THE LAST RESOLUTIONS OF Mounson, Mildmay, and Wallop: DISCOVERED IN A SHORT MEDITATION UPON Their Late Sentence PRONOUNCED IN PARLIAMENT.  
London, Printed for Tho. Davis and are to be sold at Westminster-hall and the Royal Exchange. 1661.   

A DIALOGUE BETWEEN Mounson, Mildmay and Wallop.  Mildmay. 
NOt I before God, I'll never kill myself for the matter; for here, as long as he lives, a man is sure of his life: but when a man's dead, he's sure of nothing.  Wallop. 
No, I pray be not so profane as to think upon't; alas shall we kill ourselves, and go to our Graves anathematized by all the holy Persons of the Gang? The Lord forbid.  Mounson. 
How kill ourselves? what wrong our own Flesh and Blood? I would not do't for a thousand worlds.  Wallop. 
Nor I, I protest, though I am of opinion, that it is no Gospel-comfort to live miserable; for still life Life; and all that a man can say of a Life, without Content, is, that it is a life in Cuerpo: and that a man is put to walk to his long Home, without the Cloak of his Pleasures.  Mildmay. 
Why then let's live in Cuerpo; for who would not rather part with his Cloak than be hanged.  Mounson. 
Why 'tis well known Brother Mildmay, that Thou and I are Old Doggs at Suffering; have not I been beaten by my Wife? and were't not Thou beaten by a Footboy. Yet I endured like Cato, and Thou like any other Roman. Before God I had rather meet with 10000. cursed Wives, than with this one plaguy Fellow, whom the Poets call grimm Death.  Wallop. 
To tell ye the Truth Gentlemen, I have no great confidence in the other World Be there any good parks, and fine Houses there? for if there be but such things there, and a long Parliament to bestow um, I believe I should have my share.  Mounson. 
There be three things that make Life happy( for in my time, I have been a Reader of ethics) There is your Bonum Bonum, and that's Good Drink; there's your Bonum Melius, and that's Good Meat; and there's your Bonum Optimum, and that's Good Whores. And now I talk of Whores,( for though the sense of my Punishment be a little heavy upon my Spirit, yet you must give me leave to have a little fling at um) I'll tell ye they are conveniencies not to be despised; I have known um ever since I was a page.; for from a page. I came to be a Lord, and am now going from a Lord to a page. again. Then the cornfields allured me, and the kind Waiting-women enticed me, troth 'twas the merriest life that ever I led in my life. The Devil was in me to be mounting and aspiring; for had I never aspired, I had never been troubled with these State-affairs; a Plague o' these State-affairs; had it not been for them, I had been either Paging it, or stallyonizing or pimping it to this hour. Now to make a good Pimp there do belong three things; good language, good Acquaintance, and secrecy. My dear Brethren, pray mark my words; for perhaps our Suffering may beget Compassion, and Compassion our Liberty, and then 'twill be a good Trade: and the famous Nanna in Aretine tells the fair Pippa, that if she kept close to her instructions, that she should be( repeating the word thrice) a blessed, blessed, blessed woman. I say therefore there be three things which make a Pimp, the which as I have before rehearsed them, so I leave you to make use of them according to that great discretion which I have experienced in you. As for your Whores, they have many devices; for as Milliners have in their Shops, ribbons, scarves, Gloves, Pins, Fancies, Laces, and the like; so have Whores in their Magazines, Jests, Smiles, Kisses, and Glances, and those that can sell their Ware at the best rates, and make most of their Commodities; I say in the producing, or procuring, or helping a Friend to such, shall you get great honour, and great praise, and esteem from your Friend. I'll tell ye a Story Gentlemen, 'tis true that 'tis not much to the purpose; but 'tis therefore that I tell it. A Lady lay sick of the colic, and one time her pain so increased, that every body thought she would have expired, a Doctor therefore that lay in the House was presently called, twas late in the night, and the Doctor had a custom to lie without his shirt, wherefore being hared cut of his sleep, he onely throws a short Cloak of his Boys about his Shoulders, and comes down, the Cloak reached not down to his Navel, so that the Company began to turn their Lamentations into Laughter when they beholded him; when he drew near the bed, the same Vision which had made the Company so merry, appeared likewise to the sick Lady, who seeing it, fell into as great a laughter as the rest, the force whereof opened her Posteriors so, that she farted, and was cured. Whereupon she cries to the Doctor, you may C●●er your tool now Sir, for I am pretty well. You see what 'tis to have a good tool. A good tool cures many Diseases, but it will not cure our Disease. For now me thinks I feel the Rope twitching me again to the re-consideration of our Afflictions. Let me see, where were we? we were, I think, upon the discovery of another World; or more particularly of that which is called the Other World; for if there be another world, it would be well for us to get Thither before we be put to too much shane in This.  Wallop. 
