THE Hypocritical Christian: OR THE CONVENTICLING CITIZEN Displayed.  
Showing the Refractory temper to the Whiggish Party of the Town, in Opposition to the Established Religion, and their Disaffection to Monarchy.  

WEll! for a careful foresight, sober wit,  
Give me a Godly, zealous, Whiggish Cit  
He twice a Week to Conventicle walks,  
Where Bawling, Canting Preacher Nonsense talks.  
He squeamish Fool for Orthodox Divine  
Never cares; because he cannot Sob, and Whine.  
He likes a Tubster with his down cast Face,  
His Comic Postures, and his damned Grimace.  
But hates the Reved Clergy of the Town,  
Disdains with pride a Pulpiteer in Gown.  
And every Parson Dr. Crape he'll call;  
Like Lad of late at Merchant- Tailors Hall.  
Whose sneaking looks his Principles betrayed.  
It was a sly, starved Whig in Masquerade,  
A stingy perjured, faithless Renegade.  
The Godly Puppet came (he said) to see,  
And know the humour of the Company.  
But the gluttonous Ass he was so nesty,  
Hewed down the Walls of the Venison Pastry.  
To come to's roast; Alas! the Tarts and Pies,  
To's Ostrich-stomack fell a Sacrifice.  
His Appetite was keen for all's pretences,  
He pleased his Eye, and Banqu'tted his Senses.  
Then all the generous Guests traduces,  
With stirring, dirty, pit'ful abuses.  
Because they drank a Loyal Health or two,  
He calls them Popish, Torish drunken Crew.  
A parcel of mean sordid Lads there were,  
who he was certain ne'er eat Buck before.  
For such abuses let the Lad beware,  
And so let pimping, Whiggish Harry tore.  
Who's Tugging daily to Promote the Cause,  
To T'wart all Justice, and make Null the Laws.  
One Ignoramus-man, (says he) at least,  
Is able purchase all that were at Feast.  
All their Estates in equal Balance laid,  
By one Whig-Jury-man's would be outweighed.  
Faith! Harry's very generous; he prates  
As though he really knew all men's Estates.  
Poor Mr. Christian's dead, and th' Duke's Grace,  
May give to Harry his old Steward's Place.  
For he's a Godly, Honest Man, and true,  
And does deserve his Place, and Pill'ry too.  
His too hot Zeal for Reformation,  
In broaching Falsehoods, t'embroil the Nation;  
His Venting this, and contradicting that,  
Show him more Fool, or Knave, than pillared Nat:  
The greatest Truths that published can be,  
By Hodge; are Story's and damned Ribaldry,  
If it with his and Gotham's disagree,  
The Duke's young Daughter could not live, 'twas said  
'Twas so infirm a Child; and since 'tis dead.  
The Serenading Crew, for all their squeaking,  
Were Thiefs, and did intent House-breaking.  
Contrived with's Grace, a black and dismal War,  
To batter him with Fiddles and Gitter,  
The Instrument of Death, a small Rechorder,  
And Fiddle Stick, and Pipe to do th'Murder.  
The Chichester Informer took a Pot,  
Too much of Brandy; and his Brains were hot,  
Broke Windows, was a swearing drunken Sot.  
HE had wild Freaks, ungovernable Passions,  
And died (like Bishop's Horse) of the Fashions.   

The Prelatic Jade will sure be Sainted,  
Yes: If Baxter's book of Saints reprinted.  
Then Curtiss, Care, with mighty Polander,  
Shall have their Names in Whiggish Calendar.  
And all who carry on the work o'th' Laird  
Shall have a good and bountiful Reward.   

In this large Catalogue of Fools and Knaves,  
Come Leaden Constables with Wooden Staves.  
With Solemn Oaths they gravely can dispense,  
They have a swinging well stretched Conscience.  
Who take up the Office out of mighty Zeal,  
To support their Brethren o'th' Common-Weal.  
They to th' Brotherhood send holy Greetings,  
Acquaint them how they'll come molest th' Meetings.  
Then hay! the Godly Flock's dispersed and gone,  
And all (like young Fledged Birds) are quickly Flown.  
The Preacher then with's Congregation,  
Give thanks for this great Preservation;  
And Orders that th' Thanks of the House be sent,  
To Godly Constable for's good intent.   

