The mind of the Frontispeice.  

WE here exhibit to Ingenious men  
The Lucky and Unlucky Citizen:  
The first of which is manifest in (one  
Unparalleled) Sr: Richard Whittington:  
Who by the prosperours' venture of a Cat  
Climbed to the Chair of London's Magistrate  
And from the sordid Scullery did spring  
To represent the Person of a King:  
As (if you please to cast your eyes upon't)  
You'll see in the Supreme part of this Front.  
Not Care or Wit advanced him to this State  
But as he was the Favourite of Fate.   

By downright Prudence Men do rarely rise  
To Greatness, He that's Fortunate is Wise;  
He that's Unluckily (though the Ball● at's foot  
Shall never kicked, but see another do't;  
How many have on raging Seas been ●●st,  
And at the last in their own Harbour lost.  
The Author doth in this express his sense  
From the smart Learning of Experience:  
Not that he ever ventured on the deep  
In any Ship, but fatal Surety-Ship,  
A● (if you fix your eye on the Right-hand)  
You'll see, a Lucky Alderman doth stand:  
Charged with a bag of Money Lent to one  
Upon a Paper Obligation;  
Which stands upon the left, This makes him Cap●t  
To have Gold and Silver for a sheet of Paper.  
But in the Basis of this Frontispeice  
You'll see a strong Stone doublet lined with Lice.  
That having gotten him upon the hip  
Doth squeeze him in the Horn of Surety Ship  
A place called Ludgate where men only free  
Are privileged to lose their Liberty:  
In a dark dismal den filled with Confusion  
Such is the Unlucky Citizen's Conclusion.    


FK Citizen of London Aetat: 41 1673   portrait of Francis Kirkman   

THE UNLUCKY CITIZEN: Experimentally Described IN THE VARIOUS MISFORTUNES Of an UNLUCKY LONDONER.  
Calculated for the Meridian of this City but may serve by way of Advice to all the Cominalty of England, but more particularly to 

Parents and Children  
Masters and Servants  
Husbands and Wives.    
Intermixed with several Choice Novels.  
Stored with variety of. 

Examples and advice  
President and Precept.    
Illustrated with Pictures fitted to the several Stories.  Faelix quem faciunt aliena pericula cautum. 
London, Printed by Anne Johnson, for Fra. Kirkman and are to be Sold at his Shop in Fan-Church street over against the sign of the Robin-Hood near Aldgate and by most other Booksellers 1673.  
G. STEEVENS.   

THE UNLUCKY CITIZEN by F K  


The lucky have their days and those they choose  
The Unlucky have their honers and those they lose   

THE LUCKY   

THE UNLUCKY   


beware of Suretÿship take heed of pleasure  
you may go in with ease get out at leisure▪      


I have taken out the Portrait of Francis Kirkman. Abi, successor, et plora!  
Geo. Steevens. 1788.   

I have restored the Portrait (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) of Francis Kirkman.  
Geo: Daniel 1838. 〈◊〉    

The Preface.  
IT is usual for most Readers, so soon as they have read over the Title of a Book, (and that but by halves too) to skip over the Epistle and Preface (if there be any) and immediately jump into the matter: so that I doubt I shall be so served and lose my design in writing one, and then I will assure the Reader, he will not receive that satisfaction in the Book I intent him: and as to this point in general although many are guilty of it, yet let me tell them it as an Error, when the Preface or Epistle is unread for they ought in my opinion to be twice read over: both before and after the reading of the Book, or else the intent and design of the Author is unknown, for you may give a shrewd guess of the worth of the whole price, by the essay of the Author's judgement. And now I have bespoke you to read the Preface, if you are gone thus far, I question not but you will proceed: and so will I, lest I be counted impertinently tedious.  
This Book having so unlucky a Title, some will no sooner cast their eye upon it, but they will cast it down again, with this or some such like expression, What's here an unlucky Fellow, if he be so I will have nothing to do with him, lest I be infected? and thus this Fool's bolt is soon cast: he not remembering what he learned at School. Felix quem faciunt aliena pericula cautum, happy are they whom other men's harms do teach to beware, and this is my chief end in this Treatise that others may beware by my misfortunes, and that I have some years sailed in the Sea of this World, have sometimes met with storms, been in sight of rocks, engaged with Enemies, and very little part of my life in fair weather, assisted by a fresh Gale of wind, and these other attendances & assistances to the Performance of a prosperous and lucky voyage: and that I having been often in danger of Shipwreck and destruction; may show you how to avoid those many dangers I have so often fallen into and now at last I hope happily escaped. None can describe a storm so well as those that have been in one, and those men that use the Sea all their life time, and met with all the uncertain casualties that watery Element produces, and many Enemies abroad too: yet they have the good luck so to come off, as to gain large Estates, and in their old Age die at home in peace, and be carried to their graves with all their limbs and bones, in as much perfection as they were born. Such luck or better had he on whose Grave-stone in Stepney Church-yard, it is thus enscribed.  
Eleven Sea sights fought with the common Foe,  
Yet ne'er received he wound or overthrow:  
Him God reserved at home in peace to die,  
Though dead we'll hope he lives eternally.  
On the contrary some have so bad luck, and meet with so many misfortunes in their youth, that they are disenabled from gaining any thing to support and comfort them in their old age; which if they live to, they become very miserable, and such an example I can give you, and that one of the same quality, a Sailor, of the same Parish of Stepney, and partly one of my own Family, for his Sister is my present maid Servant. This man of whom I writ had seen some foreign parts before he was twenty years of age, and he being of a Robust healthy constitution, and in every respect fit for the Sea employments: there was great expectations of his good success, for he was in general as able a Seaman as ever came between two ends of a Ship and capable of performing any charge in a Ship he had resided some years at the East Indies, where it is usual for most of our Countrymen of any ingenuity, to make themselves some considerable Fortunes, but he gained nothing: but in his return homewards, being very active upon all accounts, and there being an occasion for one to go into the Sea, to do somewhat to the Ship he being well skilled in swimming, leapt in, and having done what he attempted, and making towards the Ship boat a Shark bit of his leg above the knee, he hath often told me that he felt it not when it was done, and was only sensible of some pain under his arm, however he threw himself into the boat, and from thence was hoist into the Ship: the Shark having fared so well, still followed the Ship under Sail, and being greedy of more prey, was the next day caught with one of the Ship-hooks baited with a piece of beef, and being opened the leg with the stocking was found whole undigested in his maw. I will not bounce or romance and tell y●u it was sewed on again, and he hath still the perfect use of it, no, that I suppose is impossible, and he not so lucky, but thus he lost his leg, and was brought home without any estate or fortune, only being thus disabled: the East India Company in whose service he received this misfortune, settled a pension of half a Crown a week upon him which is duly paid, he being thus disabled from going abroad, and having this pension persuaded a young Maiden my Tenant's daughter to be married to him; and with his pension, and her winding of silk, they pretty well maintained themselves till a Child was born, and then the Mother soon after died our lame Seaman being a single man adventured again to try his fortunes at Sea; the child by reason of his Pension money fared well enough, but so did not the Father, for he was still unlucky, and now had as bad, nay worse luck than before: for shipping himself for his old Voyage East India, he sailed thither well enough, but in his return which was the last Summer, although all our other East India Fleet came safe home, yet the Ship he was in had the misfortune to be taken by a Dutch Privateer, and although there was but little fight the Captain and his Son being both killed in the beginning, yet our unlucky Seaman received a wound in his face, that bath put one eye quite out, and with the other he can only distinguish light from darkness: and now is both lame and blind, and hath no maintenance for himself and child but 2 s. 6. d. a week, is not this an unlucky person? and is he not likely to lead a miserable life, he being not yet above 30 years of age, and his child not above 5. and as if misfortune were entailed on his family, he hath but one Brother about 16 years old, who likewise going to Sea, was about twelve months since taken by a Turns man of War, and is now in slavery.  
I have given you these two examples of the lucky and unlucky and nothing but such like matter is this Book compiled of most indeed is of my own misfortunes, which I think have been as numerous as any man's ever were; only as God did not permit Satan to act any thing against Jobs life: so it hath been with me: God hath spared me that although I have been sensibly afflicted in body and mind, and I like Job having born my afflictions with patience, am in good measure restore and relieved. The considerations of my many misfortunes, occasioned me to write this Treatise: being miserable, I considered and capitulated with myself how I became so, and wherefore I could not (u●●● 〈◊〉 examination of all my late actions) find that I was guilty of my own misery by my ill husbandry: or that I was then more criminal than formerly, but considering with myself that I ought not to look on the stone, but the hand of the flinger: that I was to look back on my former course of life, I considered with myself whether the sins of childhood, disobedience to my Parents as a Child, Crimes of more years, disobedience to my Master as a servant; or those of a latter standing; as I was Husband to a Wife, or as a Father to a Child, for I had been in all these capacities, or my general transactions in my calling were the cause  
By this means I recollecting all the remarkable passages of my life, found that in all conditions, and in all capacities, I had generally been unlucky; that my life had not been so much as equally Checkquered: there had not been so many whites as blacks in it, and that for one year of quiet and handsome enjoyment. I had had seven years of trouble, I did consider in general, that in my child hood I was bred up and educated by severe Parents, and a harsh Schoolmaster; that the time of my Apprenticeship was an absolute Bondage, under a rigid Master, and far worse Mistress; and that since I became Man, and had deal in the World, all the World had been too hard for me, But when I came to consider my present condition, I was not able to support myself; in the contemplation of it, I was all in despair, nothing but black melanchelly thoughts possessed my mind, all the faculties of my Soul were numbed and deadened, and I was a very lump or Chaos of confusion to myself.  
About Twelve Months since I being in this disorder, of Spirit, began this Treatise, and that you may know the Reasons for this my disquiet and how the case was then with me I will give you a general account, but that you may the better understand it, I must acquaint you with some of my preceding actions. I had for some years lived very handsomely and plentifully to the eye of the World, (although I was always in some distress or other,) until the late great sickness, year 1665. when leaving the Country, and settling near London, in fitting up a house for my dwelling, I had devoured all the ready money I was Master of: the Sickness growing hot, and most of the moneyed People leaving London, carried so much ready money with them that it was so scarce a commodity in the City, that I wanting some to defray my necessary expenses, could not get the Gold smith to buy some Plate of me which I offered to sell, this is a certain though strange truth: I therefore trying what the Brokers would do found that they being still covetous of trade and gain, (though no  would be accepted of with them, for they were as they said infectious) yet on Plate, and at half the worth they would lend money, I was forced to accept of this, or any terms, and so was furnished, but I had so many extraordinary charges came daily on me, for I had a Father in Law, Brother in Law and his Child and so many several Cousins and Friends were sick and died of the Contagion, (neither was my own Family free from it,) who had great part of their subsistence from me, that my money was soon gone, however that and some rents I received held out to the last▪ these were my afflictions for that year. The next year 1666 being the Fire year was worse, for although I had not the ●lluck to have any one of my Tenements burnt though the fire was ne'er to one, yet before the year went about I had a very sensible misfortune: for one of my Debtors dying in the former year, and oweing me 100 l. I in hopes of hedging in that, engaged to pay 200 l. and upwards, that he owed to others, and taken what estate he had left, but that proving much less than I expected, I lost above 150 l. besides all my trouble, which I would not undergo again for 500 l. and do here profess that I would not owe 200 l. for one year together to several persons, and to have it always due, and be continually duned by them, and be in danger of being arrested and sued, not to have 100 l. clear profit at the years end; so that let me advise you by my own experience never to be indebted, and always if possible to keep ready money by you. I was long since told this Proverb, My Son keep ready money in thy Pocket, and that it was solomon's, but although it is not his as I can find, yet I am sure it is as true and as necessary as many that are his. Pardon this excursion and I shall thus proceed I was engaged to pay 200 l. and it becoming due in November after the fire, and I failing in payment, in December I was arrested (because I could not bleed sufficiently) turned into B●shops-gate prison the then Counter, I was there forced to keep my Christmas, being there Prisoner four days before, and four after Christmas day, in all nine days, and then obtained my liberty with much charge and trouble, for I had four Actions of 100 l. a piece, being each 50 l. princical debt, to one I paid 20 l. and he withdrew his Action, and to another I did the like, to the third I gave Mortgage of houses, and to the fourth nothing would serve but a warrant to confess a Judgement. I being bound to the sour Appletree was forced to do it: but as the Dutch man says, one mischief seldom comes alone, I being now ready to come out there was another Action against me of 6● l. entered by one who had little cause for it indeed: I owed him 30 l. but he had plate for his security however his interest was unpaid, and I was forced to satisfy him before I could stir, and this and the charges together so fleeced me, that I was forced to part from some moveables a Watch and a Ring for some days till I could gather in money.  
This was the misfortune of the year 1666, and the times proving hard, and my Rents coming in very slowly, & my Debts worse, it was 1669 ere I had with much trouble and difficulty paid all these Debts: but then being pretty clear, and having a stock worth 2 or 300 l. to begin to trade with, and being above all things desirous to live in a new house in London: I endeavoured to get in moneys that were oweing me, among other Debts I had 400 l. due in one place, which although it was secure in future, yet at present I could not get a penny: I laboured all I could, and a Gentleman that was somewhat concerned in it, did after my much importunity, promise to pay me 200 l. of the money at present, and the rest afterwards. I took his promise for currant payment, (and thereupon engaged to take a house) but it did not prove so: and after long attendance I lost the bargain of that house, and took one of him that had so long promised me the money▪: did believe it to be in a place fit for my purpose, in general, and expected great employment from my new Landlord in particular; I was to give 40 l. fine and 40 l per annum, and indeed I did not pay, but receive money for he paid me 60 pound in money, the 40 l. fine made 100 l. and the rest of the 200 l. so long promised me was to run out of the rent: this was our agreement, I settled myself accordingly; when I first came thither, all the Neighbouring houses were tenanted, and as I thought well too, but in few months it proved otherwise: for most of them were broken and gone within the year, and I left almost alone; I in hopes of a trade, had disbursed all the ready money I could make, and had run myself 100 pound in debt, and all to enlarge my stock: but for all that it came to that pass at last, that I could not take money enough in my shop to maintain my Family, and some old and now Creditors beginning to come upon me, I knew not which way to turn me, this distracted me in my mind, neither was my body free: for finding there was little good to be done at home in my shop, & I went to try what I could do abroad▪ and walked about the streets in the dirt, so long that I got so violent a cold that I could not speak, and this being neglected and slighted, hath continued with me ever since, and doubt will to my grave, whether I suppose it will bring me sooner than I expected. The case being thus with me, I being well stocked with commodity and not having sale for them in my old shop, I found out a new one in such a place as I did not question but would do my business: I took that and a Chamber for 30 l. per annum. attended it with all diligence, but to as little purpose as the former, and the winter being cold as well as my trading my distemper so increased upon me, that I was forced to keep my chamber, and soon after to leave shop and chamber and retire to my Country house: which I always kept and still live in. It was in this retirement that I began to consider how the case did stand with me, and I think it was bad enough, for thus it was. I had one house which I had lately left of 40 l. per annum, and lay dead on my hands, my new shop and Chamber together with my servants wages stood me in 30 s. a week, where he did not take 10 s. I owed 100 l. of new debts, several other old debts, but above all 100 l. an old debt for which there was a judgement against me, (this was more terrible to me then raw head and bloody bones to children:) and I knew not how soon execution would be served, either on my wares in my shop in London, or goods at home; I was frighted by every one that knocked at my door at home, and every day expected no good but ill news from abroad, had I not been so sick that I could not possibly keep my shop myself, I should and would have withered the point, done well enough with all these concerns but my distemper made very weak and sick in my body, and my disordered and distempered estate had made me worse in my mind I had estate more then enough to pay all, but then attempting to sell my Commodities, I was offered less by 5 s. in the pound than they cost me, and indeed some gaped to buy them, and made themselves cock sure of a bargain in hopes of my death or ruin: this was the true case of my affair, and thus was I troubled and grieved both in body and mind; when I began this ensuin▪ Treatise, I proposed to myself, some satisfaction in recollecting all the chief actions of my life: I find that I had been sometimes up and sometimes down but that than I was lower than ever, I had brought a noble to nine pence, and that to was going to nothing, for in the year 1663. I was worth of clear estate as I then reckoned, and can still show above 4000 l. and now I know not but of little that I could call my own, and if the judgement of 200 l. should come against me, either at my shop, it would sweep away all there: or at home, it would leave me an empty house and it may be take houses and all too, and turn me and my family into the street, It was to little purpose now to consider, but in regard that was all I could do, I began and ripped up my whole course of life: and then I found that I myself had been chief●y in fault for I had committed crimes even from my infancy that might still call for justice, although I had been unlucky in general, yet I my own self caused that unluckyness, these were my thoughts, and this I have set down in this ensuing Treatise, and that I may divert and please myself and the Reader, and not altogether play upon that one string of my own unluckyness. I have related several stories of others, who have been as unlucky as myself, and having by this means found out my faults and confessed them: I propose my advice to you to amend and avoid the like, I have I thank God received some benefit by it already: for no sooner had I reckoned up my faults, but I had some present case in my mind, and I hope I had a pardon, for I am sure I have had a blessing, for my mind is quieted, and that not without cause: for, all those many encumbrances that were then upon me are now over; at the very time whilst I was writing at home in my sickness, I was discharged of some: and since I have been so well as to walk abroad, I have rid myself of the rest; and that particularly thus: I first got cleared of my unprofitable shop and servant, which stood me in twenty shillings a week next I discharged myself of the greatest of my new debts by exchange and sale of Commodities. for which I had an honest profitable rate: and then walking abroad I first got rid of my house of forty pound per Annum. although at 200 l. loss, and glad I came off so to; my terrible judgement of 200 l. is discharged, and so are several other debts new and old, so so that I now own less than ever, and no more than what I can at any time pay at ten days warning, and can without fear whet my knife at the Compter-gate, I have a stock as well worth 500 l. as any man that consists in that kind of commodity; and that commodity for which in my sickness I was offered five shillings in the pound loss. I have since sold for ten shillings in the pound gain. I have a 1000 l oweing me abroad, and besides my own dwelling and goods I have yearly rents enough to maintain me without much trouble: and I am not so unmindful of the old proverb, of keeping ready money by me but that I have a penny laid up against a rainy day, SOLI DEO GLORIA, and this I reckon to be the effects of my repentance in this Treatise. Now if the Reader do but reap as much benefit and satisfactien by reading, as I did by writing, the buying of this book will be a happy purchase. I have calculated the discourse for the Meredian of this City, chief for City Readers. I would not have the Town or Country wits to meddle with it. It is of a strain much too low for them neither does it concern them, I do not profess myself to be guilty of much wit at the best much less when I was at the lowest condition: I had little to heighten my fancy, for in four months together, which was the time of my retirement and writing of this I, drank but one glass of wine: therefore it is not suitable to those sparkling fancies, which are every day heightened with the delicacies of high feeding and large drinking; it is only fit for such whose wit a●e of the same assize with my own, and yet I despair not of having readers enough, such as are Citizens Sons, Citizens servants, or Citizens themselves: it is useful for, and of like use it may be for the honest Countryman. I shall not at ●●d comm●nd it, nor get others to do so: but such as it is you have, and as you like it you may have more, for although I am now forty years old, yet this reacheth not much above twenty years, and my last years experiences a●e the best and most useful: if it may be of any advantage to the Reader, I have my ends, and shall endeavour to please them further hereafter, and in the mean time rest  
F. K. Feb. 2, 1672.   

READER  
THis Book was intended to be published last Easter Term, and was in such a forwardness, thet I could not reasonably expect any thing to hinder it; for two third; of it was Printed, and Copy and Papers was in the Printers hands to finish the rest, neither was money wanting to pay him, for he was paid before hand, and the Press went currently: so that I certainly expected to see the fruits and effects of my labours and disbursements. And indeed the whole state of my condition was very serene and quiet I was in a very secure C●lme, I supposed my unlucky days were at an end, and that I should enjoy some lucky hovers at the last: but I was mistaken, I reckoned without my host, I could not see the storm that was coming, or el●e I might easily provided against or avoided it: I was blinded with some late good success, and thought to proceed, but was thus hindered. My P●inter after a long lingering distemper dies, he having a Nurse or housekeeper, she conceals his death from me and others, and conveys away all my white paper, to the value of about 10 l. which I could never si●c● hear of, and the Printer being much indebted one of his Creditors having a Judgement against him, serves it upon his goods, and seizes them, and also my Printed sheets. This deceased Printer, had formerly been my great and unlucky confident, one in whom I much trusted, for at the time of his death he owed me above 200 l. which I knew was all lost, neither was that all my loss, for besides that 200 and odd pounds, and my Books and Paper, I was bound for him for 50 l. and knew not what was paid of it.  
This I think was a very sensible misfortune, but however I being accustomed to the like, did bear my afflictions with a generous constancy. The printed sheets of this my unlucky Book, I was forced to redeem with a sum of money, choosing to do so rather than spend money in an uncerttain Lawsuit; and being Master of them, I endeavoured to finish the Book, that I might raise money to discharge myself from the 50 l. for which I was engaged, and to that end I had disbursed all the ready money I could raise, but before I could perfect my intentions, I was arrested for it and clapped up into Prison. I thought it severe deal to be arrested by my fellow Citizen without any notice; when as I did not conceal myself, but was every day to be found and spoken with, but so it was, and I was confined six days in an absolute uncertainty, for what for I could not possibly all that time, get my Adversary to come to me, or send me word what was owing. It was resolved I should suffer, and so I did with much patience, till at length my inportunity prevailed, and I knew what I was to pay: this much satisfied me, and indeed then my Adversary was extremely civil, and upon reasonable terms discharged me, and I design and hope ere long to be wholly discharged from that debt, which I thank God is the only debt I was ever bound for, and is the only bond that remains unpaid by me; so that I may and do again hope for lucky days: I fear nothing but the anger of some great men, who are displeased with my charitable inclination, and because I endeavour to do good, they imagine evil against me: but I hope he who is the Ruler of all hearts, will change theirs and incline them to let me live out the rest of my days in peace; I design nothing but quiet, not to disturb or prejudice any. I have had many changes in my fortune, I have lived in many places in and about London, by my last misfortune at the three Kings on Ludgate hill, but am now by a strange providence, come to live in the same house where I drew my first breath, and this present day it is forty one years since I was born there; there I would willingly spend the residue of my days that I may be near the place where I intent to have my bones laid, with those of my nearest Relations. This is my design and desire, but although we know where we began, we know not where we shall end our lives, and no man can reckon himself happy before his death. If I cannot attain to that happiness, or quiet in this life which I desire, I hope I shall in the next: and if God shall spare me with life, and thou dost accept of this Treatise. I shall prosecute it with various stories of my misforune, designing all for the glory of God, and the good of my charitable Reader: this is the utmost ambition of  
Thy Friend. F. K. August 23. 1673.   

To the Reader instead of the Errata.  
IF you have read the Preface, you will find that the Author and this Book have both been so unlulucky as to fall into Knaves handling; from whence with much cost and trouble they are but lately redeemed, the one at present freed, and the other which much ado finished; but not so perfect as was intended for it it hath been such an unlucky extravagant as to wander to four Printing houses, whereas it was designed to be printed at one, by which means it hath gathered more faults and erratas then ordinary. Indeed the Book is wholly composed of the erratas of the Author, to which the Printers have added so many, that they are not easily to be corrected, wherefore as the Author hath here exposed the faults and erratas of his Life to your view, that by them you may correct and amend yourselves: so the Printers are necessitated to leave their erratas to your correction and amendment, without which you will hardly understand the true sense of the Author, who adds this request to his former, promising amendment for the future.   

THE UNLUCKY CITIZEN  

CHAP. I.  
The Author gives his Reason for the Title, Unlucky Citizen, and his intended manner of Writing. He treats of Lucky, and unlucky Persons in general; and reflecting on his own particular Misfortunes, resolves to give an Account of them.  
BEfore I begin my intended Discourse, it will not be amiss to say somewhat about the Title of it, and why I call it the Unlucky Citizen. Truly, my Reason (in my Opinion) is very good; and in short, thus:  
You will find the whole Subject of this Treatise, to consist in a plain Recital of my Misfortunes, which I may very well term Unlucky; and I apply them to the Word Citizen, because such an one I am, being so born and bred; And as he is reckoned to be a right Gentleman, that is so by three Descents, so I by that Rule may reckon myself to be a right Citizen; and most, if not all the Misfortunes that have happened to me, were in or near the City, within the Sound of Bow Bell: And therefore the Scene lying there, and my Quality being such, I may not unfitly term it Citizen. And now having in few words satisfied you in my Reason of the Title, I shall fall upon the matter in Hand, but I must tell you, that you must nor expect any laborious Piece, or rhetorical Expressions; you shall not find my English, Greek, here; nor hard cramping Words, such as will stop you in the middle of your Story to consider what is meant by them; you may read all that is here written without the use of a Dictionary; you shall need none, no not so much as an English one; and the Truth is, if I had a mind to confound you with hard Terms; I'll assure you I cannot, having not been bred so good a Scholar: Here you shall only read a plain Story, such as you would have told; for I intent to write as freely and as naturally as I would tell a Tale to you; and such kind of Language I think to be the fittest for this Discourse, which thus I shall begin.  
Not long since it was my Fortune (whether good or ill I know not) to drink a Glass of Wine with an old Acquaintance; (I know not yet whether I may term him Friend) and he having lately fallen into a very deep Misfortune, from which he was not then disengaged, was therefore complaining of his hard Fortune. I hearing him thus complain for one bad Bargain, (for to my knowledge he had lately much inbettered his Condition in the Main,) and knowing myself to be much more unfortunate than he, (for I presently told him of many Losses and Crosses had happened unto me since I last saw him.) I therefore made slight of his present Mishap; and he and I discoursing upon that Subject, he recited to me these two Lines: 
The lucky have their Days, and those they choose,  
The unlucky have but hours, & those they lose  I was very much taken with the Sense of these two Lines, and the consideration of the truth thereof, at that time did much affect me, so that we did again enlarge upon that Subject, and by many Examples did make out, that as the old Wife says, Give a man Lu●k and throw him into the Sea: The lucky man does as he pleases, he hath the World in a string, he can be rich when he will, and though he hath been a Spendthrift and a Prodigal; nay although he hath broke twice or thrice, yet when he takes up, if he hath a mind to an Estate, it is but wishing for it and he hath it, and many Examples we had to that purpose; When as on the other side, to the Unlucky every thing goes cross and retrograde, let him rise early, and lie down late, pinch his belly and spare from his back, and in all things play the good Husband, yet he is never the better. This discourse took up some time, and so we parted; but although I left his company, yet I carried the afore-recited two Lines with me, which made a very great impression on my mind, and my Spirit hath been troubled about them; for considering with myself, the Misfortunes that have befallen me, I concluded that I was one of these Unlucky persons, who having but Hours of good Fortune had lost them. And then, falling into consideration of this matter, I could not find many, if any good hours that had happened, and still being alone, I considered of this Subject, and did believe that if I should collect the Misfortunes and Troubles that I had waded through, and the little good Luck I had, it would be very admirable, and I might then conclude myself one of these Unlucky Ones.  
Werefore I looked back, and revolving in my mind, and having summed up all those considerable Actions that I had done, ever since I could remember, I found them to be very numerous and various; and might, if well digested and ordered, be of good use; I than had a fancy of printing them, but upon second thoughts I found it might redound to my disadvantage, especially if it should be public, because I should discover many Secrets which were not convenient to be known to the World. To avoid which Inconvenience, I propounded several ways to myself: First, as to change the Scene of the Place, and to alter my true Quality, and so disguise things, that thereby I might be rendered unknown, but that appeared to be such an endless piece of Work, and withal so difficult, that I declined that Course, and was resolved to be plain and sincere; especially when taking a View of my Actions, I could not find myself guilty of any thing I ought to be ashamed of; but then again, having occasion to recite the unjust and hard Deal which I have found from some; and reckoning of them up and mustering them together, I found that I had not only out lived the most part of all my Friends, but also my Enemies: And as for those few that were yet in being, doubting that they might allege, that I was satirical and libelled against them; I sought a Remedy for that, and thus resolved that I would name no Persons nor Places, and therefore it would not be generally known who was mean; but if they who were really intended, did read, and out of a sense of their Gild found themselves touched, they might make good use and amend.  
Having thus to myself cleared these, and several other Scruples that arose, I did resolve to write, and that the Truth, naked as she was; and having already been in Print, in writing somewhat of this Nature, I was the less concerned at the common Vogue of the people; neither did I much value it, so as I might gain by them, and that so considerable, that I might have occasion to unsay what I now write, and term myself the Lucky Citizen: In hopes whereof, and for the other Reasons aforesaid, I once again put Pen to Paper; and shall give you a Taste or brief Account of my Misfortunes, whereby it will be no hard matter to make good Proof of the Truth of this Title, The Unlucky Citizen.   

