THE Rambling Justice, OR THE JEALOUS HUSBANDS.  
With the Humours of Sir John Twiford. As it is acted at the THEATRE ROYAL.  
By JOHN LEANERD.  
Licenced March 13. 1678. Roger L'Estrange.  
LONDON, Printed by E. F. for Thomas Orrell and james Vade, at the Hand and Sceptre, and Cock and Sugarloaf, near St. Dunstan's Church, in Fleetstreet. 1678.   

PROLOGUE, spoken by Flora.  
WILL nothing take in these Ill-natured times?  
Neither low Farce nor great Heroic Rhimes?  
'Tis strange you should such Sectaries be grown,  
Thus to allow no Doctrine but your Own;  
And in the Pit as they in Pulpits rage,  
Preach up Rebellion to undo the Stage.  
Like angry Fate you Damn without Control,  
Ruin your Own, but not the Poets Soul.  
If Wit should be the Substance of a Spark,  
Why is your Talk so Dull? your Sense so Dark?  
Things much admired by Fops both great and small,  
Are to be Drunk, keep Miss, and visit Ball;  
But the great Essence, Wit, few have at all.  
Wit does in Plays to some Gay Fops appear,  
Like a New Mistress in their full Carear;  
All Air and Charming, till the Minute's past,  
And then you kick her out with all your haste,  
Taxed with the Crime, Damn she's False you cry,  
Another Lord keeps her as well as I.  
This makes the Trade of Miss and Poet Dull,  
They care not how Debauched to please a Fool.  
But what's all this to me? I've yet been true,  
But 'twas for want of Wit, like some of you.  
'Sdeath who would be so singularly kind,  
Toblige but One? Faith they ' re not of my mind.  
'Tis Wit in Women to accept of All,  
The Knight, the Squire, but Gold in General.  
The more they swarm, the greater store comes in,  
And 'twill be pleasure then to pay for Sin.  
But to be left in this unruly sort  
By you the Great Pretenders of the Court,  
Would make a Saint, a Mistress ne'er so true,  
Forget her Vows, and prove as False as you;  
Turning her House, since you are grown so Fickle,  
As we must ours, into a Conventicle.  
There's no Redemption, thank our daily jars,  
The Men are all resolved go to Wars;  
The Women thus grown out of Favour too,  
Must in Remotes begin and trade a new.  
Then if you chance to have the least Desire,  
And come though overchanged with Love and Fire,  
Perhaps we'll take your Guinnies and Retire.  
Cheat you as n●w with a Dull Lenten Play,  
And being Stocked and Brisk sneak quite away.  
Laugh at these Huffing Critics of the Pit,  
Who come in Droves to seize this Monster Wit..   


The Actors Names.  Mr. powel, Sir Arthur Twilight, A Lascivious old Knight. Mr. Wiltshire, Sir General Amorous, A Gentleman of a free Nature, a General Lover. Mr. Disney, Contentious Surly, Of a morose Jealous Humour. Mr. Perrin, Sir Geoffry jolt, A Country Justice, fond of all Women. Mr. Pour, john Twiford, A Gentleman of no Fortune, sometimes Lunatic. Mr. Q. Spywell, Sir Generals Man. Mr. Coysh, Bramble, An Old man. Sir arthur's Man. Captain of the Gipsies, and other Gipsies Men and Women. A Drawer, and two Sedan-men. 
Women.  Mrs. Farlee, Eudoria, Wife to Sir Arthur. Mrs. Merchant, Petulant Easy, Wife to Surly. Mrs. Bates, Emelta, Daughters to Sir Arthur by a former Wife. Mrs. Cook, Flora,  
SCENE LONDON.  
Time Twenty four hours   

THE RAMBLING JUSTICE, OR THE Jealous Husbands.  

ACT the First.  

SCENE London.  Enter as in discourse Arthur and Spywell. Arth. 
URGE me no more, I like it not.  Spyw. 
Take Reason with you Sir, and let that guide your Passion; Sir Amorous is too much a Gentleman to injure you i'th' least, he is all Air, all Freeness, all Conversation.  Arth. 
Yes, and all Love too, that I have heard and fear; I like his all Air, all Freeness and all Conversation very well, but I hate his all Love. Sir, I must beg your Master's pardon, my house has no room for such all Loving Gentlemen.  Spyw. 
Then he is all Generosity, all Honour, and parts with his Money, Plate and Jewels.—  Arth. 
Ha! what said you there? is he all Money too?  Spyw. 
Made up with Gold and Silver, and values it as lightly.—  Arth. 
Ha! does he so? let him come in, I love a Gentleman that is all Money with my Heart, I do indeed. Exit Spyw. I smell, I smell a Design, but let him work on, I have two pair of Eyes, and can as soon discover the Intrigues of love, as the Youngest Hector of 'em all, he hath Money, and he hath Writings for Land, two Excellent properties to come under an Alderman's Roof. Bramble.  Enter Bramble. Bramb. 
Sir.  Arth. 
Bid your Mistress, 'las what did I say, bid your Lady keep her Chamber, let her not come so much as to the Window, upon her Peril and yours; for if I spy her though Ten score Yards distance from my new Lodger, I'll put you into the Briers, look to't d'ye here. [Ex. Bramble. Enter Sir General and Spywell. Sir General Amorous, your Servant, Methinks I hunger and thirst to do you service, you were to blame, indeed you were, not to make use of my poor House before.  Gen. 
I am happy in having so great a Blessing laid upon me, to be under the Roof of such a worthy Friend.  Arth. 
You are pleased to Compliment, I know you are, I could have done it once too, but that time is past, my dancing Days are done.  Gen. 
Yet you are Fresh and Gay Sir as the Morning, and have the same Desires you had in Youth: but where's your Wife? Methinks I long to see my Charming Landlady.  Arth. 
Pox on him, does he begin so soon? he has scarce breathed since he came in, and ask for her already; [Aside. Alas Sir, my Wife is gone to take the Air, She and my Girls just now took Coach together.  Spyw. 
As we were coming in I saw her in her Balcone.  Arth. 
A Rogue Bramble,— ' Sounds in a Balcone. [Aside. You are mistaken Sir, indeed you are, she went to Epsom yesterday.  Gen. 
Ha, ha, ha, nay now I find you jest, come, come Sir you are a merry man, and I know Love to be jocost: what say you shall I see Eudoria?  Arth. 
Not in her time of sickness, she never permits any man to visit her then, Sir, she has such strange fits, a kind of idle Frenzy.  Gen. 
I long to see her then, for nothing in the world can more delight me than to see Beauty in as fit of madness, oh how they Charm! but is she often troubled?  Arth. 
Once a Month, and then she looks so strangely.  Gen. 
'Las poor Soul, I fain would trespass Sir upon your Goodness, but the arguments you give me are so many I dare not plead against 'em.  [Laughing within. Enter Bramble running. Bramb. 
Sir, Sir.  Arth. 
The News with you?  Bramb. 
My Lady Eudoria, and your Daughter Emilia are in such a fit of Laughter, that unless you come in to her assistance, and turn the source of their prodigious Mirth, I fear 'twill overcome 'em.  Arth. 
My Wife Laughing? out you lying Varlet.  Strikes him. Bramb. 
As I hope to be saved I saw her Sir, she laughed extremely.  Arth. 
Peace Hellhound or— Pox of the babbling [Aside. Dog, all's spoiled now— Alas Sir Amorous, my Man is Frantic, as mad as a March Hare: my Wife Laughing? she is the most melancholy Creature in Europe, she never Smiles nor Laughs, unless at Prayers, or at Church.  Gen. 
Be not so angry Sir, he might mistake.  Arth. 
A Pox of his Mistakes, I hate 'em Sir.  Frets up and down. Gen. 
Come hither Bramble,— is thy Mistress sick?  Bramb. 
O law Sir.—  Gen. 
Nay tell me, Sir Arthur shall be pleased, how does thy Lady?  Bramb. 
Well Sir, well.—  Arth. 
Is she so Rascal? [Strikes Bramble. Pardon me Sir Amorous. A man may have leave to jest with his Friend, intruth he may, she is within, indeed she is, I did not intend to hinder her your Company, only to raise your Expectations to a pitch. Call in your Mistress, Rascal. Now shall I be made a Cuckold before my face, [Ex. Bramble. I know I shall, if I prevent it not— [Aside.] I believe Mr. Amorous you take me for a Jealous man, a very Jealous fool I'll warrant you, such another as Contentious Surly is. But i'faith you are mistaken, for my Pigsny is too Virtuous to have the least mistrust upon her, she is indeed.  Gen. 
I must confess Contentious Surly Rules more like a Madman than a Husband, and looks upon his Wife not with the Eyes of Reason but of Rage, who is all Innocence and Goodness, and I dare swear would not wrong her Husband.  Arth. 
Not for a World, I know she would not. Alas poor Lady, this it is to have Chastity and Goodness lodged under a Jealous Roof, I thank my Stars I am free from it.  Gen. 
You are the Happier Man, Sir Arthur. Enter Eudoria, Emilia and Bramble. But yonder comes the Comfort of my Soul, who like a Glittering Star points all its Beams this way, whilst I the only Wretched of Mankind, dare but admire and gaze.  Arth. 
Sir Amorous be Complaisant, I prithee be, I am not Jealous, fack I am not, what! look upon a Lady and not dare salute her?  Gen. 
Indeed I dare not, my Oath has bound me from so great a Blessing.  Arth. 
Nay if you have Sworn, I have done.  Gen. 
However to oblige so good a Friend I will be perjured once. [Goes to Eudoria. Madam I hope my strangeness will not appear Rude or Unmannerly, for in your Eyes I read a Happy Fate, and Glorious Blessings wait on every smile, but when they're Checked by the malign Aspect of such a dogged Planet, I must only with this Retire.  [Kisses her Hand. Eud. 
'Tis my Ill fortune Sir, to live a Stranger from the Blessed society of man, and only Eat, and Drink and Sleep with an allseeing Argus, who is— I know not what.  Gen. 
I can but pity for a time, then strive to get your Freedom.  [Kisses her Hand again. Arth. 
Why that's well said, to her again Boy, to her again. Intruth she hath as good a— Hand as any she in Europe.  Enter Twiford. Twif. 
Good Morrow Cousin Arthur, and you Cousin Eudoria, and you Cousin Emilia. I protest my Lady Cousins at Court are extremely Well, Extraordinarily Jocost and Pleasant, and my Lord had the Mighty Fortune just now to win a hundred Guinnies of the Earl my Cousin, and how fares my Lord Amorous? What, Dogged?  Gen. 
No Mr. Twiford, so far from that, I ne'er was better pleased.  Twif. 
I'll tell you my Lord th' effects of this day's Hunting. The Duke my Uncle, and my Lord my Extraordinary good Friend and Cousin, would needs take me in their Coach to go a Hunting.  Arth. 
How! in their Coach Mr. Twiford?  Twif. 
Yes, in their Coach Cousin Arthur. Alas 'tis the fashion now, all a Mode indeed; and being come to Hide Park, we unbraced the Horses, put our Hats underneath for Saddles, and run the four mile Course so pleasantly: but by my Honour I beat 'em a whole Coach length, Poal and all.  Arth. 
I do believe you. Mr. Amorous my new Friend and Lodger, welcome once more, come let's retire, the Morning Ayr is bleak.  Twyf. 
It is indeed, my Cousin Arthur advises well, and truly I am something weary, for I just now came from Hampton Court. And upon my word my Cousin is very well, and all the rest of the Lords and Ladies at Court, they are indeed.  Arth. 
I am glad to hear it, come Sir General.  Twif. 
Indeed Cousin you are very obliging, nay without Ceremony my Lord.  [Exeunt. Spywell calls Bramble back. Spyw. 
Hark. How long have you lived here?  Bramb. 
Too long by a fortnight, sixteen days.  Spyw. 
What, and weary of thy Service already?  Bramb. 
The Devil cannot live Contentedly under my Master's Roof, we are all Prisoners, and he the head Jailer. Sometimes but very seldom I have the Keeping of my Lady.  Spyw. 
What, under Lock and Key?  Bramb. 
Yes, and Bolts, and Barrs too; he is as Jealous as he is Old, as Old as he is Crafty, and as Crafty as the Devil. Nothing can Cozen him.  Spyw. 
Nor Cuckold him neither?  Bramb. 
I believe not, for all my Lady has a mind to it. She smiled upon me the other day, and the Jealous Coxcomb broke my Head for't.  Spyw. 
'Twas ill done indeed. Here, canst thou be secret?  [Gives him Money. Bramb. 
As a Churchwarden, let all the poors Money slip into my Pocket, and not declare it.  Spyw. 
You are fit for my Masters turn then: know, that Sir General Amorous was sent hither by Contentious Surley to Cuckold your Master, but he knowing no design could be brought about without the help of some Servant or other in the house, ordered me to make Choice of one, whom I should think Convenient.  Bram. 
I shall be glad to serve you Sir.  Spyw. 
I am not Unsensible your Lady every Afternoon walks into the Garden, where over the purling Fountain she mourns for the Loss she sustains in having only the Ruins of a Man.  Bramb. 
True Sir.  Spyw. 
She being entered, I would have you oblige me with the Key of the Garden Gate, that my Master may go in and out at pleasure.  Bramb. 
It shall be done Sir.  Spyw. 
That's all at present, but fail not.  Bramb. 
I will not Sir, I will not. This shall to my Master, perhaps he will reward me nobly for saving his honour, and keeping his Horns from Budding.  [Exit. Spyw. 
With this first Plot I'll try the hasty Servant, which if he spoil I value not, for nothing shall be acted I have told him, but every Wheel move in another Frame. I've helped Contentious to his Horns already, and it shall be hard if Twilight scape my Policy.  [Exit. Enter Contentious Surly and Petulant Easy. Easy. 
What have I done to merit your Disgrace!  Surly. 
Enough.  Easy. 
Have I in aught transgressed the Laws of Wedlock?  Surly. 
Yes.  Easy. 
With whom?  Surly. 
One whom I to day removed, Sir General Amorous, have I not seen him gaze upon your Face, bask in the Sunshine of your Early favours, whilst you as wantonly as common Sinners exchanged both Smiles and Glances?  Easy. 
Can you blame her for Civil Courtesies, who smiles upon a man that brings you profit, heaps up those Coffers which before were empty, and all if I but smile?  Surly. 
By Heaven th' Ambassador for greater Sins, him and his profits I've removed from hence, and will do from the world if you but name him more.  Enter a Servant. Seru. 
Sir Geoffry jolt just arrived, desires you would oblige him with your Presence.  Surly. 
I'll wait upon him, and do you hear, be Wise and Circumspect, with him I dare to trust you.  [Exit cum Servant. Easy. 
Yes, Wise enough to leave your surly Humour: did I for this take you to my Embraces, did with that Holy (Curse on the fatal hour, and Curse on me for yielding thus to an Eternal Bondage) Tie of Matrimony? Knit both our Souls together? What shall I do? I must be free again. Sir General's Charms have won so much upon me that now I dare, (prompted by the Ill usage of a Cruel Husband) act all he has desired. This very hour I will disguise myself, and with that stock of Jewels I have left, fly to my Amorous Lover, and in his Arms repeat our stolen Delights. But here comes that cruel Clog of Matrimony, Husband.  Enter Contentious Surly and Sir Geoffry Jolt-head. Surley. 
Sir Geoffry Welcome, you know I am one of as few Ceremonies as Words, which both I think are needless to a Friend.  Geoff. 
They are indeed Mr. Surly, for my part I hate 'em, I love nothing in the World but brisk Wine, Complete French Fashions, and Airy young Women, is that your Wife Sir?  Surly. 
One I am forced to call so.  Geoff. 
She is very handsome, by my Honour I must salute her. Lady accept this kiss from a Country Magistrate, one who admires any thing that belongs to my Dear and Respective Friend Surly.  [Kisses Easy. Easy. 
I am happy then in being his Sir.  Geoff. 
You are indeed, that word of Humility sounds so pleasantly and sweetly, that by jove I must [Kisses her again. have another. I love a Lady that pays Obedience and Respect to her Lord and Master: a Husband is the Head, the very top Branch of the Family.  Easy. 
I look upon him so indeed.  Geoff. 
Again, again, Lord how this Duty Charms me! let me Embrace you for an hour together.  [Kisses her again. Surly. 
How now! why I shall foster up another Snake to sting my Bosom, and one who through simplicity will do't before my Face.  Easy. 
I hope my Wisdom and Circumspection as he calls it, will make the top Branch of the Family a Buck of the first Head.  [Aside. Geoff. 
As I was going to say, Mr. Surly, your Wife is a very Dutiful, Religious, and by my Honour, a very obliging Lady, your London Women kiss with such Art, and so much Magnificence, that they almost Ravish us Country Gentlemen: did you teach her that turn, and that thrust of the Lip ha? by jove 'tis most Delicious.  Surly. 
No Sir.  Geoff. 
Then she is Witty too, Lord how I admire a Witty Lady! learn that touch yourself! let me be ravished quite.  [Embraces her again. Surly. 
Death and Confusion, this is worse than tother, this is a mere Stallion, I shall be the Branch I find it, he tops upon her still, and she Receives it, Sir Geoffry.  Geoff. 
I beg your Pardon Mr. Surly. I vow your Wife has such a Charming way of Kissing, and presses it so close, I had forgot myself.  Surly. 
And so She has— I think, have you no shame, thou Impudentest of Women?  Easy. 
Shame Sir!  Surly. 
Yes shame.  Easy. 
For what?  Surly. 
To let the World behold your loose desires, you kiss with Art and Pleasure.  Easy. 
You bid me use him kindly, bid me be Wise and Circumspect, and said that you durst trust him with me, and truly if you dare venture that, I dare trust myself with him.  Surly. 
Oh Impudence!  Easy. 
You would have me turn the Cheek and blush when he comes near me, as if I were afraid his Beard would hurt me. No Mr. Surly, I used him kindly out of respect to you: and a thing once well done, is better than twice ill.  Surly. 
Distraction seize her! get you to your Chamber.  Easy. 
I'm gone Sir, and from you for ever.  [Exit Easie. Geoff. 
What, send your Wife away and not give your Friend notice? 'twas unkindly done.  Surly. 
Her business called her.  Geoff. 
I'faith She kisses smartly.  Surly. 
I am glad to hear it.  Geoff. 
And is all Air too, and for her breath—  Surly. 
No more of that Sir Geoffry, I am glad I have any thing to pleasure you— Pox on him, I cannot forbid him the house for shame, nor must he stay to plague me.—  [Aside. Geoff. 
Come, come, come, I find you are melancholy, let's to a Tavern, a glass or two of Champain will make us kiss and caper, and get us a stomach to our Dinners.  [Exeunt. Enter Sir Arthur and Bramble. Arth. 
My Wife made an Assignation to meet Amorous in the Garden?  Bramb. 
It is nothing but truth I'll promise you, for his man Spywell gave me money not only to be a Confederate, but to steal the Key of the Garden gate, that he as well as my Lady might enter in and out at pleasure.  Arth. 
Did he so, did he so? Nay, then there is Treason plotting against my honour, I find there is, and did you get the Key for him Bramble?  Bramb. 
Yes Sir.  Arth. 
Did you so Rogue? out upon thee for a Villain, a Traitor, a mere foot Pad, a Setter, Devil; you gave him the Key did you? I'll key you with a Pox.  [Beats Bramble. Bramb. 
Hold Sir, hold, you will make Mummy of me else.  Arth. 
I will make a Devil of thee, what, my own Servant be a Traitor?  Bramb. 
I thought no harm in it, as I hope to be—  Arth. 
Beaten did you not? what, give the Key of your Master's Cabinet, his Jewels, his all he has, and yet think no harm? However come along, conduct me to the place where I may see 'em both, or I will beat you swindgingly, nay, when I have seen 'em, I will make you beat the villain, and then beat you for not beating him enough, come along Rascal.  [Exeunt.  

