Il Putanismo Di Roma, Or the History of the WHORES And Whoredom of the Popes, Cardinals And Clergy of ROME. Discovered by a Conclave of Ladies convened for the Election of a new Pope.  
Written in Italian by the Author of Cardinalismo and Nepotismo.  
And now made English by I. D. Esq  
London, Printed, 1670.   

The Author to those that are curious.  
WRiting in this age is nothing else but an itching of the hand, whilst they writ with so much liberty, that we must absolutely believe the Intellect hath no share in the manual operation. Besides 'tis believed, though that the hand opposeth the pen with so great silence and secrecy, that the judgement is also excluded from reading; for many things would be omitted in writing, if the judgement and not the hand did manage the affair. If writing were an incurable French disease, the world in a short time would be deprived of Writers, if I deceive not myself; but I fear I am deceived, for to be real, the Art of Writing at present is a devilish distemper, and yet not feared; how then can a venereal distemper be dreaded, if the Devil himself cannot terrify Writers?  
As for my own particular, I never had an inclination to write for others, judging it better to let others write for me, but seeing so great a Vorago of Manuscripts scattered abroad in every corner of Rome, it did so rouse my fancy, 〈◊〉 ●hat I could do no less, but enter the List 〈◊〉 the rest; yet before I took my pen in hand, ●…ery seriously considered of the subject; and thought with myself, that in a time when the Chair was vacant, it behoved me to write with liberty concerning the public scandal of those vices which at other times walk masked in Rome. I had a desire by all means to be in the Conclave, that in a place of such clamour, I might find out a worthy subject to immortalize my name at my first appearing in Print: And whilst I communicated this my thought to a friend of mine, whom I did very much esteem; his She-confident, who was then present, did advise, or to speak more properly command me (because that Courtesans bear the sway at Rome) to undertake a description of the General Conclave, which the Court-Ladies of pleasure had taken up a resolution to create in order to the finding out of a subject concerning the Election of a Pope that might be better suited to their interest. I did not disrelish the sentiment of this good Lady, who though she said it only in raillery, did nevertheless in good earnest leave a great impression upon my spirit; Insomuch as that very evening I undertook the work, and in a short time finished it so, as it is now presented to you. Read it then, not as mine, but the work of those excellent, or if you please curious Wits, that deprived me of it, before I had time to peruse it; telling me that I must publish it to enrich the more abstruse studies of those spirits that are scrupulous. In truth my intention was to print it, but in time, knowing very well, that in Rencounters of this nature, it is convenient to proceed with deliberation; but my good Friends made me this reply, that it was not now the custom to be slow in printing, since all persons are as nimble at the Press, as those that slide upon the Ice. In fine, all that I could obtain was one moment to write thee Reader, these two lines by way of Apology, and to give thee to understand, that I study thy satisfaction.  
A. D. A. S.   

Il Puttanismo di Roma, OR The Whoredom of Rome.  
THe distressed and miserable City of Rome did not only live under a grievous and pitiful, but cruel and horrible servitude, as was prepared for her to undergo for the future, and had so composed her mind to the patiented enduring of her disgraces, that she seemed to be clothed with constancy, and to emulate those that are Hydropical: When as fortune, who had obstinately resolved to persecute her, envying her undauntedness, as if it were the undoubted reproach of the decay of her strength, and the other virtues, did, by other inventions as ingenious as tyrannical, procure means to shake her out of that peaceable condition, by the feigned apparition of a sudden blaze of probability, that there was some hope of her deliverance from such perplexities and penal torments, by bringing her to suspect (as is now notorious) the life of Alexander the Seventh to be of no continuance, upon whose death the abstract of her greatest felicity, and redress in and by all things, depends: But since among the individual persons who chief constitute the said City, the Ladies retain the most considerable place, and conspicuous number; whose seed is more fertile than the grass that grows in the field; these persons seeing themselves generally ill-treated and deluded by this so strange, unlawful and horrid Popeship, from which they never can, could, or ever may expect from the future, as long as ever it continues, any advantage or success imaginable, but rather fear unexpected ruin and destruction: Because the sienneses have by a certain quality of nature, or natural instinct so absolute and implacable an antipathy against the female sex, that it seems almost impossible there should ever be expected a reconciliation or agreement between them.  
It is reported by some Historians, that this took beginning ever since some Eastern Merchants, anno 200 of the creation of the world, did by the way of Leghorn import and transport some contagious Commodities that came from those Provinces; where the people have such an aversion for the female sex, that rather than they will perform their duty to them, will assume so much boldness as to affront even the Angelical Guests of Lot himself. Wherefore the modern infirmity of this new Pontificature is not easily known at Rome, which the Patriarchess of the Brothel house hath with so solicitous and exact diligence discovered to be exercised various ways, to be urged in divers businesses, and so propounded in several discourses, to see if by any means possible the Succession of the new elected Pope may be made in some Creature of theirs, or at least in some Subject which they know by the natural inclination of his genius, or experience of his proceed, to adhere and be devoted to their party, and in whom they might safely confide, without fear of being betrayed.  
This advice succeeded the 20th of August, anno 1666. at which time the season of the year being then found sufficiently suited and proportioned to whorish actions, and chiefly by reason of the great leisure that is before that time in the months of June and July, which precede it; in which they themselves grant the Students in Physic a vacancy from labour, and only reserve themselves to read them some small Lecture by way of diversion concerning the contrarium Jesuiticum in libro Posteriorum. Wherefore the major part of these Women, the better to allure the Scholars, and those that follow their natural Doctrine, did retire themselves towards the near neighbouring Towns, and the most pleasant and suburban places; for in things of this nature, being upheld by the benefit of the winds, those nauseating matters which accompany their conceits less agreeable, or troublesome to the genius of those that set them on, would cease. Wherefore seeing that loss of time in such a juncture of affairs, is an absolute prejudice to their interests, and that their not being all unanimous in the agreement of their Votes, and abetting an inclusive or exclusive sentence against the Medicean Florentine Faction, so great an enemy to them, and that of Sienna, of whom Chigi, was the head, their last Exterminator, were to bring them a second time under their former disparagements.  
Whereupon at Madam Angela Salas, the most serene Senioress of the Brothel-house, with her flying squadron Diana Velletrana, Anna Felice a sand Marco, and Bernardin● alla Longara, they came to this resolution to advertise the venerable Cicia dello Struzzo by an Express, who was departed with Nina by the way of Frascati, that she should immediately come upon the place, and be ready to negotiate, and agree to the inclusion of Cardinal Spada, called Santa Susanna, who being formerly disgusted with all the other Lucheses' his Countrymen, and adherents to Barbarinos' party, because he was his friend, and had for love of them abandoned altogether the Toscan temper, with some hazard of being in trouble, he had so certainly secured their fidelity, that there was no doubt at all but he would return them a perfect contribution of love and affection, and withal give an account to the House of Chigi of all the insolences and grievances offered to their female sex, and to oblige him to satisfy them for all the damages and interests suffered for the space of 12 years under the Papacy, by introducing the practice of Sodomy, by reason whereof their Trade was utterly destroyed, to the great prejudice of humane propagation.  
In so much as Nina Barcarola, who understood very well how great advantages might accrue to her by the raising of the Celsi; She having the will of Ravizza at command, her obliged servant for these twenty years, and wherewith she was also assured to incline the affection of the said Celsi to any promotion of hers; she did earnestly endeavour by Language and Presents to gain him the Votes of them all, and in in particular of Minima Pandolfina, Nina delle Cannaie, and of Mary Vittoria delle Mass, assuring them that if they were not wanting in their due fidelity to concur at her instance in the advancement of this person, they should be prodigiously rewarded for their pains and affection.  
On the other hand the party of Ladies, who being interessed in their own advantage, take no farther care for the public good, but only for themselves; every particular person among them did strongly endeavour to engage in discourse about their Inamoratos, and did absolutely oppose the pretences of the Whores: whereupon alleging a thousand defects against Celsi and Spada, they did pretend that these should be totally excluded as Counterfeit of little credit, and no indifferency as much with the male as the female sex; or to speak more properly, for their applying themselves to both, protesting that certain notice was given, that withal they seemed willing to contradict their own satisfaction, and apply themselves to the wicked practices of the Chigi, yet one of them was her Creature, which was Celsi, and by consequence suspected to join in his Election, and therefore it was done before the famous Erratica, with the nomination of Azzolino or Maldacchino; she pretended to be approved by all the rest for two reasons; First, because they being such persons, it was expedient in point of policy, that the choice should light upon some youthful person, to the end that the length of a good Pope's Reign might give some recompense for the sufferings of the disastrous and villainous Government of the precedent Bishop of Rome.  
The Duchess Mattei, who was not willing to lose her satisfaction and advantage altogether, out of respect and civility, did oppose herself, saying, that as to the exclusion of Celsi and of St. Susan, it was extraordinary well done; but as to the inclusion of Azzolino or Maldacchino, she could neither afford her approbation nor commendation thereunto, because these two persons being at present cast down low enough in every place, you would put them in a condition, in the space of few years to scandalise all the Ladies that ever were, and for that reason it was not well nor advantageously done in them to hazard it, having nothing hereafter to rely upon between the hopes and new fears of being deluded, and to meet with the greatest difficulties, from whom they expected immediate assistance and happiness: and that it was most credibly related to her, that Maldacchino had a good share of the French Pox by exchange; and if that as yet the fruits was not maturated, however the Thirds were most mischievous; and therefore there is a necessity that we should move slowly in this business, that we may not be the occasion of so much detriment to the universality of the female World, and grieve their consciences. Whence it appears to me very expedient to beseech Erratica, that she would be pleased to give her concurrenr vote for Bonelli; who, besides his being an aged Subject and a Relation, he was known to be o● good repute, so that he might upon som● rational grounds pretend to this suprem● Dignity. Besides he hath given man● proofs of his person in Spain, where n● misfortune happened to him, nor was eve● observed to deviate from the affection conconceived by him of this Sex, notwithstanding that he had a rough and hairy countenance, which was the true reason that any person was compatible, who receiving no farther information, would have sworn him to be a most cruel Pentapolitan.  
Then Adrianella answered, your Excellency by this way of reasoning concludes on my side, because these and many nobler qualifications do concur in Cardinal Rospigliosi my friend, an expert man, well skilled in the trade, facetious in conversation, of a quick wit, ingenious in his matter, and very free to acknowledge the services and the affection of those that most respect him; besides his having been in Spain, and giving far greater testimonies than Bonelli, worthy a serious reflection; therefore that I being moved with these considerations do not condescend to their desires, I beg their pardon, because I have a great deal of reason to serve this person more than any other whatsoever.  
Soft a little, my Lady Adrianella (replied the Princess of Rossano) and the Lord Gardinal Odelscalchi, what injury hath he done you? you know that we always wished you well, and that my advantage hath ever been for your good: This Cardinal hath deserved well of our House, and is a person that deserves good will; and that which is of greatest importance, he will do nothing to displease me, therefore he is worthy of esteem.  
I beg your Excellency's pardon (Adrianella returned) because this is awry-necked fellow, a mumbler of Pater nosters, that minds not the Ladies; and if by chance he meets one in the Street, he crosseth himself, as if he spied the Devil; and farther, Lady let it suffice, that he is a counterfeit Saint. Your Excellency is not ignorant of the Proverb, A Butcher's dog and Company-keepers, ever avoid, avoid.  
O Fie, fie, I know he is a man of desert, and we can meet with no other, said Rossana.  
Adrianella replied again, if your Excellency should talk till to morrow morning, I should never be able to understand that it were the part of a judicious person to confide in this Pope, who is a Blessing-monger, and hath one fault, that he never looks one in the face; he is so obstinate, that all the Tortures of Ripetta would not at all move him, although he himself be a Milanese.  
Well Sister, I see there is no discoursing with you, but you will be passionate (replied the Princess.)  
With these and the like confusions were things managed for the ensuing Election; so that they seemed to be in such a hurry, that without a long Session of the Conclave, they could not finish the business of the Election as they had designed, if the death of Alexander should happen, which is much desired.  
Wherefore perceiving on the 22th day that their voices and hopes did increase, by a certain new accident, which, according to report, happened to them, they newly awaked out of that sleep in which they had lain these two days without any proceed; every one of them did hold out stoutly for the persons insisted upon: and were by order from the Soveraignness of the Ladies, and Angela only on the behalf of the Whores, made to understand, That they should all meet at the Vaschette, the place appointed for the Conclave, that they might there make an Assembly, and discourse about the ensuing Election, before they did conclude, that they might with more ease and less disturbance among them understand the difficulties, which it seems were now risen up among them, and that it was known that they had with public damage and discommodity commonly published the effecting of their desires by what they said, contrary to the public good.  
Wherefore this summons seeming very proper and convenient, there was not so much as one person that did seem averse to so honourable an undertaking: so that on the 22th. day in the place appointed of the Vaschette near the house of Maria Teresa, one of the Whores of this Company, ad sonum Tubi, (a certain person John Baptista Gronata Townclark and Spy to Don Mario in Borgo waited as Bailiff.) The Whores made their solemn Entrance, viz. Angela Sala the Senioress, Nina Barcarola, Cicela dello Struzzo, Brigida della Bufola, Anna the happy, Maria Vittoria, Diana Velletrana, Ghita delle Portiere, Margherita of Florence, Minima Pandolfina, Nina Cucchierina, Nina delle Caniere, Cecca of Florence, Niuccia Belluccia del Pancascreccio, Nina Faccendona Momma Velletrana, Laura of Ferrara, Laura Massa with the whole Sisterhood, Giovanni a Santa Maria in via, and Angela Dezza of Garaffone, 24 persons in all, invested with prudence and authority over the Bawdy-Houses.  
There came many factious persons, who took part with these same Ladies, as Assistants and Coadjutors in this so great a work; so that there arose a most extravagant confusion and contest at the door: insomuch that coming to blows for their places, they banged one another so handsomely, that in the conclusion many of them were strangely and dangerously hurt. The Canon Regular Scotti, who to serve Ravizza went to wait on Barcarola, was so wel-favour'dly beaten in this skirmish, that he is still much pained in the arms and knees, so that he cannot stir out in foul weather.  
The Abbot Pizzisio quite lost his nose, so that he was forced to get him a Taliacotian one.  
The Lord Cardinal Aquaviva, who would court Minima Pandolfina for the interest of Azzolino, did so wrench his back in the conflict, that he hath such an imperfection, as by degrees will turn to the Running of the reins.  
My Lord Cesarini, and the Pope's two Chancellors, who endeavoured to make friends to keep in their office, were shrewdly thrashed it one of them received a backblow upon his Privy-members, and the other such a blow in his groin, which swelled so grievously, that it will be many months in cure.  
But my Lord Altemps they say received the greatest prejudice of them all, who fell backward on the floor so unhappily, that he broke his head in the fall, and received the same hurt in the groin as the Chancellor had, by a blow in his foreparts: so that the accidents in themselves were very sad and unexpected.  
The She-Conclavists were hereupon at peace, and whilst they were complementing one another, the Ladies came to them; who, neither upon one consideration not other, more than out of policy, daily practised; laying aside all manner of thoughts whatsoever, concerning the inequality and disrepute of these Courtesans, approached the door in a most scornful and unaccustomed way: and having made all the Courtesans silly Gallants stand aside, they passing them by, went up of their own accord, and so mixed themselves with the Whores, the men following them.  
