HOW and RICH: AN IMPARTIAL ACCOUNT of the Proceed at the late Election of Burgesses for the Burrow of Southwark, Wherein are Discovered, The palpable Forgeries of Elephant Smith in his pretended Relation of the same.  By one of the Loyal Inhabitants of that ancient Burrough. 
OUR Bromidgam-Protestant Intelligencer having not only obtruded himself upon us, at the time of our Election, as several others did unsent for, but also concerned himself so far about our Proceed in that affair, as to arraign the wisdom of our Burrow, to bespatter our Representatives, and as an utter Abherrer of Truth and Modesty, to publish in his Print so many notorious Falsehoods in favour of one Party, I have thought it a just debt to my Neighbours to give the World a true and impartial Account of the whole matter.  
The Gentlemen who were our Burgesses in the two foregoing Parliaments, had acquitted themselves so well, that 'twas generally expected that they would have been unanimously desired to accept of the Trust again; but some Strangers and those no small— thinking it seems, that they were fit to choose for us, than we for ourselves, made all the Interest they could for two other Persons. So that the Competitors were Sir Richard How, K nt. and Peter Rich, Esq Edward Smith, Esq Steward of the Burrough-Court, and Slingsby Bethel, Esq one of the present Sheriffs of London.  
Sir Rich. How and Mr. Rich, are Gentlemen of approved Loyalty and Integrity, publicly known to be true English Protestants, ancient Inhabitants in the Neighbourhood, and liberal Benefactors to the Poor of our Burrow, and who have always quitted themselves with great Reputation in considerable Offices of Trust, both Civil and Military, and faithfully discharged their Duty as our Representatives in the two former Parliaments.  
Mr. Smith, is a person not altogether unknown to the Inhabitants, having long enjoyed a profitable place among them, and one of Loyalty enough to recommend him to the good opinion of the better sort of the Burghers, had not himself and his Interest been tacked to Mr. Bethel, who was indeed sufficiently eminent for the Figure he made in the late Revolutions, but now not otherwise known to the Electors, but by the singular Menage of his present Office, and by the Persons who solicited for him and accompanied him to the place of Election.  
Thursday, Feb. 10. being the day appointed for the Choice, the Writ was read at St. Margaret's Hill, and though a Poll was demanded for How and Rich, yet a View was afterwards earnestly insisted on by the D. of Buckingham, and other the Adherents to Smith and Bethel, but this was generally opposed and decried: not but that the Friends of How and Richardo might have safely ventured on a View, had they had an Elephant or any other rare show, as the others had a Star, to attract the gazing Mobile; but because it could not decide the Election, nor answer any other good purpose, the Bailiff adjourned to the Artillery-Ground, the Place before appointed and mutually agreed upon for the Poll. However his Grace being resolved to have a View, though but of himself and party, drew up into St. George's-Fields, where as themselves report, there appeared above 8000 men for Smith and Bethel; though the truth is, when it came to Trial, there were not 3000 on both sides. At the opening of the Poll, the Bailiff, to show his own Impartiality, and to prevent all future misunderstandings, desired the Competitors to agree among themselves upon the methods of Proceeding. Upon which it was consented to between them, and that Agreement endorsed upon the Poll-Book, that when the Polling-Place, which would contain about 150, was full, the door should be shut, and no others admitted till all those within were polled off and discharged at a Backdoor. And after some discourse of the Qualifications of the Electors, it was agreed, that, according to ancient usage, all Housekeepers, not receiving Alms, should be p●llable. And that no others might be received, care was taken by mutual consent, that the Beadles and other Officers of the respective Parishes (and what other persons any of the Candidates did desire) should be present to take notice of all that offered themselves to the Poll, to whom all other necessary Interrogatories were strictly put, before the Question Who are you for? Moreover by the care and appointment of the Neighbouring Justices of the Peace, and the Bailiff, all the Constables of the Burrow attended in and about the Polling place, to prevent any Tumult or disorder.  
In this method all things were impartially and peaceably carried, till on Tuesday following about Twelve of the Clock the Poll became dry, of which several Proclamations being made, as well within doors as without, the Bailiff by consent of all the Candidates closed the Book, and adjourned to the Talbot-Inn, where the Book being cast up, the numbers for each (according to Elephant-Smith's own Account, which with the number of the ascending steps to the door of the Polling-house, is all the material Truth in the whole Narrative) were as follweth, How, 1622, Rich, 1616. Smith, 1347. Bethel, 1334.  
