A LETTER OF ADVICE To a young GENTLEMAN Leaveing the UNIVERSITY, Concerning his behaviour and Conversation in the World.  
By R. L.  
Dublin, Printed by Benjamin took, Printer, to the Kings most Excellent Majesty, and are to be sold by Mary Crook, in Castle-street, 1670.   

AN ADVERTISEMENT From the PRINTER.  
THe Gentleman concerned in this Paper being assured, that he is not the only one, that needs these instructions, and that the benefit he reaps by them, would not be the less by their being public, has so far befriended the world as to expose them to the view of all: but it being the peculiar fate of Letters, to be at the dispose of those to whom they are sent, this has not perhaps those advantages and accessions which would have been given it, had the Inditer been the Publisher: yet as it is, all kind of Readers will be entertained, from the usefulness of the Subject, the variety of matter, the freedom that is taken, and the conciseness of the Suggestions, which will further oblige them to measure the words, not by their number, but weight. If this be perused by men that live up to the advises proposed, they cannot but be confirmed and gratified, to find themselves so luckily transcribed: and if this falls into the hands of Novies (and such are all once, if experience must make men wise) this little Vade mecum shall suddenly enrich them with a Treasure of observations, which they may hourly employ, and continue to do so, even while they ●●ve: nay all must be gainers here, when they find the good Christian reconciled to the good Companion, and the ●●●olar taught to be a Gentleman.  
It hath been observed that elaborate studied discourses have not been so contributive to wisdom, as the Memoires and private remarks of eminent and conversing persons, and it is to be wished that they would Communicate their experiences a little more, and that some would insist on this Subject so minutely, as to descend to the particulars of behaviour that befits men in their several qualities and professions, this would be a greater kindness to all Societies, then that which is intended them from the experiments and modern improvements that are now the boasts and triumphs of some Virtuosos.  
To J. L. Esq at Oxford.   

Sir.  
YOu have been infinitely advantaged by your Education in the University, which will have a perpetual good effect upon you, and give you Lustre in the eyes of the world: But that you may be further useful & acceptable to mankind, you must pair off something you have contracted there, and add also to your own stores from Observation and Experience, a way of learning as far beyond that by precept, as the knowledge of a Traveller exceeds that which is gotten by the Map.  
An Academic life is an Horizon between two worlds, for men enter upon it children, and as such they must judge and act, though with difference according to their own pregnancy, the ingenuity of their teachers, and the manner of their being taught, and when they pass from thence, they launch into a new world, their passions at high water, and full of themselves, as young men are wont to be, and such as are dipped in unusual learning, and if they go on so, they are lost: Besides that, there is a husk and shell that grows up with the learning they acquired, which they must throw away, caused perchance by the childishness of their State, or the Formalities of the place, or the ruggedness of retirement, the not considering of which hath made many a great Scholar unserviceable to the world.  
To propound many Rules for the manage of yourself were to refer you back to the book again, and there is even a native discretion that some are endowed with, which defends them from Gross absurdities in Conversation, though there be none but may be helped by some admonitions.  
I suppose you to understand the nature of habits and passions; I suppose you likewise what I know you to be, to be adviseable, observant and of a sedate temper; Therefore you will be sufficiently instructed with a few Intimations: For he that reflects upon himself, and considers his passions, and accommodates himself to the world, cannot need many directions. I suppose you also to be principled with Religion and Morality, which is to be valued before any learning, and is an ease and pleasure to the mind, and always secures a firm Reputation, let the world be never so wicked: No man ever gains a Reverence for his vice, but virtue commands it, Vicious men indeed have been popular, but never for being so, but for their virtues annexed, they administer their Employments well and wisely, they are civil and obliging, they are free and magnanimous, they are faithful and courageous. It is always some brave thing that recommends them to the good opinion of the world.  
The advices I here lay down are rather negative then positive; For though I cannot direct you where you are to sail throughout your whole course, yet I may safely show you where you must not split yourself. And the first Rock I discover on which young Scholars shipwreck themselves is Vaunting of the persons and places concerned in their Education. I therefore advise you to be spareing in your Commendations of your University, College, Tutor, or the Doctor you most there admire, for either all is taken for granted, or you only betray your affection, and partiality, or you impose your judgement for a standard to others, you discover what you think, not what they are, an early kindness may make you as blind as an unjust prejudice, and others will smile to see you confident of that which it may be they know they can confute. This holds in all kinds of Commendations, which should be modest and moderate, not unseasonable, not unsuitable, not hyperbolical, for an excess here, creates envy to the person extolled, and is a virtual detraction from others you converse with, and your own understanding is measured by it. Nay it is a presumption in some to commend at all, for he that praises another, would have him valued upon his own judgement.  
