THE widow A comedy. As it was Acted at the private House in Blackfriars, with great Applause, by His late Majesty's Servants.  
Written by 

BEN: JOHNSON. Gent.  
JOHN FLETCHER. Gent.  
THO: MIDDLETON. Gent.    
Printed by the Original Copy.  
LONDON, Printed for Humphrey Moseley and are to be Sold at his Shop, at the Sign of the PRINCE's Arms in St. Paul's Churchyard. 1652.   

To the Reader.  
COnsidering how the curious pay some part of their esteem to excellent persons in the careful preservation but of their defaced statues, instead of decayed medals of the Romans greatness, I believed it of more value to present you this lively piece, drawn by the art of Johnson, Fletcher, and Middleton, which is thought to have a near resemblance to the portraiture we have in Terence of those worthy minds, where the great Scipio and Laelius strove to twist the poet's Ivy with the victor's bays. As the one was deserved by their work in subduing their Countries enemies, so the other, by their recreation and delight which was to banish that folly and sadness, that were worse than Hannibal, or all the monsters and venom of Africa. Since our own Countrymen are not in any thing inferior, It were to be wished, they had but so much encouragement, that the past licence and abuses charged on the Stage, might not ever be thought too unpardonable to pass in oblivion, and so good Laws and instructions for manners uncapable of being regulated, which if but according to this pattern, certainly none need think himself the less a good Christian for owning the same desire as  
Your humble Servant. Alexander Gough.   

The Persons of the Play.  

BRANDINO, an old Justice.  
MARTINO, his Clerk.  
FRANCISCO  
ATTILIO.  
2 Gentlemen.  
2 Old men Suitors to the Widow.  
RICARDO, A decayed young Gent. and Suitor to the Widow.  
ANSALDO, MARTIA disguised.  
LATROCINIO  
OCCULTO,  
SILVIO,  
STRATIO,  
FIDUCIO.  
Thieves.  
VALERIA, The Widow.  
MARTIA, Daughter to one of the old Suitors and supposed a man.  
PHILIPPA, Justice BRANDINO's Wife.  
VIOLETTA, her waiting Maid.  
Officers.  
Servants.    
The Widow. A comedy.  


Actus 1. Scoena 1.  Enter Signior MARTINO (an old Justice's Clerk) and FRANCISCO. Fra. 
MArtino?  [Table and Standish.] Mar. 
Signior Francisco? you're the luckiest Gentleman to meet  
Or see first in a morning: I never saw you yet  
But I was sure of money within less than half an hour.  Fra. 
I bring you the same luck still.  Mar. 
What you do not?  
I hope Sir you are not come for another Warrant?  Fra. 
Yes faith, for another Warrant.  Mar. 
Why there's my dream come out then. I never dreamed of a buttock but I was sure to have money for a Warrant. It is the luckiest part of all the body to me: let every man speak as he finds. Now your Usurer is of opinion, that to dream of the Devil is your wealthier dream; and I think if a man dream of that part that brings many to the Devil, 'tis as good; and has all one smatch indeed; for if one be the flesh, th'other's the broth: So 'tis in all his members and we mark it; if Gluttony be the meat, Lechery is the Porridge, they're both boiled together, and we Clerks will have our modicum too, though it conclude in the two penny chop: Why Sir, Signior Francisco.  Fra. 
'Twas her voice sure,  
Or my soul takes delight to think it was,  
And makes a sound like hers.  Mar. 
Sir, I beseech you.  Fra. 
It is the prettiest contrived building, this:  
What poesy's that I prithee?  Mar. 
Which Sir, that  
Under the great brass Squirt?  Fra. 
I that Sir, that  Mar. 
From fire, from water, and all things amiss,  
Deliver the house of an honest Justice?  Fra. 
there's like to be a good house kept then, when fire and water's forbidden to come into the Kitchen. Not yet a sight of her? this hour's unfortunate. And what's that yonder prithee? O loves famine, there's no affliction like thee. ay, I hear you Sir.  Mar. 
You're quicker eared than I then: you hear me  
Before I heard myself.  Fra. 
A gift in friendship  
Some call it an instinct.  Mar. 
It may be  
Th' other's the sweeter phrase though; Look you Sir,  
Mine own wit this, and 'tis as true as turtle;  
A Goose-quill and a Clerk, a Constable and a Lantern,  
Brings many a bawd from Coach to Cart, and many a Thief to one turn.  Fra. 
That one turn helped you well.  Mar. 
'Thas helped me to money indeed for many a Warrant. I am 40. dollars the better for that one-turn; and 'twould come off quicker 'twere ne'er a whit the worse for me. But indeed when Thieves are taken, and break away twice or thrice one after another, there's my gains; then goes out more Warrants to fetch'em again: one fine nimble villain, may be worth a man ten dollars in and out a that fashion; I love such a one with my heart, ay, and will help him to scape to, and I can; hear you me that: I'll have him in at all times at a month's warning: nay, say I let him run like a Summer Nag all the Vacation: See you these blanks, I'll send him but one of these bridles, and bring him in at Michaelmas with a vengeance: nothing kills my heart, but when one of 'em dies Sir; then there's no hope of more money: I had rather lose at all times two of my best kindred, than an excellent Thief: for he's a Gentleman I'm more beholding to.  Fra. 
You betray your mystery too much Sir. Yet no comfort?  
'Tis but her sight that I waste precious time for,  
For more I cannot hope for, she's so strict,  
Yet that I cannot have.  Mar. 
I'm ready now Signior.  
Here are blank Warrants of all dispositions, give me but the name and nature of your Malefactor, and I'll bestow him according to his merits.  Fra. 
This only is th' excuse that bears me out,  
And keeps off impudence and suspicion  
From my too frequent coming: what name now  
Shall I think on, and not to wrong the house?  
This Coxcomb willbe prating.— One Astilio,  
His offence wilful murder.  Mar. 
Wilful murder? oh I love a life to have such a fellow come under my fingers; like a beggar that's long a taking leave of a fat louse, I'm loath to part with him, I must look upon him over and over first; are you wilful? i'faith, I'll be as wilful as you then.  [Philippa and Violetta at a Window.] Phil. 
Martino?  Mar. 
Mistress?  Phil. 
Make haste, your Master's going.  Mar. 
I'm but about a wilful murder forsooth, I'll dispatch that presently.  Phil. 
Good morrow Sir: oh that I durst say more.  Fra. 
'Tis gone again, since; such are all life's pleasures,  
No sooner known, but lost; he that enjoys 'em  
The length of life, has but a longer dream,  
He wakes to this i'th' end, and sees all nothing.  Phil. 
He cannot see me now; I'll mark him better  
Before I be too rash: sweetly composed he is;  
Now as he stands, he's worth a woman's love,  
That loves only for shape, as most on's do:  
But I must have him wise, as well as proper,  
He comes not in my Books else, and indeed  
I have thought upon a course to try his wit: Violetta.  Viol. 
Mistress.  Phil. 
Yonder's the Gentleman again.  Viol. 
Oh sweet Mistress  
Pray give me leave to see him.  Phil. 
Nay take heed,  
Open not the window and you love me.  Viol. 
No, I've the view of whole body here, Mistress,  
At this poor little slit, oh enough, enough,  
In troth 'tis a fine outside.  Phil. 
I see that.  Viol. 
Has curled his hair most judiciously well.  Phil. 
I there's thy love, now, it begins in barbarism: she buys a Goose with feathers, that loves a Gentleman for's hair; she may be cozened to her face Wench. Away: he takes his leave. Reach me that letter hither, quick, quick Wench.  Mar. 
Nay look upon't, and spare not: every one cannot get that kind of Warrant from me Signior. Do you see this prick i'th' bottom, it betokens power and speed, it is a privy mark, that runs betwixt the Constables and my Mr. Those that cannot read, when they see this, know 'tis for Lechery or Murder, and this being away, the Warrant comes gelded, and insufficient.  Fra. 
I thank you Sir,  Mar. 
Look you; all these are Nihils,  
They want the punction.  Fra. 
Yes, I see they do Sir,  
there's for thy pains, mine must go unrewarded.  
The better love, the worse by fate regarded.  Exit. Mar. 
Well, go thy ways, for the sweetest customer that ever Penman was blessed withal: now will he come for another tomorrow again; if he hold on this course, he will leave never a knave i'th' town within this twelvemonth: no matter, I shallbe rich enough by that time.  Phil. 
Martino?  Mar. 
Say you forsooth.  Phil. 
What paper's that the Gentleman let fall there?  Mar. 
Paper? 'tis the Warrant I hope, if it be I'll hide it, and make him pay for't again. No Pox: 'tis not so happy.  Phil. 
What is't Sirrah?  Mar. 
'Tis nothing but a letter forsooth.  Phil. 
Is that nothing?  Mar. 
Nothing, in respect of a Warrant Mistress.  Phil. 
A letter? why 'thas been many a man's undoing Sir.  Mar. 
So has a Warrant, and you go to that Mistress.  Phil, 
Read but the superscription; and away with't:  
Alas it may concern the Gentleman nearly.  Mar. 
Why Mistress, this letter is at home already.  Phil. 
At home, how mean your Sir?  Mar. 
You shall hear Mistress. To the deservingst of all her Sex, and most worthy of his best respect and love, Mrs. Philippa Brandino.  Phil. 
How Sir, to me?  Mar. 
To you Mistress.  Phil. 
Run, as thou lov'st my honour, and thy life,  
Call him again, I'll not endure this injury:  
But stay, stay now I think on't, 'tis my credit,  
I'll have your Master's Counsel: ah base fellow  
To leave his loose lines thus; 'tis even as much  
As a poor honest Gentlewoman's undoing,  
Had I not a grave wiseman to my Husband:  
And thou a vigilant varlet to admit  
Thou carest not whom  Mar. 
'Las 'tis my office Mistress.  
You know you have a Kirtle every year,  
And 'tis within two months of the time now,  
The velvets coming over: pray be milder; a man that has a place must take money of anybody: please you to throw me down but half a dollar, and I'll make you a warrant for him now, that's all I care for him.  Phil. 
Well, look you be clear now from this foul conspiracy  
Against mine honour; or your Master's love to you  
That makes you stout, shall not maintain you here;  
It shall not: trust to 't.— Exit.  Mar. 
This is strange to me now:  
Dare she do this, and but eight weeks to new-year's tide?  
A man that had his blood as hot as hers now, would fit her with  
French Velvet: I'll go near it.  Phil. 
If this be a wrong to modest reputation  [Enter Brandino (the Justice) and [Philippa. 
Be you the censurer Sir, that are the Master  
Both of your fame and mine.  Bran. 
Signior Francisco?  
I'll make him fly the land.  Mar. 
That will be hard Sir;  
I think he be not so well feathered Master,  
H'as spent the best part of his patrimony.  Phil. 
Hark of his bold confederate.  Bran. 
There thou'rt bitter;  
And I must chide thee now.  Phil. 
What should I think Sir?  
He comes to your man for Warrants.  Brand. 
There it goes then;  
Come hither knave: Comes he to you for Warrants?  Mar. 
Why, what of that Sir?  
You know I give no Warrants to make Cuckolds,  
That comes by fortune, and by nature Sir.  Bran. 
True, that comes by fortune, and by nature; Wife  
Why dost thou wrong this man?  Mar. 
He needs no Warrant Master, that goes about such business, a Cuckold-maker carries always his warrant about him.  Bran. 
La: has he answered well now? to the full?  
What cause hast thou t' abuse him?  Phil. 
Hear me out I pray:  
Through his admittance, h'as had opportunity  
To come into the house, and court me bodily.  Bran. 
Sirrah, you're foul again methinks.  Mar. 
Who I Sir?  Bran. 
You gave this man admittance intoth' th'house.  Mar. 
That's true Sir, you never gave me any order yet  
To write my Warrants i'th' street.  Bran. 
Why sure thou tak'st delight to wrong this fellow, Wife:  
Hah, cause I love him.  Phil. 
Pray see the fruits: see what has left behind here:  
Be angry where you should be: there's few Wives  
Would do as I do  Bran. 
Nay I'll say that for thee  
I ne'er found thee but honest.  Phil. 
She's a beast  
That ever was found otherways.  Bran. 
Read Martino,  
Mine eyes are sore already, and such business  
Would put'em out quite  Mar. 
Fair, dear and incomparable Mistress,—  Bran. 
Oh! every letter draws a tooth methinks.  Mar. 
And it leads mine to watering.  Phil. 
Here's no villainy?  Mar. 
My love being so violent, and the opportunity so precious in your husband's absence tonight, who as I understand takes a journey this morning.  Bran. 
Oh plot of villainy.  Phil. 
Am I honest think you Sir?  Bran. 
Exactly honest, perfectly improved: on, on Martino.  Mar. 
I will make bold dear Mistress, though your chastity has given me many a repulse, to wait the sweet blessings of this long desired opportunity, at the back gate, between nine and ten this night.  Bran. 
I feel this Inns-a-Court man in my Temples.  Mar. 
Where if your affection be pleased to receive me, you receive the faithfullest that ever vowed service to woman— Francisco.  Bran. 
I will make Francisco smart for't.  Phil. 
Show him the letter, let him know, you know him;  
That will torment him: all your other courses  
Are nothing Sir to that: that breaks his heart.  Bran. 
The strings shall not hold long then: Come Martino.  Phil. 
Now if Francisco have any wit at all,  
He comes at night; if not, he never shall.  Exeunt.  

