A DISCOURSE OF FRIENDSHIP, PREACHED at the Wiltshire-Feast, IN St. Mary Le-Bow-Church December the 1st. 1684. By Samuel Masters B. D. Preacher to the Hospital and Precinct of Bridwell in London. 6 Eccles. 14, 15, 16. A faithful Friend is a strong defence, and he that hath found such an one, hath found a Treasure. Nothing doth Countervail a faithful Friend, and his excellency is in valuable. A faithful Friend is the Medicine of Life, and they that fear the Lord shall find him. LONDON, Printed by T. B. for Marm. Foster and Awnsham Churchill, and are to be sold at the Black Swan at Amen-Corner. MDCLXXXV. To the WORTHY STEWARDS OF THE Wiltshire-Feast, Mr. John Eyles Mr. Richard Holford Mr. Paul Methwen Mr. William Gardiner Mr. Henry Lamb Mr. Thomas Phipp. Mr. John Slater Mr. John Rutland Mr. John wait Mr. Edward Smith AND To the rest of my Countrymen of WILTSHIRE. SIRS, WHen I was first desired, by some of you, to publish this Discourse, I took it but for a customary Compliment of respect, to which I intended to make no farther answer, than my thankful acknowledgement; but the same request being since reinforced by some others, who might plead, that Friendship which the Sermon recommends, I was obliged to comply; many Arguments occurred to dissuade we, b●t I tho●ght of this one for my encouragement, that in crossing my own humour so much to gratify my Friends, I should give one instance of practising what I Preached, and perchance gain the reputation of being one who would on all good occasions approve himself Your Faithful Friend, and humble Servant SAMVEL MASTERS. A DISCOURSE OF FRIENDSHIP, etc. Proverbs 17.17. A true Friend will love at all times, and a Brother is born for Adversity. WHen I consider that Nature designed us to be Friends, by making us Countrymen, and that the chief design of our present meeting is to enlarge and endear our mutual Friendships; I cannot think of a Subject, which may yield a more suitable Entertainment than the excellent Virtue of Friendship, which though seldom discoursed of from the Pulpit, is yet no inconsiderable Part of our Religion; and though very rare to be met with in the World, is certainly a very great advantage, delight and ornament of human conversation. In pursuance of this design, I here present you the fair and lively Pourtraicture of a true Friend, drawn by the most skilful hand, in this divine Aphorism of the Text, wherein we may observe, 1. The Essential Form or Principle of a Friend, which is Love, a true Friend will love. 2. His genuine Features or Properties which are chief these Two. 1. An immutable constancy of affection, He will love at all times. 2. A generous Faithfulness in the most needful time of trouble, He is a Brother born for adversity. In the following discourse I shall endeavour to draw a true Copy from this original, but more large, that its beauties may be more displayed to your view; and that I may not miss in the principal strokes, I shall keep within the lines of the Text. 1. I shall describe that love which constitutes a true Friend. 2. I shall represent those admirable Properties of an immutable constancy of affection and a generous faithfulness in a time of adversity, which complete and adorn him. 3. I shall review the draught in some useful reflections. 1. I begin to describe that Love, which frames and constitutes a true friend. It must be premised, that I do not here consider a Friend in that large Sense, wherein the vulgar apply the Name to any Neighbour or Acquaintance, that is not an Enemy; but in the strictest Sense, as he is denominated such from that particular virtue, which we properly call by the Name of Friendship; and of this I design to discourse rather according to the Principles of our Religion, than the mean and imperfect Notions of the ancient Moralists. That this friendship is a genuine Offspring of Love, is too evident to need a proof; and what kind or sort of love it is, which properly assumes the form and name of Friendship, we shall easily discover, by observing some of those modifications whereby the great and eminent grace of Christian Charity, brancheth itself into a great variety of particular Virtues, and among the rest into this of Friendship: Such are the various objects about which it is conversant; the different degrees to which it is advanced, and the several good Offices in which it is employed: In a distinct view of these we shall discern, how love is shaped and determined into the Specific form of Friendship. 