CHAP. II.  
Who, and what were his Parents and Relations, and the manner of his Education, his small Encouragements to Learning, and his great inclination to read Books of Knight Errantry, of which he gives some particular account, and what fantastical Humours they raised in him. The strange Fancies of a Fanatical Philosopher. And his own conceited Reflections on Knight Errantry.  
BEfore I shall begin the Relation of my own Misfortunes, I shall not (as it is usual in Books of this nature, viz. Gusman Lazarillo de Tormes, or our late English Rogue) give you any Account of the Miscarriages of my Parents, because, for aught I know they were without any (except those of humane frailty) for my Father was, though not born in the City, born a Citizen of London, his Father being one before him, and by right he was admitted a Freeman, as I was also after him. My Mother was born of honest and wealthy Parents, whose Predecessors had several other Children, and I can reckon that from them have proceeded above two hundred souls, a third part of which are alive, and in prosperous Condition: some of them arrived to Eminency in Church and State, and so their Successors continue.  
Such were my Parents who bred me up in my youth, with care and tenderness. I was designed to be a Churchman in Quality as well as Name; for one of my Mother's Brothers being an eminent Person in the Church of England, intended to educate me as a Scholar, but his Death put an end to that Design; so I reckon his death the first of my Misfortunes: However, I was kept at School, and instructed in the Latin Tongue, but by a rigid Master, and receiving slender encouragement from a sparing Father, I profited little therein; but yet in time I was able to make half a dozen Latin Verses, which he showed to my Father, telling him he must encourage me with money, but he being loath to part with that, gave me little, and being asked, he replied, a half penny; which caused my Master to laugh then at me, since when he hath told me the Story▪ saying, he could not expect me to be very much in love with the Muses when I received so small Encouragement. And therefore Reader, I tell thee, thou art to expect little Poetry in this Discourse, since I had so small a Reward for my first Essay therein.  
Thus was I bred till it was time to be an Apprentice, and in all that time I do not remember that I was Master of any money only once I happened upon a Six Pence, and having lately read that famous Book, of the Friar and the Boy, and being hugely pleased with that, as also the excellent History of the Seven wise Masters of Room, and having heard great Commendation of Fortunatus, I laid out all my money for that, and thougth I had a great bargain, conceiting that the Lady Fortune would one time or other bestow such a Purse upon me as she did on Fortunatus; now having read this Book, and being desirous of reading more of that nature; one of my Schoolfellows lent me Doctor Faustus, which also pleased me, especially when he traveled in the Air, saw all the World, and did what he, listed; but I was as much troubled when the Devil came to fetch him; and the Consideration of that horrible end did so much terrify me, that I often dreamt of it. The next Book I met with was Friar Bacon, whose pleasant Stories much delighted me: But when I came to Knight Errantry, and reading Montelion Knight of the Oracle, and Ornatus and Artesia, and the Famous Parismus; I was contentented beyond measure, and (believing all I read to be true) wished myself Squire to one of these Knights: I proceeded on to Palmer●n of England, and Amadis de Gaul; and borrowing one Book of one person, when I had read it myself, I lent it to another, who lent me one of their Books; and thus robbing Peter to pay Paul, borrowing and lending from one to another, I in time had read most of these Histories. All the time I had from School, as Thursdays in the Afternoon, and Saturdays, I spent in reading these Books; so that I being wholly affected to them, and reading how that Amadis and other Knights not knowing their Parents, did in time prove to be Sons of Kings and great Personages; I had such a fond and idle Opinion, that I might in time prove to be some great Person, or at leastwise be Squire to some Knight: And therefore I being asked, What Trade I would be of? first scorned to be any, hoping that I was not born to so mean a Quality; but upon second thoughts, I resolved to be a Chirurgeon, and that for several Reasons; as first, because I often found them mentioned in Books of Knight Errantry; and secondly, that I might travel, and thereby see all these several Countries of Constantinople, Trebizond, and I know not what Places; and then I did judge that if I were a Chirurgeon and did travel, and meet with Knights Errand who were wounded; I should be very necessary and useful in dressing and healing their Wounds, therefore a Chirurgeon I was resolved to be, and the only Reason why I would be so, was that I might travel; which my Mother understanding, and not being willing to venture me abroad, would not permit me to be of that Trade, wherefore I was to think again, and then I could not think upon any Trade that would please me so well as a Bookseller, because, by that means I might read all sorts of history Books, and thereby please myself with reading, but I was mistaken therein, for as the Proverb says, Who goes worse Shooed than the Shoemaker's Wife? So I, since I dealt in Bookselling, have read fewer Books than formerly: but my Father would not allow of this Trade, because he who had never made use of any Book, but the Bible and Practice of Piety, and knew no more but some School Books, did suppose it to be an unprofitable Trade, and profit it was he aimed at. I took my pleasure, delighting in nothing but those sorts of Books, so that I wonder I did not become another Don Quixot. It was fear and want of years that hindered me from searching the fields for Knights, I had a great desire to see one, supposing him to be more than a man, soon after having a sight of one, he being only in Doublet and Breeches, with a Sword by his side, I could not believe him to be a Knight, for I expected him to be armed Cap-a-pee, with a Lance in his hand, and mounted on a prancing Courser, for such I had read of, and seen at the Tower among the Arms. I believed, though we had not many Knights in England, yet they were plentiful in other countries'; and as Histories were most in other Languages, so there were most in France. I having read five parts of Amadis de Gaul, in English, procuring a Dictionary, began to hammer out the Sense of some part of it; and finally, I took so much pains therein, that I attained to an indifferent knowledge of that Language, and getting some odd Books that were French and English, I made myself a kind of Dictionary from them (I being forced to restore the borrowed one) so that with a little pains taking, I could pretty well understand a French Author; especially if it treated of Knighthood, of which sort of Books I was so great a Lover, and had so firm a belief of the truth of them, that I reckoned them to be Chronicles, and believed them before Stow, Holingshed, or Speed; and because upon search I could not find Palmerin of England, nor no other of our English Knights Errand, I wholly slighted them as erroneous; and so great a mind I had to be a Knight, or at least a Squire, that it puts me in mind of a fantastical, or rather fanatical conceited Opinion, of one of my Acquaintance. But before I tell you the Story, it will not be impertinent to give you an Account of the Person.  
He had been a Book-binder, which Trade had, as he said, kept him very poor, so that he was forced oftentimes to pawn his Cloak to buy Leather, and when his Work was done, and he carried it home on a Saturday night, expecting money to buy his Sundays Dinner, he went often without; and was put to many hard Shifts, so that he studied out some other ways to get Money: At length, it being in the late time of Rebellion, and Liberty, and he understanding that the Preaching Trade was in most Vogue, and most profitable, he studied some Points of Divinity; or rather, fantastical Inventions of his own; and being thus furnished, away he goes to one of the Conventicle Meetings, where he opposes the present Preacher, or Prater rather; and broaching some new Notions, he was generally well approved of by all, but cried up chief by his Female Auditors: And now having made so good a beginning he was resolved to proceed, and being sufficiently endued with convenient boldness, and as confidently ignorant as the best of them, he became a Preacher, and maintaining his new Notions, he was so cried up for a New Light, that their old Preacher was slighted, and he admitted in his place: His chiefest ends being to get Money, he took the course to do it by getting in with his Female Auditors, who imparted of their Husband's Goods to him, and he held forth to them in the best manner he could; but he being but poor, and by this means wholly leaving his Work, for all the Forenoon he lay in bed to study how to prate in the Afternoon; this took up all his time, and he began to want, and although the Good Wives would frequently feast him with the Good Creature, yet little money came from them, so that he was weary of his new Employ, and resolved to quit it; but before he left them, he put one Trick upon them, for pretending that he was arrested for Twenty Pounds, rather than let him be carried to Prison, the Congregation raised so much money for him; but when he was Master of so tall a Sum, he left them and that Quality: in which, as he told me, he had still continued, had he found a sufficient Maintenance, but that failing, he quitted the other; and from that was resolved on another Course, and the Gospel having failed him, he was resolved to try what the Law would do; wherefore he professing Knowledge therein, became a Solicitor, and that he might be thought a man of great Business and Practice, he would appoint his Clients to come to him in a Morning, and lying in Bed till Eleven of the Clock, he would pretend Multiplicity of Business, and then rising he would come out with his Papers in his Hands, and pretend so great haste, that he would not stay, unless it were to take their Money; and then telling them their Business should be dispatched, away he would hasten to Gild Hall, to the Sheriff's Court, there he pretended to do business, when as he understood it no more than the Sheriff's Horse, as he has often told me; but this his Practice did not do his Business, his time to thrive was not yet come, or this was not the way that he was to take; but soon after he fell into it, and thrived sufficiently; for having a small Stock of Moneys, he did so turn it, and wind it by buying of Bargains, that although he had but little Skill, yet he often doubled his Money; and his lucky Days being come, he made his own Choice; for although he still lay in Bed till Noon, and then only eating, went to the Alehouse or Tavern, doing nothing, nor taking no Care, yet whenever he had a mind to it (he still keeping ready Money by him) would go and buy a Bargain that should be considerably profitable so that in short time he that was not worth a hundred Pence, could boast of several hundred Pounds of his own, and in his Quality and Condition I knew him when he would sometimes reflect and look back upon his former life, and tell me the former stories; but amongst all the stories of his life, his strange opinions were the most remarkable, for he would pretend to know every thing; he could resolve those Questions that Aristotle was ignorant in, and he from a precise Preacher became a gross Atheist, alleging that all things came by chance, and that there was no beginning, nor would there be no ending of the World nor nothing in it: Saying, that the wise man said, there was nothing new under the Sun; and that as Corn when it dies and rots in the ground so it springs again, lives, and is more glorious: And so, said he, is man, for he never dies, only being buried and laid in the earth for a time, he lives again, and is by his second life more pure than he was before, and thereupon it is, that we have those Improvements in Arts and Sciences; I laughed at his Conceits, and asked him if he were ever alive before? he replied, yes, he beheved he had been, but that it was so long since that he could not remember it. He seriously discoursing after this manner, and I laughing at him, but for all that he would go on, and aver that this was sound Philosophy: I replied that however it was not sound Divinity; to this he answered, that Divinity was not to be concerned in a Philosophical Discourse; for that the one was grounded on Faith, the other on Reason. But I shall proceed no further in this Discourse, for he made no great progress in it, for in short time after he died to experiment his fanatical Philosophy.  
And now I have done with him, I shall tell you the occasion of bringing him in here: It was for his Opinion's sake, for e'er since he urged it to me, I have been thinking with myself whether I was ever alive in this World before this time, for if I was, I cannot remember it, sure it was a great while ago if ever, sure it was when Giants lived here, and Knight Errantry was publicly professed, when Amadis was King of Gaul, and Lisvart King of Britain, as the story relates; and then as sure as Death, I was either a Knight or Squire at the least, so great an affection have I always had for Knight Errantry. I can not absolutely affirm that I was a Knight, (although I very much honour and love that Quality for the fair Ladies sakes,) for I am not at present Master of so much Valour as many of those Knights I have read of, especially Don Bellianis of Greece, who in my opinion was the most valiant, most adventurous, and greatest Kill-Cow of them all; for he made nothing of kill Knights by hundreds, and Giants by dozen; some with Blows downright, cleaving them in twain, and cutting others off in the middle, although he himself hath been fondly banged, which Sport I never liked by any means; but however, I wished him well, and have done more for him than any body else; for I have finished his Story in a Second and Third Parts; and therefore he is more beholden to me than to Don Quixot, who although he had a mind to it, yet he never did it. If I was alive, in former Ages, and was that very valiant Don Bellianis, it may well be, for else how should I be so well acquainted with his Story; but I am rather inclined to believe that as some Cunning-man, as Friston the wise, or Sage, as Bellon●a or Urganda the unknown? and others did formerly write the worthy Histories of the Knights of their times by Inspiration; even so have I done, for I cannot persuade myself that I e'er was a Knight, especially so valiant a one, as to stand half a day in a Field cutting and slashing of Knights and Giants in pieces, and have large Collops cut off from my own Sides; No, I deny it, I rather incline to believe that I might have been a Squire, and have been made Governor of such an Island as Sir Amadis his Squire Gandelin was, or as Sancho Pancha, Don Quixot's Squire was, for I am wholly for the Peace, and love the long Robe, and not the long Sword, but whatever I was formerly, I am sure I lately was what I first writ down, The Unlucky Citizen.  
But hold, say some Readers, What is all this for, what does the Author mean? He promised in his Title and Preface to tell us of his Misfortunes, and we expected to have heard them by dozen, and have laughed, and here is no such matter, for he is gone quite beyond his Text, he is beside his Cushion, and tells us only a Tale of Amadis de Gaul, Palmerin, Don Quixot, and I know not who, nothing to purpose, I tell thee Reader, it is to purpose, for if it does not please thee, I am pleased to write of that which I have loved so well; and as for Misfortunes, I hope you would not have them befall me when I was a Schoolboy, I am no further yet, but if you will have a little Patience, you shall have enough of them, they will come thick and threefold, I am sure they befell me so, and I hope  you have done you will say 'tis enough of all conscience, but that we may come to the desired matter, I thus proceed.   

CHAP. III.  
The variety of good and bad Fortune that did befall one who was reported to be Atheistical, and his own Reflections thereupon. His Misfortune while he was a Schoolboy, and how he narrowly escaped drowning when he went with his Father into the Country on foot to buy Land, which he rid on Horseback to sell, and how at his Return he was placed out to be Apprentice with a Scrivener.  
THe Goodwife's Proverb is, that one Shoulder of Mutton drives down another, so one story of an Atheist puts me in mind of another supposed one, so that before I proceed to my subject, I pray give me leave to enlarge a little further. 'Twas reported of a rich Citizen that is reputed to be Atheistical, that he said, so long as he went to Church and served God, he could not thrive. I knew the time his Estate was far short of what its now yet he hath been far richer than now, he has had several turns of Fortune, sometime being on the right side of Fortune's Wheel, mounting up with the Motto Regnabo, I will reign; soon after on the Top, with the Regno, I do reign; by and by, tumbled to the left side, with the Motto Regnavi, I have reigned; and then again, quite cast down to the Bottom, with the Motto Sum sine Regno, I am without Kingdom or Government. In short, I first knew this man in a thriving Condition, many Adventures at Sea, and as many Purchases on shore, so that he might properly enough say Regnabo; In short time after I knew his Adventures plentifully returned with Success, and his Purchases on shore, bravely built on, and very well Tenanted, and he wanted nothing that Fortune could give him, for as his Estate was plentiful, so he had plenty of Children of both Sexes, and those very hopeful ones, and he was purchasing a Coach, and every day expecting to be an Alderman, and ride the great Horse, so that he might properly enough say Regno: Long had he not sat on the Top of Fortune's Wheel, but he was tumbled down to the left-side, and that by two great and considerable Losses; the one was by fire, which burned down most of his late flourishing Buildings: And the other was by the Loss of a Daughter which he had not long before given in Marriage, and with her a considerable Portion, which by her death was lost, so that I think than he might conclude on that Motto Regnavi. And not long after he received a more sensible loss, for he was quite cast down to the bottom by the merciless fury of that raging Fire, which again burned all his Tenements, as it did the most part of our flourishing City, so that he was then at the utmost bottom of Fortune's Wheel, for as the Motto says, Sum sine Regno, I am without a Kingdom, so was he without Houses: But God be praised, the Wheel is again turning about, his Estate is in good Condition, and with the rest of his Fellow-Citizens built, though not well Tenanted, which is at present the chiefest Defect of the whole City; and were this man but young again, he might arrive at the Regno of Fortune's Wheel, but such is the frailty of humane Nature that by such time as a man hath lived long enough to be wise or rich, he dies. It is a great rarity to have any man twice rich, if he is, the Wheel moves apace. I could ●ay somewhat more of this man, but I shall desist, only concluding this, that as I know not whether he was wrongfully, charged with the former Atheistical speech about his thriving; so this I know, for I have heard him speak it, that So many and various have been the Misfortunes of my life, that if I might choose, I would not live over my life again to be a Prince at the end of it. He might in respect of his many Misfortunes say this reasonably enough, but if he did consider that he never wanted, he always had a plentiful Estate, and wherewith at the worst to keep the Wolf from the door: and how many in City and Country are at the best of their Condition far below him when at the lowest, in respect of Estate; then methinks, this Saying seems unreasonable, to me it does, for I have always comforted myself with the remembrance of this Saying, Solamen miseris socios habuisse dolores. And with this Consideration, that let me go where I would, there were still as many if not more, below me in Condition, as there were above me, and that it might be yet much worse than it was. And now I have done with this Story, which I hope is pertinent enough, since it only treats of the various turns of changeable Fortune, and proves that he was sometimes the Unlucky Citizen.  
And now I will to School again, where before I leave it, I shall tell you some of the Misfortunes that happened to me whilst I was in that condition.  
My Father being very sparing of his Money to me, so that sometimes I wanted Pens, Ink, Paper, and other Necessaries, and I destroying a great deal of them in composing my new French Dictionary, especially Paper; I bethought me of a way how to get some, and though my Design was good and plausible, yet I ought not to have taken dishonest or unlawful ways to prosecute it, but I was like the roguish Boy that stole a Prayer-Book to learn his Prayers by; for I robbed every Boy's Copy-book in the School, by cutting out several of the middle Leaves of Paper from them, so that I supposing they would not be miss, made bold so often, that at length I I was found out, and I very well remember my Buttocks were torn and cut sufficiently, for tearing the Boys Books, so that I had no mind to purchase Paper at so dear a Rate again. Whether I may reckon this as a Misfortune I know not, although it was so to my Buttocks at present, yet I suppose it was the better for me, for by this means I had no inclination to filch any thing for the future. This was a Misfortune in jest, but about the same time I was like to have had one in earnest, and that such an one, as would have hindered me from relating, and you from understanding any more of my Adventures, and thus it was,  
My Father being grown wealthy, and having purchased several Tenements in London, was desirous to have some Land in the Country, and hearing of a Purchase, and agreeing on the Price in part, he determined to take a journey to the place where it lay, and seeing and liking it, to conclude the Bargain. The place being not above twenty miles from London, the Seller was to go with him, and I and some others were to bear them company; my Father was not so ill an Husband as to take Horses or Coach for us, but there being a Conveniency of going half the way by water, we did so, and footed it the rest of the Journey; we being come within five or six miles of the place, and I being somewhat tired, stayed at a Friend's House, and with me a Young man of about twenty two years of Age. who had come with us, and my Father proceeding in his Journey we walked about the Town, till at length coming to a River side, at a little distance we saw several Boys bathing themselves therein.  
The Youngman who was with me had a great mind (the weather being hot) to go into the Water, but he did not like the place because it was too public amongst so many Boys, wherefore we going farther up the River to a place he thought convenient, he stripped himself, and I by his Example did the like, both plunging into the water, but he, for his part, never came out again, till he was fetched out, and that stark dead, I remember I was very near bearing him company, for the place where we went in being near a deep Hole or Whirlpit, drew me as it had done him thitherwards, and down I flounced to the very bottom, I could swim no more than a stone, but whether it was with struggling, or as they say, the nature of Drowning-people is to rise three times, I know not, but rise again I did to the top of the Water, but I was instantly down again, my Eyes being open, I could see where I was, but I had no time to consider what to do, only still continued struggling, whilst the water continued guggling down into my Belly, it finding passage enough through my Nose and Ears, but chief my Mouth, I risen and sunk twice, and was come up the third time, when struggling with my Legs and Arms, I accidentally caught hold on a Fishing rod which a young Lad held out to me, and so was drawn out of the Water. I was no sooner on the shore, (but thanking God for my Deliverance) I was showed where my Friend lay at the bottom of the water, where it being somewhat shallow, we could see him, for the violence of the Stream had forced he and I both into the Whirlpit, and had driven him past it, so that I saw him, and by the help of a Boat that was fetched from the Town he was taken up stark dead, and although he was held up by the heels and other remedies used, yet all to no purpose. Thus did he perish and I escape, yet I was very near a Misfortune.  
My Father soon returning from his Journey heard of what had happened, and that whilst he was purchasing Land, he had been like to have lost his Heir to it, but he was glad to see me alive. I had good store of Wine poured into my Belly to expel the Water that was entered. We stayed there longer than was intended, for we attended the Burial of our friend, who having an Estate, had some time before made his Will, and made my Father his Executor, so that it was Gain and not Loss to him; he than had his lucky days, and he seldom missed of them, but he being buried▪ we returned for London, in the same manner that we came, footed it▪ and that puts me in mind of another Proverb, that the Father goes on Foot to buy Land, and the Son rides to sell it. And so in truth it fell out, for he, as I told you, footed it thither and home again; I since his Death did ride to sell it, and he was not so earnest in the buying, nor so well pleased in his Purchase as I was in the selling, and I had some reason on my side, for he gave it me by his Will, but charged with such an Encumbrance and Payment which was to be made out of it, that it was little worth, and I meeting with a man who had some other Estate adjoining, and who had less need of ready money than I, gave me a great price for it, so that I never wish to sell any thing dearer than I did that.  
But to return, we being come to London, and I returned to School, I had not continued there long, before I was in earnest to resolve what Trade I should be, for to be an Apprentice I must, and seeing that I was refused to be either of these two Trades that I had liked and named, would name no more, but left myself to my Father's disposing, who having of late had many occasions to use a Scrivener in his Purchases, knowing that Trade to be not only very useful, but profitable, he proposed that Trade to me, and I liking well the proposition was soon provided of a Master.   

CHAP. IU.  
Being placed out as an Apprentice, he gives an account of his Petty-services, and how the Maidservants though never so beggarly Baggages, have command over the Apprentice, and the Inconveniences that thereupon happeneth. He complains to his Father of his hard Usage, but fares the worse at present, and is soon after turned out of an Employment that had been of great Credit and Profit to him. He being found tardy in a small Misdemeanour, is utterly disgraced. His Mother dying after a strange manner, and he thereby losing his best Friend, resolves to run away. He descants upon this unlucky Resolution, and advises all Servants to perform their Duties and truly serve out their Times, lest they falling into the like Misfortune as he hath done.  
THe Master whom I was to serve demanded thirty Pounds in Money and eight years' Service, or forty Pounds and seven years' Service, besides sufficient Apparel: I who was then sixteen years old, was unwilling to serve eight years; but my Father being willing to save ten pounds, did overrule me, so that I was bound for eight years, and my Father was bound in a hundred pound Bond for my truth.  
All the good or ill fortune of my life depended upon my serving this eight years, which my unlucky Stars would not permit me to do; and indeed I had some kind of reason on my side, which ought to have been weighed and considered before my binding; for my Master had two Apprentices more, and although he had a full employment, yet it was very improbable that he would take any more suddenly, so that I was to be youngest Apprentice for most of my time, nay and it may be for all; for besides the two other Apprentices who were elder than I, my Master had a Son about three years younger than I, whom he also designed to be of his own Trade, and by such time as I reasonably expected to have an Apprentice to come under me, my master's Son was to supply that place, so that I was likely to be undermost all the time, and so it happening, that was the cause that I left my Master. But before I leave my Master, give me leave to tell you how I behaved myself in his Service, and several passages that I think worthy of note.  
I was no sooner bound, but I was told and showed by him whom I succeeded what was my particular work, for besides my Writing I was to do other Petty services. I was to make clean the Shoes, carry out the Ashes and Dust, sweep the Shop, cleanse the Sink (and a long nasty one it was) draw the Beer, at washing times to fetch up Coals, and Kettles, these were the within doors employs, and abroad, I was to go of all errands, and carry all burdens. I dispensed with all these matters, being told thereof by my Father and Mother before I came, wherefore I was content, and did undergo all very willingly, till I had served about three years, and then being grown up to some maturity and understanding, I began to grumble; I had Money given me which I always laid out in purchasing of Books, especially such as treated of Knight Errantry, or else in buying somewhat to make me fine, and Money coming in pretty plentiful, I had bought me a very good Suit of  to wear by the by; and withal, being desirous to appear in every thing like a Gentleman, I had a Watch for my Pocket; being thus accoutred, I sometimes went abroad with our Neighbour-Apprentices and others, and being thus fine, it troubled me that I must still carry Burdens, for whoever went empty my Mistress would still take care that I had my Load to carry Working day and Sunday, from our London to our Country house, and rather than I should want a Burden, I was to carry earthen Pots and Pans, and Ox Livers, and Bones for the Dog, this I grumbled at, and when I have been seriously a drawing Writings in the Shop, and studying and contriving how to order my Covenants the best way, a greasy Kitchenwench would come and disturb me with one of her Errants, and tell me I must fetch a farthing worth of Mustard, or a pint of Vinegar, or some such mechanical Story; nay, my Mistress hath sent me for a Pint of Pearl, which when she hath warmed and tasted of, and not liked, I must carry it again to change it. And I being the youngest Apprentice was to be commanded by every one, the two elder would appoint what I was to do in the Shop, and the Kitchenwench would when she pleased, command me into the Kitchen, so that I must be here and there and every where; and above all things, I must humour and please the Maid, or else she would pick Holes in my Coat, and tell Tales of me to my Mistress, who would not let me live a quiet hour. And now I am at this Point, give me leave to give you my Opinion in the Case: Me thinks it is a very unhandsome and unequal thing, that Apprentices should be thus used, for he that is an Apprentice at present, in short time he is to be out of his time, and then he is a Companion for his Master, and it may be a better man than he; and why then should he be thus tumbled and tossed, and put to those unhandsome Employments? Why must the saucy Kitchenwench command him, whom in few years she would be glad to serve? And she will be obeyed or else she will be gone when she pleases; when as the poor Apprentice is bound and must obey, he must stay his term out, and be obedient to the next Gilly-flurt that comes; and this is the reason that many times an Apprentice of very good and rich Parentage, to be rid of these slavish employments, and taken-off from them, or be eased by the Maid, or have leave to make a Sop in the Pan, or for some such greasy Cupboard-Interest, falls into her Quarters, and then they make a marriage together, to the destruction of the poor young man, who does it that he may with the more ease pass over the slavery of his Apprenticeship, whenas thereby he enslaves himself for ever.  
This is common between the Apprentice and maid; but the Commands of the Daughters (if there be any) are much more insupportable, unless by chance, they be good natured, but commonly your Citizen's Daughters are better fed than taught, and by their Fathers and mother's Examples are surly and insolent enough, so that during all the time of the Apprenticeship, an Apprentice dares not look upon them, they are so proud and lofty that you can hardly reach their Are— says with a Pitch-fork; and if when the Apprentice writes Man, and wears good , and Money in his Pocket, and comes near to the conclusion of the Story, that his time is almost out; and then Courts them, feasts and flatters them, yet they will still scorn him; but if they should proceed to Marriage, and if at any time after he offers to cross or offend her Ladyship, than she rants and rails, and tells him He is a saucy proud Fellow, and that she took him from cleaning her Shoes to be her Husband, She made her Dish doubt her Tablecloth; And must she be thus used by him? No, she will not endure it; but he must, or else she will make his Cash fly, if she can come at it, to spend upon good Fellows that will humour her, or else she will throw up her Heels to the next good Fellow she meets with, that he may spend upon her: And these are the Attendants of a London Apprentice.  
But for all that and notwithstanding all that I have said, or can say, yet I wish that I had weathered the Point, that I had continued still on, bore the Apprenticeship to the end of the voyage; but it was my misfortune I was to be Unlucky, and therefore Unluckily I acted: For as I told you, my Master's Son growing up, and being almost fit for business was taken home, and employed in it, and just when I expected an Apprentice to come and be under me, in steps he and was above me: This vexed me heavily, but much more when he became so insolently proud, as to command me to make clean his Shoes, and do more for him than formerly; So that I saw if the Dice did run so, that I was to be a Slave for all my time; I could not help it, I was bound to the sour Appletree and there must abide by it, there was no Remedy but Patience, at which I was very impatient. And now my case was worse than before, for the eldest Apprentice being lately out of his Time, and our Employment being great, I had been kept close to my Writing, and ceased from going on Errants, I had had a little cessation. But when my Master's Son came into play, his putting in, was my putting out, I was again sent to carry Bones to the Country Dog, and such kind of idle scurvy Employments. I remember my Mistress came one day to me and says, Sirrah, (for that was my Title with her) Come, leave your scribbling, for the Maids must wash to morrow, and therefore you must go and carry the foul  to the Countryhouse. I durst not deny her, and therefore I arose, and went to take a view of my Luggage; It was large enough of all conscience, but she causing me to put on my Cloak, and finding that it was possible for me to carry more, called for all the dirty Clouts about the House, and thrust them in too: I seemed to grumble and mutter something, but she soon took me off by telling me I was proud and idle; so that I seeing it must be so, up I took the burden, and away I went, but not to the Countryhouse, but made a shorter trip of it, I made my Journey somewhat shorter. I had often told my Mother of my grievances, and especially that of carrying Burdens, but she would not believe that I was put to do more than was fitting; wherefore I was minded now to show her, and therefore went strait home to her House, and laying down my Burden, I asked if she would now believe me, and whether I was put to Apprentice to carry such Burdens? She seeing the bulk and weight, and concluding it was unfit for me to be so used, bid a poor Journyman of theirs to take it and carry it form. He throwing it on his Shoulder, we merrily trudged on together; when I came to the Country house, I took it and carried it in, and my Mistress not being there, I had the good luck to return empty handed, which was a thing befell me very rarely, and had not been so then, had she been there; and we returned merrily back, for I was then Master of Money enough, and therefore to a Two-Pot House we went, and I gave my fellow traveller his skin full of Ale; he being thus feasted, promised his good word to my Father; for, says he, it is not fit that you should carry such Burdens; I seeing him in the Cue, told him of many other grievances, all which he said were not to be endured, and that he would so acquaint my Father with them, that they should be remedied; thus was I in hopes that my Father would take some care in it, as I presently found he had, but I was little the better for it; for no sooner was I come into my Master's House, but he seeing me, enters his Closet, from whence fetches a lusty Battoon Cane (the ordinary Weapon with which I was used to be disciplined) and without by your Leave, or with your Leave, he takes me by the hand, and lifting up his Sword Arm like a Fencer, he gives me a lusty Thwack over the Shoulders, and without any warning given, not so much as the least word of Defiance, that I might know his Anger, or the cause of it; he follows that blow by a second and a third, and many more, so fast, and so long as he could lay on, till he being out of breath was forced to give over, and then so soon as he had recovered the use of his Tongue, he thus breaks silence, Sirrah, I'll teach you to run and make Complaints to your Father: I now having heard him speak, knew where abouts he was, but methought the News was strange and sudden, and somewhat I began to mutter, but my Tale would not be heard, he prosecuted his business with the Second Part to the same Tune, both upon my Sides and Shoulders, till he was again weary, and then there being a cessation of Arms down I sat me not daring to speak a word, but though I said nothing, yet I paid it with thinking, but all to little purpose, he was Master, and I found so he would continue.  
I was now in bad plight, being afflict in Body by my Rib-roasting, and in mind to consider that by seeking a Remedy, I found the Cure worse than the Disease. And my Master not thinking himself sufficiently revenged in what he had done, was resolved to proceed further, and afflict me in the most sensible part, so that all that was passed was in comparison to it, but a Flea biting.  
I have told you that my Master had a large Employment, and withal, a place which he officiated, which brought in his greatest profit. To the management of which he kept a Clerk under him, which at present was myself; for when my preceding Fellow apprentice, who had assisted him in it before me, was by means of the profit he gained in it grown proud and high flown, he then turned him out, and put me in, and now was I served in the same manner, I was turned out, and his Son entered: Here I was the most sensibly afflicted, for I had my profit and credit both taken from me at once; but it could not be helped, and therefore Patience was my only Remedy: Neither was this all my Misfortunes; for when I went to my Father's house, I was like to have had as much from him as I had of my Master, for if my Father made one Complaint, my Master had told him of twenty of my Faults; as that I was proud, idle, negligent, cross, and many more such kind of rascally Epithets; so that I found that when I came to my Fathers with my Burden, I had been better to have taken a Coach and have carried it that ways, as I had done many times before, but I being unlucky ran myself into this Misfortune, which being followed by another that caused me to leave my Service; I being thus turned out of my place of profit, was both troubled and angry, and was every day more and more afflicted, especially by my Mistress, who pried into all my Actions to find somewhat wherewith to accuse me, and it was not long  she found somewhat that she thought was very considerable, we had made some Conveyances of Land for a Gentleman, who belike had not very well pleased my Master in his payment, for he having occasion to have them copied, and desiring my Master to get them done for him; my Master refused it, telling him we were so busy that it could not be done. I hearing this, took the matter at the Rebound, and privately told the Gentleman, that if my Master would not, yet I would get them done, and that by his time, and by this means, I intended to hedge in half a piece into my own Pocket; the Gentleman and I agreed, and I undertook the business, but in regard the Writings were large, I could not conveniently do them all at home, I gave out a part to be done by another hand; in my Master's absence I writ some of these Writings, and still as I did it, I locked it up in a Trunk, which being not above a foot long, I kept it still by me, and in it was all my Money and Treasure; I did not carry my business so cunningly, but my Mistress who watched me, saw what I did, and my Master coming home acquainted him with it, he being desirous to discover this Mystery, sent me abroad on a pretended Errand, and in the mean time seizes on my Trunk; I while I was forth, met with one to whom I owed some Money, who I bid come home with me, and I would pay him, but when I came home, I could find no Money nor Trunk, I tumbled and tossed, but to no purpose, I fretted like gummed Taffeta, considering that if it should come to my Master's Hands, he would make a bad construction of my Actions if he should see what was in it; my Master all this while seeing how I was teezed, laughed at me, and at length ask me what was the matter? I told him I had lost my Trunk, in which he knew my Money was; well, said he, if that be all, sure you can remedy yourself, you have studied Astrology, you were best to cast a Figure for it; I replied that although, indeed, I knew somewhat in that Art, yet I was not so good a Proficient as to answer such a Question: Well, said he, If you cannot I will help you, do you but cast a Figure for the Key, and I will cast one for the Trunk. I hearing him say so, and then knowing very well, what of Course must necessarily follow, and that I should be discovered in my Contrivance, I was as blank as a Bell-founder, but he by my unwillingness believing the matter to be greater than it was, was therefore the more earnest, and I was forced to deliver him the Key, with which he opening the Trunk, discovered about six sheets of Paper of my thus Copying: How now! What means this? said he, I thinking it was no boot to make Excuses, told him the whole truth, but as I made it at the best, it was a heinous matter to him, and no less than Felony in his Wife's opinion; I was forced to let them say all that they would, and give them the hearing; but however, I did not think myself to be so errand a cheating Rascal as they said I was. The business is plain, I leave it to the Readers to judge, and so I will have done with this passage, which was enough for them to tell my Father of when ever they should see him.  
But now about this time, one of the greatest Misfortunes of my life befell me, for I lost my loving and dear Mother, and that after a strange manner.  
She was desired by one of her friends to go with her to the Hospital, to see her Maid's Breast (which was cancered) cut off; she went and saw it, but took such a conceit with it that cost her her life, for she presently at the very instant of cutting off the Maid's Breast, felt a pain and pricking in her own, which increased every day, and though her Friends and Relations did all they could to persuade her to leave this Conceit, telling her that it was only so, yet she would not be wrought upon, but being given to a religious melancholy, this Conceit so wrought upon her, that it proved what she conceited it, and her Breast was really cancered, and that in such manner, that notwithstanding all the Remedies she took, it in few Months killed her.  
Thus did I lose a dear, loving, and indulgent Mother, and one whom I have often bewailed, yet never sufficiently, and here in this very place, I should again bewail her in verse, but that as I have told you, I was so slenderly encouraged in verfifying, that they always come hard-bound from me, and therefore my Muse not being free, and I being in haste, I will omit them.  
My Mother being dead, it was not tw● Months before my Father was remarried, and then was my Nose out of joyn● for although my Father by his Marriage imbettered himself, and leaving o● his Trade became a Gentleman, yet 〈◊〉 was miserable and more a Slave than ever, and my Mother was dead to who● I was wont to complain; and there wa● every day so many faults found with m● at home, that I said a wearisome life● my last great fault was always laid in my Dish, and I was disgraced before all manner of company, so that I was resolved to be gone; and I had rather run any Fortune than live at that rate. And was not I a very unlucky Fellow to take thi● resolve? For whither to go I knew not nor what to do; but the Devil owed me a Shame and then he paid me home. And now give me leave to descant a little upon this Action, this unlucky, this undoing Action, which was my absolute and utter Ruin; I was lately on the Top o● Fortune's Wheel, and proudly cried, Regno. I rule and command. I had as I tol● you, my change of Habit, my Watch▪ and my Gold in my Pocket; and now by this Action I was soon deprived of all; my small Stock was not a Mine, it was soon wasted, I turned out of my Place, and all I could now say was Regnavi, I was in better State and Condition; but now Repentance comes too late. And all this happened to me because I was an inconsiderate Coxcomb; I was grown too proud, and it was very true as my Master said: I wanted neither Meat, Drink, nor Apparel, I was in a place of Credit, and lost all for a proud peevish Humour, because I could not have my will, and that is commonly the ruin of all People, and yet every one desires it.  
The Child would have his will, and rule over his Parents; the Servant would have his will, and command his Master the Citizen; the Citizen would have his will, and command the Magistrate; and the Magistrate would have his will, and command his Prince. This is a perfect truth, and we have had the sad experience of it, and know that it brought ruin upon all. This was occasioned by self will, and pride, and that was my ruin, but unlucky I was, and therefore this came upon me, I had not then my lucky Days, not so much as hours, and if I had, I lost them, and by losing this Master, I lost all my hopes; for I ran myself upon an hundred Inconveniences which I never then dreamt of; and let me tell thee, Reader, whoever thou art, if an Apprentice, that I consider the Tie of an Apprentice to be, for the time, as solemn as that of Matrimony; for we should resolve to live together as married folks do, for better for worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health. This is the Duty of married Folks, and aught to be that of an Apprentice to a Master; and therefore let me advise thee if thou expectest a Blessing, to perform this Tie, for it is thy Duty, learn good out of my harms; for I'll tell thee, if I had served my Master all my time, I should have had his good will, and my Father's blessing; my Father would then have provided me a House, or at leastwise a Shop, near to where I was an Apprentice, which was in the most eminent place of the City; I might then have expected some Trade with some of my Master's Clients, who seeing me hopeful and orderly, would have given me encouragement; I might then have expected that in due time I might have had a Wife with a considerable Portion offered me, my Father assisting me, and imparting some of his Estate to me; whereas now I missed of all these blessings, for when I went to set up for myself, which was about eighteen Months after, I was forced to be contented with a little Dog-hole of a Shop, at the utmost Skirts of London, where being wholly a Stranger, I could not expect any considerable Practice, for who would trust such a Scapperb●yling young Giddy brained Coxcomb as I was? None but Fools and Madmen, or such young Scatterbrains as myself, who alas! had little employ for a Scrivener.  
I could only expect to write a Letter for a Seaman's Wife or Sweetheart, and now and then make a Letter of Attorney, or a Deed of Gift, Deed of Shift, I should say, or some such Twelve penny Jobs; and this was my Lot, this was my Fortune, or rather my unlucky Fate, thus at one Cast to lose all these good things, and fall into all these and many more Evils which I shall hereafter acquaint you with, wherefore let me here conclude my Story and Chapter together, I left my Master and so became Unlucky.   

