A LETTER Sent by AN OXFORD SCHOLAR To his Quondam SCHOOLMASTER; Wherein the PARLIAMENT is proved either not to be at all, or to be at Oxford: Their pretences detected, some objections answered, and the King's cause so asserted, that the Schoolmasters Answer doth acknowledge himself convinced. As also the Scholler's Reply to that Answer, wherein he hath inserted a Love-Elegie from one of the five Members to his Paramour, and his repulse in her Answer. Printed for W. WEBB. M.DC.XLII. To the READER. REader, I anticipate thy censure with my own, acknowledging that there is nothing of worth in these scribble, but the cause; so that I am just like that Shoemaker, who discoursed to Apelles about the thigh, when his skill reached no higher than the ankle. I should have remembered Scaevola, who would be no jack of all Trades; but when some Clients asked him counsel in the Law, he referred them to Caesellius: and when the bvilders asked advise of Plato the Philosopher, he sent them to Euclid the Geometrician. I acknowledge the error of my piety; I should have left these State affairs to Statists; and whilst they build, it had been preferment for me only to carry away the rubbish, so that the greatest reward that I can desire, is pardon. But how little I did itch after a public name, thou mayst know by this, That I am ashamed to tell thee who I am: and indeed, it was for fear of being public that I desired to be in Print; for some false Copies were threatened the Press, unless I would publish a true one; so that thou wilt quickly pardon the act, when thou considerest the end: for I did only commit this sin, that I might avoid it. The true Copy of a LETTER sent from an OXFORD Scholar to his quondam Schoolmaster. SIR. YOu will esteem it a solecism in your Quondam scholar, that he should think it no false Syntaxe to Catechise his Master, and may wonder that twenty years do not blush to instruct threescore; but by way of relation to your many Lectures, you must pardon my gratitude if I read you one; for since the Act doth always carry proportion with the object, I am sooner to discard my reverence to a Teacher, than my Loyalty to a Prince. For whom as I must spend every drop of blood to fight his cause, so I will shed every drop of ink to assert it: and though the assailant is weak, yet the cause is so strong, that I doubt not but to convince your faith, however I may fail of your acknowledgement. Since as Hannibal overcame Italy with Italian Forces, so I may beat your own swords to the injury of your foreheads, which you hold up for the defence of 'em; for when the Parliament (those I mean who are Nicknamed so) do prove that Rebellion in the Execution, which they yet disavow to have been in the Intention, their hands do so loudly give their tongues the lie, that I can confute their words by no stronger arguments than their actions. Hence it is that I admire at His Majesty's unwearied goodness which hath robbed His senses of so many hour's sleep, whilst it hath stooped to a confutation of those actions which for their evidence are indisputable. To prove the object of sense, is a task for schoolboys; and I cannot wish my Enemies so well, as the honour to fall by Hercules. Now Sir, that you may rightly aim at the mark, I desire you (as Archers use) to shut one eye; I mean, that of Prejudice. Bolt not your ears to the message, because 'tis I that bring it; be not deaf to good counsel, because you are resolved That no good thing can come out of Oxford. Be not like those Indians, who would not go to Heaven for fear of meeting a Spaniard there: Nay, be not like your old self, who did therefore detest the Liturgy and Hierarchy, because 'twas common to us with Papists. Can the Devil teach me goodness, I would be his Disciple. There is no better way to compose a good Protestant, then by imitating the superstitious Capouchins in continual prayer; the Papistical Paduans in holy chastity; their Knighthood in the defence of Orphans and Widows; the Pagan Turks in pity and charity; the Savage Tartars in honesty, truth, and chastity; the Cyprians in affability and hospitality to strangers; the Heathen of Peru in liberality to their God, King, and Country. Be not then (good Sir) like those Harlots of Vlna, who paint their teeth black, because the dogg's