THE Melancholy Complaint OF D. OATS, OF The Black Ingratitude of this present Age TOWARDS HIM, And the Evil Rewards he has Received for his NUMBERLESS SERVICES Done for the NATION.  
Dii (siqua est Coelo pietas quae talia curet)  
Persolvant grates dignas; & praemia reddant  
Debita—  Virg. Aen. 2. 
LONDON: Printed for Charles Brome, at the Gun in St. Paul's Churchyard. MDCLXXXIV.   

THE Melancholy Complaint OF D. OATS.  
WHat could a cursed ungrateful Age do more  
Imposture like, to punish him so sore  
Whom for a Saviour, they adored before.  
I was the man, O! cruel change of Fate:  
Once, thought the Pillar of the sinking State,  
Am now become the very Jayl-birds hate,  
Out of a Palace, into a Dungeon thrust,  
From Six good Dishes, to snap at a crust,  
By God and man like Cain, marked out and cursed.  
Is this the end of all my promised Joys,  
I that once made such Bustle, and such Noise,  
Puffed up with Triumphs of the shouting Boys.  
With what applause was I received by th' Rabble  
When I gave hopes for to rebuild their Babel;  
But now they'll hang me, 'cause I was not able.  
With watering Chops, I call to mind the cheer,  
That oft I made with many a Noble Peer,  
Now in good time may snack the basket here.  
I do remember too how tumbling pence  
Came rolling in when I did first commence  
Master of th' Art, and Doctor Evidence,  
For want of which I never shall get hence.  
'Tis strange that Bolts, and Bars, and Iron Grates,  
The Just reward of perjured Rogues, and Cheats,  
Should prove the Praemium of my glorious Feats,  
Ungrateful Slaves! What! have ye quite forgot  
How for your sakes strange Kingdoms I did trot  
Brought nothing home but th' wonder of my Plot;  
Though many shifts 〈◊〉 I have been put too,  
Scarce able to provide 〈◊〉 back and gut too,  
And often times was forced to pad afoot too  
Nay, many times I've lain all day in Bed,  
Because abroad I durst not show my head  
But when't grew dark, stole out to beg my bread.  
What I have suffered for the Kingdom's sake,  
In vows and dangers what I did partake,  
And now to fear the Gibbet or the Stake,  
Brethren, 'twill cause your tender hearts to ache.  
I cursed my Country, and denied, my Credo,  
And for the Nations good, turned Runegado,  
Received Cruel Whitebread's Bastinado,  
I worshipped Idols that were false I knew;  
And when I'd done, swore they were Gods most true;  
And played the Devil for the sakes of you;  
I prayed to Saints, in time of need, with cries,  
Till they had granted my necessities,  
My Alms obtained their Saint-ship's I'd despise;  
I changed Religion, often as my name,  
Spewed out and hated wheresoever I came,  
Haunted by th' Devil, Beggary and shame,  
Through the wild Sects, and Tribes, I made a Ramble  
And to them all did lie, swear, and dissemble,  
Enough to make the very Devils tremble,  
Thus by me were the silly Jesuits shamed;  
When as with tears I swore I should be damned  
If not received into their Holy Band.  
I made them think Religion was the Tie,  
That did engage me when I came to Spy,  
Since 'tis well known, the Devil a bit had I.  
I made his Holiness believe, the Pope,  
That in his pardons I conceived such hope,  
That for his cause, I'd suffer Fire or Rope;  
But when I'd got my foot out of his door,  
I Railed, and called him Babylonian Whore,  
And many Horrid things against him swore;  
For why, I ne'er yet valued Faith or Troth.  
Or ever made more scruple of an Oath,  
Then of a blast of breath, to cool my Broth.  
