THE TRANSPROSER REHEARSED: OR THE Fifth ACT OF Mr. Bayes' PLAY.  
Being a POSTSCRIPT to the ANIMADVERSIONS on the PREFACE to Bishop Bramhall's Vindication, etc.  
SHOWING What Grounds there are of Fears and jealousies of Popery.  
OXFORD, Printed for the Assigns of Hugo Grotius, and jacob Van Harmine, on the North-side of the Lake- Lemane. 1673.   

A POSTSCRIPT TO THE ANIMADVERSIONS UPON THE PREFACE TO Bishop bramhall's Vindication.  
THE Author of the Animad-versions upon the Preface to Bishop bramhall's Vindication, etc. (if it be not too great a favour to call him an Author that writes a Book upon a Preface) having posted up a Play-Bill for the Title of his Book: And here by the way, we cannot but congratulate his honourable employ, and question not but to hear of his being preferred from writing of Bills for the Playhouses to penning of Advertisements for the Stage-Coaches and Bills for the Pox, and after a proficiency therein, to be admitted upon the next vacancy, to form Draughts for the Arithmetic and Short-hand-men, and frame Tickets for the Rope-dancers and the Royall-Sport of cockfighting, that so he may arrive in a short time to be Author of most of those ingenious Labours which curious Readers admire at Passing times in their passage between Whitehall and Temple-bar.  
I say, this great Author (of Play-bills) having in conformity to his promising Title Transposed the Rehearsal, or at least all of Mr. Bayes his Play extant, four Acts. I thought it was great pity so facetious and Comical a work should remain incomplete, and therefore I have continued it on, and added the Fifth, the Argument of which, and its dependence on the other Four, I shall give you an account of after a preliminary examination of the Characters and Plot in our Authors Transposed Rehearsal.  
But before I proceed to either of these, it will not be unnecessary to consider on what bottom he has erected his Animad-versions, and this I find to be no other than the Preface to Bishop bramhall's Vindication, which is as much as to say, here is a House wrought out of a Portal. 'Tis pretty I confess, and exceeds the power of common Architects. But what follows is more strange, that 100 pages (the Preface is no more by his computation) should be foundation sufficient enough to support his mighty Paper-building of 326.  
Now 'tis very probable, that which gave the principal hint to our Author's Rehearsal Transprosed, was the near accord he observes betwixt the Preface and Mr. Bays his Prologue, P. 14. and here, I cannot but applaud his admirable dexterity that could extract four Acts of a Farce, from a single Prologue, but such is the singular felicity of some Animadverters, (and of ours amongst the rest) in their illustrating of Authors, that they have heightened and refined some of their Notions, not only above all others, but above even the intentions of the dull Authors themselves; A rare Art! and followed so well by some of our Translators of French Farce, that some of them have been luckily mistaken for Authors. For instance, the Writer of the Preface had said, He could not tell which way his Mind would work itself and its thoughts; now this our Improver of Verity, according to his peculiar excellence, P. 12. resolves into Prince Volscius his Debate betwixt Love and Honour, and tells you more of the Author's mind in Verse, than he could do himself in Prose. And this feat is performed by no other Magic than Regula Duplex, turning Prose into Verse, and Verse into Prose alternatiuà. See what Miracles men of Art can do by Transversing Prefaces, and Transprosing Plays.  
But to go on with our Prologue, (so the A imadverter will warrant me now to ●●ll the Preface) our Critic hath found a 〈◊〉 in it, and what's that? It has no Plot. 〈◊〉, ● P●●logue without a Plot! It is impossible, ti● a cross-graind objection this, 〈◊〉 not easily evaded, had not our Cri●●laid Mock-Apologist and answered 〈◊〉, P. 11. the Intrigue was out of his head, which is very civil I gad.  
Another weighty exception against o●r Prologue is, that it is written in a Style, part Playbook, and part Romance, p. 22. (Which of these two is Gazett, for that the Animadverter says, is our Author's Magazine.) this is more unpardonable than the former; for what can be a higher Indecorum than a Prologue written in Playbook stile. But that we may the better understand the pertinenc● of this Remark, we must desire the Reader to observe, That the Writer of the Preface had said, That the Church of Ireland was the largest scene of the Bishop's Actions. Now it will go very hard, but this Passage will be condemned for one guilty word or two; for Histories are Plays without Scenes, and without Action; and these two words being neither of the Historians Profession, nor Divines: the Bishop's Historian must of necessity be cast, unless he have any hopes of benefit of Clergy; however we hope before Sentence be past, the Animadverter will inform us, what words are of the Clergy, and what of the Laity, which in Holy Orders and which not; and then their several Divisions, which Catholic, and which Schismatical; and amongst them, which Classical, Congregational, and of inferior Sects; whethàr for Church of Ireland he would read Congregation, for Scene, Diocese or Pulpit, and for Actions, Spiritual Exercises or Labours.  
But if at last the Animadverter intent by Play-Book-Stile, whatever is written above the common elevation, unless he would have the Priest and the Poet write in two distinct Languages; I see no reason to allow him, that the Priest should make use of a less refined and polished Style than the Poet. If after all this any one should be so impenitently inquisitive, as to demand a reason why our Prologue Critic would have a Prologue with a Plot, and not written in Play-Book-Stile, he will answer him, no doubt, because 'tis New.  
From the Prologue, pass we to the Rehearsal Transprosed, in which the Characters, the Action, and the Humour offer themselves to our consideration. The principal person concerned in this Farce is Mr. Bays, whom our Transproser makes to be of the same Character with the Writer of the Preface; for which he alleges these following reasons, pag. 15, 16.  
First, Because he hath no name, or at least will not own it (Good.)  
Secondly, Because he is I perceive a lover of elegancy of Style, and can endure no man's Tautologies but his own; (Good again) and therefore, I would not distaste him with too frequent repetition of one word, (Very good I'faith.) But chiefly because Mr. Bays, and He do very much symbolise in their understandings, in their expressions, in their humours, in their contempt and quarrelling of all others (and all that) though of their own Profession. Then less chiefly, Because our Divine, the Author, manages his contest with the same prudence and civility which the Players and Poets have practised of late in their several Divisions (there's a bob for the Playhouse. And lastly, Because both their Talents do peculiarly lie in exposing and personating the Non-conformists. (I gad sir, and there you have nicked the present juncture of Affairs.)  
To all these Reasons, our Farce-monger might have added another, which is a non pareillo, namely, that which Mr. Bays returned when it was demanded of him, Why in his grand Show (grander than that in Harry the VIII.) two of the Cardinals were in Hats, and two in Caps, because— By gad I won't tell you, Which after a pause, is a reason beyond all exception.  
Now though the foregoing Parallel betwixt Ecclesiastical Mr. Bays, & Mr. Bays in the Rehearsal be so exact, that it were hard to distinguish betwixt Mr. Bays, and Mr. Bayes, had not one writ a Preface, and the other a Play; Yet because in the nearest resemblances of Twins, 'tis not impossible to trace some marks of distinction and Housewives there have been upon Record, so expert, as to discern a difference even in Eggs, so as they never mistook one▪ for another; we shall endeavour to show, that these two are not so alike, but that they are as unlike too; nay most unlike in their nearest resemblances.  
First, Then our Transproser craves leave to call the Writer of the Preface Mr. Bays, because he hath no name, or a least, will not own it; from whence we may infer, That every Anonymus Author may be as well called Mr. Bays, as this Writer. And what may we then think of the Gentleman himself, who would be Gossip to all the nameless Offsprings of the Press, and yet has not fathered his own Bastard; but let him learn to christian his own Brat first, before he gives Nicknames to others; for who can endure that he should undertake, as Godfather, for another's child, that leaves his own to the Parish; Had not his brain been delivered of this By-blow, without the Midwisery of an Imprimatur; the Printer and the Stationer at least, would have appeared as Sureties for the Child's behaviour, and the Issue might have been judged legitimate, though the Father were not publicly known. But now that the Infant has crept into the World without a lawful Father, without Gossips, nay, without a name (or what is all one, without a name of its own) we cannot but expostulate with Fate; as Prince Pretty-man much upon the like occasion.  
Was ever Child yet brought to such distress!  
To be, for being a Child, made Fatherless.  
Though every Nurse can readily point to Daddy's Eyes and Mouth, in the little Babies face, as if the dapper Stripling were to be heir to all the Father's features; and a Dimple, or a Mole, if hereditary, were better Titles to an InHeritance, than Deeds and Evidences. Yet none certainly was ever born with fairer Marks than this. For it is stigmatised in the Forehead, and bears in the Front the legible Characters of well-meaning Zealot.  
And thus much in consideration of the first Reason, that induced the Animadyerter to call the writer of the Preface Mr. Bayes, because he hath no name: for which reason he might as well have called him Bays Anonymus in imitation of Miltons' learned Bull (for that Bulls in Latin are learned ones, none will deny) who in his Answer to Salmasius, calls him Claudius Anonymus.  
The second Reason is, Because he would avoid Tautologies and distasteful Repetitions of one word; and to avoid this, he has taken a sure course; for since his own Invention could not supply him with variety of names, he has run over the Dramatis Personae of the Rehearsal; and because Mr. Bays alone was not sufficient for his purpose, he has made bold with Mr. Thunderer, Draw-can-sir, and Prince Volscius. These Titles he has conferred on our Author in consideration of his Dignity, as he is a Clergyman of Honour.  
But chiefly (as he goes on) because Mr. Bays and he symbolise in their understandings, in their Expressions, in their Humour, in their Contempt and quarrelling of all others, though of their own Profession. Now because these with their subsequent Train of Reasons [because that Players and he manage their contests with the same prudence and civility, and both their Talents lie in personating and exposing the Nonconformists] seem to make the most Pompous show of all the rest, (for the precedent ones conclude nothing, why he should be called Mr. Bays more than any other name) yetas you will easily discover, this Pomp is far from a Triumph, and not less ignoble than Cardinal Campejus his Pageantry, whose Mules under glorious Trappings, and rich foot clothes, carried such disgraceful lumber, as is not usually concealed in Carrier's Packs.  
1. Then as to their Symbolising in their Humour & Expressions, Mr. Bays you know, prefers that one quality of fight single with whole Armies, before all the Moral virtues put together; and not with standing whatever the peaceable moralist says to the contrary, allows Fortitude the Precedency of the Red-Hatted Virtues, & that Fortitude which consists in Conquering, not in Suffering, (for these two differ one from another more than Mr. Bayes his two Cardinals in Hats, from those two in Caps) whereas the Bishop's Historian gives the Palm to Innocence, Innocence which is no less a stranger to the use of Swords and Guns than the naked Indian! this and an untainted Reputation were the Bishop's Armour. Your Weapons of Offence, and your good old Fox you would have girt him with, you might have reserved for some of your Pulpit-Officers, who made less use of the Sword of the Spirit when they fought under the Banner of the Lord of Hosts, (so they called the Earl of Essex).  
Again Mr. Bayes places most of his Art in the various Representations of Battles, and in entertaining your eye with Encounters betwixt the great Hobby-Horses and the Foot, or your ear with the Battle in Recitativo (which resembles not a little your Troops singing of Psalms in their Marches) nay he gives it as one of the greatest Eulogiums to his Play, that it shall Drum, Trumpet, shout & Battle, I gad, with any of the most Warlike Tragedies Ancient or Modern. But in the Bishop's Panegyric, We hear of nothing but the softer sounds of Peace, and a happy Composure of those Divisions which have too truly made the Catholic Church Militant: An Union, or at least an Accommodation, between the Churches of Christendom, was one of those glorious Enterprises, and great designs, which the Bishop's active and sprightly Mind was buried in; and for such Enterprises and Attempts (Mr. Bayes, and you call nothing Enterprising, but going to Fifty-Cuffs with Armies) you enviously compare him to the Bishops of Munster, Strasbonrg and Colen, and might with as much show of reason to the three Kings of Colen, and that had been Majestic indeed, ay and greater to the Ear than the two Kings of Brainford, for that had been three Kings of one Place.  
But then the Animadverter adds, because they symbolise in their Contempt and Quarrelling of all others, though of their own Profession. The Bishop's Panegyrist, 'tis true has expressed some Contempt, and not unjustly of the Army-Divines, and of such as were admired by the Ell and White Aproned Auditories; but this will not amount to Scandalum Magnatum. Nor can I conceive that every Cashiered Red-Coat once listed for a Levite, or every broken Shopkeeper made free of the Preaching-Trade, without serving a just Apprenticeship in it, has a Title to a Profession so sacred as our Writers is, and except only this unconsecrate Lay-Clergy, these Reverend Divines of the Shop and the Camp, I know of none that the Author of Ecclesiastical Policy quarrels with.  
The next reason is, because our Divine the Author, manages his Contest with the same Prudence and Civility which the Poets and Players have practised of late in their several Divisions. Here it is with the same Civility, and yet in the very next page he tells us, that Mr. Bayes is more Civil then to say, Villain and Caitiff, and yet these are not so tuant as Malapert Chaplain, Buffoon-General (and because it is an accomplishment to rail in more Languages than one) Opprobrium Academiae and Pestis Ecclesiae.  
The last is, because both their Talents do peculiarly lie in exposing and personating the Nonconformists. And who so fit to be brought upon the Stage as the Pulpit-Players, and those Religious Mimics that personated the Gravity of Divines without their Habits. Whom can our Theatres more deservedly expose, than those that turned the Church into one. Eccleastiques of the Sock and Buskin! To deny that they were Actors, were to question Nature that gave them Vizors for Faces. Certainly Lacies best Grimaces were never so Artificial as the Squints of a Humiliation Saint, and Mr. Scruple in the Pulpit has moved more to Laughter then on the Stage. Such has been the good fortune of your eminent Preachers, that their Sermons have been Acted with the same applause at the Theatre, which they have had in the Church, and been at the same time diversion to the Court, and edification to the Saints. But yet what the Playhouse gives us, is but Repetition of their excellent Notes, and we must confess, Ananias and Tribulation are Copies short of their Originals. The exploits of a Thanksgiving-Romance have far exceeded the boldest of our Heroick-Plays, and no Farce yet was ever comparable to one with Doctrines and uses.  
We have been somewhat the larger in the examination of this Character, because our Farce-Poet (in imitation of the French no donbt) has made but one Person considerable in his Play, and the rest as it were, but Attendants on him; for besides Mr. Bayes his part, we have only Thunder and Lightning, Prince Volscius and Draw-Can-sir Transprosed, and what is most observable here, is the fixing the Characters so, that one man may Act any of these Parts, nay one man may Act them altogether; for the Writer of the Preface is to present Mr. Bayes, Draw-Can-sir, Prince Volscius, and Thunder and Lightning all at one and the same time. A notable and compendious piece of Wit indeed; for by this means we have a whole Play Acted by one man, and if our Clergyman under the notion of Pluralist, may present five several Persons, why not ten, twenty, thirty, and so on till he represent an Army in Disguise, and by degrees at last the whole Church Militant, (that's greater than a single Army) now if Seculars be invested with the like power of representing Pluralities, one man may go for the Representative, not only of one Shire, but of all England, and by consequence a single Burgess may sit for the whole Parliament (this you may call a Parliament Individuum to match it with your Synodical Individuum.) But this it seems is the new way of Acting; First the Gentleman claps a pair of Boots on the Clergyman's legs, and so he personates Prince Volscius, and is sent on a Journey to Knightsbridge (though perhaps you'll hear by and by, he is not gone neither) anon he arms him with Sir Solomon's sword, and then he is the Ecclesiastical Draw-Can-sir (you forget that wearing a Sword is against the Canons) and after this had he planted a Ruff upon his neck, under that he might have quartered an Army Incognito; unless that this Army might better lie encamped in his Collar of Fortifications Sheerness, Innerness, etc. (which he has hung about our Author's neck for a Collar of Nesses.) This I must confess is more Magnificent, because it represents the Army, and their Trenches too. Thus it is but acting a different Dress and Equipage, and the same man is a Riding Prince, a Hero, and an Army in Masquerade, in his booted capacity he is Prince Volscius, in his Sworded Draw-Can-sir, a pair of Buskins thus may personate a whole Tragedy, and a single Sock a Comedy.  
But this notable Art of Summing up an Army in one Man, the Gentleman no doubt has learned from the Schools, which tell us, That from a Muster of Peter and Paul, and several Individuals, we come to frame a Character of bulky Vniversals; and if so, that one man in different capacities may act several Persons; no question but in many more, he may personate Mankind (which in the Malmsbury Style is but Artificial man) for so great a Latitude is there in this way of Representation by Symbols, and Hieroglyphical Signatures; that not only every variation of Dress, but every Change of Posture altars the property of the Actor, better than a Periwig or a false Beard. Thus the Philosophers have wisely taught us to distinguish betwixt Peter standing, and Peter Sitting; and the Transposer of the Rehearsal without all controversy will allow us, that the same man that sitting in a Chair, and pulling on one Boot, personates Prince Volscius, may, when he is prostrate on the ground, present Prince Pretty-man intranc'd.  
Now having had our Geneva Jig, let us advance to our more serious Councils. First then, after beating up of the Pulpit-Drums through the Ecclesiastical Camp, Draw-Can-sir (an Army in Himself) enters the Lists against Hungaria, Transylvania, Bohemia, Poland, Savoy, France, the Netherlands, Denmark, Sweden, and all Scotland, (for these, besides many more, he encounters in the disguise of Germany and Geneva) and to avoid the dull prolixity of relations of Squadrons here, and Squadrons there, their Forces ranged in Battalia, their Cannon placed, the Charge sounded, and the Alarm given.  Advance from Lambeth with the Curiasiers. 
At the very same instant these reply, 

The Band you Boast of, Lambeth Curiasiers,  
Shall in Geneva Pikes now meet their Peers.  
Draw down from Dort the Spiritual Mijn Heers  
To join with the Bohemian Musqueteers.  
Let the left wing of Zurick Foot advance,  
And line that Bramble Hedge,  
Th' Huguenot Horse we raised in France  
Shall try their chance,  
And scour the Meadows avergrown with Sedge.   