SCENE A Bedchamber.  Sir General Amorous, and Eudoria sitting as in Discourse, they rise and come upon the Stage. Gen. 
How shall I make amends for this great blessing? if all the Services of Life, (which I'll devote to you) can make the least, I vow to use 'em all; and spend no time but in the company of you, or your Idea which cannot be absent from a Lover's mind, when his Mistress is so kind, so Charming, and so—  Eud. 
Nay, do not flatter me, I am but as you see, my Face may pass, and those which love it not, let 'em seek out a better; I am no whining Lover, I hate those puling Fops, I love a man that gains me by Intrigue, a minute stolen is all the happiness of our mortality.  Gen. 
We will have many then, revel in Joys, and steal a thousand pleasures, I have a Brain was never barren yet, especially in any Love Projection.  Eud. 
Thanks to your subtle Man, your vigilant Spywell, his Name was not given him for nothing.  Gen. 
True Madam, I confess he has a ready Wit, but never yet durst undertake an Action, before the Mass was cast by me: he only works and thus divides the whole as our Occasions happen, the drift of which is to obtain your Love.  Eud. 
Which Purchased, will perhaps be answered with a scorn.  Gen. 
Never, O never Madam; it is impossible such glorious Charms should meet the least neglect, you are all Goodness, and Entrance at every look my Soul.  Enter Spywell. Spyw. 
Haste, or you're lost for ever, your Jealous Husband prompted by his Rage, comes first to search the Chamber, he is all fire and nothing can allay him.  Eud. 
What shall we do?  Gen. 
Stand here and meet his Fury.  Spyw. 
O by no means, is there no secret Chamber, no place of safety for you?  Eud. 
Only one, this door leads to a Gallery which is as dark as night, from whence sometimes he fancies are groans heard, which he declares for Truth, and now and then relates what dreadful Monsters, Ghosts and Devils he in his Bed hath seen, all being only Fancies, idle Dreams; thither we will enter, and as we go I'll give you a Disguise which I have always ready, and if he chance to enter with a Light tumble both down together.  Spyw. 
It shall be done, fear not, haste, haste, I hear him coming.  [Exeunt. Enter Sir Arthur and Bramble, Bramble with a Light. Arth. 
On, on, you villain on,— [Looks about the Room. not here by Heaven, nor here,— [Breaks open one Door. nor here.— [Breaks open another. She is in the Garden that's certain, stay, stay, hold, hold, here is a Gallery, a Teneberian Gullet, which I dare not enter, but Bramble shall, in, in, in there Rascal, search every place, nay every Corner, or meet my high displeasure.  Bramble Enters, is Tumbled down by Spywell, rowls out and is followed by Spywell as a Ghost, Arthur seeing him, runs off crying the Devil, the Devil, etc. and Bramble crawls off. Spyw. 
Come, come, you may venture to come out now.  Enter Eudoria and Sir General Amorous. Gen. 
He's gone, as full of fear as Jealousy, Eudoria this plot was yours, and henceforth to you I'll own my Preservation.  Spyw. 
This is no time to talk, Madam haste to your Bed, and there pretend a sleep, I know you want not fitting words t'excuse so small an absence if he should chance to search and find you. And you Sir, haste to your Chamber, I know that's the next Randezvous after the Garden.  Gen. 
Farewell, my Prayers and Love attend you.  [Exeunt severally.  

SCENE The Garden.  Enter Twiford, Emelia and Flora. Twif. 
Nay, nay, come, come, come, my pretty Cousins, upon my honour and all that, you are both Beauties, but especially Lady Cousin, you as the Eldest ought to have most praise, and i'faith you deserve it nobly, and when saw you my Lord john, and his Lady Mary, ha?  Emel. 
I know 'em not.  Twif. 
What, not my very good Friend and Honourable Cousin my Lord john? that's strange indeed; why, he was my Father's Cobbler, but afterwards by Care and Prudence, good Custom and so forth, he became an Alderman, and then— Enter Sir Arthur and Bramble. what, my Honourable Cousin Sir Arthur, I vow I am glad to see you: my Lady Mary is very considerably well, and truly I believe we shall have Affairs put into a very good order, and Cousin Arthur your two Daughters and I have been entertaining Discourse upon a very considerable subject.  Arth. 
Pox of your subjects. Emelia, where is Eudoria?  Emel. 
In her Chamber Sir.  Arth. 
'Tis false, all, all are Traitors, every one conspires my Ruin and Disgrace, but you shall pay for it Villain you shall, I'll firk you i'faith, you must tell Lies with a Pox, get you from my sight you Varlet.  [Beats Bramb. Bramb. 
So I will, and from your Service too; the Devil shall live with such a Master for me, farewell Sir, may the Pox and your own Horns choke you.  [Exit Bramble. Arth. 
Is he gone, is the Villain gone?  Flor. 
Yes Sir.  Arth. 
What did he say?  Twif. 
Something about Horns and Pox, but by my Honour Coz I believe he's Frantic, for what has a Clown to do either with Pox or Horns? they are Ornaments only for Court and City.  Arth. 
But Emelia, Flora, nay good Girls tell me where, where, where is Eudoria, where is my new Lodger?  Emel. 
As for Sir Amorous I know not, but for Eudoria I saw her in her Chamber.  Flor. 
And so did I Sir Amorous.  Arth. 
Nay then 'tis pretty well, 'tis pretty well: I am almost mad dear Girls, this Rogue Bramble has Cashiered my Wits, Pox of the Garden key, but 'tis no matter Emelia I have a Husband for you, a Rich and Understanding Husband.  Emel. 
Nay, if he be but Rich I'll bate his Understanding, that is too troublesome a Companion for a Woman.  Arth. 
All, all of the same Brood be Heaven, not one chaste Woman in a Kingdom, if there be one 'tis a Miracle.  [Ex. all but Emelia. Emel. 
This is the Curse of Wedlock, hourly Jealousies and daily Troubles, if ever I marry it shall be one both Deaf, Dumb, Lame and Blind.  
They're all but Compliments for hourly Strife,  
And with new Troubles daily fill the Life  
Of her who's such a sot to be a Wife.  [Exit.  
The End of the First Act.   

ACT II.  

SCENE St. James'.  Enter Sir General Amorous. Gen. 
MY Thoughts are all on fire, my Pulse beats swift, and every Motion ushers a new thought, I'm all Desire and Love, and fain would reap those pleasures are in View, oh Jealousy how dost thou wrong that Love might be enjoyed without the least Suspect, how many various ways do we Conspire to blind his greedy Eyes! I wonder Bramble stays so long, our hasty separation hindered a new Appointment, which I was forced to send by one I would not trust, did he not hate Sir Arthur. Enter Bramble. Bramble the News?  Bramb. 
The News Sir!  Gen. 
Yes, how doth Eudoria?  Bramb. 
Soft, soft Sir, you think it is nothing to get News out of a Lady's Chamber where her Husband is the Jailor, I was there Sir.  Gen. 
Well.  Bramb. 
As you know a merry fellow may pass any where.  Gen. 
So Sir, but what is this to the purpose?  Bramb. 
Nay, it was nothing to the purpose that is certain.  Gen. 
How wretched this slave makes me, did you not see her?  Bramb. 
I saw her.  Gen. 
Well, and what said she then?  Bramb. 
Not a word Sir.  Gen. 
How! not a Word?  Bramb. 
Proves her the better tempered, for Women should be seen more than they are heard. She was asleep Sir.  Gen. 
You should have waked her then; such another oppornuity lost would be enough to ruin half a Kingdom.  Bramb. 
I durst not venture that Sir, for fear Sir Arthur should have heard me, and then you know what follows: but I stood still awhile, and presently I might perceive Eudoria yawn, and stir, and rub her Eyes and then—  Gen. 
She spoke the kindest words, oh let me hear 'em.  Bramb. 
Not one indeed Sir, and yet I know her mind as well as if I were in her Belly.  Gen. 
You said but now she did not speak a word.  Bramb. 
But she gave certain Signs, and that's as good.  Gen. 
Can you conceive by Signs?  Bramb. 
Yes very well Sir, even from an Infant, did you ne'er know that? I was the happiest Child in all our Country, I was born of a Dumb woman.  Gen. 
How!  Bramb. 
Stark Dumb Sir: my Father had a Rare bargain of her, a Rich pennyworth, there would have been but too much money given for her, a Justice of Peace was about her, but my Father being then Constable carried her before him.  Gen. 
What were the Signs she gave?  Bramb. 
Many and good Sir. Imprimis, she first gaped, but that I guessed was done for want of Air; then she cast up her Eyes and winked, as who should say bid Sir Amorous come at twilight: then looked upon her Watch and twice she nodded, as who should say, the hour will come, that I shall make two Noddies of my Keepers.  Gen. 
A Third of thee, is this your Mother Tongue? my hopes are much the wiser for this Language, there is no such Curse in Love as an Arrant Ass.  Bramb. 
O yes Sir, yes, an Arrant Whore's far worse.  Gen. 
Begone, is this the good you do me? his Love is wretched and most distressed that must make use of Fools.  [Exit. Bramb. 
Fool to my Face from this, and be beaten by the other? that's unreasonable; I will be a Knave one day for this trick, or it shall cost me a Fall, though it be from a Gibbet. I'll be out of the Precincts of Fools if I live but two days to an end, I will turn Rascal presently, the best sort of which are Gipsies; for that is the high way to the daintiest Knave that ever Mother's son took journey to. O those dear Gipsies they live the merriest Lives, eat sweet stolen Hens, plucked over Pales and Hedges by a Twitch. They are never without a plump and lovely Goose, or dainty Sow pig, those things I saw with my own Eyes to day, they call 'em Vanities and trifling Pilferies, oh they are the Wittiest Thiefs, I'll stay no longer, but go and steal something presently, and so bring myself acquainted with them.  [Exit Bramble. Enter Sir General Amorous. Gen. 
Nothing I fear so much as in the time of my dull absence, and the idle Frenzy of my Messenger, her Husband will come to know our Loves, and by secret threats and promises regain her Affection, there is the Mischief, I have no Enemy like him, and though his Policy dissemble me a welcome, no man's hate can be greater than his to me.  Enter Spywell. Spyw. 
Now is your only time t'enjoy the freedom Sir of Conversation. After Eudoria parted to her Bed, I watched the Jealous Husband and dogged him from the Garden to her Chamber, where when he found her he leapt for very Joy, then wept, and leapt again, at last he timerously strove to wake her, which being done he fell upon his Knees and begged her to forgive him; hung on her Neck and seemed to be Transported.  Gen. 
How can this quench those Flames of Love I feel, or help me to Enjoyment?  Spyw. 
No sooner was his Pardon signed with Kisses, but from her sight he flung to seek you out, that you might make it perfect.  Gen. 
All this but ushers Torment, not Relief.  Spyw. 
He gone, I entered towards the fair Eudoria, and with such moving words as I could utter, painted the Flame Sir of your vigorous Love; she lent a gentle Ear to what I said, and sighing bid you meet her in the Grove behind the Garden gate.  Gen. 
Oh Happiness!  Spyw. 
Where Masked Sir, and disguised like a Town Gipsy she would attend your Pleasure.  Gen. 
O let me hug you close, I could (methinks) squeeze you into my Soul, the News you've brought has made me all a Flame, raised my desires to such a mighty pitch, that as I'm falling towards my Sea of pleasure. I shall taste on the way all, all the bliss of Life.  Enter Sir Arthur. Arth. 
Sir General Amorous well met, well met i'faith, I vow I am glad to see you; my Wife poor— Amorous stands melancholy. What, angry man? come, come, I know the reason, I was a little Jealous, Fack I was, but it is off again; nay, now you are no true Friend, what, angry for a Continuando?  Gen. 
I am not Sir, especially with you, yet who can shun the Crosses of the World, or help—  Arth. 
Help, what Crosses? I am the best at helping of Crosses of any man in Europe; come tell me your Grievances, you shall, you shall.  Gen. 
Sir, they are in my Power to tell, but not in your Will t'effect.  Arth. 
Not in my Will t'effect? by Eudoria's honesty but it shall be in my Will, What is't?  Gen. 
By my frequent disappointments, and my many urgent occasions for money, I am at this time necessitated for a hundred pound.  Arth. 
Hum, hum, a hundred pound? 'tis a swingeing sum indeed, and out of my power not will to lend you; however here's a Ring, a diamond Ring it is, and will go near to pawn for fifty Guinneys, take that, before you have spent it all, I shall be furnished doubt not.  Gen. 
Sir I accept your proffer, and for your security the Deeds of all my Lands shall be delivered, till then farewell.  [Exit cum Spywell. Arth. 
Shall be delivered? ay but when? I have done bravely now, lent fifty pound upon a shall be delivered; yet o' my conscience he is an honest Gentleman; he has honesty and civility writ on his face, he has indeed; he is not like our whoring, swearing Sparks of the times, who make it their practice to dub Cuckolds, and then out of civility be the Child's Godfather.  Enter Sir Jeoffrey Jolt-head and Contentious Surly. Geoff. 
Why, now Mr. Surly we look like men, methinks I could caper and leap, and kiss and play, and do every thing with a Lady: oh this wine, this wine is a very pleasant element.  Surly. 
It is indeed.  Geoff. 
What Sir Arthur Twilight, and how does my pretty little flearing Misses ha'? can they kiss smartly and turn up the lip ha?  [Surly pulls him by the Coat. Surly. 
Pox of this Fool, he will proclaim my shame to all the World.  [Aside. Geoff. 
Can they Boy, can they?  Arth. 
They can do every thing belongs to the Sex no doubt Sir Geoffrey.  Geoff. 
I vow they are pretty Wags, I love 'em dearly; shall I see 'em?  Arth. 
Yes when you please Sir Geoffrey. Mr. Surly you look clouded: pox of sorrow I say, it is enough for superannuated Cuckolds to be melancholy, not such as you and I, we are free from it.  Surly. 
I would I were. [Aside.] Sure he knows nothing to the contrary.  Arth. 
'Tis a great torment to be jealous sure, to think a very shadow at Noonday can do the act we dream of: to frown on all, even our best of friends; turn off our Lodgers, cashier our Servants, swear at our Maids, slander our Children.  As Sir Arthur talks, Contentious Surly walks, Sir Arthur following him. Surly. 
Curse on this Ribaldry, what's this to me, am I the man you aim at?  Arth. 
No, no Sir, no.  Surly. 
Am I the mark you level all these arrows at?  Arth. 
No Sir, no.  Surly. 
Why do you bellow in my ears the name of Cuckold then?  Arth. 
Because there is pleasure in it, methinks they are the prettiest old decrepit Creatures in Europe: but Mr. Surly I have done, come shall's drink a glass of Wine together? let us be brisk and merry, shall we ha'?  Geoff. 
Well said Mr. Arthur, you are the same man still, the merry man i'faith, and could I warrant you— but 'tis no matter, come Mr. Surly.  Surly. 
I care Sir for no more, my business lies at home.  Geoff. 
A pox of home, thou hast a Wife at home, that can I'll warrant you manage affairs without the help of Husband, come, come, you shall go.  Arth. 
Do do, i'fack, Mr. Surly you are good company, and I love good company with all my heart, come come, let's to the Tavern, and there talk of our Wives.  Surly. 
If I go, I bar that discourse.  Arth. 
It shall, it shall, come, come, we will not name 'em, we will not name 'em.  [Exeunt.  

