THE RIB RESTORED: OR, The Honour of MARRIAGE. A SERMON Preached in Dionis-Back-Church, occasioned by a Wedding, the 5. day of June, 1655. By RICHARD MEGGOT, Preacher of the Word, to the Parish of Ford in Sussex. MARK 10.6,7. But from the beginning of the Creation, God made them Male and Female: for this cause shall a Man leave his Father and Mother, and cleave to his Wife. Chrysost. tom. 1. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. Agellius l. 1. c. 6. Quoniam ita natura tradidit, ut nec cum illis (uxoribus) satis commodè, nec sine illis ullo modo vivi possit: saluti perpetuae, potiùs quàm brevi voluptati consulendum. LONDON, Printed by J. G. for NATH: WEBB, and WIL: GRANTHAM, at the Black-Bear in St. Paul's Churchyard, near the little North door of Paul's, 1656. To the Worshipful John bail of Wilbey, in the County of Suffolk, Esquire. Grace and Peace. Worthy Sir, THe Publication of this crude discourse, is a sufficient argument how incapable I am to resist friends importunities. I am not insensible, that there are too many defects in it, and I know those of maturer & better seasoned judgements, may find more: But they that are the most judicious, are the least censorious. Wherefore upon a supposition that I might be prevailed with, to wave such things as these, yet notwithstanding I might have reasons enough to oppose all entreaties; I will not repeat what I have so often urged upon this occasion, viz. My just desire of a close retirement, and natural aversion, from any thing that might draw many eyes upon me. Besides all this, I have often reflected (with a more than common disturbance) upon the miserale disease, and distemper of the age we live in; the generality of men among us being compounded of Opinion and Passion, as of a Soul and Body: what one approveth, another disliketh; what one affecteth, another distasteth. It is very sad, but it is too true, a Spirit of giddiness and distraction is gone out upon the Inhabitants of this disjointed Nation; and what the Angel of the Lord said to Hagar concerning Ishmael, is true of each particular Division and Separation; their hand is against every Man, and every Man's hand is against them: Gen. 16.12. each by an uncharitable partiality inveighing against, and condemning of every one but themselves. And thus prejudice, a low and sinful prejudice, unworthy of Men, much more of Christians, is the ascendant upon most men's Spirits. And they that are the most obscure, no question taste, but those that are most public, shall be sure to drink a double portion of this bitter cup. But woe to him that maketh the Cross a stumbling block. As we should not do the least evil, that the greatest good may come of it, that being to distrust God's power, as if he could not effect it; so neither should we refrain from the least good, for the greatest evil that may come of it, that being to distrust his goodness, as if he would not divert it. Sir, Your Daughter was the occasion, that emboldeneth me to make you the Patron of this Sermon. I must confess, I could have wished that my libamina, the first-fruits of my labours to the world, had been something more generally useful for the building up of Souls in their most holy Faith, and promoting of the power of godliness: this reacheth only the particular duties of the Husband and the Wife. But these indeed are many, and exceeding weighty. The Spaniard hath a proverb, There is more required in Marriage, than two pair of Legs in one pair of Sheets. It is not to be attempted with a brutish and sensual mind. O that all that are tied in this sacred knot, would consider in good earnest, and lay to heart what it is the Lord requireth of them! I should think myself exceeding happy, and account it a mercy to give thanks for, Evening, Morning, and at Noon: might it please the Almighty, to accompany with his blessing, these weak endeavours of the unworthiest of all the labourers in his Vineyard, to make them instrumental for the rectifying and remedying those dangerous abuses in choosing of those vile miscarriages that are too frequent in living with this relation. The seed I sowed in that Judicious Auditory, that was assembled upon this occasion was good, (O that it might bring forth much fruit!) pardon the hand that cattered it, it was unskilful. I than drew a Copy, (O that all whom it may concern, that now shall look on it, would write after it!) not excepting at the unhandsomeness, but pondering the usefulness of it. These are the hopes and prayers of Sir, Your affectionate Nephew to serve you in the Lord, Richard Meggot. Errata. p. 6. l. 37. r. infructuosa p. 15. l. 20. r. will p. 16. marg. l. 9 r. filiorum THE RIB RESTORED: OR, The Honour of Marriage. GEN. 2.18. And the Lord God said, It is not good that the Man should be alone, I will make him an help meet for him. WHen the stately structure of this material World first started out of nothing, at the call of the first Being; the method of the Creation proceeded commonly by Twins and Pairs. If you look upon the Universe, there is a Heaven and an Earth; If upon the Heavens, there is a Sun and Moon; If upon the Earth, there is a Sea and Land; If upon the Time, there is a Day and Night; If upon the Seasons, there is a Winter and Summer; If upon the Creatures, there is a Male and Female; If upon our Natures, there is a Soul and Body: finally, if upon ourselves compounded, the Flowers and Pinnacles of corporeal existencies. The Lord God said, it is not good that the Man should be alone, I will make him an help meet for him. My text is the Banes of Matrimony; the first, that ever was published: where Adam is asked thrice in once by the Blessed Trinity: None can show any lawful cause why he and Eve should not be joined together: there is one why they should: for, The Lord God said, It is not good, etc. division In which words you may be pleased to observe these three generals, 1. An Introduction. 2. An Assertion. 3. A Resolution. The Introduction is full of transcendent Majesty, And the Lord God said. The Assertion confirms an experimental verity, It is not go●d that the Man should be alone. The Resolution testifieth an unwearied bounty, I will make him an help meet for him. general 1 The first of these is the Introduction, And the Lord God said. How the Almighty here spoke, whether eternally, in his own decrees; or Syllabically by the use of instruments; or Miraculously, by the revelation of Angels; or Internally in the mind of man; or supernaturally by any other means, were a question not more intricate than unseasonable for this assembly: wherefore following S. Augustine's counsel, Augustin. in Gen. ad littram. quomodo non est quod quaeramus, sed potiùs quid dixerit intelligamus, to inquire not so much how he spoke, as what he spoke. I shall wholly wave it, entreating your attention to the two remaining parts of my text, whereof the former is the general 2 Assertion. It is not good that the Man should be alone: wherein take notice of these two particulars; 1. The Subject, Man alone. 2ly. The Predicate, It is not good. particular 1 I will begin first, with the first of these, taking a brief view of the Subject, Man alone. For the better understanding whereof, you must know, Man may be taken under three considerations. Universally. Particularly. Indefinitely. consideration 1 First Universally, as including every man, each singular individual without exception: but in this sense it must not be admitted here, for that would make the meaning of the words to be, It were not good for any Man to be alone; but the Apostle telleth you, 1 Cor. 7. of being alone in a single life, 'tis good for a Man so to be; 1 Cor. 7.26. and in the 19 of S. Matthew, you read of Eunuches that have made themselves so for the Kingdom of Heaven's sake, Mat. 19.12. Eunuch's b 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. Chrys. in loc. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, etc. chrysostom expoundeth it, not with Origen, by dismembering their bodies, but with continence by suppressing their desires: an action so fare from being condemned, that it is advised, ver. 12. