THE Night-Walker of Bloomsbury: Being the Result of several late Consultations between a Vintner, Judge Tallow-Chandler, a Brace of Fishmongers, and a Printer, etc. In a Dialogue between Ralph and Will.  
Entered according to ORDER.  RAlph, 
D'ye hear the News?  Will. 
What News?  Ralph, 
Why, they say my Lord Russel walks.  Will. 
And do you believe it?  Ralph, 
Why not? may not Lords walk as well as other people?  Will. 
That's not the business— but I perceive you have heard but a piece of the Story— you have not heard how the Ghost came to be raised, nor how he was laid.  Ralph, 
Raised and Laid!— why then I warrant you take it to be nothing but a piece of Imposture.  Will. 
Nothing more certain,— a mere silly, idle, foppish contrivance of a Cabal of bigoted Papists.  Ralph, 
I must confess a Bigoted Papist is a very sottish sort of Animal— But what did this deep design drive at?  Will. 
Why, Sir, a certain Vintner not far from Southhampton-Square, a wellwisher, you may be sure, to any Religion he could get by, had a mind to draw custom to his empty House— For he had a vast prospect of gain from the success of the Action— For quo he to himself, the people will cry, whether shall we go? Go! says another, we'll go to the Hobgoblin that counterfeited the Lord russel's Ghost— for thought he, every body will be glad to see a Hobgoblin.  Ralph, 
Puh— This is some invention of yours to put a trick upon the poor Papists.  Will. 
An Invention of mine! 'Tis all about the Town— and besides, there is nothing more common among the Papists then to counterfeit Spirits and Ghosts— I find you never read the Story of the four Monks of Bearn in Switzerland, that were hanged for counterfeiting the Virgin Mary; not of the Country Curate that lay with his Niece in the shape of St. Barbara. But the Friar had not so good luck: For he living in a young Widow's House, would fain have frighted the young Widow into his Lascivious Embraces— and to that purpose haunted her Chamber every Night in a Winding-Sheet: But she being a Woman of mettle, hid a Friend of hers privately in her Chamber, that gave the Spirit such a severe Cudgelcorrection, as made him quickly beg Quarter for his bruised Bones.  Ralph, 
But all this while, where was the Profundity of the design?  Will. 
The profundity of the Design was to put the Lord russel's Speech upon Dr. Burnett— And of this they were resolved to have an acknowledgement out of the Lord Russel's own Mouth.  Ralph, 
That was hard to do, when his Head was cut off.  Will. 
Oh— but though the Head of his Body was cut off, the Head of his Ghost was still on— However, tho' it be not to be denied, that a Spirit without a Head has a very brisk motion, yet the Committee were not so cunning, as to know how to bring his Ghost out of Buckinghamshire into Bloomsbury-Square— and therefore another expedient was to be found out— The Committee was extremely puzzled to find out this Expedient, till the Vintner, inspired no doubt with his own Pipes and Tierces, had it presently in his Pate— Quo he, Ladies and Gentlemen, why may not I act a Ghost, as well as Matt. Medbourn?  Ralph, 
Frolic for Frolic now, it would be a very good humour to Indict this Vintner upon the Statute of 21 Jacob. 26. for endeavouring to personate the Lord russel's Ghost, on purpose to procure an acknowledgement contrary to his will and consent.  Will. 
Faith Sir, the very Action itself procured him punishment enough, to be well drubbed, and two such lovely Forehead marks of Knave and Fool, that Ten Fountains, with all the Soap in the City, will never wash off.  Ralph, 
Pardon me, Sir, I have a greater opinion of the Vintner, and that he acted what he did in the imitation of Theseus and Aeneas, who both went to visit Pluto's Dominions; but this same Vintner undertook to be even a tormented Inhabitant of the Lower Shades himself, to advance the Popish Interest, which was much a more daring deed then that of Theseus. The Vintner had Listed himself in Hell, which Theseus never did.  Will. 
Ay— but Theseus was Theseus; Theseus kicked Proserpina's Dog before her Face, in her own Dining-Room▪ But this Bugbear of a Vintner suffered himself to be thrashed like any mortal Coward, and yet the Fool had not the wit to Vanish.— They say, had the Earth yielded never so little, the first blow the Beadle hit, had struck him down to the place from whence he pretended to come.  Ralph, 
But can you tell who hatched this Chicken of a Design?  Will. 
