1662. THE LAST YEARS INTELLIGENCER In BURLESQ.  

MERCURIUS PUBLICUS in verse  
Although it be not very terse,  
Doth yet the Sum of News comprise,  
Partly in Truth, and partly Lies,  
All that's on foot in the three Nations  
For the good Peoples Informations;  
And as it dedicated was  
To th' Author of Sir HUDIBRAS.   

JANUARY.  
THe Prince de la Grange whilom of Lincolns-Inn  
Who set all that House on so merry a pin,  
( Entertained the King, and the Ladies with Sweet-meat,  
With Pleading, and Dancing, and many a fine-feat)  
Was Knighted by name of Rise-up Sir John Lort,  
A Knight in good earnest, though Prince but in sport.  
But all this is nothing to what the News saith  
How Christians at Edinbrough converted to th' Faith,  
To show their Profession was true and sincere  
Did keep the high Feast in Minc'd-pye and good cheer.  
Then to show us how strangely some men are deceived  
That Mary 'thout sin was Born, and conceived  
The Pope has of Faith it an Article made  
To keep in repute the Infallible trade.   

Advertisements.  
ONe pretty young trotting roan-colour'd mere  
With a whey bristl'd main, and her tail half bare,  
Having five white feet, and a large wall-eye,  
Of a dozen years old, and thirteen hands high,  
Was lost; with a motley coloured Bitch  
Spotted all o'er as if she had the Itch.  
These losses and crosses do shrewdly portend  
Some great Revolution of State is at hand  
'Mongst Faulkners, and Hunts-men, and Lovers o'th' Game,  
foretold by Black-mondays eclipse' ere it came.  
Those famous Lozenges hight Pectoral,  
approved for Consumptions, and Diseases all,  
From Plague to Prick'd-finger, by Thomas Buck— worth  
Nothing, are sold at Mile-end and so forth.  
An egyptian mummy showed with hieroglyphics,  
But with no Oration like the Philippies;  
From Lybian Sands, and near to Town Memphis,  
( Of which there is mention in Thomas a Kempis)  
Was after two thousand five hundred Years  
Brought into the Strand to be seen, as appears.  
We would fain have ended this month without malice,  
But Mors had a pique at my good Lord Cornwallis.   

FEBRUARY.  
OUr Bishops abused by some ignorant Flirter,  
Was whipped by Le Strange for his Animadverter.  
If any Sweet Lady suspect her own Kisses,  
One Turner can give her approved Dentifrices.   

New Books.  
LE Reading deal mon signior my Lord cook  
Was published in print, 'tis thought in some Book;  
does any young Student care to know what that is  
Let him turn to the Statute de Clunibus levatis.  
Or if he affect our Poetic Essays  
There are newly published One and twenty Plays,  
With Olios, Orations, and all in new dresses  
By one of our thrice noble Marchionesses.  
For Caudles, and Jellies and many such knacks  
To strengthen both Elders and Presbyters backs  
In spite of proud Praelats( I tell you no story)  
A Lady has set forth a choice directory.  
This month the great Wind blew down Chimney-tunnell,  
Had it blown up the Hearths too( good troth) it had done ill,  
For those who malign our blessed Kings Revenue,  
'tis believed would have payed Him never a penny.  
The Virtues of the Antimonial Cup,  
( Whereof you need take but a pound at one sup)  
does cure all Diseases without the least danger  
By the time one may gallop from London to Tangir.   

MARCH.  
PRince Charles of lorraine as fast as horse would go,  
Went Post from Vienna to kiss the Popes good-toe;  
And thence to Vienna he road back again,  
For which( it is said) he had's labour for's pain.   

APRIL.  
ANother Edition of Help to Discourse,  
( In which there's as much Wit as in my old horse)  
With a curious new Volume of State and Court Jests  
To be used in the City and Aldermens Feasts.   

MAY.  
STurgeons Male and Female; at Hampton came in  
Portending the meeting of our gracious Queen  
With King Charles( heavens bless him) just as who should say  
I think He was born to be Married in May.  
This month our Scots-brethren being in a good mood,  
Six Bishops did consecrate at Holy-Rood,  
With promise they'd never be such Knaves and Fools  
To fling at their heads again Chairs and Joynt-stools.  
But now see our Queen arrived at Hampton-Court,  
To which the whole Kingdom did make their resort:  
What kissing of hand! what loud acclamation  
By Londons Recorder with Spanish Oration  
In Moote-French was there! to see Ladies in dresses  
Not like us poor Subjects, but all like Queen-Besses,  
Or hundred Maid marrians in Ginger-bread-past,  
With wide petticoat, and fine slender Wast.   

