Impudence, Lying and Forgery, Detected and chastised. IN A REJOINDER TO A REPLY, Written by that Infamous Town-Poet Tom. Brown.  
And fathered by mat. SMITH, A Squire of Alsatia, Now Resident in the Gate-House, Westminster.  
By RIC. KINGSTON.  
Effundit mala Lingua virus Atrum,  
Non est Ictu serienda levi.  
LONDON, Printed, and are to be Sold by the Booksellers of London and Westminster. 1700.   

Impudence, Lying and Forgery Detected and chastised, &c.  
THere is no greater sign in the World of a Bad and baffled Cause, than its being supported by Ill-words, instead of Arguments; Railing, for want of Reason, and False Suggestions instead of Answers, to plain and positive Proofs. In the Modest Answer to Brown's and Smith's Immodest Memoirs and Remarks, I charge them with matters of Fact, and quote Credible Witnesses to prove every Allegation; and they being utterly unable ro refute any one particular through the whole Discourse, are pleased to drop the Controversy, and fall upon me, in such a Rude and Barbarous Dialect, as none but Things of their own Characters could be Guilty of: And therefore if the Provocations they have given me, shall sometimes make me so far forget myself, as to requited them in kind, I hope the Reader will forgive give me, considering I am engaging against a Couple of Infamous Scoundrels, who in hopes that the Devil will always sit at their Doors, defy Law and Justice, and are Sworn Enemies to Truth, as well as to Good Manners. But thanks be to Heaven, our Age is more Wise, Genteel and and Modest, than to take the Drivel of Cankard Mouths, and the Nasty Froth of Ulcerated Lungs, for a Reply to Serious Matter; but on the contrary, will despise every Author, that treats his Antagonist, and Manages his cause after such a Beastly manner as these Poultrons have done, who if they had been bound Seven Years to the Devil to learn the Arts of Lying and Slandering, they could not have been more their Crafts Masters than they are; and for which Abuses, if I don't take my Remedy at Law against both the Authors, Printer, and Publishers, let all Mankind conclude me Guilty, and till then they must not expect, I will so far Credit their Scurrilons Reply, as to take any Notice of their Egregious and Suppositious Calumnies, which are assisted by no other Proof, Colour or pretence, than the Impudent Assertions of a Couple of Exploded Villains.  
Now before I rejoin to this Insignificant, Incoherent, and Scandalous Reply, it will be necessary to acquaint the Reader why they dropped the Argument to take Revenge upon me, and who the Persons are, that industriously but Ineffectually strive to Blast my Reputation; for which no other reason can be assigned, but that Brown and Smith are Tools for a Party, that are the Common Scandalizers of the Government, and Reproachers of every Administration: Against whose Calumnies my Pen having been thought too severe: That sort of Malcontented Humorists, have by all Clandestine Arts imaginable, endeavoured to weaken my Credit in that kind, and having this opportunity, lived in hope to gain their point, and that their Libels against the Government might pass with greater Currency, when they had no body to oppose them.  
Another Reason of their Malice is, that I have stirred a Wasps Nest, some Men were more Afraid than Hurt, and fearing their ill designs would be discovered by my dipping in this Controversy, and knowing that Brown and Smith had neither Reputation to lose, nor Estates, nor any thing to Pay Damages for their Abusive Language, they thought them proper Engines to execute their Pay-masters Malice, and therefore have maintained them in Meat, Drink and Clothes: First, to abuse an Illustrious Peer, and then me for Detecting the villainous Contrivance; who am able to Prove, tho' the Varlets Smith and Brown, and Brown and Smith, bear the blame, yet some considerable Persons( by their Titles) were at the Middle and both Ends of this Conspiracy.  
Now, tho' I cannot imagine what Spirit of Impudence, or Revelation from Hell, first engaged Smith and Brown into so Base and Vile an Undertaking, as the Printing their Memoirs and Remarks was; yet I cannot but think their Deserting that point is one of the Wisest things they ever did, for when they consider, that if their Slanderous Tongues should still continue too long for their Mouths, in Abusing their Superiors, they might at last draw dangerous Knots about their Necks, 'tis no Wonder they begin to Bite them in as much as they can, without offending their Lords and Masters.  
The Copy of Browns and Smiths Libel, was offered from Bookseller to Bookseller in Fleetstreet and other Places, but none would undertake to Print so Scandalous a thing upon any Terms whatsoever, till they met with the common Scandal Printer, Pillory Darien John derby, who is the Third of his Family that has stood in the Pillory, for Printing Libels against the Government, and is so bigoted a fanatic Republican, that nothing can cure his Spleen or his Wifes Vapours against Monarchy but the Quintenssence of a Rope and Butter, which they have both stunk for want of these Ten Years.  
The Title of the Libel should have been Mercurius Bifrons, one of whose Faces wants Wit, and the other Honesty. It was written by that Infamous Town Poet Tom Brown, the only Wretch alive that never pretended to be Honest, and 'tis owned by mat. Smith, generally called Frigster Smith: A Thick Scull'd, Empty Headed, Dull Insipid Coxcomb, who for want of Solid Greatness, swells the Title page. with Empty Ceremory, calling himself Esquire, tho' he was never owned for such but by the Bullies of Alsatia where he lived till the Dissolution of that Society, and has all the Qualifications, that may entitle him a Dignitary of that Ignoble Order. Smith is the Cats Foot in the Monkey's Paw: Brown writes Libels and silly Smith own's them. Brown is the Monster to be seen above Stairs, and Smith is the Zany that stands at the Door with a Trumpet at his Mouth, to invite Passengers, to see a Calf with two Heads, or Brown's drunken Noddle, graffed upon Smith's Trembling Shoulders, which must needs be a dismal Figure and richly worth Sixpence a piece the showing; or to make it more Comical, Smith is the Puppet in view, and Brown the juggler behind the Curtain, that makes the Puppet speak, and Wiredraws him into all his antic and Ridiculous Motions, and accordingly I shall treat them as Fool and Knave in conjunction. Pray step in and see the beginning.  
Brown innitiates Smiths Scandalous Story, by lamenting the loss of his Liberty; and yet Smith has often  told his Friend Mr. red since he has been in Custody, that his continuing in Prison was for his Good. In another place he makes Smith say, that he suffers for the breach of an Order he was ignorant of; when he knows the Bookseller and Printer, seeing in his first Copy a Letter to the House of Lords, they shewed him the danger of Printing it, and refused to proceed further, burnt all the Sheets that were Printed off, and so lost above fifteen Pounds by Brown's recommending Smith to their acquaintance. Now if Smith's remaining in Custody be for his Good, his Complaint is giving himself the lie in that particular, as well as pleading Ignorance to a Danger he had notice of. Next Brown makes Smith say he is destitute of Friends, and yet I can, and when-ever Smith desires it will show him under his Friend Mr. Charles Read's hand, credibly attested, the Names of no less than eight Noble Peers that Smith  told him were his particular Friends: And his Famous Solicitrixes Mrs. Mortimon and Mrs. Scot, whom but to name is to scandalise any Cause they have a Finger in, have also said Smith has many considerable Friends also in the Honourable House of Commons, that watch an opportunity to do him service, with other Fine things that I forbear to relate, because those Noted Female are the Authors of them. And then with what Face can Brown make Smith say he is destitute of Friends, when himself and Friends at other times boast of the Numbers of them.  
Next, Brown makes Smith insinuate( for they dare aver nothing directly) that I have vouchsafe several Persons as Witnesses to Facts of my own inventing, p. 4. and in pag. 8. says, he hears that A: R. and B. B. protest against what I have Quoted them for against Mr. Brown, because 'tis utterly false. These two Passages I shewed the Gentlemen intended under the two initial Letters of their Names, and they were pleased not only to deny what is there insinuated upon pretended Hearsay; but did me justice in the following Certificate.  