It seemed to some of the men, that this union of Ladies and Whores, was a very unequal mixture; so that without thinking of it, some of them began to discourse very freely of that business: and making some reflection upon Erratica, and guessing pretty nearly what might be the cause of it, did very much press to know the true reason that obliged Her to give this occasion of admiration. Wherefore She giving them to understand, That this was occasioned by reason of the infrequency of such Meetings: She ordered with a nod, that those that were assembled should come to Her, and that they should leave off their compliments at present, and make use of them another time, delivering Herself as followeth:  
THe deplorable condition into which the perfidiousness and obstinate aversion of the sienneses to Ladies, who to this day still reign, hath involved us; is a thing so apparent and public: that it seems to no purpose, and dissonant to reason, so much as to doubt that it is not very notorious to you: Since that we have daily seen for these Twelve years and better hitherto, that the Pope's Antichambers are filled with the youths of the Family of the Chigi, who to our disgrace triumph in that grandeur, which we heretofore should have nauseated, and now being wanderers and banished thence, we earnestly seek after; which might easily persuade you to believe, that we have had a great deal of violence offered us, for which we must seek out redress, because herein not only our disparagement, but our prejudice is equal: so that it seems your admiration deserves no excuse, since that being informed of the urgency of the business, and the necessity of the ease, that you should admire at it, is strange, being this very day constrained, though to your detriment, to convene, and agree with other persons, though inferior to you in condition, mean in quality, of a strange fortune, and infamous by profession; so much the more, that the countenancing some actions, though unusual, and otherwise not permitted a Prince; is not altogether blameless, when private interest, which policy trusts us to provide for before before our reputation, or any other thing whatsoever move us to it; besides, since we have showed ourselves so publicly, this appearing so disjointed, that is, by the Ladies standing upon pre-eminence, and not condescending to treat with the Whores, is a conceit that will bring so little advantage, or profit to us, that we are resolved for the future to bring up this custom, that as well the Ladies as the Courtesans shall be equally esteemed, and without any imaginable distinction, that Whore and Lady signifies the same thing; to the end, that when a Lady will seek her own satisfaction, or a Whore pretend to represent a Lady, it shall be freely permitted without meeting with any signs of derision by the hand being pointed at, or supercilious reproaches, as to this day is used in the City, and we ourselves did a little before our wonderful condescension.  
Therefore, Gentlemen, rest satisfied with this Declaration, and leave us free to ourselves, by your departure, to negotiate in this business, for which we did call together this Assembly, and so ended.  
The Gentlemen that stood by were all satisfied with this Harangue, and in token of their consent, did agree with the general applause of Erattica's expressions, and departed satisfied to understand that hence forward they should not need to be inquisitive whether a Woman was a Lady or a Whore; since it was indifferently concluded among themselves, that who names the one excludes not the other; and that mentioning the one, both the qualities were expressed.  
When the Gentlemen were departed, Erattica took up again her discourse de novo, who continuing still in the same mind she was at first, did endeavour to leave no stone unturned, which might afford her some hope of obtaining her desires in favour of Azzolino and Maldocchino, with a design to captivate the minds of all Opposers; that they might in the end find themselves obliged to subscribe and condescend unto her will: She than prosecuting her discourse, thus said;  
I believed it my duty (Dear Sisters) in this so important juncture of affairs; upon which your advancement or ruin indisputably depends, to advise you of, and discover unto you, all that I apprehend may prove injurious, or else advantageous to us in our designs, because I have been a party among you ever since I first heard our Pope was at Confession. Besides that, Ladies you see the opinions of every one are so tumultuous and disagreeing concerning these matters, that I had resolved, as a thing almost desperate, to leave off all, and to refer the success of this new Election to the conduct of chance and fortune: But recollecting my thoughts upon this matter, and remembering the cruel persecutions that our Occupation hath been under for so many years, and the great decay thereof in the time of these sienneses, these modern scandals of the Brothel-house, and most cruel Dioclesian's of our natural delights, I have found myself so much moved with compassion and justice; that I could not at least but endeavour to make you understand my thoughts and desires, which are altogether directed to your profit and satisfaction; therefore if you think that I mind not the dignity of our Sex, or at least that I lay it not to heart, I swear you are deceived in this particular, since you could never discern that I ever did you any injury. Therefore believe that it was either out of pure necessity to content those few that remain, which are at this day reduced to a very inconsiderable number; or because the fear I had of making our secret delights public, and infamous in the eye of the world, tha● hath brought me thus furnished with council, from that which I thought not only for my own, but their reputation also.  
Wherefore I think it convenient to acquaint you, that reflecting upon all that I have glanced upon in this particular, you ought to follow me absolutely, in the choosing (during this vacancy) for our Pope one of these most trusty persons, either Azzolino, or Maldacchino, your most affectionate friend, as you know certainly by experience.  
And to the end that you may understand I should not have attempted to propose these persons to you, out of a desire to assume an arbitrary power of Election, and personate the Queen out of my own Dominions, without a full assurance of your satisfaction in, and advantage by, them.  
Therefore I do declare and protest, that if you will concur in the Election of the two persons , they, before we enter into the Conclave, or at least before we come to a debate concerning them, shall promise and swear to these following Capitulations.  

I. The Lord Cardinal Azzolino shall swear that he will make a Bull, that from the time of his sitting in the Chair, it may be lawful for the future for any Priest, Friar, religious Person, either constituted or not constituted in Ecclesiastical Dignities, freely to go a Whoring, without any fear of affronts or disturbance, either by night or day, or in any season of the year whatsoever.  
II. He shall set forth a legal Declaration, when he obtains the Government of the State, that the Ladies that are single, or married, may without any opposition, shame or disparagement, and without incurring any penalty, either of their Prince, Husbands or Parents, indulge their own humour as much as they please; nor may they, nor ought they be obstructed by any means whatsoever, no more than in their going to Mass.  
III. That neither public nor private Ladies may, or ought be compelled to change their apartment for the lodging of their Friends, unless in the most excessive heat; that is, from the 25th of July to the very end of the 25th of August; upon pain of being guilty of public violence, if they are not content, and voluntarily agree to it; except the first, second, and third day, they lodge in Inns, that Counts and Marquesses may happen to lodge in the ordinary Chambers of their House, upon pain, to the transgressors hereof, of his displeasure.  
iv That the Canon Regular Del Corno, My Lord Peep, my Lord Anguisciola, my Lord Cafarelli, my Lord Bernino, and my Lord Cavallernio, and all the generation of the sienneses, even to the last man of them, shall be removed far from the City and the bounds thereof; to the end that they may not infuse into the minds of the people, by their heretical doctrines concerning poor Ladies, that persuasion, that they ought to be abhorred and avoided, as they have already begun, and we have seen practised to this very day.  
V And finally he shall impose a great Tax upon those that keep Pages; which, to tell you the truth Sisters, are our utter ruin, for since the vicinity of that odor is in the nostrils of Men, the Chambermaids and Matrons are neglected, and are not thought persons fit for any other service, but of this nature; and therefore I have discovered the larger extent of the use of those Chamber-fellows, Valets de Chambre, youths in the Shops, and Barber's boys; by whose means the whole world seems to be altogether strangers to us, as we plainly see.   
Therefore, Sisters, to tell you the truth, if you accept of this offer in good part which this person makes you, a man of himself faithful and rational, you will find that he cannot possibly be bettered, as for our use: and now to weigh well the substance of these same Capitulations, you will apprehend there can be no other way or means found more proper to bring the Brothel-house to its ancient Custom, in spite of that cursed practice of the sienneses, than what is therein set down; besides, the most pregnant circumstances that result from this particular for the liberty of the Ladies, who, to this very day, are forced to run through a thousand dangers, a thousand means, and infinite troubles; then they may without any imputation or inconveniency, take a fuller and freer satisfaction in all things; a thing, which to speak truth, would be of sufficiency, without the help of any other; to stir up any Person whatsoever among us to proceed with expedition to so honourable and deserved an Election.  
If then your fancy should waver upon this consideration, that he is so affectionately and really mine, that you cannot agree to this Election, than I return and advise you with all clearness and sincerity, for the great advantage of all your Consistory, however do not suffer yourselves to be deprived of imagination and sense, but being guided by reason, resolve at least that Maldacchino wall be the person, who I am confident will have success in all his undertake, to his profit, honour and satisfaction. O but you will say, what will the world think, if we should resolve to make this person Pope? one that is a beast so brutish, hath a look so deformed, a countenance so rude, a shape so il-proportioned. Laugh in your sleeve at them, and make this answer to convince any person that talks to you concerning him, saying, do but mind what he hath; and do not go about to seek better bread than is made of Wheat. If they should chance to say that he is a witless mad-fellow, he commits nothing but absurdities, he never entertains a thought but what is folly in the very abstract, he never speaks but he manifests his simplicity; it is no matter for that, let them go on, and if afterwards you please to give them any reply, tell them, that we have no need of Aristotle's nor Cicero's, but of lazy idle persons, and Mamma-luques, to lead them by the nose as we please, and that will be subservient to our humour night and day, and bestow what they have upon us without many words and discourse; and that which is of greatest moment, that they be not so nice, but that they can eat the bread of their own Table, and satiate themselves therewith, without going about to seek other Junkets, as those learned men use to do. And you know very well, that in the long continuance of your profession, you ever met with those that are most curious, and nice to be pleased, with here and there one, who pretend to walk on tiptoe, and to speak mincingly. Whereas in this person you will meet with nothing but affibility, kindness, a readiness to serve you, and please your humour: There is no danger that he will be much inclined to suspicion, disrespect or respect; with a good meaning will do what ever you shall desire him, and will entertain no other thought but how to please and content you; and, nay further, that you may in short know, and consider of what nature his proffers are, he shall also capitulate with you, as followeth.  

I. He will make you share in his Trust, and you shall be Mistresses, and set foot in any part of the Palace that seems best to you, or pleaseth you most, to converse with him; shall call in the Proclamation against Coaches, shall free you from the Imposts at Easter and Christmas; and (which is of greater consequence) will give you also leave to keep a Carneval in Lent, and, if occasion be, will lend his Rochet and Robes, and will go in woman's Apparel like you, and will make as many Banquets as you shall think convenient, without disturbance, as others do, always keeping himself in that natural and free loving humour of his.  
II. He shall make a most severe Proclamation against the Usurers, and build near to St. James' (the Hospital of those that are incurable) an Apartment for poor bashful Females, where they shall be attended with decency and order, after a noble manner, without being beholding to the service of some contemptible Servant-maid or lewd Fellow, who is very negligent, and when his assistance is most required, shows you a fair pair of heels, and leaves you to your prejudice.  
III. He shall bring this Custom, which the Civil Offices of the City yet constitute among us, and shall appoint you to have Praesidentes of the Exchequer, Signet-Office and Treasury, as to our own interests, who shall assist you so, that you may provide in all junctures of affairs against the impertinencies of those Priests and Prelates, who, when they come to take a heat, promise great matters, and when they are once gone, if they have not some pretty little youth, who very gracefully and publicly goes to visit them again, and to solicit them for their service, there is no profit at all accrues thereby.  
IU. And finally, he promiseth to do all that in him lies, to endeavour to bring them to allow this Custom in the Consistory, that Popes shall Marry, or at least shall be served by the Ladies, to take off that scandal, that the Papacy was ever composed of such persons as never fancied any such thing, and that one day it will come to pass to our great honour, to have young Popes, and to bring them up with Pap; that then when they grow up in years, their inclination may wholly oblige them to us and our satisfaction. And to sum up all, we shall have a Pope, whom if we would have him made on purpose, we could not have him better; as for the rest, you may rather fear the Abbot Luigi, then him; because he is a creature without gall, and a great Epicure; and though he be deformed, yet he is like those Pears in Rome, that the worse they are to sight, the better they are to eat; therefore I beg of you to take these reasons into your serious consideration, and to agree with me in my opinion for the Election of one of these two persons.   
When Erratica had concluded her discourse, Adrianella arose first of all, and with a moderate smiling countenance, making her obeisance comelily, graciously, yet humbly to them all round, began to make a Speech.  
May it please your Majesty to grant me the favour to be the first that shall give you my reasons,; to the end this noble Consistory, which apprehend the business quite contrary to the sense of your Majesty, might be able to judge as shall seem meet to their solid, but womanish judgement.  
It is true, nay most certainly true, that our sex hath just reason to expect all the advantages that till now could ever have been desired by us, and which your Majesty hath so Rhetorically described and amplified, by the promotion of the two persons proposed: But, because in short, these particulars, that are pretended to be agreed unto by these Lords in our service, are more directly for the advantage of the Public, than we private Ladies, who pass for chaste persons, under the title of Ladies, with all the exactness we can: Now, to bring us to consent to the promotion of these persons for the Public, and abandon our particular good, does not sure with my temper. I having great regard to that Proverb, that permits not any person to leave his own real, for a titular right: Besides, to tell you plainly, this confusion that will happen in attempting to unite the Ladies and Whores together, without making any kind of distinction or difference; it is true, is a thing that will be of advantage to those other inconsiderable Ladies, but will not do me any service at all, but rather an injury, because than I lose all my trouble and care that I have taken all my life-time to be esteemed as a Lady, if I shall not be so; and to be believed honest, if I am not so reputed, therefore I cannot by any means rest upon those your sentiments: And besides, to deprive myself of the protection of Rospigliosi, my very great and affectionate friend, by whom I and all the rest of the Ladies may be well treated, beyond all other persons: And indeed, let this be true, what is it to me if the Florentine Faction, or that of Sienna, hath so basely clouded the glory and esteem of our sex; if I, nevertheless, have now at last given over my Trade, and I (for some other reasons) a great while ago have voluntarily turned my back upon my friends, that I might not nauseate them at the sight of my countenance, which is altogether short of the voice for dilicacy.  
What need I care if there be a public Law made concerning the legality or illegallity of Cardinals, Prelates, and all other ecclesiastics, going without control to the house of every Lady of theirs i● I have had, and still have my house full o● them? Have not you yourself, Madam, constantly seen Cardinal Chigi though a Senese; Cardinal Albici, Cardinal Bonvisi, Don Mario, Don Augostino, all those that belong to the Pope's Treasury and Chamber: and in sum our greatest Adversaries, night and day, and at all times? Yes certainly.  
Then what benefit can I have by this new Order? O! But you will say, they came not to you for your sake, nor for the Music, but for love of the Eunuches, that you have gathered together; and therefore it being not your Trade, it fares with you, as it doth with all Arts; and particularly that of Cookery, who neither speak, discourse, nor come to the Cook for the satisfaction, but for his viands. Very good, yet Sisters, every one helps himself with his own, and labours for his own interest; because this world was not made for fools, to speak as I ought.  
So also as to other matters concerning Usurers, St. James' and Offices, though I have paid the Baker, I have not pawned my  for it: and to tell you true I am in good health, and my reins are still sufficiently warm, so that I should want nothing but a little Ambition and Government; and this I can neither pretend to, nor hope for, unless it be by means of my Lord Cardinal Rospigliosi. Therefore her Majesty may be pleased to pardon me, that I cannot possibly condescend to hers, nor be removed from my own now settled opinion.  
Nay, nay, Madam (replied la Barcarola to this discourse) I hope you will not deal thus by us, than your thoughts are only for your own profit, and do not in the least concern yourself for the Company; be patiented, and fly not out into passion; for I deal truly with you, you are a brave Courtesan; and I must tell you, that your deal with those Lords have made you Mistress of your Art, more than any thing else whatsoever: But understand how this came to pass.  
I do protest, said Leonora presently, being red with anger, that what I said, I spoke not as to you, nor your Company, because I now know you have agreed; but I mentioned it for the other Ladies, to whom, in my opinion, the same reasons belong, that are suitable to the case: as to what remains, now I have declared my thoughts, I will not repent me of it.  
Your Ladyships (replied the other) are at the height of your fortune, and take your rest at pleasure, according to the Proverb; you think that I was, and am yet in such a condition, that I stand in need of no person; and if I have not cared to play the mar-Trade, as some others have done, and to make a medley of Ladies and Whores, yet I have by all means had, nevertheless, Gentlemen and Cardinals, that did continually court me; nor did I ever much concern myself to be taken notice of particularly more than other persons, and to receive all the courtesies which I could wish for. It is sufficient that we meet not here to contend about that. The business is this, if I can promote my Lord Cardinal Celsi, who I know wisheth me well, and others as well as he, I understand there is nothing done but what comes through the hands of Ravizza, who is entirely mine, and that I made him what he is; and if he be not so with all persons, yet he is altogether faithful to me; yet if her Majesty thinks it better for the public good, that this man should be excluded: I will not be obstinate in a thing that can no ways prove advantageous to me; but I am content to give my vote and voice for one of those two proposed by her Majesty, with those capitulations mentioned to you; because I judge it convenient for me so to do.  