I quickly killed the worm, within that gnaws,  
And made the Gospel, Prophets, and the Laws,  
Come truckle Brethren, to your good Old Cause;  
I laughed at all Religion, and its Baubles;  
Such as Evangelists and holy Tables;  
Esteeming them no more than Aesop's Fables;  
Like merry Lucian, looked on't as a Tale;  
A dull insipid thing, grown Old and Stolen,  
Serves me to joak on o'er a pot of Ale;  
I scoffed and scorned, but ne'er would cringe or bow  
To those grave fools that do such tales allow,  
And would have judged them to the Cart, or Plough,  
That with you I might gain repute and fame,  
I laughed at Conscience as a  name;  
And shook off quite all modesty and shame,  
In hopes once more you'd come to rule the Roast,  
I mad myself Knight-errant of the Post;  
Of which I take the vanity to boast;  
For good of Commonwealth without repine,  
I frankly Dedicated me, and mine,  
Contemning Laws, both humane, and divine;  
Vast Sums I in the public service spent?  
Much money to the needy Jesuit Lent,  
When at that time, I'd neither Land nor Rent;  
The corresponding charges I did own,  
When to the Lords my just accounts were shown,  
Besides some By-ones more than e'er were known,  
The many painful journeys, to and fro,  
Ambassador 'twixt Devil, and Turk to go,  
To all the World my vast expenses show;  
Besides, for Flying Horses which would scour,  
To France or Spain, and back in half an hour,  
With old Nicks fees for granting me this power,  
I mortgaged all my Heritage and Lands,  
To purchase from the Roman General's hands  
Commissions for my new raised secret Bands  
But Oh! ●he Devil poor man was ne'er so crossed  
When God knows what those Roman Bulls had cost,  
Lo! suddenly they vanished, and were lost,  
To M●●iber for strange and curious Arms,  
Made with such cunning magic spells, and charms,  
To fright and fear, and do no further harms;  
Procuring of rich Cordials for the King,  
The which I judged, the safest and surest thing,  
Him to his bed, of longest rest to bring;  
For Blunder-buss, or Cross-bow, I count nought,  
Because for secret services they were bought;  
Besides, were not well managed as they ought;  
At many other charges I have been,  
For preservation of the Duke and Queen,  
And swearing things were never heard nor seen;  
For Doctorship, and Salamanca fees;  
Where Pistols flew away as thick as Bees;  
Pox on their University degrees,  
For ancient books, that I in Egypt bought,  
From the famed Ptolemaeus Study brought  
No Gipsy gibberish one's, as some have thought  
I bought in Spain, the witty Guzman's works,  
The holy league 'twixt Teckley, and the Turks  
With Machiavel's, state-niceties and quirks,  
All this and more I freely did disburse,  
For th' Nations good out of my privy purse  
And never thought myself a groat the worse,  
But this is nothing to a thousand more,  
Good services, that I have still in store,  
Such as the Devil himself, ne'er did before;  
The many famous deeds that I have done,  
Since I the Kingdoms mighty work begun,  
Have made Catch half as rich as squire Dunn  
What Tongue can tell with how much cunning Art  
I did contrive my Plot in every part,  
Of which the Tories should have felt the smart.  
For whom I list of it, I could accuse,  
If to compound with me they did refuse,  
I swore good Christians to be Turks and Jews  
The Jesuits I set like any Spannel,  
To do their work I had a ready panel.  
That scare would give 'em time, to buy them flannel.  
I watched for Priests, as Cat doth watch for Mouse,  
At midnight, low belling from house to house,  
Though here I'm forced each night to hunt for Louse,  
I railed at th' Privy Council, and at Scrogs  
And called them damned confounded, popish Dogs  
'Cause they'd not hang all those which I called Rogues.  
Those were my golden days, my days of power,  
When great ones, feared me, when I sent each hour  
At least a score to Newgate and the Tower;  
I made them tremble at my very word,  
Which did the work as sure as any Sword,  
Though now 'tis no more valued than a T—  
Then was I stout as I St. George had been  
At th' Commons Bar to stick I ne'er was seen  
Of Treason to accuse Lord, D. or Queen.  