Scoena. 2.  Enter FRANCISCO and RICARDO and ATTILIO. Ric. 
Nay mark, mark it Francisco: It was the naturalest courtesy that ever was ordained; A young Gentleman being spent, to have a rich Widow set him up again: to see how fortune has provided for all Mortality's ruins; your College for your old standing Scholar, your Hospital for your lame creeping Soldier, your bawd for your mangled roarer, your open house for your Beggar, and your Widow for your Gentleman: ha Francisco?  Fra. 
I Sir, you may be merry: you're in hope of a rich Widow.  Ric. 
And why shouldst not thou be in hope of another, if there were any spirit in thee, thou art as likely a fellow as any is in the company. I'll be hanged now if I do not hit the true cause of thy sadness; and confess truly i'faith; thou hast some land unsold yet, I hold my life.  Fra. 
marry I hope so Sir.  Ric. 
A Pox on't, have I found it? 'slight away with't with all speed man. I was never merry at heart while I had a foot: why man, Fortune never minds us, till we are left alone to ourselves: for what need she take care for them, that do nothing but take care for themselves? why, dost think if I had kept my lands still, I should ever have looked after a rich Widow? alas, I should have married some poor young Maid, got five and twenty children, and undone myself.  Fra. 
I protest Sir, I should not have the face though, to come to a rich Widow with nothing  Ric. 
Why, art thou so simple, as thou mak'st thyself? dost think i'faith I come to a rich Widow with nothing?  Fra. 
I mean with state not answerable to hers.  Ric. 
Why there's the fortune, man, that I talked on;  
She knows all this, and yet I am welcome to her.  Fra. 
I, that's strange Sir.  Ric. 
Nay more to pierce thy hard heart, and make thee sell thy land if thou'st any grace: she has 'mongst others two substantial Suitors,  
One, in good time be't spoke, I owe much money to,  
She knows this too, and yet I'm welcome to her,  
Nor dares the unconscionable Rascal trouble me;  
Sh'as told him thus, those that profess love to her  
Shall have the liberty to come and go,  
Or else get him gone first; she knows not yet  
Where fortune may bestow her, she's her gift,  
Therefore to all will show a kind respect.  Fra. 
Why this is like a woman: I ha' no luck in't.  Ric. 
And as at a sheriff's table, O blessed custom,  
A poor indebted Gentleman may dine,  
Feed well, and without fear, and depart so,  
So to her lips, fearless I come and go?  Fra. 
You may well boast, you're much the happier man Sir  Ric. 
So you would be, and you would sell your land Sir  Fra. 
I have heard the circumstance of your sweet fortunes:  
Prithee give ear to my unlucky tale now.  Ric. 
That's an ill hearing; but come on for once Sir.  Fra. 
I never yet loved but one Woman.  Ric. 
Right, I begun so too; but I have loved a thousand since.  Fra. 
Pray hear me Sir; but this is a man's wife.  Ric. 
So has five hundred of my thousand been.  Fra. 
Nay see and you'll regard me.  Ric. 
No? you see I do,  
I bring you an example in for every thing.  Fra. 
This man's wife  Ric. 
So you said.  Fra. 
Seems very strict  Ric. 
Ha, humh.  Fra. 
Do you laugh at that?  Ric. 
Seems very strict you said,  
I hear you man, i'faith you are so jealous still.  Fra. 
But why should that make you laugh?  Ric. 
Because she seems so: you're such another—  Fra. 
Nay Sir, I think she is.  Ric. 
You cannot tell then.  Fra. 
I dare not ask the question I protest  
For fear of a repulse, which yet not having.  
My mind's the quieter, and I live in hope still.  Ric. 
Ha, hum: this 'tis to be a landed man. Come, I perceive  
I must show you a little of my fortune, and instruct you:  
Not ask the question?  Fra. 
methought still she frowned Sir?  Ric. 
Why that's the cause fool, that she looked so scurvily.  
Come, come, make me your woman, you'll ne'er do't else,  
I'll show you her condition presently.  
I perceive you must begin like a young Vaulter, and get up at horse-tail, before you get into the saddle; have you the boldness to utter your mind to me now, being but in hose and doublet? I think if I should put on a Farthingale, thou wouldest never have the heart to do't.  Fra. 
Perhaps I should not then for laughing at you Sir.  Ric. 
In the mean time I fear I shall laugh at thee without one.  Fra. 
Nay you must think friend, I dare speak to a woman.  Ric. 
You shall pardon me for that friend; I will not think it,  
till I see't.  Fra. 
Why you shall then: I shallbe glad to learn too, Of one so deep as you are.  Ric. 
So you may Sir; Now 'tis my best course to look mildly, I shall put him out at first else.  Fra. 
A word, sweet Lady.  Ric. 
With me Sir? say your pleasure.  Fra. 
O Ricardo,  
Thou art too good to be a woman long.  Ric. 
Do not find fault with this, for fear I prove  
Too scornful, be content when you're well used.  Fra. 
You say well Sir. Lady I have loved you long.  Ric. 
'Tis a good hearing Sir. If he be not out now I'll be hanged.  Fra. 
You play a scornful woman? I perceive Ricardo, You have not been used to 'em: why I'll come in at my pleasure with you: alas 'tis nothing for a man to talk, when a woman gives way too't: one shall seldom meet with a Lady so kind, as thou play'dst her.  Ric. 
Not altogether perhaps: he that draws their pictures must flatter 'em a little, they'll look he that plays 'em should do't a great deal then.  Fra. 
Come, come I'll play the woman, that I'm used too,  
I see you ne'er wore shoe that pinched you yet,  
All your things comes on easy.  Ric. 
Say you so Sir?  
I'll try your Ladyship 'faith: Lady well met.  Fra. 
I do not think so Sir.  Ric. 
A scornful Gom,  
And at the first dash too: my Widow never gave me such an answer, I'll to you again Sir.  
Fairest of creatures, I do love thee infinitely.  Fra. 
there's nobody bids you Sir.  Ric. 
Pox on thee thou art the beastliest crossest Baggage that ever man met withal; but I'll see thee hanged sweet Lady ere I be daunted with this: why thou'rt too awkward Sirrah.  Fra. 
Hang thee base fellow.  Ric. 
Now by this light, he thinks he dost indeed,  
Nay then have at your plumb-tree faith, I'll not be foiled,  
Though you seem to be careless Madam, as you have enough wherewith all to be, yet I do, must, and will love you.  Fra. 
Sir, if you begin to be rude, I'll call my woman.  Ric. 
What a pestilent Queans this? I shall have much ado with her I see that; tell me as you're a woman Lady, what serve kisses for? but to stop all your mouths.  Fra. 
Hold, hold Ricardo.  Ric. 
Disgrace me Widow.  Fra. 
Ait mad, I'm Francisco?  Atta. 
Signior Ricardo, up, up.  Ric. 
Who is't Francisco?  Fra. 
Francisco quoth 'a? what are you mad Sir?  Ric. 
A bots on thee, thou dost not know what injury thou hast done me, I was i'th' fairest dream, this is your way now, and you can follow it.  Fra. 
'Tis a strange way methinks.  Ric. 
Learn you to play a woman not so scornfully then,  
For I am like the Actor that you spoke on,  
I must have the part that overcomes the Lady,  
I never like the Play else.— Now your friendship,  
But to assist a subtle trick I ha' thought on,  
And the rich Widows mine within these three hours.  Att. Fra. 
We should be proud of that Sir.  Ric. 
List to me then.  
I'll place you too, I can do't handsomely  
I know the house so well, to hear the conference  
'Twixt her and I, she's a most affable one,  
Her words will give advantage, and I'll urge 'em  
To the kind proof, to catch her in a Contract,  
Then shall you both step in as witnesses,  
And take her in the snare.  Fra. 
But do you love her?  
And then 'twill prosper.  Ric. 
By this hand I do,  
Not for her wealth, but for her person too.  Fra. 
It shallbe done then.  Ric. 
But stay, stay Francisco,  
Where shall we meet with thee some two hours hence now?  Fra. 
Why hark you Sir.  Ric. 
Enough, command my life,  
Get me the widow, I'll get thee the wife.  [Exit. Ricardo & Attalio.] Fra 
Oh that's now with me past hope; yet I must love her,  
I would I could not do't.  [Enter Brandino and Martino.] Mar. 
Yonder's the villain Master.  Bran. 
Francisco; I am happy.  Mar. 
Let's both draw Mr. for there's nobody with him; Stay, stay Mr.  
Do not you draw till I be ready too,  
Let's draw just both together, and keep e'en.  Bran. 
What and we killed him now, before he saw us?  Mar. 
No, than he will hardly see to read the letter.  Bran. 
That's true: good counsel marry.  Mar. 
Marry thus much Sir, You may kill him lawfully, all the while he's a reading on't, as an Anabaptist may lie with a Brother's wife, all the while he's asleep.  Bran. 
He turns; he looks: Come on Sir, you, Francisco,  
I loved your father well, but you're a villain:  
He loved me well too; but you love my wife Sir,  
After whom take you that? I will not say  
Your Mother played false.  Fra. 
No Sir, you were not best.  Bran. 
But I will say, in spite of thee, my wife's honest.  Mar. 
And I, my Mistress.  Fra. 
You may, I'll give you leave.  Bran. 
Leave, or leave not, there, she defies you Sir;  
Keep your adulterous sheet to wind you in,  
Or cover your forbidden parts at least,  
For fear you want one; many a lecher may  
That sins in cambric now.  Mar. 
And in Lawn too Master.  Bran. 
Nay read, and tremble Sir.  Mar. 
Now shall I do't Mr? I see a piece of an open seam in his Shirt, shall I run him in there, for my Sword has ne'er a point.  Bran. 
No, let him foam a while.  Mar. 
If your Sword be no better than mine, we shall not kill him by daylight, we had need have a Lantern.  Bran. 
Talk not of lanterns, he's a sturdy Lecher,  
He would make the horns fly about my ears.  Fra. 
I apprehend thee: admirable woman,  
Which to love best I know not; thy wit, or beauty.  Bran. 
Now Sir, have you well viewed your bastard there,  
Got of your lustful brain? give you joy on't.  Fra. 
I thank you Sir, although you speak in jest,  
I must confess, I sent your wife this letter,  
And often courted her, tempted, and urged her.  Bran. 
Did you so Sir?  
Then first before I kill thee, I forewarn thee my house.  Mar. 
And I before I kill thee, forewarn thee my office; die tomorrow next, thou never getst Warrant of me more, for love, or money.  Fra. 
Remember but again, from whence I came Sir,  
And then I know you cannot think amiss of me.  Bran. 
How's this?  Mar. 
Pray hear him: it may grow to a peace:  
For Mr. though we have carried the business nobly, we are not altogether so valiant as we should be.  Bran. 
Peace, thou sayst true in that: what is't you'd say Sir?  Fra. 
Was not my Father, (quietness be with him)  
And you sworn Brothers?  Bran. 
Why Right: that's it urges me.  Fra. 
And could you have a thought that I could wrong you,  
As far as the deed goes?  Bran. 
You took the course Sir.  Fra. 
To make you happy, and you rightly weighed it.  Mar. 
Troth I'll put up at all adventures Mr.  
It comes off very fair yet.  Fra. 
You in years  
Married a young Maid: what does the world judge think you?  Mar. 
by’r lady Mr. knavishly enough I warrant you,  
I should do so myself.  Fra. 
Now to damp slander,  
And all her envious and suspicious brood,  
I made this friendly trial of her constancy,  
Being Son to him you loved; that now confirmed  
I might advance my Sword against the world  
In her most fair defence, which joys my spirit.  Mar. 
Oh Mr. let me weep while you embrace him.  Bran. 
Francisco; is thy father's soul in thee?  
Lives he here still? what, will he show himself  
In his male seed to me? give me thy hand,  
methinks it feels now like thy fathers to me,  
Prithee forgive me.  Mar. 
And me to, prithee.  Bran. 
Come to my house, thy father never missed it.  Mar. 
Fetch now as many Warrants as you please Sir,  
And welcome too.  Fra. 
To see how soon man's goodness  
May be abused.  Bran. 
But now I know thy intent  
Welcome to all that I have.  Fra. 
Sir, I take it:  
A gift so given, hang him that would forsake it.  Exit. Bran. 
Martino, I applaud my fortune, and thy Counsel.  Mar. 
You never have ill fortune when you follow it.  
Here was things carried now, in the true nature of a quiet Duello;  
A great strife ended, without the rough Soldier, or the—  
And now you may take your journey.  Bran. 
Thou art my glee Martino.  Exeunt. 
Finis Actus Primi.    


