THE LADY'S LOSS AT THE ADVENTURES OF FIVE HOURS: OR, THE Shifting of the Veil.  
Printed in the year 166●.   

The Lady's Loss, etc.  

YE Females that Do at Adventures  
For hours five (or less, as't Enters)  
And sometimes chance to shift the Veil,  
Not only of the Head, but Tail;  
Come listen, for it may concern ye,  
How Mulier formosa Superne  
Desinit. In January,  
Where some were not, though many were  
All in the Fields of Lincoln's Inn,  
The Folk beginning to Begin,  
For Poet (height the Lord knows what)  
Had made a Play of this and that;  
Whereto resorted grave and fickle  
As Saints did erst to Conventicle:  
Some dressing Heads instead of Veils,  
With Periwigs; and some the Tails,  
As it appeared; by foul mischance,  
When Lady trimmed i'th' Mode of France,  
Dropped Utensils from 'twixt her legs,  
(No matter whether mals or Pegs)  
A pretty kind of fashion, that-  
For Girls to Periwig a Twat!  
'Tis sign (perhaps) it keeps good orders,  
When 'tis confined within the Borders.  
How came the custom with the pocks,  
Puts Member Privy under locks,  
And not Italian? What mishap  
Occasion could this After-clap?  
Was it, O Mother Gibbs, thy care  
To fit the Lady to a hair,  
And fasten Ware upon thy word,  
That leaves her Ware like Tail of Bird;  
To every Stage-wright made a scoff,  
Like Coot, with Periwigg stripped off.  
'Twixt Madam's Legs (as sung the Poet)  
But 'twas so lately done, all know it.  
But do not (Muse) thus fond rail  
On the nice- Trimmer of the Tail;  
Perhaps her Art was not in fault,  
Securing every slight assault;  
Presuming, Wight, would come to hand,  
Like a Dutch Cow, or Wench well man'd,  
And not endanger (as it chances)  
Both Member and Appurtenances,  
To the rude hands of Blade so rough,  
That mistakes Merkin for a Muff,  
And carries all off with a vengeance,  
Then rubs away (as erst did St. john's)  
And never minds for to restore,  
Or leave behind, what's lost before.  
Oh Varlet vile! who with fierce handing  
Hast done more mischief (notwithstanding)  
Then Wallace with his Tool so stayward,  
Can make amends for, though like Bayard  
He ne'er so stiffly could stand to't,  
This gain that loss could ne'er recruit:  
For (as an Author says) her Mounsieur  
Coming that night with thoughts to trounce her,  
And finding his Tatterdemalian  
As b●ld as Huswife clipped Italian,  
Who in her Infancy with unction,  
Is so unhaired for future function,  
That after Oils and Labours expense,  
A Barber there shall ne'er earn six pence.  
He thus rebuked her,— Be gar Madam,  
Me think your Ladyship have had 'em:  
The case is altered since I foutred;  
Your Coney is not well accoutred:  
Undressed below the Busk you be,  
Some honest Lad from Muscovy  
Will you present with fur of Rat  
To furnish out your Twit-cum-twat;  
A Pox upon this filthy Paltry  
Commodity, that snodes like Palfrey:  
And though at first he was full fervent,  
Kissed hand, and cried, Your humble Servant:  
And Lady sad for work o'th' day,  
Did lose her Nightwork as they say.  
So fared it with Absalon,  
Who found a Beard, expecting none.  
When Gossip (to his great amazement)  
Turned Tail for Smeller, out of Casement,  
Womanaging so cleaverly,  
That Nab kissed Tout full savourly,  
And started back, like Horse cries Wy-hee  
At Female-Beard, to hear her Ty●hee.  
But let's return, (what e'er it cost)  
In quest of what our Lady lost:  
Some call it one thing, some another:  
But, while the Learned make a pother,  
And, in sundry Disputes are,  
we'll term it Muff for Lady-ware;  
Though it be neither Budge nor Miniver,  
Worn in the days of good Queen Guinever:  
The Sisterhood in Bloomsbury,  
Have other name to call it by;  
But hold not fit that every Lungs  
Should understand it, more than Sponges,  
Which for a special Friend, or so,  
They will produce; but if not, no.  
Had this befell in time o'th' Rump,  
‛ That struck them into such a dump,  
That (Stage-men all) who ever gave't ye,  
Before Committee-men of Safety  
Had been led captive, where he should  
Show whence it came, and whither it would:  
For they would soon have spent their Verdict,  
And made a Law, none should interdict.  
(If Harry Martin's lucky wit  
Had not by chance discovered it.)  
First, to secure all that were  
Confederates with this Engineer,  
Who (as presumed) had found a trick  
To Beard the Body-Politick:  
Next that a Privy-search be made  
Throughout the City, though the Trade  
Seem rather Foreign than Domestic,  
(As being intricate and mystic:  
Besides, the Hogow, or the stench  
Was (some say) Spanish, some say French)  
Last, that the Author should be sent  
To suffer condign punishment.   

A Presbyter (for sometimes they  
Will shuffle in to see a Play)  
Listening with open mouth, as wide  
As are in length of's Ears; the Hide  
By chance espied in clutch of Player  
(Who much admired the twirl o'th' hair)  
This pretty Muff for Lady-ware;  
Who, as he nicely did it handle,  
Upheaving Spectacle to candle,  
Quoth he, This is some Popish shred,  
Or shaving of some Fryer's head;  
A piece of Nun's work, fastened on  
The English Whore of Babylon,  
Sent hither by the Lord knows whom,  
No more than does the Pope of Rome.  
An invention, 'twill move your laughter,  
For us to run a whoring after.  
So down he threwed, and fled from thence,  
And troth I have not seen him since;  
And (sooth to say) as matters go,  
I care not wh're I do or no.  
But Lady gay, who dropped the Muff,  
It seems did know him well enough,  
And having (as she thought) a claw  
Against this Gospel-Wright at Law,  
As having seen Commodity,  
Last in his hands (though odd it be)  
Unto her Lawyer did complain,  
Who told her that her case was plain,  
And Wright should render, or he'd make him,  
And where she found her goods, to take 'em.  
But Presbyter having good witness,  
That Stager's wife had tried its fitness,  
After it was from his hands given,  
(Intending with her to be even)  
Removed the cause with certiorari,  
Where (as I hear) 'tis like to tarry.  
But one thinks 'twould have done as well,  
By petty Herald with a Bell:  
O yes!   

If any one of what account  
Soever in the Town or Count—  
ry, Have ta'en up an Instrument  
Which Women use for Ornament  
To set forth Member that is private  
(As the main thing that people drive at)  
Wherewith being dressed, the naked Fubs  
Looks not unlike the Ace of Clubs,  
Or as the Song says that is told  
By Fidler touching Marygold,  
Which if it chance to slip, or so,  
When as the Sign's in Scorpio,  
The Mortal that was in conjunction,  
Looks somewhat like the Man o'th' Moon  
That goes off with a bush on's back;  
One cannot say— it's Eye is black:  
But (as discerning Authors say)  
The Ground is black, the Eye is grey,  
Befitting Jane as well as Cisley,  
Whose special mark is, that 'tis grisley;  
Whereby appears (as Damrose Page sed)  
Such things are used amongst the aged.  
But be she either Wife or Virgin,  
Or Widow, 'tis not worth the urging:  
Did you but know, you'd not deny her,  
Who ever brings it to the Crier,  
Shall have for's pains in coming home,  
The pleasure to cover and come.  
Till when the thousandth Maidenhead.  
Is to be let unfurnished.   
FINIS.