CHAP. V.  
Having left his Master, and being on his Ramble; he happeneth o● strange Company, and a more strange Adventure in an Inn, which occasioneth the recital of some pleasant Novels.  
Chap. 5  
He being gone, I did not take much time to consider what was best to be done, for I was resolved to proceed in my Voyage, and have a little sport and pleasure, and took his being returned from out of the Country, to be a very good providence for me; for I judged I should be the welcomer to those friends I intended to visit, and did suppose that my Father understanding I was gone to look him, would not take it much amiss, and that he would in my absence discourse with my Master, and it may be conclude upon terms to my advantage.  
These were my thoughts, and therefore having taken a Boat, which was ready to put off, away we went, ten Miles we were carried by water, and then I intended to foot it, for it was to Windsor, the same place where I had formerly escaped drowning; and now being on shore, I found there was three of the Passengers, viz. two Men and a Woman that were to go to the same place, and intended to foot it as I did; whereupon being glad of each others company, away we put on, we traveled very merrily, I cast away care and was blithe and bonny, for having Money in my Pocket, I thought myself to be as good a man as the best.  
One of the two Men was somewhat melancholy, and he told us the cause was thus.  
Said he, It is not three Months since I traveled this way with a merrier heart and better Equipage, for I being a Citizen of London, went bravely mounted and accoutred, travelling all the West parts of England where I dealt, to visit my Chapmen, and gather in Moneys, which I did in a good moderate manner, but not so considerably as the necessity of my Affairs required; for no sooner was I come to London, but I had all my Creditors came upon me, and dunned me so desperately, that all that I could do at present did little with them, so that I had Actions daily, and at length a Statute of Bankrupt came upon me, that like a Deluge swept away all, only I saved one Chapman's Book, and thereby have some hopes that those Chapmen that own me Money, and which my Creditors know not of, will be so honest and kind to me as to pay me, with which I intent to set up in some other place.  
He having told his Tale, I looked earnestly upon him, and could not guess him to be what he said he was, a Citizen, for he was in a very different Habit, being Forrester like clothed all in green, but he assuring me that the Case was just so, and relating to me several particulars of his Misfortune, I concluded him to be an Unlucky Citizen.  
With this my Green Citizen, and the other man, who was a London Cook, and his Wife; we designing all for one place, Windsor, and having come by Water to Brainford, and now having two Miles to Hounstoe, I was resolved to continue my Journey, but we all concluded to stop there for that Night, and the next morning to proceed on our way; wherefore we took up our Quarters at an Inn, and having eaten our Supper, went to Bed; the Man and his Wife in one Bed, and I and the green Citizen in another; I having cast away care, slept sound till it was near morning, when I was disturbed with a very loud and shrill Shriek, and the noise of women's tongues which immediately followed, and were indeed mixed with it. I being thus awakened, listened to hear what was the matter, but although the noise was close by, as but in the Gallery at our Chamber door, yet I could understand but little what they said, and less what they meant; but the Cook's Wife who lay with her Husband in the same Chamber with us, told him, that if she were not mistaken she knew the voice of one of them and therefore she would rise to see what was the matter; so thereupon slipping on her Petticoats and Shoes, opening our Chamber door, went to them; when she was come thither, one of the women seeing her, began to shriek out again; but our Chamber-fellow told her she needed not fear, for it was she her Neighbour; O Lord Neighbour! said the other, I have been almost frighted out of my wits; so be like, said the Cook's Wife, you would not have made so great a noise else: By this time several other Guests of the House being awakened with the clamour, were also come to see what was the matter; whereupon our Cook's Wife being a witty Baggage, and being less concerned than the rest, and therefore her judgement more free to know what was most convenient, desired all the parties concerned to take their Chambers, or some one Chamber to retire from the company, for the woman who seemed to be most frighted was almost naked; this proposition being thought convenient, they went into a Chamber, and the strangers retired, only our Cook's Wife stayed with them. This passage I heard as I lay in Bed; and now it being day light we all arose, and our Cook's Wife came into our Chamber to put on her Clothes, we all asked her What was the matter? But she could not tell us for laughing, we wondering at what had happened, importuned her to acquaint us with the Adventure; she answered, she could not do it fully as yet, but did not question but she should by and by, and all that we could get from her at present was, that two Women were scared with living Ghosts; this was all she told us, and so having hastily dressed herself, she went again to her affrighted Acquaintance; and I being curious to know the truth of this Affair, went into their company, but I was never the wiser, all that I could observe was, that the Company consisted of an old Man, a Citizen, two young Women, and two young Men, who although they kept at a distance from the rest, and they two were like Strangers to one another, yet I supposed that they were somewhat concerned with the Women; I found that although one of the Women and one of the Men, had designed to go with the Carrier to London, yet they did not, telling him that they would go by Water, this was all I could discover while we stayed there; but we having broken our Fasts, and being resolved on our Journey, away we marched; no sooner had we left the Town on our Backs, and we entered Hounsloe Heath, but we all three at once renewed our Requests to the Cook's Wife to acquaint us with the truth of the Adventure; she laughing refused us, and our, nor her Husband's importunity would not for a long time prevail; but at length we so importuned her, that she consented; but when she went to begin, she could not say one word for laughing; this heightened our expectations, and much concerned we were to know that which for a long time she could not tell us, but at length having settled herself, and bethinking what she should say, and how to begin, she did it in this manner.  
I know not whether I shall give you the satisfaction you expect, for I'll assure you though I think I know all myself, yet what I do know is so confused, that I can hardly tell how to begin my Discourse, nor when I have begun, how to continue it in any Method to your satisfaction, but if you'll take the good Will for the Deed, I shall give you all the content that I can.  
And thus (said she) it is, I suppose (said she) to her Husband, that you know that two of the Parties, viz. the old man, and one of the young women, are Mr. such a one and his Wife, our Neighbours; yes, replied the Cook, and I understand the other young woman is her Sister, and this is all I know or can understand, although I believe the two young men are of their company; you are in the right, said the Goodwife, and now you know thus much, I will tell you the rest.  
One of these two young men (continued she is a Sweetheart or Servant, what you please to term it, of the old man's Wife, and hath courted her for enjoyment, whether they were ever at the sport or not formerly, I know not, but last night I believe they were, for I understand the matter to be thus:  
This young woman having agreed to content her Servant, and they intending to have a Frolic together, she hath persuaded the old man her Husband, to give her leave to take a journey into the Country, to see her Sister, which is the other young woman; the Husband for a long time either refused her, or made excuses that he would in short time spare so much time as to go with her; but she not being desirous of his company, had purposely asked him at the time of his greatest employ, when he could not be spared from his business, and did importune him so much, that in the end she gained his consent; and he like a loving Husband, since he could not spare time to go with her all the journey; did however, resolve to accompany her the first days journey, and there to leave her to travel with other good company: She acquainted her Gallant with this Agreement, and they two concluded, that so soon as the old man, her Husband left her, he should meet her, and accompany her the rest of the journey, where they passing for Man and Wife, might lie together upon the way, and frolic it to their own hearts content.  
Thus I understand was this Design laid, and yesterday it was put in execution; for the old man and his Wife came last night to our Inn, as you well know, and were there met by the young man, the Gallant; who although he seemed before her Husband▪ not too know her, but yet they had together their private Conference, and he not having patience to stay till the old man left her, importuned her so hardly, that in the end (his Lodging-Chamber being near hers) she promised to take her opportunity, and leaving the old Man's Bed, come to Bed to him: In order to which, she thus managed her Affairs.  
The old Man was very weary with his unaccustomed travel, and withal sleepy, desirous to go to Bed, but she kept him up, pretending much care and love of his Health, made him drink mulled Sack, and when he was in Bed, caused him to eat a Sack-posset, and all such kind of things, as intricating his Brain, should cause him to sleep the more sound; she had her desires, for no sooner was his Head laid on his Pillow but he fell asleep, and although she made haste to undress herself, yet when she came to Bed, he snored, and was as fast as a Pillar; she lay still for some time, but he sleeping on, and she attempting to wake him, but in vain, she thought it a convenient time to perform her promise with her Gallant; wherefore turning out of the Bed, and only putting on a white Smock-pettycoat, she left her Husband asleep, and leaving her Chamber door put to a char, she went to her Gallants Chamber door, and found that in the same condition, and him ready to receive her; she without many persuasions went to Bed to him, but what they did together, or whether he pleased her or not, I'll leave you to consider and judge; for there she stayed until it was almost morning, and then in the same Equipage she left his Bed and Chamber to go to her Husbands; but although it was not far off in the same Gallery, yet just as she was at our Chamber door, being in the middle way, she was met by a man, who having a Candle in his hand, was followed by a woman in a country Habit ready dressed; she seeing this, and looking earnestly on the Countreywomans' face, and withal knowing it, for it was her Sister, that very Sister she was going to visit; she being amazed at the encounter, gave a great Shriek: The Country woman hearing the Shriek, partly knowing the voice, and with earnestness looking on the face, and seeing it all in white, did also shriek out: You may imagine the cause of both their shrieking; for the old Man's Wife seeing her Country Sister at that time and place, thought it was her Ghost, which came to meet and chide her for playing that foul play 〈◊〉 her Husband, which she had so lately done.  
And on the other hand, the Country Sister being of the same Mettle, for there was never a Barrel better Herring, who had also been guilty of the same fault; for she as well as her City Sister, had had her Gallant, not only that night, but many more, during all the journey, having set out from the good Countryman her Husband upon the same terms as her City Sister had done. This good Countrywoman, I say thus meeting with a thing all in white, so like a Ghost, at such an unseasonable time, and so unexpected a place, she was strucken with fear, and smitten in conscience, conceiting that this was her Sister's Ghost; (for she believed her dead) that came to chide and correct her for her disloyalty to her Husband.  
This (said the Cook's Wife) was the cause of their sudden and shrill shrieks, and their fear and astonishment was so great, that they were not out of it till I came to them, and caused them to enter their Countreywomans' Chamber, which was thought the most convenient for that purpose.  
Now being come thither, it was then a long time before their fear was over, and that they had so far recollected themselves as to know what had happened, and then they both knew of their own guilt, but not of one another's; but I having asked them several Questions, which they so unhandsomely and uncertainly answered, that I having at length got hold of the Thread in the end from the Needle, and being acquainted with part of their Stories, knew the rest; for my Neighbour, the Citizen's Wife enjoining me to silence, told me her naked Story; and as for the others, I could not miss of it, because the Tapster, Chamberlain, and others of the Inn, termed the young Man that was with the Countrywoman, her Husband, for such they had passed, and lain together since their first coming out.  
This was to be concealed from the old Citizen, who knowing his Brother-in-law, the Countryman, was not to be deceived with this young man; wherefore they contrived the matter so, as all was to be concealed from him, as indeed it was, and he being now up, and told of his Wife's being frighted; she made an Excuse, and said, she only did rise to go into the Gallery and see if it were day, and what weather it was; and there, and upon that occasion it was, that she meeting her Sister was so affrighted, as occasioned this alarm to the whole house.  
This passed for a very good excuse to the old man, and he was very well content and pleased that they had so luckily met his Wife's Sister there, and thereby saved his Wife a journey, and him much money, that would have been spent in that visit.  
But if he was pleased, I believe his wife and her Gallant were of another mind; they were troubled that their whole designs were crossed; but they may thank themselves, their over much haste was the only cause of all, for it they had had so much patience, as to have lain asunder for that night, all this had not happened; for the Country Sister would have been gone with the Carrier towards London long before they had risen, but self do, self have, it hath happened cross upon their own occasion.  
And thus did the Cook's wife finish her story, to our great admiration, and her great joy, for she again fell a laughing, and we accompanied her in the same exercise, many times descanting on the several particulars of this Adventure. She having finished, and we having spoken all that was convenient on that occasion, I did conclude that I might very well reckon, our old man that had this light-heeled Wife, to be an unlucky Citizen.  
And now all being silent and we marching on our way, our unlucky green Citizen thus speaks to us.  
My friends, this Adventure of the Inn hath been very pleasant to you all; but although I have laughed at it, and have seemed to be as well pleased with the re●● 〈…〉 as any of you, yet it is otherwise, I laughed but with one side of my Mouth; for the story is so like one wherein I was concerned, that I cannot choose but remember it, and thereby renew my sorrows, for by that Adventure I was very much introduce to my late Misfortunes.  
The Cook and I hearing him in this Cue desired him to acquaint 〈◊〉 with this Story, for we told him if it were any thing like the Adventure of the Inn, it must needs be pleasant: He replied, that it was not only very like it, but that to us it might be as pleasant, although it had been unlucky and unfortunate to him, but said he, since you desire it, and that we may pass away our time the better, and so finish our journey with the less weariness, I shall obey you, and then he thus began.  
I have already told you, that about three Months since, I took a journey into the West of England, and that I was then in a very good Equipage, for indeed; my Habit was far different from this, because it was then black like a Citizen, and now it is green like a Wood man; I did judge I had occasion more than ordinary to wear black at that time, and so indeed I had to mourn for the ill Luck that hath since befallen me; but I made that Habit, and then wore it for another reason, an occasion suitable enough, as I thought, and thus it was.  
Chap. 5.  
There came some few days before I began my Journey, a man to me in a very good Habit, but like a Countryman, and he ask if my name were Mr. R—? I told him yes; then said he, I have a Letter for you, and putting his Hand into his Pocket, he pulling one out from thence, delivered it to me, which I having opened, found therein th● words, or others to the same purpose.  
Loving Brother,  
AFter my Love to you, this is to acquaint you that after a small sickness, your Brother is dead; but before he died, he being in perfect mind and memory, made his Will, whereby you are joined Executor with me; and what he died possessed of, he hath given between us; therefore I pray you make what haste down you can, that we may take some course in the settlement of his Affairs; the Bearer hereof my Neighbour, can acquaint you with many more particulars; he is a person in whom I much rely, and what friendship you show to him, I shall reckon as done to  
Your loving Sister, A. R.  
This was the substance of the Letter, which I having read, the Countryman said,  
Sir, I know I have brought you ill and sudden News, but it cannot be helped, we must all die; my Friend your Brother is but gone before, to show us the way we must all follow; and many other words to this purpose.  
I answered, that indeed the News was very unexpected, and that I was much troubled at it; I prayed him to come in, and told him he was welcome; he said that although he had brought me sad News, yet he had done but his part, he could not help it, and that he loved my Brother so well, that he would have done any thing to have saved his life; but since he was dead, he should for his sake, be as ready to assist me and his Wife: I kindly thanking him, again told him he was welcome, and that I would go to my Sister with all speed; I desired this Countryman to remain at my house whilst he stayed in London; he kindly accepting of my offer, told me that he should stay about two or three days, and in that time he hoped I would be ready to go with him; I understanding by him that my Brother was buried, thought that I might stay the longer, and being determined when I was out, to travel farther amongst my Customers and Chapmen; I therefore sent presently to a Tailor to make me some Mourning, I also being much in debt, sent to my Creditors, and told them that my Brother was dead, and had left me half his Estate, that I was to go to Oxford where he had lived, and look after it; that I intended to go further and gather in debts, and that I hoped by this journey, to gather in Money enough to satisfy them all.  
This News pleased them well enough, and I prepared for my Journey.  
My Countryman having stayed two nights, would needs the second morning be gone, telling me that some urgent Affairs of his had called him away; wherefore since I could not so soon go, he would go before and acquaint my Sister that I was coming.  
I being loath to prejudice him in his Affairs, permitted him to go, and it was fou●● days after before I could dispatch all my business, and then I set out for Oxford: Leaving London on the Afternoon, I traveled no further on my way the first night than to Uxbridge, where taking up my Quarters at an Inn, I resolved to stay that night: I being weary of the business of the day, and my little travel, made haste to Bed; being lodged in a Room where there was another empty Bed, I went into mine, and being alone, began to consider of various Affairs in this world, and how that the badness of the times had very much endamaged me in my Trade, and outward Affairs.  
Now considering that if I did not receive Money very freely and abundantly of my Chapmen, I should return with a heavy heart, but then bethinking myself of my Brothers sudden death, and withal of the Estate he had left me, I was both sorry and pleased; sorry because of his loss, and pleased with the conceit of increasing my Estate, which I thought would be very considerable by that Addition, and thus ruminating upon these things at length I sell into a slumber.  
I had not slept long before I was disturbed with the noise of two Men that entered the Chamber; one I knew to be the Chamberlain, and the other being all in black, I knew not by the Backside, but when he turned about and saw his face, I cried out O Lord! and gave such a Shriek as the Women did this morning, and he in black hearing the noise, and looking very earnestly upon me, who was by this time risen upright in my Bed, gave as great a Shriek as I had done before. The Chamberlain hearing this, asked what was the matter? To this I replied, Do I sleep, or do I wake, surely I dream? or else this is my dead Brother, Dead, said he, truly I did imagine you to be so, and that was the cause of my amazement, but Heavens be praised, it is otherwise.  
We now having heard one another's speech, and by that knowing that we were not Ghosts, we joined hands, and embraced with much affection; saying at once, Oh my dear Brother! this being over. The very next Minute we at once said, How came this Mistake? My Brother being up and ready, soon clapping his Hand into his Pocket, and drawing from thence a Letter, and giving it to me, said, look on that, and then you will soon find the cause of my Mistake; I took his Letter, and opening it hastily, therein read thus, or words to this effect:  
Sir,  
AFter due respects to you, this is to acquaint you that my Master your Brother is dead; but before he died, he being in perfect mind and memory, made his Will, making you his sole Executor, giving you all he hath; therefore I pray make what haste you can up to London, that you may take order in his Affairs: The Bearer hereof, our Neighbour, can acquaint you with more particulars, he is a person whom your Brother did very much respect and is at his request come on purpose to you; This is all from  
Your humble Servant, L. M.  
I was amazed at what I read, wondering to what end all this would come, and taking my Breeches, and drawing from thence the Letter I had received, I gave it to my Brother, saying, read that, and then cease wondering at what I have said.  
He soon read over the Letter, and then cried out as well as I, What means these two Letters, somewhat there is intended, although the story be false, somewhat is designed? And at the bottom of the story, hereupon I told him of whom I received my Letter, and all the circumstances; he told me his, which were much the same, for upon description we found the Messenger to be one and the same party, all that differed in either of the Stories was this; He had importuned my Brother to be gone the next morning▪ because I lay unburied. That he entertained him in his house one night, and the next day giving him twenty Shillings as for his Charges, he departed well contented.  
Now could not we tell what to imagine was the business, for we could not think that any fellow for the getting of twenty Shillings (for that was all that we could reckon off) would trouble himself to contrive these two Letters, and be at the Charge and trouble to ride or go from London to Oxford.  
We knew not what to resolve on, nor indeed to think; but we resolved on this, that for that night one Bed should serve the turn, and we would lie together, and consult what was to be done against the morning; whereupon he undressing himself came to Bed to me. But although we spent much time that night in discoursing on this subject, yet we could find neither Head nor Tale in it; wherefore we went to sleep as well as our Cares would let us, and the next morning awaking, and consulting what was necessary to be done, we both resolved to continue our Journeys, he for London, and I for Oxford, for he had some business that engaged him to go to London, where I desired him to cause my Servant to examine both Shop, Warehouse, and House, to see if he did not miss any Goods, for I began to suspect that our Messenger might have had some Design upon them, which he might conveniently act whilst he remained in my house.  
My Brother did accordingly, and I being necessitated to proceed in my Journey to my Chapmen did so too, promising my Brother to make the same inquiry at his House, as he was desired to do at mine.  
And thus did we part, and I making very great haste arrived the same day at Oxford.  
But when I came to my Brother's house, and saw his Wife sitting in the Shop, and that she saw me, she again shrieked out, as being extremely surprised too with the sudden sight of him whom she certainly believed to be dead; but I knowing the cause of her fright, soon put her out of it, telling her all that I could on that occasion; she being come to herself; and I having acquainted her with our fears and doubts of having been robbed, presently caused a private search to be made, when to her sorrow and mine too, she soon miss a Box of Rings worth fifty pounds, my Brother being a Goldsmith. Though privy search was made for them, yet to no purpose, for gone they were, and we guessed who was the Carrier; they were stolen, but although we knew the Thief, yet we know not how to come by either them or him; we knew that we knew nothing; I than did no longer question our Messenger's business, and much doubted that his Errand to my house, was much to the same purpose as it had been to my Brothers; but I was in good hopes, I being a Linen Draper, and that my Commodity being Linnen-Cloth, and that not being so portable as Rings, I should come off the easier; but being desirous to know how I sped, and to acquaint my Brother with his loss, I sent him this Letter.  
Loving Brother,  
UPon search of your House and Shop as we agreed upon, I found that you have lost a Box of Rings worth fifty pounds, the loss is great, but it is some satisfaction that you know which way they went, though you know not when you shall be paid for them; I hope you have suffered all the loss, and that the Messenger finding his attempts vain at my House, only plundered yours, and I am induced to believe so, because my Commodity was not so easily to be conveyed away as yours, but if any mischief be done, as I much doubt it, I pray send word thereof, to  
Your loving Brother, T. R.  
My Letter to my Brother had not been gone many hours in the way towards him, but one from him came to my hands, which so soon as I saw, and had opened 〈◊〉 found therein these Lines.  
Brother,  
YOur suspicion that you had been robbed was not amiss, you were in the right, for you have suffered the wrong; I imagined our Letter-Carrier paid himself for the News he brought you, since you did not; I hope he was so civil with me, as not to be his own Carver and pay himself, since I paid him as I thought, to his content; In fine, Brother, we found that he disfurnished your Warehouse of a parcel of your finest Linen, worth (as your Servant says) forty Pounds: He took the best because it was of easiest carriage, but that being of so great bulk, that he could not conveniently, nor indeed possibly Codpiece it: I know not which way he conveyed it away, unless like your cunning men, he dealt by confederacy, and in the Nighttime threw it out of the window to some of his Companions; this is my opinion, and this is a true account of your Affairs, and now I expect the like account from you of mine, but I hope he hath been more favourable to  
Your loving Brother, F. R.  
Thus did I receive the sad account of my disaster, which although I was sad, yet I found that my Brother was pleasant at his writing the Letter, but I doubt his Tone was changed, when by my Letter he should find that he had had the worst on it. But however he relished it, I am sure I took it very heavily, and found it a sad Omen of my future Misfortunes; I conceited I had not habited myself in mourning for no purpose, but considering that what was passed could not be helped, I proceeded on in my journey, wherein, although I succeeded indifferently, yet at my return, my Creditors became very clamorous, and expecting great matters from me by reason of my Brother, death, but I telling them how, and than I was cozened, and they doubting that I would cousin them, they served me as I told you, and swept away all my Estate, turning me out of doors to seek my fortune.  
Thus did our Green Citizen conclude his Story, which he finished with some Sighs that he fetched at the remembrance of what was passed; and I thereby, as formerly, concluded him to be a very unlucky Citizen.  
Chap: 6   

CHAP. VI  
The Author according to agreement tells his Tale of a Gamester that supposed himself to be a Cuckold of his own ordering, and the Cook relate● how a Wench was fitted for her liquorishness.  
WE who were the Auditors had received more content in the hearing, than the Relator had in the relation of his last Story. And the Cook understanding that he had finished, he thus began.  
I must confess that this Story somewhat resembles that of the Inn, but that Adventure was more pleasant because there ●●re women in it, and the Mistake was ●ade by them; after some pleasure they ●ore surprised.  
I replied, that I was of his mind, and did not so well approve of his melancholy Story, and that that first Story had put me in mind of a Story, a brave lusty one, that befell a couple of Females by a Mistake too, but such a one as is not common, for here the Women knew o● the Mistake only, and they were obliged to conceal it, and in my Story, all but one party, and they bound to conceal it from him.  
They hearing me thus discourse in general, desired me to come to particulars, and acquaint them with the Story: Nay, hold a blow there, said I to the Cook; since your Wife has told one Tale, and our Companion another, I will tell mine also, on condition, that when I have finished, you shall begin, and tell us yours; he having consented to this fair proposition, I thus begun▪  
This Story that I shall tell you happened in a Gaming House, for one of the parties was there all night, whilst the principal Action was acted at his House. I was in the Christmass-time, when people spend the long nights in Gaming; b●● before I proceed in the Story, it will be very convenient to give you some account of the Actors.  
A wild young Blade that had nothing but his handsome outside, and a large stock of Confidence, having spent all his Patrimony on young Women, was forced (for Estates sake) to be at last contented with an old one, for such a one at length he married; by which means he had not only a fair Estate with her, but she having a young Kinswoman to whom she was Guardian, he also in right of his Wife, had her to dispose of; and her Estate being two thousand Pounds which was likewise in his custody.  
He having known the want of Money, although he was now Master of enough, yet was unwilling to part from so great ●●am, wherefore he thought of several ways how to retain this two thousand Pound Portion, or the greatest part of it. He having thought of many ways, at last resolves upon one, the wickedest of any he could imagine (but all ways were alike to him, so as he might thereby attain his ends.) He concluded that if he could but Whore the Kinswoman, he might save the Portion, or at the worst, put her off with a part. To this end he courts her himself, and tells her, that the love to her caused him to marry with her Cousin and Guardian, and used many Arguments to this purpose.  
She being of a virtuous inclination, and abhorring his proposition, gave him such an Answer as did become a modest Virgin to return to so foul a Question; but he continuing his purpose, did so continually prosecute and persecute her, that she acquainted his wife therewith; but to little purpose; for in stead of being daunted when his Wife told him of the lewdness of his Design; He commanded her on her obedience to him, to assist him if ever she intended to live in quiet.  
His Wife understanding how wickedly he was bend, took a resolution with her young Kinswoman to manage Affairs so, as to gain both their contents, and in the end, as they hoped, reclaim him; and thereupon it was agreed, that at his next Address to her, she should be more kind to him than formerly, and give him hopes of attaining his desire.  
The young Maiden (though unwilling) consented hereto, leaving the rest to time and her Cousins discreet management thereof.  
This Maiden was not only young, but handsome; so that she was not without her Servants that would willingly court her, but could not, being hindered by this her lewd Kinsman; among the rest, there was one who loved her, that was much such another Blade as himself, for he was young and handsome, of good Parentage, and well bred, only he had been debauched with company; and among others; with this of our wild Guardian. This young man frequenting the house to visit him, had the greater liberty of seeing and courting her; but he knowing in part, the intent and purpose of his Companion the Guardian, durst not be open in his courtship, what he did was closely, but withal, with pretty good success; for the Maiden was indifferently satisfied in him, and some Love she had for him, and more it would have been but for her Guardians sake, doubting he might prove as bad as he.  
Thus hide matters depend between all Parties for some time; but our Guardian still prosecuting his design still courted his young Kinswoman in the vicious way; I have told you, she by his Wife's directions admitted of his courtship, and at length agreed to let him have his will with her; the night, and time of night was agreed on, as also the place her Chamber, the Terms were, that all silence should be used on both parts, no light, not no other ways to discover her.  
The day was come that was to precede this night, as also the evening, when he as I have already told you, was engaged at his ordinary Receptacle, the Gaming House, there was with him his Companion that courted the Maiden. Various were the successes of the Gamesters; but it was the good fortune of the Suitor to win the most Money, and he being so wise as to know when he was well, he had the grace to give off a winner, and not to tempt the Dice further, so that he in good time left off; our Guardian had lost all his money, and fresh Gamesters came in that had good store; but our Suitor who had won, would not engage further; our Guardian who loved the sport, was angry that he had no Money, wherefore he solicits the winner to lend him some; he did so, and then he began, a fresh, in which he was so deeply engaged, that although he remembered the assignation with his Kinswoman, and that the hour was come, yet go he could not considering he had lost so much money, and might renewing his play recover it, but he was more certain he might have the wench, on the one hand he had Covetousness, on the other Lechery, but all things considered, Money weighed the heaviest, and he was resolved to let go the present enjoyment of the Wench, in hopes of recovering his Money, he considered that another time might serve the turn with her; but then doubting if he lost this opportunity and disappoint her, she might resolve to be honest, and so he lose his design, again wavering in his resolution he thus considered, that if she were Whored he had his ends, that he might not fail of this, he resolved to let his friend who lent him the money take his turn, and have the use of the Wench, let him have flesh for his money, he therefore calls him aside, in short tells him the Story, and to recompense his kindness tells him he should go in his stead, gives him the Key, and instructs him how he was to behave himself. This was as it should be, and our winning Suitor rejoiced at his good luck, his lucky night was come, he had two fortunes at once, he had gained Money, and now was about to gain a Wench to● and such an one as he had a long time courted and desired, he wondered at the manner, and her temper, but was resolved to prosecute his good fortune any way, and before he left her, to acquaint her with his Quality, and then he doubted not but she would accept him in the honest way of Marriage. These were his thoughts, these were his resolutions, and so he went to try his Fortune.  
How he succeeded you shall know by and by; in the mean time the Gamester failed of his purpose, it was his unlucky hour, nay, night, and he prosecuted his ill fortune, and before Morning lost all his borrowed Money. This displeased him, and made him very melancholy; but the next morning when he saw his adventurous Companion, that had taken his turn, and saw him all blithe, jocund, and merry, he was then sad at the heart, to think how he had fooled himself. After the ordinary Salutations had passed between them, they enquired of each others success; Mine is as bad as bad can be, said the Guardian; for I have lost all; and mine pleasant, said the other, exceeding all expectation, Oh the bravest Bed fellow that ●●er man had. The best woman that ever was seen! Seen, replied the other, I hope you did not come to that, for than I am undone; No, replied the other, all the Articles were exactly performed, we had no Light, nor no Speech passed between us, but that was done that makes me conclude her a brave, fine Woman; and I a fine Fool, said the Guardian; yes, if you knew all, said the Adventurer; for though I have had pleasure in my days, yet never, never so sweet a Skirmish! how like Ivy she grew to my embraces! not a kiss but had Elysium in't.  
This language was like so many Needles stuck into the flesh of our Guardian, who too late repent of his folly, but he was resolved to put in for a share in the pleasure.  
Whilst these two were in their discourse, they were disturbed by arrival of the Guardians Wife, at whose approach the Adventurer made his exit.  
She was not only in her Dress, but also in her Countenance more pleasant and sprightly than usual. She coming up to him, saluted him most kindly, enquiring how he sped the last night? He replied, not well, for he had lost his Money; 'Tis not that Game I mean, said she, the other; wherein I hope you were pleased, and now you have had your ends you will turn honest; honest, said he, Who charges me with dishonesty? That may I, said she, unless you'll say 'tis honest to leave my Bed and lie with my Kinswoman: By Heavens, said he, 'tis false I did not; How truly do you swear now (said she) unknown to you, for I am sure you did suppose you had her all night in your Arms, but I out plotted you, and wrought so with my honest Cousin, that I supplied her wanton place, that with some shame at last I might deceive your hard heart into kindness. He hearing her thus discourse, grew mad with rage and anger to consider what a Coxcomb he had been, and how he was fitted with a pair of Horns of his own making, and did so rant and storm, that his good Wife mistaking his cause of anger, and judging it had been against her, when it was only against himself; for his folly she told him, that since all that she could do would not work upon him, she would acquaint the World with the whole story; he knowing that would be the only way to disgrace him, was forced to entreat her into silence, promising an amendment. And now he being satisfied what a Beast he was, and doubting that it would e'er long be the Town-talk, he plotted how to patch up the matter, he again finds out his late Adventurer, and tells him he could not think his Kinswoman so sweet a Bed-fellow, the other still commending her to the highest; he at last breaks out and makes this Proposition, That if he did so like her, and would take her to his Wife, he would so manage the matter, that she should accept of him for her Husband; Nay, but replied the other, I shall not like her in that Quality, for a Mistress she is excellent, but I know her too well to trust her with my Honour, especially considering how well she loves and likes you; if it were so, I should be sure to be dubbed Knight of the forked Order.  
Our Guardian hearing him thus descant in these terms, sighed to think that he had so well described his condition, and telling the other that he had now thrown off all vicious thoughts, and that if he would marry her and be silent, all should be well, and he should have her full Portion.  
Much discourse concerning this Affair they had, and many Arguments were used to persuade our Adventurer to that which he very much desired, but seemingly slighted, and that so, that in the end they agreeing on these terms, and he having free access to the Maid, gained her good will, and being married, had her whole Portion paid him.  
Here I put a stop to my discourse, and then the Cook who had listened very diligently and with attention to my story, thus began:  
I marry Sir, this is a Story indeed▪ this is worth the hearing, here was a brave Coxcomb that was finely fitted, and he desired it should be so, for he that will not leave all Game and Gain for a pretty Wench, truly he deserves to be made a Cuckold.  
As well pleased as you are with his being made a Cuckold, (said I) if you will have a little patience, you shall find the Case quite altered, you disappointed, th● man undeceived, and the woman hone●● How can that be? said the Cook; it is 〈◊〉 difficult matter said I, to make all this possible and feisable and so you will conclude when I shall tell you that all this last pa●● of the Story was contrivance; for you must know that when the Adventurer came into the House, Chamber, and Bed of the supposed Maid, and was with all diligence searching for his Bed fellow, on a sudden a Light appears, and with it two women, one the Wife, and the other the Kinswoman, they both approached the Bed, but were surprised with their Mistake, for they expected their Husband and Cousin; when they beheld his Companion so great was the amazement of all, that at present they could not speak; but at length they opened, and the whole truth was disclosed, the two Women saying that they came thither expecting their Husband and Cousin; to surprise and chide him into more honesty: Our Adventurer seeing that their Design was virtuous, told them, that although his friends were vicious, yet his was honest, coming thither with much satisfaction to enjoy her whom he desired to make his Wife. The Maid hearing his just and honest expressions, and having love for him believed him, and there they contrived the future management of the whole Affair, which you have ●●derstood was to the content of three of the parties, all were pleased but the Guardian; but the Wedding being over, and every person assured of their conditions, to set him to rights again, they all agreed to acquaint him with the Story, and they did so, averring it to be so true, that he was much amended, leaving off those two Vices of Gaming and Wenching, contenting himself with his own Wife's chas● embraces.  
And now said I, my Stories ended, and the Case is altered; the Woman's honest, and the Man no Cuckold.  
The Cook replied, that indeed the Story was good, but not so pleasant as the Adventure of the Inn, for there had been some sport in earnest, whereas this had been in supposition; and now his tur● being come to tell his Story, than he thus began.  
I shall not lengthen out my Story with Speeches, and Suppositions, Plots, and Contrivances; mine is only of a Wenc● that was catcht napping, and she sound paid for it, the manner thus:  
A wild young Blade such another a● your last Guardian, was like him match● to a woman old enough to be his Mother he loved her for her Money, but courted others for his pleasure; and although he had his choice abroad, yet he was very desirous of having one at home.  
He had many Maidservants, for it was somewhat difficult to please him and his Wife; for she would turn them away if they were not good Housewifes', and he if they were not handsome.  
At length they happened on a Servant that pleased them both, only her Mistress complained that she was liquorish: Nay, then said the Master to himself, I have some hopes of this Wench, for if she hath a liquorish Tooth, I know she hath something else that is so.  
The Mistress complained still of this fault; for she could not lay any Sugar, Honey, Sweet meats, or Wine, out of her Hands, but the Wench would have a taste, which caused the Mistress Anger, and the Master's laughter; for he desiring by all means to gain his will on the Wench, and to have a lick at her Honey-pot, rather took her part than otherwise, by which means he gained the wenches good will; but when he proceeded farther, and would kiss her in a corner, she'd flounce, struggle, and away she would get from him. He finding her so skittish had hopes of attaining his ends, but the Wench understanding his intent, and partly knowing the danger and the shame that would follow, and she being perfectly honest, did by all means avoid his company, and still fled from him; and when he made any lewd Propositions to her, she would hardly give him the hearing, and if she were forced to it, she would tell him that she would if he continued these courses, tell her Mistress. He to attain his ends on her, knowing her liquorish temper, would present her with Sweet meats and such like Junkets; but although she loved them well enough, yet she would not take them at his Hands; he seeing that, would leave them carelessly about, where she might find them, and then she would be nibbling, making good the Proverb, that stolen Meat is the sweetest. Her Mistress kept her in great awe, and endeavoured to catch her in these petty Thefts, that she might shame her, and thereby to break her of her liquorish temper.  
Among other Junkers which they kept in the House to regal and treat friends with, there was a Cask of Canary Win● the Wench hearing it commended, would needs taste of it, and before it was broached went so to work, that she got some out, and well liking it, made bold so often, that when it came to be broached her Master found a considerable quantity wanting, he wondered at the matter, acquainted his Wife with it, they stranged at the Story but could not find out, or imagine which way it went; they could not suspect the Wench because it was not broached, and besides, that it had been always locked up; however they challenged the Wench with it, but she stoutly denying the fact, they concluded that the Cask had leaked: The Vessel being broached, the Wench when she went to draw for her Master or Mistress, was sure not only to take a good swoop, but also fill a Bottle and hid it for a reserve, so that the Wine decreased apace: The Master and Mistress both understanding it, again charged the wench, the Mistress telling her that if she found her guilty, she must go before the Justice, who would send her to Bridewell, and there she would be utterly disgraced, threatening her very hard, but the Wench still outfaced the matter.  
The Master continually prosecuted the Wench with his unlawful desires, but she was firm to her resolution, and as formerly, still denied him. He watching all opportunities to have his ends on her, would often watch and dog her, and one day having sent her down into the Cellar to draw Wine, his Wife, being engaged in some affairs in the Kitchen, he followed the maid close at her heels into the Cellar, and placing himself in a private corner, he espied her action, for she did as formerly, no sooner was the pot full, but she took a lusty swigg of it, filled it again, and then having her Bottle at hand, filled that also and hid it in her usual place.  
All these passages did her Master see, and observe, and seeing she had done he appeared.  
The Wench being affrighted began to cry out; but he told her if she did so it was the way to be undone; for he had seen all, would tell his Wife, and then she knew what would follow. The poor wench hearing this, and doubting the truth, fell down on her Knees to him to ask forgiveness▪ No, said he, I'll be as hard hearted as you have been to me, but however rise, and if you will yield to my request, I will forgive and concea● this, and all other faults from your Mistress; the Wench was in a Peck of troubles, she knew not what to do, she was surprised, which her Master seeing, prosecuted his ends, the wench not daring to resist him; He being thus employed in the Cellar with the Wench, the Mistress came to seek him, and coming to the Cellar door, called Sweetheart; this was such an alarm as had like to have spoiled all, and relieved the Wench; but he being resolved to proceed, answered, what say you? Why do you not come up? said she; I am busy, said he, for I have found where our Wine went out, I am glad on't, said she, I pray mend it; I am about it, said he; and is the Wench with you? Yes, said he, and she is a helping me; that's well, said the Goodwife, make haste and come up, and so away she went, giving him liberty to finish what he was about, after which he followed her.  
Thus was this Wench paid off for her liquorishness, and thus said he, have I told my Story, and then he fell a laughing, in which exercise we altogether accompanied him.  
And now our Stories being all ended, we came to a place where we made a halt and baited, and then put on, so that in short time we arrived at our Journeys end all but the green Linen-draper, who being to travel further, only stayed with us that night, and the next day proceeded on his Journey.  
The Cook and his Wife had as little business at Windsor as I, only he had a mind to spend a few lose Corns, to dispose of a little waste Money, and see, and be seen; a friend he had whom he visited, but his house was neither convenient nor large enough to entertain him, so that he continued with me at an Inn where I took up my Quarters; we were merry together, and I stayed a few days in this Town, spending my Money and Time, in such foolish manner as shall be told you in the next Chapter.   

