Maria Misera Miseranda: Or, A brief RELATION OF THE Life and Death OF An Unfortunate Young Maid IN THE COUNTY of DESMOND IN IRELAND.  
Together with the Most Horrid Murder of her LOVER, an Englishman, committed by the FATHER of the said VIRGIN.  
Very Strange and True.  
LONDON: Printed for R. T. at the Crown in Little-Britain, 1674.   

Maria Misera Miseranda: OR A brief Relation of the Life and Death of an Unfortunate young Maid in the County of Desmond in Ireland.  
IN the most Western parts of the Kingdom of Ireland, where the County of Desmond opposes its triple head to the surging Ocean, there is situate upon the banks of a slender Torrent near Dingle Bay, a very magnificent Castle, known by the name of Kerbre; and hard by the same another fair Manor House, which for its convenient opportunity of Sea, and various recreations by Land, dilated on the one side into spacious Fields, and pleasant rising Hillocks, and bounded on the other with gay Meadows, fresh Springs, and solitary Groves; has for these many years been honoured with the Habitation of an Ancient, and right Noble Family; whose Name, the sadness of the subsequent Story gave me sufficient cause to conceal. The Heir now living was in the eighteenth year of his Age contracted to a young Maid in the same County, who did so well answer her Bridegroom in Quality, and Comeliness, that they were not unjustly accounted, The most happy and Lovely Pair in all those parts. But these were only the Preludiums of that happiness, which was consummated in their Nuptial bed; whither, although in modesty I dare not follow them; yet does the event sufficiently declare that there also was nothing wanting in either party, whereby to advance and Crown their long expected Bliss. For the full space of five months had scarce passed beyond the Wedding-day, when sweet Helena by the unusual vicissitudes of Blushes, and Paleness in her Cheeks, and sudden Qualms in her Stomach gave evident tokens that of a Virgin she was made a Mother.  
Joyful news this, we need not doubt, both to her Friends, and especially her dear Husband, who from so fair a Wife could not but expect a more than ordinary Child: and so indeed it was; for when the long expected hour was come; Behold, a Daughter came laughing into the world; A Babe of such admirable Form and Features, as might easily presage her future advancement to the highest seat in Love's Empire. The Resemblance and Idea of both Parents were plainly seen in this little Model; but so sweetly interwoven one with another, that you would have thought Nature, like some skilful Painter, had portrayed the chiefest excellencies of them both into one Copy of the Daughter: and lest, notwithstanding, she should seem too sparing in her blessings, added an extraordinary, and unheard of Ornament to the upper part of her Breast; in the middle of which was the picture of a fresh Primrose so lively drawn, that at a very small distance it seemed natural. 'Twere in vain here in dull words to attempt an essay of that joy, which this Creature brought into the world with it; and therefore I leave it rather to the Rhetoric of a pure-thinking mind, abundantly more capacious of so large a subject.  
The eighth day of her age was celebrated with a huge confluence of Kinsfolks, and Acquaintance for the giving of her a Name; which, after the Roman Ceremony, was, in a Church dedicated to St. Mary, very solemnly performed: and because that Saint is reputed amongst the Catholics, as the glory of all her Sex; what other name so fit to adorn this Babe, which promised so fair an advance to her nature. Hereafter therefore let her be called Mary, Lovely, and Happy Mary in the first of her days, although much more miserable in the end.  
As for her Education, it was every way worthy her own person, and defective in nothing whereby to perfect the Blessings of Nature by the accomplishment of Art. For the years of her Infancy being expired under her Mother's care, she was then removed to the Court of Rome, where she continued under the Inspection of a very Noble Personage for eight years together. In which time 'tis a wonder how admirable she grew in all those Endowments which adorn the Female Sex: For beside her great knowledge in three or four several Tongues, History, and Philosophy, she played excellently upon many Musical Instruments; and yet of all these none so sweet as the undulations of her Seraphic Voice, which to hear and admire were things unseperably united: She Danced with an incomparable Majesty, and huge-taking gesture; and discoursed in as eloquent a Style as most Romances. In short, there was nothing desirable, which was not in an eminent degree in this Virgin: and yet above all was the excellency of her Person, which by the fourteenth year of her Age was arrived at a perfection beyond the ken of a vulgar imagination.  