Actus 2. Scaena 1.  Enter VALERIA the Widow and a Servant. Val. 
SErvellio.  Ser. 
Mistress.  Val. 
If that fellow come again,  
Answer him without me: I'll not speak with him.  Ser. 
He in the nutmeg-coloured band forsooth.  Val. 
ay, that spiced-coxcomb Sir: Never may I marry again  
If his right worshipful idolatrous face  
Be not most fearfully painted, painted, so hope comfort me,  
I might perceive it peel in many places,  
And under's eye, lay a betraying foulness,  
As Maids sweep dust o'th' house, all to one corner,  
It showed me enough there, prodigious pride  
That cannot but fall scornfully. I'm a woman,  
Yet I praise heaven, I never had the ambition  
To go about to mend a better Workman,  
She ever shames herself i'th' end, that does it.  
He that likes me not now, as heaven made me,  
I will never hazard hell to do him a pleasure;  
Nor lie every night like a Woodcock in past  
To please some gaudy Goose i'th' morning:  
A wise man likes that best, that is itself,  
Not that which only seems, though it look fairer;  
Heaven send me one that loves me, and I'm happy,  
Of whom I'll make great trial ere I have him,  
Though I speak all men fair, and promise sweetly,  
I learn that of my Suitors, 'tis their own,  
Therefore injustice 'twere to keep it from 'em.  Enter RICARDO. Ric. 
And so as I said sweet Widow.  Val. 
Do you begin where you left Sir?  Ric. 
I always desire when I come to a Window, to begin i'th' middle of a sentence, for I presume she has a bad memory of a woman that cannot remember what goes before.  Val. 
Stay, stay Sir, let me look upon you well,  
Are not you painted too?  Ric. 
How, painted, Widow?  Val. 
Not painted Widow, I do not use it trust me Sir.  Ric. 
That makes me love thee.  Val. 
I mean painted Gentleman,  
Or if you please to give him a greater style Sir;  
Blame me not Sir, it's a dangerous age I tell you,  
Poor simple dealing women had need look about 'em.  Ric. 
But is there such a fellow in the world, Widow,  
As you are pleased to talk on?  Val. 
Nay, here lately Sir.  Ric. 
Here? a Pox, I think I smell him, 'tis Vermilion sure, ha: oil of Ben, do but show him me Widow, and let me never hope for comfort, if I do not immediately geld him, and grind his face upon one o'th' stones.  Val. 
Suffices you've expressed me your love and valour, and manly hate against that unmanly pride: but Sir, I'll save you that labour, he never comes within my door again.  Ric. 
I'll love your door the better while I know't Widow; a pair of such Brothers were fitter for Posts without door indeed, to make a show at a new-chosen Magistrates gate, than to be used in a Woman's Chamber: No, sweet Widow, having me, you've the truth of a man, all that you see of me, is full mine own, and what you see, or not see, shall be yours: I ever hated to be beholding to art, or to borrow any thing but money.  [Francisco and Attilio: stand unseen.] Val. 
True, and that you never use to pay again.  Ric. 
What matter is't? if you be pleased to do't  
For me, I hold it as good.  Val. 
Oh, soft you Sir I pray.  Ric. 
Why 'i'faith you may and you will.  Val. 
I know that Sir.  Ric. 
Troth, and I would have my will then if I were as you.  
there's few women else but has.  Val. 
But since I cannot have't in all Signior, I care not to have it in any thing.  Ric. 
Why you may have't in all, and you will Widow.  Val. 
Pish, I would have one that loves me for myself Sir,  
Not for my wealth: and that I cannot have.  Ric. 
What say you to him that does the thing you wish for?  Val. 
Why here's my hand, I'll marry none but him then.  Ric. 
Your hand, and faith.  Val. 
My hand, and faith.  Ric. 
'Tis I then.  Val. 
I shallbe glad on't trust me: shrew my heart else.  Ric. 
A match.  [Enter Francisco and Attilio. Fra. 
Give you joy, sweet Widow.  At. 
Joy to you both.  Val. 
How?  Ric. 
Nay, there's no starting now, I have you fast Widow,  
You're witness Gentlemen.  Fra. Att. 
we'll be deposed on't.  Val. 
Am I betrayed to this then? than I see  
'Tis for my wealth; a woman's wealth's her Traitor.  Ric. 
'Tis for love chiefly, I protest sweet Widow,  
I count wealth but a fiddle to make us merry.  Val. 
Hence.  Ric. 
Why thou'rt mine.  Val. 
I do renounce it utterly.  Ric. 
Have I not hand and faith?  Val. 
Sir, take your course.  Ric. 
With all my heart; ten courses and you will Widow.  Val. 
Sir, Sir, I'm not so gamesome as you think me,  
I'll stand you out by law.  Ric. 
By Law? O cruel merciless woman,  
To talk of law, and know I have no money.  Val. 
I will consume myself to the last stamp,  
Before thou get'st me.  Ric. 
'Life, I'll be as wilful then too: I'll rob all the Carriers in Christendom, but I'll have thee, and find my lawyer's money:  
I scorn to get thee under forma pauperis,  
I have too proud a heart, and love thee better.  Val. 
As for you Gentlemen, I'll take course against you;  
You came into my house without my leave;  
Your practices are cunning, and deceitful;  
I know you not, and I hope law will right me.  Ric. 
It is sufficient that your husband knows 'em,  
'Tis not your business to know every man,  
An honest wife contents herself with one.  Val. 
You know what you shall trust to, pray depart Sir,  
And take your rude confederates along with you,  
Or I will send for those shall force your absence:  
I'm glad I found your purpose out so soon.  
How quickly may poor women be undone.  Ric. 
Lose thee? by this hand I'll fee fifteen Counsellors first, though I undo a hundred poor men for 'em, and I'll make 'em yaul one another deaf, but I'll have thee.  Val. 
Me?  Ric. 
Thee.  Val. 
ay, fret thy heart out.  Exit. Fra. 
Were I he now  
I'd see thee starve for man before I had thee.  Val. 
Pray counsel him to that Sir, and I'll pay you well.  Fra. 
Pay me? pay your next husband.  Val. 
Do not scorn't gallant: a worse woman than I,  
Has paid a better man than you.  Enter two old Suitors. 
1 Why how now sweet Widow?  Val. 
Oh kind Gentlemen,  
I am so abused here.  Ambo. 
Abused?  Val. 
What will you do Sirs? put up your weapons.  2 Suitor. 
Nay, they're not so easily drawn, that I must tell you you, mine has not been out this three ears; marry in your cause Widow, 'twould not be long a drawing. Abused? by whom Widow?  Val. 
Nay, by a beggar.  2 Suitor. 
A beggar? I'll have him whipped then, and sent to the house of Correction.  Val. 
Ricardo? Sir.  2 Suitor. 
Ricardo? nay byth' mass, he's a Gentleman beggar, he'll be hanged before he be whipped. Why you'll give me leave to clap him up I hope?  Val. 
'Tis too good for him; that's the thing he would have,  
He would be clapped up whether I would or no methinks;  
Placed two of his companions privately,  
Unknown to me, on purpose to entrap me  
In my kind answers, and at last stole from me,  
That which I fear will put me to some trouble,  
A kind of verbal courtesy, which his witnesses  
And he forsooth call by the name of contract.  1 Suitor. 
O politic villain,  Val. 
But I am resolved Gentlemen,  
If the whole power of my estate can cast him,  
He never shall obtain me.  2 Suitor. 
Hold you there Widow,  
Well fare your heart for that i'faith.  1 Suitor. 
Stay, stay, stay,  
You broke no gold between you?  Val. 
We broke nothing Sir.  1 Suitor. 
Nor drunk to one another?  Val. 
Not a drop Sir.  1 Suitor. 
You're sure of this you speak?  Val. 
Most certain Sir.  1 Suitor. 
Be of good comfort wench, I'll undertake then  
At mine own charge to overthrow him for thee.  Val. 
O do but that Sir, and you bind me to you,  
Here shall I try your goodness. I'm but a woman,  
And alas, ignorant in Law businesses,  
I'll bear the charge most willingly.  1 Suitor. 
Not a penny,  
Thy love will reward me.  Val. 
And where love must be,  
It is all but one purse now I think on't.  1 Suitor. 
All comes to one, sweet Widow.  2 Suitor. 
Are you so forward?  1 Suitor. 
I know his mates Attilio and Francisco,  
I'll get out process and and attach 'em all,  
we'll begin first with them.  Val. 
I like that, strangely.  1 Suitor. 
I have a daughter run away I thank her,  
I'll be a scourge to all youth for her sake:  
Some of 'em has got her up.  Val. 
Your daughter? what Sir? Martia.  1 Suitor. 
I a shake wed her,  
I would have married her to a wealthy Gentleman,  
No older than myself, she was like to be shrewdly hurt Widow.  Val. 
It was too happy for her.  1 Suitor. 
I'm of thy mind.  
Farewell sweet Widow, I'll about this straight,  
I'll have 'em all three put into one Writ,  
And so save charges.  Val. 
How I love your providence.  Exit. 1 Suitor. 2 Suitor. 
Is my Nose board? I'll cross ye both for this,  
Although it cost me as much o'th' other side,  
I have enough, and I will have my humour.  
I may get out of her, what may undo her too;  
Hark you sweet Widow, you must now take heed,  
You be of a sure ground, he'll overthrow your else.  Val. 
Marry fair hope forbid.  2 Suitor. 
That will he: marry le' me see, le' me see: pray how far past it between you and Ricardo?  Val. 
Farther Sir  
Than I would now it had, but I hope well yet.  2 Suitor. 
Pray let me hear't: I've a shrewd guess o'th' Law.  Val. 
Faith Sir, I rashly gave my hand and faith  
To marry none but him.  2 Suitor. 
Indeed?  Val. 
ay, trust me Sir.  2 Suitor. 
I'm very glad on't, I'm another witness,  
And he shall have you now.  Val. 
What said you Sir.  2 Suitor. 
He shall not want money in an honest cause Widow,  
I know I have enough, and I will have my humour.  Val. 
Are all the world betrayers.  2 Suitor. 
Pish, pish, Widow.  
You've borne me in hand this three months, and now fobbed me  
I've known the time when I could please a woman,  
I'll not be laughed at now; when I'm crossed, I'm a Tiger;  
I have enough, and I will have my humour.  Val. 
This only shows your malice to me Sir,  
The world knows you ha' small reason to help him,  
So much in your debt already.  2 Suitor. 
Therefore I do't,  
I have no way but that to help myself;  
Though I lose you, I will not lose all Widow;  
He marrying you, as I will follow't for him,  
I'll make you pay his debts, or lie without him.  Val. 
I looked for this from you.  Exit. 2 Suitor. 
I ha' not deceived you then:  
Fret, vex, and chafe, I'm obstinate where I take.  
I'll seek him out, and cheer him up, against her,  
I ha' no charge at all, no child of mine own,  
But two I got once of a scowring woman,  
And they're both well provided for, they're i'th' Hospital:  
I have ten thousand pound to bury me, and I will have my humour.  Exit.  

Scaena 2.  Enter FRANCISCO. Fra. 
A man must have a time to serve his pleasure,  
As well as his dear Friend, I'm forced to steal from 'em,  
To get this night of sport for mine own use:  
What says her amiable witty letter here?  
'Twixt nine and ten, now 'tis twixt six and seven,  
As fit as can be; he that follows Lechery,  
Leaves all at six and seven, and so do I methinks:  
Sun sets at eight, it's 'bove an hour high yet,  
Some fifteen mile have I before I reach her,  
But I've an excellent horse; and a good gallop,  [Enter 1 Suitor with Officers.] 
Helps man as much as a provoking Banquet.  1 Suitor. 
Here's one of 'em, begin with him first Officers.  Officer. 
By virtue of this writ we attach your body Sir.  Fra. 
My body? 'life, for what?  1 Suitor. 
Hold him fast Officers.  Officer 
The least of us can do't, now his Sword's off Sir,  
We have a trick of hanging upon Gentlemen,  
We never lose a man.  Fra. 
O treacherous fortune,  
Why what's the cause?  1 Suitor. 
The Widow's business Sir,  
I hope you know me?  Fra. 
For a busy Coxcomb,  
This fifteen year, I take it.  1 Suitor. 
Oh you're mad Sir,  
Simple though you make me, I stand for the Widow.  Fra. 
She's simply stood for then: what's this to me Sir,  
Or she, or you, or any of these flesh-hooks?  1 Suitor. 
You're like to find good bail before you leave us,  
Or lie till the Suit's tried.  Fra. 
O my love's misery.  1 Suitor. 
I'm put in trust to follow't, and I'll do't with all severity;  
Build upon that Sir.  [Enter Ricardo and Attillio.] Fra. 
How I would curse myself.  Ric. 
Look, here's Francisco,  
Will you believe me, now you see his qualities?  Attilio. 
'Tis strange to me.  Ric. 
I tell you 'tis his fashion,  
He never stole away in's life from me,  
But still I found him in such scurvy Company;  
A pox on thee Francisco wilt never leave thy old  
Tricks, are these lousy Companions for thee?  Fra. 
Pish, pish, pish.  1 Suitor. 
Here they be all three now: 'apprehend 'em Officers.  Ric. 
What's this?  Fra. 
I gave you warning enough to make away,  
I'm in for the widow's business, so are you now.  Ric. 
What, all three in a noose? this is like a widow's business indeed.  1 Suitor. 
Sh'as catched you Gentlemen, as you catched her,  
The Widow means now, to begin with you Sir.  Ric. 
I thank her heartily, sh'as taught me wit: for had I been any but an ass, I should ha' begun with her indeed: by this light, the Widows a notable Housewife, she bestirs herself, I have a greater mind to her now than e'er I had: I cannot go to prison for one I love better I protest, that's one good comfort, And what are you I pray Sir, for a Coxcomb?  1 Suitor. 
It seems you know me by your anger Sir.  Ric. 
I've a near guess at you Sir.  1 Suitor. 
Guess what you please Sir,  
I'm he ordained to trounce you, and indeed  
I am the man must carry her.  Ric. 
ay, to me.  
But I'll swear she's a beast, and she carry thee.  1 Suitor. 
Come, where's your Bail Sir, quickly, or away.  Ric. 
Sir, I'm held wrongfully, my bail's taken already.  1 Suitor. 
Where is't Sir, where?  [Enter 2 Suitor.] Ric. 
Here they be both: pox on you, they were taken before I'd need of 'em, and you be honest Officers let's Bail one another, for by this hand, I do not know who will else:— 'odds' light is he come too? I'm in for midnight then, I shall never find the way out again: my debts, my debts:  
I'm like to die i'th' hole now.  1 Suitor. 
We have him fast old Signior, and his Consorts,  
Now you may lay action on action on him.  2 Suitor. 
That may I Sir, i'faith.  1 Suitor. 
And I'd not spare him Sir.  2 Suitor. 
Know you me Officers?  Officer. 
Your bounteous worship Sir.  Ric. 
I know the rascal so well, I dare not look upon him.  2 Suitor. 
Upon my worth deliver me that Gentleman.  Fra. 
Which Gentleman?  2 Suitor. 
Not you Sir, you're too hasty;  
No, nor you neither Sir: pray stay your time.  Ric. 
there's all but I now, and I dare not think he means me.  2 Suitor. 
Deliver me Ricardo.  Ric. 
O sure he lies.  
Or else I do not hear well.  Officer. 
Signior Ricardo.  Ric. 
Well, what's the matter? you may go, who let's you?  Officer. 
It is his worship's pleasure Sir to Bail you.  Ric. 
Bail me?  2 Suitor. 
I will, I Sir, look in my face man,  
Thou'st a good cause, thou'lt pay me when thou'rt able?  Ric. 
ay, every penny, as I am a Gentleman.  2 Suitor. 
No matter if thou dost not, then, I'll make thee,  
And that's as good at all times.  1 Suitor. 
But I pray Sir,  
You go against the Hair there.  2 Suitor. 
Against the Widow you mean Sir,  
Why 'tis my purpose truly, and against you too,  
I saw your politic Combination,  
I was thrust out between you: here stands one  
Shall do as much for you, and he stands rightest,  
His cause is strong and fair, nor shall he want  
Money, or means, or friends, but he shall have her,  
I've enough, and I will have my humour.  1 Suitor. 
Hang thee; I have a purse as good as thine.  Ric. 
I think they're much alike, they're rich knaves both.  
'Heart, and I take your railing at my Patron Sir,  
I'll cramp your joints.  2 Suitor. 
Let him alone sweet honey,  
I thank thee for thy love though.  Ric. 
This is wonderful.  Fra. 
Oh Ricardo,  
'Tis seven, struck in my pocket: I lose time now.  Ric. 
What sayst Francisco?  Fra. 
I ha' mighty business,  
That I ne'er thought on: get me Bailed, I'm spoilt else.  Ric. 
Why you know, 'tis such a strange miraculous courtesy,  
I dare not be too forward, to ask more of him,  
For fear he repent this, and turn me in again.  Fra. 
Do somewhat and you love me.  Ric. 
I'll make trial 'faith  
May't please you Sir:— 'life if I should spoil all now?  2 Suitor. 
What sayst Ricardo?  Ric. 
Only a thing byth' way Sir,  
Use your own pleasure.  2 Suitor. 
That I like well from thee.  Ric. 
'Twere good, and those two Gentlemen were Bailed too,  
They're both my witnesses.  2 Suitor. 
They're well, they're well:  
And they were Bailed, we know not where to find 'em,  
Let 'em go to prison, they'll be forthcoming the better,  
I have enough, and I will have my humour.  Ric. 
I knew there was no more good to be done upon him,  
'Tis well I've this, heaven knows I never looked for't.  Fra. 
What plaguy luck had I to be ensnared thus?  Officer. 
O, patience.  [Enter Brandino and Martino.] Fra. 
Pox O your comfortable ignorance.  Bran. 
Martino, we ride slow.  Mar. 
But we ride sure Sir,  
Your hasty riders often come short home Mr.  Bran. 
'Bless this fair company.  Fra. 
Here he's again too,  
I am both shamed, and crossed.  Bran. 
Seest thou who's yonder, Martino?  Mar. 
We ride slow, I'll be sworn now Mr.  Bran. 
How now Francisco, art thou got before me?  Fra. 
Yes, thank my fortune, I am got before you.  Bran. 
What no? in hold?  Ric. 
ay, o' my troth poor Gentleman,  
Your worship Sir, may do a good deed to Bail him.  Bran. 
Why do not you do't then?  Mar. 
La you Sir now, my Mr. h'as that honesty  
He's loath to take a good deed from you Sir.  Ric. 
I'll tell you why I cannot, else I would Sir.  Fra. 
Luck I beseech thee,  
If he should be wrought to Bail me now, to go to  
His wife, 'twere happiness beyond expression.  Bran. 
A matter but of controversy.  Ric. 
That's all, trust me Sir.  Bran. 
Francisco shall ne'er lie for't; he's my friend,  
And I will Bail him.  Mar. 
He's your secret friend Mr.  
Think upon that.  Bran. 
Give him his liberty Officers,  
Upon my peril, he shallbe forth coming.  Fra. 
How I am bound to you?  1 Suitor. 
Know you whom you cross Sir?  
'Tis at your sister's suit, be well advised Sir,  Bran. 
How, at my sister's suit? take him again then.  Fra. 
Why Sir, do you refuse me?  Bran. 
I'll not hear thee.  Rich. 
This is unkindly done sir.  1 suitor. 
'Tis wisely done sir.  2 suitor. 
Well shot, foul malice.  1 suitor. 
Flattery stinks worse sir.  Ric. 
You'll never leave till I make you stink as bad sir.  Fran. 
Oh Martino, have I this for my late kindness?  Mar. 
Alas poor Gentleman, dost complain to me?  
Thou shalt not fare the worse for't: Hark you Master,  
Your sister's suit said you?  Bran. 
ay sir, my wife's sister.  Mar. 
And shall that daunt you Master? think again,  
Why were't your mother's suit; your mother's suit,  
Mark what I say, the dearest suit of all suits,  
You're bound in conscience sir to bail this Gentleman.  Bra. 
Yea, am I so, how provest thou that Martino?  Mar. 
Have you forgot so soon, what he did lately?  
Has he not tried your wife to your hand master?  
To cut the throat of slander and suspicion;  
And can you do too much for such a man?  
Shall it be said, I serve an ingrateful master?  Bran. 
Never Martino; I will bail him now,  
And 'twere at my wife's suit.  Fra. 
'Tis like to be so.  Mar. 
And I his friend, to follow your example Mr.  Fra. 
Precious Martino.  1 suitor. 
Y'ave done wondrous well sir.  
Your sister shall give you thanks.  Ric. 
This makes him mad sir.  2 suitor. 
we'll follow't now toth' proof.  1 suitor. 
Follow your humour out,  
The widow shall find friends.  2 suitor. 
And so shall he sir,  
Money and means.  Ric. 
Hear you me that old huddle.  2 suitor. 
Mind him not, follow me and I'll supply thee,  
Thou shalt give all thy Lawyers double fees,  
I've buried money enough to burry me,  
And I will have my humour.  Exit. Bran. 
Fare thee well once again my dear Francisco,  
I prithee use my house.  Fran. 
It is my purpose sir.  Bran. 
Nay you must do't then; though I am old, I'm free.  Exit Mar. 
And when you want a warrant, come to me.  Exit. Fra. 
That will be shortly now, within this few hours.  
This fell out strangely happy. Now to horse,  
I shall be nighted; but an hour or two  
Never breaks square in love; he comes in time  
That comes at all; absence is all love's crime.  Exit. 
Finis Actus Secundi.    