While our Blue Brethren of the Tweed  
Shall guard the Lake, if there he need,  
Secure our Trout, and save their Breed.   This, now, is not improper I think, because the Reader knows all these Towns and Territories, and may easily conceive them to be under the Spiritual Jurisdiction of john Calvin, john Huss, john Kn●x, Zuinglius, and the Hogen Mogen Clergy. And thus far in imitation of Mr. Bayes his singing-Battel, and though his way of fight in Recitativo is very pretty, yet, if this were represented with Bagpipes (instead of Lutes) and sung to the tune of a Psalm, I think, you would grant it a little better. But if this Representation of a Battle won't do, Transprosing Bays (for all this is but a Scene derived with a little alteration from his Rehearsal, as you may see p. 42. 43. 188. 202. 203. of his Playbook) has contrived it the other way too, and here, if I am not mistaken, you will have fight enough. You must imagine then after a terrible Sea-fight passed betwixt Draw-Can-Sir, (Who single man's a Navy) & an Armada of New-England Divines (concealed in a Fleet of Colliers) and many a Broadside of one whole Gun fired; a desperate Land-sight to ensue between the same numerous Draw-Can-Sir, and the Congregational Forces of the Swiss, Scotch, French, Dutch, Bohemian, and Genevois; in this Fray many a Monsieur Huguonot falls to the ground, many a Geneva Doctor loses his Ruff, and many a Scotch Kirkman his Blue Bonnet: here lies an Ecclesiastical Butterbox frying in his own grease, and there a Brawny Swiss Divine, (stripped of his Red and yellow Breeches) weltering in gore with a plump Bohemian; to contract, the Nonconformists bad need desire a truce to bury their Dead Nay, there are none left alive to desire it: but they are slain every Mother's Son of them: And now that Draw-Can-sir, striding over the dead Army, and brandishing his Sword, had Proclaimed his Triumph, I kill whole Nations, I slay both Friend and Foe, and you would expect that he had Hectored and Achillized 'em all out of the Pit, and routed them beyond the delivery of a Thanksgiving; Mr. Bays, to surprise you in the very Nick, tells you, that they are but stounded perhaps, and may revive again. Mr. Bayes had no sooner spoke the word, Rise, Sirs, and go about your business; but all on a sudden, up they get, Horse and Foot, some upon their legs, and some upon none, and away. There's ago off for you, this can be a Miracle to none that have heard of a certain Note, that Mr. Bayes has made in Effaut flat.  
Some Critical People there were, that took the liberty the other day, to examine your Romantic Tales, and one amongst the rest, who could not choose but deplore the sad sat of the Nonconformists that were forced to follow the wheels of Draw-Can-Sirs Chariot, was very curious to know why whole Nations, as Hungaria, Transylvania, Bohemia, etc. would suffer this Hero to use them so scurvily. Phoo! replied a Friend of the Transprosers, that is to raise the Character of those Nations; for they were such as Triumphed in their being knocked o'th' head; an Army of Martyrs, provided with no other Arms than Prayers and Tears; 
p. 303.  and what defence could these be against a hard hearted Infidel, that without respect to Law, Justice, or Numbers, would put them all to the Sword, beging on their bare knees for Quarter? One of the company would not let that pass so, but told us, that Prayers and Tears were a sort of weapons anciently in use among the Primitive Christians, before Bows and Arrows came up, but unknown to the Moderns for this many years, as much as any of Pancirollus lost Inventions; slighted they were at first 'tis thought, because they were not for dispatch; for a good murdering Cannon does more execution in one hours' time, than Prayers and Tears use to do in many Ages: the Germane Churches therefore, and some of their Neighbours, found a certain composition of Nitre and Charcoal, more necessary for the carrying on their Reformation then all the antiquated Artillery of the Ancient Christians. Captain Zuinglius, and john Calvin, converted more with Swords and Guns, then with their sweaty Preaching, and these are the powerful Arms they have bequeathed to all their followers in Transylvania, Hungary, Bohemia, Poland, Savoy, France, the Netherlands, Denmark, Sweden, Scotland, Geneva and Germany. But this increases my wonder, said his next Neighbour, that Draw-Can-Sir, unless he were Enchanted and Cannon-proof, should with his single Arm defeat so vast an Army, and so well appointed! Ay, replied he that spoke last, but he defeated only Geneva and Germany, and the other ten Nations virtually and inclusively. But is it possible answered another, that the greater should be included in the less, and that an Army compacted of ten different Nations should be drawn out of Geneva and Germany. Alack, alack, said I, that was upon the moderating part, you must conceive Sir, this is elevate, this is the new may of writing, for the Hungarians, Transylvanians, Bohemians, Poles, Savoyards, French, Netherlanders, Danes, Swedes, and all the Scots, lay concealed in Geneva and Germany. But is not this, says one, a thing somewhat difficult to keep this Spiritual Army thus concealed? Not at all, answers another, to continue on the mirth, if they made the Germane and Geneva Hosts their Friends. But this we took fora Play-Conceit ill Transprosed. Some therefore there were that spoke of the unhoopable Tun of Heidelberg, some of Sir Politicks comprehensive Tortoise, and some of Sir john Falstaff's more capacious Buck-basket: in short, after many reasonings and debates, while some said one thing, some another, a Gentleman in the conclusion, to put a period to the discourse, told us, that Wesiphalia in Germany bred a Number of very large Hogs, and the greater part of those being but Ratt-Divines, might be stowed in the fair quarters of their Bacon-Buttocks, as commodiously as that Army of Rats engammoned in the fat Haunches of the Arcadian Sow; and with this pleasant solution the Company was dismissed well satisfied.  
Now Sir, after this, the Reader may judge, how largely the Rehearsal has contributed to your controversial Adventures, & the Knight-Errantry of your faith; for to recapitulate. Pag. 42, 43. You sum up a whole Battle in two Representatives, so lively, that any one would swear, not only ten Thousand men, but ten Armies, and more, were at it, realley engaged: for besides Hungary, Transilvania, etc. many more, which for brevity, you omit (as the Churches of New Atlantis and Utopia) are included under Germany, and Geneva (that is virtually as Maggots in filberts.) Nay, what is more monstrous yet, the united Armies of ten Nations, (like Falstaffe's Buckram-men) have started out of three; for the six first, Hungary, Transilvania, Bohemia, Poland, Savoy, France, fight under the Standard of the Roman-Church; and Scotland under the English, and only Sweden, Denmark and the Netherlands (that sounds more pompous than the 7. Provinces) have listed themselves under Germany and Geneva.  
This is one of your bold strokes; another is p. 188. When you have ranged all your forces in Battle, when you have placed your Canon, when you have sounded a Charge and given the word to fall upon the whole party; if you could then persuade every particular person of them, that you gave him no provocation; I confess this were an excellent, and a new way of your inventing, to conquer single, whole Armies. To see the superfetatious Miracles of Art here in the Accumulative Virtues of a single Hero! He ranges his multiplied self (Horse and Foot) in battle array, he places all his Cannon (with fewer hands than Briareus by 98.) and in the same breath, sounds a Charge (with as many Trumpets as mouths) and gives the Signal to himself to fall on; this you may boldly challenge for your non ultra, it is as high as you can go.  
So, now come in Thunder and Lightning, that is, the Bishops Historian in those two shapes; and this way of making one Person represent a Dialogue between two, is very artificial indeed, yet this is performed with a little alteration of the voice (for besides the diversity of dress and posture, that of the Tone and Accent is no less considerable in an Actor's Representation of many Persons at one and the same time) 'tis but rattling in a big and hoarse voice, I am the bold Thunder; then squeaking in a shrill and tender, the brisk Lightning I, and the business is done; this now if you mark it, is extraordinary fine, and very applicable to the Bishop's Historian; for he saith, Some that pretend a great interest in the holy Brotherhood descry Popery in every common and usual chance; a Chimney cannot take fire in the City, or Suburbs, but they are immediately crying jesuits and Fire-balls. Now what does our Transproser do, but transverse this thus, 
I strike Men down.  
I fire the Town.   
Where, by the way, it is a marvel our Author, when he called his Book, the REHEARSAL TRANSPROSED, forgot to add, the PREFACE to Bishop Bramhall's Vindication TRANSVERSED, that double Elegancy would have been as pretty as two Flowers growing on one stalk. And this I mention the rather, because I sinned he is a professed Critic in Titles, for pag. 308, 309. observing, by chance, the Title age of this Book. A Rationale upon the Book of Common-Prayer, of the Church of England, by A. Sparrow, D. D. Bishop of Exon. With the form of Consecration of a Church or Chappel, and of the place of Christian Burial; by Lancelot Andrews, late Lord Bishop of Winchester; sold by Robert Pawlet, at the sign of the Bible (one would have thought that Sign might have atoned for all) in Chancery-Lane. This he tells us, was an Emblem how much some of them neglected the Scripture, in respect to their darling Ceremonies: So that the Animadverter cannot be better employed next, than in writing another Book of Animadversions upon Title-Pages. And because it is a Task so agreeable to his Genius, I could wish, if all other preferments fail, the Gentleman might be advanced to the Office of Title-Licenser, (than Robert Pawlet and james Collins might shut up their Shops, for any trading in Rationales, or Ecclesiastical Policies) and if he shall appear sufficiently qualified to discharge this trust; I would have him removed next (or if he please, Translated) to the greater Dignity of revising Prefaces, if he be not averse from that, because Prefaces, as well as Epistles Dedicatory, fell under the inspection of Archbishop Laud.  
But seriously had not our Author Entitled his Pamphlet, the REHEARSAL TRANSPROSED, we could have given it a more express Name (unless there be some mystery more than ordinary, couched in the word TRANSPROSED) which is the REHEARSAL TRANSSCRIBED, for in Transcribing more Verses of the REHEARSAL, than he hath Transprosed, his Play-Observations seem rather to have answered the latter Title. Besides his Verses before cited, pag. 170. of his Animadversions.  
I strike men down.  
I fire the Town.  
Pag. 62. He has haled in the two last Verses of the Song, which the two Kings of Brainford sing, descending in the clouds: for a Couplet in a Song gives a better Ragoust to a Controversial Discourse, than Bacon to an Olio, or St. Au●tin to a Sermon.  
Pag. 12. His Animadversion on these words of the Writer, He knows not which way his mind will work itself, and its thoughts amounts to no more than this; that our Clergyman was taken violently with a fit of Love and Honour, and being sick of Prince Volscius his disease, there was no other cure, but this Charm, 
Go on, cries Honour, tender Love says, Nay:  
Honour aloud commands, pluck both Boots on.  
But safer Love does whisper, put on none.   
And though the Writer protested He was neither Prophet nor ginger enough to foretell what he would do; the Animadverter (being both) tells us it is precisely, 
For as bright Day with black approach of Night  
Contending, makes a doubtful puzzling Light.  
So does my Honour, and my Love together  
Puzzle me so, I am resolved on neither.  Though the Verses come in to no more purpose than one of Bays his Similes.  
Again, for Bays his Verses will serve for all occasions, as well as his Prologue, for all Plays, pag. 202. he has borrowed these from the singing Battle.  
Villain, thou liest,—  
— Arm, Arm, Valerio Arm,  
The lie no flesh can bear I trow.  
If Mr. Bayes (as you tell us, pag. 17.) was more civil then to say Villain, he might have taught his Actors better manners. All these, (besides the two last verses of the event of the Battle) you have diligently Collected, and for the most part faithfully transcribed, unless in these last recited, where for Gonsalvo in the Rehearsal, you have put in Valerio, and by the alteration of that one word, have made it your own, just so Mr. Bayes used to do with many a good notion in Montaign and Seneca's Tragedies: yet though your Title promise us so fairly, you have not Transprosed three whole Verses in all your Book. But be it the Rehearsal Transprosed, or transcribed, or if you will, Reprinted, for your Pamphlet is little else but a Second Edition of that Play, and Mr. Hales his Tract of Schism: though methinks you might have so much studied the Readers diversion, and your own, as to have exercised your happy talon of Rhyming, in Transversing the Treatise of Schism, and for the Titles dear sake you might have made all the Verses rung Ism in their several changes. I dare assure you Sir, the work would have been more gratefully accepted than Donns' Poems turned into Dutch, but what talk I of that, than Prynnes Mount Orguil, or Milton's Paradise lost in blank Verse. But as it is, you give us quotations of whole Books, like him who wrote Zabarella quite out from the beginning to the end, professing it was so good he could leave none behind (how like is this to our Transcriber, yet whatsoever I omit, I shall have left behind more material passages, before his Edition of Hales, p. 176.) It is no absurdity now to say, your Text is all Margin, and not only all your Dishes, but your Garnish too is Pork. And thus much for your Regula Duplex, changing Prose into Verse, and Verse into Prose, that's your first Rule. Your second Rule, is the rule of Observation or Record, by way of Table-book. As thus, in my Observation (say you p. 168.) if we meet with an Argument in the streets, (An Argument! how civil that is for a brawl, so modest, so gent!) both Men, Women & Boys, that are the Auditory, (that's well, but Congregation would have been better) do usually give it on the modester side; and conclude, that he that rails most, has the least reason. Very subtly concluded by our Observer, the Boys, and the Women! Now I had thought that in a Controversy betwixt the Oyster-women and the Opponent Tankard-bearers, the cause had ever been carried with confidence & Noise, and that the Rabble adjudged the Victory on their side, who managed the dispute with the greatest clamour and violence, prosecuting the baffled Scold, that is the modester, with stones & hooting. But I will allow our Author's experience in the Rabble-Affairs to be greater, as having been a frequent & assiduous Spectator of these little broils of the Rascality. He has told us where to find the contemplative man, at the head of a troop of Boys and Women, in the corner of a Street, his Table-book out, and his hand and eyes very busy in remarking the petty disorders of a Riot. This is his Diary, in which our small Historian registers the proceedings of every Suburb Tumult; in this he sums up all the Billingsgate Debates and Conferences. 'Tis his scolding Common-place-book, which acquaints him with all the Moods and Figures of Railing; here he has all the terms of that Art which Smectimnuus, Marchmont Needham, I. Milton, or any other of the Professors ever thought of, for there is a certain form & Method in this as well as all other Arts; but yet, our Author being a wellwisher to the Railers, to encourage those that have any inclination this way, to improve that faculty, assures them. Pag. 261. That the secret is not great, nor the Process long or difficult, if a man would study it (and though in other things your knowledge may be above his, you may believe him in this, he hath made it his business) Every Scold hath it naturally. It is but crying Whore first, and having the last word. Next he instructs his Pupil in the several kinds of Railing; for besides the Common scurrilous way of calling men Buffoons, Brokers, etc. p. 270. pag. 106. in which he is so expert, that I am confident, that Fellow in Plutarch, that busied himself to find out how many several ways the Letters in the Alphabet might be ranged, tranposed & altered, could not invent more changes of the Letters, than he has in instructing them to scold; There is yet another by which dumb men may be taught to rail, that is by Signs, (for there is a Language of the Hand and Head.) This is pag. 160. Where he tells us of an incorrigible Scold, that though she was ducked over head and ears under water, yet stretched up her hands, with her two thumb-nails in the Nit-cracking posture, or with two fingers divaricated, to call the man still in that language, Lousy Rascal, and Cuckold: It is a pretty Tale, I confess, but so miserably foisted in, that whoever will consult the forecited Page, cannot but allow with me, that our Disputant is better capacitated to maintain an Argument (in his own Phrase) with a rude bustling Carrman, or a Porter in the street, then with an Ecclesiastical Politician.  
But to follow our Street-walker with a full Cry of Boys and Women at his heels, (he wants only the Fiddles to make up the Frolic) marching in state with his Retinue through Lincalns-Inne-fields to charing-cross, after a sober remark or two, according to his wont formality, on the Boys whipping their Giggs, and the Lackeys playing at the wheel of Fortune, p. 206. he casts his Eye sometimes upon the Booksellers Stalls, and sometimes upon the Wall; and gazing at last with admimiration at a Preface, showing what GROUNDS there are for FEARS and JEALOUSIES of POPERY: after a solemn pause and profound silence, having spit twice, he turns him round to his Auditory, (the White Aprons, and the Boys) and with a grave Nod, pointing to the Preface, See here (says he) is one of the dutiful Sons of the Church, that has writ a Preface, showing what GROUNDS there are, etc. when he knows as well as I, or any of you, I marry does he, that there are no GROUNDS at all, and therefore if he would have said any thing to the purpose, it should have been rather, A Preface, Showing the CAUSELESNESSE of the Fears and jealousies of POPERY, at which the Rout shouting Victoria, Victoria, the Gentleman big with wonder at his Lucky hit, turns to the wall, (as the Privy-councillor in Montaigne on the like occasion) and pissing, cries, Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us, but unto thy Name give the glory; then having damned the Rationales, as he passed along, he slips into a Coffee-house, leaving the Rabble to the following Adventures of the day.  
Here, placing himself at the Tables-end, and calling for a dish of Coffee, which no sooner brought, but after a short grace, drunk up; he exalts his Superciliums', and vexes his formal Beard, to make his Face look like the Turks in the bottom of the Dish, (for by that Glass the Sages lean to dress themselves in their Oracular looks) insomuch that the Coffee-Boy, who had all this while intentively observed the Affectations of our Man of Gravity and Understanding, had much ado to forbear ask him, whether, that was not his Picture which his Master had hung out, imagining, as he well might, that he had sat for the Coffee-house Sign. To proceed, the Gazett being examined, and many Political Discourses passed betwixt our Intelligent Sophy, and the more judicious Boy, (for this little Officer you must suppose is his principal Comrade, as being of greater quality than those that make up his Street- Auditory, and no less than our Author's Library-keeper). I say after several facetious reflections on both sides, on the Polish King, and his Crosslegged Parliament of Tailors, (managed in the style of Prince Prettyman and Tom Thimble) and many other Arguments too long to relate; Company coming in, and the house beginning to fill, more Coffee is the word, and away goes our Author's Comrade. By this time, the Politic Cabal-men were most of 'em set, and all the Rooms rung with nothing but a continued Noise of Arcana Imperii, and Ragioni di ●tato (in these places some think, most of our late Forms of Government were modelled, and there are, that say, Machiavelli the Florentine was born in a Coffee-house) And now one sinks the Dutch in a dish of Coffee, and another beheading the clean Pipes, prognosticates the fate of De-Wit and VanPutten, a third blows up a Fireship with a provident Whiff of Tobacco, and a fourth pouring a flood of Rheum upon the floor, opens the Hollanders Sluices. Many secret Intrigues were whispered too close to be heard, but amongst all, none we so loud, as a Junto of Wits, that had seated themselves near our Author: while they were engaged in a very warm dispute, the Man of Observations draws out his Table-book ('tis his most dangerous Tool) making all this while as he minded nothing, but no sooner had the Wits spoke of the Designs and Enterprises of the Bishops of Cologne and Strasburg: Oh ho (says he) are you there abouts, I think these are Bishop bramhall's fellows, or any an enterprising Bishop's of'um all; pop, he slaps them down, and makes them his own; and as they went on with the Attempts of the Bishop of Munster: So, there's another, I shall ●it'em for Bishops now I warrant you, and pricks him down. Bishops he knew they were, and enterprising designing Bishops; but never minded whether their Enterprises or Designs were of the same nature with Bishop bramhall's, or whether they acted in the like Capacity. If the Readers cannot find out that themselves, even let'em alone for Bays. Resolved it seems he was, come what would, to drag them by main force into his Book, and he has thrust'em in accordingly, by head and shoulders, two of them in one place; but of this he reputes him afterwards, and says, he was too prodigal of his Bishops; but if the Gazett Commentators had furnished the Man with any more, you should have had them freely, and what can be more reasonable? Where the Writer of the Preface tells us, that Bishop Bramhall finished all the glorious designs that be undertaken. This says he, might have become the Bishop of Munster; though he, we all know, has not accomplished all his designs; but our Author had never another Bishop left, and he must stop the gap, or no body, therefore to bring himself, and his Bishop off, he tells us, it might have become him, before he had raised the Siege from Groningen. Nay, than it is well enough, if it might have become him at all. But if yet you think these Bishops are not like Bishop Bramhall, he can dress up Bishop Bramhall like these Bishops, and because his reputation and Innocence were Armour of Proof against Tories and Presbyterians, he arms him with a good old Fox, (mark, here is Innocence with a Sword by its side,) and let any one judge now, whether Bishop Bramhall, in our Author's accoutrements, be not very like the Bishops of Cologne, Strasburg, and Munster.  
