THE KNAVERY OF ASTROLOGY DISCOVERED, IN OBSERVATIONS Upon Every Month, of the Year 1680. TOGETHER With the Nature of the Seven Planets, etc. By Tim. Telltruth, Stargazer to the Great MOGUL. Almanac-makers you may go Sh— Your Prognostications ne'er will hit. LONDON, Printed for T.B. and R.E. 1680. THE PREFACE. Reader, I Have a mind to speak to thee a word or two in sober earnest: For though I have indulged to a little Mirth in my Observations, yet now I must desire thee to be serious with me a few Minutes. If thou hast been used to be a Querent in these matters, that is, gone to Astrologers to know of their Wisdoms, when and whom thou shalt Marry, when thy Affairs in the world will mend; that is, when thou shalt more mind thy business, and have more wit than to ask such simple Questions: Perhaps the buying this Pamphlet will save thee some Shillings in thy Pocket, besides easing thy head of Superstitious Conceits. As to the Antiquity of Astrology, I cannot but acknowledge it exceeding great: For the first Founder of it, the Devil, knew how advantageous an Instrument it would prove to the promoting his Interest in the world; therefore he would not neglect, by the hand of Astrology, to lead People betimes into as gross Superstition as might be. 'Tis so apt to infect with Superstition, that the Artists themselves cannot avoid it: For they cannot help, for their lives, depending more on the Transits or Aspects of the Planets, than the Providence of the Allseeing God. How will a cross Transit of Saturn or Mars make them tremble, almost at their own Shadow? And how will a Kind Aspect from the Fortunes give them unreasonable assurance beyond measure? The one makes them timorous and neglective of their Affairs, the other gives them more Confidence than Discretion will allow. Perhaps some will wonder that I fancy rather the Devil, than Ptolemy, to be the Author of Astrology: If this place were proper for so long a Discourse, as the proof of that would bear, I would not doubt persuading you to be of my mind. No body else could have put so many absurd Conceits into so good a method of Chance-medley, as to make them hit often enough to persuade a knowing man to believe them. Therefore let me advise thee, have a care of indulging this fond Superstition: Think not to know more of future things than God will suffer thee, or thinks fit for thee. You pretend to ask Questions in Jest, but soon believe the Resolutions in Earnest: And why shouldest thou desire to know thy future Fate? If it be good, comfortably expect: The surprise of a blessing will add to its value. If it be bad, 'twill come soon enough, without giving warning, and doubling thy Torments beforehand. I speak this out of Charity to thee; for God never blesses those that are so over inquisitive in future Events. Thou hast a Power to be Virtuous, be so, and thou needest not fear. And now Friend, as I have taken upon me seriously to admonish thee, so I must (whether in jest or earnest, I leave it to thee) desire one thing of thee by all means, that if thou shouldest chance, before I'm ware, to know who I am, what I am, or where I live, thou'lt be so kind as to conceal me from the knowledge of Astrologers: For they would presently Erect such a wicked Scheme of my Nativity, that I might lose thy good Opinion for ever afterwards. Far thee well. The Nature of the Seven Planets. SATURN WAS of a cruel Devilish humour while he lived upon Earth, and Astrologers make him still as bad for all he's in Heaven. But I wonder why they would Exalt him at that rate to the superior Seat in the Heavens; was it for his wickedness that he deserved so well? When he's well Dignified, he's pretty well pleased (as people indeed generally are, when every thing happens to their minds) nay he's then supposed to be a very solid notable old man: But when ill Dignified, he's so ill natured and mischievous, there's no bearing with it; he would out your Throat, break your neck, poison ye, any thing; therefore away with him, and let's hasten to Jupiter. JUPITER Is thought to be as good as good may be, and has the Character of a very worthy good Gentleman, and is mightily beloved by all; for he, they say, is the bestower of Wealth and Riches; and for that Reason, more than for his goodness perhaps, is called the Greater Fortune: Nevertheless, if he is not Honoured and Dignified too, as they call it, he can be as angry and vexatious as another. 