No man durst thwart me, with desire of pelf  
I raged and grew to such a peevish Elf  
Had the King next me, I had peacht himself;  
For at that time I'd brought things to such pass  
In open Court, I'd bid 'em kiss my A—  
But now the times are changed Alas! Alas!  
I was by most S'rd, Reverenced and respected  
From Popish Treasons by my Guards protected,  
Though now like Rogue I'm slighted and neglected;  
Each word that from my sacred lips than fell  
Received were as holy Oracle,  
Though now they say 'twas all the craft of Hell,  
I ruled and Reigned in mighty pomp and state  
Whilst in the House my Lords and Masters sat,  
I furnished them with business of debate.  
'Twas pretty in those days good faith to see  
Your popishly affected Lords with fee  
And cap in hand come sneaking after me,  
They feared my very menaces and frown,  
Dreaded my anger more than of the Crown,  
For I could pull their lofty stomaches down.  
I was the Torries Plague their Iron Rod,  
I huft the Bishops, on their Mitres trod,  
Swore what I list, feared neither man nor God  
Just as I pleased State-matters i'd dispose,  
Found the King's Friends to be the Kingdom's Foes;  
To smell out Traitors none had such a Nose.  
I pointed out Mer-worthy, Wise and Just,  
Whom I thought fit for Offices of Trust,  
And told the King those were the men he must  
Advance, and those great Officers of State  
Well known again their good or evil fate  
Depended much on my politic pate;  
For those that did not Romanists annoy,  
And their Adherents hated more destroy,  
I thought unfit their places to enjoy;  
But by Adherents, would you know what's meant,  
For 'tis a word of very large extent,  
All those whom we thought fit to circumvent  
I did advise the Kingdom to disgrace,  
The next Successor of the Royal Race  
And to exalt a Bastard in his place;  
The King I counselled into safer hands,  
To put the Navy and the trained bands,  
Content himself to live on his Crown-lands,  
T'leave Popish Councils, follow better courses,  
Turn out his Guards, those mercenary forces,  
Live privately, and keep a brace of horses  
His Guards did terrify good peaceful men,  
He might go live, and trust himself with them  
As safe as Daniel in the Lion's Den;  
I did commend him to the Commons care  
Wished him t'obey, by whispering in his Ear,  
The disobedience of his Father dear;  
If he'd be wise, and ruled by them, no doubt,  
And turn his old and wealthy minions out,  
Soon all his business, would be brought about,  
They'd give him money, or what else he pleased  
When he his subjects of their yoke had eased  
And every squeamish Conscience was appeased.  
I always prayed for the Parliaments sitting,  
And that too as long as their worship's thought fitting  
Because when they met, they minded their knitting  
For had they sat on I was in fair hopes  
To have got an Estate by cutting of Throats,  
But now I shall never be worth ten groats,  
For I deserved the Manor of Bobbing  
For Parliament business and other jobbing  
As well as a Thief a halter for Robbing.  
The next good Service that I did the Crown,  
Was to possess the Country and the Town  
They'd here be safe till Monarchy came down;  
That Monarchy unjustly still bereaves  
Of Liberty, and makes poor Subject's Slaves;  
And is upheld by prating Fools and Knaves:  
To prove it by Examples, I did choose  
Some Stories of the Old Rebellious Jews,  
With some late Manuscripts of Doctor Hugh's.  
For in those Days when Israel had no King,  
Without Control, men might do any thing,  
Live merrily, and go t'Heaven in a String.  