We whose Names are underwritten, do utterly deny that we ever said that Mr. Kingston had quoted our Names to any thing against Mr. Brown that was false; but on the contrary do affirm, that in every page. where Mr. Kingston in his Book called A Modest Answer to Captain Smith's Immodest Memoirs, has used our Names, he has done it to nothing but what is the Truth, and they that say the contrary are liars, and Slanderers, witness our Hands this Nineteenth of February 1699.  


Abel Roper.  
Ben. Beardwell.     
This Scandalous Suggestion being thus disproved, I proceed to the next Particular, wherein Brown and Smith labour hard to persuade their Reader, that Smith and not Brown wrote the Book called Memoirs of Secret Service, and the other Pamphlet called Remarks, &c. and truly it concerns them both to struggle for this point, for the whole matter turns upon this Dilemma. If Brown wrote the Preface, the Observations, the Minutes, the pretended private Conferences, and Mended, altered, and added whole Sentences to Smith's Letters, then all Smith's Pretences are but one entire Abominable Contrivance, and both Principal and Accessary deserve an Exemplary Punishment.  
Now the Course Brown takes in this Reply to persuade his Reader that those Books before-mentioned were of Smith's writing, is enough to convince those that know him, that all the rest he says is of the same Complexion, since all Smith's Acquaintance laugh him to scorn for pretending to it. Away trifling Brown, don't impose upon the World! call thy Brother Smith by any other of thy own Names but an Author, and we shall readily believe thee, thou knowest wretched Fellow, that he has not the Wit or Learning of a Dormouse: He talk of Government and politics? Bid the Truant go to School again, learn to manage a Fescue discreetly, play at Push-Pin or Cockall wisely, con his Eight Parts of Speech diligently, and never hereafter pretend to any thing above the capacities of Boys, and Girls Slobbering Bibs, and Sucking Bottles, lest thou in time say of him as thou didst of monsieur le across, that he is like thyself, and fit for nothing but Hanging.  
But Smith forsooth out of his Speaking Trumpets Mouth, makes it a doubt whether Brown ever said he writ the Books in Question or not; and because 'tis neither fit for them nor me to determine that Controvesie, let us hear what indifferent and disinteressed Persons have to say in that matter. You have heard already what the Former Witnesses have said to the whole, I will next produce you a Certificate from another Gentleman.  

Let this certify, that I being in company about March or April last with Mr. Kingston, Mr. Roper, Mr. Beardwell, and Mr. Brown, at Mr. Webs in St. James Park; I heard Mr. Brown say, that he wrote the greatest part of the Book entitled Memoirs of Secret Services, and mended most part of Captain Smith's Letters, to make them speak Sense, and more to the purpose. And at the same time Mr. Brown cursed Captain Smith for drawing him into a Snare, and employing his Pen to so base a purpose, for which he said he humbly begged the D's pardon, witness my Hand,  
M. Stringer.   

