THE LADY BARK, OR, New Upstart-Lady.  
In a very merry and pleasant Dialogue, Betwixt a SKIPPER, A NEW-LADY, A Young SCHOLAR, And a TAPSTER-LASS.  
A North bound Skipper coming from the Sea,  
Meets a New-Lady, thus makes Courtesy:  (SKIP.) 
God save you, Lady-Bark and make you better,  
Unto you Lady-Bark I have a Letter.  (LADY.) 
O Skipper for that Letter I have longed.  (SKIP.) 
The Wind (not I) your Lady-Vessel wronged.  (LADY.) 
How fold your stuff?  (SKIP.) 
Indeed your Lady-Bark,  
When all cost quit will scarce gain half a merk:  
The Markets fallen,  (LADY.) 
You stayed too long at home.  (SKIP.) 
Your Lady-Bark hath Wind and Tide to blame,  
We cannot mend the Wether, coming from her  
He said farewell I bid your Lady Crear.  
A Scholar standing by, thus jeered upon  
The Skippers Sea-bred salutation.  (SCH.) 
It seemeth Skipper you are come from France  
Could you but sing, and make a Leg, and Dance  
As you can Compliment; you'd straight be made  
A Master of a School in courtship Trade.  (SKIP.) 
What Crime I pray unto my Charge is laid?  (SCH.) 
God save your Lady Ship ye should have said,  
And ye said Lady Bark.  (SKIP.) 
I did so, than  
I see great Clerks are not still wisest men:  
What need you jeer my Words, or Quarrels pike!  
Bottoms of Burden are not all alike.  
Ye must grant odds (if you be not a Sot,)  
'Twixt Indian-Merchant-Ship, and Oyster-Boat:  
'Twixt my Bark and the Admiral of Spain,  
Or, our brave Royal Charles on the Main.  
This Lady must not (though her flags be brave)  
Such Titles as my Lady-Countess have,  
Whose own, even as her Noble Lords forbears,  
In SCOTLAND divers Ages have been peers:  
Yet when to her my Top Halyardes I slip,  
I only say GOD save your Ladyship.  (SCH.) 
But yet this is a Lady still, for (look)  
This Pocket-Byble in my hand's a Book  
In all Respects, as well (though of less size)  
As one in Folio is in any-wise:  
So is this Lady;  (Lady) 
though content  
With shorter standing, Smaller Lands and Rent.  (SKIP.) 
You must grant odds betwixt Turbet and Flock;  
Though both be Fish, I grant a Book's a Book;  
There are then (arguings from your own Confession)  
Some Pocket Ladies of a late Edition.  
The Sea doth not my Senses all benumb  
For Husband's worth, I know the King to some  
Doth Honours give and so doth Ladies make them  
Some Titles steal or at their Feet uptakes them,  
In Towns, from Mercat, Church, House, Shop and Street,  
Goodwife is sunk, the Mistress there doth fleet  
And stands a Land-ward: next year you her find  
A New-Rigg'd-Lady looffing by the Wind.  
Perchance a Vessel that in Summar last  
Was Goodwife Floy Boat with a jury Mast:  
Now out New-Flaggs, hoist the Top Sail a fathom,  
O how the Ladyship! How how the Madam.  
For Topsail Titles, what needs all this work?  
A Year, Old Lady is but Lady Bark.  (SCH.) 
The only outward Skipper you do take,  
With diligence a search if you do make;  
You'll find that real Goodness doth stand  
In Old-High-Race in Riches, or in Land:  
Then Women of Deportment still should have  
Such Compellations as their (Meene) doth crave.  
Beware you do not irritate your Betters  
With Gibberish,— which you use upon the Waters:  
Ask Nomenclators when ye wail your Bonnet  
Madam or Lady is as soon said as Jannet.  (SKIP.) 
What? No Man clatters? fore and aft ye clatter,  
And slug three way-rope length asterne the matter:  
I'm not a Quaker yet I'll not dissemble,  
The raging Seas sometimes have made me tremble.  
I know not what you say, yet one thing's true,  
I honour those to whom honour is due.  
Yet should each Sail, in her own Squade be set,  
And not such Titles as the greatest get  
Though Ensign, Streamers, Jack and Flye look tall,  
In Fleets each Vessell's not an Admiral:  
If I do know a Lady's true Condition,  
I can salute her in a decent fashion.  
If one unknown, High-Top-Sail-Termes do covet,  
I'll how her Mistress, till I know more of it.  
A Gentlewoman sure wilt think no worse,  
If she but know her Compass or her Course.  
Now at high water, if ye on the street,  
Too and again of Women new the Fleet:  
On either Board, on Head, or yet A-stern,  
You Ladies can from Tapsters scarce discern?  
