A LETTER From the Dutch. of Portsmouth TO Madam GWYN, On HER Landing in FRANCE.  
TO tell you I arrived safe at Callis would be too much trouble to you, that I had an ill Passage, or was shipwrecked by the way, would give you occasion of too much Joy. That you may not miscarry between these two extremes, nor break your, heart with Excess of either, I am willing to give you the most moderate Account of my Voyage, that the shortness of time, and tediousness of the Journey can afford: The Wands fair, the Sea smooth, and the Ship sound,( not every Plank three Inches asunder, as you wished at parting) I skip'd away as smoothly as you could expect, in a Golden Chariot, that hopt into it out of a Wheel-barrow. All the mariners were my Votaries, they looked upon me as the Star by which they guided, and the Sea-Nymphs paid me Veneration; for Neptune, whom they most obey, is but Charle's Vice-Admiral, and you may imagine what Influence I had upon him; he proffered me vast Treasure of Indian Gems, Gold and Pearl, if I would intercede to make him Admiral; I took his Jewels, but for the rest( Pardonne Moy Madam) I have a Prince of my own, and for all Grafton is the Elder Tarpollin, I hope to see young Richmond Master of the Sea-Horse, as well as I and; he offered me many Civilities, and would have come in for a snack with his Brother-Monarch, alleging, I was Venus the Goddess, that sprung from the Sea, and for the better Peopleing of his Dominions, would have got upon me a Generation of mermaids; I  told him, I was no Sea-Rat, Otter or eel, though I wriggled through the Mud to the Throne, as well as yourself. Nor was I like a Frog or vermin, Born in a Ditch, and destined to Die there, as your Noble Predecessor: And therefore I did you the Justice, to recommend him to your Lady ship, to whom, for your Extraction, he might have a juster Title; so that in a short time, you may expect a Visit from his Excellency, as well as from the Morocco, or( in case he do not think it worth his time) a Deputation of a Dutch Cargo, with a Ship's Crew of Hemmings, who love to lye sleeping in Brandy and Sippets, a Constitution able to alloy the fury of such gross Stomachs. There are several Ladies at Court of the same Continency, to whom I could recommend a Sea-Horse, Whale or Porpoise, or the Pump, Bolsprit, or Main-mast of our Ship, to serve instead of the Standard, or a Regiment of Swits from the King of France his Guards? But as the Ladies of England have the Honour to sit at the Head of the Board, I know they have Wit enough to Carve for themselves. They seldom set a good Bit pass their own Chaps, and let Twenty Dishes be presented at a Course, I know their Appetites will serve them to taste of all, and after all that, in the Evening will take a Collation with the Cook, or Butler, or a Snack with the Coachman at Night, rather than go Supperiess to Bed. Yet these lye under no Circumstance of Lust or Intemperance, because their Husbands keep a frugal Table, though the saucy page., or Liquorish lackey, has often a finger in the Dish, before his Lordship hath wiped his Whiskers. But these are safe under the Cloak of a Husband, whilst you and I lye under the Censure of every cobbler and Tinker, that will take upon him to Order and Regulate affairs of State, even to the Bed-Chamber. Well! of all sorts of Whores, the Miss is the most Deplorable, Naked and exposed to the Lash of every Parish-Beadle, whilst Matrimonial Concupiscence passes invisible under that Vizard. The fawning cuckolded will vindicate his Wives Honour, to save his own Reputation, and is always a pushing in his own Defence, and well he may, for his Horns are generally the largest of all the Beasts in the forest. In truth, take my Advice, mary and take up in time, before you be cast off, for you will find at my return, the Ebb will be so low, that the next Retrenchment must be upon the Whores. What though it be some honest Tapster, or strong-water-man, 'twill serve to keep up your Spirits with the Dregs of Pots and Quarterns, when Age draws upon you; or strike up with some lusty usually at N●wmarket. You are of so true a Breed, while he has you by the Bit, he cannot want a Runner; besides, you may make a hand of it, and bring in Ten to One of the Lay, by going Booty, while you are in Riding-Case, no matter who Mounts the Saddle. The best jennet, when she is past Service, is thrown to the Dogs. It may be your Fate, since wrinkles, Age and Ugliness, the Tyrants of Loves Empire, have already usurped the Throne of Beauty, and have a care you fall not a Fee to the Grooms of the Stable, when you are no longer fit for the Royal Game. This( Madam) if you mind in time, is the last and best Advice can be given from  
Your Frined PORTSMOUTH.   

London, Printed for J. S. 1682.