in his face, she rose up( like a fierce tigress) taking by the throat( to his almost strangling) with such a voice( for all the world) as Dido when she perceived that she must lose her sturdy Stallion, the strong chinned Aeneas, she said; O thou inexorable Beef-brained man, thy Mother sure was some Welsh woman, who instead of her own fostered thee with Mare● Milk, thy Father some savage Kern, begotten by an Incubus, and thy breeding no better than that the Boars of Belgia afford their swat-bodied Bantlings: Go, but may my conglomerated curses go with thee; but if not for my sake( here she began to treat the Champion in a milder tone, yet for that which this womb of mine includes, thy 
* Which the Champion had conv●ied into her through a pipe, that it i● possible so to do, s●● Culpeppers Book of wom●n and of ●om●●● womb●.  Seed, which even now cuts capers in my womb; be courteous to perishing Lamia; here she let fall a number of salt tears, insomuch that Soto could not forbear to accompany her; her Marble Maidens sweat briny drops, making much lamentation for their Mistress; not all this could mollify our champion's mind, yet did he once more give the grounds of his Protestations, that no Lady under Heaven should ever claim that sovereignty which her bright self so rightfully inherits; he would have added more, had not the Inchantress flung away in a great rage, and locking herself up in her Closet, gave commandment that none should have access to her; she gone, our Champion stood in a strange dilemma, almost resolved to link himself to Lamia for ever; to this Soto very powerfully exhorted him, and( no doubt) had prevailed, had not his fancy immediately fallen upon the sullen contemplation of that sooty change, when he beheld his Minerva a Megaera, and his young beauteous Lady a black deformed Dowdy, so that he commanded Soto to saddle his good Steed, and to bring his Sword, armour, and Mace, which Soto presently performing, the Champion forthwith armed himself, commanding Soto to the like, and having mounted his fiery steed, who( like one of 
* Meaning Banks his Beast if it be lawful to call him a beast, whose perfections were so incomparably rare, that he was worthily ter●d the four-legg●d wonder of the world, for dancing( some say) singing, and discerning Maids from Maulkins, finally having of a long time proved himself the ornament of the British Clime, travailing to Rome with his Master, they were both burned by the commandment of the Pope.  Bank's breed) danced under him for joy; he called for Lapida, with an intent( since Lamia would by no means be spoke with) to send a zealous farewell to the Inchantress by her, when behold Lapida was coming towards him, bearing a Box fast locked, and in her hand the key, who coming to the Champion with humble obeisance presented him with Lamia's last gift, using these or the like expressions:  
Sir Knight, quoth she, for whose sake the woeful Lamia wishes herself a beast beast, that she might always bear so rich a burden as thyself, although thy cruelty cannot be paralleled, who rejectest a Lady, for whose sake Kings would kick their Crowns with the soles of their feet, yet she commits this Carket of treasure into thy custody, willing thee to preserve it as thou wouldst thy life, a written Schedule informs thee how to deal, & the Gods go with thee: Zara could not but stand amazed to find such affection from her to whom he had manifested such obduracy; But as he was about to declare himself, Lapida had left him, and was already with her disconsolat Mistress: Soto could not refrain shedding of tears( his belly though wanting ears had the gift of prophecy, and predicted a scarcity, after so much fullness as he found in Lamia's Pavilion) no nor 
* Some old author's report that he wept bitterly.  Zara himself, though he cunningly absconded his reluctancy by locking down his Beaver, the Champion thought it vain to attempt a future colloquy, and therefore kept his way, waited on with numberless numbers of formless imaginations.   

CHAP. VI.  
Zara having left his Love Lamia, meets with a Noble woman of No-land, she tells the story of Prince Emansor( son of Paraclet and Maulkina) changed in his Cradle: The Counterfeit is exposed to the mercy of wild Beasts. Emansor returns, and is known to his Parents. Duke La-Fool undertakes to prove the Princess Maulkina a Prostitute. Champion's resort from all parts of the world, proffering their service to the Princess. Don Zara also resolves for her vindication.  
HAving thus quitted Lamia's Mansion, our Don kept the beaten Road, riding a very easy pace, vexed with various cogitations, till he arrived upon a vast Plain, whose immensity gave him occasion to cast up his 
* which he seldom did by reason of their soreness occasioned by a salt rheum.  eyes to Heaven, to see if the Sun were not near his Western Region, but finding he had many miles yet to travail, he resolved to pass that Plain and to Quarter in the next Quarry he met with; as he was thus contemplating( turning himself about to speak to Soto) he might perceive a Lady of incomparable beauty, mounted on a white Steed, richly trapped( clad after the Amazonian manner, in her hand a shell fashioned like a Shield, whereon was most lively portrayed the figure of some illustrious Princess, she was attended by one only Squire, his body short, his beard long, his face pale, and his hair red, these followed hard after the Champion, who imagined that Lamia might( perhaps) have repent of her morosity, and was now in pursuit of him, to give the other odd onset( by way of storm) to his most impregnable sesolve, and therefore he stood still expecting her approach, who was no sooner within Tongue-shot of him, but alighting from her Steed, whom she committed to the custody of her Squire, she made most humble and lowly obeisance to the Champion, who very courteously commanded Soto to raise her from the earth, for quoth he, I love not to see your soft Sex fall upon the knee, but the 
* Meaning that he would back the● in all 〈◊〉  back, or to hear ye supplicate for any thing save a 
* A kind of Musical Instrument fashioned like a Reed, if it be skilfully played on, it puts to silence the brawlings of bitter wives and attenuates the friendship of the most fascinorous female.  Syringe: The Lady knew not well how to expound this language, only she thought the Champion a very conceited Worthy, a jocular hero, a sportive Martialist;  

* Here begins the story of Prince Paraclet, Maulkina, & Emansor.  Sir Knight, said she( whose lo●ks, language, and gesture create strange thoughts within me) be pleased to know, that I am( I will not say the first) of those Ladies of Honour, who wait upon the high-born, illustrious, and refulgent Maulkina, Daughter to the high and mighty Prince Paraclet, Prince of No-Land, on the confines of whose Territories we now are, so it is that the Divine Maulkina having been a vowed Votaress to Diana( whose Priestess she was, and whose Oracles she exhibited) upon a night as she sat at the feet of the Image of that chaste Deity, death's elder-brother, Tygertaming Somnus sealed up her eyes, when behold, Jupiter descended in the shape of a brave young Prince, and had the fruition of her body, to the filling of her belly, as saith the Adage, with young bones, so that she became altogether incapable of officiating in Diana's Temple, therefore exchanging the Church for the Court, after nine months were expired, Lucina falling from Heaven( with her two handmaids Sarah Safety, and Joan Ease) she made Prince Paraclet a Grandsire, to his little joy, when he perused the infant's person so monstrously misshapen, his forehead flat, his eyes squinting, his nose hardly visible, his lips thick, yet flaggy, his chin resembling a Town-top with a brass nail at bottom, his bulk a very Babel of deformity, his legs borrowing their shape from a new bent Bow, and his feet displaying themselves very dreadfully; nor were his internal endowments incompatible with his shape, for( Coming to years of discretion) his language and comportment proclaimed him rather the son of a plasterer than a Prince, the sons of Noble men he would shun, to accompany the sons of Citizens and carmen, nor could ever be brought to the knowledge of Letters by all the endeavours that could be used, to the extreme grief of Paraclet, and the unspeakable torment of Maulkina, yea, to the general sorrow of the whole Realm, the people whispering in corners, that this Incubus could not be the son of the great Jupiter, but rather the spurious seed of some Swabber; these wild reports brought Paraclet to his wit's end, and not knowing how to extinguish this fire without scorching his fingers, he resorted to the Oracle at Delphos, where after Celebration of the usual Ceremonies) he received this Answer:  

By subtle Goblins fraud,  
The real Child of Maud,  
Was changed in the Cradle,  
By 
* See the Book of walking Spirits.  Tom, surnamed Ladle,  
( Who is the master Elf,  
And does what list himself)  
But the true Son of Jove  
About the world does rove,  
( Not knowing of his Right)  
Being called the Fairy Knight;  
But by the fate's decree,  
This fairy Prince you'll see,  
( The lawful heir of more Land)  
Within few days in No-Land,  
When e'er he haps to come,  
You'll know him by his Thumb,  
Who with his Sword shall prove  
Himself the Son of Jove.   
It were needless to recite with what astonishment Prince Paraclet( and all with him) received this Answer from Apollo, but hasting back to No-Land, Paraclet summoned his whole Nobility, who unanimously attending his pleasure, he declared unto them what the Oracle had spoken, demanding their speedy and serious advice, some counselled one thing, some another, but after much hesitation, they voted as one man, that this prodigious Changeling should be conveyed into some Wilderness, and there left to the acceptation of his Elvish parents, whose advice( though Maulkina swayed with a groundless commisseration withstood it) was suddenly put in practice, and this Perken Warbeck being den●ded of his greatness, resigned to the protection of those Goblins who gave him being; this action was diversely disputed on by the Vulgar, some applauding, some condemning, and all censuring; they were silenced by the arrival of Emansor 
* For it was about the Spring of the year.  with 30. Squires, clothed all in green-a, who( by divine appointment) coming to Court, proffered his servic to Paraclet, who beholding his well-built form and behaviour, but especially fixing his eyes on his fingers, perceived his right-hand Thumb to be 12. digits longer than any of his other fingers, wherefore assuring himself that this was he whom the Oracle hinted, his own flesh and blood, and son of Jupiter and Maulkina, 
* Here was true affection indeed.  he embraced him in his arms, weeping over him as if he had been scourged with Scorpions; Emansor was wondrously astonished at this uncouth entertainment, insomuch that for a long time he remained speechless, but a sober recollection having opened his organ pipes, he( on his knees) besought Prince Paraclet to inform him what motives prompted him to this enigmatical Reception of one who was utterly a stranger to him; Paraclet again folded him in his arms, & beckoning to all about him, that stood at distance( marveling at this strange inter-locution) he openly declared, that by the goodness of the God's No-Land was now restored to its ancient Glory, this being the true and only son of his Daughter Maulkina, and his undoubted heir; This he spoke with a loud voice, and then again saluted his Grandchild, while all there gave a shout, which echoed in every corner of No-land, shrewdly shattering many Steeples and Structures: By this time the welcome News came to the knowledge of the Princess Maulkina, who came running swifter than a Roe to receive her long-lost son into her bosom, the mutual joy between Emansor and his Mother cannot be expressed in words. I shall therefore give the Reader leave to think as he lists, only I must not omit what a general Joy was everywhere manifested by the multitude, who( like loyal Subjects) were even drunk for Joy of their new Prince; 
* O the sweet and cordial Loyalty that the Ancients manifested to their Princes, where shall we now find such fidelious ●ervency!  he that did not stagger as well as stammer was immediately knocked down for a traitor; After this, the sweet Emansor( according to the No-Land custom) took his Mother to wife, by whom he has two sons and one Daughter named Dowcabell, the miracle of perfection, lately married to a Noble Personage, named DON ●VRBO-FALLACIO, who in Honour of his beauteous Bride, has appointed a Solemn Joust or Tournament, to begin the Twelfth of this instant month, having sent His Challenges to every corner of the orb, and bidding Defiance to any Prince, Champion, or Errant-Knight, that shall put his Lady( how exquisite soever) in competition with his brave Bed-fellow, whose shadow this is; This was no sooner bruited abroad, but DON-LA-FOOLE Lord of a Neighbouring island, openly declared his dislike, crying up his own Lady as the sole Glory of her Sex, and the most meriting Madam in the World, and the more to make himself odious to all Noble Spirits, proffers to prove the Princess Maulkina a Prostitute by dint of Sword, having cheated the credulous World with a false Report, that Emansor was not begotten by Jupiter, for this reason he has entertained a great number of Knights and Champions to be in readiness against the appointed day, so that Prince Paraclet and Emansor have cause to guess that he intends rather a bloody War, than a Wanton Tilt, and therefore they also have thought fit to strengthen themselves against the day that must decide this quarrel for Beauty; and this( most Noble Knight) was occasion that commanded me abroad, to summon in all those Knights of worth, whom the Gods of No-Land should appoint me to encounter with not doubting of your cheerful assistance, when the most fair Maulkina and the Divine Dowcabell shall beg the aid of your dead-doing arm.  
The celestial Powers( quoth Zara) I perceive are Favourers of thy Prince and People, that thus opportunely thou hast met with him, who will seat Paraclet and Emansor above fear or danger, and chastise the pride of that Duke LA-FOOL, else may Kill-za-Cow fail me in my greatest extremity, and Founder-foot make a Halt, when I am riding to the Redemption of some Imprisoned Kings; The substance of this refulgent shadow shall bear the Bell from all Ladies that ever yet had a being, or shall illuminate the Earth for the future: But how near are we to Prince Emansors Court, or must we expect a tedious travail ere we gain the sight of his Glorious Palace: My Lord, said she, some two Leagues hence( in a direct line with your nose) you shall find a Ship( in Safe Harbour) riding at Anchor in the Aegean Sea, owned by a Merchant of No-Land, who will think himself happi●ide in having the Honour to transport yourself and Soto your Squire; it is but four hours' sail( though I confess those Seas are something dangerous,) from thence to Zardoniapola-Mancha, the Metropolis of No-Land, where Prince PARACLET and EMANSOR reside in their gorgeous pavilions: myself( my Lord) must yet further by Land: Having said this, she took her leave in a most submissive manner, receiving a friendly Farewell from the CHAMPION, who now mended his pace towards the Ocean, for thet he perceived Cynthius began to hide his countenance.   
End of the Second Book.   