We whose Names are underwritten, do hereby certify all whom it may concern, that we heard Mr. Kingston, charge. Mr. Thomas Brown, with making Alterations in, and Additions to Captain Smith's Letters, which are printed in a Book entitled Memoirs of Secret Service, which Mr. Brown would have shuffled off at first; but when he heard Mr. Kingston say that he would show him the Copy in his own Hand Writing, Mr. Brown answered, What would you have we do, Smith cannot writ Sense, and I having wrote the Preface, made Observations, and licked over his Minutes, I was forced to stick in here and there a word, and now and then Usher in a short Sentence to make his Letters speak sense, and seem of a piece with the rest; for which Captain Smith promised to bear me harmless. These words were spoken in our presence, and hearing, and as soon as Mr. Brown was gone were put into Writing. To the truth of which we have put our Hands,  


John Halsy.  
Tho. Willowby.     
Now Brown knowing that these undeniable Proofs were ready to be produced against him, and that he had a Bill of Fifty Pounds for writing that Book, he to save Smith's Credit, and keep up his Interest with the Party, he exposes himself, and gives Smith Authority to call him a liar, if he said what is proved against him. What Shifting, Doubling, and Prevaricating is here, between a Couple of Scoundrels to uphold a wicked Cause: But seven Lines before, Smith said Brown was a man of great Veracity, and here he takes the liberty to say he is a liar, or if you please to have it in a softer Phrase, what Brown says is utterly false. In truth one of these two are both Common liars; but in this particular the Scale turns to Brown's advantage, for the Books themselves, and Smith's known inability to writ them, is an irrefragible Evidence on behalf of the Poet, against the Alsatian Squire.  
From this Sentence Smith appeals to an Original Manuscript which he presented to His Majesty's own Hand in November 1696. Bless me God, what an Impudent Assertion is this! sure these Wretches think they have a Patent for Writing themselves to the Devil Cum Privilegio, or they durst not obtrude such a Notorious lie upon the World, as to say he delivered an Original Manuscript into the King's Hands in November 1696. nothing different from the Printed Memoirs, when the whole Printing House can testify, that they were forced to stay for Copy several days together, while Brown was writing it for the Press in 1698. Sure Brown was Drunk when he writ this Paragraph, or tho they are able to lie with the Devil for the Whetstone, yet they have worse Memories than the Fool at Athens that forgot his own Name, and so want an Essential Requisite to carry on their Trade of Lying, and Slandering, without being detected in every Paragraph.  
He also Appeals to his Original Letters left in the House of Lords. Brown and Smith are fond of the word Original, and are a Couple of Original liars for their pains; for they both know his Original Letters were lost, and that there were above twenty Copies, sold, pawned, and given away, before he produced those that were left in the House of Lords; but that which for ever puts an end to this pretence, I hereby offer to show any man, Browns Alterations, and Additions to those Letters, under Brown's own Hand: Which they know I received from the Hands of the Printer, that was first employed in Printing their Infamous Memoirs.  
In the next place he says I have taken care( as much as in me lies) to destroy Mr. Brown's Authority by the Scandalous Character I have given him: To which I only Answer, I am sorry he gave me cause by his villainous Practices, in begging Pardon for one Crime, and immediately running into a greater; for which I am so far from repenting of, that to do my Reader justice, and convince him that I treated Brown but too Modestly, I shall enlarge a little upon that head, and refer him for the rest to the History of Brown's Life which is now a Printing, and then all mankind will say I treated him Modestly, till his Scandalous Reply provoked me to lay him open to the World.  
In all their Scurrilous Pamphlets, Mulus Mulum scalpit, they Nab and Flatter one another at such a vile Rate, as would make a Dog break his Halter to see it. Brown sets up Smith for a Learned Prefacer, and a Profound Politician, and Smith daubs Brown with the Character of a Person of great Honour and Veracity, when Handy Dandy, Pickly Pandy, Overmost or Lowermost, take which of them you will, they are a Couple of Incorrigible Rascals.  
'Tis true in the Modest Answer I called Brown a Scoundrel, and now I take the liberty to Add that he is a Common Shark, an Infamous Scandalizer, a Notorious Cheat, and has long since forfeited his Ears to the Pillory, and this I will prove not by asking Ridiculous Questions, such as he concludes his Libel with( and might be asked of any man in Christendom) but by matters of Fact and Irreproachable Evidences, of which I have many more by me, though I now produce but one upon each Head, for fear of swelling this Rejoinder, and Forestalling the History of his Life, where you will find them Usque ad Nauseam.  
Now to show you Smith's Man of Honour and great Veracity, who is stigmatized by all that know him, for one of the greatest liars in the World, and a Common Cheat! Come out Dear Tom. show thyself in thy own proper Shapes and Colours. See how simply he looks now? How Mal à Droit the poor passive Villain makes his appearance, now he's entering upon his Trial. First,  
I charge him with Borrowing a suit of very Fine linen, some years since, of Mr. Henry Playford, Bookseller near the Temple, and never returning it, nor making any satisfaction for it. Secondly,  
I charge him wirh selling a Copy of a Book, called The Welsh Levite tossed in a Blanket, to Mr. Thomas Jones Bookseller, for Four Pounds, and receiving the Money of him, and afterward took the Copy from him, under pretence of adding something to it, and Sold it to another Bookseller for the same Sum, without ever making Mr. Jones any kind of satisfaction to this Day: As you will find by the following Letter he sent to me.  