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. To this purpose is that observation of St. Cyprian, c Cum adhuc rudis mundui & inanis est, copia foecunditatis generatur, propagamur ac crescimus ad humani generis augmentum; cum jam refertus est orbis & mundus impletus; qui capere cont●nentiam possunt, spadonum more viventes castrantur ad regnum. Cyprian. lib. de H●b. Virg. prima Dei sententia crescere & generare praecepit, secunda continentiam suasit: in the beginning of the World, when it was un-inhabited, Matrimony was commanded, d Gen. 1.28. Increase and Multiply: in process of time, when more peopled, continency was commended, e 1 Cor. 7.1. It is good for a Man not to touch a Woman. Good according to the f Bifariam crit ei bonum esse soli, nempè & honestum licitumque & utile ac commodum, etc. Zanchius lib. 1. cap. 1. de Hom. create. Schoolmen two ways; first it is good, that is, it is lawful; there is no indispensable obligation laid on us, engaging us to Marry: and then secondly, it is good, that is, it is profitable; by it is avoided the cares of the World, the h 1 Cor. 7.28. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, the trouble in the flesh: So that you must not understand it Universally, when you hear, It is not good that the Man should be alone. But then g Etiam Judaei qui praeceptum esse viris 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 aiust, uno ore concedunt tamen dispensatum esse cum iis qui assiduo legis studio vacare volunt, alias etiam immunibus ab acriori carnis stimulo. Maimon. cap 15. Halach, Iskoth. consideration 2 2ly. Man may be taken particularly and singularly for the first man: and if you so understand it here, the meaning of the words will be, It is not good that Adam should be alone; Alone, that is, conjuge destitutus cùm animantes caeterae conjugatae sint, (as i Tremellius in locum. Tremel. paraphraseth it) without a companion, without a woman, when all the other creatures had their mates and equals. You may have read (perhaps) of one who for his perverse and froward disposition, was called 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, a hater of mankind & company; but he was an Hetroclite, a Monster in nature: Man is a k 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. Aristot. Ethic. lib 8. cap. 14. sociable creature, to whom a continual solitariness could not but be exceeding tedious. Imagine our first Parent in the midst of Paradise, of that flourishing Eden, where he wanted nothing, either for use or pleasure. Suppose him Lord of the Manor of the Earth, and his table furnished with the Cattles on a thousand hills; where he had the Beasts of the field for his obedient servitors, and the Fowls of the Air for a consort of wild Musicians; in so much that his eyes were satisfied with seeing, and all his senses feasted with enjoying: even in such a condition, to have no converse, but with the birds and brutes, to have no acquaintance, but with the Mountains and Rivers; to be always desolate without any associate, could not but abate his contentment, but leaven his happiness: you easily perceive it, God graciously foresaw it. It is not good that the Man should be alone. consideration 3 3ly. Man may be taken indefinitely, as comprehending mankind in general, including not only Adam, but his posterity. This exposition is sufficiently warranted by the Apostles Position, Heb. 13.4. Marriage is honourable in all, Heb. 13.4. not only l Cùm disertè Apostolus conjugium honoratum esse dicat, quid sentiendum est de illâ Hieronymi sententiâ, qui Matrimonium non inter bona, sed inter mi●…ùs mala numerat? Beza. in loc. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, but 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, not only lawful but Honourable: in so much that the Romanists reckon it among their Sacraments, and m Cùm Matrimonium per sensibilia signa sanctitatis ●emedium contra peccatum homini exhibeit, sacramentum est. Aquinas Sup. 3. Quaest. 2. Art. 1. Matrimonium quod in fide Christi contrahitur habet, quod gratiam conferat ad ca operanda adjuvantem quae in Matrimonio requiruntur. Idem. Sup. 3. Q. 42. Art. 3. Aquinas will have it confer gratiam, confer grace on those that enter into it. Wherefore (by the way) I cannot but wonder why sometimes they are so much upon the other extreme, to vilify and disparage it, as that Pope Siricius, who writing to the Bishops of Spain, calleth it n Zanchius tom. 4. in 7. praeceptum. carnis pollutionem & immunditiem, the pollution and defilement of the flesh: but now I remember me, S. Paul maketh it one of the characters of them that should departed from the Faith, 1 Tim. 4 3. that they should forbid to Marry. What shall we call that pollution that was instituted before o Quem libet hominem cui non est uxor, minimè esse hominem: cùm etiam in scripturâ dicatur masculum & saeminam creavit eos & vocavit nomen corum, Adam seu hominem. R. Eliezer dixit in Gem. Bab. quicunque negligie praeceptum de multiplicatione humani generis habendum esse veluti Homicidam. corruption? or impiety that was ordained in the state of Innocency? It was the p 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, etc. Chrysost. in Gen Hom. 21. Greek Father's descant upon Gen. 5.22. that in the same verse the Holy Ghost saith of Enoch, that he walked with God, and begat Sons and Daughters, to teach us (saith he) 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, etc. that Matrimony and Piety are not inconsistent: For though if you consider it absolutely, Man alone may be good; yet if relatively, It is not good that the Man should be alone; which leadeth me to the second Particular of this second General, from the subject, Man alone, to the praedicat, it is not good that he should so be, It is not good, etc. particular 2 It is not good. 'Tis a known distinction among the moralists, of a threefold good, honestum, utile, jucundum, Honest. Pleasant. Profitable. In regard of the first of these, all is good that is not sin: In respect of the two latter, it is here meant, It is not good. Wherefore the Septuagint have aptly translated the Hebrew, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 not by 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, but 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, and Mercer hath well explained it, non est commodum, utile, expediens: Mercerus in Gen. it is not convenient, expedient: if you will, It is not so good that the Man should be alone. An assertion whereof, according to the fancies of divers writers, I meet with divers reasons. Rabbi Salmo's gloss is, It is not good, R. Salom. as in regard of God's honour, who is a jealous God, lest if there were but one man in the world, to whom all the Creatures paid their homage, it should be thought there were two Gods, Adam should be accounted the God of Earth, and Jehovah the God of Heaven; but this is but the froth of a Rabbin's brains: if there were no Man (pray) who should think so? It is not good (saith Pererius) in respect of the Angels, Pererius in loc. Quorum diminutio ob ruinam malorum spirituum supplemento hominum resarcienda erat: whose number in Heaven being lessened by the apostasy of them that q Judas 6. kept not their first stations, was to be supplied by the r Heb. 12.23. Spirits of just men made perfect, and because there must be such, It is not good, etc. It is not good (saith Gerard) Gerard. in loc. if you look upon Man's nature, and disposition, which being sociable, could not without irksomeness bear such a constant solitariness, as to be always without company. I am unwilling to tire you with tracing the conceits of the several expositors I have met with; to pitch upon something I conceive most probable and profitable, take an account of it in these three particulars. particular 1 First, it is not good in respect of mankind, which then would not be propagated. Wherefore the Roman Historian Florus, l 1. c. 1. relating their ravishing of the Sabine women, would excuse it with this reason, res erat unius aet●…tis populus virorum, without them mankind would fail from the earth and perish. Upon this account among the Spartans', there was a paena 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, and t Plato de leg. lib. 6. Plato in his Laws would have every one that refused to Marry after the 35. year of his age, punished both in his Estate and Honour: In this