Don Zara del Fogo: The Third Book.  

CHAP. I.  
The Champion and Soto embark themselves for No-Land, being on Board, he opens the Casket that Lamia had sent by Lapida at his departure from Mount Mongibell, wherein he finds a Charmed Be●t, together with an Epistle warning him of future events. A dreadful Tempest arising, himself and Soto are born from off the Deck above a Cables length; they are saved by a Sea-Horse, and cast upon an island inhabited by fishermen, where the Champion meets with a most strange Adventure.  
FOunder-foot and Soto were involved in sweat, ere the Champion could reach the Egean Sea, but arriving at the desired Bay, our Knight complemented the Captain and Master 
* Meaning as became a Champion & a Knight Errant.  very ventrously, receiving from them as reasonabl a retort, they eat, drank, and discoursed together, not like Aliens, but as having consanguinious Alliance, and as if Neptune & Aeolus had been our champion's Pensionaries, the wind on a sudden decame tractable to their design, so that weighing Anchor, and setting sail, they merrily set forward for Zardona-pola-Mancha, the Seas calm, the winds courteous, the Seamen were singing, and the Passengers priding themselves in their happy fortune; but O! the sick lenes of Fortune, 
* Sentence grave and wise.  whose blandishments are bruises, and whose dandlings are dangerous; for they had not say led many leagues ere Hyperion hide his face, 
* The Description of a sad Seastorm.  the Heavens were muffled in Mists, Eurus and Boreas break from forth their prisons, bearing storms and tempests on their wings to the( already) enraged Ocean, nor Charls-Wain, nor the Lesser Bear can be perused by the despairing Pilot, the angry Sea rowles itself in ridges as steep as the tall Pyramids of Cayr, the monstrous Leviathan opening his mouth wider than Or●●s, watched every opportunity to swallow the sinking Ship and its sorrowful inhabitants; nor could 
* Two eminent Steersmen, who guided Sir Walter Raleigh's Ship on the Ocean, when he was bound for the discovery of the Silver Mines.  Sunius or Palinure know which way to drive the distressed Vessel by the Rule of the Rudder, while( alas) her whole bulk groans, and her Beak and mainmast crack, the steersman crying aloud, down with the top-sail, keep the sprit-sail tight, hale the Main Bowling, while the crazed Bark, like a Bear baited with Mastiffs, strives to keep her Beak aloof, some billows she breaks, others pass over her Poop and Prow.  
While things were in this confusion, Don Zara was sitting in his Cabin, in very serious contemplation, conceiting( as indeed he had cause) that his Love Lamia had procured this storm on purpose to plague him, this cogitation remembered him of the Casket that Lapida presented him with when he left Lamia, hitherto not thought on; which fatal oversight might( for aught any man knows) have cost him his life, had not the celestial Powers indulged their Darling with divine aid; but now( as to the present business all-too-late) he opens the carcanet, wherein he found a hilt borrowed from the hide of a Buck, lined with magical Characters, and metrical Incantations, promising safety to the Wearer, though environed with Millions of Enemies, & thrust at with thousands of swords; Tradition tells us that this was the Cincture which the mighty Son of Thetis, swift-foot Achilles', used to wear, by virtue whereof he became invulnerable; this Girdle was given to Ulysses with Achilles' Armour( for he had not slaughtered the wooers else) he dying, lest it as an inestimable Legacy to his Son Telemachus, from whose custody the Inchantress Lamia ravished it by the potency of her Spells; one of the most efficacious Charms that was embossed in this Belt, spoke thus in Hexameter Verses:  

Oswald, Paradine, Thulo,  
Hugo, Hubert, Aribert,  
Astragon, Hurgonill, Orgo,  
Ulfinor, Goltha, Tybalt. 

Thus Interpreted:  
Ye mighty Dukes of Darkness,  
let no wrong  
Happen to him, who wears  
this Charmed Thong.     
With this protection there was also a Letter directed to the Champion in these words:  
Heroic Champion,  
THough your unkindnesses to me are of a more killing consequence, then that of Theseus, Aeneas, Parish, or Ulysses, to Ariadne, Dido, Aenone, or Circe, for which your name( with theirs) should de hanged, drawn, and quartered, by the common Executioneress Fame, yet so great is the love I yet retain towards you, that it not only commands my forbearance from hurting you, but enjoins me to put your person( which shall be exposed to many hazards) above the reach of danger; the Belt that this box encloses, if girt about you, will prove your protection better than a Coat of Male, or the most inpenetrable Armour, nor indeed can you be wounded while you wear this; but this gone, you are but the same Zara you were; My Art informs me that your Destiny shall decree you for No-land, appointing your passage through a turbulent Sea, but by no means embark yourself for that Ship( Passengers and all) shall become a prey to the barbarous Element; when you arrive in No-land, many shall be your dangers, some shall fight you, some flout you, and others fawn upon you, but your Girdle shall give you victory over all your Enemies; Parting from thence, you shall visit many strange Countries, and see more Monsters than Mandevile, but at a certain time you shall find a winged Hog, grazing in a Green-plat, him seize upon( for he has been used to the snaffle) and make him yours, giving the Gods and me thanks, who have made you Master of one of the rarest Beasts in the world: Thus imploring you would not altogether forget her who shall always remember you, I commit you to your Fate,  
remaining the sorrowful Lamia.  
The Champion was exceedingly vexed at his own stupidity, that he had not read this Epistle before, and so prevented the present danger, but yet he would not seem to be amated; How was he smitten with astonishment at this unparalleled affection of Lamia? how did he repent him of his sullen and sudden departure? By this time the Ship was shaken almost to pieces, Thunder rent the air, the Sea roared hideously, the misshapen monsters of the Deep were congregated in great numbers, expecting a Feast of flesh and marrow, and the dying vessel is even now ready to give up the Ghost, the unhappy Passengers preparing themselves to take the way of all Fish, yet the Champion views all these horrors unmoved, and while others are sighing, he and Soto were singing the 
* There is much controversy amongst Expositors about this place, some will have walsingham others Troy Town, and a third so●t the merchant's daughter of Bristol.  heavenly tune of Walsingham; By this time the Ship( having been a long time sick of a Surfeit) being overburdened; now, with what before supported her, becomes foundered downright; when, behold, while magnanimous Zara, and his fearless Soto were standing on the Deck, threatening defiance to Neptune, and all the Marine Powers, a boisterous wave whirls them into the Sea above a Cables length.  
O Neptune, Saron, and all ye watery Deities, what now shall become of our Sea-Champion, shall the Swordfish wound him, the dogfish bite him, or the Whale devour him.  
Behold what care the righteous Gods took for the preservation of virtue; our Champion and Soto had not long brushed the azure billows with their active arms, 
* Don Zara preserved by miracle, but the truth is the Sea-horses were ever very courteous to mank●nd. See Pliny, Soli●us, Albertus Magnus, and the Spa Mandevile.  but a huge Hyppocamp( or Sea-Horse) gliding gently between the champion's legs, received him upon his back, to his no less joy than admiration, who beckoned Soto to get up behind him, when( alas) the poor Squire was almost out of breath, and now and then drank deep draughts of salt water, which he puked up again; 
* Simile of a new yeaned Babe.  as I have seen a sullen Babe eject the new received pap, forced back again by the thrifty Nurse, till at last it bulge the belly of the Infant; this was Soto's savoury, o'er rather unsavoury condition, yet summoning all his strength( as a dying Candle, that contracts its ardour to make one parting blaze) he cut his passage through the swelling surges, with so vigorous a resolve, that though he attained not the crupper, he had sure hold of the tail of this courteous creature; by this miraculous indulgency of Fate, our Zara and his Servitor were set safe on shore the Sea-Horse( not staying so much as for thanks) having delivered his charge safe and sound to Rhea, plunged himself into the lap of Thetis, leaving our Champion in the most insanious ecstasy, who scarce could believe( what his eyes beheld) the wonder of his deliverance.  
They were now in a Rockey island, here and there a Tree, and( in some places) near the Rocks, good store of 
* But withal very scurvy. see Dr. Trig's Treatise of purging Ale.  grass, here they feared as much to be famished as before to be drowned; yet( by the favour of Mavors) our Champion had his good Sword girt to his voluminous waste; nay more, his Charmed Girdle, Casket, and all safe lodged in his pocket; Soto had on his breast plate and Helmet, and his steel-pointed piece of Ash, fast in his fi●t, which instrument of defence he had such care of all the time he was soused in the salt Ocean, that( as Caesar swimming with one hand, and with the other preserving his Papers from pickle) he still kept it above water; but the loss of Founder-foot unspeakably grieved our Champion, so that he hardly refrained from tears.  
Ah Founder-foot, Founder-foot, said he, have these hands of mine so often 
* Zara's complaint for the los● of his Steed.  fed thee at Rack and Ma●ger, with Oats, Grains, Beans and Barley for this, to fatten the ravenous Fishes of the Sea, and have thy hide cut out into more Thongs than the skin of Dido's Bull, to make Harness for Neptune's Coach-Mares; Farewell the glory of thy kind, thou sovereign of Steeds, Prince of Palfrays, and honestest of all Horses:  


