A MERRY-CONCEITED FORTUNE-TELLER: Pognosticating to all Trades and Professions their good and bad Fortune. Calculated according to Art, for the Meridian of England, but may serve for all four parts East, West, North and South, from the beginning of the world to the end thereof. woodcut of man with hat London, Printed for John Andrews, at the White-Lion near Py-corner. 1662. woodcut of man looking at sun woodcut of gentleman wearing ruff collar and hat To the Readers of this Fortune Book, Containing much good and bad luck Both to the cobbler and the Cook, To the Fool, Knave and Rook, And in this Book remember this, That Fortuna favet fatuis. For only this prediction is left out, Fools shal have money when wit walks without REader, because thou desirest no jeers to swallow, unless it be a cup of Ale or Wine, and then you have the fortune to encounter with better wits, who make you pay the reckoning: Therefore I will tell you that here is a Book of Fortune, which is subject to divers fortunes; some good, some bad; the good are these; if mens brains are not stuffed with Woodcocks brains, this book shall have good luck; also if men desire to laugh rather then be melancholy, or to wake rather then to burn their shins by the fire fide, then this book shall have good fortune, but it shal have ill luck when men become as melancholy as Mantle stocks, as wise as Senators, as deaf as the saracens head without Newgate, and so forgetful, that they forget good turns, and their be friends. But I doubt not but this book shall have fools fortune, and that is, to get more money then those that have more wit. So wishing you may have the fortune to like this book. farewell and be fat. Yours, The Fortune-Teller. A merry Fortune Book. IT is held by all Astrologers, and by the whole Synod of Figure flingers and Star-gazers, that divers sorts of people shall have good and bad fortune; namely, some shall have a great deal of money and no wit, and some shall have a great deal of wit and no money. Also divers maids shall have husbands at fiftéen, and some shall stay till five and thirty, and otheps shall led Apes in hell, while others shall get such a cruel fall that they shall have a tynpany in their belly with two héels; and some shal sit up so late a starching a nights, that they shall forget to say their prayers when they go to bed. Also some widows shall have the fortune to bury three or four husbands, and the lost shall commonly use them worst, and some that wéeps by the virtue of Onions in their handkerchiefs, shall be accounted very loving wives. Also some women shall have the fortune to lie a-bed and be counted good Huswives, while their servants do their work. And some lewd women shall have the fortune to give their husbands the common fortune of the horns, and yet be esteemed very honest women at a Christening. Some shall have good fortune to have their words pass currant, though they speak nonsense, & some shall have the fortune to have all their words taken for ●ustion and such stuff. Some Taylors shall have the fortune to trust young Gallants, & have their Bills paid with ill words, and some shall have the fortune to get into a new sui● before they have paid for the old. Some shall have the fortune to come into company and come off unwounded by the shot: and some shall have the fortune to spend more then they get. Besides, Porters shall be very heavily oppressed, and fortune shall load them with Murron and Béef, but feldom with more money then they can carry. Tinkers shall have the fortune to stop one hole and make three, and yet they shall be accounted Lads of mettal, and if they escape Banbury they may have a better fortune. Oltlers shall make themslves fortune, by cozening your horse, and may feed themselves by starving your horse. Milk-maids shal have fortune sometimes to spill their milk, and let them take heed of evil meditations while they are milking their Kine. Tapsters shall have the fortune to get by could weather & drunkards, but they shal have but bad fortune when they sell their drink for chalk. Vintners shall have good fortune if they keep their custom: and they shall have ill fortune when widows tears become White wine, and▪ Bacchus turn Water-bearer. Chandlers shall have good fortune in Lent time, when mustard is fetched by horse-loads, and they shall have ill fortune when the Crow pisses vinegar. Erocers shall have the fortune to go behind-hand, & yet have money good reasons for their so doing, & shal pass in the dark for honest men. Apothecaries shall have a very sweet fortune, and gives other their bitter pills, and instead thereof receive sweet money, which is a comfortable Cordial. Inkéepers shall