THE Knight Adventurer: OR, The Infamous and Abominable History of that Terrible, Troublesome and Vainglorious Knight Sir FIRE-DRAKE: Showing all the Passages of his Unvaliant, Courageous, and Knight-Arrant-Villainous Feats of Arms. Translated by himself out of Wilde-Irish, into Tame-English, because he did not understand the Language. This being the 25th. Edition; and never twice before Printed. LONDON, Printed by R. I. to be sold at the Black-Spread Eagle and Sun in the Old-Bayley, 1663. TO The Right Worshipfool, Honourable, Right Royal, Noble, Puissant, most Excellent, Arrogant, and Notorious Warrior, Colonel, Captain, Lieutenant, Sergeant, Corporal, Musketeiro Bounce: I dedicate these my strange, happy, and unfortunate Adventures. Terrible Sir, I Dare not question but that you have read the famous story of our Brother Mandevil, and shook hands with many of his Baboons, danced a ●otch Hornpipe with his Dragons, & taught ●any of his Cat-a-mountains to play of the virginals; but all this is from the purpose, the ●ry I am to relate is more wonderful, and almost) as true (if not altogether.) Were St. ●orge now living, I could teach him twenty ●yes to cut up a Dragon, and instruct fa●ous Guy of Warwick, twice as many ways Carbonado a dun Cow; and with another ●●ck that I have, he should kill Colbrand the ●●a●t with a Poddgun; though Captain Drake was a brave fellow for the Sea, and could swim like a fish, yet 'tis well known to most of the valiant Dutchmen, that I can drink like a fish; and though he could boar a hole in the side of a ship, I can pierce one in the head of a Kilderkin, and in firework I have as much skill as he, my nose shall make it good, which did but drop once into a barrel of Gunpowder, and it blew up a whole Leaguer, but I must confess such a firework hath cost many a man his whole estate, and so it did mine; but what hath any man to do with my nose, my name is Fire-drake; nay I have an unmerciful name, for my name is called Water Fire-drake, and all the world knows fire and water are unmerciful Elements, then sure I think the Sea-Captains must confess me the better Drake, i● respect I am as well for fire as water, and believe the man that kills me were as goo● run thorough fire and water, for he shall find● me then a Mandrake; but leaving this lon● Epistle, I will proceed to the adventures ●● him That is your most obedient Servant cut your throat, or your friend whensoever you shall command him Walter Fire-drake The Knight Adventurer: OR, The Infamous and Abominable History of that terrible, troublesome, and vainglorious Knight Sir FIRE-DRAKE. The first Adventure. IT was about the year two thousand eight hundred ninety ten, when Will Summer was Lord Mayor of Golding-Lane, and Tarleton was his Sword-bearer, that I, and half a score Knights more that shall be nameless, because I think they were never christened▪ marched forth the five and thirtieth day of December, to a dangerous, dismal, terrible and frightful desert, known by the name of Black-Heath, where we met with a monstrous Giant, called by men that knew him Butcherino, with a great Club in's neck, and a long piece of Iron by his side at his girdle, on which he often whets his ●loody knife, when he commits Lamb slaughter, and it seems he had been upon some adventure; for he had conquered some nine or ten wild beasts, which roared and bellowed as if it had been thunder; their skins were all black, and each of them upon their moustrous heads two mighty horns, only one little wild beast, with a white face; I think they called him Essex, he had no horns, and when he eat, his saws went awry, as if they had been practising to sing Pricksong; but he had a very small voice; I did no sooner meet this aforesaid Giant Butcherino, but I came behind him, and gave● him such a clap on the pate, that I made him shake his héels without music, which when a terrible wild beast he had by him, that uses t● keep his house, whose name was Balie, saw me so confound his Master Butcherino, he flies upon me with open mouth, and catches hol● of one of my hind quarters; and had it no● been for the Knights, I think he had torn me sufficiently; away run all the wild beasts, an● in conclusion, we did not take Butcherino life, but cased him of a burden of some fort● pounds he had in his pocket; having thus t●ken away his Treasure, we left him bou●● hand and foot, and with little loss of bl●● came off fairly, with this adventure; so w●● went some ten miles further, and equals shared the Treasure of Butcherino amon● us, and this was the end of my brave and first valiant Adventure, and now I shall go forward to the next, if your patience will give me audience. The second Adventure showeth how he and his Comrogues aslaulted the thatched Castle of Farmarello, and how they escaped. THe Treasure being ●pent, which we by