'Tis a General Rule, that all the Planets are Ambitious, and delight in Honour; if you set them in the Midheaven, oh how you please them, how kind they'll be to you! But if you put 'em into Prison, or make 'em Sick, by putting them in the 12th, or 6th, House of your Figure, I assure you they'll prove no good Friends. Jupiter has abundance of excellent Qualities: he'll comfort your stomach with the Spices he governs; he gives you no less than Partridge and Pheasant for your meat, loves the Church mightily, and brings us good weather: Therefore all the Planets love him, besides Mars. MARS Is a bold swaggering Huff, that despises every body besides himself; and 'tis very unfortunate to meet him in a cross humour. When he's well pleased with Dignities he can make an excellent Soldier, and loves War rather than Duels; but vex him once, by putting him out of his places, or disbanding him, and he'll turn Thief, and bid you stand; prove a hot-brained male content, a Knight of the Post; and in this angry mood he'll have at his heels a Shoal of Marshals-men, Sergeants, Bailiffs, Chemists, Cutthroats of all sorts. He's as hard as Iron, governs Wolf's, Tigers, and Vultures; and notwithstanding all this, is not thought to be so bad as Saturn. He is but the lesser Infortune. The SUN Signifies Majesty, Kings and Emperors, as well as Nobles, and should therefore be spoken of with care and reveronce. 'Tis to the Sun's real Influences, by a kind and gentle heat, that we own our Spring, and all benefits of Nature. He gives life to many Creatures by his sole power. And yet for all this, Astrologers say, that if he does but chance not to sit in his Throne with all his splendour and glory, if he chance to lose some of the Dignities they have given him, he is then but a Cracker, a Puff, a kind of proud Coxcomb: But in troth they deserve to be called to account for it, for so great a Scandalum Magnatum. VENUS Is a Nocturnal Planet, and therefore loves the works of Darkness; when she lived upon Earth, 'twas in Quality of a pretty little Whore; her company was so well liked of by the Astrologers, that they translated her into the Heavens, and gave her the finest and most delicate Star our Eyes can behold. How her Profession made her a Goddess, I cannot well tell: 'Tis certain she had most excellent Fortune to be so advanced; where Mars is as obliging to her as her heart can wish. When she is Dignified, and has her best Ornaments on, she is contented only to make a man a merry, brisk, Pot Companion: but once out of her Gear, and meanly placed, she produces very sad scandalous Fellows, the very 〈◊〉 of lewdness and debauchery. Nevertheless she is a Lesser Fortune, and happy is the man to whom she happens to bestow a Beam of her Goodness. MERCURY Is neither Fish nor Flesh, good nor bad, but according to the Company he is in. If he sees Saturn, he's sour and morose; if Mars, he quarrels and swears Damn me; if Venus, he's presently her humble Servant, and on how sweet! he's naturally a very airy Youth, and loves Fairs and Ordinaries, as much as Venus does a Dancing-School. Give him but the upperhand, and show him Honour, and he'll talk excellently well, 'twould do one good to hear him; but if you offer to Degrade him, he'll set the Company a chatting as wisely as Gossips altogether at a Christening; he than inclines people from Astrologers to turn downright Conjurers; from tolerable company to turn insufferable News-mongers, and, when the Press is open, wretched Pamphleteers. The MOON Was formerly the great Goddess of Conjuration, when there were such things in the world, for now Astrologers are no Conjurers I am sure; yet they are very observant of every