* founder-feet Elogi●.  Whose name shall live  
free from all black reproaches,  
While there are wincing Jades,  
or Hackney-Coaches.   
Soto bore a part in his Master's sorrow, for the loss of Founder-foot, though his grief had a very different original from that of Zara's, for he( grown a perfect Thracian) wished him there rather to feed on, then ride on, and indeed his Sea-sickness made an Apology for the eagerness of his appetite, all know what a civil war the tumbling of the vessel creates in the small guts, and that those who have not been enured to hoys and Hulks, are very heinously harrassed the first time of their gaze upon the garulous Ocean. Long time they travailed up and down in hope to find some shed of shelter, but Fortune was not so favourable to further their wishes, so that wet and weary as they were( their carcases curdled with cold, and their wembs replete with water) they sat down at the root of a blasted Oak, wishing for immediate death, rather than a lingering destruction: Being thus reduced to the very brink of despair, and every minute in expectation to become a prey to some ravenous Wolf, or bloodthirsty tiger, they might hear the shoutings ( as they thought) of shepherds, but indeed Fishermen, who had even then surprised something( Styled by them a Fish) of weighty importance, so that they were forced to summon in the adjacent Fish-takers, with whoopings and hallowings, who understanding the occasion of their clamour, soon incorporated themselves with them; no tongue can tell, or Pen propose, how much the shipwrecked Zara, and his sorrowful Servitor, were rejoiced at these echoings, and therefore they rose up, and( as near as they could guess) trod that path that might lead them to the place where they heard these noises, so much were they favoured by Fate, that in a short time( as if they had taken notice of the tract for many Ages) they arrived where they found not only Mortals but Mansions, fabrics as well as Fishermen, to their infinite contentment they saw the Fish-finders corroborated in one lump, clubbing all their nets and strength to boot, to make themselves Masters of some unwonted prize, some crying out they had caught a Whale, others that they had fastened upon some Chest stuffed with Treasure; others, that they should make some strange discovery, to the wonder of the world; Zara and Soto stood as spectators all the time, while by main strength and Herculean Fortitude they brought to shore what they had so long laboured for, but( to their astonishment) instead of Fish, were saluted with flesh; 
* O strange and never equalled accident, that as Zara surpassed all knights in the world for courage & true Magnan 〈…〉 ity, so ●e might be furnished with Warlike Habiliments, as never any worthy save himself 〈◊〉  Behold, a Panoplia, a Goat of Armour richly gilded, with a Shield, and a stately Steed( of a chestnut colour, his Main curiously curled, a blue Star in his forehead, a fair white spot upon either foot, &c.) and other martial Utensils; the Sea-Swaines were as much grieved, as our Champion comforted, to peruse their Draught, insomuch that they were minded to return their gains to him that gave them, had not Zara stepped in, and( after the Narration of his late shipwreck) besought them to confer the Horse and Armour upon him, they all heard him attentively, and as freely answered his demands, departing every man to his Cottage.  
The duskish shades of night had now enveloped the world, and Zara( by the suffrage of one of the Fishermen Piscatorio) was conducted( with his new acquired Courser, and warlike Furniture) into a sedgy Cot, where he was kindly received by Piscatorio's wife, and set to supper with a cod's head, and a salmon's tail, whereon he and Soto fed like Farmers, nor was drink wanting( a kind of cider 
* This must needs be a comfortable kind of drink  made of Alder-Berries and Wildings) whereof( having cured their Garments of the Dropsey) they drank merrily, till the time of night warned them to their rest, they therefore came to their lodging of clean Rye-straw, with Battavian Blankets, where we will leave them to their Repose.   

CHAP. II.  
Zara arrives at Zardona-pola-Mancha, the chief City of No-Land, the Religion of the No-Landers. Zara comes to Court, and joins himself with the rest of the Knight● and Champions; they present their Swords, Shields, &c. at the feet of Maulkina and Dowcabell; their exquisite Impressa's and Devices. Zara's Motto more taken notice of then any: With other accidents.  
THe cheerful Cock had thrice given notice of Aurora's approach, when the Champion( rowzing Sota from his rest) apparelled himself with exceeding cheerfulness, being now assured that the Destinies did own his resolves by a peculiar approbation, having so miraculously provided him a case for his skin, with a horse seeming of the Bucephalian breed, he longed to see himself once more in Armour, and to manage his proud palfrey, as none but Zara could do; Soto wa● soon ready, and the honest Fisherman also, who( Burdening his board with the best Provant his Cottage could afford, and the Champion and Soto having fed as men doubting a future repast) took his leave of the Champion, being exceeding joyous, that it was his fortune to be one of those whom Fate had ordained as a consolatory Instrument for the furthering of so noble a Nephew of Mars; Our Knight( having received instructions from his courteous Host, which way to betake himself), mounted Soto behind him, to make his way with the more celerity, not ceasing to hasten his horse's pace till he beheld the great City Zardona-pola-Mancha, the Metropolis of No-Land, whose argent Spires being beaten upon by the sunbeams, 〈…〉 endted a most fulgent delight to the ●gazer; In this City there were no less than 
* By this may be gathered the numberless number of inhabitants, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and dow● liars in this mighty 〈…〉 ity.  nine hundred thousand Churches, the No-lands worshipped a God, they called in their language Porco, the reason that they not only abstained from swine's flesh, but by public Edict made it death for any to kill ●hose kind of creatures, embracing t 〈…〉 Society of Scots and Jews with the highest regard; Zara who had never yet resided in so populous a place, was on the sudden surprised with( I know not what) anxiety, so that 
* Caution mixed with courage cau sed this Dilemma, our Champion being as wise as valiant.  he sat a long time on his horse back in a profound study, but perceiving Soto( who was just now restored to his feet) to eye him with a very strict regard, he rode on, and came to the very Gates of the City, whose streets he found paved with agates, the houses twelve stories high, all of alabaster, and every shopkeeper clad in Persian Silks, their wives in cloth of Gold, whose bodies were even burdened with precious Stones; the Citizens ran out in heaps to gape upon this strange Knight, so that if the Champion had not had a brow more solid than Brass, he had been brought to ruin by very bashfulness; it was not long ere he attained the sight of the Palace built of Parian Flint, and Podian freestone, with such admirable Art, that it was justly accounted the eighth wonder of the World; its inside was all of O●hyr Gold, the Beds, Stools, and Dresser-boards of Ivory; on the top of the Palace( after the old Roman manner) were many rare gardens, watered with crystalline Rivulets, wonderful to behold: The very day that our Champion visited the Court, were all those Knights that were met together on the behalf of Maulkina and Dowcabell( whose history we lately gave you) assembled in the Palace-yard, a place of that magnitude, that Xerxes might there have mustered his Army; Prince Paraclet, Emansor, the Princesses Maulkina and Dowcabell, with all the prime Nobles and Ladies of the Court, in their richest Adornments, sat in a theatre contrived on purpose for this business, beneath Canopies of state, the walls of the theatre being hung with Velvet, enameled with Gold, whereon were curiously portrayed many ancient stories, the Expedition of the Argonauts for the Golden sheep, the Labours of Hercules, Deucalion● Flood, the Destruction of Troy, Medea and Jason, with 
* O● Hero and Leander  the Loves of Dorastus and Fawnia, the Knights were all on foot( which caused our Champion also to alight, giving his Steed to Soto) their Squires( who were all clad in Crimson Tas●aty) holding their Steeds in one hand, and their Shields in the other; each Champion had his Sword girded about him, with his Spear in his hand, as prepared for present encounter, Zara not excepted; which solemnity being ended, they one after another presented their Swords, Spears, and Shields, at the feet of divine Maulkina and the beauteous Dowcabell; the first was a Knight of Phrigia, whose Device( Engraven on his Shield) was a Dog biting his Fleas, very busily, with this Motto:  

There is no trust 
The Knight of the Dog.   
unto the Winds or Seas,  
Those that lie down with Dogs,  
shall rise with Fleas.   
The next was a Knight of Transilvania, the son of a great Duke named Sharkino, his Device was a Lion Rampant, but without Teeth or nails, with this Motto:  

The Kingly lion's Teeth 
The Knight of the tooth less Lion.   
have left his jaws,  
His voice can kill,  
though wanting teeth or claws.   
The third was a Knight of Malta, a man very eminent for his valour against Ottoman, his Device was a Jack Pudding dancing on the Ropes, with this Motto:  

He who dares wear a face  
that bites like Mustard, 
The Knight of the Pudding.   
I'll maul, as Pudding  
macerates his Custard.   
The fourth was a Knight of Sardinia, of an excellent form, insomuch that Maulkina and Dowcabell had their eyes continually fixed upon him, his Device was a Jack-an-Apes, playing upon a Jews-trump, with this Motto:  

Play on melodiously  
( Magnific Jack) 
The Knight of the Jackanapes.   
Until my Sword shall win  
thee Nuts to crack.   
The fifth was a gentleman of Wales, Ap shone, ap Owen, ap Richard, ap Morgan, ap Hugh, ap Brutus, ap Sylv 〈…〉 ap, Aeneas, his Device was a large Cheese slit asunder in the midst, toasting before a fire of Tur●, with this Motto:  

If her ploud be up  
twice and ones, 
The Knight of the toasted Cheese.   
Take very many heeds  
to bide her pones;  
Merlin her countryman,  
Witness for her can;  
God pless her, none in  
Heurope can appease,  
Her anger's like a piece  
of toasted Cheese.   
The sixth was a Knight of Muscovia, a big man, but of a very Masculine Aspect; this was he that stole aaway the Infanta of Spain in a moonshine night, maugre all her Guards, and married her to his son Lurdanio, his Device was a civit-cat disburthening herself a posteriore into the Helmet of a Knight in shining Armour, who held forth his Head-piece very handsomely, his Motto:  