Therefore it is a disparagement to be commended by a fool, except he concurs with the Vogue, or speaks from the mouth of another; you must indeed when you speak of men's persons (which without provocation should never be) represent them candidly and fairly, and you are bound to give your friend his due Elegy, when his fame is concerned, or you are required to do it, or may do him a kindness in it. But remember that when you give a person a particular character it receives its estimate from your wisdom, be temperate therefore as well as just.  
When you come into Company, be not forward to show your Proficiency, nor impose your Academical discourses, nor glitter affectedly in terms of Art, which is a vanity incident to young men that have confidence and heat of temper. Nor on the other hand must you be morose or difficult to give an account of yourself to inquisitive or Learned men; let your answers be direct and concise, It is both your Wisdom and your kindness to come to the point at first, only in conferences or debates, speak not all you have to say at once in an Entire Harangue, but suffer yourself to be broached by degrees and keep an Argument for Reserve; What you say at first may perhaps give satisfaction, however you gain Respite for Recollection, and when all is out at last, you will be thought to have more in store.  
And because the mouth is the fountain of Our Weal or our Woe, and it is the greatest instance of prudence to rule that little member the Tongue, and he indeed is a perfect man that offends not in word, for all our follies and passions are let out that way, there are many things to be observed in the managing of discourse, I only say in General, that you must not speak with heat and violence, nor with Reflection upon men's persons, nor with Vanity and self-praise: No man therefore should be his own Historian, that is talk of his own feats, his travels, his conferences with great men &c, nor boast of his descent and alliance, nor recount his Treasure, or the manage of his Estate, all which wears out the greatest patience, and without a provocation expresses an intolerable Vanity, and implies a believing that others are affected and concerned in these things as much as himself. The like weakness is talking of one's Trade or profession to those that neither mind it nor understand it. Indeed if the company be all of one piece then debateing any thing that Relates to all may be useful, but it is impertinent in mixed company to betray only your skill or inclination. In like manner he is not to be brooked, that over a Glass of Wine will turn Statesman or Divine, perplex good fellows with Intrigues of Government, cases of Conscience, or School controversies which are too serious, and too sacred, to be the Subjects of common talk? Let no man's Vice be your Theme, nor your Friends, because you love him, not your Enemies, because he is so, and in you it will be expounded partiality and revenge, not of any other, because you are certainly unconcerned in him, and may possibly be mistaken of him: Let not the Lapses or ridiculous accidents or behaviours of men that are in drink or in love be taken notice of after, or upbraided to them in jest or earnest, for no man loves to have his folly remembered, nor to have the consequences of Wine or passion imputed to him, and he cannot but like you worse, if he finds they have left an Impression upon you. Every man's fault should be every man's secret, as he sins doubly that publishes his own shame, for he adds scandal to the sin, so does every man increase the scandal that is the propagator of it.  
When you carve out discourse for others let your choice be rather of things then of persons, of Historical matters rather than the present age, of things distant and remote, rather than at home, and of your Neighbours, and do not after all these Restrictions fear want of discourse, for there is nothing in the world but you may speak of it Usefully or pleasantly, every thing (says Herbert) is big with jest and has wit in it if you can find it out.  
As for Behaviour, that is certainly best, which best expresses the sincerity of your Heart, I think this rule fails not, that that kind of Conversation that lets men into your Soul, to see the goodness of your Nature, and the Integrity of your mind is most acceptable, for be assured, every man loves another for his honesty, to this every knave pretends, and with the show of this he deceives, Nay the sensual love of bad men is founded upon this; Nothing loves a Body but for a Soul, nor a Soul, but for such a disposition, as answers to that Idea of goodness which is in the mind.  
This is that, that reconciles you to some meens at the first congress, for usually you read men's Souls in their faces if they be young and uncorrupted, and you for ever decline some countenances which seem to declare that some Vice or Passion has the mastery, and though some times you are deceived, yet you perfect in your prepossession till the behaviour doth signally confute, what the countenance did threaten.  
This makes a starched formal behaviour odious, because it is forced and unnatural, and assumed as a disguise, and suffers not the Soul to shine clearly and freely through the outward actions.  
First then your actions must discover you to be your own Master, for he is a miserable slave that is under the tyranny of his passions: And that fountain teeming pair Lust and Rage must especially be subdued.  