The Stern-most have their Taickling and their Sails  
Their Stirrage, Midships, Fore-Decks, and their Tails;  
Their Flags and Streamers blowing in such state,  
As they were Frigates of the formest Rate,  
Must I Dame-Ship them all? they strive for place,  
Much like Ostend-freebooters in a chase:  
They'll clap abroad like Fire Ships, and in rage  
Blow up their Consort, for the Weather-Gage.  
What, She in head of us? It's but short time  
Since her best Loading was but Coals and Lime  
A Herring-Boat that skulked it by the Shoar,  
A Scout, a Kenning still astern or more.  
When we'd aboard clothe, Hair, Silk, Silver-Laces;  
Tobacco, Sugar, Sack, Spyce, Chrystall-Glasses.  
Now She's in head of us, let Fore sail fall,  
Get Larbooard-Tacks aboard, down the Mainsail  
Heave out Fore-Top-sail, heave Main-Top-sail out  
Hoist up Fore-Top-sail, hoist Main-Top-sail stout  
Let Spritsail fall, Top Gallon sail, out Main,  
Fore-Gallant-Top-sail out, hoist all again:  
Hoist up the Mizzen, hoist Mizen-Top-sail high,  
Take heed at Helm there; keep her under the Lee.  
She is about and winds us; Port, Port hard,  
Let rise Main-Tack, let rise Fore-Tack: regard  
Brace on the Lar-Board Braces, and get too  
The Star-Board-Main-Tack Star-Board-Fore-Tack, do  
Cast off the Star-Board-Braces, right the Helm,  
Keep her a Lee-ward, whither wind or calm;  
Thus in and out of Course in any case;  
They'll break their Bold-Sprits ere they lose their place.  (SCH.) 
If ye speak so, I'll understand as soon  
What you do say, as the Man in the Moon;  
For your Sea-hubbub soundeth just like charms  
Use Luculent, and not Exotic Terms.  (SKIP.) 
What terms do ye call Jack-a-lent and Sattick?  
I speak my Callings Language, and its Prattick.  
In Schools or Pulpit you, I on the Sea,  
I'll understand you just as you do me:  
When you coin words from Latin, French or Greek,  
Old Palinurus hath the sense to seek.  
It blew a Gale this mourning, I toiled sore  
And have drunk nothing since I came a shore.  
I'm dry, and I can jest no longer, come,  
I'll give a pint, or take my welcome home,  (SCH.) 
Go Skipper, I will follow, go before,  
Pray enter Skipper, enter, take the Door,  
Pray enter Skipper, enter, enter.  (SKIP.) 
brave!  
In offering me the place ye it do crave:  
Nay take it, for I know, and so do ye,  
Dogs, Clerks, and Women, still should foremost be.  
I am dry, dry, dry, if I had once a drink,  
In plain Land-Terms I will speak all I think.  
How Lady-Lass! come fill a pint of Ale,  
See it be good and fresh, not new nor stale.  
Good Ale indeed drink Lady, drink and tri't,  
Your Lady-Lass-Skip, fair it's not denied.  (LASS) 
for all your jesting Skipper, it may be  
I may prove Lady once before I die.  (SKIP.) 
I do believe ye may have your desire  
Tho you get neither Lord nor Knight nor Squire  
Nor one who doth an old Estate inherit  
Nor one whose Virtues doth new honour's merit.  
The Ladyes-Springing-Season's passing good,  
For never was there since the World stood  
So great a Cropped of Ladies as this Year,  
They're even as many as the Ground can bear:  
Yea, some like Ground-swyle thrive so well, they rise  
Grow up and wither in one Summer thrice  
Scrape some few Pennies, scrape in any sense:  
Though not with honour or good Conscience:  
On some Old-Good-Wifes-Dunghill lay them out,  
And in one Watch, a Lady thence will sprout.  
A Lady this and that, a Lady Mother,  
A Lady-Auntie, Lady, who's the other?  
Then Lads and Maids, and Bairnes shall be whiped  
If this New-Lady be not stoutly Shiped  
Thence this New-Lady, doth Young Ladies yield,  
That flourish like the Lilies of the Field:  
Who though they will not toil, nor can they spin;  
Yet ne'er was any Queen arrayed more fine:  
In Rhadicipris, Saradines, Briggade,  
Alasants, Curls, of silk and worset made  
Taffetas, Satins, plain and Moral, Tabbies,  
Villerasas, Velvets of all sorts like Babbies.  
Well dressed of more Colours and fine hue,  
Than hundreth Rainbows against the Sun can show.  
These plain or painted, with more various Flowers;  
Than all the product of the Springtime showers:  
Nor have they only such fine Silk and Tissue,  
But other Gigawes of Old-Eves proud issue  
Colbertines, Trollies, Point and Mazarine,  
And these again or brigged, or closely, or plain.  