CHAP. VII.  
He is out-witted by a blind fellow in the Country, likely to be cheated in his return, when taking up his quarters at his fellow Travellers the Cooks, he idly and foolishly spends his time and Money.  
ANd now Reader, let me tell you, that by what you have read hitherto, you may guess what you are like to have for the future, this that I have written already, is an Essay of what I intent for you, by this piece of Stuff you may judge what Garment you shall have; you have my unlucky Adventures mixed with these of others: I think variety will best please you, and therefore here as at a well furnished Table, you shall have some Kickshaws as well as substantial Victuals, some to fill the Belly and nourish the Body, and others to please the Appetite; but look you be not too liquorish lest you be caught as the ●oor Wench was; if you are more taken and better pleased with my idle wanton Stories, than with my sober advice to you, and practise them more than my good Counsel, you my chance to pay dear for it, as as you may find by the foregoing Examples. In all that I writ I intent your profit, and that the Examples I give you, may serve as Sea marks to show you how to steer your Course, so as to avoid those Rocks and Shoals that I and others have fallen upon.  
This is the end I aim at, I would both profit and delight you, I therefore thought good to mix those of others with my Misfortunes, all the Stories that you have been told, are to my Subject, Unlucky▪ I think the Adventure of the Inn was so to all parties concerned in it; that of the Draper and his Brother was Unlucky enough to them both, especially to the poor Draper, for that very misfortune hastened his ruin, and caused us to have his company in the Equipage I have told you. The story of the Guardian was Unlucky enough to him, especially as he believed it to be till the Catastrophe, the conclusion of all and then he found all right again; if he had the grace to mend it was well, and I hope by his Example you will learn to avoid those two dangerous Rocks of Wenching and Gaming; one spoils the Pocket, and consumes money and time; the other the Body and Reputation here, and the better part, the Soul, hereafter, if not timely repent of: but so much for that.  
And as for the last Story, which is indeed the idlest, of the poor Wench and her Master, she was Unlucky enough, for by seeking to avoid one Shame, which would soon have had an end, she fell into another which brought a lasting Shame upon her, she did not rightly consider the Proverb, of two Evils take the least, but although she did not choose, yet she permitted the greatest, and thereby, as to the other Stories, I may give that the Title of Unlucky.  
I thought it convenient for variety's sake to clap in these Stories, and I knew not where better, than in our Journey over Hounsloe Heath, they may pass for good Pastime, and for such you may take them, applying them aright as I told you.  
When I have the same conveniency you may have more of them; but now I will proceed further in the Thread of my Story.  
All I had to do in the Country was to eat, drink, and sleep, spend my time and Money, and I did both at a strange rate; I had several Friends and Relations there some whereof welcomed and cherished me, but the wiser sort schooled and chid me, advising me to return to my Master, or at least to my Father; but although he sent for me, I was deaf to his Call, and had not finished my Ramble yet, therefore I stayed there still, there was no employment for me unless I would exercise myself i● that Porterly Game of Ninepins, and those were still kept in action by the Bumpkins whose skill was better than mine, so that I durst not undertake to play with any o● them: But they seeing I had Money, and being resolved to have some of it, or a● lest to drink of my cost, they brought i● a fellow that was stark blind, and engage● him to play with me; I thinking my sel● cock sure to beat him, accepted the Challenge, and agreed to play for six Pence Game to be spent; I did so, and he permitted me to beat him the first and second Games, at which I being Cock a hoop, bragged and crowed like a Dunghill Cock, I str●●●● like a Crow in a Gutter, but my boasting was to little purpose, for he again challenging me and I accepting, and agreeing to play six Pence wet and six pence dry, he soon put me up for all the reckoning, and carried away some of my ready money, it was not much, for I do not remember that I ever lost five Shillings ready Money at gaming in all my life, but however little or much, beaten I was by the blind Fellow, and he having gotten the better of me at this sport, challenged me at any sport or exercise whatsoever; I would not undertake him at any, but suffered myself to be laughed at by the Bumpkins, and thought it better to do so, than engaging with any of these exercises which he named, viz. Wrestling, Cudgel-playing, or the like, to be worsted and laughed at too; wherefore I would not accept of any: But he being a cunning Rogue, and resolving to out wit me, and run me down, he made one of the boldest, and methought the strangest Propositions that might be, and what was it? think you, but that he being stark blind, would run for a Wager with me to a place at a Mile and a halfs distance. This Proposition was very strange and caused much Laughter, which I at first could hardly bear withal; but the Cook taking my part, I was content to engage; our Wager was five Shillings to be spent, all the odds that was on his part was, that the place being already appointed, he was to appoint the time, and that I should be ready in any time at an hours warning, within three days then next following: This I agreed to, and we both deposited our Money into the Tapster's hand: But how do you think this blind Rogue served me, he out-witted me the most craftily that I could imagine, and it was only in the choice of his time! for he who could travel as well by night as by day, came one evening at nine of the Clock, and tells me that he was ready to run the Wager; I finding that night to be as dark as Pitch, refused it, telling him our Wager was to be performed in the day: He denied it saying it was to be at any time when he pleased, and so said all the Witnesses I knew not what to do, whether to give the Wager lost, or to undertake it, but knowing that if I gave it over I should be laughed at, and if I undertook it, I might win, I was resolved to try my fortune, and so I did, but I was Unlucky, I had been better to have stayed at home and have been laughed at for the loss of my Money only, than to be laughed at and abused too; for we began our Journey, and I, dark as it was out went my blind Adversary till I came to a narrow way, and there I had my heels thrown up by a Rope which was laid cross the way, and the two ends held by two Bumpkins on each side.  
It was so dark that I neither saw them not the Rope, but I could hear them laugh, and feel the Rope which had thrown me into a foul miry place, and there I lay till I heard the blind Rogue pass by me; I than arose, and let him go on and finish his Course, doubting that if I proceeded, I might meet with some more such Obstacles, and have my Brains beat out, or Legs or Arms broke, wherefore I went back, and well it was for me that I did so, and my blind Adversary fared the worse for it, for he going hastily on, met with mother Party of those Rope-Merchants, who served him as they had done me, but when he by crying out made them sensible of their mistake, they went afore and prevented the like in other places, where the like or some such Trick was designed against me; I went back to my Inn, and my Adversary after he had performed his Wager was brought in in Triumph; but for all his Brave alls, I saw that he had met with a dirty Misfortune as well as I, at which I was glad, but however sorry to lose my wager, and be laughed at; all the five Shillings was spent in good Bub and Tobacco, and then again they played upon me, drinking whole Flagons, so that I was forced to be carried to Bed near morning, where I lay almost all the next day, as being ashamed to appear, and when I d●● rise and walk abroad, the fame of my extravagant wager was so spread, that every one pointed at me saying, There's th● Londoner that ran a Wager with blind Tom● some would hout at me, and use me like Dog with a wicker Bottle at his Tail, and 〈◊〉 abused I was, that I was ashamed to wa●● the Streets, and now my Money also gro●ing low, I was resolved to return to London my Cook and his wife had brought th●● Pockets to as low an Ebb, and were willing to be gone, so that we making up our Awls, packing up our foul Linen, we took our leaves of those few friends that we had, and away we trooped on towards London; but we met with no such Adventures in our return, as we had in going thither, for we came back another way; we now studied which way was cheapest, and convenientest, not the pleasantest; and knowing that we might return by Water all the way in the Barge for twelve Pence a piece, we were contented with the Inconvenience of being crowded amongst I know not who, and sitting up all night; but the night was spent by diversion of some old Women, and other Travellers that were used to the business, in singing of Psalms, and telling old stories of I know not what, that had neither Head nor Tail in them.  
Morning being come, and we arriving at a convenient place, those who had a ●●nd to it, might walk about three Miles, whilst the Barge went six or eight; I was glad of this, and made one of the Walkers; I was pleased that my heels were at liberty again, but sorrowful and melancholy to think whither I was going; I do verily believe that if any Gipsies, Beggars, or any Rogues whatsoever, had then met with me, they might have made me one of their fraternity with a we● finger.  
And I narrowly missed one Misfortune, one Cheat that was intended me, one Snare that was laid for me, as the Designer thought subtly enough.  
I have told you that my Money was almost gone, but I had still a Treasure, I had a Reserve, I was no Chapman bare, for what I wanted in Money was supplied in Ware; I had two Watches in my Pocket, and those I knew would be ready Money to me at any time: I was so vainglorious as oftentimes upon every slight occasion to draw out first one Watch, and then another, and show them to the company, and always be praising them for their true going.  
This Action of mine was observed by a young fellow who sat near me, and he asked the price of them both? The one I prized at three pounds, the other at five pounds; he had a great desire to have one or both, he cared nor which, and offered me some Money for one, but it was too little as I thought, therefore I would not hear him; he understanding that, plotted how to have it a cheaper way, and therefore went out of the Boat as well as I, to walk with the rest of the company: He told me it would be convenient to make haste, because we might have time to drink a Pot of Ale at the Water side, where we were to take Boat again: I followed his advice, and went with him before the company; being arrived at the place, he called for a private Room, and such a one we had, he walked up and down, and asked the people of the house, how long they supposed it would be e'er the Barge came? They answered an hour; how said he, shall we spend so much time? and so he calls me to him, saying, look you what's here, showing me a Pair of Cards that lay on the side of the Chimney; I believed that, as he said, they were there by chance; but I understood since that they were of his own putting there, and no otherwise.  
He invited me to play, I consented, provided we exceeded not our present Reckoning, which he very civilly suffered me to win of him, and then he challenged me to further play, but I refused it my Eyes began to be open, and I who always dreaded Gaming, could not be wrought upon to play for one farthing more, h● offered me odds, but I would not accept of any; he than produced his other tools Dice, but I told him I understood them not he would play and venture Gold against my Watch, but he had been as good t● have said nothing, for I was resolved to be deaf to all persuasions; and to avo●● his importunity I sneaked down Stairs▪ and went to the Water side, there to attend the arrival of the Barge that came in short time after, and then I took my place with the rest, and so we made on towards London.  
I have since considered of this Action▪ and how narrowly I escaped, and reckoned that to be one of my lucky Hours, as indeed I ought, for although I gained nothing yet I saved what else I should have lost, and then according to the Proverb, six pence ●aved is twelve Pence gained, I might conclude that I had gained.  
But now were we come near London, I knew not what to do, I feared every thing I doubted that if I went to Queen-hithe with the Barge, either my Father or Master, or both, would be there ready to catch me and carry me away; wherefore seeing that some who lived at Westminster, and those parts, did call for Boats to go a shore there, I thought it would be best for me to do so too, and so I landed; but when I was ashore, I knew not whither to go, nor what course to take; and in these uncertain resolutions, I wandered up and down the Streets till it was dark, and then I was somewhat more bold, and entered London; I approached near my Master's house with some fear, looking still behind me, lest somebody pursued to take me, and in this case I being muffled in my Cloak came near my Master's house, I durst not look in, nor go on that side of the way, but passing on the other side, and seeing one of my Comerades in his Master's Shop alone, I stepped in to him; he was glad to see me, and entered some discourse, but I thought him tedious, lest my Master should come by, or his Master either, for I knowing myself to be guilty, being a Runaway, feared that every body that knew me would seize on me, and carry me to my Master; I therefore caused my Comrade to make short of his Questions, referring him for Answer to our next meeting, which I desired might be that evening, at an usual place where we met; he promised he would not fail, neither did he, for he came presently after, and then we took more freedom; he enquired where I had been? I told him truly, and all the pleasure of my Journey, I acquainted him with all my good Luck, but never a word of my blind Wager.  
I so pleased him with my discourse, that he complaining of his Masters hard usage, told me he intended to follow my Example and leave him; I encouraged him in his purpose, telling him that there were a hundred ways to live besides being an Apprentice, although I knew it to be a lie, for I was not sensible of any, but I being undone myself, was resolved to bring others into the same condition.  
He hearing me promised me his company within a few days, and then I told him it would be a brave life to travel, especially in other countries', and more especially beyond Sea, in France, and those Parts, and that if he had a desire to go thither I could do very well there, knowing the language, when as I lied; for although I had skill enough to read and understand a French Author, especially if a Romance, yet if I heard any speak French, I understood them no more than if ●●●y had discoursed in Hebrew, or the A●●●hick: But I would gladly have company, and therefore persuaded him to any thing.  
Some time we spent in these consultations, resolving to meet again the next night, and then conclude further on the matter, and so for that time we both parted.  
I had by this time considered of a lodging, and my fellow Traveller the Cook, having told me where he lived, I went thither, where he was come before me, and he welcomed me kindly, inviting me to that which I wanted, a Lodging; I accepted of that, and called for some Drink, and so we discoursing of our late Journey, passed away the time till we went to Bed.  
My Head was not so greatly troubled with Care, but that I slept sound enough till morning, and then examining my Pockets I found them almost empty, I was sorry and heavy for their lightness, and knew there was a necessity to replenish them, and bethought how: I had but two ways, the one, borrowing of some of my old Comerades, in which I was uncertain, and the either was to sell one of my Watches, this was most feisable, and therefore this I resolved to do, and that suddenly; there was no great difficulty in doing it, for my Comrade whom I had the last night spoken with, was a Watch-makers Apprentice, of him I had bought the Watch and he I knew could soon sell it for me again.  
I stayed all day in my Quarters, and evening being come, like the Owl, I began my walk, I passed by several persons that I knew, but durst not speak to them; I went to the place appointed for our Rendezvouz, and there I had not stayed long before I was visited by my Watchmaker, who brought with him several other of our Comerades and Acquaintance; they were all joyed to see me, and I told them all the pleasure of my Journey; we called for Drink and Victuals, and very merry we were, the company increasing still as we stayed, for they had told one another, and all the Apprentices of our acquaintance came to see me, they were all in one ●une, complaining against the severity of their Masters, but none of them had been so much a Coxcomb as my worship, to run away and ramble.  
I told my Watchmaker, that having two Watches, I was willing to part from one; he hearing me say so, found me out a Customer of one of the company, who gave me to a farthing what it had cost me.  
All this was well, and so like to be, for when the reckoning came to be paid, although it was considerable, yet I was to be excused, and not suffered to pay a farthing; the world went well on my side at present, for I was beloved by my Neighbours, who all treated me with much kindness, they desired to see me again the next night, and so for the present we parted.  
I went home to my Quarters with a light heart, being very well supplied with Money, I was such a Coxcomb as to think that this would last me a long time, I did not consider that it would waste apace, and that in short time these my Comerades would be weary of my company, especially if when my Money was spent, I should fall a borrowing of them; I did not consider that they were furnished with Money by serving their Masters, and that I was fallen from that condition, and out of all ways of getting any. These things I never thought of, all my study was to spend my Money in the idlest company; for none but such Idle-packs as myself would keep me company, and such I daily met with. I remember one Morning two fellows came in to my Landlords, and they coming to drink their Mornings-draughts, and having as little business as myself, I joined in company with them; we called for one pot after another till we were all bubby, and then we neither knew nor cared what we did, for we three drank on till we had for our Mornings-draught thrown down into our Bellies three Gallons apiece, I am sure the Reckoning being six Shillings, I paid two of it, and we had all in dry drink; I suppose our Landlord did not cousin us, he was too good a fellow, he only now and then drank one Cup with us, which we forced on him, for he knew whatever the Guests did, yet it was necessary for the Master of the House to keep himself sober, and so he did; but I was so flustered, that I lay down to sleep, and after a Nap of two hours, I was not so sober, but that I made as ill an Afternoons work as my Forenoons had been before.  
I having well drenched my Guts in the Morning, was desirous of some Provant, and asked my Landlady what she had in the House? She answered me that she was at that time but slenderly provided, I had slept away my Dinnertime, and that then there was nothing left in the House but Bread and Butter.  
I being very much troubled at her answer, for my Guts grumbled, Colon would be satisfied, and Bread and Butter was but slender fare.  
Whilst I was thus disputing with my Landlady upon these affairs, there entered the room a neat spruce young Wench, I having often seen her to trip it up and down, making many flirting Errands into our house; I understood that she lived at the next door, and was a Working woman, either a Bonelace maker, Button-maker, or Bandstring-maker, one of these three Trades I remember she was; as also, that she was then spruce, neat, and tied, she had a face as smug as if she had been used to wash it with Beef broth, or Puppy-dog Water; but above all, her forehead shined and was as slick, as if it had been rubbed with a Slick-stone.  
This pretty little Calf with a white face entering the Room at such time as I was disputing the case about Victuals, and understanding that there was none that I liked, she told me that if I loved Cakes, I might have very good ones three Doors off  
I hearing her Proposition, and observing her Countenance, and now having drink in my Brain, had a month's mind to be kissing of this Harlotry; wherefore I soon replied to her, that although I did not much care for Cakes, yet I would send for some, provided she would stay and help to eat them; she answered, that she would bear me company; and so I saluting her, caused her to sit down by me. I sent for half a dozen Cakes, but could not at present have them, because they were then in the Oven, but would be instantly ready, wherefore in the mean time, I called for a Pot of Ale, and drank to my pretty little Mistress; she pledged me, and by that time the Ale was off, the Cakes were brought in piping hot, I seeing that, called for the Butter, and fell too, and so did she so lustily, that in a pair of Minutes our six Cakes were invisible, I understanding that they were but penny Cakes, called for a dozen more, and those held us tack for a while, but soon after, one of my little Baggages Companions coming in, and putting her helping hand to the work, they all vanished in a moment.  
I being resolved to have enough, called for six more to make my Money even, they were brought, and then my Landlady put in, and all was quickly gone and my company not satisfied, their Bellies were not full they told me, than they shall said I, if all the Cooks Cakes can do it, and thereupon I sent for the whole Batch: ●t was instantly brought me, and all being six dozen, amounting to six shillings; I paid down the Coal, and then we renewed our eating, all my Guests consisting of my young Mistress, her Companion, and my Landlady, laughed at the frolic, and said they should not know what to do with so many, but I found that they lied, for in less than one hours' time, they with their nimble Chaps, and lighter fingers, had so played Legerdemain, that they were all invisible, not one left to throw at a Dog, some they eat, and the rest they pocketed, and made a clean riddance of all, and soon after I was rid of my Wench; for she seeing there was no more employment for her Chaps or Hands, she gave me the go by, and marched off.  
And thus did I finish my days work, which was none of the worst that I have had, but I remember this for the Cakes sake, and the Wenches together.  
And now truly Reader I have much wondered that I should so perfectly remember this Adventure of the Cakes, being so inconsiderable a foolish Story, and done so long since, for it is above twenty years ago: But here some waggish Readers will be apt to measure my Corn by their Bushel, and to judge that I had some cause to think of this story, and that more for the Wenches sake than the Cakes, and that it is possible that if I gave her Cakebread, she was so charitable as to give me flesh in exchange; I tell thee Reader, it was no such matter, I utterly deny it, for I do not remember that I ever kept company or drank with her before or after; it may be I might if I would, there wanted nothing but a little entreaty, but assure yourself I proceeded no further; I always dreaded that sort of Cattle, such as those that were Maids, or did pass for such, and were of a lower form such as were servants, and had nothing but what they wrought for; I had this always in my eye, that I should one day have some Estate, and that a considerable one, if my Father and I did not wholly fall out, and I knew that if I should deal with those kind of Gypsies, and they should prove, and I by fair means or foul should be drawn to marry them, that then I should lose my Father for good and all: I had the grace to have these two thoughts, or else I had been caught while I lived at my Masters, for there we had a Maid or Woman servant, who would hear my Tale, and take part with me, she would discover my Master and Mistress' Designs whatsoever against me, and all the secrets of the House were laid open to me, she would also be sure to lay by many a good bit for me, and make many excuses for me; by this means she wriggled herself into my favour, and I accounted her my very good friend, and as occasion offered treated her abroad; she aiming at somewhat further, was as free with me as I could wish or desire, and we often sported and toyed together; we proceeded so far that I knew she had a Blot on her Tables, she had a Point open, and she knew that I had a Man to enter, and so I might if I would but I durst not, but shutting up the Tables, proceeded no further in the Game.  
I was fearful of what I have told you, and durst not meddle, and it was well I did not, for if I had, I had been caught: The Baggage vexing hearty at my departure, and giving out somewhat of me though untruly; for I protest she and I gamed no further; I knew if I won at first, I might, nay should lose at last; I knew the quality of those kind of Cattle too well; for if any young man, an Apprentice, be so silly as to fall into such a Wenches Quarters and marry her, if an old rich fellow gets to bed to his Servant-maid, or any of these unequal matches happen, as they do too often, that man is sure to be undone, these beggarly Baggages are presently Cock-a-hoop, set them a horseback and you know where they will ride; my good Angel still kept me from such kind of ill luck; I had Misfortunes enough besides that, and that only I avoided, and so I advise thee to do, and thus I conclude the Adventure of the Wench and the Cakes.   

CHAP. VIII.  
He resolving on another Ramble, is put to his shifts to raise money and get a Horse to ride on, which he being furnished with, is stopped from his journey by his Father's seizing him.  
BUt as wise as I was in this Case, I was still fool enough in the main, I still held out in my stubborness, I would not go near either my Master or Father, but sitting at home at the Cook's house all day, and spending my Time and Money in smooth Ale, and in the evening taking a turn to our Rendezvouz, and meeting some of my Comerades, this was my whole employment; some of my Comerades complained so heavily of their Master's severity, that I expected them to take the same course as I had done, and keep me company, and so they promised me, but they had more Grace.  
I enquired how my Master took my absence, of some of our neighbours, but they could not tell me any particulars, but they told me if I had a mind to see, and speak with my fellow Apprentice, he should give me a meeting; I was willing enough to see him, but fearful of being betrayed to my Master, but they engaged the contrary, and I consented: The next night he came, and said he was glad to see me, ask me how I fared? I made the best of a bad Market, and bragged of the brave life I led, he seemed displeased, wishing he had taken my turn, I to myself wished it with all my heart, and began to repent; but when he told me of passages betwixt my Father and Master, (for they had met and discoursed the matter) than I was terrified beyond measure, it appeared to me like raw Head and bloody Bones; for my Father said, my Master must and should receive me; my Master replied, that I should first take a turn in Bridewell: I was accused and threatened on all sides; my Father demanded his son, and said he would force my Master to find and keep him; than it shall be in Bridewell, said my Master, and still the burden of the Song was Bridewell. I hearing this, and understanding that they both knew of my being in Town, was resolved on another journey, hoping at my return to find them both agreed, or at worst, in better temper; I wanted nothing but the principal Verb, Money, neither was I in any great want, for I had three pound of the five pound I sold my Watch for, in my pocket; but however, not knowing my own mind, whither I should go, or how long I should stay, I thought it convenient to see how much more I could raise by borrowing; and therefore putting on a bold face, I asked one to lend me forty shillings, that was a sum he could not spare, but if half a piece would do me a courtesy I should have it; I accepted it of him; and so of several others, some a Crown, some an Angel. but I having begun this course with them, they began to flight me, to shun my company, and to break up their accustomed meeting that they might avoid me; I seeing this; purposed to be gone but however, I was resolved to try one friend more, and that was the Victualler▪ the man of the house where we met, he had been always loving and kind to me, and I had been his very good Guest, and many a fair pound he had taken of me, and through my means; I did not question but he would lend me even what I would ask of him; I was therefore considering what tall Sum I should desire of him: I remembered that when one of my Comerades bought my Watch, he not having five pounds about him, borrowed four pounds of our Host, who gave it him at the first word, I was therefore resolved to ask him for just such a Sum; I believed my credit was better with him than the others, but I found myself mightily mistaken; The Tale was then of another Hog; for when I asked him to lend me four pounds: He cries out, How friend, four pounds! Do you know what you say? Do you think me mad to part from four pounds so easily? I know better what to do with my Money than to lend you four pounds: Why, said I, and stared on him, Is four pounds such a Sum for you to lend me? you know that I have been Master of a greater sum than that e'er now: Yes, said he, time was that you lived well at your Masters, but that time is past, then indeed I should not have scrupled to have lent you four pounds or a greater sum, for than I knew you were in a condition to pay me, but now you are gone from thence where should you get it to pay me? I tell you, in the condition you now are, I will not lend you four Shillings, unless it were to march you quite off, that you may no longer come to my house, for I am sensible, that your coming hither hath driven away most of my Guests, who forbear coming to my house, that they may avoid your company. I know the crafty Rogue said true, and did believe that it would be to no purpose to importune him, for I found it would be labour lost, and that my Cake was Doughty, but however resolving not to stoop to such a Rascal as he, I told him it was but a Copy of my Countenance, I did but ask him to try his Constitution, to feel his Pulse beat, for I knew it was convenient to try a friend before I needed him, and that I thanked my Stars, I had no need of his friendship yet, for I have Money enough, and thereupon drew out above five pound which I had about me, and my Watch: Nay then, said he, you are a better Husband than I expected, you have made your Money hold out bravely, but take my word, if you take this course it will waste, and that quickly, and since you have not been quite so bad a Prodigal as I thought you were, let me give you some good advice.  
Take up in time, you have rambled long enough in all conscience, therefore leave and submit to your Father and Master, who both wish you well, better than you do yourself: And now let me ask what you resolve, or indeed think to do, and what course you intent to take? your money will be gone, and then how will you get more? If you continue in this course, you must and will fall into some ill company, who will promise you fair at first, but will be your ruin in the end.  
I hearing mine Host catechise me, could not answer him one ready word, but told him I knew well enough what I had to do, but I lied, I knew nomore how to dispose of myself than a Child of six years old, and indeed I have often considered of it since, that it was a great mercy that I did not fall into lewd company, for I verily believe I should have harkened to any that had asked me the Question.  
If I had happened among Beggars or Gypsies. I had been like enough to have made one of the Canting-Crew, and then it may be my Adventures amongst them might have pleased the Reader far better, but I think our English Rogue hath sufficiently described the various humours of that sort of people; if I had met with Pickpockets, Shop lifters, or plain Highway Men, I might have served with, and have learned their several Qualities, and described those various Cheats to you, but they as the former, are all sufficiently described in the Book aforementioned. But it was my good luck to miss of all these courses, and run different ways though unfortunate enough, as you shall hear by and by.  
And now I having heard my Hosts advice, and given him the answer I told you, I left him, being resolved to come no more there.  
His discourse had made me somewhat melancholy, and therefore I withdrawing to my Quarters, went to Bed, there I ruminated and considered with myself what I should do, and it was long  I could fix upon any thing.  
I had my pocket pretty well furnished with Money, and as long as that lasted I resolved to continue my Ramble, and not knowing whither to go, for I was no great Traveller, having never been above three Miles from London, except to Windsor as aforesaid, and therefore I concluded to go thither again, and it may be as my mind served to go a little further.  
I had been there lately before, but it was on foot, but now I intended to go Gentleman like on Horseback. I told the Cook my Landlord of my Design, and he knowing I had no business there, wondered at me, but he considered that as I was upon the Ramble, I was never out of my way, I had told him of my purpose, because I would have him get me a Horse, or pass his word for one, but he not knowing my intent, and doubting that I might wander further, and it may be sell the Horse, and so leave him the Horse to hold, to pay for a Horse, he desired to be excused; he told me that I needed not have any body pass their words for me, since I had a Watch in my Pocket, which would be a very good pawn, and that never shames his Master, and if I would leave that, he would speak to a friend to furnish me with a pretty Nag▪ I was vexed to think I must part with my Watch, my pride, for that was my best Gentility, but such a desire I had to be a Cock horse, that I consented, and then going to his friends Stable, we agreed all matters thus:  
I gave twelve shillings for the use of the Horse for six days, for so long I supposed to stay out, and left my Watch for security of the Horse, which I suppose was worth about fifty shillings, so that what would come, the owner was sure to lose nothing; if I stayed longer than six days, I was to pay further two shillings a day. And thus was I fitted with a Horse, and I reckoned that if I stayed out to spend all my Money, yet I had a Watch at my return would yield me more, and these being my thoughts and resolves, the next day I began my journey I mounted nimbly, and rod on courageously, but whether the Cook for some ends of his own, gave intelligence, or how it happened I know not, but I was prevented of my journey, for alighting in a Street in London at a Milliners Shop, to buy me some Ribbons for my Hat, I let my horse stand at the Door, but he was soon seized on, for my Father took hold of his Bridle and gave it to my Brother, a Boy that was at hand, and seized me fast by the Arm.   