the least motion she makes, and give her some signification in every thing that happens. To tell you the truth, she is a true Lady of the Times, she knows not her own mind two Minutes, loves Novelties dearly, and invents new Fashions. Sometimes she shows her broad face, and is all in her hair; anon she's all of a Black-patch, that you can see nothing of her Face; and will sometimes wear the Horns herself in a Frolic: For my part I would not trust her of all Women I know; she's as changeable as the Wind, a mere Jilt, I know not what to make of her, nor she herself. Yet she signifies all Women, from the Queen to the Oyster-Woman. If she's ill Dignified, nothing can signify worse, a sottish, drunken Woman. Observations on January, 1680. AT the beginning of this Month and year, Venus, being in sweet and kind Aspect to Mercury, should render Ladies very flexible, but grim Saturn about the latter end, being in direct Opposition to the charming fair one, whole looks are said to be fortunate to all she bestows them upon in any kind way, quite contrary to the nature of other Whores; this mischievous Saturn, I say, may blast the hopes again of all Venus' Adorers, unless they chance to have Jupiter on their side, who, about the same time, as Saturn so frets and frowns, does endeavour to cheer up the hot Lady by the most submissive complimental Trine Addresses he is able to make: but poor Mercury, I pity him this Month, he is most sadly afflicted indeed, Jupiter, Mars, and the Sun, conspire against him; besides he's Retrograde, and would hardly be able to stand, were he not in a Sign a little of his own Nature, which may signify that Astrologers, Thiefs, and Tailors will have but very little to do; that Querents about Matrimony will now be very few; how do we know but it may be so ominous, as to tell us, that many Gentlemen, signified by Mercury, may now lose a considerable Match at Bowls or Tennis, or there may be breaking of Pates at an Ordinary? nay perhaps that the very Art of Astrology shall begin to be suspected by some who have been along time wonderful Admirers of it. 2. ⚹ ♀ ☿. 28. ☍ ♄ ♀. 30. △ ♃ ♀. 2. ☿ R. 9 Ϲ ♃ ☿. 10. ☉ ☌ ☿. 7. ☌ ♂ ☿. Observations on February, 1680. SAturn, though he's as weak as an old man with three Legs, and commonly as frappish and surly, yet being kindly aspected this Month by the Sun's excellent Majesty, by Mercury pricking up his Ears again, and by his Fellow-makebate Mars, walks the grand Paw as stately as any Monsieur on Horseback; being in Cancer, it sometimes makes him clap his Breast with a strained Hum, and cry sound Boys, sound. 'Tis seldom the old man happens to be in a better humour, therefore perhaps he may make the Brick-layers and other Workmen, whom he naturally signifies, to have one Grain of Honesty, for a Fortnight, about the middle of this Month, which is more than 'tis possible they ever had since they learned their Trade. Therefore, O ye, all the Lovers of Building, who will needs undo yourselves without any manner of peradventure, harken to my Instructions, make use of this juncture of time, perhaps you mayn't meet with the like again. One grain of honesly in Brick-layers, and that for a fortnight! ♄ ♋. 10. △ ☉ ♄. 12. △ ♄ ♂. 28. △ ♄ ☿. Observations on March. 1680. AStrologers! a word of comfort t' ye! your Father Mercury is pleased, and laughs, whether at you, or for you, I matter not much. Bear up as craftily as ye are wont, seem to know and foretell all things: Learned Jupiter looks favourably upon you; but what then? for one word good, I can tell you two or three bad. Mars, near the middle of this Month, is in Conjunction of Mercury, which will most certainly make Astrologers at this time right Artists at picking o Pockets; nay, if a man chance to be born at this time, there's no truth in Astrology, if the Native does not prove either a Thief, or an ginger, or both. Again, he's Combust, and Saturn squares him; that is, his little nimble Sons will be trampled upon by Great Men, and despised by those who know the world never so little. Good people, you are advised this Month to brew good store of Drink, to make much of yourselves, and to lie with your Wives lovingly and boldly, notwithstanding the Conjunction of Mars and Mercury. 