I oft did from the lofty Pulpit bawl,  
And not obscurely hinted to them All,  
To trust not much, some Great Ones at White-Hall:  
I told Designs were hatching many Years,  
On both sides whispered Jealousies and Fears  
In hopes they'd fall together by the Ears:  
I raised up Storms and Tempests in the State  
That threatened all the Ship with dreadful Fate,  
I hopes I should be Chosen Master's Mate,  
For why, my Skill in Pilotting was such  
That I had learned of the Neighbouring Dutch,  
That at the Choice the Sailors would not grudge;  
By their own Compass I my Course would steer  
From Popish Shoales, and Sands, still keeping clear,  
Nor lofty Rocks of Tyranny come near:  
But oh! the fates! the Tempest was descried,  
The jealous Master all the matter spied,  
And I was in the Hold fast bound and tied;  
I had a Post each moment sent from Hell,  
A nimble Spark, that knew my Genius well,  
With express Orders purposely to tell  
And teach me every thing that's done above,  
Or underneath the mighty Throne of Jove,  
And all his pains was purely for my love;  
For by this means I knew of things to come,  
As well as what in Elder Times was done;  
And by it all my former Credit won;  
For in those days who was so great as I,  
Or could so soon strange Mysteries espy,  
'Twas almost Death to give me but the Lye.  
I told the Parliament, how that the Queen  
After the murdered Justice she had seen,  
Made a low Courtesy to Hill, and Green,  
And thanked them kindly for the pains they'd ta'en.  
I saw the Duke, in Parliament I swore,  
I did believe through sixteen Doors, and more,  
Communicating with the Roman Whore;  
I called him stubborn Rogue, that ne'er would bend,  
And told them plainly he was not their Friend,  
Therefore Advised them to Contrive his End:  
I worked it so, for all his great Commands,  
I made him glad to scape out of their hands  
By Shifting for himself in Foreign Lands.  
I raved and went on, and was't not pretty  
To Accuse the King in the Secret Committee,  
And jeer him at Clubbs and Cabals in the City.  
I wondered how Brave English Heroes could  
Be Ruled and Governed by the Scottish Blood,  
Such Servitude I ne'er esteemed good.  
Therefore their Indignation to appease  
If that they'd issue forth a Writ of Ease  
I'd serve it on Him when their honours please,  
I taught the people that since Babel Tower,  
From them alone Kings did drive their power,  
Whom if they pleased they might change every hour.  
From Club to Club made drunk where  I came  
I loudly railed against the Stuarts Name,  
And did their Father's persecutions blame;  
I made dissenting Saints believe that he  
Designed t'ensnare their Souls and Liberty,  
And on him shamed the Irish Massacre:  
I praised Old Noll the Army's Bully-Rock  
With those good men that brought him to the Block,  
Him above all that gave the fatal knock:  
I cursed the Fates of that unlucky day  
Wherein Old Rowly strangely slipped away  
And would not for his Friends at Worcester stay.  
I wished the Devil might th' popish Traitor choke  
That hide him from us in the rotten Oak,  
Which is as true a word as e'er I spoke;  
A sneaking Dog whose conscience was so nice  
A Thousand pounds would not the Thief entice,  
I would have done't for half the money, twice.  
With grief I celebrate that Feast in May  
Which Tories call their great Thanksgiving day,  
As for a Judgement then, I fast and pray.  
These are the Services I've done the Nation  
As a forerunner of new Reformation  
And to make way for the Association;  
For which I should to great perferment rise  
Rewarded and advanced above the Skies  
By th' keepers of the English Liberties,  
This to be true, time would have proved my words,  
Better than Bar of Commons, or of Lords,  
By the fair Trial of your Pikes and Swords;  
For as Reformers must, I've wrought some wonders  
Which should have been confirmed by warlike Thunders  
Made out by Rapine, Sacrilege, and Plunders:  
With Roman Bulls, black-bills and Smithfield Spits  
I frighted three Kingdoms out of their wits,  
And made them fall into convulsion fits;  
I made them on a sudden fly to prayer  
For fear of Mountains falling from the Air,  
Which made some soft Pates, of their brains despair.  
Some choose to die by true Protestant Ropes  
And some for fear of Papists, 
St. Soll. E. Ess.  cut their Throats,  
For which they were beholding unto Oats;  
Whilst others frighted with the hdeous cries  
Of Fairy Armies fight in the Skies,  
By gazing up lost both their head and eyes; 
Russ.   
Some thought the Island was a running round  
No steady place of footing to be found,  
For fear they run away and left the ground; 
Fugitive Traitors.   