Betwixt the Lilies, and such Garments new  
Great difference is These from the Sun and dew  
On our own soil do pleasantly flower out,  
But each farfetched foreign gaudy Clout:  
From France and Holland, Smyrna, Naples, Spain,  
From China (farther) over the watery plain  
Are wafted: pains and moneys are not spared  
From six to sixty Scottish-Pounds a yard  
In Trust, not present payment, of Bills a Charge,  
Blows off the Merchant, makes him take it large.  
The Merchant for his broken-Credit grieved  
Doth Law and Aw his Debtors, till relieved:  
Long libels read, and Blowing-Hornes do blast  
New Ladyships wracked are, or sail the Master  (LASS) 
My patience (Skipper) cannot bear your Tale  
I think you scald your lips amongst others Kale  
Would you have no man to buy any Land,  
Tho he of money can great sums command?  (SKIP.) 
Forbid I will not, (lest I seem to reave)  
They'll buy, and sell again, without my leave  (LASS) 
A man buys Land, and it of right doth hauled,  
May not his Wife a Lady then be called?  (SKIP.) 
She may and will, (yea it is ten to one)  
She'll keep the Title when the Land is gone,  (LASS) 
May not this Lady (call her new or old,)  
Wear any cloth in shopes for money sold?  (SKIP.) 
I am a poor Skipper I'll be still, because  
I am no Prince, therefore can make no Laws:  
But were my sentence sought, none should put on  
Nor Silks, nor Foreign Cloth, save Dames alone  
Of ancient wealth and honour; all the rest,  (LASS) 
The rest must all go naked, there's the jest.  (SKIP.) 
Not naked, we have Wool and Flax at hame,  
I think no honest woman will think shame,  
To dress or cause her servants dress, and fine.  
Yea, her best Maids spin, and wind up and twyne:  
Cause make fine Cloth, and spare her money: saving  
Herself and Household both from cold and craving.  (LASS) 
Fie Skipper fie, that is for Rustick-Clowns,  
And not for Gentlewomen, not for Towns  
Fie Skipper fie, let paltry Housewives spin  
Who can not other ways their living win:  
As good go naked, (you do stir my passion)  
Yea better out of life than out of fashion.  (SKIP.) 
Better be virtuous, and comely called:  
Nor till half Flood be spent to slug in bed:  
Then up, Comb, Wash, Dress, dine, and afternoon  
Hover abroad like Butterflies in June:  
To the Man-market or some Cummering visit,  
By Maids and Wives, as now a days is used.  
Now Nakedness seems no great punishment,  
For many Women are right well content  
To have their Breasts, and their Raw-Spawlds behind  
Like Galley Slaves exposed to Sun and Wind.  
I wish they were well lashed, or forced make bare  
Their lower Fore-Decks, and their privy ware.  (LASS) 
Ill mannered Cairle, I must let you know it,  
If you had better Breeding you would show it;  
If you prate more, (you Railing Sea-bred-Sott  
I'll break your jeering Pigs-Nose with the Pot.  (SKIP.) 
Avast! Avast! I think this day a Morn,  
Some sorrow Rowed in my Cobles Horn;  
Some Women look like Lady-Galiot-ships,  
Trim Lady-Pynk ships. Lady-Pleasure-Boat-ships.  
But they prove Lady-Fyre-Ships; and begin  
To throw Granades if you bid them spin.  
But yet not all, good Women are more wise,  
Than to be clothed in Apelike Toyish-guise.  
O strange! strange times! (its with amazement spoken,)  
Who so speaks truth, must have his head now broken.  
I am out of Course, and need not steer more steady  
Women and Clerks are in my Top already;  
If I do waken Dogs, a storm will blow  
Will force me bring my Topsails all below.  
A storm, a storm, a Roaring storm falls near.  
I'll stand to the Offin, till the Coast be clear;  
Far better rule my Bark in Rageing-Seas,  
Than such light Land-ships, and their vanities.  
The Winds do bluster, and the Waves do swell:  
Come take your Money, Lady-Lass farewell.  

A Licence for Printing this Book  
Nebrida, Day, Month, and year foresaid  
The Court of Merry Drolls well Minted:  
Ordaineth these Presents to be Printed.  
Sent South, North, East, West, where ye would,  
And for twelve Scottish Pennies sold.  
And whoso taketh offence at it,  
Hath far more vanity than Wit.  
High Titles, and strange clothes; Fools jeer them  
And Fools indeed do take and Wear them:  
Who if they grudge at this Epistle,  
May fume, grin, fret, laugh, dance, sing, whistle,  
Run out of Wit, or sit at ease;  
All's one to us as what they please;  
Fly wild, sit tame, make foul fairwork.  
Subscrived JOCOSERIUS Clerk.   
FINIS.  
Be Da: Ferguson.