frontispiece   

NO JEST Like a true jest: Being a Compendious RECORD Of the Merry Life, and Mad Exploits OF Capt. JAMES HIND The Great Rober of England.  
Together with the close of all at Worcester, where he was Drawn, hanged, and Quartered, for High-Treason against the Common-wealth: Septemb. 24. 1652.  
London, Printed by A. P. for T. Vere, and are to be sold at his Shop, at the sign of the Angel without Newgate. 1674.   


The true portraiture of Captain JAMES HIND the Robber, who died for Treason.   portrait of James Hind   

NO JEST Like a true jest.  

Chap. I. Containing Hind's birth, and how he first came to be a herdman.  
CAptain James Hind( the subject of our ensuing discourse) was born at Chiping-Norton in Oxfordshire: His Father having no more Children but he, put him to School, intending to make him a Scholar, but he minded his wagish Pastimes more then his Book, which his Father perceiving, bound him apprentice to a Butcher, but he having a running Pate, soon grew weary of that also, and in conclusion ran away from his Master, comes up to London, there grows acquainted with a Company of Roaring deboist Blades, who by their evil examples made him as bad as themselves. To be short, as they seldom abounded with Money, so they scorned to be long in want. When their stock grew short, they road a cutting for more. At last the Knot was discovered, the Chief of them Hanged, and Hind( only) escaped, with the loss of his horse: and now he sets up for himself.   

Chap. II. How Hind robbed a Gentleman on Foot, and furnished himself with a Horse, Money, and clothes.  
HInd having lost his horse, when he made his escape, was resolved to get one, or to follow his Trade on Foot: his Masters misfortune grieved him much, yet he quickly cast it out of his mind, and now to colour his Knavery, he puts himself into the habit of a shepherd, with a long Pike-staff on his Neck, and so traveled towards Barbury: where in his way he espies a Gentleman coming down a hill leading his horse in his hand: Hind as he took notice of the Gentleman, went whistling the Tune of an Ordinary Psalm. When the Gentleman came to the Foot of the Hill, where Hind stood whistling the Psalm, the Gentleman enquired of him the time of the day: he answers him very civilly, but as the Gentleman was getting on his horse, Hind hit him with his long Pole, such a stroke between the head and shoulders, that he made him tumble on the ground. Hind presently took his Money, Cloak, Horse, and Sword, and left him his old Coat, and his Pike-staff, to beat on the Hoof as he had done, giving him two shillings back to bear his charges. But to this day the Gentleman loves not the Tune of a Psalm.   

Chap. III. How Hind was betrayed by Two whores, who sent Two highway-men to take his Money, and how he robbed them.  
HInd having gotten a good purchase of Gold, past away the day very merrily, and then towards Night he rides to an Inn which stood in the private road, where it seems some highway-men did use: after he had seen his Horse carefully dressed and fed, he came into the house, where were two handsome Ladies by the Fire, he bespoke a good supper, and invited them unto it: when supper was ready he called for Wine, and made them merry. They seemed very coy to him, but he knowing their humours, pulled out of his Pocket a handful of Gold: singing, Maids where are your hearts become, look you what here is. And after much mirth, to Bed he went,& presently after came in the Two men which kept these Two Whores, to whom they related all the courtesy of Hind,& that he had abundance of Gold about him: they resolve to watch his going,& to follow him in the morn, but Hind being wakeful was up and mounted before the 2 Ladies were stirring: when they heard his horse prance they look out of the window, and seeing he had so good a horse, were ready to fall out who shall have him, I will have the horse, says one, & you shall have his money nay I'll have his horse says the other, in conclusion they quickly made themselves ready, and road after Hind, when they had overtook him, they asked him which way he road, he answers them towards Cambridge: they tell him they would be glad of his company▪ Now riding in a place where no people were nigh, one of the thieves sings, Maids where are your hearts become, look you w●●● here is: Hind seeing their intent, and knowing he was betrayed, answered them in the same tune. Now you Rogues you are both undone, ●●●k you what here is, and drawing forth his Pistol, and firing at one of them, by chance shot his horse in the head, who presently fell down with his maste●s leg under him, the other seeing this betook himself to flight, but hind quickly overtook him and made him Deliver such money as he had, and cutting his girts and his bridle, made him work enough to catch his horse again. Hind now rides to the other thief, who lay but in little ease, he alights and pulls the horse from his Leg, and then helps him up, and takes away his money also, saying is there but one Master thief in England, and would you venture to rob him: verily, were you not of my profession, neither of you should have lived, but seeing you ventured hard for it, thou deservest something. So hind gave him his money back again to buy him another horse, saying unto him, disgrace not yourselves with small sums, but aim high, and for great ones: for the least will bring you to the Gallows. So hind shaking the poor thief by the hand, left him to his partner to catch the Horse, and bid him farewell.   