are white. Be not at such a stubborn and resolved enmity with us, as to foster Rebellion, because we are loyal; nor say with the Lyric Poet, Quodcunque ostendis mihi sic, incredulus odi. Marius did not disdain to learn of Hannibal; nor had he freed the Romans at Caudium, had they not been conquered at Cannae: think it no brand to your credit to be your Scholar's Proselyte. O devote not yourself to the darkness of Egypt, because 'tis I that would lead you into the light of Goshen; nor be the less in love with a retractation of your heresy, because the motive to it is vile. Truth lies not now (as Antiquity feigned it) in a ditch, but is so obvious to the eye, that if you (being a Scholar) stumble at her, I shall think it is not because you are blind, but that you will not see. Those (indeed) whose slender souls see no farther than their eyes, who not able to distinguish betwixt the Name and the Thing, call the Conspiracy the Parliament, whose grosser minds being fed only by hopes and fears, are too thick to take in the finer nourishment of Reason; those (I confess) may be quickly cozened of their loyalty. But that your Intellect should be be-nighted with such a Cimmerian darkness, as not yet to be unclouded by the beams of our English Sun, (The Declarations of his Majesty;) This stagger's my understanding. 1. O consider with remorse of conscience how this Kingdom now labours with the Falling Sickness, and (like men of that disease) lies throbbing her own bowels; the extremity of whose malady hath so taken away the sense of it, that the giddy Rout stopping their ears to Accommodation (like the drunken Lapithae) despise their Physician. 2. Consider how fertile our Land is in a Cadmus' crop, when we may change but the name, and speak Lucan of ourselves, Bella per Angliacos plusquam civilia, etc. And the then State of Rome was but the prophecy of ours: for, Nec quenquam jam ferre potest Caesârve priorem, Pompeiúsve parem. That is, The King will admit no Rival, Pym no Superior. 3. Consider what a disastrous event will attend this so unnatural a Rebellion; that the lesser Gods (though Gods) had no sooner complotted to bind Jupiter, but there was a Thetis to detect the Treason, and a Briareus to defeat it: and though both sides yet run like Parallel lines, yet they can never end in the same Centre. 4. Consider when you read Homer to me, what a special notice you commanded me to take of that Periphrasis, by which he calls the King the Pastor of his people, — 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. Now for Sheep to butcher one another, were admirable; but to bring their Shepherd to the shambles, prodigy. 5. Consider that Asperius nihil est humili, etc.— and what a combustion this Kingdom is already in, whilst these Phaëtons of State aspire to rule in CHARLES his Wain: nay, how it is like to be confounded into its old Chaos, unless a Thunderbolt dismount 'em from the Sun's Chariot. 6. Consider in what detestation future Parliaments will be had, whilst Posterity reflects on this; believing that then they will offend by Prescription, when Rebellion is authorized by so high a Title; when the Court of Justice shall be a Topick for the approvement of Vice, and by the same Logic will dispute down that Confistory, by which they prove Episcopacy unlawful, because some Bishops have been bad. Nay, it will pass into a Proverb with the simplicity of the Vulgar, to rank the English Parliament with the Spanish Inquisition. for wickedness and the world are both of one growth; they'll think that Neroni sufficiet Nero, that the Iron age is likely to be no mending one; and will be sure to remember, That when Scipio the father had endangered Carthage, Scipio the Son ruin'd it. This makes them sit so long, because they think they sit their last. 7. Lastly, consider our Sovereign under a double notion, how (as a Christian) He rules Himself, and (as a King) His Country. How the goodness of His Majesty stands in equipage with the splendour of it. How He is so composed and made up of Grace and Favour, that he is a Prince as 'twere accomplished for the indearing of His people; we should vindicate him not only as the father, but (as the Grecians did Helena;)— 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, As the Bridegroom of his Country: for our dearest Relations, which like divided streams, run several ways, must all meet in him as in their proper Ocean. Add this as an Epilogue to your considerations, that you would take it very ill if the lower Classis of your School (but the Plebeians of that your Kingdom) should take the Burchen Sceptre out of your hand, and employ it about your breech. This (with pardon to my youth) is to prepare you for a fit Reader, lest your suffrage should be bespoke, and taken up on tother side; for since Truth cannot comply with an erroneous Judgement, nor hold conformity with that rule by which it was not made: I desire you to read over what my shallow apprehension of these State matters is, with an unpreoccupied understanding. The Parliament at first had not long sat, when some Pygmes of fortune, out of a natural Antipathy with those of taller growth, did anxiously labour to make them shorter by the head; and being Eagle-sighted, they endeavoured to prune off those spreading branches, which interposed as a Screen betwixt the Sun and them. Now, because the people were to act that Tragedy, of which themselves had laid the Plot, they must study some imposture by which to juggle out their affections; so that Justice itself did now begin to be accessary, and Religion the Pimp for vice. Atheism was to be worked in under pretext of Reformation; Protestancy to be worked out under the name of Papism. Licentiousness was solicited under the mask of Liberty; Inconveniences to be taken away for the introducements of Mischiefs. Dirt was to be cast on the Ermyn, and then he to be accused of being foul. He was to be argued of Popery, and so of Perjury. His very Declarations were accused of a curious garb of Rhetoric, and found guilty of an Idea; both majestic, and yet decent. Their writings were to be credited even for their slovenly conveyance. The Frenzy of the Pulpit had the reputation of Zeal, and men possess't with the spirit were esteemed as inspired. Some parts were to be let blood for the preservation of the whole; and instead of purging ill humours, they were to change the Crasis of the body. Like pictures that look several ways, or like the ninth Orb, they were to move Westward in compliance with the King, and direct East in the progress of their own designs. The power of Sovereignty was shaken to confirm the right of it, that so the people might rebel with the more obedience; and (as I dare swear many have done) that they might do ill with a good conscience, and fight against their King in a discharge of their allegiance. Anon they pretend to Enthusiasm, and (as Numa from Egeria, or mohammed from the Angel Gabriel) to have direction even from God. So that now (like opposite lines in a Globe, which by being drawn asunder, meet) the Puritan is Papist, (omitting the shriveing men from perjury after the battle at Brainceford) not only in King-killing, but also in infallibility. For by this time Pym is Pope of England, as well as urban of Rome. His assertion is his proof, and the action of which he gives the reason, is the reason of the action; so that Petere principium is to argumentize best. The vulgar are of Hiero's mind. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, they put their salvation into his hands; and to whatsoever he shall do, they resign up their consciences, as well as their consents. This foundation of a Ruin being laid, (that my Letter may not swell, I will give but one instance) they vote down Bishops, because they have too much knowledge to be seduced into their faction, and too much conscience to be worked to't. Here the King must have no suffrage, unless He make it theirs: and as if His Oath did only serve to solemnize His Coronation, they think it not enough for Him to part with His Prerogative, unless He will dispense with His Religion too: they had rather His Oath were broke, than the Bishops kept. The King again is refractory, and whilst they vote Perjury to be no sin, He denies to make it an Act. The Militia is to be settled in their hands who are interessed and engaged in this growing Treason, that they may awe Him to their Votes, to which they cannot woo Him. And notwithstanding those evidences at Edge-hill and Brainceford, besides the suborning of Pampheleteers for their Abettors, as of some to prove