THE LAMENTABLE COMPLAINTS OF Hop the Brewer AND Kilcalfe the Butcher,  
As they met by chance in the country, against the restraint lately set out by the Parliament, against Tapsters and Cookes: which hath caused them to crack their credit, and to betake them to their heels.  
 depiction of Hop the Brewer and Kilcalfe the Butcher  
Printed in the year 1641.   

THE Lamentable Complaints of HOP the Brewer and KILCALFE the Butcher.  Hop. 
WHAT neighbour Kilcalfe, who would have thought to meet you here, what good news is there stirring in London I pray can you tell?  Kilcalfe. 
news Mr. Hop, there is great store such as it is, but none I am sure that is good for you or me.  Hop. 
I hope Mr. Kilcalfe there is none will prove hurtful to us.  Kilcal●. 
Yes truly neighbour there is ill news for us.  Hop 
I pray my good friend let me hear all the news whatsoever it be.  Kilcal 
Why? I will tell you, Sir, since you are so inquisitive: There is A-Bell( and one of the greatest in the Town) lately fallen from Aldermary Church, and some say it is burst all in pieces.  Hop. 
Well Sir what can this hurt you or me? but say this Bell be broken, it may be new cast and hanged and all will be well again.  Kilcal. 
Very right Sir, and this may bee done with little charge, and besides there are ropes provided already; there are three generous Vintners in the Parish that have promised to defray the whole charge.  Hop. 
The Vintners may afford it neighbour, I hear they pay no tonnage now the wine Patent is put down, but pray what is this news you speak off?  Kilcal. 
Why, have you not heard of the restraint that was lately set forth by the Parliament, whereby all Cookes and Tapsters and many other professions are forbidden to dress meat and draw drink on sundays?  Hop. 
Indeed I have heard that some such thing was intended, but I never heard that it was in black and white until this hour, I hope there is no such thing, is there neighbour, are you sure?  Kilcal. 
Sure say you! Am I sure that ever I knocked down an ox and cut his throat on a Sunday morning think you? sfoot shall I not believe my own eyes?  Hop. 
I would they had been out, so thou hadst not lived to see this chance.  kill. 
Nay now neighbour I must tell you, you are somewhat too bitter, did you not promise to hear me whatsoever it were, and seeing you are so hot, farewell.  Hop. 
Nay good neighbour stay, I cry thee hearty mercy, it was my passion which made me so much forget myself, but if this be true.  kill. 
If me no ifs, tis true as I tell you.  Hop. 
Why then what will become of us?  kill. 
truly I know not, wee must eene shut up our doors, and never so much as take leave of our Land-lords.  Hop. 
As I am an honest man, you and I are both of a mind ▪ you have spoken my own thoughts, for I am sure if I tarry till quarter day, my Land-lord will provide me a house gratis, I should bee very unwilling to accept of his kindness, and he to my knowledge was always very forward to do such a courtesy to the worst debtor he had.  kill. 
truly Master Hop, I am not so much engaged to my Land-lord for his love, as you to yours; but this I am sure there is a grazier dwelling in this part that hath my hand( down upon a piece of sheepskin) not for my honesty, but for some certain money which I owe him, and if I do not wisely prevent him, I know not which of the Counters I am like to keep my Christmas in.  Hop. 
I pray Master Kilcalfe can you prevent him?  kill. 
Why, Ile show him the bag, Ile run man, dost understand me?  Hop. 
Yes very well, but I believe that he had rather you would show him his money, and then he would understand you.  kill. 
But by his favour he shall not understand, nor stand under any money of mine if I can keep it from him.  Hop. 
But I pray tell me, how came you so much in debt? did you use to trust your customers for your meat? I believe you dealt with them for ready money, did you not?  kill. 
truly Sir I was forced to trust some times when my customers had not money to pay me: There was one Master Rule roast a cook that owed me almost a hundred pounds, who no sooner heard of this strict command against selling of meat on sundays, but he hanged a padlocke on the door and away went Pilgarlicke. I cannot hear of my Gentleman since his departure, nor do I ever look to receive my money now.  Hop. 
Now, why not now?  kill. 
Because I do never look to see him again, but put the case he should ever come again, he would never bee able to pay me without he were suffered to sell meat on sundays in service time.  Hop. 
Why? is it impossible for Cookes to get money on the week daies? I know no reason but why they may as well as on the sundays.  kill. 
Yes Sir, tis very possible; but I will tell you what I have observed in some of these Cooks. You should have a cook that upon sundays would dress twice so much meat as upon any other day, and sell it three times as dear; for Sir his door shall stand open all the service time, and any body may be suffered to come in( the Church Wardens excepted) and he that calls for any of his roasted beef, hath it weighed to him by the ounce, or at least one would think it so by the thine slices, which he with much policy carveth from the spit; and so by this his policy he will make you eighteen pence of that which( on any other day) he would take eight pence for, and greet you with a welcome into the bargain, but those daies are now past, and therefore I despair of ever seeing my money.  Hop. 
I am just in your case, did you not know neck Froth the Tapster at the Bell? he was a man that used his customers as your Cook used his, for in service time on sundays you should have him draw his beer out at a penny a demi can, or a half pint; besides the witty knave had an excellent faculty in frothing, he would get as much in drawing half a barrel on a Sunday as he should by a whole barrel on any other day; and for his Indian smoke he sold that as dear as Apothecaries do their ambergris: I seeing him in this hopeful thriving way, trusted him with a hundred and fifty barrels of Beer, in hope( though) I should have had my money before this time, but he being debarred of this privilege, I utterly despair of payment, and so by this and many other such like debtors I am like to be undone, and therefore Ile not stay in England.  kill. 
Then let us both return to London and gather up as many of our debts as we can, to bear our charges in our journey. If we can but once get cross the great pond, wee may with confidence outface our Creditors, our daies of payment draw near, therefore let us make good use of our time that we have to tarry.  

Come let's away, and if the wind sit right,  
Weele be at Dover by to morrow at night.    
FJNJS.