Chap. IV. How Hind was enchanted by an old hag for the space of three years.  
AFter hind had robbed the two Thieves of their Money, it was his chance to ride to hatfield, there lying at the George Inn, being then the Post-house, he very merrily spent the Evening with some Gentlemen that were there. In the morning early hind calls for his horse to be gone, takes his leave of those Gentlemen that were stirring,& as he road along hatfield, an Old ill-favoured Woman asked alms of him, his horse presently stayed& would go no further. Sir said the old woman, I have something to say to you, and then you shall be gone: Hind not liking her countenance, pulled out five shillings and gave her, thinking she would but like a gipsy tell his fortune, saying, Good Woman I am in ●aste. Sir, said she, I have stayed all this morning to speak with you, and would you have me loose my labour? Speak your mind said Hind, whereupon the Old Woman began thus. Captain Hind you Ride and go many dangers; whereupon by my poor skill I have thought on a way to preserve you for three years, but the time being past, you are no more then an ordinary man, and a mischance may fall on you as well as another, but if you be in England come to me and I will r●new the virtue of this Charm again. In saying these words, she pulled out of her bosom a little Box, almost like a Sundial, and gave it unto Capt. Hind, and said unto him, when you are in any distress open this and that way you see the Star turn, ride or go that way, and you shall escape all danger. So she switched him with a white rod that was in her hand,& struck the horse on the buttock and bid him farewell, the horse presently leaped forward with such a courage, that Hind could not turn him to give her thanks, but guessing that it was her will it should be so, road on his way.   

Chap. V. How Hind Robbed a Gentleman in Yorkshire,& afterwards came to the Inn where he lay, to sup with him, but did not.  
A Gentleman coming from York intending for London, by accident met with Hind, who soon made him deliver what he had, hind gives him back 20 shillings to bear his charges, till that his own credit could the better furnish him, so the Gentleman rod on his journey to the next town, where he was well known by an Inn-keeper there, being alighted from his horse he desires the host to get somewhat ready for his supper, so the Gentleman went to his Chamber, in the mean time in comes hind, and asks if there were any Gentlemen that went for London, the Host answered there was one Gentleman alone, and he would be glad of any good company. So hind went up to the Gentleman's Chamber, and saluted him, the Gentleman said, Sir, sit down and I will tell you how I was robbed to day, I durst have sworn that you had been the man, but that I see your hair is short, and his hair was long, sir said hind do you know his horse; yes, very well said the Gentleman, to satisfy you, said Hind, you shall see mine. So Hind went down and fetched his horse out of the stable,& asked the Gentleman if that were the horse, he answered, I, I, that is the horse, then said hind, I cannot stay with you to night, if you know my horse better then myself, so bids him good night.   