1. We observe that Love takes up various forms and names, from the various object to which it is addressed, as the Sea takes different Names from the several shores it salutes. Thus Love, as it looks upward to Superiors is piety to a Parent, duty to a Governor, and gratitude to a Benefactor; as it looks downward on Inferiors, it becomes mercy to an Offender, charity to the Indigent, and pity to the Distressed; as it looks round about on equals, we call it kindness; and if among these it meets with any fitly qualified to reciprocate the Offices of kindness, it becomes Friendship. The principal qualification which fits a Person to become an Object of Friendship, is moral goodness, especially, that he be competently endued with probity and integrity, with true wisdom and courage, with ingenuity and Modesty, with meekness and humility, with a large Soul and a tender Heart, with a pleasant Temper and a cheerful Spirit; for if these dispositions be wanting, either we shall not love, or our love must be called by some other name than friendship. Yet this is not all, for there will be farther requisite such a combination of external Circumstances, as may fit a Person for maintaining an actual intercourse of Friendship. For though we cannot but love and honour every virtuous Man we see and hear of, yet we contract our Friendships only with those who are placed within the Sphere of our acquaintance, who are most like us in age, temper and condition of Life; who may be most nearly adapted to us as a second self, and with whom we may have the most frequent, intimate, and delightful, as well as the most useful conversation. It may be necessary to add, that though Friendship doth thus contract our Love to a few select Objects, yet it will no way impair or hinder the great Duty of Christian Charity, or make any Schisms or Factions among Christian Brethren; for Christian Charity can, like the Sun, shine on all Mankind, though it strike on some with a more direct and warmer Ray; or like a well-drawn Picture, it can cast a look on all about it, not overlooking an Enemy or a Stranger, though it may have a peculiar aspect for a Friend, who is situated in the fitted Place and distance to it. The great Apostle supposeth a different communication of Love, in that advice, 6 Gal. 10. As we have opportunity let us do good to all men, especially to those who are of the household of Faith. And with parity of reason we may determine, that we may be differently affected toward our? Brethren of the same household, as they differently excel in Christian Virtues, and as Circumstances conspire to make us a fit opportunity for maintaining an Intercourse of Friendship with them. We observe also that Love asumes different shapes from the different degrees to which it is advanced; and thus that Love which in a remiss degree is but ordinary kindness and common civility, is by higher degrees exalted up into the fervour of Friendship. The Love of Friendship cannot but be thus intensely great, it being founded on true Virtue; which is the most excellent kind of goodness, and the highest incentive of Love; it being also contracted to a few, and mutually reflected, all which will conspire to increase its ardours. And we can suppose nothing less sufficient to transform friends into so near a likeness, to incline them to one another with so passionate an affection, to yield them so delightful a complacency in their mutual Society, or to engage them in so many hazards and hardships in serving each others Interests. The Philosophy of the Ancients describes this Love of Friendship in such transcendent heights, as if it could not only mingle the concernments of Friends in a common Interest, but also unite their Souls into one Person. And the account we have of it from the Holy Scriptures will little abate the Hyperbole; Solomon brings a Friend as near as a Brother in the Text; and elsewhere tells us, 18 Pr. 24. that he will stick closer than a Brother. David professeth that Jonathans' friendship to him was wonderful, 2 Sam. 2.26. 13 Deu. 6. passing the love of Women. And God himself, in cautioning Israel against the enticements of those who were like to have the highest ascendent over them placeth a Friend in the highest rank, above a Brother, or Son, or Daughter, or the Wife of the Bosom, and calls him, a Friend which is even as thy own Soul. 41 Is. 8. 33 Ex. 11. And hence it is, that God expresseth his singular love to Abraham and Moses, by calling them Friends; and by the same Name also, the incomprehensible height of our Blessed Saviour's love to his Church, is sometimes expressed in the Canticles and in the New Testament, 5. Cant. 1, 15. John 14, 15. And I may add, though our blessed Lord hath, by a new Commandment, advanced the common love of Christians, so far above all that was practised among Jews or Gentiles, as to become the distinguishing Character of all his Disciples; yet still we must allow Christian friendship to superadd as much to Christian love, as common friendship used to do to the love of Nature. If therefore St. Peter exhorts all Christians to have fervent Charity among themselves, how intensely great must be the love of Christain Friends? 