SCENE The Fields.  Enter Petulant Easy disguised like a Gipsy. Easy. 
I'm happily escaped, not one pursues me, this shape's too cunning for 'em, and if I can but find Sir General, than all my hopes are crowned. This is the Gypsies place of meeting, I wonder they are not come yet, what will become of me in this shape without my strange Companions? if I know where to go I'm no dissembler, and I'd not lose that part of woman for such a trifle.  Enter Bramble. Bramb. 
Oh excellent! by this light here's one of 'em, by your leave Gipsy, pray how far off is your Company?  Easy. 
Oh happiness, this is the merry fellow Sir Arthur Twilight keeps, I'll send him speedily to Sir General with the news of my so strange and fortunate escape, and he'll provide my safety at an instant. [Aside.] Do you not serve Sir Arthur Twilight?  Bram. 
Who, I serve, Gipsy? I scorn your motion, and if the rest of your company give me no better words, I will hinder them the stealing of more Pullen than fifty Poulterers were ever worth, and prove a heavier enemy to all their Pig-Booties; they shall travail like jews, and never get a Sow by the ear. I serve? I scorn to serve any body, I am more Gypsie-minded than so, though my face look of a Christian colour, if my belly were ripped up, you should find my heart as black as any patch about ye: the truth is, I am as errand a thief as the proudest in the company, I will except none, I am run away from my Master in the state of a fool, and till I am a perfect knave I never mean to return again.  Easy. 
I am never the happier for this fortune now, it did but mock me.  Enter General Amorous. Bram. 
But here comes my last Master, I must not be seen.  [Exit Bramble. Easy. 
Yonder's Sir Amorous, O happy hour, my blushes come apace to shroud my shame, thus let me hide 'em from him.  [Puts on her Mask. Gen. 
This is certainly she. Madam I am glad I have the happiness of this occasion to meet you here alone, far from the eyes of any Jealous Husband.  Easy. 
I have long wished it, and now I fear some strange mischance will cross us.  Gen. 
Fear nothing Madam, but let's retire, the hasty Sun will soon withdraw its lustre, and leave us Lovers in a bed of darkness, where we shall be wrapped in pleasures.  [Exeunt. Enter Bramble. Bram. 
Ha is he gone? what, and the Gipsy too? then am I lost again.  Enter Eudoria disguised like a Gipsy. Eudo. 
Who's that, Bramble? then on my shroud and hide me from his sight.  [Puts on her Mask. Enter a company of Gypsies, men and women with booties of Hens, etc. dancing and singing ridiculously, Bramble seems overjoyed. Bram. 
O sweet, they deserve to be hanged for so ravishing of me.  Eudo. 
What will become of me? if I seem fearful now, or offer sudden flight, I shall betray myself, I must do neither.  C. Gip. 
Ousabell, Camcheteroon, Puscatelion, Howsdrows.  2. Gip. 
Rumbos Stragadelion, alla Piskitch in sows Clows.  Bram. 
Piskitch in sows Clows! I shall never keep a good tongue in my head till I get this Language.  C. Gip. 
Umbra Fill, Kevoliden, Magropie.  [To Eudoria. Eud. 
I love your Language well but understand it not.  C. Gip. 
Ha!  Eud. 
I am but lately turned to your profession, yet from my youth I ever loved it dearly; steal I can, it was a thing I ever was brought up to; my Father was a Miller, my Mother a Tayler's Widow.  Bram. 
She is a thief on both sides.  C. Gip. 
Give me thy hand, we have not a more true bred thief among us.  Bram. 
Pray take me into some grace amongst you, for though I claim no goodness from my Parents to help me into your society, I had two Uncles that were both hanged for Robberies, and a brave Cutpurse to my x German: if Kindred will be taken, I am as near of kin to a thief as any of you that had Fathers and Mothers.  C. Gip. 
What is it thou requirest noble x?  Bram. 
x? nay if we are so near of kin already now we are sober, we shall be sworn brothers when we are drunk: the naked truth is, I would be made a Gipsy as fast as you could devise.  C. Gip. 
A Gipsy?  Bram. 
Yes with all the speed you can sir, the very sight of those stolen Hens, eggs me forward notably.  C. Gip. 
Stretch forth thy hand couz, art thou fortunate?  Bram. 
Nay I cannot tell that myself, I have sometimes found money in old shoes, but if I had not stolen more than I found, I had had but a scurvy thin cheeked fortune of it.  C. Gip. 
Here's a fair table.  Bram. 
So hath many a man that hath given over housekeeping, a fair table when there is neither cloth nor meat upon it.  C. Gip. 
What a brave line of life is here! look Gipsies.  Whilst they discourse, the Gipsies pick his pocket. Bram. 
I have known as brave a life end in an halter.  C. Gip. 
But thou art born to precious fortune.  Bram. 
Ha! am I so?  C. Gip. 
Bet Buckettos.  Bram. 
How! to beat bucks?  C. Gip. 
Stealee Bacons.  Bram. 
Oh to steal bacon, that is the better fortune of the two indeed.  C. Gip. 
Thou wilt be shortly Captain of the Gipsies.  Bram. 
I would you'd make me Corporal in the mean time, or Standard-bearer to the womens' Regiment.  C. Gip. 
Much may be done for love.  Bram. 
Nay here is some money, I know an Office comes not all for love. [Searches his pockets but finds none. A pox of your lime-twigs you have it already.  C. Gip. 
It lies but here in cash for thy own use boy.  Bram. 
Nay if it lie there once, I shall hardly come to the fingering on't in haste, yet make me an apt scholar, and I care not, teach me but so much Gipsy to steal as much from another, and Old Nick do you good with that.  C. Gip. 
Thou shalt have all thy heart requires.  
First here's a Girl for thy desires. [Gives him a woman Gipsy.  
Look you prove industrious dealers,  
To serve the Commonwealth with stealers,  
That th'unhoused Race of Fortune-tellers,  
May never fail to cheat Town-dwellers:  
Or to our universal grief,  
Leave Country Fairs without a thief.  
This is all you have to do,  
Save every hour a filch or two:  
Which hoping you'll observe, to try thee,  
With Rusty Bacon thus I Gipsie-fie thee.  [Blacks his face. Bram. 
Do you use to do it with Bacon?  C. Gip. 
Evermore.  Bram. 
By this light the Rats will take me now for some Hogs-cheek, and eat up my face when I am asleep: I shall have ne'er a bit left by to morrow morning, and lying open mouthed as I used to do, I shall look for all the world like a mousetrap baited with bacon.  C. Gip. 
Why here's a face like thine so done,  
Only grained in by the Sun.  
And this, and these.  Bram. 
Faith then there is a company of Bacon-faces of us; we are a kind of conscionable people, and it was well thought upon to steal bacon and black our faces with it; 'tis like one that commits sin, and writes his faults in his forehead.  C. Gip. 
Wit whither wilt thou?  Bram. 
Marry to the next pocket I can come at, and if it be a Landlords, I wish a whole years rent in it: is this my In Dock out Nettle? what's Gipsy for her?  C. Gip. 
Your Doxy she.  Bram. 
Oh right, are you my Doxy, sirrah?  Wo. Gip. 
I'll be thy Doxy and thy Dell,  
With thee I'll live, for thee I'll steal.  
From Fair to Fair, from Wake to Wake,  
I'll ramble still for thy sweet sake.  Bram. 
Oh dainty fine Doxy, she speaks the Language as familiarly as if she were begot of a Canter.  Woman Gipsy sings. 
Thus hand in hand let's hem him round,  
And dance a measure on the ground.  
We'll frolic first, than part from hence,  
Each with his stock of impudence:  
To Towns, to Cities, Fairs, and Fields,  
And see what profit each one yields.  
Then to our Rendezvous we'll fly.  
Be brisk, be drunk, be kind and die.  Here they dance. At the end of the dance, Enter Contentious Surly, Sir Arthur Twilight, and Sir Jeoffrey Jolt-head, the Gipsies seeing them, run off all but Eudoria and Bramble. Arth. 
hay day, hay day, what a surprise is this! [Eudoria offers to go, is hindered by Sir Arthur. Nay, nay, Gipsy you shall not go, i'fack you shall not, I long to kiss a Gipsy, I do indeed; I am not so old yet but I can shake my leg under a hedge I'll warrant you, come, come, Gipsy, pull off your false face, and tell me my fortune.  [Takes her aside and shows his hand. Geoff. 
And can you tell fortunes sirrah?  Bram. 
Culvario, legamuttanio.  Geoff. 
What a pox is that?  Bram. 
Shouldramaton, Katathumpton, Rob, bob, a Tumbril.  Geoff. 
That Tumbril I understand being a Magistrate, on, fellow, on, what say you to my hand?  Bram. 
Chitteroon High Gulleroon, Filcheroon, purse Fulleroon, Ousabell Camcheteroon, Puscatelion Howsdrows.  Geoff. 
What a devil is this?  Bram. 
Rumbos Straggadelion, alla piskitch in sows clows umbra fill Kevolliden Magropie.  Geoff. 
Pox on ye, speak English, or I'll make you, tell me of Magropies?  Bram. 
You are—  Stares in his face, and all this while pretends to pick his pocket, but is discovered. Geoff. 
Ha Rogue, ha, is this your Piskitch in sows clows, and your Magropies? I'll Magropie you with a pox.  [Beats him. Bram. 
As I hope to be saved this is the first time, I am but a young Gipsy yet; alas I was Sir Arthur's Bramble till he beat me, and then I ran away, and entered myself amongst 'em.  Geoff. 
I'll enter you as I am a Magistrate.  [Beats him again, Arth. 
I'fack thou art a pretty Rogue, tells me all true by heaven: Oh I could eat your eyes out! On, on.  Eudo. 
You're an insufficient decrepit whoremaster, and deserve were I your wife to be—  Arth. 
Chronicled, Ido indeed: but women may say what they please, they may indeed. Come, come, let you and I retire, yonder is a delicate hedge, where we will communicate all our good Parts together, we will indeed.  Eudo. 
What before you see my face?  Arth. 
No matter, no matter, you have good signs, good hands, good hips, and I believe good every thing; come, come, come, let us lose no time, here's money beforehand, egad methinks I am a very vigorous Lover.  Eud. 
But I hope, to see my face, now you have so generously exposed your gold, would be no trouble.  Arth. 
None in the world: introth it would raise, it would elevate my spirits to a height, it would indeed, and then I shall—  Eud. 
What, Sir Arthur [Discovers herself, all are amazed. Be a perjured false dissembling Hypocrite! are these your daily actions, these your haunts? could nothing but a Gipsy serve your turn? is age so hot, so fierce in his desires? have I with tears wept if you were but absent, mourned like a turtle when my mate was from me, and all for this return?  Surly. 
This is some trick, some trick upon my life, and ten to one my honour is concerned in't; I'll after the Gipsies, perhaps my wife is amongst 'em, I'll see, and search every man and woman in the company but I will find her out.  [Exit Surly. Bram. 
My Mistress a Gipsy? nay then there is hopes for me.  Eud. 
Keep off, now I abhor you.  [Arthur seems to entreat. Arth. 
Nay dear Spouse, 'twas but a freak, a little freak indeed.  Geoff. 
Come, come, forgive him Madam, 'troth I have done as much myself.  Bram. 
Pray Madam forgive him that Sir Geoff. may forgive me.  Arth. 
Nay, nay, dear Chuck, what, be your Husband's mortal enemy? why, who would have taken you for a Gipsy? Nay, nay, come, you shall forgive me.  [Gives her a Ring. Eud. 
I do Sir, but have a care for the future.  Arth. 
I will never look upon a woman besides thyself again, indeed I will not. Sir Geoffrey, you must forgive Bramble too, than all are friends.  Geoff. 
With all my heart, but have a care hereafter.  Bram. 
I'll warrant you Sir.  Arth. 
Come Sir Geoff. you shall along with me and see Emelia.  
How more than happy is the marriage life,  
When man is blessed with such a virtuous Wife.  [Exeunt.  
Finis Act us Secundi.   

ACT III.  