regard the u Plut. Amat. elegant moralist styles Wedlock, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, an helper of us mortals; if not the individual, yet the species to immortality: for as by the fate of humanity, one generation passeth away; so by the fruit of Matrimony, another generation cometh. particular 2 2ly. It is not good in regard of the Church, which then would not be increased: & Christi mors (it is Carthusian's note) esset infructuosus, Carthusianus in loc. the death of Christ would have been less fruitful, and laid down for a meaner purchase. Had Adam been always alone, there would have been no Church Militant, no chosen Generation, no holy Nation, no royal Priesthood, no peculiar people unto God, zealous of good works, no gathering of Saints together, no assemblies and multitudes to tune hosannah's and Hallelujahs; and all those happy, happy souls, that have tasted the goodness, the converting and sanctifying goodness of the Lord in the land of the living, would then have had no being. And then particular 3 3ly. It is not good in regard of the Glory of God, which then would not have been so much manifested; had all mankind but Adam slept in their first Chaos, obscured in the dark, and barren womb of nothing; those two eminent and resplendent attributes of his Mercy and Justice, that glister and sparkle in the Crowns and flames of the elect and reprobate, had been more concealed and clouded: there would have been no vessels of Honour in the everlasting mansions, no children of wrath in the consuming Tophet: he would not have been glorified by the one, nor upon the other: the Sheep on the right hand had been strangers to his surmounting goodness, and the Goats on the left hand been unacquainted with his avenging justice. And thus I have briefly shown you how in regard of God, of the Church, of ourselves, It is not good that the Man should be alone. objection But perhaps you will ask me (with the Manichees) what then meaneth S. Paeul. 1 Cor. 7.1. It is good for a man not to touch a woman? do the Old Testament and the New contradict each other? I know this is a day for Roses and Violets, and as much as may be, I will decline the thorns of all ominous controversies, only take a short Answer to take off the objection in these three distinctions. answer 1 First, Moses speaketh of Man when Innocent, the Apostle of him when corrupted; and you know that which before sin was a conveniency, by sin may be made a misery; this being that, which will turn bread into stones, and fishes into Serpents. answer 2 2ly. You must take notice of a public, and a private good: in regard of the proper good of some particular persons, it may be good for a man not to touch a woman, in respect of the common good of mankind, It is not good that the Man, etc. answer 3 3ly. There is a permanent and a temporary, if you will, an absolute and relative good: a temporary good looketh only upon the present condition, and as such a good the Apostle commendeth a single life, in regard of the persecutions in his time: let him be his own expositor, 1 Cor. 7.26. I suppose that this is good for the present distress: a permanent good hath respect to a continual duration, and so you have seen this of my Text is true, It is not good that the Man should be alone. To wind up this in a word of Application, that may come home to all. application 1 First, It is not good that the man should be alone. It is not good. This is the cause why he will make him an help. God makes goodness the ground of his actions, Oh that we could learn to imitate him. It is Musculus' observation upon the place, Non dicit Nolo etc. Musculus in loc. God doth not say, I will not that the man should be alone, but it is not good. The Almighty that hath none to control him, none that can say unto him, what dost thou? confineth himself to the eternal Law of goodness: and what; shall Man, vain Man, that must give an account for all that he shall do, mind nothing in his actions, but the fantastic dictates of his own corrupted will? Learn (my beloved) I beseech you, in all your proceed, to make God your pattern; to commune with your own hearts, and consult with yourselves, of what you go about, not only whether it be profitable, or whether it be honourable, or whether it be pleasant, but also whether it be good or no. Were this question the preface to all our undertake, it would be a curb and bar to hold and bridle us from rash enormities. Then the Hypocrite would leave off his close dissemble, the intemperate his excess of Riot, the Swearer his customary Oaths, the Wanton his enchanting dalliance, the Gallant his superfluous vanities, yea all of us our particular infirmities and impieties, because they are not good. application 2 2ly. It is not good that the Man should be alone. If you look back upon the beginning of the verse, you will find it was the Lord God said so; Deus ille est, qui antequam nos nihil minùs cogitemus quàm de uxore, praparat, as Z●nc. l. 1. c 1. de cre● hom. you read not of Man's complaining: learn we then hence, how good a God we have that is sensible of our condition, hath a y Heb. 4.15. Mat. 6.30,31. feeling of our infirmities, and taketh notice of all our wants, not only before we mention them, but before we know them. It is our Saviour's argument to his Disciples, to trust in him, in the 6. Ch. of St. Mat. Take no thought what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, or what ye shall put on, ver. 31. for your Heavenly Father knoweth that you have need of these things. He knoweth. Oh how may we cleave and cling to his providence, that thus thinketh of what may be good for us, before we think of it ourselves; and not only thinketh of it, but provideth it! What he saith here of Adam, he speaketh daily by his providences, to his Saints and Servants, my Servant such a one wanteth this and this, I know it. It is not good that my Servant such a one, be so and so, I see it. O what a comfort and cordial is it to a faithful Soul, to meditate that thy God is acquainted with, and taketh notice of all the burdens thou groanest under, all the necessities that oppress thee, all the miseries that afflict thee: yea and withal remember, he is no bare spectator, he hath not only eyes to see thee, but he hath hands to help thee. And so I am fallen upon the third and last General of my Text, when God saw, It was not good that the Man should be alone; he resolveth, I will make him an help. general 3 Which leadeth me from the Assertion, It is not good, to the Resolution, I will make. I will make him an help meet for him. Wherein take notice of these three particulars; 1. The Agent. 2. The Act. 3. The Circumstance. The Agent, I will make. The Act, An help. The Circumstance, Meet for him. I will touch on each, beginning first with the Agent, I will make. particular 1 The Greek Translators have it in the Plural, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, the Original (to which our Translation accords) in the Singular number, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 I will make, which hath occasioned a question among the Learned. question Why in the making of the Man and Woman, the number is altered: in the 27. verse of the 1. Chapter, at the Creation of Man the expression is in the Plural number, Let us make; here at the forming of the Woman in the Singular, I will make. answer Not to spend time in repeating the niceties of some critical heads, we will satisfy ourselves with that ample and solid reason of Paraeus, Paraeus in loc. ut eundem se unum & plures esse declaret, to reveal to us the Mystery of the Blessed Trinity. To show that in the one God there is three persons: in one place it is said, Let us make. To convince us that in the three persons there is but one God; in another place he saith, I will make. I will make. It is an expression that carrieth in it a double Emphasis; emphasis 1 First, I will make. I that made Man. I will make Man an help. And so it holdeth forth to us the inexhaustible goodness of our God, a 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, etc. Ch●ysost. in Gen. Hom. 14. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, he heapeth mercies upon mercies, and crowneth one blessing with another, day unto day showeth forth his goodness. What is our life but a renewing of favours, a succession of loving kindness? Where is the Man, the Woman whose private experience cannot speak abundantly to this particular? What a constant variety of love hath thy Soul and mine been fed with? his ways are not as our ways. From men the more we have, the less we must expect, but He is unwearied in the emanations of his bounty: with him one mercy is but the earnest of another, a first the Herald and forerunner of a second. In this was David confident, 1 Sam. 17.37. The Lord (saith he) that delivered me from the paw of the Lion, and out of the paw of the Bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine. He made no question, but he that had done so much, would yet do more. O that you would all go and do likewise. Upon this account henceforward (my Brethren) learn to trust him. Let former experience encourage you to a future confidence. Why fear ye, O ye of little Faith? Mat. 8.26. Why should we distrust this God, when we have so little cause for it? Trust him with thy Body, trust him with thy Soul, trust him for temporals, trust him for Aeternalls, trust him for this life, trust him for a better. He is the same yesterday, to day, and for ever, Heb. 13.8. he doth not repent him of his kindness, but increase it. That is a first consideration, I. I that made Man, I will make him an help. And then emphasis 2 2ly. There is another thing observable in this expression, I will make him an help. It must be I, I per se I, though Man wants an help, yet Man cannot help his wants: It must come from God, I will make. It is he that maketh all our comforts and enjoyments. What hast thou that thou hast not received? 1 Cor. 4.7. What hast thou that is not of his making? Survey thyself what thou hast, and art, and speak if thou canst find any thing (except corruption, which is but a privation) that is not of his making. Thou art a Man, a Woman, a rational Creature: he might have made thee an Ant, a Worm, a Serpent. Thou hast a plentiful and large subsistence; he might, and for aught thou know'st, may make thee a wanderer from door to door. Hast thou any Spiritual blessings? they have all the same Author: Job 24.14. 1 Tim. 4.2. Hast thou a soft heart? surely that is of his making: it was as hard, harder than the nether Millstone. Hast thou a tender conscience? Revel. 18.2. Isa. 1.21. Jam. 1.17. surely that is of his making; it was seared with a hot Iron. Hast thou a gracious Soul? surely that is of his making: it was a sink of filthiness. And to allude to that of the Prophet, Esay 1.21. Thus is the Harlot become a faithful City. So true is that of S. James, Chap. 1. ver. 17. Every good gift, and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights. All our springs are in him, and all our streams are from him. application To close up this suitably to the present occasion. Hath God undertaken and promised to make Helps meet for us? Then that I may speak a word in due season) take this advice along with you: when you look out for an Help; choose a Help, choose a Wife of Gods making: I do not mean only of his forming, (so are all the daughters of Adam) but of his reforming. Choose one that is Religious, Virtuous, Pious. In the 6. Chapter of Genesis, ver. 2. we read that The Sons of God saw the Daughters of Men that they were fair, and they took them Wives of all which they chose. Gen. 6.2. That is too common. Oh that it were inverted, that the Sons of Men would see after the Daughters of God These are fair indeed. If you look into the manners of the world, you may quickly see how much need there is of such an Exhortation: b Non ego illam mihi dotem duco esse quae dos dicitur; sed sedatam cupidinem, deûm metûm & parentum amorem & cognatûm concordiam. Plautus' Amphitr. Portion and Proportion, Wit and Wealth, Beauty and Dowry, these Men aim at, but who takes care for Piety? wanton Dinah, subtle Delilah, scornning Michol shall be courted, if so qualified; but if not, were she as obedient as Sarah, as devout as Hannah; as well affected as Lydia, she is contemned and slighted. I speak not but that it is lawful, yea expedient to make these our subordinate ends, but they must not be our only ends. Hagar and Sarah may dwell together, but remember the Mistress have the upper hand. I may apply here the words of our Saviour to the Pharisees in another case. c Mat. 23.23. These things ought ye to have done, but not to have left the other undone. Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and the righteousness thereof. d Phil. 2.5. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus, who in taking the Spouse he will betrothe unto himself for ever, looketh not at the e 1 Pet. 3.3,4. outward adorning, but the inward beauty, the hidden man of the heart. He that bringeth God for an Husband, his Spirit for a Dowry, and Heaven for a Jointure; accounteth them most worthy, that are most Holy: Be ye therefore f Ephes 5.1. followers of God as dear Children. It is worth your taking notice of, that it was the express command of the Lord to the Children of Israel, Deut. 7.3. Deut. 7.3. that they should make no Marriages with the Canaanites. Thy Daughter (saith God there) shalt thou not give unto his Son, nor his Daughter shalt thou take unto thy Son. 〈◊〉 à Lapan loc. Tantùm vetatur hîc, ne misceant connubia cum Chananaeis quamdiu manent Idololatrae; naem si convertantur, etc. These are the words of Lapide upon that Text; They were forbidden to marry, because they were Idolatrous, and might seduce them from the Lord their God: therefore, procul hinc, procul ite profanae: Rom 15.5. these things were written for our instruction. Nothing maketh this relation so happy as Religion. This is the Salt that seasoneth it, this is the Diadem that crowneth it, this is the perfume that sweeteneth it. It is a witty observation of the Cabalists, Buxtorfius. that if the word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 which signifieth GOD, be taken out of the words, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, which signify Man and Woman, there remaineth nothing but 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 which signifieth fire. Indeed when God, the love and fear of God, is out of the Man and Woman, the Husband and Wife, there will be little or nothing but fire; nothing but the fire of Passion in the Man's heart, nothing but the fire of Pride in the Woman's: and this will quickly kindle the fire of contention between both. Let this caution then be in all thy thoughts; let it be such a one that hath Grace in God's eyes, that shall find Grace in thy eyes. Foelices ter & ampliùs! How happy are such Marriages! they are like that of h John 2.2. Cana in Galilee, where Christ is at the wedding: in such a contract, you may see triumphant the welcome labour of love, the masculine delicacies of friendship, the genuine blessings of society, the obliging union of hands and hearts. He that chooseth his Wife only for her form, her i Fancies, non uxor amatur. fancy maketh; he that chooseth her for her wealth, her covetousness maketh; but he that chooseth her for her Grace, her God maketh: and if she be thus of his making, assure thyself she will be indeed an Help. Which leadeth me on to my particular 2 2. Particular of this last General, from the Agent, I will make, to the Act, I will make him an Help. An Help. Julian whose accursed wit was never in its element, but when blaspheming, scoffed at this place of Scripture, Cyril. objecting it should have been, I will make him an hinderer: for so she proved, being the occasion of our fall and ruin. But, to take off this cavil; in a word, briefly you must know, that though she was so, this must be attributed to Satan's temptation, and Eve's transgression, not Divine institution. Ambrose. God created her for an help. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 By the way observe, she must be no more; adjutrix, non Domina; a Helper, not a Ruler: Let her remember the station where she is placed, the sphere wherein she must act, not affecting dominion, but yielding submission, considering her Maker's intention in her Creation: non è vertice (as Hierome excellently) Hieronymus. sed è late●…e; not of the head, that she may not be proud, and claim superiority; but of the side, that she may be an Help content with an equality. An Help not for generation only, as some would have it, qui ad generationem restringunt, non satis considerant quid sit conjugium, saith Calvin upon my Text; Calvinus in locum. they that restrain it so strictly, do not well weigh what Marriage meaneth. The word the Holy Ghost maketh use of, to describe her by, is of a much larger extent, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the Targum rendereth it by 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, I will make him a prop, an upholder: the Septuagint 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, I will make him an assistant, an aid, an help: so she was intended: so she must demean herself in these following particulars: particular 1 First an Help she must be in Piety. Thus the Apostle Peter, 1 Pet. 3.1,7. as he exhorteth Husbands to dwell with their Wives, as men of knowledge; so likewise Wives to win their Husbands by their conversations: haec erat ●n paradiso potissima causa foeminae, etc. saith a Learned and Pious expositor upon my Text: Parae. in loc. this was her chiefest help in Paradise, that Man and she might be companions in their Devotions. And (O) that Man and Wife were so still! this would make the whole Earth an Eden, a Garden of God; then every House would be a private Bethel, and every Family a Church in Epitome. O how good, and how pleasant a thing it is for the wedded to live together in Piety! when they take sweet counsel together, and go to the House of God in company! when by a reciprocal assistance, sustaining and leaning upon one another, they walk hand in hand together! But Moses had his Zipporah, and Abigail had her Nabal: many a good Husband hath a vain Wife; and many a godly Wife hath a carnal Husband: thus many are disturbed, if not corrupted. All you therefore, whom God hath joined together, labour what in you lieth, to promote and edify; dare not, however dare not to leaven and seduce each other. If you love, show it, O show it in that noble and Christian affection, that generous and sublimated passion, that is tender of the better part. Husbands, will ye suffer your Wives, the Wives of your bosoms to destroy themselves, and never tell them of it? where is your love to them? Wife's can you see your Husbands, the Husbands of your vows, without hope, without Christ, without God in the world, and take no notice of it? where is your care for them? O let your indulgence reach to the Souls of one another! For what knowest thou O Wife (to speak the language of the Apostle, 1 Cor. 7.16) whether thou shalt save thy Husband? or how knowest thou O Man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? 1 Cor 7.16. do that, and you will't do a courtesy indeed, for which (as instruments) in the world to come, you will thank each other with joyful lips. On the other hand, consider how sad and doleful a thing it will be at the great account, to see the Husband and the Wife loading each other with black and tragical execrations for their silent advancing of their mutual ruin: to hear them indicting and accusing one another at the tribunal of God, to hear the Woman cry, the Man, the Man; to hear the Man say, the Woman, the Woman that thou gavest to be with me, she tempted me, and I did sin. Consider the woe that belongeth to those by whom such offences come. particular 2 2ly. A help she must be in her progeny, in the breeding and nurtering of her off spring, that so her children may be God's children: that those which he shall give to her by procreation, she may labour to give back to him by education. Thus Hannah doth with Samuel, 1 Sam. 1.11. 1 Sam. 1.11. she voweth a vow, that if the Lord will give her a Son, by bearing him; she will return that Son to the Lord, by serving him. Grace, though Parents cannot be the Authors to confer it, yet they may be the means to o P●ov. 22.6. promote it. And how much are they all concerned in it, to p phes. 6 4. bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord? this is the commendatory testimonial God giveth of Abraham, Gen. 18.19. I know that he will command his children, and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord. G●n. 18.19. Maximus est thesaurus quem parentes filiis relinquunt, as the Father pithily, It is the best Portion they can give them living, the best Legacy they can bequeath them dying. Quantum putas ●…x●etaris adj●er boris parentibus, & maximè ma●…bus, quae majori circa filios solent affectu mov●ri, cùm vident vitam fitiorum, virtutum tramite relicto, vagari per d●via vitiorum? Bern. de passione do n●c. 30. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, Plut. de l. educ. Remember your children have a long journey to go, from Earth to Heaven: O let them set out betimes in the morning, lest they should be benighted. It was St. John's praise, that he followed Christ when he was young; It was timothy's happiness, that he knew the Scriptures from a child. Our Saviour biddeth his Disciples q Mat. 19.14. suffer little children: do you do something more, help your little children to come unto him. q Difficulter era●…ur quod rudes anni perbiberunt: lanarum conchylia quis in pristinum candorem rev●…at, etc. Hieron. Ep. 7. ad Laetam de inst. filia. And what Dives would have done for his Brethren when it was too late, do you do for your children in the accepted time; warn them that they come not into the place of torment. Provide for their Souls as well as their Bodies, as knowing those tender plants will either be fuel for Tophet, or a nursery for Heaven. particular 3 3ly. A help she must be in society. Aristotle calleth man, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, Arist. Ethic. l. 8 c. 1. an affectionate creature, that delighteth in friendship: now the Woman's behaviour should be such, as to increase this delight, and requite this affection, that the newborn love may not be blasted before it is rooted; that it may never be disturbed by contention, nor destroyed by aversation. I read in f Junoni nupti●…lirem divinam cùm ficerent è victimá f●l exemptum post ●…ram ●bjicere, moris fuit receptissimi: innuen●e (opinor) ejus, quisquis fuit, autore, bilem prorsus iramve à conjugali sequestrandam jucunditate Coel Rhodig. Ant. lect. l. 28. c. 21. Rhodiginus, that it was a custom, when they sacrificed, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, to the Goddess of Marriages, to take out the Gall and fling it behind the Altar, to show there should be no Gall or anger, no Strife or Bitterness in the conjugal relation: there must be no provoking of one another here, but only to good works. g Basil Hom. 7. Hexameron. Basil urgeth it by way of up braiding, to quarrelling, and bitter Husbands, that Nature hath taught even the Viper to cast up his poison, when he joineth with his Female. Surely they are worse than Vipers, who for the reverence of this Sacred Union, will not abstain from all Rancour and Venom; things the marital Love must be so fare from: this must be pure as Light, sacred as a Temple, lasting as the World. It is the highest degree of Friendship, the strictest cord of Amity, and this maketh every breach and jar by so much the more culpable. Learn therefore to bear with infirmities, and pass by each others sailings. The ancients in their Marital Hieroglyphics, used to paint Mercury standing by Venus, to signify, that by fair language, and sweet entreaties, the minds of each other should be united. Love is not more full of passion, when it is wholly blind, than it is of discretion, when it will sometimes wink: This will cover a multitude of sins. 1 Pet. 4.8. particular 4 4ly. A Help she must be in her Family, being not only a Wife, but an Housewife: not a Field-wife like Dinah, nor a Street wife like Thamar, nor a Window-wife, like Jezebel, but an Housewife. Wherefore Phidias when he should draw a Woman, painted her sitting under a Snails shell, signifying that in her life she should imitate that little Creature, that carrieth the house upon the back of it. And as such you may read her description at large, Prov. 31. from the 13. to the 28. Prov. 31.13,14,15,16, etc. As in the Heavens there are two Lights, the greater to rule the Day, the