An Impartial ACCOUNT OF THE MISFORTUNE That lately happened to The RIGHT HONOURABLE PHILIP Earl of Pembroke AND MONTGOMERY.  
Together with A true and just Relation taken not only from the Constable that was then upon the Watch, but from sober and eminent Citizens of London that went down on purpose to know the bottom of that barbarous Injury.  Odi Prophanum Vulgus. 
LONDON: Printed for Sam. Miller. 1680:   

An Impartial ACCOUNT OF THE MISFORTUNE That lately happened to the Right Honourable PHILIP Earl of Pembroke and Montgomery.  
IT is certainly very difficult to judge whether the scurrilous Language of our Modern-sawcy-Pamphlet-Scriblers (who writ any thing so they may come first to get the Penny) or the insolent behaviour of an ignorant Constable, and his worse than High-way-men Watch, are less tolerable; the former either mistakes or magnifies that Crime which his Brother Coxcomb (if not altogether the Cause) is sure to have the greatest share in: as in the particular Case of this Noble Lord, is too plainly demonstrable, a Person of that admirable goodness, Affability, and Generosity, that Nature was obliged to throw in somewhat more of humane frailty, lest his more Eminent Virtues should render him almost the Envy of Mankind; one that is never mentioned but with Respect and Honour by all that know him, and reputed ill by only such as are not worthy his Acquaintance. Who going on Wednesday last, as well to take the Air as his leave of the Lords D. and C. intending then suddenly for Wilton, was espied by one Smeethes a Gentleman, some say, and belonging to the Court, others no better than a Prize-Player; but what e'er he was, he was heard to say, these words: Yonder goes the mad Peer; we shall have him come back again drunk at Twelve of the clock; but I'll be upon the Watch myself to night, and see what Mettle he's made of; I'll see if I can tame him. And indeed he had like to have been as good as his word, for his Lordship coming back, though not in drink as Mr. Smeethe before surmised, was rudely set upon by the said Smeethe, who before had taken the Constable's Staff from him, because he was unwilling to interrupt my Lord in his going home, and persuaded Smeethes likewise not to disturb him. Notwithstanding this, Smeethe commands the Coach to stop, my Lord to drive on; upon that, Smeethe and his Accomplices knock the Postillian and Coachman down; and then with rough and unmannerly Language, demands of his Lordship where he had been, and whither going? who made no other Answer but that he was PEMBROKE, and going home; but Smeethe persisting in his impertinent Questions, my Lord cried out, What ails these fellows, do ye intent to rob me? upon which Smeethes and the rest pushed at my Lord and his Company with their Staves, so that my Lord was obliged to quit his Coach: which he had no sooner done, but Smeethe was so near taming of him, as he called it, that he knocked his Lordship flat on the ground; who endeavouring to get up, and draw his Sword (still staggering with the blow) reeled upon Smeethes; and Providence at the same time turning the Tables, brought that fate upon Smeethes, which unquestionably he intended to his Lordship. Nor had this Quarrel gone so far, if his Lordship had condescended to give them that Money to drink which they so impudently demanded. As for the other person, by name Mr. Halfpenny, who in truth is a Constable; it may be said of him as it was of a much better man who lost his Life at Maestricht out of his Post, What made him there? When according to his Duty and Oath he ought to be taking care of his own Watch, and not drinking with another Constable upon his. All this while there was only his Lordship and one Gentleman that endeavoured to defend themselves; another and his Lordship's servants being wholly employed in persuading and begging of the Savage Watchmen to spare his Lordship and his generous Assistant: which they were so far from granting, that the very Supplicants themselves, who endeavoured all they could to preserve the peace, shared in his Lordship's Fortune, and were all knocked down, and his Lordship seized, and hurried to a little house on Turnham-Green; from whence about one of the clock his Lordship came for London.  
This is the real Truth of the whole Action, and will be attested by several People of Worth and Quality, whenever his Lordship shall be called to his Trial.  
And now it may be necessary to undeceive the world, and let them know, that this is not the twenty sixth man my Lord of Pembroke has killed, as hath been impudently asserted in Coffeehouses since this Accident; when in truth every sensible man is, or may be easily assured, that his Lordship was never taxed with any thing of this nature, but that of Mr. Coney: And then besides the Acquittal of his Peers, there were some Physicians did assert, that Mr. Coney did not die of the Bruise given by my Lord of Pembroke, but of an inward Cause acquired by himself.  
This Relation had never come forth, but to satisfy the tender Consciences of the People, who after such an Accident (though never so unavoidable) are always talking and often dreaming of Murder and Destruction. And to assure them that his Lordship is no Monster, has no Cloven-feet, no Sawcer-eyes, but is even just such another Man as their own Relations; only with this difference, That he has more Gallantry and Honour, and cannot bear the insolent Affronts of the MOBILE without Resentment.  
FINIS.