have good fortune, if their guests pay surely, and spend freely, but they shall have ill fortune, when their guests bring their suppers in their cloak-bag. shoemakers shall be heirs of Gentlemen by their craft, by their courtesy to their own profession, they shall often have the ill fortune to drink on Mundays, and be never sober all the week after. cobblers stall have the fortune to be sometimes all to pieces, and sometimes their wives shall come after them to the Alehouse, & most commonly they shall have most work in foul weather, and it shall be their fortune to set other men upright, & to tread awry themselves. Oyster-wives shall have the fortune to gape after wealth, and to scold at Billingsgate, until their thorats be sore, and to cry often. Cooks shall be very fortunate, and money shall come unto them by the belly, and it shall be their fortune to get most in Term time, by Countrymen; their worst fault shall be that they shall be glad of greazie fortunes, and a greasy satin Doubler. Sergeants shall be very fortunate by other mens folly. Butchers shall have the fortune to sell their meat sometimes at a right rate, but at Lent it shall be their ill fortune to sit and make Pricks against Easter. Pudding-pie-wenches shall have very good fortune to enrich themselves by Prentices and Countrymen, but if a candles end be found in their pudding, then they shall have ill fortune, for no body will come unto their house. Bricklayers shall have very good fortune if they come down no faster then they go up, that is, if they fall not down from their scaffolds, but to say truth, if they have no craft in daubing, they are like to have very ill fortune. Carpentures shall have good fortune if they live within rule and compass, and they shall have ill fortune when their children are chips of another mans block. Labourers shal have very good fortune if they can have work all the year, and they shall have had fortune, when they spend their wages on Saturday nights, and Sundays, and to have never a penny on monday. Cutlers shall have good fortune if they can sharpen their wits, as well as their kinves, and they shall have bad fortune when they cannot take off the edge of their wives tongues. Barbers shall have good fortune if youngmens beards would grow faster, and they shall have ill fortune when women take their trades out of their hands, and give men a Turnbal-stréet trimming. Habberdashers shall have good fortune when each gallant wears Beavers, and when Countrymen buy course felts, they shall have ill fortune when their knavery is felt out. cobblers shall have good fortune if they could mend their own slves, as well as others shoes, and they shall have ill fortune when they go awry into the Alehouse, and are underlaid, or rather overlaid with drink, so that they come réeling home at night. And Hostesses shall have very good fortune if they do not take chalk for cheese, and they shall have bad fortune by these three letters, I. O V. and the less they practise to writ the white hand, the more shall be their profit. Coopers shall have good fortune when the Barrels break their hoops, and they shall have ill fortune when they sit at an Alehouse, & tell a tale of a tub over a cup of Ale, so that the next morning they are fain to hoop their head about with a night-cap. Brewers shall have good fortune if they could make small beer fox men as well as strong, and they shall have ill fortune when their wives drink too much of their new wort, and so become loose bodied. Fishmongers shal have good fortuen if Lent would last, or if men were given more to fish then to flesh: but they shall have ill fortune when they are fain to keep their Codsheads, because they cannot sell them. shoemakers shall have good fortune if they do not drink on Mundays, & so play all the week, & they shall have ill fortune when the stitch of love takes them, so that they go beyond their Last, and run awoing to get a young Lass. Chambermaids shall have very good fortune if they can find their maiden heads after they are once lost, and they shall have a very heavy fortune when their Swéethearts run away, and leaves them with child. Kitchinmaids shall have a very fat fortune if they can put off their Kitchin-stuff, and all their Coney-skins at a good rate, and they shall have ill fortune when they burn off all their beauties, so that they are fain to die Maids, because they are dry meat. Fishwives shall have good fortune by Merchants wives, when they make them pay dear for Kickshaws, and they shall have ill fortune when they cry new fish so long till it stink upon their hands. Watermen shall have very good fortune if they be not drunk when the tide of good