Politic Heads, Sir, Politic Heads— very Politic Heads— and of both Sexes too I assure ye.  Ralph, 
I must confess, I admire neither of their ingenuities; and as for the Women, I find 'em much more famous for the crafty carrying on a Love intrigue, or concealing their private enjoyments, then in managing Hobgoblin Plots.  Will. 
Sir, I do tell ye, this Committee consisted of several Persons Male and Female— Imprimis, The Man of the House, and his Wife, chief Presidencess of the Council. In the next place, two Fishmongers in Bloomsbury, if you hunt after the name of the one, you may easily find it: The other a most rude and ungraceful acknowledger of the Lord Russel's former favours, as who had all along served his Table from his own Shop; his Grandfather seems to have been the Son of Tomlins.  Ralph, 
These Fishmongers, Sir, were notably drawn into this Conspiracy— 'twas emblematical— For as great undertake require great silence, so none more likely than Fishmongers to bear the Proverb always in mind, As mute as a Fish.  Will. 
The next was a Tallow-Chandler, who, tho' he live by the Night, takes his name from Noonday.  Ralph, 
Why that was it that spoiled the whole Plot, to engage a Tallow-Chandler in deeds of Darkness.  Will. 
Oh Sir, but he was to have been a Witness— and none so fit to be witness as a Man of Light— besides, Sir, he was to attend the Hobgoblin, and none so fit as a Tallow-Chandler to hold a Candle to the Devil. But observe how the Tallow-Chandler was matched; for the other witness was to be a Papistical Printer in the Neighbourhood.  Ralph, 
There y'are right again— for if the Truth should chance to slip out of the Chandler's memory, the Printer had always a Register ready to refresh it.  Will. 
By what I hear, there's no such need of rubbing up the Tallow-Chandlers memory. A my word Sir, youare got into pleasant Company— Here's a Vintner acts the Devil— and a Tallow-Chandler acts a Judge— and Judges Sir, are no Fools to have their Memories rubbed.  Ralph, 
Who the Devil made the Tallow-Chandler a Judge?  Will. 
Wine and Fat Venison, Sir, at the Crown-Tavern in Bloomsbury; For there it was that the Tallow-Chandler, a witty Jocose Droll of a Tallow-Chandler, finding there was something to be done to gratify the Company (for it was at a public Venson-Feast) took upon him the Dignity of the Coif, and causing Mr. Hamden to be arraigned before him, mercilessly Condemned him to be Hanged.  Ralph, 
What had the Tallow-Chandler to do with Mr. Hamden— Surely he is to stand or fall by another sort of Judicature than six i'th' Pound.  Will. 
Oh Sir, 'twas done to please a brace of Reverend Justices that were Stewards of the Feast— And such frolicks as these, Lord Sir, you cannot imagine how they digest Venison Pastry Pudding-Crust— There are some people so hot, that you would admire they do not melt their Grease, and get the Scratches with Galloping after such fancies as these.  Ralph, 
And yet when this Tallow-Chandler served Mr. Hamden with Candles, he did not scruple to take his Money, notwithstanding he might not then be of his severe Judges present opinion: And therefore there is some hope yet left, that Mr. Hamden may sweeten up his Judge into a Reprieve, upon a promise of laying in his Winter store out of Bloomsbury.  Will. 
There was an Apothecary too, whose spleen was extremely tickled at the Conceit of their design. Repute makes him a person of a bulky stature, famous for the beauty of his Wainscot Lady, and the wit of his Son, whom he teaches to curse the D. of M.  Ralph, 
Why truly, this Apothecary is highly to be applauded for his Loyalty: for to show the Exquisiteness of his Allegiance, he sends his Child to the Devil to confirm it.  Will. 
There were several others that met at two or three of these consults, that have opened their Purses to save their Reputation.  Ralph, 
I am not apt to believe, that people who concerned themselves with such a ridiculous Shame as this, had much Reputation to lose; and therefore their Peter-pences were ill bestowed. The Proverb is, Discover, and shame the Devil.  Will. 