Actus 3. Scaena 1.  Enter OCCULTO, SILVIO, and two or three other Thieves. Occulto. 
COme, come, let's watch th'event on yonder hill,  
If he need help, we can relieve him suddenly.  Sil. 
ay, and with safety too, the hill being watched Sir.  Occ. 
Have you the Blue coats and the Beards?  Sil. 
They're here Sir.  Occ. 
Come, come away then, a fine Cock shoot evening.  Exit. Enter Latrocinio the chief Thief, and Ansoldo. La. sings. 
Kuck before, and Kuck behind, &c.  Ans. 
Troth you're the merriest, and delightful'st company Sir,  
That ever Traveller was blessed withal,  
I praise my fortune that I overtook you Sir.  La. 
Pish, I've a hundred of 'em.  Ans. 
And believe me Sir,  
I'm infinitely taken with such things.  La. 
I see there's music in you, you kept time methought  
Pretty and handsomely with your little hand there.  Ans. 
It only shows desire, but troth, no skill Sir.  La. 
Well, while our horses walk down yonder hill Sir,  
I'll have another for you.  Ans. 
It rids way pleasantly.  La. 
Le' me see now: one confounds another sir,  
You've heard this certainly: Come my dainty Doxes.  Ans. 
Oh, that's all the Country over sir,  
there's scarce a Gentlewoman, but has that pricked.  La. 
Well, here comes one I'm sure you never heard then.  Song. 
I keep my Horse, I keep my Whore,  
I take no Rents, yet am not poor;  
I traverse all the Land about,  
And yet was born to never a foot:  
With Partridge plump, with Woodcock fine  
I do at midnight often dine;  
And if my Whore be not in case,  
My Hostess daughter h'as her place;  
The Maids sit up, and watch their turns,  
If I stay long the Tapster mourns;  
The Cookmaid has no mind to sin,  
Though tempted by the Chamber lin;  
But when I knock, oh how they bustle,  
The Ostler yawns, the Geldings justle.  
If Maid but sleep, oh how they curse her!  
And all this comes of, Deliver your purse sir.  Ans. 
How Sir?  La. 
Few words: quickly come, deliver your purse sir.  Ans. 
You're not that kind of Gentleman, I hope sir,  
To sing me out of my money?  La. 
'Tis most fit  
Art should be rewarded: you must pay your Music sir  
Where ere you come.  Ans. 
But not at your own carving.  La. 
Nor am I common in't: Come, come your purse sir.  Ans. 
Say it should prove the undoing of a Gentleman?  La. 
Why sir, do you look for more conscience in us, than  
In Usurers? young gentleman, you've small reason for that i'faith.  Ans. 
There 'tis, and all I have; and so truth comfort me,  
All I know where to have.  La. 
Sir, that's not written  
In my belief yet; search, 'tis a fine evening,  
Your horse can take no harm: I must have more sir.  Ans. 
May my hopes perish, if you have not all sir,  
And more I know than your compassionate charity  
Would keep from me, if you but felt my wants.  Ans. 
Search, and that speedily: if I take you in hand,  
You'll find me rough, methinks men should be ruled,  
When they're so kindly spoke too, fie upon't.  Ans. 
Good fortune, and my wit assist me then,  
A thing I took in haste, and never thought on't:  
Look sir, I've searched, here's all that I can find,  
And you're so covetous, you will have all you say,  
And I'm content you shall, being kindly spoke too.  La. 
A pox o' that young devil of a handful long.  
That 'as 'fraid many a tall thief from a rich purchase.  Ans. 
This, and my money sir, keeps company;  
Where one goes, th'other must; assure your soul  
They vowed never to part.  La. 
Hold, I beseech you sir.  Ans. 
You rob a prisoner's box, and you rob me, sir.  La. 
There 'tis again.  Ans. 
I knew 't would never prosper with you;  
Fie, rob a younger Brother, oh take heed sir,  
'Tis against nature that, perhaps your Father  
Was one sir, or your Uncle, it should seem so  
By the small means was left you, and less manners.  
Go, keep you still before me, and do you hear me;  
To pass away the time to the next Town,  
I charge you sir, sing all your Songs for nothing—  Lat. 
Oh horrible punishment.— A Song:  [Enter Stratio.] Stra. 
Honest Gentleman.  Ans. 
How now, what art thou?  Stra. 
Stand you in need of help?  
I made all haste I could, my Master charged me.  
A Knight of worship; he saw you first assaulted.  
From top of yonder hill.  Ans. 
Thanks honest friend.  La. 
I taste this trick already.—  Exit. Stra. 
Look, he's gone sir,  
Shall he be stopped; what is he?  Ans. 
Let him go sir;  
He can rejoice in nothing, that's the comfort.  Stra. 
You have your purse still then?  Ans. 
ay, thanks fair fortune,  
And this grim handful.  Stra. 
We were all so 'fraid o'you,  
How my good Lady cried O help the gentleman,  
'Tis a good woman that: but you're too mild sir,  
You should ha' marked him for a villain 'faith  
Before he'd gone, having so sound a means too.  Ans. 
Why there's the jest man; he had once my purse.  Stra. 
Oh villain, would you let him scape unmassacred?  Ans. 
Nay, hear me sir, I made him yield it straight again,  
And so hope bless me, with an uncharged Pistol.  Stra. 
'Troth I should laugh at that.  Ans. 
It was discharged Sir,  
Before I meddled with't.  Stra. 
I'm glad to hear't.  Ans. 
Why how now, What's your will?  Stra. 
Hoh, Latrocinio, Occulto, Silvio.—  [Enter Latrocinio and the rest, Occulto, Silvio, Fiducio.] La. 
What are you caught sir?  Stra. 
The Pistol cannot speak.  La. 
He was too young,  
I ever thought he could not; yet I feared him.  Ans. 
You've found out ways too merciless to betray  
Under the veil of friendship, and of charity.  La. 
Away sirs, bear him in to th' next Copse, and strip him.  Stra. 
Brandino's Copse, the Justice?  La. 
Best of all sit, a man of law?  
A Spider lies unsuspected in the corner of a buckram bag, man.  Ans. 
What seek you sirs? take all and use no cruelty,  La. 
You shall have Songs enough.  Song. 
How round the world goes, and every thing that's in it,  
The Tides of gold and silver, ebb and flow in a minute:  
From the Usurer to his Sons, there a current swiftly runs,  
From the Sons to Queans in chief, from the gallant to the Thief,  
From the Thief unto his Host, from the Host to Husbandmen;  
From the Country to the Court, and so it comes to us again.  
How round the world goes, and every thing that's in it,  
The Tides of gold and silver, ebb and flow in a minute.  Exeunt. Enter PHILIPP A and VIOLETTA above at the Window. Phil. 
What time of night is't?  Viol. 
Time of night do you call't?  
It's so late, 'tis almost early Mistress.  Phil. 
Fie on him, there's no looking for him then;  
Why sure this Gentleman apprehends me not.  Viol. 
'Tis happy then you're rid of such a fool Mistress.  Phil. 
Nay sure Wench, if he find me not out in this  
Which were a beaten path to any wiseman,  
I'll never trust him with my reputation;  
Therefore I made this trial of his wit,  
If he cannot conceive what's good for himself,  
He will worse understand what's good for me.  Viol. 
But suppose Mrs. as it may be likely,  
He never saw your letter?  Phil. 
How thou pliest me,  
With suppositions? why I tell thee wench,  
'tis equally as impossible for my husband  
To keep it from him, as to be young again,  
Or as his first wife knew him, which he brags on  
For bearing children by him.  Viol. 
there's no remedy then,  
I must conclude Francisco is an Ass.  Phil. 
I would my letter, wench, were here again,  
I'd know him wiser ere I sent him one;  
And travail some five year first.  Viol. 
So he'd need methinks,  
To understand the words, methinks the words  
Themselves should make him do't, had he but the perseverance  
Of a Cock sparrow, that will come at philip,  
And can nor write, nor read poor fool, this Coxcomb  
He can do both, and your names but Philippa,  
And yet to see, if he can come when's called,  Phil. 
He never shall be called again for me sirrah.  
Well, as hard as the world goes, we'll have a Song wench,  
we'll not sit up for nothing.  Viol. 
That's poor comfort though.  Phil. 
Better then any's brought, for aught I see yet? So set to your Lute.  Song. 
1 If in this question I propound to thee  
Be any, any choice,  
Let me have thy voice.  
2 You shall most free.  
I Which hadst thou rather be  
If thou might choose thy life,  
A Fools, a fool's Mistress,  
Or an old man's wife?  
2 The choice is hard, I know not which is best,  
One ill you're bound too, and I think that's least.  
1 But being not bound, my dearest sweet,  
I could shake off the other.  
2 Then as you lose your sport by one,  
You lose your name by tother.  
1 You counsel well, but love refuses,  
What good counsel often chooses.  [Enter Ansaldo in his Shirt.] Ans. 
I ha' got myself unbound yet: merciless villains,  
I never felt such hardness since life dwelled in me;  
'Tis for my sins: That light in yonder Window  
That was my only comfort in the woods,  
Which oft the trembling of a leaf would lose me,  
Has brought me thus far, yet I cannot hope  
For succour in this plight, the world's so pitiless,  
And every one will fear or doubt me now:  
To knock will be too bold, I'll to the gate,  
And listen if I can hear any stirring.  [Enter Francisco. Fra. 
Was ever man so crossed? no 'tis but sweat sure,  
Or the dew dropping from the leaves above me,  
I thought 'thad bled again: these wenching businesses  
Are strange unlucky things, and fatal fooleries,  
No mar'le so many gallants die ere thirty,  
'Tis able to vex out a man's heart in five year,  
The crosses that belong to't: first arrested,  
That set me back two mangey hours at least,  
Yet that's a thing my heat could have forgiven,  
Because arresting, in what kind soever,  
Is a most Gentlemanlike affliction:  
But here, within a mile o'th' town forsooth,  
And two mile off this place, when a man's oath  
Might ha' been taken for his own security,  
And his thoughts brisk, and set upon the business,  
To light upon a roguy flight of Thieves,  
Pox on'em, here's the length of one of their whistles,  
But one of my dear Rascals, I pursued so,  
The Gaol has him, and he shall bring out'ts fellows:  
Had ever young man's love such crooked fortune?  
I'm glad I'm so near yet; the Surgeon bade me too  
Have a great care; I shall never think of that now.  Ans. 
One of the Thieves come back again? I'll stand close;  
He dares not wrong me now, so near the house,  
And call in vain 'tis, till I see him offer't.  Fra. 
'Life, what should that be? a prodigious thing  
Stands just as I should enter, in that shape too,  
Which always appears terrible.  
whate'er it be, it is made strong against me  
By my ill purpose. For 'tis man's own sin  
That puts on armour upon all his evils,  
And gives them strength to strike him: were it less  
Than what it is, my guilt would make it serve;  
A wicked man's own shadow has distracted him:  
Were this a business now to save an honour,  
As 'tis to spoil one, I would pass this then  
Stuck all hell's horrors i'thee: now I dare not.  
Why may't not be the spirit of my Father  
That loved this man so well, whom I make haste  
Now to abuse? And I have been crossed about it  
Most fearfully hitherto, if I well think on't;  
scaped death but lately too, nay most miraculously;  
And what does fond man venture all these ills for,  
That may so sweetly rest in honest peace?  
For that which being obtained, is as he was  
To his own sense but removed nearer still  
To death eternal: what delight has man  
Now at this present, for his pleasant sin  
Of yesterday's committing? 'las, 'tis vanished,  
And nothing but the sting remains within him.  
The kind man bailed me too; I will not do't now  
And 'twere but only that: how blessed were man,  
Might he but have his end appear still to him,  
That he might read his actions i'th' event?  
'T would make him write true, though he never meant.  
Whose Check soe'er thou art, Fathers, or Friends,  
Or Enemies, I thank thee, peace require thee;  
Light, and the lighter Mistress both farewell.  
He keeps his promise best that breaks with hell.  .. Exit. Ans. 
He's gone to call the rest, and makes all speed,  
I'll knock whate'er befalls, to please my fears,  
For no compassion can be less than theirs.  Phil. 
He's come, he's come; oh are you come at last sir?  
Make little noise, away, he'll knock again else.  Ans. 
I should have been at I stria by daybreak too,  
Near to Valeria's house the wealthy Widows,  
There waits one purposely to do me good.  
What will become of me?  [Enter Violetta.] Viol. 
Oh, you're a sweet Gallant, this your hour?  
Give me your hand; come, come sir, follow me,  
I'll bring you to light presently: softly, softly sir. Exeunt.  [Ent. Philippa below.] Phil. 
I should ha' given him up to all my thoughts  
The dullest young man, if he had not found it;  
So short of apprehension, and so worthless,  
He were not fit for woman's fellowship;  
I've been at cost too for a Banquet for him;  
Why't would ha' killed my heart, and most specially  
To think that man should ha' no more conceit;  
I should ha' thought the worse on's wit for ever,  
And blamed mine own for too much forwardness.  [Enter Violetta.] Viol. 
Oh Mistress, Mistress.  Phil. 
How now, what's the news?  Viol. 
Oh, I was out of my wits for a minute and a half.  Phil. 
Hah?  Viol. 
They are scarce settled yet Mistress.  Phil. 
What's the matter?  Viol. 
Do you ask that seriously?  
Did you not hear me squeak?  Phil. 
How? sure thou'rt out of thy wits indeed.  Viol. 
Oh, I'm well now,  
To what I was Mistress.  Phil. 
Why where's the gentleman?  Viol. 
The gentleman's forthcoming, and a lovely one,  
But not Francisco.  Phil. 
What sayst, not Francisco?  Viol. 
Pish, he's a coxcomb, think not on him Mistress.  Phil. 
What's all this?  Viol. 
I'ave often heard you say, ye'd rather have  
A wise man in his shirt than a Fool feathered,  
And now fortune has sent you one, a sweet young gentleman,  
robbed e'en to nothing but what first he brought with him,  
The slaves had stripped him to th' very shirt Mistress,  
I think it was a shirt, I know not well,  
For Gallants wear both now adays.  Phil. 
This is strange.  Viol. 
But for a face, a hand, and as much skin  
As I durst look upon, he's a most sweet one;  
Francisco is a child of Egypt to him:  
I could not but in pity to th' poor gentleman,  
Fetch him down one of my old Master's Suits.  Phil. 
'Twas charitably done,  Viol. 
You'd say Mistress, if you had seen him as I did.  
Sweet youth, I'll be sworn Mistress he's the loveliest  
Proper'st young gentleman, and so you'll say yourself,  
If my Master's clothes do not spoil him, that's all the fear now,  
I will't had been your luck to have seen him  
Without'em, but for scarring on you.  Phil. 
Go, prithee fetch him in whom thou commendest so,  Exit Viol. 
Since fortune sends him surely we'll make much on him;  
And better he deserves our love, and welcome,  
Than the respectless fellow 'twas prepared for;  
Yet if he please mine ease never so happily,  
I will have trial of his wit, and faith,  
Before I make him partner with my honour,  
'Twas just Francisco's case, and he deceived me;  
I'll take more heed o'th' next for't; perhaps now  
To furnish his distress, he will appear  
Full of fair promising Courtship; but I'll prove him then  
For a next meeting, when he needs me not,  
And see what he performs then when the storm  
Of his so rude misfortunes is blown over,  
And he himself again: A distressed man's flatteries  
Are like vows made in drink, or bonds in prison,  
There's poor assurance in 'em: when he's from me,  
And in's own power, than I shall see his love.  [Enter ANSALDO and VIOLETTA.] 
'mass here he comes.  Ans. 
Never was star-crossed gentleman  
More happy in a courteous virgin's love,  
Than I in yours.  Viol. 
I'm sorry they're no better for you,  
I wished 'em handsomer, and more in fashion,  
But truly Sir, our house affords it not:  
There is a Suit of our Clerks, hangs i'th' garret,  
But that's far worse than this, if I may judge  
With modesty of men's matters.  Ans. 
I deserve not  
This, dear, and kind gentlewoman, is yond your Mistress?  Phil. 
Why trust me, here's my Husband young again,  
It is no sin to welcome you, Sweet gentleman.  Ans. 
I am so much indebted, courteous Lady,  
To the unmatched charity of your house,  
My thanks are such poor things they would but shame me.  Phil. 
Beshrew thy heart for bringing o'him: I fear me  
I have found wit enough already in him,  
If I could truly but resolve myself  
My husband was thus handsome at nineteen,  
'Troth I should think the better of him at fourscore now.  Viol. 
Nay Mistress, what would he be, were he in fashion,  
A hempen curse on those that put him out on't,  
That now appears so handsome, and so comely in clothes  
Able to make a man an unbeliever,  
And good for nothing but for shift, or so  
If a man chance to fall i'th' ditch with better?  
This is the best, that ever I marked in 'em,  
A man may make him ready in such clothes  
Without a candle.  Phil. 
I for shame of himself Wench.  Viol. 
My Master does it oft in winter mornings,  
And never sees himself till he be ready.  Phil. 
No, nor then neither, as he should do Wench.  
I am sorry gentle Sir, we cannot show you  
A courtesy, in all points answerable  
To your undoubted worth: your name I crave sir.  Ans. 
Ansaldo, Lady.  Phil. 
'Tis a noble name Sir.  Ans. 
The most unfortunate now.  Viol. 
So do I think truly  
As long as that Suits on.  Phil. 
The most unfitting,  
And unprovidest sir of all our courtesies,  
I do presume is that you've passed already,  
Your pardon but for that, and we're encouraged.  Ans. 
My faithful service, Lady.  Phil. 
Please you Sir  
To taste the next a poor slight Banquet, for sure I think you were  
Unluckily prevented of your supper sir.  Ans. 
My fortune makes me more than amends Lady,  
In your sweet kindness, which so nobly shown to me,  
It makes me bold to speak my occasions to you:  
I am this morning, that with cleverness now  
So cheerfully hastens me, to meet a Friend  
Upon my states establishing, and the place  
Ten mile from hence: oh, I am forced unwillingly  
To crave your leave for't, which done I return  
In service plentiful.  Phil. 
Is't so important?  Ans. 
If I should fail, as much as my undoing.  Phil. 
I think too well of you, to undo you sir,  
Upon this small acquaintance.  Ans. 
My great happiness.  Phil. 
But when should I be sure of you here again sir?  Ans. 
As fast as speed can possibly return me.  Phil. 
You will not fail?  Ans. 
May never wish go well with me then.  Phil. 
There's to bear charges sir.  Ans. 
Courtesy dwells in you.  
I brought my horse up with me from the woods,  
That's all the good they left me, 'gainst their wills too,  
May your kind breast never want comfort Lady,  
But still supplied, as liberally as you give.  Phil. 
Farewell sir, and be faithful.  Ans. 
Time shall prove me.  Exit Ans. Phil. 
In my opinion now, this young man's likeliest  
To keep his word, he's modest, wise, and courteous;  
He has the language of an honest soul in him:  
A woman's reputation may lie safe there,  
I'm much deceived else, h'as a faithful eye  
If it be well observed.  Viol. 
Good speed be with thee sir;  
He puts him to't i'faith.  Phil. 
Violetta.  Viol. 
Mistress.  Phil. 
Alas, what have we done wench?  Viol. 
What's the matter Mistress?  Phil. 
Run, run, call him again; he must stay tell him;  
Though it be upon's undoing, we're undone else,  
Your Master's clothes, their known the Country over.  Viol. 
Now by this light that's true, and well remembered,  
But there's no calling of him, he's out of sight now.  Phil. 
Oh what will people think?  Viol. 
What can they think Mistress?  
The Gentleman has the worst on't: were I he now  
I'd make this ten mile, forty mile about  
Before I'd ride through any market town with 'em.  Phil. 
Will he be careful think'st?  Viol. 
My life for yours Mistress.  Phil. 
I shall long mightily to see him again.  Viol. 
And so shall I, I shall ne'er laugh till then.  Exeunt. 
Finis Actus Tertii.    


