THE MAN OF NEWMARKET. As it was Acted at the Theatre Royal.  
AUTHOR, The Honourable EDWARD HOWARD Esq.  
Licenced, April 13. 1678. RO. L'ESTRANGE.  
LONDON: Printed by J. C. for W. Crook, at the Green Dragon without Temple-bar, 1678.   

The Induction.  Enter Prologue at one Door; and just as he addresses to speak, enter Shatteril and Haines at tother. Haines. 
BY your favour, Mr. Prologue, you must forbear.  Prologue. 
How forbear, mean you?  Haines. 
Or, which is much the same, withdraw speechless; there may be considerations to induce your silence.  Shat. 
Or our Company may be otherwise employed than to act this Play.  Haines. 
Observe this, Sir.  [Shows a Paper. Prol. 
A Prohibition indeed! the Kings-bench does issue none of such Authority here: You may proceed as you please.  [Exit Prologue. Haines. 
No less than a List of two and twenty Wits, great and small, caballed against us?  Shat. 
O Heavens! and to spite so gentile a Mirth too, as might represent the acceptable diversion of Newmarket! By the best Muse now extant, I am apt to believe they would not allow their King neither so much true Comedy as to provoke his smile, (without their Licence) durst they own so presumptuous a Censure.  Haines. 
That were bold indeed: but no more of that, Robin.  Shat. 
It needs not, since some spurious Monopolizers of Wit are too well known.  Haines. 
How, Monopolizers of Wit? by my best Mimickry, I could not have thought it before this day.  Shat. 
Yes, and by their wills would only allow so many Writers by Retail, or Trade-Poets, though we Actors have paid dearly enough for some of the best of their Compositions.  Haines. 
Let me never utter proper sense on the Stage more, if I know what definition can square with these men of Pother called Wits; or I suppose it at least as hard as to describe all the variety of Butterflies the world abounds with.  Shat. 
I care not if I help thee; and next be it known to all (whose Pates are not over-discomposed by the extravagant itch of their imaginary Brain-worms) that there are at this day in being, in spite of ingenuity and some good manners, a sort of people called Wits and Sub-wits or Critics, and Sub-criticks; and these again divided into Poets and Sub-poets, etc.  Haines. 
A series indeed! but to pass the rest, prithee tell me what thou meanest by a Sub-wit, or Sub-poet.  Shat. 
Why, both or either of them make but in effect one common Zany to some Grand Wit-monger.  Haines. 
And so complete their office by some allowed Jest or Raillery, when their conceits are so happy as to come by it.  Shat. 
What else, man? allowing this difference, that the Sub-poet whensoever he writes, he must refer his Papers (with some torment) to their inquisition. After which perhaps, to spite a better Muse, they may give his the applause of a favoured bad one.  Haines. 
And had but this Poet a little collogued with this formidable Cabal, and next suffered his Wit to be cut, lined, and interlined at pleasure, we might have performed his Play with some security. I could scratch my Pate to think it was omitted.  Shat. 
Alas for the Gentleman, he has otherwise satisfied himself, and is content we wave his Play, and act another.  Haines. 
Well remembered, and that shall be the Comedy, alias Farce, that has lately past the test of some notorious Town-wits: Thou know'st we are perfect in it already.  Shat. 
Nothing better.  Haines. 
Where thou shalt see me, Jo. Haines, so mimic French and English mixtures; thou know'st my Talon that way. Besides, this fantastical dress will suit it to a wish.  
And when that's over, we'll soon be provided of another. There is a Poet, shall be nameless, that can scribble such kind of Mongrel Intrigues almost as fast as he can by plain speech tell his five Fingers; whilst others are more than six months knitting together their French and English Collections.  Shat. 
French and English mixtures, sayst thou? the very expression does irritate my Genius.  Haines. 
They are pretty slight taking things, thou know'st, and consequently our interest.  Shat. 
That's confessed; but to lay aside English Wit for a Frenchified Composition, well, since there's no remedy.  Haines. 
'Tis time we began it.  Shat. 
I go with thee— or now I think better, I cannot— and next behold with me how many judicious honest Faces are in our eye.  Haines, 
What of them? give us rather those are called the Save-poets of the Town.  Shat. 
Save-poets, Save-pedlers; I say once more in spite of all Gangs, give me such National complexions as I now behold, Men, that in my Conscience will no more consent to betray true English Comedy, than they would give up Calais to the Monsieur, were it in their power. For their sakes, I say peremptorily, our intended Play shall be acted. And mark me, Jo. Haines, be sure thou play the Fool most egregiously; I suppose thou hast a part to that purpose.  Haines. 
How, resolute Numps? oblige me to be a Fool, and out of Farce too?  Shat. 
Yes, finical Mr. Haines, or else I'll stop your share.  Haines. 
sayst thou so? give me thy hand; and know Gent. that to my best power I am to be this day a Comical Fool.  Enter Prologue. 
Mr. Prologue, you may return, good Mr. Prologue.  
Thus I'll presume to introduce you.  [Takes him by the hand. 
And next, shift for the Poet and yourself as you can.   

THE PROLOGUE, Spoke by Mr. CLARKE.  
A Bold Induction, and, to tell you true,  
'Twas fitted purposely for some of you.  
And pity 'tis no medium men can find,  
In being here perpetually unkind.  
And thus with Wits and Poets runs the strife,  
'Tis thought may last at least this Age's life.  
Or like the long disputes 'twixt France and Spain,  
Besides their Allies, and the wronged Lorain:  
Not all know which with better sense contest,  
Though most the weaker side allow the best.  
And thus they sometimes rail, and sometimes fight,  
Until a juster Power compose their might.  
Such a Confederate we wish for here;  
And though from Nimmegen there none appear,  
Yet something to comply you is designed,  
A Jest you'll say indeed to make you kind.  
But 'tis no matter— or yet stay a while,  
We may have those, to spite your Wit, can smile.  
Perhaps, entreated from Newmarket too,  
To Shame you here, as there they others do.  
Nor is it just to blame our Poet's Art,  
If here, without your leave, he gets the Start.   

The NAMES.  
Passal. A generous person, and ingenious. 
Mr. Wiltshire.  Maldrin. A deserving Gentleman, and friend to Passal. 
Mr. Birt.  Sr. Ral. Nonsuch. A public ridiculous pretender, and a Luxuriast. 
Mr. Powel.  Whiffler. A finical Fop. 
Mr. Haines.  Swiftspur. A Gentleman-Racer. 
Mr. Clark.  Trainsted. Another Gentleman of Newmarket. 
M. Goodman.  Bowser. Their Friend, and lover of Sport. 
Mr. Griffin.  Plodwell. A Lawyer, and of a handsome Character. 
Mr. Perin.  Breakbond. A wild Gentleman, obliging the Sex of Women, and of a generous character, except in payment of Bonds. 
Major Moon.  Pricknote. An hypocritical Sectary and Knave interested in Sir Ral. Nonsuch. 
Mr. Cash.   

The Women.  Cleuly. A Worthy Lady. 
Mrs. Corbit.  Jocalin. A lover of Pleasure and Ingenuity. 
Mrs. Baker.  Quickthrift. A Lady of Wit, but proud and covetous, courted by Plodwell. 
Mrs. Corey.  Luce: A pretended Miss to Sir Ralph Nonsuch. 
Mrs. Farlo.   
Flora: Sister to Jocalin.  
Jockeys in several Habits.  
Attendants and Dancers.  
The Scene, LONDON.   
THE Man of Newmarket.  

