Scarronides: OR, Virgile travesty, A MOCK-POEM.  
BEING The Second Book of, VIRGIL'S AENEIS, Translated into English Burlesque Being a Continuation of the former Story.  
BY R. M. Awl de Pem— Cantabrigiam.  
Non semper seria.  
LONDON, Printed by Thomas Mabb, for Robert Clavel, at the Staggs-Head in Ivy-Lane, 1665.   

TO THE LADY AND DIDO, Countess of Carthage.  
Madam,  

YOu know it was at your Command,  
That this great work I took in hand;  
Which after many Ejaculations,  
Great pains, and many Lucubrations;  
So there 'tis done then make the best on't,  
And let who will finish the rest on't.   
From Your Servant, R. M.   

Virgile travesty.  

NOw all was well silent as may be,  
But poor Aeneas like a Babe  
Simpers, and cannot choose but cry  
And put his finger in his eye  
To tell her Highness of the down-  
Fall, of that pretty place Troy Town;  
Madam, quoth he,  please your Grace  
I can't but make a sour face,   

To tell you how;—  
And here he stopped, and made a pause,  
And scarce could speak, but 'twas because  
Tears trickled down his Malmsy Nose,  
To think of all the Trojan Woes;  
At last in words smother than butter,  
He thus began his mind to utter,  
For ten long years with much ado  
We have those Grecians overthrew,  
Many a scar as I suppose,  
Many a good sound bloody nose;  
We cuffed their chaps, and broke their shins,  
And yet the Rogues still came ag'in's,  
" We never could be quiet for 'em,  
" Pox on those Rogues for I abhor 'em;  
We banged, and soused them up for Codfish,  
But yet at last they proved but odd Fish;  
For when we thought that all was past,  
These youngsters had a trick at last:  
A huge great Horse they sent us hither  
Ill luck, the Devil and all together:  
In him six hundred men they put,  
I think Old Nick was in his gut:  
Although some say there were no more  
Men, than five hundred ninety four,  
All Tall and Lusty Warlike Chuffs,  
For most men say they were in Buffs:  
This Trojan Horse, as Homer Notes,  
Was filled with Men, instead of Oats:  
Provender good enough, alas!  
For what is mortal man but grass.  
There is a little Pretty Isle  
Not far from thence, about a mile;  
I'm sure of this, that 'tis a Town,  
To those that dwell in it well known:  
Its name I know not, some suppose,  
The Name of it is Tenedos;  
'Twas rich when Priam ruled the roast,  
But now as poor as I almost;  
There's neither Iron Bar, nor Grate,  
Percullas, Chain, or Bolt, or Gate,  
Yet 'twas a wealthy place of old,  
For there King Priam kept his gold;  
There also under Lock and Key,  
He put his Chiefest Treasury;  
But now it is a place of landing,  
Where watermens do take their standing:  
Hither the crafty Grecians come,  
We thinking they had been gone home,  
Open our Town-Gates, Frolic, and Bouse  
Drink Sherry, in a full Carouse;  
And Madam, for to tell you true,  
We thought no harm no more than you;  
All begin to wonder at this Horse,  
Thymetes draws it in by force;  
Capys (a wiser man) the Chirurgeon,  
Would have it thrown in for a Sturgeon:   

As the Colt at Huntingdon,  
Was voted for a Sturgeon.   

Laocon running from the Tower,  
Would fain have spoke, but had not Power:  
This Youth when he should guard the trenches  
Was always twifling with his Wenches;  
At last by getting breath, he thus  
Began in Language furious;  
Genteels, what madness, rage, and fury  
Doth you, to these dire actions hurry,  
‛ Slead (quoth he) 'twas his common Oath,  
Yet there is one alive that doth  
Protest he never heard him swear  
By any but by Jupiter;  
But let's go on, that's gone and passed,  
He knew not what he said in haste;  
He had a weapon keen and fierce,  
That through a Bull-hide-shield would pierce  
A Lance it was with Iron pick,  
Th' one end would thrust the other stick;  
With this he ran with might and main,  
And thrust it through and through again,  
And lifting up his hindmost leg,  
He pulled it out, as 'twere a pegg;  
He jerkt his sides and firckt his Toby,  
Like Aspen leaf than shaken his Hobby;  
And strait from his disgorged belly  
Sent such a sound I cannot tell ye.  
Have you not seen a Kilderkin  
Filled up with liquor to the brim,  
Which when you strike it with your fist  
It speaks no louder than it list;  
But when it sounds most wondrous dull,  
You all conclude the Barrels full:  
So when Laocon heard the sound  
Which from this Monster did rebound,  
He strait cries out, Sirs let me tell ye,  
Our foes are lodged within his belly,  
And if by chance they should come to us,  
I tell you they would quite undo us,  
Robb all our Hen-rousts, nay yet further,  
They'd kill our Cows, and Bullocks murder,  
Nay some of them will be so base as  
To fling the Eggshells in our faces;  
They'll kill our Horsemen, and Dragoons,  
Shirk Pisspots, Porringers, and Spoons;  
'Tis now, quoth he, no time to Rhyme,  
Look to yourselves, 'tis pudding time:  
Mean while was brought before King Priam,  
As tall a proper Man as I am  
Bound fast with Ropes, for I presage,  
It was not then the Iron Age;  
To say the truth, ye shall not meet,  
A taller Fellow in our street,  
You need not question much his valour,  
For he was born and bred a Tailor;  
His hair inclining was to yellow,  
Methinks it was a pretty fellow:  
This man was brought in such a hurly,  
Set all our Towns-folk in a burly;  
And that which did increase the fray,  
Was cause it was our market-day:  
Each Apprentice came with his Maid-Marion,  
As crows do flock to stinking Carrion;  
All sorts to jeer him came a gazing,  
As Butcher's crowd to a Bear-baiting:  
Hither me all our people flocks,  
As we were going to the stocks,  
When as alas! there's no such thing,  
For he was going to the King.  
This fellow was a subtle wight,  
And one that knew as well to fight  
As eat, his Breakfast for his bread,  
He knew which side was buttered;  
An ' inted Villain, as I've seen,  
Cared not for life, or death a pin:  
This Varlet was as you shall see,  
As full of craft as Treachery;  
For lifting up his fist on high,  
HE invokes the sacred Deity;  
The stars he calls by Christian Names,  
As you should call Jack, Tom, or James,  
And casting up the white of's eyes,  
He thus began to Apologise:   