Ditto, (for we are yet in the Gazettstyle, and our Scene is still in the Coffee-house) We have advice, that the French, after a small dispute, forcing the Dutch from their Post, gained the passage over the Bettuwe, etc. I foresaw this all along (says a Vertuoso) this is Momba's and DeGroots doings, to leave this passage open and ungarded. My life for yours (replies another supping up his Coffee, and scalding his chaps for haste) this is a Plot, I plainly see't, a Plot of the Arminian Party; this has been a brewing any time this Thirty years and upwards, thus it always has been, and thus it always will be, as long as any of the Race of Barnevelt and Grotius are left alive. I gad, Sir, and you speak a great deal of Truth (says our Coffee-house Notary, whose hand was moving all this while) these Arminians are the rudest ill bred'st persons, and all that, in the whole world. There has been a party of'em in England, that shall be nameless; of such a Pontifical stiffness, as if they were Companions for none but Princes and Statesmen forsooth. Well, I'll say no more, they shall know what a Satirist I am, I'll Lampoon, and print'em too, I gad. So, out he goes, leaving the Arminian and Calvinistical Wits to fight it out at Argument.  
It is not easy to imagine now, with what pleasure our Author takes a review of his Forces drawn out in their Notional Parade. Here's a fantastic Bishop Bramhall, accoutred like a Germane Prelate, at the head of the Irish Army; there a Fairy Gr●tius making a Bridge for the Enemy to come over; while those Churches seated on the frontier of Popery, take Alarm at their march. Thus having raised and ranged in order his Martial Phantômes, he sets them a fight through all the Tropes and Figures of Rhetoric. He knew this way of resolving controversy into Ecclesiastical Combat, and deeds of Chivalry, would delight, a muse, and all that: Besides he had a politic fetch or two in it, for these Warlike N●●ions, and armed Ideas being terrible to him, he conceived they would be no less to others, and that no answerer would have the courage to engage such a Rhetorical Soldier, unless he were able to give him battle in all the Metaphors of War. But alas, it is not every Fight in Puppet-Shows strikes a terror in the beholders, nor are Armies figured, in the imagination, so dreadful.  
And though I will not deny, that these hostile Shapes and Military Figures, which our Romancer had quartered in the three Ventricles of his Capacious Brain (his Memory, Fancy and judgement being transformed into Fortification and Garrison) might raise such tumults in his Sconce, & so far invade his civil Peace, as to make the Gentleman startle at his own dreams: yet to those who consider that these are but the fumes of Melancholy, such Visionary Battalia's are no more frightful than thosefighting Apparitions; which Exhalations raise in the Clouds. But to indulgeour Author in the love of his Chimerical conceits, struck blind with his own dazzling Idea of the Sun, and admiring those imaginary Heights which his fancy has raised Since even timorous Minds are Courageous and bold enough to shape prodigious Forms and Images of Battles; & dark Souls may be illuminated with bright and shining thoughts. As, to seek no farther for an instance; the blind Author of Paradise lost (the odds betwixt a Transproser and a Blank Verse Poet, is not great) begins his third Book thus, groping for a beam of Light.  
Hail, holy Light, Offspring of Heaven first born,  
Or of th' Eternal Coeternal beam.  
And a little after, 
— thou I revisit safe,  
And feel thy sovereign vital Lamp; but thou  
Revisitst not these eyes, that roll in vain  
To find thy piercing Ray, and find no dawn;  
So thick a drop Serene hath quenched their Orbs,  
Or dim suffusion veiled.—   
No doubt but the thoughts of this Vital Lamp lighted a Christmas Candle in his brain. What dark meaning he may have in calling this thick drop Serene, I am not able to say; but for his Eternal Coeternal, besides the absurdity of his inventive Divinity, in making Light contemporary with its Creator, that jingling in the middle of his Verse, is more notoriously ridiculous, because the blind Bard (as he tell us himself in his Apology for writing in blank Verse) studiously declined Rhyme as a jingling sound of like end. Nay, what is more observable, it is the very same fault, which he was so quicksighted, as to discover in this Verse of Hall's Toothless Satyrs.  To teach each hollow Grove, and shrubby-Hill. 
This, teach each, he has upbraided the Bishop with in his Apology for his Animadversions on the Remonstrants' Defence against Smectymnu●s.  
You see Sir, that I am improved too with reading the Poets, and though you may be better read in Bishop Dav'nants Gondibert; yet I think this Schismatic in Poetry, though nonconformable in point of Rhyme, as authentic every jot, as any Bishop Laureate of them all. Tell not me now, of turning over the motheaten Critics, or the mouldy Councils: the Gazettes and the Plays are fitter Texts for the Rehearsal— Divines (men more acutely learned than Parson Otter and Doctor Cutberd the Canonist) than a company of dry Fathers and Schoolmen, that write in Latin and Greek; Romances are thumbed more than St. Thomas and Gondibert is Dogs-eared, while the Rabbis are untouched. Mr. Bays his Ipse Dixit will pass, when Pythagoras his will not, and the Rehearsal is more universally applicable than Homer or Virgil; though they and their Commentators have taught the World the Mysteries of Handicraft, the Principles of Arts and Intrigues of Government. This Mock-Play, not only reveals all the Stratagems of War; all the Policies of Courts, and Subtleties of Schools; but is so sufficient of itself for all Professions, Trades and Sciences; that if all other Books were lost, it is conceived they might be abundantly supplied from this. It has not only thrust the Duellist's Caranza out of doors, but the Politicians Machiavil, the Schoolmans' Scot●●, and the Soldiers Vegetius too. So completely necessary it is for resolving all Scruples and Cases of Conscience, that the neglected Casuists, unregarded and forsaken of all, lie covered over with dust and cobwebs; as in Astragons' Library, where 
— a deep dust (which Time does softly shed.  
Where only Time does come) their Covers bear;  
On which, grave Spiders, streets of Webs have spread;  
Subtle, and slight, as the grave Writers were.   
Now my curiosity tempts me to wonder not a little, why the Poet, after he had enumerated the Linguists, Schoolmen, Natural Philosophers, Moralists, Historians, Physicians, Civil Lawyers, and Poets, in Astragon's Library; should in the tale omit the mention of the Dramatists and Gazetteers; it being a thing wholly unlikely, that the wise Astragon should be unprovided of such excellent Authors. I conclude therefore, that the Dramatists must be included under the Title of Poets, and the Gazetteers under the name of Historians; and the latter at least, I am the rather inclined to believe, because our Animadverter (a man of profound learning) pag. 187. tells us, the story of Macedo is matter of Gazett; which by the way, is an important Discovery, as it serves to correct a popular mistake; for if justin and Quintus Curtius were Gazetteers, it is most certain, Gazettes are not so late an Invention, as is supposed. And of this I doubt not but our Author can produce undeniable Testimonies, if any man should be so bold as to call his authority in question; for I presume he has all the Gazettes upon the file, from Alexander the Great, to this present Day and Year. Well, such a Collection is an invaluable Treasury; but of all the rest, the Greek and Roman Mercuries best deserve a corner in a Statesman's Cabinet. Who would not give more for an Express from Salamis, or the Letters from Pharsalia, then would purchase the Sibyls Leaves, and rate the Diurnals of Caesar and Pompey at the price of Philadelphus his Library? How cheap was Fame then, when Luean acquired it by transversing the weekly-Posts? Who might despair of Honour, when it cost Livy no more than a Body of Collections not much superior to rushworth's; and Pliny procured it by setting forth a Volumn of Philosophical Transactions.  
But I am too sensible, these Reflections are not proportionable to their Subject. Your Notion Sir, is capable of higher improvements, and I leave it as an ample Theme for the Wits to dilate upon. Only from hence, if I may augurate the good fortune of your Writings. I dare assure myself, when the Acts and Monuments of Hen. Elsing. Cler. Par. Shall suffer by the hands of the well-affected Cooks and Pyemen; yours deserving a more honourable fate, shall be preferred to the Gazett- Vatican, and live amongst the immortal Memoires of the Coffeehouse.  
The zealous Citizens (if Fame be no liar) have bought up three Editions of your Book, and not unlikely, for they are yearly at a great expense in Paper for Prunes and Castle-Sope. Your Writings are made free of all the Trades, and whoso hath occasion to buy at many shops, purchases all your Treatise in parcels; for that and Pack-thread are given into the bargain.  
This way of selling your Book by Retail, is a notable expedient some have found out to disperse Orthodoxy with their Wares, which no policy can prevent, unless by making an inspection into the Covers of the Non-conformists Sugar loaves and Comfits. You travel with every Pound of Candles, and make every Race of Ginger a dear Token to the Brethren. Each Page of yours is sold by weight, and as Dr. Do●●e on a like Writer.  
— for vast Tomes of Currans and of Figs,  
Of medicinal and Aromatic twigs;  
Your leaves a better Method do provide,  
Divide to Pounds, and Ounces sub-divide.  
Disdain not Sir, to stoop to these inferior Offices, for some of your Papers may be reserved unhappily for base uses, and die the common death of Illegitimates; thrust into no other grave than the ordinary Jakes, and meriting no nobler Epitaph than this, 
Here lies in Sheets, TRANSPROSED RFHEARSAL;  
Condemned to wipe his, or her A— hole.   
If ever the Blue and White Aprons should be solicitous for a fourth Imp●estion, the Coffee-men I hear will bid fair for your Stationers; for besides that you have singularly obliged them, in demonstrating to the world the wonderful effects of an Education in their Academies, you have no less engaged their Customers in furnishing them with the best part of their Cheer, News and pleasant Tales. As any one may see, p. 242. 243. and at large in your whole Treatise, which is a Gazett of 326. pages. To this we may add, that your Wit is much after the same Rate and standard with theirs, and your Disputes maintained with as much Zeal, and as little Reason. For let any of the oldest Graduates in those tattling Universities resolve me, whether there was ever so sure and compendious a Method of silencing opponents, as you have found out. For 'tis but calling a man Mr. Bayes four times in a page (this you do under pretence of avoiding Tautologies) Lampooning the Antagonists Booksellers; nay his Stall, and the very Avenues on which the Title of his Book is posted, (for it is an horrible affront to any Idle gaping fellow, that he cannot so much as look at the Wall, nor pass by a Stall, but he must be outstared by an impudent Preface) tacking such words together, as Roman-Empire, and Ecclesiastical Policy, crying, this is a Scene out of the Rehearsal, and that is matter of Gazett, (for these two like Th●ramenes his Shoe, must fit all feet) saying, that the style confines on the Territories of Malmsbury, and then that 'tis part Playbook, and part Romance, (which of these come nearest Mr. Hobbs his Language) and in short, forcing in a wretched Tale, Rhyming to the Isms and Nesses, making three or four miserable Quibbles, and at last pronouncing in sum of all, that what the Adversary has wrote, is nothing but Railing, (which indeed in this Gentleman's sense is nothing but Argument, for so he calls Railing in the Street) if the greatest Disciples of Prattle shall not approve of these, for Reason's convincing and powerful enough to carry the Cause let 'em even look for better somewhere else, & when they have done, light Tobacco with the Book, the Coffee-man will be no great loser by it; and for any requital of their own loss of time, 'twas a sign they had little to do, when they first began to read it; if they are bilked in their expectation, who bid 'em expect great matters from one that performs so little. Now to our business, for methinks I hear some say, the Plot stands still; but I may answer with Mr. Bayes, What is the Plot good for, but to bring in fine things? To proceed then to the Plot and Design of the Transprosed Rehearsal, which was the next thing proposed to be examined. In this Farce, there is a several design for every Scene, for sometimes he tells us, that he accounted it a work of some Piety to vindicate the Bishop's Memory from so scurvy a Commendation as the Writer of the Preface has given; and by this it should seem, that he has written a Vindication of the Bishop from the Ecclesiastical Politicians Vindication, and yet elsewhere he says, that Bishop Bramhall, so he might (like Caesar) Manage the Roman Empire at its utmost extent, had quite forgot what would conduce to the Peace of his own Province and Country. And again, that he cannot look upon these undertaking Churchmen, however otherwise of excellent Prudence and Learning, but as men struck with a Notion, and crazed on that side of their heads, and so he thinks the Bishop might much better have busied himself in Preaching, (you can never magnify that enough) in his own Diocese, and disarming the Papists of their Arguments, instead of rebating our weapons; then in taking an Ecumenical care upon him, which none called him to, and as appeared by the sequel, none conned him thanks for. And after proceeds to instruct him, whom he believes to have been a very great Politician, (a great Politician, but a little crazed) in chalking him out a better way for Accommodation, with the same absurdity as he, who read Hannibal a Lecture in the Art of War. These, if they are Commendations, I am sure, are scurvy ones. And as scurvy as those are, which the Writer of the Preface has given the Bishop, you envy him even those, for p. 22. you tell us these improbable Eulogies (a pretty word that for scurvy Commendations) are of the greatest disservice to their own design. For any worthy man (say you) may pass through the World unquestioned and safe with a moderate Recommendation; but when he is thus set off, and bedaubed with Rhetoric (scurvy Rhetoric) and embroidered so thick, that you cannot discern the ground, etc. find no fault Sir, when your Picture comes to be drawn, you shall have no reason to complain, the Colours are laid too thick; there are many Wrinkles and Chaps we will not fill up with the Paint of Art: indeed, to shape a smooth and well proportioned Visage for a Satirists Crooked Body, would be as preposterous a sight, as a young Whore's face on the neck of an old Baud. But if the last passage be not envious enough, what think you of that, p. 37. a zealous and resolute Asserter (as the Bishop was) of the Public Rites & Solemnities of the Church, those things being only matters of external neatness, could never merit the Trophies that our Author erects him. Thus both the Ecclesiastical Politician, and the Animadverter have vindicated the Bishop; that is, both differently vindicate a different Bishop Bramhall, the one magnisies a Bishop, whose Reputation and Innocence were Armour of Proof against the Tories and Presbyterians; the other a Bishop with a Sword by his side. You see now, that the Gentleman's moderate Recommendations are infamous and base Reflections. He allows the Reverend Prelate no Eulogiums but Ironical, and his Modesty (it is his own Bull) is all impudent. In one place, he saith, he finds him to have been a very good natured Gentleman, and one that complied much for peace-sake, and in another, that the Mediating Divines (under these, our Bishop is comprehended) who were not yet past the Sucking-Bottle; seemed to place all the business of Christianity in persecuting men for their Consciences. (He was as much a Persecuter, as the Brethren are Saints) 'Twere endless to recount all the inconsistencies and contradictions throughout his Book, and it were an easier task to reconcile the Animadverter and the Ecclesiastical Politician, than the Animadverter with himself. Well, either this Author is several Men, or at least one Man in several minds. Sitting, he is a Nonconformist, and Kneeling a Conformist. Every distinct Inflexion of his Body, and every new wrinkle in his Forehead produces an answerable Distortion within. His Laughing Face, sooner than a light touch of a Pencil can change it, is turned to a Crying. Nay, on one side of his Face he often Smiles, and looks very gravely on the other. Each turn of his Countenance proves him a Cheat, and each cast of his Eyes calls him Hypocrite. He pretends to look directly on the Writer, but squints on Bishop Bramhall, and casts a Sheeps-Eye at Bishop Laud and all the Loyal Clergy.  
The Ecclesiastical Politician was too mean a Conquest for him, who designed more than an Ovation-Triumph; our Author therefore, the Nonconformists Dimock, throws down his Gauntlet, and in the names of john Calvin and Theodore Beza, bids a general Defiance to all the Mitred Heads in England; daring them, or any of their dead Predecessors, to maintain their Ancient Rights and Dignities, which he is ready to oppose to the last drop of blood. It is a bold Challenge, but no body will accept it, none will engage so Heroic a Champion; who has given proofs of a Soul as large as that which animated Alex●●der Ross at his greatest dimensions (though he merited no less than the name of Alexander the Great, for combating the Worthies by Troops) and of whom it might be more justly sung, then once of Oliver.  
The Worthies, are like Nine-Pins, let Him go, And down they all come at a Tip and Throw. Every Age is not constellated for Heroes; such Prodigies are as rarely seen as a New-star, or a Phoenix. Once, perhaps in a Century of years, there may arise a Martin-Mar-Prelate, a Milton, or such a Brave as our present Author. Every day produces not such Wonders. Men, that mark out Epocha's are not born in many Revolutions. Time forms and perfects such as slowly, as teeming Elephants their young, and is delivered but of one at a Birth. Subverters of Roman Empire and Ecclesiastical Policy, like unusual Conjunctions of the Planets, signalise Remarkable Events, and fill up only the brightest spaces of Annals.  