And I know very well (said Leonora smiling, and speaking between the teeth) this is to make a virtue of necessity, and to make use of the opportunity to throw off that burden, which I cannot do, that the Lady Nina, fore● knows that to believe either Celsi or Ravizzo, who are a couple of Traitors, whose credit or word are not to be relied upon, who have a hand in every thing, is to throw herself down a precipice, and to put out both her eyes; now she goes about to seek moderate ways to free her from the engagement, and to disoblige herself with the greatest reputation imaginable. Alas, Madam Nina, take notice, that we know all this. And what do you know, Madam Leonora (Nina answered) O, I know (replied the other) that Celsi desired something, I know not what, of you, that you at first denied him, and he went to obtain of the Lady Minima, and she suddenly granted it him to ●ight you, without any great difficulty, and ●ou were extremely galled, when you understood it.  
Minimums replied, I hope you will excuse me, Madam Leonora, it was not absolutely so; because that if it be true, that I satisfied his desire, yet it is not altogether that I condescended to it to cross the Lady Nina, but because Ravizza advised me to humour him, he being in a capacity to be extremely serviceable to me; and the more, because he was in credit and hopes to be advanced to the Papacy, therefore I was his servant.  
So then, was Ravizza the man that gave you this counsel? Alas poor Lady Minimums (replied Nina.) Truly (answered Minimums) those that are so, I tell you true, it was just as the Lady Leonora said; you must understand I was ever of a free temper, and clearly discover my thoughts; I must be plain with you; do you not know why you had no notice? The reason was, because that it being publicly known, that you play the man more than the woman▪ and besides you get together all the young boys of the City, to trade with the sienneses, to the great damage and prejudice of the rest of our Order; instead of being registered in the list of those of the Vaschette, you are found in the roll of the Piazza Novana: Therefore we need not wrangle, o● make any more ado, but to tell you the truth, and modestly pass it by, and not do as those people that have their horns in their pocket, and yet will fasten them upon their head whether you will or no.  
How (said Nina) doth your Excellency say, that I keep a company of young boys in my house, and that they are intoled in the Piazza Novana?  
I say (replied the Princess) that all persons know you take delight in nothing but such unlawful actions: nay farther, that once speaking of me, you said, whilst they were talking, that Don Camillo my Husband would never be kind to me more, that he grieved to see the insupportable extravagancy of my family, and therefore he did mis-use me, and forsook my bed thereupon; and this befell me, because I could not be content with that moderation, which you used to preserve your friends; which was to keep every inconsiderable complaint to ●ome to his knowledge, and so to cover ●he natural faults, and constantly bear with ●he usual changes that happen in the world.  
Suppose that I had said so, though real●y I don't remember that I ever troubled ●y self with other persons concerns; what ●eed the Eagle care for flies? How comes it to pass (said Nina) that this Trade, as well as that of trafficking in the Commodities of other persons, crept into my House. Alas, Sister (replied the Princess, you must not engage people to sell all, because that when they are forced to it, they say more than is convenient.  
Nina made answer, say as much as you think convenient, what you please, I would know, whatsoever it cost me, whether those things are true or false, which are reported of me. Then you have a desire I should tell you, well, I will, though it be but to spite you (replied the Princess). Do you not believe that it is not known all over Rome, that you made a conspiracy against all the rest of your poor Companions, to procure their ruin, without any hope of recovery, if they did not dispose themselves very circumspectly to take all things in their order? Do you thin● Rome is ignorant of your agreement wit● Fulvio Zacconato, now Heir, and the Lord del Medico Missorio (though some think h● is his Bastard) who is now called the Abbot Missorio, to make a Conventicle of sienneses▪ both at home and abroad, and so root ou● the Commanders of the Brothel-house, wit● the patent of Whore of the Palace; an● then what wonder was it, if all was fish that came to the Net: and the concourse of all the Nobility which you had, was because who ever came had his Coach. And now, my Daughter, things at Rome are soon known; and a blessing upon the Knight Ciarci, with the good memory of the Earl of Gaddi Delci, who were the most infamous and beggarly rascally Knights that ever were, and came to Rome that night, by all means, when you had broken open the backdoor when they cured you of those ill thoughts, and stopped the course of your wicked career, that you had undertaken; and if this man be dear to you still (as is believed) although that Missorio knows yet how to keep up the good opinion of Cardinal Nini, and his Eminency Chigi, nevertheless the thing is but short lived; because I am now informed, that the House of the Barbarini gins to persecute it, without any hopes of hindrance whatsoever, which they go about with all diligence to do; and Madam Rossa, the fair spoken, goes about instructing them: 'tis a madness to discourse of it, Sister, because that the Lettuce and Artichoks, when they are grown seedy, are food for poor people, and not for the Nobility. Now, Sister, what say you, and shall I say more to you? Do as I do, do; content yourself to go about your own business, that will be better for you: Know this, that the Proverb saith, that whosoever comes to a wedding without invitation, either is a fool, or a madman.  
The unfortunate Stagnarina was in such an amazement, that besides her being naturally of a low stature, she became now so little that she could creep into an augurhole, and so being quite jeered out of her skin, and deluded, went away without taking leave of the company.  
Now the tumult being allayed by the departure of this fantastical baggage, they returned to their first work, though it was late; and it did seem that the Conclavists were tired out from evermore discoursing in that place, because some of them did make a sign, as if they would make water, who said, that their heads ached through the excessive heat; and others muttred, and said they were thirsty, and th● like; insomuch that it looked as if it ha● been a Jewish Synagogue. But lafoy Rossan● who grieved, and saw well this hurly-burly, was displeased that she was disturbed by that draggle-tailed Slut, being the Consistory was so attentive to what she ha● prepared to say concerning Odescalco: Wherefore Erratica understanding it, began to say, for God's sake, Ladies, let not our business be turned into discourse of toys and trifles; and that they would take the weight of the affair into their consideration, for the most pertinent reasons that did now concur; and if there was any occasion to mention any thing else, they should speak it freely, that it should be carried on without discomposing the Audience; and if agreeing in their opinion, they were not as yet resolved to bring their votes to a head, they might, upon the first notice given of the Chair being vacant, come thither, and include those persons they most desired.  
Now Rossana began to talk high, and with a look neither supercilious nor pleasant, but between both; what will your Majesty then forget the Cardinal Odescalco, your most affectionate Servant, and friend to my House? Is it possible, that the merit of this person doth not necessarily urge you to shake off all other persons, to follow him single, and particularly his favours above the rest.  
So honest a man, a person of so clear a spirit, a mind so adorned with virtues; O, Madam, Methinks you do him wrong, and and that your Majesty falls short of your devoir, and your solid judgement. Your Majesty, I hope, will pardon me for speaking so boldly in this Assembly. In fine then, Justice must take place.  
Wherefore I beseech your Majesty once again to take this business into due consideration, that I may at least reap this satisfaction, as to be satisfied with the refusal, that your Majesty and the rest of the Ladies can make.  
Very well; yet not so well as may satisfy your Excellency neither (replied Brigidaccia) I know that we shall have but cold entertainment from this hypocritical Jesuit; I beseech you, Princess, tell me, whether will your Excellency swear that this man will diligently mind the Lady's business, verbi gratia, that he will be pleased to converse with them, and be kind unto them?  
I can tell you a truth, (replied the Princess) that he hath visited me often at my habitation, and behaved himself with all the affibility imaginable, and I could not perceive any natural aversion that he had for businesses of that nature. Yes (said Brigidaccia) and pray how long since was it that these amorous confidential visits passed between you? By my life, if you have no other commodities but such as these to carry to Market, you must even set it off with fair words, for there are no things to set a price on it.  
We have been here all this day, and yet have done nothing to conclude: the Lady Nuccia Bellaccia began to speak, the Lady Nuccia delle canuccie accompanying with a 'tis very true, Lady: The first went on, and said, Their Ladyships do not know what is come into my mind; that this Pope being to be made by force, and not being able to avoid any other Election, it would be well for the future to let these Cardinals continue a while, with a vengeance to them; because they being Priests, we shall agree very badly with their humour, and that we should make choice of some good Friar or Monck, as it was of old; and those (as I have heard my Grandmother say) were happy days, that the Ladies had more double Ducatoons then; and the Bawdy-houses were far better furnished with moneys then ever as the Treasury of Venice.  
O, my Daughters, said Angela Sala, it is a madness to think of it; for besides, that this thing you talk of cannot be, it were requisite you should understand one thing, that now the Friars have made a Custom; besides that, which is known to be done to Novices, there once came a business to my hands that did astonish me, and Maria Vittoria knows it very well too; how I was treated by a certain Friar, who was going to Supper the Thursday before Shrove-Sunday the last year.  
I thank God I was never driven to that disgrace (replied Nuccia.)  
Said the Seinoress, because you have had Timone, who was a Frenchman: But as to the Lady Nina, to tell you the truth, I cannot understand it, by reason the practices between her and Silvio de Vecchi, who is of Sienna, proves the contrary.  
Indeed, indeed (the Lady began to reply all in a heat) if you by chance had at any time talked with me of any such thing, and I would have shut the doors against him with disdain.  
I but (the old Lady rejoined) and what did Nicholas Lacche do there about a year ago, as you love him, tell me?  
It is three years ago, saving the truth (the other returned answer.)  
Is it but three years (replied Brigidaccia) since his Son the Duke of Carpinetto.  
The Princess made answer, it was now twenty years ago.  
Go to, Your Excellency never asks me any other questions. I know that I can at present swear that she is deceived, because the visits were not hers, nor did the Lord Cardinal give himself that trouble for her sake; I am sure of that.  
And you, to speak true (replied the Duchess Mattei) seeing that he never converseth with Christians, that he is so obstinate in his chimerical fancies, that he pretends to be so good and lively a Saint, and then to do all things after his own way, as if no other person in the world had brains besides himself: To deal plainly with your Excellency, this is enough to make us so far from desiring to choose him Pope, as that he should not be so much as a Parochian in Rome. I beseech you remember, that if we should by chance resolve upon this Election, the Papacy would be all French (though he be a Milanese, and so consequently aught to be a Spaniard) and nothing of Italian among them; besides, we know that this humour is not condescended unto, unless it be to promote Scullery-boys and Ostlers, all France and Lorraine would leave their habitations to come to Rome; one to be made a Canon Regular, another an Abbot, one a Bishop, and the other a Cardinal. Doth not your Excellency see that there appear none but ordinary persons in the Antichamber, and Gentlemen of the third degree? But pray let us forbear, and disgrace ourselves no farther with discoursing any more of him, because it is a thing beside the matter.  
Besides the matter, I, most extraordinarily (all the followers of Nina Barcarola began to say) and at the worst it would be better in case of necessity, to conclude upon Spadino, or Celsi; is it not true, Madam Angela?  
Yes, Madam (She answered) and I, as for my part, will be of the same opinion: And therefore I am content to follow her Majesty to the uttermost, to include one of those she hath mentioned; as for the rest, I will not quit my own, since others will not do so neither.  
My Sisters, of all these three Hero's, the Crab, at best, would (said She) that took the Wolf, they are Husbandmen without government, and court you most; and, according to the notes of their Sol fa, they will keep time with 39, and it may be more.  
Will you, in fine, have me make it out clearly to you; they are neither good for men nor women; and for foreign affairs, two of them are of the nature of a Roman, and the last is a perfidious Teatine. What can be said more? 'tis a Triumvirate, that will make Sugar-sops for the Devil when he is sick. I, for my part, had rather Father Carovila should be Pope, if he could rise again from the dead, than one of them.  
Erratica begins to express herself thus; no more of this discourse; this is no place appointed for Devils; and since we see, that we cannot all this day dispatch this business, it is sufficient that we have brought it to that pass, that we understand the difficulty: As for what remains, the best course we can take will be to make an end with that Directrix, Time and Opportunity. I am satisfied that they understand the advantages, that those persons I mentioned, proposed to them; and I take no farther care for the rest.  
La Leonora, that was so long without speaking, seeing things more intricate than ever, began to hope she should have time to negotiate, and like one, who among the rest, was perhaps the most crafty, and best known in the humours of the world, had it in her head, raised herself to say three or four Country songs, to dismiss the Assembly, and move Erratica a little to anger, that was a little too much satisfied that she had gained the major part of their Votes on her side at the first: Wherefore turning to her; in truth, even as your Majesty can with so much ease obtain the good will of all, for the promotion of those persons you propose to St. Peter's Chair; so I believe you may obtain your desire in making yourself be chosen Pope, without any manner of difficulty, because no person would deny you their vote.  
Without doubt (Brigidaccia answered nimbly, and if it were not to her disgrace, that Pope Alexander had, who is of so strange a temper, the business would be done; because, I believe, that he had a mind to make Erratica one among the men, since it was not his design to place her among the Beasts. But patience, Madam, for he is as much a Merchant that loseth, as he that wins.  
Now they all were up to return home to their Houses, the second meeting being appointed to be the next week, when the Lord Stecchino, Prince of the Brothel-house, was seen coming into the Conclave, who being very much troubled and afflicted, laying his hand upon his head, and making his honour in fashion of a halfmoon, with his Bandy-legs, began, with a thousand sighs, in the midst of the Assembly, being almost drowned in a torrent of tears, to howl out in this manner: O miserable wretches that we are! We are undone, we are ruined: O the disgrace of Nature! O cursed influence of the Stars! The Pope recovers, the Pope proves better and better.  
You would have thought the soul was departing from these wretched people at the hearing of this voice, and that their spirit was vanishing; insomuch, that among so many, you could scarce find one that could do so much as draw out these words, though with great trouble, though they knew not in the least how the business went: O, how goes affairs, my Lord Stecchino? How did you come to know this? Very ill (answered Stecchino.) You know the Pope was given over, if the Relation be true, that there being a stone loosened in his bladder, it hindered his Urine, insomuch, that he began now to exceed the time allotted by the Physicians to his life, that suffers such accidents: Whereupon the world being turned into a general rejoicing, there was not a voice, but what did raise itself up to beg of heaven, to be careful of this so jovial and much desired termination; and there was not a heart, that did not offer up its desires to the benignity of destiny, that this infamous Sodomit might yield to Fate. Therefore I, who among the rest, was most solicitous and most curious for our own common interest, did by many pretences get into the Palace, and so far within the Apartments, without giving, or taking exceptions from any persons, I understood all the novelties whatsoever that passed, they being all in such a peck of troubles: And in fine, I came to know this, and that so certain, that I wanted time to come away, and acquaint you with the news; (it being assured) of our common felicity, when unexpectedly, behold, I perceived a sudden change, which speaking an extraordinary joy among those madmen, cast me down into the Aybss of misery.  
Having received this information, the Consistory broke up with a shower of tears, and lamentations; some of them blaspheming the Destinies for their perfidiousness, and others against the impiety of Heaven itself; they went down the Stairs muttering, that it looked just as if Doomsday had been come; and with much ado there was one; I know not what curious person, who cried aloud at the threshold of the door; Make an end of your story Stecchini; tell us how it was; and he answered,  
I have told you how the business went already; He can Piss now, and we may go— if we will.  
When the Assembly was departed from the place, and every one accompanied by her Gallant to her lodgings, who waited for her at the door; an Officer of one of the Justices of the Peace came in to take a view of the places where they sat, that he might be able to give an account to him that had commanded him so to do, of the order of precedency which was observed among them. But ●t was impossible to stay there long, so strong was the ill scent that they had left behind them; Besides some pieces of Purple were spied upon the floor, which made the Officer go out, crying, Boys, Boys, What do we do with so many Whores?   

A DIALOGUE Between Pasquin and Marforio, Upon the same Subject of WHOREDOM  Pasquin. 