ACT the First. SCENE the First.  Enter four Jockeys. 1 Jockey. 
FEllow Horsemen, let's embrace heartily. Thanks be to Heaven, we have not many hours to spend in this Metropolitan Wilderness of Houses, called London; an open Air fits our flesh and blood, and sports together, much better.  2 Jock. 
Or to be plain, Brother, any ground of England that affords but good galloping after Water. The Stones of Cities are more ill-natured to the Constitution and Feet of Horses, than the Souls of the Inhabitants are to one another. Let me never cross good Runner more, if I do any thing but dream of four-mile Plains, shapes of Horses, and their pleasant Courses on them, this tedious night that we have been in London.  3 Jock. 
There I am with thee heartily. The very ruminating on the last sport we happily beheld at Salisbury, Winchester, and some other places, did so fill and quicken my drowsy thoughts with this Match, and t'other Match; nay, in my Conscience, I took my Whip in my Hand, and sometimes in my dream lashed the Bedpost heartily, as if I had been in hard running; after which, I was so indisposed, I know not how, this very Morning, that when the Tapster's plump Wife came up with my morning's draught, I had scarce the heart to kiss her. But O sweet, sweet, Newmarket! had I met with but half the temptation there, I had rode a Heat indeed.  1 Jock. 
And so thou hast many a one. There are Girls that will stick at Mark to purpose.  4 Jock. 
And not give such marks too, which may be discerned in a sort of Strayers here by the Notch in the Nose— but let that pass▪  1 Jock. 
With all my heart: But cannot yet be in so much charity with this Town, as to wish its good fortune in any thing, except its preservation from Plague and Fire, it affords such a variety of stops to the pleasure of our Gentry.  
Well, God a mercy our Good King, who guides himself and them to the happy place of Pleasure called Newmarket.  
I would say else (in despite of any Browantled Cockney of 'em all) that this City might otherwise prejudice the health of the best Prince that ever Subjects enjoyed.  2 Jock. 
Right; and in detestation of which, together with all its Inconveniencies, let us cheerfully vow not to be so much of its mode as to wear Shoes whilst we breathe here.  Enter the fifth Jockey. Omnes Jock. 
Agreed, agreed.  3 Jock. 
Fellow-Horsemen, what news?  5 Jock. 
In excellency, I hope Mr. Trainsted is already come to Town.  1 Jock. 
Not to stay, I hope?  5 Jock. 
Stay him what can, he has taken up his Lodging purposely at the Sign of the red Lion in Holbounn, for a Night's rest or so.  
The very Candle-light that he employs in this place, shall be but to light him to make Matches and Betts. His Soul and Being is too much with his Coursers to be deluded otherwise, I warrant him.  1 Jock. 
A Patron of our Sport indeed; our King has scarce a Gentleman within his Dominions, that, next his Royal self, understands Racing so delightfully well.  5 Jock. 
Nay, more, in my Conscience, he has a Horse, that shall be nameless, the sight of whose Gaskins does more please his Eye, than if he beheld the Thighs of a second Rosemund.  1 Jock. 
And nothing of our most generous Patron Mr. Swiftspur, notwithstanding he was expected here last night?  5 Jock. 
By this time alighted certainly. I met with his Led Horse that came before him into Drury-lane.  4 Jock. 
Let me not live, if I did not expect he would rather have galloped through this Town, than to have afforded three minutes rest here for himself or Horse.  5 Jock. 
I'll warrant no stay in him, Boys.  
As soon the Sun can shine in all places in England, and except Newmarket-heath, as he not show his cheerful Spirit there.  1 Jock. 
But prithee, one thing betwixt ourselves; which of those two Gentlemen, next Racing, does love a Woman best?  5 Jock. 
Hum! let me see, next Racing, sayst thou? Why, I believe, to do 'em right, both equally.  1 Jock. 
Then, let it go so, they are Gentlemen; two such Sports I confess may be allowed one after tother with conveniency.  2 Jock. 
What else, Lads? There are times of Heat and Frost, when Horses cannot exercise, wherein their Masters, as well as we Keepers, may be humoured otherwise: Good Drink and Girls are never out of season with true Coursers; Is't not so, Boys?  Enter Passal. 1 Jock. 
Let's away, and with this mirth find our Patroons.  Passal. 
Hold a tittle; are Mr. Swiftspur and his friend Trainsted come to Town?  1 Jock. 
We are just going to 'em, Gentlemen; and if you be a friend to their manner of Communication, doubt not your welcome.  Pass. 
I know 'em well, and have seen the sports of Salisbury, Lincoln, Brackley; heard the discourse of Peggy Bregs, as the most famous she-creature of her kind then extant.  1 Jock. 
Very well, Sir; and to direct you better, take your way to Newmarket-heath, where the Scene of pleasure is more gloriously laid.  
By the best Pegasus, it has been too much a fault in Country-gentlemen to contrive Racing in any other place than where the King takes pleasure most: A sign that such Squires have not civility enough to serve his recreation.  Pass. 
Or it may be, have not suitable Confidence to attend his person so obligingly as they wish it: but 'tis their way.  Omn. 
Jock. You'll excuse us, Sir.  [Exeunt Jock. Enter Trainsted. Pass. 
Here comes Trainsted— What, in so much haste?  Trainsted. 
You must pardon me, Sir, if you were a better friend than you are; until I have made my dispatches, met with my Associates Swiftspur and the rest, I have not leisure for a thought.  Pass. 
Go thy ways then, one of our gentile Horsemen, said to be pretty honest too, and that's much in his way of dealing.  Enter Maldrin as in a study. 
What, thinking Maldrin?  Maldrin. 
Nay prithee give me leave a little.  Pass. 
Let me not die an honest Gentleman, if I loathe any thing, next to downright Knavery, more than a thinking friend, let the cause be almost what it will be.  Mald. 
And must a man have no time for thought then, or suppose business?  Pass. 
That's worse; Business, why 'tis a kind of Heteroclite, by which (especially as the world is now) men are to be read backward, if not such sullen Contemplators for their own advantage, that they scarce have soul to bestow a good deed or thought on any besides themselves.  Mald. 
Grant it true, Passal, is every man's case therefore alike? Or are there no particular Ethics from the top to the bottom of Mankind, whereby worth might hope for some encouragement?  Pass. 
Does not this smell somewhat rank of reward that thou wouldst be fain nibbling at, in order to some past merit, as is too familiar with many?  
By my friendship, Maldrin, I could almost leave thee with such fumes of thy Brain, until the Vapour dissolves itself.  Mald. 
But not to be taken notice of, after what I may call, (without ostentation) worthy service to my Country.  Pass. 
What, because thou wear'st a black Patch as one mark of thy honourable Scars? Prithee go into the Market, and cry it up, and thy merit together, with thy friends, instead of stewed Prunes, or else find some greatness to make legs to in behalf of us both: What's thy service, or mine, Is it not duty? Or canst thou pretend to have looked Death further in the face than I? yet when we have done, are there not men that have served as daringly for eight pence a day, and perhaps ne'er had it too, yet might as highly pretend as the best of our actions?  Mald. 
But virtuous honesty is a handsome something.  Pass. 
So are knavery and foolery, well managed: either of which is many times sufficient to outface the best Countenance in an honest man's complexion.  Mald. 
Well, thou shalt in part persuade me.  Pass. 
Or choose, and in thy uncouth mood join with some separate Congregation, and pray against Plumbroth at Christmas, in expection of a Gift on their New-years-day— A Gentleman and not be cheerful? or that seems so burdened with virtue, that it must necessarily bow his Soul, or spoil his Mirth? out upon't!  Mald. 
Prithee no more, though, to be plain, I was even going to confess that I was even weary of being just or good much longer.  Pass. 
To divert thee further yet, when sawst thou Sir Ralph Nonsuch?  Mald. 
But the other night; and as formal as ever.  Pass. 
And rails, according to his usual manner, against Church and State; perhaps expects so fond a providence as to be rewarded for it.  
Would not this make as honest a man as thou call'st thyself almost hate to own such a handsome deed, and such an age of Pretensions as we live in?  Mald. 
Nay, I must grant him, with thee, to be as odd a composition of Fool and Knave, as any is now extant. A Luxuriast too in all things, I hear.  Pass. 
And of the worst and oddest sort: to which purpose he associates sometimes with the most illegal Sanctity, has his Nonconformist to visit him one hour, a Dicer another, a Doctor or Musician a third: undertakes to arbitrate Love and Faction: such a medley of man—  Mald. 
And keeps his Lass, or Girl too, I hear.  Pass. 
O yes, that in graver seasons plays at Bopeep behind the Arras, in expectation of her Interlude with due leisure—  
We'll find some opportunity to smile at his folly.  
In the mean time, I'll tell thee whom I accosted just now; 'twas even that formidable Squire Whiffler.  Mald. 
And did he part with thee before he had new combed and set his Face?  Pass. 
Nor then neither, by his will. O there's not so fine a Fool extant: he thinks the world and all things in it are not gay enough for his sake.  Mald. 
And speaks with his Chin affectedly forward, to promote the delivery of his words, when he would seem most pathetical to a Lady.  Pass. 
Thou hast him right; and after that manner sets one Leg oddly before t'other: 'tis thought the Town and Court will not have done laughing at him this seven years.  Mald. 
Is he not proud?  Pass. 
to a miracle; and as ill-natured where he dares, as the love of Money and good clothes can make any body.  
He comes.  Enter Whiffler. Whiffler. 
O my Messieurs, pardon my diversion a while.  [He spruces up himself. Mald. 
Speaks he French?  Pass. 
So delicately, as he thinks, that he undertook lately to teach a Frenchman— Had we but such a face betwixt us, as thou hast, Whiffler!  Whiff. 
By the best tincture about me, 'tis complete, I hope, Gallants.  Mald. 
'Tis odds but he paints too.  Pass. 
As plain as if he did it with a Trowel.  Whiff. 
Excuse me, Sirs, I have much a better Periwig than this, such a one that is composed throughout of Virgin-locks, not an hour elder than fifteen: I did but kiss the pretty Rogues, and they robbed their Heads to pleasure mine. And he that has a better to cover with such a trifle, let him produce it if he can.  Pass. 
You are hopeful always.  Whiff. 
Let my Skin be polluted with the great Pox, if a grave Gentlewoman did not protest with a good conscience, that she thought there were many Ladies would bestow their Portions on me for one nights embrace; so that it's some question to me whether I shall ever marry or no.  Mald. 
A Tale of a Bawd, I dare promise for him.  Whiff. 
But that is not all, Sirs, I have many hopes besides of being made sole Heir to one in Fee-simple, to another in Fee-tail, with no small assurance I may succeed a Baron of my acquaintance; as also some fine Court-words and Promises, too many for me to remember at once.  Pass. 
And all this for your taking Physiognomy.  Whiff. 
Or so well built before, and behind, that no Mankind comes into my Bed at night; you may conceive my apprehension.  Pass. 
That Chime of thine, and the wonders thou pretendest to, do put me in mind so oddly of the Jawbone of an Ass!  Whiff. 
Hang Bones, give me Beams: Is there a Woman in our way that is delicious enough for my temptation? I protest I am scandalised with so many unrefined Females as the Town abounds with.  Mald. 
A mixture of Luxury and Folly, beyond precedent: see, here comes Breakbond.  Enter Breakbond. Break. 
Maldrin and Passal, well met, boys—  
And how goes Money and fine Women in Town?  Pass. 
As they usually do, Tom. Some have both, and some neither; and must be contented as well as they can.  Mald. 
And canst thou not yet take counsel of thy Friends, Breakbond?  Break. 
As dully as to pay debts, thou mean'st.  
I'll tell you, Gentlemen, I intent never to be able; and that's somewhat less dishonesty than in many of our acquaintance— You'll excuse my resolution, Smock-face—  Whiff. 
I am obliged by your expression, Sir.  Break. 
Or I will owe thee, in spite of thy Teeth, Ignorance; couldst thou commit such a sin against common sense, as to hope for Money of me? a thing I never sleep with, where Wine or Women inhabit.  Mald. 
But to be just, Breakbond, is considerable.—  Breakb. 
I'll leave it to Divines, and Lawyers, that are paid to that purpose; however, I find myself to be the most particular Dispensation London enjoys; the very Women of Pleasure live on me by dozens; I maintain 'em, feast 'em, and drink up their riot, until it tickle my spirits and theirs together. What I spend, I borrow chiefly for that purpose: I have the happiness to be indebted to Fools and Knaves, or such Caterpillars of the Nation as men call Usurers; perhaps break besides with Haberdashers, Drapers, and Tailors; all venial Crimes, I'll warrant 'em.  Pass. 
Though thou art an odd piece of Manhood, there's so much worth in thee besides, that I cannot tell how to chide thee heartily.  Breakb. 
Let me suffer more than I deserve, if I do not love naturally a handsome Woman, whether she be honest or dishonest.  Pass. 
I believe thee.  Breakb. 
I mean generously; that is to say, I love to see Creatures of their excellence gay and fine— Dost hear, Whiffler?— five Guineas at thy peril immediately, there's a Beauty of my acquaintance wants it— Remember how lately I commended thy handsome Face and Periwig.  Whiff. 
Cry you mercy, Sir, you ought to command me.  Breakb. 
Thou shalt have the honour to be my Purse-bearer on such charitable accounts.  [Gives Whiffler money. 
Farewell friend— Whiffler, be sure thou dost treat thy Women of pleasure kindly, lest I have an account of thy Conversation.  Whiff. 
I warrant you, Sir.  [Exit Breakbond. Mald. 
A brave fellow, I pity him.  Pass. 
And no less a Gentleman, bating his extravagance. Behold Madam Quickthrift, with her demure Lawyer.  Enter Quickthrift, led by Plodwell. Quickth. 
And was your last Purchase just a thousand pounds a year?  Plod. 
I should be sorry, Madam, if it rise not to eleven hundred, as I may raise my Tenants.  Quickth. 
I commend thee, thrive well first, and love as I find occasion afterwards— Cry you mercy, Gentlemen.  Pass. 
No hurt, Madam, since you vouchsafe us the beholding of your beautiful form, and this Gentleman, your Servant.  Quickth. 
He is of the Generoso's of the Inns of Court, and near the Degree of Barrister, (though perhaps called a Novice in some kind) by such wild ones there, who burst out like Bucks of the first head, that men scarce hear of their Families after 'em. He is none of that Complexion, I suppose.  Plod. 
To serve you, Madam, is entirely my desire: And if I do not find that treated well in what I have read, I'll burn some Volumes for your sake.  Quickth. 
A full expression: and next learn, though a Lawyer, to confer your Estate on my discretion. Your proposal of Jointure may in some measure answer my expectation: I care not if the world know, that my ingenuity is so beneficially devoted, as I permit Money to be in great part my love's Idol.  Plod. 
What you please, Lady—  Quickth. 
But I had forgot something— Hark you, Sir, have you not lost your Maidenhead? Or I'll take it for granted; I know you Innss-of-court-man lie sometimes out of your Lodgings.  Plod. 
An account of my Life before I am hers?—  Quickth. 
However, I expect five hundred pounds a year more for my supposition; you'll see the Writings drawn?  Plod. 
Indeed, Madam,— She's a quaint one; but no matter.  [aside Mald. 
This bit of Love may puzzle a Learned Palate indeed. But the World and Women are most unintelligible things, Passal.  Pass. 
And ever were, and will be so.  Whiff. 
Let me not breath if you have not a smart movement, Lady.  Quickth. 
How know you that, Sir?  Whiff. 
Know it, Madam? do I know my own Face?  Quickth. 
Not so well as you ought, I believe.  Whiff. 
She commends me already too: how I could consume myself on such a Toy!— Let me beg your diversion, Lady; I'll serve you with what kind of Amour you please, besides choice Fricacies, Jellies, Potatoes, Washeses, Baths Nocturnal and Diurnal, or any thing—  Quickth. 
How now, Cock-sparrow!  Pass. 
I expected you would soon be weary, Madam.  Quickth. 
You are in the right, Sir—  
Mr. Maldrin, I am glad to see you— Excuse me if I return as I was led hither: Your x Nonsuch perhaps shall judge further betwixt us.  [Exit Quickth. and Plod. Enter Cleuly and Jocalin. Pass. 
Ladies, you are well met.  cleu. 
Thanks, kind Passal.  Pass. 
Well, Madam, I could say something more, were it to much purpose.  cleu. 
I'm sorry to understand your Wit is so deficient.  Pass. 
But you know my meaning sufficiently, I suppose.  cleu. 
Did I ever taste your sense otherwise than by your words? What an age do we live in, Jocalin? a Woman cannot be any thing taking, or but acquainted with as passable a Gentleman as some one of these, but he thinks himself affronted if he does not immediately secure her by his address.  Whiff. 
Not an eye towards me all this while, notwithstanding I have put my Face and person in so delicate a garb.  Jocal. 
Let my virginity be not credited, if I do not love the Age exceedingly in spite of its sin, the mirth is so great.  cleu. 
And by my wish thou shalt have it to thy desire, Jocalin. I confess thy Genius does deserve the best alacrity of Manhood now living.  Whiff. 
Not an eye to this Cheek neither?  cleu. 
Maldrin, me thinks thou seem'st reserved, or perhaps soberly warmed by some Amour; I will not undertake to judge. However, I dare thank you for your last Treat, 'twas handsome.  Pass. 
She'll not skip me for my friend, I hope.  Mald. 
Madam, the mirth I have to spare at some seasons, your Sex has it usually, I confess.  Pass. 
But is somewhat out of humour with himself and the world at present; I was chiding him for't.  Jocal. 
We'll join with you by any means. Give me cheerfulness in flesh and blood; a man that has always his smiles about him; one that loves pleasure dressed or naked: such a Rider might man a Woman happily.  cleu. 
Well, thou art mirth in abundance— But what figure of Man is that?  [Points at Whiffler. Pass. 
One, Lady, that you may perceive by his posture, is most laborious to be taken notice of.  Jocal. 
Me thinks 'twere sport to bestow his Image on a Signpost.  Whiff. 
Madam, in this posture of my real self, I covet the diversion of your Glove.  Mald. 
An amorous term indeed!  cleu. 
The attendance on a Ladies Galoches might fit him well; he seems to affect cleanness:  Pass. 
As far as Milk and Water, with some other purifications, can extend; and if he meets not with a Glap, 'tis odds but he'll live as neat as Vice will allow.  Jocal. 
Out on the Creature! he's enough to spoil Love's mirth to think on him.  Pass. 
Here's Maldrin knows he may be called fool safely: Besides, he thinks it no disparagement, having been told, that men of weak brain have been sometimes fortunate on considerable accounts.  Mald. 
And conceives, Ladies, that if you'd bestow a kiss on him, you would strangely admire the mode of his Lip.  Pass. 
Thou seest thou art commended, Whiffler.  Whiff. 
By my best outside, I thank you, Sir; you'll remember to do it more, I hope.  Pass. 
Not to be thy Pimp, wouldst thou?  Whiff. 
No matter if she be honest, provided she be a fine one. I have such a wheedling smack, will make her forget what Virtue means.  Pass. 
Well, for mirth-sake I'll put thee on something.  cleu. 
When saw you Madam Quickthrift?  Pass. 
But even now, and hand in hand with her Law-student.  cleu. 
No wonder in her, since his Purse and Profession is so thriving: not to take otherwise from the desert of the Gentleman— You saw not Mr. Swiftspur?  Pass. 
I expect him, and here he is with his friend Bowser.  Enter Swiftspur, Bowser, and Servant. Swiftsp. 
Has my Mare Bonny recovered her lameness?  Servant. 
Perfectly, Sir, and with your own oil too.  Swiftsp. 
See that my Horses go before; I'll overtake you somewhere.  [Exit Servant. Enter Trainsted, with a Purse of Gold in his hand. Trainst. 
I have been with my Goldsmith, and am well furnished to start hence. I thank Heaven that I found no Rub in his Conscience at present, or politic necessity to break, like others, who cashier their Clients expectations and Cash together.  
Here summed happily—  Swiftspur, 
Thou art he I would find; if thy Purse be as plump with Goldings as mine, give me thy hand, and set forward with me.  Swiftsp. 
What else, thou sportive Intrigue of delight? Alas, I was wanting thee; our friend Bowser knows I made my delay here chiefly for thy coming. And mark me, as very friends as we are, I am resolved to beat thy Stable through: Thou shalt not own Mare or Horse, that have not been o'errun by mine.  Trainst. 
But in the mean time, with all this crack and our kindness together, I have made bold to defeat some of your best runners hitherto: Not a few of thy Goldfinches sing here: And give me but five Guineas, and I'll make it ten if I do not better thee on our next engagement.  Swiftsp. 
'Tis done, a Bet: you'll excuse me, Ladies, if I beg the honour of your witness?  Trainst. 
What this contains besides, shall be wagered on Bonnyface and Thruster; I care not much, if it be so much every mile they course.  Swiftsp. 
God-a-mercy for that, Trainsted— Our application to these Ladies, and so depart; a smile of theirs will smooth the brow of Fortune wheresoever it lights.  Pass. 
What, going out of Town already?  Swiftsp. 
as soon as possible; the King's Hawks and Hounds are gone, the Matches made, and ready to start in my conceit already— You can't do better, Gentlemen, than to bear us company.  Bows. 
Let's away then, I shall do nothing else but pine with unpleasant idleness whilst I stay here.  Pass. 
You mentioned the Ladies even now.  Swiftsp. 
'Slid, I had almost forgot 'em.  Trainst. 
And so had I  Bows. 
I am glad to hear it.  Swiftsp. 
Now I better remember, I cannot but admire 'em handsomely.  Trainst. 
Such a sight in the Stand at Newmarket as we lead over, were taking indeed.  Jocal. 
Say you so, Sir?  Swiftsp. 
Beyond measure: And to oblige you the more, you shall go what you will on the best hand. How were a Woman to be valued that should endear our pleasures, Trainsted?  Trainst. 
Thou hast a little the start on me there, Swiftspur: but 'twas fair, I confess.  Jocal. 
Go on the best hand, call you it? I had as lief venture on the best Foot and Leg.  Swiftsp. 
She means of one of us— but no matter.  cleu. 
Let Jocalin alone, she'll fit 'em, I warrant her.  Jocal. 
And for your kindness, I conceive it as odd as the discourse of Racers when they meet. You may take your way.  Swiftsp. 
O there's a movement would tempt an hotspur indeed! What think you of New market-heath, Ladies? There's a Flat would invite your Beams to play on like Sunshine, where you may see our King exceed (if possible) his most gracious and constant Serenity.  
Nothing to be found there but much mirth, pleasant things, and their business, which some call happiness.  cleu. 
A fine place; have you not seen it, Madam?  Jocal. 
Not as yet.  cleu. 
Jocalin, thou lov'st riding well; and next, what think'st thou of these Gentlemen?  Jocal. 
Sportive, I perceive.  cleu. 
And of a handsome humour with it.  Jocal. 
I could make a Quere too.  cleu. 
And do it home.  Jocal. 
Is not one of these friendly Gentlemen something in your thought?  [Pointing at Passal and Maldrin. cleu. 
You shall soon perceive— I hear Sir Ralph Nonsuch is indisposed.  Pass. 
Or sick with the warm conceit of his prudence; 'tis not impossible.  cleu. 
An Arbitrator of Love too.  Jocal. 
I was thinking to visit him.  cleu. 
With all my heart.  Pass. 
Command my hand, Madam.  cleu. 
By no means, Sir.  Mald. 
Or mine, Lady.  cleu. 
Both or neither.  Pass. 
A paradox of love, and betwixt us two.  Mald. 
Remember we are friends.  Swiftsp. 
Let's accompany a while; I know thou hast Betts to make; besides, I have friends to meet will wager with us both.  Trainst. 
Then be it so, a small delay will hurt nothing— She has fire in her Eye who can but feel its warmth?  [Looking on Jocal. Swiftsp. 
What sayst thou, Trainsted?  Trainst. 
Nothing but a certain thought of a delicate Courser.  Whiff. 
Your Usher, Ladies, I waited purposely to be so finically happy: You may observe my divertising movement always.  Swiftsp. 
Along, and next to Newmarket.  
The end of the First ACT.   