That of love (to give it the milder name) so far as it is vicious, I take to be seated principally in the Fancy, and there you must apply your Cure, for I ascribe its vehemence not so much to the constitution, as the pampering of the body, and men's letting lose their Eyes and Tongues and Imaginations upon amorous Incentives, and not keeping a sense and awe of Religion upon them. For if you live in an age and place where shame and evil penalties have no force, you must have recourse to Religious means and the Grace of God for restraint: Lust is more distinctly forbidden by our Christianity then any other thing; Therefore it ought more Sacredly to be avoided.  
If you grow troublesome to yourself, In God's name make use of that Honourable Remedy he has provided, and in the Interim, if you can allay your fancy, and keep your Inclinations undetermined, I think a promiscuous conversation is the safest: for many that have lived in the shade and retirement, when they came abroad were ruined by doting on the first thing they met with, and this is oft the effect of distance and caution.  
The other Spring of mischief is anger, which usually flames out from an untamed pride, and want of manners, and many other untollerable infirmities, so that there is no living in the world without quenching it, for it will render you both troublesome and ridiculous, and you shall be avoided by all like a Beast of prey. The Stoics pretend to be successful Eradicators of this passion, and their Books may be usefully read for tameing it. But themselves have retained many ill humours behind, which are worse than a transient Rage, and are most abhorrent from all Society, as Moroseness, Fastidious contempt of others, Peevishness, Caption, Scurrility, wilfulness &c, which issue from some tempers, and some principles which men are apt to suck in to feed their natural dispositions with, whereas the world is not to be entertained with frowns and dark looks, Be as severe ad intra as you will, but be wholly complaisant ad extra, and let not your strictness to yourself make you censorious and uneasy to others, thus many mortified men have been very unruly to the great scandal of what they professed.  
Avoid therefore going to Law at your first setting out, for that will teach you to be litigious before your temper is well fixed, and you will contract an habit of wrangling with your Neighbours, and at last delight in it like a Sophister with arguing in the Schools, you may observe many who have entered upon entangled Estates to become vexatious, and have quite lost the debonairness of their dispositions.  
Be always mild and easy to those that are about you, your Relations and servants, not only for their sakes but your own, if you be displeased at every peccadillo you will become habitually froward, which you cannot put off when you appear abroad, and remember that if you be easy to yourself you will be so to every body else, and you will be welcome every where.  
This produces comity and affability which is a great Ornament of Behaviour, this argues you well within, and that you are a lover of mankind: It is a mixture made up of civilities and freedom, suited to the condition of the person you converse with, a quality as to modes and circumstances we fetch from beyond the Seas, for the mere Englishman is supposed to be defective in it: as being rough in address, not easily acquainted, and blunt even when he oblidges, though I think it not worth the charge the Gentleman is at that travails for it: Nay I am sorry for the poor returns many make, that import hither the air and carriage, and assurance of the French, therewith quitting their own staple native commodities of much greater value, the sincerity and generosity of the English disposition. None is more melted with a civility then an Englishman, but he loves not you should be verbose and ceremonious in it, take heed therefore of overacting your civilities to men unconcerned in you, that must conclude you impertinent, or designing. Freedom is likewise acceptable, and a great advantage to a converser, We commonly make it the effect of familiarity, but it should be the cause of it, but prudence must bond it and apply it. Be free when you speak, when you give, when you spend, when you allow your time and Company to your friends, let nothing of confinement, formality, or difficulty be discerned: If you can do a kindness do it at first, that is a double obligation, and evidences that it was in your heart before it was suggested to you, the return of thanks will be but cold, if the obliged finds that Importunity, necessity, or after reasonings did extort it from you.  
If you would have an Interest where you live, there must be legible in all your actions Justice in your deal between man and man, this is the cheapest and the greatest policy, and this alone will secure your Reputation with the populo, to this purpose I only advise two things.  
1. You must be an exact keeper of your word: a promise is a debt which you should pay more carefully than a Bond, because your honesty and honour are the security. Be punctual even in small matters, as meeting a friend, restoreing a book, returning a paper etc. for faileing in little things will bring you to fail in great, and always render you suspected, and you shall never be confided in, even when you mean most hearty.  