Actus 4. Scaena 1.  Enter RICARDO and 2 Suitor at one door, and VALERIA, and 1 Suitor at another door. Ric. 
IT goes well hitherto, my sweet Protector.  2 Suitor. 
ay, and shall still to th' end, to th' end my honey,  
Wherefore have I enough, but to have't go well sir?  1 Suitor. 
My whole State on't; thou overthrow'st him Widow.  Val. 
I hope well still sir.  1 Suitor. 
Hope? be certain Wench:  
I make no question now, but thou art mine,  
As sure as if I had thee in thy night-gear.  Val. 
By'r Lady, that I doubt Sir.  1 Suitor. 
Oh 'tis clear wench  
By one thing that I marked.  Val. 
What's that good sweet sir?  1 Suitor. 
A thing that never failed me.  Val. 
Good sir, what?  1 Suitor. 
I heard our Counsellor speak a word of comfort  
Invita voluntate, hah, that's he wench,  
The word of words, the precious chiefy's faith.  Val. 
Invita voluntate, what's the meaning sir?  1 Suitor. 
Nay there I leave you, but assure you thus much,  
I never heard him speak that word i' my life,  
But the cause went on's side, that I market ever.  2 Suitor. 
Do, do, and spare not: thou wouldst talk with her.  Ric. 
Yes, with your leave, and liking.  2 Suitor. 
Do, my adoption,  
My chosen child, and thou hold'st so obedient  
Sure thou wilt live, and cozen all my kindred.  Ric. 
A Child's part in your love, that's my ambition sir.  2 Suitor. 
Go, and deserve it then: please me well now;  
I love wrangling a life Boy; there's my delight,  
I have no other venery but vexation,  
That's all my honey now: smartly now to her,  
I've enough and I will have my humour.  Ric. 
This need not ha' been Widow.  Val. 
You say right sir.  
No, nor your treachery, your close conspiracy  
Against me for my wealth, need not ha' been neither.  Ric. 
I had your fairly, I scorn treachery  
To your woman that I never meant to marry,  
Much more to you whom I reserved for wife.  Val. 
How, wise?  Ric. 
ay, Wife, Wife, Widow, be not ashamed on't,  
It's the best calling ever woman came to,  
And all your grace indeed, brag as you list.  2 Suitor. 
Ha, ha.  Val. 
I grant you sir, But not to be your wife.  1 Suitor. 
Oh, oh.  Ric. 
Not mine? I think 'tis the best bargain  
That ere thou mad'st i'thy life, or ever shall again,  
When my heads laid: but that's not yet this threescore year,  
Let's talk of nearer matters.  Val. 
You're as near sir  
As ere you're like to be, if Law can right me.  Ric. 
Now before conscience, you're a wilful housewife.  Val. 
How?  Ric. 
ay, and I fear you spend my goods lavishly.  Val. 
Your goods?  Ric. 
I shall miss much I doubt me,  
When I come to look over the Inventory.  Val. 
I'll give you my word you shall sir.  Ric. 
Look too't Widow,  
A night may come will call you to account for't.  Val. 
Oh if you had me now sir in this heat  
I do but think how you'd be revenged on me.  Ric. 
ay, may I perish else; if I would not get  
Three Children at a birth, and I could o'thee.  1 Suitor. 
Take off your youngster there.  2 Suitor. 
Take off your Widow first,  
He shall have the last word, I pay for't dearly;  
To her again sweet Boy, that sides the weaker.  
I have enough, and I will have my humour.  [Enter Brandino and Martino.] Val. 
O Brother see I'm up to th' ears in law here;  
Look, Copy upon Copy.  Bra. 
'Twere grief enough if a man did but hear on't  
But I'm in pain to see't.  Val. 
What sore eyes still Brother?  Bra. 
Worse, and worse Sister; the old woman's water  
does me no good.  Val. 
Why, 't'as helped many sir.  Bra. 
It helps not me I'm sure— Marti, Oh, oh.  Val. 
What ails Martino too?  Mar. 
Oh, oh, the toothache, the toothache.  Bra. 
Ah poor worm, this he endures for me now.  
There beats not a more mutual pulse of passion,  
In a kind husband when his wife breeds child,  
Than in Martino; I ha' marked it ever,  
He breeds all my pains in's teeth still: and to quit me,  
It is his eye-tooth too.  Mar. 
ay, ay, ay, I.  Val. 
Where did I hear late of a skilful fellow,  
Good for all kind of Maladies? true, true sir,  
His flag hangs out in town here, i'th' Cross Inn,  
With admirable cures of all conditions,  
It shows him a great travelling, and learned Empiric.  Fra. 
we'll both to him Martino.  Val. 
Hark you Brother,  
Perhaps you may prevail, as one indifferent.  1 Suitor. 
ay, about that sweet Widow.  Val. 
True; speak low sir.  Bra. 
Well, what's the business, say, say.  Val. 
marry this Brother.  
Call the young man aside, from the old Wolf there,  
And whisper in his ear a thousand dollars  
If he will vanish, and let fall the Suit,  
And never put's to no more cost and trouble.  1 Suitor. 
Say me those words good sir, I'll make 'em worth  
A chain of gold to you, at your sister's wedding.  [Enter Violetta.] Bra. 
I shall do much for that.  Val. 
Welcome sweet heart,  
Thou com'st most happily, I'm bold to send for thee  
To make a purpose good.  Viol. 
I take delight forsooth  
In any such employment.  1 Suitor. 
'Good wench trust me  Ric. 
How Sir, let fall the Suit? 'life I'll go naked first.  Bra. 
A thousand Dollars sir, think upon them.  Ric. 
Why they're but a thousand Dollars, when they're thought on.  Bra. 
A good round sum.  Ric. 
A good round Widow's better,  
There's meat and money too. I have been bought  
Out of my lands, and yielded, but (sir) scorn  
To be bought out of my affection.  Bra. 
Why here's even just my University spirit,  
I prized a piece of red Deer, above gold then.  Ric. 
My Patron would be mad, and he should hear on't.  Mar. 
I pray what's good Sir, for a wicked tooth?  Ric. 
Hanged, drawn, and quartering; is't a hollow one?  Mar. 
I 'tis a hollow one.  Ric. 
Then take the powder  
Of a burnt Warrant, mixed with oil of Felon.  Mar. 
Why sure you mock me.  Ric. 
'Troth I think I do sir.  2. Suter. 
Come hither honey; What's the news in whispers?  Bra. 
He will not be bought out.  Val. 
No? that's strange Brother.  
Pray take a little pains about this project then,  
And try what that effects.  Bra. 
I like this better;  
Look you sweet Gentles, see what I produce here  
For amity's sake, and peace, to end all controversy;  
This Gentlewoman my charge left by her friends,  
Whom for her person, and her portion,  
I could bestow most richly, but in pity  
To her affection, which lies bent at you sir,  
I am content to yield to her desire.  Ric. 
At me?  Bra. 
But for this jar, 't had ne'er been offered.  
I bring you flesh, and money, a rich heir,  
And a Maid too, and that's a thing worth thanks, sir:  
Nay, one that has rid fifteen mile this morning  
For your love only.  2. Suter. 
Honey, harken after her;  
Being rich, I can have all my money there:  
Ease my purse well, and never wage law further.  
I have enough, yet I will have my humour.  Ric. 
Do you love me forsooth?  Viol. 
Oh infinitely.  Ric. 
I do not ask thee, that I meant to have thee,  
But only to know what came in thy head to love me.  Viol. 
My time was come sir, that's all I can say.  Ric. 
'Las poor soul, where didst thou love me first prithee?  Viol. 
In happy hour be't spoke, out at a window sir.  Ric. 
A window? prithee clap it too, and call it in again:  
What was I doing then should make thee love me?  Viol. 
twirling your bandstring, which methought became you so generously well.  Ric. 
'Twas a good quality to choose a husband for: That love was likely to be tied in Matrimony, that begun in a bandstring: yet I ha' known as much come to pass ere now upon a tassel. Fare you well Sister; I may be cozened in a Maid, I cannot in a Widow.  2. Suter. 
Art thou come home again; stickst thou there still?  
I will defend thee still then.  1. Suter. 
Sir you malice  
Will have enough on't.  2. Suter. 
I will have my humour.  1. Sut. 
Beggary will prove the sponge.  2. Sut. 
Sponge i' thy gascoins,  
Thy gally-gascoyns there.  Ric. 
Hah brave Protector.  Bra. 
I thought 'twould come to open Wars again,  
Let 'em agree as they will; two testy Fops,  
I'll have a care of mine eyes.  Mar. 
ay, of my chops.  Exeunt.  