Sir, According to your Desire I have sent you a short account of Mr. Brown's dealing with me, viz. I bought of him the Copy of his Book called the Welsh Levite, for Four Pounds, paid him the Money, and after I had had the Copy about three days in my Custody, he came to my Shop, and  told me he would give the Preface a Flourishing Stroke, which would cause the Book to sell much Better: Whereupon I delivered him the Copy, and he went immediately and sold it to another Bookseller, by whom it was Printed; but Mr. Brown never paid me a Penny of my money back. This is the Truth, and I will make Oath of it when you please. Another time he was pawned at the Rose Tavern without Temple Bar for Eleven Shillings; he sent for me to discharge the Reckoning, which I did; but he never repaid me. At the Ship Tavern I lent him Half a Crown, and he promised to treat me; but instead of that, he went away and pawned me for the whole Reckoning. He bit Mrs Rand that keeps a linen Shop at the Black lion in Newgate-street, of as much linen as came to Thirty Shillings, for which she has not got her money yet. After the same manner he had like to have served Mr. Barrow the tailor, but he Arrested him for his money, and Dr. D. became bail for him, and he suffered the Doctor to be taken in Execution for it. He came to my Brother and borrowed Dr. Brown's and Oldham's Works, and went and sold them immediately at the next shop for Ready money. He writ a Lampoon of half a Sheet upon the late Dr. H—k, for a dozen of Beer, and some Bread and Cheese. If I had a days time to refresh my memory, I could fill a whole Sheet with his Tricks; but this may suffice till I see you. In the mean time I am,  
Sir, Your humble Servant, T. Jones. Febr. 19. 1699.  
Mr. Roper Bookseller, at the Black Boy in Fleetstreet, who had been Brown's special Friend upon all occasions, employed him to writ a Banter upon the New Sect called Philodelphians. Brown went several times to Hungerford Market to hear them, and having as he said furnished himself with matter, undertakes it, gets money at several times of Mr. Roper, while Brown pretended the Work was under hand, and hearing Mr. Roper was going out of Town, Brown tells him the Copy was almost finished, and therefore desires him to leave Order, that upon delivering the Copy he might receive the rest of the money agreed for. Mr. Roper consented to his desires, and the very next day after Brown knew Mr. Roper was upon his journey, Brown sews up a parcel of Useless Papers under a Marble Paper Cover, with the following Title. Speculum Hoeresiarcharum; 
 Or, the Impostures of the New Sect, that call themselves Philodelphians, laid open in Six Letters, by Mr. Brown: And flourishes the Title page. with a Verse out of Horace, which in truth is his own proper Character, Prayer, and practise. 
Da mihi fallere, da Sanctum justumque videri,  
Noctem Peccatis, & Fraudibus objice Nabem.   
With this Specions Title, under which was not one word relating to the Subject, Brown Trots to Mr. Roper's Shop, and showing a Manuscript under the Title above written, Mrs. Roper not suspecting so vile a Cheat, pays Brown three Pound, that her Husband had ordered for him upon delivery of the Copy agreed for: Which Fraud was undiscovered till her Husband's return; but Brown never made any satisfaction for the Cheat. And if these repeated Frauds don't merit a Pillory, I know not what does.  
Having sufficiently proved him a Shark, and Cheat, my next affair is to prove him a Common Makebate and Slanderer, which tho I might do sufficiently by reciting several of his Pamphlets and Lampoons, wherein he has blasphemed the Gods, Affronted Kings, libeled Princes, scandalized the Court and City, and in his Scurlilous Petitions spared no Sex, Order, or Quality of Men or Women whatsoever; yet I rather choose to do it under this pleasant Relation.  
A Gentleman of a Clear Reputation, and a Plentiful Fortune near B— w in Essex, accidentally falling into Brown's Company in London, he invites him to his House in the Country, where he entertained him nobly for a Month, took him with him to other Gentlemens Houses, and at length sent him away with money in his Pockets. Not long after the Gentleman commending Brown as a Pleasant Fellow to some of his Neighbouring Gentlemen, at whose Houses Brown had been, they all agreed that Brown was pleasant in his humour, but said he was a very Rascal in his Nature, for he had scandalously treated that Gentleman behind his Back, that had been so kind to him: Upon which they premeditated a Revenge, invite Brown again into the Country, and down he comes as Bluff as a Bully at an Ordinary.  
The Neighbouring Gentleman hearing of his Arrival, came to attend a Ceremony that Brown little dreamed of; and having repeated his foul Crimes and misdemeanours to him, in Reviling a Gentleman that had been so extraordinary Civil to him, they  told him Nolens Volens he must with his own hand draw up, and Sign a Confession of his Fault, Beg Pardon upon his Knees, and submit to a Punishment which was to be inflicted upon him. Brown readily performed the first part of his Pennance, and then was led into the Gentleman's Hall to perform the latter.  
Now the Servants rolled him upon the Table, as they mould Cockle Bread. Then they Scuer'd him up in a Blanket from Head to Foot, leaving a place like the Holes of a Pillory to speak through, and having soundly shaked his Corps to settle him in his Geeres, they Mount him upon a Stool of Repentance, set for that purpose in the middle of the Hall, and then let in the Mob to be his Auditors, whilst with an audible Voice Brown makes this Confession.  
I Thomas Brown do aclowledge and Confess myself to be a Rogue, a Scoundrel, and a Rascal, that deserves not to live, for speaking Dishonourably of this Worthy Gentleman, pointing to the Master of the House, that has been my great Benefactor, for which villainous Offence I am hearty sorry, humbly beg his Pardon, and Promise never to commit the like Offence against any Man for the future.  