3. We observe farther, 1 Pet. 4. S. that Love takes up various Names from the variety of good Offices, in which it is employed; for as it bears injuries, we call it Meekness, and as it forgives them we call it Mercy; as it pities the distressed we call it Compassion, and as it relieus them we call it Charity; and when beside all other Offices, it attends to the intimate privacies and peculiar concernments of a Friend, we call it Friendship. The power of Friendship is equal to its love, and as this includs all inferior degrees, and exceeds them too, so will that perform all common kindnesses, and outdo them also. It would be strange indeed, if that Love which can show mercy to an Enemy, pity to a Stranger, and kindness to a Neighbour, should not be ready to do as much and more for a Friend. True friendship is the most officious thing in the World, it will disdain no Offices as too mean, decline none as too difficult; it will not only take, but seek all opportunities of doing good, and reward itself with the delights and pleasures of such kind employments. It makes but one exception to this general rule, that it be put on no Services inconsistent with that Virtue, on which its very life and being depends. It will engage a Man to do any thing for his Friend, but to commit a sin; to follow him into any danger, but into no Vice. And therefore, when Pericles desired his Friend to bear a false Testimony for him, and he consented to serve him 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 He is justly censured by the Moralist, for coming too near the Altar. And in a like case the Orator censures the ill conduct of those, who were betrayed by their Friendships, into Factions and Conspiracies against the Commonwealth. But beside all other common Offices of Love, Friendship hath its own proper Province, within which it performs some peculiar Offices, which are impracticable to any other love. Every Man is conscious of some concernments which lie deepest and closest to him, which are too great for his own thoughts to manage, which yet fall under the cognizance of no Relation or Society but this of Friendship. He may have some secreets too big for his own Bosom, which he can not where lodge with safety, but in the breast of a Friend; He may have some designs fit only to be entrusted to the sincerest Friendship; He may have some Infirmities, which he dare not expose to any severer eye than that of a Friend, He may have some inward wounds, which can bear no air or touch, but the softest breath and gentlest hand of a Friend; He may need such caution or advice, such comfort or assistance, as none could, or would give but a faithful Friend. In such cases Friendship discovers its own proper excellency and usefulness, in providing a safe Closet for our choicest secrets, a Sovereign balm for our deepest wounds, in resolving our doubts, correcting our errors, advising our affairs, communicating in our most secret joys to double them, and in our most silent sorrows to lessen them, and performing all this with such propensness and sincerity, that even self-love could hardly equal it. Such kind Offices Job expected of his Friends, but in vain, when he cried out, To him that is afflisted pity should be showed him of his Friends; 6. Job. 14. 19 Job 21. Have pity upon me, have pity upon me, O my Friends! For the Hand of God hath touched me. Such also our wise man asserts in several Proverbs, Faithful are the wounds of a Friend: 27. Prov. 6.9.17. As Ointment and Perfumes rejoice the Heart, so doth the sweetness of a Man's Friend by hearty Counsel, As Iron sharpeneth Iron, so a Man sharpeneth the Countenance of his Friend. Thus far I have described a Friend by that principle of Love, which constitutes him such; and that his inward frame might be more exposed to your view, I have described his love also, by the select Objects to which it is addressed, the eminent degrees to which it is exalted, and the most useful Offices in which it is employed. 2. I proceed to represent those admirable properties of a true Friend, which complete and adorn him; they are chief these two mentioned in the Text: An immutable constancy of affection, and a generous faithfulness in a time of Adversity. 1. A true Friend is immutably constant in his affections, He will love always or at all times. The contract of Friendship is so solemn and sacred, that a Friend may not violate it, if he would, and so useful and pleasant, that he would not, if he might, break this Bond asunder, or cast away this Cord of Love from him. The slight friendships of the vulgar are indeed mutable and uncertain, as that fickle humour or fortune is, on which they depend: but that friendship which is built on solid Virtue, conducted with true Wisdom, and fixed in the strongest inclinations or Love, cannot but be permanent and pepetual. Such a friendship is seated too deep to be at all varied with that variety of Circumstances, which happen without, for