The last MEMORIAL of the Agent from the K. of POLAND, to the SALAMANCA D R.  
My Learned Chaplain,  
FOreseeing many Hours are not allotted me to remain in my Earthly Tabernacle I judged it requisite to impart my Sentiments to Thee before my Exit.  
Ah Friend! If Thyself, thy Father, and old Ezrael Tonge, etc. in 1678. (instead of honest K. K.) had made a timely application to Me, after you buggered out your ill favoured and imperfect Embryo at Fox-hall and in Fulwoods' Rents, I could have licked the uncouth Cub into a much more gainly and Gentile Form, that would have made the People Moon-blind, and transformed them into such confounded Asses, that they might have been Bridled, Saddled, and Rid as your good pleasure should have deemed convenient; yea, and have striven with all their Might and Main to have lost their Liberty, Property and Religion, and like egregious Sots and Coxcombs wilfully to thrust their Necks into a certain Noose of Eternal Slavery and Confusion,  
If this notorious Tragi-comedy had been first revised and corrected by my experienced Hand, I should have imbelished it with most curious Touches, and England at this day had seen many fair Commissions Sealed ISH, and Signed Johannes Paulus d'Oliva; But Ye, like a Triumvirate of silly Tubsters, had not the Brains to consider, that One Commission would have been a Scene superior to any in your Farce, and have far outdone those Letters, which (unknown to You) gave you Reputation.  
If my Hand had been earlier at the Oar, Dear Doctor, thy Forty Thousand Pilgrims and their Black Bills had not now been invisible, nor thy numberless Drury-Lane Daggers been believed Nonentities, nor thy Doctorhood at Salamanca a very Ridicule, nor the Illustrious Don John of Austria a Tall Fair Man; Neither had thy worthy Father at this day sold Pies at the Half Moon in Bloomsbury, (where he died,) nor thy little Brother boiled Rumps of Mutton in Red-cross-street, nor Sea Bully Sam entered the Apartments of the Scolds in Long-ditch.  
If Ye had attended Me when Ye ought, no Mortal durst now have averred, that there never was such a Man as Father Strange the Jesuit, who so candedly and frankly unbosomed himself, and (as Gabriel to Mahomet) revealed to Thee the mighty Mysteries of thy Alcoran, which T. Sm. of the Temple digested into things called Depositions, or rather Stories of Cocks and Bulls, and Parson Jones prefixed the Epistle, and called it by the name of Narrative: This was the Sire to numerous hopeful Babes of the same Name and Nature, and Grandsire to the admired Narrantine of thy Renowned Brother the Ingenious Eustace Comins; So, as thy prudent Predecessor Mahomet, the Impostor, had a juggling Jew and a mischievous Monk; Thou hadst a discontented Law-man, and a discarded Naval Chaplain thy Co-adjutors; yet the veriest Loggerhead in the Three Nations will never account Thee a Prophet; or a Saviour worth a Farthing.  
I was constrained to fly my Country in order to preserve my Neck, and to take Sanctuary in that very Carthage, I formerly took Measures to have destroyed. Oh! let my Speech to the Lords and Commons be blotted out of the Records of Time! Oh! may my Delenda est Carthago, [Amsterdam must be Damned,] never be remembered by Butter-boxes of this or the next Age! Oh! may my Countrymen never revert upon Me Delenda est Septonia, S S —y must be sent to the Devil!  