When Brown had duly performed this Pennance, in Manner and Form as aforesaid, and the Mob had exercised their wits upon him, he was thrown into a Turnep-Cart scuer'd up as abovementioned, and the Cart environd by a strong Mob, Shouting and Hallowing; he was carried in Triumph through the Town, and at the end of it was Shot out of the Carts Arss into a Dirty Puddle, and Half a Crown being put in his hand was sent Packing on Bayard a-Ten-Toes to London.  
Thus have I shew'd you in little, Smith's Man of great Veracity, whose true Character you see is a Cheating Lying Knave, that never gave any Man an Ill Word to his Face, nor a Bad one behind his Back, and therefore I thought it necessary to describe them, lest those who converse with their Libel in the dark, should give it Credit for want of better Satisfaction, who, and what they are, that writ it.  
That I wrote a Book called Cursory Remarks is very True; but that I wrote an Answer to it myself is a Brownism; for the Answer to that Book was written by Mr. Sedgwick who Glories in it, tho' I never thought it worthy of a Reply, nor made one to it; and if Brown or Smith, or any of that Crew, can show me any Reply to that Answerer either written by me, or any other Man living or dead, I hereby oblige myself to Pay him Ten Pounds that shall show it to me. What little things Brown and Smith, and the rest of that Gang, lay hold upon to traduce me, and to persuade the World, that after I have written Eighteen Volumes for this Government, and have answered the greatest part of all the Books and Pamphlets that have been written against it, I should now Lampoon myself, by writing against a Government from whom I receive a comfortable Subsistence, and to which I will always remain a Dutiful Subject, tho' Brown and Smith, and all its Enemies, were hanged.  
That Smith is maintained by a Party, I still affirm. He has no Estate, nor any honest way in the World to get a Penny, and I don't take him to be a chameleon that can live by the Air, and therefore till he publishes his Modus Vivendi. I shall still retain my former Opinion. I did also say, and credibly prove in my Modest Answer, That Brown said Dr. Chamberlain was Cashier to the Party, and sent Money to Smith as often as he sent for it: And now I further say, and can prove by other Witnesses than Mr. red and Mrs. Scot, that the same Gentleman has paid Smith some considerable sums since he has been in Custody, and I don't think it agrees with the Doctor's Circumstances, to give such large sums out of his own Pocket; for the Money that Smith pretends was left in Mr. Chamberlain's Custody to pay his monthly Pension abroad, was all spent long before Smith by his Brother Brown's hand set up for an Author.  
Smith seems mightily concerned at my saying he was broken for being a Notorious Coward, and wants to know the Lords Names, and the Instance of his cowardice for which he was broken, in which I am willing to oblige him, and therefore tell him he was broken for being a Coward by those Noble Peers that were Commissionated by His Majesty to View and Reform the Army, whose Commission is upon Record, and there he may find their Lordships Names, whom I have no need to trouble for Instances of his Cowardice, since there are so many nearer home: As his being cudgelled in White-Hall at the Head of his Company, being kicked down Stairs by a Drawer at the Rummer Tavern; and others are pleased to assign his being so often kicked, and Cuff'd, and Tweak'd by the Nose, as the Cause of his having no moisture left in his Brains. In this Qualification I may also join him with his Brother Brown, who is as Rank a Coward as himself, who both had rather Eat than Fight, tho they had nothing but Dry Bread for their Dinners.  
But now comes the Dead-doing Things, that must Ruin my Credit to all Intents and Purposes, and which has given them the privilege of calling me, I thank them, by their Own Names. The first is, that I called Charles red by the Name of William, a Sad Crime indeed; but methinks he should first have enquired, whether it were My Mistake or the Printers before he had given me such hard Words. The next is, that Mr. Charles red finding his Name used by R. Kingston to support divers things which he knew to be false, generously gave Smith a Certificate to disprove it.  
ay, now there's something in't, as the Fellow said when he drank down a Dish Clout: Before the Quarrel was frivolous, only Tilting Foreheads, where the Hardest Skulls, not the Fullest must get the Victory; but now they have, procured a Certificate, certainly they'l Maul me, and I had better cry Quarter quickly, than be ruined for ever.  
What a Certificate! and a Certificate from Charles red Gentleman? Wo worth the day! What Mortal Wight is able to bear up against the United Force of Brown Smith, and a Certificate; for if Three to One be Odds at Football, it is much more to my disadvantage at Loggerheads.  
But Pleasantry a-part, are not Brown and Smith a Couple of Pure Rogues to Roast, that dare in the Face of the Sun, and in the same Parish where the Persons concerned Reside, and while one of them is in a Goal, and the other Hides his Head for fear of being brought to Justice, dares, I say, writ a Certificate under a Man's Hand that lives in Westminster that is utterly false, and consequently their villainy might be easily Detected: I stand amazed to think on't. Han't they Crimes enough already to account for, but they must add Forgery to the rest? and yet as Strange and Wicked as it is, they have had the Impudence to do it more than once.  
First, Smith contrived a much more Scandalous Certificate against me than what they now have Printed, which was also signed by Charles red, wherein among other Notorious Lies they accused me as being a spy upon His Majesty's Ministers, which read getting from Smith, brings it to me at the White-Hall Coffee-House, saying, See, Sir, what Smith has done, he has put my Name to a False Certificate, and at the same time shewed the Forged Certificate to me, written in Smith's hand, and signed Charles read; and other Gentlemen being then and there present, read voluntarily offered to certify under his Hand that it was false; which being thought advisable and proper for him to do, read immediately signs the following Certificate, and keeps a Copy of it himself.  