True typs of her,  
whose breath's perfumed I find, 
The Knight of the Civet Cat.   
Whether she vent it  
forward or behind.   
Then came Zara( for it would be tedious to relate all) with a majestic pace, and was received by Maulkina and Dowcabell, with a loud laughter, a favour they had not yet afforded to any save himself, his Device was an Owl in an ivy-bush, with this Motto:  

Ravens and Daws in troops put on,  
But Owls and Eagles fly alone, 
The Knight of the Owl in an ivy-bush.   
My Shield, Horse, armour, Helm & Sword,  
Are owned by Pallas and her Bird.   
This Device was much laughed at by some of the noblemen and Ladies, and derided by the Knights of little knowledge, which our Champion well enough perceived, and wisely winked at, though within himself he vowed a sudden and sharp revenge; but the truth is, our Don( being utterly a stranger to Letters) was wholly ignorant of the matter, else no doubt his sagacity had sought out some other Emblem more suitable to his own serenity, and yet this( seemig) despicable Badge will not want a second owner, which shall occasion the most dreadful duel that has been fought since the Creation, as the Process of the History will inform: This Solemnity over, the Knights were admitted to lay their lips to the lily hands of Maulkina and Dowcabell, and after the thanks of Paraclet and Emansor, were conducted to a stately pavilion, being feasted after the most sumptuous manner; then they fell to Dancing, but Zara excused himself from that employment, as an effeminacy he never affected, who had rather fight then frisk, but for owning and celebrating Healths he was not inferior to any, till the intoxicating fumes so bu●●etted his brains, that he was forced to disgorge himself even at the Table, which some queasy appetites were angry at, but the stronger sort of constitutions bore withal, as a thing incident to tottering Mortality; And that nothing might be wanting to an accomplished Entertainment, a Masque was this night presented in the royal theatre.  
A splended, pompous, & delightful Show,  
( Some say) by Johnson, Jones, or Inigo.   

CHAP. III.  
The presentation of a never-equalled Masque, Don Pantalone( resolving to quarrel Zara) employs Don La-Fisk to bear his Challenge, &c.  
PRince Paraclet and Emansor, the heavenborn Maulkina and divine Dowcabell, with all the Nobles and Madams of the Court, being seated each according to their degree; the Knights Errant were also placed according to their several Gradations, and the music having charmed their senses with a celestial Dyrathamb, they were presented with a curious Contrivance, called  

Venus and Adonis.: A Masque.  
The Frontispiece was a thick-grown Wood, replete with Lions, tigers, Bears, Antilopes, Panthers, and other Beasts of prey; Sylvanus, Priapus, Pan, and other Wood-Gods, cracking of Nuts, and eating of Apples, while the following Song was sung to the Tabor.  

SONG.  
HAil happy Powers, whose harmless[ sway,  
All the Sylvans do obey;  
Had those above fed like to you,  
( On Acorns and on rainbow Dew)  
When the World lay in its Cradle,  
And there was no fiddle faddle,  
Saturn had still kept his Throne,  
And not been outed by his Son;  
'Tis headstrong Wine,  
And Manchet fine,  
That irritates  
Ambitious pates:  
Pan never quarrels with Sylvanus,  
( For every Wood-god worships Janus)  
The beauteous Nymphs are all in common,  
None's the better Gentlewoman;  
With a baneless love they greet,  
Horns, and nails, and cloven-feet.   CHORUS. 
Then unto the Woods let's wander,  
To find out Hero and Leander.  This Song ended, twelve Nymphs, and as many Satyrs cast themselves into a figure for the Dance; which done, the Wood-gods, with the Nymphs and Satyrs withdraw, and the Goddess Venus with her Son Cupid, and her handmaids the Graces are discovered. VENUS. 
Nay, by my Altars that are reaking,  
And those Lovers that are sneaking,  
Homeward after full enjoyment, 〈◊〉  
Either accept of this employment,  
( Froward Boy) or else I'll strip the●,  
And with Rods of Roses whip the●;  
I have often( to my sorrow)  
Felt the Launcing● of thy Arrow,  
Jove and Juno, Hermes, Hebe,  
Mavors, Bacchus, yea and Phebe,  
With the God that guides the Surges,  
( Riding like a Belgic Burgess)  
Will rejoice( like to inferiors)  
While I plow up thy Posteriors,  
Take away his Bow and Darts,  
While I scourge him till of smarts.  
Bare his breech. Thalia—  CUPID. 
— had I  
Ta'en the counsel of my Daddy  
( Whom you cuckold every hour)  
By this I might have scorned your power.  
Cannot Mart his steely chine,  
( Who has almost lost his eyen  
With overdoing) nor Anchyses,  
With his Piltrums and his Spices,  
( To heighten Appetite) nor Pe●●us  
Sat your conduct to Cornelius;  
But Adonis must be brought on,  
To a thing he never thought on.  VENUS. 
Impious Elf ( Aeneas broher)  
What's that to thee who rides thy Mother,  
Horse him Thalia.—  THALIA 
— Spare, O spare  
( Great Goddess) this thy son & heir,  
Lest on a Clown he make me doat-a,  
I dare not touch his silken Coat-a.  VENUS. 
Do't, if thou despise thy duty,  
I'll make thee fetch a Box of Beauty,  
From the bottom of black Hell,  
As Pshyche did( as stories tell.)  Here the Graces cease upon Cupid, and prepare him for the lash. CUPID. 
Hold,( sweet Honey-Mother) hold,  
I confess drop reg've been too bold,  
If I live but till to morrow,  
( As Gods can't die) I'll send an Arrow  
Into Adonis' Marble breast,  
Headed with a Hornets nest.  VENUS. 
On this condition take thy ramble,  
To make the wombs of ladies wamble,  
But fail not as thou lov'st my smile,  
Now I'll take Coach for Cyprus I'll.  Venus, Cupid, and the Graces being gone, Adonis( like a Huntsman) is seen with his setting Dog. ADONIS. 
Come my Caniculo( sweet Cur)  
In thy throat thou hast a burr  
I fear, thy voice was wont to ring,  
With redoubled echoing;  
" Strange thing, when Dogs forget their tones,  
" And lechers leave their marrowbones  
" Unbroken, in this shady Wood,  
( Where shaggy Satyrs use to scud)  
I reign sole Monarch of content,  
And ne'er think what my father spent,  
To get and breed me; Pox a'wooing,  
'Tis fulsome to be always doing;  
My life is strict, and right laconic,  
That love is best that is Platonic:  
To hunt the swift-foot Stag, & follow  
The furius Bear 〈◊〉 whoop & hollow  
Is my best delight,— So— ho,  
Follow me Caniculo.  CUPID. 
Thanks Jove, see, where all alone is,  
My mother's misery Adonis,  
But I'll mollify his mind,  
" They are fools that think me blind;  
Have at thee Adon. 
* Here the bowstring cried twang. — so, 'tis done,  
Breech, thy preservation  
Is signed and sealed; now must I go,  
To wound a wanton I adies toc.  Adon is being wounded, Cupid goes off, leaving him to his Love passion. ADONIS. 
Ye Gods that govern Man and Mouse  
The King, the Duke, the Lord, the louse  
What an uncouth change is here,  
I am in love up to the ear,  

* The deadly rage of love.  So that I could court( Methinks)  
A wench that wants a nose, & blinks,  
Were she splay-footed gummy-eyed,  
With all deformities beside  
That can be mentioned; all too long  
I have done beauteous Venus wrong;  
Great God of Love to thee I bow,  
" Thou art a devilish Rogue I vow;  
Fire, fire, I burn, I burn,  
And shortly shall to cinders turn,  
Unless some courteous female fall,  
Beneath the Parent of all.  VENUS. 
How now, my dear Adonis, what?  
With thyself in busy chat?  
When, when O when shall Venus find,  
The flinty-souled Adonis' kind.  ADONIS. 
Squeeze me like to Milky Curds,  
Drain all my sappy bulk affords,  
Let me dwell upon your 
* Venus is much praised by Ancient Poets for her Mole, &c.  Spor,  
You shall find me cold and hot;  
But must not fail in Retribution,  
When you find my constitution.  VENUS. 
Come then( my Paramour) let's sally,  
To my rosy Bower, and dally,  
Till our kexey joints complain,  
Than we will take breath again.  Venus and Adonis being gone, the wild Boar, who( according to Theocritus) was deeply in love with Adonis, is seen. BOAR. 
I must enjoy thee( upon any score)  
Adonis, or else cease to be a Boar;  
I that despise the Javelin & the Spear,  
Whose murdering Tusks the sternest mortals fear,  
Do stoop unto a stripling, had I thee  
Within my power, thou sightles Deity  
I'd crumble thee to atoms, & devour  
Thy laughing Mother in her flowery Bower.  
Mast will not down, I loath my wont Food,  
The unseen flame does set on fire my blood,  
Licks up my moisture, and so loud I 〈…〉 runt,  
My voice is heard hence to the Hellespont.  ADONIS. 
'Twas long ( Alcides) e'er thy back was right,  
Having mounted fifty Virgins in one night.  
Voracious Venus( void of ruth)  
Has had no mercy on my youth.  BOAR. 
Beauteous Adonis, hark; how long in vain,  
Unto thy sealed up ear shall I complain,  
Thy scorn will kill me; Nature cannot save  
His life, whom Love shall lead unto the Grave.  
O pity my perplexity, though rude  
In form, my heart is full of gratitude;  
My mind's as smooth as pebble, though my hide  
Be rough, & I have other gifts beside,  
May sign my Patent for a Ladies clip,  
Though I confess my hair will hurt her lip:  
What ere this Wood affords shall call thee Lord,  
So thou wilt deign but love for love t'afford.  ADONIS. 
〈◊〉 bri●led Monster, canst thou hope  
My love, I'll first embrace a Rope;  
And on some fatal Yeugh resign●  
My life, foul Monster, filthy Swine;  
I will procure a Gay of Warwick,  
Though I explore from hence to Barwick  
( If thou desist not) that shall wear,  
Thy head upon his charmed Spear.  BOAR. 
Nay, then 'tis time to cast of all remorse  
For when intreatles fall, to practice force,  
Is Orthodox Adonis, by the Gods,  
And their celestial ever-blessed abodes,  
I must enjoy thee—  Here the Boar endeavouring to express love to Adonis, wounds his tender skin with his Tusk, which kills him. ADONIS. 
— O I'm slain,  
This bawdy Boar hath wrought my bane.  BOAR. 
Out alas, what have I done?  
He is dead as sure as Gun,  
fallen like some Poplar( in his pride)  
Planted by a river's side,  
Wounded by a Pelean axe,  
In Heaven now a Paralax.  
O, O, ye infernal Juries,  
Rhamnusia, & ye snake-haired Furies,  The Boar is in an extreme Agony. 
Ye Harpies, Hags and Gorgon's fell,  