DEar Friend, O how I am overjoyed to see thee in such good health; and that which is of greater importance, altogether lively and well disposed; but what novelty moved you, what motive did drive you into these parts? what curiosity obliged you to my Quarters, now the season is so excessive ●ot, to the great hazard of your person?  Marforio, 
Truly, if ever I had reason to pay you my devoir, I judge I ought to do it now; for at this present, I do not only satisfy my own self, but give the world to understand how I esteem your Friendship.  Pas. 
Soft and fair a little; let us in part wave these ceremonies, lest we make the Court laugh at us; for to deal cordially with you as a friend, they will all flout at us, if we ourselves use those ceremonies, which we discommend in other persons. Speak freely, you have somewhat to say to me, is not that true? Do not conceal your thoughts from me, let me understand them exactly.  Marf. 
I confess myself overcome, and therefore I declare sincerely to you, that a desire of being satisfied in mind, and not superficial compliments, forced me with such speed to visit you at your habitation.  Pasq. 
Assure yourself, that as soon as I saw you set your foot within the door, I did imagine you were discontented in mind▪ and I'll lay what you will, that I know th● cause of all this.  Mar. 
I'll lay no wager, 'tis beneath a Roma● spirit; and you would win as surely, as ti● certain few of the Pope's Subjects are saved▪ I come hither to be informed by you of the state of the interests of our Courtesans, and of the issue of their Conclave, held with such exquisite order, and great diligence, endeavouring to get the knack of moulding a Pope of their own fashion.  Pas. 
Very well, the mind then of the Roman is lost and not gained by me; for I believed as an article of my Creed (but such a Creed as is chewed in Rome) that it was a business of greater importance than what you relate.  Mar. 
Of greater importance? you drol with me: there is no other discourse at Court but of this Courtesan Conclave.  Pas. 
I know it; but we ought to have an eye upon more substantial and profound matters than these.  Mar. 
More substantial, I grant you, but more profound, I deny: Because when we speak of the Whores of Rome, the discourse is of a most profound thing; they being more unfathomable than the Sea; insomuch that the most subtle Theologians, that from time to time fish for their Science in this Ocean, cannot find out the bottom with the help of all their Theological matter: Well, 'tis true that at present, the Whores of Rome are not considerable now a days, but for their profundity, whilst one good pound of a villainous Bull-Galf is judged more substantial for a Roman, and for the preservation of the health of the Court of Rome, than twenty of the best young Heifers. But to say true, in my opinion, to discourse of the Courtesans of Rome, is a subject substantial enough; since they are full (though there be always a place empty, which the more it is replenished the emptier it grows) of the Substance both of the one and other; particularly of Ecclesiastical substance, which nourisheth the most; besides, they neither do despise the foreign substance of almost all the Nations of the world; insomuch that now Strangers come to Rome from all parts of the world, to go to Whores: Therefore you must not be offended with me, nor upbraid me with this, that we must levelly at more substantial and profound matters, since that the Courtesans of this our City are the most profound and substantial things perhaps of the whole world.  Pas. 
Be it as you please, I grant you all you can desire, because 'tis in my own house, where it would not argue good breeding to enter into disputes with those that visit me. I shall only tell you, that this depth and substance that is in the Courtesans, would be worthy our entertainment, if we could find out nothing more substantial, nor profound; which by many degrees goes beyond all other substance and depth that ever was known.  Mar. 
I am curious to know what thing you think there is in Rome, that hath a greater depth than Whoredom.  Pas. 
What thing? The Nephewship, that is a Gulf, an abyss, a Sea, a Hell; A Hell that the more damned spirits it receives into its embraces, it burns with the greater desire of having more: A Sea that swallows up of its self the Merchandizes procured by rapine from Seamen, by its proud swelling tempests. An Abyss, that admits you not to see those that once throw themselves into it; it is a Gulf that strikes terror in all that look upon it. Two lazy Franciscans with chiopins are sufficiently able of themselves to fill the belly of the greatest Whore in the world, and the better if they meet with those that have the Keys of the Stores at command; these grow as fat as Swine with Acorns; but to fill up this verago and deep Abyss of the Nephewship, neither Kingdoms, Provinces, States, People, Seculars, Regulars, the Earth, Heaven, Church, nor the whole world are sufficient. What comparison can be made between the depth of a poor Courtesan, and the gulf of Nepotism? The depth of such a Lady swallows up with sweetness, and the gulf of Nepotism with bitterness: The gulf of a Courtesan seeks nothing but what is voluntary brought to her; and the vorago of Nepotism obligeth and constrains all persons to bring Grist to their Mill. In fine, he that buries what he hath in the Sea of a Whore; he hath a kind of a prerogative to return thither to fish again; but he that loseth his substance in the Abyss of the Nephewship, loseth all hope of ever recovering it.  Mar. 
You will acquaint me with so much, that I shall grant what ever you say. But how do you understand it of the substance of the Nephewship?  Pas. 
The substance of the Nephewship is infinite; so that speaking of this you mention the most substantial thing in the whole Universs; and in effect, the Nephewship is nothing but a Quintessence distilled in the Limbeck of the Church, from a great deal of wealth violently taken both from the one and the other. The substance of Courtesans is made up of one sole species, they drawing that small wealth they have either out of the purse of some desolate Youth, or some enamoured old Dotard: But the wealth of the Pope's Nephews is of such several kinds, that it is impossible to know the form of it. For the Nephews rob day and night, both Men and Women, Citizens and Strangers, Priests and Friars, Married men and Virgins; those that are innocent, and those that are guilty, small and great; and to conclude, do not spare a whit the Altars themselves. Nay, I'll go farther, there is some of the Courtesans wealth that helps to make up that of the Nephewship; but in that of the Courtesan, not one farthing of the Nephewships substance. And the reason is, because the Pope's Nephews go to Whores without paying any money for the use of their Bodies, whereas the Whores must pay the Nephews, that they may have liberty granted to return the whole for a small matter. See, this is the kind of substance that these goodly Nephews enjoy.  Mar. 
Then you believed that I came to discourse with you about the Nephewship, did not you?  Pas. 
Without doubt; and do not you know that the City, Court, nay, the whole Universs, believes it! There is not a Scullion in Rome, that did not imagine when he saw us together that we did confer about the state and condition of the Nephewship: And because the very name of the Nephews (thanks to their unworthy actions) is now become odious to Heaven and Earth, the Gentry and Plebeians, therefore is our discourse thought to be altogether employed in the censuring those villainous actions of the most wicked Nephews; and the evil proceed of the Nephews of the most sanctified Popes.  Mar. 
We have discoursed so much of this subject, that I think there can be nothing more added.  Pas. 
Dear Brother, you deceive yourself; for if the Nephewship goes on ad infinitum, as well in robbing as multiplying constantly the number of their Relations, multiplicity of words will increase thereupon; and there cannot be found so licentious a tongue as will be able to publish the tyrannies that these Reigning Nephew's exercise, not only against the miserable people of Rome, but also against the whole flock of Christ; to whose prejudice they transform themselves into ravening wolves: Nor can there be so tenacious a memory, as to retain those many knavish tricks, extortions, contempts, torments and laziness, that such a number of Nephews do fill Rome withal.  Mar. 
In my judgement we should all be silent, now that this evil is, inevitable. Those miseries are complained of, that can be redressed; but in this case where there is no remedy, prudence requires, we show either our patience in suffering those evils, or scorn in despising them, or a counterfeit humour in dissembling them. Whilst Rome is Rome; that is, as long as Rome is under the Pope, you must expect to see none but Harpies in the Church, and Horseleeches in the State Ecclesiastic: Harpies to devour and consume the substance of the Subjects; and Horsleeches to suck the blood of all the faithful, even the very inward bowels that lie most concealed.  Pas. 
But what would you have men leave off talking, when the Nephews will not leave off doing of mischief? A fine business indeed, that the party offended shall be sooner wearied with speaking, than the offender with evil doing? That the people of Rome shall make an end of talking, and yet the Nephews not leave off assassinating? That the Nephews have more liberty to rob in Rome, than Rome, to speak in the world. The miserable state of the Church would grieve to see this single tyranny; that is, to see her own mouth stopped, and the devouring Bog of the Nephewship evermore open to their damage: Which you have very well baptised, by comparing them to the Horseleech, and calling them Harpies. But I would have you know, that that so trivial and common Proverb, viz. like will to like, is most of all verified in the Pope's Nephews, they being by natural instinct, which the Vatican communicates unto them (if it be the Vatican, which I am not very certain of; since some that esteemed themselves Saints in their own Apartments as soon as they went into the Vatican became Devils) Harpies and Horsleeches, who cannot converse with others than Bloodsuckers and Harpies, with whom they agree most naturally.  Mar. 
As for my own part I was ever of this persuasion, that there were no Harpies or Bloodsuckers, but the Pope's Nephews.  Pas. 
Ah Sir, you know the contrary very well, but you will not relate it: Why, are not the Genoeses, who come most of them to Rome laden with Jewish Usury. Horpyes? And the Florentines and sienneses, that forsake Tuscany to bring their Fabian Buttocks into the Court of Rome,; are not they Bloodsuckers? And the Luccheses', that abandon the liberty of their own Republic, to render themselves Vassals to their Nephewships of Rome; are not they both Harpies and Bloodsuckers? Now who do these Nephew's trade with, but a few of such rascally Fellows? On whom do they confer the principal places of Office and Government, but Genoeses, sienneses and Luccheses'?  Mar. 
Really Countryman, you are in the right, and I wish your words were so prevalent as to penetrate the minds of the Nephews; but in my opinion it were better to hold your peace, now that the Pope's Nephews, who have rendered themselves the Tyrants of Rome for these two Ages hitherto, have sworn to do all things contrary to what the Romans pretend: And experience makes it sufficiently manifest, because they hear daily clamours, that they should have regard to the proper Subjects of the State, to whom, in reason, the most eminent Offices and Dignities of the Church did belong. But the tyrannical Nephews laughing at such lamentations, have not only made it their endeavour to introduce thousands of Strangers into the most famous places of Judicature, disposing of the most eminent Dignities to them; but have also taken away, and violently deprived the Citizens of those Offices which they enjoyed for the space of five Ages and better, enriching the Luccheses', sienneses and Genoeses therewith, who, in effect, are not unlike Harpies, as you say; they having by their extortion and merchandises so impoverished this miserable State, by exporting the most staple Commodities, with an assured hope that they shall never return to them again, that it is become the most poor, unpeopled and unhappy of all other States in the World: And will still grow worse and worse; because these rascally Genoeses, Luccheses' and sienneses, have made oath to leave nothing but wooden Gibbets in Rome; to the end, that they may crucify the Romans both in Body and Estate. If other Nations should rob this most unfortunate State, there might one day be some reparation expected. But the Luccheses', sienneses and Genoeses, when they steal from others, swear they will think of any other thing but restitution; and indeed if Lucca would restore, what her Citizens have taken from Rome, She must necessarily give the Romans her whole Republic: The same thing must the sienneses do also, or at least pawn the very shirts off of their backs, and being thus naked, enter into a Nunnery to do penance.  Pas. 
Soft a little, how you mistake? You would say in a Convent of Capuchins, not a Nunnery.  Mar. 
I do not err at all; I say they must do penance with Nuns; and I would have you understand, that the sienneses, could not be more mortified with any thing, then to see themselves deprived of practising with their Ingles, and be constrained to cohabit with a Sex so much an enemy to their filthy inclinations: Besides, all the Beards in Sueden, much less those of the Capuchins, would not be sufficient to satisfy the unbridled lust of the Senesian Sodomites: But this ardent desire would of itself extinguish at the sight of that which inflames it; and it is most certain, that I would sooner trust one of Sienna with a naked Virgin, than a clothed Capuchin: and of this opinion are all the Courtesans of Rome.  Pas. 
You are in the right, Sir. I had forgot it; for I know it as perfectly as my A. B. C. Go on with your discourse.  Mar. 
The Genoeses, who believe that restitution is an abuse introduced among Christians, will never go about to restore either in the whole, or in part, what they have robbed Rome of; because they had rather be taken notice of as rich Jews, then poor Christians; therefore it is in vain to hope that ever the Genoese will so much as think of the restitution of so many Millions as they have stolen from the State Ecclesiastic. This in truth is one of the greatest troubles that hath afflicted my mind; that is, to see such a brood of people sack Rome with greater impiety, than the Soldiers of Charles the Fifth did in the time of Clement the Seventh, and to carry away the spoils to enrich Sienna, Lucca and Genoa; the Geneoses, Luccheses' and sienneses, having spent more study and time in raking into the very bowels of the Church to carry away her most precious substance, than ever the Venetians did to enrich Christendom with the spoils of Infidels. Heretofore the Jews stood in awe of the Romans, expecting every hour that they would possess themselves of Judea; and now, the poor Romans fear three Nations, the sienneses, Luccheses' and Genoeses, that are found at Rome in such vast multitudes, with no other design but to unbowel her,; like Jews under the New Testament, to flatter their own Country with the spoils taken from the Church, not from Christians only. However, though the Pope's Nephews, that come from this place and that place, rob without any regard to Religion, yet their Larcenies do often remain in the very bosom of Rome, whence the Romans hope to draw some comfort.  Pas. 
Great comfort indeed, that poor beggarly hungry dogs, and those Strangers too, that come to gather the Church spoils of so many Kingdoms, to reduce the natural Citizens to beggary and misery, and the whole body of the Roman Nobility, to the Vassalages of a few rascally Upstarts. O how much better had it been for Constantine to have left Rome to the Empire, then to give the Empire of Rome to the Popes; that must afterward deprive themselves of all to bestow gifts upon their Nephews; and which is worse, such Nephews as are fit far to serve as Sextons to the Temple, then to command the Church as Princes! If the Pope's Nephews were capable of governing the Empire with honour, we might bear with it; but the Devil himself would burst with rage to see the Parasites themselves fall into the greatest absurdities imaginable: The Romans only complain, and yet the Church hath its share; but in those sordid actions, quite void of reason and judgement, which they commit, by endeavouring to command Princes, not the Romans only, and the Church extremely suffers thereby, but farther, the Princes of the world being prejudiced thereby, are greatly obliged in point of policy to interest themselves; I will not say with the Church or Pope, but his Nephews, that sell and give, ad libitum, the Church, the Pope, the People, Kingdoms, Offices and Dignities, having all sworn never to deviate from the natural instinct of the Nephewship; which is to manage every thing in despite of Church and Princes.  Mar. 
I tell you I am not come hither to treat of such vulgar and common things; about which even in the very Cobbler's stalls there are night and day long discourses, that choke up the air itself, insomuch that they leave a greater stench in those places, than the filth that is in the old Shoes they mend.  Pas. 
You understand it, and I you, let us then discourse of things that more particularly concern you.  Mar. 
And what things are those that concern you most, and are more particular at present?  Pas. 