the King a Papist, and those perfidious that will believe Him; of others that do aver Him to be Vniversis minor, though Singulis major; of a third sort, who would have the Subjects coordinate with Him, not subordinate to Him, and the like; I say notwithstanding all this, they are so famously impudent, as to proclaim themselves loyal, and the Rabble so eminently stupid as to believe 'em. His Majesty (like a prudent Halcyon) fore seeing a tempest would be shortly, whilst the clouds were o'er his head, forsakes the unruly Ocean; and removes the Parliament to York, though the Title stayed behind at London: for put the King's part of the Parliament (notoriously known to be the major) in one scale of your Judgement and the lesser part of London in the other; then suppose (not grant) the balance in Aequilibrio, yet the King (who is heavier than both) being put to the greater part, must needs outweigh the less: so that now you are brought to this Dilemma, that either the Parliament is not, or that it is not at London. Ob. 1. But you say, the King cannot break off the Parliament. I answer, that the King is an essential part of it, and therefore 'tis all one for him to leave it, and to break it off, for the causality of intrinsical causes is the union of them; and though the parts united are not distinguished from the whole, but ratione ratiocinatâ, yet taken asunder they include a third entity; so that they of London are but an 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, and only in potentiâ essendi, being not a body; and yet having no repugnancy to the making one, when they shall unite themselves with the King: and though as yet but cyphers, yet they may make a number, when the royal figure shall be prefixed. Ob. 2. You say, He hath promised not to break it off. But the most absolute promise is implicitly hypothetical; and though His Majesty did grant them a perpetual Session, yet granted with a proviso, that they entrenched not on His Prerogative; insomuch, that the promise doth no longer obtinere, when once they have rambled beyond the pale of their conditions. Besides, if this Parliament was to have any end, (as doubtless by sitting whilst they list, was not meant sitting whilst they live) it was to be broken off by the major part, (who are with the King) and not to remain till the consents of all, for that all will not consent so much as to adjourn, much less to end it, is manifest by this, that they are hereby exempted from the trial of their offences; from which the name of Parliament (though it should not yet) hath privileged 'em▪ for it was held unlawful, that the King should proceed against those five Members according to Law; and to accuse Traitors was a breach of privilege. Therefore each single person will desire to continue himself a whole Shire or Corporation, because that hath been a trick to authorise the highest Treasons, and is the Tenure by which they hold both their Lives and Live; so that they love the continuance of the Parliament, as condemned strumpets do the continuance of their great bellies, only to save 'em from the Gallows. Ob. 3. You say, so many are more judicious than one, and therefore their verdict to take place. But suppose the negative and affirmative Votes are even; if there be no Umpire to decide, then either they must cast lots on whose side it shall pass, or they are just like Caligula, who mustered up his Soldiers to gather Cockelshells; or like Cato in the Theatre, Qui ideo tantùm venerat, ut exiret; and we should find them Registered with this 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉: In Parliament above five hundred men Sat down to Vote, and so risen up again. Ob. 4. You say, the King's Prerogative is not lessened, whilst they assume so much. You must pardon my unbelief if it be no part of my Creed: for the King and they being now Antipodes, their Zenith must be his Nadir; the more those Stars do ascend our Horizon, the more this Sun must fall down; for the latitude of Dominion must be some way completed in the body Politic, as the latitude of Qualities in the body Natural; as where there are but three degrees of heat, there must be five of cold, according to that known Maxim, Gradualis ambitus contrarietatis supplenda est ex uno, aut altero contrariorum. Now the King and those Rebels being Diametrically opposite, what you add to their Authority, you must take from His. That therefore the King is an absolute Monarch, and by much superior to both Houses, (He being deputed by God, and they but by the Country) though my ignorance in these high matters makes me fear to say I'll prove, yet I'll endeavour to illustrate by these emergent Arguments. 