* Horror of conscience.  Methinks I'm hurrying now to hell,  
Witness ye Powers above, that I  
Was not murderous willingly,  
I would have hugged him, but mistook,  
And therefore( sure) may have my book  
Where shall I bathe this vexed body,  
Tormented to a Hoddy-Doddy?  
Within some gloomy Cave I'll pine,  
And never drink, nor never dine,  
Till I look like salt and piss,  
And Hermes summon me to Dis.  VENUS. 
— with the Graces.  VENUS. 
Here he was wont to go, and here  
Tellus being proud to bear  
So rich a burden,— O my heart,  
When with Adonis I did part:  
Just such a sigh I fetched in sooth●la.  
I hope Jove will protect the youth-la  
from scathe; sad thoughts do clog my soul,  
Which like to Neptune's waves do roll  
And ride on one another's backs,  
My nether parts do melt like Wax,  
or Butter in a Basting-ladle.  
What do I see,— do my eyes dazzle?  
Or is Adonis drowned in gore?  
O Fortune thou most damned whore,  
What hast thou done? lift heaven hire  
Good Gaffer Atlas, that my fire  
Of rage may have full vent; no stone is 
The Goddess falls upon the dead body of Adonis.   
More cold than my( once dear) Adonis,  
His Nerve that wont to heave & stand  
Stiff as a stake at my command,  
Now droops and hangs the head, his wounds  
Do yawn like chapped & parched grounds.  
What Monster more than fell with fang  
Of ruin, would destroy so young,  
So fair, so smooth, so deft a ●ad,  
Of whom such comfort Venus had.  
O I am wild with rage; thy bulk  
( Dear boy) in a rich Urn shall skulk,  
With rich perfums, & whit-bred crumbs  
Rich Odours, and Sabean Gums.  
Take up the precious load my Graces  
But ware he piss not in your faces;  
For so( some say) d●ad people do,  
This fatal Wilderness shall rue  
Thy ruin Adon, Tempests shall,  
Tear up the Oaks, the Elms, the small,  
The great, the fruitful, and the barren,  
With a horse-pox and a murrain.  
Lead on & weep till ye are blind, the while  
We seat Adonis on his funeral Pile.  Venus and the Graces( carrying the dead Adonis) being gone off, Temp●sts and storms destroy the Wood, and nothing appears but a thick Stage, and a thin-jawed Poet, who thus Epiloguizes.  

EPILOGUE.  

Thus have you seen Adonis dreary Fate,  
The Boars ill luck, & Venus' wretched state  
Masqus are no common things, specially such  
As this, that leans upon no staff or crutch;  
The Port stands within ●iting his nails,  
Sometimes his hope, sometimes his fear prevails:  
Troth he's a pretty man, and comes as near  
Tom Nabs( whose Microcosmos has no Peer)  
As any he alive; If this don't like ye, 
〈◊〉 A mock Masque in●ended for the Press.   
Next time Cupid comes, & Madam Psyche.   
This Masque( as how could it choose) found a general applause, not so much as one critic in so great a crowd; but by this time half the night was spent, so that Prince Paraclet, Emansor, Maulkina and Dowcabell, betook themselves to their rest, whose example the Courtiers of both sexes followed, only the Knights ( Zara excepted) resorting to the place place where they had supped some hours before, resolve to salute Somnus with a bowl of Bacchus his blood, drinking so deep, that ye would have thought every man there Master of more 
* A kind of shining pebble found in the Desa●●● of Dev●n shire, which whosoever shall butter and bury in his belly in a morning fasting, shall be sure to shnn drunkenness that day.  Amethists than one, so that the place where they were, seemed the very Bower where the blithe Delphic God tipples Sack, and keeps his Bacchanalias; but while they were quassing, Zara was sleeping, but he little imagines what plots are even now( at this ominous hour of night) contriving against him, for the Knights Errant being now( in their own conceits) discreeter than Socrates or Solon, and valianter than Achilles or Alexander the Great, began every man to pride himself in his own praise, and to enumerate the many Combats and perilous achievements they had been guilty of; this man having vanquished the Knight of the Moon, and Seven Stars, who had nine fingers upon each hand, was full six yards in height, and was thought able to rout a royal Army; this having taken in that citadel, maugre the opposition of a thousand men; a third having rescued the Persian Sophy, when surrounded with twelve millions of Turks, who were leading him captive to Constantinople; these vapours dissipated, they began to discourse every man of his Horse, Armour, and Shield, &c. each maintaining his own for the most authentic: This discourse put 'em in mind of our Champion Don Zara, whom every one censured as he li●ted, only the Knight of the PUDDING( for so was Don Pantalone the Knight of Malta called, because of the Jack-Pudding in his Shield) was most vehement, who articled against him as a man both insipid and incapacious as to Military achievements; this was the Knight whose Horse, Armour, Shield, &c. was made Zara's by miracle, being( by an unparalleled providence) dragged to shore by Fishermen, and by them conferred on our Champion, as the first Chapter of this Book has informed; for Don Pantalone( being bound for No-land) was shipwrackt on those very Seas where our Champion was cufft overboard, and was the only mortal except a Spartan spaniel) that escaped the dangers( as it seems) by the agility of his arms, and now this most dangerous and degenerate Knight( envying the boon of Heaven) would recover those Emoluments by force, which( no doubt) were worthily torn from him by the fraud of Fate, openly owning the Horse, Armour, and Shield, and execrably protesting that he would be Master of them within forty hours, or leave his dead body as a witness of his devoir; this Resolve was highly praised by some, and as much cried down by others; but Pantalone was too proud to hearken to dehortments, and therefore( betwixt drunk and sober) he wrote a Challenge, desiring the Knight of the Ap●( for so was Dou-La-Fisk the Knight of Sardinia called, because of the Ape playing on a jews-trump in his Shield) to carry it about 
* The time that all Challenges ought to be carried, or not at all. Sea the Ordinance concern duels.  eight in the morning to our Champion Don Zara; This done,( being scarce able to tipple any longer) the Knights adjourned their House for some hours.    

CHAP. IV.  
Don Zara first appears in the Lists, where Don-la-Fisk presents him with Pantalon's Challenge; His stern reply. Duke-la-Fool with two thousand armed Knights enters the Lists, and is totally routed by Zara. He is deeply enamoured on the Lady Madona-del-Simplicia, to whom he directs an Epistle, &c.  
THE Sun had no sooner seated himself in his flaming Throne, but the heralds( by sound of Trumpet) warned the Knights Errant to meet in the Palace-yard, there to betake themselves to the business of the day, but those intoxicating fume● that usually attend ebriety, had so sealed up their senses, that you would have thought Knight Errantry both dead and buried, had not the truly valiant and most redoubted DON ZARA DEL FOGO appeared( with SOTO) completely Armed, mounted on his courageous Courser, whom he called after the name of his late lost palfrey, Founder-foot, and brandishing his bright weapon( like another Actorides) he seemed to denounce Defiance to all under the Cop●; nor, indeed, was he over-confident of his Abilities, though having had but little experience hitherto of his own Fortitude; for by instinct( as it were) he on the sudden became sensible of the wondrous vigour absconded in the mysterious folds of his Charmed Belt, which( as by a providence unthought of, or unseen) could protect him from the edge of ravenous steel, though Tilted at him by the same 
* See Mystagogus Poeticu●, or the muse's Interpreter, fol. 20000  man that tore off Achelous his horn, and( being in a rage) threw it in to Troy-novant, where being taken up( as if it had been sent from Heaven) it became the 
* Cor●●copia  City badge, though( I know not for what cause) it be not quartered with their Arms; he had not long traversed the lists, but the Knight of the Ape, Don la Fisk, on foot, only with his Battle-Ax and bastinado, saluted him, proposing a written paper unto him, which put our Champion into much perplexity, not that he dreaded a Challenge from the most approved Knight in the World, but left he should be liable to the castigation of the censorious, as one not acquainted with alphabetical Tables; but his ingenuity( by a most apt contrivance) prevented the murder of his Fame, for( as despising so trivial an employment) he called for Soto with as much indignation as haste, who came tremblingly to receive the mandates of his Master; the Champion gave him a check for his nonresidency, but yet with so calm a countenance, that he might behold him without blasting: Here, quoth Zara, read the contents of this Paper, which done, fold it up for Bum-fodder; Soto receiving the scroll, found it fraught with this very language:  
Sirrah,  
THough I cannot prove how, or where 
The Challenge.  thou attainedst those gllorious Arms; that Achillean Shield, and that strong Steed, yet I will make it good on thy Carrion corpse, that thou ca●●st feloniously by them; they are mine, and as mine I demand their speedy surrender, as thou wouldst escape being beaten, abbominably beaten; I will not rail on ye, but I will cudgel and kick ye most heroic Champion; therefore( if thou be'st wise) speedily un-case and dismount thyself, sending my Horse, Armour, and Shield, else expect no mercy, from  
DON PANTALONE.  
Soto was so amazed with the terrible tenor of this Epistle, that he could scarce prolong his breath to pronounce his name that thus menaced his Master; but from Zara's eyes you might perceive flashes of subtle lightning, incessantly streaming, 
* Zara's Indignation, having heard Pantalon's Defiance.  his face was strangely altered, Death sat upon his front in a new shape, more dreadful than ever Painter yet fancied him, so that Don-la-Fisk( a man otherwise stout enough) was lost to his wont courage, and began to repent him of his ready undertaking so mortal a Message, to whom after a bite of the lip, and a little pause, our Champion returned this Answer.  
I Know not, said he, whether my cl●mency would be greater in sparing, or my justice in sacrificing thy life( lost man) who hast had the boldness to present me with this putrid Paper, from him whose limbs shall shortly feast the Fowls of the air; did ever so voluminous a vaunt find foundation on so vain a confidence? What is this fellow? or from whence? but No-land shall not shelter him from my vengeance, were he walled in with Dragons, and armed with the same Thunder that Jove is; as for you, though you have justly merited the weight of my anger, yet I will adjourn your Fate, for no other reason, but that you return my Answer' to the Slave that sent you.  
Having uttered this( in a tone that sufficiently manifested the mightiness of his wrath) he put spurs to his horse galloping up and down the Lists with such fury, that the ground groaned under his horse's hoofs, when behold done Patalone( as eager of Combat as himself) rode up to him with the highest Valour and Resolution, charging him with his drawn Sword; Our Champion( who would fain have been fighting with any man) imagined that this was he who had so grossly abused him, and had there put a period to his life, had not Duke la-fool with two thousand armed Knights just then entered the Lists; Duke-la-Foole was armed much like that haughty Pagan King Feragus, of whom the most excellent of our English 
* Martin Parker's heroic Poem, called Valentine & Orson, Dedicate to all the Nobles and Gentry of either Sex throughout this Nation.  Poets thus sings:  