as a change of Fortune, like a change of Garments, will make no alteration in the Man, so neither will it in the Friend; and he who did not at first love his Friend for the sake of his good fortune, will not afterwards plead the want of it, for a forfeiture or discharge of his Friendship. If therefore one Friend be advanced in prosperity, he will reach out a kind Hand to raise up the other to him, or stoop himself down to his level, but he will never think himself too great for that friendship, which is itself the greatest thing in the world. Likewise, if a worthy Friend fall into disgrace or distress, though this may vary the Offices of Friendship, yet it will not its nature; it may excite pity and compassion, but no slight or contempt, it will rather by irritation heighten the love of Friendship, than abate or extinguish it. It is true, that the external Circumstances, which at first invited a Friendship, may afterwards so , as to incommode and interrupt its intercourse, by long distance, frequent absence, different affairs, etc. But these things are too slight to dissolve that Bond, which even the stroke of death can scarce cut asunder. Sometimes also Friendship may mistake its object, and address to a Person, who afterwards proves unworthy and uncapable of the Correspondence; in which case a friend is compared by Plutarch, to one who hath taken unwholesome food into his Stomach, which he can neither cast up without pain, nor retain without danger; and though in such a case, a friend may lawfully Sue out a Divorce, yet his ingenuity will dispose him rather decently to untie, than roughly to break asunder the Bond of his friendship. It must be confessed also, that the best and wisest friends are but Men, subject to many surprises and infirmities, which may too much impair and obstruct their friendships; who yet; if true friends can be very ingenious in excusing, very patiented in bearing, and very ready in forgiving the faults one of another; and if their friendships be of the right kind, they will be able, not only to endure these discouragements, but also to survive them with advagtage; like Trees, which after a shaking wind take the deeper root; or like skilful Music, which can improve the greatest discords into the most graceful and delightful Harmony. And though Solomon informs us farther, that there are froward Men who will sow strife, 16. Pr. 28. and whisperers who will separate chief friends; by whose accursed practices the Devil endeavours to destroy the greatest good and delight of Mankind; yet they do not easily or often prevail, for true friendship will not be soon tinctured with jealousy, nor lightly yield up a Friend to the malice of a detractor, but first or last, the truth of friendship will triumph over the falsehood of the calumny. After all these vain attempts, to vanquish the constancy of a true friendship, we cannot suspect that it will tyre or wear out with length of time. So little is it subject to decay, that like our most generous liquors, it will gain strength and sweetness by Age. A friend, like a garment, becomes more fit and suitable by daily use: And that Cement of Love, which time hath seasoned and approved, is the strongest and most durable. Wherefore our wise Man adviseth us by no means, to forsake an approved Friend, especially not a Father's Friend, for the older he is, always the better. 27 Pr. 10. 2. The other property of a true friend, is his generous faithfulness in the most needful time of trouble; he is a Brother born for adversity. A true friend is, by many excellent qualities, so fitly framed and provided for a season of adversity, that he is not only able to endure it, but he will stick the closer, under the adverse assaults of Fortune; and by a generous antiperistasis, his love will increase under the discouragements of adversity. It was a true observation which Sylla made to Pompey, That more did adore the Rising than the Setting Sun. And Solomon made the like observation, That wealth maketh many Friends, 19 Prov. 4.7. but the Poor is separated from his Neighbour. All the Brethren of the Poor do hate him, how much more do his Friends go far from him; he pursueth them with words, yet they are wanting to him, There are Friends enough to be found, who are born for prosperity, who will feed on our plenty, and share in our joys; but it is the most deplorable fate of adversity, that when it puts us under the greatest need of friends, it often put them farthest from us. While prosperity shines on a Man, crowds of vulgar infects will flutter about him, to bask in its heat, and suck the warm influences of its rays; but those friends are too excellent to be many, who can stand firm, and stick close to us, amidst the storms and tempests of adversity. The wiseman tells us, that he who is become a Brother in the bonds of friendship, will stick closer than he who is so, only in the bonds of Nature; and therefore he adviseth us, in the day of our Calamity, 27. Pr. 10. to go rather to a Friend, than to the House of a Brother, for better is such a Neighbour, whom friendship hath made near, than a Brother, who in his affections is farther off. It is the peculiar honour of a true friend, that no interest can bribe him, nor dangers affright him; that he hath courage enough to make any attempt, and fortitude enough to bear any hardships for an avowed friend. Give me a friend, saith Seneca, for whom I may die, whom I may follow into banishment, De amicum pro quo mari possim, quem in exitum sequar, cujus me morti opponam & impendam. 