fortune comes, and they shall have bad fortune, when they cast anchor too often at the Alehouse, or in a great frost. Semsters shall have very good fortune by Genglemens shirts, bands and handerchers, when they bring them to their chambers, where they are kindly used for their white work: and they shall have bad fortune when they have got a could and cannot use their tongues to cry What lack ye, see fine Bands and holland Shirts, &c. Scriveners shall have good fortune by other mens ill fortune, and by letting all men know when other men go in debt; and they shall have ill fortune when they dare not come against men for their ears, or when their knavery and forgery is discovered, for then they are quiter canceld, and their Broker may lend him a cloak for his knavery. Malsters shall have very good fortune if there were never a sober man in a Parish; and they shall have ill fortune when their Kills are set on fire, because theee are so covetous, so miserly Maltworms. Mercers shall have good fortune to talk of good stuff at all times, especially in their own shops; And they shall have ill fortune when City gallants shuffle & cut with them, & having got the game in their hands turn them up noddies. Tobacco men shall have very good fortune if every mans nose were as wide as a chimney, for then they would spend a great deal of Tobacco; and they shall have ill fortune, when their is a frost in their fire-pan. Brokers shall have very good fortune by the Hangmans Wardrobe. Tankardbearers shall have very réeling fortune, if all the Conduits in London would run wine or ale: and they shall have ill fortune when they pawn their Tankards for good liquour. Curriers shall have good fortune, for though they mary scolding wives, yet they can cury their hides. laundresses shall have good fortune if all things be cleanly about them, & they shall have ill fortune, when their swéethearts run away from them and leave them in the suds, Nurses shall have good fortune if women could▪ lye In every month, and they shall have ill fortune when they consent to the stealing of some Gentlemans daughter, and so are banished from Christenings, & stealing of Swéetmeats. Carmen shall have very good fortune, but they may say, Gramercy horse for it, and they shall have ill fortune, when they quarrel with Coach-men, and get a broken Coxcomb. sailors shall have very good fortune if they can escape all dangers both by Sea and Land: and they shall have very bad fortune when they cannot go on the score, and be drunk before they go a voyage. fiddlers shall have good fortune if they be in tune in Term time: and they shall have ill fortune when they play underneath a Chamber window, and are rewarded with an excrementious Chamberpot flung upon them. Braziers shall have good fortune if the brazen age would come again, bowsover they shall have the fortune to be accounted Lads of mettal. Almanack-makers shall have good fortune if they can tell when it shall happen. Glovers shall have very good fortune, by Weddings and Fairs: and they shall have worse fortune by sewing prickseam ware. Pedlars shall have good fortune if they carry two packs with them, one full of ware the other full of honesty: and they shall have in fortune at markets when Fair-days prove foul. Weavers shall have the fortune to be beloved by pretty wenches, and they shall have the fortune sometimes to sing Catches in winternights till they are mellow. Carriers shall have very good fortune for hey are always in the road way to riches, and they shall have ill fortune by false beards and pistols, or Highway-men. Prentices shall have very good fortune if they can learn to be freemen with discretion: but they shall have ill fortune when after they are out of one prenticeship they will enter into another, & mary a wife that will be their Master. Button makers shall have very good fortune if they can keep them that are in a fear from making buttons backward. Polterers shall have very good fortune if hey can make geese of their customers: and they shall have ill fortune when their old Coneys will not go off for young Rabits. Market-women shall have good fortune, when they can dispatch quickly, and turn their commodities into money: but they shall have ill fortune when they sit till their feet be could before they can sell their ware, and they shall shall have worse fortune when they meet Robin Good fellow upon the way as they are riding home. Booksellers shall have very good fortune by other mens wits: and they shall have ill fortune when they have no customers for their Books, but Sir Ajax. Applewomen shall have good fortune by Boys & wenches that have the gréensickness: and they shall have ill