The death of the Pope, is not that a subject worthy to be celebrated by us with joy and triumph, and for us to make large reflections upon? O God and what greater happiness could ever happen to our City, as also to the state Ecclesiastic, nay, the whole world, then to see herself freed from those chains, wherewith she hath been shackled for the space of eleven years? All the people did rejoice at the entrance of Alexander the Great into the City, because he entered to give freedom to the Citizens, peace to the People, plenty of food and honour to Families: But when they saw him afterwards dead, they gave themselves over to grief, and shed rivers of tears, being assured they should lose that in his death, which they gained in his life. On the contrary, we poor Romans, because that Alexander gave us, during his whole life, sufficient cause of weeping, taking no other thought in the whole course of his Pontificature, but to afflict the Citizens, lay heavy burdens on the People, impoverish Families, and to bring scarcity in the State: For this reason we are obliged to rejoice in his death, that gave us such cause of sorrow in his life. Even now we may believe the people of Rome to be beloved of God, now that he hath delivered her from the slavery of this Pharaoh of the Christians: And if the Jews had their Chains taken off in the month of May; the Chains also of the Chigi ought to be broken off of the hands of Christians even at the same time, it may be on the same day, that the world may see the Christians are no less protected by Christ in the New, than the Jews by God in the Old Testament; with this only difference, that they passed through the red Sea dry footed, before they came into the Land of Promise; but the Christians, and above all the Romans, are constrained to pass through an Ocean of tears, not dry footed, because that the cause of weeping is not removed by the death of Alexander; he having left us so many Gabels, that it is probable they may never be taken off, and by consequence we shall be ever obliged to shed tears: So that the Jews may be called a more happy people being come out of Egypt, than we out of the prison of the sienneses; because we have not our entire freedom, whereas the Jews enjoyed an absolute liberty; yet in truth we ought to rejoice much more to see Alexander buried in the midst of our Ocean of miseries, than the Jews heretofore to see Pharaoh overwhelmed in the Red Sea: For to be plain with you, Alexander did handle the Christians far worse than Pharaoh did the Jews of old. But what shall we say of Don Mario, that modern Silla of the Romans? His cruelties are infinite; and though the Devil hath given him leave to survive his Brother, no matter for that, we must not therefore cease our rejoicing; it being a kind of petty death to him, and life to us, that he is put out of the Vatican, and his government of the Town. Nevertheless, it was but agreeable to reason, that as Alexander left his Brother, and all the rascally Chigians for more months in Sienna, whence he leapt into the Popedom, only richly to prepare the Vatican for their nobler reception, that he should now again descend into hell before any of the Chigi's, to prepare Palaces and Apartments, to the end that he might receive those his Brothers and Nephews, according to their merits; and all of them indeed deserve nothing else, but to go to the mansion of Antichrist, since that they have been more impious than Antichrists in Christendom. We must therefore hope, that we shall see this City free from that plague, before many months are past, as we have also seen the Vatican rid of those Tyrants. Truly we are obliged to Alexander for going to the other world, but we had been far more engaged to him, had he taken his journey ten years ago; because then all persons would have believed, as an article of their Faith, that he had gone to Heaven; whereas now there are some Christians in Rome, that make it a scruple of Conscience to believe, that he is not gone to Hell. Furthermore, the obligation had been doubled, if he had pleased to conduct with him, if not the whole House of the Chigi's, yet at least that most excellent Brother of his, who is the Head of the Chigi's, Neck of the Bichis, Body of the Ciaii, Feet of Sienna, and finally a member of the Devil.  Mar. 
Don't you be offended, Dear Brother, that Don Mario had not the transfretation over the Stygian Lake at the same time with his most holy Brother; because the Devil, who knew the crimes both of the one and the other, would not hazard Charon's Bark through the tempestuous waves of the Stygian water, fearing lest he should sink himself by the way, by reason of the great weight of the sins of these two Brethren, and so Hell should happen to lose two such happy Victims. Therefore we must believe that Lucifer's command was, that Alexander should be first conducted thither, and then Don Mario should be snatched away, because it will be requisite to build a new Boat on purpose to waft over so large a body, laden with so many rapines.  Pas. 
You think not amiss; but for my own particular, I do now imagine with myself, that this is one of the intrigues of Alexander's policy, desiring to make himself known to be a great Politician at the end of his Papacy, as he did seem to be at the beginning; when he understood so well how to deceive the World and the Church, Christendom and Rome, feigning himself averss to the promotion of his Relations, so that every one believed him to be pious, and disinteressed with his blood; and at his end he did pretend he would have this also to be understood in the other world, to increase his glory, if he had gone to heaven, according to his desire, or abate his torment, when ever the misfortune should befall him to go to hell, which he did not believe.  Mar. 
On the contrary, if he had been an able Politician, he had taken Don Mario along with him, because the Devils would have yielded in all things, and all manner of ways to the train of his Infernal Excellency, and so had let the poor Pope go shift for himself in Purgatory.  Pas. 
The Devils would not have been so foolish to lose such a prey, which they have for so long a time been in chase of. I would have you understand, that the damnation of Alexander (if so be that he is damned, as we ought religiously to believe) had no other rise, but the force of diabolick temptations; for whilst he lived without delivering up himself into the hands of those that use to tempt the Popes, he wrought none but wonders, miracles, and holy works; but the Devil no sooner began to possess himself of his heart, but he became a Judas to the Church, an Iscariot to the People, a Jew to the Romans, and a Pilat to all Christendom.  Mar. 
But how can the Devils enter into the heart of the Pope, if it be the residence of the holy Ghost?  Pas. 
Are you also one of the Disciples to those false Divines, that bestow the holy Ghost upon the Pope by weight and measure. Those Tales that the Pope is guided by the holy Ghost, are Theological inventions to blind the eyes of the faithful, to the end that they should not be offended with the actions of such Popes that are Wolves and not Shepherds, that fleece the Flock of Christ, but do not govern it; that hold the knife in their hand like Butchers, and not the pastoral rod like Pastors; and in truth there are none but a few beggarly Whores; some mendicant Fellow-friars; and peradventure some kind of novice of the Capuchins order, that believe the Popes directed by the holy Ghost: As for the rest, men of solid judgement smile at all the Theologians writ, and give them the liberty to say what they please, whilst they believe what they see; that is, so long as they find in the Pope's a holy way of operation they believe them holy; but when afterwards they discover deeds of darkness in them, they judge them Devils. One of the greatest impieties in Christendom is the Inquisition, which punisheth most tyrannically those poor faithful ones, that moved with a scruple of conscience, maintain publicly, either by the hand or tongue, that these Popes are subject to err, whom they in truth see full of error. God himself by the mouth of his Prophet instructs us, that, Cum sancto sanctus eris, cum perverso perverteris, " With the holy thou shalt be holy, and with the wicked thou shalt be wicked." Yet by all means the most reverend devils of the Inquisition, will have an absolute power, that the faithful shall be holy with the wicked, though in despite of them they do nothing; therefore we will not say they do worse, because this stopping of the mouth in public places by menaces, doth so swell the hearts of the most sensible Christians that they endure with great violence the more zealous pens of those Nicodemusses that for fear are forced to abscond themselves in their most private Studies, making their Writings fly to the utmost parts of the Earth, where the men are not so credulous as to believe white to be black, and black white. In my opinion it should satisfy the Inquisitors, that the faithful believe the Pope's infallible whilst they do not errr, and are guided by the holy Ghost; whilst they work according to the gifts of the holy Spirit, and conformably to the laws wherewith that blessed Spirit hath furnished the Church.  Mar. 
I would fain know, at what time, you believe that the Devil took possession of the heart of Pope Alexander?  Pas. 
I will tell you forthwith; but first I would give you to understand, that the Pope's cannot pretend to be the true Vicars of Christ, because they are elected by certain Cardinals, that are all of the devil; from whom, as being an enemy to the Church, they cannot expect any thing but wicked inspiration; and withal, if the Election be granted to be good, the Pope that is inaugurated, aught to be acknowledged as a most holy and infallible person by the faithful, until that he delivers himself up to these devils, who oblige him to sin.  Mar. 
And this farther I desire to be satisfied in, having spoken to you concerning Alexander in particular, to understand somewhat of the other Pope's in general, now that the calamities of Rome are subdued, to see that which is universal made particular.  Pas. 
The Devils that tempt the Popes to sin, are their Nephews, Dear Brother, these make him deviate from the right path, and lead him through mountains and steep places: These blind his eyes, and make him walk in the dark. These are they that tie up his hands, so that he can do nothing for others, because he doth all things for them. These stop his ears, that he cannot hear the cries of the people. These drive all good thoughts out of his mind, to fill it with those that are bad and wicked. In sum, the Nephews are those that engage the Popes in sin; whence it is, that after they are laden with sins, they go to give an account at the divine Tribunal, for that liberty that they give to the Nephews.  Mar. 
To this purpose I remember, that a certain Prelate related a certain dream of his to one of his Confidents in my presence; and I think it is now about three days ago. The dream was, that he seemed to see a Pope kneeling at the Footstool of the Almighty God, who being examined by him why he had governed the Church so ill, afflicted the People, and spoiled his Altars. The good Pope all bedewed with tears, answered with Adam. Those Nephews (not that woman which served as an excuse to Adam) which thou hast given me, O Lord, have forced me to sin. At which words the Prelate said, that the Almighty made this reply. Thou liest, for it was not I that gave thee these Nephews, but thou thyself hast introduced them into the Vatican of thy own accord.  Pas. 
I also heard another dream told a Priest, yet relating particularly to the Popes; that thought he saw a Pope in Hell disputing with his Nephews; they belshing out against one another the grossest curses and lies in the world; the poor Pope reproaching the Nephews for their wickedness, and the Nephews the Uncle for his facility. The miserable Uncle said. Ah you, cruel and wicked persons! Ah you Thiefs and Devils! You are the persons that were the occasion of my being here: I have gained darkness and obscurity, to leave you the splendour of gold and silver; I have caused myself to be imprisoned in hell, for that liberty which I allowed you in the Vatican. I have chosen for myself the pains of this Abyss, for bestowing too much honour on you in Rome. Therefore, O ye Nephews! he accursed, and let those heaps of gold, silver and riches, that I permitted you to disappropriate from the Church, and steal from the People, be turned into everlasting flames, and serpents that may ever war against you. On the other hand the Nephews replied. Be you accursed we will not say, Uncle, but Enemy; you that have thrown yourself into our arms, to cast us into the embraces of the Devil; you that have bestowed so much gold upon us, that it is of no use, but to purchase Hel-flames withal; you that have made us great in the world, to be annihilated in Hell: Be you therefore accursed, that was the cause of our damnation, and not we of yours, as you affirm; for we did not call you from the Vatican, where you were, to come and dwell with us; but you invited us from our own habitation, where we did reside, to give us possession of the Vatican. These are but dreams, yet experience hath shown us many things of the like nature that are true; and really we have seen too many holy Popes before they suffered the Nephews to sway, who after their admission, became absolute Devils. Good God that the Nephews should corrupt the Uncle, and the Uncle the Nephews, it being a real truth, that the one serves to tempt the other. But now to return to Alexander, I will tell thee, that the Devil that entered into his heart was Don Mario; he having tempted him to commit all the devilish tricks that he was guilty of.  Mar. 
If you should enter too deeply into the Hell of the Nephewships and Popes, we should never get out again; I am not come hither to see the Devils Lodgings, but your own self, and therefore I entreat you to alter your discourse, we having sufficiently expatiated on that subject which battens you; all the world knows, that as Swine grow fat with eating Acorns, and wallowing in the most filthy mire, so you nourish yourself by turning and winding your discourse concerning the Nephews, and I really believe that their dirty actions have a more stinking savour, than the very filth that fattens Swine; Sir Reverence to the Company, and his Excellency Don Mario.  Pas. 
You deceive your Neighbour and Enemy by this kind of talk, and I plainly see that you will be overcome on all sides: Now then let us speak of that which is suitable to your humour, suit that you will not condescend to speak of that which agrees with mine. Let us end these arguments concerning the sienneses with this filthy talk, who value a Civet-box much more than they do a bottle of sweet washing Water. Let us proceed to the Lady's urine, because that will please your humour; wherefore it behoves you to know that our discourse at the beginning concerning the Nephews was not amiss, since that all proceed arise from them, they holding as it were the keys of the Whoredom of Rome.  Mar. 
Nay, rather of Sodomy, you would say, if I mistake not; for they will not enter any but certain strait gates, which are more suitable to the Palace of the Vatican; and that is the reason so many Ganimeds' are found at Court, and so few Nephews in the Bawdy-house; The Lordly Nephews fancying those viands that are exchanged for Ecclesiastical Benefices, not such drinks as are purchased with the expense of ready money. The Pope's Nephews are not such Mammalucks, to spend their money in going to a Whore, with the danger of losing that neutrality which they ought to maintain with Prince's Crowns, showing themselves too much interessed with the French party; it being now adays a common thing in Rome, that he that exerciseth himself with the Roman Courtesans, though he be a Spaniard by birth, and an Italian by practice; notwithstanding all this, he becomes a French man both in blood and constitution, in a small time.  Pas. 
That policy of neutrality the Nephews sufficiently observe; because they impose Taxes upon the Whores, forcing them to pay even for the very confession of their own sins; and with the filthy gain they draw from thence, they make Seminaries of Ingles; and that which is more to be admired is, that they give the people to understand this is done out of a mere act of charity; as if it were a pious thing to leave the high way of Christianity, and follow the Spherrical way of the Turk. some persons believe, that is, such as are more curious in the observation of the experience of things, that this custom was brought into Rome, together with the Nephewship,; yet however, 'tis reported, that it never had such a vogue before, as it had when the sienneses had the command of the Vatican; which is the reason that now the poor Whores are weary of their very lives, to see the bread taken out of their mouths, and have a custom introduced, to eat no other bread but what is made of corn grinded in a Windmill, slighting the flower that is made in a Water-mill as an inconsiderable thing; they are resolved with themselves to make use of the opportunity, whilst the Chair is vacant, to promote their own advantage, and endeavour to introduce a custom of choosing a Pope after their own mode, and to their own fancy.  Mar. 
I have now understood many particulars in this business; which tend to no other end but to stir up a desire in me of knowing every the smallest punctilio; so that you by acquainting me with what you know, and I you with what I apprehend, we shall mutually satisfy one another; by our arguing, for the future upon those matters which deserve most to be published, as we think convenient.  Pasq. 
The subject in truth is very proper to raise an argument; it being a novelty, and never heretofore heard of, that the Whores do pretend to have a share in the Election of the Pope; and that which increaseth the wonder is, that their pretences are not so vain and airy, as they seem to be, for they appear to me as grounded upon the solid basis of reason.  Mar. 
O, I can by no means entertain this in my thoughts; I ever took all that to be a kind of Curtezan-like liberty, and a thing rather ridiculous then substantial: And indeed to speak rationally what (a Devil) have the Courtesans to do with the Election of the Pope?  Pas. 
And to answer you in reason, what (a Devil) hath the Pope to do to draw so much money from the Whores, for the maintenance of his Nephew's pride? To oblige the Whores to give great store of contribution-money, to force them to pay so many Gabels and Taxes; this is nothing else but a permission for them to sin after their own mode; to sell their own flesh at cheaper rates, then that which is vended at the Shambles, and to leave no stone unturned, to make even those great ravenous birds of prey; the Friars to be taken by the lime-twigs, and when they are once catched, they leave all their feathers behind them, and some of them break their necks by struggling to get their liberty. Now this Theologian will say, that is no less sin to grant the Whores the power of choosing the Pope, than the Pope liberty to oblige the Whores to play the Whores, to pay off those Taxes which the Nephews impose upon their way of Livelihood? The reason which moved the Whores to such pretences are many. First, the Courtesans say, why shall not we choose that Pope, that must be maintained by us? Why should not we pay money to one that is elected to please another's humour? Why should others set up a Pope, and we empty our own purses to fill his coffers? We do not refuse the payment of those contributions that are laid upon us, but very well may we deny him to be our Pope, who is not ours.  Mar. 
If they are furnished with no better reasons then these, they will never bring their pretended desi●… of having power to elect a Pope, to a period.  Pas. 
These are in a manner inconsiderable, they have a far greater number; but the business is this, in Rome it is not reason, but the interests of those that are the most powerful, that prevail in the Pope's Election. Wherefore if it were granted, that the Whores should be admitted into the Conclave, and have a free vote as well as the Cardinals, in the creation of the Pope, they would do no good, because the Ingles, who are more esteemed, would procure all the votes in favour of them, and so would set up a Pope according to their own fancy, in despite of all the Whores, not in Rome only, but the whole world.  Mar. 