That never could be better done then by the Dress with which they disguised him: For certainly all the Fools and Zunies in Bartholomew-Fair were never so quaintly rigged, as this same Hob-thrush of a Vintner was equipped to act his Tragicomedy.  Ralph, 
As how?  Will. 
First they hung about his Neck a large Nightrail, which the Gentlewoman of the House lent him out of her Zeal.  Ralph, 
Most Enigmatical, Problematical, Emphatical, and Emblematical— for a Nightrail being a kind of a Cloak, was most proper to cover a piece of Knavery.  Will. 
To hide his lower parts, the Fishmongers lent him their Aprons.  Ralph, 
More Enigmatical still— For Fishmongers being men of Lent and Fasting days— the Fishmonger's Aprons were to put the Ghost in mind of his sorrow, contrition and repentance, for owning a Speech that was none of his own.  Will. 
By your favour, Sir, here's a Breach of an Act of Parliament discover▪ d, to bring a Spirit▪ out of his Grave in Linen, whereas the aught to have appeared in Crape; and being a Lord, in Lac● Crape too.  Ralph, 
well! But what had the Goblin about his Head?  Will. 
His head was muffled up in a white Dlaper Napkin— to show that the Letter was diapered with the Inventions of several Writers, and not of one plain Woof.  Ralph, 
Shame saw the Lugs on 'em, for a Company of Dotards— as if the Devil were grown as fantastical as the French, to change his Old fashions— Now the old fashions of Ghosts, ever since I heard of Ghosts, was always the same, a Winding-sheet with two Knots, and a Taper in the Spirits hands, with which the Chandler might easily have furnished the Devil. Or if the Spirit must needs rise in the same clothes he was bur●●, the Cab● had much better ha' 〈…〉 bed for a new Crape Funeral suit— I would ha' serv'● the Goblin of a Vintner▪ another time, when the juice of his own Lime-Fa●● had burnt up his Liver. I'll undertake there's ne re▪ a Booth in Pork 〈◊〉 would have dressed▪ up a Hobgoblin more artificially than such a consultation of Ninny-Hammers— But when the Devil was thus betrumperyed, what did he do?  Will. 
In this Meremaids Attire, he went attended with the two Fishmongirs' for his Guard, and the Chandler and Printer were to be Witnesses they saw the Apparition— At length, when he came to his Posts, as the Contrivers had laid it,▪ 'tis to be supposed, near the House where the Lord Russell Lived, he fell a groaning like an Ox at the first Sticking; nay, he groaned even like the Groaning-board itself; and after a short preamble of Lamentations lewdly uttered, He cried out, Oh— I have no rest because of the Speech that I never made, but Dr. Burnet.  Ralph, 
There's no fear ont', but he'll be taught to groan better when he comes to groan for himself. One would have thought he should have practised the Art of Groaning more accurately before he went to groan upon such an Occasion as this— He should have groaned as if he had been groaning for his Life, that had taken such a part upon him— but it seems he rather fell a braying, than a groaning, and so discovered himself— for upon the noise, as some Report, or at least as the Goblin deserved, one of the Watch coming up to him, and perceiving by his Shoes, that he had no Cloven-feets, Can't ye be quiet, quo he, in your Grave? I'll make ye quiet; and with that, gave him such a Palt o'th' Pate and the Thigh, as quickly changed the Colour of his Ghostly Habit.  Ralph, 
I' good faith, the Watchman did more than all the Committee could do— For they only strove to make him a feigned Goblin, but the Watchman made him a real Rawhead and Bloody Bones— A Catastrophe that such an enterprise justly deserved— But what became of poor Rawhead and Bloody-bones?  Will. 
The now real Goblin was forced to confess his name, and the names of his Associates, and to cheer up the Watch with Drink and Money for the fright he had put 'em in, and so they let him go, to groan forth his own Lamentations to the Gulls that set him at Work.  Ralph, 
Well, I will say nothing of the Speech one way nor other, but sure it was an act neither generous nor Christianlike, to raise up an Impostor to disturb the silence of a Gentleman's Grave that had paid his last debt to Justice.  Will. 
Barbarous and papistical, which is as much as needs be said of it.  
FINIS   

London: Printed by J. Grantham, MDCLXXXIII.