fortune when they are cozened in the dark with naughty Tokens. Hornmakers shall have very good fortune, but that some Gentlemen take their trade out of their hands. Midwives shall have sweet fortune at Christenings, and they shall have bad fortune when all maids resolve to turn Nuns. Draymen shall have good fortune to carry a great deal of Ale and beer, and be sober men: but they shall have ill fortune when they drink more then their brains can carry. Chemney sweepers shall have very good fortune, to climb high, and sldome fall lower. Crooked-Lane men shall have very good fortune, if they could turn their Latin commodity into English coin: But they shall have bad fortune when they are turned themselves into Latin men or Cornuti. conductor shall have good fortune, when they take a good bargain by the great, and are well paid: but they shall have ill fortune in frosty weather, or when Surgeons become Plasterers. Broom-men shall have good fortune by foul houses and old shoes. Potsellers shall have very bad fortune when Chimney sweepers and Oyster wives scorn to drink in any thing but plate. Tripe wives, shall have very good fortune if their tripes and themselves vie which shall exceed in cleanness: but they shall have bad fortune when Summer weather sowers their Commodities. Horse Smiths shall have very good fortune by sundry jades, and by shooting horses, provided that they do not prick them, and they shall have bad fortune when they drench themselves at the Ale-house, and kill themselves with drinking. Wheel-Wrights shall have good fortune when the world runs on wheels, and they set to make a pair of those wheels: bad fortune when Carts, Coaches, &c. go down into the Country, and come not up again. Mountebanks and ignorant professors of physic, shall have good fortune if they can scour More Ditch with a Purgation, and drive out the corruption of the times by the posteriours of Terra incognita: and they shall have ill fortune, when men grow temperate in their diet, and live honest, for then they shall live as long as nature will permit, and afford them no impoloyment for their Drugs. Vpholsters shall have very good fortune, when new married couples begin houskéeping but they shall have ill fortune when men will lie as Adam and Eve did, and that was without bed or shéets. Sextons shall have very good fortune, when the Bells towles oftenest, and be shall sing while other men weep: But he shall have bad fortune when every man shall live as long as old Nestor, or Mathusalem. butchers shall have good fortune, by good husbands that will mend their clothes: and they shall have bad fortune, when every man wears a svit of right perpetuand, a Buff doublet, and hose of durance. Hosters shall have very good fortune, by legs, for one pair of legs shall be better worth to them then two pair of hands: and they shall have ill fortune when their comes a fashion up to go bare-foot, and bear-legd. Ditchers and country Labourers shall have very good fortune, when the Theames makes a breach into the Marshes and they shall have very ill fortune when they make a hedge to keep in the cuckoo, that is, when they work and are not paid. Millers in the Country shall have very good fortune, if they be not troubled with the ston, so that they can let go their water when they list, and the Country Hostisses shall have bad fortune, by hey-makers in Summer time, and ill paymasters in the winter, that will call like Lords, and pay like Lobs. Stocking-menders shall have very good fortune when other men are out at heels. Bellows-menders shall have very good fortune by Sea-coal fires, especially if they ●ould make a pair of bellows that would blow a windmill sail round: and they shall have ill fortune when Ritching-maids blow their fires with their back sides. Sadlers shall have good fortune when beggars ride on horsebarck, and no man shall fetch a penny worth of mustard, but a cockhorse: but they shall have ill fortune when rich men ride on poor mens backs, the women on their husbands shoulders. Scabingers shall be fortunate, for they carry away the corruption of the times, and therefore they shall get muck enough: but they shall be unfortunate, when Lodon streets are paved with frée-stone, and so kept clean with swéeping. Smell-feasts shall have very good fortune, when they can fill their bellis at anothers rabble, and they shall have ill fortune in Ember wéeks, and on fasting days. Also some that have little honesty, shall have good fortune to be counted good men: and and many honest poor men shall have the bad fortune to be counted knaves. Some also shall have the good fortune to mary a rich widow, that shall advance them to a good fortune: and