'Tis a good time, let me tell you: Who knows what they'll be doing, when your Children come to be Natives; or whether they'll be playing the Rogue, playing the Fool, or not playing at all. 3. ⚹ ♃ ☿. 12. ☌ ♂ ☿. 15. Ϲ ♄ ☿. 19 ☉ ☌ ☿. Observations on April. 1680. Venus' being now in her Exaltation in Pisces, and the season of the Year beginning to warm her Veins, she sends forth many a sigh for the longed Conjunction, next Month, with her Servant and Stallion Mars. But Jupiter does his best to satisfy the Extravagance of her Appetite, and closely embraces her about the Neck, kissing her over and over for a few days. For though Jupiter, well Dignified, signifies a Chaste, Virtuous Man, yet being weak, as he is in Taurus, his weakness ('tis true Astrology, I assure you!) makes him the stronger and more rampant at a Woman. When Jupiter has done, Saturn takes her to task, squares and squints at her, and is very angry, he knows not why, or wherefore; but I am apt to guests, 'tis because he's too Old to do any thing with her. Now 'tis very strange by the by, that it should be thus the humour of all old people, to envy the pleasures of younger. But that they may neither despair themselves, nor hinder other people from following the Fashion of these Excellent Times, I'll tell them, that of late years there's a neat Invention, called Flogging, invented on purpose to pleasure Old Fumblers, or weak Youngsters: what it is, they may easily learn at Betty B— 's School, or moorfield's. 2. ⚹ ♃ ♀. 17. Ϲ ♄ ♀. Observations on May. 1680. NOW Venus rejoices, for before this Month is over, she is to enjoy the Embraces of her dearly Beloved, Stout, and Lusty Mars. And though indeed it does not happen, till toward the end, yet for the sweet Subjects sake, because 'tis such acceptable News to all Sons of Whores, I can't choose but begin with it. One thing is very Observable, that whenever the Astrologers, who writ Ephemeris', and teach people to Conjure, do find Mars and Venus in Conjunction, they won't let them separate so soon as other Folks, but keep them a day or two longer in Conjunction than they need to do. I am afraid if the truth were known they like the sport a little too much themselves. The Malevolents look a little wishfully upon one another. Perhaps there may be some friendly Correspondence between Rogues, and Knaves, in order to do some notable Mischief. But the Sun's coming into Gemini, London's Significator, may possibly warrant its Shining upon this City this year, as much as it did the last. For it will continue in that Sign, just as many Days, Hours, and Minutes, as it uses to do. Mercury can't forbear being burnt again in the Rays of the Sun, and runs backward into the danger rather than escape it: which signifies, that some Astrologers will be so bold a to expose their Ridiculous Conceits in the Eyes of the World, and before persons of Judgement and Authority; which may prove their Ruin beyond hopes of recovery. For while they Sneak in holes, and corners, and only tempt those unhappy Women who have lost their Sweet hearts, to come and ask when they'll return, or when they shall have new ones, there's no great harm. But have a care of the Sun. 'Twill Burn, if you approach too near. 27. ♂ ☌ ♀. 5. ⚹ ♄ ♂. ☌ ☉ ☿. ☿ R. Observations on June. 1680. JUpiter, Venus, and Mercury, all in Conjunction in the beginning of Gemini, may signify more than Haly, or Albumazer have thought on. Tradesmen may leave off Cheating and Lying; Whores may a little forbear scouring Fleetstreet and the Strand; Sluts may look cleanly; your true Coffee-men may talk Loyally and Peaceably; your Smoakers may be as wise as they seem; But Courtiers will not forsake the Lady's Company, nor Fops the Playhouses. That's plain. Mars afflicting Jupiter this Month, may show, That ecclesiastics will not be had in so great Veneration as they were in the times of Popery. What if some of them, who have used themselves to Coaches a long time, should be forced to try how they can walk afoot. No less than seven Conjunctions of six Planets, and not one other Aspect! You know what Conjunctions signify with us: perhaps the heat of the Season may incline them to sympathize with us: Venus makes three of them, and would have been contented with all the rest, if the coldness of old Saturn could have pleased her better. 