Quoth he, may it your Highness please,  
I must confess I came from Greece;  
Turned out of house, and home, and fobbed  
Of all my goods, and money robbed:  
For I have lived in as good fashion,  
As any Gaffer of our Nation,  
Nay I have kept a gallant house,  
Never without pudding or souse;  
My men could come to the burn cheese,  
And go to th' cupboard when they please;  
Now pinched with cold (till Troy be thank it  
To keep me warm, I got a blanket,  
And porridge too; the Servants they,  
Sup Sinon, 'tis good broth) did say:  
And now 've left me not a stitch,  
Nor scarce a tatter to my breech,  
But this poor Mantle, which you see,  
Which truly, scarce is worth a flee;  
A good cloth coat, the Rogues did lurch,  
I never wored, but once to Church;  
Their cross-grained tricks, I knew no more  
Than Lily, who bewrayed his door.  
Poor honest Sino that's my name,  
Call't what you please, I'm still the same;  
Thus went he on with his flim flam prattel,  
To tell us what good store of   
He had, and things not worth the hearing,  
As when he made the last Sheep-sharing:  
Thus did he all his stock unriddle,  
As easily as thread a niddle;  
At last tears trickling from his eyes,  
We little thought that all was lies:  
And hearing of his sad complaint,  
Took him no less than for a Saint;  
The old Wives hearts and stomaches did rise  
Young Maids were piereed unto the kidneys;  
But in the end of his Narration,  
He made such sober Application,  
That he made all our mouths to water,  
To hear the fag end of the matter;  
We called him honest man, and bid him  
Go on, and tell us what betided him;  
Cheer up, saith one, I'll burn the Rod,  
My Chuck, my Joy, my Nicola Cod;  
He scare could speak, but cried a while  
As he had been a sucking child,  
At last, wiping his nose from snot,  
He thus began to lay his plot:  
Revenge, Revenge, O sweet Revenge!  
More toothsome than Calves-head & hinge,  
Quoth he, my Master's all I'll take  
My Oath, you made their heartsblood ache.  
They ofttimes thought to hoist up sail  
There was no hopes for to prevail;  
They all cried out that it did seem  
In vain to strive against the stream:  
The raging Sea did ofttimes toss 'em,  
The winds & waves contrived to cross 'em;  
Oft-times it did Thunder and Lighten,  
Which did the Grecians sore affrighten;  
Sometimes a storm would come, you'd think  
That all their ships would straightway sink;  
Thus when they saw their wit, did fail 'em  
They wondered what the Devil ailed 'em;  
They all began to stamp and stare,  
As mad as ever was March Hare;  
At last they sent with wondrous speed  
A man to the Oracle of Phoebe,  
Who coming nigh the Sacred Stones,  
Fell down upon his Marrowbones:  
At last he having got his Answer,  
Did come away like any man Sir;  
Quoth he, the Gods did me advise,  
To offer up a Sacrifice;  
And drawing out his rusty hanger,  
Cries this, this must appease their anger;  
With that they all resolved that I  
Must be the man prepared to die;  
And straightway clapped me up in Prison,  
Where I was for a little season;  
And when they had my hand fast bound,  
They put me straightway in lobs pound;  
An ugly hole it was, and which,  
Was even as dark as any pitch,  
So low it was, you scarce could stand in,  
So dark, you scarce could see your hand in;  
I was in such a woeful plight,  
I could not fetch a nap all night;  
I told our Town-Clock all along,  
I heard the Chimes go ding, ding, dung:  
At last when day began to peep,  
I cunningly away did creep,  
And in an Appletree I hide me,  
Where a good honest woman bid me;  
And now I was as safe and sound,  
As one had given me twenty pound:  
But now I must never look to see  
My Friends, nor yet my Friends see me:  
My pretty bantlings, great and small  
Heavens keep them, and protect them all:  
And now ye Trojans show some pity,  
As you are Freemen of the City.  
Thus hearing of the sad Narration,  
We all began to show compassion,  
And those that did mark the preamble,  
Their guts within them, began to wamble,  
For it would move a very stone,  
To see a pudding creep alone:  
But seeing of the King of Troy,  
He cried aloud, Vive Le Roy;  
And as he had a Trojan been,  
He shouted forth, God save the Queen:  
With that King Priam could not choose  
But smile, and bid his foot Boys lose  
His hands, and feet, and presently  
He was as free as you or I.  
Our King then standing bolt upright,  
Did his most gracious Speech recite,  
Quoth he, Friend never be dismayed,  
Here's none will hurt you, bened afraid  
I warrant ye, that there is no man,  
But what's a true and trusty Trojan;  
And so I hope that you will be,  
Truly I like your physognomy;  
You seem to be an honest Creature,  
You have a good ingenious feature:  
But now good honest Master Sino,  
There is one thing still which I would fain know,  
And if to me you will but vent it,  
You never shall have cause to repeat it;  
Truly I'll take it very kind,  
If you will tell me all your mind;  
Come tell me true, indeed, indeed,  
What means this monstrous wooden-stead;  
For truly give me leave to tell ye,  
I somewhat do dislike his belly;  
Though Master Sino I am loath,  
To look a gift-Horse in the mouth:  
This man I think, as I'm a sinner,  
Loved mischief better than his dinner:  
For falling down at the King's feet,  
He thus began to counterfeit;  
Quoth he, by all the petty Gods,  
I know not what set you at odds;  
Nor yet what 'tis that makes you fire,  
Like Cats, and Dogs, to scratch and by't;  
I'm sure 'tis I that got the harm,  
I've lost a very goodly Farm;  
The ground was left me by my Grannum,  
It brought in thirteen pounds per Annum;  
Besides there was a pretty garden,  
But I have lost it every farthing:  
The Lamps of Heaven, know I tell  
The naked truth, of what befell;  
And that which vanquished all our fear,  
He closed his Speech with many a tear:  
And then another mischief fell us,  
Which truly did as good as tell us,  
That what the fellow did to us tell,  
Was in a manner true as Gospel.  
Laocon casting lots, was eftsoon,  
Chosen to be the Priest of Neptune:  
Some say in th' twinkling of an eye,  
This Youngster he could cog a die;  
And if't be true, as folks do say,  
I needs must tell you 'twas foul play,  
And tho' he wins at first, 'tis five  
To one, if theating play doth thrive:  
For as he looked with steadfast eyes,  
Offering to the Gods a sacrifice:  
Behold, two hugeous Snakes appear,  
At that we all began to fear;  
Laocon wonders what's the matter,  
They both strait jumped out of the water,  
And hissing, leapt into his face,  
The Priest was in a shitten case;  
Now began the Sea to roar, 'twas said,  
Neptune himself was half afraid:  
We seeing such a sight begun,  
Each man to take his heel and run;  
We minded not the Priest at all,  
Each for himself, and he for all;  
The Priest began to screek, nay further,  
Some people heard him cry out murder:  
Have you not seen a Causset Lamb,  
Taken by the Butcher from his Damn,  
How it doth cry, struggle, and strive,  
As being loath to lose his life:  
So did Laocon, cry and bellow,  
Just so as I'm an honest fellow;  
No man did pity him at all,  
Some did him Rogue and Rascal call,  
For striking of this Trojan Steed,  
All cried you are justly served indeed;  
And now the Folk withal their Power,  
Do place this Horse within their Tower:  
But know the bigness of this Beast  
Was such, our Gate was at the least;  
And presently our Towns-Folks all,  
Begin to pluck down a piece of wall;  
Some got Pick-Axes, and Hammers,  
Some got Mattocks, Spade and Rammers;  
There's old to do, and such a pother,  
Some got one thing, some another;  
As busy all as body-lice,  
They pulled the wall down in a trice;  
And now they all do tug, and strives,  
As they were tugging for their lives:  
The Maids did come and make a shift,  
To give a pull at a dead lift;  
And know 'tis true that Maids can then,  
Tug best of all when they're with men;  
They were as white as on Mayday,  
Truly I think they made a Playday:  
At last with many a pleasant ditty,  
We got him safe into the City;  
Some thrust before and some behind,  
I think the Devil, we all were blind:  
Now when the night began to peep,  
‛ I was time for honest men to sleep;  
Our townsmen all were wearied,  
Thought it high time to go bed;  
Some on the floor, and in their ,  
Others began to Sing Old Rose;  
Some reeled to Bed, others to Mows,  
As drunk as any David's Sows:  
And now the Greeks with forty Oar,  
From Tenedos soon got to shore;  
And in the dead time of the night,  
They all prepared themselves to fight:  
We all were snorting, great and small,  
And never dreamt of it at all;  
Sino that Rogue the door did ,  
And down they all came by a rope;  
Down slides Petides, Neoplotum,  
Machaon, Menelaus did follow 'em,  
Tysandrus, Stenelaus, Ulysses,  
As stout a Soldier as now pisses:  
Down they all foal with much care,  
By which I find this Horse a Mare:  
They killed our Bell-Man, and his Bitch,  
I think the Men were all bewitched:  
They armed themselves, and every man  
Had got a cudgel in his hand,  
And breaking open our town gate,  
Their Comrades sally in thereat;  
And as the Gods would have it happen,  
Truly the Rogues did catch us napping:  
Indeed I think as it did hap,  
I had but newly fetched a nap;  
Behold stout Hector, he that died,  
Did seem to stand at my Bedside;  
Good Heer he looked as he had been  
Twice eaten, and spewed up again;  
He came just so as he was worried,  
When he about our walls was hurried;  
His mouth was full of blood and foam,  
His hair as it had been never combed;  
His beard was rough and overgrown him,  
A little more I had not known him;  
I know not how I should, because  
He was not like the man he was;  
Who after many wars, and toils,  
Use to come laden home with spoils:  
Now he's not more like the same Roister,  
Then a good pipping, like an Oyster;  
And as he to the bed did creep,  
It grieved me for to see him weep:  
At first I lay as in a maze,  
At last I broke out in this phrase:   

Thou trusty Trojan, valiant Peer,  
What a Devil makes thee here?  
Quoth he, begun, thou and thy sire,  
For all our towns are on a fire;  
The Child unborn may rue the day,  
For lack of Buttermilk and Whey;  
Quoth he, 'twill be a direful Theme,  
To tell the loss of Curds and Cream:  
Make haste away, you'll be undone,  
Destroyed every Mother's Son;  
'Tis now too late to put a hand to,  
No man can do more than be oah do;  
We are reigned every Mother Son,  
Pack up the godlings, and be gone:  
That word did make my heart to ache,  
I think was time for me to wake,  
I started up, and rubbed mind eyes,  
And to the window presently;  
Where soon as I had looked about,  
I presently did spy the rout:  
As soon as e'er they met a man  
They knocked him down, and bid him stand;  
With that I fetched my Sword and Spear,  
And down I went a Volunteer:  
When I came down, I swore I fat 'em,  
My fingers itched for to 〈…〉:  
Upon my head I put a Capp,  
For who knows what mischief may hap;  
The rogues may break one's head with stones  
More ways to kill a dog then one.  
Now as I passed along the street,  
Who should I but Otrides meet,  
With's Child at's back, midst all this rout  
With's baggage he was marching out:  
How goes the Market, honest friend  
Quoth I? He seemed not to attend  
To what I spoke; at last he says,  
Butter is butter now a days:  
You need not fight you're ne'er the nigher,  
For all the fat is in the fire;  
Sino, that Rascal with a match,  
Has set on fire all the thatch.  
But yet Aeneas never hanged  
An arse, for fear of being banged;  
He's not so cowardly as those,  
Who cry to see a bloody nose;  
But is resolved rather than yield,  
To die with honour in the field:  
And thus with courage out he goes,  
Kill, or be killed by his foes;  
With him there went a many more,  
Truly, I think well nigh a score  
Young lusty Men, some in this Nick  
Of time, had gotten faggot sticks;  
But that which made me almost laugh,  
Dymus came running with a Bedstaff:  
Yet for all that, Gentlemanlike,  
Aeneas he did trail a Pike:  
Soon as he spied these lusty Soldiers,  
He clapped each man upon the Shoulders;  
Quoth he, cheer up my Boys, I say,  
It shan't be said we lost the day;  
For you must understand, this fight  
Was in the dead time of the night:  
Cheer up my dainty Boys, come, come,  
'Tis now in vain to stand hum, drum:  
You see in what a woeful plight  
We be in, it stands in hand to fight;  
Kill or be killed, no quarter give,  
We will not let these Villains live;  
Although the thing doth me perplex,  
Necessitas non habet Lex:  
As when two Masty Dogs do fight,  
And quarrel merely out of spite;  
Besure the Curs shall never lack  
Some standers by, to clap their backs,  
Spit in their mouths, and cry Haloo,  
Thus did Aeneas do so too;  
But yet Aeneas also fell  
To it himself, and fight pellmell;  
At last we backed him, and fell to't all,  
Though two to one is odds at football:  
We met an hundred men or more,  
When we were not above a score;  
I think I'm pretty near the matter,  
But yet we made their bones to clatter;  
We thrashed so hard, we'd make 'em feel,  
Although the Rogues were made of steel:  
But who is able to recite,  
The mischief that was done that night;  
They broke our windows, burnt our barns,  
They did us God knows how much harms;  
Killed all our brood-hens, stole our chicks,  
And served us many such like tricks;  
Eat all our custards, though I spoke t'um,  
And prayed 'em not, I wish ’t’adad choked 'em:  
To close their stomaches last of all,  
They got the Wench against the wall.  
Ah! who can choose but weep and pity,  
The loss of such a Gallant City;  
Now 'tis a common thing to meet,  
Dead Carcases in every street;  
So that as men do walk the town,  
Sometimes they chance to tumble down;  
Sometimes we light upon a Greek,  
And then I think we made him reek;  
Before we let him go, we worst him,  
We caught Androgeos and pursed him;  
Who all along with us did walk  
A street or two, and began to talk,  
For he i'th' dark, poor silly else,  
Thought us as bad Rogues as himself;  
And as you know, birds of a feather,  
Most commonly do flock together.   