Chap. VI. How Hind robbed two Gentlemen's Servants, cause a person to be apprehended for a herdman, and escaped himself.  
HInd being informed of a purchase, as he road espied some Gentlemen drinking at an Alehouse on horsebacks, having sent their Servants before, hind passed by them, but riding at a good rate, he quickly overtook the gentlemens servants who road but easily, hind by their portmantles saw that there was money in them, bid deliver their money or he would be their deaths, they being not used to fight yielded unto him, he seeing their delays would breed danger, with his dagger knife cut open their Portmantles,& took out the money and tying the Bags together, laid them before him and rid full speed away. One of the servants road to acquaint their Master, who presently pursued hind, hind met a person and said to him, Sir I am like to be robbed, you must stand to it now for your own good as well as mine; they would have this money from me which you see, come sir be of good cheer, one Honest man will scar ten Thieves: you shal have one of my Pistols, so he gives the person a Pistol ready cocked and charged, and bid him fire at them that came first, while I, says he, Ride down to the next Village and raise the country people to be our help. The person having taken a cup too much at a Wedding, was Pot Valiant, and ●id up bodily to the Gentlemen and fired his Pistol at them, but being too far off did no execution he rid nigher and flung his Pistol at one of them, that he had like to have knocked him off his horse: The Gentlemen seized on him, and took him Prisoner, the person cries out, Spare my life and you shall have all my money; No sirrah, said the Gentlemen, we will have you hanged, w●●● a person and rob on the high-way? They presently hail him to the next Iustice of Peace, which was very near; when he came before the Iustice, they  told him, that they were robbed of two hundred pounds, and that this person was one of the Thi●ves. The Iustice marveled that such an apparent testimony should come against the person of his Parish.  
The person by this time was come to himself, and desired the Iustice to give him leave to speak for himself. Being licenced to speak, he said to the Iustice, Sir you have known me this twenty years, and no man can say I have wronged him of a penny, much less this which is laid to my charge: sir, I shall tell you so much as I know of the business. As I was riding in my way home, I met a man who had two gabs of money before him, who  told me that Thieves pursued him, and he desired my help, saying, that I need not fear, for one honest man would beat ten thieves, so he gave me a Pistol charged, cocked, primed, and bad me fire at the first that came on, while he raised the Country-men to assist us; So when these Gentlemen came down the hill, I road up to them, and fired my Pistol at one of them, when I had so done, I slung it at this Gentlemans head, thinking they had been all Thieves. Sir this is all I know of the matter: The Iustice laughed to see the person of the Parish apprehended for a herdman, but he past his word for his appearance the next Assize, who when he was brought before the Bench, he was cleared, but he made a vow never to fire Pistol again.   

Chap. VII. How Hind robbed a Gentleman of 30 pound that would give twenty pound to see him.  
HInd overtook a Gentleman as he road on the road, and they fell in discourse. So the Gentleman was saying he would give twenty pound to see Hind, but as they were Riding the Gentleman fancied Hinds horse, sir, said the Gentleman, what money shall I give you to exchange horses with me? Forty pounds, said hind, I will give you 30 pounds in Gold, said the Gentleman. Hind said sir, ride him, so the Gentleman gave thirty pounds in Gold and his horse. But as they road along there was a ditch, sir, says hind leap him over this ditch, I cannot says the Gentleman, hind desired the Gentleman to alight, so he got on his own horse and leaped over the ditch, and when he was on the other side he said, sir you would give 20 pounds to see hind, and now you have seen him, the other ten pound was for Riding of my horse. So now I think you have seen enough of him, and so farewell.   

Chap. VIII. How neatly Hind robbed a person of 40 pound which he had in the Collar of his Doubler.  
A person Riding from Coventry towards London, by petty thieves was robbed of his silver, but having 40. pounds in Gold about him resolved to go on his journey,& as he road hind overtook him& asked the person which way he traveled, the person  told him that he intended for London but says he, 'twas almost prevented, for to day I was robbed of 5 pounds in silver, and the Knaves left me but Five shillings in all to bear my charges. Sir, said Hind, I was robbed of a little money to day, a man was as good let them have it quietly as endanger ones life to resist, but I was cunning enough to hid my gold in my boot beforehand, nay, I believe, said the person mine is as safe, for I have quilted it in the Collar of my doublet. Hind was not a little glad when he did hear where his gold lay, but being near their Inn they supped together and went to bed. In the morning the person called hind up, and  told him he would be glad of his company, and after breakfast they rid together, hind asked the person if he could guess what trade he was of, no, said the person, then said hind, I am a cutter, for I must cut the Collar of your doublet off, before I shall come to your money, having so done, he left the person forty pounds lighter then he found him.   

