THE Pacquet-Boat Advice: OR A DISCOURSE Concerning the WAR WITH FRANCE, Between some English Gentlemen and a Frenchman, betwixt Calis and Dover.  
Omnis fabula fundatur in veritate.  
LONDON, Printed for Jonathan Edwin at the three Roses in Ludgate-Street, 1678.   

THE PACQUET-BOAT ADVICE, etc.  
HAVING received Advice from some of my Friends in England, that there was a little cloud of discontent arising by reason of the Jealousies of the growing greatness of the French, their many great and unexpected Conquests, which they seemed not only obstinately resolved to keep themselves possessed of, but by the progress of their Arms to enlarge and extend; ran guessing that in all probability these storms would not be allayed without some showers of Blood, I began to unfix myself from my residence at Mompellier, whether my Curiosity and the Course of my Studies had carried me; and my intentions were to have spent some time, and then to have passed over the Alps to see Italy, the Garden of the World.  
But receiving Letters of fresh date, giving an account of his Highness the Prince of Orange's Marriage with the Lady Mary, and His Majesty's calling of the Parliament, sooner than the General expectation.  
I began then to think that there was something at the bottom of the flying Rumours: being not willing to run the hazard of being ill treated in France, where I had not so perfectly made myself Master of the Language as to pass for a Native, and considering, that I had no way to support myself but by Bills of Exchange or begging, if there should be a War between the two Nations, I began to reflect how difficult it would be for me to secure myself of constant supplies, and that if I had them, possibly I might run the risk of being suspected and seized for an Intelligencer; and not daring to trust to the Charity of a People who are so impoverished, as generally rather to expect it from Strangers than to afford it them; and where my very being an Englishman would deprive me of the Charity of such as were able, since they would look upon me as an Enemy; and in truth fancying that I should make a very ill Beggar, it being a Trade I had no acquaintance with, upon these considerations I thought it more advisable to take my Leave of France, and to retire into my Native Country: upon which resolution I departed with the first conveniency that offered, for Paris, where when I arrived, the Rumour was hot amongst the English, that there would be a War, and that very speedily, though the French were very mute and hush about it.  
These considerations, made me think of staying less time than I intended at Paris, and therefore I made immediately for Calais in order to my coming over in the Pacquet-Boat for Dover.  
We went aboard with the morning tide, the day proving exceeding fair, and the wind which we had scarce enough, and not directly for us; it made our passage something more tedious; but however the Company were so Civil to themselves and one to another, as to endeavour to shorten the passage, by stealing some hours in entertaining themselves with variety of discourses upon sundry subjects.  
Amongst the rest there was one Gentleman who started the discourse, concerning the present Rumour of the War, and desired the opinion of the Company about it, whether they did believe it would prove so in good earnest, or whether it was not only an overture and appearance. His concern and inquisitiveness made me guilty of the same humour, and rather because amongst a great variety of Entertainment, all the Company had discovered themselves, as to their designs and professions, and some of them without any reserve, even to their very Names, and the places of their habitation, yet I found this person not so innocent and simply liberal, only he told us he was a Merchant in Paris, who had some Correspondents in England, and that the News of the War had persuaded him to cross over the Seas, and so for London, to endeavour to secure his effects there, in case there should be a Rupture in good earnest, and that he had considerable Bills of Exchange upon the account of several of the greatest French Merchants in England, I gave him the patience of hearing, but I confess no great credit to his words; for me thought his Mine, his Equipage, and his Discourse betrayed something more in him, than mere Merchant; and I perceived he had been abroad upon other affairs than those of Traffic, for he gave us a punctual account of the most considerable Actions of the present War in Flanders and Germany: but that which gave me the greatest suspicion, was his frequent mention of something more than a bare knowledge of most of the great Persons of the Court of France, and particularly of Mounsieur Lovois and Mounsieur Colbert, whom he called the great Patron of Merchants, trade and industry, extolling him to heaven, and protesting that if his designs took effect, France would certainly be the only Emporium or Market of the World. This Jealousy, that he did Trade with these great persons only for Diamonds, having once infected my imagination, I had a curiosity to drive it as far as I could, with all the studied Ignorance and simplicity I was capable of, and pretending great kindness to this Nation a folly too common and usually true with the English, who are wont with a kind of Witchcraft to dote upon the French. So that we fell smartly upon the Subject of the War, and in regard I appeared most forward in my Civility, and ready to entertain his discourse, he thought he had met with a right English Spaniel; and therefore making his application particularly to me Mounsieur (saith he) you are an Englishman, and though you have spent some time in France, yet I doubt not but by your appearance, which seems to discover you to be no common person, you have good intelligence from persons of condition, you will infinitely oblige the Company and myself in a most particular manner, if you will honour us with your opinion, whether or no you do believe, that we shall fall from those good terms of Friendship and Alliance, which his Majesty of Great Britain has hitherto conserved for his most Christian Majesty.  