SCENE A Grove.  Enter as out of it, Sir General Amorous, and Easie masked. Gen. 
THIS is the greatest blessing Heaven (and you) could give me. How many minutes have we had of precious sweet delight! Oh let me dwell upon these hands a while, and breathe my soul into each trilling Poor: thy melting lips have made me all a charm, and when I cast my arms about thy neck, I thought I grasped a God; the darkness of the Covert could not shade thy piercing beauty from me, for through those thick and darksome Clouds of Night, I could behold the glances of thy Eyes, which shot fresh joys into my panting heart.  Easy. 
You're pleased to jest.  Gen. 
Not I by Heaven, all, all I say is earnest; pull back that Cloud, and let me view your glories: let me behold you in the height of blushes, that I may say you charm at every Action. [Easie pulls off her mask, Generous starts. Ha! have I embraced a stale, a cast off Amoretta, is this the hopes I had of fair Eudoria, have I bestowed a Ring of fifty pound upon I know not what?  Easy. 
What ail you Sir?  Gen. 
Nothing Madam, nothing, only the apprehension of the danger, and the mistrust your Husband will have of you when he shall find you absent, I must confess did something start my spirits, but now 'tis off again. But oh! the Ring!  Easy. 
Name not that senseless thing again, a Husband is e'en a clog of life, I'm of a humour free, and unconfined, and court for pleasure in the man I love.  Gen. 
True Madam, 'tis most sweet; when love and freedom meet, a Husband is a kind of dull Animal, created to bear the name of Father, whilst we happy men enjoy with freedom what he fondly thinks himself monopolizeth.  Easy. 
Then they're so jealous too.  Gen. 
They are indeed, and that first prompts their wives to new desires: I never yet knew a man jealous, but he had the just rewards his madness merited. Enter Contentious Surly. Heavens! here's your Husband coming, on, on with the mask, and haste home with all the speed you can before morning, expect me to give you freedom. Exit Easie, Surly going after her, is stopped by General Amorous. Mr. Surly your servant. I vow I am happy in finding you in this solitary place, my thoughts wanted companions.  Surly. 
And so they are like still, I cannot stay.  Gen. 
Were your haste requisite I would not stop you, but with your friend you might dispense some time.  Surly. 
I cannot, nor I will not.  Gen. 
Indeed you must sir.  Surly. 
Must?  Gen. 
Yes sir you must: I have not forgot how in your last frantic fit you pleased to stain my honour, and with such words.  Surly. 
I have no leisure now.  Gen. 
To fight I know you have not, nor never had; you wear a sword indeed, but for what use I know not, unless to frighten fools, bully with cowards, or draw on every Linkboy.  Surly. 
Prithee, I can stay no longer.  Forces from him and Exit. Gen. 
He's gone as full of rage as jealousy, pray Heaven he overtake her not, but sure she has more wit then to go the direct path, which he I'm sure will follow. Was ever man so cheated? how came I to mistake Eudoria, and light upon this Easy? it must needs be the treachery of Spywell.  Enter Spywell. Spy. 
Was ever man so unfortunate?  Gen. 
Was ever man so treacherous?  Spy. 
To have an Assignation from a Lady, and shun the blessing of it.  Gen. 
I am plain and do not speak in Hieroglyphics, did not you send Petulant Easy disguised, as you told me Eudoria designed to be, to the place appointed for our meeting.  Spy. 
Not I by Heaven.  Gen. 
Then the Devil did, that's certain; for I no sooner came to th' Rendezvous, but Easy habited and masked as you described Eudoria, with open Arms received me, and led me to this Grove; where after a few common ceremonies, love-toys, and the like, I presented her with a Ring I borrowed of Sir Arthur Twilight, still taking her for Eudoria, but coming to the light, and the dark Cloud withdrawn, I found my strange mistake.  Spy. 
The same happened to Eudoria, who full of love came to the place appointed, and there unfortunately met with Sir Arthur.  Gen. 
Confusion!  Spy. 
He mistaking her for a Gipsy, made a deal of ridiculous Love to her, which she accepted, but coming to the height of all his passion, and filled with a licentious kind of Dotage, she discovered herself to the old Lecher, who was glad to make his peace on any terms.  Gen. 
Oh I could grasp her now into my soul! she is the most deserving of womankind, but how to let her know the strange mistake, is past my power to imagine.  Spy. 
Leave that to me, haste to Sir Arthur Twilight, and there pretend (as you may very well) a Journey out of Town, and by the way declare your love to Easie, and hatred to Contentious Surly, tell him you long to be revenged, and know no way but one, which is to take his Wife with you.  Gen. 
Make him a Pander?  Spy. 
we'll do't never fear, he loves to view a Cuckold, but hates to see himself; Come, let's be gone, I'll tell you as we walk, with what you must possess him: as for Eudoria, leave her to me, if I prepare her not may I never design again.  Gen. 
Thou art a real servant, and lovest thy Master's pleasure.  
How many various Charms round Women move!  
Each has some strange Intrigue to make us Love.  [Exeunt.  

SCENE Sir Arthur's House.  Enter Sir Geoffry Jolt-head, Emelia and Flora. Geoff. 
But what say you Ladies, how could you affect my person? am I not all Air, ha? why, we Country Magistrates are such taking things, that you Londoners run almost stark mad of us. I am as sprightly as any bawdy Citizen of you all; I can drink, I can swear, I can roar, I can serenade, and besides all that, I can— but 'tis no matter.  Flor. 
Nay there is no doubt Sir, but you are are all vigour, and methinks I could love a Country Gentleman with all my heart.  Eme. 
And so could I, especially a Country Magistrate, they look with so much Grace, and sit at the Bench just like—  Geoff. 
We do so, we do so indeed,— just like what, my Dear?  Eme. 
A Baboon looking an Alderman's head.  Geoff. 
Out upon thee wag, a Baboon is a beastly lascivious Creature: but go on, go on, you have leave to jest.  Flor. 
I am not of your mind Sister, I love a Magistrate, especially when he is asleep, he nods so prettily, and then he is so quiet, unless now and then he snore out a learned Sentence.  Geoff. 
Still, still you are wags, mere wags i'faith; but go on, go on, methinks I love to hear you.  Eme. 
I've done jesting Sir, alas my fit lasts but a little while, and then I am so melancholy; and yet methinks I could love you, would you forbear that hard hearted trick of seeing women whipped at the House of Correction.  Geoff. 
I never use it, indeed I do not, but I know some of your London Justices do, it is a kind of pleasure to 'em, and I dare say saves 'em many a crown in the year.  Emel. 
Oh now I love you strangely, could you— but I dare not speak before my Sister— Could you love me Sir?  Geoff. 
Beyond the world, why I could eat you Madam.  Emel. 
What and keep me like a Lady?  Geoff. 
Oh like a Countess, you shall have all, all that your heart desires, and live so pleasantly.  Emel. 
But would you never turn me off?  Geoff. 
Never, never by this hand.  Emel. 
Nor keep another?  Geoff. 
Sooner a Devil, believe me Madam—  
This is the yieldingest little Female I ever saw.  [Aside. Emel. 
I'm loath to try you though, you men are so deceitful.  Geoff. 
Courtiers and Shopkeepers, I grant you, they seldom or never keep their words, but we Countrymen are as true as steel.  Emel. 
How shall we come together?  Geoff. 
How! as man and woman should.  Emel. 
But by what means?  Geoff. 
Ay by what means,— I think some disguise—  Emel. 
You've thought upon it, habit yourself like a Quaker, and come at twelve this night, you'll see a candle in my window, hem twice, and I'll come down and let you in, the habit's grave and will keep off suspicion.  Geoff. 
It will indeed, oh let me kiss your hand.  Emel. 
Anon you shall enough, farewell.  
You shall be Missed Sir Geoffry, or I'll lose my aim.  [Exit Emelia. Geoff. 
Was ever Country Magistrate so fortunate? sure never. I am an Adonis, that's certain.  Flor. 
My Sister and you have had a long discourse Sir.  Geoff. 
Something we did talk of, but not much.  
This Chicken has a mind to be doing too I find it. [Aside.  
Alas she is all anger, and looks upon me as the Devil looked over Lincoln.  Flor. 
I should have been kinder had you made your addresses to me; but her Charms are so great, so many, and so powerful, it was not in the power of man to stand against 'em.  Geoff. 
Your Sister is so, so, but i'faith you have twenty beauties to one of hers: methinks your Eyes are— but 'tis no matter, I dare not look upon 'em, if you prove hard hearted like your Sister.  Flor. 
Try me Sir, I hope you'll find me other wise.—  Geoff. 
Then a woman I would not, for 'tis their glory to frown on all; but could I be so happy, to gain a place within you soft affection, how would I strive to make me worthy of you.  Flor. 
You are already,— heigh ho—  [Sighs. Geoff. 
Come sigh no more, I find you love me dearly.  Flor. 
But will you not betray me? tell my Sister, and lay me open to her Scorn and Laughter?  Geoff. 
Not I by Heaven, Pox I'll be hanged and damned first.  Flor. 
Nor forsake me?  Geoff. 
Never.  Flor. 
Give me your hand, I am yours then; to morrow I will pretend a sickness, and send for you as a most learned Physician: but be secret.  Geoff. 
As a Physician ought, I'll warrant you.  Flor. 
That done— but tell no body.  Geoff. 
Pox take me if I do.  Flor. 
And the Room cleared— but be silent as you respect my Honour.  Geoff. 
Fear not, I have more respect to a Lady's honour than so.  Flor. 
I'll leave the rest to you: you are wise enough to manage Love affairs. Farewell.  [Ex. Flora. Geoff. 
If I fail, may I never have such fair Assignations again: a Quaker and a Doctor? two excellent disguises to get Maidenheads in; I am Ravished, that's certain; a Quaker and a Doctor? oh excellent!  [Ex. Geoffry Jolt-head. Enter Eudoria, reading a Letter. Eud. 
Th' Excuse is fair, and sounds like real Truth; but what he prompts me to's so full of dangerous hazards, I fear to undertake it.— Wait in the Garden Masked [Reads. and in your Nightgown, and there expect th'event.— What should it mean? What Plot's in action now? Why should I ask that question, or doubt the firmness of it, when Love is chief Conductor? I will venture it, attend the hour, and wish to see th' Event: Love cannot injure Love, nor dare it think on any cruel thought; or if it dare, I will be armed against it.  [Ex. Eudoria. Enter as in discourse Sir Arthur Twilight and Sir General Amorous. Arth. 
Contentious Surlys' Wife?  Gen. 
The same Sir.  Arth. 
In my Garden?  Gen. 
Yes Sir, for Love has made her look for such a shift to free her from his Tyrannous Jealousy, and I chose this course before any other, not only to make us sport, but to reap my wished for Ends.  Arth. 
A pretty and most pleasant project! who would not strain a point of Neighbourhood for such a quaint device? I'll go fetch her presently.  Gen. 
How the Old villain joys in Villainy.  [Ex. Sir Arth. Enter Sir Arthur. Arth. 
Sir General, Sir General, a rare Device.  Gen. 
What yet again? what Strategem have you now?  Arth. 
The best that ever was, I'll fetch my Wife's Gown which you may put upon Petulant Easy, that if he chance to meet her, he may not have the least suspect but take her for Eudoria.  Gen. 
That I have done already, and so disguised and masked she waits you in the Garden.  Arth. 
I'll fetch her presently, Lord, Lord, how it pleases me to think upon Contentious, poor man ha, ha, ha, I laugh to think how he will rave, when he shall miss his Wife, a Cuckold, o law a Cuckold! ha, ha, ha.  [Ex. Laughing. Gen. 
Now nothing sure can cross me, this night I shall enjoy Eudoria and revel in the pleasures of her Love, what will Sir Arthur say when he shall miss his Wife? he can but vex or perhaps hang himself, let him do either, all's one to me so I but enjoy his Wife.  Enter Arthur, bringing in Eudoria in a Nightgown Masked. Arth. 
I have her, I fack Sir General I have; poor soul how she shakes, come, come Madam fear nothing, Sir General is a pleasant Wag, he is indeed a very pleasant Wag; and I dare say loves you with his heart, truly he does, Lord lord, how she transports me! I am in love with her too, and methinks I could— but let that alone,— let that alone.  Gen. 
Pardon me Madam, the great desire I had to see you before I went from London, made me so importunate.  Arth. 
You are not, indeed you are not, what importunate? no, no, no, Sir General loves to Compliment, he does indeed, but come let's go, I fack we must drink before we part.  Gen. 
Nay, now the Rascall's troublesome.  Arth. 
Come Mr. Amorous, what at a stand? come follow me, I'll lead you to a Glass of the best Tent in London, I will indeed, a glass of that, and half a dozen Eggs will make me as vigorous as a Lover of Eighteen, it will indeed.  [Exeunt. Enter Emelia and Flora. Eme. 
Where is Sir Arthur?  Flor. 
Gone out, but where, I know not.  Eme. 
If he stay abroad but long enough 'tis well.  Flor. 
Pray Sister what do you intent to do with Sir Geoffry?  Emel. 
What? make an Ass of him. I'll help his zeal to a Mistress, and fit him to a hair I'll warrant him.  Flor. 
Why, will you let him in?  Emel. 
Yes, and conduct him to our Masking Room, where by the help of the Trapdoors I doubt not to effect what I desire: I have already prepared our Scullion, who when the Candle is out, shall enter for a woman and perform my part, he is shaved on purpose, and I do not fear but he will banter him bravely.  Flor. 
He comes to me to morrow, if the affront you put upon him dash not all his hopes.  Emel. 
That you must salve again, by railing at me for the injury I did to Sir Geoffry; for his part he is so good natured he'll soon believe you.  Flor. 
I would not lose the Opportunity for all my hopes of marriage.  Emel. 
Sister it grows late, within this half hour I expect him.  Flor. 
Let us part then. Pray Heaven the Lecher comes.  Emel. 
Nothing more sure, be near to see th' event.  Flor. 
I'll warrant you.  [Exeunt.  

