A Bargain for Bachelors Or: The BEST WIFE In the World for a PENNY Fairly Offered To youngmen for directing their choice, and to Maids for their Imitation.  
By Mrs. Susanna Jesserson.  
You that have got no Wives, do not refuse,  
To learn from hence whom you may fitly choose;  
And you that have 'em, here may let them see,  
Better than in their Glass, what they should be.  
Printed for E. A. 1675.   

The Virtuous matron, OR, The Incomparable Wife, etc.  
I Am confident, Gallants! you no sooner hear this Title of, A bargain for Bachelors, cried under your windows, but you'll presently conceit I am some old decayed Procuress that by chance have got a pretty handsome bit of temptation out of the Country, and that this is a Bill giving notice, where her Maidenhead is to be sold by inch of Candle; and methinks I see you already flinging the Footboys over the Beleonies for haste to get the advertisement before your Neighbours; but in truth, Gentlemen, you are like to be honestly cheated, what I present you with is a wife; and to add to your surprise, one that is honest and virtuous, with whose charms I have reason to suspect you but little acquainted, since of late you have got a silly trick to despise and laugh at her very name, as if you could not be wits unless you proclaimed your own selves Sons of whores, nor testify your regards to our sex but by dishonouring your Mothers; for your conversion from this brutish heresy, I shall venture to set her picture before you, therefore wipe your eyes (I mean those of your understanding if you have them about you) and view her in her native lustre.  
A good wise is the temperate zone, where alone love delights to inhabit, and free both from the frosts of peevish virginity, and scorching heats of raging lust, enjoys a perpetual spring; She is the perfection of a man, or a lost rib restored to complete and perpetuate humane nature; a true copy of our Mother Eve before she dialogued with the Serpent; a second edition of female Divinity (with the Erratas corrected) polished with beauty, and bound up with chastity to convince the world that piety and goodness; The virtues and the graces are all of the feminine gender, she's an innocent julep in an amorous fit, and a most restorative Cordial after 'tis over; A young man's Mistress to advise him, a middle aged man's companion to solace him, and an old Man's Nurse to cherish him; a helpmeet in the cares of the world, and toils of business, and the most agreeable diversion at hours of leisure; an inseparable second self that mitigates all a man's misfortunes by dividing and sharing them, and doubles his joys and prosperities by an equal participation; The guardian of her husband's honour, and the conduit through which successive nobility derives its glories, and to whose integrity the law commits the conveyance both of Titles and inheritances: She is the Elixir of temporal comforts, the only Amulet against the malice of fortune, the most to be admired, and the most to be desired thing here below, and next to Abraham's bosom, every wise man would choose to lie in hers.  
●ut this is only a draught of her perfections in Landscape, a transient confused prospect of her excellencies in the Lump, be pleased to take a more particular survey, and each Irem will transport you with love and wonder.  
She scarce thinks herself obliged to those that applaud her for being chaste, since 'twould be a curse and a punishment for her to be otherwise, and though self-murtherers are justly condemned, yet we never read of rewards given to people merely because they did not make away themselves; honesty is the greatest commendation for a bad Woman, but in a good one 'tis the least; She chooseth not a Husband by the strength of his back, nor at all considers the lusty Calf, or complexion; if Rude Language assault her ear, innocency keeps it out from infecting her mind, and saves her other virtues the labour; She prevents the designs of the debauched at a distance, and by a strict guard on her modesty and awful carriage, secures herself from being tempted, holding it for a Max me (though a Paradox.) 
That she alone is chaste that ne'er was tried,  
He comes too near that comes to be denied.   
Thus she shuns all occasions that may commit a Rape upon her soul, or fill it with wand'ring petulant Ideas, and therefore reads the practice of Piety oftener than Cleopatra or Cassandra, and takes more pleasure in some Divine history with her corious needle, than in the alluring scenes of the most Tickling comedy.  
She loves but one, and that is him she should, viz. her husband, and she loves him because he is so, and if he prove cross or unkind it may exercise her patience, but never destroy her affection.  