CHAP. IX.  
He is discharged from his Master, descants upon that Action, describes the cunningness and hypocrisy of his Mother-in-law, and is placed with a second Master.  
ANd now Reader, judge you if I was not in a pitiful pickle, and if I did not think myself to be in a sad condition, the truth on't is, I expected my Father would first have fallen about my ears, and buffeted me sound, then send for a Constable, and drag me to my Masters, with a hundred Boys at my heels, for I saw some such kind of cattle, some of the young fry gather about the door, and then carry me before a Justice, send me to Bridewell, all these things and worse came into my head, so that I thought before night I should be beating Hemp. All this I expected, and indeed well deserved, but to prevent it, my whole study was to give my Father the slip, and show him a pair of heels, but there was no need of any of all this, matters went much better than I thought on; for my Father was in a good humour, and not at all so passionate as I supposed, for as I said, he taking me by the arm led me further into the Shop, and then he thus began:  
Son, whither in God's Name are you going, is not your Ramble done yet? sure you should be weary of this course of life; fie, fie Son, I am ashamed to think you should have so little Wi● or Grace, to give me so much trouble to hunt after you in this manner.  
These were the words which he in very moderate manner spoke to me, and the● he was silent expecting my answer.  
But I because I could not give a good, or a wise Answer, gave none, but continuing silent, he proceeded.  
Do you think you have not done well and wisely in leaving your Master in this manner, can you give me any reason for it?  
I hearing him proceed thus moderately, thought it would not be amiss to say somewhat, and therefore I replied, That I had reason enough to leave my Master, because I was abused and wronged.  
Well, said my Father, suppose you were wronged, must you be your own Judge, and because things were amiss, must you make them worse by these unlawful courses; it is not well done indeed: but come, said he, I'll see and set all to rights if I can, if you will be ruled by me, all may be well again.  
My Father by this time had with his sober and tender expressions, so mollified me, that I could hardly forbear putting finger in eye, which he seeing, and finding me flexible, again asked me if I would be ruled by him? Yes Sir, said I: Well then, said he, you shall go home with me, and I will take a time to go to your Master.  
I hearing that I might go to his house and not to my Masters, was well enough contented, and so my Father and I walked homewards, and my Brother by my Father's directions went with the Horse from whence he came, so that I did verily believe that the Cook my Landlord had betrayed me.  
I went home with my Father, where I had not much said to terrify or affright me: My Mother in law telling me that she was glad to see me, and all was as fair and smooth as could be.  
I having eaten and drunk with them at convenient times, went to Bed; it was then when I was alone that I had time to consider what condition I was in, and the consideration of it very much troubled me, But however my Father being so fair, I intended to leave all to his discreet management; I have several times since considered the great fear I was in all the time of my Ramble, of meeting with my Master or Father; no deep indebted and almost bankrupt Citizen, could be in greater fear of a Sergeant or Bailiff, I went no where if in the day time, but I had my eyes every way, I looked foreright and on each side me, and oftentimes behind me, if any person brushed by me my heart was presently at my Mouth, thinking that it was one of them that came to seize me, if I heard any making haste after me, I mended my pace, and looked back ready to run faster, I was full of fears dreading every one I met; by this I know that as the contemplation and thoughts of a happiness or good, is more than the thing itself when enjoyed, so the fear and cares that attends the expectation of a danger, is more than falling into the danger itself; for as I have fancied the great pleasure and happiness I should have and enjoy, if I could but have such a desire of mine fulfilled, and when it hath happened as I wished, when I have enjoyed what I so earnestly desired, I then found no such great pleasure or content in it, the fruition was not half so pleasant as the contemplation; so I have again thought that if I should be so unfortunate as to be thrust into a Prison how miserable I should be, and that having fal● upon me, although I have been very impatient during the time of my constraint and confinement, yet the affliction hath not been so horrible as I have imagined it but I shall have occasion hereafter when I come to discourse of the Misfortunes which I have suffered in that nature to be more particular in it, and therefore close it up at present with this conclusion, That the fear I was in of my Father's anger against me, needed not to have been so great as it was, for he was more moderate than I expected, and by what I understood afterwards, I had no great cause to dread meeting with my Master, for if I had so done, he would hardly have took notice of me, being as willing to be ●●d of me, as I was to leave him: No, matters were not as I expected, and there was reason for it that I understood not, I was no Statesman nor Politician to look to the bottom of things▪ and there see their true state and condition, as I after found them, for afterwards I understood the Case to be thus.  
My Master knowing that it would be almost impossible to regulate things as he ought between his Son and I, he was therefore willing to be rid of me, he knew that it was unreasonable, that his Son coming three years after me, should take place before me, and continue, so all the time, and that by that means I should be under Apprentice all the time, he I was resolved it should be so, but he knew that I would never admit of this, and he knew that my Father would endeavour to remedy it, and this would make continual brawls in his House.  
He also knew well enough, that if I were gone, he could not want for more Apprentices when he pleased, and he could have considerable sums of money with them, and therefore he was not at all displeased with my departure.  
And let me tell you, that I have observed and known that some Citizens have much increased their Estates by taking many Apprentices, for perhaps having fifty pounds or more with an Apprentice, and being very severe and rigid, the boy hath been so hardly used, that he hath run away within a year, and rather than return again lose all his Money. I knew one that served eight so one after another, and in three or four years, by this means gained four hundred pounds for their diet, which they likewise earned, causing them to work like Porters, so that I think they paid dear enough for it, they had been better to have been boarded at the costliest Boarding-school in England; and besides the loss of the Money, there was a worse inconvenience, for the Apprentice hath been quite spoiled, so harassed and frighted, that he hath not been fit for any other service, and for the sake of his first Master, would not be persuaded to go to any other, a second: And besides this, it may be an After-clap hath happened to the poor Apprentice or his friends, worse than all the rest; for Bond being given for truth, and true service, that hath also been sued, and much Money recovered that way, and then trouble and charge hath fallen upon those friends that entertained this Apprentice till agreement hath been made, for the Law gives the Master five pounds a night against any that shall entertain him.  
By this means some Citizens have increased their Estates, but whoever they are that make this their practice, let me tell them, That it is a very wicked one, it is worse than Robbery, nay, than any kind of mischief that I know of, for it is not only a perfect Cheat, or Robbery of so much Money, but it is the undoing of a young man that might with good usage have made a good Commonwealths-man, be of good use to God and his Prince in doing them Service, but are by this means spoiled: And therefore let such Masters look to it, for although their Money may thrive at present, yet it will consume all the rest in time, and be as bad to them as worse gotten Goods or Estate, that is rarely possessed to the third generation. They ought to consider that when they take an Apprentice, they take as great ● charge upon them for the time, as if he were their own Child, and that their care ought to be the same, for the age of an Apprentice is the only time of instilling good or bad into him, that is the time of his making or marring, and what is well grounded in him and he learns then, he will never forget; therefore the greatest care of Parents ought to be in the choice of a good Master; you may soon discover such a one as will use you as I have related by enquiry, whether he hath ever made free any Apprentices that have served their times out with him, and if so, do but inquire of them, and you may guess at the temper of the Master; but some Parents think that if the Master they intent to place their Sons with be but a rich man, and hath a great Trade, that all is well enough; but let me tell them, that it is not enough, several other things are to be considered, and there hath been one thing that hath made much difference between Masters and Servants, and that hath been difference in opinion and judgement, for I do not think it fit for a Boy that hath been bred up in the Orthodoxal way, should be Apprentice with an Anabaptist or Quaker; this very thing does oftentimes cause much jarring betwixt Man and Wife, as well as Master and Apprentice; but this Scruple or Caution is now adays almost needless, for God be thanked the factions are much decreased, having not so much encouragement as formerly, and the● most of them, both in their choice of Wives and Apprentices, take this Caution themselves, and will hardly, and very rarely marry with a Wife, or take a Boy to be a● Apprentice, that is not of their own Tribe, their own Gang, or persuasion.  
Much more might be said by way of Caution, between the Servant and Master but let this suffice, and let the Apprentice after he is bound resolve to obey, let no pretences cause him to neglect his Duty but let him be resolved to stay out and serve his full time whatever comes on it I give this Counsel because I know it ha● been much the better for me if I had done so, Experientia docet, for I had no such absolute reason to run away but I might have dispensed withal; but as I told you my Master had no such design of making any base profitable ends on me, yet for th● reason's aforesaid, he was content to have me gone.  
On the other side, my Father had discoursed with him, and felt his pulse, h●● knew his mind in part, and was resolved t● make his advantage out of it, for the more unwilling my Master was to receive me, the more forward my Father was to press him to take me, so that if he should wholly refuse it, he might get good part of his Money again.  
These were my Father's ends, and he managed them with all circumspection and prudence accordingly.  
He went first to my Masters, and told him that he had found his Servant, ask what he intended to do with me? He replied, he cared not what, for he would not entertain me; but some body must, said my Father; let who will said my Master, I care not; well then, replied my Father, I shall have your leave to do it if I will. Yes, yes, said my Master: This was as my Father wished, and the danger of that was over, and then he proceeded further, urging him to receive me: My Master refused it, and said he believed that I durst not come to him: Yes but he shall, said my Father, and serve you out the rest of his time if you will do him justice, and let him enjoy his right; I will not be appointed what to do with my Servants, said my Master: But to conclude, after many discourses, the end of all was this: I was brought to my Master to tell him that I would, if he pleased, serve out my time with him: I had much ado to be persuaded, to say these words, but my Father telling me his intent by them, and what would follow, I said so, and it fell out as he expected; for my Father well enough knowing that if I would come to him again, he could not refuse me, and he being willing to be rid of me, answered directly that he was not willing to receive me, and if he was compelled to it, I should suffer for it, and that the Chamberlain would order me first to be punished.  
My Father replied, not for his first fault, and he having some reason for it, as I shall tell him.  
I was pleased with this, and so was not my Master, who had said all he could to frighten me; but I seeing my Father stood up so stiffly for me, did not fear any thing, and my Father by this means wrought his ends, for my Master telling me I must look another Master; my Father replied, so he shall if you will put him in as good case as you found him, and thereupon complained of my , and demanded Money back to give with me to another Master, they argued pro and con, but in the end agreed, and my Master repaid ten pounds, if not fifteen of the money he had received with me, and so we parted.  
I have been very particular in this discourse, and it may be you will think it tedious, but I hope it may be for the future good of the Reader, who may either as Father, Apprentice, or Master, be in the same condition, and pick somewhat out of this my relation that may advantage them; that is the chief end of my writing it, and that my Misfortunes and Misery may conduce to the good fortune and happiness of others. This affair was prudently managed by my Father, who had he been severe at his first lighting on me, I had been ruined to eternity, for I should have run away again if he had forced me to go to my Master. This my Father judged would be the case, and therefore prevented it, but he did use all the arguments he could raise to induce me to submit to my Master and serve my time, and when that would do no good, he fell to threaten, charging me on his blessing to obey him, but I was deaf to his threaten, and my disobedience hath since that same time wrought very much upon my spirit, and made so deep an impression thereon, that I doubt it will never wear out, for although it is above twenty years ago, yet I am to this day troubled at it both day and night, and my very dreams are filled with that concern, oftentimes imagining that I am still Servant to my said Master, and that my time will never be out, so that because I did not serve him in effect, I still serve him in fancy and imagination.  
And this my disobedience to my Father, I judge to be the cause of those many Misfortunes that have since fallen upon me, and therefore I can do no less than make open confession thereof, no other satisfaction can I give him, he being now dead.  
He did I hope forgive me when living, for I was several times after that reconciled to him, but he would still tell me my disobedience would be my ruin, and that I did not understand the love he had for me.  
I must confess that I did not look upon him to love me no longer than he was giving to me, and when he held his hand, I thought he forgot his duty, and that I might remit mine.  
But I since find this saying of his to be most true.  
That Children do not, indeed cannot distinguish or be sensible of their Parents love to them, until they come to have some Children of their own.  
I have since had the experience of his saying, and have repent of my slighting him; all that I can say more is now to God and the World, and that I here make my Confession, and that with Contrition, not doubting but that I shall have Remission and Absolution in this world and in the world to come, and hope that after all my Affliction, I may yet have some comfort and peaceable enjoyment of myself in this life, and I have some cause to expect a future quiet Consolation, because I hope the measure of my Misfortunes and Afflictions (all which I judge are fallen upon me for my disobedience and other crimes) is now full enough, and that I have already received afflictions enough, but if it be not so, and that it is not yet enough, yet I hope, at the worst, that all my punishment will fall on me in this life, which I beseech God to grant, so that in the next I may enjoy the quiet and content that I have hitherto wanted, and which all true contrite repentant sinners hope to enjoy; but I have this reason to believe that I shall be acquitted from the ill service I did my Master, if Retaliation be a due punishment for a Crime, for all the ill service I ever did him, hath been retaliated to me in the bad service of my Servants, for I have had as bad as bad could be, as I shall acquaint you more particularly when I arrive at that place of my story, and that I may come to it, I will thus proceed:  
My Father received back either ten or fifteen of his thirty pounds given with me, and as bad a Servant as I was to my Master, yet he also freely gave up to my Father the hundred pound Bond he had given him for my truth, so that I was not in the least tainted in my Reputation that ways. All that I remember was ever laid to my charge or objected against me, was the private Copying of those Writings I have told you of; and another time I being sent to receive two hundred pounds, and not being so well skilled in telling Money as I ought, I finding that he that told it to me was as quick again as I, made haste too, that I might not be accounted dull, and thereby lost about five shillings, but it being the first time I did so, my Master did pardon me, but withal telling me, that if I did so again, either I or my Father should pay for it. But I from that time became more curious, and learned so much skill as I seldom lost but often gained thereby, as once for Example.  
A great Boobily fellow, much older than myself, came to receive eight pounds of me, it being all in half Crowns I quickly told it off with both hands; the Receiver seeing me so nimble, and being ashamed of his own ignorance, for he hardly knew how to tell forty shillings; he also told the Money with both his hands, and tumbled it over in a confused manner: I observing that, was resolved to put a trick on him and try his skill, wherefore I twice together told to him but four pounds in stead of five; it was all as one to him, he still said it was right, and having tumbled it all over, he gave me the Receipt, and away he went contented: I laid by the forty shillings, not with intent to get so much by him, no, I thought that to be unreasonable, I did not intent he should pay so dear for his ignorance and folly; I expected and designed to have a pair of Gloves or some Treat, and therefore told one of it that knew him, we had some laughing, and he upon ask him some questions about the parcel of Money, found that he wanted some, but withal he was ashamed to acknowledge how the Mistake was, but his friend seeing his ignorance and wilfulness, helped him out, and told him all the story, and the other agreeing to give me a pair of Gloves, and he and I, a quart of Wine, I gave him the forty shillings, advising him to learn to tell Money better.  
I being now clearly discharged from my Master, followed my Father home, where he again thus renewed his discourse to me:  
Well, now you are free from your Master, I suppose you are glad of it, you think you have made a good days work of it, and I am not of your mind, for I believe it to be the worst days work you ever made in your life, and that you will have time enough to repent it.  
I gave him the hearing of all this, not answering one word, and indeed, I knew not what to say nor to do; I was not well enough skilled in my trade to think of setting up and be a Master myself, and therefore I must resolve to have another Master.  
My Father advised me to seek out for another, as he would do, but I lost my labour, none would take me, knowing that I had so foolishly left my Master, they could not be persuaded that the fault was in him and therefore all Masters of any account refused me, none but some idle young fellows would take me, and with such a one at length I was placed.  
But before I go to any other Master, and come into a new house and family, I must give a stop, and relate some passages in my fathers.  
I have already told you that I had a Stepmother, and now I shall give you her Character.  
She was to the outside of as promising a good nature as could be, she had a very smooth smiling countenance, and always laughed or sneered when she talked with me, she was a good Huswife in her house, and appeared to be a good Wife to a Husband, and to me she seemed to be a very kind Mother-in-law, but I was mistaken, I thought I had God Almighty by the Hand, when as I had the Devil by the great Toc; she was a right Yorker, being of that Country breed, and as full of dissimulation and hypocrisy as most of that Country.  
This Woman had been three times married to three several Citizens; her two first Husbands had little good luck with her all their lives time, and at last had sudden deaths.  
The first was killed in a Tavern with a quart pot which an angry friend threw at him; this Husband had been so unfortunate, that he died worse than nothing in Estate, for he owed more than he was worth: She caused one friend of hers to pretend a Debt, which she as Administratrix pretended to pay to him, who returned it to her again, and so deceived all her Husband's Creditors, and to make a further addition to her Estate, she having thus gained all her Husband's Stock, he that killed her Husband, agreed to renew the Lease of her house to her by paying a Fine, if she would acquit him of her Husband's death: This was agreed upon, and accordingly performed.  
Thus was the loss of her Husband a gain to her: She had now a House and Stock of her own free of all debts and troubles, only she had one Child, a Daughter, by him. Being in this condition, she was wooed by, and wedded to another Citizen of honest condition and quality, who also had by her several Children, two which were Daughters did out live him: He had three Sons of his own by a former Wife, whom he bred up and placed out, who also outlived him: But although he died in a good Estate, yet his Sons were little the better for it.  
This Citizen dealing much in the Country, and keeping Fairs, in his return from one, died suddenly at an Inn on the Road. Small care was taken by her for his burial although she knew of his death, but she had other matters in hand of greater moment, she had other fish to fry, and so she left his burial to be managed by a Servant.  
The eldest of his Sons being of Age, inquires into his Father's Estate, expecting a large portion, he being the eldest Son and Heir apparent to it, but he reckoned without his Host, and therefore must reckon twice, his Mother-in-law had such Cards to show as would beat him out of play. She produced a Will, but such a one as was only to prejudice her Husband's sons, and made up wholly the Interest of herself and two Daughters.  
This Will was made in one sheet of Paper in a blind manner, written by the Servant in the House, and only witnessed by him, who was known to be her great Confident, who was employed by her to go down and see her Husband buried, and be sure to bring up the Seal-Ring, with which the Will was sealed, and so he being returned the Will was produced, and in it after a few ceremonial words, were these or to this effect:  
I give and bequeath to my living Wife all these my two Tenements, situate, etc. for the term of her natural life, and after her decease, I give them to my two Daughters and their Heirs, etc.  
Here she and hers were provided for, but not one word of his Sons in all the Will.  
The Son seeing this, demands an account of the personal Estate, but a small matter comes to his share, she sweeps away two thirds of it, one as her due by the Custom of the City, and another as her due in regard her Husband had not otherwise given or disposed of it by Will.  
And now let me tell the Reader by way of Caution, what it may be he is not as yet acquainted withal, That a Citizen of London, if he hath a Wife and Children, can give away but one third part of his personal Estate: One third part his Wife will have, another third part his Children will have, and the other third he may dispose of as he pleases, either to Wife or Children, or Strangers, as he thinks fit. If he dies without a Will, or such a one as does not dispose of his third, than it goes to his Wife as she is Administratrix, and this was the Case of this Citizen, who although he died possessed of an Estate of , worth five or six hundred pounds, and six hundred pounds personal Estate, yet a small matter came to his Sons, for the  is gone as I told you, and the personal Estate consisting of six hundred pounds, being to be divided, she hath four hundred pounds for her two thirds, and then two hundred pounds being to be divided amongst five, his three Sons, and her two Daughters, (for they came in for a share equal with the rest) the Sons have just forty pounds a piece, and this is all they were like to have of the Estate.  
The eldest Son being told that he had foul play showed him, and believing it, he fluttered and went to Law to overthrow the Will, but to no purpose; she had the better Purse, and such a Witness on her side as did not flinch from her, so that all the young man's endeavours were in vain, he only made himself worse, by spending his Money, and at last was forced to be satisfied, though he was not contented, for in short time after, discontent broke his heart.  
This and all the former passages have been related to me, and I am apt to believe the truth of them all, because I have found the whole state and business to be answerable to so wicked purposes; for although she enjoyed all during her life, yet since that, their Children are dead, except one, the most inconsiderable of all, and nothing is left of them, no not remembrance; his Children did live and arrive to very considerable Estates, but are all since dead, and their Estates gone, and now her Estate is in the hands of strangers, and that Servant who was her Confident, did never thrive in body or Estate, dying long since in want and poverty.  
This was the Woman that was my Mother-in law, and she was likely enough to be too cunning for me, having passed through these Projects with so much success.  
My Father had married her upon small acquaintance, and knew none of her Actings, he had not enquired, and therefore knowing nothing believed all to be aright; she had a considerable Estate, and that was as much as he aimed at, that being the chief care of most thriving Citizens to inquire into that, and afterwards to deal with them as cunningly as they can.  
I being come home to my Fathers, my Mother-in law made very fair weather to me, and gave me many good words, telling me, That she had already, and would again speak to my Father in my behalf, and to please me the better, she was propounding a Match for me with one of her Daughters, she having three, would talk of matching them to me and my two Brothers (for that was our stock, there being no Sisters) All these kind of pleasing Discourses she would have in my Father's absence, and before his and my face, she would incline somewhat to my side, and take my part; by this I supposed she was my real friend, but I found it otherwise, as I shall presently, tell you:  
I lying in the Garret over the Chamber where my Father and she lay, and one night hearing them in some earnest discourse, I supposing it might concern me, and therefore being desirous to understand what was said, I arose, and went down Stairs to their Chamber door, and laying my ear thereto, I could hear her tongue utter these words:  
In good truth now Husband, if you humour your Son in this manner, you will undo him and yourself too, for if he find that he can thus rule you, he will stay with no Master you can put him to, nay, and he will run out and make you pay for it, he will weary you; Is it not far better to pack him away to Sea? for he will never do well with any Master here, do you think that he will serve out his time with any Master that would not stay where he was so well used? Let him to Sea I say, the Sea and the Gallows refuse none; let him by't on the Bridle he deserves it: If my other Husband had not been ruled by me in the disposing and ordering of his Son, he would have destroyed his Estate and broke his heart too, but he took my counsel, and sent him to Sea, and then when he came back, he was content with any thing: You have been (continued she) at the charge to put him to Apprentice, and gave a good portion with him, that is lost, and now he is ready for another, for who will take him without Money, and he will stay at another place as many nights as days, and then you will be to seek again, and be continually troubled with him.  
My Father had lain still and given her the full hearing of all she had uttered, and so had I too, but not without cursing her for a dissembling hypocritical Gipsy, but she having done, my Father then made this reply:  
But Lamb, you mistake the matter quite, things are not so bad as you suppose them, nor my Son, as I hope, so bad as you think him; he was a little wronged at his Masters, though he ought not for that cause to have left his service, but his Master gained little by the Bargain, for he hath paid back good part of the Money he had with him, and that will be sufficient to place him any where else, I do not intent to be at any fresh charge with him. I shall not need it, and I think I know of a Master that will be willing to take him on even terms, without any Money, and then I shall gain and not lose by the bargain.  
It will be well if you do (replied she) but I should like it better if you would send him to Sea. When you are hanged thought I, and so attending a while longer, and hearing them silent, I though I had heard enough, and therefore returned to my Bed.  
The next morning I looked this Woman in the face to see if she still continued her pleasant countenance to me, but I found no alteration, she still fleired on me, and my Father being gone out, she caused me to fit down by her very lovingly to Breakfast, using the kindest and lovingest expressions that could be possibly imagined.  
Oh (thought I) this Woman is a Devil! I must not trust her, I will be gone on any terms, and so I was, for my Father that day discoursing with one that was willing to take me, I went with him and a agreed on the matter, and so the next day took my leave of my Mother-in-law, and went soon after to my new Masters.   