— With a Shirt of mail,  
A Helmet of strong Brass  
upon his head,  
A Shield of the same metal,  
which to fail,  
Was not ordained,  
a Sword two handfuls broad, instead  
Of ponderous Club,  
he bore a well-grown Oak,  
Which threatened certain death  
at every stroke.   
This caused the two Knights to forbear one another, and turn their fury upon these Strangers, what homerical or Virgillian Pen can perfectly paint the admirable deeds done by Don Zara, who( being invulnerable) had soon sent five hundred of Duke-la-Fools Knights to Dis; so that Prince Paraclet, Emansor, and the Nobility of No-land( being awakened by the trampling of Horses, and the clashing of Armour) forsook their beds, and stood to behold the conflict on the Battlements of the Palace, imagining that Mars himself was descended from Heaven, in the shape of a man; How did they praise his prowess? how magnify his Magnanimity? By this time the Knights had taken the alarm, and as one man came to their assistance; But O ye vindictive Powers, what a slaughter was then commenced! Here some lay spewing out their heart's blood, there others headless; here one without arms, there another without legs, environed with a Lake of blood; nor did the fury of the Fight take any to mercy, save Duke-la-Fool himself, and 6 more, who being made captive, were carried to Prince Paraclet and Emansor, who immediately rewarded their treachery 
Duke La-Fool be●●●ded.  with the loss of their heads: Twelve of Paraclets Knights were slain in this bloody encounter; but Zara( covered over with blood and sweat, by a Messenger from the Princes.) was singled out from the rest, and brought before Prince Paraclet, Emansor, Malkina, and Dowcabell, who affording him the respects due to a Deity, attributed the Victory, together with their preservations( in so eminent hazard) merely to his Valour, enquiring his name and country, to the first he yielded a ready responsion, but to the other he answered in very obscure terms; the Princes and all there admire the man's valour, but more his modesty, imagining him a Saint as well as a soldier, for what Syntax is there betwixt a Helmet and a Cap of Maintenance; the Princess Maulkina gave him many amorous glances, and no doubt had fixed her affection on him, had she not doubted his acceptation, being deceived with the colour of his countenance; indeed a warlike Ammunition face, yea so preter natural, that it seemed rather a vizard than a face, but his mind more smooth then polished Pewter, and foster then the raven's feather, as may appear by his being surprised( even now in the height of his anger, when his illustrious soul moved in the very Apogaeum of death and vengeance, so much was he incensed against the Knight of the Pudding●) with one of the Princess Waiters, named Madona-del-Simplicia, a creature of a most excellent form:  

Her gallant grey eyes,  
Like Stars in the skies,  
Denoted the whiteness of her two thighs.   
Her face Rivalling the fairest of the fatal Sisters; this is the Goddess to whom our Champion offers his vows, to this fair Idea he paid his zealous Orisons, calling her the Throne of Pleasure, and the very Promontory of perfection, yet( such a bashfulness was he born withal) could not our Champion( though he earnestly endeavoured it) compel his tardy tongue, to deliver of what his heart dictated, though his soul( which brought its own sacred fire with it) did( mentally) present her with a wounded Oblation, burning on her brick Altar, offered up with as real a devotion as ever Cupid elevated any; but his love was very ill placed, for Simplicia, though fair of face, had a heart more rough than the Posteriors of a Bear, nor did she so much as return one smile to the Champion, who for a long time had earnestly gazed upon her, a thing that Prince Paraclet and all there took special notice of, but were more stricken with wonder, when they beheld the Champion( withoutso much as taking his leave) fling away, and mount himself with as much haste, as he had even then been Petitioned by some pensive Lady, for the enfranchisement of her captivated Lord held in durance by some horrible giant.  

* The Author is in a pitiful plight for his good Champion.  O Zara, Zara, these memorable Loves mentioned in those authentic Histories of Parismus, The Knight of the Sun, or the Ingenuous Don Qnixot-dela-Mancha, upon the barren Mountains of Morenna, bewailing the disdain of the Lady Dulcina-del-Toboso, are but. Leaden Legends, compared with thy more solid sufferance, in whose breast the little God seems solely to have seated himself, as in some Magnificent Metropolis, where he keeps his Court and gives Laws to the Nations of the earth.  
But while the Princes and the rest were diversely censuring this Act of Zara's, he( with an Arrow in his bosom) had gained his lodgings, Love that in others causes affability, has in him a clean contrary operation, 
* See Dr. Bulwers language of the feet. Tom 9  as the language of his face sufficiently demonstrated, looking so furiously that none durst speak to him, his Secretary Soto excepted, who took the privilege to talk to him, and demand the cause of this so sudden change.  
Ah Soto, Soto, said the Champion, he whom neither Duke La-Fool nor his thousand Knights, whom the Knight of the Pudding Don Pantalone, nor all the Champions, giants, Monsters, Satyrs, Devils, and Dragons can vanquish, is now overcome with the looks of a weak, and( for aught I know) wanton woman, her face is continually in my fancy, and I must enjoy her, or cease to be mortal.  
Sir, said Soto, this is no such prodigy as you would insinuate; your predecessor the great Hercules, after all his Victories and Conquests, became a slave to his own Codpiece, and( by Omphale's appointment) spun shoemakers thread, which employment he plied to purpose all the day, not wishing any salary but to unravel at night: Was not the good Sir Guy flouted by Philida into a bondage, cost him much blood and sweat ere he could wriggle himself into her embraces? Jove himself has been a Bull ere now, merely to back Io the white-faced Cow? If then the greatest of Gods, and the most eminent among men, have been Vassals to Venus, and captives to Cupid; it had been strange if you( my Lord) who are a God, a hero, and what not, should not( at least) taste what they fed on almost to a surfeit, nor need you despair of a prosperous success, for what woman( though Mistress of more beauty than Loves Queen, or dignified with more sovereign command than Semiramis) would not meet your motion halfway, and bless that Fate that furnished her with such magnetic perfections, to attenuate the love of so brave a man. Thou art excellent, quoth Zara, at versification, pen me presently a Copy of Verses, such as may gain thyself a never-fading Fame, and me the fruition of her who is my Fate, upon whose smiles or frowns my Destiny depends. 
* Soto's extreme modesty, who though a most excellent Poet, will not vaunt himself of his own abilities.  My Lord, quoth Soto, I have only ●ipt of Helicon, and taken a nap or two upon Parnassus, but as I can, I will; so having taken off a bowl of Mereotick Wine, he took Pen in hand, and wrote these numbers.  

FAir Nymph, whose beauties all admire,  
Whose face does set the World on fire;  
Within whose brow( above the beak)  
The grace's play at barleybreak,  
Whose every curl a Cupid hides,  
And many a sightless God besides;  
Let not, O let not thy dire scorn,  
Make me wish th'hadst ne'er been born,  
Or being born( since I am shotten)  
Ere this thou hadst been dead and rotten  
I am no ●ulgar Suppliant( Sweet)  
No Parish-child found in the street;  
My name is Zara, who of late  
Encountering La-Fool, broke his p●te,  
And sent his Errant Knights( poor men-a)  
Unto the bottom of Gehenna;  
Thou mayst he proud of this my proffer,  
For'tis my first and only offer;  
The Love I prostrate unto thee,  
The mightiest Queens have b●g'd of me;  
Marthesia was once my Mistress,  
With Antiopa, and Thalestris,  
Women that did great fame deserve  
For handling Sword as well as Nerve:  
O let not then thy coyness plunder  
His life, whom nought can kill but thunder.  
Your beauty's vassal, DON ZARA DEL FOGO.   
These deathless Verses having had Zara's approbation, were sealed up in the form of an Epistle, and thus superscribed: For the most magnetic, Illustrious, 
 and divine Lady, the Lady 
 madonna del Simplicia.  
Soto himself was the Messenger, being hastened by Zara to a speedy departure.   