Quoth he, come Fellow-soldiers under  
Favour, let's now begin to plunder  
For honey, now let's begin to dive,  
We'v ' burnt the Bees out of their Hive:  
At last he knew 'twas a mistake,  
And then his heart began to ache;  
He crept away, his speech did falter,  
Lear'd like a dog, that slipped his halter;  
And straight this melancholy Bustard,  
Stood trembling like a quaking Custard:  
And presently soon as he spoke,  
We got him fast hold by the Cloak,  
Tripped up his heels, and fling him down,  
And beat him as he lay o'th' ground;  
We dost his chops as he did rise,  
All the foul play we could devise;  
And then at last we cut off's head,  
Than most did think the man was dead:  
And now our men begin to try,  
What they can get by policy;  
One gets his Boots made of good Leather,  
Another takes his Cap and Feather;  
Ripheus got his Gallant Shield,  
The very best in all the Field;  
Another got his little Dagger,  
(Dymus it was) it made him swagger:  
Thus clothed all over in a Wolves skin,  
We with the Greeks did challenge kin;  
Grew wondrous great, bid him good-morrow  
Before 'twas light, 'twas to their sorrow;  
We swore if that they'd not be civil,  
We'd send them packing to the Devil:  
Must they knock people on the heads,  
That men can't rest within their beds;  
With that we swinged our cudgels round,  
Our heads, and soon did clear the ground;  
For hitty misty, soon we slew,  
Some we knocked down, and some or'threw;  
Women out of their windows cried  
there's nothing lost but what's beside;  
With that all run, and ended strife,  
As they were running for their life:  
Behold King Priam's Oldest Daughter,  
Drawn by th' hair of th' head came after:  
She was a Virgin spruce and neat,  
And one that could have done the feat.  
King Priam would have paid her down  
In marriage, near an hundred pound;  
Seeing of this sight, Chorebus  
Was like a mad Man, furious;  
Truly he scarcely could forbear  
To pull, and tear of all his hair;  
Some people said they'd lay their life,  
That he and she was Man and Wife;  
This was that Dame, for whom his soul  
Was burnt in's belly like a coal;  
Sometimes he stamped, and cried a pox,  
And then he began to wind his locks;  
If's hair he cares not for a Fig,  
Truly than he must wear a Wigg:  
He run amongst 'em all, and fit,  
Either without much fear or wit;  
Then we resolved to lose a limb,  
Or two, or three, to rescue him;  
And to it we fell, our men did fear  
Their foes, it seems, when none were near;  
And by our Helmets they mistook,  
And us in th' dark for Grecians took;  
And from our housetop broke our ●iles  
And Ranks, with brickbats and old tiles:  
Now there began a dreadful slaughter,  
They made our bones within us chatter,  
Now all our policy appears,  
We cannot keep it for our ears;  
Now they make signs to one another,  
And there began a filthy pother;  
All fall upon us now and bang us,  
And some could find their hearts to hang us;  
But truly that was not the fashion,  
Nor yet the custom of our Nation:  
Short bands are come up now a days,  
We found out divers other ways;  
There's none of us escaped at all,  
Chorebus fared worst of all;  
For that which truly is a sin,  
They kicked him twice on the sore shin;  
Forrh-with they all began to hy 'em,  
Into the Palace of King Priam;  
A pretty place it was with lock  
And key, and iron bolt to knock;  
But that their Captain never knocks,  
But broke it open with a Pox;  
The Maid comes scolding with her broom,  
And swore they durt'ed every room;  
Quoth she, what serves the mat at door,  
But for to wipe your hooves before  
You enter in; thus having said,  
She flings away, a tight neat Maid;  
Yet they resolved forward to budge,  
And made the wench to be their trudge;  
Up stairs they run unto the King,  
And here they fight like any thing;  
Off goes their bands, and to't they go,  
I know not who struck the first blow;  
And when they'd done, they gi'en to send  
Away, what they could rap and rend;  
Pure Featherbeds, Blankets, and Bolsters,  
Folks said they sold them at th' Upholsters;  
New flaxen sheets, as white as snow,  
there's no help for 'em, all must go;  
Tho for those sheets her Highness craved,  
Alas! there was not one rag saved;  
And what was worse (these were but trash)  
They seized upon all the King's Cash;  
Some kept the door with naked sword  
So stout, they'd scarcely speak a word:  
I saw all well enough, for I  
Lurked in a hole most cunningly,  
Top of a house, where we laughed whiles  
We broke their heads with piece of tiles;  
At last the Grecians burned our Fort,  
And so they spoiled all our sport;  
Feeling their num-sculls ache in ire,  
The King's house now they 'gan to fire;  
They light their squibs with bits of match,  
Fung 'em for th' once amongst the thatch,  
And that began to reek and smoke,  
Enough the King and Queen to choke;  
They pulled up all the posts and benches,  
And made sad rout amongst the wenches,  
Fling stones, & some broke all the casem ●s,  
At that the King was in amazement;  
All the carved works they tumbled down,  
And lay in heaps upon the ground;  
Money enough I'm sure it cost,  
Abundance of good Timber lost;  
The chamber where the King and Queen were,  
Now lies like any thoroughfare;  
Yet some will say tell's what became  
Of this King Priam and his Dame;  
The King was old, and had gi'en o'er  
To fight, being pretty near fovorscore;  
But when they did him thus incite,  
No flesh alive could choose but fight;  
He step● and fetches out his Dagger,  
And is resolved to go and Swagger;  
But being old, pray understand,  
That he was no man of his hands;  
And as he marched along behold  
An ancient Laurel Tree ('twas old;)  
Hecuba when they did assault her,  
Hither me flew into an Altar,  
She and her Daughters all flock thither,  
As Pigeons flock in rainy weather;  
Or, as when in a Summer's Day,  
Maids in the Fields are making Hay,  
If it doth chance to rain they fly,  
Unto a Haycock presently.  
She seeing of her Husband stout,  
Going amongst the rabble rout,  
Lord, quoth she, he's a weakly Causlet,  
I think has more need of a Posset;  
She beckoned, called him by his name,  
At last, he hearing of her came;  
Quoth she, my love, what makes thee here,  
They'v ' overcome us all I fear;  
Alas! thou canst do little good,  
Thy blows are easily withstood;  
Come stand with us, let's care not whether  
They'v ' beat, we'll live or die together:  
Thus said, she took him by the hand,  
So he obeyed her command;  
Potites than a lusty Boy,  
Son of King Priam King of Troy,  
Came running by, did cry and hallo,  
Pyrrhus soon after him did follow,  
A lusty thief, able you know  
To knock a youth down, at one blow;  
Just at this Altar him he took  
And slew; the old man could not brook,  
But called him Rogue, Son of a Whore,  
To slay his Son at his own door:  
And like a fool, though still among  
His foes, yet could not hold his tongue;  
The man was mad, his finger's itch,  
Takes him a good kick on the breech;  
With that he starts, and cries, why so,  
What's that for you Sir? do you know;  
Quoth th' old man, shall I tell you why,  
Takes him o'th' chaps immediately;  
Pyrrhus at that began to swear,  
Runs to him, gets him by the hair;  
Th' old man cries out, show no foul play,  
You coward, let me rise, I say;  
For truly as most people said,  
He had a vile tongue in his head;  
Yet Pyrrhus stabbed him on the ground,  
Cut's throat, and laid him in a swound:  
Aeneas seeing things so sad,  
Truly was in a manner mad.  
Now with himself he began to think,  
What he should do for meat and drink;  
Thought of his Father and his Wife,  
Devised how he might save their life,  
His little Boy, Julus him  
He vows he'll save, if sink or swim;  
He saw his Men for fear of harms,  
Were gone, and fling down all their arms;  
As you know turn-spits lear and run  
Away, when they the wheel do shun;  
As who should say, the cursed Elves,  
Command your dogs, and do't yourselves:  
And he poor man walking alone,  
Spied Helen sitting on a stone,  
That very self same ugly puss,  
That made our town be ransacked thus;  
For had it not been for that Queen,  
None of this mischief ne'er had been;  
She privily did lurk for fear,  
As if for sooth no man should see her;  
Thus when he understood the matter,  
He was e'en mad for to be at her:  
For, quoth he, shall this ugly puss,  
Be let alone in quiet thus?  
Shall she go home to Greece and brag,  
She has not left us worth a rag?  
No, no, quoth he, it shan't be thus,  
Marry come up my dirty Cousin;  
And with his Sword went in a Freak,  
To put the Woman to the Squeak;  
But yet he with himself thus thought,  
To kill a Woman were but nought,  
And truly 'tis a thing not common,  
To set one's wit against a Woman:  
As he was thinking this and t'other,  
Who should Aeneas spy but's Mother;  
She came from Heaven with her bright eye,  
As if she had been a God a mighty:  
Quoth she, what art thou Bedlam grown?  
Was ever such a Villain known  
To fall upon a Woman kind,  
Go meddle with thy match, thou fiend:  
Where hast thou left thy good old grandsire,  
Go keep him safe like any man Sir?  
Be quick, and save thy Boy, thy Wife,  
They'll be undone I'll lay my life;  
Make haste, things now are not well pleasing,  
there's difference 'twixt farting & sneezing,  
'Twas neither Tyndarus nor Paris  
But Jove, that fires all the Daryes:  
Thus said, she vanished from his sight,  
He asked her blessing, so good night.  
Now was he in a peck of fears,  
In troubles over head and ears;  
Many attempts he made and puttons,  
He whined as though his arse made buttons;  
He saw all fire round about 'em,  
Sometime he thought for to have fought 'em;  
But they were all such plaguey swashers,  
They laid about 'em all like thrashers;  
He saw that Plot would not prevail,  
He knew not how to use a flail;  
And so in such a sad condition,  
He ran and fling down his commission;  
Thought best to take his Mother's council,  
And hasted to his Father's groundsil,  
Where soon as ever he got there,  
He found his Grandsire in a chair;  
Truly I think so Jove would have it,  
His Dad was safe at home (God save it;)  
And though Aeneas fain would trudge,  
This cross old man swore he'd not budge;  
Let me alone, quoth he, in ire,  
I'm warm enough, here's a good fire;  
Go fight my Boys, you're young and lusty,  
I'll take my chance my Trojan trusty;  
Aeneas begged of this old tossed,  
And would have kissed his breech almost;  
He begged along time for God sake,  
Yet he's as stiff as any stake:  
With that a warlike Resolution,  
Aeneas puts in Execution,  
Girds on his sword, though ne'er the nigher,  
Plucks a good club out of the fire,  
And is resolved out of a pet,  
To kill the first Greek that he met;  
But yet his Wife she fetched him back,  
With a good Cadged at his back;  
For he would let her (silly fool)  
Comb his head with a three legged stool:  
She brought him home, here 'gan the racket  
Creusa sound banged his jacket;  
Sirrah quoth she, keep within doors,  
Run me no runs amongst your whores;  
You are a pretty youth to fight,  
Pray are you not? marry go—  
You'll fling your cap against the wind,  
And leave your Wife and Child behind;  
With ladle then in spite of fate,  
She made a shift to break his pate;  
Poor man he quickly past it o'er,  
He'd many a broken pate before;  
He clapped his hand upon his breech,  
To show he minded not her speech;  
Anchises now midst these despairs,  
Held up his fists and fell to prayers,  
He was an old cunning Impostor,  
Rattled out many a Pater noster;  
He told his beads, was very Apish,  
For folks say, he was a rank Papish:  
Then Jove heavens cloudy vault did tear,  
Like an almighty Cannoneer;  
And after that a Star they spied a  
Shooting from our lot to Mount Ida;  
There it did glide and gently high,  
And gave them items how to fly;  
The good old man was glad to see't,  
And then began to handle his feet,  
He prayed this Star to stand his friend,  
Away he walked and there's an end.  
Not far from thence good people there is  
A Country House of Farmer Ceres,  
Where hobnailed Louts do use to labour  
And thrash a Gig to Pipe and Tabor;  
That was the House we all did choose,  
Wherein to make our Rendezvouz.  
Thus said, he took up his Old Sire,  
Brought him a pick pack through the fire;  
He took his little Boy by th' fist,  
His Wife could foot it if she list;  
She was a lusty Quean could trudge,  
And thirty Miles together budge;  
And he that Greeks so lately slighted,  
Is now at his own shadow frighted;  
For coming to unlatch the door,  
We heard a very great uproar;  
Fly, fly, my Son, quoth old Ancluses,  
Or else we shall be cut in slices;  
Amazed to think of further strife,  
Walking by-paths he lost his Wife:  
Now he was in a deadly fright,  
Never in such a woeful plight,  
He looked, and looked, but ne'er the near,  
The fewer, though the better cheer:  
We met at Ceres' Manor; all  
But that old toast that rotten squall;  
And finding there no hope to get her,  
He cursed and swore in terms most bitter  
To lose one's Wife, me thought was much,  
He swore he'd have another touch:  
Up to Troy Town he made a sally,  
He searched all Corners, each blind Ally;  
In Juno's house Ulysses stood,  
He and his Dame with all their Brood;  
To these the Soldiers brought the plunder,  
The Pot, the Pothooks, never wonder,  
The dripping Pan; (this comes of strife)  
The skellet, and the chopping knife;  
When I had poured in every hole,  
At last I spied Creusa's soul;  
I shook, but truly could not speak,  
She came from th' Devil's Arse of Peak;  
But she spoke like the Devil's Dam,  
A flattering Slut, 'twas but a flame;  
Saith she, hang sorrow, cast off care,  
For every man will have his Mare;  
It was not this when I did bid thee,  
Now there's no help for't, no remedy;  
Ye all must wander ('gainst your hips-ease,  
Like Errand Knights, or Roguish Gipsies;  
At Carthage, till you do arrive,  
Truly the Gods did thus contrive;  
Then thou shalt fish on Tiber's Ouse,  
And catch red Herrings with hard roes;  
Thou shalt be rich, eat Grapes, stewed Quinsies,  
Marry, but not a Germane Princess:  
Weep not for me my dear with ill moans,  
With tears as big as any Millstones;  
Two Myrmidons, nor Dollop chuffs,  
Shall I be had with Iron cuffs;  
Nor wait on Grecian Lady gay,  
For I'm as well, and warm as they;  
Venus is my Mother in Law,  
For all the Grecians then a straw.  
And now farewell my Chuck, my Joy,  
My Love, I pray thee to the Boy;  
Having thus said, she did departed,  
In wind that whistled like a fart:  
Thrice strove I for to clip and kiss her,  
So many times just I did miss her;  
And now returned I back again  
Unto my much recruted men;  
Rogues, whores, with Bastards at their backs  
Came to transport themselves by packs,  
What Sea or Land so're I took,  
They'd go with me by hook or crook;  
And now the day began to peep,  
'Tis time for Rogues to go to sleep:  
Seeing Troy Town was gone to wrack,  
He got his Father on his back,  
And having gone about a mile,  
Stayed here to rest himself a while.   
FINIS.   