our valour and prowess purchased from Butcherino, in spite of Balls tooth; ere we had walked some ten and twenty miles, we lost a fair and wellbeloved Damozella, whose name was Pecunia, which we before had stolen from Usurero King of Manypence; the Maid being gone, we were all mightily dismayed; yet meeting at the last with a Squire of low degree, whose name was Beggarillo, a servant to the Maunding Knight of the Clappdish, a very able Knight, and one that never goes without a thousand pieces about him (though he never wore purse or pockets) who had always a Rampant Monster at his command, called Louse-Crackero, and the Palfry he rid upon was Fleabitten; the aforesaid Squire (belonging to this Knight) said, he could tell us tidings of our great loss the Lady Pecunia, which when we demanded, he declared to me, and my Com-Raskal, Rob-in Highway, the relation in this manner. The Speech of Beggarillo to the Knights. YOu puissant Knights, and unbeloved Warriors, who scorn to fight on equal terms with any man, for you think he is not worthy to combat with you that is not an abler man (I mean in purse g●d Knights) for which cause you are always suspected to be noble and valiant, because you relieve the weaker side; Arthur's Knights were of the Order of the Round Table: The Knights of Malta, of the Order of the Red-Cross, but you of the Disorder of the highway: You are the Knights that keep men from many ill vices: A traveller that meets with you shall not be drunk that night, lie with his Hostis' daughter, or lose his many at Tables: Likewise you ease him of many verations; for when he parts from you, he hath not a Cross about him; you have an excellent way to keep him from swearing (I mean some oaths that many swear against your will in the Kingdom) which are these (by the cross of this ; or, I wish this silver were melting in my guts) Then if he cannot swear these oaths, I am sure the Tapster will not give him leave to sweat these oaths; would this drink may be my poison; or, would this bread may choke me : nay he must not dare to swear (so gently as a Weichman) by this Cheele. And now I have given you your noble titles, I will discover to you where your Damosel the Lady Pecunia is, therefore I pray give good ear to me. The Description, Just at the foot of the next steepy hill, There lives a Giant (if it be thy will) Between 2 fields, one green, the other yellow, This Giant dwells, whose name is Farmarello, About his fields his servants all are pliant, And just before the Castle of this Giant There stands a Fort, which he doth call Dispatch The walls are board, the roof is English thatch, Within this Fort he doth his Madmen keep, One with a long Bro●● all the Fort doth sweep; Two others do with cudgels, they call Flails, Lay on, as they had Nettles in their tails, Not on each other, 'tis the Giant's Law, That they lie all day long a beating straw, Which is no sooner beaten, but there comes A rank of wild beasts without Fifes or Drums Doth bring in more (& they are driven thence By names I ne'er read in my Accidence:) I think I can remember what they be; Ball, Pie-ball, Villiar, Sorrel, Gee, Ho, Ree. Before the Fort, and at the righter hand Doth monstrous Racks, and many horn-beasts stand And in this Farmarello's house I wis Your Damozella fair Pecunia is, But have a care; you'll enter on your danger, Beware the beasts that lie at Rack & Manger. Thus the Courteous Squire Beggarillo delivered to us where we might achieve again the beauty of the fair Pecunia (which in English is called Madam Money) ere we got to the foot of the hill it was midnight, and coming near the house of this massy Giant Farmarello; we heard the roaring and mooing of his beasts, the fluttering of his Eagles, the mewing of his house-trap, the sworting of his servants, the suéezing of his Maidens; no light appeared in the house, and (a Pox take them) I heard two of Balls kindred grumbling of Logic together; but they were in two little Blockhouses, which in English you call Kennels, I am sure every straw appeared unto me like a piece of Ordnance (I cry you mercy, I have a little forgot myself) I could not see indeed, 'cause it was midnight, but I am sure I thought I saw the straws; well, for all this, what we could not do by violence, we did by policy, so we put our unhappy Squire in at Farmarello's window, where he most softly (as he hath a rare Art that way) crept up to th' Chamber where the Giant lay snorting by his Gyantess Dousabella; and putting his hand into the giant's pocket, he took the keys outs found out the Prison where Pecunia was lodged, opens the window, and throws her with the rest of her kindred Mris. Argent, and Mrs. Aurum out into our Arms, for they had been kept in a great deal of slavery, and put into Canvasse-baggs, instead of Black-baggs: When our Squire had thus