CHAP. X.  
He describes the lewdness of his second Master, who not having employment for him, he employs himself in translating Books out of French into English; he leaves his second Master, is resolved to travel, but is first arrested.  
I Was now gone to my second Master, which was indeed my last, for I would not have you think that I should have as many as the unlucky Spaniard, Lazarillo de Tormes, no, I had but two, and he seven, neither were mine so bad as his, I had not a crafty blind man to back-beat me, and belly beat me, and beat my teeth out, I wanted for to Victuals, nor  that were necessary; I had not a covetous Priest that would put me to my wit's en●▪ ●o compass the picking of his Loaves to get Bread, neither did I like him, serve a needy threadbare, but withal proud conceited Squire, and be reduced to the necessity of begging Victuals for myself and him: No. I served no such Masters, I was not pinched with hunger or cold, nor was I afterwards made a Monster of, nor tossed in a Blanket as he was, I happened upon no such Adventures, and if you expect any such, you are mistaken, but I was unlucky and unfortunate enough, and in the end if you compare my misfortune and hard unlucky fate with his, or any bodies else that you ever read of, I am sure mine exceeds and is the worst, or else I am very much mistaken, to me they are, and have been so numerous and mighty; and now all things considered, what good could I expect from my Father who had such a Night-Raven as my Stepdame was, to intercede and speak for me? And what good could I expect to have, or learn from such a Master as I was now placed with? by changing my Masters I escaped the Thunder and came into the Tempest, I had mended the matter well, by coming out of God's blessing into the warm Sun; for my present Master was such a one as I can hardly describe; I cannot say if my other Master was bad, this was worse; no, my former Master could not be termed bad in comparison of this, but if I may at all compare them, I cannot more fitly than by saying that my second Master was just quite contrary to what my first was, for to begin:  
If my first Master was (as indeed he was) a sober solid Citizen, this second was quite contrary, being a lose debauched Ruffain: If my first Master was well known in his Trade or Practice (as I must still grant in all) this was as ignorant, knowing little or nothing: If my first Master had a full Trade and large Practice, this as not deserving it, had nothing to do: If my first Master was used to stay still at home in his Closet, and do his business there, and if sent for to a Tavern or public house, to send word he was at home, and was there ready to do their business; this my second Master was the quite contrary, being rarely at home, and if at home when sent for to the Tavern, he desired no better place to do business in, but sent word he would wait on them presently, and would be sure to be as good as his word.  
As I do not remember that in all the time I lived with my first Master, I knew him to go three times to the Tavern; so I do not remember that in all the time that I lived with my second Master, that he was out of the Tavern or Alehouse for three, nay two days together.  
It was as common for me to seek out, and wait on him every night from a tavern, as it was for me to wait on my first Master every Sunday to and from Church. The credit of the one was not so good, but the other was as bad; the one was honest, the other a Knave; for I never knew or heard that the one was ever questioned for any unjust Action, when as I have been informed that the other, my last Master, was not only questioned, but did also stand in the Pillory for cheating a Carrier: To say all, the one was in every thing quite contrary to what the other was, the one was old, and the other young; the one rich (as he deserved) and the other poor, as it was but justice he should be. I must confess there was some difference in the women too, but it was on the advantage to my last Mistress, for my first was somewhat ancient, and to me froward and ill natured, when as my second Mistress was a brave young handsome, sprightly, beautiful woman, and as well replenished with the inward beauties and perfections of the mind, as she was graced with these of the body. But she having so untoward a piece to her Husband, was undone by him, and lived poor and unhealthily, wanting and miserably, and so good virtuous woman she patiently died. When as I think the other still lives in all possible content, health, wealth, and plenty; I have no cause to touch upon either of their Chastities, for I verily believe that in that point, they were both alike, and I am confident both very virtuous.  
This is the best Character I can give of my new Master, so that I may truly say, I leaped out of the Frying-pan into the fire; nay, it is improper for me to say so, for the Fish that leaps out of the Frying-pan where he is to be scalded and die, in short time by leaping out of it into the fire, is presently burnt, and so is said that he does thereby leap out of a bad condition into a worse, this I cannot properly say of myself, when I was with my first Master I was not in the Frying-pan, I was not in danger of scalding and dying, I was in no fear of ruin, but I was comparatively as well and as safe there as a Fish in a Pond or River, so that I may say, in leaving him for the other, I leapt out of the Water into the Fire, the place where I was well, and where I ought to be, into that which would absolutely be my ruin if I should remain with him my full time, and follow his wicked Example. But I took course myself in the one, because I continued not with him above a year, and I thank God he gave me more Grace than to put his Examples in practice.  
I have told you that I continued about a year with this my second Master, I would not have you think me to be so idle as to lose my time and do nothing, it may be in what I did I gained nothing, but however it is good to be always in action.  
My Master had little or no employment for me, he himself rising between seven and eleven usually went abroad, and commonly about the same hours at night he returned; he being thus commonly abroad, and being desirous at least to be so good a Husband as to have somebody in his Shop to answer people, took me for that purpose.  
My first business was to write blank Bonds and other Blanks of all sorts, and having seldom any occasion to use them, I had soon furnished the Shop with as many as were likely at that rate to serve for many a year, I had now and then some odd blind Letters to write, and once in a week or fortnight, a Bond or some such small Jobb to do, a pair of Leases or any such kind of Writings came seldom, not oftener than once in a quarter of a year or thereabouts.  
My Father to encourage both me and my Master, did bring us some business, but all this did but little as to a full employment for me, so that now I had time enough to converse with Knights Errand, in reading their Adventures. I had still kept my Books, and by my daily additions laying out all the Money I could spare, I had swelled them to such a number, that they looked like a Library, and my Master permitted me so to dispose them in his little Shop, that they were the best furniture therein.  
They that came into our Shop, might by the outside of the Books, imagine that we were well furnished with Law Books according to our practice, but if they had searched their inside, they would have found their mistake, when in stead of the Statutes at large, and Cooks Reports, they should see Amadis de Gaul, and Orlando Furioso, and in stead of Brooks Abridgement, and some such old Law Books, they would have found the Mirror of Knighthood, they would have been much mistaken when instead of Gownsmen pleading at the Bar, they found Swordmen fight at the Barriers. I had read these Books so often both in English and French, that I was very well experienced in that Language, and being desirous to appear in the World like somebody, did resolve to do the same kindness to others as had been done for me, and as I thought would be of public good: I did not think it fit that since I had a Talon, to lay it up in a Napkin, but to put it to the best use I could; and besides these, I had several other reasons to induce me to it, as the great profit I should gain by it, and also the glory and fame I should purchase by being in Print, this was such a desire as I could not moderate nor allay; therefore I was resolved to begin, neither was I long in studying what Book to translate, but believing all the world to be of my mind, Lovers of Knight Errantry, I pitched upon Amadis de Gaul; the first five Parts being already translated, and the world wanting the sixth, I intended to make them beholding to me for it.  
I thereupon began this Adventure, whether luckily or no you shall know by and by, and such impatience had I to see it in Print, that before I had near done one quarter, I sought out how to get it printed, I treated with several Booksellers of my acquaintance, but they either desiring me to finish it first, or not coming to my terms, (I having not the patience to finish it) was resolved to print it at my own charges. I did not as they that go to build or to war ought to do, lay by for it, for I am sure I did neither lay by nor provide for it; but I had so great a desire to have it done, that I was resolved to see it begun; and therefore meeting with some that forwarded and encouraged me, and an honest Widow-woman to be my Printer, I began: She expected me to send in all or the greatest part of the Paper, but my Money nor Credit would not reach to any such matter, I made a shift to scramble up so much Money together as did purchase six Reams of Paper (when as sixty would not finish it) and that I sent in with a promise that the rest should suddenly follow; she either believing me, or else I believe having little else to do, did put a man upon it, but never did Green-sicknessed Girl long with half so much earnestness for Chalk or Oatmeal, as I did to see a sheet of this done, that I might carry it in my Pocket, and show to some of my Comerades what a famous fellow I was like to be.  
The time did come, and I saw my desires accomplished; but before that, I had a large contest with myself about what number of them should be printed, I was not so great a fool as one that being to print a Book, and being as unresolved what number to do as I was, did after much time spent and various consultations, resolve to print twice as many as there were Parishes in England, his reason being this, that although all the people of every parish would not buy of them, he cause all could not read, yet the Priest and the Clerk could read, and therefore they he thought would buy.  
No, I was not so errand a Coxcomb as he, but I went another way to work, I knew not how many people would buy of them, but I knew some Booksellers would, because some with whom I dealt had promised me to take a dozen or a quarter of a hundred or more apiece.  
I did therefore believe that every Bookseller would, nay, must buy of them, and therefore I took the pains to walk from Aldgate to Westminster, and reckon up how many Booksellers there was there, and in all other places about the Town. I was well set at work the while, and after this way of calculation I had reckoned how many to print; But after all this extravagant pains, I was forced to go back to another number, and be ruled by my Printer to print the ordinary Impression of one thousand.  
This being agreed upon, and the Press going forward, and I proceeding in my translation, we quickly had a stop for want of Paper, I knew not what courses to take, but as the most feisable I could imagine, I carried a sheet of a sort of what was done to some Booksellers of my acquaintance, and desired them to encourage and advance so good a Work, by depositing or lending some money to help to finish it, and that when it was done, they should pay themselves by Books: They would not hear of that side, they would not buy Books before they were finished, but if I would sell them Books which they knew I had, they would give me Money: I knowing no other way was forced to take that course, but withal, I made this proposition That I might have my Books again when I returned the Money with some small gain; they promised me fair, but performed nothing, for afterwards when I came to redeem my Books, they told me that they were sold, but if I had a mind, and would give such a price, they would endeavour to get them again: Some I had, and some I lost, but by this means I broke and spoiled my Library, however by the sale of these Books and some little credit I had with the Stationer, my Book was finished. Never did young Big-bellyed Woman desire to see the Fruit and Issue of her Body, as I did to see my Book finished, and thereby to see my Name in Print; this was the utmost bounds of my ambition, burr Time that perfecteth all things, perfected my Book, and I was very diligent in publishing it, for the Titles were carefully posted up, and I not a little proud to see them in public, walking the Streets and showing them to several of my acquaintance: But all this Harvest produced but little Corn, my Mountain brought forth a Mouse, for by that time the Printer was paid, the Town was full, and I might make Waste-paper of the rest, no body would give the first price although that was low enough in all Conscience, so that I was forced to lower my Top-sayl, and sell for what I could get, and be glad of any thing, and with much ado, with all this toil and labour, I again furnished myself with Books, but nothing near so well as I had been; so that I came off from this Adventure of Printing with a scratched face, as all others must do that are not bred in the way of Book-selling; I know not their way of exchanging; I gave them their full rate for what Books I had of them, and they allowed me no more than the lowest ready Money rate for mine, and by this means I made but a blind Bargain, but however I had attained to the end I aimed at, I had been in Print, and now I could and did present several of my Books to several of my Acquaintance, and much ready Money it cost me in binding those Books that I gave away, and all this trouble and cost was I at for a little honour, when I had been better to have sat still the whilst, but I did not think so, but resolved now I had begun, to proceed farther; I intended to let the world see some more of my works, and my fancy still running upon Romances, I was minded to translate another, but by experience finding that those sort of Romances that treated of old impossible Knight Errantry were out of fashion, and that there were a sort of new ones crept into their places; I sought for one, and was not long  I pitched upon such a one as I thought would do the business, for is was full of Lovesick Expressions, and Thunder-thumping Sentences, there was Love and Arms, and some strange impossible Adventures, for which I liked it the better: I did believe the Gentry of England were much indebted to me for this Translation, for I had (like other conceited Translators and Authors) coined several new English Words, which were only such French Words as methoughts had a fine Tone wieh them, or such as I could not handfomely rranslate, and therefore let them pass as English, to be understood as well by the Reader, as by me the Translator, who knew not what to make of them.  
The Loves and Adventures of Clerio and Lozia, I began, and in short time finished, but long before it was finished, it was begun to be Printed; I had the same impatience as formerly, so that I did not, nor could not stay till it was all written, but began.  
I was again ttoubled about Paper, but I had some Money, my Stationer some Faith, and the Book was much less than the former, so that finished it was, and I supposing this Book to be more gentile than the former, gave it a more gentile Title, and the Name of the Translator being placed on the Title-page in large Characters, there was also added the honoured Word Gent. to import that the Translator was a Gentleman, that he was every Inch of him in his own imagination, and did believe that the so printing that word on the Title of the Book, did as much entitle him to Gentility, as if he had Letters Patents for it from the Heralds-Office: Nay, did suppose this to be more authentic because more public: And let me tell you, this is a very great Itch in some people, I knew one that translated a Book, and caused it to be Printed merely to have the Title of Esq added to his Name, and now it is grown to so common a Custom, that Booksellers usually title their Author's Gentlemen, Esquires, and sometimes Persons of Quality, that are only poor mercenary fellows, that the Book may have the better esteem, may sell the better.  
But now my second Book was finished, the Word FINIS was printed, and just at the same time I finished and put an end to my Service with this my second Master, the occasions that caused us to part were several, and in short these:  
My Master was as good a Husband of his time as I have told you, and most of my time was spent in my own Affairs, either in writing or reading for my own pleasure or walk abroad to visit the Printers; my Master knew of my designs, and since he had little for me to do, permitted me to proceed and employ myself that way, but although he was content, yet my Mistress was ●ot, and that which displeased her most was my so often walking abroad, by which means I sometimes lost the making of some Writings. I had gotten a haunt of rambling and could not leave it, and therefore she complained to my Master of me; he chid me, but I minded it not, and continuing so still, he complained to my Father, and great fault was found with me, so that I was weary of his and my Father's Reprehensions. I saw there was nothing gained by being there, and therefore was desirous to be gone: I had compared notes with some of the neighbouring Apprentices, and one or two having as giddy unsettled minds as myself, we were resolved to travel.  
Now we being all indifferently skilled in French, were desirous to see France: This Design was long consulted on, and resolby me in few days to be put in execution, when an accident happened between me and my Master that hastened it.  
Although we had but little business to do in the Shop, yet my Master pretended that he had a very considerable Practice, and several people came to our Shop as well as to other Scriveners, to borrow Money upon Security.  
I had command from my Master to entertain them all, and promise to do their business, and some waiting their opportunities spoke with my Master in a Morning (for afterwards it was rare to meet with him) he giving them many fair promises, they sometimes treated him at the Alehouse or Tavern, but to little purpose; for I hardly remember any thing came to perfection but that they being in time wearied out with attendance, at length left him.  
Amongst the rest that frequented our Shop upon the borrowing Account, there was one Gentleman that had often spoken with my Master, received fair promises and many delays, he being very earnestly desirous to have his business dispatched, not only treated my Master at Alehouse and Taverns, but me also, desiring my assistance and remembrance to my Master: I promised him my utmost Service, though I did believe all would turn to little advantage for him.  
This Gentleman came so often, and had so many put-offs from my Master, that I wondered, he being very ingenious, did not understand rhem to be flams, but he still had the patience to come, and that so often, that I was ashamed, and pitied him, and but that I knew I should displease him would have told him how matters were, that he might forbear coming: I gave him several Hints, but he did not, or would not understand them, for when he did ask me When I thought his business would be done? I would tell him that thought was free, and I should not tell him what I thought, but that my Master still said it should be suddenly, he being very desirous of perfecting his business imagined (as he wished and desired) that his business would be done, and that in short time, and therefore he still waited in expectation of that happy day; but still to as much purpose as before and when he saw my Master, he would persuade him that it was in good forwardness: Nay, one day he told him that the Evening before he had been in company with the Gentleman of whom he was to have the Money, and to justify the truth of what was said, he averred that I his man had been in company with him there.  
This was a very authentic and sufficient Answer, and for such a one it passed currently, but I knowing what company he had been in at the night he named, did give present Judgement that this Gentleman's business was very unlikely to be done, and that he must be fooled. He came still, and one day having treated me at the Alehouse, where he very ingeniously discoursed of Books, especially Poetry and Romances, and thereby pleased me exceedingly, and then again ask me what I thought of his business? I could no longer forbear but out it must, and therefore I told him in plain terms, That I thought his business would never be done, he was mighty blank at that which he said, and asked twenty questions at once, but above all, asked me if I were not in company with my Master one evening with the man that was to lend the Money? I was (replied I) with my Master and some other company that evening, but I do not think that any that were there present had any Money to lend, but that they were rather Borrowers than Lender's, and that I supposed they would sooner take a Purse upon the Highway, than part from any to a Scrivener to lend.  
This is mighty strange replied the Gentleman, I thought your Master had not kept any such Company.  
I know not what they were, said I, but you may judge if they were Money-lenders' wen I shall tell you that I that Evening by my Mistress command did go to find my Master, that after my usual search of most Taverns in my way, and which I knew he haunted, I found him at one in Southwark, I was not admitted into the Room where he was at present, because he and his company were engaged in hot service, which they plied so hard, that after a while there was a great silence,▪ and the Drawer hearing it, went in and found all the company asleep, but at his Do you call Gentlemen? my Master awaked, and asked what a Clock it was? The Drawer said it was late, and withal told him that his Man was there, Bring in another Bottle of Wine, said he, and send him in, with that the Drawer went out, and I entered.  
There did I behold the Power and Strength of Wine, how it had mustered and conquered all those that had encountered with it.  
The company in all consisting of five, I saw one sleeping in a Chair, another laid all along on a Bench, another in the same posture and condition on the Table, the fourth dead drunk on the ground, having fallen from his Chair, and my Master who had lately been asleep, but was now Top-heavy, the only moving person; come, said he, we have had a merry frolliek, and they are asleep, but I must awake them that we may be gone, but first let's drink; and thereupon staggering towards him that lay upon the ground, and straddling over him, he puts the Bottle of Wine to his Nose and takes a Swoop; he commanded me and the Drawer to do the like. I know not what he did, but I fetched a large draught: My Master then fell a leaping, staggering, and dancing about his Companions, till in the end they awaked.  
They had hardly so much senses as to know where they were, and what and how to pay their Reckoning. I wondered how they would get home, but their Quarters were not far off as I understood, they being all Prisoners in the Kings-Bench. I led my Master home however, and now I have done my story, only give me leave to add this Conclusion, That I hardly believe that these my Master's Companions being Prisoners in the King's Bench, as I suppose for Debt, have much Money to lend out at Interest: I am of your mind, and the whole is, replied the Gentleman, and by this I see I am led by the Nose and fooled. This is the truth Sir, said I: I believe it, said he, but you should have told me this sooner that I might not have lost my time, but if I l●ve I'll be revenged on him: Oh for the Lords sake Sir, said I, take no notice of it as from me, he told me he would not, but he did fret like gummed Taffeta, and fumed, walked, and stamped like a mad man, and so he left me.  
About three days after, I suppose this Gentleman met my Master abroad, what greeting or converse they had together I know not, but I imagine it was none of the civilest, for my Master came home sooner than ordinary, and seeing me, his first words were:  
Out of my doors you Rascal, you have broken your Indentures in betraying my secrets, you are a Rogue and a Rascal, and I'll sooner trust a Thief than you in my House. I stared on him, but he not seeing me stir, seized on my Arm buffeting and thrusting me, without hearing me speak, he threw me out of the Shop.  
I being now out of Doors, was resolved not to go in again, but walked directly to my two Associates that were to accompany me in my French Journey. I had by good chance conveyed from my Master's most of those Books and other things that were of any worth, so that I was not wholly unprovided.  
I told my Companions I had broken the Ice, and was come away to hasten them, they promised to be ready in few days, desiring me to dispose of myself near them: I did so, taking my Lodging at an Inn.  
I was resolved not to return to my Fathers, I should be too near my Mother-in-law, who I doubted would have some scurvy Design upon me, and knowing that she was for sending me to Sea, I was resolved to go without her sending.  
Being now settled in my Lodging, again solicited my Companions to make haste, they promised me to do so, and that I might be sure of them, borrowed some Books of them, especially of one of whom I had a Book worth above twenty Shillings.  
This I was resolved to keep as an Engagement for his forth coming, and did so still importuning him to make haste, but his courage began to cool, his Itch of travelling was over, he had cast up the many Troubles, Hazards, and Charges he should be at, and the little he had to defray it, he was not of so Mercurial an unsettled wand'ring temper as I was, and therefore made many excuses to me, and withal desired his Book, nay thought I, If the Wind be in that Corner, and if you will not go, you shall have no Book, but gave him Flame for Flame, one idle pretence for another; he guessing at my intent, was resolved to be too many for me, and therefore next morning when I came out of my Lodging, and was walking out of the Inn Door, I was seized on by a short stubed Fellow, who told me he had an Action against me, I was in a peck of fears, that it was my Master or Father had caused me to be served so, I knew not what to think, but the Officers, there being two, seeing that I was surprised, hurried me away to the next Alehouse, and calling for Drink, asked me What I would do? Nay, said I, that you must tell me. Why, quoth they, you must send for your Adversary, and must either agree with him, send for Bail, or go to Prison: Is it come to that thought I, must I now be stopped of my journey, and be tied by the Heels at home in a Prison? I have done well, and brought my Hogs to a fair Market; I was unwilling to yield to them last Proposal, go to Prison, and I thought it would be as bad to send to my Adversary, still supposing it to be either my Father or Master, and as for Bail, I knew not where to get any, I did not believe that any person of Quality, or indeed Reason, would be Bail for me in such a Case as I supposed that was: I sat very melancholy between these two Varlets, studying what to do, while they called to know what I intended: I told them I knew not; why send for your Adversary, said one, he lives but at the next door: How, said I, Who is it? why it is such a one, said they, naming my Comrade of whom I had borrowed the Book: Is it he? thought I, than I am well enough: I being informed whose Prisoner I was, did not doubt being at liberty when I would; I therefore drank to the Officers, and told them my Case, thinking to make them my friends; pretending that my Adversary was in my debt, having caused me to spend Money in waiting for him, they were well pleased with this Story, hoping there would be more work for them, and that I would employ them to arrest him, they therefore heard my tale and took my part, ask me if they should arrest him at my Suit? Yes with all my heart, said I: But then, said they, you must give us Money; I did not like that Money Story, and told them that I was not of age, and therefore not liable to an Arrest, I was Lawyer good enough to tell them this and more, but they minded me not, they were re●olv'd to have Money out of me, and therefore demanded satisfaction for their waiting, and that I were best to send for my Adversary and agree the Cause.  
I thereupon agreed to send for him▪ and withal, sent the same Messenger to a Kinsman's that was a Scrivener, who I knew if he came, would be hard enough for all of them.  
My Adversary came and demanded his Book, I answered him as I had done them before, and told him that he must pay part of my Charges in attending on him, and many such like pretences I had, ready for him, we were pro and con, and he being too many for me, I told him that I had sent for a friend, a Scrivener that would not see me wronged.  
The Officers hearing this, and doubting that if the Scrivener came their sport would be spoiled, they therefore put us on to end our Controversy, and so we did, for I gave him a Note of my hand to deliver him the Book in a few days, and the Sergeants being paid on both sides, left us.   

CHAP. XI.  
He discourses in general of his often being wrongfully arrested.  
ANd now Reader, give me leave to put a stop to the prosecution of my Story, to reflect upon this last Action, for from this Action I may begin to reckon the Misfortunes of my life, I have had as you have read many Misfortunes already, but I may account this to be the worst beginning of all, for the whole trouble and torment of my life having been solely by Arrests, and falling into the merciless hands of Sergeants and Catch poles, I cannot but reckon this my first arresting to be a very considerable Misfortune, and of very great remark; sure these fellows that first arrested me used some kind of Witchcraft upon me, that made me so liable for the future to be arrested by others: Here was an early beginning, being before I was twenty years old, and how many men are there in London that live to a great age and never are arrested. My Father was sixty when he died, and lived free from all Arrests, though his Dealing were very considerable, and I by that time I was arrived to half his Age, had been arrested I believe sixty times: And I am very confident, that Sergeants, Bailiffs, Marshals Men, and such kind of Varlets, have had as much Money of me at several times, as would pay all the Debts I at present own, and yet I have always been sparing and played the good Husband with them, they have usually gained no more of me than needs must, and although I now have, and ●or these many years past have had several ●undreds of pounds owing me, yet all ●hese sorts of  have not had so many ●●illings of me to arrest others for me, as I have paid them pounds when arrested at the Suit of others, and although the Debts owing to me have always been more and exceeded the Debts that I own, yet I have expended twenty times as much Money as Defendant, as I have done as Plaintiff: I have been so tender of the Reputation of others, and so unwilling to put them to charge, and have found those that I owed Money to, to be like raging Lions, and ravening Wolves, and so you will find in the prosecution of my Story, and yet I have been as cautious and curious of running and going into Debt as any man, and as diligent and careful to pay; I never borrowed Money or took up any Commodity of any man, but with a design to pay it, and hopes to get by it, I know he that doth purpose otherwise is a Knave; but if my Designs did not answer my Expectations, or that they did not turn to account so soon as I expected, and I thereby disappointed, as indeed it hath happened many a● time, I have then come to the loss, and being ashamed to see those that I owed it to because of my disappointments, I have commonly heard from them by some o● these Caterpillars, who have given me a Ca● of their Office to my great cost, and then I have been forced to be troublesome to friends for Bail, and defend myself at Law till I could raise the sum, sometimes I have been arrested for so small a sum as I have been ashamed off, but could not help it possibly, unless I would leave some one business unmannaged and undone, that would be of six times moreloss than the sum I owed came to, and these reasons are not to be given and made known to every man, but for my silence and non performance I have been accounted a Knave, but I never was so, and never owed any sum of Money, but I was willing to secure it, by assigning some Debt equivalent, or some Lease or such Security: But sometimes again, the Debt I owed hath been so inconsiderable, that it hath not been worth the while to offer this, and yet the necessity of my present Affairs so urgent, that I could not possibly spare Money to pay it.  
Many of these unlucky Cases have happened on me, and I being thereby reduced to so great necessity, misery, and torment thereby; for to a generous, honest, noble spirit, nothing else can be more grievous or intolerably miserable, than to be put upon the necessity in these Affairs: Nay, I have been oftentimes arrested for no cause but an humour, an absolute Design of doing me mischief, and that in a strange unlucky manner. Would you not think it an unlucky thing to be thus in a manner causeslessly arrested for a Book, and that before you were twenty years old? One would think that such a matter as that between a couple of Boys (for we were neither of us any better) might have been ended without these Varlets, but you see so it was: Would not you think it was an unlucky thing, that you must be enforced to part from your Clothes off your back to satisfy a pitiful inconsiderable Debt that was never thought off, and indeed not due? Do you not think it an unlucky thing to be arrested within a few days after you were married, for your Wedding-clotheses? And do you not think it much more unlucky to have those very Clothes and your Wife's too, soon after seized on and attached for Diet and Lodging, and that when both these parties had no reason to do it, being promised and assured their Moneys in a few days; and which was paid accordingly, was not this such a Misfortune as would try and vex your patience? Would it not appear to you an unlucky thing to be arrested for Gloves and Ribbons, pretended to be delivered at your Wedding, which were never so done, the Glover setting down almost as many Gloves again, as there were Folks at the Wedding? Do you think it was not unlucky, that when you had taken a new House and Shop, and had but just turned the workmen out that had fitted it, newly swept the Shop to entertain Customers, and before you had any entered upon that account, to have a Sergeant enter and arrest you, only at the directions of a Servant without the Master's consent, would not such handsale as this please you? Was it not think you, unlucky when you went to see a Prisoner, to be made one yourself, because you would not give a roguish Bailiff Money for nothing? Would it not above all things vex you, and would you not think yourself very unlucky, that going to the Counter to see a Prisoner, at your coming out you should be arrested in three several Fob-Actions, but however put to charges, and stayed at that very hour when you being a Widower were going to visit a Widow, who at that instant expected you to appoint the time of Marriage to be within two days after, would not such a Misfortune as this try all your patience? would you not think it a pitiful unlucky story to be arrested for five shillings by your Fellow-Citizen, which is contrary to City-Law, and by one that was a Member of the same Company with you, and therefore enjoined in five pound penalty not to arrest each other without leave, would you not think this hard and unkind dealing, and forced to pay this five shillings, and charges, though none of your own Debt, and never demanded but in jest, and at last be made to pay it in earnest? Would not you think you had very hard luck, if you in trusting others to receive and pay Rend for you, he should be so negligent a Knave as to omit paying of Ground Rent, anu thereby your Estate be forfeited, and you forced to pay all Arrears besides.  
Thus have I been twice served to the loss of two very considerable Leases? Would you not think it hard that you should be arrested for Money by a person that owes you the same Sum, this unlucky Trick I have been often served? Would you not think him a Cross-grained spiteful Fellow, that should go about enquiring to whom you own Money, and set them all on to arrest you, and rather than fail do it without leave at his own Charges, was not this unlucky? Would you think any man's Malice should extend so far as to pursue you ten or twelve Mile into the country (when you might be taken any day in London) and cause you to be arrested on a Sabbath day as you were going to Church, in some solemnity of a Wedding, to hurry you away from friends only to disgrace and vex you and that without all need, for when the Money was in few days after paid, the Owner of it said, You may keep it longer if you please.  
Was not this a mighty untoward and unlucky Action and full of Malice and Envy.  
Was it not a most unfortunate and a very unlucky thing, when your nearest and those that you took to be your dearest Relations and Kinsfolks that they should cause you to be arrested and laid up there, and kept till you agreed to sell an Estate you had no mind to part from, but by this means compelled? Would it not vex you, and you think yourself unlucky that having a hundred Pounds or more due to you from a person that was dead, and you endeavouring to ensure that, should make yourself worse by understanding his Debts, and be arrested in four Actions in one day on his behalf? Was it not an unlucky disgraceful trick to be followed near fifty Miles into the Country to a Fair, & there hindered of your business and disgraced, by being arrested, and forced to pay Money to one who promised to repay it for you again, but did no such matter, only kept it and spent it himself, and left you to pay it over again, would it not vex you to be so cheated? But more especially, would it not vex you having two people to deal with, the Mother and the Son, that you should pay Money to the Mother in part, to her content, and she promising to stay a longer time, but the Son contrary to this promise come and serve Execution on your Goods, and thereby seize and carry away Goods valued at forty pounds, but really worth a hundred, when as there was but fifteen due, and all this without any remedy, was not this an unlucky chance, and a very knavish Trick? Would not it vex you when two Knaves should cause you to be arrested, sued, and to pay a Debt which they, and not you did really owe, and that one of these should afterwards confess it on Condition you would remit him his part of it.  
And after all this, would you not think yourself unlucky if you should employ Officers to arrest one who really owes you a considerable Debt, and those very Officers should comply with your Debtor, and when you come to inquire of them what they have done, they should then arrest you in a Fobb-Action at his Suit, and give you great charge and trouble: If this very Debtor of yours (should pretending to bring friends to treat with you) bring in other Officers who should in all violent and villainous manner drag you away towards a Prison, only to enforce you to release the other.  
All these unlucky persecutions have I run through, and commonly I have been as unlucky in Suits of Law, both as Plaintiff as Defendant. In one wherein I was engaged there was two hundred pounds spent ready money on our part, and we with much difficulty received a hundred pound composition Money. If to have all these Misfortunes and many more may be accounted unlucky then I am so; by what I have reckoned up and by all that I can remember, I believe I have been arrested on idle, foolish, unjust and false Actions twice so often as for a real Debt, for I took all possible care to pay what I really owed, and that without trouble, but have been many times hindered by some of these unlucky Chances, and nothing hath troubled me so much as to pay that Money to these Varlets which would have helped to have paid real Debts: Nay, as I have said before, I believe that the Money that I have paid on these abominable Accounts, if now together, would pay all the Debts that I own in the world, but I hope now to accomplish that in little time, for I never owed so little for these fifteen years past as now I do, and that which I own was never in better manner, being to few men, for I'll maintain it you were better owe a hundred Pounds to one man than eighty Pounds to ten men, unless you have ready Money to pay it, for let your one man be what he will, never so severe, it is much if one of your ten, if not more of them, be not more severe than he, and then the Charges and the Disgrace to be arrested for a little Sum, is equal to, if not above that which is far exceeding in greatness.  
I was used formerly to reckon the greatness and goodness of my own Estate to consist altogether in the great number of Houses that I had, in the quantity of Goods at home and Debts that were owing to me abroad, this is the ordinary way, and this was mine, but I reckon my Estate best, because now I oweless than ever.  
I had rather have an Estate of two Thousand Pounds and own but two hundred, than to have an Estate of four Thousand Pounds supposed, and own one Thousand Pound out of it; for the Thousand Pound debts oweing must be sure to be paid and what is abroad uncertain to be gotten in: Nay, I had rather have no Estate than h●●●it so, hath been my case but now though encumbered. This my Estate be less, yet I reckon it better, and much better would it have been had I had the lucky days of some men, but my lucky time was but hours, and those were too often lost, and I by these many Misfortunes so overwhelmed, that the consideration whereof does at present raise a troubled Sea in my mind, which does so swell and rage, that it is like to overflow the Banks of my Intellectuals to consider how many Storms I have been in, and how many times shipwrecked! Yet Heaven be praised, I was never forced to lie by it, I never broke, nor never had the least thoughts of deceiving any man, nor paying a penny less than twenty shillings in the pound, nor taking Prison nor any other Protection, no, I hate those Courses, I have still if the Debt were small borrowed Money, or sold or pawned my Goods, if great, given other Security; I never denied to do any thing to my power, but my power hath been often strained: It hath been these unfortunate Charges and other Losses, that hath dissabled me, not my ill Husbandry▪ I never spent at home or abroad bey●●● what I thought my Estate would reasonably bear, and what I did spend was chief at home in entertaining those whom I thought were my friends but I think I have not any such in the world for they are all dead, or so to me, ingrateful, will not own me, nor my Courtesies. To some I have lent in love what now they will not pay me, to all I acted as a friend in doing friendly Courtesies, and in stead thereof I receive reproach, disdain, and slights.  
Oh methinks! if I had had luck and success with those Estates that I have had in what a flourishing condition had I been in; I have used my endeavour, I have been always industrious and laborious to get, no ill Husband in spending, only my easiness in parting from what I had, and my unwillingness to force others to pay me what was my due, hath made me miserable, I know the truth of this, and have of late practised the contrary, I have studied the great Maxim of Worldlings. My Son, keep thou ready Money in thy Pocket, this is the primum Mobile of all their Science of thriving, this is the Compass they must steer by, and without it they cannot sail, this will preserve you in all Tempests, nay, make a Calm in a Storm, this will keep the Wolf from the door, a little of this rid me of my two first Catch poles, and now having said enough of them I will proceed to other matters.   

CHAP. XII.  
He advises all, persons to keep ready money by them, he is diverted from travelling by being set up.  
I Was this discharged from my first Arrest but you have heard (by what hath been said already) that it was not the last, it had been happy for me if it had been so, but I was Unlucky and so it happened to me: and and now Reader I think you will not gainsay what I have said, and that I may very well (or ill rather) term myself Unluckily, but if what I have told you in gross, will not cause you to be of that mind I am sure when I come to retail and to insist on six particulars they will, for I was not only so often times Arrested and that much oftener than I have told you, but upon such sleeveless and idle occasions so undeserved and unlooked for, for on my part that I believe although the acting or suffering of my misfortunes has to me been troublesome and unpleasant, yet it must needs be of contrary effects to the Reader, and this strange variety must needs be pleasant and delightful: but if the recital of them will not please you, I have somewhat else that I think will; I have some other kind of stuff in my Budget, and it shall not be long now ere you shall see what kind of ware I have for you: so soon as I am again in a settled place, & there-my mind fixed, I shall tell you some more Tales, some other adventures that I hope will delight you. But before I come to that, give me leave a little to say somewhat to the worldlings Proverb, My Son, keep thou ready money in thy Pocket, this is good advice, and I believe there are very few but desire to follow it, and attain to it, all would have money; There are hardly any so ignorant but they know the all powerful virtues of money; but who is this advice given particularly to? if to the poor man, he can hardly follow and keep it, because if he hath any it must go, he must part from it to purchase Victuals, clothes, & all other necessaries for him and his Family; he knows no other use for it, neither is there any better; and by such time as & he his are fitted with Clothing, Teething & Tooling, his money is gone, it is well if he can do all this and pay his Landlord. If this advice be given to men in Debt, than they must be Knaves if they follow it, for what honest man that owes money, can endure the frequent Duns of his Creditors; some whereof demand it because they would have it, and some because they must have it; some for occasion and conveniency, and some for necessity and need; I say who can endure this and have money in his Pocket, surely not honest man, and if a man would be so much a knave as to owe money and have wherewith to pay it and do not, then there is that which will force him, a parcel of these Catchpoles will help to empty his Pockets; if he be but able, they and the Lawyers together, will make him willing: Therefore this advice cannot be given, and I am sure followed by the Poor man, or the man in debt, but if by any, it must be to the Rich-monyed man, and I say it is not good advice to him neither, for if a Rich man hath money by him and makes no use of it, he is an unprovident person, and an ill husband. But indeed this advice is given to and may be followed by all sorts of people, so as it be in a moderate way, the medium is to be chosen. The Rich and moneyed man may disburse and lay out his money, and yet keep some reserve upon all occasions; and 'tis observable that he that puts out money to interest, or trades with his money, shall receive 6 l. or it may be get 10 or 12 l. in the hundred in a year, but if he keep a hundred pound continually by him, some opportunity or other in a years time offers that he may get or save by that hundred pound in a few days, as much or more than any one hundred pounds brings him in a year; some bargain or other does or will happen, so that it is very necessary for the Rich man not to put out or trade with all, but according to the Proverb, To keep ready money in his pocket. And as for the man in debt, he will find this advice and counsel necessary for him, and he must follow it, or else it will be the worse for him; if he can but keep his small numerous Creditors under, his great ones will be contented with interest-money, and he were better to pay interest-money, and that larger than ordinary, and keep a sum of money by him, then be quite bare and without; for besides the ordinary expenses of his house, and other necessaries, sometimes an unexpected Action comes against him, if it be a small one, it is well if he hath money by him to pay it; if a great one, he must have money by him to defend himself at Law, till he can raise it, but if ●e hath no ready money by him, sorrow will be his sops; The Catchpoles will, if not well greased, be sure to lay him fast enough; and all this might have been avoided, had there been ready money in the case. And the truth is, this hath been my very Case too often, I have paid so long that I could pay no longer, but left myself bare and miserable, and all out of this honest principle, of paying to all that came, so long as it lasted, and when it hath been gone, in hopes of more, and to satisfy the desires of others, I have still promised more; but I being disappointed, have been necessitated to disappoint others, and so perhaps I have got that Character I never deserved, of being a Knave; But I resolve to be wiser for the future, being experimentally acquainted with the virtues of ready money, and knowing that it is of absolute use, not only to prevent the many Evils of this world, nay the worst of Evils the Catchpoles, but the Devil himself; for according to the Proverb, Ready money will make the po● boil though the Devil piss out the fire: And now I will have done with all these general actions, and proceed in the thread of my Story.  
I was free from any Officers, and therefore being at Liberty, went to see that friend the Scrivener that I had sent for; I found him at home, and he thought to find me in the Compter; for as he told me, my Father being at his shop just as I sent the Messenger, he heard the message, but would not himself come to me, nor permit him that I sent for, supposing the Action for which I was Arrested to be considerable, he did believe and resolve I must be carried to the Compter, whither he was willing I should go, that I might be humbled, or at the best that I being a stayed man, he might know where to find me. This was his thoughts as I was informed by my Kinsman, who seeing me enter his Shop, cried out, Cousin, did not you send a Messenger to me but now, yes marry did I, said I, and why came you not to me, because replied he, your Father was here then, and would not permit me, he stayed till just now you came, and I was intended to come to you; but where did you think to find me? truly said he by the Message that was brought, I thought that by this time you were in the Compter; no such matter replied I, but I believe I might have gone thither and stayed there for any thing of your assistance; truly replied he, your Father would not let me come, and so he told me the rest; and withal he added, that my Father was very much incensed against me, and was resolved neither to meddle nor make with me. Best of all said I, I shall shift well enough for myself; but what do you intent to do said he? I intent to have no more Masters of his choosing, but resolve to Travel and seek my Fortunes. My Cousin and I had much other discourse, but to this or the like purpose, and so I returned to my Inn. I was now disappointed of my Companions who absolutely denied to go along with me, but however I still kept in the same mind of Travelling. I was visited by two or three young fellows that were sons to a Widow, whom a Kinsman of mine had Married; they seeing my money run away so fast in the Inn, persuaded me to leave that place and go to their house; they did not use many words to induce me to do that which I knew would be to my advantage, and therefore they carrying away my moveables (which chiefly consisted in Books) I soon followed them, leaving what score I owed there to be paid by my two intended fellow-Travellers, by whose appointment I had come thither. I went to my Cousins and lay there a day or two in private, being welcomed by the Youths his Sons in Law, but being discovered by him and his wife they both also welcomed me; They asked me what I intended, I still answered to Travel, though I did not know when, or whither, but I yet continued in my old tale, and he having been a Wanderer himself, encouraged me in it, instructing me how to behave myself; my Father understanding where I was, and seeing that I came not to him, out of his Paternal love came thither to me, he first conferred with my Cousin, who told him my intent; and afterwards 〈◊〉 ●ursing with me I told him the same, and that I was resolved to have no more Masters, not in England to be sure, but to Travel; I was asked when I would go, and whither, and what I would do when I came into a strange Country; I was not resolved yet of these questions myself, and therefore could not satisfy their demands, but that in general terms I would Travel. My Father understanding my resolution left me, and I further conferred with my Cousin about my intended Travels; he, to encourage me, told me, that he thought he could persuade my Father to furnish me with a matter of Ten pounds; this proposition pleased me, and I thought this would be Good fish if it were caught: According to his promise my Cousin did speak to my Father, and persuaded him so effectually, that he promised to deposit Ten pounds, provided he might be sure I would go: my Cousin who was as Fickle as my Worship, and had more conceits in his head then I, was now against giving me any money so long as I was in England, but if I would go for France I should have 10 l. paid me at my Arrival there; I believe my good Mother in Law had infected him, to persuade me to be gone; I told him that this was a trick, that the money would never come to my hands, and that I should be cheated of it; I laboured all I could to be Master of the Money, and my Cousin to keep me from it: My design was but honest, for I intended only to be Master of it, and therewith to take me some small convenient shop, where to set up for myself; I fancied if I could do so, I would not Travel, and that I being free from all Commands of a Master, should live like a Prince; and although I did not sufficiently enough understand my Trade, yet I questioned not but I could keep a Shop for myself, as I had done for my Master, from whom I had received very little directions; and then, if I had no other business I might set myself to work in Translating. Oh the thoughts of this happy life did so please me that I could not forbear but told my Cousin thereof, he did not like it so well as Travelling, raising many objections, but I answered them all so throughly that my design seemed feasable. My Father was told of my purpose, and with some persuasions was wrought to approve of it; then must a place be thought of, it must not be in London, I was like young Students in Divinity, not to enter a City Pulpit, but some adjacent small Village, so I was not to be seen in London, but somewhere in the Suburbs, and at last the Tower Liberty was the place pitched on, and there was a Shop found for me, I was very glad of the news, and proud of my little Shop, for a great one it could not be of 40 s. a year Rent. It was situate at an Alehouse door, and had served for a Drinking room, and had a door into the house; but my Father, that I might not be too near the Alehouse, and mistake my door and go in thither, caused the old door to be fastened up, and a new one made another way, as far from the entrance into the Alehouse as might be; he ordered all things as he pleased, as it was fit he should, because he paid for all; but I gave order for putting up Shelves for my Books, and a Table being made, the Window glazed, and a Settle-bed and small Featherbed and appurtenances put unto it, and a Desk bought and sent in, I entered the Shop. My Father told me that I should not enter without some money to keep me till Tradeing came, and therefore he gave me the mighty sum of Ten Shillings; for this was I thankful, and as well pleased as if I had been Dubbed a Knight. Never till then did I think myself happy, and then I believed I was so; I was free from all Commands, I could go to bed when I would, and rise when I would, I could Eat and Drink when I pleased, Writ and Read, walk abroad, or stay at home when I had a mind to it: So great a content and satisfaction is there in being at one's own dispose, and truly I think my condition was better then, then since, because I was without any Control; and above all, I lived out of Debt and danger. If I had considerable business, I could eat Roast meat, if not, Bread and Cheese served the turn, which to a contented mind was delicate Fare. I had read in my Romances of the Pleasant lives of Hermits, how they lived without all trouble or care, and so did, I and was as well pleased as might be, I had the sole Rule and Command of my Shop and Books, and tha● I thought was equal to the Government of any Enchanted Island. In 〈◊〉, I was never on the top of Fortune's Wheel ●ill then, and then I thought I was, and that I might directly and truly say R●g●●, I Command and Govern; and then i● ever, for never till then had I my Lucky days, which were then all so, and I made choice of them, I did what I listed, and in saying that, I say all; for that is the All that all men, nay the greatest Princes aim at.  
And now, Reader, I was so well settled and pleased in my mind, it will be convenient for me to keep my word with thee, and to write somewhat that may please thee, for it is my utmost aim; placere & docere, to please and instruct. I hope I shall have my ends in both, and then I am sure I shall be as well pleased as any of you. And that I may not go far from my shop, for in doing so I should play the Ill Husband, I shall lay my Scene near to it, the Tower; a place famous enough for the last Acts of many great and illustrious Prisoners; but I shall not relate any thing to you that is Tragical, there hath been too much of that arrived to your knowledge already: if I know any thing of good I shall acquaint you with it, but little good could be done in that place at such a time as I Lived there, being in the Meridian of Rebellion, about the middle of the Government of Tyrant Oliver, when that Arch Rebel ruled the Roast; therefore you cannot expect any pleasant Adventures in that place, at that time, unless you take delight to hear of the imprisonments and death of several of His Majesty's best and Loyalest Subjects. But I hope my Readers are of another ●ind, and not of that persuasion. And since I have promised to tell you of all ●he good I knew there, I shall acquaint you with the story of one good Man (if Man may be called so) who was a Prisoner, and in whose Release I was very instrumental, which was in short, thus.  
Chap: 13   