Whereas Captain Matthew Smith hath inserted in a Paper which I unadvisedly gave him under my Hand, that Mr. Richard Kingston was employed as a spy upon the King's Ministers, I do hereby affirm that the Words are False and Scandalous, and put in by the said Captain Smith without my Knowledge, Consent or Approbation, witness my Hand this Twenty Ninth day of January 1699 / 700.  
Witness the Mark of 

Charles read.  
Appleby Haggas.  
Will Wybrand.     
Thus upon the 29th Day of January, Three and Twenty Days after Smith's Certificate bears Date, did this Man of Singular Honesty Charles red Gentleman, certify under his Hand, that Smith had inserted Words into a Certificate against Mr. Kingston, that were False, and Scandalous, and also that this Man of Singular Honesty, Charles red Gentleman, did also sign a Certificate, that he knew to be False, and Scandalous, and by this means have proved themselves to be a Couple of Fellows of Singular villainy and Perfidy.  
This practise being so early detected by red himself, they thought it proper to lay aside that Certificate, and invented that which is Printed in Smith's Libel, and which is as notoriously False in every Line of it, as Calumny could invent. As soon as I red this Certificate, I sent for this Man of Singular Honesty, Charles red Gentleman, to come to me, and discourse the matter: Which he promised several times to do, and to give me another Certificate under his Hand, that the Printed Certificate was also False and Scandalous, but never kept his Word; but on the contrary caused himself to be denied in Houses where he hide himself out of the Way; so that neither myself, nor several other Gentlemen that made it their business three days together to find and speak with him, could ever see him since. And thinking it a plain Case, that they which would Forge one Certificate, would Boggle at nothing in the same kind, I slighted him as a Self-detected Knave, and would wait his delays no longer, being able to vindicate my Fair and Upright Dealing with Smith, and Brown by a Certificate from a Gentleman of known Reputation, which be pleased to take in his own Words as followeth.  

Let this certify, That in what place soever Mr. Kingston has made use of my Name, in his Book entitled A Modest Answer to Captain Smith's Immodest Memoirs of Secret Service, is Verbatim the Truth,  
Witness my Hand, February 23. 1699. Fr. Jermy.   
With the same assurance that Smith Forged the Certificate, he says page. 14. that he trusted me but with two of his Letters only, which is egregiously false; and to vindicate what I said in the Modest Answer, that I had the sight of all his Letters under his own Hand, I appeal to the Right Honourable the Earl of St— d, to whom I shewed them all, and who was pleased to give himself the trouble of Reading them, at my House in the Old Palace Yard Westminster.  
Brown and Smith are very merry about Smith's Dukedom, the Poet tumbles in his ugly Tropes, about the value of his Pension, and makes read say, that Smith never abused his Grace in any Reproachful Language; but these are all of a piece with the rest, as appears by the Certificate underwritten.  

We whose Names are subscribed, do affirm, That Captain Matthew Smith, did use very Reproachful Language against the Iullustrious Prince name in his Memoirs, and did say he was promised a Pension of Four Thousand Pounds a Year, but he would not accept it without a Considerable Title: And further said, He knew they intended to make him a Lord, but he scorned to accept of any thing under a Duke, to the Truth of which we have hereunto set our Hands, and are ready to make Oath of it if required.  