Sir, replied I, you set too obliging a value upon the opinion of a Stranger, but it is the usual effect of your generosity, which I shall in some measure endeavour to merit by my obedience to your commands: for I was willing to pay him with his own Coin. But Sir, added I, your question is of too great consideration, to find a resolution from my private opinion. Affairs of that high nature are only transacted in the Cabinets of our great Masters, and it may be it is no less a point of presumption than folly, for us to concern ourselves about them. Mounsieur (said he briskly) what we say is only to divert our passage, and borrow an hour or two from these slow Sails and the Wind, which uses not at this time of the Year to be so sluggish. But in my opinion there are several reasons which may be alleged to persuade the World, that this will not come to blows.  
Sir, said a good blunt Gentleman with a Scar of honour in his face, who lay all along in the Boat, and had not spoken till then; it may be you are not so well acquainted with the English as I am; for my part I am not much concerned cern'd in affairs of State, nor am I acquainted with the Counsels of Princes, but let me assure you by what I have heard and know, that if it were put to the Vote of the People, whether a War or no War with FRANCE, I believe not one in a thousand, but would be for a War.  
Mounsieur, said the Frenchmam a little fired at his discourse, no wonder at that, the people are like the Element which now carries us, full of floods and ebbs, and it may be they will to morrow be as forward for a Peace as to day they are for a War; you English love to talk of Wars, but you hate to part with your money to defray the charge of it.  
Sir, said the Gentleman, raising himself a little, I know not whether we can part with our money, but we will part with our blood freely, 'tis said indeed you part with yours, and shoot golden Bullets, and make use of Keys of the same metal, which will open a breach or a Gate into the strongest Fortifications; but Sir we have been used to do it with Steel and Iron, and yet give me leave to tell you, I hope we shall be so wise, rather to part with our money, than to keep it till the French comes with armed Troops to collect it, as they do in their own Country, and I hope, yet before I die to help to open some of the Gates of Paris with that hard metal, and to hear the drums beat the heavy English march through the Streets again, which once spoiled a Jest of one of your Kings.  
Mounsieur, said the French Merchant, as he called himself, biting the nails of his thumb, by which I knew he was angry, Jerne Diabile, you will find something to do before you come there; the King of FRANCE has two hundred thousand gens d'arms who will bid all Europe stand, and 100 Sale of Ships, who will speak Thunder and Lightning, and make bold to stop your passage.  
Messires (interposed I, not willing to have these heats spoil our conversation) be so obliging not to transport yourselves into a heat about an affair, which was only started, for our divertisement, there is no War yet, and I hope none there will be. Sir, answered the English Gentleman fiercely, there is not, but I hope there will be, and that quickly too. This Gentleman as I understood after our Landing, was an English Captain, a Soldier of fortune, who was taken Prisoner going wounded from Maestritcht, and not having wherewith to ransom himself, according to the rate set upon him, had been a long time very ill used amongst the French, but having made friends to procure a small ransom, which they were willing to take rather than none at all, having got his Liberty; was coming over to look for some employ wherewith he might at once satisfy both his necessity and revenge: I gave him a little sign which he understood, and being unwilling to hinder the prosecution of the discourse he laid himself down again, upon which I took up the former argument of my French Merchant, and desired him to favour us with the reasons that moved him to believe there would be no War.  
Mounsieur (said he) can the English Nation possibly live more happily than at present they do, whilst enjoying peace they have the Commerce and Traffic of the whole World, without paying any Gabels, Taxes, I think, you call them; and would it not be a strange thing for them to put their finger into their Neighbour's fire when there is no necessity; when they have all the assurances of his most Christian Majesty, that he has all the Honour and Esteem for them imaginable, and that he would be ready to do them all the good Offices, as his Majesty did in the late War with Holland in 1665. when the Count D'Estrees was sent with a Squadron of gallant Ships to your assistance against the Dutch.  
Mounsieur said I, people speak variously of that assistance, and I have heard some persons affirm that Mounsieur D'Estrees did the English more prejudice, than kindness; and I remember I saw a Letter, which affirmed that the not coming in of the French Squadron ravished an assured victory from the English.  
Upon which the Steersman of the Vessel would put in his oar into the Boat, marry said he, I was then aboard the London under Sir John Harman; and I saw never a Ship of the French strike a stroke, but how do you call him, Mounsieur Martin he fought like a gallant man board and board with the Dutch, but they say, when he came home he was clapped up in the Tower of Paris for his pains.  