This love she demonstrates in the whole series of her life by endearing obligations, and the greatest respect, as remembering the duty of her place, and that God and the law have appointed him to be her head, and therefore endeavours to conceal his infirmities, as knowing them to be her own dishonours, and is as much ashamed to show herself wiser than her Husband in company, as some pragmatical Gossips are proud to be thought to have more wit than theirs, and if ever she be forced to tell him of a fault, she does it so sweetly, and with so much discretion, that he finds reason to be angry with himself, but none to be offended with her, who studies his temper, to work the better effects on his humours, takes the fittest opportunities, and has a special care never to speak out of season, and so avoids scold and clamours as the plagues of marriage, and commands by obeying, and rules the roughness of his spirit by the soft compliances of hers; a flint that defies the anvil may easily be broken upon a featherbed.  
Her industry and frugality are no less remarkable than her discretion, she considers she is called a house wife, and endeavours to make good the Title, both by refraining from gadding abroad, and abhorring sluttishness and sletternly tricks at home; she provides liberally for her family, but has an eye that nothing be wasted, and remember that an ill managed Kitchen has destroyed many a noble Hall; She knows no necessity for a breakfast in her bed, and can get up without being roused by the Treachers rattling to dinner; She spends more time in prayer and exercises of devotion, than between the glass and the dressing-box; She suits her  to her husband quality and ability, rather than the fashion, yet loves neatness, and cannot endure any paint on her cheeks, but the natural vermilion of modest blushes; her good man dares trust her with his cash without an exact account, nor does she call him to task for every odd Twopences, She is not perpetually draining his purse for Modish vanities, and envies not her next Neighbours New Gown or richer Laces, she never upbraids him with her portion or parentage, and is better employed at Church, then to observe who has the finest Fan, the best suits of knots, or the most glittering Pendants. She is very tender of her Children, and thinks them her choicest treasure, yet gives them no occasion to curse her hereafter for overfond Indulgence, she is courteous and sociable to her Neighbours, but scorns to go a Hunting for Gossip, and thinks her time better spent at home (though but in patching a Dishclout) than in idle visits, or expensive Assignations for carrying on the grand affair of tattling; in brief, she is religious, without hypocrisy, discreet without pride, loving without folly, pleasant without vanity, grave without clownishness, and h● that enjoys her, has no greater happiness to wish fo● on 〈◊〉 side Heaven.  
And now Sirs, I doubt not but you like the Wi●● 〈◊〉 propose well enough, and begin to cry, Where i● 〈◊〉 Where is she; Truly I shall neither send you t● 〈…〉 nor direct you pointblank to her dwelling▪ she lives very privately, some say 'tis at the sign 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Philosophers-Stone, in Phoenix Alley, in Non-suc● street; but if you will but observe the following Directions, and add thereto a competent d●s● o● your own discretion, 'tis much to be hoped you may light upon one of her Sisters.  
1. Let piety and solid virtue be the prime motive of your addresses, for be sure where those are wanting, let the proverb say what it will, those marriages were never made in heaven.  
2. Let her be descended of honest parentage, yet not too high above your own degree; For where there is too much difference in quality, 'tis rare, if they draw equally in the marriage yoke.  
3. Be not cheated with the modish conceit of a brisk and airy Girl, lest her lightness weigh down your head with a pair of stately horns; a solid breeding and de●ortment ●s infinitely more commendable than th●t fantast●t●c●l Gayty; singing, dancing, etc. are innocent a●c●●plishments, yet can scarce answer for the ●●●rge and time lost in acquiring them, and are fat more taken in a mistress than a Wife.  
4. Never let money bribe you to a loathed bed, or make you accept of a wife in whose person you can take no delight: yet do not on the other side cast away yourself for a pretty face, which three days Sickness can destroy.  
5. After her qualities, let your next consideration be her portion; for though Riches alone of themselves are not a sufficient ground for a Match (for then it would be not a Marriage, but a Bargain and Sale) yet they are excellent good and comfortable additions; The hottest love being apt to cool and decay, where there is not the fuel of a Competent estate to feed and maintain it.  
6. Though, Virtue, Riches, and good Nature are excellent things by themselves, yet joined all together, they are not enough to Justify your choice, unless she be fit to, I mean of a like humour, and agreeable temper to suit with yours. For all love is both begot a continued blitheness.  
I have a great many other Documents to give you, but I fear here are more already than you will have patience to regard: And therefore I shall conclude with the Parson; So much shall suffice for this time.  
FINIS.