My not being soon enough acquainted with thy Intrigue, is the certain source of all our miseries and misfortunes; That broke and dislocated all Measures. The World remembers well, after I became thy Patron and Pilot, how smoothly we all shamed the Public; how quickly thou attainedst 12 l. a week, to feed a numerous gang of Rebels and Sedition-mongers, with a Sett of antiquated Ruffians, and Beardless Buggeroons to attend thy Tail; Any Mortal that would not believe thy Affidavit, and make thy Plot his Creed, was forthwith put into it, or into as had a condition; No Man was secure in his Bed, no Man's Life was his own; 'twas Peace, but a Peace as dangerous as War; for the malicious Oath of any Flagitious Villain, was sufficient to send a Man to the Gallows, and to Carve out his Carcase for Crows-meat. Then was the time of great Miracles, and stupendious Faith; Men believed every thing; Not a Sooty Chimney took Flame without a Popish Fireball; not an idle Fanatic could run from his Creditors, slip into a corner with a Wench, etc. but 'twas reported he was snatched away by some Papist, and sent into another world; The French with innumerable Ships and Boats descended out of the Moon, and subdued the Isle of Purbeck; W. Bedloe traversed Spain, France & Flanders in the Marshalsea, was wonderfully conveyed from Bristol to make strange Discoveries, and from a very great Rogue suddenly transformed into a Man of Virtue and Integrity. Prance by an admirable Providence, confessed, denied, and declared great things. Brigades of Horse in bright Armour by Moonlight Associated under a Hedge to Assassinate my Lordship, but were prevented by a Miracle. Then were deep Secrets dragged out of the Bowels of the Midwife's Meal-Tub, and 300 Wolves, 300 Letters, and as many Suits of  found in the Enchanted Chamber of Col. Mansel; The Wolves were slain by his own Hand; The Letters sent to Carolina by Tom Merry, and the  were reserved for the Col's own wearing; But those Commissions Waller and He had in their custody, are not yet come to light. Then thou didst wisely recollect thyself, that thou hadst seen 2 or 3 Blue Garters through 4 Keyholes.  
By this time some of the Greatest persons in the three Kingdoms were entangled one way or other in the Plot; the next thing was to make it glance upon the King Himself: First we contrived to pluck the Kingdom's Sword out of His hands; to get the Militia from Him; then to steal away His other Sword from His side, to Indict His Guards upon an obsoleted Statute, as Ryoters and Routers, These mean failing, we stirred up Legions of Factious Fellows to Petition Him for a Parliament; that trick not doing the feat, we caused many poisonous Libels to be made upon Him, and very carefully dispersed; next we Printed Treasonable Pictures and Penned obscene Ballads stuffed full of Sedition and most malicious Ribaldry; as the Raree-shew, and many others; These we diligently cast abroad, and ordered our Pensioners Aaron Smith, Stephen College, S. harris, Bedlow, Dangerfield Brother Sam. Coll. Mancel, etc. to sing and chant them out in every place they came in. We very well understanding one way (a sure one too) to destroy a Prince, is, to render Him ridiculous, and little in the Eyes of His People.  
All these projects, were backed with one more dangerous and dreadful, our late Association; this was our True Protestant-Flail, the Masterpiece, of all our hopes.  
London and Middlesex were certain Sanctuaries for any True Protestant Traitor. The Sheriffs were my Slaves, and their packed Juries my Vassals: Treason escaped , and was esteemed a Cardinal virtue by every True Protestant Dissenter. All Loyal Men were called Papists, and all Ministers of State Pritectors of Popery-Juries would not see light at noonday, and in spite of Magna Charta, damned up the Sacred Streams of Justice. With what Face will those base Recreants to common sense, & the Sacrament of an Oath, who fixed an Ignoramus upon my Association, one day appear at a Bar, and hear the dreadful Statute of Edward the First read to them? Or how can those wilful Sots, those Antipodes to Reason and prudence, ever atone for their Folly and Madness, who endeavoured by Seditious Arts and Rebellious Tumults, instead of two honest Englishmen, to set up two strange Calvinistical Walloons for Sheriffs of London and Middlesex? Or canst thou but expect Justice will catch thee by the crown, and thy Buggeroons by the back, who by thy command in all those Riots dispense thy Bottles to the rude enraged Rabble to incense them up to commit Murders on the King's Liege-people?  
I leave thee to the Horror thou bearest in thy own Breast; for a wicked person is always in pain. He either practiceth the Evil he hath projected, or projects to avoid the Evil he hath deserved. Adieu.  
Amsterdam January 17th. Stilo novo. 1683.   

LONDON, Printed for R. H. Anno Domjni, 1683