SCENE A Tavern.  Enter Sir General Amorous, and Sir Arthur Twilight, Leading Eudoria masked. Arth. 
Come, come, Madam, you are so melancholy, so all a mort: Sir General, pray come and comfort the Lady.  Gen. 
Sir Arthur, I must beg you to officiate my place for a minute, whilst I go down and dispatch a little business.  [Exit General Amorous. Arth. 
Blessed Opportunity! she is right I'll warrant her, or else she would not leave her Husband to run away with a Gallant, but it is common i'fack, very common. Come Lady let us sitdown together, you look so like my Wife that I could eat you, nay come, this coyness not becomes you.— [Eudoria sits at a distance. Nearer a little, nearer yet, let me, let me feel your hand; a delicate soft moist palm upon my word; very good symptoms indeed, let me see, good breasts too, Lord, Lord, how she charms me! nearer yet dear Lady, she is a delicate Creature, and has all the symptoms of a Miss about her. Pray Madam off with your mask, that base injurious thing— [Eudoria points to the Candle.] Ha! put out the Candle? I understand her meaning, i'fack I do. [Puts out the Candle. Eudoria steals out. Now Madam I have performed your orders, I hope you will allow me the honour of your Lip, your cherry Lip, your rosy Cheeks, your dainty Teeth, your soft moist Palm, but here's enough of that; come dear Lady let us hug one another; nay you shall not deny me, you know I know you, come little Wag, you know I do; what, keep from your friend and servant? nay, nay, if you are run into a corner I'll after you, i'faith I will.  [Gropes to find her out, and falls over the stools. Enter Petulant Easy. Easy. 
Thus far I have dogged Sir General, and was informed below, he and a Lady were above together, which if I find, and see apparent falsehood in the man I love, I'll study for revenge, and in his death blot out my shame for ever.  Arth. 
Madam, dear Madam, nay now you are unkind, indeed you are Lady, dear Lady. Gropes about, at length seizes Petulant Easy. Ha, have I caught you Wag, ha? come, come, let us solace ourselves, let us enjoy one another, come, come, I am ready again, I am indeed, the fall did not hinder much.  Easy. 
What are you Sir?  Arth. 
A man, a man, a vigorous old man i'fack, come, come,—  Easie. 
You are mistaken in the woman sure.  Arth. 
No but I am not, these soft moist hands are a good sign, i'faith they are.  Easy. 
A sign of what Sir?  Arth. 
A stirring, brisk, airy, lively, sprightly woman; one that will kiss and hug, and hug and kiss, and kiss and hug to a miracle i'faith.  Easy. 
Nay if you are rude I'll leave you.  Arth. 
But you shall not, come, come, be pliant, Sir Amorous will be here presently, and then our sport is spoiled, come, come, dear Lady.  [Embraces her close. Enter Drawer with a Light. Draw. 
Shift for yourself, or you're undone for ever, Contentious Surly is below, in such a rage, as if the Spanish Devil Jealousy were dancing in his eyes; he swears he dogged you hither, and nothing can satisfy him but search the house he must.  Arth. 
Surly below? O law, what's to be done now?  Draw. 
Here, here, into this Closet, if he should chance to take you 'twill be but as a jest.  Arth. 
Make haste, make haste, would it were over once.  Easy and Sir Arthur enter into the Closet, the Drawer locks the door and Exit. Enter Contentious Surly with a Light. Surly. 
O damned Creature! can nothing keep her honest? [Looks about the Stage. Not here, the jilting Quean has tricks, and shifts her shape as often as a Witch, she's here for certain, and must not scape my Inquisition. [Breaks open the Closet. Ha! have I found you Madam? and you lecherous Sir? come out ye pair ofsinners, and let the world be witness of my shame.  [Sir Arthur and Easie come out. Easy. 
What shame, to be in a Closet with an old man alone? is that your wonder Sir? nay with such an old man as has nothing but desire about him.  Arth. 
Not I by Heaven, I am an Eunuch Sir.  Surly. 
You are a Devil Sir, a Goatish Devil; and were it not for the respect I have to your black souls, which I would not take so unprepared, I'd send you both to Hell immediately.  Easy. 
Do hasty Husband, I dare you do your utmost; strike, 'tis a woman bids you, where is your fury now? if you have any I'll raise it to a pitch, and leave you in the height on't. Know I hate thee, and all thy surly humours, and will never be slave to a Jealous Husband more. Farewell, if you dare see the Monster, I will make you home to your Glass and view yourself.  [Exit Easie. Surly. 
Brave, I am a Beast all over, a public noted Beast, and she a Devil, howe'er she shall not 'scape me.  [Exit Surly. Arthur. 
If this be the effects of whoring, I have done with it: pray Heaven Eudoria hear not of it. Enter Drawer. Where is Sir General Amorous?  Draw. 
He and the Lady you brought in just now took Coach together.  Arth. 
The Lady, what Lady?—  Draw. 
The Lady in the Nightgown.  Arth. 
Was there a Lady besides Easie then?  Draw. 
Yes, a delicate sweet Creature, much like your Wife.  Arth. 
How? my Wife, my Wife? by Heaven it may be so indeed! I have a strong suspicion for it, I shall run mad, mad, stark mad; my Wife, my Wife, my Wife, I am a Cuckold, I am, I am, I am indeed, a damned procuring Cuckold.  [Exeunt.  

SCENE Sir Arthur's House.  Enter Sir Geoffry Jolt-head, like a Quaker. Geoff. 
I am transformed, I am another Creature, and have the tone of the Brethren, pray Heaven I may have the success too, but not to be tossed out of a Balcony: that is Emelia's Chamber, I find it by the Light, now to my sign, Hum, hum.  Enter Emelia above. Emel. 
Who's there?  Geoff. 
Thy Brother Zachariah, who desires to meet thee in the way of the Faithful.  Emel. 
I will descend, thy presence is most grateful.  [Exit Above. Geoff. 
Now for a night of pleasure, i'faith it will taste the sweeter, because we act like Brethren: Oh those dear debauched Brethren! how many merry nights they spend with a Go in, Increase, and Multiply.  Enter Emelia. Emel. 
Enter Zachariah, thou hast a Sister's leave.  Geoff. 
And I will perform the part of a Holy Brother.  [Exeunt. Enter Sir Arthur Twilight. Arth. 
Eudoria, Wife Endoria I say, what out of doors at this time? where shall I seek this Gad-fly? why Wife I say: she's gone, she's gone, a pox of the Salutation Tavern, she's gone with Sir Amorous, I find she is, a Coach, a Coach, a Coach, a hundred pound for a Coach.  Enter Spywell. Spy. 
That was Sir Arthur's voice, now to my posture. Confusion take me if e'er I serve again.  [Runs against Sir Arthur. Arth. 
Who's there?  Spy. 
One that resolves never to serve a Rambling man again.  Arth. 
This is Spymell, I may learn something from him. [Aside. Did you serve a Rambling Master then?  Spy. 
Yes a common Whoremaster? no longer ago than this Evening he run away with a very Worthy Gentleman's Wife.  Arth. 
Ha! did he so, did he so, what Gentleman, friend?  Spy. 
A very Worthy man indeed, one Sir Arthur Twilight.  Arth. 
Confusion! I am the Cuckold then—  [Aside. Spy. 
But were I he, I would—  Arth. 
What?  Spy. 
In some disguise search out the Lecherous goat, and damn 'em both together.  Arth. 
Ay, ay, but what disguise?  Spy. 
They now are at the Rose, drinking, carousing, and in a height of Jollity; but would he go guised like an old Fiddler, and take his man in a strange habit with him, he might perhaps revenge, and keep himself from being made a Cuckold.  Arth. 
He might indeed, he shall about it straight; thanks honest Friend, he shall about it presently.  [Ex. Sir Arthur. Spy. 
This will be Mirth to Admiration: I could e'en hug myself to think upon the Credulous fool, I must not lose him though.  
The bliss of Life whilst Mars and Venus rules  
Is to project for Wise-men, Cuckold Fools.  [Exit.  

SCENE A Chamber.  Sir Geoffry Jolt-head and Emelia are discovered embracing. Eme. 
Nay, you are too vigorous, Brother.  Geoff. 
My Zeal is hot, I am inflamed, my Spirits are on fire.  Eme. 
After our Ceremonies are performed, we will like holy Brethren meet and love together.  
First with this Powder I'll perfume your Face,  
Then with this Band your tender Wrists Embrace.  
Well scented thus with all your Vigour move,  
Turn three times round, and then enjoy your Love.  Blacks his Face, and ties his Hands behind him, then puts out the Candle and Exit. Enter an Old man dressed about the head like a Woman. Geoff. 
I come, I come, I come, this is one of the prettiest devices in the whole Creation. Madam, Lady Emelia, what not answer me? Nay then i'faith have at you, I am old Dog at Buff; I could play at Blindman's Buff naturally, ha, that was a shrewd Mistake. Runs against something and breaks the string that bound his Hands. Why Lady, dear little Rogue; where are you, ha? there I touched you; faith have I got you, have I, have I? nay now I will make you kiss me, and hug me, and embrace me, and O my dear little Rogue. Having caught the Old man, he Kisses and Embraces him till a Table with two Candles upon it rises. Bless me! what have I got here?  Old man. 
Nothing but an Old man indeed Sir.  Geoff. 
An Old Devil are you not? begone Wizard or I'll make you Kicks the Old man off, returns again, and is let down under the Stage. O Devil, Devil, Devil! Whither am I going now? help, help, help.—   

SCENE Covent Garden.  Enter Sir Arthur Twilight with a Cymbal, and Bramble with a Violin, both disguised. Arth. 
Come Bramble, we shall find her anon I am sure on't.  Bramb. 
Would we could Master, for I am half afraid to walk abroad so late.  Arth. 
No danger, no danger Bramble: O that we could but find 'em, I would Roguefy my Amorous Gentleman, i'fack I would.  [Music and a Noise of Singing as in the Streets. Bramb. 
Ha, the Roaring Boys are abroad Master, and if we stay here any longer we shall be killed for certain.  [Music and Singing again as nearer. Arth. 
They are coming indeed, they are near us now, what shall we do Bramble? O here's honest Spywell.  Enter Spywell with a Light. Spy. 
So so you're well disguised. Now, now Sir is your time; Sir General Amorous and your Wife are enteredthere, there in that public Tavern, they've sent to see for Music: now if you dare venture to pass amongst the Gang, I will conduct you to 'em.  Arth. 
With all my heart, Oh I long to see 'em.  Spy. 
Where taken for Musicians, you may stand unsuspected, and behold all their Transactions.  Arth. 
Make haste, make haste, O how I long to see 'em!  [Exeunt. Manet Spywell. Spy. 
Which you shall do, doubt not, and suffer for your Curiosity.  
Raised to a height, he from the top shall fly  
To perish by his Rage and jealousy.   
The End of the Third Act.   

ACT IU.  

SCENE The Streets.  Enter Sir Geoffry Jolt-head. Geoff. 
I Am out again, thanks to my good fortune: if this be Love and Enjoyment, the Devil take it for me; 'twas twenty to one I had not broke my Neck when I fell into the Cellar, my Mistress Emelia was a little civil I confess to leave a Light below, otherwise I might have slept amongst the hogsheads: I have lost all my stomach to Woman's flesh, and shall never have a good opinion of the Sex as long as I live again.  Enter Twiford. Twif. 
My Lord your servant, I vow I am extreme glad to see you, your Honourable Cousins are all in good health, and every thing goes extraordinarily well indeed. I just now came from France, and truly every thing there is in a very good posture: his most Christian Majesty would fain have laid his Commands upon me to have been his Generalissimo, but I hearing the English Drums beat up for Volunteers, came to pay my Respects to my very good Friend and Cousin, and to serve under the noble Banner of England.  Geoff. 
What a Pox is the meaning of this?  Twif. 
My Lord I cannot but commend your mien and garb, upon my honour you are all over very charming, and look like one of the honourable family of the Softheads, I hope my Cousin Richard, and his extraordinary obliging friend Thomas are in perfect health.  Geoff. 
Yea Sir. What a pox ails he?  [Aside. Twif. 
And my Lady Grace, and Madam Pru, and that extreme obliging Lady Madam Text, I vow I long to see 'em, but my extraordinary business in Town, has hindered me from their Society. Why I'll tell you Cousin, I am just now going to serenade Madam Emelia, upon my honour she's fort obleigant.  Geoff. 
She is all abomination, and music is the windpipe of Lucifer.  Twif. 
But mark you Cousin, mine is no wind music, first, here is a Tin Pot, which besides its excellent virtues of making a delicious, sweet, charming, melodious sound, serves at a shift to drink out of; then here is an Extinguisher, and here a Drum-stick, all which meeting together, make an excellent harmony; you shall hear it Cousin.  [Plays upon his Pot, and sings ridiculously. Geoff. 
Avaunt Satan, these are not the Devices of the Brethren, begun with your Galemofry of Noises, or I shall rebuke thee, mark you?  Twif. 
How do you like the music, my Lord?  Geoff. 
Be gone I say, you disturb the ears of the faithful.  Twif. 
But Cousin.  Geoff. 
I will not hear thee, vanish thou Hocus Pelabrius, or look you, thus I will force you.  [bushes him off. Twif. 
But my Lord, nay Cousin, my Lord, I say—  [Exit. Enter Contentious Surly. Surly. 
She has scaped my rage again, and unless she be at home I know not where to seek her.  [Knocks. Geoff. 
What lewd disturber is that?  Surly. 
'Sdeath hold thy tongue.  [Knocks again. Geoff. 
I say thou hast evil intentions, and designest to rob the house of my friend.  Surly. 
Thy friend! who art thou?  Geoff. 
A faithful Brother, by Name Geoffrius, Zacharias jolt.  Surly. 
Strange! I should know that voice, are you Sir Geoffry?  Geoff. 
Yea, I am the man, now tell me, who art thou?  Surly. 
My name's Contentious Surly.  Geoff. 
The Devil it is? what my good Friend and Landlord? i'faith I have been frolicking of it to night, I have i'faith: and how goes squares with thee, ha boy?  Surly. 
Faith cross, extremely cross, my Wife has given me two slips for a Taster, and is run the Devil knows whither.  Geoff. 
That's fine i'faith; would I could meet her, she kisses smartly, and has the Town ways to a hair i'faith. [Aside. Is she not at home?  Surly. 
That's all the hope remains.  Geoff. 
Let's knock and enter, if they refuse break open the doors.  Surly. 
Agreed.  Surly knocks a good while, at length breaks open the doors. Geoff. 
That's well said ●●●●h enter and search, we shall find her in a corner.  [Exeunt.  

SCENE A Tavern.  Enter Sir General Amorous, Eudoria and Spywell. Gen. 
Is all prepared?  Spy. 
All's in a readiness to entertain Sir Arthur.  Gen. 
Then let in the Masquerading Ladies, and bid the Fiddler's approach. [Exit Spywell. Come Madam, on with your Mask, to night we will enjoy our loves without disturbance, and smile upon the Jealous Fool thy Husband, whose curiosity shall lead him to his ruin.  Eud. 
I fear he'll know me.  Gen. 
Let him, he shall not dare to touch you, nor gaze upon you with the eyes of anger: to animate his rage choose him out to Dance with you, I have ordered another to make choice of Bramble, who will also at the appointed time leave him with his Credulous Master, and both shall be conveyed so great a distance from us, that scarce his cries shall enter to disturb our joys.  Eud. 
I'm too hard hearted to a Jealous Husband.  Gen. 
Would you be kind to him and ruin me? would you destroy me on the verge of bliss, or kill what you have made? I should not urge had you content at home, but being robbed of such a weighty blessing, and made a starveling to the joys of Wedlock, I come with real and hearty zeals, to give you those pleasures his Age and Impotence denied.  Eud. 
I'm too far entered now to make retreat without the loss of Honour, I must be yours for ever; but use me kindly, lest the strange surprise should kill my blooming hopes.  Enter Spywell with Fiddlers and Ladies, amongst whom are Sir Arthur, Bramble and Petulant Easy disguised, all the men and women are masked but the Fiddlers. Spy. 
Come, Come Gentlemen, strike up, and let the music of the Spheres speak loud, whilst they employ their feet in Dancing Measures.  Eudoria and a Lady go to take out Sir Arthur and Bramble, who deny a great while, but at length yield and join with them. A Dance. All Dance off but Sir Arthur, Spywell, Bramble, and Easy, who all continue dancing but Easie. Easy. 
'Tis she, I know it; perfidious man you shall not 'scape my fury, must I be thus rewarded for my Favours, and not study a requital? rise up black revenge, and teach me to be cruel; teach me to act as bloody Nero did, that in my height of love and vengeance I may damn both, both their black souls together.  [Exit Easie. They cease Dancing. Arth. 
Ha! gone?  Spy. 
Yes, yes Sir, come hither, both direct your eyes that way, and there behold what would confound a man not armed with so much reason— What see you Sir?  Arth. 
Nothing.  Spy. 
Nor you?  Bram. 
Not I by jove.  Spy. 
Look, look, I see 'em kissing, there, there, like wanton Turtles they're billing both together.  Arth. 
Where, where?  Spy. 
There, there. Stamps, Sir Arthur and Bramble are let down under the Stage, they cry help. Now you are safe enough, and secured from all disturbance; and Sir General Amorous may now in peace enjoy the fair Eudoriae; all the reward I hope for is success. Projecting is my genuine Mistress, and in my brain I lodge the soft Beloved, and treat her minutely with pleasing Embryo's, which by the moderate heat of smooth desires, are lulled into perfections, which at once create and give me pleasures.  
These harmless plots perhaps may seem unjust,  
But when such loads you add to one man's trust,  
Blame not projections if they only prove  
A Servants care t'obtain a Master's love.  [Exit.  