2. Have a special care of your debts, I know scarce any can always avoid contracting them, but he that neglects them is profligate and undone as to the world: If you would eat in quiet never run in debt for what you daily consume, he that is necessitated to this is the proper object of an Alms: when you borrow, choose rather a rich creditor, and a great debt, than many trifling debts dispersed among poor people, a poor man's little debt makes the greatest noise; Defer not therefore to pay Mechanics etc. their utmost deuce, for they are craveing and clamorous, and consider only your condition in the world and not your present Exigence.  
Prudence must be discernible in your actions as well as justice, and that will appear in nothing more than in the choice of confidents and dependants; your most diffusive love to mankind cannot be extended very far, for the Verge of your knowledge is not, and need not be great, out of acquaintance you choose Familiars, and out of these you pick friends, and you must not expect them to be such as are described in books and talked of by Philosophers, that's a Romantic thing only to be found in Utopia or the new Atlantis: If any such are, they must be in a Monastery or Recess, where business and understanding are in a little compass: It is sufficient for you to find the effect of one such friend in many. You may cull one out of each of those Eminent professions that you may be concerned in, and make them your confidents in their several spheres. You go not to a Lawyer for Physic, nor to a Merchant to be resolved in a case of Conscience, though both do love you and serve you in what they may.  
Make no man your friend twice, except the Interruption was through your own mistake, and you have done penance for it. Every well wisher is not capable of being made your friend, nor every one that you think is honest and faithful, there must be a suiting your humour, and a mutual serviceableness, and ability to give advice and to take it, and such a proportion of temper as that he shall not, through vanity, or levity, or uncertainty, betray himself or you. He that is not staunch in preserveing of secrets cannot be a friend, such is a talkative man that uses his mouth for a sluice to let out all that's in him, this argues a great weakness in the head, for a shallow understanding presently judges, and passes sentence, and is positive in it.  
Never tell any man you have a secret but dare not tell it, you should either go further or not have gone so far, and press no man vehemently to keep concealed what you have committed to him, for that implies you suspect what you have done, and that you diffide in his prudence: It discovers your value of things, and provokes him to incontinence and breach of trust, for there is an Itch in mankind to be greedy of those fruits that are most zealously forbidden, and some prohibitions do even excite desire.  
Reservedness by some is accounted an Art and a virtue, I think it is a fault, and the symptom of a sullen or stupid nature, and I know it to be unwelcome to all Societies: I like a plain communicative man, he is useful and acceptable to the World, and be assured that a dark close reserved man shall never have friends, no man will take you into his heart that cannot get into yours: let your Intentions be never so sincere; and I know not what a good man need be afraid of, if no hurt be in him, no hurt will come out of him.  
It is true openheartedness has a Latitude, and discretion must bond it, and assign its degrees, according to your kindness to them, or their nearness to you, and none should see all within you, for it may be, infirmity, vice, or discontent lies at the bottom. Nor is it fit to rush into discourse before superiors, this is a greater Rudeness then to deny them their place and respect, the like Reverence must be had to the aged, and most experienced, and such as speak out of their own profession, neither would I have a man lie open to the scrutinyes, and pumping of every pragmatical Inquisitor: such assaults must be managed by Art, you must put by the thrusts, by slight rather than strength, for no force must be discerned, in such cases he that drolls best evades best; but when a man demurs at an easy question, and is shy of speaking his mind, and passes into another shape, when the matter inquired for is common to all, or prejudicial to none, and when he delivers any thing it must be received as a great secret, though not fit or worthy to be kept, It argues him weak and formal, and by his rarities he lays up you may guests at all his Closet.  
From all this you may infer, how far the reporting of news may be convenient, If you would be popular you must indulge this humour of mankind, though the young man is not so much the Athenian in this as the aged. If you live remote from the City have all public occurrences as early as you can, you oblige your Neighbours by it better than with the greatest entertainment: some are terrified from speaking what they hear, because it is the trade of seditious men to spread Rumours and false Reports, I think there needs not such caution, if what is related be somewhat at distance, or a common concern, or not evil in itself, and hurts not the fame of others.  
Tell no news to one that pretends to be a statesman, and ask none from him, not the first, for he will seem to know it before, or be angry his Intelligence was no quicker, not the last, for he thinks secrecy becomes him, and he loves not to be an Author.  
You may guests men's tempers by the strain of their Intelligence. Converse not therefore with mutinous dispositions, and besure you represent the actions of your Superiors Candidly, as peace and charity and obedience does oblige you: let your errors be always on the right hand, for every good child is so far from exposeing, that without beholding, he endeavours to cover the nakedness of his father.  