Don't you know that the sin of Sodomy makes not such an noise in the world as that of Wenching? which is the reason that the most conselentious Prelates, and those Cardinals, that are the nearest pretenders to the Papacy, turn away their face when they spy a pretty little poor Whore go to Mass, or a most excellent Courtesan to ride for her recreation in some Ambassador's Coach, as if they saw the devil with his horns, crossing themselves often times with the left hand, and yet afterwards take a pride in spending whole days, and the greater part of the night in their Chamber, with some little Sodomitical Boy or filthy Ingle: And what is the reason? Because that as soon as the Whores of Rome do but once touch the Pontificial Glove of any Prelate, they grow so proud, that the Roman Lords can scarce have the honour to touch their Toe; and so much the worse if it be a Cardinal; then they go about to every Bawdy-house proudly mounted on their Chioapins; boasting that they served as a Mare to his most illustrious Lordship, and as an Hackney to his Eminency: For in truth it is the nature of a Whore to discover all she does; and the Boy's to keep secret whatever is done to him; therefore, the Prelates and Cardinals to preserve the reputation of the Purple and Episcopal Robe, think it well done to slight the Ladies, that they may avoid all occasion of scandal to Christians, and spend their time with Sodomitical Boy's, with whose friendship being a long time acquainted, serves for a use of edification to the Court; now the major part of the Courtiers lick their fingers ends, and take no notice of it.  Pas. 
If they would be content, the one with the Bullcalf, the other with the Cow, the thing would be more tolerable; but in Rome they steer another course; whilst they that diet themselves with the ordinary food of the Bullcalf, do not altogether refrain from taking some small morsels of the Cow, which serves as sauce the better to sharpen the appetite to have their belly full of bulling; and they who feed ordinarily on the Cow's flesh, will for all that, like women, with child, sometimes satisfy their longing, that the Infant in the womb may have no mark of the Bullcalf. 'Tis true, that these devout Arseworms, do like him, that said the Liver was not flesh; wherefore he did eat flesh on the Thursday, liver on the Friday, without any scruple of conscience. The Heretics spend the leisure time of the day in murmuring at the Courts proceed in this business; and there are thousands who have been just upon the point of forsaking heresy, and becoming good Catholics, that afterwards were diverted from those holy thoughts, by seeing Bull-beef sold, as it were in a market among the Roman Prelates; and in truth that kind of victuals is had in so high esteem at Rome, that even the greatest Courtiers call it, the Cardinal's bit; which is no other than a hellish kind of food that deserves to be burnt in the fire, and reduced to ashes, that so by this means it may be absolutely forgotten. Nature hath distributed things according to natural order, so that the destroying that order is no other than to bid a Turd in Nature's teeth, and consequently to transform one's self into an animate beast. In sum, the sin of Sodomy is a contagious vice that hath infected the Roman Court; insomuch that all Christendom resents it, because the examples of Superiors are imitated by Inferiors; and it is a common maxim, the head being once corrupted, all the members are likewise. To redress these disorders, it is necessary we should introduce the Custom of permitting Courtesans to make choice of the Pope; because if they should once get a Pope of their own side, they would methodically lay down those necessary rules that are for the good government of humane frailty, and all those Pages, and little Pages, Abbats, and little Abbats, Lords, and little Lords, whose will is their law; Prelates, and little Prelates, Cardinals, and little Cardinals, Popes, and little Popes, would be banished the Court: It being a thing confirmed by long experience, that they which bear the Bass in the Chamber, can also carry the Triple in Councils, Congregations and Consistories. The golden age would be again returned in Rome, if the gold could be procured out of the hands of those Youths that profane it, and left to the disposal of those good Courtesans, who supply the necessities of the Apostolic Chamber, and who voluntarily contribute to the management of the Christian war against the Turk. Who will not say, that it is more convenient to give the Papacy to these Ladies that give to the Pope, rather than to those Ingles that spoil both Pope and Popedom. Two things make me desire to see the Custom of choosing a Pope by the Courtesans in their Conclave introduced. First, to take away that filthy stench out of the nostrils of those strangers that go to Rome, and cannot endure to see so many Ingles in the habit of Clergymen, with their Codpiece points untied in every corner of the City, and such a number of Clergymen that smell so rankly of Sodomy. The second is, that we may not see so much ordure made into Comfits, with most precious sweat of the most eminent offices of the Church: Since that the now most sacred Dignities instituted to serve for ornament, to the Ecclesiastical Order, serve for Sugar to make Confections withal: Now that I have said it once, there needs no further repetition. All these things will be redressed, if the Courtesans can but at any time get the possession of the Vatican: These, these are they that must redress this evil; that is, become natural to the Court, scandalous to Heretics, dreadful to Catholics, and terrible to the whole world. These, these must necessarily regain the Prelates their reputation, the Cardinals their liberty, the Vatican its honour, and the City her ornament: These, these are the persons that will remove that scandal that is all up and down the world; by chase away all those Commanders from the Court that are too haughty in their government, the reward of their obedience to the Nephewship with too low a genuflection: These, these are they that will root out of the earth that common belief that is generally held of Rome, and will make it appear that the Pope keeps his Chair in a Christian Rome, and not a Turkish Sodom.  Mar. 
I am also sometimes yet of that persuasion, having made no mean reflections on a matter of so great importance; but since that, persons of mature judgement have put me out of these thoughts; for to acquaint you with things as they are, or at least as they ought to be, if at any time our little Whores and Wenches should gain the command of the Vatican, they would play the Devil, nay, do worse, with their fond impertient discourses, their Loves and Lovers, and would study a hundred subtleties and stratagems to entertain the Court sometimes in one House, sometimes in another, at Fasts, Recreations, and with Music, and keeping an open House, would treat them with all sorts of viands, whether boiled or roasted; besides, being persons naturally minding their own Interests, they would even deprive the Pope of his Robes, and the Cardinals of their Purple, to furnish their own Chambers with Tapestry; to the end, that that reddish colour might incite him the more to suffer the martyrdom of turning his back, who loves not to see the face.  Pas. 
Would to God that it would once come to pass that the Pope should have his Robes token off his shoulders, and the Cardinals the Purple off their backs; because then the people would in some measure find a way to be comforted, seeing those Governors that describe them, disrobed by others; for the Courtesans will never be able by their caressing the Pope, to deprive him of the thousandth part of what he by violence robs the people. To believe that the Concubines, can, by their joint interests, bring more damage to the public Treasury, than those thousands of Boys do, that suck the blood of the Vatican, is but an erroneous faith; because there is no comparison to be made between the damage that is done to the Court by the Ladies, who for the most part have their eyes looking up towards Heaven, and those silly Boys, who, like the seed of the Devil, incline themselves always to kiss the Earth; the consideration of the number of them is sufficient to prove this; the number of the Sodomitical Boys in the Court exceeding infinitely that of the Whores, whence we may easily gather that larger expenses are requisite to the maintaining a greater, than a smaller number. But if we pry into the business more narrowly, the reason will be found on the Courtesans side. First, a few yards of slight silk, cloth of Gold or Silver, will serve to accoutre these Ladies; but to cover the nakedness of the bare Buttocks of so many Ingles, there must be somewhat else besides a few yards of Cloth of Gold or Silk; there is a necessity to take away Abacies from the Dacary, Offices from the Court, and Curatships from the City, to  such a crew of rascally follows; and yet these cursed Citizens of the Sodomitical Brothel House are not satisfied with ready money and , but will have annual Revenues, and Benefices to them and their Heirs for ever; they judging their profession to be as to the estimate invaluable; and by this means those Prelates that have planted a thousand good works in Heaven come to be deprived of their offices and Dignites, to invest these bare-breeched dogs with them, who never did any thing in their lives, but plant Coleworts in Earth that was never digged up. O how much better would it be to leave the Papacy to the discretion of these Ladies that are content with little, than to the licentiousness of those Younglings that grasp at all. Come what will of it, we should never be sensible of so many cries of the People, tears of the Prelates, and such universal scandals. The Heretics, who punish with burning that nefandous wickedness that is so sweet in Rome, and the lustful and carnal copulation with women, with the whip, imprisonment, and sometimes with the loss of life: If they were to make choice of a Pope, I am confident they would sooner elect a Stranger than a Sodomite; and I believe there is none but the Devil, that would rather have a Sodomit than a Whoremonger. However I will believe the Popes to be chaste, their reins tied up, and free from all carnal pollution; but what doth all this signify, if they suffer Brothel-Houses to be in the Court, that for the most part go masked under the names of Seminaries? How can the Heretics, nay, the very Catholics themselves, imagine that Pope chaste, that receives great sums from Bawdy-house Contributions? How can they think him to be innocent, if he hath such daily commerce with sin? How is it possible he should be worshipped as a Saint, if he permits all manner of vices to be unchecked and unpunished throughout the City, worse than the Devil himself would do? How can he be able to free himself from those accusations that he is taxed with by the faithful, viz. that he keeps off the deserving, and calls those that are most ignorant to the Court, that he exhausteth the puplick Treasury of the Church, and disposeth of Ecclesiastical Dignities to private persons; when the proofs are daily apparent? There are no other persons found going up and down the stairs of the Vatican, but old Sodomitical Boys, some of them go to receive the reward of their Sodomitical Sacrifice offered to the Devil for many years; and others coming thither laden with gratuities received for their great services done to those that take a pride to have their standing-chamber in the Arsehole of Rome. What infamous custom reigns there now in Rome; which hath the paternal benediction of his Holiness? This little Lord, because he hath carried an Abbot on his back, pretends that an abbacy of right belongs to him, and he obtains it: The other reverend Chamber-fellow no sooner desires a Bishopric, but it is granted, because he was Mule to a Prelate; and many of them think they deserve a Cardinal's Cap, which they obtain before they demand it; because the acts of humility in those young men in the presence of the Cardinals, is in Rome rewarded with the Purple: as if the Cardinal's Hat were made to cover their heads that bow down to the very ground; to the end that the bowing down of the head having raised the back parts, the head ought also to be raised for the bowing of the backparts. The Pope is the cause of all this, because he does not, or seems not to take notice of it.  Mar. 
You run impertinently from one thing to another, Dear Brother: What need we talk of the Pope if he be dead! We are met here to discourse of the Election of the new Pope; therefore there is no necessity for us to give our judgement of the faults of the dead, nor of those that shall live, which we know not out of what place they will come, I had almost said are born.  Mar. 
Methinks you seem to betray your simplicity. The Pope never dies, he lives always in spite of the Devil, though he should destroy one every day. The men only die that carry a resemblance of the Pope, and that have the Popedom at their disposal during life; leaving every thing to his succession when he dies.  Mar. 
If it be so, than we must unsay all that was spoken a little before, that many Popes are damned by their Nephews. How can this be, that they can live always, and yet go to Hell?  Pas. 
If you could not understand me, I cannot help that, if you did not apprehend my meaning, that was no fault of mine. I do not mean that the Popes are damned; on the contrary, I believe this as an undoubted article of my Faith, that whilst they are Popes, they can by no means go to Hell; because the Popedom makes the Pope's Popes, and that is a thing that is always left as an Inheritance to the Church, a torment to Rome, an affliction to the People, and for the mortification of the Heretics. Yet those persons who have had the Papacy, which hath been always supposed by certain persons, may be damned, and do damn themselves. For example; A Porter carrying a Bale of Silk, falls down dead under his burden; yet this doth not make the propriety of him to whom it belongs to die also with him; but there is soon found some other person who takes it up and carries it to the Owner; and although the Porter should go to the Devil, the Bale of Silk would not be also condemned to go thither. Now those that have been Popes, and governed amiss, are damned; but the Papacy is not, verbi gratia: I believe Alexander the Seventh, who was a Pope (I bring this in only as an example) is gone to Hell, not the Papacy that was governed by him: And therefore the Romans that understand the nature & the usages of those persons that are called to the Papacy better than others, can distinguish, as to their humane actions, those Popes that are saved, and those that are damned; for the Tree is known by his fruit.  Mar. 
This is a doctrine in the Gospel, Ex fructibus eorum cognoscetis eos, You shall know them by their fruit: But the Popes are exempted from all this, because they are not subject to the Rules contained in the Gospel; they having a faculty which Theologians have given them, to create Gospels according to their own humour, and to frame Rules to their own fancy, jesting at the supreme authority that is found written; it being enough for them to cause that to be written which agrees better with their own temper.  Pas. 
That which you say is certainly true; but yet they know very well, they have not so great authority as is allowed them; and you have a testimony of it in Leo the Tenth, who discoursing one day with one of his intimate and very familiar Theologians, concerning the doctrine of Luther, contrary to the power of the Pope, and the Divine informing him, that Luther among those opinions that he dispersed abroad, one was, that he did every where deny, and instruct every one, that it was not true, that the Pope had the Keys both of Heaven and Hell in his possession. Good Leo, making a jest of it, answered the Divine: No matter for that, let him prate what he will, he shall not deprive us of the Keys of the Datary, we will try who shall be best able, either he to take away the Keys of Heaven that are invisible, or we to preserve those of our Treasure, which are palpable. From hence may be gathered, that the Popes do not aim so much at heavenly as earthly things; wherefore they know very well, that they are in as much danger of going to Hell as other men; and as a testimony that they fear it, observe this, that they confess almost every day the sins that they commit. Now if they themselves are dubious of it, why may not the Romans also doubt of the salvation of the Popes? To conclude this point, the Popedom still continues in the world, and they fall into the precipice that have been bad Ministers; and here to avoid all scruples, where we say that such a Pope is gone to Hell, we mean the Person, not the Dignity, the Minister, not the Ministry; and if I myself should hear any one say, that the Papacy is gone to Hell, I would give him the lie, if the Devil himself were present; for he that will intermeddle and deliver such opinions, must understand how to make distinctions in due form, and separate the Popedom from the Pope, leaving the Papacy in Rome, and sending the Pope from thence to Hell.  Mar. 
This distinction of yours pleaseth me; and it would do very well to acquaint these Pious-stinkards therewith, who believe they lose both soul and body, if they do but lend an eat to any simple discourse against the Pope's person.  Pas. 
These persons that seem so conscientious, are all Priests Sons and Friars Bastards; it being their nature to be scrupulous, and such you must imagine them to be; but men of stayed judgement, both in public and private, make themselves very merry with these Mock-Saints, and indeed who will be so foolish as to believe that that Pope can be saved, who tolerates, or shuts his eyes against, as we may say, or to speak more truly, commands Simony, Sodomy, Larceny, and so many cheats as his Nephews put in practice, and with the Nephews the whole Court.  Mar. 
But prithee let us return to our Gloria Patri, and leave these Nephews, in the Devil's name, if you will.  Pas. 
The Pope and his Nephews are things linked together, that it is impossible to treat of the one without the other.  Mar. 
For my part I believe, that to redress all these disorders it were necessary to deprive the Cardinals of the power of electing the Pope, and make the Popedom Hereditary, as many other Dominions are, which are far better governed; because if it be left in the power, and at the disposal of these Cardinals, the Nephews will always tyrannize over Rome and the Papacy; It being impossible to find a Pope among the Cardinals without Nephews, and Nephews without Boys: If now the Whores have the liberty of Election, Whoredom would become insolent as Sodomy, because they would make the whole Vatican whorishly inclined; besides that, the Ladies of greatest quality would pretend to have a share with the Whores, to have the honour of coming to the Vatican when they please; and it is most certain, that they will never condescend to this, that they must kiss the Pope's Toe, and the Whores receive the Osculum Pacis, from the Pope's own Lips. All these distractions would be appeased, if we could once find out the way to make the Popedom Hereditary; which might be done by the Pope's taking a Wife; and so neither the Ingles, nor Whores would have any pretence to the Vatican; because the Wife would lay Ratsbane in every corner, to poison (as they use to do Mice) the Whores and Sodomitical Boys, that eat up all the fat of the Church, and all the lard of the Court: But it were necessary to find a Woman that would wear the Breeches, and not scruple the giving her Husband both boiled and roast meat; otherwise, both the pot and the pipkin would fly in pieces. If this custom be but once brought in among us, Oh, what brave do would there be! O the famous Nuptials that would be celebrated in such a Marriage! Then after that would be the greater rejoicing, when the most holy Popes's should be delivered, and of a Popeling full of pontifical blessings, which should drop into the very arms of the Pope. What joy would there be at Court? What rejoicing in the City? What feasting all the world over? But all these joys would be nothing in comparison of the solemn pomp that the most holy Father would make, to see young Popes of his blessed seed make the Popedom for ever Hereditary to his Family. I am persuaded, if the City of Rome could once see a Pope with a Popeling in his arms, and caress him with so great affection, it would comfort her, and sweeten her afflictions. There would be neither little nor great, male nor female, but would run to the Vatican to see the little Pope kiss the reverend beard of his Holiness his Father. The Pope, as I conceit with myself, would be almost distracted with joy, and hug the young Pope in his bosom, and I am of opinion he would be always saying, be thou happy, O my blessed sweet heart, my gracious little Pope, my dear Popeling; kiss thy Father that made thee a Son, hug that Pope that begot thee a young Pope; O my little Popeling, caress him that gives thee a Popedom.  Pas. 