SCENE A Bedchamber.  Sir General Amorous and Eudoria are discovered sitting by the Bed side. Gen. 
Come blush no more, I am thy Husband now, and with a Passion more innate than his, I will exhilirate thy soul, and lead thy senses in a Sea of pleasures, where, arm in arm, we'll wanton 'twixt the Waves, and every minute find new pastimes out, revel in joys of uncontrolled delights, and dwell for ever in this bright Elysium.  Eud. 
You've named a word-which bats me of my hopes, and dashes all those thoughts I just now dreamt of.  Gen. 
It shall be banished quite, or like a foil stand still to heighten pleasure, what was't Eudoria?  Eud. 
Nothing but Husband Sir: that very word curbs all my joys, and prompts me to a sense, that all's imaginary.  Gen. 
What frown of fate can take you from my bosom, or rob me of the treasure I embrace?  Enter Spywell. Spy. 
Sir I have done the work.  Gen. 
Is he safe?  Spy. 
As a thief in a mill, ne'er fear it; but here's one danger yet unconquered, the jealous Easy, who (it seems mistrusting you were here) came as a Masquerader, and after the dance, followed you and Eudoria, and had doubtless surprised you here, but that the Drawer by mere force kept her back.  Gen. 
What, must I be prevented then?  Spy. 
Sir you had best go and appease her rage, perhaps she'll hear your reasons.  Gen. 
I will, but with a curse able enough to damn her.  [Exeunt. Manet Eudoria. Enter Petulant Easy. Easy. 
Where's this unconstant man, and this false treacherous woman? Oh let my anger meet 'em both, and in one breath confound 'em.  Eud. 
What's this?  Easy. 
Nothing lascivious Lady but the force of love, and you if you had any grace might think it so, how durst you look upon that faithless man, or entertain the least thoughts of such a loose desire, and not tremble? I am all fury, and could shoot such killing glances on you, which would (but you're so practised in the art already) reduce you to a heap of earth again. Base treacherous woman!  Eud. 
I understand you not.  Easy. 
Then I'll be plainer, you are a—  Eud. 
Woman, and so are you, both married women too, and love Sir General both.  Easy. 
Your Husband shall know all.  Eud. 
So shall Contentious too: but talk is frivolous, and may perhaps hinder a new appointment. Farewell.  [Exit Eudoria. Easy. 
Brave! she has impudence enough to stock the Sex in general. How shall I be revenged? I'll haste to find Sir Arthur, tell him her crimes, and urge him to revenge.  
Thus to be slighted, now I all have given,  
Calls for confusion, and revenge from Heaven.  [Exit.  

SCENE The Streets.  Enter Contentious Surly, and Sir Geoffry Jolt. Geoff. 
Nay, nay, be patient man, what! fret for the loss of a woman? one that loves pleasure? pox on her let her go, let her go, you and I will to a Bawdy house, and there solace ourselves, ha? shall we boy, ha?  Surly. 
No Sir.  Geoff. 
What not to a Bawdy house? let's to a Tavern then, drink and be drunk, and kiss every woman we meet.  Surly. 
I am not given to the Flesh so much Sir.  Geoff. 
Nor I neither, but I do it in revenge, I will lie with twenty women successively, and all to be revenged of one; but thou hast a Wife.  Surly. 
Damnation seize her, why should I of all the world be made so wretched? why should my fate be so severe, so cruel? No one can see I am a Cuckold, but I know I am, there, there's the plague on't.  Enter Flora masked. Flo. 
I cannot sleep to night for thinking on Sir Geoffry, oh how I long to see him! the great affront my Sister put upon him, I fear will keep him from me, which makes me venture at this unseasonable hour to find him out, and wheadle him into a strange belief of my affection: ha!— yonder he is, now to be taken notice of.  [Puts on her mask, and passes over the Stage. Geoff. 
Ha! are you there, are you there i'faith? blessed Moonshine! I have discovered a Lady, a Nightwalker upon my life. I'll after her.  [Exit Geoffry. Surly. 
How shall I find her out? which way contrive to revel in revenge? Sir General Amorous is the man that wrongs me, and on him I'll pour my indignation: but how the Devil came Sir Arthur and she locked up in the Closet together? how? why she's common and fond of all the world: he, he shall suffer too, but in a different way, the one shall die, and the other be made as monstrous as I am.  [Exit. Enter Flora masked, Sir Geoffry following, seizeth her. Geoff. 
Nay little Rogue, i'faith you shall not 'scape me; 'twould be unkindly done to let you go alone, so early in the morning too, come, come, let me see you home to your lodging little Wag.  Flor. 
I beg your pardon Sir, I do not use it.  Geoff. 
What! not your lodging Rogue? let's to a Tavern then, where we'll drink and be so merry, so jocost and pleasant, and kiss and hug, and love one another.  Flo. 
Who are you Sir?  Geoff. 
A Country Magistrate, Lady, one that dotes upon woman's Flesh, a very Cully, believe me Madam.  Flo. 
You'll pawn me Sir.  Geoff. 
Not I by jove, what, pawn a pretty Lady? that were unkind indeed; I may be frolicksome or so, but i'faith I will not pawn you.  Flo. 
I dare not venture to a Tavern Sir.  Geoff. 
Let's to thy Lodging then, all's one to me; here, here's the tempting Angels, all this for a night's lodging I Gad: now I am all vigour, and shall I, hah? little Rogue shall I?  Flo. 
If you'll be kind.  Geoff. 
As a Lover can be, thou shalt have Gloves, and Fans, and Muffs, and Ribbons, and—  Flo. 
A Monkey too.  Geoff. 
Yes, yes, a great Baboon, come, come, let's go.  Flo. 
You have such taking ways.  Geoff. 
And so have you i'faith. Here's one of my twenty that's certain.  [Exeunt.  

SCENE Covent Garden.  Enter two Sedan-men bringing Sir Arthur Twilight in Bramble's clothes, and Bramble in Sir Arthur's clothes, bound and gauged in a Sedan. 1. Sed. 
Pox on 'em, they're cursed heavy.  2. Sed. 
Full of sin, full of sin Brother; but let's set 'em down here in the Piazza's, and go and take a cherishing cup this morning.  1. Sed. 
Agreed, but I am afraid it is too early.  2. Sed. 
No, no, no, they are up at the King's-head I'll warrant you.  [Exeunt Sedan-men. Sir Arthur and Bramble come out of the Sedan. Enter Contentious Surly. Surly. 
Gone from thence too? She is a Necromancer that's certain, and has a Legion of Devils to attend her. What have we here, Sir Arthur Twilight, and his Honourable servant Bramble? they are in a pretty Posture too, and stand seasonably for a beating, which that old Lecher shall not want; this for Bellowing the name Cuckold in my Ears,— and all these for being locked up with my Wife. And so farewell Sir.  [Beats Bramble and Exit. Enter Petulant Easy. Easy. 
O that I could but find Sir Arthur now to tell him all the story of his Wife, and pour into his Ears the strongest Venom that ever Poisoned man; and here he is, most happy opportunity. I'm sorry Sir, that I should be the Messenger of such ill news, as I am forced to tell you; but when a man is Married to a Wife, false and unconstant, one all desires, and greedy after Pleasures, one that shall force a man to her Embraces, and hug him with a Zeal— what, not answer me? [Bramble makes a Noise. Alas Poor man, this was Eudorias Plot, her loose Contrivance, is't not enough to wrong her Husband's Bed, but she must serve him so, make him the Scoff, and Scorn of all the World?—  [Unbinds Bramble, he ungags himself. Bramb. 
Thank you Madam, this is the first kindness I ever received of a Woman in my life.  Easy. 
Are you not Sir Arthur then?  Bramb. 
No, but I am his Man, and that's as good.  Easy. 
Where is your Master?  Bramb. 
There stands the Worshipful Gentleman, you may be kind and release him if you please: Easie goes and unbinds Sir Arthur. this is the fruits of Fiddling and Horn-hunting with a Pox, but if ever you take me in a Disguise again, I'll give you leave to hang me. Pox of Surlys blows, they were very unwelcome to me because they were meant to my Master.  Arth. 
Madam, I can but thank you for my liberty: it was a severe Torment, it was indeed.  Easy. 
But who transformed you thus?  Arth. 
I'faith I know not.  Bramb. 
Two Devils I think, they were disguised I'm sure.  Easy. 
Were I so injured, nothing should keep me from Revenge.  Arth. 
Ha! what said you there, Revenge? I'fack I long to be revenged, but how?  Easy. 
The Cure must needs be dangerous, when the Disease rages with so much violence; you are not unsensible you are a Cuckold?  Arth. 
Ha?  Easy. 
Wonder not at it, for you're so that's certain, I saw 'em both folded like Twins together, destilling Kisses, intermixing Glances, and with a Rapture unexpressible, dissolve into a shower.  Arth. 
A Cuckold?  Easy. 
I heard her boast, and glory in his Love, repeat the numbers of his Obligations, count o'er his Charms in such a wanton Dialect, as would almost entice a Saint to sin.  Arth. 
A Cuckold, O Confusion!  Easy. 
Then being tired and glutted with Excess, repeat the pleasures of her stolen Delights, whilst her Lascivious Ears sucked in the sound, that every Sense might have an equal share.  Arth. 
No more, no more, no more. Death no more.  Easy. 
Sometimes she'd with a scornful smile call on your name, and say Alas poor Sir Arthur, poor decrepit Cuckold.  Arth. 
Cuckold again! no more, no more, sweet Lady have you done?  Easy. 
If it offend I have.  Arth. 
Why, do you think it pleases, a Cuckold, a horrid, nay a known Cuckold too? I will be revenged that's certain, nay swindginly revenged, a Cuckold? O horrid! come along Bramble.  [Exeunt, manet Easie. Easy. 
He's fired, and nothing sure can quench him, but the removal of his Wife Eudoria; then I shall enjoy his Love in Peace, and fear no other Rival; yet there's one danger still, a Jealous Husband, he shall be removed too, they are not fit to live who hourly strive to curb a Woman's Joys, I will about it presently.  [Exit. Enter Twiford talking to two Link-boys. Twif. 
Truly every thing is very considerably well, and my Honourable Lord is in a delicate pleasing humour, and my Lady is— but as I was telling you my Lords, about the Play. I just now came from the King's house, and truly every thing is very considerably well: and truly I doubt not but to make a considerable advantage of the Comedy; for I have very considerably insinuated myself into the opinion of the Leading Wits,— and I have their— [The Link-boys sneak off. promise for applause, for indeed my Lord they know me for a Wit, and were extraordinarily pleased with my Heroic Poem called The Man of Newmarket, and so forth; but let that pass, my Lords I see you do not regard me, and sleep is very necessary for a Poet, and so good night my Lords.  Enters into the Sedan. Enter Petulant Easy. Easy. 
I am hemmed about on all sides, and cannot scape the Watch, what shall I do for shelter till the Day breaks or the Clutches of the Parish are retired, ha! what's there, a Sedan, and no body near it? [A Noise as of the Watch. Hark! the Watch are coming, I'll enter there and secure myself,— [Noise again. There's a man in it, what shall I do now.— [Noise again. I must enter were he a Devil, till the Watch is past.  [Enters into the Sedan and shuts the door. Enter the two Sedan-men. 2. Sed. 
Pox on't, there's no Drink to be got, I think 'tis scarce two.  1. Sed. 
Let it be scarce one an't will, I care not, for I am devilish dry.  2. Sed. 
So am I too, but come, let us up with our load, by that time we have dropped them in the Fields it will be day.  [They take up the Sedan. Enter Contentious Surly, Constable and Watchmen. Const. 
Stand, who goes there?  1. Sed. 
Friends.  Const. 
Who have you in your Sedan?  1. Sed. 
No body, Mr. Constable.  Surly. 
Search, search the Sedan, Mr. Constable, 'tis twenty to one but some Nightwalking Lady or other is in it.  Sed. in. 
With all our hearts, there it is, search your Eyes out.  Whilst they are opening the Sedan, the men sneak away. The Sedan being opened discovers Twiford embracing Easie. Const. 
What so close together? come out, come out I pray.  [They come out. Surly. 
Death my Wife! and with a Madman too, this is insufferable; I am glad I have found your Ladyship, would your Honour be conducted home in a Sedan? you shall be Sedaned with a pox. Mr. Constable pray give me leave to secure this Lady, upon my word she shall appear at the first summons.  Const. 
Do you know her Sir?  Surly. 
Too well, I wish I did not, she is my Wife.  Const. 
You have Liberty.  Surly. 
Come Minion will you walk? I'll secure you for gadding I'll warrant you.  [bushes her out before him. Const. 
Stay, stay, what are you?  [Twiford offers to go. Twif. 
Truly my Honourable Lord is very well, and as I told you the Play will take.  Const. 
What's all this to me? Who are you I say?  Twif. 
As I was saying, Lewis the 14th. is a brave Prince, and a very considerable Soldier; why look you Coz, this Ring was given me by Madam Buly, she is a very Honourable Lady, and takes much pains for the Public.  Const. 
Tell not me of Publicks, but give me an account, what are you?  Twif. 
Very considerably well indeed, and every thing is in a very good method, and—  [Sings and Plays upon his Pots. Const. 
watchmans away with him, he is a suspicious Person.  Twif. 
Truly Cousin I know nothing of the matter.  Const. 
What matter?  Twif. 
The very great Affairs of State, and Matters now in Question are that the People of Stetin are a very Honourable People, and deserve to be a—  Const. 
I care not what they deserve to be, who are you? whence came you? and whither are you going?  Twif. 
Truly my Lord you are very obliging, but I know nothing of the matter, but my Lord I'll tell you, his Honour— I must beg your pardon Cousin, the good Lord john is just now come to town, and it will be accounted a great piece of rudeness to be absent, and be so considerably well, your Servant Cousin.  [Runs off. Const. 
After him there and seize upon him, I will know what he is before he get his liberty.  [Exeunt.  

SCENE A Bedchamber.  A Table with two Candles and some Books upon it set upon the Stage. Enter Sir Geoffry Jolt and Flora Masked. Geoff. 
Now you are kind indeed, I'faith you are; come Lady let us prepare, let us undress, O how I long to be in Bed dear Lady!  Flor. 
Do you begin Sir, I'll but go in and dress my Head, and wait upon you presently.  [Ex Flora. Geoff. 
Pretty Rogue, an excellent Lodging this, this is no Mercenary Mistress. Lord, Lord, the Town Gallants are such conceited Animals, such Fops Alamode, they think no body has the happiness of Enjoying their Ladies but themselves. What's here, a Study? Aristotle's Problems, excellent, and here Leschole de Files, a pretty French book; and here Annotations upon Aretine's Postures, three Excellent Books for a Lady's Chamber; but I am tardy, I stay too long, I should have been in bed half an hour ago; O for a week of Nights in One, that I might reap a Hecatoomb of Pleasures; who the Devil would marry and run the danger of being made a Cuckold, when he may live so freely? Come Lady, I am almost unready now, I am almost prepared, and could methinks—  Enter Emelia and Flora. Emel. 
Good Morrow sweet Sir Geoffry.  Flor. 
Good Morrow credulous Sir Geoffry.  Emel. 
How did you like the Lady in the Mask?  Flor. 
Was she not very charming, all Air and Conversation?  Emel. 
Had she not a sprightly way of Courtship? did she not work you to a height with Art?  Flor. 
Did she not sigh, and swear she doted on you? longed to betray her Honour to your Worship?  Geoff. 
Hold Siren's hold, you've said enough already.  Emel. 
Not to a man of Learning, a Country Magistrate, one that would keep his Mistress like a Lady, present her daily with some Toy or other, as Muffs.  Flor. 
Fans.  Emel. 
Gloves.  Flor. 
Ribbons.  Emel. 
Necklaces.  Flor. 
Dogs.  Emel. 
Monkeys.  Flor. 
And above all, an Overgrown Baboon, just such another as your hasty self.  [Geoffry speaks loud. Geoff. 
Peace I say, or by my Authority I will disturb the House, raise all the Servants, fright the Watch, amaze the Neighbours, and bring a Scandal on you both for ever.  Emel. 
Do, and we'll declare your Actions.  Flor. 
Relate your Course of life.  Geoffry stops his Ears. Emel. 
Defame your Honour.  Flor. 
Scandal your Learning.  Emel. 
And make your Name an Antidote, against the pleasing Thoughts, the best desires that ever Woman had.  Geoff. 
Have you done? have you done now? ye Pair of she Devils.  Flor. 
Yes, will you be pleased to walk Sir?  Geoff. 
Any where out of your Companies Ladies: may desire and the want of what you slight so now pursue you ever.  [Ex. Sir Geoffry Jolt. Emel. 
Is he gone?  Flor. 
Yes, with an intent never to come again I'll warrant him.  Emel. 
Then let's too Bed.  
Imperfect Pleasures whilst in View they move,  
Are the Ingenious Toils of hasty Love.  [Exeunt.  
The End of the Fourth Act.   