Scarronides: OR, Virgile travesty, A MOCK-POEM.  
BEING The Seventh Book of, VIRGIL'S AENEIS, in English Burlesque  
Interpone tuis interdum Seria Ludio.  
LONDON, Printed by Thomas Mabb, for Robert Clavel, at the Staggs-Head in Ivy-Lane, 1665.   

Virgile travesty.  

ANd thou Cajeta, my dry Nurse,  
With bags as lank as empty purse,  
Hast christened all our Coast & Strands  
" (As that old Earl did Gudwin sands)  
Her foster Son (when she was dead)  
Pitching a Stone at her Graves-head  
'Fore a soft breeze, and by Moonlight  
Set sail, and bid the Coast good night.  
Into a Neighbour Bay he pierces,  
And so sailed by the Coast of Circe's;  
This Circe's was a damned proud Witch,  
She was Phaeb's Child, and plaguy rich,  
I'th' wood she kept a Vaulting School,  
Whither came many a precious tool;  
(As dirty Trulls) when this Old Bawd  
And they were drunk, with work they made,  
She'd bind the Boars that came to woe 'em  
So fast, the Dile could not undo 'em,  
" She'd strip 'em to their shirts and rockets,  
" And than the whores would pick their pockets:  
Strange dines were heard there still; and roaring,  
" Than Bedlam worse: (this comes of whoring;  
" All sorts came here, from Fair to Neger,  
" Well customed 'twas as Holland's Leaguer:  
" This noise still held from Lamb to Lark,  
" Have you not heard of Whetstone's Park?  
No one came there, (or few at least)  
But brought a Man, and left a Beast;  
She would entice men, and deface:  
In short; it was a beastly place.  
She fed her Family with Salads,  
And dozed their brains with witched Ballads;  
" A Mother Damnable, a swinger,  
" Just such another Ballad Singer  
" As this is, with her hoarse old man,  
" Howls doleful Sonnets in the Stran;  
" Alluring Prentices, and Porters  
" Both from their messages & their mortars  
" She hinders those that carry Chairs  
" From many a nap, and from their Fares:  
" The Coachmen too, like lolling lobs,  
" (To hear them quaver) lose their jobs.   

Now cause Aeneas should avoid  
These hazards, and not be destroyed,  
Neptune gave this Soldade in Buff,  
A nimble and a lusty puff,  
Till Lucifer made Neptune blush,  
Which done, the winds were still and hush.  
Aeneas now 'mong Rocks though harboured  
Discovered a great wood a Starboard;  
The Stream he rid on was a Neighbour,  
First letter of its name was Tiber;  
" The Cuckoo whistled, birds sing shrill,  
" By which I guess 'twas April:  
Sometimes they'd hover o'er the stream,  
" To catch a Codfish or a Bream:  
Here he his Seamen did entreat,  
To go ashore and purve for meat.   

And now my Pen shall set before ye,  
Who dwelled upon this Territory,  
What Kings were there, and who Sir Gaunts  
" (This was before we heard of Turbans.)  
I'll show ye too (for that will toll ye on)  
Whether the Country, or Tarpollian  
Gave dodgers blow, or the first touch,  
" (And that ye know is very much.)   

This place was Ruled then by one Latin  
Well aged, and a Chair he sat in;  
The Towes that this old man did keep,  
Were all as rich as new sheered sheep;  
His Father's Name was Master Fanus,  
" (I hope he doth not mean to Cane us:)  
Marica was his Dam, a goddess  
" As true, as e'er was laced in Boddess.  
Picus to Fanus was a Father,  
Indeed I think so too; the rather  
Because I've heard by an old Matron,  
Picus was Son to Father Saturn.  
" Now any Trojan let me see,  
" Show such another Pedigree?  
" Yes, I know one of Trojan Stock,  
" From Adam, unto Canadoc.   

Now Latin (as ye'l see here after)  
Had no Son, but one only Daughter,  
A bouncing Lass, (I do not Fable)  
She's in the teens, and Marriageable,  
Courted by many; well endowed,  
Which two things made her— proud:  
But Turnus was the man most trim,  
" She oftentimes would mump at him;  
Her Mother was (loath to hinder sport)  
Was hot, (as Pitch) and clearly for't;  
But nightly Visions off did stave it,  
And dashed it (as the Devil would have it.)   

A Reverend Tree grew in the Yard,  
Which Latin unto Phoebus reared;  
So for that Laurel Tree Phoebe sent 'em  
A goodly Dorp, eclyped Laurentum;  
This Laurel having a thick fleece,  
There pitched upon't a swarm of Bees,  
A goodly sight it was be Jiesse;  
Their weight did make the Laurel tear,  
(Jove, what a buzzing now was there!)  
They cling as fast to Cypress brows  
As unto skin, a Beggar's louse:  
By this tree stood a certain Prophet,  
(Having received advise from Tophet;)  
And told 'em that a far fetched Sir,  
Was coming on with switch and spur;  
To conquer Master Latins people,  
And fling the Bells out of the Steeple;  
Beside all this, Lavinia  
Stood by her Father's side I saw  
Killing a Pig (then roasting lesser)  
In Phoebus' Kitchen, on his Dresser;  
The candle singed off every lock,  
She burned herself unto her smock;  
This chance begot a mighty stench,  
(Sure she was a hot headed Wench;)  
The Martyred Lice (like squibs) did crack,  
At last the fire went out each flake:  
" The Master Cooks this sight espying,  
" Admired how she missed a frying;  
" So all concluded this escape,  
" Preserved her to make Broth and Pape;  
" And that Sir Phoebe designed this Jewel  
" To poach his Eggs, and make his Grewel;  
" For whom the Family I doubt  
" e'er long will quarrel, and fall out.   

But Squire Latin not content,  
To sit down by this accident,  
Away to Father Fanus trips,  
To hear the Sentence of his lips;  
To Albumea's Woods and Springs,  
In all posthaste himself he flings;  
" From Laurent 'tis as distant far,  
" As Oxford is from Shot-over;  
Thither goes he by a fool's fire,  
A spirit-hunting for his Sire:  
This is the place where Clown, and Court,  
To Pharie-Dancing do resort;  
The grave Priest too, this wood ascends  
With his Parishioners, and Friends;  
And there the People, and these Elves,  
Steal Sheep all night, and feast themselves;  
So when  emptied all their Pipkins,  
They go to sleep upon the Sheepskins;  
There many Visions he saw clear,  
Many strange voices did he hear:  
The gods he spoke to, they were Civil,  
And then he went unto the Devil;  
And when he was in Limbo deep,  
The Devil bid him steal more sheep;  
According to this word of spirit,  
He killed a hundred full that night,  
He brought 'em all to his Abettors,  
Unto these gods his chief Resettors;  
I shined 'em (quoth he) upon my bum,  
" For they'll not speak unless I bribe 'em;  
At length, as he slept on the fleeces,  
He heard a loud voice through the breezes;  
Dost mean t' Espouse (for he did list)  
Thy Daughter to a Latinist:  
" To wed her to an Heritage,  
" No letter then poor Vickarage,  
" To bring her that so high doth look  
" To tithe Pigs, and her Easter Book:  
No here's a Soldier (take my word)  
Coming, will have her by the sword;  
" One that, whose chaps already water,  
" He's mad, believe me, to be at her;  
A back of steel, and iron sides,  
And on a wooden horse he rides:  
Her Jointure shall be all the World,  
(He rides at Anchor with sails furled;)  
This a good match is (I can tell ye)  
She shall bring Children by the Belly.   