Now saddle the Mogul's Horse, & mount our Hero according to the ancient fashion of riding in Triumph, with his Face towards the Tail, (the Headstal then may pass for the Crupper) the Earth already trembling under so glorious a weight, the 8. Elephant Supporters not being able to poise it on their heads; display his Victorious Banners as far as the vast Kingdoms of Garter or Clarencieux do extend, and proclaim before him, this is the Dead-doing-man that has knocked down Durham, Rochester, Oxford and Canterbury, with the Butt-end of an Archbishop. A new and unheard of Weapon you'll say, 'tis true, but such a one as has performed more incredible Exploits than Captain jones his Whinyard, which (if the Reader dread not the Event) will appear by the sequel. So formidable a Tool is the Butt-end of an Archbishop, when wielded with the arm of a well meaning Zealot, that none of the Episcopal Rochets are proof against it, nay, nor Reputation and Innocence (of proof against Presbyterians) this dreadful Weapon that had for a long time been peacefully laid up amongst other Instruments of War in rushworth's Armoury (like those rusty Arms of our Ancestors hung up in their Halls) our Author having a fit occasion for its Service, has taken down, and to avenge the Quarrels of the Foreign Divines and Nonconformists, without any further Ceremony (no Ceremony, but a small Preamble of 4 Pages) falls upon the Ecclesiastical Politician, as the Episcopal Champion: and now let us see to ward off the blows as well as we can, for the same Magazine which our Adversary repaired to for a Weapon of Offence, will if well searched furnish us too with a Shield.  
A better enquiry into the story of Sibth●rps Sermon and the Loan, will free the Clergy, and Bishop Laud in particular, from many unworthy and false imputations of our Author, if not Sibthorp too in some measure from being thought to play the Bishop in the Statesman's Diocese. For the truth on't is, he has omitted so many material passages, and dislocated the rest, that the Story as he has castrated it, is so mutilate and deficient, as the Narrative which he gives us, pag. 285. is not so much Archbishop Abbots, as the Reverend Animadverters. To look back a little into the occasion of this Loan: Rushworth, pag. 418 of his Historical Collections informs us, That the late King receiving news of the disasters that had befallen his Uncle, the King of Denmark, commanded his Council to advise by what means & ways he might fitly and speedily be furnished with moneys suitable to the importance of his affairs, (his Allies being weakened & himself threatened with Invasions from abroad) Hereupon after a Consultation of divers ways together, they came to this resolution, that the urgency of affairs not admitting the way of Parliament, the most speedy, equal, and convenient means were by a general Loan from the subject, according as every man was assessed in the Rolls of the last subsidy. Upon which Result, the King forthwith chose Commissioners for the Loan, and caused a Declaration to be published, wherein he alleged for this course of Supply besides other Reasons, that the urgency of the occasion would not give leave to the calling of a Parliament; but assuring the People, that this way should not be made a Precedent for the time to come, to charge them or their Posterity to the prejudice of their just and ancient Liberties, enjoyed under his most noble Progenitors, endeavouring thereby to root out of their minds the suspicion that he intended to serve himself of such ways, to the abolishing of Parliaments: and promising them in the word of a Prince; First, to repay all such sums of money as should be lent without Fee or Charge, so soon as he shall in any ways be enabled thereunto, upon showing forth the Acquittance of the Collectors, testifying the Receipt thereof. And Secondly, That not one penny so borrowed, should be expended, but upon those Public and General services, wherein every of them, and the body of the Kingdom, their Wives, Children and Posterity, have their Personal and common Interest,  
Then he proceeds to the private Instructions which were given to the Commissioners, besides which, his Majesty commanded the Bishop of Bath and Wells to draw up other Instructions to be communicated to the Arch-Bishops, Bishops, and the rest of the Clergy of this Realm upon this occasion, in order to the preparing the people toward a dutiful compliance to his Majesty's desires. Which was accordingly performed by the Bishop, and the Instructions thus drawn up, being approved of by the King and Council, were sent to the Arch-Bishops of Canterbury and York, with a command to see them published and dispersed in the several Dioceses of their Provinces. The Instructions are to be seen at large in Dr. Heylius History of Archbishop Laud, in obedience to these Dr. Sibthorp, as Rushworth tells us, pag. 422. preached that Sermon at Northampton, Entitled Apostolic Obedience, which he afterwards printed, and dedicated to the King, expressed to be those Meditations which the Doctor first conceived upon his Majesty's Instructions unto all the Bishops of this Kingdom, fit to be put in execution, agreeable to the necessity of the times; and afterwards brought forth upon his Majesty's Commission for the raising of moneys by the way of Loan. And for refusing to licence this Sermon, Archbishop Abbot fell under the King's high displeasure, and not long after was sequestered from his Office. Pag. 431. and pag. 436. the Archbishop in his own Narrative tells us, that Sibthorp being a man of low Fortune, conceived that the putting this Sermon in Print, might gain favour at Court, and raise his Fortune higher, on he went therefore with the Transcribing of his Sermon, and got a Bishop or two to prefer this great Service to the Duke of Buckingham, and it being brought unto the Duke, it cometh into his Head, or was suggested unto him by some malicious body, that thereby the Archbishop might be put to some remarkable strait: For if the King should send the Sermon unto him, and command him to allow it to the Press, one of these two things would follow. That either he should Authorise it, and so all men that were indifferent, should discover him for a base and unworthy Beast; or he should refuse it, and so should fall into the King's indignation, who might pursue it at his pleasure, as against a man that was contrary to his Service. Out of this Fountain (says the Archbishop, if he may be allowed to speak for himself, and not our Animadverter for him) flowed all the water that afterwards so wet. For Mr. Murrey of the Bedchamber being sent from the King to the Archbishop, with a command that he, and no other should Licence the Sermon, the Bishop (in pure obedience to his Majesties command no doubt) would have declined the Office, and shifted it off to one of his Chaplains, alleging very dutifully, It was an occupation that his old Master King James did never put him upon: but in the end, being urged to Licence it himself, he framed several Reasons, why he could not consent unto it, to which Mr. Murrey two or three days after, (having particularly acquainted the King with the objections) brought an answer from his Majesty. But this not satisfying the Archbishop, he dismissed him with a desire, that his Majesty would be pleased to send the Bishop of Bath and Wells to him, that so he might by this means make known his Scruples. But Mr. Murrey returning after one or two days more, told him, the King did not think fit to send the Bishop of Bath to him, but expected he should pass the Book. While these things proceeded thus slowly, the Archbishop tells us, the minds of those that were Actors for the publishing of this Book, were not quiet at Court, that the thing was not dispatched, and therefore one day the Duke of Buckingham said to the King, Do you see how this business is deferred, if more expedition he not used, it will not be Printed before the end of the Term; at which time it is fit that it be sent down into the Countries. Which so quickened the King, that the next message which was sent by Mr. Murrey, was, that if the Bishop did not dispatch it, the King would take some other course with him. Whereupon finding how far the Duke had prevailed, he thought fit to set down in writing his Objections, wherefore the Book was not fit to be published, which he did, and sent them to the King. These Bishop Laud was commanded to answer in Writing, and upon this the Archbishop flies out into a Rage, and taxes Laud so severely, as the Animadverten tells us, Pag. 286. So difficult was it for that incomparable Prelate to fulfil the Will of his Royal and not incur the displeasure of the Archbishop, who had not only contemptuously refused to conform to the Command of his Prince, after so many urgent & repeated invitations but justified his refusal in Writing, and well might we expect that they who undertook an Answer, should not escape his sharp Censure, for besides that, possibly Abbot (who, as 'tis evident from his Narrative, had no mean opinion of himself) might conceit his Scruples unanswerable. In so doing, they seemed to disarm him of all just pretences, and to call in question his wilful Denial. And accordingly he lays it on with a Vengeance upon Bishop Laud, for this man (says he) who believes so well of himself, framed an Answer to my Exceptions, (this was that which stung him) but to give some Countenance to it, he must call in three other Bishops, that is to say, Durham, Rochester and Oxford, tried men for such a purpose. Why he, that believed so well of himself, (though he thrust not himself upon the undertaking, but was called to it by his Master) should call in three other Bishops to his help, I understand not. Well, the Confutation seemed so strong, that the Bishop of Durham, and the Bishop of Bath, for reward of their Service, were sworn of the Privy-Council. And in the end, the Archbishop persisting still in his Refusal, notwithstanding that many things upon his motion were altered in the Book, or expunged out of it, (insomuch, that he seems unwilling, that his refusing to sign the Sermon, should be judged by the Printed Book.) He was by the King's Command (which in the Animadverters modester Phrase is the under working of his Adversaries) removed from Lambeth to Ford in Kent, and afterwards sequestered, and a Commission past to exercise the Archiepiscopal Jurisdiction to Mountain Bishop of London, Neal Bishop of Durham, Buckridge Bishop of Rochester, Houson Bishop of Oxford, and Laud Bishop of Bath and Wells, (who, as our Animadverter says, pag. 291. but falsely, from thence arose in time to be Archbishop, for Abbot, as all know, was before his death restored again, and Laud took London in his way to Canterbury.) The Approbation of the Sermon refused thus by Abbot, it was carried to Mountain Bishop of London, who Licenced it. As for the Story of Doctor Woral his Chaplain, who advised with a Gentleman of the Inner-Temple, concerning his own Licensing it. Rushworth, has told us that it was Mr. Selden, and it is enough we know the man. His Expostulation with the Doctor was not unlike him, if ever the Tide turned (a civil expression that, for if ever the Government changed) he might come to be hanged for it. But Mr. Selden in this appeared more scrupulous than Abbot himself, who seemed not to disallow so much of the ●rinted Book, as that any man from that should take a measure of his refusing to sign it. And it is observable, that the Loan being demanded of the Societies and Inns of Court, the Benchers of Lincolns-Inne received a Letter of Reproof, from the Lord of the Council, for neglecting to advance the Service in their Society, & to return the Names of such as were refractory. Historical Collections, p. 422.  
With what justice now can the Animadverter call this an Ecclesiastical Loan, and tell us, that part of the Clergy invented these Ecclesiastical Laws instead of the Common Law of England, and Statutes of Parliament, for the whole Choir (saith he) sung this Tune, pag. 294. and yet pag. 304. he makes us believe, they sung so many different Tunes, as the Presbyterians never invented more for one Psalm. For there was Sibthorps' Church, and Mainwaring Church, & Montague's Church, with many more; and all this, whether more ignorantly or maliciously, 'tis hard to say, for 'tis manifest this Loan the King was advised to by his Privy Council in 1626. Nor was Bishop Laud, nor any of those Bishops that Archbishop Abbot calls tried Men then of the Council, for Durham and Bath, were not sworn Councillors till 1627. So that he might have spared that Invective against the Clergy and Bishop Laud pag. 294, 295, 296, 301. were it not impossible for him to speak well of any but the Tradesmen and the Foreign Divines. That Bishop was so far from being a Principal in the matter of the Loan, that he was no otherwise an Accessary then as he was employed by his late Majesty in drawing up the Instructions for the Clergy, and penning an Answer to Arch Bishop Abbot's Exceptions: and as to his undermining the Archbishop, Abbot himself seems to acquit him, in telling us, that all the water which afterwards so wet him, flowed from another Fountain.  
For the Picture of Bishop Laud, which the Archbishop has drawn with so black a Coal, and this Gentleman has Copied, 'tis done by too ill a Hand, to be thought to resemble the Life, and what may serve to convince us of the partiality of the Painter, is the Character given Abbot by one of our State-Historians, none of laud's greatest friends; that his extraordinary remissness, in not exacting strict Conformity to the prescribed Orders of the Church in point of Ceremony, seemed to resolve those legal Determinations to their first Principle of Indifferency, and to lead in such a habit of Inconformity, as the future reduction of those tender Conscienced men to long discontinued Obedience, was interpreted an Innovation. From hence any man may judge, what construction is to be put upon the Arch-Bishops Accusation of Laud, for informing against the honest Men that settled the Truth, (which he called Puritanism) in their Auditors. For which the good man represented Laud as a Papist to King james. So every stickler for the Church of England was termed in the Language of those times. But if his Marrying the Earl of D. to the Lady R. when she had another Husband, was not the unpardonable Sin, it may seem strange that neither the Archbishop, nor our Writer should absolve him, when we cannot in charity conceive but God did, upon that his Penitent and Submissive acknowledgement, which we find recorded at large in the History of his Life, p. 59  
Sure I am, the most inveterate Enemies of this gallant Prelate have not so blacked him, as the Pens of the Archbishop, and our Animadverter; for to report him to the World in the 1 Character, Sir E. Deering tells us, he had muzzled Fisher, and would strike the Papists under the fi●t Rib, when he was dead and gone. And being dead, that wheresoever his Grave should be, Paul's would be his Perpetual Monument, and his own Book his Epitaph. Nay, in that infamous Book called Canterburys Doom, we are told that at his Trial, he made as Full, as Gallant, as Pithy a Defence, and spoke as much as was possible for the wit of man to invent, and that with so much Art, Vivacity and Confidence, as he showed not the least acknowledgement of Gild in any of the Particulars which were charged upon him. So eminently remarkable were his Accomplishments, which the most Malicious could not dissemble, nor the most Envious conceal. His sharpest Adversaries were his boldest Encomiasts, and when they intended Libels, made Panegyrics. At the same Bar condemning themselves, and acquitting this Great Man, who, after he had been an honour to the higest place in our Church (which was higher yet in being his) was Translated to a more Glorious Dignity in the Church Triumphant, received therewith the joyful Anthems of a Choir of Angels, and installed in White Robes, according to the usual solemnities of Saints; sent thither (as it were) before, to assist at the following Coronation of his Royal Master, and to set the Crown of Martyrdom on the head of that Heroic Defender of the Faith.  
Now methinks, our Author, had he any spark of Virtue unextinguished, should upon considering these things, retire into his Closet, and there lament and pine away for his desperate folly; for the disgrace he hath, as far as in him is, brought upon the Church of England. And though the comfort is, an ill man (you may believe him, when he speaks against himself) cannot by reproaching fix an ignominy; yet the same thanks are due to his honourable Intentions, and his Endeavours are not the less commendable. For to say the truth, he has out pitched the Executioner half a Bar, so dextrous is he in severing the Head from the Body at one blow; that were he Probationer for the Headman's Office, I am confident he would carry it in a free Election on without the least Opposition; and so he might become a more serviceable Member of the Commonwealth, than he is at present. Seriously, 'tis great pity a man of such. Accomplishments should be lost, when no body can deny but he is every way qualified to fill the Place and Quality of Squire Dun. Especially if they saw how passing well he looked in the cast Robes of a Malefactor, Woe be to the Bishops if ever he procures a Patent for that Honour, they cannot in reason expect any greater favour then to have the Traitor's Quarters removed from the City Gates, and their own hung up in the room. Axes are the most necessary, because the most powerful Arguments against the Clergy (they confuted him, whom Fisher could not.) Well, these Bishops are the men have ruined all, they brought the late King to the Block, and have contributed to all our miseries ever since. How came Cromwell, Ineton, and Bradshaw trow, to merit their ●yburn Pomp's and second Funeral Solemnities? Sure 'twas through some mistake, that those who were but Accessaries and under-Instruments of our late troubles should be thus highly honoured above the Principals, the Prelates. No doubt but it was a great Affliction to this Gentleman (poor soul) to see the Heads of his Master and the other two well deserving Gentlemen raised to that ignominious Eminency on purpose to be pointed at by the Beholders, and what is worse, exposed without their Hats to the rude violence of the Wether; when for aught appears, it was an Exaltation they never sought, and they have been undeservedly advanced to that Pitch of Greatness; which Bishop Laud and two or three of the Villainous Clergy (had the● had their deserts) should have climbed. But since they are there, much good may it do 'em with their places. For, after all the fatal Consequences of their Rebellion, they can only serve as fair Marks unto wise Subjects to avoid the Causes. And now shall this sort of Men still vindicate themselves as the most zealous Assertors of the Rights of Princes. At best, they are no better Subjects then Jesuits, or well-meaning Zealots, betwixt whom, as the best of Poets draws their Parallel, there lies no greater difference than this, 
They dare kill Kings, 
(Mr. Cowly's Puritan and Papi●t.)  and 'twixt you here's the strife;  
That you dare shoot at Kings to save their Life.   
This Doctrine of kill Kings in their own Defence, you may safely vindicate as your own, it was never broached before. And from such unquestionable Principles may we reduce your Account of the late War, p. 303. Whether it were a War of Religion, or of Liberty, is not worth the labour to inquire. Which-soever was at the top, the other was at the bottom; but upon considering all, I think the cause was too good to have been fought for. Which, if I understand not amiss, is nothing but Iconoclates drawn in Little, and Defensio Populi Anglicania in Miniature. Besides, the War as most gave out at first, was for the removal of Evil Councillors, but because as we are told, pag. 252 A new War must have, like a Book that would sell, a New Title, our Author who has a singular knack in giving Titles to both, has founded the late War upon the more specious and plausible names of Religion and Liberty. These which he has assigned for causes of our Rebellion being the same with those for which the Netherlanders took up Arms against their Lawful Sovereign, 'tis worth the while to inquire, whether the Consequences of both were not alike. Sir R. Filmer in his Observations, touching Forms of Government, speaking of the Low-Country Rebellion, delivers himself thus. Two things they say, they first fought about, Religion and Taxes, and they have prevailed it seems in both; for they have gotten all the Religions in Chri●endome, and pay the greatest Taxes in the World. And I wish I could not say, such was the Freedom of Religion imposed upon this Nation, and such the Liberty to which we were enslaved: for the glorious Defenders of either against their King and Country, seemed no otherwise to prevail in both; rescuing us from such great grievances as our Authors Ecclesiastical Loan, to the milder payments of the Twentieth Part, Poll-mony raised by Prerogative of the Subject, and Loans upon Public Faith: all which cannot be better expressed then in the words of our incomparable Cowley, in his Puritan and Papist.  
What mysteries of Iniquity do we see?  
New Prisons made to defend Liberty.  
Our Goods forced from us for Proprieties sake,  
And all the real Nonsense which ye make.  
And to show that through the multitude of Religions as well as Taxes we were turned Dutch, the same Poet a little after in that Satire.  
'twas feared, a new Religion would begin,  
All new Religions now are entered in.  