Scaena 2.  Enter Latrocinio and Occulto, (a Banner of Cures and Diseases hung out.) La. 
Away, out with the Banner, send's good luck today.  Occ. 
I warrant you; your name's spread Sir, for an Empiric.  
There's an old Mason troubled with the Stone,  
Has sent to you this morning for your counsel,  
He would have ease fain.  La. 
marry I cannot blame him sir.  
But how he will come by't, there lies the question,  Occ. 
You must do somewhat sir, for he's swollen most piteously,  
Has urine in him now was brewed last March.  La. 
'Twill be rich gear for Dyers.  Occ. 
I would 'twere come to that sir.  La. 
Le' me see, I'll send him a whole Musket-charge of Gunpowder.  Occ. 
Gunpowder? what sir, to break the stone?  La. 
I by my faith sir,  
It is the likeliest thing I know to do't,  
I'm sure it breaks stonewalls, and Castles down,  
I see no reason, but't should break the stone.  Occ. 
Nay, use you pleasure sir.  La. 
'Troth, if that do not  
I ha' nothing else that will.  Occ. 
I know that too.  La. 
Why then thou'rt a Coxcomb to make question on't.  
Go call in all the rest, I have employment for them.  
When the highways grow thin with Travellers,  
And few portmanteaus stirring, as all trades  
Have their dead time we see; Thee very, poor takings,  
And Lechery cold doings, and so forwards still;  
Then do I take my Inn, and those curmudgeons,  
Whose Purses I can never get abroad,  
I take 'em at more ease here i' my chamber,  
And make 'em come to me, it's more statelike too:  
Hang him that has but one way to his trade,  
he's like a mouth that eats but on one side,  
And half cousins his belly, specially if he dine among Shavers,  Enter all the rest Silvio, Stratio, Fiducio. 
And both-handed feeders: Stratio, Silvio, and Fiducio,  
I will have none left out, there's parts for you.  Sil. 
For us? pray let's have 'em.  La. 
Change yourselves  
With all speed possible into several shapes  
Far from your own, as you a Farmer sir,  
A Grazier you, and you may be a Miller.  Fid. 
Oh no, a Miller comes too near a Thief,  
That may spoil all again.  La. 
Some Country tailor then.  Fid. 
That's near enough by'r lady, yet I'll venture that;  
The Miller's a white Devil, he wears his theft  
Like Innocence in badges most apparently  
Upon his nose, sometimes between his lips;  
The Tailor modestly between his legs.  La. 
Why pray, do you present that modest thief then,  
And hark you, for the purpose.  Sil. 
'Twill improve you sir.  La. 
'Twill get believers, believe that my Masters,  
Repute and confidence, and make all things clearer;  
When you see any come, repair you to me  
As samples of my skill; there are few arts  
But have their shadows Sirs to set 'em off;  
Then where the Art itself is but a shadow  
What need is there my Friends? make haste away sirs.  Exeunt. Occ. 
Where are you Sir?  [Enter Occulto.] La. 
Not far man; What's the news?  Occ. 
The old Justice sir, whom we robbed once by Moonlight,  
And bound his man and he in haycock-time  
With a rope made of horse-meat, and in pity  
Left their Mares by 'em, which I think ere midnight  
Did eat their hay-bound Masters both at liberty,—  La. 
'Life, what of him man?  Occ. 
he's enquiring earnestly  
For the great man of art; indeed for you sir:  
Therefore withdraw sweet sir; make yourself dainty now,  
And that's three parts of any profession.  La. 
I have enough on't.  Exit. [Enter Ansaldo.] Occ. 
How now, what thing's this?  
Now by this light, the second part o'th' Justice  
Newly revived with never a hair on's face,  
It should be the first rather by his smoothness,  
But I ha' known the first part written last:  
'Tis he, or let me perish, the young Gentleman  
We robbed, and stripped, but I am far from knowledge now.  Ans. 
One word I pray Sir.  Occ. 
With me gentle Sir?  Ans. 
Was there not lately seen about these parts sir  
A knot of fellows, whose conditions  
Are privily suspected?  Occ. 
Why do you ask Sir?  Ans. 
There was a poor young gentleman robbed last night.  Occ. 
Robbed?  Ans. 
Script of all i'faith.  Occ. 
Oh beastly Rascals.  
'Las what was he?  Ans. 
Look o'me, and know him sir.  Occ. 
Hard-hearted villains, strip? troth when I saw you  
Methought those clothes were never made for you sir.  Ans. 
Want made me glad o'em.  Occ. 
'Send you better fortune's sir:  
That we may have about with you once again.  Ans. 
I thank you for your wish of love, kind sir.  Occ. 
'Tis with my heart i'faith; now store of coin  
And better clothes be with you.  Ans. 
there's some honest yet  
And charitably minded: how, what's here to do?  
Here within this place is cured  Reads. 
All the griefs that were e'er endured.  
Nay there thou liest, I endured one last night,  
Thou canst not cure this morning; a strange Promiser.  
palsy, Gout, Hydropic Humour,  
Breath that sticks beyond Perfumer,  
Fistula in ano, Ulcer, megrim,  
Or what disease soe'er beleaguer 'em,  
Stone, Rupture, Squinancy, Imposthuma,  
Yet too dear it shall not cost 'em.  
That's conscionably said i'faith.  
In brief, you cannot I assure you  
Be unsound so fast, as I can cure you.  [Enter Brandino and Martino. 
By'r Lady, you shall pardon me, I'll not try't sir.  Bra. 
Martino, is not yond my hinder parts?  Mar. 
Yes, and your fore parts too Sir.  Bra. 
I trow so,  
I never saw my hind parts in my life else,  
No, nor my fore ones neither: what are you sir?  
Are you a Justice pray?  Ans. 
A Justice? no truly.  Bra. 
How came this Suit to you then?  Ans. 
How, this Suit?  
Why must he needs be a Justice sir, that wears it?  Bra. 
You'll find it so: 'twas made for nobody else.  
I paid for't.  Ans. 
Oh strange fortune, I have undone  
The charitable woman.  Bra. 
he'll be gone.  
Martino, hold him fast, I'll call for aid.  Ans. 
Hold me? oh curse of fate!  Mar. 
Oh Mr, Mr.  Bra. 
What ails Martino?  Mar. 
In my conscience  
Has beat out the wrong tooth, I feel it now,  
Three degrees of.  Bra. 
Oh slave, spoilt a fine Penman.  Ans. 
He lacked good manners though: lay hands o' me?  
I scorn all the deserts, that belong to't.  [Enter Latrocinio.] La. 
Why how now? what's the broil?  Bra. 
The man of art  
I take you sir to be.  La. 
I'm the professor  
Of those slight cures you read of in the Banner.  Bra. 
Our business was to you most skilful sir,  
But in the way to you, right worshipful  
I met a thief.  La. 
A thief?  Bra. 
With my clothes on sir,  
Let but the Hose be searched, I'll pawn my life  
there's yet the tailor's bill in one o'th' pockets,  
And a white thimble that I found i' moon light,  
Thou sawst me when I put it in Martino.  Mar. 
Oy, oy.  Bra. 
Oh, has spoilt the worthiest clerk that ere drew Warrant here.  La. 
Sir, you're a stranger, but I must deal plain with you,  
That Suit of clothes must needs come oddly to you.  Ans. 
I dare not say which way, that's my affliction.  La. 
Is not your worship's name Signior Brandino sir?  Bra. 
It has been so, these threescore year and upwards.  La. 
I heard there was a robbery done last night  
Near to your house.  Ans. 
You heard a truth then sir,  
And I the man was robbed.  La. 
Ah that's too gross  
Send him away for fear of farther mischief,  
I do not like him, he's a cunning knave.  Bra. 
I want but aid.  [Ent. 2 or 3 Servants.] La. 
Within there.  Bra. 
seize upon that impudent thief.  Ans. 
Then hear me speak.  Bra. 
Away;  
I'll neither hear thee speak, nor wear those clothes again,  
To prison with the varlet.  Ans. 
How am I punished?  Bra. 
I'll make thee bring out all, before I leave thee.  [Ex. with Ansaldo. La. 
You've took an excellent course with this bold villain sir.  Bra. 
I am sworn for service to the Commonwealth sir,  
What are these, learned sir?  [Enter Stratio, Silvio and Fiducio.] La. 
Oh they're my patients.  
Good morrow, Gout, Rupture, and Palsy.  Stra. 
'Tis farewell Gout almost, I thank your worship.  La. 
What no, you cannot part so soon, I hope?  
You came but lately to me.  Stra. 
But most happily,  
I can go near to leap sir.  La. 
What you cannot?  
Away I say, take heed, be not to venturous though,  
I've had you but three days, remember that.  Stra. 
Those three are better than three hundred sir.  La. 
Yet again?  Stra. 
Ease takes pleasure to be known sir.  La. 
You with the rupture there hernia in scrotum.  
Pray let me see your space this morning, walk sir,  
I'll take your distance straight: 'twas F. O. yesterday:  
Ah sirrah, here's a simple alteration,  
Secundo gradu, ye F. U. already,  
Here's a most happy change; be of good comfort sir,  
Your knees are come, within three inches now  
Of one another; by tomorrow noon  
I'll make'em kiss, and justle.  Sil. 
'Bless your worship.  Bra. 
You have a hundred prayers in a morning sir.  La. 
'Faith we have a few to pass away the day with:  
tailor, you had a stitch.  Fid. 
Oh good your worship  
I have had none since Easter: were I rid  
But of this whoreson Palsy, I were happy;  
I cannot thread my needle.  La. 
No, that's hard,  
I never marked so much.  Fid. 
It comes by fits sir.  La. 
'Las poor man: what would your worship say now  
To see me help this fellow at an instant?  Bra. 
And make him firm from shaking?  La. 
As a steeple,  
From the disease on't.  Bra. 
'Tis to me miraculous.  La. 
You, with your whoremaster disease, come hither;  
Here, take me this round glass, and hold it steadfast,  
Yet more sir, yet I say; so.  Bra. 
Admirable.  La. 
Go, live, and thread thy needle.  Bra. 
Here Martino:  
'Las poor Fool, his mouth is full of praises  
And cannot utter 'em.  La. 
No, what's the malady?  Bra. 
The fury of a tooth.  La. 
A tooth? ha, ha,  
I though't had been some Gangrene, Fistula,  
Canker, or Ramex.  Bra. 
No, 'it's enough as 'tis sir.  La. 
My man shall ease that straight, sit you down there sir,  
Take the tooth sirrah, daintily, insensibly:  
But what's your worship's malady, that's for me sir?  Bra. 
Marry pray look you sir: your worship's Counsel  
About mine eyes.  La. 
Sore eyes? that's nothing too sir.  Bra. 
By'r Lady I that feel it, think it somewhat.  La. 
Have you no Convulsions? pricking aches sir,  
Ruptures, or Apostemates?  Bra. 
No by my faith sir,  
Not do I desire to have 'em.  La. 
Those are cures,  
There do I win my fame sir: quickly sirrah,  
Reach me the eye-cup hither: do you make water well sir?  Bra. 
I'm all well there.  La. 
You feel no grief i'th' kidney.  Bra. 
Sound, sound, sound sir.  La. 
Oh here's a breath sir, I must talk withal  
One of these mornings.  Bra. 
There I think i'faith,  
I am to blame indeed, and my wife's words  
Are come to pass sir.  Mar. 
Oh, oh, 'tis not that, 'tis not that.  
It is the next beyond it; there, there, there.  Occ. 
The best have their mistakings: now I'll fit you sir.  Bra. 
What's that sweet Sir, that comforts with his coolness?  La. 
Oh sovereign gear: wink hard, and keep it in sir.  Mar. 
Oh, oh, oh.  Occ. 
Nay, here he goes, one twitch more, and he comes sir.  Mar. 
Auh, ho.  Occ. 
Spit out, I told you he was gone sir.  Bra. 
How cheers Martino?  Mar. 
Oh, I can answer you now Master,  
I feel great ease sir.  Bra. 
So do I Martino.  Mar. 
I'm rid of a sore burden, for my part Master,  
Of a scaled little one.  La. 
Please but your worship now  
To take three drops of the rich water with you,  
I'll undertake your man shall cure you sir  
At twice i'your own Chamber.  Bra. 
Shall he so sir?  La. 
I will uphold him in't.  Mar. 
Then will I do't sir.  La. 
How lively your man's now?  Mar. 
Oh I'm so light methinks  
Over I was.  Bra. 
What is't contents your worship?  La. 
e'en what your worship please, I am not mercenary.  Bra. 
My purse is gone Martino.  La. 
How, your purse sir?  Bra. 
'Tis gone i'faith: I'ave been among some Rascals.  Mar. 
And that's a thing  
I ever gave you warning of Master, you care not  
What company you run into.  Bra. 
Lend me some money: chide me anon I pray thee.  
A pox on 'em for vipers, they ha' sucked blood o'me.  Mar. 
Oh Master.  Bra. 
How now man?  Mar. 
My purse is gone too.  Bra. 
How? I'll never take warning more of thee while I live then, thou art an Hypocrite, and art not fit to give good counsel to thy Master, that canst not keep from ill company thyself.  La. 
This is most strange sir: both your purses gone.  Mar. 
Sir, I'd my hand on mine, when I came in.  La. 
Are you but sure of that; oh would you were.  Mar. 
As I'm of ease.  La. 
Then, they're both gone one way, be that your comfort.  Bra. 
ay but what way's that sir?  La. 
That close knave in your Clothes h'as got 'em both,  
'Tis well you've clapped him fast.  Bra. 
Why that's impossible.  La. 
Oh tell not me sir: I ha' known purses gone,  
And the Thief stand, and look one full i'th' face,  
As I may do your Worship, and your man now.  Mar. 
Nay, that's most certain Master.  Bra. 
I will make  
That Rascal in my clothes answer all this then,  
And all the robberies that have been done  
Since the Moon changed; get you home first Martino,  
And know if any of my wife's things are missing,  
Or any more of mine: tell her he's taken,  
And by that token he has took both our purses.  Mar. 
That's an ill token Master.  Bra. 
That's all one sir,  
She must have that or nothing, for I'm sure  
The Rascal has left nothing else for a Token.  
begone, make haste again; and meet me part o'th' way.  Mar. 
I'll hang the villain,  
And 't were for nothing but the Souse he gave me.  Exit. Bra. 
Sir, I depart ashamed of my requital,  
And leave this seal ring with you as a pledge  
Of further thankfulness.  La. 
No, I beseech you sir.  Bra. 
Indeed you shall sir.  La. 
Oh, your worship's word sir.  Bra. 
You shall have my word too, for a rare gentleman  
As ere I met withal.  Exit. La. 
Clear sight be with you sir;  
If Conduit-water, and my Hostess Milk  
That comes with the ninth child now, may afford it.  
'Life, I feared none but thee, my villainous tooth-drawer,  Occult. 
There was no fear of me; I've often told you  
I was bound Prentice to a Barber once,  
But ran away i'th' second year.  La. 
I marry,  
That made thee give a pull at the wrong tooth.  
And me afraid of thee: what have we there sirs?  Occ. 
Some threescore Dollars i'th' Master's purse,  
And sixteen in the Clerks, a Silver seal,  
Two or three Amber beads, and four blank Warrants.  La. 
Warrants? where be they? the best news came yet.  
'mass here's his hand, and here's his Seal I thank him,  
This comes most luckily: one of our fellows  
Was took last night, we'll set him first at liberty,  
And other good Boys after him: and if he  
In th' old Justice's Suit, whom he robbed lately,  
Will come off roundly, we'll set him free too.  Occ. 
That were a good deed 'faith, we may in pity.  La. 
There's nothing done merely for pity now adays,  
Money or Ware must help too.  Song, in parts by the Thieves. 