ACT the Second.  Enter Sir Ralph Nonsuch, Pricknote, and two Sectaries. Nonsuch. 
THere's no being accounted wise, (with some) unless factious, I dare affirm it.  Prickn. 
You are zealously in the right, Sir.  Nonsuch. 
Whence I conceive, that to dissent on purpose to be dissatisfied, or the spinning of trifles dextrously into as many nothings, may shame the subtlety of Ariadne's thread.  Prickn. 
Your Worship is most Orthodoxical.  1 Sect. 
Or, as we hold, factiously pious.  Nonsuch. 
Or, which is much one, tending to the vexation of Heaven and Earth, out of private respects.  1 Sect. 
The very nick of piety with us.  Prickn. 
And had not Providence kept a close Purse, our party had often beggared this Nation since Forty one, merely in praying for their own best advantage.  Nonsuch. 
You likewise pass by some frailties, as supposing the Smock be in more repute than the Surplice; thou understand'st me, Pricknote?  Prickn. 
To a hair, Sir.  2 Sect. 
Or a certain kind of Comprehension, in spite of Superiors.  Nonsuch. 
Enter me immediately a Patron, Pricknote.  Prickn. 
Most devoutly, I assure you—  [Writes in his Book. Nonsuch. 
There be great ones in the world that may take notice of somebody, or men may seem displeased, or factious until they do, I take it.  1 Sect. 
Or we'll otherwise lend, borrow, trade, give peevishly on purpose.  Nonsuch. 
Thou mayst enter it with thy Notes of Providence, Pricknote.  Prickn. 
Nay more, Sir, I'll tediously pray for't the next cold night by my farthing Candle.  Nonsuch. 
'Tis judged I had no small intrigue in burning the Pope's Image on last November.  2 Sect. 
An extraordinary Dispensation, doubtless.  Nonsuch. 
I must rejoice it, considering it is rumoured, I know not how, as if that Bishop intended to give nine months' Assessment to oblige the Commons of England, who have so long railed at him they know not why.  1 Sect. 
A Sophistry that might ruin Geneva itself.  2 Sect. 
'Tis meet we conceal it.  Prick. 
Or else preserve it, with other Annotations, on purpose to belie the Catholics when we please.  Enter Luce. Nonsuch. 
Should that Prelate affect it, 'tis thought there's no man in Christendom that wears a wiser Nightcap.  
Nay, Luce, you are a little too open at this time.  Luce. 
Did not you say, Sir Knight, I should learn from your politic Converse?  Nonsuch. 
But there are seasons more wise and vain together, Luce. I would not have a scandal in the way of my concerns, Luce.  Luce. 
With what form am I designed to be a Wench?  [Aside. Prickn. 
Even pretty Mrs. Luce; I pray permit her, there's not a soft-lipt Fanatic amongst us but would most devoutly admire her.  Luce. 
How pious a thing is kissing, even with these!—  [Enter Servant. 
I obey, Sir; but if I do not make your. Codshead ache for this, there's no wit in Woman.  [Exit Luce. Seru. 
Mr. Plodwel the Lawyer, Sir—  [Exit Servant. Nonsuch. 
To advise with me in point of Law, I take it: there's no living in this world if not thought wise always.  Prickn. 
You'll remember my Exhibition, Sir?  Nonsuch. 
Thy quarter's Wages beforehand, for entering my Name; bid my Steward pay it.  Prickn. 
I thank you, Sir; the smiles of Consent that you have bestowed amongst us—  [Exit Pricknote, and Sectaries. Enter Plodwell, and Quickthrift. Quickth. 
I have such a complaint against your Cosen-Student here—  Nonsuch. 
What is't, Lady?  Quickth. 
Why, I am very inclinable to believe that he presumes to make his Address, after he has been such a sinner as to lose first his Virginity.  Nonsuch. 
A Querie not usually insisted on, Madam; besides, it is something, I know not how, incident to the Genius of the English, to be variable, extravagant, and wise interchangeably; a notion of no inconsiderable policy in some.  Quickth. 
With pardon, Sir, of your grave conception, I judge it is with men as it is with Plants: take one that blossoms too soon, 'twill starve a Slow, or Hedg-peake.  Plod. 
No ebb in her humour?  [Aside. Quickth. 
To marry a Student, and not be sure of my Chambermaids when I go from home—  Nonsuch. 
There are domestic cases, I confess: Nay, I have heard that Littleton himself held Love by no certain tenure.  Quickth. 
Besides, I have not heard him say his Prayers.  Plod. 
Shall I try, Lady?  Nonsuch. 
'Twere too much to require of my Kinsman, Madam; And Pater Nosters so much out of fashion too.  Quickth. 
Or I'll hear him read a long Chapter to me to morrow morning: which done, he shall speak French to me some hours afterwards.  
I have heard that you Lawyers poison that Tongue most abominably.  Plod. 
A Satirist too—  
But I'll preserve my Temper.  [Aside. Quickth. 
Should a Woman espouse Love, and not well understand such a Fee-tail as this?  Nonsuch. 
I once knew a man, that undertook to discern precedent copulation by feeling of the tip of the left Ear; perhaps I might arbitrate the Question that way.  
Hark you, Mr. Plodwel.  [Aside. Plod. 
So you'll not feel me by the Ear—  Enter Cleuly, Jocalin, and Passal. Nonsuch. 
Is there no pecuniary mulct by Law, on any of your profession, that shall be couchant with Womenkinde before they are called to the Bar?  Plod. 
Not as I ever heard of.  [Aside. Nonsuch. 
Then whisper her in the Ear, and tell her, it is my sense that all is well— Madam Cleuly, with others.  
Perhaps some amorous emergency to be determined by me—  
I'll attend their leisure.  [Plod. whispers Quickth. cleu. 
Where left you Maldrin, Sir?  Pass. 
I suppose withdrawn upon some concerns.—  cleu. 
Or melancholy perhaps, I guess the cause.  Pass. 
Indeed, Lady.  cleu. 
His presence was ill omitted.  Pass. 
I understand you not, Madam.  cleu. 
You may perhaps, or there are Almanac-makers to inquire of.—  
How is't, Jocalin? thou art cheerful still.  Jocal. 
So far, that no Dido of our Sex shall teach me to whine for any Catastrophe that Cupid can bestow.  cleu. 
But we forget Madam Quickthrift, with her Servant.  Quickth. 
A studious Beetle-brow'd-hing, Ladies, that cannot construe my Amour in order to Money, Manners, and Wit..  cleu. 
I am sorry for his sake.  Plod. 
You shall not, Lady.  Jocal. 
Fie on these Riddles of Loves making: Give me a passion as gay as Gossamors, that when I am indisposed, my Love may raise my Comedy, and take me that way too.  Nonsuch. 
Ladies, you are welcome— If you have any thing of Love to decide, command Sir Ralph Nonsuch.  Quickth. 
A mere question betwixt this Gentleman and myself; but ended already, I know not how.  Pass. 
I must not think so.  Nonsuch. 
Ladies, you may command my house:  
Of all vanities, I most dispense with the softest.  cleu. 
And have your Amour, I guess too, preserving the respects of your State-faction.  Jocal. 
Or a politic capacity bestowed on Venus: is't not so, Sir Ralph?  Nonsuch. 
I confess, Lady, that there may be (formally taken) a juggling of Interest and Pleasure together in some, whereby they may seem a deceptio visus to the Public; a very ordinary Stateintrigue, I take it.  Pass. 
No more of your kissing policy, Knight, or annex it to your discussions somewhere.  Jocal. 
Me thinks we are not brisk enough, or some body's wanting.— What say you, Quickthrift?  Quickth. 
So merry, Madam, that for your recreation you shall see my Lawyer manage his great Horse.  Jocal. 
That were pleasant.  cleu. 
By no means, Lady; 'twill shame some of the Judges, who can scarce walk their Steeds handsomely to Westminster.  Enter Breakbond and Whiffler. Jocal. 
Not he come yet? it allays my mirth a little.  Breakb. 
These Ladies are too fine, notwithstanding thy Complexion, Whiffler.  Whiff. 
'Twere a disparagement to my Physiognomy to think so.  Breakb. 
For five pound more, I'll commend thy face to a handsome Wench, and that's enough for thee.  Whiff. 
'Tis impossible, Sir.  Breakb. 
I'll make her so, to any man that loves kindly: and now stand at some distance, Whiffler, and covertly too, till I have done.  Whiff. 
If I must not show my face, I must not, and that's some unkindness.  Breakb. 
Ladies, I am yours; Knight and Lawyer, I salute you: But Knight, take a care of too particular and clandestine frailty, 'tis enough to ruin a Republic of Females.  Nonsuch. 
Are you my Instructor, Sir?  Breakb. 
Yes, or any man's that understands not how to admire woman handsomely, or in that abundance that nature delights. Shall a Pagan worship a whole Firmament of Stars at once, and a man generously principled not far more devote himself to every lustre in Womankind?  Nonsuch. 
A Libertine indeed— You want no money, Sir?  Breakb. 
Yes, to spend, or give it.  Jocal. 
To some of our Sex, I suppose.  Breakb. 
I confess, Madam, they have the first of my commiserations in all kinds: If I find a man uses his Wife scurvily, or beats her, I beat him as well as I can for't: If a Wench be used too coarsely by her Friend, I give him a cut with my Sword for her sake. There's more conscience in enjoying Woman always, than in payment of Debts, or let me not be called Breakbond.  cleu. 
I did not expect so handsome a Raillery.  Jocal. 
An obligation to all our Sex at once.  Pass. 
There's none that writes She, but may in part command him.  Quickth. 
But has little to say for old Women, I conceive?  Breakb. 
But I have, Lady; if they do but Mump upon me kindly, I could find in my heart to Kiss 'em heartily:  
At least, I wish most devoutly that Nature could afford some restorative to render such young and gay ten times over.  cleu. 
Why this is generous indeed!  Pass. 
I knew he'd make it out.  Breakb. 
Passal, I am thy friend— And once more, Knight, take a care of too formal or single vanity; every Gentleman that can drink handsomely may instruct thee better.  Nonsuch. 
An irruption I expected not.  Whiff. 
You'll remember your promise, Sir?  [Luce peeps out. Pass. 
I do, and mark these Doors.  Whiff. 
Shall I not show my rosy Cheeks to the Ladies first?  Pass. 
By no means, thou seest 'em busy.  Whiff. 
Have I discerned her?  [Luce peeps again. 
Thou pretty rogue of Venery.  [Goes to the Door. Nonsuch. 
So open again, Luce?  [At the Door. Luce. 
I am gone, Sir.  Whiff. 
Hast found my Cheek again, thou pretty Bopeep thou?  [Luce appears at another Door. Luce. 
Dispatch, I beseech you.  Whiff. 
Hark thee: about half an hour hence—  [In her ear. Luce. 
Enough, I'll not fail you.  Nonsuch. 
I find I am now secured.  [Aside. Whiff. 
I have succeeded most propitiously, Sir.  [To Passal. Pass. 
Away then.  Quickth. 
No matter, Sir Ralph, though his mirth be bold, 'tis passable.  Breakb. 
There shall nothing live that has so much of Woman as can make out Hermaphrodite, that I could not oblige cheerfully: And hark you, Lawyer, thy looks speak thee civil.  Plod. 
I should hate my face else.  Breakb. 
Let me oblige thee to take no Fee of Woman-client that is handsome, or amorous, for my sake: If thou dost, may Rats consume thy Writings.  Plod. 
You are a kind Sir.  Breakb. 
If at any time thou suest me, do what thou canst I'll never pay thee.  Plod. 
Threaten the Law?  Breakb. 
When my Grandmother dies, I'll make thee my Trustee to pay my Obligations to Women: For Men, I have used 'em to good words, and they expect no more; wherefore, love Females in the first place, follow thy Vocation in the next; and whenthou com'st to be a Judge, remember thou wert frankly advised by Tom Breakbond.  Plod. 
You have, Sir.  Breakb. 
And one thing more— Thou shalt join in a Petition with me, That all Women not superannuated, and such as have not more Money than Kindness, may be discharged of their debts; that they may be troubled with no other Obligation than their love to men.  Pass. 
And may I not add in thy behalf, That such of that Sex as are indispensably old, yet, in their precedent time, have been celebrated by humane affection, should likewise have their release, according to this invention of thine.  Breakb. 
I embrace it heartily: the youthful part of my memory might otherwise have ingratefully forgot it.  Plod. 
And what shall such do that are able to pay, and will not?  Breakb. 
Provided they love much, let 'em disburse little; or only now and then to a Tirewoman, or Chambermaid, things assistant to their Business, Complexion, and Feature.  Plod. 
Suppose one woman be indebted to another, what would you then determine?  Pass. 
Well urged I'faith, Student, thou'lt go near to pose him there.  Breakb. 
Let me see— I have it, and handsomely too: Why, in that case, let her that is fairest and most beloved of men, in commiseration forgive t'other.  cleu. 
An arbitrement of Love, you'll end it Knight?  Pass. 
'Tis what he desires.  Nonsuch. 
Why, look you, Ladies and Gentlemen, there may be a vanity in all Comprehensions; as he that eats one poached egg, may possibly long for more; there are several incitements, I take it; you'll excuse me a space—  [Exit Nonsuch. Pass. 
A Nonsuch indeed!  
What are these?  [Enter two or three Jockeys. 1 Jock. 
Men that are so unhappy, as to have almost lost ourselves.  2 Jock. 
Or what is worse, our best Companions and Patroons: if ever you had compassion of men expert in the use of Whip and Spur, assist our condition.  Pass. 
You want no charity, do you?  1 Jock. 
Not so much as the abundance of Love which we apprehend here: There were more of us in number, besides two of the best gentile Jockeys that ever England bred. They must be ensnared with the pleasures of the Tavern, Gaming-houses, or worse places: There's nothing but 'Gins and Guilts here, or a sort of Town-sluts that will outlie Horsecoursers.  Pass. 
And Jockeys together, it may be: That Providence should dispense so useful a creature as a Horse, and yet permit man to tell so many abominable falsehoods in respect of its use! What sayst thou, Breakbond?  Breakb. 
They wrong not Women, I hope?  Pass. 
No, by my troth, they have done a many too much right.  Breakb. 
O! I remember 'em, Servants to our friends and good fellows:  
I dare pass my word for 'em, they will cozen any other way, rather than ride booty.  Pass. 
That's no usual commendation in their profession.  1 Jock. 
For which, I'll not presume to displease your Worship so far, as to put you in mind of ten shillings yet unpaid me ever since the last Race at Bansted.  Breakb. 
Thou mayst freely: I suppose I gave thee good words for thy own, did I not?  1 Jock. 
As any Gentleman living, that pays money no other way.  2 Jock. 
Nay, thou'lt forget our design.  1 Jock. 
I warrant thee— Might I beg a short favour at your hands, Mr. Breakbond?  Breakb. 
Speak it.  1 Jock. 
We conceive you have some interest with Ladies in this Town.  Breakb. 
And ever shall, I hope: but what's thy desire?  1 Jock. 
To request you, Sir, that by any means you would hinder our Chiefs, Mr. Swiftspur and Mr. Trainsted from Coping with any such delights; if they do, they'll set down their Runners, and turn us off immediately.  2 Jock. 
Here's a Lady or two in our eye, I think may deserve our apprehension.  Breakb. 
Now I perceive you are Knaves indeed in blue Caps: I dissuade Love?—  1 Jock. 
Good Sir, have patience: Or were it not all one if any of 'em had a fair Match for their Maidenheads at Newmarket?  
There would be no sport hindered that way.  Breakb. 
The very conceit has reconciled me, Lads; I only want some Crowns to express it: perhaps the Stars above may decree something.  1 Jock. 
In the mean time could we see these Commanders of ours?  Breakb. 
I expect 'em each minute, let that comfort you— Your excuse, Ladies, and the rest.  Jocal. 
More of the men of Newmarket, or you'd attend your Masters here.  1 Jock. 
With leave, Lady.  Breakb. 
As sure as Heaven smiles on your faces, this day must end with mirth that will please every where.  Jocal. 
I hope we shall find room for't.  Enter Maldrin. cleu. 
Maldrin, we wanted thee here: Sir Ralph Nonsuch has made such amorous decisions, that Jocalin, Quickthrift, and myself, have smiled most abominably at it:  
I am sorry thou didst not share mirth with us.  Mald. 
You have obliged mine already, Madam— How farest, Breakbond?  Breakb. 
As well as Woman can make me.  Mald. 
Thou art happy then.  Breakb. 
And will be, that way, in spite of Destiny.  [Exit Breakb. cleu. 
But your friend Passal and I wanted you here.  Pass. 
Excuse me, Lady.  cleu. 
I cannot, Maldrin and you join hands.  Mald. 
'Tis strange, but 'tis her will, Passal.  Pass. 
I obey it.  cleu. 
How like you one another's Faces now?  Pass. 
Hast ne'er a Baby in thy eye extraordinary, Maldrin? or dost see one in mine?  Mald. 
I know not.  cleu. 
No matter, I'll not trouble Sir Ralph Nonsuch to determine this affair, another time may do it.  Enter Swiftspur, Trainsted, and Bowser. Mald. 
She has amazed us both.  Jocal. 
Now they are come; a little of your patience, Lady.  Swiftsp. 
Thou art such another man of expedition, that there is no kind reason that accompanies thy diligence, notwithstanding our engagements to the Ladies here: Bowser could almost chide thee with me.  Bows. 
Rather let me commend thee, Trainsted; thou lovest Sports with thy whole soul, may Heaven delight thee for't: what are such She-objects, to a man that can with more gayness behold his brown Mare's Buttocks, than the finest of their Concealments?  Trainst. 
Thou sayst right, Bowser; besides, having been almost dazzled with such a taking temptation, there's no reason to hazard it again.  
See who waits our remove.  1 Jock. 
With such a desire to be jogging, that if we stay here this night, it shall be with so much spite to our ease, that we'll sleep in our Boots.  2 Jock. 
And what is worse, the best spirit of liquour in Town has no power on our mirth; I know not whether or no we may be too melancholy to wench, if you continue thus.  Trainst. 
God-a-mercy Will and Tom; come, we'll soon to horse; I'll not desert any of our society.  Swiftsp. 
What if thou go'st before, Trainsted?  Trainst. 
Didst thou not tell me of my engagement, and being civil, just now?  
In what haste art thou altered!— See who moves towards us, I cannot withdraw rudely from such an Object; Madam, the obligement of your hand before our departure.  Jocal. 
To save you that trouble, I'll take leave first:  
Here are other Ladies that may deserve your civilities.  [Offers to go. Swiftsp. 
By no means, Madam; thy rash demeanour reflects too much on us both.  Trainst. 
Rather than so, Lady, I'll spend my Spring and October here, though it take from my usual converse in other places.  Jocal. 
A kind compliance, I confess.  Swiftsp. 
Nothing at all, Madam, to what I dare assure you: besides, this friend of mine may have a more particular occasion.  
The truth is, he feeds and sets his Runners much by his own care, 'tis well known to Bowser and myself: for which reason you may dispense if you please.  Bows. 
How! I abhor this Placket-wheedling: Let me not live, Lady, if it be truth well intended; rather dispatch somebody else if you think fit. Trainsted, if thou lettest this Go-by pass, mayst thou never more win Match.  Jocal. 
I have considered; by your favour, Mr. Trainsted, a word with you, Sir.  Trainst. 
Your pleasure, Madam?  Jocal. 
I suppose you have your Purse of Gold about you?  Trainst. 
At your service, if it contained Millions.  Jocal. 
You dare trust me with it?  Trainst. 
Trust you, Madam! a mere favour that you'll receive it; I have credit enough, I hope, to discharge my Wagers otherwise, if it must be so.  [Delivers his Purse. Jocal. 
You'll find me faithful.  Trainst. 
You have given me assurance.  Jocal. 
You'll not remove now, and tell your friends, in case your ready money fail, I keep your stakes.  Trainst. 
A Sweep-stakes indeed!  Swiftsp. 
A mere neglect of thee, I knew 'twould come to this; that so ready a Brain as thine could not perceive it!  Trainst. 
I may perhaps construe it otherwise: Women have many wiles, or I find her too handsome to chide with: 'twas five hundred Guineas, and should I forfeit for want of depositing, with some ill natured Betters? but no matter— Your Servant, Lady.  Jocal. 
You'll not be gone to night?  Trainst. 
If possible; what shall I do? the very cast of her Eye will detain me in spite of my beloved Racing: At present I'll remove however— Come along, Horsemen, you'll find my spleen move cheerfully in spite of fate.  [Exit Trainsted and Jockeys. Bows. 
I'll follow him.  Swiftsp. 
Not yet, Bowser, we'll rather overtake him on the Road.  Bows. 
I have enough of this sort of Game, I thank you.  Swiftsp. 
Let me persuade thee; I know there are some here may take it amiss.  Jocal. 
I am all Air, and could leap upwards to think how I have laid my design.  cleu. 
What, surprised, Jocalin?  Jocal. 
A movement I remembered of my last dance.  Swiftsp. 
Ladies, I beg your pardon, I withdrew a little with this Gentleman, and have showed him such a Jennet of mine the best of your Sex might borrow Thighs on, 'tis such a Let-down creature.  Jocal. 
Your Horse is much beholden to you.  Swiftsp. 
Not so, Lady; he that loves his Horse generously, will love Woman in abundance— Is't not so, Bowser?  Jocal. 
A free humour.  Bows. 
Let's proceed to our Field-sports first, stretch our Limbs well as the Morning breaks, and the Hounds run heartily: for Woman, let flesh and blood find her as occasion serves: There's such delays in this Town, they sicken Recreation.  cleu. 
A Huntsman to purpose.  Swiftsp. 
But to do what thou know'st on with one of these, Bowser, were more than a chase with Diana and her Hounds together.  cleu. 
What lusty things these men of pleasure are!  Enter Quickthrift, Plodwell and Nonsuch. Breakbond at another Door. Quickth. 
They have sure amused my Lawyer.  Plod. 
I intent to make no such Bencher, Lady.  Swiftsp. 
I am once more thine, Passal, with thy friends— I had almost forgot thee, Breakbond; if thou com'st to our next Race, borrow money there if thou canst.  Breakb. 
Or I'll out-bet you all there; 'tis in my power to stake a fair one at every Miles end, win her who can.  Swiftsp. 
A wager above all; thou shalt ride my best Galloper to bid thee welcome.  cleu. 
This is mirth indeed, Jocalin.  Jocal. 
I hope so— What say you, Sir Ralph?  Nonsuch. 
Why, 'tis to be understood, Ladies, that if pleasure be duly appropriated, it may conduce something.  Pass. 
Or a politic capacity for a Girl in private; is't not so, Knight?  Mald. 
You have touched too near the Quick there.  cleu. 
Is there no Music here?  Nonsuch. 
My house affords it, Lady; I permit a sober affectation of pleasures in all kinds.  Pass. 
And now and then a Pricknote besides, if I mistake not.  Swiftsp. 
I'll join my steps here.  [To Jocalin. Bows. 
Such a measure as had turns and doubles like a hunted Hare I should like heartily.  Nonsuch. 
You'll excuse me, Ladies; though I be full of pleasure in conceits, my great Toe is somewhat indisposed.  [Sits down. cleu. 
Or in your Milk-diet perhaps, as 'tis usual with some heavy Politicians to refresh that way.  Swiftsp. 
Start apace, Music—  [The Dance is ended. cleu. 
Me thought Mr. Plodwel moved towardly.  Quickth. 
I confess, with somewhat more grace than the Grave of the Inns of Court move round their Fire at Christmas.  Swiftsp. 
Who leads, Gentlemen?  Pass. 
My hand to serve you.  Mald. 
Or mine.  cleu. 
Both, if you please.  Pass. 
More Riddles yet!  Breakb. 
Away with this Ceremony, a thing in women I least forgive.  Plod. 
Then I'll conduct you.  [Takes Quickthrift by the hand. Quickth. 
So confident o'th' sudden!  Plod. 
Do not I tread tolerably?— Your judgement, Ladies?  Breakb. 
God-a-mercy Lawyer, I begin to love thee.  Plod. 
Me thinks I quicken strangely; shall we have t'other dance?  Quickth. 
Is't possible?  Swiftsp. 
In my Conscience he's a good Horseman too; and that's much for a Student.  cleu. 
Enough at this time— Our thanks, Knight.  Plod. 
By your leave, Ladies.  Plodwel leads: 
And so ends the Second ACT.   