So that upon a better Calculation, it will appear, that the Clergymen have not been the only Inventors of New Taxes and Opinions, therefore let not them alone arrogate to themselves the honour of making other Laws in the room of the Common Law and Statutes of Parliament, for others are to have a share as well as they, and this Gentleman's Masters have deserved as highly of the Nation, and aught to be celebrated no less for Imprisonments, Fines, Sequestrations, and many kind Impositions, all, questionless for the good of the People. In comparison of these, the heaviest Pressures complained of under the power of the Clergy in the late King's Reign, were Acts of Grace. Only so much may be added in favour of those rigorous Burdens and Exactions, that they seemed to have some colour of Legality at least from these Doctrines, that the Elect had a Right to all, and Propriety was founded in Saintship. For making themselves the Saints and the Elect, they had an undoubted title to whatever the Reprobate possessed, and 'tis unreasonable to say they plundered, when they took but their own; the Cavaliers being not so great Delinquents as their Estates; so low they descended, till at last our Israelites had not only a right to the Jewels and Earrings of the Egyptians, but to their Bodkins and Thimbles too.  
Neither, as far as I can discern, have this sort of men since his Majesty's return, given any better Assurances of their Fidelity and obedience For not withstanding that his Majesty, to demonstrate he was Heir no less to his Majesty's Virtues then his Crown, was graciously pleased to pass an Act of Oblivion, thereby covering in Eternal Silence those offences, which none but the SON of the ROYAL MARTYR could forget; and in order to a better agreement betwixt both parties, to appoint a Conference between the Episcopal Divines and Non-conformists; but this producing no better an effect then that in his Royal Grandfather's time at Hampton-Court; the peevish Dissenters senters having but too well learned to turn all Disputes into impertinent Wrangles, and what our Animadverter calls Arguments in the Streets; sufficiently manifesting how justly that Character in Hudibras besits them.  
● Sect, whose chief Devotion lies  
In odd perverse Antipathies;  
In falling out with that or this,  
And finding somewhat still amiss.  
That with more care keep Holiday  
The wrong, than others the right way;  
Still so perverse and opposite,  
As if they worshipped God for spite.  
How they have behaved themselves from that time to this, let the Sober Apogies for Non-conformists and the Humble Pleas, for Toleration, Indulgence and Liberty of Conscience speak; or the Avenue-Readers, the Wall- Observers, and those that are acquainted: with Stall-Learning as well as our Author, testify. And now, that after all, his Majesty issued his Declaration of Indulgence for tender Consciences; and that they had all that could be devised in the World, to make a Fanatic good natured. Yet what do these Men? To show, that they were the same cunning revengeful Men, as before, and that it is easier to straighten a Crooked Body, then bend a stubborn Fanatic; they waken the memory of those Crimes, that might (but for them) have slept eternally in the Act of Oblivion, either imagining that that Act concerns only the suffering Royalists, or that the Instruments of our late Miseries have so great an Interest in it, that they have a Pardon granted not only for what is past, but to come; and so having cancelled all their old Scores, they might now begin upon a new. And accordingly they have arreigned the late King once more at the Bar, and brought the Archbishop of Canterbury again to his Trial. For though our Author promised us pag. 281. he would as little as possible, say any thing of his own, and speak before good witnesses. Yet his forecited passage concerning the Original of the War. pag. 303. Whether it were a war of Religion, or of Liberty, is not worth the labour to inquire. Which-soever was at the top, the other was at the botrome; but upon considering all, I think the Cause was too good to have been fought for. And the other pag. 304. after all the fatal Consequences of that Rebellion, which can only serve as Sea marks unto wise Princes (not a word of the Rebels) to avoid the Causes. A dutiful Caveat this to wise Princes to avoid the causes of Rebelling against their Subjects. These I presume are his own, till he produce his Authors. And the same I think of another, which is well worth weighing, pag. 304. His late Majesty being a prince truly pious and religious, was thereby the more inclined to esteem and favour the Clergy. And thence, though himself of a most exquisite understanding, yet thought he could not trust it (does it relate to understanding) better than in their keeping. Compare this with pag. 299. where, he tells us, the Clery were Licentious in their Conversation; and pag. 224. that some of the Eminentest of them made an open defection to the Church of Rome; and then tell me if he has not worthily vindicated his late Majesty's Piety and Religion, and whether he was not courageous and bold in telling his Adversary he feared not all the mischief that he could make of this. 'Tis well, he has told us the story of the Ass, who because he saw the Spaniel play with his Master's legs, thought himself priledged to paw, and ramp upon his Shoulders; for it is the best Apology in his own behalf, and now he may plead like himself, he does nothing without a Precedent. True it is, he tells us, pag. 106. that being a man of private Condition and breeding, and drawn in to mention Kings and Princes, and even our own; whom, as he thinks of with all duty and reverence (which will appear by the sequel) so he avoids speaking of either in jest or earnest, lest he should, though most unwillingly, trip in a word, or fail in the mannerlyness of an expression. Thus being conscious to himself that he should offend, he thought it a point of discretion as well as good Manners, to ask Pardon before hand. For it is very hard for a Private man that has seen no Kings but those in the Rehearsal, to frame any other address to Princes, than such as might become King Phys, and King Ush of Branford. And accordingly so it happens, for p. 310. speaking of the Laws against fanatics, Hence is it that the Wisdom of his Majesty and the Parliament must be exposed to after Ages for such a Superfaetation of Acts in his Reign about the same business. This is so high a Compliment that he has passed upon the King and Parliament, that I cannot but admire, how one of his Private Condition and Breeding could arrive to this Degree of Courtship, especially considering how well it agrees with what our Private Courtier saith, pag. 242. where he tells us, these Kings have shrewd understandings, and he is not a Competent judge of their Actions. Fie, fie, that's too modest Sir, you wrong yourself too much not a Competent judge, O'my word Sir, but you are, a great judge. This Humility does not become such great Wits as are Princes Companions. 
167●  'Tis too low a Condescension for any Gentleman of Archees Robe. This Familiarity with great ones is a Privilege entailed upon your Place, and was conferred upon you with your Cap. Little better do I like his Animadversion, pag. 320. in these words, If the fanatics by their wanton and unreasonable opposition to the ingenious and moderate Discipline of the Church of England, shall give their Governors too much reason to suspect that they are never to be kept in order, etc. Whom does he mean by our Governors? The King; No, for he is a Single Person. (A pretty Artifice to shut the King out of that Text, Let every Soul be subject to the Higher Powers) the Parliament, or the Bishops? Mark whether there be a King, and Bishops sitting in this Exclusive Parliament of his. This Quere methinks might better have become those Times, of which Mr. Digges (he who wrote a Book of the Unlawfulness of Subjects taking up Arms against their Sovereign, (excepting no Causes as too good) If Foreigners (says he) shall inquire, under what Form of Government we live, the answer must be, we live over a King.  
And having taken this Liberty with Princes and Senates, no wonder if the Gentleman presume to treat the Bishops (Peers &, Privy-Councellers are his Fellows) with a little more Freedom. Though for what reason he treats the present Clergy with so little Respect, may be hard to say, yet as for Bishop laud's particular, and his course usage of him, I think I could give a guess, what moved him to it. Not that I believe as some, that his Quarrel might be the same with Archees, who, they say, was exasperated against the Bishop, because he was whipped at his procurement, for taking too much Liberty (a Crime much like what is charged upon this Gentleman) or as others, that he or some of his Family came sometime in danger of a Star-Chamber Censure, and hazarded losing their Ears; but rather upon better Consideration, that there might be no greater occasion for this Picque, than those several Cringes and Genuflexions which the Archbishop (as he thinks) introduced in the Church, or rather restored, and this I must confess is sufficient ground for a Grudge, for it is an unreasonable thing that the Church should expect that every man of how private a Condition and Breeding soever, and however unpractised in the Graceful Motions and Inflections of his Body, should be conformable to the Genuflexions and Cringes of the well-bred ecclesiastics: Every man has not had the good Fortune to be trained up at the Dancing-School, nor so happily Educated, as to pull off his Hat and make a Leg with an Air. And would they have these men expose themselves by not Conforming to the Ceremonies of the rest of the Congregation, or betray their Breeding by an aukard Bending of their Bodies, or an unsightly Bow, proclaiming at every Rustic Scrape, that they have not been initiated by a Dancing- Master in the common Rudiments of Civility. No, I am confident that many of the English Protestants, and especially, those of a private Breeding are so averse from this, that they would decline coming to their Churches at all first. As I have known some People somewhat wanting in the little Decencies of Behaviour, avoid Conversation and appearing in Public. These Persons naturally affect a plainness of Fashion, and a Homeliness in Worship. And such a Diversity of Motions, such quick Interchanges of Gestures, distract and confound them. Besides, that they are like the unquiet Variety of Postures of one in a sick Bed, and and really they consult their ease, and what is more their health; which is not a little endangered by being too Ceremonious, and many a violent Cold occasioned by a Citizens sitting bareheaded all Service-while: without the Defence at least of a pair of Broad-fringed Gloves laid a cross, well knowing▪ that their Betters rather than incommode them, in such a Case will desire their Worships to be Covered. Several other Occasions there are, that for Conveniency sake may require a Dispensation, as if a fat Burger lie under an inevitable necessity of breaking Wind, (in a Sister'tis not civil to call it any thing but venting a Sigh at the wrong end) shall not this tender-conscienced Man be permitted to strain a point of Decorum, because 'tis in the Church, rather than hazard a fit of the Colic? Another thing is, that one Man may have an Antipathy against Wine that comes out of a gilt Chalice, and another against Bread delivered to him by the Hand of one in a Surplice, and will the Priest be so uncivil, as to cram it down the throat of that puling Christian? The Clergy certainly cannot be so rude, and in an affair of Conscience. to exact this compliance. Since great Persons out of Civility will condescend to their Inferiors, and all Men out of common humanity will yield to the ●eak. We may add to what we have said before, should any more flexible than the rest, and more inclinable to the Superstitious practices of the Primitive Christians, be contented to bend their stubborn Knees, or to bow their Bodies to the East as oft as is required, might not such Gentlemen as our Author be at a loss, and he that was so far out in his Situation of Geneva, through pure Devotion it may be to that Place, direct his mistaken Reverence towards the West, which though it were neither Vice nor Idolatry, yet might perhaps occasion more sport than a man of his Gravity could bro●● unoffended. 'Tis possible too, he may not be a little displeased at the Imagery of our Churches, in the behalf of those of a private Condition and Breeding, who having never seen any thing more glorious than Dives and Lazarus, or the Picture of the Prodigal in their own Halls, might be tempted unawares to worship the first fine Picture they saw abroad. This which I have hinted might be some Cause of his disaffection to Archbishop La●d for restoring the Innovations of Order, of Decency and Uniformity. But for his Quarrel at the present Clergy, I concluded, there must be some more important Inducement, and ruminating on many Causes, I had the lack at last to pitch upon one more remarkable, why the Clergy fell into his high displeasure. This Gentleman, it seems, not very many years ago, used to play at Picket; Now he used to play Pieces (which was fair for one of a private Condition, and the Game gentile enough for one of private Br●eding) there was a Dignitary of Lincoln (as he tells the Story) who always went half a Crown with him, and so all the while he sat on his hand, he very honestly gave the Sign, so (saith he) that I was always sure to lose. I afterwards discovered it, but of all the Money that ever I was cheated of in my Life, none ever ●ext me so, as what I lost by this occasion. And ever since, (as he adds) I have born a great grudge against their fingering of any thing that belongs to me. The Man is angry, and who can blame him when he had lost his Money. ('Tis usual with Gamesters to say they're cheated, when they have lost) He has been bitten it seems, and Losers may have leave to speak. I have ever observed, that Gamesters when not favoured by Fortune, are the passionatest of men, but never thought that they could manage a Wrangle so sharply for 326. pages. Who would have imagined that a Game at Picket could have made so much mischief? for though it may appear unconscionable, to dun a Man when he has paid the last debt to Nature, yet this Book against the Dignitary of Lincoln, was I suppose, designed in his life time, though it happens I know not how, to come out against him, after he's dead. And though it was intended purely for his sake, yet is it indifferently calculated for Bishop Laud, or any of the Gamester Bishops that made the best of their Masters. Allowing now, that the Peeks of Players among themselves, or of Poet against Poet, or of a Conformist Divine against a Nonconformist, are dangerous, and of late times have caused great disturbance; yet I never remarked so irreconcilable and implacable a spirit, as that of Gamesters against those that have won their Mony. 'Tis a Quarrel not to be ended with their Deaths, but sets 'em in Railing Tune for ever, and they are never so flippant as in their Curses of Ecclesiastical Fortune, and Ecclesiastical Politicians; now we better understand the meaning of those words. Indeed, it may happen so, that at one time or other, some of the ecclesiastics may be drawn in to play with oliver's Servants, you may suppose his Clerks if you will; and knowing the men, for whether it is that they smell strongly yet of Bishop's Lands, or how; they will make a shift it may be to pay their old Scores, and wheadle 'em out of a considerable sum in reparation of their former losses. In the mean time, this may be a fair warning to any one of private Breeding, and unpractised in those little Arts; to take heed he be not rooked by such Politicians. And though when I game, I confess if I must lose, it is a thing to me indifferent, whether to a Clergyman or another. Yet our Author is not of my mind. For since he was choosed by the Dignitary of Lincoln, he's resolved that none of the Tribe shall ever be the richer for him. And therefore, hands off my Masters; and pretend not now the Power of the Keys, for those of his Coffers hang not at your Girdles. Well, if this Gentleman build no Hospitals, nor endow no Schools, the blame must lie upon this Dignitary, that made him incapable. Which way the Clergy will recover their esteem with him, I see not, unless by some such devise as piecing the Fortunes of our broken Gamester with a Brief, recommending his Case to the Charity of well affected People. For since he is undone by the Church, 'tis all the reason in the World they should make him Reparation. But let him aloan to be Revenged on them, for since they have cheated him, they shan't the Public. Therefore to make the better provision for that, he in his Wisdom has thought fit to exclude them from meddling with Parliamentary Aids, adding in the close, that English Men always love to see how their money goes (especially at Picket) and if there be any Interest or profit to be got by it, to receive it themselves. Very good! The Man has made a fair speech to be B●x-keeper, and 'twas providently done, for then let who will be the Gamesters, he is sure to sweep the Stakes. But were it true what you pretend, that you were abused by the Dignitary of Lincoln; which we have ground enough to suspect, considering that you have more than once shown how singularly you can oblige the Dead; yet what would you gain by it? Will you thence infer that none of the Clergy are men fit to be trusted? Methinks that of your Adversaries is here highly pertinent, and very applicable to Men of your no Religion. Put the Case (says he) the Clergy were Cheats and Jugglers, yet it must be allowed they are necessary Instruments of State to awe the Common People into fear and Obedience, because nothing else can so effectually enslave them as the Fear of Invisible Powers, and the dismal apprehensions of the World to come; and for this very reason, though there were no other, it is fit they should be allowed the same honour and respect, as would be acknowledged their due, if they were sincere and honest men. Indeed, should all men remember an injury as long as you implacable Gamesters do, or could you persuade the Rabble to cry, No Bishops; as often as you have ill Luck at Cards, the World would never be at quiet.  
Whereas, the Gentleman seems displeased with the Temporal Power and Employments of the Clergy, telling us pag. 300. 301. Whether it be or no, that the Clergy are not so well fitted by Education, as others for Political Affairs, he knows not; yet it is generally observed that things miscarry under their Government, etc. This making a great noise with some People, I endeavoured to inform myself the best I could, concerning the truth of this Matter, resolving withal, not to receive Impressions from any of the Clergy, but to gather my Lights from the most Impartial Authorities I could meet with. And I think I am now prepared, to give our Author some better satisfaction in this point. If we look abroad then, we shall find that Bishops make a part of the three Estates in all Kingdoms, and that in Europe there are only two Republics which exclude the Clergy from meddling with Civil Affairs, and the same great Enemies to Monarchy, namely Venice and the Low-Countries. Both which our late Commonwealthsmen made choice of as convenient Models for their new-fangled Government, reconciling Church and State to these disagreeable Platforms. And here I think it not impertinent to insert what a great Wit, the fore mentioned Sir R. Filmer in his observations upon Aristotle's Politics remarks concerning them. The Religion in Venice and the Low-Countries, (saith he) is sufficiently known, much need not be said of them: they admirably agree under a seeming Contrariety, it is commonly said, that one of them hath all Religions, and the other no Religion; the Atheist of Venice may shake hands with the Sectary of Amsterdam. This is the Liberty that a popular State can brag of, every man may be of any Religion, or no Religion, if he please, their main Devotion is exercised only in opposing and suppressing Monarchy. They both agree to exclude the Clergy from meddling in Government, whereas in all Monarchys, both before the Law of Moses, and under it, and ever since: all Barbarians, Grecians, Romans, infidels, Turks and Indians, have with one consent given such respect and reverence to their Priests, as to trust them with their Laws. To come nearer home, In this our Nation (saith he) the first Priests we read of before Christianity were the Druids; who, as Caesar saith, decided and determined Controversies, in Murder, in Case of Inheritance, of Bounds of Lands, as they in their discretion judged meet; they granted Rewards and Punishments. It is a wonder to see what high respect even the great Turk giveth to his Mufti, or chief Bishop. So necessary, (as he concludes) is Religion to strengthen and direct Laws.  
With him concurs an Honourable Member at present of the House of Lords, in a Speech, about the lawfulness and conveniency of the Bishops intermeddling in Temporal Affairs. Never was there any Nation that employed not their Religious men in the greatest Affairs. Hereof Christendom hath had a long euperience for 1300 years. Bishops have voted here ever since Parliaments began, and long before were employed in the Public. The great and good Emperor Constantine, had his Bishops with him whom he consulted about his Military Affairr, as Eusebius. And then in Answer to our Author, who would have them restrained to their Bibles, he saith further, My Lords, there is not any that sits here, more for Preaching than I am. I know it is the ordinary means to Salvation; yet, I likewise know, there is not that full necessity of it as was in the Primitive Times. God defend that, 1600 years' acquaintance should make the Gospel no better known to us. Neither my Lords doth their Office merely and wholly consist in Preaching, the very form o● Episcopacy that distinguishes it from the inferior Ministry is the orderly and good Government of the Church. And the same Noble Orator pleading for their Right to sit in Parliament in another speech saith, That this hinders their Ecclesiastical Vocation, an Argument I hear much of, hath in my apprehension more of shadow then substance in it: if this be a reason, sure I am it might have been one six hundred years ago. A Bishop, my Lords, is not so circumscribed within the circumference of his Diocese, that his sometimes absence can be termed, no not in the most strict sense a neglect or hindrance of his duty, no more than that of a Lieutenant from his County, they both have their subordinate Ministers, upon which their influences fall though the distance be remote. Besides, my Lords, the lesser must yield to the greater good; to make wholesome and good Laws for the happy and well regulating of Church and Commonwealth, is certainly more advantageous to both, than the want of the personal Execution of their Office. And again, The House of Commons represents the meanest Person, so did the Master his Slave, but Bishops have none to do so much for them, and what justice can tie them to the Observation of those Laws, to whose constitution they give no consent, the wisdom of former times gave Proxies to this House (the House of Lords) merely upon this ground, that every one might have a hand in the making of that which he had an Obligation to obey. This House could not represent, therefore Proxies in room of Persons were most justly allowed.  