Give me fortune, give me health,  
Give me freedom, I'll get wealth.  
Who complains his fate's amiss,  
When he has the wide world his?  
He that has the Devil in fee,  
Can have but all, and so have we.  
Give us fortune, give us Health,  
Give us freedom, we'll get wealth.  
In every Hamlet, Town and City,  
He has lands, that was born witty.   Exeunt. 
Finis Actus Quarti.    


Actus 5. Scaena 1.  Enter PHILIPPA and VIOLATTA. Phil. 
HOw well this Gentleman keeps his promise too?  
Sure there's no trust in man.  Viol. 
They're all Francisco's,  
That's my opinion Mistress: Fools, or false ones.  
He might have had the honesty yet i'faith  
To send my Master's clothes home.  Phil. 
I those clothes.  Viol. 
colliers come by the door every day Mistress,  
Nay, this is Market-day too, poulterers, Butchers,  
They would have lain most daintily in a pannier,  
And kept Veal from the wind.  Phil. 
Those clothes much trouble me.  Viol. 
'Faith, and he were a gentleman as he seemed to be,  
They would trouble him too I think;  
methinks he should have small desire to keep 'em.  Phil. 
'Faith and less pride to wear'em, I should think wench,  
Unless he keep'em as a testimony  
For after-times to show what misery  
He passed in his young days, and then weep over 'em.  [Ext. Martino.] Viol. 
Weep Mistress? nay sure methinks he should not weep for laughing.  Phil. 
Martino? oh we're spoiled wench, are they come then?  Mar. 
Mistress, be of good cheer, I have excellent news for you, comfort your heart, what have you to breakfast Mistress, you shall have all again, I warrant you.  Phil. 
What says he Wench?  Viol. 
I'm loath to understand him.  Mar. 
Give me a note of all your things sweet Mistress,  
You shall not lose a hair, take't of my word  
We have him safe enough.  Phil. 
Olas, sweet wench  
This man talks fearfully.  Viol. 
And I know not what yet  
That's the worst Mistress.  Mar. 
Can you tell me pray,  
Whether the Rascal has broke ope my desk or no,  
there's a fine little barrel of pom-citrons  
Would have served me this seven year, oh, and my fig-cheese.  
The fig of everlasting obloquy  
Go with him if he have eat it, I'll make haste  
He cannot eat it all yet, he was taken Mistress  
Grossly, and beastly, how do you think i'faith?  Phil. 
I know not sir.  Mar. 
Troth in my Master's clothes,  
Would any thief but a beast been taken so?  Phil. 
Wench, wench.  Viol. 
I have grief enough of mine own to tend Mistress.  Phil. 
Did he confess the robbery?  Mar. 
O no, no Mistress  
He's a young cunning Rascal, he confessed nothing;  
While we were examining on him, he took away  
My Master's purse and mine, but confessed nothing still.  Phil. 
That's but some slanderous injury raised against him.  
Came not your Mr. with you?  Mar. 
No sweet Mistress.  
I must make haste and meet him pray dispatch me then.  Phil. 
I have looked over all with special heedfulness,  
there's nothing missed, I can assure you sir  
But that Suit of your Masters.  Mar. 
I'm right glad on't That Suit would hang him yet I would not have him hanged in that Suit though, it will disgrace my Master's fashion for ever, and make it as hateful as yellow bands.  Exit. Phil. 
O what shall's do wench?  Viol. 
'Tis no marvel Mistress  
The poor young Gentleman could not keep his promise.  Phil. 
'Alas sweet man, h'as confessed nothing ye wench.  Viol. 
That shows his constancy, and love to you Mistress:  
But you must do't of force, there is no help for't,  
The truth can neither shame nor hurt you much,  
Let 'em make what they can on't, 'twere sin and pity i'faith  
To cast away so sweet a Gentleman,  
For such a pair of infidel hose and doublet,  [Enter Ansaldo.] 
I would not hang a Jew for a whole wardrobe on 'em.  Phil. 
Thou sayst true wench.  Viol. 
Oh, oh, they're come again Mistress.  Phil. 
Signior Ansaldo?  Ans. 
The same mightily crossed Lady,  
But past hope freed again by a doctor's means,  
A man of art, I know not justly what indeed,  
But pity, and the fortunate gold you gave me,  
Wrought my release between 'em.  Pil. 
Met you not  
My husband's man?  Ans. 
I took such strange ways Lady  
I hardly met a creature.  Phil. 
Oh most welcome  Viol. 
But how shall we bestow him now we have him Mrs.?  Phil. 
'Alas, that's true.  Viol. 
Martino may come back again.  Phil. 
Step you into that little Chamber speedily sir,  
And dress him up in one of my Gowns and head-tires  
His youth will well endure it.  Viol. 
That willbe admirable.  Phil. 
Nay do't, do't quickly then, and cut that Suit  
Into a hundred pieces, that it may never be known again.  Viol. 
A hundreth? nay ten thousand at the least Mris.  
For if there be a piece of that Suit left, as big as my nail,  
The deed will come out, 'tis worse than a murder,  
I fear 'twill never be hid.  Phil. 
Away, do your endeavour, and dispatch wench,  Ex. Viol. and Ansaldo. 
I've thought upon a way of certain safety,  
And I may keep him while I have him too,  
Without suspicion now: I've heard o'th' like:  
A Gentleman, that for a Lady's love  
Was thought six months her woman, tended on her  
In her own garments, and she being a Widow,  
Lay night by night with her in way of comfort,  
Marry in conclusion match they did together,  [Enter Brandino with a writing.] 
Would I'd a copy of the same conclusion:  
He's come himself now, if thou be'st a happy wench  
Be fortunate in thy speed, I'll delay time  
With all the means I can: oh welcome sir.  Bra. 
I'll speak to you anon wife, and kiss you shortly,  
I'm very busy yet: Cocksey-down, Mem-berrie,  
Her Manner house at Well-dun.  Phil. 
What's that good sir?  Bra. 
The widows your sweet sister's deed of gift;  
Sh'as made all her estate over to me wench:  
She'll be too hard for 'em all: and now come buss me  
Good luck after thieves handsel.  Phil. 
Oh 'tis happy Sir  
You have him fast.  Bra. 
I ha' laid him safe enough wench.  Phil. 
I was so lost in joy at the report on't  
I quite forgot one thing to tell Martino.  Bra. 
What's that sweet blood?  Phil. 
He, and his villain's sir  
Robbed a sweet Gentlewoman last night.  Bra. 
A Gentlewoman?  Phil. 
Nay, most uncivilly and basely stripped her sir.  Bra. 
Oh barbarous slaves.  Phil. 
I was e'en fain for woman-hood's sake  
(Alas) and charities, to receive her in,  
And clothe her poor wants in a Suit of mine.  Bra. 
'Twas most religiously done: I long for her;  
Who have I brought to see thee think'st thou woman?  Phil. 
Nay Sir, I know not.  Bra. 
Guess, I prithee heartily:  
An enemy of thine.  Phil. 
That I hope you have not sir.  Bra. 
But all was done in jest: he cries thee mercy,  
Francisco sirrah.  Phil. 
Oh; I think not on him.  Bra. 
That Letter was but writ to try thy constancy,  
He confessed all to me.  Phil. 
Joy on him sir, [Enter Francisco.]  
So far am I from malice, look you sir;  
Welcome sweet Signior; but I'll never trust you sir.  Bra. 
Faith I'm beholding to thee wife, for this.  Fra. 
Methinks, I enter now this house with joy,  
Sweet peace, and quietness of conscience,  
I wear no guilty blush upon my cheek  
For a sin stamped last midnight: I can talk now  
With that kind man, and not abuse him inwardly,  
With any scornful thought made of his shame:  [Enter Martino.] 
What a sweet being is an honest mind?  
It speaks peace to itself, and all mankind.  Bra. 
Martino.  Mar. 
Master.  Bra. 
there's another robbery done sirrah,  
By the same party.  Mar. 
What? your worship mocks,  
Under correction.  Phil. 
I forgot to tell thee  
He robbed a lovely Gentlewoman.  Mar. 
O Pagan,  
This fellow will be stoned to death with Pipkins,  
Your women in the Suburbs will so maul him  
With broken crewzes, and pitchers without ears,  [Enter Ansaldo (as Marria) & Violetta. 
He will ne'er die alive, that's my opinion.  Phil. 
Look you your judgement's Gentlemen, yours especially  
Signior Francisco, whose mere object now  
Is woman at these years, that's the eye Saint I know  
Amongst young Gallants, Husband, you have a glimpse too;  
You offer half an eye, as old as you are,  Bra. 
By'r Lady better wench: an eye, and a half I troa,  
I should be sorry else.  Phil. 
What think you now sirs  
Is't not a goodly manly Gentlewoman?  Bra. 
beshrew my heart else wife.  
Pray soft a little Signior you're but my guest remember,  
I'm Mr. of the house, I'll have the first buss.  Phil. 
But Husband, 'tis the courtesy of all places  
To give a stranger ever the first bit.  Bra. 
In Woodcock or so, but there's no heed to be taken in Mutton;  
We commonly fall so roundly to that we forget ourselves:  
I'm sorry for thy fortune, but thou'rt welcome Lady  Mar. 
My Master kisses, as I've heard a hackney man Cheer up his Mare, chap, chap.  Bra. 
I have him fast Lady, and he shall lie by't close,  Ans. 
You cannot do me a greater pleasure Sir,  Bra. 
I'm happily glad on't.  Fra. 
methinks there's somewhat whispers in my soul,  
This is the hour, I must begin my acquaintance  
With honest love, and banish all loose thoughts;  
My fate speaks to me from the modest eye  
Of yond sweet Gentlewoman.  Phil. 
Wench, Wench.  Viol. 
Pish, hold in your breath Mistress,  
If you be seen to laugh, you spoil all presently,  
I keep it in with all the might I have— puh.  Ans. 
Pray what young gentleman's that sir?  Bra. 
An honest boy i'faith,  
And came of a good kind: dost like him Lady,  
I would thou hadst him, and thou be'st not promised,  
he's worth ten thousand Dollars.  Viol. 
By this light Mistress, my Master will go near to make a match anon, methinks I dream of admirable sport Mistress.  Phil. 
Peace, thou art a drab.  Bra. 
Come hither now Francisco,  
I've know the time, I've had a better stomach;  
Now I can dine with looking upon meat.  Fra. 
That face deserved a better fortune Lady  
Than last night's rudeness showed.  Ans. 
We cannot be  
Our choosers sir in our own destiny.  Fra. 
I return better pleased, than when I went.  Mar. 
And could that beastly Imp rob you forsooth?  Ans. 
Most true forsooth,  
I will not altogether sir, disgrace you,  
Because you look half like a Gentleman.  Mar. 
And that's the Mother's half.  Ans. 
There's my hand for you.  Mar. 
I swear you could not give me any thing  
I love better, a hand gets me my living;  
Oh sweet lemon-peel.  Fra. 
May I request a modest word or two Lady  
In private with you?  Ans. 
With me sir?  Fra. 
To make it sure from all suspect of injury,  
Or unbeseeming private, which heaven knows  
Is not my aim now, I'll entreat this gentleman  
For an ear witness unto all our conference.  Ans. 
Why so, I am content Sir,  Exit. Fra. & Ansaldo. Bra. 
So am I Lady..  Mar. 
Oh Master, here's a rare Bedfellow for my Mistress tonight,  
For you know we must both out of Town again.  Bra. 
That's true Martino.  Mar. 
I do but think how they'll lie telling of tales together  
The pretiest.  Bra. 
The prettiliest indeed.  Mar. 
Their tongues will never lyn wagging Master.  Bra. 
Never Martino, never.  Exeunt. Phil. 
Take heed you be not heard.  Viol. 
I fear you most Mistress.  Phil. 
Me fool? ha, ha.  Viol. 
Why look you Mistress: faith you're faulty, ha, ha,  Phil. 
Well said i'faith, where lies the fault now gossip.  Viol. 
Oh for a husband; I shall burst with laughing else,  
This house is able to spoil any Maid.  Phil. 
I'll be revenged now soundly of Francisco  
For failing me when time was.  Viol. 
Are you there Mistress? I thought you would not forget that  
however, a good turn disappointed is ever the last thing  
That a woman forgives, she'll scarce do't when she's speechless,  
Nay, though she hold up her whole hand for all other injuries,  
she'll forgive that but with one finger.  Phil. 
I'll vex his heart as much as he mocked mine.  Viol. 
But that may mar your hopes too, if our gentlewoman be known to be a man.  Phil. 
Not as I'll work it;  
I would not lose this sweet revenge methinks  
For a whole fortnight of the old man's absence,  
Which is the sweetest benefit next to this:  [Enter Ansaldo.] 
Why how now sir, what course take you for laughing?  
We are undone for one.  Ans. 
Faith with great pain,  
Stifle it, and keep it in: I ha' no recipe for't.  