CHAP. XIII.  
The Author Relates a Story of a Clyster and Collier, a Notable Revenge.  
THis I could not handsomely omit; but now I shall Relate another Story that is nothing near so serious, and therefore I hope I shall make you amends for my lat● tediousness; you shall have no Tragedy in it though there was much fear of it, but if you be as lose behind as one of our Actors, and be in good humour, have a care of your Twattling strings, and all your Posteriors, for they will be in danger.  
The Story that I shall relate to you, was principally Acted in the Tower, and the principal Actors were three; and because I do not think it convenient to give you their true names (and it may be cannot if I would) I shall therefore Fancy other names for them, by which at this time they shall pass. Two of these persons being Gentlemen, were part of the Retinue belonging to a Person of Honour, they were very good friends and lived together in one House, adjoining to that of the Nobleman whom they Attended; the one I shall name Climanthus; he was a cunning Gamester, and so Witty, and merrily disposed, and given to joaking, that he had rather lose the best Friend he had, than one Jest o● Conceit; although he were very wel● stored with them. The other Gentleman I shall call Leander; a right Gentleman, and a Man of Courage; these tw● had each of them a Chamber in one an● the same House; Leander's Chamber wa● up one pair of stairs, and Climanthus'● two. Climanthus was accustomed once a Week to take a Clyster, and commonly the Apothecaryes' boys who came to bring it to him, not being told which was his Chamber, mistook that of Leander for his, because they first came to it; which did so anger him, that he was outrageous against them, acquainting all Companies, where he came, of this Extravagant humour of his Comrade, who took so much pleasure in taking Physic at the wrong end. Climanthus was very much displeased with the Raillery of his Comrade, and knowing that he abhorred Clysters; having heard him often say that he would die rather than take one, was resolved to be Revenged on him, and make him take one by force; and so to that end, he went to an Apothecary of his Acquaintance, to whom he said, that there was a Gentleman of his Acquaintance that was troubled with so violent a Distemper, that all Physicians despairing of his Health, had given him over, all agreeing in this one Opinion, that he could not live above three Months longer. But having met with an excellent Operator, he had warranted his life, so as he would resolve to take a Clyster, without which all other Medicines would be ineffectual, but that he had so strange an aversion for it, that although his Kindred and Friends had incessantly lain at him with importunities, yet it had been to no purpose, because he told them he had rather die a Thousand times: they knowing (continued he) that I had a very great interest and influence upon him, desired me to persuade him; but although I have done so, yet all that I could say hath been to no purpose. I came just now from the Operator, who being much concerned that so brave a Gentleman should be lost by his own obstinateness, he a● length told me that if I could but once get a Clyster into his body, although i● were by force, and though he should no● keep it there at all, yet it would be a● sufficient Preparative for those Medicaments that he should after use, in his Cure; hereupon I have conferred with his Relations, and they have all entreated me that I would find out an Apothecary that would undertake the business, they have given me five Pieces which I here give to you, besides the Obligation, not only I, but a great many of his Friends and Relations shall always have for you, who will be all ready to serve you upon all Accounts.  
The Glittering of the Money was so powerful that there needed no other Arguments to persuade the Apothecary to ●ndertake the business; who having known the Name, and place of abode ●f his new Patient, resolved that against ●he next Morning he would provide a Clyster, and that either by Fair means or ●oul he should take it. He was told that ●one lived with him but a Lackey, who every Morning went out and returned before his Master did arise: This Apothecary prepared his Clyster and taking ●ix good Fellows with him, to assist him ●pon occasion, they waited in the Street ●ill they saw the Boy go forth, and then ●hey went up Stairs, the Apothecary ●eaving them upon the Stairs to attend ●is Motion, and so enter when he should ●ive them the Signal; he himself knocked ●t the Door: Leander who was alone in ●is Bed, cried out, who is there? a ●●iend said the Apothecary, he hearing that, rising in his shirt and opening the door went to bed again. He being entered, Leander asked him his business, I am, said he, the Apothecary that have brought your Clyster, The Devil cork it said Leander, it is not here; go up higher, excuse me Sir said he, I know that it is here, your name is Leander, and thereupon taking the Clyster from under his Cloak he put the pipe to it, The Devil take it said Leander, I tell you once again that it is above, therefore be gone, Pardon me Sir, said the Apothecary; I know the aversion that you have against Clysters, and much wonder that you should suffer yourself to perish, rather than make use of so gentle a Remedy; I have Administered it to a child of two years old, and to a woman ready to lie in: My Ingredients are all so good and so pleasant, that you may eat it with a Spoon.  
The poor Leander was quite out of patience at this Discourse, he called him a thousand names, and threatened to throw him out at the Window: the Apothecary, who was provided for this language took all in good part, and seeing he could not by fair means accomplish his ends, he was resolved to use compulsion; and having given the watchword ●o his Attendants that waited on the Stairs, they entered the Chamber: The Apothecary thus accompanied approached the Bed saying, these speeches shall avail you little, for sure it is for your good, and if you will not take it by entreaty, I shall force you to it; at the signal given to his people, they all seized on the Gentleman, each took hold of a Limb of him; but it was well for them he was in bed, otherwise they should not with such ease have overruled him; but now he could make but little defence with his Hands; but his tongue walked, he stormed, raged and threatened, but all to no purpose; for in despite of him, they put him into the posture the Apothecary required, who being ready with his Tools, did what he came for, and forced every drop of it into his body, and being cautious lest his Patient out of Revenge should let fly in his Face, he provided against it; and the door being opened, he ●nd his Assistants having done their business vanished in an instant, shutting the door after them, and leaving the Patient to consider of what had been done, the most out of Countenance and ashamed of any man breathing.  
He considering of many things, at last doubted that Climanthus was the Author of this design, wherefore changing his shirt, that and his other Linen being in a pitiful pickle, he dressed himself, and went up to Climanthus' Chamber; but so enraged that he could hardly speak: Climanthus, who had heard all passages, and who indeed had no more harm in him then a Devil of two year old, made as if he were asleep, and arising as if newly awaked, let him in, ask what was the matter. Leander was so out of temper, that he could say nothing, bu● with his Teeth and hands appeared in a threatening posture, the other pretending not to understand him; whereupon he told him the story, adding, that who ever had caused this affront, was no better than a Sot. Climanthus seemed to be amazed, telling him that he did him much wrong if he suspected him to have any hand in it, protesting his ignorance, offering him his assistance in any Revenge upon those that had done it if he could discover them, and that he himself would endeavour the Discovery and Revenge. Whereupon he left Climanthus, who rising and being dressed, went into the presence of that Person of Honour, whom they attended, and there he being of this Humour, that he had rather have the Anger and hatred of all the world, then lose the Honour of boasting himself to be the Author of so honourable an Action, bragged of it to all the Family, obliging them to make it a public discourse; and by this means Leander was well enough ascertained of the Author of this Affront, and was resolved to Revenge it, at the peril of his life or any rate whatsoever.  
And thereupon he went to a Gentleman of his acquaintance, whom I shall call Lotarius, and who was a great Favourite of the then Lieutenant of the Tower, he acquainted this Gentleman with the Affront, which he was resolved to Revenge, and therefore he desired him on his behalf to acquaint Climanthus that he desired to see him with his Sword in his hand, and withal, that he would be his Second; Latarius was no Novice in these affairs, but considering soberly of the cause, and not being to be drawn by every Youthful Flash to an inconsiderate Action, although he was a brave and Valiant man, and had upon several signal occasions, given sufficient proofs of his Valour; he therefore diverted him from these resolves, saying, That the Cause was so Ridiculous, that there would be no Honour gained by a Combat occasioned upon so Idle, Slender, and mean account. How then Replied Leander, must I endure so base an Affront, without Revenge, and suffer myself to be pointed at as I walk the Streets, and be thus outbraved. No said Lotarius, I would have you Revenged, but in its kind, we should make use of Strength against strength, and wit against wit, leave this affair to my management, and if I do not sufficiently Revenge you, complain on me, Leander being satisfied, left him and his honour in his hands.  
I have already told you that Lotarius was in Favour with, and did belong to the Lieutenant of the Tower, who had so great a power in those times, that if any spoke against him or his Master Oliver, he took course to chastise them, without any cause of Justice. Lotarius was upon this account very well acquainted with all the Warders, Soldiers, and Goalor of the Tower, and therefore he was resolved to use his Interest with them to Revenge the Affront done to Leander; he therefore spoke to a Corporal, who Commanded a File of Musqueteirs to seize on Climanthus when ever they met with him; and also he told the Goalor that a Prisoner would be brought him, that should be kept very close, and none permitted to see or speak with him, but by his order. The Corporal having sure notice to find Climanthus, it was not long ere he seized him: it was no hard matter for him to do so, because he suspected nothing; but being taken, he demanded the cause of his Imprisonment; he was answered that he should know that time enough, when he came to his Trial. He being thus caught, was forced to go with them to the Tower, where the Goalor being in expectation of him, readily received him, and put him into the place where he had designed. Poor Climanthus knew not who to apply himself unto; he ruminated on many things, but could not suspect for what cause he had been Apprehended: after he had been there about an hour, Lotarius who was well acquainted with Climanthus, being as he pretended his particular friend, came to to visit him in Prison. At the first sight he appeared mighty sad and astonished, saying, Dear Friend, what is the meaning of this, I just now understood that you were a Prisoner, and therefore all business being laid aside, I came to know the cause, and to make a tender to you of my utmost service; Oh Friend, said Climanthus, I protest I know not for what cause I am Apprehended. If it be a Money business said Lotarius, command all that I have, and if the sum be great, I have considerable Friends that shall furnish me. No, no, replied the other, certainly it is not for that, I own none, but a little to my Landlord, and I know he would lend me upon occasion all that he hath; have you beaten any body said Lotarius, no said he but somewhat is the matter; you are said Lotarius, very Prodigal in your Discourse, and do not (when you are entered) care what you say; have you not in your usual Railleries' been accustomed to say somewhat against the Protector, the present Government, or against the Lieutenant, here I know you are a little too Lavish upon that account, and you know that in this Age, the very thoughts against the Government are criminal, and a word against the Protector (being Treason) is present death. At this word he was as pale as Ashes, for being a Cavalier, and that a bold one, he had not spared to speak what he thought against the Government: and after a little pause believing himself Guilty, he putting his hand to his Mouth, and lifting up his Eyes, cried out I am undone, this must be the cause. If it be so, said Lotarius, all that I can do is but to pity you, because you know that you are in hands of those that will show none, especially upon such an Offence as yours is. I therefore will leave you at present, and see if I can serve you better abroad then here; I will therefore go and inform myself, and return to acquaint you of my knowledge, and then you may consider, wherein I can serve you.  
Hereupon our Prisoner was left alone, who did now certainly believe that the Protector or Lieutenant had caused him to be Apprehended, and that he should be in very great danger of his life; Lotarius being resolved to be fully Revenged on him for the Abuse he had done his Friend, found out a Parson who had been used in such Cases to Administer Spiritual comfort to Condemned persons, and prepare them for Death: He tells this Parson that there was a poor Gentleman of his intimate Acquaintance, without any Formality of Justice, was condemned to have his Head Cut off, and that he was to be Executed that Evening; his Crime being only for speaking against those persons that had the Reins of Government in their Power; that the poor Gentleman himself did not know of his Sentence, and very few others; that he would be very much surprised at the News of it; and therefore he desired him to Visit him, and prepare him in the best manner he could to receive his Death.  
This Doctor being used to these affairs, being told his Name and the place where he was Prisoner, promised to go to him presently: But Lotarius went before him, and entering the Prison seemed by his Countenance to be very much troubled; Oh dear Friend, said he, I judged right enough, for I understand that it is Oliver himself that is your Enemy, it is he that you have been too free with, and thereby angered him so highly, that there is no Pacification: what am I Accused of said Climanthus? I know not in Particular, said Lotarius; but I could a hundred times easier have brought you off if you had killed twenty men, then for this Crime against this All-powerful Person; and you know in this case, I dare not speak on your behalf; What then said the other, in a desperate tone, Must I die then, at this word the Doctor entered and, hearing what he had said, replied, and why not my good Friend; consider that our good Lord himself was much more innocent, and he suffered Death. This discourse was very terrible to our poor Prisoner, which Lotarius seeing, said, I pray comfort him whilst I walk out and acquaint myself further with his Affairs.  
He being now alone with the Doctor, who was deceased by Lotarius as I have told you, he said to him, my Friend, it is no time now to trifle and dream of the affairs of this World, you must prepare yourself for Death, you have not above two or three hours to live, you are condemned. At these words, the poor Climantus was so surprised that he could not open his mouth, but being come to himself, he cried out aloud, and by these passionate sallies, he made it evident that he was not in his right senses; The Doctor seeing that, and being expert in these affairs, endeavoured by little and little to bring him to his Wits, telling him that this life and all the enjoyments of it, were nothing in comparison of Eternity; and such kind of Divinity he urged to him as is usual in such cases, and wherewith I not being of that function, am not so well acquainted; but let this suffice to tell you, that with much pains he somewhat pacified him and brought him into a condition and temper more fit to be wrought upon: At his second visit which he promised him should be within an hour, advising him in the mean time to examine his Conscience; and thus he left our poor Prisoner more than half dead, so that the Executioner should have the less to do to finish his business. Lotarius having thus put the poor Climanthus into these mortal apprehensions, did not think that his Revenge had as yet gone far enough, but was resolved to proceed further in it, but so, as that Evening should put a period to it; where again entering the Prison, and fetching a deep sigh, he said; Ah dear Friend, I am come to tell you the sad news of your Condemnation: I know it too well already, replied the Prisoner, and that I must take my last leave of you and all my Friends; but let us consider a little, replied Lotarius, for I have been thinking of a way to save your Life; at this word the Prisoner opened his Eyes and Ears with much earnestness, listening to his desired proposition; whereupon the other began. You are here a Prisoner for Crimes against the State, very few know of your Sentence, the Goal of himself is ignorant of it; now mind what I say, continued he; yes, replied the poor trembling Prisoner. You know, continued Lotarius, that Prisoners of State do not use to continue here for a short time; do you give out, that you believe your Imprisonment will be long, and say, that you will make provision of Wood and Char-coal against the Winter; do you but say so, and give me liberty to publish it. But to what purpose, said the Prisoner? Why, I will go, said Lotarius, and cause a Collier to come hither with Char-coal, who shall bring it into your Chamber, and I will engage him, for a sum of money that I will give him, to resolve when he is here to put on your , and you shall take his, and your face being coloured with the Char-coal you may have free passage; for taking you at your return to be the Collier you may pass without any suspicion, and this I suppose may be done without much difficulty: The Collier being willing enough to expose himself to the hazard of the matter for so considerable again; the poor Climanthus thought he was at Liberty already, as we usually imagine all those things to be easy which we passionately desire; and therefore he earnestly entreated and conjured Lotarius that he would promise the Collier all that he had, and that he would also be beholding to him for his Life. Lotarius went now to seek a Collier, and made choice of one that was young without a beard, and had short hair, and having a sack of Coals on his back, hired him to go with him to the Tower, where he being, as I told you, very well acquainted with the Goalor, he recounted the whole story to him, and that his whole intention was to put our Prisoner into a great fear, praying him to assist him in the design, and to let him come out in the Collier's  without taking any notice of it. The Goalor, who would deny him nothing, knowing he was seized on by his order, agreed to what he requested, he therefore went up with the Collier into the Chamber, and there caused them with all expedition to exchange . But Climanthus had a great beard, a large Periwig, and some Locks of his own, and all these he must part from, or else he could not be like the Collier, and so might be in danger to be discovered. These objections the Prisoner soon cleared by consenting to part from all, and to do or suffer any thing else that was thought convenient; so they played the Barber themselves, and not only so, but they discoloured his face with Charcoal; and now he was so like the Collier in every point, that there was no doubt but he might pass all the Guards without the least suspicion. He being thus fitted, marched on; he passed the first and second Guards without examination, but at the third, the Goalor being minded to further the design of his Friend, and double the fear of the Prisoner, stopped him, saying, but let us look, is not this one of our Prisoners? Judge whether the poor Prisoners heart did not ache for fear of discovery; but he was in a little better taking when another replied, no, no, this is the very Collier that passed by us not long since; let him go then, said the Goalor, and so he did with all convenient speed; but having resolved to make towards his Lord's House and secure himself there, and it being at a considerable distance, he was doubtful if he went so far on foot he should run very great hazard of being discovered; wherefore he thought best to take a Boat, and therefore hied him to the stairs, but there he was put into mortal apprehensions of danger; for a parcel of Gentlemen that were there on purpose, said to one another, look you, that Collier is very like Climanthus. This gave him great fear, and with much trembling he entered the Boat, and the Gentlemen still continuing their Discourse, and pointing to him, he doubting they might betray him, cried to them, For the Lords sake hold your Tongues. The Boat putting off, in short time he was arrived at the watering place belonging to his Lord's House, where he Landed, and walking towards the House, he there saw the Noblemen & several of his Friends and Attendants; who being acquainted with the design, waited there in expectation of his coming: Consider him then in a Collier's Habit, his face all black, his Mustaches cut off; and thus shamefully disguised approaching the presence of his Lord; Climanthus seeing him, cried out, Save my Life my Lord. The Lord seeming not to understand him forbid him entrance into his House, saying, Whither goes this Rascal? Ah my Lord, said he, I am Climanthus, save my life I beseech you; At this the Lord seemed astonished and surprised, but calling him to mind, asked him the reason of his disguise, which he told him in great fear and trouble; whilst the Auditors, who were acquainted with the story, took as much pleasure, and died almost with laughter. But the end of the Adventure was this, that his fear put him into a Fever, which kept him three months in his bed and Chamber, out of which he durst not go till his Beard and Hair were grown again. At length he knew the whole story, whereupon he talked of being revenged on Leander and Lotarius; but his Friends told him there was no reason for it, because he gave the first offence, and that he could not be justly offended if they had out-witted him in their Revenge. In fine, the Friends of all sides made peace, and reconciled them together; and I think that this conceit exceeded that of the Clyster, and that Leander was doubly Revenged. If the Law of Retaliation had been studied, Climanthus had hard measure, because he was put in great fear of his life, when as all that was intended against the other was but the fowling of his linen. If the Law of Retaliation was considered, it may be it was in this point, that as the one would be necessitated to foul his linen by the effects of the Clyster, so the other would be in the same case, or as bad, by the effects of his fear. Whether his fear produced such effects, I know not; but I think it was very considerable, and raised to the greatest and highest pitch: for a man to be clapped into Prison, and detained there without the liberty of being visited by Friends, would certainly produce much fear and trouble, but to be told that his very life was in hazard, would much raise it, and to be ascertained of it by Friends, and the visit of a spiritual person, who is usually the last acquaintance a man hath in this World, was so absolute an ascertaining of the truth, that nothing could be more: it was enough to depress and tame the most Jocose and bravest spirit in the World: what would he not give, what would he not do or suffer to be delivered from this fear? You may judge that as well and strangely disguised as our Prisoner was, he was still in great fear he could not all the time he was in the Collier's habit, be in any rest or quiet; that which he reckoned was the cause of his escape his, disguise, must needs give him very sad apprehensions of the danger he was in. In fine, you may by this Story find that the bravest Spirits may be daunted. A man that when he was in a Tavern or in his high Cups amongst his friends despised all the world, feared nothing and contemned death at such a rate as if he had been a child; now when this passion of fear seizes him, might have been beaten by a little child; so great is the effects of fear; but when he came to be acquainted with the management of the affairs, and how all this had been contrived against him, you may judge that his passion of fear was changed into that of shame, and that bred another passion of Revenge, but that was moderated by the advice of Friends.  
Chap: 14  
Chap: 14   

CHAP. XIIII.  
The Author relates a Comical Story of a Purse of Money found in a Church; and a Tragical story of an Archbishop and Shoemaker.  
ANd now sure I have finished this Story, wherein I have had some considerations & Reflections upon the word retaliation, and having heard of such a Law, it put's me in mind of a Story and that a Comical one, wherein the Law of retaliation was very pleasantly put in practice; the story is in short thus; An honest Good Fellow that had spent all his Money, knew not where to get more, nor how to bestow his time for want of that necessary Companion; for want of which all his companions had left him, he takes the honest and Pious resolve of going to Church, being there and kneeling at his Devotions when he had finished them, and went to arise, he saw on one side of him a Purse, which seizing on, by the bulk and weight, he guessed there was Money in it; he soon opening it, and finding it to be so in earnest, you may judge he was not displeased but joyful of his good fortune, and that he should have so considerable a reward for his Devotion; he clapping the Purse into his Pocket, went to find some of his Acquaintance that were in the Church, he waiting at the door, took them up as they went out, and being overjoyed at his good luck, he told them that he had met with a Prize, and that such a one as would make him and them merry, and therefore if they would go with him to the Cooks, they should be his Guests; and that he would feast them at his own Charges; this was heard by the Sexton of the Church, but he understood not what was meant by, it. Our Goodfellows Companions were not at all displeased with the proposition, but went together to a house not far from that place; there they ea●, drank and were merry, and there I will leave them at present, to tell you that this Purse was not directly dropped from Heaven, nor laid in that place on purpose for our Goodfellow: No, it had an Owner, who was in as great trouble for the loss of it, as the other was joyful; for the Owner having been at Church, and that at his Devotions in the next adjoining place to our Goodfellow, had by some accident dropped his Purse, and going out of the Church in the crowd of People, was ignorant of his loss, but when he came to walk alone, he was sensible that his Pocket was lighter than it had been, and putting his hand into it, miss his purse & money. He searched & groped both his pockets and Breeches, but he made no discovery, and so seized he was, that he knew not what to think, nor to imagine where or how he had lost it; He remembered he had it when he went to Church, and therefore concluded that he must lose it there or in his return, and that his pocket had been picked, or else, that it had dropped out. He feared the first, and then he knew there was no remedy, no recovery; but however having a mind that it should be so, he hoped that it had dropped out of his pocket at Church, and that there he should find it; whereupon he hastened thither, and finding the Sexton, tells him of his loss, who assists him in searching for it, but in vain, at length the Sexton remembered that he heard our Goodfellow invite his Friends to a Collation, and that he did believe he had found it, he acquaint's the Owner of the Purse of his knowledge, who concludes that it must be, that certainly that man had taken it up: he being told of the house he was gone to, was resolved to go to him, but believing or doubting there might be occasion for an Officer, he found one out and carried him with him; being thus accompanied, he entered the house, and enquiring for such Guests, was soon told where they were, he went to them, and thus told them his business, that he had that day lost a Purse of money in the Church, that he understood one of that Company had taken it, and therefore he demanded restoration. Our Goodfellow that had found it was very blank, but withal being very honest, and knowing it would be a folly to be otherwise, for he had it about him, and had discoursed too largely in the house, of his Purchase to be concealed: he therefore owns the finding of the Purse and Money, but withal desires to know the Marks of the Purse and quantity of the Money; he is particularly told the marks of the purse, and that there was in it 5 l. just; he therefore takes out the purse, pours out the Money and tells it over, and finding there was 4 l. 15 s. in it, he says truly Master it is very right, here is 4 l. 15 s. and 5 s. which I have spent of it, makes it very right to a Farthing, and therefore you may have it? Nay but said the Owner, what must I have? all that I have said our goodfellow, you can have no more, for 5 s. is spent. I care not for that said the Owner, 5 l. there was, and 5 l. I will have; but you cannot said one, you can have no more of a Cat then her skin, nor no more Money of me than I have left? but I will said the other; and thereupon he commands the Officer to lay hold on the Good Fellow, which he hearing first lays hold of the Money and puts it into his pocket, and seeing that he must be troubled for the money, he intended that it should not be for so small a parcel as 5 s. but for it all; and being resolved to escape if he could; he gives them the slip and away he runs out of the doors; he was pursued by the Officer an● the Owner, which he seeing, makes th● more haste, and being hindered in his way by an Ass that stood a cross, he took hold of the Ass' tail to turn him out of th● way, the Ass was so stubborn, he pul● so hard, that he pulled off the Asse● Tail, and so passed on: he seeing himself still pursued, ran with suc● earnestness, that he threw down a woma● that was big with Child, and running ove● her, the woman was in so bad case tha● she miscarried of her Child: and being thus Unfortunate, he still running on, happened to run upon a Ladder whereon was a workman mending a house, he thrust the Ladder with so great force, that down came the workman, and fell directly upon the Officer that pursued him, and with the weight of the workman's body, the Officers Arm was broken; and there was so great a hurly burly, such a noise and crowd, that he was stopped, neither had he any great mind to proceed, lest he should Unluckily do more Mischief: he therefore suffers himself to be seized on, and now hearing four People that he had injured, they all complained of him, and so great was their ●oice and confusion that they understood not one another, neither would they agree upon any thing, but to force our Offender to go before a Justice: he and they being come thither, they all made their several Complaints; one demands a Purse with 5 l. in it, which he had lost, and the Delinquent had found at Church; to this he answered that he might have had it, but would not because 5 s. of it was wanting, he having spent it amongst his Friends, and that the Owner should have come sooner if he intended to have had it all; the Owner of the Ass complained against the Delinquent, that he had pulled off his Ass' tail, which was ●o his damage, and therefore he demanded satisfaction; the Husband of the woman that had miscarried, made his complaint that his Wife was endamaged, and he had lost a Child, and the Officer complained of his broken Arm, and that he might have satisfaction for it. Our Delinquent known himself guilty of all these Crimes, and therefore confessed them; but withal, pleaded that all was done by Chance, in his endeavouring to escape. Well said the Judge, I shall do you All Justice, I have considered that retaliation is the best Law, and the most equitable; and therefore I do order, that since 5 s. of the 5 l. is spent, and that the Delinquent cannot return the purse just as it was, that therefore he still keep it all until such time as he hath made it up 5 l. quite, and then to deliver it. As for the Owner of the Ass, I order that the Delinquent take the Ass into his Custody and Possession, and keep and use him until such time as he hath another Tail like the former, that it may be restored in the same condition it was? and as for the Woman, that she may be rendered to the Husband in as good case as she lately was, before this damage, I order that the Delinquent take the Woman, provide for, and keep her till she is well again, and lie with her until such time as she be as far gone with Child, as she was before the mischief; that her Husband may have her, and a Child in the same forwardness? And lastly, as for the Officer, since the Delinquent ought to have the same injury of a broken Arm, and that it may be Rettalliated and done in the same manner, I order that he ascend the Ladder, and fall down upon the Offender, and break his Arm as the others is broken. This was the Judgement and Order of our Justice; and now I suppose you are of my opinion, and think that he was very well Read in the Laws of retaliation. Whether this his Judgement were punctually performed, I know not, neither did the Delinquent care, for he was to be no loser; but however it went with them, I have done with their Story; and if this retaliation hath been Comical, as in my opinion it is, I shall acquaint you with another that was as absolute retaliation; but withal, it is so Tragical, that I may truly and properly term it Revenge, and that in as great a height as ever I knew any the quality of the persons considered: But in relating this, and some other Stories that I have for you, I must play the Ill Husband, and leave my Shop, I must travel into Spain, and France, my Scene will lie there a while; I shall not tell you of any English Stories, that you know or may have read already, I shall not make use of any English Authors; you shall have what is Fresh, at leastwise to English men; If I make use of a French Author, I may be excused, and that I can do in my Shop without stirring abroad: such you may chance to find, and it may be I may make bold with the Plot or Story of an English Stage-Play, when it is fit to my purpose. I am sure those Stories must be good, for our English Comedies and Tragedies, exceed all other Nations now in every thing; I know that the French did exceed us in Ornaments of the Stage, Gallantry of Apparel, variety of Music and Dancing, pleasantness of the Scenes, and strangeness of their Machine's: But now we are grown up to them, and in all things equal them in these outside matters; and as to the inside, the soul of the Play, which is the Plot, Contrivance and Language we still out do them and all the world. This is my opinion; you may if you please, give me leave to be a Competent Judge of these things, for I have been a great lover of them, a Student in, and well wisher to these Mathematics, as I shall acquaint you anon. For now being a Freeman, having my liberty to go and come when and where I listed, I studied my Pleasure and Recreation; the chiefest of which, and the greatest pleasure that I took being in seeing Stage Plays; I plied it close abroad, and read as fast at home, so that I saw all that in that age I could, and when I could satisfy my Eye and my Ear with seeing and hearing Plays Acted; I pleased myself otherwise by reading, for I then began to Collect, and have since perfected my Collection of all the English Stage Plays that were ever yet Printed, and I have them all, and have read them all, and therefore I suppose my Judgement may pass as indifferently Authentic. And I have had so great an Itch at Stage-playing, that I have been upon the Stage, not only in private to entertain Friends, but also on a public Theatre, there I have Acted, but not much nor often, and that Itch is so well laid and over, that I can content myself with seeing two or three Plays in a Year; but I still continue in this opinion, that they are the fittest Divertisments for our English Gentry; I know that all sorts of people, of all qualities go to see them, and see them I may well say, and that properly, for they do nothing else, not understanding them at all, ask a parcel of the Vulgar, when they have been at a Play, what they saw and observed there, and you shall have better Divertisement in their relating; than you could have had in your seeing it yourself: one will tell you that there were a great many fine Folks, men that comb their Periwigs, and women that looking on their little Looking Glasses, did set their Locks and Countenances, and that they had such and such ; This is the observation of some ask them what the Players did; Oh says one, they were fine Folks indeed, they walked about, and talked to one another, but what said they? they talked and made every body laugh, and there was a Lady that Danced well, In fine, one will tell you that his or her observations, were chiefly about the Spectators & audience; another bout the Actor's persons and Handsomeness, another about Music and Dancing, another that is a little better Learned, will remember somewhat the Clown said; another observed the Painting, and some will have some Hints at the Play; but few of the Vulgar understand the chiefest Part, the end of the Play, the Soul and Plot of it, and how it is managed, so that always Vice is corrected, and Virtue cherished. How the Poet Creates and Destroys at his pleasure; and still keeps all within the bounds of Justice, giving punishment to Offenders, and reward to the Virtuous. Much more I could say upon this Subject, but I shall not enlarge, especially at this time. But let this suffice to tell you; that as I have a very great Esteem for our English Stage Plays; so I may chance to make use of some of them, in Reciting some Plot or Story out of them. This will be no Loss nor Prejudice to any, but pleasant to the Reader; who I hope will excuse these my Sallies and Freedom, for I confine myself to no order in my Writing, but as I think convenient, so I manage my Story; but still keeping to the Thread of it: I know I have left it at present, and shall do so for a while, till I have performed Promise in acquainting you with somewhat more of my two Subjects, retaliation and Revenge. The first Story to that purpose was Acted in Spain, a very true one as my Author affirms; but whether true, I know not, but strange it is; and here I shall begin.  
The Archbishop of Toledo Metropolitan of the two Castile's, who is a Prelate of so high a Reputation in Spain, over which he is Primate, that he passes for a little Pope,; hath a Million of Livers in Revenue, and in Effect is possessed of the Richest Diocese in all Christendom; being in the City of Sevil in Spain, caused a Shoemaker of that place to be killed, because it was reported that he had given out some Speeches to his disadvantage. The Son of this Shoemaker who was a Resolute person, presented him before the Ecclesiastical Judge, to have reason or recompense for the death of his Father, of whose Murder, he gave such clear Testimonies, that no one doubted of it: which obliged the Judge, the quality of the personage considered, to condemn the Archbishop, not to say Mass for a whole year, as a reparation of this Crime. The Son of the Shoemaker, being dissatisfied in this Sentence, waited until the King of Spain, who was named Don 
●hap: 14  Pedro, and surnamed the Cruel came to Sevil, as the report went that he would come in the day of the Holy Sacrament which was at hand; and as soon as he arrived there, the Son of the Shoemaker went to find him, and casting himself at his feet, desired of him Revenge for the death of his Father, whom the Archbishop of Toledo had without any occasion, caused to be Murdered. The King asked of him whether he had not already sought for Justice? Yes Sir said he, but they made no reckoning of me, because that I am but a poor Shoemaker, and he a Prelate of so high a Reputation; the Ecclesiastical Judge for reparation of his Crime, hath only condemned him to be a whole year without saying Mass; which he doth but laugh at, having means enough to live without it. The King then demanded of him if this were true? Yes, on the peril of my Life, replied the Shoemaker: are you bold and confident enough said the King to kill him: yes Sir, said he, provided Your Majesty will command me. Go and do it said the King, and trouble yourself no farther. This Shoemaker returned very joyful, purchased a very good Poniard; resolved to do this Execution the next day, which was to be the Feast of the Holy Sacrament, even in the King's presence. He knew that this great Porcession would be the next day, which in that Country is most Magnificent, where the Arch Bishop would appear with his Train in Pontifical Habits, near to the Arch Bishop of Sevil, he followed him till he came just against the Palace Royal, where the King and all the Court were at the Windows to behold the Procession pass by. There he being resolved, and provided, aiming right at his Heart, gave him two so great Strokes with his Poniard, that he fell down stark-dead at his feet. The horror of this strange Spectacle, gave astonishment to all the Spectators. He was seized on to be carried to Prison, that he might have severe Justice. There was so great a noise, that the King doubting what it was, asked what was the matter: He was told of the boldness of this Wretch, who was leading to Prison. The King commanded that he should be brought before him, and for as much as every one knew that the King was a severe Justicer, as I have already said, having for that cause the name of Cruel attributed to him, every one expected from him no other thing but a Horrible punishment, for so Detestable a Crime. The King having the Prisoner before him in the presence of this Honourable Assembly, with a Grave voice, said to him: come hither Traitor and Wretch that thou art; what wicked Spirit hath carried you to commit so enormous a Crime, in the presence of God and in my sight, & on a day so holy as this is. The Shoemaker knowing the interest he had with His Majesty, was resolved to answer boldly; wherefore without any surprise he thus replied: Wherefore Sir, had he the boldness to cause my Father to be murdered as he did, and although I have several times demanded Justice; I have been denied it, wherefore have I not reason to do it myself. Every one was astonished at this bold answer: But those who belonged to the Arch Bishop, alleged before the King that this was false, and that his Complaint had been heard and that Justice had been done him. What Justice was sufficient for me, answered the Shoemaker so long as he was alive? The King would then know what Justice had been rendered unto him, it was answered that the Archbishop had been condemned not to say Mass for a whole year, and that that was a very great Infamy to a person of his condition and quality. And why then said the King was not this satisfation enough to you? No Sir replied the Shoemaker, because he had Means enough without that. The King asked him what Trade he was of, he answered a Shoemaker, go then said the King, for a punishment of thy Crime; I command thee that thou be a whole year without making Shoes; and that he might have Means to live upon, he assigned him a good Pension for life, out of the Arch-Bishops Estate. And now I think here was retaliation, absolute Revenge, Resolute, and Justice, Retribute; whether the King did deserve the attribute of Cruel I will leave the Reader to judge. I shall not descant upon the Circumstances, but proceed to an other French Story, as may Author says, wherein you shall find a great deal of Malice in a 
Chap: 15  Revenge, which was carried as high against Innocence, as any I have read of, and the Story is in short thus.   