Chap. IX. How Hind served 2 bailiffs& an Usurer.  
HInd riding through a little town in Warwickshire, saw a tumult in the street, so he rid up to them to know the occasion, one  told him that an honest Inkéeper was arrested for 20 pounds, and that the man was undone if he had not some relief speedily, hind goes to the man and asked him if he would give him any security if he should pay the money for him, the poor man being much overjoyed at this unlooked for news,  told him that he would make over all that he had for his security: so Hind had the usurer and the two bailiffs into the house, desired the Bond, paid the usurer all he demanded, giving the bailiffs their fees, and canselled the Bond: hind sent for one to make over the attorneys goods to himself, which being done, they departed: hind being not unmindful to inquire which way the usurer was to go, went after him, and overtook him in a convenient place. Friend, said he, I lent you twenty pound even now, but I must needs have it again: The usurer said, you paid me so much on a Bond: sir said hind, it is no time to dispute it now, so hind took from the old usurer his twenty pounds, and twenty more that he had got by usury, and road back to the Inn, and gave the Host his writing again, and five pounds in money, telling him that he had good luck by lending to honest men. The usurer came after to the innkeeper, thinking to get some money of him, but the Innkeeper did beat him almost to death, saying, you Rogue, I am engaged in all that I have for the payment of the money, and if you be robbed must I pay you again, I will, I will, I will: so this was all the usurer could get.   

Chap. X. How Hind robbed a Gentleman upon Chalk-hill in Buckingham-shire.  
AFter a day or two, ●ind road into Buckinghamshire, where he was acquainted with many Gentlemen, and passing away the time till his opportunity served, it was his chance to ride towards Chalk-●ill, ●ind espied a little before him a Gentleman and his servant who were alighted to walk down the hill: the Captain gives his horse to his man, and bids him stay at the hill till he came down: the Captain having an occasion to untruss a point sat under a little hedge, ●ind watching his opportunity, rid softly till he came near the Captain, and seeing him in good clothes, ●id hastily up to him and bad him deliver. The Captain was amazed at this sudden occasion of ●ind, who all this while held a Pistol at his Breast, and bids him dispatch, for it is not my custom, said he, to stand maunding, but I demand, and look you make no longer stay. The Captain desired him to forbear till he was trust up: hind giving him so much leave, said, Your money sir. The Captain seeing it could not be helped by delays, delivers him thirty pieces of gold. Hind said, Sir I take this in part, I shall not be too mercenary upon you at this time: and so he road down the hill where the Captains man stayed with his Masters horse; hind said, Sirra is that your Master on the Hill. He answered him, Yes sir. Then said hind, I seldom take any thing from the Master, but I give the servant something. So giving him ten shillings Here is something for thee said he to drink in health, and tell thy Master my name is Hind   

Chap. XI. How Hind robbed a Gentleman of a hundred and fifty pounds.  
HInd traveling up and down the Country, met with a lusty young Fellow whom he had formerly known,& asked him some questions and amongst the rest he said, Jack if thou wilt live with me thou shalt have money at command or any thing thou wantest Jack knowing partly his trade gave consent, hind presently bought a good horse for his man,& furnished him with clothes, a sword, and small Pistols, being well fixed away they traveled towards Notingham, and as they road they chanced to come into an Inn where a Gentleman and his servant were newly come before them, hind rides by the stable door where the ostler was taking off the other Gentlemans Portmantle, the ostler said it was but a little Portmantle, but it is very heavy: hind well espying it, said to his man, Jack inquire cunningly which way this Gentleman travels to morrow: so hind went in and when supper was ready they went to supper together: after the Gentleman had supped, the servants fell too, and hind's man gives the other Gentlemans servant a piht of sack, and after supper Jack: gives him some Spanish Tobacco, and now they begin to be great acquaintance; so they go together unto the stable to see their horses dressed, Jack asks the Gentlemans servant which way they road in the morning he  told him toward Lon. my Mr. says Jack rides that way too I think. Now Jack having as much as he desired, went to see what his Master wanted hind bids his man get his slippers ready and pull off his Boots, which being done he takes his leave of the Gentleman, and goes to bed. When he came into his Chamber he asked his man which way they went, Jack tells him. In the morning hind rides first, the Gentleman stays behind to eat his breakfast, after he had done he road on his journey, and ridng by a Wood where hind and his man lay in ambush for him, hind rides out to the Gentleman, and with his Cane slapt him over the pate, saying, have I nothing to do but to wait on you sir? Jack takes off the Portmantle, saying; 'tis heavy master. Sir said hind to the gentleman, you are ill-beloved in the country you cannot get gold for your silver: Jack rides back to the Gentlemans servant, and strikes him over the pate, saying you Rogue, must I spoil my horse to carry your portmantle, must I, must I you Rogue you. So ●ind and his man rid away leaving the Gentleman and his servant looking one upon another, almost amazed at this sudden accident, sparing no horse-flesh till they were far enough from the Gentleman, for they rid all the by-ways that it had been hard for any one to follow them,& being at a place where they knew themselves safe, they looked into the Portmantle, where they found one hundred and fifty pounds: This they put up as a good mornings work.   