lesser to rule the Night; so here on the Earth, there is the Man the greater light, to rule the Public; the Woman the lesser light, to take care of domestical affairs. Thus Marriage is called conjugium, from jugum, a yoke; when those that are joined together, have a reciprocal and relative interest in each others actions, both promoting the same design, in their several capacities. Where cattles are yoked together, should one draw, and the other stand still, much more, if the one pull forward, and the other hale backward, they would but tyre each other, both must put to their strength proportionably: and so here 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, Aristot. Polit. l. 3. c. 4. the yoke-fellows have each their task and burden: the Man must do his part, by providing industriously, the Woman must do her part, by preserving discreetly: the Man must do his part, not neglecting carelessly; the Woman must do her part, not wasting prodigally: finally, the Man must do his part abroad. the Woman must do her part at home: the Man must do his part by getting, the Woman must do her part by saving. I question not but you are acquainted with your particular duties; this is not a place to read a Lecture of Economics. I pass on. particular 5 5ly. And lastly to include all: A Help she must be in all those duties, which in her Contract she hath engaged for, in the presence of God and Men. By solemn protestation she layeth upon herself an obligation to perform them, and it will be required at her hands; non tam respiciendum cui juramus, quàm per quem juramus, Lomb. 3. sent. distinct. 39 you stand bound by promise to the most High, and to him shall the vow be performed. The wise man telleth you, Eccles. 5.5. Better it is that thou shouldst not vow, then that thou shouldst vow, and not pay. Eccles. 5.5. Forget not thy engagements, and remember to observe them. Quàm gravia vincula sunt vota! It is Ambrose's exclamation, major est contractus fidei quàm pecuniae. Amb. l. 9 in Lucam ad cap. 20. You are mistaken that look upon the Matrimonial vows, only as things of custom and formality: know the Heavens hear, and the Earth hearkneth to them; and if they are broken, shall testify against you for dissembling with the Almighty, and deluding of his Creature, by making promises, which you forget and falsify. application 1 That I may draw to a conclusion of this particular. Doth God call the Woman here an Help? Then this might serve in the first place to correct the unlawful vanity of such, that employ their wits to vilify and disparage them; that stuff their discourses with a Catalogue of their weaknesses, scarce ever mentioning them without a satire: whose best language is to give them Cato's periphrasis, that they are necessary evils, condemning the frame of all, for the faults of some; as if it were a consequence, that because some are bad, therefore none are good. Is this their thanks to their Maker, to rail at the work of his hands? But what Tertullian said of Heretics, I may say here, detegere est refutare, Many Daughters have done virtuously. Tertul. Prescript. Prov. 31.29. application 2 2ly. Is Woman an Help to Man? The Wife an Help to the Husband? Then this may teach Husbands to be Helps to them again. It is the Poet's description of an Husband, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, Homer. he is to his Wife; Father, Mother, Brother: and great reason for it, unless the state of Marriage should be no better than the condition of an Orphan: for she that leaveth all these relations for him, will be a great loser, if she do not find them all translated in him. I am afraid Medea's complaint in Euripides may be taken up by too many Wives, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, etc. Euripides Med. Ambrose hath almost translated it, Ambros Exhort, ad Virgins. Virgins are with their own Money sold to misery, and their own portion is the too dear price of a servile subjection. True it is, the Husband is the * 1 Cor 11.3. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, Phil. in Gen. 3.12. head of his Wife, and so hath dominion over her: but it is such as the Soul hath over the Body, to take care for it and help it. Their help is mutual; the Soul furnisheth the Body with light and understanding, the Body requiteth the Soul with hands and feet: and so it must be here: she that hath parted with all her helps for thee, she that hath imparted all her help to thee, hath good reason to expect and meet with all help from thee. As the Earth sendeth up all its vapours, and proper emissions at the command of the Sun, and yet requireth them again to refresh her own need, and they are deposited between them both, in the bosom of a cloud, as a common receptacle; that as they have ascended to cool his flames, so they may descend to make her fruitful: so are the proprieties of a Wife to be disposed of by her Husband: they serve the interest of both, while they serve the necessities of either. Now she is a part of thyself, corporis dimidium tui, Gen. 2.23. bone of thy bones, and flesh of thy flesh, and therefore nourish her and cherish her. It is the Apostles consequence, Eph. 5.28,29. Ephes. 5.28,29 application 3 3ly. Is Woman to be an Help to Man? Then let this teach you all whom it may concern, the end of your conjugal condition. I may say in another sense, than Verus meant it, uxor dignitatis, non voluptatis nomen, Coel. Rhod. Aut. lect. l. 18. c. 13. Wife is not a name of Pleasure, but of Honour: you are to be Helps to those, to whom God hath joined you: This was God's end, I will make him an Help. Potuit simpliciter dicere, faciam ei foeminam, saith Ferus; he might have said, I will make him a Woman, but he rather maketh choice of a Periphrasis, which speaketh what the Woman should be, she should be an Help. So you are styled: walk worthy of the vocation, wherewith ye are called. Eph. 4.1. I never affected raking of sinks, or handling sores: but I cannot but tell you, there are too many of your sex in the world, so fare from deserving their name, that they may more properly be called a Cross, than as here, an Help. How do these degenerate from the end, for which God intended them, turning Antipodes to their duty? These are they (L and G.) that have injured you, as the fearful spies did Canaan, brought up an evil report of you, and loaded your sex with such opprobrious Epithets. Num● 13 32. Helps to nothing but Vanity, Poverty & discontentment. Jerome somewhere hath a acquaint deduction from the creating of the Woman. E latere desumpta, etc. He lost a Rib for her making, with weakened him enough: she had need to do all she can to requite him by her helping him. We usually say of Women, they are helpless Creatures: if they are so, the fault is not in Nature, but in themselves, they were Created to be helpful: or grant (as it is true in many things) they are helpless to themselves; this should be the greater argument to incite them, in all they may, to be Helps unto their Husbands, the latere sumpta non discedat à latere, saith Augustine, Augustinus. She was taken out of his side; let her not departed from his side, but show herself as much as she was made for, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 an Help. An Help to promote his Piety, an Help to breed up their Progeny, an Help to sweeten their society, an Help to uphold their Family, finally an Help in her whole duty: then indeed she will be particular 3 Meet for him, which is the last Particular of this last General, and now cometh forth to crave your attention. I will make him an Help Meet for him. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 The Hebrew word is variously rendered by Expositors: some translate it, ex adverso ejus, some coram ipso, others astans ei, others commodum ipsi; the sense is almost the same in all, only the words are different: occasioned perhaps by the fullness of the expression in the Original, which cannot without some disadvantage be brought into another language. The Septuagint (I think) come as near as may be, who render it here, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, 70. and in the 20. verse of this Chapter, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉; I will make him an help, juxta correspondentiam ejus, (as Buxtorfius) Buxtorfius. suitable to him, correspondent and proportionable. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, saith chrysostom, Chrysost. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, &c 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. God had made Man many helps before he placed him in Paradise, and gave him dominion over the several Creatures, some whereof were helps to feed him, some to ease him, some to delight him: but among them all there was not a Help 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 that was meet for him, agreeable to his temper, adequate to his nature: this is only to be found in the Woman who is properly adjunctorium simile sibi, as some read the words, a Help meet, fit for him. Fit and meet she is, (to look no farther) in these four particulars. particular 1 First, She is a Meet Help in regard of her Nature, being a rational Creature, inspired with such a Soul, and capable of the same enjoyments with her Adam. The Angels were too much above him, the Beasts were as much below him; the one he could not reach to, the other he could not stoop to: but the Woman is a Parallel line that runneth equal with him; a competent companion for his several employments, a convenient partner for his particular engagements. She moveth in the same orb, walketh in the same paths, tendeth to the same centre: she is actuated by the same principles, enjoined the same precepts, made of the same flesh with him. Which is a first particular, wherein she is meet for him, in regard of her nature. particular 2 2ly. Meet for him she is in regard of her form, being of a like shape and feature. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, saith the Philosopher: Aristot. Eudem. l 7. c. 2. likeness breedeth delight, and every creature by a commanding instinct, associateth itself with those of its own species. Now before the Woman was created, Man was, (as the Psalmist complaineth of himself in another case, even as a Pelican in the wilderness, as a Sparrow on the house top, desolate and lonely. Psalm 102.6,7. The rest of the Creatures could go by pairs, Turtles had their Mates, and Males their Females; but Man hath none, he is single and solitary. But though he be so, it is not good he keep so; wherefore that no inconvenience may be unremedied, that no defect may be unsupplyed, the Lord God provideth, that he shall have an Help that is meet for him. particular 3 3ly. Meet for him she is in regard of her Affections: she being tender and communicative. Brutes that have nothing but sense to rule them, are only subject to the fierce and ruder passions, and to them likewise in the most violent extremities: but in Man, the pleasing and soft affections, are both more strong and natural. No Creature so sublimated in Joy, so prodigal in Love, so generous in both. But before Eve is form, there is no employment upon Earth, there is no requital of these affections; her being bringeth occasion for both: now there is a sweet and ingenuous exchange of themselves, a defecated and reciprocal delight in one another: nothing that is here before, was capable either of receiving, or returning such noble Emanations: at length she cometh, who in Affections and for affections is meet for him. particular 4 4ly. Meet for him she is in regard of Discourse, using the same utterance. Apollonius Thyaneus vaunted, that he understood the meaning of Birds and Bruits, by those confused sounds we hear from them: and Gregory telleth us, that the Angels, per sublimes & incognitos modos, Greg. Mor. 2. c. 5. after a hidden and secret manner speak to one another. Certain it is, that to all society there is required a communicating of their mutual purposes, an unveyling and discovering of their several intentions: and this Adam cannot do to the Rocks and Trees, to the Fowls and Fishes, he cannot disclose his mind to such things as these: he wanteth one like himself, to whom he may unlock his thoughts, and open his Soul. Were there such a one, they might acquaint each other with the secret and private workings, with the dark and curtained motions of their hearts, and such a one is the Woman, who as for other things, so for her discourse likewise is meet for him. And by this time I suppose you will easily grant me, that of all the helps man had in Paradise, the Woman only was the Help. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 That I may now bring up my discourse to you, and with as much haste as may be, draw all to a conclusion: as you have seen that the Woman among the Creatures, so learn to see that the Wife among Women, be an Help that is Meet for you: if she be not; I will assure you, it were better for that Man that he should be alone. She must be an Help Meet, that is fitly qualified for a Wife; and then she must be an Help meet for him that is fitly qualified for his Wife. Of the former of these before, when you heard in what; of the later now, when we are to inquire for whom she must be an Help, she must be meet for Him. Eve for Adam, every Woman for that particular Man, to whom God shall join her. Leu. 19.19. Under the Law, seeds of several sorts were not to be sowed in one ground, Linen and Woollen were not to be mingled in one Garment, and of divers kinds were not to gender. Cajetanus. Cajetan thinketh these things are not to be understood Literally; but Symbolically. Not to dispute that, thus much we may learn as to our present purpose, the method and decency, the order and proportion that must be observed in it: to speak in the language of the Apostle, 2 Cor. 6.14. There must be no unequal yoking. 2 Cor. 6.14. It is not sufficient that the Wife be good, but she should be also fit; not enough that she should be virtuous, unless she be to that suitable. Husbands and Wives are like Locks and Keys, they rather break then open, unless the Wards are answerable. Divers Men, though in themselves unblameable, are not fit for some Women; and divers Women, though in themselves commendable, are not fit for some Men. And whence come debates and disagreings, discontents and jaring? are they not from hence? make them fit, and there will be no strife; were they even, there would be no odds. Some Rabbins that held the pre-existency of humane Souls, were of opinion, that in the beginning of the world, Souls were created by pairs, Male and Female, and from hence (say they) it came, that Marriages were prosperous, or unsuccessful: Menasseb been. Israol de term. vit. l. 3. sect. 5. he that matched to that person that was created with him was happy; but he that miss her, and was joined to another, was miserable. Thus much is true of it: without doubt those that are coupled together, and are unmeet, will be no helps. From hence it was, some think, came the first use of that Ceremony of the Ring in Weddings, viz. to represent this fitness: that, if it be straighter than the finger, it will pinch; if it be wider, it will fall off; but when it is fit, it neither paineth nor slippeth: And thus it is with the Wife: if she be too little, she pincheth with disgrace; if she be too big, she falleth off by disdain: they fit the closest both for use and ornament, that are most fit and equal. Wherefore Marriages are called Matches, implying they should be, so, not only upon a Moral, but as much as may be, upon a Civil account. I cannot stay: take the sum of all in these three particulars. She must be meet in 1. Religion. 2. Disposition. 