But pray, in sadness say; What is the Gentleman,  
I never knew his like for tedious urgings,  
He will receive no answer.  Phil. 
Would he would not Sir.  Ans. 
Says I'm ordained for him: merely for him,  
And that his wiving fate speaks in me to him;  
Will force on me a jointure speedily  
Of some seven thousand Dollars.  Phil. 
Would thou hadst'em sir: I know he can and he will.  Ans. 
For wonders pity; What is this Gentleman?  Phil. 
'Faith shall I tell you sir,  
One that would make an excellent honest husband  
For her that's a just Maid at one and twenty;  
For on my conscience he has his Maidenhead yet.  Ans. 
Fie, out upon him beast.  Phil. 
Sir, if you love me.  
Give way but to one thing I shall request of you.  Ans. 
Your courtesies you know may lay commands on me.  Phil. 
Then at his next solicitings, let a consent  
Seem to come from you; 'Twill make noble sport sir,  
we'll get jointure and all; but you must bear  
yourself most affable to all his purposes.  Ans. 
I can do that.  Phil. 
ay, and take head of laughing.  [Enter Francisco.] Ans. 
I've bide the worst of that already Lady.  Phil. 
Peace, set your countenance then; for here he comes.  Fra. 
There is no middle continent in this passion,  
I feel it since, it must be love, or death  
It was ordained for one.  Phil. 
signior Francisco,  
I'm sorry 'twas your fortune, in my house sir,  
To have so violent a stroke come to you:  
The gentlewoman's a stranger pray be counselled sir,  
Till you hear further of her Friends and portion.  Fra. 
'Tis only but her love that I desire,  
She comes most rich in that.  Phil. 
But be advised though,  
I think she's rich heir, but see the proof sir,  
Before you make her such a generous Jointure.  Fra. 
'Tis mine, and I will do't.  Phil. 
She shallbe yours too,  
If I may rule her then.  Fra. 
You speak all sweetness.  Phil. 
She likes your person well, I tell you so much,  
But take no note I said so.  Fra. 
Not a word.  Phil. 
Come Lady, come, the gentleman desertful,  
And O my conscience honest.  Ans. 
Blame me not, I am a Maid, and fearful.  Fra. 
Never truth came perfecter from man.  Phil. 
Give her a lip-taste,  Enter Bradino and Martino. 
That she herself may praise it.  Bra. 
Yea, a match i'faith: my house is luckily for 'em  
Now Martino.  Mar. 
Master, the Widow has the day.  Bra. 
The day?  Mar. 
She's overthrown my youngster.  Bra. 
Precious tidings,  
Clap down four Woodcocks more.  Mar. 
They're all at hand Sir.  Bra. 
What both her adversaries too.  Enter Valeria, Ricardo, and two Suitors. Mar. 
They're come sir.  Bra. 
God bid the Cook serve in two geese in a dish.  Mar. 
I like your conceit Master beyond utterance.  Bra. 
Welcome sweet Sister; which is the man must have you.  
I'd welcome nobody else.  1 Suitor. 
Come to me then sir.  Bra. 
Are yo' he 'faith, my chain of gold? I'm glad on't.  Val. 
I wonder you can have the face to follow me,  
That have so prosecuted things against me,  
But I ha' resolved myself 'tis done to spite me.  Ric. 
O dearth of truth.  2 Suitor. 
Nay, do not spoil thy hair,  
Hold, hold I say, I'll get thee a Widow somewhere.  Ric. 
If hand and faith be nothing for a Contract,  
What shall man hope?  2 Suitor. 
'Twas wont to be enough, Honey.  
When there was honest meaning amongst Widows,  
But since your bribes came in, 'tis not allowed  
A contract without gifts to bind it fast,  
Every thing now must have a feeling first:  
Do I come near you Widow?  Val. 
No indeed sir,  
Nor ever shall I hope: and for your comfort sir,  
That sought all means t'entrap me for my wealth,  
Had Law unfortunately put you upon me,  
You had lost your labour, all your aim, and hopes sir:  
Here stands the honest Gentleman my Brother  
To whom I've made a deed of gift of all.  Bra. 
I that sheh 'as i'faith, I thank her Gentlemen  
Look you here sirs.  Val. 
I must not look for pleasures  
That give more grief if they prove false, or fail us  
Then ever they gave joy.  1 Suitor. 
Ha'you served me so widow  2 Suitor. 
I'm glad thou hast her not, laugh at him honey; ha, ha.  Val. 
I must take one that loves me for myself:  
Here's as old Gentleman looks not after wealth  
But virtue, manners, and conditions.  1 Suitor. 
Yes by my faith: I must have Lordships too Widow.  Val. 
How sir?  1 Suitor. 
Your manners, virtue, and conditions Widow.  
Are pretty things within doors, I like well on 'em,  
But I must have somewhat with outlying or being  
In the tenure or occupation of me such a one: ha?  
Those are fine things indeed.  Val. 
Why sir, you swore to me it was for love.  1 Suitor. 
True; but there's two words to a bargain ever  
All the world over, and if love be one  
I'm sure money's the other; 'tis no bargain else:  
Pardon me, I must dine, as well as sup Widow.  Val. 
Cry mercy, I mistook you all this while sir.  
It was this ancient Gentleman indeed,  
Whom I crave pardon on.  2 Suitor. 
What of me Widow?  Val. 
'Alas I have wronged you sir; 'twas you that swore  
You loved me for myself?  2 Suitor. 
By my troth but I did not.  
Come, Father not your lies upon me Widow:  
I love you for yourself? spit at me Gentlemen  
If ever I'd such a thought, fetch me in Widow:  
You'll find your reach too short.  Val. 
Why you have enough you say.  2 Suitor. 
ay, but I will have my humour too; you never think of that, they're Coach horses, they go together still.  Val. 
Whom should a Widow trust: I'll swear 'twas one of you  
That made me believe so: mass, think 'twas you sir  
Now I remember me.  Ric. 
I swore too much  
To be believed so little.  Val. 
Was it you then?  
Beshrew my heart for wronging of you.  Ric. 
Welcome blessing,  
Are you nine faithfully now?  Val. 
As love can make one.  1 Suitor. 
Why this fills the Commonwealth so full of beggars,  
Marrying for love, which none of mine shall do.  Val. 
But now I think on't: we must part again sir.  Ric. 
Again?  Val. 
You're in debt, and I, in doubt of all,  
Left myself nothing too; we must not hold,  
Want on both sides makes all affection cold:  
I shall not keep you from that Gentleman,  
You'll be his more than mine and when he list  
He'll make you lie from me in some sour prison,  
Then let him take you now for altogether sir,  
For he that's mine shall be all mine or nothing.  Ric. 
I never felt the evil of my debts  
Till this afflicting minute.  2 Suitor. 
I'll be mad once in my days: I have enough to cure me, and I will have my humour, they're now but desperate debts again, I ne'er look for 'em,  
And ever since I knew what malice was  
I always held it sweeter to sow mischief.  
Than to receive money; 'tis the finer pleasure.  
I'll give him in his bonds as 'twere in pity  
To make the match, and bring 'em both to beggary,  
Then will they ne'er agree; that's a sure point,  
He'll give her a black eye within these three days,  
Beat half her teeth out by Alhall join,  
And break the little householdstuff they have  
With throwing at one another: O sweet sport.  
Come Widow, come, I'll try your honesty  
Here to my honey you've made many proffers,  
I fear they're all but tricks: here are his debts Gentlemen:  
How I came by 'em I know best myself.  
Take him before us faithfully for your husband  
And he shall tear 'em all before your face Widow.  Val. 
Else may all faith refuse me:  2 Suitor. 
Tear 'em honey  
'Tis firm in Law, a consideration given:  
What with thy teeth? thou'lt shortly tear her so  
That's all my hope, thou'dst never had 'em else  
I've enough, and I will have my humour.  Ric. 
I'm now at liberty Widow.  Val. 
I'll be so too  
And then I come to thee: give me this from you Brother,  Bra. 
Hold Sister: Sister.  Val. 
Look you, the deed of gift sir, I'm as free  
He that has me, has all, and thou art he.  
1. 2. How's that?  Val. 
You're bobbed, 'twas but a deed in trust  
And all to prove thee, whom I have found most just.  Bra. 
I'm bobbed among the rest too: I'd have sworn  
T'had been a thing for me, and my heirs for ever;  
If I'd but got it up to the black box above  
I had been past redemption  1 Suitor. 
How am I cheated?  2 Suitor. 
I hope you'll have the conscience now to pay me sir.  Ric. 
Oh wicked man, sour of strife and envy, open not thy lips.  2 Suitor. 
How, how's this?  Ric. 
Thou hast no charge at all, no child of thine own  
But two thou got'st once of a scowring woman,  
And they are both well provided for, they're i'th' hospital,  
Thou hast ten thousand pound to bury thee,  
Hang thyself when thou wilt, a slave go with thee  2 Suitor. 
I'm gone, my goodness comes all out together.  [Enter Violentta. 
I have enough, but I have not my humour.  Viol. 
O Master, Gentlemen: and you sweet Widow  
I think you are no forwarder yet, I know not,  
If ever you be sure to laugh again,  
Now is the time.  Val. 
Why what's the matter wench?  Viol. 
Ha, ha, ha.  Bra. 
Speak, speak.  Viol. 
Ha, a marriage, a marriage, I cannot tell't for laughing: ha, ha.  Bra. 
A marriage do you make that a laughing matter?  [Enter Francisco and Ansaldo Viol. 
Ha: ay, and you'll make it so when you know all,  
Here they come, here they come, one man married to another.  Val. 
How? man to man?  Viol. 
I man to man i'faith  
Ther'll be good sport at night to bring 'em both to bed;  
Do you see 'em now, ha, ha, ha.  1 Suitor. 
My daughter Martia.  Ans. 
Oh my Father: your love, and pardon sir.  Val. 
'Tis she indeed Gentlemen.  Ans. 
I have been disobedient I confess  
Unto your mind, and Heaven has punished me  
With much affliction since I fled your sight;  
But finding reconcilement from above  
In peace of heart; the next I hopes your love.  1 Suitor. 
I cannot but forgive thee now I see thee,  
Thou fledst a happy fortune of an old man,  
But Francisco's of a noble family.  
Though he be somewhat spent.  Fra. 
I loved her not sir  
As she was yours, for I protest I knew't not,  
But for herself sir, and her own deserving,  
Which had you been as foul, as you've been spiteful  
I should have loved in her.  1 Suitor. 
Well, hold your prating sir,  
You're not like to lose by't.  Phil. 
Oh Violetta, who shall laugh at us now?  Viol. 
The child unborn Mistress.  Ans. 
Be good.  Fra. 
Be honest.  Ans. 
Heaven will not let you sin, and you'd be careful.  Fra. 
What means it sends to help you, think and mend,  
You're as much bound as we, to praise that friend.  Phil. 
I am so, and I will so.  Ans. 
Marry you speedily,  
Children tame you, you'll die like a wild beast else.  Viol. 
I by my troth should I, I've much ado to forbear  
Laughing now, more's my hard fortune.  Enter Martino. Mar. 
O Master, Mistress, and you gentles all;  
To horse, to horse presently, if you mean to do your Country any service.  Bra. 
Art not ashamed Martino, to talk of divorcing so openly  
Before young married couples thus.  Mar. 
It does concern the Commonwealth and me,  
And you Master, and all: the Thieves are taken.  Ans. 
What sayst Martino,  Mar. 
la, here's Common-wealths-men,  
The man of art Master, that cupped your eyes  
Is proved an arrant rascal: and his man  
That drew my tooth, an excellent purse-drawer,  
I felt no pain in that, it went insensibly:  
Such notable villainies confessed.  Bra. 
Stop there sir:  
we'll have time for them: Come gentlefolks,  
Take a slight meal with us: but the best cheer  
Is perfect joy, and that we wish all here.—  Exeunt.   

Prologue.  
A Sport, only for Christmas, is the Play  
This hour presents t' you; to make you merry,  
Is all th' ambition 'thas; and fullest aim  
Bent at your smiles, to win itself a name:  
And if you edge be not quite taken off,  
Wearied with sports, I hope 'twill make you laugh.   

Epilogue.  
STay, stay, Sir, I'm as hungry of my Widow  
As you can be upon your Maid believe it,  
But we must come to our desires in order,  
There's duties to be paid, ere we go further;  
He that without your likings, leaves this place,  
Is like one falls to meat, and forgets grace.  
And that's not handsome trust me, no,  
Our rights being paid, and your loves understood,  
My Widow, and my meat, than does me good;  
I ha' no money Wench, I told thee true,  
For my report, pray let her hear't from you,  
FINIS.