ACT V.  

SCENE The Streets.  Enter Sir General Amorous, Eudoria and Spywell. Eud. 
PRay Heaven we reach the House before Sir Arthur, or else my Shame will kill me.  Gen. 
This is the most dangerous Adventure Love e'er thought on, and will I fear end in our ruins; for 'tis impossible t' anticipate his haste.  Eud. 
Fancy not storms before you see 'em rising: I am resolved either to save my Honour by this means, or meet my ruin quickly. [Goes to the Door and unlocks it.] Thus far I'm safe, and make no question now but to succeed, farewell. Some two hours hence I shall be glad to see you.  Enters and locks the Door. Gen. 
What dogged Planet Reigned at my Nativity! Saturn sure was Lord of the Ascendant; I could not else be crossed as I have been: twice most willingly she gave Consent I should enjoy her Love, and still that Devil Jealousy frustrated all my hopes; which like a man drove by one wave ashore, is by another hurried back again. To love, and not enjoy is but to gaze upon Delicious meat, and have no power to touch it; I must go on. Within this two hours I shall be glad to see you? that, that alone, had I not had sufficient Proof before, would have confirmed an Angel.  
On then to Bliss which we'll in private meet,  
Where troubles past shall make it taste more sweet.  [Exeunt. Enter Sir Arthur Twilight and Bramble. Arth. 
I am out of Breath with running, a pox of Matrimony if this be the fruits on't, was ever Gentleman made a Cuckold before?  Bramb. 
Yes, Sir, especially Citizens; 'tis an Hereditary possession belonging to the Court of Aldermen, and scarce one 'scape it, if their. Wives are either Young or Handsome.  Arth. 
I would mine had been neither, I would she had not been a Woman, rather than I should thus be made a Cuckold; but 'tis done, 'tis done, I am all over Horns that's certain, and shall be counted a greater Monster than the Elephant.  Bramb. 
'Tis something severe indeed, but the best is, you are not the first Citizen that has had his Wife run away with a Courtier.  Arth. 
Am I not Sirrah ha'? you make a mock of it, do you?  Bramb. 
No Sir no, I am in earnest.  Arth. 
Are you so Villain, are you so? but on, on, knock at the Door, I long to be fully satisfied.  Bramble knocks at the Door. Enter Eudoria above in her Nightgown. Eud. 
Who's there?  Bramb. 
What's that to you?  Eud. 
Who are you?  Arth. 
A Friend, a Friend, one that should be Master of this House.  Eud. 
Who, my Dear Husband? my kind Sir Arthur? where have you been to Night?  Arth. 
Ha! where have I been to Night? rather Lady where have you been to Night?  Eud. 
Here, here in my Chamber, robbed of the Blessing of your sweet society, it was unkindly done.—  Arth. 
It was indeed to run away from your Husband: but come, come, no more of that, open the Door Lady.  Eud. 
I'll fly to do it, I am overjoyed to see you.  [Ex. Eud. Arth. 
What is the meaning of this? I'faith I know not what to think on't.  Bramb. 
Nor I neither, I am sure she was at the Tavern.  Arth. 
But how came she home then? how in her Chamber undressed, ha?  Bramb. 
Nay the Devil knows, and he is the best Counsellor a Woman has, but this is some trick, some trick upon my life; and ten to one Sir General Amorous is with her.  Arth. 
It is impossible, he went to the Salutation Tavern I am sure, I saw him, spoke to him, and drank with him there.  Bramb. 
All this may be, and yet he be in Bed with your Wife; to know which I'll go into the Street, some two or three doors from the House, and cry, fire, fire, then go to your Back door and watch that, whilst you yourself watch this.  Arth. 
This will do, this will do, i'fack haste and about it straight.  [Ex. Bramble. Enter Eudoria. Eud. 
O my dear Husband! where have you been to Night? all night abroad at Taverns? rob me of my Garments and then run away from me? Alas is this seemly, for a man of your Credit? your Age? and Affection to your Wife?  Arth. 
This is fine i'faith, miraculously fine. [Aside.] Was not I at home? called you like a Porter? stood under your Window unregarded, was almost mad with fury, and all this but last night, ha?  Eud. 
Yes Sir, the harmless sleep you broke, and my answer to you would have witnessed it, if you had had the Patience to have stayed one minute longer: but your so sudden retreat made me imagine you were gone with Sir General Amorous that common Debauche: keep him not company Dear, he is enough to ruin twenty Aldermen.  Arth. 
hay day! this is fine indeed: it is impossible she should be honest; and yet she has not the looks of a Sinner neither.  [Bramble within, fire, fire, etc. Eud. 
Ha Fire! I am undone for ever then.  Arth. 
Ha Fire! I'll watch this Door for that trick.  Stands with his back against the door, Bramble within, fire, fire, etc. Eud. 
Dear Husband let's go in and remove the Goods, we shall be lost for ever else.  Arth. 
Not I by Heaven, I'll stand here till to Morrow first.  Enter Sir General Amorous and Spywell. Gen. 
From whence this Dismal noise?  Spyw. 
I know not Sir.  Gen. 
See it has raised my Worthy Landlord and his Wife. Where is the Fire Sir?  Arth. 
Nay I know not.— hay day, hay day, stranger and stranger still.—  [Aside. Enter Contentious Surly in a Nightgown. Surly. 
Good morrow Sir Arthur, you are Alarmed by the Noise I see.  Arth. 
Not much Mr. Surly, I am proof against fire, I am a mere Salamander, and can live as well in the Flame as a Duck in the Water,— 'sfoot I know not what to think of this— [Aside. Sir General, Sir General, you are a Wag, i'fack you are: what stay abroad all Night? come, tell me where were you, indeed you shall.  Gen. 
Troth Sir at a Tavern about a Mile from hence, where after the pleasures of Wine and Music, I hoped to enjoy the Charming Easy, but was hindered by that Jealous Devil Surly.  Arth. 
Did he hinder you i'fack, did he come and take you?  Gen. 
Just in the nick by Heaven.  Arth. 
It was ten thousand pities, it was indeed, you lost a delicate Night on't, i'fack I am sorry for it: what, hindered of a Night?  Gen. 
'Twas my ill fortune Sir, but we shall meet again.  Arth. 
I'll do my best to help you, I will indeed, where's your Man?  Gen. 
There Sir.  Arth. 
He looks clouded methinks.  Gen. 
A little Sir, for want of Rest, he's a most faithful Servant.  Arth. 
A brave contriver I'll warrant him.  Gen. 
How to get Drunk that's all: he rolled last night just like a Bowl ill byased, and slept in every Corner.  Arth. 
This is miraculous! I find I have abused my Wife all this while, and been Jealous for nothing; I am glad it is no worse though. O Villain! Monster that I was! how have I abused myself! He with Easie? and his man asleep in every Corner? this is strange indeed. [Aside. Pardon me Eudoria for leaving the Window so hastily, for my sudden Jealousy transferred me; I will say no more but this, I will not indeed, Dear Wife I suspected thee.  Eud. 
How, did you suspect me?  Arth. 
Talk no more of it, I did indeed, and am ashamed to own it; come, come, we'll in, and every morning on my knees I'll beg a pardon from thee.  Enter Bramble. Bram. 
He is not come out Sir.  Arth. 
No matter, no matter, all's well again, I am Sir Arthur again, the brisk, bonny, and the merry Sir Arthur again, ha?  Surly. 
Where's the Fire Bramble?  Bram. 
Fire? what Fire? was there any Fire?  Gen. 
I heard 'em cry Fire.  Surly. 
And so did I.  Eud. 
And I.  Bram. 
Mere fancy, mere fancy, there is not a spark of fire in the whole City.  Surly. 
Then I'll to Bed again, good morrow Sir Arthur.  Arth. 
Nay Mr. Surly we will not part so, what, part with dry lips? out upon't, come, come, we'll go into my House, and drink a Glass or two, and then part to our Beds; come Sir General.  [Exeunt. Enter Sir Geoffry Jolt Drunk. Geoff. 
Let it burn on, I have nothing to say to fire or women, they are both out of my Element, Wine, precious Wine I am for, the blood of the Grape shall be my Mistress: I have been damnably affronted by a couple of Jilting Queans already, and it will be hard to bring me into a third Praemunire. Where am I? O pretty near home, I find it, this 'tis to have good store of Wine in one's Head; a man reels to his Lodging so decently.  [Exit Reeling.  

SCENE A Bedchamber.  Enter Petulant Easy. Easy. 
Now I am lost, and hope is fled for ever, there's no way left t' accomplish my desire, nor how to bring about my wished for vengeance; I am a Prisoner now, confined to one I hate above the World, and forced to love what I have cause to hate, the treacherous Amorous, but he is gone, fled to Eudoria's Bosom, and there is lodged a happy loving Guest.  Enter Sir Geoffry Jolt. Geoff. 
Still, still in the reeling posture; what ne'er leave me? ha, where am I? what, in my Landladies Chamber? now if I had not made an Oath to the contrary, I would venture to salute her: pox 'twas a foolish Oath, and ought not to be kept by a person of Honour, she kisses smartly, that's my comfort. By your leave Lady, I must have a touch with you.  [Takes hold of Easie. Easy. 
What mean you Sir?  Geoff. 
Nothing but honesty by my Sobriety, you have such a taking way with you, such a delicious turn of the lip, and so charming a breath, that I am almost ravished. [Offers to kiss Easy, she refuses. Nay believe me Lady 'tis a favour, and aught to be taken so, nay come, come Lady.  [Pulls Easy. Easy. 
Whither Sir?  Geoff. 
To your Bed, it is a very convenient Utensil, and ought not to stand for a cipher in a Lady's Chamber, these melting lips— Nay by my Honour, if you are coy I shall be a Devil, come, come, be as you should be, a delightful yielding Female, I am sound I'll promise you, you may venture, dear Rogue—  Easie. 
Venture what Sir?  Geoff. 
To add one horn more to your Husband's Forehead, come, come, I know you love to make him a Cuckold.  Easy. 
A Cuckold Sir?  Geoff. 
Yes, yes a Cuckold, I have made him one myself.  Easy. 
How?  Geoff. 
In my sleep Lady, and there I thought you were so brisk, so airy, and so charming; and if you seemed to be so then, I am sure you cannot choose but be all pleasure now; come, dispatch.  Easy. 
I shall be forced to cry a Rape if you provoke me thus.  Geoff. 
With all my heart, who would not venture on a Woman for such a trifle? come along Lady, whilst you cry I'll act, and then see who'll have the best on't.  Offers to force her. Easy. 
Help, help, a Rape, a Rape.  Enter Surly. Geoff. 
Pox what need you bawl so loud, we shall disturb the Neighbours.  [Forcing Easy still. Surly. 
What means this Rudeness Sir?  Geoff. 
Nothing but Civility by my Honour: mere Passion by jove, and who can be angry at a Passion?  Surly. 
It ill becomes you, especially in my House, Sir Geoffry.  Geoff. 
Nay if you are angry I have done, Good morrow Landlord, I'll go to bed and sleep, and Dream, and so forth.  [Exit Geoffry. Easy. 
Can you see this and not revenge the Injury? can you behold the honour of your Wife at stake, and not protect her; or at least, not offer to destroy the foul Abuser?  Surly. 
He's drunk, he's drunk, and knows not what he does.  Easy. 
Were it Sir General, or any other but this Goatish Geoffry, you would have entertained a strange Suspicion, and with a Jealousy as unrestrained as ever fury could invent, have hunted both to ruin, but now—  Surly. 
Enough, enough, let this content you, that I ne'er before did entertain so fair a thought of Woman as now I do of thee: my foolish Jealousy still prompted me to think it was impossible you could be honest, or stand the Trial of the least Temptation; but now I find thou hast a secret Virtue, which I will cherish ever: come let's retire.  
All jealous Pangs you by this Act remove,  
And now I shall renew Decaying Love.  [Exeunt.  