The other world! what is the other world?  Mounson. 
Nay I know no more what the other world is, or where it is, no more then the Great Turk.  Mildmay. 
Let us then leave the Consideration thereof, to the Consideration of the Grave Divines, for my part I have nothing to say to the other world, neither do I desire that that may have any thing to say to me. 'Tis this world that troubles me.  Wallop. 
I must loose my Gentility, but I shall have my life! Yes! why then farewell Gentility.  Mounson. 
And I must loose my Lordship: Why Lordship, I'll tell thee, rather then loose my life, I'll part with thee as willingly as a man parts with a scolding wife.  Mildmay. 
And I must loose my Knighthood. Oh good Sir Knighthood farewell to thee, I say again to thee, God buy, nay I say again to thee, farewell and be hanged, that's twice God buy.  Wallop. 
For what is Gentility?  Mounson. 
Why 'tis a badge, or as some add, a badge of Honour.  Wallop. 
Nay an't be but a badge, let it walk; let Porters and watermen wear badges, I'll wear none.  Mildmay. 
What's a Knighthood?  Wallop. 
A thing to make women proud with all.  Mildmay. 
Then 'tis not to be worn any longer. Women are proud enough of themselves.  Wallop. 
Nor is this all, Knighthoods do but run men into continual Dangers and hazards, as for example; Theres your Knight of Malta, who must be always fighting against the Turk: And theres your Knight of the Bath, who is always bound to be hazarding his life for distressed Virgins and Widdows forsooth.  Mildmay. 
To what purpose then should I keep my Knighthood, for I intend not to hazard my life upon any of these foolish scores.  Mounson. 
What's a Lordship?  Wallop. 
A title of Honour.  Mounson. 
A title of a Fart: let um take it, let um take it. I am clearly of Sir John Falstaffs mind. Let Honour go to the Dogs, one cup of Sack is better then all the Honour in the World.  Wallop. 
They talk of shane.  Mildmay. 
What is shane?  Wallop. 
Why shane, a word consisting of five letters, as many other words do, but 'twill neither bite, nor stab, nor drown a man.  Mounson. 
Why should we be more afraid of shane, then every piss-taile girl that is whipped a● the Carts aise, 'tis no Hobgoblin, is it?  Wallop. 
No, 'tis no Hobgoblin, 'tis only a word as I  told you before.  Mounson. 
Why then let shane kiss my back-side.  Mildmay. 
As for wearing Ropes about our necks, I have heard of a King that had a halter about his neck, yea the great King of the Assyrians, and that's my comfort.  Wallop. 
Come let's shake hands, we are like to be fellow Collegiates a good while.  Mildmay. 
There be seven dayes in a Week, and fifty two Weeks in a year; what of that, can't we live merrily for all this? There is Monday.  Mounson. 
Monday you say, why let Monday be set apart for playing at Tick-tack, with seven yards of plum pudding for dinner, and black-pots of ale 3. dozen per man. Tuesday shall be for telling of tales till 5. a Clock in the afternoon: after that, Wenches. Wednesday for studying Necromancy: after that, Carnal recreation again, and so go drunk to bed. Thursday for receiving our Wives Letters, and Answering them, then play at span-farthing as long as we can see, after that, sing old Rose. Friday to laugh at our Creditors, repeat our several Tricks and Cheats, to praise those that did best, with a bushel of buttered Apple-pie for supper. Saturday for inditing a History of Japann, and writing the memorials of the Emperor of Greenland, a work which was never yet undertaken by any body, and will be of very great consequence to those that Whoring all the day long day for Drinking, Wenching and  Wallop. 
Truly I confess your Design is most important, and the structure of the contrivance is raised upon a very strong foundation.  Mounson. 
Truly for my part, I follow the instruction of a very Learned man, I mean the great Pseudo-Evangelicopapistotanabaptistiojesuitanorbiterondepuritanus, who is said to have the best invention of any man in the world, and is reported to have found out, after great labour, who was the Mother of Garagantua.  Wallop. 
Upon the advice of so good an Author as he, certainly we cannot go amiss; but because the setting up of a new Society requires the making of new laws, and new Officers, and greater number of Associates. 'Tis best that we stay for more company, which I hear will be ere long sent to us, and so leave the further consideration of the whole to our next Meeting.   
FINIS.  

AN ADVERTISEMENT.  
There is lately Published Manes Presbyteriani, or The Monuments of the Kirk, sold by most booksellers.