Chap. XII. How Hind served a Committe-man who disguised himself for fear of Robbing.  
A Commitée-man having occasion to travail towards London for to buy many Commodities, hearing that there was robbing on that Road, fitting himself with an old gray coat out at Elbows,& an old mere, with boots instead of stirrups hung at the Saddle, that were not worth three pence, and a Bridle of the same price. Now rides he merrily thinking no Highway-men would set on him, but money ill got will be ill spent. For he chanced to meet with hind, who asked what he was, he answered, that he was an old man going to get relief amongst his friends: hind gives him a piece of gold, and bad him drink his health, be merry at his Inn. The old Miser thinking to please hind coined two or three great oaths presently and said he would be drunk with drinking his health: hind partend from him, and the old man went to his Inn& set up his mere, then called for half a pint of Sack, and after the first glass was down, be began to say that he escaped the greatest danger that ever he was in for said he I met with ●ind, and instead of robbing me, he gave me a piece of gold, and bid me drink his health, but I'll see him hanged before I'll spend one penny for his sake, hang him Rogue, he robs all honest men, only Cavileers he lets them go, I'll put his gold amongst my own, I would have given ten pound to have been rid of him when first I met with him: So after a short supper going to bed hind came into the Inn, using to lye there as a traveller not known, the Host  told him in what fear an old Commitée-man was to day, saying he had met with hind who gave him money to drink his health, but he said he would see him hanged first, and called him Rogue a thousand times, hind went to bed, and let the old man travail first in the morning, and about an hour after hind rid after him, when he had overtaken him, he asked the Old man if he Drank his health: I said he, I was never so drunk in all my life as I was last night: for I drank the Kings health, the Quéens health, the Princes, and your health ten times over: hind said to him, Friend I have found you in many lies, and now I will make you call me Rogue for something. So hind made him untie his greasy Snap-sack where he found fifty pound in gold& his own piece besides. Now the Commitée-man to cheer up himself resolves to borrow so much of the State before he went another journey: hind said the sooner you get it the better for me if I meet with you again.   

Chap. XIII. How Hind robbed a Gentleman in Hide-Park.  
HInd being well-horsed, went one Evening into Hide-Park to see some sport,& riding up and down the Park by Coaches, espied a Bag of money by a Gentlemen: to whom Hind used some discourse about the Race that was to run, but the Race beginning, the Gentleman caused his Coach to stand still, that he might judge which horse ran best. ●inds Head being not idle road to the Coach, took the Bag in his hand,& road away, the Gentleman presently missing his money cries out, Stay him, stay him, I am robbed: many road after him, especial, the Captain whom he robbed at Chalk h●●●, who pursued him hard. Hi●d riding by St. J●●● 〈◇〉 said to the Souldiers, I have won the wag●● but holding his Bag fast, his Cloak fell off, which he left for them that came next, he riding the way by Soho left them: but when he cam● to his companions he said. He never earned a hundred pound so dear in his life.   