15. John 13. for the rescue of whose Life I may expose my own. And our Blessed Saviour supposeth the love of friendship to be so generous, that a Man may, even, lay down his life for a Friend. And surely, that love which is stronger than Death, will never boggle at petty misfortunes. No, Solomon tells us, That many waters cannot quench Love, 8. Cant. 7. neither can the Floods drown it, and lesser sprinklings will but inflame it. True Friendship, like that Virtue on which it is founded, will grow brighter and stronger, by the conflicts of adversity, and increase its Love as fire doth its heat, by the sharpness of the season. To see a worthy Friend bowing under the weight of an unjust oppression, will strangely inspirit a true generous friendship; it will force modesty to speak in vindication of his innocence, and humility to contend for his just praises, it will arm the timorous in his defence, and instruct the rudest Tongue into an eloquent advocate, such is the admirable force of friendship, that it will raise a Man in the Service of a Friend above what he could or would do for himself, yea, oftentimes to postpone his own interests to those of a Friend, and expose himself to shield a Friend from an approaching danger. Such a friend was Jonathan to David, whom neither the hatred of a Father, nor the flattery of a crown could corrupt, who would not yield up his friend, though Saul with armed fury, stormed the bosom which entertained him, nor would let go his friendship, though he knew it would cost him the reversion of a Kingdom; but with an unshaken resolution he persisted to plead David's cause, though to the prejudice of his own, to advance his praise, though to his own diminution, and to secure his friend, though with the hazard of himself. Happy is the Man who is strengthened with such an alliance, and provided of so useful a support for an evil day; who is secure of a faithful Friend to adhere to him, when all others forsake him, to condole with him, when others insult over him, to plead his cause amidst the loudest calumnies, and solicit his interests when most desperate and deplorable. Having now finished the draught I designed, though with a much ruder Pencil than it deserved, let us stand a while and review it in some useful reflections. 1. If the face of a true friend be truly represented in this Text, than the reverse and opposite of this must needs be false and counterfeit. I should not have made this reflection, but that I observe how the many 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 (as Plutarch calls the false Images and Counterfeits of friendship) do reflect no small disgrace on this excellent Virtue. Such are the Mercenary friendships of the vulgar, who choose their friends as they do their cattle, the strongest for labour, or the fattest for sale, who keep or part with their friends, as will make most for their interest; whose friendship is nothing else but traffic and commerce. Such also are the vain friendships of fond Amorists, which spend themselves in soft dalliances and imaginary delights; which can no more engage a wise and generous mind, than Samson could be fettered with the ropes and with'hs of his Daliah. Nay, some have not been afraid to profane the sacred name of friendship, by ascribing it to the good Fellowship of Debauchery, to combibations of Fraud and Violence, or to conspiracies of Faction and Treason: Such are indeed, like Simeon and Levi, Brethren in iniquity, 49. Gen. 5.6. But oh my Soul, come not thou into their secrets, unto their assembly mine Honour be not thou united. But the most common and dangerous imposter in friendship is the Flatterer, who like Jacob, appears in the dress of a Brother, and with a smooth voice supplants and betrays him; all whose officious Addresses are no better than the crafty arts of a Fowler, to allure and decoy a friend into a prey. But time will discover the false friend, at least in a sharp season of adversity, his disguises of friendship will drop off, like withered Leaves at the approach of Winter. 