1. From the Universe, which is governed by one God; from whom also all Kings had their first institution. Hence Euripides in his Andromache, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. 2. From the Commonwealth of Cranes, from whom (saith Aelian, l. 3.) mankind at first learned their 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, and (as Plato in his Politicum) they never encamp against the Troglodytes, but with due observation to their General. 3. From all vegetable bodies, which (if the parts be equal) will be homogeneous; and (if there be many heads) monstrous. 4. From all mixed bodies, which Philosophy will not allow should have a Temperament ad Pondus; for there is a Monarchy in their qualities, which would cease to be active, were they all equal; because Similia non agunt invicem. 5. From the confusedness and mischief of the contrary; for the government of the Consuls, Decemviri, and Tribunes, were incompatible with the Romans▪ and inconsistent with an Empire of so long a durance; which forced them to that government which they had formerly refused; (viz.) of Kings called Emperors. This made Ulysses in Homer, break forth to the Grecians in his 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, etc.— 6. From the suffrages of best Authors; and of infinite I will cite but few. Plutarch (De tribus Reip. generibus) proves this the best, and brings Plato's Politicum to confirm it. In Herodotus (l. 3.) when Otanes had made a speech for Polyarchy, Megabyzus for Olygarchy, and Darius for Monarchy, the four 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 preferred the last, which Pythagoras proves from the very nature of Numbers▪ whence Plutarch observes, that with Homer, Unity is convertible with goodness, and multitude with vice; which appears by the contrary significations of 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. 7. From the inferior Heavens, which do move at the pleasure of the Primum mobile. From the Elements; of which the lower so little aspire into the Territories of the highest, that they do not Levitare in suis locis. And lastly from all that is in Nature, or above it, for God had more skill in setting, (when he composed the Harmony of the world) then to make all the parts in unison. To conclude therefore, I will infer from what I have said, these 6 Corollaries. 1. That the Predicament of a Common wealth is to be made according to Sub and Supra; and that ours as well as the rest, aught to have a Summum genus in't. 2. That the King is the very soul of the Kingdom, and that soul an act, of which the will as well as the understanding is a substantial faculty; and that those Rebels are but untamed affections, proceeding from the sensitive appetite, which Aristotle calls 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, the beastly part of the body. 3. That the Machivillians in London (— O quis iniquae tam patiens urbis!—) have not only endeavoured, but have the facto altered the government of this Kingdom, of which the Oligarches are in London, whilst the Monarch resides in Oxford. 4. That they have turned Machiavel's precept into practice, Divide & impera, for they have uncemented a great part of the Members from the Head, by invenoming His Name, and embittering their natures▪ by striking into them the panic fears of villainage; and by setting up an Idol at Westminster for poor Ignorance to fall down 'to; so that the abused multitude (fancying them to be what indeed they are not) do not only adore their own Workmanship, but (what is worse) their Creature. 