And to manifest the better, that their immediate dependence upon the King is a great Obligation he hath upon their Loyalty and Fidelity (whatever our Author says to the contrary) we need no clearer proof than this acknowledgement of a Common-wealahs-man and a great Wit in his Speech against Richard's Cobbler and Dray-men-Lords, in 59 One of the main reasons for exclusion of the Bishops out of the House of Lords, was because that they being of the Kings making, were in effect so many certain Votes for whatever the King had a mind to carry in that House.  
That they are not incapable of the greatest Offices of Trust and the Noblest Employments, can be a doubt to none that have heard of the unparallelled Integrity of the incomparable Lord Treasurer juxon. Nay, the Lord Viscount Falkland in a sharp speech against them, confesses, that some of them in an unexpected and mighty Place and Power expressed and equal moderation and humility, being neither Ambitious before, nor Proud after, either of the Crosier Staff, or White Staff.  
Now shall the Ancient Rights and just Dignities of the Clergy, which our Nobility and Gentry have thus unanimously and constantly asserted, be called in question by a few Levellers and Commonwealths-men? No, this device is stale. The Sport of Bishop-hunting is too well known, and though the Clergy be the Game in view, yet they have the Temporal Lords in Chance. These cunning Archers, though they wink with one eye at the Spiritual Lords, yet have another open, with which they take aim at the rest of the Peers. Many of those Arrows which were once darted at the Bishops, glanced on the Nobles, and not a few were cast over their heads at the King. The same hands that were lifted up at the one, struck at the other, levelling Coronets with Mitres, and trampling on both together with the Crown. No sooner were the Prelates declared useless, but a House of Lords was voted dangerous and unnecessary, and Monarchy called Antichristian; and Experience proves that Coordination in the State, was the natural result of Parity in the Church. So little 〈◊〉 is Ecclesiastical from Civil Anarchy. Had I ever yet heard of any one Opposer of Episcopacy, whose Principles or Practices declared him not a professed Enemy to Monarchy, I should willingly How, that Monarchy and Episcopacy are not so nearly linked, as that Royal Aphorism of King james, No Bishop, No King, seems to imply. For though Royalty and Priesthood, which anciently by right of Primogeniture concentered in one, the same being Lawgiver and Sacrificer (see here, Mr. Author the Kings Right to the Priestly Office and the Clergies Interest in making Laws) were in succeeding ages derived to different Persons, their Interests yet were not divided with their Persons. But as the Royal and Sacerdotal Dignity have the same Original, and anciently Prince and Priest had one and the same Name; so, though differently Branched now, yet as springing from the same Root, they flourish and decay together. So regularly is the Religious State incorporate with the Civil, that the Image of Episcopacy (like the Statuaries in Pallas Target) seems so riveted in Monarchy, that none can attempt defacing the one, without breaking the other. Nay, those who have been taught by Calvin and Beza to demean themselves so irreverently to the Fathers of their Church, have learned from such Apostles as Knox and Buchanan (to whom duller Mariana might have gone to School) to pay as little Obedience to the Fathers of their Country. This is evident from these Opinions.  
That the Kings Personal and Politic Capacity are distinct, and so they fought for his Crown, when they shot at his Person.  
That the Original of Government is in the People, and that he derives his Sovereignty from their Consent, and not from Succession, and by consequence is no King before he is Crowned, and his Style should not run Dei ●●atia, but Populi Consensu.  
That he is greater than his Subjects singly and apart, but lesser then them altogether, that is, as Mr. Digges speaks, a Father is greater than this or that Son; but less than all his Children together.  
That there is a Co-ordination of the three Estates, but this is moderate; others go farther, and tell us the King is subordinate to the other two Estates under whom he governs: Nay, Milton holds, that the Legislative Power is in the Parliament exclusively and the Executive only in the King.  
And that the Supreme Magistrate is accountable to the Inferior, and though Paraeus' Book was burnt for this, yet Mr. Baxter in his Holy Commonwealth maintains, he may be called to an account by any single Peer.  
Now because they have been too liberal, and conferred too large a Power in Civil Affairs on their Sovereign, they will be sure to retrench it in Spirituals. O they can never give enough to the Lay-Elders! for they admit Laymen to intermeddle in Ecclesiastical Matters, though they exclude the King upon that account. Therefore Bishop Bramhall speaking of the Scotch Disciplinarians in his Fair warning to take heed of their Discipline, saith, Besides those encroachments which they have made upon the rights of all Supreme Magistrates, there be sundry others which especially concern the King of Great Britain, as the use of his Tenths, First Fruits, and Patronages, and which is more than all these; the dependence of his Subjects; by all which we see that they have thrust out the Pope indeed, but retained the Papacy. The Pope as well as they and they as well as the Pope, (neither Barrel better Herrings) do make Kings but half Kings, Kings of the Bodies, and not of the Souls of their Subjects, They allow them some sort of Judgement over Ecclesiastical Persons, in their Civil Capacities, for it is little (according to their Rules) which either is not Ecclesiastical, or may not be reduced to Ecclesiastical. But over Ecclesiastical Persons, as they are ecclesiastics, or in Ecclesiastical Matters, they ascribe unto them no judgement in the world. Here, he citys the Vindication of their Commissioners, wherein, they say, It cannot stand with the word of God, and that no Christian Prince ever claimed, or can claim to himself such a Power.  
So that that great Prelate, whoever he was (be he amongst the Living or the Dead, or in the World of the Moon) that said, The King had no more to do in Ecclesiastical matters, than Jack that rubbed his Horse's heels, may retract his Aphorism, since he is outshot in his own Bow by Synods and Presbyteries, for according to them, Jack that rubs the Horse's heels, (if he be but a Lay-Elder) is Supreme in Ecclesiastical matters. Though why our Author would have his Adversary write a Book in defence of that Aphorism, who had reserved the Priesthood and the exercise of it for the King, I see not, unless it be to vie him, and see him, and revy him in Contradictions. This Figure now is lost to any man that is not a Gamester.  
Upon considering all, I am afraid that Reformation is Tinker's work, making two holes for stopping one; and therefore I am sorry that this Gentleman is employed in pulling Pins out of the Church; for though the State should not totter, he may chance to pull an old House upon his Head. And really he has undertaken a desperate Vocation, and there are 20 other more honest and painful ways by which he may earn a Living. Not that I would have him to do in Ecclesiastical Matters, so much as to rub down a Bishop's Horses heels, for fear my jack should take himself for a Gentleman if he rides sometimes, though it were but to water his Master's Horse. Besides, cleansing a Stable (were it the Augean) being a matter only of external neatness, can never merit the Trophies of Hercules. For neither can a justice of Peace for an Order about Dirt-Baskets deserve a Statue. Nor for the same reason would I have him Chimney-Sweeper to the City, though to give him his due, he ought to be considered by them, the next Offices they have in their disposal, for taking such a care of their Chimneys and their Consciences. None of their painful Pastors can admonish them better of their duty or their Interest; Fear God, Honour the King, preserve your Consciences, (sweep 'em rather, 
Pag. 78.  they're fouler than your Chimneys) follow your Trades, and look to your Chimneys (not forgetting the Crickets) this is well enough for a Belmans Song, instead of Look to your Fire, Locks and Candle Light. But Chimney-Reformation is somewhat below the man, and there are many other Callings more advantageous and beneficial then crying Chimney Sweep, Ay, or than Card-Matches and Saveall's, or the more substantial Mouse-Trap-men; many, I say there are of a more Orthodox Invention then these, and less distasteful to the sanctified ear of English Protestants, witness the London-Cryes of the late blessed Times, when. 
The Oyster-Women locked their Fish up,  
And trudged away to cry No Bishop.  
And some for Brooms, old Boots and Shoes,  
Cried out to purge the Commons House.  
Instead of Kitchen-stuff some cry,  
A Gospel- Preaching- Ministry;  
And some for Old Suits, Coats, Cloak,  
No Surplice, nor Service- Book.  Well, since Bishops must down, (and to be sure then down falls Popery) I think the fairest way to rid our hands of them is, for Mr. Animadverter to put his Book in the hands of the Itinerant Gospelers that travel up and down with two penny Books, and Preach the Desolation and downfall of the Man of Sin. (Ah, many a good Book of Mr. Bs. and I. O's have these Bawlers cried) the Project will take wonderfully with your Street-Auditory, the Rabble. Then they may sing the Fall of Antichristian Magistrates and Laws, you have plentifully provided them with Canting for that purpose, for from Pag. 243. to Pag. 250. you have carried on the Cause. I will point to some of it, Pag. 249. Pag. 250. Princes consider, that God has Instated them in the Government of Mankind, with that encumbrance (if it may so be called) of Reason, and that encumbrance upon Reason of Conscience. That he might have given them as large an extent of ground, and other kind of Cattle for their Subjects: but it had been a melancholy Empire to have been only Supreme Graziers and Sovereign Shepherds. And therefore, though the laziness of that brutal magistracy might have been more secure, yet the difficulty of this does make it more honourable. That men therefore are to be dealt with reasonably: and Conscientious men by Conscience. That even Law is force, and the execution of that Law a greater Violence; and therefore with rational Creatures not to be used but upon the utmost, extremity. That the Body is in the power of the mind; so that corporal Punishments do never reach the offender, but the innocent suffers for the guilty. That the Mind is in the hand of God, and cannot correct those persuasions which upon the best of its natural capacity it has collected: So that it too, though erroneous, is so far innocent. That the Prince therefore, by how much God hath endued him with a clearer reason, & by consequence with a more enlightened judgement, ought the rather to take heed lest by punishing Conscience he violate not only his own, but the Divine Majesty. So that if any Prince will hold his Kingdom by Mr. Animadve●ters Tenure, he is fully Instated in the Melancholy Empire of all his Parks and Chases, and next and immediately under Conscience, over all Persons (their Bodies only reserved in the power of their minds, and their minds in the hand of God) and all other kind of his said Majesty's Cattle, within his rational or irrational Realms and Dominions, Supreme Head and Governor. This indeed is the most full and comprehensive Inventory of the Goods and Chattels of Monarchy (if I may so speak) that eve● was heard of. Instating Princes not only in the Government of irrational Cattle, a Right which all successively have claimed from Adam; Brutal Magistracy being a Flower of his Crown, and a Prerogative of his Melancholy Empire, transmitted from him to the Patriarches, and all the Supreme Graziers and Sovereign Shepherds: but assigning also other kind of Cattle for their Government as their rational Subjects. Ay, and such Cattle as Conscientious Men. Which Right as it was at first derived (as some fancy) from the Original Consent of the People, so is the Exercise of it confirmed by a like Consent of their Heirs, or rather of their Consciences.  
Now these tamer Subjects, (the Brutes) are to be governed by force, that is in our Author's words, by Law; for Hunters though they have an absolute Power of Life and Death over those we call the Ferae Naturae, yet give Law even unto them: but the Conscientious Drove are not so easily yoked as the horned Subjects of the Wood, and therefore Law is not to be used with them, but upon the utmost extremity. For which reason our Autho●tels us that Brutal Magistracy is more secure▪ and the latter more difficult: which confirms an opinion of the Malmsbury Philosophers, that Horses, had they Laws amongst them, would prove more generous Subjects them, Men.  
'Tis true, the Animadverter says, that God might have given Princes as large as extent of Ground, and other kind of Cattle for their Subjects, (Subjects are one kind of Cattle it seems) but it had been a melancholy Empire to have been only Supreme Graziers and Sovereign Shepherds. And yet as Melancholy an Empire as that would have been, he has instated them in one far more unpleasant and uncomfortable, over Subjects, from whom they must expect no greater security for Obedience, than their own good Nature: for punish them they must not if disloyal and unjust, for fear of disobliging their Consciences: for though he says that Laws should not be put in Execution, but upon the utmost extremity, 'tis plain he intends they should not be Executed at all; for in the very next words he affirms, that the Body is in the power of the Mind, so that Corporal Punishment do never reach the Offender, but the Innocent suffers for the Guilty. Admirable Stoic! but say that the infamy of a Gibbet cannot shame the Generous Mind, nor the Severities of the Rack and Wheel awe the most Servile: say further that Corporal Punishments cannot reach the Principal Offender, the Mind; must therefore the Accessary and subordinate Instrument, the Body, scape unpunished? But the Mind it seems, is not only out of the reach, but Jurisdiction of the Civil Magistrate. For it is in the hand of God, and cannot correct those persuasions, which upon the best of its natural capacity it has collected: So that if too, though erroneous, is so far innocent. That the Prince therefore, by how much God hath endued him with a clearer reason, and by consequence with a more enlightened judgement, ought the rather to take heed, lest by punishing the Conscience, he violate not only his own, but the Divine Majesty. So, now let any of the most desperate Patrons of Fatal Necessity come out and speak any more. Truly, this is a pretty way not only of excusing, but hallowing all the Villainy in the World, by dedicating it, (I dread to speak it) to the Deity. This is the Syntagm of Calvin's Divinity, and System of our Author's Policy. Bishop Bramhall (as was before noted) accused the Scotch Disciplinarians for making Kings but Kings of the Bodies, and not of the Souls of their Subjects, but this Gentleman is so courteous as to release them from the charge of both, for the Bodies of their Subjects are exempt from their Jurisdiction, as being in the Power of their Minds, and their Minds are in the hand of God, and so Monarches had best take heed, least by punishing the Consciences of their Subjects, they violate with their own, the Divine Majesty. And now shut up the Church doors, there is no use of Altars for the Guilty, they need run no farther then to their own Consciences for Sanctuary, and be safe. Cut in pieces the Whipping Posts and Pillories, make Bonfires of the Gallows, set open all the Prisons, and let there be a general Goal-delivery, for Corporal Punishments are all unjust, and reach not the Guilty, but the Innocent; and what is more, they are manifest infringements on our Liberties, and the Magna Charia of Conscience. Sheath the Sword of Justice, mure up Westminster-Hall, and set Bills on the Courts, for Laws are force, and the Execution of them (though in inflicting the smallest Penalties) a greater Violence. Away with these Oppressions of the Freeborn. All Causes are to be tried in Foro Interno. And every Man is his own Judge in that High Court of Judicature, his Conscience, from which (in the Character of Sovereignty) there is No Appeal. Here Kings are deposed for violating the Divine Majesty, and their own in the Exercise of that large Power which God hath entrusted them as his Deputies with. To this, all must swear Allegiance and Supremacy, and those that are Loyal to Conscience, may lawfully be Traitors to their Sovereign. The Supreme Magistrate is accountable to the Inferior, but the Conscientious Man in this preposterous way of climbing downwards, is an Inferior Magistrate above even the Inferior, as he is a Supreme over the Supreme. Thus Conscience is at once (like Mr. Calvin) Pope and Emperor, seated in St. Pet●rs Chair and the Imperial Throne, invested with as great a Power in ordine ad Spiritualia, as God's Viceroys justly challenge, or Christ's Vicar-general usurps: So have we rejected one Pope, and set up as many in his room, as there are Subjects. For had not Infallibility place in every private Judgement, (and Conscience is no more) why should our Author imagine, that Princes in punishing Conscience, violate their own, and the Divine Majesty? For can they violate the Divine Majesty in punishing Error? Sure I am, if those Consciences do not err, that are tender of offending God in obeying Men, and not tender of offending him in disobeying them, we must alter the Scripture, and say, Disobey for Conscience sake: but he adds, the Conscience though erroneous, is so far innocent as it is in the hand of God, and cannot correct those persuasions which upon the best of its natural Capacity it has collected. But if the Prince in punishing another's Conscience, proceeds according to his own, is not his so far innocent too? And since you are so great an Advocate for absolute Necessity, you should do well to remember, that Zeno when his man pleaded a Necessity of Offending, answered him with a Cudgel, alleging the like Necessity of Beating him.  
Thus have you divested Princes of an Unlimited and Uncontrollable Power, and given it to a more Imperious and Arbitrary Tyrant, Conscience. And because your Adversary had told you, that Princes have power to bind their Subjects to that Religion that they apprehend most advantageous to Public Peace: to avoid this Rock, you split upon a worse, concurring rather with your Dear Friend Mr. Milton: who says, that the only true Religion if commanded by the Civil Magistrate, becomes Unchristian, Inhuman and Barbarous. In cashiering the Magistrates Authority in things Indifferent, you rob him of all his Power; for those things that are absolutely lawful and necessary in themselves were commanded by God before. And besides, that that Opinion, that things Indifferent in themselves become unlawful when imposed, is irrational and absurd; as if (says one) that were unlawful to be done when commanded, which was lawful to be done even without a Command. The Consequence is yet wilder, For if things indifferently lawful, become sinful when imposed, then by the same reason they must needs become necessary, when they are forbidden. And so consequently, whatsoever of this nature the Magistrate shall forbid, men must look upon themselves as bound in conscience to practice; and thus you give him that power over your Consciences by his Prohibitions, which you deny to his Commands.  
No less ridiculous is this, That Law is force, and the execution of that Law, a greater Violence, and therefore not to be used with rational creatures, but upon the utmost extremity. But if the People be forced to obey those Laws, to the making of which they consented in their Representatives; certainly they are not forced without their own Consent. Besides, what have Rules of force in them, and Laws in their primary intention were no more. The Penalty was only annexed in case of non-performance. And here the Casuists (those Reverend Sergeants at the Gospel) will tell you, that it is not lawful without great reason to prefer Passive Obedience before Active, because the Law aims not so much at Punishment as Conformity. Neither is the execution of the Law, so great a Violence as is imagined. For some are Condemned to suffer, for a Terror to others. To condemn them, because they have offended, is a folly says Plato: for what is once done, can never be undone. But they are condemned because they should not offend again, or that others may avoid the Example of their Offence. And one man is hanged to prevent the hanging of many more.  