It is the method of nature, and all common wealths, that there be a dependence of the lesser upon the greater, the weak upon the strong: therefore if you aim at Employments, you must lean upon some besides your own virtue, and have patrons and assistants to advance you: I know no greater advantage for a qualified man then to stand in the way, for every man must let out his affections upon some, and have his creature, and that is chosen by chance or Fancy. You see when friends meet, their presence does excite a cheerfulness and Vivacity with which they entertain one another, and this speaks their sincerity better than any words they can utter, this holds proportionably in all degrees of conversation, take notice therefore of your first accosting any person, he will be presently inclined to like or dislike, and he cannot but give some indications of it.  
Observe then the eye rather than the tongue, and apply not yourself where you was at first discouraged, if the circumstances of your affair did not cause it: If you prove the favourite of a great man, desire not the Monopoly of his Ear, for his mis-adventures will be imputed to you, and what is well done will be ascribed to himself.  
Allow yourself some time for business every day; no man should be in the world that has nothing to do in it, yet never proclaim yourself very busy, for a little hint will serve any that is not much Impertinent, and the less busy you seem, the more you are admired when your work is dispatched.  
Recreation is as necessary as business, which should be rather of the Body, than the mind, because that suffers most in Sedentary Employments; In this you must have Respect to the place where you live and your associates there: In some parts of this Kingdom many of the Gentry understand nothing beyond a Horse or a Dog, and can talk of nothing besides it, Therefore if you be not a Huntsman or a Faulkoner you cannot converse with them. Yet this is really better than the Effeminate divertisements of the City.  
Take heed of playing often or deep at Dice and games of chance, for that is more chargeable than the seven deadly sins; yet you may allow yourself a certain easy sum to spend at play, to gratify friends, and pass over the winter's nights, and that will make you indifferent for the event. If you would read a man's disposition see him game, you will then learn more of him in one hour, then in seven years' conversation, and little wagers will try him as soon as great stakes, for than he is off his Guard. Equanimity at play which is not the effect of use, argues a man manageable for any thing, he that crows and insults with success is passionate, and is usually the same that frets and Quarrels at misfortunes.  
All Society is linked together with some common thing that entertains them, thus eating and especially drinking is become the Ligament of Conversation. In this you are daily concerned in some degree, let this be with a visible cheerfulness and pleasantness, for that is wholesome both for body and mind, as Physicians and Divines will inform you. It will make you welcome to all, and by this many accomplish their ends upon the world.  
Be not over critical about eating, for an Epicure is very troublesome; though this Luxurious age bathe made it a piece of learning, yet me thinks 'tis much below a brave man to be anxious for his palate and to have his thoughts and pleasures confined to a dish of meat. Judge rather for health then pleasure, and disquiet none with disparageing the food, or niceness about it, and be not much afraid of the unwholesomeness of what is set before you except it be your constant diet, for usually you see nothing but some will commend it, and our common tables furnish us with nothing that a temperate eater may not eat with safety.  
Confine none when you drink to your Measures, and expect not that others should do as you do, 'tis both uncivil and unreasonable to impose on Company, nor yet must you seem to be under any Restraint by them, But be flexible to the Inclinations of the whole and that with readiness. Every man should keep a stint, he that palliates it, is most pleasant, yet if you publicly declare your resolution not to trespass beyond your measures, when you are found to command yourself, you will not be solicited any further, when you have come up to your standard, recede silently, and do not magisterially oblige the Company to break up with you, much less stay to be an unconcerned Spectator of their Levitieses, but give others the same liberty, yourself desires to take.  
I might extend such kind of observations to many other Subjects, but I must desist, begging your pardon for playing the Dictator, and being so dogmatic in what I utter, I know they will not fit all men, nor do they pretend to cure all faults, nor are they designed to express your needs; But they may prevent Inconveniences, and help you to read men, and discover where they fail, and let you see what Relishes with the world. They are obvious and easy in themselves, for nice and subtle things do not guide mankind, but plain and common Rules, and by Analogy with these laid down you may judge of other matters as they Occur. And I cannot but acquaint you, that they are the effect of your worthy Father's Influence on me, who, extending his paternal care to all Circumstances for your good, engaged me upon your Quitting your Academic station, to propound to you some directions concerning Conversation. And I have pitched upon such as are grounded on virtue, yet tend to render you acceptable even to the worst, and he has done me honour in judging me capable of speaking to this Subject: If they accomplish not the utmost I intended, at least they will do no hurt, but discover my own private sense, and be a testimony of that kindness which is oweing to your Relations, by  
Your unfeigned friend and Servant. R. L.