some again shall have the bad fortune to be undone by a petticoat. Some Travelers shall have the good fortune to tell lies, and yet he believed, and some shall have such bad fortune, that they shall walk in Pauls, and dine amongst the Tombson a ston, and then you will say they they have sharps stomacks. Also Souldiers shall have very good fortune if they can come home again, in a whole skin, and they shall have bad fortune when they cannot shift to keep off their white enemies, have a valiant stomach for want of meat. Porters shall hawe good fortune, if they can bear drink well, and ill fortune when their wives make them carry coals. Old Mads shall have good fortune if they can mary some rich gull; but they shall have ill fortune when they are got with child, and the father is run away, and they are e●forced to sing queen Dido over their Cradle. Carmen shall have good hap when the Hackney Coaches are gone down, and they shall have bad luck when they are drunk within, and let their Carts wait without. Chandlers shall have good hap when they find most sauce used, and they shall have ill luck when the Crow pisses vinegar. Country young men shall have good fortune when they find a purse of money in a hollow tree, and they shall have ill fortune when their purses are pict at London. Great drinkers shall have good fortune when they go home sober; and ill fortune when they are so drunk that they cannot go home all night. Costermongers shall have ill luck when fruit is very dear, and they shall have good luck when there are no maids that have the green sickness. Those that are poor men, shall have good luck when rich men pay them wages duly, and they shall have ill luck when money lies bed ridden, young men shall have good luck when they obtain their sweet hearts, and they shall have ill luck when they cast away their kindness upon coy wenches. Millers shall have good fortune when they grinned corn for all comers and have a great toll d●h, and they shall have ill fortune when their Mill is over-set with water. To conclude, some shall have more money then honesty, some shall have honesty, but little money, and some shall have neither money nor honesty. Knaves and fools have very good fortune, as long as they continue their occupation of knavery and foolery, but they shall be very unfortunate when they turn wisemen. All sorts of tradesmen shall have the good fortune to thrive and grow rich, when they can get good trading again, but I cannot tell when this will be, but they shall have very ill luck when they can sing no other song then the Counter-Tenor. Citizens wives shall have very good fortune by going to Epsom-wels in the Summer-time, for there they may purge themselves of all their good qualities, but their Husbands shall have hornluck, for in the mean time they may chance to be made Cuckolds, and their wives cannot help it. Rope-makers shall have good fortune when Right and Iustice take place, for then they shall have employment enough, but they shall have ill fortune when they dine with Packthread. The Hangman shall have very good fortune when great Thieves have the fortune to be hanged as well as little ones, and he sh●●l have the fortune not to want work so long as he lives, but he shall have very ill luck, when Thieves instead of being transported from New gate to Tyburn in a Cart, are shiped away for jamaica. Astrologers and stargazers shall have very good fortune, when they can tell when it shall be, or when they can foretell, when they shall have more gold chains sent them, but they shall have the fortune always to be counted cheaters and deceivers when their genus leads them to nothing but lies, and they shall also have the ill fortune to be accounted Owis when country men shit at their doors, and they cannot tell who did it. Dray men and Brewers shall have very good fortune when by the flings they come to be made Lords, and they shall have good fortune when they dy before they come to Tyburn cobblers shall have very good fortune, when by mending old shoes, they can make themselves Lords and they shall be accounted Lads of the Gentle-Craft, when they can stitch themselves and their Lordships fast together but they shall have very ill luck when they come to be hanged for killing their brother cobblers, Whip cobbler, good people pitty the blind. The kingdom shall have good fortune when right and Iustice take place, for when they shall be eased of all taxes and ●ried from all cruelty, tyranny and oppression, and then every one shall enjoy what is there own, in peace and quietness; but they shall never have the good fortune to thrive so long as cruelty and oppression reigns over them, Probatum est. FINIS.