ACT the Third.  Enter Maldrin, leading of Gleuly. cleu. 
WHere left you Passal?  Mald. 
I know not well, Lady.  cleu. 
Your Address is not so welcome then.  Mald. 
Call it my fault, Madam.  cleu. 
That's something handsome, I confess, a single and solitary Courtship; why every Chambermaid has it on most holidays: I must not think on't.  Mald. 
That I should mingle Love with my other concerns.  cleu. 
Not that I'd have you fall below your merit; I know you have been a Soldier, and deserve a handsome recompense, though men of your Complexion are not always fortunate to find it, as some may read your Stars.  Mald. 
Your smiles may make them more propitious, with pardon, Madam.  Enter Passal. Pass. 
How is't, Lady?— Me thinks thou art not cheerful, friend.  Mald. 
Never better, I know not well for what cause.  Pass. 
Why then, 'tis as it should be, is't not, Frank?  Mald. 
I hope so.  cleu. 
Or I have an Intrigue shall oblige you both.  Pass. 
Again reverting?  cleu. 
The very same— There's no such odness in you both, or either, but I may admit your Rivaldry.  Mald. 
She has thrown me back again.  cleu. 
A thing very familiar with Ladies that have but two Servants— Or suppose I think a way to increase the merit of one in the worth of both, would this pose you?  Pass. 
Next to the Got with nine Lives, a double souled Woman! you have two Hands, two Feet, no other Member of Love that must be doubly supplied.  cleu. 
So you'll join Honour to't, our Senses cannot differ much.  Mald. 
Speak it, Lady.  cleu. 
Take it in a word then: 'Tis which of you two shall impose the most worthy action on me.  Pass. 
To be commanded by us!  cleu. 
Most obediently: There's nothing more common than for Women to command Men; every small Address has it: wherefore I'll invert it to oblige more fully.  Mald. 
A Paradox I have not met with.  cleu. 
You have time to study it.  [Exit Cleuly. Mald. 
To impose on her, 'tis an odd Devoir, and yet me thinks looks generous.  Pass. 
Abating that expression, I should have sworn that thou and I should have come the Caster with her by turns.  Mald. 
She's fair, and no less worthy.  Pass. 
But how to pleasure such fair and worthy Flesh and Blood, and not the direct way of Nature, is such a Mizmaze to Manhood—  Mald. 
'Tis certain she loves one of us.  Pass. 
And could we not rather wish she was enamoured of us both, unless either of us understood her better?  
To deliver such Problems of Love as make Sense itch to resolve 'em, and yet cannot, 'twas not so kind in her Ladyship, I conceive.  Mald. 
I cannot help it.  Pass. 
Suppose one of us bid her adieu; were it not as well? prithee tell me; thou know'st I love thee.  Mald. 
I grant it; but I'faith I cannot do so much for your sake.  Pass. 
Would thou couldst then.  [Aside. 
Or no matter, we are friends, and we'll love together, and heartily.  Mald. 
Let's walk and think.  Pass. 
As cheerfully as possible.  Mald. 
Thy Hand to assure me.  [Exeunt. Enter Luce and Whiffler. Luce. 
No eye near us?  [Looks about. Whiff. 
None but mine, and that does make such a pretty Infant in thine. Prithee try whether thou canst see it and ourselves together in my Looking-glass.  [Offers his Glass, and sings. 

The Song.  

BY the Lilies of thy Cheeks, and the Roses of mine,  
By every soft dimple,  
And every pretty twinkle  
That conveys my Beauty to thine;  
Let me decoy thee as my Duck,  
And next teach thee to give suck,  
Or my face I behold wants luck.   