Now that How and Richardo had the majority on their side upon the score of pure merit, will appear from the consideration, that the other two had in many other respects the advantage of them; For  
I. The Bailiff of the Burrow having a dependence upon Mr. Smith, the Steward of the Court-Leet, it is to be supposed, that if he would have been partial (which to do him right, we acknowledge he was not) it would have been in favour of Mr. Smith and his Partner. And the Bailiffs men which Elephant Smith takes notice of, are also the Steward's Bailiffs, and hold their places at his pleasure, so that, as they hope for bread, they are bound to serve his Interest; whereas How and Richardo could hope for no more than Justice from any of them.  
II. If I should write after Elephant Smith's Copy, and trust to Common Fame, I might tell you of a famous dissenting Protestant Divine in the Neighbourhood, who a little before the Election laid himself forth with great zeal to stir up his Auditors to a liberal contribution for some secret service which he did not think fit to name, which secret service is by the same Fame said to be the purchasing the Votes of the Sober Party, with whom dry Money is a better Argument than Ale. But to take leave of that known Jilt, Common Fame, Elephant Smith's Mistress; it is certain  
III. That How and Rich, in the execution of their Office of Justices of the Peace for the County of Surrey, had disobliged a great part of the Prisoners of the King-Ben●h, by being somewhat nice in interpreting the Ten-pound-Act, and refusing to discharge them by wholesale; which is a sufficient proof of the Knavery of Elephant Smith's attributing their success to the Votes of Beggars and Prisoners.  
IU. And lastly, Amongst the many gentle and simple sticklers who swore, drank and damned for the carrying on the C●use, Elephant Smith himself, overcharged with abundance of Ale and Zeal, very fluently disembogued himself among a Crowd of Electors, as follweth, Ah, Sirs, what d'ye mean? Is the Devil in your hearts and the Pope in your bellies? Would ye have your houses fired about your Ears again? I speak to you that are for How and Rich, Is the Devil in your hearts and the Pope in your Bellies, etc. I speak I say, to you that are for How and Rich. Which being delivered with a dismal face, and in a Tone (which 'tis the Printers unhappiness that he hath not Music-notes to express) it must needs be a great disadvantage to those Gentlemen to have such powerful Rhetoric engaged against them, and nothing but their own merits to plead for them.  
Notwithstanding all which disadvantages it appears by the forementioned Computation, that How and Richardo were duly chosen Members for our Burrow, and they will accordingly be returned.  
It must not be concealed, that there were many gross slanders invented by Knaves and divulged by Fools to weaken the Interest of How and Rich, which as Christians they forgive, and as Gentlemen they despise.  
Whereas mighty Complaints are made on the other side of some slight Indecencies unavoidable in such Popular Elections, and for which the body of the Burrow is not accountable.  
Who could help it if some Wags, by the Emblematical Black-Pudding and the famished Mouse, intended an abusive Representation of the Gentleman-Strangers Nine-penny Ordinary abroad, and his empty Cupboard at home?  
He must thank himself, if by threatening to pull the King's Waterman's Coat over his Ears, he provoked him to reply, Ay, Sir, so perhaps you would my Masters too, if it were in your Power.  
'Twas unlucky, that the Bailiff, by being so even in his management of the Poll as to interrogate the High-Sheriff of Surrey, whether he had a who●e house to himself should give occasion to a By-stander to remark, that there was a High-Sheriff present that was no Housekeeper.  
The rumour of his being married to Nell Gwyn did never obtain to his prejudice and had ended with the Poll, had not he afterwards taken so much pains at the Amsterdam-Coffee-house to purge himself in that matter.  
But certainly such petty instances of Our-Town-Raillery cannot bear out an Appeal, so much talked of, to the Wisdom and Gravity of so August an Assembly as the House of Commons; though perhaps the fairest pretence towards it lies on the side of the Inmates, who may with some colour complain that they were rejected at the Poll, when one of their own Character was admitted a Competitor, and who as the King's Subjects in common, (and having Religion and Lives and Wives, as well as other men) may desire to be represented by one, whom perhaps they conceive obliged to endeavour the Relaxation of the severity of the Laws at present in force against them.  
But I at first designed only a bare Relation of Matter of Fact, and therefore to observe the Rule of leaving off when I have done, I shall trouble the Reader no f●rther.  
FINIS.   

London: Printed for T. M. 1681.