SCENE Sir Arthur's House.  Enter as in a Passion Sir General Amorous, followed by Sir Arthur Twilight and Eudoria. Arth. 
Nay Sir General, i'faith I am sorry, I am indeed; what, leave your Friend's house for a Trifle? nay sweet Sir General, I am not Jealous now, i'fack I am not; dear Wife go to him, persuade the Gentleman, win him again, I shall be distracted if he leave me, to him Dear—  Eud. 
I know 'tis but in vain.  Arth. 
Nay, nay try him, 'twas but a small affront to say I doubted him, or to be Jealous, was it? nay dear sweet Wife persuade him.  Eud. 
I'll try my power Sir, but I fear th'event.  Arth. 
That's well said, kiss him into friendship, hug him, do any thing to win him, (but lie with him) and I am satisfied.  Eud. 
Prepare a Banquet then to entertain him, and to it invite your Worthy friends; let it appear as costly as you can for such a little Warning, and I'll try if I can court him to it.  Arth. 
Do, do my little Rogue, and see how I will love you, the Night will come and then,— but 'tis no matter, thou knowest my meaning—  [Ex. Sir Arthur. Gen. 
Is he gone?  Eud. 
Safe for an hour, I'll warrant him.  Gen. 
How greedily he hunts his own Destruction, and with a Zeal as eager as our Loves, he strives to haste our Pleasures!  Eud. 
Let us not lose that time by our neglect Heaven has so kindly given.  Gen. 
'Twere sin to slip the opportunity. Fortune now courts us to a World of Pleasure, and should we slight the Blessing she has given, we might for ever starve and long for Joys, but never more approach 'em.  Eud. 
Where shall we go?  Gen. 
My Chamber is most safe; nay any where as you have changed his humour, he would mistrust his Eyes I'm sure before you.  Eud. 
Then let us go, for fear we are prevented.  [Exeunt. Enter Emelia and Flora. Eme. 
This is a strange alteration, but yesterday my Father was as Jealous as a Husband without Eyes, and as Waspish as an ill pleased Bride; and now he is all Mirth and Jollity. Pray Heaven it last.  Flor. 
So say I, for he just now proffered me a Husband: and if his Jealous Fit should come again, I might chance to lead Apes in Hell; and that's a Curse too insufferable for me to bear.  Eme. 
A Husband Flora! who was't?  Flor. 
My degraded Magistrate, he tells me he is a man of Vigour, and loves me with an unspeakable flame.  Eme. 
And can you fancy him?  Flor. 
Best of all, for he's not a Wit I can tell you, and those soft headed Husbands are the easiest Creatures to work upon; a Woman may do what she pleases, keep a Gallant in Town, or maintain a comely Servant in the Country; who shall be as proud to effect my Will, as I desirous to command him.  Eme. 
There's danger in 'em though, besides restraint of Liberty and Freedom, I hate to be mewed up in a Country Castle, give me the Mall, or Grays-Inn Walks; and now and then a Play, where a Woman may receive as much Pleasure by gazing on the Gallants of the Town, as you in the Arms of your Country Magistrate: were I to choose, I'd have a General Lover, one that Courts all, Dotes little, and Enjoys every where.  Flor. 
They are so common, Sister.  Eme. 
Not as Country Squires: Alas there's a great difference in the men I speak of, One shall pretend he loves you monstrously, and behind your back cry dam you. A Second court you with Letters, protest he dotes upon you, and had rather gaze upon your Eyes, than any she in the whole World beside; and yet the next minute run to a Bawdy-house. A Third comes with that taking Toy called Matrimony or Honourable Love, when his whole design is but to Enjoy you, spend your Portion, and then leave you a Miserable Woman.  Flor. 
You are well versed in the distinctions of Men, Sister.  Eme. 
But above all, were I to choose, give me Sir General Amorous, his Business is writ here, here in his Face; and they are much deceived who think he comes to marry 'em.  Enter Sir Arthur Twilight and Bramble. Arth. 
Are all invited?  Bramb. 
Yes Sir, all you gave order are.  Arth. 
And will they come?  Bramb. 
Doubtless, Sir, they are most there already: here's a Note of their Names.  [Gives Sir Arthur a Note. Arth. 
Let me see it, let me see it,— [Reads. Sir john Twiford? what have I to do with him? I want no Madmen Sirrah.  Bramb. 
He will not come I'll warrant you, for I told him unless he could produce a new suit of clothes, and leave those greasy ones behind him, he could not enter here.  Arth. 
That's pretty well, it is indeed, i'fack I like the Jest: Come Daughters let us go in, my Wife and Guests will stay for me, they will indeed, I long to be amongst 'em, for I shall be so merry, so Jocost and pleasant, come dear Girls.  [Exeunt. Scene draws and discovers seated as at a Banquet, Sir General Amorous, Eudoria, Contentious Surly, Petulant Easy, and Sir Geoffry Jolt. Enter Sir Arthur Twilight, Emelia, Flora, and Bramble, all rise. Arth. 
Nay, nay sit down, sit down my Worthy Friends, I'fack I joy to see you, why this was kindly done to visit me upon so small a Warning.  [All sit down. Surly. 
You see we love you Sir.  Arth. 
I hope you do so all, I should be loath to have the hate of any man, I'fack I should, come Gentlemen be merry, let's sing, and dance, and drink, and be jocost, ha?  Geoff. 
Still the Old man by jupiter, come here's a Health, 'tis but a frolic, to the most Superannuated Cuckold in Europe.  Arth. 
Let it go round I'fack.  Eud. 
Fie Sir, there's a Health? I blush to hear it.  Arth. 
But you shall not: what, blush for a trifle? a Cuckold is a Christian, and so we are all I hope: Mr. Surly you are sullen, dogged, moody, alamort I'fack, come here's a Health to the Lord Mayor of London, ha, that was well thought upon ha, was it not, ha?  Geoff. 
You are the same man still, you are indeed Sir Arthur, I love a man that has no sense of his own Miseries: look, look, my Landlord's dogged, at that name Cuckold, down in the mouth by jove, but you bear up briskly still ha, let me embrace thee dear Rogue.  [Embraces Sir Arthur. Arth. 
Look Sir Geoffry, mind that Girl, that little Wag Flora, would she not make a brisk she Magistrate ha, would she not ha'?  Geoff. 
Yes Sir, yes, a delicate Magistrate.  Arth. 
You shall see her Dance Sir Geoffry, believe me she has Excellent Parts, come Flora, I'fack she shall be yours all over.  Flora Dances a jig. Arth. 
Excellent Girl i'fack, take her Sir Geoffry, take her, I say she shall be yours, i'fack she shall.  Entertains Eudoria in Dumb show. Geoff. 
The little Rogue has Charmed me, she has won my heart again, come little Wag, what say you to a Country Magistrate now ha,— nay nay— I have forgot all the Abuses, all the Affronts you and your Sister put upon me, I have upon my Honour.  Flor. 
You are too hasty Sir Geoffry, you have my Father's Consent I must confess, but mine is yet to get; and if you have me you must expect to be made a—  Geoff. 
Cuckold every day, I know it very well, 'tis Hereditary to the Family, but I'll venture that: come little Rogue.  Enter Twiford dressed Ridiculously, with Stockings of two several Colours, Breeches altogether out of Fashion, and a Coat quite different from all; and over this a Carpet cut so, that his Head and Arms may come through, and the rest hang like a Senators Gown. Twif. 
— Save you,— save you Ladies, and you my Honourable Lords and very good Cousins, you see I keep my word, but upon my Honour it was something hard to put myself thus into the Fashion, I was at least with a score Lords and Ladies, all very considerable People, who were very considerably pleased with my new Play, and truly I believe, it may do very honourably well, but my Lord [To Bramble,] You are a man of Wit, and I know understand in a very Extraordinary manner, I'll show you my Comedy; in the mean time pray Coz oblige me with a Bottle of Wine, and a considerable quantity of Meat; for mark you Coz I am a Wit, and a very hungry Wit, and between you and I those are the best sort of Wits.  Bramb. 
A Hungry Wit? I believe you: here Sir john, here is what Sir Arthur's Table affords.  Gives Twiford Meat, and Wine, both sit down and Eat and Drink very greedily. Arth. 
Will he not yield yet, will he not be friends ha? The Devil is in the man I think.—  [Aside. Eud. 
He yet Sir is strangely averse to it, but I doubt not at another meeting to complete the Work, and make you both friends again: and that's a very hard task, but for your sake I'll venture it.  Arth. 
Dear Love, Night is a coming and then,— I say no more, get Sir General to your Chamber, work him, work him to a height of Good nature, and then bring me the happy tidings, the joyful news.  Eud. 
Where shall I find you Sir?  Arth. 
In my Study, in my Study Dear, I will make an excuse to the Company for my absence, and expect your Answer. Gentlemen, pardon me for leaving you so soon, a little business unthought of before our meeting, just now came into my Head, and wants to be dispatched; be merry, drink and be merry, I'll wait upon you presently.  Surly. 
You know your time Sir.  Arth. 
Now will I steal into Eudorias' Chamber, and obscure myself that I may hear how my Wife works him; She has a notable Tongue, and can wheedle a man Delicately, she has indeed.  [Aside.] [Ex. Sir Arth. Twif. 
This is Delicate Food my Lord, have you any more?  [To Bramble. Bramb. 
Truly Sir john no. Alas we live here amongst Cannibals, within a short time after Dinner they will devour one another.  Twif. 
Truly your Cousins at York are very Considerably well, and every thing is in a very decent Order, and they are all Extremely brave and Gallant; why look you Cousin, I am going to get a Commission, I have already a Scarf, Sword and Belt, and such Appurtenances; indeed they are the same I had at the Campain at Black-heath, but still they are very Genteele and Modish.—  All this while Sir Geoffry Entertains Flora in Dumb show. Geoff. 
What say you now little Rogue ha?  Flor. 
I say I shall be the same I ever was, the same jesting, jeering, designing Woman.  Geoff. 
With all my heart.  Flor. 
I must must not be Curbed.  Geoff. 
You shall not.  Flor. 
Nor be hindered of my Pleasure.  Geoff. 
You shall not.  Flor. 
Nor be locked up in my Chamber.  Geoff. 
Neither.  Flor. 
Then give me your Hand— I'm Yours.  Geoff. 
Not as you was before, to Cozen me, I hope.  Flor. 
The Minister shall confute you: but we shall stay too long from the Company.  They go into the Scene and sit down, the Scene closes. Twif. 
My Lord you are very obliging, and Madam Flora is very considerably in a good posture, as affairs stand now, and truly by the next month, at the opening of the Campain, she will be much bigger, and fit for a Considerable command.  Bramb. 
Shall we not have your Company, my Lord?  Twif. 
Cousin, I will wait upon you, and be, my Lord, your most considerably Obliging Faithful servant to command.  [Exeunt.  

SCENE Eudoria's Chamber.  Enter Sir Arthur Twilight. Arth. 
Now I shall be made the happiest Citizen in London, I shall indeed; let me see, where shall I hide myself to overhear 'em, I'fack under that Table, it is a Delicate privacy, and very fit for the purpose.  [Creeps under the Table. Enter Sir General Amorous and Eudoria. Gen. 
Now Joy comes on apace, and every minute produces new Delights. We love without control, and tread those paths are pointed out by your late Jealous Husband, and what before we studied for with care, is by Sir Arthur flung into our Arms.  Arth. 
Ha! what means this?  [Aside. Eud. 
Nothing's more sweet than oft repeated Bliss, especially to one whose Appetite has been so often dulled by the Embrace of Old Age and Folly.  Arth. 
Ha! is this the Effects? they are reconciled, i'faith they are.  [Aside. Gen. 
Poor Senseless man! that has the impudence to think a Woman can be mewed up alone, or feed upon a Sapless Tree: by Heaven a Nunnery is Paradise to such a Lady's Chamber.  Arth. 
I can endure no longer, and yet I dare not stir.  [Aside. Eud. 
Now we are all desires, and reap each minute a World of Newborn Pleasures, whilst in that sordid thing a Feeble Husband, we feed upon a wish, and only live by the imaginary parts of Bliss, Phantasms and Idle Dreams.  Arth. 
O Devil, Devil, Devil, I shall be made a Cuckold, I find I shall, and dare not offer to prevent it neither.  [Aside. Gen. 
Let us be real Lovers, and meet our Flames with vigour, I'm talked into an Exstasy,— and shall expire by gazing on your Charms.  Eud. 
We talk away that time which should be spent in Pleasure.  Arth. 
A Whore, a Whore, by Heaven a common whore, and I an Errand Cuckold.  [Aside. Gen. 
I've been too tardy my Eudoria, and will be so no more.  [Speak and move towards the Bed. 
Shoot down ye Gods, all, all your Plagues above,  
When I neglect the Critic hour of Love.  Arth. 
Confusion! a Pimp, a Pimp, a Pimp.  [Falls into a fit of Coughing, they start. Gen. 
Ha! from whence that Noise?  Eud. 
Under the Table I think.  Gen. 
What Slave durst interrupt us?  Eud. 
We are betrayed I fear. [Looks under the Table. My Husband! I am lost for ever.  Gen. 
Ha! your Husband? then Impudence assist me. [Draws. Come forth thou scorn of Mankind, and take your Death with patience; look on your Fate, and with a Brow serene, smile whilst I send thy Soul into another World: come out I say.  Arth. 
Not I by jove, if you will kill me do it in private, for I shall never endure to see it done.  Gen. 
Then—  [Offers to kill him. Arth. 
Nay sweet Sir General hold, 'tis plague enough to be a Cuckold, but I'll forget I am one, if you'll save my Life; Alas, I am not prepared to die.  Gen. 
So much the greater my Revenge.—  [Offers to kill him again, Eudoria hindering him. Eud. 
Nay let me beg his Pardon Sir, alas the fault was mine, I ought to suffer, shed not the Blood of such a harmless man, but if you must be cruel, sheath here your Sword, and let my Life and shame end both together.  Gen. 
Come out I say.  Arth. 
Not till you give me Life, I'faith I am sorry, very sorry I interrupted you, I am indeed.  Gen. 
Come out, and I'll consider on't. [Comes from under the Table and kneels.] How durst ye, thou base Jealous Dotard, presume to think an evil thought of us, much more disturb our Pleasures, skulk in our known Recesses, and all to make you mad, horn mad? but to prevent your Lunacy thus I'll—  Offers to kill him again, Eudoria Kneels and seems to Weep. Eud. 
Hold, on my Knees I beg you to forbear, look on his Age, his Innocence and Goodness, look how submissively he bends for Pardon, and also look upon Eudoria's Tears: can they not win you yet, not bate your Fury? then on his Neck I'll hang and perish there, perish and die with my dear Loving Husband.  [Falls on his Neck and Weeps. Arth. 
Can you, can you strike now? can you kill Sir Arthur? your best Friend Sir Arthur? can you for all these Tears? for all the Tears of such a loving Wife?—  [Falls on Eudoria's Neck and Weeps. Gen. 
Rise, she has gained your Pardon: but on Condition that you never talk, nay not so much as think of what has happened, if you do—  Arth. 
Never, alas I will take it for a Dream, a mere Dream, and when I am awake, put it out of my Memory.  Gen. 
Forgive Eudoria then, and with a Zeal as hasty, as you went to Church together.  Arth. 
I do, I'fack I do, with all my Heart I do.  Gen. 
Consider Sir, 'tis but a Venial sin, and not so great as it is Common; for but few Women inviolably observe the Faith they owe their Husbands.  Arth. 
I'm of your mind Sir General, I'fack I am, this 'tis to be Old and fearful; but 'tis no matter, I'm not the first Cuckold, that's my comfort.  Eud. 
Now all my hopes are lost, quite lost for ever, and I must still be bound to one I hate.  Enter Twiford Singing and Dancing. Twif. 
Why, look you Cousins, every thing is Considerably well, and the Affair has been managed with a great deal of Prudence, and my Cousin Geoffry and his Wife Emelia, are mighty jocost and pleasant; and every thing is in an extraordinary Good manner and Posture, and the way is mighty obliging I assure you, they did me the honour to employ me in this great Affair, which is to advertise you that all my good Lords and Ladies are in very Good health, and are— Enter Sir Geoffry, Emelia, Contentious Surly, Petulant Easy, Flora, Spywell and Bramble. Why look you Cousins, here are all my very good Lords and Ladies, and pray pardon me my Lords, if I leave your Companies so soon, for my very Honourable Friend and Cousin, my Lord— has sent for me, and I am to win a hundred Guinnies to night, which is very considerable, my very good Lords, Ladies and Cousins, Adieu.  [Ex. Twiford. Geoff. 
What, Alamort Sir Arthur? Come, come be merry and sing, I have got your Daughter, I'fack Boy.  Arth. 
'Tis Well, 'tis very well, she is a smart Rogue, and will make a good Wife I'll warrant her.— She is my Daughter, and I hope will make you a Cuckold too; that I may have a Son in law of the Family of the Wittols.—  [Aside. All this time Sir General Entertains Flora in Dumb show. Gen. 
Sir Arthur Twilight all anger being past and quite forgotten, to bind myself for ever to you, and by a Bond that knits Entire Affections, with your Consent and to secure your peace, here will I plant my Love.  Arth. 
With all my Heart, I care not what you do, Marry whom you please, I can be but a Cuckold still.  [Aside. Gen. 
What says Emelia?  Emel. 
I would say nothing Sir to Matrimony, if you men were not so deceitful, and yet methinks I long to know what 'tis.  Gen. 
O 'tis a Pleasing Pain, a Heavenly Bliss.—  Emel. 
Nay, tell me not on't before hand, I hate to have my Pleasures paled by talking of 'em, give me your hand, for once I'll venture Marriage, but believe me, if it prove contrary to my Expectation, I'll run for't, go to Law for alimony, and be Mistress to an Alderman.  Arth. 
He shall be a Cuckold too, I'll persuade my Daughter to be a Whore, and so be revenged on him.  [Aside. Easy. 
Still he is False, and in the highest nature; I'll study for Revenge now I have lost him, and ruin both together.  [Aside. Surly. 
Sir General Amorous, I beg your Pardon for those foul suspicions I had of you and Easy, and hereafter I'll strive to show my Love.  Gen. 
My thanks shall not be wanting, nor my Rewards, to Spywell and to Bramble, both which have played the Parts of Faithful Servants.  
Licentious Youth, taught by unruly Fires,  
Each moment leads us to unjust Desires.  
The joy once past, and the great Blessing ta'en;  
We grieve to think it cannot come again.  
But here that Bliss we do in safety meet,  
And lay our Glories at the Victor's Feet.  
Where uncontrolled we in our Chains enjoy  
Those Pleasures which our Freedom would destroy.    
FINIS.   

EPILOGUE, Spoken by Sir ARTHUR.  
THE fate of Writing is like Wedlock dark,  
The Wife's Debauched by every Modish Spark.  
And though a Man Monopolizeth Wit,  
He's sure to have but little share of it.  
We City Cullies buy our Wive's so Dear  
And with such Pains indulge each Wantons Ear  
Till they break out, and you Debauch 'em here.  
There's scarce a Gallant but has fresh supplies  
Of Love and Glances, from her Wanton Eyes.  
The fate of Citt and Poet then are even,  
For sure both Fools and Cuckolds go to Heaven:  
How happy then's the Author of this Play,  
Who although Young's as great a Fool as they?  
He swore he did not Write to show his Sense  
But his Unequaled stock of Impudence.  
For though you Rail and Dam, he laughs to see  
You more mistaken in his Play then he.