These things old Latin through the Cities  
Dispersed in Ballads and in Ditties;  
When to the shore Aeneas towed  
His Shallop, and the Seamen rowed;  
He, and his Captains, and his Son,  
Came all to Land there one by one;  
And down they sat (for they were sharp set)  
Earth was their Table, Grass their Carpet,  
Their dinner they plucked out of basket,  
Saith old Aeneas there's one Cask yet  
" Of Drams, (but I can't tell what sort 'tis)  
" But as I guess 'tis Aqua Fortis:  
" A Sovereign Does for Soldiers bashful,  
" Then every Captain drink a glass full:  
Their fenowed Cheese, their oaten Cakes,  
Their Crusts, their Cracknels and poor Jacks  
Were all produced, the place upon  
With Chestnuts, yea and Apple John;  
Then for pure want their idle Gums,  
They exercised with pocket Crumbs;  
Then each destroyed (for they did whisk it,  
Their trenchers which was stonehard biscuit;  
The Boy Ascanins as he played  
Cries, have we on our Tables paid?  
No more Pares of that pot he said:  
" A learned speech of great concerning,  
" (For he had learned in's youth much learning)  
" It made 'em wonder I protest,  
" Where a Devil lies the jest?  
His Father understood the Riddle,  
Then with his prayers he did piddle;  
Welcome we are (as I may say)  
Unto our destined soil from Troy;  
The Trojan gods (of all the Prime)  
I'll trust ye now another time;  
This is the Land which (ye O so wise)  
Did by my Father to me promise;  
Where we should eat our table broken  
For hunger." Well far a good token.  
" Let every Soldier bring his Drab in,  
Here set thy rest and build thy Cabin;  
This Famine 'twas gods did forecast,  
So now the worst is gone and passed.   

Wherefore to morrow by day break,  
Let's search each corner and each creek,  
To find the Natives out, and Towns,  
Let's march from hence in our Sea-Gowns;  
Let's drink a whole one then to Jove,  
And to Anchises that's above;  
" Fill, fill it out, this makes a brace up,  
" Here's t'ee then Gentlemen a grace cup;  
" So after every man had drunk hard,  
" In's Can as big as Water-Tankard:  
Aeneas then his light head bound,  
Good night (saith he) and on the ground  
He rolled, but next morn he was so dry,  
He dreamed that Fountains did him go by  
Of Fairy Queens, and Women Sprights  
Of Stars, and many more good nights;  
He on his Parents out did yell,  
This in Heaven, that in Hell.  
But chief jove was in his mind,  
Sure there was something in the wind;  
Three times did jove break clouds & lighten  
Which did disturb the air though brighten;  
Then news was brought (O that was nuts)  
That they must now set up their hutts;  
Then every one was welly sped,  
Since he must get a house for's head;  
Their Wives who sat before like ghosts,  
Where drunk with ale and cakes (old toasts)  
But they turn out next day by time,  
To find the tricks of this new clime;  
They search below at top of Mountain,  
At last they found a Crystal Fountain,  
And that was Tiber, at that brook,  
The Latins dwell in little nook:  
Aeneas sent a hundred Wights  
To these new people (in good plights)  
Their heads they dressed with Olive branch  
And went for peace in habit staunch;  
Some of the gnits were damnifieed,  
" So did suspect they'd be denied;  
" As Wheat, and Barley, Pease, and Rice,  
" Whole Loafs of Sugar, bags of Spice;  
" Of Flannel, Shoes, and many an Ell wet  
" Of Scotch-Cloath, and of Beggar's Velvet;  
Away they hoofed it every one,  
With Pedlar Pack each back upon;  
Whilst Old Aeneas out did vamp,  
To find a place to fix his Camp;  
And now the hundred Merchants are  
From Latins town not very far;  
When Rustickly, but not like Perees)  
They jogged to town like Marketeers;  
The Prentices and little Boys  
With Hoby-Horses played, and toys,  
Some to their Bows and Arrows trussed,  
Were there, and made a woeful dust;  
Others with Lances in did nestle,  
Others made matches for to wrestle;  
Among the rest two rogues (jove sutter 'em)  
Road to the King (brave rogues in Buckram)  
And told him here were strangers come,  
They knew not what to make of 'em;  
The King (no more now to speak Latin)  
Sent for these Pilgrims whilst he sat in  
Council of State; this Council-House  
" Did quarter many a Rat and Mouse,  
" Supported by a hundred Props,  
Of the best trees in all the Copse;  
Beset with Elder Trees and Thistles,  
With oregrown Reeds which made 'em whistels:  
At one end wallowed Hogs and Cows,  
And at the other Folks did louse;  
And eat, and drink, and sleep on straws,  
The outside haunted was with Dawes.  
In Dicus time this Hall was gay,  
" But all is mortal, Grass and Hay;  
Here Sceptre hangs, the Crown and all,  
This place was Minister, Court, and Hall;  
Here stood long Forms for all the Rabble,  
There sat the Knights of the round Table.  
Great Images of Kings there stood,  
Who for their Country spent their blood;  
Both Ittalus and Sabine Kings,  
Stood there with many other things;  
Saturn and Janus in the Porch,  
Might both be seen without a Torch:  
Over these hung deaths mortal foes,  
Spits, Butchers-Axes, and great Crows;  
" Bucklers of Beef, Collars of Brawn,  
" Covered with Spiders-Cob-web-laun;  
Here Picus sat in Back and Breast,  
With a great Helmet and a Crest,  
A riding-rod; and all this gear,  
He was a good Horse-Officer;  
Circe's transformed him (being his Wife)  
Into a Jay during his Life;  
She gave him poak and venomous progg,  
Enough to poison any Dog;  
She knocked his pate till he was dead half,  
With a malicious Oaken bedstaff:  
At last he flew into a Grove,  
And needs must go th' Devil drove.   

There sat Latinus thus equipped,  
And spoke to Trojans so eclyped;  
Tell me ye Trojans true and doughty,  
I am in earnest, (I not flout ye)  
What laek ye Sirs? what make ye here?  
In Italy, out of your Sphere?  
Have ye been with fierce storms oppress'st  
With winds a Head at East Nore East?  
Who was your Pilot thus that towed  
Ye so safe into our Road?  
Pluck up your hearts, and never fear,  
Ye shall be well treated here:  
I came from Saturn, the World knows,  
And must do right spite of my Nose;  
And now I think on't, I have heard one  
Say of our Country was your Dardan,  
How he went hence in wild goose chase  
Through Asia, and to Sumo-thrace;  
He's dead and gone (heavens peace be with him)  
So much he said, if you'll believe him.   

Then Ilionius clad in Satin,  
To him as followeth spoke; Latin  
No dogged star, cross-winds or weather  
Cast us a shore, or brought us hither;  
We came of purpose, 'twas our doom,  
To get a little elbow-room;  
For we our Asia did avoid,  
Because our City was does— Troyed;  
Our Pedigree sweet Sir from jove is,  
And he you know Sir still above is.  
Aeneas is our head Commander,  
And made us all this way to wander;  
" Who likewise is (as fame assures)  
" A sorry Kinsman Sir of yours;  
By him we hither were directed,  
From you we hope to be protected:  
The Greeks on us did pour a tempest,  
That way as it did seem to them best;  
Europe and Asia (this you well knew  
Before as well as I can tell you)  
Are by the ears, yea all the world  
From Pole to Pole in Arms is hurled:  
At length from all this blood, and bad luck,  
We hither rolled o'er Whale and Hadduck;  
And hope you'll give us quarter fair,  
And leave to take Sir the fresh air;  
To you of no loss this doth savour,  
And we shall take it as a favour;  
Your name by this too will be up,  
And you may lie a bed and sup.  
By Aeneas hand that's called the right,  
(If any dare with him to fight)  
We might have conquered many a Nation,  
And never come here on this fashion  
To beg Plantations, or an Alms,  
To sue for peace thus with these Palms;  
We have been tendered Sir terms high,  
And glad too for our Company:  
But we were led by hand of Heaven,  
And by strange tokens six or seven;  
Who taught us for to play this new trick  
To dwell by Tiber, and Well Numick:  
We'll live like neighbours, not at odds,  
We shall not trouble you for gods.  
Aeneas, Sir, by us hath sent ye  
Some token, which I here present ye;  
" He's forced, Sir, away to give 'em,  
" He knows not, Sir, what do with 'um.  
This is Anchises Nut-brown bowl  
For mornings-draughts he drank it awl:  
This Vest is Priam's winter Jacket,  
Before you die Sir, you may lack it;  
This is the stick (under the Rose)  
With which he made him friends or focs:  
Here are Mantles, Caps, and Cloaks,  
And Network Lace of Trojan Folks;  
When Ilioneus thus had vented,  
Latin looked something discontented:  
The Gifts he valued not a jot,  
But thinks now on his Daughter's lot;  
How Fanus told him in night starry,  
That she a stranger was to marry,  
From whom much Issue stout and bold  
Should be produced, hold belly hold;  
(As lately 'twas declared by Prophet,  
Nay this is true Sir never scoff it)  
Which should subdue a world of wights,  
" For many should be Errand Knights.   

Thou shalt have Trojan thy request,  
Gods work our meanings to the best;  
This Plunder though I mean to take  
And keep it for your Master's sake;  
Then this to understand I give,  
Ye shall not want whilst I do live.  
Then your Captain hither send me,  
If he mean for to befriend me;  
I have a Daughter full of lust,  
My Neighbours with her I'll not trust;  
She is a stranger's Wife to be,  
" (For Marriage comes by destiny;)  
" She must take man by hook or crook,  
As I am told by Prophet's Book;  
If this than be that man of chance,  
" That must like Colonel advance;  
Then let him come, and take his lot,  
" For I dare swear she fears him not;  
She's full of blood and such like stuff,  
" Her Neighbours know her well enough.   

When he had done he bid a Tagg-ragg,  
To bring each Trojan a Padd-nagg,  
" Pack-saddled even unto the Nock,  
" And swift almost as Race-Horse Peacock;  
" Their breast were hung with bells; a mode  
Which Carriers Horses have o'th' Road;  
He sent their Chief a painted Wagon,  
" The Horses in't did Don-like lagg on;  
A blessed crew 'twas Circe's Joke,  
For she that Jade, made them wind-broke;  
How could they choose, when every one,  
Were got by Horses of the Sun:  
After such Loons, and tedious ridings,  
They did return with peaceful tidings.   