Upon considering all, I see not but your State of Conscience leads to a wilder Anarchy than the Hobbian State of Nature, and how much better might you have assigned Princes the Government of an innocent Flock according to the Rules of Arcabian Policy, then that of such ungovernable Cattle, as Conscientious Savages. The Command of Fields and Pastures is more honourable on these terms, then that of populous Towns, and Cities (which our Poet and your Bishop D' Avenant calls the Walled Parks of Herded men) What Monarch, rather than he would be clogged with such conditions, would not exchange his Royal Purple for a Foresters Green, and the formality of that Dress (you know) no man would scruple in order to the Sylvan Empire. So far however it is agreed by all in favour of your Supreme Graziers and Sovereign Shepherds, that their Melancholy Empire, and Brutal Magistracy shall for ever shut out of doors Roman Empire. and Ecclesiastical Policy.  
As to those Misfortunes which you observe, Page 244, 245. befell some bold Princes that were too saucy with their Subjects, I shall only match them with some Historical Remarks in an ingenious Writer against Mr. Milton, concerning the Rise and Fall of Republics, He tells us, That it was not the Tyranny of Spain, nor the cruelty of Duke D'Alva, nor the blood of their Nobility, nor Religion, nor Liberty, that made the Dutch cast off their obedience to their Prince, but one penny excise laid upon a pound of Butter, that made them implacably declare for a Commonwealth; That the Venetians were banished into a Free State by Attila, and their glorious Liberty was at first no other, than he may be said to have, that is turned out of his House. That the Romans were Cuckolded into their Freedom; and the Pisans Trepaned into theirs by Charles the Eighth. That as Commonwealths sprung from base Originals, so they have ruined upon as slight occasions. The same Pisans, after they had spent all they had upon a Freak of Liberty, were sold (like Cattle) by Lewis the 12th. The Venetians Hectored, and almost ruined by Maximilian the First, a poor Prince, for refusing to lend him money, as they were not long before by Francisco Sforza about a Bastard. And the Florentines were utterly enslaved for spoiling of an Ambassadors speech, and disparaging Petro de Medicis fine Liveryes. To this I might add, that many Stories there are of Subjects, who have in all humility condescended to bear with the Infirmities of their Princes (remembering your rule, that Great Persons do out of Civility condescend to their Inferiors) nay have been proud to imitate them, even your Alexander's followers bore their heads sideling as their Master did, and Dionysius his Courtiers would, in his Presence, run and justle one another, and either stumble at, or overthrow whatever stood before their feet, to show, that they were as purblind as he.  
So much for his design against Monarchy, There is a deal of Plot yet behind, but now it begins to break. Page 224. he says, In the late King's time, some eminent Persons of our Clergy made an open defection to the Church of Rome. And instances him that writ the Book of Seven Sacraments, which had been pertinent indeed, had he writ of Seven Sacraments all necessary to Salvation. But how can this man imagine that we should believe, that some eminent Persons of the Clergy in the late King's time, made an open defection to the Church of Rome, when he does not believe himself, for p. 297. he cannot think, that they had a design to alter our Religion, but rather to set up a new kind of Papacy of their own here in England. Then this was the reason it seems, why Archbishop Laud gained Hales from Socinus (you great wit confessed when baffled by that Prelate, that he understood more than Ceremonies, Arminianism, and Manwaring) and many besides of considerable Quality from the Church of Rome, but none of greater note than Ch llingworth; for this it was, that he twice refused a Red-Hat: and no wonder, a Cardinal-ship could not tempt him, when he designed an English Popedom.  
But to prove this Surmise of his groundless, we need go no farther than the Reconciliation which the Archbishop laboured betwixt us and Rome, for the compassing of which, amongst other Articles proposed, the Tope was to be allowed a Priority. This Accommodation, notwith standing your Wisdom censures as a Design impossible to be effected, was in so great a forwardness once, that it was thought, nothing but the Opposition of the Jesuits on the one side, and the Puritans on the other, could obstruct it, as the Pope's Nuncio, affirmed to be written by the Venetian Ambassador, expresses it. And indeed, the Pragmaticalness of these two, had made the Breach much wider then at first, else the more Moderate of each party by distinguishing betwixt the Doctrines of private Men, and the Confessions of either Church, might easily have adjusted those Differences, and so have laid a lasting Foundation for the Peace of Christendom And as for all our Authors idle talk of Infallibility and Secular interest, he shows, he has clearly mistaken the whole matter; for 'twas not an Agreement with the Court, but with the Church of Rome, that was proposed in this Mediation.  
But the Gentleman is wonderful pleasant, for who knows (says he pag. 35.) in such a Treaty with Rome, if the Alps would not have come over to England. (No, I would not they should, for they have stood ever since the Flood at least, and I am a great enemy to the removing of ancient Landmarks) England might not have been obliged, lying so commodious for Navigation, to undertake a Voyage to Civita Vechia. That need not neither Sir, and though 'tis pity this Conceit should have been lost, yet there is a better way than this; for since our Island is so conveniently situate for Trading, had there been a good Correspondence maintained betwixt the Catholic Merchants and ours, they night more easily have driven on the Traffic; interchangeably exporting our Religion in Cabbages, and importing the Roman in Oranges and Lemons. So that there was not that necessity of England's lying at Dover, for a fair Wind to be Shipped for Civita Vechia. For besides that Transportation of Kingdoms is somewhat more troublesome than Removing House, such a little Spot of Ground as this Island would soon have been missing in the Map, had it been moved out of its place; and so have occasioned many Disputes in Geography. Who knows too, if the English had once broke up House, and packed up their Goods and their Lands to be gone, but some of their Neighbours might have followed their Example; and the Hollanders after they had given their old Landlord the King of Spain warning, might have flung up their Leases, and in time, the Neth●rlands would have been to be Let. And though his Catholic Majesty might possibly be provided with better Tenants, for these 'tis said have not paid him a farthing since the Duke of Alv● distrained last for Rent; yet if all these new Planters should not have had Elbow-room in St. Peter's Patrimony, his Holiness I fear would have been put to the trouble of building some Cottages upon the Wast, or at least of making a Law against Ecclesiastical Inmates to have secured his Parish from an unnecessary Charge.  
Certainly, had Mr. Author been one of the Commissioners for draining of the Fens, he could not have argued more profoundly against the cutting of the Ecclesiastic Canal. pag 30. he compares it with those Attempts in former ages of digging through the Separating Istmos of Peloponnesus and making Communication between the Red Sea, and the Mediterranean. But since he is so averse from any Commnnication with Rome, he might have done well to forbid any correspondence between their Elements and ours. Who can tell at how great a distance every Breath of moving Air may continue articulate? Especially, if vocalized in Sir S. Moreland's Trumpet. Nay, why may not those Birds that sojourn with us half the year, when they fly thither for Winter Quarters, sing strange stories in the Italian Groves? and those the learned in Ornithology understand. How if those Winds that whistle near our Coasts, should whisper Tales there? and strange Secrets may be discovered by the Roman Eavesdroppers, if they lay their Ears to the ground. What does he think of a Communication between Rivers? for it may so happen, that the Protestant Thames may at some time or other mix with the impurer streams of Papal Tiber, and hold some kind of Intelligence in their prattling Murmurs, when they both discharge into the Sea (there may be another Communication too this way, between the Roman Piss-pots and the Reformed) I am somewhat unwilling I must confess to venture too far into these Depth's, for fear of being plunged past recovery. I leave them therefore to be fathomed by this Gentleman's Plummet. He has been over Shoes already, ay, and over Boots too. He has waded through the Leman Lake and the River Rhosne, and knows every Creek and Corner in each (better then any of the Water-Rats or Natives) p. 55. he tells you that the River duck's under ground, such is its apprehension (a very apprehensive River indeed) lest the Lake should overtake it (that is to say, the Lake stands still, as fast as the Current can run) So great a Wader in Discoveries I am confident might be successfully employed in groping for the Head of Nile.  
But to conclude his Discourse of Accommodation, and with that his Plot. I have heard of a Hampshire Clown who being upon the Seashore, and seeing nothing but Water beyond England, would not be persuaded that there was any such Country as France, but that all the Relations of it were Travellers Tales. And this Gentleman belike, having collected upon the best of his Capacity (and what persuasions the mind has so collected, it cannot correct) that the clearest Day could not discover Rome to one standing at Dover, imagined not absurdly, that two Places removed at such a distance, could never meet, unless England made an Errand over the Water, or the Catholic City were transported hither. And good reason it is, according to the Geography of Religions, and assigning one Religion to Islands, and another to the Continent, that the same Sea which makes a Separation of Places, should also make a Schism in Religions. Well, I see it now all along this can be no less a man then Sir Politic Would-bee himself, his Reasonings, his Debates, and his Projects are the same, both for Possibility and Use. And what does more abundantly confirm it, his Diary proclaims him right Sir Pol. There is nothing so low or trivial that escapes a Place either in his Memory or Table-book. Every Action of his Life is quoted. He notes all Occurrences in Gaming-Ordinaries, and all Arguments in the Street: how the Boys agree in whipping Jigs in Lincoln's Inn Fields, and what luck the Lackeys have at Charing-Cross in Playing at the Wheel of Fortune. How often every man urines, and whether he looks on a Preface that while or no. All these he books, and many more of that Politicians Memorandums he has in reserve; as no question the Day and Year set down when the Rats gnawed his Spur-leathers, and the very Hour when he burst a Picktooth in discoursing with a Dutch Merchant about Ragioni di Stato.  
There is one Project more of that Politic Knights, not much below this Gentleman's reflection, in relation to the Security of the City, and that is concerning Tinderboxes, for since almost no Family here, is without its Box, and that is so portable a thing, how easy is it for any Man ill affected to the State, to go with one in his Pocket into a Powder-Shop, or where any other Combustible Wares are lodged, and come out again, and none the wiser. How sit were it therefore; the State should be advertised that none but such as are known Patriots and Lovers of their Country should be trusted with such dangerous Furniture in their Houses, and even those too sealed at the Tinderbox Office, and of such a bigness, as might not lurk in Pockets.  
Well, though our Transproser makes no difference as to the Plot or Characters in his Heroic Plays, yet his Rehearsal is as full of Drollery as ever it can hold; 'tis like an Orange stuck with Cloves; as for Conceit. Pag. 6. he leads us into a Printing-house, and describes it in the same style as the Man who shows john Tradescants Rarities (which is extraordinary fine for those who have never seen such a Sight) the Letters are shown for Teeth of strange Animals (sure Garagantua's hollow Tooth would have gone for a Capital Letter.) And what is more surprising for Serpent's Teeth. And those very Teeth which Cadmus sowed, from which (it seems) he had a large Crop of Printing-Letters. The first Essay (he has told us) that was made towards this Art, was in single Characters upon ●ron, wherewith of old they stigmatised Slaves and remarkable Offenders. He might have pursued the Subject further yet, and told us of another use of these single Characters upon Iron, (God knows how ancient) which is, that of Proprietaries marking Cattle, and from hence have learnedly concluded a Propriety in Letters, as well as Beasts. The Argument if improved might have been of force for the People's Propriety in Language, (a new Privilege of Subject for which our Author contends) for how justly may he plead, that they give Names to their Dogs and Horses, (an original Flower of Adam's Crown) and fix distinguishing Characters on their Sheep, (nay, mark their Piss-pots, Bowls and Flagons) they exercise a petty Royalty in pinfolding Cattle, and pounding Beasts, in making Wills and Testaments; Leases made with no less Caution than Laws, pass (in the Imperial style) under their Hand and Seal; and why should not they be entrusted in wording Laws for the Public? for 'tis unreasonable to fill the Prince's Head with Proclamations. 
P. 233.  And since Cattle-Blazo●ry, (as was said before) is their due, why might not they have the dispensing of Coats of Arms. And if their Pocket-Seals are Authoritative enough for setting their Lands, and binding their Sons, why not for disposing of Offices too, as well as the Great Seal? If any man shall say, that some of them are unlettered (as some few of a private Condition and Breeding are) and so incapacitated for Lawmakers, because they are not good Scribes: the Answer is easy, if they cannot write their Names, they may set their Mark, (this I conceive was the first Essay towards the Art of Writing, as that in single Characters upon Iron, was towards that other of Printing) and to authenticate this, I remember Sir Politic Would-bee (that worthy Predecessor of this Gentleman) tells us of a Letter he received from a High and Mighty Cheesemonger, one of the Lords of the State's General, who could not write his Name (at least at length, and with all his Titles) and therefore had set his Mark to it. Not but that he had Secretaries under him (Latin or no, I know not) that could do it. But this was for the greater Majesty.  
But if the People will be so civil as to forego their uncontrollable Power in Language (which they have by a Natural Right, antecedent to Christ) they may, but our Author will not upon so easy terms recede from his Prerogative. For there are two Letters I. O. over which he claims an absolute Power to make them signify any thing, or nothing, as he pleases. He had looked in his Dictionary ('tis one of his highest Authors) and found that Io uses to go before Paean, and then amongst the Proper Names he saw Io was the Daughter of Inac●us, and so (as he tells us, pag. 83.) that as Juno persecuted the Heifer, this I. O. was an He-Cow, that is to say a Bull to be baited by Mr. Bayes. It seems then in his Accidence (whether it be the same with Miltons' Accidence commenced Grammar, I know not) it is Hae● Io, a Cow both He and She. But though I. O. be the Letters which make up four pages of his Book, (as if his Printer could furnish him with no other) yet is his Alphabet Wit further improvable for this I being the tallest slenderest Letter of the Alphabet, and O the roundest, he could not have picked out two in all the Criss-Cross-Row that point more plainly at the Man that owns them, for according to Signatures, they Emblem a Tall Sir john that has been a Round-Head. As to the first part of his Character, our Author has so far deciphered him, telling us pag. 68 of one I. O. a tall Servant of the Ecclesiastical Politician's. And for the later, the Owner of those two Letters has deciphered himself in his Books. But if these be not sufficient Marks to know the Beast by, he has described the Monster with the punctuality of a Gazett-Advertisement that gives notice of a Crop-eared Gelding strayed from his Master. For pag. 83. he tells us this I. O. has a Head, and a Mouth with Tongue and Teeth in it, and Hands with Fingers and Nails upon them. Which is almost as apposite a Description of an Independent, as his Friend Mr. Milton has given us of a Bishop, who in his Apology for his Animadversions upon the Remonstrants' Defence against Smectymnuus, says, that a Bishop's foot that hath all his Toes maugre the Gout, and a linen Sock over it, is the aptest Emblem of the Bishop himself; who being a Pluralist, under one Surplice which is also linen (and therefore so far like the Toe-Surplice, the Sock) hides four Benefices besides the Metropolitan Toe. So that when Archbishop Abbot was suspended, we might say in Mr. Miltons' style, his Metropolitan Toe was cut off. But since Milton is so great an Enemy to great Toes (however dignified or distinguished, be they Papal or Metropolitan) we would fain know, whether his are all of a length, since the Leveller (it seems) affects a Parity even in Toes. Whether now his Bishop with a Metropolitan Toe, or our Author's Congregational Man with ten Fingers and long Nails upon all, be the fitter Mo●ster to be shown, is hard to say. Only, I am glad to hear that the Author of Evangelical Love has got Claws, since belike his Evangelical Love (like that of Cats) is exercised for the most part in Scratching and Clawing. And now let the Bishops look to their Faces, and beware of some with long Nails. For unluckily, among other Calamities of late, there has happened a prodigious Conjunction of a Latin Secretary and an English Schoolmaster, the appearance of which, none of our Astrologers foretold, nor no Comet portended. It may be for our Author's reason, because it is of far higher quality, and hath other kind of employment, And therefore, though an Hairy Star, it might afford no Prognostic of these two Monkeys losing the Bishop's heads.  
But if Milton's Sock will not well endure a comparison with the Surplice, what think you of our Animadverter's joining the White-Surplices and the White-Aprons in one period, pag. 195. (observe john Milton, they are both Linen and both White.) 'Tis much we heard not here of the Sympathy of White Linen, as well as of the Sympathy of Scarlet, pag. 68 where our Author has married the Tippet and the Red Petticoat. See how the Turkey-cock (if that be not too Masculine an Emblem for a Capon-wit) bristles at the Sight of any thing that's Red. However, this I hope may be a means to reconcile the Holy Sisters to the Church, for if there be so good an Agreement between the Tippets and Red Petticoats, and the White Surplices and White Aprons, they are come one step nearer to Conformity than they were aware of. Who knows too, but in time they may be persuaded that theirs are Canonical Vestments, save only that the Doctresses wear their Tippets at the wrong end, and inverting the usual Form, under their Surplices. In the mean time, I think the Regulating Canonical Habits an Employment no way commensurate to our Author's Abilities, wishing him rather to concern himself in such Worthy Cares as a Reformation of the Hospital-boys Blue Coats, or the Watermen's Red-Coats and Badges, and so till he proceed to the Lacquey's Liveries. And then possibly he may conceit himself qualified in some degree for an Undertaking in Heraldry. A Perfection he envies in Bishop Bramhall. For it looks like upbraiding in any man to vaunt his skill in Heraldry before any one of his private Condition that wants a Coat of Arms, or at least like reflecting on his private Breeding that never learned to Blazon another's. For what else can you make of his Animadversion, pag. 34. upon this Maxim of the Bishop, That second Reformations are commonly like Metal upon Metal, which is false He raldry. Upon which, it is a wonder, (says he) that our Author in enumerating the Bishop's perfections in Divinity, Law, History and Philosophy, neglected this peculiar gift he had in Heraldry, which is altogether as sleeveless as the Herald's Coat, if I may have to offer at that low Wit with which our Author so Plentifully abounds. For to give you some of his Clenches, p. 158. he says, his Adversary leaps cross, and has more doubles, (nay triples and quadruples) than any Hare. And to show, that he as well as Mr. Bayes is an enemy to all the Moral virtues, pag. 322. he tells us, the Ecclesiastical Politician makes Grace a mere Fable, of which he gives us the Moral. And p, 135. if the Archbishopric of Canterbury should ever fall to his lot, I am resolved instead of his Grace, to call him always his Morality.  
Whereas he tells us a Story of the Scurvy Disease, pag. 134, his History, and his hard names of Podostrabae, Doctylethrae, Rhinolabides, etc. pag. 132. declare him sufficiently Graduated in Canting for a Pox-Doctor. I shall only mind him here of another Scurvy Disease derived from Geneva, Contemporary with that brought over from the Indies. For unless our Calculators are out, the Pox and Presbytery broke out at the same time in Europe. And therefore are the Twin-Diseases deservedly associated in a Fatal Chronology.  