Peradventure the Pope cannot do so much as you talk of, and in my judgement the Cardinals would do well to make you Pope by the name of Marforio the First, and give you liberty to make choice of a Marforia at your own discretion, because you understand so well how, to make much of Children. It is most certain, that it would wash away a great deal of that scandal that is in the world, and the Roman people would receive no small advantage by allowing the Pope a Wife; because all the Priests and Friars would follow his example, and marry likewise; and by this means many of those that wear the Bull's feather now, would be without, seeing it is the natural quality of those that want, to seek to be accommoadated by other men's goods. But yet however, this very act would have its share of impediments, and the people would be always, more subject to grievances, if the Pope should now have a Wife; for, if at present the Popes prove so covetous, and the Clergy such base Rogues, now they have no Children, how would they behave themselves if they had, when nature herself would oblige them to enrich the issue that springs from their own loins?  Mar. 
Do you believe that the Popes and Clergymen are without Children? Fie, fie; those that are Nephews by name, are Children by nature, so that they could not act more wickedly than they have done already; but there might rather be some hope of a good end thereof; because that when mischief is arrived to its height, it must necessarily have a fall; it being very natural for those things that are unstable to descend when they can soar no higher.  Pas. 
The example of Alexander the Sixth ought to be always fresh in your memory; he was one of those Popes you mentioned; being a married Priest, Bishop, Cardinal and Pope; it being the common discourse now that he married Vanoccia Romana, which had been his Concubine a long time, in a private Chamber, and in the presence of a Parochian Priest, his great friend and Confessor. That thereupon suddenly gaining the papal Chair, he brought her into the Vatican; keeping her not as a Concubine, but as a Wife; and the Children that he had were not at all treated by him as Bastards, but as Legitimate; he having also attempted to make the Popedom Hereditary to his Family. There was no kind of sacrilege which he did not commit, no tyranny which he did not exercise, no barbarism which he did not act, no Simony, which he did not allow of, no Larceny which he was not guilty of. He disturbed the public peace of Christendom, robbed the Church of her wealth, took away the sacred vessels from the Altar, sold the Ecclesiastical Dignities, let lose the reins to all manner of vice, and reduced Rome to the greatest miseries that were ever heard of, in so many sackings and destructions, which she was brought unto by the cruelty of her barbarous enemies: And what is the reason of all these infamous actions and cruelties? Ask Alexander himself, and he will tell you that his Issues that stood before his eye did spur him on thereunto; the sight of his Children did deprive him of his judgement, and transformed him into a Devil. Nor am I any ways offended at this, because in the last place Alexander was not wiser than Solomon, and yet he to please his sense, and satisfy his Ladies, offered incense to Idols l nor yet was he more innocent than Adam in the state of innocency, who did every way transgress the divine commands, to obey his Wife. Now if a Pope, that had no other than a Demy-wife, because he espoused her in private, did commit so much wickedness, and occasioned Chistendom to shed so many tears, which are not a little resented at this very day; what devilish thing would not the others do if they had entire Wives? Let us be content with this, that we have seen the lawful Children, or (if you please) the Bastards of Alexander the sixth, without wishing for worse fortune. If we had not seen the difference there is between the Papacy, when in the hands of the Nephews, and in the fingers of the Children, we might earnestly desire to have a married Pope; but undoubtedly the Church could not stand long, because the Popes would double their avarice, in the same measure as the Parent's affection to Children is doubled in comparison of that to the Nephews. The business concerning the Romans being thus judged at first sight, who are every day subject to fall out of the Frying-pan into the Fire; it seems that it were far better, and more to be desired, to die once well, than a hundred times ill.  Mar. 
By what I perceive, you would gain the better of it, and have the victory; but you cannot resolve with yourself to ask the She-Secretary a copy of the sentence. You would have the Pope married, and yet it is not possible that you should let him marry; and you would wish him without a Wife, that you might give him a Wife according to your fancy. I for my part agree with the common opinion; let the Christians choose them a Pope that is a Bachelor, the Heretics a married one, the Romans a Whoremonger, and the Courtiers a Sodomite; and there let every one stand to his own, without envying his compannions; and this seems to me the best remedy of all; because if the Pope be a Bachelor, he will be too violent against those that are married; if married, he will treat the Sodomitical Boys very coarsely, and if he be a Sodomite, he will despise both those that are single and married; but when every person hath a Pope according to his own desire, he cannot complain of any of them: The single Pope conforming himself to those that are single persons; he that is married with those that are married, and so from hand to hand, every one following the Pope that is of his own temper.  Pas. 
By what you say, it were requisite, to impapate the whole world, and fill the earth with Popes and Popelings.  Mar. 
Let us return to our subject; for I see that the Devil himself cannot make us leave off our discourse of the Pope, when we once enter upon it. Let us see a little what the Whores have done in their Conclave.  Pas. 
Even little or nothing, because there are far more differences among them, than among the Cardinals, who are so well skilled in dissimulation and crafty deal in their Conclaves; yet however 'tis true, that the Pope shall be chosen without the assistance of the Ladies.  Mar. 
How without the Ladies? what (a Devil) have the Ladies to do with the Whores? I am astonished to hear thy discourse; and I even this very morning was informed of I know not what in words, that happened in the Whore's conclave, between the Princess of Rossana and Brigidaccia a Super-annuated Whore, upon the account of Odescalchi.  Pas. 
You must understand that our Roman Dames do extremely envy the Whore's condition, because they are obliged to beg the advantage of admission from the common Whores. Dear Marforio, if you had been near this place, you had crossed yourself a hundred times; for in truth there was such a horrid bawling, that the fire of Mongibel could not out noise. The Ladies did pretend that they had more reason to be at the Election of the Pope among the Cardinals, than the Whores ever had; and on the contrary the Whores did cry out, that the Election of the Pope did belong to them, and not to the Ladies.  Mar. 
But what were the Lady's pretences?  Pas. 
They were infinite, the Whores did affirm the Election of the Pope did belong to them, because they had no small party in the College of Cardinals; which the Ladies did oppose, saying, that they were altogether Mistresses of the affections of the Cardinals, who have left off their purple Robes, rather than they would give one single distaste to a single Lady. To corroborate this assertion, the example of Cardinal Camillo Panfilio was insisted upon, who did not value the displeasure of the Pope his Uncle, and Donna Olimpia his Mother, to gratify the Princess of Rossano, upon whom he had cast his eye; despising the Cap, Lordship, Church and Vatican, to marry this Lady whom he fancied. To this Signora Nina Stagnarina, in the behalf of all the Whores in the Assembly, as a person of good judgement, and able to advise how to preserve the reputation of the mystery of Whoredom, answered, and said, that even as one Swallow did not make a Summer, so the example of Don Camillo being but single, was not sufficient to strengthen the Lady's pretences; wherefore, if they would carry away the palm, it was necessary that they produced more solid and pertinent reasons.  Mar. 
But tell me a little, before you proceed any further, how do the Ladies and the Whores agree among themselves as to precedency? How did they do to dispose of places in the Assembly?  Pas, 
In truth I know not all the particulars upon that subject; but I am very certain that these three points were insisted upon: First, Whether this noble concourse should be called the Assembly of Whores, or of Ladies? Secondly, Whether the Whores should have the same title as the Ladies? And thirdly, whether the Precedents should be chosen by the Ladies or the Whores? As to the first, there was no great debate about that, because it was agreed they should count both the one and the other, and should conclude in favour of the greater number, that thereupon the Whores being found to be far more in number than the Ladies, it was concluded that it should be called the Assembly of Whores, though the chiefest Ladies of the City were included among them. They could not agree so easily about the second, the Ladies being altogether unwilling to give the Whores the title of Excellency; and on the other hand the Whores were resolved to make no kind of difference in that place which was common both to the one and the other; but after long opposition, the Whores yielded the title of Excellency to the Ladies; concluding that the Ladies should be called Most Excellent Whores, and the others only by the name of Lady Whores. This second point being agreed upon, they came to discourse the third; which was that of electing the Precedents, but the disputes were so great, and the differences so irreconcilable, that it was judged convenient to draw lots for it, which fell to the Whores, to the great regret of the Ladies, who could not without difficulty resolve to be subject to a Whore for their Presidentess.  Mar. 
It makes me in a ecstasy, and ready ●o leap out of my skin. Then 'tis the same thing as the world goes now, to say Whore, or Lady?  Pas. 
Don't wonder at that, Brother, because, Mundus semper fuit Mundus, quanquam nunquam mundus: The world hath ever been a world, though it was never free from pollution, and causes have kept the same path in nature, though we have steered another course, so that we could not meet with that before, which we encounter now. The Ladies and Whores have almost ever been one and the same thing; and there never was any person known, unless it were some poor Peasant, that did not understand that the title of Whore was included in that of My Lady; and if you never knew it before, understand it now, that you may free yourself from the imputation of an Ignaro; there being no other difference between them, but this, that the Lady is a private Whore, and the Whore a public one. The best bits are for the Ladies, who no sooner spy out a piece of well shaped flesh, but they run upon it with more violence than a Mule upon his Provender: What thing else can you imagine makes so many Provincials and Generals, so many Priors and Guardians, so many Confessors and Converts, which frequent the Houses of so many Ladies in Rome, which cannot but bring scandal at least both to Maid and Man-servants? I would have you to know, that the Friars do not visit the Ladies to teach them to raise paste, but to instruct them how to clap a cap on their Husband's heads, not red, like the Cardinals, but of the Rook's colour, which is much more common than the Cardinal's Cap is; because every one is allowed as well Priest as Friar; Cardinal as Bishop, Citizen as Stranger, to bestow the Cap of the Rooks colour: But the Cardinal's Cap, no person gives but the Pope himself; which is the reason it is not so common as the other. This, if I mistake not, made the Ladies pretend to the Election of the Pope; and they might rationally claim a right to the Popedom, who are already all Popesses. Let right take place; why should the Pope enjoy the Popedom, who makes few Cardinals, and not the Ladies who create many? I do not understand how they can pretend to a jurisdiction above the Ladies, if they may not have the power of creating Cardinals granted them, as well as the others; who in effect may be called Popesses without a Pope.  Mar. 
I believe these Lady Popesses and no Popesses did reproach one another with many things in the Assembly.  Pas. 
They did cast so many reproaches one upon the other, that if Marino were alive, he would think it no hard task to furnish himself with invention to make a Poem of Whoredom like that of his Adonis. Among other things, whilst they did argue about the making a Presidentess of the Assembly; Laura Feraresses being moved with, I know not what words spoken by a Lady, in disparagement of Whoredom in general, standing up, took up the Lady's words, with great arrogancy, saying, I expect, Ladies, that one of these days you should resolve to banish us the City, to the end that you solely might enjoy the Company of Citizens and Strangers; what strange kind of malice is that gnaws your mind? We have no prejudice for you, why have you so much for us? We leave you almost all the Cardinals, whom you enjoy at your pleasure: You have your share of Bishops too, as well as we, and possibly in a larger measure; for to us none resort now but mean people, who have no golden Chains, nor Crucifixes of Diamonds to bestow upon you. The Roman Princes are yours, and the Prince's Ambassadors also; what then do you complain of? to what purpose is all this rashness and murmuring? This Assembly was brought together by us; and therefore the Presidentess ought to be of our choosing: Most excellent Ladies pray tell us, did we over come into your Assemblies, which are almost without number, to make our pretences to any thing?  Mar. 
Soft a little, what Assembly did that most Illustrious little Whore mean? The Ladies manage their business privately, and would sooner die with longing to eat raw flesh, than trust one another: And if they do confide in any one, they do it with specious pretences, and make choice of such persons they have a power over. As for the rest they desire to be reputed chaste: What Assembly then are these?  Pas. 
For my part I do not understand Laura Ferraresse's meaning; for to acquaint you with the business as 'tis, she is a person of such depth that the Devil himself cannot fathom her: However, she knowing this her natural perfection, always endeavours to practise with persons that are most fit to dive into: Yet I conceit with myself, that she would hit them in the teeth with the Feasts, Balls & Plays, and such like Recreations, that use to be made at Rome, where the whole company of Ladies and Gentlemen meet together.  Mar. 
I do not believe that there can be any injury done in those places, the customs of the Country being sufficiently moderate; this might be alleged indeed, if our Ladies were French, and not Italian; or they were in France, where all liberty imaginable is allowed, and not in Rome which is the Mother of virtue.  Pasq. 
In sum, I never met with such another Marforio in the world as you are; you change your discourse when you please; make whom you will virtuous, marry in the morning and bury at night; and that which is of greater moment, you can feign yourself ignorant, or wise, in time and place when you please. It seems you think I have committed a heinous crime, in calling the Balls, Feasts, and other recreative meetings, which are made in Rome for the diversion of Ladies, Whorish meetings; but I perhaps do not absolutely believe all that you yourself say to be true. Remove from you, I beseech you, so false a persuasion, and if you please change, your mind, by disabusing yourself with those prejudices that persuade you, that the French are greater Libertines, than the Roman Ladies, Know, that the liberty which you say is used in France, is civility in Italy, & the civility of Italy is a licentiousness in France, where there are not found so many Popesses to create Cardinals as in Rome, that is, of such as wear Actaeon's Livery. The French Ladies are not so foolish as the Italian, for they divert themselves with Prominades and constant visiting one another at their own Houses; sometimes they take occasion to go to a newly wedded Bride, sometimes a Lady with Child, and sometimes a sick person, or other Gentlewoman; and thus they leave the Friars in their Cloisters, the Bishops in their Bishoprics, o●d the Priests in their Cures: Whereas the Roman Dames whilst the French are walking for recreation, they are shut up in the Chamber of some House with a crafty preaching Friar, who teacheth her the transubstantiation of persons, or transfiguration of occult causes. Those beasts that are most closely kept up in the Don are the most savage and cruel, and they never go forth but to seek after a prey. The French Ladies are reclaimed Beasts, and the Italians Savage, and therefore you had more need stand in fear of the Savage Italian, than the Tamed French Lady: when the Roman Lady goes out of the hole of her Chamber, you may be sure that she looks after some prey, that she may gnaw upon in her den; and on the Contrary, the French that lives plentifully, hath no need to provide for other food: If you had ever been in France, and observed with what accustomed sincerity, and civility of manners, the Ladies converse with Gentlemen, who make use of their liberty civilly, you would be of opinion that our Ladies are Arch-whores to them. But in Rome, you may easily perceive, that the Ladies go to Balls with no other design, but to make some honest man out of his wits: Not to Plays, but to steal away the heart of some poor Gentleman. What glances of the eyes? What gestures? What gentle brushes in passing by? What sighs? What biting of the fingers? What treading on the Toe? What counterfeit smiles are there seen at Plays, Feasts, Balls, and Comedies, between Ladies and Gentlemen? And to what other end is this, but to manifest that all the public meetings of Ladies are but an Assembly of Whores? But this is nothing, if they would be satisfied with such kind of meetings: but the incivility of our Ladies rests not here; they are not content to Court wantonly at such a Bride's Ball, or such a Cardinal's Comedy, but they give themselves up to profane the very Churches themselves, to the great scandal of faithful, pious and devout Christians, and wicked and perverse Heretics, where they make it lawful to fix their eyes wantonly upon their Lovers, and oftentimes to contrive with their Hector's the way how they shall procure a night's lodging. And this I believe that la Ferarose did mean, and not without reason; because it is certain that there is far more mischief done in one Assembly of Ladies, than a hundred meetings of Whores, these being Whores in the House, and Ladies in the Church; whereas the Ladies (with reverence be it spoken to those private Actoresses) are Whores every where. Truly the Ladies do deserve the title of most Excellent Whores, because they have the right of primogeniture, to that occupation, of the Whores themselves. The Lady Nina della Canuccie, that now and then plays the tame beast, and sometimes the savage, defended this point with the highest applause for the credit of the Whores, that could be, in presence of four Ladies and more of the chiefest of them; and that which is the greatest wonder, when flying out into passion, she seems as if she would only tickle their ears, but she touched them to the quick. Yes, most Excellent Ladies (said she) you do in all things deserve the precedency of us poor Whores who are born to gather up the crumbs that fall from your Ladyship's table? And reason good too, for we are but small Whores, whereas your Excellencies are the greatest Whores in the World!  Mar. 