There you might behold the sweet Strokes, and Harmonious Composure of most Lovely Features, gilded over with an Incomperable Beauty without, and garnished with a meek Spirit; Virgin Modesty, most virtuous, and capacious Soul within: There you might feast the Eye without weariness, the Ear without dulness, and the Touch, I am sure, without repenting: None that ever saw her, could have desired a better; and whosoever could hearty content himself with a worse, knew not the extent of his own happiness.  
But the sweet Lady was totally ignorant of all these; and she, who at her first entrance into Rome knew none more than herself, nor was beknown of any; does now know none less, although beknown of all.  
Now amongst those many which were Suitors to her in their thoughts, the first which made his open address was one Don Antonio, Heir to a Senator, of great Wealth, and Quality; Who approaching near to do his Devoir to her in a Salute, was cast into such an ecstasy by the splendour of her Countenance, forced him rudely to retreat without the Libation of her Sweet Lips. This did not a little discompose the Lady, and made her ask him very sincerely, whether any thing about her had done him harm? But assoon as he had with tears in his eyes related the cause; and bowing at her feet disclosed his Passion for her: She then smiling, said; I hope, Sir, you are more tender of your Honour than to stoop so low as me beneath your own deserts: and I assure you my Ambition is not large enough to entertain such large proffers. My Equal shall be my Bridegroom when ever I enter that holy State; and therefore I entreat you desist from this enterprise, which may justly defame you, and can never please me.  
The Young Man had heard enough to stop the Current of his Rhetoric, and therefore gazing a while upon her with a ghastly countenance, he departed the Room, replying never a word; only 'twas thought by the working of his breast, he would have spoken, but could not. Nor had the Horned Racer of the Night surveyed the Heavens once round before another ventures Shipwreck upon the very same Seas: For a brisk young Merchant, who had been some years absent from the City, chancing to espy her at a Procession, fell into a desperate and impatient fit of Love for her, which made him, after the Ceremony ended, betake himself fortwith to her Lodgings, where he accosted the surprised Lady in this manner.  
Eairest of Creatures! I beseech you pardon my boldness in this sudden assault of your Virgin Modesty; and if I be guilty of any blame, lay it not on me, but the God of Love, whose Vassel and Messenger I now am. I am come to challenge a Heart, which I believe you have innocently, and ignorantly rob me of; and because it is impossible for you to restore it again, excuse me if I lay claim to yours in exchange of it: Madam, I know you will think yourself a loser by the bargain, and I am ready on my knees to confess it; But yet I pray take pity on me, and your own Honour, which now lies at stake: For by those Immortal Powers, that rule this raging Flame within by Breast, If you deny my Suit, then in that very moment shall this very Sword free me from your Tyranny, and my Body which falls in your presence, shall slain your spotless name, at least with a suspicion of Murder and Cruelty.  
Whether he intended to proceed any farther, and make a Relation of his Pedigree, and Fortune, I cannot tell: But here perceiving the tears to shower from the Lady's eyes, he made a pause, and stood some while in expectation of an Answer; which, as soon as she had recovered herself from the oppression of amazement, she returned in these, or the like terms.  
SIR,  
I Much wonder that so unworthy a Creature as I should be the Object of so ardent a Passion; as you pretend: But if so I be, yet let me entreat you to free me from the Imputation of being Wooed, and won at the first Attempt. Besides, your Love may hap to die in as short a time as it first sprang up; which if it does, will render you miserable in your Petition, and me as unfortunate in my Grant. I pray therefore be not overhasty in things of so great concern, and let time prove the constancy of your Love.  