Fr. Jermy.  
Ric. Kingston.     
I do also affirm that red was present when these Words were spoken, and if the Party have since bought him off, I wish them Joy of their Purchase; for I shall never Covet such an Evidence that must be Hired, at the Price of who bids most for his Testimony, and will give it under his Own Hand that he is a liar and a Slanderer. He has hitherto given me a daily account of what Smith has done, and said, what Company resorts to him, and who brings and sends him money, to support his extravagant expenses in the Goal, which( credibly attested) is a Reserve for the next Encounter. In the mean time I cannot but take notice that his Complaint for want of Liberty, and his threatening what strange things he would perform if he had it, is as Ridiculous as the rest of his Libel; for every Man knows, he is as much a Prisoner at his Lodgings in the Muse as in the Gate-House, and dares no more walk the Streets on Working-days, than Whet his Knife at the Counter Gate, or Face a bailiff.  
That Smith's Letters of Correspondence were Mended, Altered, and had several Additions made to them, is already proved by Five Credible Witnesses: Against which they having made no Objection, I am not obliged to waste more words about it, having once already offered to show the very Letters so Mended, Altered, and Added to, in Smith's and Brown's Hand Writing, which proves their whole Memoirs to be a mere farthel of Improbabilities, Incongruities, and Invented Falsities.  
What an Impertinent Tedious Harangue does Brown and Smith make about John Hewet? I confess I was not at his Christening; but was credibly informed he was but Fifteen Years of Age when he entred into the Service of the Jacobites, and the Printer unluckily making it but Thirteen, gave occasion for all the Noise and Insults they have made upon it. But this is their Way, to stumble at Straws but leap over Blocks, take abundance of Pains to amuse the Reader about Trifles, that by Muddying the Water, they may shun the stroke that affects them. All I intended by naming Hewet, was to prove that John Hewet, being interrogated upon Oath by the House of Lords, declared, That he never acquainted Smith with any of the Jacobites Secrets; but finding him Inquisitive, and Prodigal of his money, Hewet collected News out of the Post Boy to get money from him, under pretence that it came from France. And to this, notwithstanding all their Mudling themselves in Ink, they have yet made no direct Answer to it; but think skulking behind Ill Words answers every thing.  
The like they have done in relation to Captain Porter, whose mistake about which side Smith was Related to Sir William Perkins, he would improve to a rejection of the Matter of Fact; which they cunningly slide over, because they knew it would have brought an Old House upon their Heads, there being several other Gentlemen ready to attest the same thing if there be occasion for it.  
After this Slurr, they make a Horrid Noise with Smith's no Service, and quoted Letters and Minutes in their Justification, which have already been proved to be Spurious, and consequently ought not to be given in Testimony. They are also very angry that I say Smith is a Dunce, no Scholar, understands no latin, which I am ready to prove to his Head whensoever he pleases: And that I understand Greek better than He or his Brother Brown understands the Principles of Honesty, or the Rules of Good Manners; of which, if God has given them any Knowledge, the Devil has given them the Application.  
Brown and Smith have made very bold with the Honour and Reputation of several Gentlemen, that have done the Government very considerable Service; but that I pass over with silence, since it proceeds from such polluted Mouths that are the Contempt of Mankind, whom to tie up from their Meat was to scandalise Tyburn, and spoil a Couple of Ropes that might serve for better purposes. The Gentlemen are all known to be such, and Brown and Smith can't hope to escape a due chastisement from them, if their being such inconsiderable Scoundrels is not a Protection to their Ears and their Shoulders.  
I have already given my Reader a short sight of Brown, and referred him to a full view in the History of his Life; and now am obliged to show you his Counter-part in the Alsatian Squire Smith: Who Railing at my Modest Answer, has given me an opportunity to vindicate it, as a Modest Answer in General, and particularly in this Instance.  
In the last page. of that Book, I said Smith was a Vain Creature, for when his Memoirs were Printing, and he upon the Pin of commending his own Power and politics, he said in the Presence of two Reputable Citizens, That it was in his Power to ruin or Preserve the Present Government: Now to convince him that I had Authority for what I said, one of the Persons that heard him, was pleased to give me the following Certificate.  

Memorandum, That Captain Matthew Smith did say at the across keys Tavern at St. Martins Lane End, that it was in his Power to make this Nation Happy or Miserable as he pleased, and that if he had not the Reward from the Government which he expected, he would bend his Force another way, and serve the French King. Further he said, it was in his Power to displace the K—: And that there was not a Court in Christendom, but Smith had his Emissaries in it ( or some such like Expression) even in their Cabinet Councils.  
Witness my Hand this 21th of February, 1699. Benj. Beardwell.   
Mr. Roper, and other Persons, were in Smith's Company at the same time, who being all Persons well affencted to His Majesty and the Government, took such an Abhorrence against Smith, for his Boasting, Disloyal, and Scurrilous way of talking, that they would never come into his Company since. What shall I say! Smith and Brown think their being such Infamous Wretches, will always protect them from Punishment; but let them take care for the future; for tho Eagles don't Quarry upon Flies and Maggots, if they persevere in Affronting the King's Majesty, and abusing his Ministers, they will at last fall under the Pounces of the Law, and be Compelled to render up their Asses Ears to Justice, before their Calves Heads can spare them. And now I think I have shewed my Reader a Couple of very pretty Beagles, but that have the worst Mouths of any of their kind in Europe.  
All the rest of their Libel spends itself in Reviling, and Threatening me. Against their former Insults and Scandals, I will seek my Remedy at Law; but since their Libel may in the mean time fall into the hands of Strangers. I think fit to Antidote their Venom, by giving a brief Account of myself: And as for their foolish Idle threatenings. I am in no Pain, being secured of Life and Limbs by virtue of an Old Proverb, Canes Timidi vehementius latrant quam mordent: To which, for Smiths sake, I will add another in English; Barking curs commonly go with Bitten Ears.  
Now, tho' I have already given sufficient Reasons in the Foregoing Discourse, why Brown and Smith ought not to be believed in any thing they affirm, and that they have offered at no kind of Proof to support their Scandalous Suggestions; yet in Justice to my own Reputation, which is dearer to me then my Life; I thought fit to exhibit the following Testimonials.  
Their Insinuating my not being in Orders, after I am above Sixty Three Years of Age, and have Exercised the Ministerial Function in the Church of England, above Seven and Thirty Years; and have been Four times Instituted and Inducted into very considerable Ecclesiastical Preferments; shows their Ignorance is as great as their Malice; however to put it out of Doubt, let them red the following Testimonials, from a Gentleman that was Ordained by the same Bishop, and at the same time and place, with myself, which seems very Providential, almost at Forty Years Distance of time.  