2. ☌ ☿ ♀. 3. ☌ ♃ ♀. 11. ☌ ♂ ♃. 12. ☌ ♀ ☿. 23. ☌ ☉ ♄. 28. ☌ ♄ ☿. ☌ ♃ ☿. Observations on July. 1680. I Hear Astrologers by this time taking me to my Task, and wondering I forgot the Moon, their chief Goddess, all this while. Shall I tell you then? The Moon would take up so much time to mind all her Motions, the Trines, Sextiles, Squares, and Oppositions, she makes to every Planet, several times every Month, that I should not have a minute's leisure to observe the Addresses of her betters: She is such a strange odd Woman, that I care not how little I have to do with her; there's hardly a day sometimes passes in a whole Month, but she's making of Courtesies, tempting or provoking some of the Planets; nay I have known her sometimes in one day have something to do with every one of them: One she lies with, a second claps her on the Breech, a third kisses her, she huffs a fourth, squints at a fifth, and declares open War, the utmost enmity, to the sixth, and, in a few days, rings the Bells backward, shows her good and bad side to 'em all; but Astrologers are not of my Mind, they'll hardly stir abroad unless the Moon be in some good Aspect: when she beholds Jupiter or the Sun, then they'll be so bold as confidently to wait on Persons of Quality. Observations on August, 1680. THE Sun and Venus being by this time far advanced together in Leo, may be apt to make several phoud Sons of the Whore of Rome look as high above Protestants as they did before the Plot broke out: but before the end of this Month Jupiter comes and squares the Sun, which may notably foretell, that Popish ecclesiastics will, by an over weaning Opinion of their own Capacity in Politics, run themselves into some further prejudice with this Nation. A little before the Murder of Sir Edmund bury Godfrey, there might have been some such ill Aspect, for they were then strangely out in their Politics, and through mistake may prove to have blasted the fair hopes of every Papist in this Kingdom, and hung themselves in a string, instead of destroying that Worthy Gentleman. A little before the mentioned square, Saturn and Mars, the great Contrivers of Milchief, meet together to consult, and it being in Cancer, a crabbed Sign, we have all of us reason to fear the worst. ☉ ♌. ♀ ♌. 28 Ϲ ♃ ☉. 20. ☌ ♄ ♂ in ♋. Observations on September. 1680. Mar and Venus meet again in a kind loving way this Month, and the Sun gets as close to her, as 'tis possible: They are both such hot Blades, that I can't warrant her from catching a Clap; only we may hope well of her side, because she's at home in Libra, in her own House, where she may take as much care of herself as she pleases. The Sun is in his Fali, and his Reins weak: The overgreat heat of the Summer, and his many lecherous Conjunctions, may have much occasioned it. 'Tis Mars that helps to spit Fire from Leo: Therefore I would by all means advise our Ladies of Pleasure, to have a care how they bestow themselves about this time; for if they should catch a Mischance, they'll be apt to meet with an ill cure, by taking some ill Preparation of Mercury, he being now Retrograde, and out of humour. Besides, Saturn Squares the Goddess they pay their Devotion to; so that if Jupiter does not help with his most kind Countenance, I know not what will become of her. He is in a double-bodied Sign indeed, and is naturally of a very sound temper of body; so that 'tis likely enough he may do the Harlot some remarkable piece of service. 10. ⚹ ♂ ♀. 12. ☉ in ♎. ☿ R. in ♎. 26. Ϲ ♄ ♀. 21. △ ♃ ♀. ♃ in Ϲ. ♂ in ♌. Observations on October. 