2. If so much be necessary to constitute and complete a true friend, we see reason enough why true friendship is so great a rarity in the world, some have thought it matter of complaint and wonder, that so excellent and useful a virtue, should scarcely be met with any where, but in the notional rules of Philosophy, or the feigned examples of some imaginary History: But it is not to be thought strange, that what is most excellent and very difficult, should be scarce and uncommon in the World. A virtuous friendship must needs be rare, when Virtue itself is so. They are but few, whose Souls are refined with purity, adorned with modesty, supplee with meekness, sweetened with kindness and enlarged with goodness; which might render them capable of entertaining so great a virtue. The most we may observe, are too selfish to love any besides themselves, too rugged in their tempers to admit of so close an union, too vain and humoursome to be constant, and too mean and abject of spirit to endure a trial of adversity: And hence it comes to pass, that a true Friend is as greatly admired, and as rarely seen among us, as the Stoics wise man was among the Philosophers of old. Yet, if the virtues of our Religion were as much in practice, as they might and should be, friendships would easily result of themselves; were every one but fit to be a Friend, nobody could be long without one. But alas! in our days, Christian Charity is not only withered in these upper Branches, but decays at the very root, and so little can we endure the strictest bond of friendship, that even the largest bond of peace can scarce contain us. 3. Let us once more reflect on a true Friend, to behold in him that excellency of worth, and those endearing properties which may justly recommend him to our embrace and imitation. How many and how eminent are the virtues which meet in the composition of a true Friend? To how many and important uses will a true friendship serve? It is the ornament of our prosperity, and the relief of our adversity, it sweetens our sorrows and our joys too, and is the most delightful solace of our lives: In a word, true friendship is the highest improvement of humanity, and the greatest advance of Christian Charity we are capable of, in our present State. What greater virtue could I recommend, or what greater happiness could I wish to you my dear Countrymen? than such a mutual friendship, as would render our conversations wholesome and secure, fruitful and pleasant as that good Country is, to which we are related. But who did ever dispraise friendship? or would refuse a faithful Friend? It were well if every one were as willing to be a friend as to have one, and would be content to correspond by that rule of equity. The wise Man gives, 18. Pr. 24. That he who hath friends must show himself friendly. And yet it would become a Christian to do somewhat more, to importune others with the first addresses of his Love, and court them, if possible, into a League of friendship. Seneca thought every good Man ought to have a friend to exercise his friendship, ne tam magna Virtus jaceret, lest so great a Virtue should be neglected and lost in the world. It will much more concern us who are Christians, to make and cherish amongst us the truest friendship, because it is the most eminent pitch of that Charity, which is the most eminent grace of our Religion. Some have been vainly prejudiced against friendship, as if it were a foreign Virtue transplanted from the Schools of Philosophy; but surely our holy institutions which require our love to an Enemy and a Stranger, cannot be supposed to disregard a Friend; our religion which qualifies Persons with the highest at●●inments of Divine goodness, which ●ssists out friendships with the mighty aid ●f that Holy Spirit, who is the true God of love, which honours it with so many encomiums, and encourageth it with such great rewards, can do more ●●an all the morality of the Ancients to ●eed and promote the noblest friendships. The Holy Jesus the Author of ●ur Religion had his beloved Disciple, ●●d expressed a particular friendship to ●●zarus;; and his Sisters. The Primitive Christians did so abound in their friendships, that they seemed to have no other ●nd of love among them; insomuch ●●at the Heathens suspected them to ●●…ry Philtrums and Charms about ●●em, to beget such strong Endearments 〈◊〉 Affection. And, to add no more, ●●e have reason to conceive one part of ●…e glorious happiness of Heaven, to ●●nsist in the most refined and exalted friendships of Angels and Saints mad● perfect above, where the poorest Laz●rus rests in the Bosom of the greatest ●brabam, and all closely unite in the sam● harmony of Love and Praise. God gra●● that we may so imitate their holy friendships here, that we may be admitted t●… their blessed Society hereafter, throu●● the merits of our Blessed Saviour, t●● greatest and best of Friends, to who● with the Almighty Father, and the ●ternal Spirits of Grace, be Glory a●● Honour; Praise and Thanksgiving, no● and ever, Amen. THE END.