Chap. XIV. How Hind put a trick upon a Dutch Mount bank in Holland.  
HInd having committed many Robberies, was constrained to leave England and to go for H●●l●●d. Now being in a strange Country, and not having that command to Rob on the high-way as he had in E glad, fell into want of money. So hearing of a rich Mountebank that went about quacking of it, how he never went without store of money. His name was Henry van V●●das, he was somewhat fortunate in Cures, therefore by every one desired. This Mountebank coming to visit his sick Patients in divers parts of the City, having received divers sums of money, for his particular Cures was watched by hind, and as he past through a by street he runs to him in great hast, and salutes him in a kind manner thus. Sir I have heard much of your renown in cures of dangerous consequence, and seeing it is my happiness to meet you, I have not far from this place, if you please to go along with me to my house I have a wife much troubled with a flux in her belly these 14 days,& you by your experience may do her much good if you please to give her a visit, I humbly r●q●est you to go along with me, and what concent you desire, I shall willingly satisfy.  
This bell sounded well in his ears, he goes with Hind to his lodging and by the way gives Hind comfortable answers, saying God forbid I should neglect that little skill I have to do your wife good. Vpon these compliments Hind leads him from one street to another, till at last he got within his lodging, which was so contrived that it was some distance from any other houses. Having locked the door upon him he takes in one hand a Pistol in the other a great empty Purse: and furiously looking upon the Mountebank he said, sir here is my wife meaning his empty purse, she hath been long time troubled with a flux in her belly, and you are the only man that can remedy and find out a means to cure this disease or else I myself by the help of this pistol am resolved to remedy it. This Mountebank seeing himself thus cunningly& suddenly surprised, began to cry out, but was presently silenced by the sight of the Pistol and was fain for fear to let go his own purse to cure Hinds which had the flux. But according to his wonted charity, seeing the man in this trembling condition, restored him some of the money again: promised him to convey him home to his lodging, and rid with his Pistol cocked for fear of an out-cry: and in the mid way left him to find out his Chamber himself.   

Chap. XV. How Hind went into Scotland to the Scotch King at sterling, and how he was apprehended in London.  
HInd being ever weary of staying long in a place shipped himself for Scotland, when he was landed he went and presented his service to the King at sterling: the King being informed who it was had some discourse with him, and commended him to the Duke of Buckingham then present to ride in his troop because his life guard was full, he came into Eng and with the same troop, was in the engagement, at Warington came into the fight at Worc●ster,& stayed till the K. was fled. Hind being in the City saw the gate full of dying persons leaped over the wall on foot by himself traveled the country, & lay 3 days under dushes& hedges because of the soldiery afterwards he came to sir Jo. Pickingtons wood, where he lay 5 days.& from thence he came on foot to Longon& lodged five wéeks very securely: but on N●v. 9. 1651. a discovery was made of C Hinds frequenting one Denzies a Barber over against St. Dunstans Church in Fleet-street, who went in the name of Brown, this information was communicated to certain Gentlemen belonging to the right honourable M. Speaker. who with great care so ordered the business that there was no suspicion at all to his chamber door they went forced it open& immediately with their pistols cocked seized on his person, carried him to Mr. Speakers house in Chancery-●ane,& so secured him for that night. The next day being monday by order from the Right honourable the Council of State, the said C. Hind was brought to White-hall, who was examined before a Commitée,& divers questions put to him concerning his late engagement with Cha. Stuart, and whether he accompanied the Scotch K. to the furtherance of his escape to which he answered, That he never saw the K. since the fight at Wo●●er, neither knew he of his getting the field but was glad to hear that he had made so happy an escape: after some time was spent about his examination twas ordered he should be sent Prisoner to the Gate-house till the next day. So the next day by special order from the council of State, he was brought from thence in a Coach, with iron bolts on his legs. Cap. Compton, and two other Messengers belonging to the State guarding him:& about two of the clock in the afternoon he was put into Newgate where he lay till the next Sessions.   

Chap. XVI. Containing the Conclusion of the story, and Captain Hinds last farewel to Worcester.  
ON Friday the 12 of Dec. 1651. Capt. Hind was brought to the Sessions House in the O●d Bayly, where divers questions were propounded unto him concerning his life& conversation: he answered, what he confessed before the Council of State, the like he acknowledged to that honourable Court, protesting his innocency in any matter of Fact or Crime since the year 1649. within any of the Parliaments Dominions. So he was dismissed from that place and on Monday the 1. of March 1651 he was carried in a Coach from Newgate to Redding: whereupon wednesday following he was arraigned before the right Honourable judge Warberton for killing one Pool his companion at Knowl a little Village in that Country, after evidence given in against him he was found guilty of Manslaughter& condemned to die, but on the next morning the act of Oblivion being sent, acquitted all former offences, only the Indictment of High Treason against the State,& for that Fact he was carried to Worce●●er, and there drawn, hanged& quartered on Friday Sep. 24. 1652.  
Thus Fate the great Derides did Deride,  
That lived by Robbery, yet for Treason died.   
FINIS.