This, although it came short of a real assent, yet because it was no flat denial, was as much as could be expected from a Virgin Modesty at the first Address; and therefore the Young Gallant, after a small tarry, departed in tolerable satisfaction, yet promising her another Visit the next day. His absence was no sooner enjoyed, but the lovely Mary gins to employ her Imagination in some Project whereby to acquit herself from the unreasonable requests of this fond Lover; for as yet the Charms of Cupid had not reconciled her thoughts to a Wedded Life: and to deny, or suspend his hopes a second time, she foresaw was a matter of desperate consequence: She therefore calling both her Waiting Gentlewomen, made them conscious of her unhappy condition; and seeing there was no other remedy, resolved, if opportunity served, to acquit herself of Rome. It was in the dusk of the Evening she went down to the River, where finding an English Ship, which was to pass by the Coasts of Ireland, she embarked in the same, bidding adieu to the Walls of Rome, and her Lovesick Gallant. We must now follow her to the Irish shore, where we shall find her Parents in a strange transportation, and fit of joy, with the sight of their fair Daughter, and yet jealous of somewhat by reason of her unexpected return; the cause of which when she had related, did at once give them a sufficient Testimonial of her Virtue, and the high esteem she had merited at Rome: And therefore now they sit down in a full fruition of their happiness, admiring those rare Accomplishments which adorned the person of their only Child. But she that had so cunningly escaped the Suits of the Roman Citizens, had only exchanged them for those of her own Country: and therefore no sooner was her Name posted into the Neighbouring parts, but a young Irish Lord dispatches a Letter to her Father, in this wise:  
SIR,  
THe loud sounding Trumpet of your Daughter's Fame, has blown in my Breast a Flame so far beyond expression, that I shall not here attempt it. My humble Petition is, that you would grant me the Honour of Access to her Person, and Deign to call me Son; which Title, as I presume, is no dishonour to yourself, so can I promise it to be the Consummation of my greatest happiness.  
Yours, Ophon.  
This news was too joyful to admit any delay of Answer; and therefore being delivered to the Father of this Lady; was presently seconded with this Reply.  
My Lord,  
I Greatly fear that the Fame of my Daughter surpasses what she indeed is, and so deludes your Lordship's Passion with a vain and ill-grounded expectation: But if your Honour will so far condescend as to make trial by a Visit, I will ascertain you the utmost of my Ability in a Welcome Entertainment; and shall for ever think myself a great Debtor to Heaven, if it has decreed to make her so happy in a Husband, and me in a Son: Until which time I subscribe myself  
Your most Humble Servant.  
These Lines being presented to the Lord, incited him with all convenient speed to visit his Mistress, whom now with a Presagious Joy he guessed to be his own; and therefore he, with a very Noble Attendance, did upon the thirteenth day alter this Message, present himself before the Gates of his Mistress' Father; by whom being received with much Ceremony and Joy, he was forthwith conducted to the presence of the Lovely Mary: He found her reading, with tears in her eyes, Sir Philip Sidney's Romance, concerning the Unfortunate Lovers Argalus and Parthenia: But being surprised by the entrance of an unknown Person, she shut up her Book; and composing her countenance as well as she could, began to approach the Lord, as it were in expectation of somewhat he had to say to her: The Lord had, without doubt, digested his thoughts into good Rhetoric beforehand; but being now as it were in a Diliquium, by reason not only of the unexpected grief he found her in, but also by the superexcellency of her Person, so far surpassing the Voice of Fame. He stood for a while Statue-like, void of all speech and motion, till at last the Rapture of his Soul forcing way through the indisposed Organs of his body, he thus bespoke his Fair Mistress.  
Most Incomparable Lady!  
IF I have interrupted your Virgin Meditations with a rude and unexpected Assault, pray let the urgency of my Errand Apologise for me: Be it known to you then, Fair Mistress, I am by Birth a Lord, and Heir to no mean Fortune: I have lived these eighteen years, from my Nativity, without either knowledge or desire of your Sex, until within these few days of your arrival into Ireland, wherein the exuberance of your Fame, together with the secret whisper of Love 's Deity, has enthralled me to you. My first Apply was to your Honoured Father, whom I find well contented to call me Son: Be but you as willing to call me Husband, and my Happiness is as great as Ambition would have it.  
To all this the Beautiful Lady made little answer, only urgeing the meanness of her Estate and Birth to his Splendid Fortune; and moreover, her dislike to a married life. But the Lord was resolved not to desist by these excuses, and therefore reinforces his Addresses with new Arguments, as also did her Father, who pleaded against her from the Topick of Duty.  