CHAP. V.  
Soto comes to Court and delivers his Master's Letter to the Lady madonna del Simplicia. Her scornful Reply. The Champion( being transported with passion) strikes Soto on the face. Soto turns upon his Master: Acruell Combat betwixt them. Zara meeting with Don Pantalone there happens a bloody and dreadful Fight. Soto's death and revival.  
IT was now about the hour when every maw expected its meal, when Soto came to the Palace where he found the Lady Madona-del-Simplicia with the Princesses Maulkina and Dowcabel at dinner, and was forced( to his great grief) to wait in the Lobby till the time of exercising the teeth was over; the custom of the No-landers, being quite diff●●●nt from that of other Nations, they never inviting any stranger to eat or drink, out of a conceit( it seems) that by their so doing they should prejudice the sellers of Roast or boiled in the City, who paid great Taxes to the Prince, and were ever the first who 
* As his lifeguard.  waited upon him to the wars at their own Charges; so that Soto having attended long with much impatience, was admitted to the presence of the Lady Simplicia, to whom( after many mannerly cringes) he presented his Master's Letter; the Lady, though she courteously received it, did not seem the least taken with the tenor, but having afforded a slight perusal, she 
* But though the Lady seemed to slight his Verses in public, she often made use of them in a privy place.  put it( not as SOTO expected in her bosom) in her pocket, returning the Champion this Answer:  
That she did wonder a man of a strange country, who for aught she knew was no more than a pretender to Arms, should be possessed with so bold a confidence to court her by Letter, whom he had never so much as spoken to; she willed him to forb●●r for the future any more to solicit her by Letter, lest he involved himself in a Labyrinth, out of which he could not escape, but with the forfeiture of his life, ●dding that if it were he( 〈◊〉 she believed it was) who departed from the Presence in the morning, in so m●d, or rather Clownish a manner, she could not think him fit for any Society, save those of the blackguard, being either not well in his wits, or a Coridonicall coxcomb.  
Having said this, she ●●ung away, her Gesture expressing the highest disdain, leaving SOTO in as much amazement as Ulysses his followers, when they felt themselves gradually giving up their manly shapes for that of Swine. What should poor SOTO do? toreturn to his Master with this nipping Answer, were to endanger his skin, and for to stay in this Inhospitable place were to starve his stomach; for a long time he stood like a man soulless; but at last his hunger overcame the thought of danger, and he set forward towards his Master's Lodgings, who guessed the very event of the business by his face, but wisely disguising his fear, he cheerfully demanded what Answer the Lady had sent him. My Lord, said Soto, such an one as neither befits me to relate, nor you to hear, suffice it, she is a proud, disdainful, contumacious woman, and is as likely to be won by your endeavours, as it is probable for me to make Minerva my Minion: This rather increased then mitigated the champion's inquiry, who commanded him, as he would avoid his wrath, to declare the whole carriage of the business. Since you will have it so, said Soto, know that she not only condemned your confidence for daring to importune her, but bespattered you with the odious epithets of Clown and Coxcomb. Death of my soul! said Zara, thou art always( like the Raven) croaking my infortunity and disgrace, and I believe a cherisher rather than a confronter of those that calumniate me, in saying this( being transported with choler) he gave Soto so grievous a blow on the face, that it made him 
* The Champions invincible strength  totter thirty paces from him, the blood gushing out of his nose very violently; so that Soto, who( as it seems) had never before seen any such sauguinary flux, imagined himself wounded mortally, beyond all hope of escape, the grief whereof so exasperated him, that it gave him( as it were) a new soul, just when he looked for no less than a separation of soul and body, and( O villainy!) he resolved to take vengeance on his Master as his murderer, and accordingly( with the highest courage) came up to the teeth of Zara, 
* The outr●gious Co 〈…〉 between Do● Zara and his servant Soto.  striking him twice or thrice on the chaps, in a most butcherly manner; it was long ere the Champion( so great was his astonishment at this impudence of Soto) could believe both what he saw and felt, but having pregnant proof that Soto was indeed in earnest, and of a Secretary and an assistant was become a Serpent and an assassinate, he redoubled his blows with inexpressible indignation, which Soto not only received, but retorted with almost equal force, so that the Combat grew both dangerous and dreadful, and it was hard to determine which of they two should first purchase the Palm of Victory, for Soto( firmly conceiting that his latest hour was come) had sworn to his own soul to take his Master with him to Tartarus; this cruel contest continued for half an hour, till the Champion( as scorning to struggle any longer with his slave) closing with Soto, 
* Being acq 〈…〉 ed( it seems) with that slight of heel which Wrestlers call the Cornish Hug.  compelled him to the earth; and now having this Typhon down, good reason that he overwhelm him with a mountain, therefore he loaded his breast with the weight of his bulk, ever and anon affording him a cuff or two, which Soto not knowing how to retalliate but with his teeth, at one snap snatched away the tip of the champion's nose, which( with a Sardinian smile) he forced in his face, who now was skrew'd up to the highest key of anger, and therefore drawing his knife, he cruelly cut off both the ears of Soto, attempting( O Scythian ferity) to cram the new-cropped dowcets down his throat; by this one act of Barbarity he for ever disabled Soto, who now concluded himself as dead as a pickled Herring, and accordingly postured himself as one fit for Funeall, which caused the Champion( who ever abhominated to insult over a dejected, or dead Foe) to forbear the further prosecution of his rage, and imagining he had most certainly slain his servant and Secretary, he presently harnessed himself, and mounting his strong Steed( as if haunted with Furies, like Orestes or Orlando) he put spurs to his palfrey( all bedewed as he was with Soto's blood) with a resolve to find out Don Pantalone, the Knight of the PUDDING and in one day to rid the world of two of his terriblest Enemies; his eyes had scarce lost the sight of his Lodgings, where he beheld Pantalone riding towards him in shining Armour, his Sword drawn in his hand. Zara was something abas●ed to meet him so pat, yet scorning to have his Man of War sunk by a Sculler, he also drew his blade, and coming within six yards of him, said,  
Art thou that unmannered and degenerate Knight, that but yesterday didst send me a defiance by the Knight of the Jackanapes, challenging this Steed, Arms, Shield, and Sword, as thine, and threatening to cudgel and kick me, in case I delivered them not up into thy custody, as the true owner.  
Yes, said Pantalone, I am that very man, and will justify that challenge, proving with my life, that thou art an Errant Thief, and no Knight Errant, the shame of Knighthood and the stain of honour.  
In saying this he gave his Steed a prick with his spur, who( as Pantalone had educated him) took a leap, which conveyed his Rider so near our Champion, that striking him on the mouth with his hand and Gauntlet, he dislocated no less than four of his foremost teeth, what can we fancy how much our Champion was exasperated with this treacherous indignity; therefore spitting his useless Grinders in Pantalon's face( with such fury, that he had almost unhorsed him) 
* The dreadful Combat between Don Zara & Don Pantalone.  he gave the Knight of the Pudding so manly a blow on his Helmet, that he had cloven him to the waste, had not his Cap of steel been created by the Chalybes, and dipped in the River of Bilbo; Pantalone( who had never before felt such force) sat upon his horse back with a shivering amazedness, but at length recollecting himself, he seemed to make ample amends for his late stupidity, by giving Zara a wide wound on his right arm, which could not have happened had our champion's Belt been girt about him, by virtue whereof he defied the dint of Sword, but( by the appointment of some malevolent power) that miraculous Girdle( being broken in the midst by the vigorous motion of his body while he encountered with Duke La-Fool and his 10000 Knight's) fell from his waste the day before, so that now( like the slack-sinewed Hebrew giant, with his hair off) he was no more than a very mortal, and yet the greatness of his spirit for a long time supplied that insupportable loss, and he received wound upon wound with incredible patience; Nor was the Knight of the Pudding wholly exempted from danger( for●o a Knight on horseback, as is storied of the Centaurs, he that wounds the beast gashes the man) his Courser being wounded in the neck, and having a considerable cut over the nostril, so that Pantalone was every minute in fear that his Steed should swoon under him, and lie down with loss of blood; in the mean time Zara's wounds were multiplied, yet his heart not mollified, resolving rather to die courageously, then to make a cowarly Resignation of his Horse, Armour, Shield and Sword, and which was more than all, his person; besides he had sufficiently tired himself( one would think) in the late battle against Duke la-Fool and his confederates, add to this his dismal engagement with Soto, and therefore ought to have been excused from Warlike employment( at least) for some months. What could Themistocles, Cleomenes, Hannibal, Al●xander, or the mighty Montelyon, Knight of the Oracle have done more; the excessive loss of blood so enfeebles him, that he is scarce able to brandish his blade, or to keep the Saddle, unless he grasp the pummel; which Pantalone perceiving( like a good and gracious Knight) exhorted him to yield himself, and with the price of his Sword, St●●d, Armour and Shield, to 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 delivery from eminent death; I will quoth Pantalone, not only spare thy life, but be thy conduct to thy Lodging, thy wounds shall be sowed up by skilful Chyru●gious, and thy body, brought to a 〈◊〉 bed; Our Champion is now more 
* Zara's remarkable placability.  vanquished by courtesy then by strength, being so much taken with this kind 〈◊〉 of Pantalone, that alighting( though with much a●●, by reason of his faintness) he took his Horse by the bridle, and humbling himself at Pantalon's feet:  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 qu●th 〈◊〉 what 〈◊〉 all the steel of Tole●● 〈◊〉 
* A German Fe●cer having a hundred hands.  Bryareus, though each ●and of 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 managed a Sword could 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, is effected by thy 〈◊〉 ca● 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 this Shield, this good S 〈…〉 d, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, and this sturdy Steed as 〈◊〉 gi●●( my worth will command more wherever Destiny shall drive 〈◊〉.)  
The Knight of the Pudding( with a smile) received what our Champion so willingly surrendered, and seating himself on 〈◊〉 foo● afforded Zara a being at his back, 〈…〉 ading his own horse in his hand( a thing that administered some cause of distaste to our Champion, but having taken a Truce with his Enemy, he would not be the first should break it) riding on till he came to Don Zara's Lodgings, the people gazing upon him all the way very wistly, and whispering vituperatively, which our Champion heard well enough, but discreetly took no notice, being now become the very Emblem of the Golden Age, when a pigeon shall converse with Vultures; nor was Pantalone perfidious, but( in order to his promise) very courteously caused a skilful Chyronist to be called, himself beholding those wounds which his hands had lately given carefully closed up, and the bruised Champion laid in his bed, of whom having taken leave, he returned( with his Horse, Armour, Shield, and Sword) to the Knight of the Ape, and his other Companions.  
It were needless to narrate what flouting, and what fleering there was amongst the bundle of Knights about this business of Don Zara, every man censuring as his fancy guided. The course of the History commands us to leave them to the guidance of their Fate, and return to Soto( earless Soto) whom we lately left dead on the floor all bemangled by his Master; long time it was( though he felt the palpitations of his heart and pulse, and that he was as warm as a new-beaten Bailiff) before Soto could be convinced of his heresy, or believe himself to be alive, 
* Soto's Resurrection.  first he moved an arm, than a leg, and at last took such heart of grace, that he courageously leapt upon his feet, but the sight of his newlopt ears had almost laid him along again; nevertheless( with trembling) he at length took up his Lugs, and having heedfully wrapped them up in paper, put them in his pocket, till time should furnish him with opportunity to afford them the Rites of Sepulture; being thus out of all doubt, that he was now as other mortals, save for some maims which he was resolved to keep from being seen by the help of his hair, he began to be somewhat comforted; but that very sort of sorrow which in others occasion drought, causes in him hunger, a sharp appetite to meat; he therefore began to consider what was become of his Master Don Zara Del Fogo, and to curse himself for opposing him as an equal, whom he ought to have adored as a sovereign; having therefore resolved to find him, out,( and if it were possible) to reconcile himself, he resorted to the Host of the house where his Master resided, and very demurely demanded whether Don Zara del Fogo his Lord and Master were at home or abroad, in the Camp or the Court, answer was made, that he was just now conveyed to his bed( being much wounded) by a strange Knight, who seemed no other than he that had fought with him; Soto therefore enquiring what manner of man he was, and what Arms he wore, knew assuredly, that it was the Knight of the Pudding, Don Pantalone; he therefore resolutely went up to his Master's Chamber, but found the door fast locked, for the Champion having had his wounds bound up, and being laid in a soft bed, had betaken himself to rest; Soto knocked twice or thrice very soberly, but receiving no answer, he multiplied his strokes, so long till Zara being awakened, demanded who was there; Soto retorted, Your Servant and Secretary SOTO; at which the 
* Zara takes Soto for a Ghost. Sea ●elthams resolves the third Century, pag. 100000.  CHAMPION( imagining by this time he had been laid in Earth), became much amazed, and in a distracted tone cried out:  
I beseech thee, thou Spirit of wronged Soto, return to thy rest, and vex not him with thy clamours who shall shortly visit thee in the other World.  
Soto replied:  
My Lord, we are both more happy than you conceit, I am alive, and Master of the same faculties of flesh that you are.  
At this the Champion scrambled out of his bed, and opening the door, Soto supported him to his former station, where being laid he enquired of Soto how and by what means he escaped, who related to him every particular both of his death and revival: I shall the more cheerfully welcome Death, said the Champion, that thou art alive; he then began to discourse what had happened lately betwixt him and the Knight of the Pudding, and in the close of all commanded meat to be brought, and was confirmed that Soto was no Ghost by his eating: By this time it grew late, Cynthia being mounted in the highest of her five and twenty Mansions, the Champion therefore, having embraced Soto, permitted him to depart, and slank down into his bed the second time.   

CHAP. VI.  
The Champion recovered of his wounds, but inwardly vexed at Simplicia's scorn, is comforted and restored by Soto's excellent Oratory. He and Soto forsake their Lodging to avoid an after reckoning. Having left No-land, they arrive in a continent where the Champion finds the winged Hog, promised him by Lamia; He and Soto mounting their bristled Beast, are carried through the air, meeting with many strange Adventures.  
OUr Champions exterior wounds are not so wide but they may easily admit of cure, were not his interiours mortally vexed with the vigorous pangs of Love, the scorn of his Mistress Simplicia stuck Needles at his heart; his sick soul is surrounded with dolour, each thought is a thrust, and every cogitation a Carbonado.  