And Juno now Jove's tasty bed-gift,  
(A special friend sure at a dead lift)  
Observed these things & Greeks did wish ill,  
Standing upon the Cape of Sicill;  
She could discern each Sloop and Whirry,  
And see 'em all a shore full merry;  
She sees Aeneas building Huts,  
Which vexed the Vixon to the Guts;  
She shook her head, and in this fit,  
Her venom thus out she did spit;   

Ye spawn of Toads, Fortune thou Bawd,  
To make me always ranting mad;  
To fret me still with their success  
They died, at least they lay breathless;  
They were all caught, yet they are fled,  
Were burned, and yet were not burned,  
They made escapes through fires forthwith,  
Are planted well spite of my teeth;  
I them pursued as far as hither,  
And Conjured always for foul weather;  
I made Sea's roll, and rain out burst,  
(But Foxes far best when theyare cursed;)  
Charybdis, Sylla's craggy Rocks  
Did me no service (with a Pox;)  
Nor Syrteses shoals, that shift each day,  
Are they not up in Tiber's Bay?  
In spite of what I could conspire;  
Have they not got their heart's desire?  
Yet Ceostaurs great by strength ('twas Mars',)  
Were all laid flat upon their—  
Diana also got a boon,  
To wreak on ancient Callidon,  
As long as man stood ground upon;  
But I Ioves Concubine you see,  
Can get no Powers to pimp for me;  
All stones I turned, and all shifts made,  
And still cross fortune did me Jade.  
Aeneas with his Trojan pack,  
Hath laid me flat upon my back;  
And since the gods are so uncivil,  
I mean to go unto the Devil:  
But yet the Devil were he by,  
Can't keep 'em out of Italy;  
The Wench in spite of fate will marry,  
Yet I'll find means to make her tarry;  
To war and strife I'll them exhort,  
The only way to spoil their sport.  
" (Aeneas must be Latines Son,  
" Good Mother scold when all is done;  
Yet my advice, the Devil bid Joy,  
Shall ruin them as Paris did Troy;  
For 'tis not Hecuba that old Bitch,  
Shall carry fire in her sole Breech;  
But like success I give this Lowne,  
As Paris had to burn a Town:  
This said (like Quaker) in a swound,  
Or trance, she fell flat on the ground,  
She looked full grisly, and all slecked ho,  
And out of Dungeon called Allecto:  
This is the Dam I tell ye on,  
That hatcheth all Rebellion;  
Invents Lampoons, Slanders, and Jeers,  
And sets all Nations by the ears;  
Her Sisters hate her since she grew so,  
So likewise doth her Father Pluto;  
A rigid tool, her skin in flakes  
Is, as the Serpents are, and Snakes;  
To her thus spoke Malignant juno,  
Having Allecto at her true bow.   

Thou Devils Damn in Hell a Friar,  
Do that for me which desire;  
This task is thine, (I would 'twere finished)  
Let not my Honour be deminish't;  
To let the Trojans come so patt in,  
And live at peace with that fool Latin:  
Let him not get a foot of Land,  
Let him not marry, but be hanged;  
Thou canst make bate, the Devil and all,  
And Brethren canst make out to fall;  
Thou canst whole Cities quite destroy,  
" And raise each Apprentice to a Boy;  
Thou canst burn houses, whilst the watch  
" Stand by, to see what they can catch;  
Then rouse thee up, and straight be gone,  
And arm 'em all each Mothers Son.   

She plied her thus, and with much force spoke  
At last the Devil got a horseback,  
To Latium she took her flight,  
And on the King's House did alight;  
Her business was to Queen Amata,  
To whom in Chamber she did prate a,  
Who was much vexed, and put to distress.  
Lest Turnus now should lose his Mistress;  
This Angel then so black to by't her,  
Into her bosom fling a Viper;  
To put the Household in disorder,  
Much trouble this Snake did afford her;  
He coyled himself as round as Peck,  
And made a Necklace for her Neck;  
Young Snakes did hyss too within her jaws,  
Then she would dangle like a hair-lace;  
Then in her locks heed roll and play,  
Then in Meanders glide away;  
Whilst poison soaks in to her heart,  
Shot thither by his sting the Dart,  
Where resting it, did much inflame her,  
But yet the speech she made was tamer,  
She spoke as Whores do to their Bastards,  
And of the match with Trojan Dastards.   

And must Lavinia wed a vagrant  
O Latin? Yes, I'll hold a wager on it,  
Hast thou no more regard to Me,  
To Her, thyself? (thou Humble Bee;)  
Who when the wind doth once blow north  
This Pirate means to curry forth;  
" To spirit her straight through a Gun-Port,  
And rob me of my greatest comfort;  
Hath not the like been done before,  
By Paris, and a many more?  
Where is the care now of thy Country,  
Of Apple, Pear-tree, and of Plum-tree,  
And of thy faith to Turnus plighted,  
This is not well, would I were Knighted?  
If she must have a Traveller,  
As Fanus bids, then farewell her;  
Then all those Realms that are not ours  
Are alike strange, (so mean the Powers;)  
And Turnus here your Cousin Garman,  
Hath as much reason to be her man:  
Of Inac's and Acrisius' race,  
You'll find him, and of Grecian place.   

With such like flams she felt Latinus,  
But she could not undermine us;  
Then more poison was to her sent,  
By that scaly subtle Serpent;  
So with Monsters was she frayted,  
And with Faries was she baited;  
She railed, and roved about the streets,  
And frighteth every one she meets;  
Much like, as when a strong set man,  
Whirls wooden-bolt at Welsh Knapan;  
The Gamesters follow, and with knocks,  
They bang about this Bowl of Box:  
So she every way did rail,  
Like an old withered trundle tail;  
Beside, when none of this would take,  
A greater mischief she doth make,  
She hides her Daughter in a Brake;  
To hinder Trojans their demands:  
Thus did this Scold forbidden the Banes;  
They whoop, and halloe, and on Bacchus  
They call, who with Sack did bethwack us;  
" The Woman raved, and were as drunk,  
" As driven snow, or nasty Punk;  
Only for thee, fit is this Virgin,  
'Tis only thou that shalt bait her Gin;  
'Tis thou that dost with Swords and Spears  
When drunk, for Wench go by the ears;  
With powdered locks, to dance and caper,  
To swagger for thy Whore, and vapour;  
Amata sent these Wife's a gadding,  
Up Mountains high, they went a madding;  
Quit their Houses with their fears,  
With all their hair about their ears,  
They shrieked, and howled like frantic chanters,  
And naked danced like charmed Ranters;  
Among these Folks, this Queen of Faries  
Came: (for madness there no cure is)  
Where jetting with their o'ergrown paunches,  
And in their hands Rosemary-Branches;  
The Queen to Turnus (I assure ye)  
Proclaimed her Daughter Bride de Jure,  
And like a gormondizing Sinner,  
She there provides a Wedding Dinner;  
And thus she said, O fellow Matrons,  
If Latins ye accept for Patrons;  
Put off your Coyffs, and eke your Partlets,  
And dance a round with all our hearts lets.  
Let's sing a Catch in Bacchus' Praise,  
And so to Mountains go our ways;  
To Woods, and Desalts let us fly,  
And let's be mad for Company:  
So she mad Slut with all her Sect ho,  
Were packed away by Dam Allecto.   

When she had thus turned topsie turvie turvy  
Old Latins House, like Huswife scurvy,  
Away she posts to Rutill City,  
To Turnus too, (the more's the pity)  
'Twas built by Danae offer storms,  
" Who angled there for fish with worms;  
'Twas called Ardea by Ancester,  
" Of date, as ancient as West-Chester;  
It fortuned Turnus in night black-o,  
As he was sleeping in Hamacio;  
This Devil's bird came in her own shape,  
With withered face (as old Shak-nape,  
To show her grisly hair she was loath,  
With Olive branch (and yet she was wroth)  
Of Calibee Dame Juno's semplar,  
She was the only true Exemplar:  
These words to Turnus ears straightways,  
Like peremptory Hag conveys;  
Hast thou been Turnus thus long wooing,  
And now let other folks be doing?  
Latin doth slight thee, like a dead block,  
And unto thee denies the Wedlock;  
A doting fool to give his Grange-base,  
Unto a Trojan and a strange face;  
Send him a Challenge, thou'lt be reckoned  
A Coward else; I'll be thy second:  
These things juno bade me tell thee,  
If thou still sleep, it will not well be;  
Muster thy People, and begun  
To Cudgels every Mother's Son;  
Swaddle their sides, knock down their Leaders,  
Burn their Cock-boats made of Cedars;  
Thus 'tis resolved by those above,  
If Latin won't be ruled by jove;  
Then may you Turnus make him rue,  
The time he ever buffled you.   

It was replied, thou stinking whore,  
The Boats that ride on Tiber's shore,  
I have had notice of before,  
Nor call me Coward: Goody juno  
Is my friend too, toads-face you know;  
I know thee old Tost well enough,  
A stinking piece of Stygian stuff;  
In vain thyself dost toss and tumble  
With men's, and State-Affairs to fumble,  
Go sweep thy house (or else I'll make thee)  
Go pray, and so the Devil take thee;  
Let me alone with peace to quarrel,  
And be revenged old brimstone-barrel;  
What now became of him you shall see,  
This mad Jade struck him with a palsy;  
He stirred, she made an ugly mouth,  
And sent him Snakes West and by South;  
His eyes did burn and glare with red,  
And something he would fain have said,  
But she forbade; and from her hair,  
Of Serpents sent to him a pair;  
Then thus she spoke, and taunted at him,  
She smoked him, and like Bear did bait him;  
Lo here the Woman that doth dote,  
A Beldame, and a Mother Trott:  
I can War, and make King's quiver,  
Look to thyself than thou white Liver.   

With that she said (being much uncivil)  
Lo here I rake Hell, and skin Devil;  
Bring from my Dungeon full of smother,  
War in one hand, death in tother:  
Thus said, like an infernal spell,  
She fling at him a Brand of Hell:  
Then he awaked in fearful sweat,  
For Crabtree stick he doth entreat,  
He searcheth all, and bedstraw turns,  
His Indignation fiercely burns;  
As when a Pot for Cabbage Porridge  
Is set to boil for mortals forage,  
The Liquor leaps, and makes a bubbling,  
Runs over, keeps a mighty troubling;  
Nor can receive the vapour trimly,  
It sent up to the smoky chimney;  
To Latin now he sends defiance,  
And means to fight without compliance;  
He means to clear the Coast of Pirates,  
And save the Country from such sly Rats;  
For he intends now to go fierce on,  
And fight it out with both in person;  
He prayed his gods to join i'th' slaughter,  
They did, and fling an old shoe after;  
Then the young Shavers, those that durst,  
Strove whose pate should be broken first;  
Activity of Youth so comely,  
Spurred them to fight for Mother Homely;  
One thought that he had made long since,  
Himself at Cuffs a Petty Prince;  
Another thinks for to exceed,  
His Father, if his Nose should bleed.   