2.  
See how my wanton-eye-babes invite thee:  
Or what tickles above measure,  
Take me sprucely together,  
My fineness I'll yield to delight thee.  
And shouldst thou clip more refine  
Than French or English when they twine,  
My Delicass thou'lt prove sublime.    Luce. 
But I have to do with such a cautious sinner, and one that studies to make me wise.  Whiff. 
Hang him, course Looby, he has no countenance in his face that intimates the agility of a neat Wencher.  
Thou shalt know me in part by this extraordinary kiss.  Luce. 
You take me to be a Wench, I perceive— But were you not a handsome Man, and one that has money—  Whiff. 
Here's this Ring, I have half the Exchange in my head besides for thee.  Luce. 
God Lord! and what a fine man are you?  Whiff. 
Anon I'll make thy Limbs so supple in my Bath, thou canst not imagine: It shall be of white Bread and Milk, or Curds and Cream, take which thou lik'st.  Enter Pricknote. Luce. 
But see, you must needs withdraw, Sir— Here's one of Sir Ralph Nonsuch his Rabbet-catchers: There's scarce a Ferret sees further into a Coney-hole.  Whiff. 
Thou know'st where to meet; I am gone, Luce.  Luce. 
Hold a little, your Purse of Guineys' first.  [Gives his Purse. 
Away now.  [Exit Whiffler. 
Who would not trust Heaven somewhat to cozen Fools and Knaves?  Prickn. 
Mrs. Luce here, I should not have thought it. Most happily met, sweet Mrs. Luce.  Luce. 
Thanks, kind Pricknote.  Prickn. 
I could say something more, gentle Mrs. Luce,—  Luce. 
Sir Ralph Nonsuch his Intelligencer, but no matter.  Prickn. 
Thou art fair indeed, Mrs. Luce; I could almost compose a Canticle, and dedicate it to thee; so much the breath of my mouth does warm my words.  Luce. 
Ha, ha, ha! an amour of his towards too!  Prickn. 
Or, thou art more than my Rebecca unto me Isaac.  Luce. 
A married Publican, it seems!  Prickn. 
Thy Knight is most candid, I confess; no craneys of suspicion to be found on his Brow; thou mayst conceive me.  Luce. 
And conceive by thee, in a Temporal sense: Is't not so, Sneak-face?  Prickn. 
Surely I might do much for your sake.  Luce. 
Or get a scurvy Christian suitable to the method of your own baptising: well, you are a Pricknote indeed; and should Sir Ralph know it—  Prickn. 
Good honey Mrs.  Luce. 
And what a complete Sister of your Brotherhood you might enter me in your Notebook.  Prickn. 
For my Exhibition-sake spare me, together with my Wife and six Children, that most devoutly pray for't.  Luce. 
Well, I'll excuse you for once, so you tell my tale to the Knight, and your own effectually: I know you fanatics can lie of course.  Prickn. 
More than kind Mrs. I thank you.  Luce. 
What a world of Love and Zeal is this?—  [Exeunt. Enter Sir Ralph Nonsuch, and Plodwel. Nonsuch. 
I confess, x Plodwel, that your deportment is acceptable enough; but you may yet want instruction: for, look you, Sir, it is a certain dexterity of the Age we live in, to be serious and vain together, I can testify it.  Plod. 
Indeed, Sir Kinsman!  Nonsuch. 
Take it in pleasure and interest, what is it but a complicating together of so many nothings with as many somethings?  Plod. 
And you have proved it, Knight?  Nonsuch. 
I may perhaps, and hopefully too: But to come nearer your purpose, I find the Lady of your Address has some scruples slip from her I know not how: She's beautiful, and that implies a handsome something; or at worst, joined to a more tolerable insignificacy, the very pleasure that some may take, even of our Sex, so they be held improper and useful together, either to Church or State.  Plod. 
The Politics of a Nothing indeed!  Nonsuch. 
'Tis true, she hinted something of Money and Prayers, but I would not have you start at her devotion therefore. Perhaps she may be of all, or of no Religion, as is common with some beautiful and parsimonious Ladies: There's an excess, or intricate delight, in some sense allowable to most Complexions.  Plod. 
But I honour Government and Law, remember that, Sir.  Nonsuch. 
So do most, provided they get by either; whence I conceive proceeds the very sober vanity of the Factious: There's no courting Mankind to be honest, now a days, without their particular emoluments; your Law cannot do it otherwise.  Plod. 
The greater shame to the perverse Genius of our Nation. Can there be a more high inducement than to be legally good, or to submit to the divine perfection of Reason formed into Law? Believe me, Sir, it shall guide my civil being. Nay, from it too I'll own my Love, I'll bed no such irregularity in Nature that does not grant it's due humanity with mine, and thence deduce my future happiness.  Nonsuch. 
But thou art so inclined to mistake, Plodwel! I told thee there would be ever delicious Intrigues both legal and illegal, or not improperly mixed, if formally apprehended.  Plod. 
A F●● of some gravity.  Prickn. 
Mrs. Luce, Sir—  [Enter Pricknote in haste. Nonsuch. 
How, Pricknote!  Prickn. 
Was going, or might have gone.  Nonsuch. 
Gone, sayst thou?  Pricknote. 
Even perhaps astray, had she not returned with me.  Nonsuch. 
I'll double thy Exhibition for that, immediately, Pricknote—  
Nay, Luce, the same misdemeanour again, Luce?  [Luce peeps. Plod. 
Have I found you, Knight?  [Aside. Luce. 
Is not this Company serious enough, Sir? But I can submit.  [Enter Luce. Nonsuch. 
I know thou canst.  Luce. 
You'll not forget my Velvet-gown.  Nonsuch. 
'Tis bespoke already— A way, and see dinner be provided.  
I come immediately.  [Exit Luce. 
Pricknote, thou shalt eat with us, I know thou art often hungry.  Prickn. 
I thank you, Sir.  Nonsuch. 
A friend of mine that had some serious business with me.  Plod. 
Some of your serious vanity, I suppose.  Nonsuch. 
You'll excuse my dispatch.  [Exit Nons. and Prickn. Plod. 
A sudden affair doubtless— But enough of your counsel, Knight.—  
She's here.  Enter Quickthrift. Quickth. 
Me thinks he altars something— You have heard I am proud, Sir.  Plod. 
And covetous too; but as you please.  Quickth. 
Grant me both, or such a Lady that values her profit by her pleasure. One that knows how to bestow four of your best Terms on a Gown or Coach; or when the Town affords a choice Gem, or Necklace, send you and your Clerk immediately to buy it for my use: 'Tis enough if your Estate and Vocation, with my own best frugality, be subservient to an ingenious expense; a thing not so frequent with very deep Penmen.  Plod. 
You may be observed in all— As I conceive, Madam.  Quickth. 
Or should it sour the Complexion of a new-fledged Advocate, that perhaps scarce knows how to wear the Wings of his Gown neatly on his shoulders— Am I not right, Sir?  Plod. 
Most exceedingly— That an honourable Profession should be thought to derogate from the esteem of a Gentleman— But I am prepared.  Quickth. 
And be so, I suppose your Scribe has drawn the Writings.  Plod. 
He's something slow, I confess, Lady.  Quickth. 
No matter, there are men in the world that have as good Feet and Legs as most of your sedentary Complexion.  Plod. 
Take who you please, or can.  Quickth. 
Indeed Sir, and thus Cocked, and Capt too!  Plod. 
I own no movement but what suits a Gentleman: Nay more, I'll throw off all besides to make me yours, or any other you shall judge most worthy of your choice: and this perhaps your own way too.  Quickth. 
Why, now you rise indeed! proceed.  Plod. 
'Tis warmly in my Brain— You'll give me leave to take my Study for a while?  [Exit Plod. Enter Cleuly. Quickth. 
There's more than I expected in him.  cleu. 
Mr. Plodwel gone already?  Quickth. 
In some haste, I know not well the cause.  cleu. 
You are not too severe, I hope?  Quickth. 
When I know his deserts better, your Ladyship may have an account. In mean time me thinks there's more than one Genius meet in him.  cleu. 
That is to say, the Lawyer and the Gentleman, if I take him right; a brisker motive to your Love, Madam, since these Complexions are not always united.  Quickth. 
I must think better— Your excuse, Lady.  cleu. 
I'll withdraw with you.  [Exeunt Quickth. and cleu. Enter Jockeys at several Doors. 3 Jock. 
And are we met once more here? Let's clap our Whips for joy:  [They lash Whips. 
Or what if we lashed ourselves a little, for losing one another I know not how?  2 Jock. 
Well thought on, Jack; I care not much if we begin with thy Back, Rowland: we missed thee about Whetstone's-park. 'Tis odds but thou didst slip into a faulty corner there. But no matter, anon the Jug shall go round on Horseback, and so excuse our neglects.  1 Jock. 
If I back my Galloper again, I'll give him an extraordinary lash for the Oats he has so lazily devoured in this Cockneydominion.  4 Jock. 
I commend thee, Tom; and for my Steed, he begins to look sourly on me in the Stable; I apprehend he has a growing Head, I find it already in that lubberly slave the Ostler, who takes no more care of him than a Jailor does of his Prisoner— There will be money wanted amongst us, I suppose.  3 Jock. 
But we have a Swiftspur and Trainsted that will discharge all: One or other of them never yet failed us to go on the best runner; or what is better, so much to nothing unless they were winners.  5 Jock. 
Well remembered, Fellow-horsemen; and so in case of the worst, we'll pay 'em again out of their own win.  4 Jock. 
Nothing better: well, this Racing is a most noble sort of Recreation, since it undoes Gentlemen to raise Grooms, blessing on their Hearts for it.  1 Jock. 
Here comes Bowser, one of sportive expedition indeed.  Enter Bowser. 
And how go matters, Sir?  Bows. 
Not so cheerfully as I could wish, Tom. I blush to think what a Truant I have been to Time; besides, my Purse begins to be thin, and indisposed too.  1 Jock. 
If I did not bode it, hang me.  5 Jock. 
And at such a time too, when our Horses and we are like to pinch for want of due Provender.  Bows. 
There's no subsisting for a kind Complexion here; what between expense, lending, with such other gratuities to wanting Gentlemen, that, like the best sort of Beggars, provide for their idle poverties, chiefly here, a man is worried with such a restless charity.  1 Jock. 
I hope you say not this by way of prevention, Mr. Bowser?  Bows. 
Not I, believe me. And for our other friends, if their Guineas do not make a loose on the Bones of four Dice, or sink into some Wench's Pocket, according to the adventures of Towngallants, there may be hopes of moving yet.  2 Jock. 
Otherwise, may a She-devil accompany all the Animals. I care not if I do not love my Chessnut-mare so well as I have done, for the same reason.  Enter Jocalin and Trainsted. Bows. 
Here comes one of those we wanted; she with him too! 'tis something ominous, but no matter.  Jocal. 
I did not think the Town could have contained you to this minute; but you found cause, it seems!  Trainst. 
I were more than far unworthy, should I neglect the least of your smiles.  Enter Swiftspur. Swiftsp. 
Trainsted already with her?  
There's no trust to the blood of Jockeys.  Jocal. 
And take this more: the confidence you did so willingly repose in me, does oblige my thoughts in some near degree to serve you.  Swiftsp. 
I like not this.  Trainst. 
Swift spur, come.  Swiftsp. 
By my life, I could chide thee, a man of thy speed, and not going yet; I meant to call thee.  Bows. 
A word, Mr. Trainsted, do not leave the Town until thou hast first wearied him out on't; thou mayst have reason; besides, there's no way to spite him like it, on all our accounts.  Trainst. 
I thank thee— And dost thou not perceive who may take horse first now, Swiftspur? where is the Brains you talked on?  Swiftsp. 
I am a Calves-head if I could not find in my heart with some disdain to be gone instantly, and be it so— farewell, Madam.  [Offers to go. Jocal. 
Hold a little, Sir. What if I bet with a Lady in your behalf?  Swiftsp. 
Nay then I am with thee again: she comes about, Trainsted, just taking of my Nag's part against thine.  Jocal. 
But most convenient to make Stakes out of your Purse, I suppose 'tis about you.  Swiftsp. 
Nothing more ready at your service, Madam; she has thine already too; a mere device of hers to hold thee in Town to bear me company; I knew it all along.  Jocal. 
Behold me, Men of Metal; do not these ring handsomely, Yours, and yours, and yours, and yours, Sirs? there's no broad Gold in either, is there?  Swiftsp. 
About sixscore Two-and-twenties in mine, Madam.  Jocal. 
Very good, I know of a Diamond-ring may fit me about that price— Or, now I consider better, take your Purses again: and if you think fit, remove together; I perceive you love one another's society.  Swiftsp. 
I cannot, will not leave thee.  Trainst. 
If I might, I would not.  Jocal. 
Then welcome both: and who shall direct the setting of the Runners now, Gentlemen?  Trainst. 
It gives me some melancholy to think on't.  Swiftsp 
Well enough, I'll warrant thee; here are these we'll send before us to take care.  Trainst. 
Or let us venture a while longer, 'tis but giving 'em some Crowns to drink, and stay for us.  Swiftsp. 
Best of all, here's money amongst you, Horsemen; at your Lodgings you'll find Meat and Wine, besides— Nay, no repining.  1 Jock. 
I should not, were it not for that kind lovely Bess of mine I left at the Star at Newmarket; I cannot choose but let fall a warm tear to think how I want her.  Swiftsp. 
And he that refuses this Lady's health, shall bestride no Courser of mine.  Omnes Jock. 
Agreed, agreed.  2 Jock. 
Away, and whilst his money lasts, at worst we'll be merry.  1 Jock. 
Or I'll drink and weep together.  [Exeunt Jockeys. Swiftsp. 
Madam, you have not yet vouchsafed the favour of your hand.  Trainst. 
Or what think'st, if thou and I draw Guts for't, Swiftspur? I dare wager with thee that way too.  Jocal. 
You shall excuse me, Sir; unless I judge which of you may best deserve the longest trifle. See who comes here.  Enter Cleuly. cleu. 
These Mounters are the men, it seems, Jocalin: But take a care you love not Riding the better for 'em.  Jocal. 
Look to your own Intrigue, Lady; if I cannot so far weary Flesh and Blood, the good nature of Love is the more obliged by me.  Enter Breakbond. Swiftsp. 
Our friend Breakbond!  Breakb. 
And resolved to be entered a Horseman for your sakes, and yours, Ladies.  cleu. 
But not to jade us, I suppose?  Breakb. 
Let me have Sports, Women, and Money, and let the World turn round, 'twill serve my System well enough.  Swiftsp. 
How I could hug thy friendship! What sayst thou, Bowser?  Bows. 
This Town, this wearisome Town, there's no Game starts here, but what's under a Petticoat.  Jocal. 
God-a-mercy, Huntsman!  Swiftsp. 
Lady, my respects are yours,  Jocal. 
I suppose it, Sir; but here's Mr. Breakbond has such an universal affection to our Sex!  Breakb. 
And will, Ladies, so long as I can either give or borrow.  cleu. 
And buy Love that way, after the manner of some Gallanteries.  Breakb. 
Seldom or never, Madam; where I affect, I find Women in abundance that will bestow that toy on me: a Gentleman may go less on trust for Love than Apples, if he please.  cleu. 
But you have friends, I judge, that share with you in such Intrigues sometimes.  Breakb. 
And welcome too, so they borrow what I am willing to lend, not otherwise.  cleu. 
An odd humour!  Jocal. 
And yet, me thinks, pleasant.  Breakb. 
Or, where I cannot oblige handsomely to my humour, I give my friend leave to do it for my sake and his own together.  cleu. 
A borrowing and giving of Love indeed!  Breakb. 
A more eternal thing, Ladies, than Generation and Corruption, if I mistake not.  Jocal. 
Enough to make us smile and blush together.  cleu. 
You want no Money, Sir?  Breakb. 
No, 'faith, Lady, I have just enough to give at this time, I thank Providence.  Swiftsp. 
Let me not live, if thy company be not worth half Newmarket.  Bows. 
That so sacred a place of Recreation should be so profaned! Had I but so much as my Horn here, to quicken this dull time a little, 'twere somewhat towards sport.  Swiftsp. 
And if thou hadst, thou shouldst blow up a Jubilee to Love and Mirth at once, Rogue.  Bows. 
Still love in your way.  Enter Waiting-woman. Swiftsp. 
So much in haste, that a man cannot duly laugh, and sport with his friends, were too much a fault. Besides, we have made an appointment to match and frolic, where thou shalt hear Trainsted talk so cunningly odd, that he'll catch Betters before they gather his meaning or their own.  Bows. 
A man would think that Jockeys were begotten in haste, yet act with so many dilatory circumstances: well, give me the merry Huntsman that sport's apace daily.  Jocal. 
Hast found the place?  Wait. 
I have; and can direct you, Madam.  Jocal. 
Enough, be gone—  [Exit Waiter. 
Touch and take, start and away, God-a-mercy Tick-tack.  Trainst. 
And the Tick-tack-Mare too, next Womankind there was not such a She-creature— swiftspur, I find my spleen does palliate something.  Swiftsp. 
I knew thou wouldst have patience for my sake. More of our Friends!  Enter Passal, and Maldrin. Mald. 
Who shall give off thinking first now, Passal? art not weary yet?  Pass. 
No 'faith: and yet I love it as little as possible.  Mald. 
Or dost not perceive she's above what Sense can reach?  Pass. 
She's no Woman, if she be, do what her wit can do—  Swiftsp. 
O Friends, we missed your mirth; here's Breakbond, and Break-jest too in abundance.  Breakb. 
Passal, and Maldrin, your Hands; and next, be frolic; 'tis Woman that expects it.  Mald. 
Excuse us a little.  Jocal. 
I knew you'd pose your Servants.  Breakb. 
Is this an age to be provoked with Love's Riddles?  cleu. 
Not I, believe me; and for Maldrin, you know his public merit may a little stick on his spirit; he has been a Soldier, is't not so, Sir?  Mald. 
But had never such an onset to make in the field of Cupid before, I thank my Stars. My Friend and I, Lady, have considered.  cleu. 
Very good.  Pass. 
But to impose on a Lady, or to oblige her to bed with one of us two Men, were such a crime—  cleu. 
Is this what I expected, Passal? What say you, Maldrin?  Mald. 
I know not, except you please to think for me.  cleu. 
Dull things, that cannot command a Woman to merit takingly! you'll think again, I suppose.  Pass. 
Think, Lady? perhaps one or both of us may dream at night; what sayst thou, friend?  Mald. 
A dozen to one on't.  cleu. 
Then dream instead of thinking; there may be worth in that.  Pass. 
But how to convey it warm enough to your Ladyship, that's another Querie.  cleu. 
When your thoughts are more mature, you may acquaint me.  Pass. 
That Love should impose so unhappily on my humour, as thinking amounts to.  Mald. 
And couldst reproach me for't? but 'tis no matter.  [Pass. and Mald. whisper. cleu. 
Jocalin, your hand; 'tis time we walk.  [Exeunt cleu. and Jocal. Swiftsp. 
By that cast of her eye, she could have taken mine as willingly. Bowser, there's sport behind, I'll warrant thee.  Bows. 
If my Limbs tarnish not in the mean time with keeping London-company.  Breakb. 
At night we'll drink, perhaps have a Covey at the Dog and Partridge.  Bows. 
Or tame Coneys in couples, according to the Townmode.  Swiftsp. 
Come, Horsemen, you know our haste.  [Exeunt Swiftsp. Trainst, and Bows. Mald. 
Since 'tis thus, give me thy hand, Passal; we must needs think again, it seems.  Pass. 
That word Thinking— Well, I'll bear thee company.  [Exeunt. 
The end of the Third ACT.   

