THE IMMORALITY OF THE English Pulpit, AS Justly Subjected to the Notice of the ENGLISH STAGE, AS The Immorality of the STAGE is to that of the PULPIT.  
In a LETTER to Mr. Collier.  
occasioned by the Third Chapter of his Book, entitled, A Short View of the Immorality of the English Stage, &c.  
LONDON: Printed in the Year MDCXCVIII.   

A Word to Mr. Collier, by way of EPISTLE, concerning his Short( sighted) View of the Immoralities of the English Stage, &c.  
SIR,  
THAT the Licentiousness of the Stage should ask the Correction of your Pen, is a sad and manifold Confession of the Degeneracy of the Times, and withal shows the pressingness of the Occasion. What else could provoke a man to writ against himself? For 'tis to your dear Times that we owe the vileness of the Theatre; Those very Loose Times, to the Protector whereof you are so constant a Devotee; so that in the Cause depending you are both Plaintiff and Defendant. And though you may chance to win the Saddle, yet you can't but lose the Horse and go within a hair's-breadth of making an Ass of yourself.  
THAT a person( cashiered for Misbehaviour) should devote his Idleness to the Reading of Plays is no strange Matter; but that such an one should snarl over his beloved Diet, is remarkably Currish; however not at all beside his Character. But though he lets us understand he has still the same Faculties about him; yet he wisely informs us at the same time that he has altered his Object, and left off his fruitless Barking at the Moon above him, for the sake of a Cynthia, that may be brought under. And indeed he has wrestled notably with the bright Dame of the Stage; whom that he might enjoy more safely, he endeavours to strip naked of Applause, and so preserve her from being clapped by any one but himself. A notable piece of Christianity, and becoming the Piety and Policy of the Party! But the Stage is Corrupted, ill Humours are Predominant, and something must be administered to kerb these Excesses. Very good; but must a person needs step out of the huge Throng of Quacks, clap on the Spectacles, and apply the Glisterpipe, purely to discover his Knowledge in Fundamentals? No, no, there is something more in it than all this comes to, or else the Stage might even have perished or prospered under its Immodesty, profaneness, Immorality, &c. for him: And a Thousand Sebastians, King Arthurs, Donquixots, and Relapses might have clubbed their Impudence to Hoot Virtue out of the World, had they but deported themselves as they should have done to a man in his Garb; then should they never have been confronted with, and brought to receive Sentence from the Ancient Pagans, the State, or the Church. Nor had all those Hydra Heads mentioned in his Contents ever been discovered or brought to the Correction of his Chopping-knife.  
But they are rightly served, they must be peeping, forsooth, into the Pleats of the Gown, and presume to look Vermin upon Sacred Cloth; ay, and to search for Petticoats under the Cassock. Now, would any person alive, think ye, have patience to endure this Operation, and not rather have a Louse graze all its life upon his Gleab, than to undergo the pinch of having it knack'd, which causes more pains than a Twelvemonth's biting? But you'll say it is foolish on both sides to quarrel about a Match of Louse-hunting, especially considering how fatal the Consequences may be to both; for Mr. Ray has an old Proverb( but of daily use) that when some sort of folks fall out, a better sort may chance to bear of their own again. So that, in my opinion, they had better a draw'd back their stakes before it had come to this; for to have the Artillery of the Church drawn out in Order of Battle, charged with anathemas and Excommunications; rammed down with the Papers of Ancient Writers, and Modern Rehearsers; primed with combustible Ambition, and then fired with read hot Passion, must needs make a confounded Clatter against the Deal-boards of a Stage, and give the Alarm to the Honest World to shift for itself, and then those two topping Vocations would be worse than Silk-weaving.  
'Tis to be confessed, the Stage is grown as Corrupt and Immoral, as the Pulpit can be for the Life on't; and I see no reason why Mr. Collier may not, if he pleases, return them a Rowland for their Oliver; I frankly agree, that most of his Charge against them is just, undeniable, and well seconded with Proofs. But I must beg his pardon, if it be an Affront to tell him, that his Hat hung in his Light when he wrote that Chapter, wherein he accuses the Stage as guilty of abusing the Clergy. For he has not been so kind as to show one Instance wherein they are abused, but on the contrary, has cited several Historical Passages, Translated by the Poets indeed into Verse, but taken Originally from the Works of his own Party, as may too easily be made appear; nay, I durst engage myself to accommodate every accused Passage with a warrantable Text. Now, certainly if the Stage has any business in the World, it is to ridicule 'vice with all the Powers of Wit, to expose the chief Patrons of it; to lay open the Hypocrite to the common View of the World, and to daub his outside of the same Colour as within. It is the Office of the Stage to detect the Roguery, as well as the Folly of a Knave; and if such a one creeps into the Pulpit, 'tis their Concern to cry Ware shins to the gaping Auditory, lest whilst he is drawing their Eyes towards the Pulpit-Roof, he should let them unawares through a Trap-door into Hell. A wicked person is the most potent Villain upon Earth; he not only abuses a Man, but a World, and endeavours to put the Cheat upon God himself. Whilst he chews the Gospel in his Mouth, he infects it, and makes a deadly poison of the Bread of Life, which he spits out upon the Congregation, because it agrees not with his own Palate. And yet Roguery of this fatal kind is not extensive nor general enough, in Mr. Collier's opinion, to be taken notice of by the Stage. But I would fain know what an Universal Rogue is, if this ben't his Character? A Lay-Rascal has no such Capacity, he contents himself with some peculiar in the practic, as the Cutting a Purse, the Tricking a Client, the Killing a Patient, or, to go one degree further, the Buying at a great Rate a Copy of some Master in the Faculty, whereby the Author is encouraged to prosecute his Studies, and the Bookseller obliged for Interest sake to make him as many Proselytes as he can. This is indeed the perfection of mechanic Roguery, and Knave and Fool well mixed. But, alas! these know nothing of the Theory, are not acquainted with the Sublimities of 'vice, have not that advantageous View of the whole System, as those from the Pulpit have. And is the Stage blamable for making it their Business( upon all occasions) to unriddle the Mystery of Iniquity, and to Counter-plot them? Or is it more Criminal in the Stage to Act that in a Play which they do in Earnest? Or why should not that person make up a Character in a Comedy, and be personated by a Player, who personates a Player in the Pulpit, and interlopes upon the Stage, by turning the Church into a Play-house? Certainly it is but just Retaliation; and that person( tho' it were Mr. Collier) who appropriates the Lashes of the Stage to himself, or is offended at the Stage in this particular, is either an Abetter or a Partaker of the Vices of the Clergy, and so most justly subjected to the Notice of the English Stage.  
FINIS.