3. Education. A word of each: particular 1 First, meet she must be in Religion: what fellowship hath Righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? and what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he, that believeth with an Infidel? You heard before, 2 Cor. 6.14,15 she must have Religion as to her conversation: now know also, she must have the same Religion as to her profession. This exhortation may to some seem needless, in this Land we live in, in regard we all worship the same God, and are called by the same name. But when I have sadly pondered, the many Divisions and Distractions, the Schism and Factions, the wide breaches, and the wild confusions that are among us, whereby the Father is divided against the Son, and the Son against the Father; Luke 12.53. the Mother against the Daughter, and the Daughter against the Mother, saying, Lo here is Christ, and there is Christ: Christ in this Church, and Christ in that Church, and Christ in no Church: this being the juncture, or rather sad dis-juncture of things among us, I say that consideration prevailed with me, to premise this caution, that she be meet in Religion. particular 2 2ly. Meet she must be in disposition. I have read of an ingenious policy among the Athenians, that before they placed out their Children to any settled course of Life, they brought them into a Room for that end, stored and furnished with all kind of variety, and narrowly observing, with what there they were most delighted, bred them up accordingly: Pa●mam hast amque tenenti Nate de● d●xi, t●bise peritura reservant Pergamon, Nas. 1. M●t. l. 3. If with Engines, to Manufactures; if with Books, to Learning, etc. First they studied their Tempers, and then they suited their Employments: something answerable is to be observed, before the entrance into the state of Wedlock. It behooveth thee first to be acquainted with thyself well, thy own propensions, genius, and inclinations; and then with thy choice, whether she be analogical, and correspondent, then there will be a Pleasure and Sympathy, a Consent and Harmony, constant and uninterrupted: she will be thy picture, and thou wilt be her looking glass; and you may both enjoy, behold, and cherish yourselves in one another: but Fire and Water, if together, are always wrangling, the Fire heateth the Water, and the Water quencheth the Fire: contraries will disturb each other. particular 3 3ly. Meet she must be in Education. Some of our European Nations are so strict in this particular, that it is against their Laws, for the Commonalty to Marry with the Gentry; because though other things might be convenient, yet their breeding hath been different: though that be something too rigorous, always to be observed inviolable: yet common prudence, and experience telleth us, that they live most contented that are most equal, there being most unity, where there is most symmetry. If the Wife be too much above her Husband, do you not commonly see, she either ruineth him with expenses, or revileth him with reproaches? If too much below him, it is as usual; either her former condition maketh her too generous, or her present mutation maketh her too imperious. Wherefore let not thy ambition carry thee too much above thyself, nor thy indiscretion hurry thee too much below thyself: he that reacheth too high may over-straine, he that stoopeth too low may fling down himself; but he that standeth upright, is probably in far less danger, either of hurting or falling. application I will wind up all in a double admonition, the one to Husbands, how to choose their Wives; the other to Wives, how to behave themselves towards their Husbands. admonition 1 First, To Husbands how to choose their Wives As King Porus when Alexander (whose Prisoner then he was) asked him how he would be used, answered in one word, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, that is, like a King; Alexander again replied, do you desire nothing more? No, saith he, all things are in 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. In like manner, in the argument we are now about, it will hold as fully. Is it not good for any of you to be alone, and would you know how to choose an Help upon a civil account? I may answer also in one word, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, choose her fit, meet for you. The direction is but short, but it is exceeding emphatical, and comprehensive: would men but follow it, and conform to it, you would see none of those shameful anomalies, none of those rash and ridiculous inequalities, that are too oft compounded in the conjugal relation. But there are two grand Enemies to all decency and order, prudence and proportion; you know they are Money and Fancy; these commit the disturbancies, and are guilty of all the Riots: where either of these is predominant, they will stick at no irregularity, they will wink and swallow even the worst of absurdities. Thus some Fathers will sell their unwilling Children, some Children grieve their indulgent & more experienced Parents: on the one hand, Parents through a sordid covetousness, are tyrants to children, on the other hand children through an unreasonable wilfulness, are disobedient to Parents: the Father commonly looketh only at the Purse, and the Child as usually mindeth nothing but the Person; the one looketh that the party be Rich, the other looketh that they be handsome: it may be neither questioned whether they be meet for thee. admonition 2 That I may conclude: Let it learn Wives likewise how to behave and demean themselves with their Husbands, namely as Helps meet for them. In the Civil Law, a Servant is said to be 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 one that sustaineth no person, but is a dependant and adjunct to his Master, to accommodate his will to the will of his Master. The Wife is not the Servant, but companion of her Husband, but yet she is 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 also, one that sustaineth no p●rson distinct from her Husband, and therefore must do all things as is meet for him. The Man saith of his Wife, when first created, she is bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh; Gen. 2.23. and so the Wife must look upon her Husband, when once they are Married, as bone of her bone, and flesh of her flesh, they are now united: all her promotion, interest, contentment, is joined to his: both their particulars are bound up in one general, and like Hippocrates' twins, they live and die together. It behoveth her then to remember in all her actions, that nothing is fit for her, that is not meet for him. Let her then (I see I must have done) let her show herself so, in every thing meet for him: meet for his Piety, by her fervent exciting; meet for his Progeny, by her careful nurturing; meet for his Family, by her provident overseeing; meet for his Affections, by her endearing complacence; meet for his Will by her sweet compliance; meet for his Disposition, by her prudent observance; meet for his Estate, by her proportionable expenses; meet for his Health, by her most tender preserving; meet for his Sickness, by her most diligent restoring; meet for his Prosperity, by her sober gratulation; meet for his Adversity, by her patiented submission: finally, meet in all things, by her dutiful conversation. Those that have such Wives as these, what the Almighty decreed in my Text for Adam, he hath performed for them: Seeing it was not good that they should be alone, he hath made them helps that are meet for them. At length (my beloved) my Text is finished, and I should now dismiss you, but casting my eye upon this new-joyned pair, the occasion of this day's solemnity. I cannot let them go until they have a blessing: and it shall be that of the people at the wedding of Boaz, Ruth 4 11. The Lord make the Woman that is come into thy House like Rachel, and like Leah, which two did build the house of the Lord. Ruth 4 11. The Lord make her fruitful as Leah, pleasing as Rachel. The Lord make her like Martha, and like Mary, which two entertained our Saviour. The Lord make her like Mary for her Piety, like Martha for her industry. The Lord make the Man into whose house thou comest, like Jacob, and like Joseph, which two were famous in their Generations. The Lord make him like Joseph for his constancy, like Jacob for his frugality. The Lord make him like Joshuah, and like Caleb, which two fought the battles of the Lord. The Lord make him like Joshuah for his zealous service, like Caleb for his other spirit. The Lord make you both like Abraham, and like Sarah, which two walked with God. The Lord make thee like Abraham for his fidelity & thee like Sarah for her conformity. The Lord make you both like Zachary, and like Elizabeth, which two walked in all well pleasing. I he Lord make thee like Zachary for his holiness, and thee like Elizabeth for her humble esse: finally to pray for all things in the words of my Text, The Lord make you both mutual Helps one to another here, and espouse you both unto himself for ever. FINIS.