And now for what he discourses p. 47. of those who having never seen the receptacle of Grace or Conscience at an Anatomical Dissection conclude that there is no such matter; the Learned in Anatomy are so far from granting him this, that they assure him of the contrary. Maintaining upon dissection of the Presbyterian Carcases that they have made an undoubted discovery of the Receptacle of Conscience, unanimously agreeing upon their best Observation that it lies very near the Spleen.  
There is one Conceit behind which I had almost forgot, in his Discourse of the Liberty of Unlicens'd Printing p. 6. (which is little else but Milton's Areopagitica in short hand) The very Sponges which one would think should rather deface and blot out the whole Bo●k, and were anciently used to that purpose, are become now the Instruments to make things legible. But truly, I think the Sponge has left little else visible in his Book more than what it did in the Figures of those two Painters in the one of which it fortunately dashed the Foam of a mad Horse, and in the other, the Slaver of a weary Dog; the Sponges ruder Blot prevailing above all the light touches and tender strokes of the Pencil. And indeed for this inimitable Art of the Sponge, this of Expressing Slaver and Foam to the Life, I will not deny but his work deserves to be celebrated beyond the Pieces of either Painter. If you will have it in his Elegancy, I never saw a man in so high a Salivation. If in milton's (I know he will be proud to lick up his spital) He has invested himself withal the Rheum of the Town, that he might have sufficient to bespaul the Clergy.  
But enough of these two loathsome Beasts, and their spitting and spauling. Now what think you of washing your mouth with a Proverb or two. For I cannot but remark this admirable way he has of Embellishing his Writings Proverbial-Wit. As for instance. One night has made some men Grey, pag. 144. and better come at beginning of a Feast, then latter end of a Fray: pag. 166. Which (to express them Proverbially) are all out as much to the purpose as any of Sancho Pancha's Proverbs. For the truth of this Comparison, I shall only appeal to the Leaf-turners of Don Quixot. Some there are below the Quality of the Squire's Wit, and would better have become the Mouth of his Lady joan, or any old Gammer that drops Sentences and Teeth together, As (speaking of his own Tale of the Lake Perilous,) he faith in its Applause, this Story would have been Nuts to Mother Midnight, pag. 56. and pag. 142. A year, nay an instant at any time of a man's Life may make him Wiser. And his Adversary hath, like all other fruits his annual Maturity. Though there is one sort of fruit trees above all the rest, that bears with its Fruit, a signal Hieroglyphic of our Author; and that's a Medlar: A Fruit more remarkable for its annual maturity, because the same also is an annual rottenness.  
As for his wonderful Gift in Rhyming, I could furnish him with many more of the Isms and Nesses, but that I should distaste a Blank Verse Friend of his, who can by no means endure a Rhyme any where but in the middle of a Verse, therein following the laudable custom of the Welsh Poets. And therefore I shall only point at some of the Nesses, the more eminent, because of the people's Coiage; and of a Stamp as unquestionable as the Breeches, and so far more legitimate than any that have passed for currant since the People left off to mind words (another Flower of their Crown which they fought for, besides Religion and Liberty) they are these, One-ness, Same-ness, Muchness, Nothing-ness, Soul-saving-ness; to which we may add another of our Authors own, Pick-thank-ness; in which word (to keep our Rhyme) there is a peculiar Marvellousness.  
I should now in imitation of our Author proceed to his Personal Character, but I shall only advise his Painter if ever he draws him below the Waste, to follow the example of that Artist, who having completed the Picture of a Woman, could at any time, with two strokes of his Pencil upon her Face, two upon her Breast, and two betwixt her Thighs; change her in an instant into Man: but after our Authors Female Figure is completed, the change of Sex is far easier; for Nature, or Sinister Accident has rendered some of the Alteration-strokes useless and unnecessary. This expression of mine may be somewhat uncouth, and the fitter therefore (instead of Fig-leaves, or White Linen) to obscure what ought to be concealed in Shadow. Neither would I trumpet the Truth too loudly in your ears, because ('tis said) you are of a delicate Hearing, and a great enemy to noise; insomuch that you are disturbed with the too●ing of a Sow-geIders Horn.  
Some busy People there are, that would be forward enough it may be to pluck the Vizor off this Sinister Accident, not without an evil Eye at your Distich on Vn Accident Sinister, to which they imagine some officious Poet might easily frame a Repartee to the like purpose as this Tetrastich.  
O marvellous Fate. O Fate full of marvel;  
That Nol's Latin Pay two Clerks should deserve ill!  
Hiring a Gelding and Milton the Stallion;  
His Latin was gelt, and turned pure Italian.  
Certainly to see a Stallion leap a Gelding, (and this leapt fair, for he leapt over the Gelding's head) was a more preposterous sight, or at least more Italian, than what you fancy of Father Patrick's bestriding Doctor Patrick.  
Neither is it unlikely but some may say in defence of these Verses, that Nol's Latin Clerks were somewhat Italianized in point of Art as well as Language, and for the proof of this refer those that are curious to a late Book called the Rehearsal Transprosed, where p. 77. the Author or some body for him asks his Antagonist if the Non-conformists must down with their Breeches as oft as he wants the prospect of a more pleasing Nudity. And for his fellow Journeyman, they may direct the Leaf-turners to one of his books of Divorce, (for he has learnedly parted Man and Wife in no less than four Books) namely, his Doctrine and Discipline, where toward the bottom of the second Page, they may find somewhat which will hardly merit so cleanly an Expression as that of the Moral Satirist, words left, betwixt the Sheets. Not but that he has both excused and hallowed his Obscenity elsewhere by pleading Scripture for it, as pag. 24, 25. Of his Apology for his Animadversions upon the Remonstrants' Defence against Smectymnuus. And again in his Areopagitica, p. 13. for Religion and Morality forbid a Repetition. Such was the Liberty of his Unlicenc'd Printing, that the more modest Aretine were he alive in this Age, might be set to School again, to learn in his own Art of the Blind Schoolmaster.  
Thus have you had the Transproser Rehearsed. And now perhaps you may be in expectation of the F●fth Act promised you in the Title; but because it is the Bookseller's as well as Poet's Art to raise your Expectation and bring you off some extraordinary way, I will not deprive you of the Pleasure of being Cheated: but since the Transprosing Muses are gone to Dinner, I shall at present, according to a late Precedent only read you the Argument of the Fifth Act, receding as little as I can, from that which was found in Mr. Bayes his Pocket, and then making our Author personate Prince Pretty-man, and varying old joan to the Church of Geneva; it is in effect no more than this, that Prince Pretty-man (the Character is Great enough for a man of Private Condition) being passionately in Love (you may allow him to be an Allegorical Lover at least) with old joan (not the Chandler's, but Mr. calvin's Widow) walks discontentedly by the side of the Lake Lemane, sighing to the Winds and calling upon the Woods; not forgetting to report his Mistress' name so often, till he teach all the Echoes to repeat nothing but joan; now entertaining himself in his Solitude, with such little Sports, as loving his Love with an ay, and then loving his Love with an O, and the like for the other Letters. And anon with such melancholy divertisements as angling in the Lake for Trout. And making many an Amorous Comparison between his Heart and the silly Captives, his innocent Prey, His fishing lines you may conceive, framed of a no less delicate contexture, then old Ioan's Hair, (the Mode of wearing Hair-Bracelets was scarce in use then, or else you had heard of that.) To be short, after he has carved his Mistress' Name with many Love-knots and flourishes in all the Bushes and Brambles; and interwoven those sacred Characters with many an Enigmatical Devise in Posies and Garlands of Flowers, lolling sometimes upon the Bank and sunning himself, and then on a sudden (varying his Postures with his Passion) raising himself up, and speaking all the fine things which Lovers used to do. His Spirits at last exhaled with the heat of his Passion, swop, he falls asleep, and snores out the rest.  
If this Argument shall require a Key, I shall only say, I call not the Church of Geneva old, for any other reason then that Antiquity in Mistresses is reckoned a Deformity. Besides, I think it would have been an high Indecorum to have supposed Mr. Calvin's Widow younger than the Chandler's. And for Conferring the Honour of Prince Pretty-man on our Author, I shall allege such Reasons as these; because, they Symbolise in their humour, and not a little in their Expressions: in their Contempt and quarrelling of all others that are not in love with the same Mistress, and lastly, in the choice of their Mistresses.  
And first for their Symbolising in their humour and expressions. Our Author begins very briskly with Love and Blazing Comets, but in the middle of his Book (as Prince Pretty-man in the height of his Rapture) he grows heavy and dull; and a Lethargy at length seizing on his Spirits, by that he comes to page 263, he falls asleep, having first bid Mr. Bays Good Night, but before you can speak a Simile of eight Verses over him; whip, he starts up, and cries Good Morrow. (which is all out as well as It is Resolved.) Add to this, that his Snip-Snap Wit, hit for hit, and dash for dash is pure Prince Pret and Tom Thimble. As to their Symbolising in their Contempt and quarrelling of all others that are not in love with the same Mistress, his whole Book is a Demonstration of their admirable Agreement in this point of Singularity. Hectoring all that are not equal adorers of Mr. Calvin's charming Dowager, though he himself would sooner have a Passion for a Whale, than any other Mistress but his own. And for the choice of their Mistresses; the Prince quits that Chloris, whom Gods would not pretend to blame for old joan, the Chandler's Widow, and this Gallant no less preposterously, espouses the sluttish Mother Church of Geneva before our Church with all her Ornaments and Decorations, preferring the Blue and White Aprons before the Glories of her Yellow Hood and Bullhead, admiring most the Wrinkles of a homely Widow, and the Beauties of the Grub-street Gossips, her Ragged Daughters and grandchildren.  
Now'tis but a little walk to Geneva, and to invite you thither, I dare undertake for your Welcome. That you shall have good Cheer there, and good Company. And besides your other Entertainments there, you may shoot with the Arbalet, or play at Court-boule. The Divines there are notable Good Companions. They are incomparable Pall-mall-Players. And very good Bowlers too no doubt (would they were as honest Men) But though we have Geneva in the Wind, I am afraid we had need of a better Guide than our Noses, else we shall ne'er come thither. And for Strangers to ask the way, would be the readier means perhaps to set'em out of it. If we inquire of some they'll tell us, it lies South of the Lake; if of other, they say it lies West, and Geographers are in as many Stories as the Country People. In this uncertainty of Information, what Course shall we steer? shall we consult the Oracle? We must go then to the Transproser. He'll direct us sure, as Wizards to lost Cattle. Navigators may be taught to sail by him, truer than by the Compass. He has breathed the Air of as many Countries as the Travelling G●eek and Pious Trojan. And may more justly challenge the Honour of Citizen of the World, than that wise Philosopher. A Geographer born and bred, even from his Cradle. Rocked from his Childhood on the Sea's. Coriat himself was not a truer Traveller. And what one sung of him, is with more justice due to our Author. 
Some say when he was born (O wondrous hap)  
First time ●e pi●t his Clouts, he drew a Map.  If we ask his Advice then, he'll bid us Steer to the West; and yet those that have Travelled as far as Geneva in Mercator, Botero, etc. cry, to the South of the Lake. Must we then correct Maps, no, rather, our Compass; and add a New Point of this Pilot's Invention, called South and by West.  
Well, fain I would have saluted Mr. Calvin's House, and paid my obeisance to his Threshold. But since the Way is so difficult, and my Guides unresolved; I have no great Maw to it. I shall only therefore leave a Ticket for his Assigns. It is an Enquiry concerning certain things laid to the Charge of that harmless, honest Divine. In which, if I could receive any Satisfaction from them, I should gladly acknowledge the Obligation, and be more ready for the future to pay a just Veneration to his Memory. The one is, a Story of an Italian Marquis, which because I am afraid it tends not much to his Honour, and there is a paltry Book on purpose set out concerning the whole matter, I shall forbear to recite here. The other, a scurvy Report of one Servetus, who after he had been confuted by the English Bishops, and so dismissed (where were the Pillories, Whipping-Posts, Galleys, Rods, and Axes, that are the Ratio Vltima Cleri) was more secretly handled by Mr. Calvin & lighted into the other World by Fire and Faggot (add these two to all the rest, and together they are, Ratio Vltima Calvini) for which reason Bellius, Eleutherius, and their fellows styled him a Bloody Man, and the villainous Montfort drew Calvin's Picture not in a Gown and Cassock, but in a Helmet, Back and Breast, belted and armed like a Man of War, (this showed more noble than Bishop bramhall's Metaphorical Armour) Nay, to go further, he was burnt, and as if the World might not know for what, his Books too. But what makes the Case somewhat the worse, Grotius and two or three unlucky Fellows lighted unhappily upon some of them, and would bear us in hand, that there were no such Crimes there, as Calvin imputed to him. Serveti Libri, no● Genevae tantum, sed & aliis in Locis per Calvini diligentiam exu●ti sunt, fateor tame● unum me exemplum vidisse Libri Servetiani; in quo certè ea non reperi, quae ei objicit Calvinus, says ●rotius in his Votum pro Pace.  
I have now done, after I have (which is but just) taken leave of my Author. Sorry I am, to waken him out of that pleasant Dream I left him in, when reposed under the Arms of a spreading Bramble. But I will disturb him as little a time as may be, a few things only I have to say to him at parting, and then let him take the other Nap. First then I cannot but take notice of his Scripture Raillery, for though he has told the Ecclesiastical Politician, p. 166. that he really makes Conscience of using Scripture with such a drolling companion, yet he makes none of Travesteering it, for amongst the many good jests (he says, pag. 198) he has balked in writing his Book, lest he should be brought to answer for every profane and idle word, he could not find in his heart to balk such as these, The Nonconformists were great Traders in Scripture, and therefore thrown out of the Temple, p. 232. and p. 207. he tells us, his Adversary is run up to the wall by an Angel. And again, p. 77. that He is the first Minister of the Gospel that ever bade it in his Commission to rail at all Nations. So that if any Man will learn by his Example (as he advises in the Close of his Book) he may proceed a most accomplished Burlesquer of the Scripture, wiithout violating and profaning those things which are and aught to be most sacred.  
Next for his Politics; when I observed how he limited Kings and set Subjects free, exempting all Affairs of Conscience from the Jurisdiction of the Sovereign and exclaiming against Laws as Force, and the Execution of them as a greater violence; divesting the Civil Magistrate of his Authority in things Indifferent, (the greatest part of his power) and carolling Princes out of their Right in Compliment to their Subjects (forsooth) flourished with many Stories culled for the purpose, and garnished with a Bumkin Simile or two, of such ill bred Clowns as would desire to be covered before their Betters: I imagined he made his Collections out of such Authors as Buchanan and junius Brutus. And when I remarked how small a matter he made of exposing the Wisdom of King and Parliament for a Superfetation of Acts about the same thing, I could not but wonder that any one of a Private Condition and Breeding, who (it may be) never had the Government of so large a Family, as that of a single Man and a Horse; should think himself sufficiently capacitated to make better Laws for the Government of three Kingdoms. Certainly, not every Man that has set his foot in Holland and Venice, or read over baxter's Holy Commonwealth and Harrington's Oc●ana, and made a Speech once in the ROTA, is Statesman complete enough for such an undertaking. No, the Training of Boys and Education of Horses, are Tasks above the experience and abilities of some of these imperious Dictator's, that assume to themselves a Power of correcting their Governors. The new Modelling of a State is somewhat beyond the Oeconomy of a School, and Monarches are above the Pedantic Discipline of the Ferula; it is Arrogance then in a great Degree for Pedagogues to Lecture Princes and Senates, and a high Presumption for every Tutor to claim the Authority of a Buchanan.  
'Twas this I was displeased with, his irreverent and disrespective usage of Authority. His Malicious and Disloyal Reflections on the late King's Reign, traducing the Government of the best of Princes, and defaming his faithful Councillors in so foul a manner, as if he had once made use of Miltons' Pen, and Gerbier's Pencil. So black a Poison has he sucked from the most virulent Pamphlets, as were impossible for any Mountebank but the Author of Iconoclastes to swallow, without the Cure of Antidotes. And certainly if that Libeler has not clubbed with our Writer (as is with some reason suspected) we may safely say, there are many milton's in this one Man. Not to recite too often his too good Causes of Rebellion, and his Caution to Wise Princes only, to avoid the like occasions. To which I may add his insolent Abuse of his Gracions Sovereign, in so cheaply prostituting his Indulgence for a Sign to give notice of his Seditious Writings.  
I was not a little offended to see him cast so much Dirt on the Venerable Names of Laud, Bramhal, and Cousens, aspersing the last as a Papist, notwithstanding his incomparable History of the Canon of the Scripture, and with the like Solecism branding him that wrote De Deo for an Atheist. His disingenuity is visible in his misrepresentation of the Loan, and his misquoting of Thorndikes Passage of Schism. And what is no less remarkable, is his injurious dealing with Mr. Hales, in citing his Tract of Schism, which he could not but disallow of, when he declared himself of another Opinion, obtaining leave of Archbishop Laud (who converted him) to call himself his Grace's Chaplain, that naming him in his Public Prayers for his Lord and Patron, the great notice might be taken of the Alteration.  
But to conclude all the Impertinences of our Author, I will not deny but the Transproser has merited that Crown at lest which Gallienus the Emperor awarded him, who in a solemn Hunting flinging ten Darts against a Bull, from a little distance, never touched him with one. Alleging this Reason, when some seemed to wonder at the Sentence; This Man (says he) is Expert above you all. For to cast ten Darts so little a way against so great a Mark, and not to hit it, is a thing which none knows how to do besides himself.  
Give me leave to close all with this short.   

EPILOGUE.  
— For ours and for the Kingdom's Peace  
May this Prodigious way of Writing cease.  
Once in our Lives let somewhat be Composed;  
Not bare REHEARSAL all, nor all TRANSPROSED.  
FINIS.   

ERRATA.  
PAge 2. for transposed twice, read transprosed. p. 5. for impenitently, r. impertinently. p. 7. for Anonymus r. Anonymous. p. 17. for Transposer r. Transproser p. 20. for ago off r. g● off. p. 36. for we so loud, r. were so loud. p. 40. for a muse r. amuse. p. 48. for the Antagonist's Book sellers and Stalls, r. Book seller and Stall p. 72. for reduce r. deduce, and for Populi Anglicania, r. Populi Anglicani. p▪ 75. for Heir to his Majesty's Virtues, r. Heir to his Father's Virtues. p. 80. for in these words, r. on these words. p. 112. for Arcabian, r. Arcadian.