5. That as they falsely protest they war not against the King, but His evil Counselors, so we may truly swear, that the King fights not against the Parliament, but the Disturbers of it. 6. Lastly, that they have nothing in them of a Parliament, but the bare Notion and Place; and that the best of their actions do look no otherwise, then as if (with Herostratus) their Authors committed them for no other end, then to be notorious enough for a Chronicle▪ which for the unworthiness shall be registered in the same Catalogue with Litisar the Dyer in the days of Richard 2. Joseph the Blacke-smith, (H. 7.) Robin Ket the Tanner (Edw. 6.) Jack Cade (H. 6.) Wat Tyler and Jack Straw (R. 2.) But rather than the King shall want strength to overwhelm these Rebels, I doubt not but the clouds will drop down in a shower of Locusts to devour them, as sometimes in Norwey it hath reigned Lemmers. I doubt not but the people will be one day dis-infatuated; That their Seducers (like Actaeon) may be eaten up by their own Hounds. But should our success be worse, I would not think their cause the better; knowing that the Arm is let blood, when the disease lies in the Stomach: and whilst God punishes 'tis for their faults, I shall esteem their Victory their Judgement. So steadfastly resolves The most solicitous of your welfare *** The SCHOOLEMASTER's Answer. I Have read your Letter, which hath made me your Convert; for the pathos of your stile hath had such strong influence on my reason, and the savage performance of those Rebels doth so disprove their fair promises, that I confess myself overcome, and must Herbam porrigere. Now that your Letter may convert others by my example, I desire you (with the concealment of my name) to make it Publici juris: for I would Palinodiam canere so loud, that all the world might hear it. For that respect's sake which you once did bear to me your Master, let it in Lacem prodire; for there are imperfect Copies flown abroad from my hands, which some intent to commit to Press, Publicae utilitatis ergò. My haste (for I am now giving Homer's Lecture) will let me say no more, then that I am A Loyal Subject and a loving friend ○ ○ ○. The Gratulatory REPLY to that ANSWER. SIR, YOu cannot imagine in what an extremity of joy I now live, not so much that I had the honour, as the happiness to convert you, as well for my own sake, in whose tenderest thoughts you had a great proportion; as more especially for yours, who can now look unhoodwincked on those men of darkness, who seek to sacrifice a Majesty to their wild lusts. with whom a great part of people do commit Idolatry, (as the poor Indians worship the Devil) that they may do them no harm; not fearing them for love, but loving them for fear: and so they do not pay them the Tribute of Reverential, but Servile Homage. Poor souls! who hope to flatter Hell into a Sanctuary and so lose their refuge by running to an Asylum, like Fannius in Martial, who died to avoid death. Dic mihi, non stultum est ne moriare, mori? Another part of men thinking Rebellion stronger than Justice, doth comply with it, because they have too much to lose. A third quite contrary, because they have too much to get. And the last and most to be deplored, (whose understandings are abused by those grand Machivillians) fight against the King in His own Cause, offend Him in His Defence, and destroy the Essence of Parliament, to preserve the Privilege of it: As if Parliaments (like the waters of Bethesda) could not cure a leprous Commonwealth, before they were troubled: Or as if the Kingdom (like a Watch) could not possibly be mended, unless the wheels and parts were taken asunder. I dare say the least of these four faults was yours; which as you were so much Man as to commit, so you have been so much Christian as to repent. And because I was so lucky as to purge your affections, though perhaps not so wise as to clear your Reason; I will write as pathetically as my slender skill will give leave (and the cause inspire) to my Cousin B. for perhaps my youth may work stronger with him, than that age which can woo him wiser; especially, because I know he loves me well, and hath so fair an example as yourself to follow. Thus fare, Sir, I have wrote sadly to you, give me leave to entertain you now with a little mirth: It is the Love-Elegie of a Politic Amorist, which if he did not make himself, but procured some body to do it for him, yet I dare swear the sense is all his own. I have sent the Answer too, if both can but procure one smile from your serious forehead, I shall think the pains of writing it well paid for. Carmen Eroticon ab uno Membrorum quinque, ad