Now whilst these Love Affairs were suspended betwixt consent and denial, it happened that an English Ship, being split upon the Sands in the Western Ocean, near the aforesaid County of Desmond, there was one, and only one person escaped with life, whom indeed for the comeliness of his Person, and (as afterward appeared) the supereminency of his Parts, one might well have thought to be Brother to Fair Mary.  
This Man escaping naked to shore, and destitute of all Friends and Acquaintance, was forced by the Laws of Necessity (which others say have none) to implore the charity of several persons, as he passed the Country, for his subsistence. Amongst others, he happened to call at the House of Mary's Father; where being noted by her, as one whose Person was as well admirable to the eye, as his discourse to the ear, was through her Mediation taken into the service of her Father.  
And now that Heart, which was before Canon-proof against Cupid's Assailants, gins at last to faint in its Engagement: For the Beauteous Lady had scarce consumed the space of three months in eyeing and observing her shipwrackt Servant, but she began to disclose her Passion to him by several Tokens, which any Suitor would have presently understood: But alas.! the adverseness of his Fortune, together with the humble conceit of his own worthiness, had rendered him as dull in the Intrigues of Love, as Mary was before; and therefore seeing her Father by this time began to grow impatient of Denial in the Lord's Suit, she resolved to lay aside her Maiden Modesty, and turn plain Suitor to the Beloved Stranger. For the doing of which, she took this occasion: Walking in the dusk of the Evening, where he was to pass by, she jet fall her Glove in the Path, as she saw him come, and so with her Handkerchief at her eyes passed away in a solitary posture.  
The young man coming to her to present her what she had lost, and seeing her in so melancholy a temper, told her, He was sorry to see her so, and wished it were in his power to serve her. At which words the Lady, no longer able to repress her Passion, did with an extraordinary fervency lose her Tongue into this Rhetoric:  
Dearest Sir; And are you willing to serve me, then know 'tis you alone are able to do it; for of all the men I e'er beheld, you only are he that I can and must Love, and 'tis you alone that must either make me a happy Bride, or leave me a miserable Maid.  
So was about to proceed, but that the Man, now almost mad with Joy, stopped the current of her words by the interposition of his lips. Long was it before their speech returned, but when it did, 'twas not long before they were made each others by a sacred Vow.  
And now the next concerns were how to get beyond the holy rite of Marriage, and after that, where to make their abode: at last it is resolved, that Loving Mary taking her Jewels and other most costly things along with her, should that night quit her Father's house, and so accompany her dearest Beloved into Northumberland in England, his Native Country. Where, although his Parents were but mean, yet he hoped, by the help of other good Friends, to get a very comfortable subsistence.  
This she did accordingly, leaping out at a very high Window into his arms: But O the unfortunate success of this Heroic Act! For the noise, though little, being overheard by her Father, excited him forthwith to look out at his Casement, where, by the light of the Moon, he might easily descry the matter; And therefore without delay he pursues them with a naked Sword in his hand, to the afore-named neighbouring Bay, where they had intended to take a Boat, and waft themselves over into the County of Kerry. The loving Pair had scarce taken Boat, when they saw him approach in a direful manner, threatening no less than present death to his Servant; and although they made what speed their fear and amazement would let them, yet he was soon by their side with another Boat, which made his Daughter leave the Oar, and turn her Prayer against the edge of his Sword: But his Passion was deaf to all entreaties, and therefore, as soon as ever he was within reach, sheathed his Sword in the bowels of the unarmed young Lover.  
Marry stood ready in expectation of the same fall, and willing to accompany her Love into another Country (as before she had promised) but assoon as she understood that her Father meant her the injury of Life, and a Wife for the Lord (who was now at home in his Bed) she clasped about the waste of her now dead Lover, and crying out aloud, O stay for me, threw both him and herself into the arms of the merciless Waves.  
You will expect here I should make an end concerning our two Lovers, but the Waters are not willing it should be so, and therefore next day they brought them ashore, embracing each other, as is aforesaid. Which when the Father and the Lord saw, Then all their Passions were melted into that one of Grief, and as the last token of Pity, they gave them a very noble Burial in one Tomb, that Death might not part asunder, what Life had joined together.  
FINIS.