Whilst Turnus thus into each Rutill  
Of courage, had infused a due fill;  
Allecto with her Devil's wings,  
Came to the Trojans and their springs;  
She spied Ascanius the Boy,  
Shoting at Deer that ran away;  
And as this little Baby bunting,  
Was shooting Beasts, and hard a hunting,  
This 'noynted Quean, she Belzebub,  
Amongst the Hounds did make a Rub;  
She cast a train, and filled their noses,  
With scent of Hart which interposes;  
This afterwards did bring on this thief,  
Full store of ill luck, and of mischief;  
The Ploughmen first growled at the hounds,  
For tracking down their new made mounds;  
A Hart there was, with horns well spread,  
Which Tyrrhus Children tamely bred;  
He Tutor was to Latin wild beasts,  
He was his Grazier kept his Ox nests;  
Silvia was his Daughter, and  
Had this Harts-horns at her command;  
She'd trick them up with flowers and garlands,  
She'd wash and comb him with her fair hands;  
Sometimes he'd eat at's Master's Table,  
Sometimes he'd feed amongst the Rabble;  
Sometimes he to the woods was bend,  
And came back the same way he went;  
Being one time an out-lying Deer,  
(Ascanins Dogs came being in the rear)  
The Hart at soil too by Brook clear;  
The young man stark mad at this younker,  
Dispatched from's bow a lusty forker,  
For he ne'er yet saw such a porker:  
Allecto unwilling to retard cuts,  
Caused him to shoot him to the hard guts:  
The Hart he straightway homeward drew,  
And made great noises, not a few;  
" When he came in, he cried help, help,  
" (Was ever such a simple whelp;)  
The Household all went into mourning,  
As if the Fabric had been burning:  
Silvia perceiving the Heart's sores,  
(The Elder Sister of these Whores)  
Scrubs her elbows (claps her hands  
As all Scolds do) and then commands,  
The Servants, Ploughmen, and the hinds,  
Them with the Neighbours all she joins;  
They suddenly (for yet Allecto,  
Was to Ascanius a select foe)  
Plocked altogether in a flat,  
With Oaken Planck, and burning bat;  
They ran to Tyrrhus like mad folk,  
As he was cleaving sturdy oak;  
Nor dreaming that that Hellish Quean,  
Was the contriver of this Scene,  
Who took her wings like fury able,  
And pitched on the top of the Stable;  
Where blowing her enchanted horn,  
She raised the Country all by morn;  
No Hurry-Cane did ere shake trees,  
Nor Rocks, nor Mountains like the breeze;  
No Sulphur storms e'er made such pudders,  
Nurses hid Children 'twixt their Udders:  
All the Country up in Arms  
Rose, at these new, and hot Alarms;  
The Trojan Blades too, came to free  
Young Master from this jeopardy;  
The surry Clubmen they did swarm,  
(A scurvy sign 'twas of a storm:)  
With bats they came with rakes & thresholds,  
With sharp stakes, others came in fresh shrales,  
Others with rusty swords, and edge-tools,  
Others with beetles, called wedg-tooles,  
Others with coul-staffs, crabtree cudgels,  
(Give 'em their arms they'll not budge else)  
Others with quarterstaff, and prong,  
With harvest-hookes, and scythes ding dung;  
All came from near and eke from far,  
" (A shrewd sign of a Civil War;)  
So stood their Several Arms in field,  
(As upsight stubble) by the Shield;  
As when a storm doth by degrees,  
Begin to tumble frothy seas:  
At last up to the Clouds they must,  
Blown thither by perpetual Gust;  
So Silvia in the van shot Almon,  
" (His flesh did slit as red as Salmon;)  
His throat was cut, he fell a sinking,  
" (Believe't I think it spoiled his drinking;)  
Good man Galesius, with many more,  
Came to part this Rogue and Whore;  
He'd flay a flint, a mere clunch fist,  
Yet a very good Latinist:  
Full of revenge as any man,  
He was a right Italian.  
Five herds of  (beside Pork) clear  
He had; as large as those of York-sheer;  
Five flocks of Sheep he had still at's fold,  
Show me the like again in cots-would:  
He always kept a hundred Ploughs,  
" Whereon I think was one of the ' noughs;  
Whilst blood for blood they did bespatter,  
Allecto came, a mischief take her;  
She saw she had no need to heart 'em,  
Fight on saith she, the devil part 'um.  
Thus leaving Italy in despair,  
(Like a great Princess of the air)  
To juno comes, and in vain glory,  
As followeth, telleth this bad story;   

Thy business Juno now is dun,  
For now at clubs they have begun;  
Go bid 'em now stick, and not bodge on,  
To be revenged on every Trojan;  
But if thou list, if this won't do't,  
I'll fire Towns, and all to boot;  
I'll make them up and down to rove,  
As if the Devil had them drove:  
But juno cried, (enough get hence)  
" Of any woman's conscience;  
Now all have equal cause to scuffle,  
Methinks I see 'em how they ruffle:  
Thus I'll marry you good Sir,  
Thou Son of Mother Ginniver;  
As you like this, feast and sauce,  
Come another wild-goose chase,  
Old Latin too, thy steps shall trace;  
And now get gone, thou art I say,  
No more to be a bird of prey;  
If any thing be left undone,  
I'll finished as thou hast begun;  
She having freely spoke these things,  
Allecto takes her speckled wings  
And into Hell herself she flings.   

This Country hath a hollow place,  
As dark you cannot see your face;  
A dingy hole 'tis, and a dismal,  
Environed round with woods is this vale;  
From Rocks of this dark Dungeon,  
Tumbles a nasty stinking Pond;  
This Gulf on each side hath a Jaw,  
Like that that gaped in Caveda;  
From hence (the Poets being full sure)  
Broke ugly smells, and stinking sulphur:  
Thither Allecto that old Quean  
Went, when she had tired both gods & men,   

And Juno now gins her prank,  
She having got them on the thank;  
Numbers of Shepherds crowded down,  
To march unto King Latins Town;  
They brought young Almon and Galessins',  
" This a young lad, that successions;  
They tried first what their gods would do,  
And then the King complained unto;  
Amidst of this great rustic band  
Stood Turnus, having chief Command:  
I'll kill and fire thee, O King Latin,  
Wert thou a man made up of Satin;  
If thou dost like a Scoundrel base,  
Marry thy child to a strange face;  
Or offer (like an old new fangler,)  
To turn out Turnus for a wrangler.   

By this the women Bacchanalian,  
Came romping down with many a Stallion;  
Amata like a mad old spirit,  
Gives 'em all courage for to fight;  
" She'll kill all Trojans, (but 'tis odds Dame)  
" If you go headlong not a gods name;  
Men come as if a whirlwind sent 'em,  
To Latin town yclept Laurentium;  
He like a Rock (a good old Burges,)  
Is fixed against all Arms and Surges;  
Their oratory moved his mood,  
No more than Rock is by a Flood.  
When nothing of their speech advanced him,  
And finding juno still against him;  
He cursed his gods instead of prayer,  
" (And tossed his cap up in the air.)  
He cries, what now ye sons of Whores,  
Are ye come to break my doors?  
you'll be the first, yet cursed brood,  
That will pay sauce for this lost blood;  
Ye damned Rogues, witched Turnus,  
Thou that wouldst to ashes burn us;  
Thou that wouldst my child purloyn,  
Shalt be paid in thine own coin;  
But I'm at rest and safely harboured,  
(Cheated of Burial) a Starboard:  
He said no more, but in his Cub,  
He locked himself like an old chub,  
No more he'd rule this rude hub-bub.   

There was a use in Latinum,  
When they would brace up warlike drun  
The custom was retained at Rome.  
Before the Army over passes  
To fight for Moors and Northern Lasses;  
To India go amongst the Swarthy,  
Or to fetch Honour from the Parthy;  
Two Martial Gates they open rouse,  
" Then Romans kept an open house;  
The house the Romans built for Mars,  
The Gates had many hundred Bars;  
Janus stood Sentinal (That Beagle)  
Just at the door like a Spread-Eagle;  
To these Gates (when decreed by Senate)  
To fight (for offers, there's no why not,)  
The Consul came in Martial Vest,  
(Than ye might swear 'twas not in jest;)  
Proclaimed the War in open manner,  
And every Youth brought forth his Banner,  
And Music loud before was born,  
As loud as a Sowgelder's horn.   

In this wise, Latin was enforced,  
To get the Trojans unhorsed;  
But to those Gates he'd not advance,  
(Let every Soldier take his Chance)  
But crept to corners from the Duty,  
For fight he cared not a shoety.   

Dame Juno seeing this delay,  
Opened the Gates as clear as day;  
The Brazen Posts, and Brazed Hinges  
Made a great noise, she gave such twinges;  
Thus all the rout (a goodly mess)  
Come to disturb the old King's Peace;  
Some a Horseback, some a Foot,  
Some trailed Pikes, and some did Shoot;  
They scoured their Arms, (first they did chew it  
With Whetstone, and with lard, and Suit;  
They hear their Trumpet, and their Oboes,  
With flying Colours, so Boys, so Boys;  
Five Cities now ('twas for their sins)  
Appointed were for Magazines;  
Tiber, Atyn, (you may trust 'em)  
Arde, Aatum large, and Crustum;  
And now to work go all the Cutlers,  
Fly brass and steel for swords and bucklers;  
The sigh and plough they all do have,  
And unto sword and gauntlet cleave;  
This in beaten Harness girt is,  
" Dulce Bellum in Expertis;  
Another gets his Horse and Shleld  
To Fight I think the men be wild.   

Now will I writ (my muse being raped in's  
Old Vain and Style) what Kings & Captains  
Came to disturb our friend Aeneas,  
" (He were as good begun to Sea as  
" Lie here and live upon white Herring,  
" To find a time to be pickering)  
Myzentius from Tyrhenus Coast,  
That Atheist brought a mighty Host;  
Then Lansus came, Myzentius Son,  
Outstripping all but Turnus one;  
This Lansus, Horses tamed and Mares,  
He road on Tigers, Bulls and Bears;  
" He'd bring 'em all in little space,  
" Unto a very easy pace;  
He brought from Town of Agelline  
A thousand foot ('twas well a fine;)  
A pretty fellow as e'er twanged,  
Had his Father been but hanged.  
Triumphantly in the next place,  
Came Aventine of Hercules Race;  
His Horses drew at length in Charrets,  
" (As hauled are hither Hackney Carrots;)  
" His Arms a hundred stinging boches,  
Painted on Shields, as ours on Coaches;  
Dragons, and Serpent's part per pale,  
And Hydras' girt with Snakes and all;  
Where Rhea that she Conventicler,  
Was for the gods a mighty stickler;  
To Aventims Mount she'd limp,  
To meet the gods who got this lmpe;  
'Twas after Hercules had done  
In Spain, and conquered Syrion;  
And like a careful Grazier saw,  
His Oxen in Italia;  
The Pikes they bring in hand are perilous,  
The Halberds too they leave are marvellous;  
Their Spears of Maypole length admits,  
At least as long as any Spits:  
He were a Lion's Kid, (dear Sir)  
" (What do the make a yawning here for?)  
They showed their teeth cause they were white  
Their hair was shaggy, coloured light;  
A fearful show 'twas (as I've read)  
" (But yet the Lions were quite dead;  
Thus to the Court in State and Pride,  
With this and Father's Vest he hied;  
" So Gentlemen of one, or no head,  
" That never yet did see a Foe dead;  
" Unless they get a Lion Rampant,  
" They curse the Heralds, and will stamp on't;  
" But if his beast be tooth and nail,  
" He's plastered straight at Coaches Tail.   