Dilectissimam suam amicam D. C. ILle ego prognatus de nigrescente Caballo, Quem fertur moriens sponte dedisse Pater, En Patrem refero, (petulans genus extat equorum) Pronus in amplexus (Diva Corinna) tuos. Ille ego cordato cujus moderamine, vobis Nondum clauduntur (Parliamenta) fores, Quem ratis Angliacae Typhin, quem quisque popelli, Regalis currûs Automendonta vocant, Quique Stuartiadis Caroli Diademata vinco, Vincor captivus (Pulchra Corinna) tuus. Curribus en jungit binas Cytheraea columbas, Cantat Iö victrix, ecce Triumphus, ait. Et tibi subjectus, jam nunc dedisco rebellem; Quem nequiit pietas flectere, flexit amor. Et licet haud valeo Dominum tolerare Carollum, Te fateor Dominam (sancta Corinna) meam. Ah me discipulum Veneris plus fulmine sternunt, Ex oculi pharetris spicula jacta tuis. Nec tam regales fasces amor urget habendi, Quàm quibus ingenii sis potienda modis. Aureus in gremium patulum tibi (chara) venirem, quondam Danaë Jupiter imbre suae. En tibi submitto jugulum; si jusseris ipsa, Sedulus in funes obvia collae dabo. Non me latratu terret canis iste trifauci, Quando concubitum (lux mea) quaro tuum. Iphias ô Capaneu non tunc magis arsit amore, Quum fertur rapidis desiliisse rogis. Saepius ad trutinam tua dum voco membra, videtur In tete solam multa fluisse Dea. Inque domo menti petulans Cytheraea residit, Inque tuis oculis coesia Pallas adest. Occupat & frontem spaciosam sospita Juno, Incolit & digitos praevia lucis Ews. Cum subit in mentem nox ista novissima, quando Miscuimus placido membra silenda toro; O mihimet geminus quoties occurrit ocellus, Qualiter & lepidus fronte renidet Amor; Quum memoro beves humeros, habilésque papillas, Vlnas candidulas, & juvenile fomur; (Quod caput est formae) capitis dum cogito formam, Et meditor positam non sine lege comam; Istam praecipuè simulac ego cogito partem, Partem quam verbis indigitare pudet; Ah quò tunc rapior! quantis tunc astibus uror? Quàm furiis instar pectore saevit Amor? Distrahor hinc at que hinc; & curas ment voluto, rudis indomito fluctuat unda mari. Millena in mentem subeunt molimina nostram, Dum rabidus meditor quâ potes arte capi. Vtque saginatus reserato carcere Taurus, Obvia cum fuerit crebra Juvenca, salit; Seu velut in luxum praeceps fuit ifte Caballus, Qui Matrem passim fertur amâsse meam; Sic pariter totum spirant mea corda Pryapum, Seu mihi per somnum (pulchra puella) subis; Sic mea turgescunt aliter languentia membra, Seu mihi per mediam tu subis (Alma) diem. Quum fato fungar, sic sic lascivia vitam Auferat; ah placuit sic mihi saepe mori. Nec pudibunda nimis metuas ab amante procari, Famellas novi saepe fuisse procos. Pulchra Laertiaden iterumque iterúmque Calypso Heu precibus cassis usque manere rogat. Dardanium juvenem sitiebat Punica Dido; Cynthia cum labiis Endymiona petit. Et licèt agrestem (modò vati credis) Adonin Idaliam dicunt saepe procâsse Deam. Quanta sit Idalia expendas, & Cynthia quanta, Sunt utraeque Deae; fac imetêre Deas. Tu tamen haud procus es, velut hae; sed & ipsa procaris. Solus ago, solùm tu patiâre velim. Sis procul à fastu, neve assimilêre Sabinis; At faciles aures tu perhibere velis. Quid si vel nasus, vel frons mihi desit eburnea? Murice nec Tyrio subrubuêre genae? Est color incertus, ne tu confide colori; Decipitur pulchro Graia puella viro. Pelle licèt tenebrae dominantur, Lux tamen intus; Vileo si membris, splendeo ment tenus. Quid licèt harmonico careant mea membra tenore? Et male concinnus quilibet artus erit? At Caro pinguescit, mihi sunt & mollia crura; Suraque suppetiit semivieta mihi. Squalidus est oculo, digitis arridet obesus; Quod formâ minus est, hoc mihi supplet adeps. Millibus ex multis (experto crede) puellis, Gaudia quae mihi fert plurima, pinguis erat. Hoc est in causâ, quod nunc (uxore relictâ) Nostri festinant ad tua rura pedes. Nempe voluptatis nihilum mihi frigida conjux Suppeditat, penè est iste senilis ager. Mandamus tritis semen sine foenore sulcis; Nullaque tondetur falcibus inde seges. Sed tuus (ô utinam!) pariat mihi gramina Campus, Viderunt agri vix tria lustra Tui. Aetas non unquam retrò retro-acta vocatur; Florem, dum florem, Carpo (Corinna) tuum. Qua●docunque tamen nos conveniemus in unum, Corpore molliculo fac sine Teste fruar. Non quasi castratus spado, sic sine Testibus