* Zara's doleful Complaint.  O Love, Love, said he, thou least of bulk, but greatest in strength of all the Powers immortal; what has Don Zara done unto thy Deity, that thou art so partial in thy dispensations, emptying thy Quiver at his breast, and not aiming so much as one Arrow at her whose heart is more hard than Scythian Ice, or the scales of Dragons; Did not Gylo wash my head with warm Urine, and Simplicia slight my Addresses as I had rather been a lout than a Lord, a Coxcomb than a Champion, and a Knave Rampant than a Knight Errant; were my strength equal to my will, I would break thy Bow and Bolts about thy ears, and write thy elegy with a Quill plucked from thy own wing.  
With these and the like fascinorous fancies, he wearied himself almost all that night, but Phoebus flinging about his rays to illuminate the world, Soto resorted unto him, using all possible persuasion to assuage his grief, but( alas) to no purpose, for the Fistula of Love had seized upon his very fundamentals, so that though he grew every day more and more healthy, being now able to eat and drink devoutly, and traverse his Chamber as nimbly as a Berkshire squirrel, yet within he was more sickly than a Subburb lecher, or a drawled Prostitute, fitting herself for Fluxation, which Soto perceiving, thought it his duty to take him to task, and to endeavour to drive this devil of Paphos out of him.  
How now my Lord, said he, will you cast away that life which was given you to redeem others from death and destruction 
* The Author disclaims this Invective as none of his, but Soto's.  for a Fis-gig, a flirt, a sickle, fantastic, fallacious, foolish Female? What do we get by these gimcracks? Satiation of our jousts: What is this fruition we so much covet, but a kind of fulsome Recreation, that flags our Crests, and makes us look worse than stale Drunkards, or losing Gamesters that have sat up all night to undo themselves? Be yourself( my Lord) the Son of Mars, and not the slave of Venus; these whim-crowned tumours unman us all, and are at best but coveted calamities.  
This satirical Oration so much prevailed with the Champion, that he was now quite changed into another man; his heart which before was as soft as Curds, is now totally petrifide, and more obdurate than steel or Hangmen, so that he who some minutes since was Loves creature, is now more than his conqueror; 'tis true, he shed abundance of tears, sighing and sobbing, as was pitiful to see; but these showers were but the preludiums to Thunder-cracks. My Arms( quoth he) O my Arms, my Sword, Shield, and Mace, but above all my Belt, the sad vicissitudes of two days have laid a foundation of misery for many Ages, bitten by a Bear, baffled by Gylo, reproached by Simplicia, and denuded by Don Pantalone; what horror has Fortune yet to inflict? My Lord, said Soto, Fortune was ever a foe to noble minds, letting others pass as not worthy her notice; the tallest Trees and highest Towers are sometimes leveled, when sheds and shrubs remain untouched: Engineers are sometimes blown up with their own Mines, when mouf-trap-makers' die merely with sickness or age; Dukes and Marquesses fall by the Bullet or the axe, when Dunghill-Rakers and Maulsters outlive themselves; Did you ever know a Gnat perish of the Pox, Goats and Monkeys destroy themselves with Doing; that than which you look upon as the Indignation of Heaven, is the Indulgency of Jove, witness wise Seneca: 
Prosperity and happy Fortune finds  
Out Tapsters, Tinkers, & untutored hinds   
O who can sufficiently express the force of Eloquence! Our Champion is so charmed with 〈…〉 o's philosophical Elocution, that he cares now no more for a Sword, than an Ape for a clog; or for a Shield, than a Slave for a Bulls-pizzle; Armour is but a kind of honourable luggage, the confidence whereof causes Cowardice; and for Charmed Belts, and for such kind of infernal securities, he said that the devil's word and his Oath were alike, and he was most safe that had least to do with him; as concerning a Courser( he alleging that it was both dangerous and despicable to travel ou foot) Soto informed that the very highways and Hedges, but especially Meads and Marish grounds would afford them a pair of Palfrays; heightened with these heroic Rudiments, the Champion and Soto( each grasping a staff or Truncheon in his hand) resolved to forsake No-Land, as a Continent only fertile in fatalities, and to travel to the remotest parts of the Earth, but they would find men more faithful, and women more flexible; One morning therefore, while Aurora was combing her Crisped 〈…〉 ls, Sol being yet soundly sleeping in the Lap of Thetis, they thought it fit to convey them, selves out of Zardona-pola-Mancha before their Host, or any of the household were stirring, the course of the country carrying them through a miry Lane, almost three furlongs in length, to their exceeding turmoil, but by the help of their Staves they vaulted over many deep Shloughes and bogs, which otherwise might have been very baneful unto them.  
Having brought this Land to a period, they found themselves entered into a large, but very pleasant Wood, here were Trees of Rosemary, far taller and bigger of bulk than any British elm, with Beds of Camomile six yards high, the grass no gowtier then that of other Climates, yet so incomparably stubborn, that the CHAMPION and SOTO passed over their tops without the least depressing of them, as on a Marble Pavement: In the midst of this Grove there ran a Rivulet, not so crystalline as they could have wished, in which were infinite numbers of flying-fish, which sometime fought with one another in the air with incredible fierceness, many being slain on both sides, but dropping into their native Element they are recovered again.  
These Feuds were maintained by these Aquatillians, merely to please the Genius of the place, called Diclon, who sat( inviconed with a Guard of spectars') at the root of a palm Tree, but his shape was so dreadful, that neither the Champion nor Soto durst stand him, and therefore they departed towards the East side of the Grove, where the Champion espied that rare Beast which Lamia the enchantress had prophesied he should meet withal; this wondrous Creature had the shape of a Hogg, but far bigger than an ordinary Horse, two wings expanding themselves on either side of him; his Saddle( very sumptuously embossed with Gold) on his back, and his Bridle hanging loosely about his neck; he was feeding very voraciously on the verdant grass, his teeth serving as a Sickle with which he mowed down all before him.  
The CHAMPION was so overcome with joy to behold this Beast, that he remained for a time speechless, but at length recovering himself; See SOTO, said he, where the winged Hogg( that gift of the Gods) long since assigned me by Lamia, offers himself to my disposal: He had no sooner said this, but( like a courageous Knight) he made up to this plumed prodigy, who seemed to fawn on him like a Spanlell, and to be desirous of his service; The CHAMPION finding him so gentle, immediately put the bit into his mouth, and leaping into the Saddle, commanded SOTO to get up behind him, who was once in the mind rather to desert his Master, then hazard his person in so eminent a danger; but at length( O man of desperation!) he forced himself to a compliance, and loaded the Crupper of this volatile Swine, who no sooner found himself burdened, but he quitted the Earth, and( like some flitting fowl) made way with waving Wings; through the moist air, while the CHAMPION( like another Bellerophon) was carried over Land and Sea, to the infinite astonishment of all that beheld him, the people forsaking their houses, followed him in heaps, to feast their eyes with so unparalleled an object; some thinking him to be Hermes, others some magician, such as Agrippa on 〈◊〉, having thus traveled many hundred leagues, he gave his Hog a check, who gently saluted the Earth, the CHAMPION finding himself in the inmost parts of afric, in one place he saw those kind of Devils called Onoscelli, with legs like unto Asses, in another place 
* Incubi and seccubis, that leap upon men and women in their sleep; S●me ignorant Physicians say that these are nothing else but a Disease.  Ephial●ae and Hyphial●ae, those very things that in the shapes of men and women, allure the very mortals of both Sexes to Venery, whence it comes to pass that we have many Hermaphrodicall Monsters amongst us even at this day, being( indeed) half men and half Devils, but whether by the fathers or the mother's side, is not material.  
No marvel if our Champion were not very well pleased with this place which afforded nothing for food, unless he would have fed upon the haunches of a Hyppocentaure, or feasted on the fore-quarter of a Fiend; he therefore having seated Soto once more behind him, gave his winged Beast the Rein, who forsaking th●● duller Earth; ●u● 〈◊〉 passage to the Clouds, travelling over the tops of Steeples and Towers, with admirable celerity.  
Ah Zara, Zara, had thy rude Father moistened thy minority with the Elements of the Arts; till thou hadst grown tall and tough in Scien 〈…〉 all knowledge, what excellent cosmographical Volumes had the World been witness of? and thou( with Julius Caesar) have been as famous for thy Goose Q●●ll in after Age, 〈◊〉 thou art now emment for thy wondrous Hogg, and heroic Resolution to visit strange Countries, but it's bootless to bewail a helpless ill, and to weep over the Bier will not bring the dead man to life aga 〈…〉: Proceed we therefore with the Narration of our Champions admirable Adventures who( as did Sato) 
* The emptiness of the craw causes the heaviness of the carcase. See Marriot● Madrigals, and Wood of Kent's Aphotism.  grew more and more ponderous every minute, so that the Swine began to abate much of his swiftness, and to fly but with a feeble wing, which caused the Champion( though much against his will, for he had not yet perused a place pat for his purpose) to salute the Earth a second time, but with the same fortune he found before; this was part of Lybia, but not so full of Serpents as in Cato's time, by reason that the River Nilus had broken that way, and made a fair riddance of these foul creatures; here they found men and women with heads like Dogs barking at one another most bitterly, and sometimes howling in a most hideous manner, the comfortable Sun, nor the continent Moon never beautified these barren grounds, only a certain Star appeared in the East part of the Horizon, which afforded a glimmering Lucency; the Champion and Soto were exceedingly perplexed to find themselves now amongst dogs, as lately among devils, insomuch, that had they worn Swords, ten to one but they had slain themselves, but making a virtue of necessity( the Champion leading the winged Hog in his hand) they footed it with much swiftness till they came within ken of a Castle, situate upon a Rock, environed with many pleasant Trees; how joyous our Champion and Soto were to behold this Mansion( in all probability) made for mortals to make merry in, let those that have been sensible of their sufferances relate.    


Here Time trips up the heels  
of thy bright story,  
Renowned Don, vexed at thy  
Valour's glory;  
Dragons may now  
securely sleep, and ugly  
Deformed Orks seem to look  
smooth and smugly;  
Giants may wield their Maces  
and their oaks,  
And knock down Knighthood  
with their strenuous strokes:  
Who now shall cure those Castles  
that are haunted?  
Affording aid to men  
and Beasts enchanted?  
None, none, for Zara sleeps  
( to gain new vigour)  
And who shall dare to rouse  
a snoring tiger:  
Let him that sings his Second Part  
drink smartly,  
Of Sack and sulphur,  
and then write most tartly.   
FINIS.   

ERRATA.  
COurteous Reader I desire thee to mend several literal faults and points misplaced which doth sometime make the sense harsh, and turn over to Book 1. Chap. 3. at the second line, read, like Bandogs so tormented.