1680. MErcury is all this Month in lecherous Signs; so that Astrologers will be hot, though the Wether be cold: But have a care, I warn ye, what ye do, while Saturn is in an ill humour. The Old Man has been a long time in a Paw-Sign, and is well enough inclined by this time, but he's apt to be Envious; yet being told by one of the wisest of his Admirers, that he shall shortly enjoy a very pretty Lady, and have more vigour than his Age will allow, he grows extraordinary well pleased before the Month is over, and makes a Trine to Mercury: with a great many thanks. Well, but Mars and Venus, Lovers, fall out: I wonder at it, because Venus is got into Scorpio, which signifies the main thing that he loves her for, and 'tis one of his Houses; so that he's very rude and ill-natured, to have no more respect for her at such a time, and in such a place. Mercury is Combust, and in Scorpio too; so that Astrologers should look to't, that they don't meddle too much with the Girls that come to ask them Questions. But 'tis no great matter if they be bit by the Scorpion; they pretend to have the Faculty of curing themselves: For Culpepper has made Physicians of many an Old Woman, as well as Astrologers. ☿ in ♎. 5. Ϲ ♄ ☉. 31. △ ♄ ☿. 24. Ϲ ♂ ♀. Observations on November. 1680. HEat and Cold, Saturn and the Sun are very obliging and Complimental, the beginning of this Month; but I fancy, 'tis only Courtier's kindness, your Humble Servant a thousand times over, when they hate and despise you at Heart. The Sun, Venus, and Mercury, are all in Opposition of Jupiter; so that I can't tell what to think of the Bishops. Three to one's odds, Man, Woman, and Child, say you? I wish their Lordships well in health, and well to pass. The Moon does even the same things she uses to do: Whether she's most apt to make the Wether Cold now, or Rainy in September, I leave the Learned to consider. If Astrologers, would believe more in God, than they do in her, I should not be so angry with 'em: but I warrant they'll set a Figure to find me out; I fear 'em not, S— himself knew nothing on't, when a man lay with his Wife. Let them disprove my Observations if they can, I dare vindicate the truth of them by keen dint of Pen, against e'er a He amongst. 'em: But then they must write mighty soberly, or else they'll hardly tempt me to lose my time with 'em. 4. △ ♄ ☉. 6. ☍ ♃ ♀. 13. ☍ ♃ ☿. 22. ☍ ♃ ☉. Observations on December. 1680. GEntlemen, ye're very welcome to the last Month; in troth I'm almost tired, th' have cost me a full morning's work, and 'tis not good to surfeit. If you are not quite tired too, I would tell you a little more News before we depart. Jupiter and Mars are in their hottest loves with Venus this coldest time o'th' year, but Saturn is as cold to her as the Wether. 'Tis very likely Astrologers may get a Shilling for a Figure, and a Groat for an Urinal upon the Trine of Mars and Mercury; the direction happens twice this Month, so that 'twould be very probable they would get enough to pay for Meat, Drink, and Lodging, if Saturn did not oppose it, as he does twice too. Last Month I told you how kind and Ceremonious the Sun and Saturn were, I told you 'twas but hollow-heartedness, for now they are passing at one another with all the eagerness that can be. And now, my dear good Reader, I hope I have diverted thee a little, but shall not much concern myself to know too much of thy mind in that point; please thyself, and thou pleasest me. 1. △ ♂ ♀. 20. △ ♃ ♀. 7. △ ♂ ☿. 18. △ ♂ ☿. 12. ☍ ♄ ☿. 18. ☍ ♄ ☿. 29. ☍ ♄ ☉. THe Stars, Ethereal Bard, to thee Shine clear, And all our future Fates thou makest appear. But that thy Wife is Common all men know, Yet what all see, there's not a Star doth show. Saturn is blind, or some long Journey gone, Not able to discern an Infant from a Stone. The Moon is fair, and as she's fair, she's , And won't behold thy Wife so lewdly embraced. Europa Jov●, Mars Venus, she Mars Courts; With Daphne Sol, with Hirce Hermes sports. Thus while the Stars their wanton Love pursue, No wonder, Cuckold, they'll not tell thee true. More's Epigram. FINIS.