essem, Sed quia lascivum nolo patere torum. Secretísque jocis fac alta sllentia praestes; Quum placidum nobis hoc peragetur opus. Nam non Privatus, sed jam Res publica fio; Et mihi vel Coecus quilibet, Argus erit. Aptius idcirco cùm prima crepuscula lucent, Ad lectum veniam (blanda Corinna) tuum. Et mihi furtivos aditus transenna fenestrae Astruet, à dextra quà patet uda palus. Nuper enim cùm nocte toro convenimus illo, Infidae (memini) ter crepuêre fores. Tunc indoctus eram, nunc usu promptior exto; Et magis assiduè jam taciturnus ero. Neve tuus videat Genitor, Custodibus (etsi Carceris insontem) Parliamenta dàbunt. Mutuò tunc nobis aderit satis ampla voluptas; Qua quoad eveniat, (Diva Corinna) Vale. The ANSWER. WHat, Latin Sir? why there is no man That e'er thought you an English Roman. Your father horse could teach you none, Nor was it your mother tongue. Your education too assures Me, that your Poem is not yours. Besides, I thought you did detest The language of the Latin beast. But now your impudence I see Did hereby show its modesty. Each syllable would blush, you thought, If it had been plain English taught. And that your foul debauched stuff Might do its errand fast enough, Forsooth your wisdom thought it meet That words might run, to give ' me feet. Pardon me, Sir; I me none of those That love Love-Verse, give me your Prose. I wish each Verse to make delay, Had turned lame Scazon by the way. I read a Hell in every line Of your polluted fescennine. Your Verses stunk; to keep 'em sweet You should have put socks on their feet. And that the Answer which I shall Now write, may be methodical. I'll briefly make ('tis not amiss) An Anacephalaeosis. And first I looked for Nestor, when Mere Cupid trickled from your pen. Who was your father, you make proof By your Coult's tooth, though not your hoof. She that was great with you, you hold Did not lie in, but was with fold. I wonder one so old, so grave, Should yet such youth, such lightness have. Of the five Members, you alone Shall be esteemed the Privy one. Who (like the Gnostics) preach; your Text Increase and multiply; and next Convincing Doctrines you deduce, Put out the lights, and so make Use. You say I am a maid exceeding Apt to be taught by you good breeding. But where there's breeding, it is said, There's none, unless a broken maid. Turn Papist (stallion,) they'll dispense With whoredom by an Indulgence. Turn Friar, that thou mayst be free At once with a whole Nunnery. There 'twill be virtue to ride on The Purple Whore of Babylon. Thou mayst as soon be Turk, as King; And that, o that's the Tempting thing. Then thou mayst glut thy appetite With a Seraglio of delight. I am no Proserpina, that thus I should desire an Incubus. But you must Vote (if me you'll win) No Fornication to be Sinne. You say the House takes it not well, The King 'gainst Rebels should rebel; And that's the reason why you stand To be Dictator of the Land. Which moved me to a mighty toil Of getting Vardigrease and Oil; 'Cause such Itch Medicine is a thing That's fittest to anoint you King. You say you'd undergo and do Wonders, would I undergo you. For my sake you would Cobbler play, Your Trade should be to underlay. For me you'd spend your chiefest blood; Pray spend it on the Sisterhood. You wish to die in those great fights Of Venus, where each wound delights. And should I once to heaven take wing, You'd follow me though in a string. Thank you (good Sir) it is our will You your last promise do fulfil. There's nothing spoke that pleaseth us Like your [In funes sedulus.] Next come those idle twittle twats, Which call me many God-know's what's: As hallowed, beautiful, and fair, Supple, and kind, and Debonair. You talk of women that did woo; When I am mad, I'll do so too. Then that my father may not spy The couplëing of you and I, He shall be guiltlessly detected As a true Subject, illaffected: And so the Protestant shall lie In Gaol for fear of Popery. [From hence it is that every Town Almost is now a Prison grown, Where Loyalty lies fettered; then You do commit more Sins, than Men.] But those your words I have thought best Should punished be, by being pressed. And that this body Politic May then be well, which lies now sick; May the Greek Π, that fatal Tree. This Spring bear all such fruit as thee. FINIS.