Two brethren from Tiburtus walls,  
Came to wrestle a few falls;  
Corus, Catellus, sprung from Greeks,  
Each comes i'th' van, and honour seeks  
Like misgot Centenus from the wood hill,  
They vapoured highly with a good will;  
They broke their bowstrings & their bows  
Before they cop with any foes;  
" As some will when the Field is pitched  
" Run, 'cause their Arms are not near fixed.   

There wanteth yet the Son of Vulcan,  
'Tis Ceculus a great Bubulcan;  
Legions of Herdsmen in earnest he,  
Brought with the Townsmen of Praeneste;  
Dame Juno's Land he swept all clean a,  
And all the Banks of Aniena.  
All that on Hernick Rocks did dwell,  
And rich Anagnia marched pell mell;  
The Amusenian doth turn out,  
To have a touch and play the Scout;  
These men were armed (as you'll hear)  
" Like some that came from Lanca-shier;  
They neither sworded were nor mounted,  
But marched as they at home were wont;  
The greatest part with slings and plumet  
Advanced, sure these men meant to hum it;  
Woolf-skins did serve instead of Steel caps,  
Which made some that they did not feel claps;  
Their stockings made were of skins raw  
" But these I speak, of wisps of straw;  
Thus were they armed every one,  
A sorry shift's better than none;  
Enter Messapus much the colder,  
For he is no freshwater soldier;  
Being Neptune's Son, his back and belly,  
Are both sword-proof I can tell ye;  
He calls his men unto this slaughter,  
But they were like fish out o'th' water;  
From Fescern's hills, and from Faliscus,  
More people come and mean to whisk us;  
From Socust that with tall Towers outstrips,  
Whose Fields are spread with yellow Cowslips;  
They came from high mount Cimeus lake,  
Where Capen hath a neighbour broke;  
They came in droves, and filled the ways,  
And crowded in their Master's praise;  
As Swans returning from the Floods,  
Mount high to sing Songs to the Gods;  
With outstretched necks they fly before us,  
And mix in a melodious Chorus;  
The skies they beat & make them fear 'em,  
It does the Rivers good to hear 'em,  
And Asia although not a near 'em.  
They knew not what these train-bands meant  
They looked like Fowl from Neptune sent;  
Coming a shore with all their tackling,  
They kept a mighty noise and cackling;  
Clausus the Sabine came a shore,  
With a vast crew, about a score;  
From whom descended in a Line,  
One Claudia a Feminine,  
Since Rome to Sabins did incline.   

Strong Cohorts came from Amiterna,  
Not from Chios nor from Smyrna;  
Mutusca too (there grow good Capers)  
Sent out Band with Swords and Rapers;  
Nomentum Town, and Quelins' Dorps,  
Sent out many a valiant Corpse;  
Severus Hills, yea, I can show some,  
That were as safe, as louse in bosom;  
In Tetron Craggy Cliffs and Rocks,  
Yet they came in too all in flocks;  
Hiniellus River; Floruli  
" Came at a call, Sir, by and by;  
All that drink of River Faberis,  
Are gone along where Fife and Tabor is;  
And those that drink of Tiber's flood,  
Are all marched in a fight mood;  
Yet of Casperia I am mute,  
Who sent a very great recruit;  
Latium sent Peasants called Yeomen,  
Then came a shore a gang of Seamen;  
And from that cursed stream Alixa,  
Came Soldiers fierce as fire from Styx-a;  
As Winter storms in marble Sea's,  
When winds arise will have their veaze;  
Or like a field of Corn thick grown,  
Is parched and scalded by the Sun;  
The Hermi Liceans come in train,  
And make the Earth resound again;  
So Soldiers came with Suttling Whore,  
From every Coast, from every Shore;  
Their Arms did clash, their Spears did shake,  
So that they made a Ghost to quake.   

Then Agamemno's Girl (not Boy)  
Awakes, being enemy to Troy;  
Halesins brought a thousand Deers  
In Gallia called Cavelieres;  
But in plain English Pioners.  
Miniers of Messica's Mountain,  
All that lived by Sea or Fountain;  
Aurunca's Blades, and Caleis outlaws,  
Came thither all I think without maws  
To fight: then came Viturus people,  
Who in their little brook do tipple:  
Ossu and Staticula sent such,  
" You could not with long tongs them touch;  
They were so Choleric and testy;  
" But when they came to fight, were resty;  
Their weapon is a sour tough trunchon,  
At one end it hath a great bunch on,  
It hangs like flail narrow leathers,  
Can wield them well, not fight all weathers;  
Their Targets in their left hands hid,  
(When they would fight) a whole broad side;  
Nor shall my pen miss to reveal, on  
Of Ebulus the Son of Telon;  
Begat on Sebathis his Whore,  
When he at Capreas went before;  
But this unlucky Bastard, not  
Content with that which was his lot;  
Sorastes Tenants he'll not let's pass,  
But enters and commits great trespass;  
He likewise stole (he did not warn us,  
And drove the Fields by the Brook Sarnus;  
The Farms of Batulus and Rufas,  
And Bella's vale where's yearly new grass;  
They fight with Lance like Germane Rutter,  
" james Hind was never such a cutter;  
They fling a mussy shining fork,  
Their skulls are caped with thick though cork;  
Their glittering Bucklers dazzle eyes,  
So do their Semitars likewise;  
And thee Sir Ufens, valiant Knight,  
Did Nursa send abroad to fight;  
Whose hardy huntsmen with their spears,  
Were true woods-men being Mountaineer;  
Their ground in Arms they occupy,  
And rob from those that live next by;  
Their booty long before they set,  
" All's fish with them that comes to net.  
From Marub came a Prophet tall,  
A Priest full gay and finical;  
His head quite round with Olive bow,  
" Was hung as ours with Feathers now:  
Archippus Knight of Umberland,  
Sent this Priest by her sole Command;  
He'd Snakes and Adders sing asleep,  
And from their stings he'd people keep;  
He'd give them Salads if they hissed,  
He was a knowing Herbalist:  
But yet as learned though as he was,  
He could not cure our friend Aeneas;  
In vain were all his Herbs and Charms,  
To cure his wounds, and seek his harms;  
For him the woods sighed into shivers,  
And Fountains wept themselves to Rivers,  
Agnitia's fens cried all, alack,  
This was when woods and Fountains spoke;  
Hipolite and Aricia's Boy,  
Went too, against the Men of Troy;  
Sir Virlins' was his Christian Name,  
From Chases and from Deserts came;  
He was chief Ranger to Diana,  
And stole Bucks in Egeria's Laun-a:  
For when Hippolytus, by Stepdame,  
Was killed for'rs Father, ('twas a great shame)  
Though drawn in pieces by wild Steeds,  
Is now revived by Phoebus' weeds,  
At his Diana's hests and wheeds;  
Now Jove perceiving Esculape,  
With Poultices, and such slip slap,  
Had raised a man from deaths black brim low,  
He straightway thundered him to Limbo;  
Diana then, (as I may term it)  
Made him retire, and to turn Hermit;  
So he came to Egeria Nymph,  
And lived in wood hard by a Qymph;  
He cares not what the people tattle,  
But lives for all their tittle tattle;  
" So Virbins' hath the Proverb spoiled,  
" Once a Man, and twice a Child;  
" For Virbins' (as I prove it can)  
" Was once a Child, and twice a Man;  
Since which rare chance, it is decreed,  
That no Horse, Mare, or other Steed,  
Shall come a near Diana's Stable,  
Or in her Woods keep any Table;  
Yet these Wild-Horses were aghast,  
Seeing Sea-Monsters come at last;  
Where they such tricks, and reaks began,  
Were like to throw him Horse and Man:  
Yet he like Noble Son of Mars,  
Riding his Horse, sat on his A—;  
His two wheeled Coach he drove amain,  
And made the streets spit fire again.   

But Turnus now (than him none finer)  
Appeared as tall as Captain joiner;  
He wore three hats, having 'tis said,  
Worms or Chimara's in his head,  
Which kindled in him such a fire,  
That they had almost burned the Squire;  
The more they fret, the more he's mad,  
And in the field makes work full sad:  
But Io on his Target now,  
As quiet stands as a milch Cow;  
Her hair was smooth, and bright as gold,  
A tale unheard of to be told.  
" Sure she the Princess thought would hate him,  
" So like a slut makes horns at him;  
" And Argos with his hundred eyes,  
Were fain to be this Wenches spies;  
" As if Maids when they would go to't,  
" In spite of eyes, and teeth can't do't;  
Where Inachus like lazy micher,  
Drills water out from Earthen pitcher;  
A body great did after thrust,  
And coming, made a mighty dust;  
Their shields and bucklers made huge noise,  
They were a knot of Argin Boys;  
The Greekish Youth, the Rutill hands,  
Arunca's aid, Sicana's bands;  
Saturna's crews, and Libicus,  
With painted Bucklers came to us;  
Tyberians, and Rutills Hog-grubbers,  
And Husbandmen, Stiffnecked Lubbers;  
All those that live by Sirces' Matron,  
All Anxurs folks, jove is their Patron;  
Faronia blithe, with green-wood by her,  
" Thought she had friends, but had none nigh her;  
All that lived by Ufens Brook,  
Resorted hither from each nook;  
Beside from Volsca did appear  
Camilla stout, (for I did see her)  
She marched like Amazonian bold,  
Of Horse and Foot, the last I told;  
She scorned the weaver's tools, and distaff,  
Of women's Nature, she hath missed half;  
Of man-she was the true Imago,  
In feats of War, a great Virago;  
She'd tread the Air, needed no succour,  
And hover in't like a Wind—  
Over Corn Fields she'd seem to fly,  
Over rough Seas, and waters high;  
Fly o'er Mountains (none could mate her)  
" The Devil sure could ne'er have sat her;  
The people flocked to see her ride,  
A wondrous sight, ('twas but a stride!)  
She's not the last hath don't at chase,  
" I've known one ride so a Horse-Race:  
But now this Valiant Amazon,  
With a Rich Vest her back upon;  
Her locks with Ribbons, Hat she wears  
As men are now close by the ears;  
Well armed with Bow, and deadly Lance  
" The like was once at Orleans.   
FINIS.   

Books Printed for, and Sold by Robert Clavel.  
THe Gentleman's Monitor; or a Sober Inspection into the Virtues, Vices, and Ordinary Means, of the Rise and Decay of Men and Families. With the Author's Apology and Application to the Nobles and Gentry of ENGLAND.  
Pharonnida, A Heroic Poem: By William Chamberlain.  
The History of Animals, as they are useful in Physic, and Chirurgery; divided into four parts: The first treateth of the more perfect Terrestrial Creatures; second of Birds, Fishes, jusecls: By john Schroder, Doctor of Physic.  
Love's Victory, a Tragicomedy, By William Chamberlain.