O! what will not Men do, if this they dare,  
To Affront Justice? And themselves Forswear  
To Oblige a few, and such Faction please,  
Who in this Government were ne'er at ease.  
Thus Officer (though gravely Sworn) Cologues,  
Calls Hilton Fool, and all th' Informers Rogues.  
Though he hath Warrants with him, that's all one,  
In spite of Laws, he Executeth none.  
'Tis strange, such Meetings cannot silenced be,  
Where Preachers bawls so much for Liberty,  
And boldly talks of Subject's Property.   

Oh! Horrid Insolence! can Justice sleep?  
Not see such Vermin into Corners creep?  
Seduce poor Women, and on Cit impose,  
Draw him through Bogs of Error by the Nose.  
Tell him of Plots, and great Designs forsooth,  
All which the Credulous Cit sucks in for Truth.  
That several Jesuits were up and down,  
In close Cabals, for to enslave the Town.   

It was, not long ago at Lor'ners-Hall,  
That Youngster did for Magna Charta Bawl.  
And (like Hugh Peter) with new strange Alarms,  
Bid'm beware, stand stiffly to their Arms.  
To quit themselves like Men; be Strong and Stout,  
Secure their Persons, and the Tories Rout.  
What? lose the Privilege of Choosing Shrieves,  
Why North and Richardo will prove two deadly Thiefs.  
They'll rob you of your Jury's here at home.  
And make you fall sad Victims unto Rome.   

Then still oppose the Polls of Sir John More,  
He hugs that Witch, the Babylonic Whore,  
Will ne'er your Native Liberty's restore.  
Be ready too, your Charter to secure,  
Who those damned Quowarranto's can't endure?  
You see that Oxford stoutly doth Defy,  
Such Writs; and will protect their Liberty.  
ne'er trust their Charter in the Hands of King's,  
Who'd bauk their Privilege, and clip their Wings.  
Then stand it out Boys; and still be Famous,  
(Like Oxford Townsmen) for Ignoramus.  
But I'm informed of late that Whiggish Town  
Is Altered strangely; and is Loyal grown,  
An Impudent Resistance does disown.  
The Charter they'll Resign for all the bawling,  
Of Foolish Wright, and self-conceited Pawling.  
To oppose the Loyalists the Whigs don't dare,  
The Youngsters laugh at dull Machine the Mayor.  
Thus Honesty, I hope, in vogue may be,  
And Cit may find his long lost Loyalty,  
And bawl no more for Bugbear Property  
May names of Parties and Distinctions cease,  
May Faction fall, and Loyalty increase,  
To Establish here an Universal Peace.  
May Cit to Church devoutly go and Pray,  
And ne'er despise a Godly-Homily.  
ne'er Meet in Un-hallowed Barns and Sties,  
And blindly Offer their Fool's Sacrifice.  
Leave Cit, those Synagogues, and do Conform,  
Into the Church's Breast at last Return.  
Cast off (for Shame) the Factious Crew; you know  
How they Profanely impudent do grow.  
An Amorous Brother so kind and tender,  
Did there with Sister Publicly Engender.  
The Preacher saw the Godly Act of Grace,  
Saw the Lewd Couple Zealously Embrace.  
He nodded, Frowned, and gravely did Reprove,  
Their wicked Satyr's way, of Brutal Love.  
Hence forth he'll have a Smart Rod in Pickle,  
For Debaucher's of's dear Conventicle.   

From such Vile Cells as from Contagion flee,  
Such Deeds were never seen in Monast'ry.  
Believe't (to th' Eternal shame of Meetings)  
In our Churches an't such Carnal Greetings.   

Then prithee Disaffected Cit Comply,  
With Law; and thou'lt enjoy thy Liberty.  
Securely live beneath thy Vine at ease,  
Thy Credit and thy Fortune will increase.  
Be Loyal, and Defend the Kings Just Right,  
ne'er read a Factious Pamphlet with delight.  
ne'er seed on Horse flesh; read Discourses,  
'Twixt Charing-Cross and your Wool-Church-Horses.  
ne'er have a Vicious thought 'gainst Majesty,  
But let all Treason Talkers silenced be,  
Those Vermin that do girn at Monarchy.  
Oppose their barking; and let the World know,  
You can be honest, if you would be so.  
The Comet that appeared did sure portend,  
That all your Factions here will have an end,  
And Zealous Conventiclers will amend.    

LONDON Printed by George Croom, over against Baynard's Castle, in Thames-street. 1682.