That Roman Cannibals in furious mood,  
Were coming to destroy th' Protestants brood;  
And Eat them all at once for want of food;  
No man could safe on pillow lay down's head  
As in full senate learnedly One said,  
Lest he might rise with's Throat cut in his Bed;  
For as we are told by a deceased Esquire  
In's Narratives of Massacres and Fire  
How narrowly we scap't the Papists Ire:  
That they had made the great Vesavian Hills  
Into Fire-balls as small as Doctor's Pills,  
And secretly conveyed them o'er in quills:  
The Traitorous Jesuits, and their cursed backers,  
Had made mount Aetna in Squibs and Crackers  
To throw, and burn our  to Rags and Tatters.  
All this was but a Trial of my Skill  
Like th' Exercise of Quixot and his Mill,  
I was resolved to do more wonders still; 
Army under Ground.   
I raised forty thousand of the Dead  
Soldiers that from their camp last Age were fled  
And fed them under ground with Gingerbread; 
Span. Pil.   
Armies of Pilgrims I called out of Spain  
Embarked in a nutshell safely on the Main  
And in a trice conveyed them back again. 
Don John.   
I made a Prince that was of little stature  
With half a word a tall and comely Creature,  
My very breath changed in him every feature;  
I raised up Gyges, robbed him of his Ring,  
And by that means conversed with many a King  
So secretly themselves knew not the thing;  
I begged of Juno, Argus' head and eyes  
To place abroad in Prince's Courts for spies,  
So that I knew of every Enterprise;  
I knew all mankind living on the Earth  
Set private marks upon them at their birth,  
Which caused amongst some people wondrous mirth;  
Though now and then I bawkt by Candle light,  
Pox on my senses, and my duller sight,  
Can not discern a Squire from a Knight. 
Coleman.   
These and a Thousand other pretty pranks  
I've played with men of all Degrees and Ranks,  
For which I did expect some better thanks.  
I little thought that this sweet Face of mine,  
That looks so like a reverend grave Divine  
Should come so soon through Iron Grates to shine,  
I never dreamt of such rewards as these  
Whilst that I lived in Palaces of Ease  
Sporting with my pretty Gammedes;  
Nor did I think my Labours and my Toils  
Sold be rewarded in the common ●ayles  
'Twould make a Welshman swear, guts plutter and nails.  
But Oh; see what the destinies have brought to pass  
That folks at last should make me such and Ass,  
As to keep Colts with Oats, instead of grass;  
I thought the Nation would have paid my score,  
For a reward have thrown me something more  
But now I see I am deceived full sore.  
As holy mussel men do count and write  
Their great Hegira from their prophet's flight,  
When for Rebellion he was banished quite;  
So may I date my woes from that same day  
My polish princely Patron run away  
And left his his people in the mire and clay; 
Shaft.   
Why! did he not take me with him to dwell  
When he embarqut for Holland and for Hell,  
I ne'er shall get there half so safe and well.  
My mind long since presages dreadful things,  
With tortured cries my Ears already rings  
And think each man some fatal Tidings brings,  
My Tongue that never failed me yet, now falters,  
I dream of nothing but of hemp and halters,  
And frightful Visions, of the Rye-house Malters,  
Methinks I see some of my Friends come o'er  
And because to me from the Stygian Shore  
All pale and wan and weltered in their gore,  
Methinks I see each Night stern vengeance stand  
Over my head with naked Sword in hand,  
Threatening eft soons to rid me of the Land.  
Oft-times I dream of those bald ghastly Pates  
O'th' Bridge, and Quarters o'er the City Gates,  
Pitying as 'twere my own, those poor men's fates  
And then I fear, lest the just fates decree  
As a reward of my fidility,  
The Doctor to adorn the Triple Tree:  
But hang me Sirs if e'er you catch me there.  
When once I've brought myself into the snare  
In verbo Sacerdotis I'll declare  
The truth of all and every thing I knew,  
Which will I'm sure make many men look blue;  
Though I Lied Living, dying I'll speak True.  
FINIS.