But what did that great foul beast Nina intent by her gathering up the drums that fell from the Lady's Table?  Pas. 
I am not fully informed of that; the other night, having an opportunity, which necessity forced me and of visiting the Lady Nina to speak with a certain Gentleman, who co-habits with her always, and serves to satisfy her corporal wants; though some thinks he is a man that minds his souls health; I came in just as they had entered upon the discourse of the Ladies; wherefore I entreated them not to wave it, and so they proceeded in their good arguments; this most illustrious Gentleman commending her extremely for that ingenious conceit, which she found out in the Assembly to overcome the Ladies; meaning that concerning the Table, which you had a desire to know; and she seeing her dear Gallant ready with an open mouth to receive hr words, it did the more inflame her to speak, giving him a thousand reasons for that matter, and if by chance she was defficient in any thing, the Gentleman, who had resided in the Houses of more than four Ladies besides, did come in to her assistance, by rendering his own reasons. The whole substance of the discourse consisted in this, that no men followed the Whores, but such as by chance had very ill fortune with the Ladies; or else such who could not satisfy their hunger by tasting all sorts of food, by reason of the jealousy of their Husbands.  Mar. 
O, Now I understand your meaning, and if it be so, the Ladies deserve the Seniority in Whoredom. But do you believe it to be so?  Pas. 
Yes, I do believe it, and he that doth not never saw woman. It is the nature of man to do that which is forbidden; whence it proceeds, that the greater the privation is, the more is the will inflamed to obtain the desire. And indeed we see how that daily Husbands murder their Wives, and Wives run away from their Husbands. And what's the reason of this? Because all Laws and Honour are slighted, Ladies are daily stimulated on to seek after those men that are defended copulating with them; and the men those Ladies, that they should let alone. In sum, it is certainly true, that the Devil instigates us always to commit the most dangerous and great evils; so that men being overcome by such temptations, do besiege the Fortress of the Lady's Chastity, assault the Virginity of young Damsels, and play the madman more than the devil himself; nay worse, to violate the chastity of married Women and Widows, nay, of the very Nuns themselves, who are (to avoid those incivilities) purposely shut up under lock and key, and live under the severe laws of a Cloister: To go a whoring is natural, and therefore the Devil permits nature to steer her own course, and he moves on to the acting of things prohibited: And therefore we are bound to believe, that men now adays go to Whores, when they find they cannot attain to that, to which they are most prompted; hence we may argue with reason, that the Whores have but little advantage of the Ladies.  Mar. 
I am apt to believe all you say, and am obliged to you for your acquainting me with those things that were before unknown to me. But if you will pray fully satisfy me in some particulars as to those Cardinals that were in this so famous Assembly, in nomination for the Popedom.  Pas. 
The actions of most were surveyed one after another: The Ladies sometimes proposing one, and the Whores another. Their propositions the Ladies did beforehand strive to deny with pregnant reasons; to the end they might bring it to pass, that they should propose one according to their own fancy; but they had no sooner proposed it, but the Whores opposed them.  Mar. 
I should have propounded something that might have been acceptable, that I might have heard their discourse thereupon; but know you not whether there was any thing mentioned the of Barbarini.  Pas. 
Above all; and to what purpose had this Assembly met, without mentioning those Cardinals who are in greatest estimation at Court? They made long reflections upon their persons; and produced so many reasons, that it is impossible to repeat them.  Mar. 
But were the propositions made by the Ladies or Whores, or else in general by the one and the other?  Pas. 
Francis was proposed by all unanimously, and as unanimously and absolutely excluded by them, they judging it inconvenient to admit him to the Papacy, who virifies the Sex, and goes for a Virgin. He being excluded, the Ladies proposed the Cardinal Antonio; in favour of whom all the Whores also of the Assembly did concur; so that he was looked upon by them all as a Pope: But this vogue did not last long; for the Ladies being jealous because the Whores did condescend to it with so much affection, began to be suspicious, that he did take the Whores part more than theirs, that therefore he would sum up together the greatest things he ever did in his life, and they should discourse of that subject apart; and observe near hand the Courtesans proceed, who still cried out, that this Lord should be made Pope, who for so many years had carried himself so affectionately to the Sex. The Ladies thought fit to enumerate, as near as was possible, all the Ladies, with whom the Cardinal Antonio had been privately concerned; and if the number of the Ladies should exceed, that then he should be admitted to the Papacy, otherwise, he should be excluded. But a just account being made, it was found, that he had— twice as many Whores as Ladies; so without any more ado, they declared themselves against it. The Courtesans on the other hand, understanding that he was excluded, were very forward with them in the defensive part; saying, that they did deceive themselves; for the account that they had given in had no ground, because the number of Ladies, as well married persons, and Virgins as Widows, with whom the Cardinal Antonio had kept company was innumeralbe, having had a design to the business, but not secrecy; so that he was never very careful of that in his exercise with Whores, esteeming all this to be to his honour, and an effect of Nobility. Now the Ladies were almost resolved to condescend to his Election, when the Duchess of— rose up and said; let us for all this think of some other Lady Associates, because this were to cut our own throats. Let us have a care of making one Pope, who hath been more zealous to defend a filthy deformed Slut, than to protect those Ladies that were the greatest Favourites. Let us remember what he did heretofore to my Lord Palotta, for causing that infamous Strumpet Cecca Buffona to be whipped, who acted the domineering Cardinals, because she lay with the Cardinal Antonio, who then reigned. If we should make him Pope, all the Whores would be She-Cardinalst, and we must go and beg protection from our enemies. This discourse did stir up the mind of the Courtesans the more to maintain the argument; and there had happened a mutiny, if the Presidents had not moderated the violence of the Whores; saying, it may be we shall all be mistaken, therefore I judge it more fit to think of another subject. This Cardinal is now old, and old age in men brings them to repent of the sins of their youth; that therefore I am apt not believe, that we can expect no other, than the affront of be-being banished his presence; it being the quality of old men to despise that which they have had the fruition of, and can no longer enjoy. And if withal he should retain any remains of good will towards us, he would have no food, but such as is fit to create him an appetite; so that one way or other, we should lose our time; and so much the more in regard that he had made many Ladies and Whores Cardinalesses, he would be gravelled to create a Popess among, and may be he would make one that would be jealous of all. The Ladies of pleasure being satisfied with this argument, they, together with the Ladies, excluded Cardinal Antonio, and declared him incapable of pretending to the Popedom.  Mar. 
And did they not mention Cardinal Charles Barbarino their Nephew, who is young, and in hopes of being Heir to his Uncles?  Pas. 
There was some what said of him, but the Ladies would not endure to hear it, by reason of the disparagement he had done the female Sex, despising the Primogeniture, by not marrying, the Ladies arguing from hence, that if he had denied a Princess, who was offered him in marriage, he would not be solicitous to seek one. The Whores said neither good nor bad of him, because they never had the honour of his conversation, but thereupon they agreed with the Ladies that had excluded him. The example of Cecca Buffana, who was caused to be whipped by Palotta, mentioned to the company of Ladies, made some impression upon their spirits, and did penetrate the thoughts of all their Excellencies, who endeavoured, the Barbarina being excluded, to promote Cardinal Palotta, as one that abhorred the name of a Whore, having always shown a himself persecutor of Whoredom, and never failed to protect the Ladies in and by all means whatsoever. Some of them said they must have time to consider of it well; for these were things that could not be done a second time: And among the rest one Lady of the House of Conti argued thus: If we were assured that Cardinal Palotta would deal with all the Courtesans of Rome, as he did with lafoy Cecca, we had good reason to endeavour his promotion; but who can assure us that he is really the same person, as he seems to be? Who knows, whether the whipping of la Cecca was done out of an earnest affection, or vainglory: I am apt to think out of vainglory, to let the City understand that he loved justice, without respect of persons; and by this way of proceeding to gain the love of the people; besides that, many are of opinion, that la Cecca had never been whipped, if she had not been Cardinal Antonio's She-friend; in despite of whom, 'tis thought Palotta proved so rigorous. It is the property of such kind of men, to declare themselves enemies to what they love: For my part I will not swear for his honesty, and I understand what I say; he is a man as well as other men are; and loves to keep company with rascally people, therefore he entertains himself in the morning with them, and at night with Friars, who in Rome are Hector's to certain of the vilest Whores; so that there is little hope there should be any great matters done for us. For all this the Ladies did still favour Palotta; the whipping of la Cecca being imprinted in their minds; though this was thrown in his dish by the Courtesans, that this Palotta having caused the Prelates Whores to be whipped, he should not have omitted the whipping the Pope's Ladies also. It sufficeth to say, that the Whores did manage their business so well, that they excluded him, forcing him to take a more dangerous leap than that he took in Portugal to save his life by jumping out of a window.  Mar. 
So it seems this Cardinal is neither of God, nor the Devil, and can neither satisfy the Whores, nor the Ladies.  Pas. 
Perhaps, if he were made Pope, he would be of another mind, and would outwardly manifest what is found inwardly. His exclusion was the cause that they fell upon Tapetto Ginetti; but they no sooner began to mention him, but he was excluded with a general consent; the Ladies, by reason of his mean and base extract; and the Courtesans, because of his Covetousness. Laura Massa however did not fail to give her assistance, not because she was inclined to favour those that were covetous; for she loved prodigality in the excess far more, than moderated covetousness, but to satisfy the Sisterhood, that had some particular interest in some of Ginetti's Nephews; the rest did altogether jeer, at Laura Massa for her recommending him, hissing at her behind her back with very much scorn. Ginetti being quite out of hope of gaining the Chair, they began to muster up their forces for the Cardinals Grimaldi and Ursini, the Ladies extremely desiring their promotion; the others did not dislike them; but said, it would be no good policy to bestow the Popedom upon frenchified Italians, who might frenchifie all Italy; so that they changed their minds; though very much against their inclination, to advance the benefit of their public interest; for indeed there was not one Lady in the Assembly, but desired either the one or the other of these two persons for many respects; and particularly, for the hope they had to see the French liberty introduced in Rome; being that these Cardinals enjoy it, and make a very fine use of it. They came then to visit the Spanish Subjects, naming them one by one; the Whores now reckoning up the virtues of the one, and the Ladies of the other. The Ladies were content the Whores should make choice of one to please themselves, provided he were a Spaniard; and the Whores made the Ladies the same proffer, the Arragonians only excepted, as a people that did never much affect Rome; yet neither the one nor the other could by any means find out a good Subject among so many Spaniolizers, to suit with the humour of the Assembly; but excluded them all for their damnable pride, by which they made themselves odious to all the female Sex, who love to see men humble, as well riding as on foot; so they endeavoured to bring the other Italians upon the Stage.  Mar. 
Among these She Conclavists, were there not divers factions, as there used to be in the Conclave of Cardinals?  Pas. 
Not among the Ladies, but among the Whores there were, yet there was no great notice taken of it; because the Italian Faction was thrice as well furnished as all the rest in number; however the Spanish Faction was grown somewhat numerous by the arrival of many sordid baggages newly come from Spain, with the Catholic Ambassador: But as for the French Faction, it was very weak they having but a few little Whores, who lived upon some leave that did advance the old Italian Courtesans. The Princess Colomia did pretend at first, that she was capable of bringing in a party of Ladies, either French Ladies, Italianized, or Italians frenchified; but the French Ladies Italianized, would not agree with the Italian Ladies frenchified; and therefore the Princess, who did not know in her conscience whether she was Italian or French, being doubtful whether she was born in France, or Italy; did not much care to show herself obstinate in making a Faction, but followed the rest, and assisted them them in their Councils with her natural gentile humour.  Mar. 
This Princess has a good wit, and a sweet flowing tongue, and deserves to be half French and half Italian.  Pas. 
But to come to our business; the female Conclavists being thus in a confusion and in suspense, not being able to find out a Pope to their satisfaction, having now sifted the point concerning the Cardinals more exactly, did think to effect their business by promoting the Cardinal Brancaccio; for whom the two Velletrane spoke, informing the Assembly with the quality of the person; saying, that this Lord being addicted to pleasure, and to the satisfying of his own appetite; ever allowed of, and granted licences for Balls and Comedies, and continual Masks; which are the most convenient things to bring store of men to his Apartment; he would not fail to make a continual Carneval, and make Lent shorter, which makes us for the most part eat up what we gained during the small time that the Carneval lasts. But these are not all his good qualifications; there being other considerations, that should plead for his Election. If we should make this man Pope, it will prove for the good of us all, because he having an infinite number of Relations, the House of Brancaccio (which you know very well) having such numerous branches, he will bring little less than half the Kingdom to Rome; so that you gain advantage by them all. The Ladies smiled at this proposition, and answered in short, that that vulgar Italian Proverb, which the Romans know by common experience to be true, was sufficient to exclude Brancaccio, viz. The Neopolitans are large mouthed, but close fisted. 'Tis very true indeed (the Whores said) we had need of another kind of men than the Neapolitans are; it were more necessary for us to seek out a Polish or Germane Pope, that would bring hither along with him a great number of those Mamalucks, that are openhanded and narrow mouthed. Adrianella; who had no other design then the promotion of Rospigliosi her Confident, perceiving that the proposing of a Pope who had many Relations was not il-resented by the Assembly, began thus to express herself: Most noble female Companions, if the reasons for a Pope with a numerous Family may take place in this Conclave; certainly we ought not to quit Cardinal Rospigliosi, who hath three parts of four of the Citizens of the City of Pistoia, the place of his Nativity to his Relations, who will all of them forsake their dwellings to come and live in Rome, and thus there will be no jealousy among us; because every Lady, and every Whore will have one of this Pope's Nephews for her friend. Besides, he being a great lover of the Muses, he will grant us liberty to to make public meetings according to our pleasure, and suffer those Geldings and Superiors that are of our opinion to come among us. Weigh this well in your minds, my most dear She-Companions, because these propositions are not to be buried in oblivion. Adriana's proposal was well relished by the conclave, the major part of the She-Conclavists being in a manner satisfied, so that they were about to make an immediate conclusion in favour of Rospigliosi, but were forced to leave off by reason of a great noise that began to be raised without doors, by those Abbats, Prelates, and other of their Gallants, every one whereof stayed in expectation of his Mistress to wait upon her home. The occasion of the noise was, that having had a relation of the words of Adrianella; and understanding that now the Female-Conclavist, would create Rospigliosi Pope, who had so many Nephews and grandchildren, the Gallants grew jealous upon this, fearing they should lose what they had; since it is the property of the Pope's Nephews to dispossess those that are in possession, to put themselves in possession; for this reason they cried out that Rospigliosi might not be made Pope, he being burdened with so many friends. This rumour was so loud, that there was a necessity to adjourn the Assembly, and refer all things to another day. This is all I can acquaint you with at present.  Mar. 
I return you thanks, and will find out some other time to understnad the rest.  
FINIS.