released the Ladies, as he was coming down softly Farmarello's stairs, he fell down, and broke his leg (and broke the neck of a Proverb too, which says, he that goes foftly, goes safely) off went a Canon (shot by Farmarello) up rose the Kitchen-wench with the Spit, Squire Tom with a Ladle, Hob Carter with a Whip, Tim Thrashwell with a flail, Dousabella with a Distaff, out flew Ball and his Nephew with ●loggs at their Arses, away run we with the Ladies at our Arses; they cried, stop Thiefs, we cried run Knights; but Rob-in Highway mistaking the Road, run himself into a Millpond; one of Farmare●lo's servants being betwixt sleeping and waking, in earnestness to apprehend him, fell after him, at last all the rest of us escaped, but went all several ways, only I kept the Road some twenty miles together, and at the next Town caused my Lady Pecunia to buy me a horse to follow adventures; the next chapter you shall see an end of me. My last Adventure, wherein is declared the pursuit of the Giant Farmarello, how he sent forth his men of War: and how strangely I was taken Prisoner. AFter this our strange escape from the dismal Giant Farmarello, which made us all dispersed, I with my Lady Pecunia by my side, continued on the Road until I came unto a Town (which is now out of my remembrance there at my friend Tapsterino's Castle, my Lady and I had entertainment, where I bought me an horse of his Squire Ostlero, but when I had solaced myself all night with my Lady Pecunia, I resolved the next day to ride upon more Adventures, but so soon as ever I was mounted on my Palfry, I had tidings brought me by Beggarillo, that one of Farmarello's Knights, that was a Dutchman, whose name was Hue an cry, Van Hang an draw, with another Knight and an English man, whose name was Constabello, with a band of armed men called Officero's, that followed to surprise us for the Ladies, which the Squire that broke his leg confessed I had carried away, and withal gave him notice of all our names; I no sooner heard this news, but the Giant's Knights were in sight of me, upon that I set spurs to my Palfry, and fled from them, for I knew there was no contending against so many able Knights; so away rid I, they after me crying, stop thief: Upon these words, a Squire that met me, offered to lay hold on my Bridle, for which cause I knocked him down, and still continued my speed; after that, two more met me, and would have stopped me, had I not rid over one, and knocked down the other: Thus I perceiving how generally envious the Country was against me (because prevention is the heart of policy) I resolved to knock down every man I met or over-took, before they should have warning to apprehend me; or after I was past them, to tell the Giant's Knights which way I code; a man would have thought this had been a pretty piece of policy, but it happened to be my ruin, for after I had gotten the start of the pursuers some three or four miles, I might have turned which way I would, and never have been discovered; for I did not meet one man in the riding a dozen miles together; at last who should I overtake but a tall fellow in a Canvasse Frock, with a Whip in his hand driving of Palfreys, that drew a Cart or Wagon after them; and for fear this fellow should surprise me (which I dare swear ne'er harboured a thought of me) I came behind him, and with my French Club, called Battoon, I aimed to strike him full on the head, and afterward to turn out of the Road, but it happened by being too eager, I miss his head, and he received the blow on his shoulder▪ but he feeling the smart of so sudden and violent a stroke, as suddenly turns about with his Whip that way the blow came, and by strange chance twined his Whipcord some four or five times about my neck, and snatching hastily his Whip again, to give me the second lash, he drew me off my Palfry, and in the middle of the highway beat me, till the Knights that rid in purfuit of me came and attached me for the Lady Pecunia, whom I offered to them, but they would not receive her, so I and my Lady was bound hand and foot, and brought to London, the place from whence I first set forth; there was I laid in a Castle called by name Newgate, where I found many more wand'ring Knights; amongst them, who should I meet with but Rob-in Highway, he that upon the escape fled into the Millpond (I ever thought he was not born to be drowned) after some certain days we were condemned to be racked to death on a three legged horse, but my Lady Pecunia, because she suffered herself so easily to be taken away, was in shameful manner plucked limb from limb, and divided by the Keeper of the Castle, and his Officers. Thus it appeared by cruel fate, My adventurous Warrant was out of date; All you that go on such Adventures, Let the Devil make you better Indentures. FINIS. Imprimatur Tho. Wykes.