These are to certify whom it may concern, That Mr. Richard Kingston late Minister of Henbury in the diocese of Bristol, was Ordained Deacon and Priest, according to the Rites and Ceremonies of the Church of England, in Westminster, by the Bishop of gallovvay, who then Ordained there, and Subscribed himself, Thomas Candidae Casae Episcopus, myself being Ordained at the same time and Place with him, viz. upon the 17th Day of July, 1662. In Witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand.  
Thomas Beesly, Vicar of Little marlowe in the County of Bucks.   
Those whose Curiosity leads them further, may search the Bishops Subscription Book, to which Register I Appeal as an undeniable Testimony of my Ordination.  
In 1681, I had the Honour to be made Chaplain in Ordinary to King Charles the Second, and it being Usual for all persons, on whom that Dignity is conferred, to be Certified for by the Bishop of the diocese to the Lord Chamberlain. Dr. Gulston, then Bishop of Bristol, was pleased to give me the Certificate following.  

To the Right Honourable, Henry, Earl of Arlington, Lord Chamberlain of His Majesty's household.  
These are Humbly to certify your Lordship, that Richard Kingston Clerk, Master of Arts, and Minister of Henbury, hath Officiated in my diocese of Bristol, the space of Three Years last past; in all which time he hath behaved himself Soberly, and Piously in his Conversation, Orthodoxly in his judgement, as a Loyal and Obedient Subject to His Majesty, and a Dutiful Son of the Church of England, and is a Person well deserving Preferment; all which I Freely and Willingly attest  
under my Hand, this 21th day of December Annoque Domini 1681. W. Bristol.   
This Reverend Prelate is dead, but Mr. Nathaniel Powel, then his Lordships Secretary, is still alive in London, ready to testify the truth of the above-written Testimonial. Next follows the Lord Chamberlains Warrant.  

These are to certify, that Mr. Richard Kingston, Master of Arts, is Sworn and Admitted into the Place and Quality of Chaplain in Ordinary to His Majesty; By virtue of which Place, he is to enjoy all Rights and privileges thereto belonging.  
Given under my Hand and Seal this Sixth day of February 1681 / 2, in the Thirty Fourth Year of His Majesty's Reign. Arlington.   
After this I had other considerable Preferments, a Prebend and a Rectory added to my Living of Henbury, and upon my Admission thereto, my Parishioners of Henbury were pleased to give me the underwritten Testimonial. The Qualities of the Subscribers were added by myself.  

We the Parishioners and Inhabitants of the Parish of Henbury, in the County of Gloucester, and diocese of Bristol, do hereby certify that Richard Kingston Clerk, and Minister of the said Parish, during the Time of his Residence among us, hath Preached Orthodoxly, and performed all other Divine Offices, Canonically, and Industriously, very much to our Satisfaction and Good Liking; and hath been, and is of a Sober and virtuous Life and Conversation, an Obedient Subject to His Majesty, and a Dutiful Son of the Church of England; all which we Freely testify under our Hands, this 15th of February, 1683.  


Robert Southwell, Knight.  
Sam. Astry, Knight.  
Christopher coal, Esq;  
Christopher coal, Gent.  
Edw. samson, Gent.  
Geo. Petre, Gent.  
Hen. Stoakes, Gent.  
Edw. Parker, Gent.  
Will. Edmunds, Gent.  
John Wasborow, Gent.  
Arthur White, Gent.  
Tho. Rose, Gent.  
Will. Lovering, Yeoman.  
Will. Vimpany, Yeoman.  
Robert Baker, Yeoman.  
Rich. Orchard, Yeoman.  
John Hollister, Yeoman.  
Edw. Haynes, Yeoman.  
Will. Crooker, Farmer.  
Anthony burgess, Farmer.  
Will. ston, schoolmaster.  
Thomes Ashley, Usher.  
Tho. Streton, Ch. Ward.  
James Baker, Ch. Ward.     
And every other individual Housekeeper that came to Church, and paid Parish Duties in the whole Parish: which consists of eight several Townships, whose Names would take up too much Room in this Paper, and therefore are omitted.  
In this Parish of Henbury I continued from 1678. till a little after the Happy Revolution: Then I sold an Estate in Henbury, paid my Just Debts, and brought above Two Hundred Pounds with me to London, where I have lived ever since. I have now served His Majesty above Eight Years, and how I have behaved myself with Respect to the public, I appeal to the Right Honourable the several Secretaries of State, with whom I have had the Honour to be concerned: And in my private Concerns, to all the tradesman I have dealt with, who I am sure will all give me the best Words they have, and no man God willing shall ever have any Just Cause to say otherwise of me.  
It was therefore a Foolish and Malicious enterprise in Brown and Smith to think to advance their own Ill Designs by quarreling with me, who am a Volunteer in this Service, and have averred nothing upon my Single Testimony, but what is confirmed by others; therefore if they designed to take off my Evidence by these Clandestine Methods, their attempts were in vain, unless they could remove the other Gentlemen also, who you see stand the Test, tho they have been often entreated, and threatened to do the contrary.  
But the Poor Shabs are in their Trade, they must be Traducing and Slandering some Body, they care not Who! And what in the Name of Ill Luck have they gained by this Trial of Skill, but bruised Bones, and broken Heads, and seen themselves detected as Notorious liars and Slanderers in every Paragraph of their Libel. And since they Threaten still, and have made the Contest only mine, let them know, The more they Stir the worse they'l Stink; for since I find I can writ more in Three Days, than they were both( with that Shagrag Dod's assistance) able to produce a Reply to in Seven Weeks,( tho they promised in the Post Boy to answer it in One) they have a full Employment for their Lives; for I will never give them over while these Three Poltron's are Unhang'd, or give over their Trade of Lying and Slandering.  
FINIS.