JUNE.  
LOrd Verulams bushel long out of his Wits,  
Made now an Agreement with those of Row-pits,  
Where through five tall Mountains, he now the sixth cuts;  
For he makes it nothing to rak in Hells guts,  
Get Gold out of Flints, squeeze air through the Hills  
By Pipe, and great Bellows, which turn the Wind-mills  
His head is so full of; but this is not all,  
He melts led with Lightning to spare our Coal-small:  
In hermitage-Grotto writes many fine fancies,  
And sends to Man in Moon by internunce Gances.  
But if all these Miracles will not yet charm ye,  
At Oxford he once did cloth all the Kings army.  
Not Herc'les's Labours to his comparable  
When he slay the fell Dragon, and clens'd the foul Stable,  
All which so much cried up, are not worth a Louse;  
Master bushel will set up a Solomon's-house.  
Sir Henry Vane that so long was extolled,  
On Tow'r-Hill was this month for Treason decoll'd.   

JULY.  
QUeen Christin as if sh'ad been tost in a blanket,  
Comes again now to Rome where she had a brave banquet,  
At which she disputed in French, Greek and Latin,  
Not in Peticotos but Breeches of satin.  
Ken ye well why the French-Ambassador yet  
Has made her no Visit till he know where to sit,  
On Joynt-stool or Chair, at left-hand, or right,  
For which there's two Couriers sent Post day and night,  
To bring word from Paris, and from King of France,  
Alas, What's eight-hundred miles for a French Dance!   

Advertisements.  
NEw Books this month published; first comes Mr. Hobbs  
considered, or not; with a many dry bobbs.  
The Shepher-sheba, and Anti-baal-berith,  
Confounding the Covenant from Edenbrough to Erith.  
Chocolata's true history for the Mully-grubbs,  
And help Kinder-maken by Proselyte Stubbs;  
With many more Pieces of wondrous strange Titles,  
Some writ by good Scholars, and some by Dull-betles.   

AUGUST.  
HIs Holiness quarrels this month with Duke Crequy,  
In which there were shot,& slain many a French-Laquay;  
This anger has lost the Pope City Avinion;  
But 'twill all come to nothing some are of opinion.  
In Ireland his Grace( Father of Lord Ossery)  
'Mongst Vassals whose speech is Fragulian Chessery,  
Did bathe his Bootes in Sea from knees to the heels,  
To invite the lost Fishing, and good Salmon-peals;  
Such virtue in Leather there is on Dukes foot,  
As made simplo Fishes swim thither a trot,   

SEPTEMBER.  
THe Prince of Bavaria that he might remember  
When he comes to ripe Age, this month of September,  
Was christened by name Maximilian  
Innumerabil. Constinopolitan;  
Lodovicus, Francisc, Ignace, Antonîus,  
Jose, Nicolas, Felix, and last of all pus  
By the Praelate of Tegen, lest men should miscall,  
Or Saint take unkindly, he named him names all.  
The Rump newly risen from tedious Session,  
The right honest Speaker died with a Confession,  
That all they pretended was nought but Confusion:  
May more Knaves have grace to make such a conclusion.  
Some thing I should here say of Pulve Sympathetic,  
Which cures all Diseases that are Hypothetic;  
If any the like to compose should desire,  
'tis to be prepared by Promethean-Fire.  
What other strange wonders it does bring to pass,  
Recommend we your Patient to Sir Hudibras.   

OCTOBER.  
GReat talk there was now of Herrings, and Busses,  
And one Rowland Pepin for making good Trusses,  
'Gainst Burstnesse, and Ruptures, and all such loose things,  
But that damned disease of our Merchants Purse-strings.  
Room, room for— my Lord Mayor comes,  
With Whifflers, and Pageants, soft Fifes and loud Drums;  
Some marching on horses, and some on foot trudge,  
Some dighted in Scarlet, Gold-chains, and in Budge;  
To see the Worlds-wonder, Pauls Church walk on foot,  
The great tower of London plucked up by the root;  
All born on mens shoulders, like Elephants Castles,  
Or, as on my Lords-horse his crimson-red Tassles.   

NOVEMBER.  
THe next gallant sight was th' Ambassador of moscow,  
From country far like his Chin o're-grown with Bosco;  
With black-Fox, and Ermine, hawks, Carpets and Sables;  
Sea-morse-tooth, Bows, Arrows, and Hemp to make Cables.  
Two brave Persian Pransers led by beards in green,  
All born for a Present to King, and to Queen.  
A wondrous fine Pupet-play Bartholomew Fair  
Shew'd, where the small Manikins danced in the air;  
But oh! the rare Butter-fly, you'd swear were alive,  
All singing in music with Recitative.   

DECEMBER.  
NOw was the Extraction of Genoüa Guioco,  
Set up by no Cheat, but some fine subtle Rooko:  
'tis hung out as Licence, in book, in the Lent is  
Of Faculty-Office, when time to repent is  
For eating of Flesh, at so damned dear a rate,  
Sound Wench would be Cheaper, unless the Price bait.   
London, Printed in the Year 1663.