ACT the Fourth. SCENE the First.  The Scene opens with the 3d and 4th Jockey mounted on the shapes of two Horses. 3 Jock. 
ARe not we mounted in conceit, Kester?  4 Jock. 
What else, Rowland? and these the beloved Figures of the most noble Coursers of the last age.  3 Jock. 
For which reason, I conceive it no small happiness, though but in imagination, to bestride 'em thus.  4 Jock. 
Nothing better; I itch all over to be at any thing like Whip and Spur.  3 Jock. 
Now, suppose ourselves running on the four-mile Heath.  4 Jock. 
Then I suppose my Rouen is holden on thee the first mile.  3 Jock. 
Have at thee on the second going up Choak-jade, or at the Ditch: Whiterose was a whole Runner there.  4 Jock. 
No more of the Devil's-ditch, prithee; I had a Cup in my Pate last night, and dreamed I was near it in earnest. But have at thee for the Flat; I am sure I must have overstroken thee there, and so throughout—  Enter the other Jockeys. 
They come; let us sit thus, and surprise 'em.  1 Jock. 
A pox on this indigested London-liquor, its best essence is fit for nothing but to beget a crude sort of Females, that are so impudent to turn up their Crescents by Moonlight.  2 Jock. 
And for it's unsodden fulsome Ale, 'tis only useful to thicken the Wastes of Tailors to the use of their Wives: though the Villains sit frequently crosslegged, they commonly espouse greater Pagans then themselves.  1 Jock. 
I fear by my Compass I am plumped above weight; and what a misfortune were that to a well-reputed Jockey? Were it amiss, friends, to think of a She-waster?  2 Jock. 
And so put the Pox in the Scales with thee, 'tis better to ride over-balanced somewhere— Well, Kester and Rowland are precious Knaves to be wanting, and our Chiefs just coming hither.  5 Jock. 
See, here they are, and, if my eyes dazzle not, mounted too!  4 Jock. 
To your wonder, fellow-horsemen: behold the figure of most inestimable White-rose!  3 Jock. 
And this of matchless Roan-dutton!  [They leap off the shapes of the Horses. 
We have rode a four-mile Course with 'em in conceit too.  
The next thing we do, shall be to present 'em to our Patroons.  4 Jock. 
But I'll have Swiftspur to have both, by your leave.  3 Jock. 
How, both?  4 Jock. 
Yes, both, or I'll scourge thee into better manners.  3 Jock. 
Indeed, Sir—  [Offer to lash one another. 1 Jock. 
Hold, fools, I'll give you reason: Mr. Swiftspur is a man of Estate, at present has a Country-hall, he'll judge adorned with their remembrance, and think 'em his best Monuments.  
For Trainsted, he's a Sojourner with his Horses, and putting aside his good fortune, Master of little as yet.  Omn. Jock. 
Content, content; we can be but well requited, let's join hands on't.  Enter Swiftspur, Trainsted, and Bowser. 1 Jock. 
See, you are presented, Sir.  Swiftsp. 
I know their fame, and have not seen better figures of these excellent Runners; you shall receive my full thanks: Such shapely Lineaments, as might shame the Trophy of Bucephalus!  Trainst. 
And that Macedonian Greatness its Erector.  Swiftsp. 
To say truth, he had been a pleasant Gentleman, had he understood a running Horse as well as Wine and Women.  [Table and Bottles. Trainst. 
It may be some such lubberly Steed as the French Monsieur usually manages. I conceive him to have been at most but a good Trotter.  Swiftsp. 
Come, sit, give me the List, Trainsted.  [They sit down. 
Let me see twenty two Matches immediately ensuing.  1 Jock. 
May they prove lucky: I have been half undone with laying the odds last meeting.  Swift. 
For my part, I intent to bet freely; you know my way, friends.  Bows. 
Would we were on the place first.  Swiftsp. 
Thou art so earnest still to follow Yopers, that make so much haste to devour a simple Hare. Remember to be more sparing of the King's Game, lest his pleasure want it: Speak your opinions, Horsemen.  2 Jock. 
My opinion is, that Bay-lusty may have a good match on't.  Swiftsp. 
But, I must not forget how Tick-tack handled him. I never saw a better lose run up Choak-jade.  Trainst. 
There I am with thee, Swiftspur; and for Have-at-all, he's a hearty runner, doubtless.  Swiftsp. 
But the misfortune of the Scotch Horse!  3 Jock. 
Curse light on him, he has lost me Money, when I thought I was more than sure on't.  [Aside. Swiftsp. 
To stumble on a black Coat, was such a fate for that Horse!—  Trainst. 
A Bookman that rode with Spurs, yet knew not how to apply 'em to his Horse by riding out of the way.  Bows. 
Or as 'tis frequent with such men, to be in their own way and other men's together.  Swiftsp. 
But what say you to Red-rose, Gentlemen? he seems Peerless hitherto?  1 Jock. 
If to be judged by the last Course he made, he was not concerned there.  Swiftsp. 
And runs a Wind long and smartly; a Woman would not wish to make a brisker Course under her Rider.  Bows. 
There will be a Wench in our way, I prognosticate.  [Aside. Trainst. 
'Tis granted him.  Swiftsp. 
And next, let me advise thee, Trainsted, to take care how thou dost trust too many Guineas on Iron-grays; they are a sort of ill-natured beast, I can tell you.  Trainst. 
I thank you, Sir.  Swiftsp. 
But what for the Gelding's Match?  3 Jock. 
Both Jades, it may be: Give me a creature that is not pruned in those parts.  Bows. 
Spoke like a Horseman.  Swiftsp. 
And a Woman's man too, Bowser: He could be no sportive Humanity, that first made Eunuch of Man or Animal. Give me some Wine; here's a health to his Majesty, he's our pleasure and being in all kinds.  [They drink. 
And next let's have a Song.  

The Song.  

1.  
THough sports of the Field  
Their pleasures may yield,  
As the Hound or the Horse doth run:  
Yet there's no such delight  
As the Bed at night,  
Where Woman is surest won.   

2.  
Let men sport, drink, or play,  
Or take business in their way,  
The Females Intrigue will be  
The pastime at last,  
Which Nature does most haste,  
To start with her he and she.   

3.  
Then Love is man's pleasure,  
And will be his leisure,  
What respites soe'er it make:  
As Women dress at home,  
Or from abroad Men come,  
'Tis odds they would it partake.    Towards the end of the Song, Jocalin passeth with her Waiter over the Stage, and drops her Glove. Swiftsp. 
What have I here? her Glove— Nay, her Name written within it too!— And next a Dance, Horsemen.  [A dance of Jockeys, with their Whips in their Hands. Bows. 
There's not such a Town as this in Europe, to detain men in't when they least think on't!  Swiftsp. 
Thou art so mistaken now, I was just thinking to match Wagtail this night; I forgot to tell thee on't.  Bows. 
I guess what Wagtail you mean: If I stay long here, I shall fall foul on my Washer-woman, do what I can.  Enter Waiter, and delivers a closed Paper to Trainsted. Trainst. 
To me, Gentlewoman?  Wait. 
And from Madam Jocalin too.  Trainst. 
'Tis welcome.  Wait. 
I am glad on't for your sake: But she bids me let you know, that 'tis her desire you should not open it till she gives leave.  Trainst. 
Not open it! What should it mean— Let her know I salute it thus, and will observe strictly her Commands. One word more; dost think she affects me?  Wait. 
What else, Sir? I have heard her commend just such a brown or Nutmeg-complexion as yours.  Trainst. 
Enough, here's for the— I cannot but once more kiss it.  [Gives her money. Swiftsp. 
Come, let's prepare.  Omn. Jock. 
Upon condition we ride post by our own Horns, with a Tivy, Tivy, Tan-tivy, boys.  Swiftsp. 
Or it matters not much if I overtake you about the Green-man, or Eppin; Trainsted may go with you perhaps; what sayst thou?  Trainst. 
Just thinking of a delicate-limbed creature.  Bows. 
Was ever Huntsman thus drilled by delay?  Swiftsp. 
I guessed as much; but prithee what was the enclosed delivered thee even now? 'Twas not from Madam Jocalin, was it?  Trainst. 
Grant it so.  Swiftsp. 
How, and not impart such a trifle to thy friend!  Trainst. 
I must not, cannot.  Swiftsp. 
No, Sir?—  Trainst. 
Not, though it should render my heart most happy, and by thyself acknowledged too.  Swiftsp. 
This shows unfriendly.  Trainst. 
Rather unkind in you to press it.  Swiftsp. 
That thou hadst never been my friend; or that it were no sin to kill thee, and force it that way from thee.  Trainst. 
Recall your passion; I am by her commanded otherwise; see if thou dar'st to disoblige her first.  Swiftsp. 
Commanded, sayst thou? hang him that dares offend her: thou'lt let her know I did obey most readily?  Trainst. 
With all my heart. Come, friends, you'll stay a while for my sake now?  Omn. Jock. 
Trainsted perverted too?  Enter Whiffler, and Luce, at several Doors. Whiff. 
What a just Rascal 'tis? By the languishment of thine eye and mine together, thou art well meit.  Luce. 
Pull in your Chap, Sir.  Whiff. 
And couldst not clap it and this Cheek together? That as wholesome Ladies admire as any Paint in Town.  Luce. 
And were you not near making a Wench of me, think you?  Whiff. 
A thing of nothing, Prettyness, with my Complexion. To encourage thee, such as are called Honest women hold it no sin to lie with me.  Luce. 
Well, 'tis a wanton age, and every fool finds it— You are a Gentleman of conceit, doubtless.  Whiff. 
As ever licked honey from Lip, Sweetface. To tell the truth, I was engaged lately to some six Ladies, so precipitately too— Thou understand'st me?  Luce. 
To assure you, take this as a favour to your lower Lip.  [Strikes him. Whiff. 
'Slid, She has hurt the very main grace of my Countenance.  Enter Breakbond. 
I could find in my heart to bustle with thee for't, as I did with the Girl t'other day for her Virginity, though she boxed me all the while.  [Whiff. and Luce strive. Breakb. 
How, Sirrah, abuse a Woman?  Whiff. 
'Tis Breakbond; I could dissolve into a Jelly me thinks—  Breakb. 
Thou Ague-jawed Rascal—  
Were't not just to sever thy Chaps, and send the Bones to a Dice-maker?  Whiff. 
Good Sir, for my dexterity in kissing, excuse me this once.  Breakb. 
Kicking is too good for thee, Slave.  [Kicks him. 
And mark me, if thou dost but look upon a Woman with thy scurvy temptation henceforward—  Whiff. 
Spare me, and my eye shall not so much as languish after a woman, though she cry for me.  Luce. 
Enough for my sake, Sir.  Breakb. 
Excuse me a little— And more, Sirrah; if a woman pass the Street, and you think or know her to be a Wench, disturb her if thou dar'st.  Whiff. 
By no means, Sir; I'll wait on her to her own, or her friend's Lodging, most respectively.  Breakb. 
There's a Conscience to be used to women, whether honest or dishonest, whilst I wear a Sword I'll justify it— You have your freedom, Gentlewoman.  Luce. 
I thank you, Sir.  Whiff. 
To be more sincerely friends, do you want money, Mr. Breakbond?  Breakb. 
Not of thine, thou art to mean a fellow to lend it me; Abuse a creature of her Sex! be gone immediately.  Whiff. 
May I not so much as take my leave of her?  Breakb. 
Not a kiss, without free consent, at your peril.  
I may be wanted at t'other end of the Town, perhaps on such an account too.  [Exit Breakb. and Whiff. severally. Luce. 
A Gentleman of his worth might well tempt a lukewarm chastity without further motive.  Enter Pricknote as observing. Prickn. 
Is it even so?  Luce. 
He comes next, and has observed, I hope.  Prickn. 
By the treasures of thy eye, Mrs. Luce, I could not have supposed this digression of thine.  Luce. 
Indeed, thou Pupil of sin!  Prickn. 
Thy Knight, I confess, is most serious and vain together, consider that.  Luce. 
For your sake, shall I?  Prickn. 
It may not, or it may be a secret, so it be sealed with thy Lip.  Luce. 
Or to come closer, and Tie the kisses after the manner of some Presbyters; Is't not so, thou motley thing of Faith and Faction?  Prickn. 
There may be examples, I allow; insomuch that not long since one of our zealous Expounders was out three times, as his eye roved to catch a smile from such another Prettiness as thyself.  Luce. 
What a fertile Glebe of love have some illegal beliefs! I ever thought it—  
Do you see who's coming?  Prickn. 
The Knight; once more commiserate my kind Mistress.  Enter Sir Ralph Nonsuch. Luce. 
Or I'll advise him to send your Genitals to Geneva.  
There's scarce a Sectary comes so near Heaven as a Moral Eunuch amounts to.  Prickn. 
Dispense with me yet.  Luce. 
He's serious at present.  Prickn. 
Let me take liberty to lie once more, though I endanger my Exhibition.  Luce. 
You may, or steal, I suppose you are nimble fingered? Now to observe—  [Luce obscures. Nonsuch, 
How dost approve my Luce, Isaac?  Prickn. 
Shall I enter her in my Notebook, Sir?  Nonsuch. 
She's young, and may have some Gaieties as are incident to most Beauties; but let me tell thee, she is of such a delicious sobriety withal, as may teach the gravity of a separate Assembly.  Prickn. 