CHAP. XV.  
A Cutpurse Revenged of a Hangman, by giving him a cast in his own Office; and two Cutpurses revenged of another Hangman by whipping.  
IN a certain Town of Normandy, a Cutpurse having been taken in the very Fact, was condemned to be whipped on three Market days at a Carts-tail, through all the Streets of the Town. As our Delinquent was led to the Cart, he prayed the Hangman to use him kindly; but having not wherewithal to grease him in the hand, he caused him to know that he had a heavy one, and slashed him in such manner, that his shoulders were Painted bravely, and he cried out loudly: when he had been thus accommodated, he had his liberty. This Cutpurse having been thus harshly used by the Hangman, was resolved what ever it cost him, to be revenged. He was absent from that Country about a year, at the end whereof he returned to inform himself of the name of this Hangman, and of all his Family; in which he had so good Intelligence, that he could easily have renewed his Genealogy, if in case it had been lost. He by that means, knew that he had a Nephew, who in his youthful days went into Italy, who had left his Country when very young, and that it had been 15. or 20. years since he had been heard of; he likewise understood that this Nephew was about his age, and having a design to pass for him with the Hangman his Uncle, he informed himself of several particulars that might assist him therein: being perfectly instructed in all things necessary, and being very well clothed, he went to find the Hangman in a Country House which he had, and whither he was gone for his Recreation; and believing that he needed not to doubt of being known by him, because it was a year and more, since he passed through his hands, and that many others had had the like Courtesy of his Office, both before and after, whom he knew not, and that he had hardly seen any part of him but his shoulders which were sufficiently disguised; He being come to this Country House, went boldly to the Hangman, and in his salutation called him Uncle. The Hangman returned his salutation but coldly, as not knowing him: whereupon the other said, I believe Uncle that I have not the Honour to be known by you: I am the son of such a one, I am your Nephew that am lately come out of Italy. The Hangman was surprised as a person whom he had heard spoken of, although he never seen him, he was astonished to see him so well grown, and kindly received him, ask him an account of his Voyage, to whom he made such answers as he had resolved on before hand. The Hangman calling him Nephew, asked him if he had seen his Father; He repled yes, but he had been troubled for the death of his Mother. The one enquired one thing of his Uncle, and the other asked another thing of his Cousin; and the young man seemed to better acquainted with the Hangman's Parentage, the● himself, answering him readily to all questions. In fine, he appeared so knowing in every particular, that if he should after that have said he had not been his Nephew, he would hardly believe him. They supped together, this Uncle making him very welcome; and then they went to Bed, rising early the next morning, for the Uncle was to go to a Fair that was kept about half a Mile off, to receive certain Rights that were due to him in respect of his Office. This Nephew desired that he might have the honour to wait on him thither, to divert himself at the Fair (intending there to put his Project of Revenge in Execution, as he did.) His Uncle consenting to it, they Breakfasted, and after that put on towards the place intended, the way being but short, they were soon there, but stayed till the arrival of the Merchants. When he saw his Uncle busy about receiving his Due, our Drole had a mind to put a part of his Craft in practice, and being a very good Workman at his Trade, an able man in his Profession; he saw a certain Merchant who came to buy Goods at the Fair, take some Gold out of a Purse that he had about him; he was therefore resolved to put his Skill in practice to be Master of the Purse. He followed him with his eye, and saw him busy in selling a Sack of Corn, where he had occasion to use both his hands. Our Curpurse seeing so fir an opportunity, was resolved not to lose it, and being a cunning fellow at his Business, he cut the Merchant's purse so, that he nor none else that were near him did perceive it; and at that very instant, he went to find out his Uncle; and having taken him aside that no body might hear, he told him in his ear, that he had some Money about him which he was afraid to lose, and therefore he desired him to keep it for him; the Hangman willingly agreed to it, and taking the Purse which he gave him, clapped it into his pocket without looking on it. Soon after this Cutpurse went to the Merchant, whose purse he had taked, and taking him aside, told him he would acquaint him with somewhat of Importance. The Merchant harkened very attentively, and our Gallant asked him where was his Purse, and the Merchant searching his pocket where he had put it, and where he believed it was, was amazed and troubled that he could not find it; trouble not yourself said the other, I know very well where it is, and showing him the Hangman at some distance, said to him, look you, do you see that man in that place, I saw him cut your Purse, while you were selling a sack of Wheat? Seize upon him, for without doubt he hath it in his Pocket. As soon as he had said thus, he made his escape without being seen of any body. The Merchant finding out an Officer, caused him to seize the Hangman, who taking by the Choler, dragged him before a Judge; the poor Hangman was amazed at what they said and did, but the Merchant called him Cutpurse before the Judge, saying that he had cut his, praying that might be searched, described the fashion of the Purse, and all the several pieces of Gold and Silver that was in it. The Judge could not refuse so reasonable a Request: therefore commanding that he should be searched, found the Purse such as the Merchant had specified, and the same pieces of Money which he had named: To this the Hangman know not what answer to give, but that this Purse belonged to a Nephew of his that was in the Fair, that he had given it him to keep, desired that he might be sought for, describing him by his Habit, Hair, and other marks; search was made for him on all hands, but to no purpose, so that every one believed that this was a pretence, thinking by that means to escape, but seeing the strings of the Purse were cut, and being compared with those in the Merchant's pocket, they were found to be the same, upon so clear a proof in a person so public as he, who being ordained for the punishment of others, ought to be without reproach, the least faults that were done by others being Criminal in him, he, was by the judge of the place, judged worthy of death, and condemned to be hanged and strangled; but he appealed to the Court of Parliament at Rouen which was not above seven or eight miles distant: Our Cutpurse who was acquainted how matters went cutting off his Beard and Hair, and putting on a different habit, and clapping a great Plaster on one of his Eyes, went after him; he feared not to be discovered by his Uncle; there did he wait to hear the judgement of the Court upon the Appeal, but all the Court with one consent confirmed the Sentence; and because there was no body to hang him, by reason he was the Hangman, this false Nephew offered his service, saying, that if they would pay him, he desired no more but to get money, and he would execute the Office.  
There being not many who are desirous of such an Office, they were glad to accept of him, promising him good payment; and so they sent him to the Condemned person, who was still in one tale, protesting his innocency, saying always that his Nephew had given him this Purse to keep, but he had been as good to have said nothing, or have sung Ballads.  
Being brought to the place where the Execution was to be done, the Ceremonies being performed, the New Hangman mounted the Ladder, fastening the Rope, and was in all things ready, expecting him to say his last Prayers, and take his leave of the world; but before he turned him off, whispering him in the Ear, he said, now my friend, do you remember that about a year ago you whipped me, and that I promised you I would be well revenged of you, I am he that came to your Countryhouse who passed for your Nephew, who cut the purse which I gave you to keep, on purpose to see you in the condition you are in; when this poor Hangman heard this, he cried out, Sirs, but the other being ready and nimble turned him off, causing him to leave his intended speech unfinished, saying, you have said enough already: He was blamed for being so sudden, people saying that it may be he had somewhat of importance to confess, but our Gallant who knew well enough that he had nothing to say but to his prejudice, replied, that if he should have let him alone, he would have talked till to morrow, and so he was excused as having but little judgement in such affairs; he was very well contented for his pains, but much better pleased that he was so throughly revenged.  
And I think he was throughly revenged indeed, and that in a severe manner; this exceeded retaliation and was Revenge in the Highest degree: and although this our old Hangman might have been guilty of crimes enough to have merited this punishment, yet he did not in this particular deserve it, for he in lashing the Cutpurse, had but executed his Office, and thereby done as he ought; but the other was in his execution of him, guilty of absolute Murder: But he was not the first, nor will not be the last that shall suffer wrongfully. It oftentimes hapeneth so, and I have known in my time, that several have been executed for those Crimes whereof they have not been guilty. Several I say, have I believe, suffered innocently as well as our Old Hangman, who was thus trussed up and dispatched. And now having finished his story; I shall relate another, which was both Revenge and retaliation, it is not much different from the Former, although not so rigorous, but because it was between persons of the same qualities: that is Cutpurses and a Hangman; I could not more fitly recite it, then in this place, and thus I shall describe it.  
A Gentleman assisted by two of his Servants, to revenge himself of one that had offended him, who was not of his quality, assassinated him at a Woods side in Lower Normandy about eighteen or twenty Miles from Rouen. For this Fact, he was imprisoned at the place, and, by the Judges there, was Condemned to have his Head cut off; he appealing to the Parliament at Rouen, was carried thither, and there kept Prisoner with his two Servants; who, pleading that they did not consent to the Murder, and being discharged from the same by their Master, were acquitted, but not so, but that as they had been present at the Murder, they were Condemned to be Whipped through the Streets, and the Sentence against the Master, was confirmed; and it was further ordered, that his Head should be carried to the place where the Murder had been committed. The second Footman's Sentence, was first executed, who having not money enough to Fee the Hangman, was finely accommodated, and came not out of his hands till the Blood ran down their shoulders. After this execution was done: the Sentence further declared, that they should appear in the same condition when their Master's Head was cut off: this was likewise performed, and then they had Liberty to go whither they pleased. They being at liberty, were resolved to be Revenged on the Hangman, who had dealt so unkindly with them, and knowing that he was to carry their Master's Head to the place where the Murder was committed, and that he was to take up his Quarters for that night by the way; they resolved to follow him; he coming to the place intended, there took up his Lodging; they saw him house, and about an hour after, they came likewise to the same House, one of them brought a Fardel, where was about 2 Dozen of bundles of good lusty Burchin Rods, which they had provided for their intended design: and being very well disguised that they might not be known by the Hangman, who had given them a Relishing taste of his Office: they entered the Inn, and asked for a Supper and a Bed. The House being pretty well stored with Guests, and the Hostess not well knowing how handsomely to accommodate them; they told her that they did not much matter it, if they had not a private Chamber to themselves, they would be contented to lie in a Chamber where other Folks did, & that they were so indifferent both as to their lodging, that they should be content to take up their chamber, & sup with any other company that would accept of them. Sir said the Hostess, it is not above an hour since a very honest man came in hither, who is all alone and in a Chamber himself, where there is too Beds, and I believe he will be glad of Company: you may sup together, and he shall lie in one of the Beds, and you in the other. We shall be very glad of so good company, said one of them, if he will permit it: the Hostess said she would go ask him, and so she did. The Hangman considering that those of his profession were generally hated of all the World, that every body shuns them, and that they are always necessitated to eat alone, was very glad of this occasion, and therefore told her that they should be very welcome; they knowing that, went up into the Chamber with their Fardel, and courteously saluted him, he returned their Salutation; not dreaming or suspecting, that these were they that had passed under his Disciplination, and had marks of his kindness on their shoulders: they drank together, and merrily quaffed off their Cups to one another's good Hea●th: when they had Supped; they caused their Bed to be shee●ed, and whilst it was a warming, one of these Goodfellows went down, and said to the Hostess. Madam, we and out Chamber-fellow are resolved to make Sport together to night; therefore although you hear a voice, do not trouble yourself, or be concerned at it: For all that we intent, is a piece of Sport and Merriment. She took no great heed to this discourse, and they when the Beds were made, did all undress themselves to go to bed. Our two Companions who had resolved what to do, did double lock the Chamber door, and when they saw the Hangman unready in his shirt to go to bed; they likewise undressed themselves, and having each of them a lusty Rod in his hand, and stripping off their shirts being stark naked, They thus bespoke their Chamber-fellow. Look you friend, do you know us, you may see the work of your hands, and that we carry your marks upon our shoulders; but before we leave you, you shall be in the same condition, and with that, they fell upon him, and because they could not pull off his shirt, they toar it: and he now being naked, Slapt and Jerkt him with all their strength. He cried out Help, Murder, and Mercy. The Host had a mind to go up and see what was the matter, but the Hostess hindered him; saying, that they only passed the time in sport, which one of them had told her of. But the cries redoubled as their blows, and as fast as they wore out their Rods, they took fresh ones. The Host and Hostess hearing this, went to the door, but finding it so fast and Barricadoed, asked what was the matter; one of the Goodfellows answered, nothing, But the Hangman continuing his cries. The Host and Hostess were resolved to enter by force, but could not until all the Rods were almost spent, and that the poor Hangman had his shoulders handsomely Cheaquered, and the blood ran down on all sides. The two Companions seeing that it was almost well, and that the door would be broken open, therefore one of them opened it: the Host and Hostess entering, and seeing them in that pickle, wondered, look you said one of the companions, what reason he had to make such a bawling noise, we Lashed one another for Pleasure, we have not used him worse than he hath done us, and yet he cried out the loudest. They shown their shoulders and bid them look how he had Be-laced them. Those who were entered the Chamber, seeing that there was but little difference between them all three, and that they had bled alike; they went down and shut the door after them, resolving to let them Slash one another at their pleasure, and not to take notice of, or be concerned at what cries soever they should hear, which our two companions understanding, they renewed their Sport to their own Content and liking, but to the great Pain and trouble of our poor Hangman, whose poor back and shoulders paid for all. And so having worn out all their Rods, and wearied themselves, they were forced to give over, and so ended the Whipping Adventure.  
Here again was Revenge and retaliation? But as in the former, the poor Hangman was Innocent, he had but executed his Office. But you see it is good to be Kind, and not to be troublesome in any Office, lest at one time or another, Revenge, when unlooked for, overtake them. And by this, as by my former Stories, Revenge is much desired and thirsted afters. How many are there of all Ages, Sexes, and Qualities, that would lose one of their Eyes, to be revenged of another?  
I shall give you two or three Examples more to that purpose, they shall be short and sweet; but before I begin them, I shall for a reason I know of, put an end to this Chapter.   

CHAP. XVI.  
A Frenchman and Spaniard, number their Saints by their Hairs, and a Cordelier Revenged of a Jacobin.  
THE first Story of that, I shall tell You, is in my Opinion very pleasant; there was but little Harm in it, nothing at all of Tragedy, though it might be the cause of some Bloodshed, but not much, and the Story itself not long; and therefore I shall thus begin.  
●hap: 16  
The Frenchman began, and plucking a Hair from the Spaniards Beard, he said St. Denis, the Spaniard doing as much to him, said St. Ignatius; the Frenchman took another, saying St. Martin: the Spaniard St. Xavier, the Frenchman St. Levis, the Spaniard St. Terese, the Frenchman St. Clotilde, the Spaniard St. Isidore, the Frenchman St. Bruno, the Spaniard plucking two Hairs at once from the Frenchman, which troubled him, said St. Cosme, and St. Damian. The Frenchman being resolved to revenge it, took a whole Muschatoe at once, which he plucked off, saying 11000. Virgins.  
There the Dispute ended, for the pain which he endured, was so great, that of the two, he chose to be gone; besides, he knew not readily how to call upon 11000. at once.  
Here was a fine Contest bravely managed; Here was I believe, a great Cry and little Wool; for it was like the shearing of the Hogs, all Bristles. If they had proceeded thus by Thousands, it was a ready way to make them as bald as Coats. The Spaniard would lose the Glory and Majesty of his Countenance, which chief consisteth in the stiffness of his Mustaches: he should have no need of Biggatederoes to keep them orderly turned up; and the Frenchman must provide him a Periwig. But they were weary of the Sport, it made the Tears trickle from the poor Spaniards Eyes as freshly, as if he had crept from his Grannum; he did not like the sport, and therefore would have no more of it.  
And so shall I end the Story, that I may make haste to tell you one more, and so Conclude; lest that which I intent for your Divertisement and Pleasure, prove your Trouble; and than it will be my Disparagement and Loss.  
The next and last Story is a right French one; I am still upon that Coast, I deal plainly and tell you from whence I have them: If any have chanced to have heard any of them, or somewhat like them, and say they are English; I reply that it is more than I know, I had them from a French Author, and one of very good Esteem and Credit, one of the last, not long since Published; and indeed the best of that Nature I ever met with: I have for your sake; picked out the very best for you, and one which is the last I shall at present use, 'tis none of the worst, besides it is to my purpose, and thus it is.  
A Cordelier (which is a Friar of that order) having been in his progress preaching, and being belated in in a small village, he was forced to lie there, because there was no Convent of his order, nor any Person of his acquaintance within that Town; he was therefore necessitated to repair to an Inn, where by chance he met with a Jacobin Friar, who had also taken up his lodging there: and because they were the next morning to go both one way, they supped together, and lay both in one Chamber; it had reigned all the night, but ceasing in the morning they resolved to set forward in their journey, but they were first to discharge their shot to pay their Host. The Codelier thought he should be quitted, and go , as it was usual for a Dominus Retribuat, the Lord repay you: but the Host being a Protestant which they call Hugone●, as most in the Town were, he did not understand this Latin, but would have money; the Jacobin paid for himself, the Cordelier prayed him to lend him some money, promising to give it him again as they traveled; but the Jacobin replied that he could not lend him any without prejudicing himself, and ●●●t he had but little enough for himself to finish his journey: so that the poor Cordelier wos forced before he left the Inn, to give his Books in pawn, and leave them behind him, which very much troubled him: and therefore he resolved to be revenged of the Jacobin, and that before they parted if it were possible; and it was not long ere he had an opportunity to effect his designs. Travelling together for they both went one way, the waters were so high by reason of the rain that had fallen that night, that they could hardly go in the foot path, but when they had traveled about two miles, they were to pass through a place where the water was two foot deep, and 500 foot broad: the Cordelier was not much troubled at it, he took his sandals in his hands, trussed up his coats, and put on to pass through it, the Jacobin who was warmly clad, and who like the Cat was afraid to wet his foot, made sour faces at it, the Cordelier seeing him thus troubled, said to him, what will you give me, and I will carry you through the water upon my shoulders? Ah Brother said the Jacobin if you will do so much for me, I promise you to redeem your Books, and pay your shot for you at the the next Inn you come to: the Cordelier having obliged him to this by oath, took him up upon his back and began to pass over the Water, when they were just in the middle, the Cordelier said to him, but have you any Money to keep touch with me and perform your promise, yes, yes, replied the other, fear not that, and saying so, he shaked his pocket causeing the money to jingle, that testified he did not lie, the Cordelier (who was full of thoughts of revenge, for the all turn he had done him in compelling him to pawn his Books,) threw him full in the middle of the water, saying, Ah! you cause me to break the rules of my order, we profess not to carry money with us, a●n● if I carry you I must, and therefore you must shi●t for yourself, and saying 〈◊〉 he ●●s●●d o● soon gaining the shore, leaving the poor Jacobin drooping dry to co●●● after: even when and how he pleased; and thus I shall leave them both, the one satisfied with his revenge, and the other studying how to be even with the Cordelier: but me thinks these holy Fathers that teach other things, should practise better: had not the Cordelier have been better to have performed his agreement, and carried the other quite over, and have earned the money, it was no great labour: having gone half way he might have redeemed his Books, and have been treated at the next Inn; no this did not please him half so well as this revenge, Oh! that was sweet and pleasing, it was like Honey and Nuts, he would 〈◊〉 Dinner and Books and all, rather than lose h● revenge, so that you see revenge is desired by all: th●●●●●●●y venture, nay, lose all other enjoyments here may; hazard their eternal enjoyment hereafter. This passion makes a sober man mad an honest man a knave, a wise man, a fool, and indeed does quite Metamorphose all that are possessed with it: they are not what they were, and although they know the effects of this raging passion of revenge are deadly, and sometimes damnable, yet they are not considered. And now I suppose the Reader will conclude me to be a Ramb●er indeed, having dealt with the subject of my discourse, as some Parsons do with their Text, lay it open and run away from it, but if you will give me the same liberty as they take, you shall find that all that I have said is somewhat to the purpose, and that I may prove it so to be: I must like the Parson fall to repetition, and sum up the heads of what I have said, and then you shall see that by hook or by crook. I shall make them serve for my turn, my intention is to describe the lucky and unlucky persons, the days of the one, and the hours of the other; I have had little enough hitherto to say of the first, the unlucky: neither will there be much of them said in this Treatise, I 〈◊〉 unlucky myself, and therefore am infected with th●●●●tories more than others; and such you will find those that I have recited to be, as for example. First, was not Clymantus the Prisoner an unlucky fellow to pay so dear for his joaking; although the forcing of a clyster upon his friend was abuse enough, yet he did not rest there, but he must brag on it: he thought to purchase honour by disgracing his friend, but he was out-witted, and paid home for his abuse: I could comment upon this text, but I have spun my thread out almost to the full length, that at present I intent it, and therefore I shall hasten, and leave this to the consideration and application of the Reader, and proceed to the following stories, on which I shall only give a touch, because I resolve to conclude-  
The next story I related to you, was of a Purse of money found at Church, this was Comical enough, but withal you may conclude there was much unluckyness in it. First, to damage, an Ass then to make a woman to miscarry, and to break the Officers arm, and had not the Justice resolved on a comical satisfaction by a perfect retaliation, our good fellows story would have been unlucky enough, though he at last proved a gainer.  
The third was of the Archbishop of Toledo, who I think was unlucky to meet with so resolute and implacable an Enemy as he did of the Shoemaker: and so of the rest of the stories: I question not but you may with much ease apply them, as I intended them to be unlucky; but I hope they will have the good luck to please you, and then I have my ends, but it is now full time to make an end, especially of these kind of unlucky stories, and fall into the thread of my own misfortunes, this is that which the Reader may reasonably expect from me, but he must at this time pardon me: I was now in a very good, and as I reckoned a lucky condition, being as I told you a man set up for myself, sole Master of a shop, as you may read in the twelfth Chapter of this discourse, and being thus lucky and in so quiet a condition: I have sallied out and related these last recited stories, I have been so good a Husband, as not to leave my shop in relating them, and there I intent to continue, till I shall have occasion to make a sally in the further prosecution of my unlucky adventures; and now for this time only acquaint you with a story or two of some late unlucky Persons and so conclude.  
The writing of this Treatise was first occasioned by the recital of these two lines.  
The lucky have their days and these they choose.  
The unlucky have but hours and these they lose.  
The truth of this assertion hath been already sufficiently cleared, but however take an other story or two along with you.  
About fourteen years since a Goldsmith living in Fleetstreet, rising more early than his Neighbours as being desirous to thrive according to the Proverb, was in a fair way to do so, his lucky day was come, for early in the morning as he was opening his shop, a Seaman came to him with a Bag in his hand, and tells him that in a late Voyage to Sea, he had met with a prize, of what value he knew not; for it was stones which he there had in his bag, & drawing out a parsel presented them to the Goldsmith, who presently discovering what they were, asked the sailor what he would have for them, five pound said the Sailor, three said the Goldsmith, the Sailor understanding by this offer, that they were of value, would have his full demands five pound: which the Goldsmith refused to give, and let the Sailor go away; but not so far but that he had him in call, and soon finished his bargain: no sooner was the Seaman gone, but up goes the Goldsmith to his wife, finding her a sleep, awakes her and tells her that she lay there at her her ease: and so she might do, and he take his for the future, for he had that morning met with such a bargain as would keep them and a Coach and Horses as long as they lived; the Wife was glad of this news, and enquiers into the particulars, which he soon acquaints her with, how that he had bought for five pounds a parcel of Diamons' worth above 20000 l. great was their joy, but little was their prudence, here was luck in a Bag, if they could but keep it, but the Woman according to the quality of her sex: could not be content to far well, but she must cry roast meat; and being soon after at a Goshipping, she there proclaims her Husband's good fortune. I may well say proclaim for it proved so: being soon noissed about to all parts of the Town: when mark the effects in a few days, he was taken out of his shop by a file of Musquetteers, and upon examination the best tale he could tell, being they were taken at Sea, they were judged to belong to the high court of Admiralty, and therefore taken from him; thus did he lose his Prize by his Wives tattling, this lucky bargain was not to prove so to him, neither in the whole nor in part, for although he had secured two or three thousand pounds worth of them before this seizure: yet they did not thrive with him: for in few years after he broke. Thus did Fortune show him one lucky hour, which he losing could never redeem, and broke, and all came to nothing: this I think is an unlucky story of an Unlucky Citizen; so that I find I have had many Fellows, especially about the time that my chief unlukyness began: the fire time how many were then rich one day and poor the next; but above all the misfortunes that happened in that dreadful calamity, none in my opinion equalled that of one of my Acquaintance, a Merchant an honest worthy brave man, but at that time mighty unlucky: he had by tradeing many years, at last gathered a plentiful Estate 10000 l. of which he had laid out in a purchase in the Country, and above 20000 l. more consisted in Pearls and Diamonds and other Jewels, this being in an Iron Chest, were deposited and left at an Apothecarryes House in Fan church street: at the time of the Fire, the Merchant was gone to visit his purchase in the Country; there was little danger that this should be lost, for the Fire came not to this house in three days after it began: the Chest was portable enough: and easily to be removed, several Friends of the absent Merchants knowing where this Treasure was, offered the Apothecarry to secure it: but he not at least suspecting the fire to damage his house, locked up his doors, and walked out into the fiields, as I have been told, to pray to God to cease the Fire, and spare his Neighbours houses: but at his return, he had no house of his own to go to, that and all his house hold goods, for he had removed none, was consumed to ashes, and that which was above all in value was this unlucky Chest of Jewels: here was a loss that exceeded all I ever have read of, in so little room the value of a whole street of Houses was destroyed in a moment; they were all spoilt; the chest upon search was found, and so where the Jewels, but the Diamonds not of so much use as Bristow-stones, and a parcel of Whiteings eyes were of more lustre and worth than any of the Pearls that was then found. I shall insist upon but one story more, and that a lucky one, and conclude. This is of the famous Sir R. Wittington, coming to London in Leathern Breeches to seek his fortune here, found a good one: being first entertained as a scullion into a Merchant's house, his Master being a great Trader, was used to cause all his Servants, to send some adventures to Sea, when he did, Whittington had nothing which he could call his own, but a Cat, which he delivers to the Master of the Ship, who happening into a strange Country where they were much troubled with Rats and Mice, could find no ways to destroy them, this Cat proveing the only remedy against them, turned to so good an account, that in exchange, such store of Gold and Treasure was given for her, as raised this Favourite of Fate, to be Lord Mayor of London, as is expressed in the Title Page or Front of the Book; where also is described: somewhat of my own late unluckyness, that being bound for another man, entering into the Bond of surety ship, I am as yet squeezed, and know not how to get out, such is still my unluckynes, that when I think myself freest and least concerned, some misfortune befalls me: for when I writ the Preface of this Book, which was about six months since, I reckoned myself to be in a thriveing condition, and so I thank God, I have been since, and had by my care, industry and God's blessing, imbettered my Estate at least four pounds: but before this Book is published, even between the cup and the lip, falls out a misfortune by the death of my Printer, as you may read in my Epistle, whereby I am 300 l. worse than I was. By this I have again tried the uncertainty of Fortune, what and how she hath dealt with me for the first twenty years of my Life: I have in this Treatise particularly acquainted thee, how she hath been at the same unconstancy or worse; for the last twenty one years, thou must already conclude by what I have written in my Preface and Epistle. It will be my work (if thou likest of this) to give thee the particulars of that, whereby I think thou mayest conclude with me that hitherto I have been An Unlucky Citizen.  
FINIS.