Not to be doubted, Sir.  Nonsuch. 
Or dost think there's any solid danger in such of thy Sect as are called Prick-eared? the word methinks has much of erection in't.  Prickn. 
Or an extraordinary business of now and then a Member: according to your worshipful allowance of serious and vain together.  Nonsuch. 
There I am with thee, Pricknote.  
And did she not, as I may say, warm thee something, ha! thou know'st I am content she should be admired.  Luce. 
This is coming to my business.  [Luce within Prickn. 
She has Multiplication in her looks, doubtless, or such a dazzling of sense, that I was fain to drink her health in a quart of cold Water with a hot-headed Anabaptist of my acquaintance.  Luce. 
This fellow is no zealous Liar—  [Luce within. Nonsuch. 
I commend thy respect and care; and let me tell thee with secrecy, Pricknote, that I have some Intentions to have her appear naked; and so read a Lecture of my composing, from her Eyebrows to the extremity of her Waste; were not this a grave and delicious verbosity, think'st thou?  Prickn. 
Above measure, Sir.  [Luce appears. Luce. 
Would you so, Sir?— Or shall I expend your compositions, Knight, with your Prick-knave here?  Nonsuch. 
Nay, thou art to blame, Luce— Nothing but an Invention of mine, to admire thy Capacities.  Luce. 
You are a Sir Ralph, I confess; or a Gentleman of as deep a reach somewhere as most now extant.  Nonsuch. 
But to be severe, Luce, and against my vanity too!  Prickn. 
By my sincerity, you should dispense, Mistress.  Luce. 
Take that, Sirrah; you have an Itch, I perceive.  [Kicks him. Prickn. 
'Tis seasonable to withdraw, though I cannot repent.  [Exit Pricknote. Luce. 
And next dilate with what gravity you would have attacked my Virginity.  Nonsuch. 
Yet again, Luce!  Luce. 
Or, declare how you purposely lie in of the Gout to plot for Preferment; Is not this to be serious and vain at once, Sir?  Nonsuch. 
She'll ruin my pretensions— Dost hear, Luce, I know thou'rt kind, exceeding kind.  Luce. 
'Tis very possible.  Nonsuch. 
But I have not obliged thee enough; love me, and take what Gold thou wilt: I had almost forgot thy Velvet-gown; or it may be thou wouldst take the Air, command my Coach at thy pleasure.  Luce. 
You have given me commission, and I'll improve it.  [Exit Luce. Nonsuch. 
Thus it must be, when wise men cannot live without Love.  
But there are a thousand Intrigues in Women, as well as in State, and somewhat more diversely capacitated; there's no avoiding—  Enter Quickthrift. Quickth. 
So serious, Knight!  Nonsuch. 
I have told your Ladyship, that there's a certain mixture in all things.  Quickth. 
True, and I have found it in my Lawyer.  Nonsuch. 
'Tis not impossible: I have just now a Considering cap to put on, upon a deep account; you'll excuse me, Madam?  [Exit Nonsuch. Enter Plodwel new dressed. Quickth. 
Do you know Mr. Plodwel, Sir?  Plod. 
I hope I do.  Quickth. 
And so fine on the sudden, a Sword by your side too!  Plod. 
And dare use it justly.  Quickth. 
A valiant piece of Justice; you may do wonders on the Bench hereafter; It may be hang to a Prisoner, as some have been talked on.  Plod. 
There's nothing on me that I conceive is unbecoming the person which I own; your judgement, Lady.  Quickth. 
Then I perceive you can spend money on yourself.  Plod. 
Yes, and more, as does become a Gentleman. I know no Bar from Birth or Custom that forbids a comely use of Clothes and Manners, what e'er you may command.  Quickth. 
But have a care how you clap too many Fees on your Back; (as some raw ones of your Profession are prone to) the Times are wise and saving, at least not so frequently litigious as heretofore, when long ease and contention devoured men's Estates.  Plod. 
I have considered fully, Lady.  Quickth. 
To cozen me in yourself: Alas, I expected an ordinary Suit of Clothes, a few Shirts, Nightcaps, with two or three Folio's, things that suffice very celebrated of the Long Robe, might have obliged you; or do you intent to set up for a Wit like some of our sprucer sort of Gallants?  Plod. 
I'll study to find some at your service.  Quickth. 
But there are few professions that afford it: Perhaps, there's here and there a Gentleman, that can pass a Repartee, or pretend to write a Play, though they— not seldom lament the fate on't six months after.  Plod. 
A Headache to purpose.  Quickth. 
Or I'll take it for granted, that you are so modish as to drink. It may be, troublesome in't too— Let me consider, three hundred a year I expect shall be added to my former demand.  Plod. 
I am obliged to deal worthily with you, and cannot do handsomer than to make it your acquaintance.  Quickth. 
Speak it, Sir.  Plod. 
I may have inclinations, Lady.  Quickth. 
To some other, I suppose.  Plod. 
You are right, Madam; a Gentleman I lately heard on, one that in part assures my Address to her, of beauty too; and what is more, has an esteem for useful Science, such as I presume to call my Studies; nor is addicted to that Thrift or Pride, which some may construe yours: A Genius I might wish to embrace with mine.  Quickth. 
Is't come to this?  Plod. 
And something more, Lady; I find you have a flaw in your Fortune.  Quickth. 
But not to be filled off at your Bar, I conceive. Yet I remember something—  [Aside. Plod. 
I have done, Lady.  [Offers to go. Quickth. 
And can you leave me thus?  Plod. 
If't be your fate, there's no remedy.  Quickth. 
But to quit a Gentlewoman in so intricate a fashion—  Plod. 
You thought I wanted Brains too, though my name be Plodwel.  Quickth. 
It may be one that loves you too.  Plod. 
Or a proud covetous kindness— But no matter— What think you of coming now towards me, Lady? you have some thousands that may be better inspected.  Quickth. 
I find I am touched—  [Aside. Plod. 
You may suppose I am in haste.  [Exit Plodwel. Quickth. 
There's a punishment due to my temper; and 'tis odds I may feel it, the worst way too. Your servant, Madam.  Enter Cleuly, Passal, and Maldrin. 
I conceive you're busy.  [Exit Quickthrift. cleu. 
She seemed concerned.  Mald. 
As Lovers will be.  Pass. 
There's a pleasant depth in Love that's hard to fathom.  cleu. 
Not reach my sense yet!  Pass. 
Would I might try, Lady.  cleu. 
Soldiers, and Gentlemen, I conceive you both; yet not able to oblige a woman to perform one handsome action?  Mald. 
'Tis in your power to command us, Madam.  cleu. 
Your Manhood, 'tis like: If not, consequently expect that I should engage you to hector or fight one another after the new mode, or suitable to the divers concern of Honour and Kindness with some Ladies; though it has added so little to their esteem, that the world has construed such Hero's of theirs as some detriment to their reputation afterwards— I conceive you are friends, and no less gladly allow it, as I observe you both.  Pass. 
Or your eye, as 'tis quick enough, may be so propense to your inclination, as to make pathetically your own election: me thinks you might beam more directly towards some body, Lady— but as you please.  cleu. 
My Choice, mean you? I know 'tis enough in my power to determine that without your Counsel, Sir; a taking of one six pence instead of t'other is not more facile: Or is not my Garb and Mien attractive enough to deserve what I require? or I suppose you find some fault.  Pass. and Mald. 
You are all perfection—  cleu. 
It may be too you'd prove it after such a way that humanity does less admire than blush at: by my life, Gentlemen, I should be loath to give a Man-child being after your rate of Courtship.  Pass. 
Would I might endeavour the close experiment but with half your will, Dame Haughty.  [Aside. Mald. 
Or grant it to be, which of us shall devise a way that you may appear to us and the world more excellent?  cleu. 
You have hit me, Sir.  Mald. 
I hope I shall do, Lady.  Pass. 
May not we take liberty to laugh at one another a while before we attain this warm scruple?  cleu. 
With all my heart, or I'll smile with you, till when I judge that neither of you know how to command me worthily; and so Adieu.  Ex. cleu. Mald. 
Is it not just that I should now blame my severe fate in all kinds?  Pass. 
And so be angry with thy Mistress, and the times together; should she pose me thus a twelvemonth, I could almost forgive thinking for her sake, 'tis so generous.  Enter Jocalin in a Riding habit, and her Waiter. Mald. 
Here's Madam Jocalin, but we are otherwise disposed then for her Mirth at this time.  Pass. 
Thought, work thy will.  Jocal. 
Let Madam Clevely know I'll wait on her on horseback, to take the air this afternoon.  Enter Swiftspur and Bowser. Bows. 
I shall, Madam.  [Exit Waiter. Jocal. 
He's here.  Bows. 
Yet more delays?  Swift. 
Thou may'st allow some Remora's to love, Bowser.  Bows. 
Since 'tis thus, I'll observe your sport a little.  [Bowser obscures. Swift. 
You perceive this glove, Lady.  Jocal. 
You'd best kiss my hand, and call it mine.  Swift. 
I do, and heartily.  Jocal. 
And what next?  Swift. 
Methinks you might begin a little, Lady.  Jocal. 
And tell you of your Grey Mare, shall I?  Swift. 
By my love, she affects riding, I see it by her dress too; had I Pegasus, I would present him to you, or make him an ambler purposely for your sake.  Jocal. 
You'd carry me apace, I perceive.  Swiftsp. 
There's no creature of divine pleasure but Woman: give me the loses of Love, the very Tho-sport of Mankind? Is't not so, fair one?  Jocal. 
But stay, Sir Hotspur, you and I are not ready to start yet. Pray tell me, were they not Scotch Jockeys, or Divines in blue Caps, that formed the Scotch-Covenant?  Enter Trainsted. Swiftsp. 
Hang 'em, Knaves, a sort of hungry things that preached on Galloways twelve inches high!  Jocal. 
No matter what they were— Cry you mercy, Mr. Trainsted; have you observed my desires, Sir?  Trainst. 
Yes, punctually, Madam.  Jocal. 
May I take your word? or let me see it:  [Gives her the Letter.] 
I understand that you Gentlemen-jockies can lie intolerably, lay two to one on this side, and three to one o'th' other; perhaps swear they never saw the Horse which they have bought, matched, and tried.  Trainst. 
Men of pleasure may be dispensed with something.  Jocal. 
By your leave, Sir, I forgot I was in haste.  Trainst. 
She'll not take her kindness back in what she gave me. My spleen labours to think on't.  Swiftsp. 
I hope so; nay, but retard a space, Lady: thou canst not be so unkind to take Horse without me.  Jocal. 
As for your friend here, I see he has been observant: perhaps has kissed what this may possibly contain.  Trainst. 
I did, with all my heart.  Jocal. 
I take it kindly; and return it thus—  [Kisses the enclosed, and gives it Trainst. 
My Injunction's yet in force.  Swiftsp. 
I am gone again.  Jocal. 
You claim a favour, Sir; and though a slight one, I guess you judge it was too real to be dropped by chance— I'll say no more.  Swiftsp. 
Prove me, and rather than I'll fail thy service, I'll pay my forfeits, and renounce the jolly sport of Racing for ever.  Jocal. 
Now I conclude you dissemble.  Swiftsp. 
Confide, and thou shalt find me a Rider to purpose: If this take not with Female Flesh and Blood, what can?  Jocal. 
Your breeding's course, I had almost forgot it.  [Exit Jocal. Bowser appears. Bows. 
Which on you will lay six to four on the best choice now? Let me die without hearing the cheerful Music of Hounds, if I would not sooner trust a Country Milkmaid than the most delicate complexion of any She this City most celebrates.  Swiftsp. 
So severe in thy reflections, Bowser!  Bows. 
Did not I tell you of this Twittle-twattle amorous hindrance? As sure as there are old Women, the Hare I hunted last was a metamorphized Witch, I am so crossed in my humour.  Swiftsp. 
Well, Love, thou art an odd trifle as ever had to do with the lower Region of Providence: How fares thy Spleen now?  Trainst. 
A little indisposed, but 'tis vanishing.  Bows. 
Hold up thy Spirit, Trainsted, if but to afflict him; I begin to be unmerciful to his Pauses.  Swiftsp. 
She has perplexed us both: what think'st if thou and I outdo Leander, and drown ourselves purposely in the Thames before her dressing-window? I care not if on Horseback too. 'Tis odds, when both are dead, but she may pity one of us.  Trainst. 
My flame is not so immoderate, I thank you.  Swiftsp. 
Or should I do't alone, thou'dst bear me company.  Bows. 
When I do, may I turn Otter, and hunt fish under water too.  Swiftsp. 
Or, what is worse, let's vow never more to see Newmarket.  Trainst. 
Worse than all mischiefs.  Bows. 
Or more than ten thousand mischiefs: let me clap thee on the Back for this resolve however—  
You may proceed, Sir.  Swiftsp. 
I must, but know not how.  Trainsted and Bowser go off together. 
The end of the Fourth ACT.   

ACT the Last.  Enter Sir Ralph Nonsuch, Pricknote, and Servant. Nonsuch. 
LEt me hear thee first— Not found yet—  Seru. 
Nor like to be, Sir; besides five hundred Guineas she has taken with her to bear her charges.  Nonsuch. 
That a man of knowledge should be so unfortunate as to lose his love and his money at once!  Seru. 
Nothing more familiar, Sir, with some Females, than to be paid by one, and sport with more.  Nonsuch. 
Yet she's a Dove, I confess, in some sense.  Seru. 
But no clipping of her Wings from flying, I ever thought it.  Nonsuch. 
Leave me? what sayst thou, Pricknote.  [Exit Seru. Prickn. 
Mrs. Luce may return, or she may not.  
There's no other construction to be made of woman's desire.  Nonsuch. 
Thou didst advise her.  Prickn. 
Yes, Sir, and would have pricked such an impression of mine besides in her Table-book, Heaven bless the Gentlewoman, she's a fair one.  Nonsuch. 
I do not conceive thee well.  Prickn. 
The more's my grief, she did not: I assure your Worship I whispered to her as sincere a Concupiscence as was ever conveyed at repetition.  Nonsuch. 
My tender Conscienced Isaac!  Prickn. 
Tenderly inclined indeed, Sir; but she's youthful, and may be instructed.  Nonsuch. 
Thou bid'st me hope; and now I think on't, I remember a sprightly Zealot that had just such another cast with her eye, 'twas such a manner of being serious and pleasant together!  Enter Luce. Prickn. 
Most allowable, Sir.  Luce. 
Thanks, kind Isaac.  Prickn. 
As much as you please in secret, Mistress.  Luce. 
And you, Knight, with your formal Amour, do you think to detain me here, till I come to be the discourse of the street and Constable?  Nonsuch. 
This heat with me, Luce?  Luce. 
Or else fee the next Bawdy Court to continue your Capacity: Is this your politic dealing with such flesh and blood as mine is? As I write Gentlewoman, I could find in my heart to hire some Hector to chastise your lustiness.  Nonsuch. 
But didst thou not make me hope you would soberly Cajole my delight, Luce?  Luce. 
And hope it if you please still, Sir.  Nonsuch. 
As big as I am, were I all Gold, I think I could yield to be coined into Guineas for thy sake.  Luce. 
Yet could be content to make your enquiry after me, and by this your Prick-knave too.  Prickn. 
Let me save you the endeavour of making me dishonest, I beseech you.  Luce. 
Do so then— And next Sir Amorous, I add not fool, and Knave— here's your Money, you may take it, Sir, I'll only whisper a few of your Luxuries and Politics into some ears—  Nonsuch. 
Not for a world, Luce— Hark thee, upon the word of a cautious Sinner, I'll rather give thee a Thousand pound more to hold thy peace, though thou leav'st me for ever.  Luce. 
The very Bargain I hoped to make: Farewell Sir.— These sums put together may possibly produce a convenient honesty.  [Exit Luce. Nonsuch. 
There's nothing more hard than to be wise and wanton together— there may be discredit too.  Prickn. 
Were it not for the Emulsion to flesh and blood in being of a public factious Spirit, I might pity your infirmity.  Nonsuch. 
However, I will pretend gravely, or fret against the times, out of vexation and loss I have vainly given myself.  Prickn. 
Or I'll protest you are more deeply diligent in the service of Dissenters; you may yet be held worthy to purchase some capacity.  Nonsuch. 
Let me have thy Counsel, Pricknote.  Prickn. 
You shall, Sir— In the mean time I had almost forgot where the Silver Plate stands.  [Exeunt. Enter Whiffler, with three Bailiffs pulling of him. Whiff. 
Patience, patience, Gentlemen, you'll so disorder my dress else!—  1 Bayl. 
We must make bold to take your person for pawn a while. We Bailiffs are like some Birds of prey, when we light on any of your Feather, though we do not eat 'em, we plume 'em to purpose.  Whiff. 
No pity on my fine Face!  2 Bayl. 
'Tis somewhat extraordinarily engaged for your Milkwashes to your Butter-woman.  3 Bayl. 
I'll be bold with your Periwig in behalf of your Barber.  1 Bayl. 
You had as good bestow your Coat in part of satisfaction of your Tailor too.  Whiff. 
Take this Money too, and let me be gone half naked.  2 Bayl. 
'Twere somewhat too much.  1 Bayl. 
Not if he give these things freely for our extraordinary attendance.  Enter Breakbond. Whiff. 
Should any of my Ladies see me thus—  1 Bayl. 
We'll keep your counsel, so you'll be worth us something more for that▪  Breakb. 
Who have you here, Lads?  1 Bayl. 
A Gentleman that lives under the Law, but does not care to pay Money.  Breakb. 
Is that all? I do as much myself; though I give, I as seldom pay as most men living.  1 Bayl. 
You have taught us to know it, Sir.  Breakb. 
Whiffler, I had almost forgot thy Countenance; do your office; friends; he is not deserving enough of Mankind to violate the Law.  1 Bayl. 
We thank you, Sir; and when ever a Writ comes to us against you, we'll cast it into the fire without presuming to show it you.  Breakb. 
Except at the suit of a Woman, and under forty too, conceive me— in that case I'll see it paid.  [Offers to go out. Omn. Bayl. 
You may command us, Sir.  Whiff. 
Favour me something, though you borrow more money of me in spite of my teeth.  Breakb. 
Or, now I think on't, you may let him have his Clothes again; and for the rest, take his word till to morrow, he'll make it good.  2 Bayl. 
On yours, Sir?  Breakb. 
Yes, on mine, Sirrah; if I break my Bond, I am a Gentleman if I promise.  2 Bayl. 
Cry you mercy, Sir— There's no daring of his Anger.  [Exit Breakbond. 1 Bayl. 
You see what 'tis when such fine Gentlemen as you can pay money, and will not without this trouble.  Whiff. 
Well, I'll hide myself for a time, or go into the Country, and try whether I can make love to Dairy-maids. This is some comfort to a Skin that is too fine to be seasoned with cold.  [Has his Clothes delivered. Exit. Whiff. Enter Pricknote, with two silver Tankards under his Arms. 1 Bayl. 
What sly fellow's that? we'll venture to stay him in behalf of the Constable.— Who, Isaac Pricknote, the veriest Knave in all the Borough of Southwark!  Prickn. 
Excuse me, I have strict occasion—  2 Bayl. 
There's something under his Arm.  Prickn. 
Nothing but a Caudle I am to convey to a friend.  [They search under one Arm. 1 Bayl. 
You may keep your Caudle when you have it, but we'll seize on this piece of Plate.  2 Bayl. 
Sir Ralph Nonsuch's name on't too.  3 Bayl. 
What if 'twere said we found it by chance?  Prickn. 
With all sincerity you may.  1 Bayl. 
Some Roguery, but no theft, brother Catchpole.  3 Bayl. 
We'll search him again— There will be a reward from the Knight to us however.  [They search him again. 1 Bayl. 
Tother piece of Plate too! You must before the next Justice. He deserves to be hanged twice, if possible.  Prickn. 
No pity for the transgression of a Zealot!  1 Bayl. 
Away with him.  [Exeunt. Enter Breakbond at one Door, and Plodwel at another. Breakb. 
Worthy disposer of Writs and Parchment, well met.  Plod. 
I thank you, Sir.  Breakb. 
Thou honour'st thy profession in thy esteem of Women; there's no such mine and thine, that Mortality has to do with; go on and prosper.  Plod. 
I conceive you, Sir.  Breakb. 
And more, I will pardon the Law, though somewhat a crabbed method of generous Education, for thy sake— farewell. One word more; I find thou art a Gentleman, and when thou hast a mind to Dice or Drink, I'll forward thy ingenuity that way too: And now to find the gang of Pleasure with Swiftspur.  [Exit Breakbond. Enter Quickthrift. Plod. 
An odd extravagance, but time may recall him: She's come— You may command my observance, Madam.  Quickth. 
You told me of a truth concerned me.  Plod. 
I did, and am prepared to make it good.  Quickth. 
As little frivolous, or tedious, as you please; I have heard of Chancery-bills.  Plod. 
Your words are too much pointed, or Woman's way of reasoning, as if they owned their being to no other right than what they call their Beauty. What does your Sex confer to civil happiness, more than their persons, and their Milk to nourish Children? whilst it's best reason, and its safety's none of yours; you must excuse my freedom, Lady.  Quickth. 
Or think me still both proud and miserable, I know your grievance.  Plod. 
Add, if you please, a person in my sense most lovely, joined to a quick and taking spirit, yet even such a soul, may like a Diamond that's set too narrow in the finest Gold, straiten its lustre. Am I right, Madam?  Quickth. 
Is this my business, Sir?  Plod. 
I have brought it, Madam.  [Gives her the Writing. 
Here's a Writing will express the right I have to make you mine.  Quickth. 
It was my dead Father's act when I was young—  Plod. 
And that if ever you married other man, you was to pay me out of your Estate five thousand pound.  Quickth. 
'Tis not to be denied.  Plod. 
I have done, Lady.  [Offers to go. Quickth. 
In so much haste too!  Plod. 
Or now I think on't, I'll wave it yet, and give you freedom to oblige some other choice— I hope I have performed my devoir now?  Quickth. 
This touches home, In money too— Well, Sir, you may be pleased to think you have prevailed; I suppose on your terms and mine together I may deserve you,  Plod. 
Above my wishes.  Enter Cleuly with Passal and Maldrin, at some distance. cleu. 
May I not congratulate, Lady?  Quickth. 
I here have owned my happiness.  cleu. 
I rejoice it with you, worthy Plodwel— My addressors come, we'll give 'em leave a little.  [cleu. Quick. and Plod. whisper. Pass. 
Well, I am so far happy as to have done with thinking.  Mald. 
Couldst not lend a thought to help thy friend, thou conceivest me?  Pass. 
Not a Chimaera, though no bigger than an Atom: It may be I may give a past thought for thee and myself together.  Mald. 
Well, I begin now to vex with thee at this word Thinking.  cleu. 
Which of you begins? you may be free.  Mald. 
He that knows best how, Lady.  cleu. 
Is that all? I begin to perceive your delays unkind.  Mald. 
To discipline a Lady of your sense, and in point of love too! By my Sword, I had rather command for the French, though I love not their Party.  cleu. 
Or you may move for yourself and friend together, Passal.  Pass. 
I feel some temptation that way in spite of my spirit, but I must away with it— Well, Madam, since 'tis your will I must enjoin, I hope to fit your worth and mine together— Give me thy hand, Maldrin, you have my command Lady to take my friend. There's no injunction I conceive more honourable, or happiness I shall impose on your respects: he'll merit most your worth.  cleu. 
A generosity I looked for.  Pass. 
Brain, I thank thee.  Mald. 
I fear too great for me to own; I have seen some handsome actions in the world, but few can equal this in Friendship— I must return her to your hand: I had your leave to impose, Madam, as well as he.  Pass. 
A thread bare Method used in Plays; Thou ne'er couldst less deserve my friendship. The offer is enough to make me angry, is't not, Lady?  cleu. 
A Passal indeed; and must be, next your Obligation, my first of friends; you'll give me leave to assure it, Sir?  Mald. 
Above my own and your expression.  Pass. 
No such Thinking neither; remember I find not that your fault again, Maldrin.  Mald. 
I warrant you.  cleu. 
He'll grant it for my sake.  Mald. 
You have abundantly obliged me.  cleu. 
And next to quit that saucy thing called public Merit, there will be much that falls below desert, though in the best and wisest Governments: My love and fortune shall oblige it.  Quickth. 
Now I may bid you happy.  Plod. 
This day stands fair to all our wishes.  cleu. 
Let's find Jocalin.  [Exeunt. Enter Jockeys at several Doors. 1 Jock. 
O Horsemen, Horsemen!  2 Jock. 
What's the matter?  1 Jock. 
The heaviest tidings; I saw our own Swiftspur lean with his Hat on his Eyes at a Tables end: if I forget not, booted too.  3 Jock. 
Who could have thought it in him?  1 Jock. 
He's Love-sick, 'tis certain. And for Mr. Trainsted, what his spleen may produce, Heaven knows: at present it seems with him worse than in a hot season that admits not to give his Courses their due exercise.  2 Jock. 
Might Cupid be so kind as to dispatch one of his Bolts to this jolly Mistress of theirs, I care not much which of them were his Deputy.  1 Jock. 
But as for my Bess, my lovely brown Bess, that kissed me so often betwixt the sips of Ale and Apples, and looked more red than the best ruby streaks of a Gillyflower, how could I hug her in conceit!  2 Jock. 
May not I do as much, think'st thou, for a buxom Kate of my acquaintance?  3 Jock. 
Notwithstanding she lives, as I guess, at the sign of the No-maidenhead somewhere. 'Tis odds but our Fellow-riders may take wrong Forfeitures for some of our absence.  4 Jock. 
If not swear that most of us are so drily in love, as to engage our Field-spirits with City-chamber-maids; I could burn my Whip to think on't.  Enter Trainsted and Jocalin. 5 Jock. 
Here comes Trainsted, and has her by the hand already; 'tis fit we attend.  [The Jockeys observe, and whisper. Jocal. 
Your Obligements I need not further press; they may answer my expectation fully.  Trainst. 
And shall, Madam.  Jocal. 
May I take your word?  Trainst. 
And deed too; you cannot command any thing on your account, but I'll most readily embrace.  Jocal. 
This heightens to my end.  1 Jock. 
She speaks of ending: I wish her a kiss extraordinary for't.  Enter Swiftspur. Jocal. 
Observe my Face once more; and next, are you sure my best resemblance fits your kindest welcome?  Trainst. 
I vow it does.  Jocal. 
'Tis granted then.  Swiftsp. 
Granted, says she?  Jocal. 
Yes, Swiftspur; nor ought you to repine, if I should give to him more than due modesty can claim to be my own desert; do you understand me yet?  Swiftsp. 
I understand too much, thou smooth-faced intricacy.  Jocal. 
Then I'll unfold myself— Give me the enclosed, Sir, I see 'tis yet unopened.  [Trainst. delivers it. Trainst. 
'Twas your command it should.  Jocal. 
Behold this Figure; is't not well limbed?  Trainst. 
But in my eye 'tshould be short of the Original.  Jocal. 
Thy expression well deserves it— I dare bestow it thus before you, Sir.  Enter Bowser. Swiftsp. 
Ha, her Picture given him too!  
My heart, I feel it sink too low to aid my feet.  [Falls and faints. 1 Jock. 
O, Mr. Bowser, what will become of our Darling Swiftspur?  Bows. 
Does he lie there?  1 Jock. 
Yes, and struck down merely by the breath of this Lady too!  
Good Gentleman, he should have tried to have blown her down first.  Jocal. 
I dare venture him; I scarce read of any of his Sex that ever died for love but in a Romance.  Bows. 
Best of all, Lady: And if dead, 'tis no matter; he may be afterwards flung into the Thames; he talked of cooling his Flames, I remember.  [Swiftspur leaps up. Swiftsp. 
I die for Love! a mere accidental qualm; didst thou and I ever speak of Love, Lady? What sayst thou, Trainsted?  Enter Flora. Jocal. 
I'll speak for him: Observe this Gentlewoman, she's the true Original I did intrust you with.  Trainst. 
So like yourself, she's more than taking; I'll not impose further on your wishes.  Jocal. 
My Twin and only Sister— I dare make good her gift. What sayst thou, Flora; his person thou hast seen before?  Flora. 
Your choice is mine, you have already taught my inclinations duly to value his respects; I need add nothing more.  Trainst. 
You have won me in her fair affection.  Jocal. 
I told you it should be a strict and near obligement to myself.  Trainst. 
I am bound to accept her.  Jocal. 
For you, Sir, and your Gallopers, you may be in greater haste than I'll suppose; perhaps I can as readily grant that you and I but dreamed of Love.  Swiftsp. 
I'll die in earnest first; I know thou dar'st not suffer it. A kiss, and so join hands.  Jocal. 
You are one of the eag'rest men, and possible to ride post with me.  Swiftsp. 
Thou hast me home I'faith.  Jocal. 
But you'll hardly reach me so. Let me see your face— You may study the point better, or guests it presently.  Swiftsp. 
By that eye of thine, thou Creature of mirth and wonder, there's no avoiding me.  Jocal. 
Then I must be yours it seems: I ever designed a brief and cheerful Courtship.  Swiftsp. 
What think'st thou of the loses of Love I shall make now, Bowser?  Jocal. 
That I'll make better if I can.  Bows. 
I ever thought you'd match your Wagtail before you departed.  Trainst. 
We are more than Brothers now; I'll not have other Wager with thee, than which of us shall make the best Woman's Rider.  Swiftsp. 
But 'tis odds my Boy will cry first for a Hobby-horse; he'll soon have an inclination to ride astride, I can tell thee.  Trainst. 
You are pleasant.  Swiftsp. 
Jocalin, bestow your hand on these, they are faithful Jockeys, and love to win heartily—  [They kiss her hand. 2 Jock. 
Or if she please, I'll begin below, and so kiss upwards, as I rejoice your happiness.  Enter Cleuly led by Maldrin, Quickthrift by Plodwel, Passal after. cleu. 
Trainsted joined to your Sister Flora?  Jocal. 
He is, Madam.  Trainst. 
And by this kind Lady's Artifice, I thank her.  Swiftsp. 
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am yours: You'll all be for Newmarket now. I am the man to bid you welcome.  cleu. 
With all our hearts.  Plod. 
What say you, Lady? becoming pleasure I dare own with such good Company.  Quickth. 
What you think fit, Sir.  Swiftsp. 
Thy judgement may compose some Articles amongst us there.  Plod. 
If not too intricate.  Bows. 
Or such of the nicer sort that are full of Dispute and little Reason.  Plod. 
Your pastimes shall command my assistance; I love 'em well, your Jointures too I'll make.  Mald. 
By any means.  Pass. 
Plodwel, I rejoice your happiness; my choice is made already in my friends.  Plod. 
I perceive it, and judge it no less worthy in you both. Your part of commendation does most speak it, Madam.  cleu. 
My love and estimation of both these obliged it.  Swiftsp. 
Bowser, dost not long to be afore at Bishops-stafford, and kiss thou know'st who, at the Rain-deer, in thine and my behalf?  Bows. 
I'll have none of your cold scents, I thank you.  Swiftsp. 
Perhaps we'll dine there; but no Maidenhead to be won but at Newmarket.  Omn. 
Jock. Agreed, agreed, agreed.  [Fling up their caps. Enter Breakbond. Pass. 
Thou were't wanted, Breakbond.  Mald. 
To thy Men and Women-friends.  Swiftsp. and Trainst. 
And to thy Newmarket-friends.  Breakb. 
As I honour Women and Mirth, I could not help it. No less than a dozen pretty rogues looked out of Windows two stories high to stay my coming to you: 'tis such a necessitous loving world!  Pass. 
And will be always so with thee.  Breakb. 
Besides a business of some importance with the next Constable.  Mald. 
Not for assaulting him and his Watch, I hope.  Breakb. 
I have had cause, but I leave that disorder to such as dare only fight when they're drunk.  Plod. 
And pay for the offence when they are sober.  Mald. 
And fit they should.  Breakb. 
To be short, with a few good words and more Silver, I have reduced that legal sort of Knave to so much Conscience, as not to molest the King's loving Subjects of Men and Women: Or to think that at one, two, or three a Clock in the Morning they may not have their Congressions without his leave, or a shilling for him and his Watch to drink. I have some thought to make my Applications to Justices of the Peace to the same purpose. 'Tis such a crime to nature to think that Mankind should live and love orderly—  
I had almost forgot you, Ladies.  Swiftsp. 
Well, thou hast a pleasant way of Raillery.  Trainst. 
He shall wager on our side— What think'st thou, Bowser?  Bows. 
I would I were rid of this trifling, lest I be so far debauched as to conceive that there is other ingenious discourse than of Hounds and Horses.  Cleav. 
Thou art a wild one, but time has altered some.  Breakb. 
Or let it ruin me beyond the imbecility of ten Ages of gray Hairs, provided I might but live to behold no fading in your Sex, 'twere such an Autumn to my Genius.  Omn. Ladies. 
Now you oblige us all.  Jocal. 
Or we'll commend you to a fair one.  Breakb. 
Marry, Ladies, it may be if I live to be old in spite of my humour, or when I am good for little more than to retire, perhaps I'll ask a Licence of Womankind, and espouse one.  Quickth. 
We'll hope it sooner for your sake.  Enter Servant. Seru. 
Ladies and Gentlemen, Sir Ralph Nonsuch desires your excuse, being a little indisposed at present.  cleu. 
Perhaps with the fond conceit of his Politics.  Plod. 
'Tis not unusual with him.  Seru. 
Besides some disaster within the compass of his most private Circle.  [Exit Servant. Jocal. 
In spite of his prudence too, what a smile does he deserve!  Mald. 
But even now I understood it: No less than his fine Miss departed with some hundreds of his Guineas, together with some Plate of his embez'led by a thieving Separatist of his acquaintance.  Pass. 
'Tis odds but he'll come to thee for counsel, Plodwel. There's no maintaining Suit, did not Fools and Knaves make up the greatest number of Contenders.  Plod. 
The very dishonour of so noble a Science as Law and its Professors.  Pass. 
God-a-mercy worthy Pleader— You are happy now indeed, Lady.  Quickth. 
I grant it fully.  Swiftsp. 
Some mirth at London first— Here's Music waits us.  Swiftsp. 
Let's kiss, and next to Horse.  [They dance. [The Dance is ended. Trainst. 
I'll see thee well mounted, Breakbond; thy mirth deserves respect.  Breakb. 
I have been often, I thank some kindness, though I scarce had ever yet Horse of my own: There's a certain kind of Providence in living well, men know not how.  Swiftsp. 
Bowser, thou shalt lead the Road; we'll ride, laugh, talk, alight, and what you please, Ladies—  
'Tis time our Pleasures hasten on their way;  
Who loves Newmaket, will clap hands to day.   

THE EPILOGUE.  Spoke by Mrs. BAKER. 
Mr Part was Mirth, and Jocund, as you see,  
I bring the Epilogue along with me.  
And I have been, as I presume you'll say,  
As merry as most Ladies in a Play;  
And'tis loves Mirth best suits the Comic way.  
Nor doubt I, Ladies, but 'tis known to you,  
That some Newmarket-lads are Lovers too.  
Men that quick pleasures swiftly can employ,  
Most Women grant their speed, their love enjoy.  
Wit they pretend to, as you Gallants do,  
Who, though called Wits, like them lose money too.  
Yet know in Matches no such booty way's,  
As they who here cry up or damn our Play's.  
Then Critics have a care what you commit,  
Lest here our Jockeys with you wager Wit.  
They know your stingy slights, and how inclined,  
And what to Crony Poets is designed;  
Whilst this our Author does by me afford  
Not so much for his Play as one kind word.  
Or tells you that his Scenes or Wit are new,  
Which some, that boast much wit, want wit to show.  
We for a Play such Wits did all approve,  
Got little Money, we played all for Love.  
FINIS.