Friend, said I, to him, you mean Mounsieur Martel, and that he was made a prisoner in the Bastile, but it was not for fight, but for disobeying the order of his Admiral. Mounsieur added the French Merchant, it was for some Language, which he gave the Count D'Estrees, which did not become him to give, nor the other to receive, but what signifies one idle talking Captain, who was justly punished for his insolence, but Mounsieur said he, turning himself to me, if it were not the advantage of Trade, which you do and may enjoy upon keeping up a good understanding with the French, yet the Puissence of his Arms, which is so glorious beyond all that ever were before him, attended with a thousand victories, a thousand successes, might persuade you not to be so hasty to enter into a war with a Nation, so great, so Potent, so Fortunate, and who is not without hopes still of greater assistances and alliances; and possibly  long you may hear that some other Princes have declared in favour of FRANCE.  
Sir said I to him, the Argument which you use to persuade to peace is that which generally I suppose in England is accounted the greatest motive of the War; the wealth and puissance, the Victories and Conquests of the French, is that which makes them looked upon as too great and dangerous a Neighbour both in Peace and War; in peace because they will certainly, they affirm, diminish their trade and treasure as they find by experience; and in War, there is no doubt, but their greatness must needs make them sensible of their danger, and they esteem it therefore a point of prudence to endeavour (if possible) to arrest the course of their designs, before they break all the banks, and ancient limits, which were the boundaries of their Ancestors, and overflowing these parts of the World with a dominion, the name of which is odious to the English.  
Mounsieur reparted the French Gent. you do well to put it only by way of supposition (if possible) for I assure you, had you but seen the French Armies such brave men, such gallant Captains—  
Upon which the English Captain, who I thought had been at his repose starts up; what men do you mean, pray Sir? Are you not obliged to our Countrymen for your brave achievements you talk of; pray who was it that took Maestritcht? Are you not obliged to the Duke of Monmouth and the English for that Town? Who was it that saved Marshal Turene oftener than once in Alsace? and who was it that brought off his Army after that he was knocked o'th' head? when these men are drawn off from you, and when they come to fight against you, we shall hear of another Story.  
Sir said I to him all the World must allow, that the French are brave men, well disciplined, and that their Commanders are the most vigilant and expert Captains of the Age.  
Pray Sir, said he short upon me, are you an Englishman Frenchified, or a Frenchman in the disguise of English? But be an Englishman or a Frenchman, or what you will I would tell you a Story of one of the gallant French Commanders, which will be reason enough to persuade all Englishmen to love them less than they do (if it be possible) and to fight with them, and beat them too, which is very possible; for let them give you never so good words at present if ever you come within their clutches, they will use you like Dogs and worse, for they will give you a knock but the Devil a bit with it. I was a Captain at Woerden when the French lay in Vtrecht, and if you will give me leave I will tell you of a brave speech which the Duke Luxemburgh, now the Marshal Montmorency made to his Soldiers;  
Mounsieur said the French Merchant, interrupting him, pray spare the Duke of Luxemburgh, I presume you do not know him; for he is certainly the most obliging gallant Gentleman of the world.  
Sir, replied the Captain, he may be what he will; I have seen him, and if he were here I would say what I have said; and hope as gallant as he is, if I can come near him for his life Guard to change a Pistol with him loaden with a brace of slugs of good English Lead, and though mine will not shoot so far as your French Pistols (which they say are better for Battery then heavy Cannon) yet they will kill the gallantest Frenchman in the Army, if they have but the luck to hit him three inches underneath his feather. And for the Duke Luxemburgh, I will justify.—  
Hold, hold; Noble Captain, said I, you are a man of war, we are all peaceable, and I beg the favour of you, that you will allow us the freedom of discourse, 'tis only to pass away our time till we come to Dover, it will not now be long, and therefore applying myself to my Merchant, Sir; said I, there is no doubt but the French are a most potent Nation, and if some other Princes of the Empire should join with him, it would be a considerable addition to his power; but still give me leave to speak in favour of my Countrymen the English, they are a people not to be despised; and if it be true, which is said, that there is a strict confederation between them and the Hollanders, they will out do you far at Sea; and if they cut of your Navy, they cut off an Arm from FRANCE, which one may say as the Turk comparing the loss of the Battle of Lepanto to that of Cyprus, it is worse cutting off the head than cutting off the hair, because the one will grow again, but the other never; and besides the stopping of your Trade, and keeping your Wines and other Commodities upon your hands, will make your Money run upon the Lees, and is cutting the Nerves of War as money is always esteemed. And as this Power at Sea may well Balance all that you can say of your Masters, so the Armies that ENGLAND may add to those of the Confederates at Land, will more than Balance the assistance you promise yourself, and yet some persons are of opinion, that the Princes will still maintain their Neutrality till they see which way the die of War will fall; you know it is safe joining with the victor, and in the mean time, they keep their Country free from winter quarters and plunder: but besides all this, his Electoral Highness of Brandenburg will now be at great liberty to assist the Confederates with those brave men who made themselves Masters of the obstinate Town of Stetin.  
Mounsieur said the French Merchant you speak a great measure of reason, but we can difficultly persuade ourselves that you are in good earnest, though some things have passed of late that begin to stagger a great many people: yes says the Captain, who could hold out no longer, I believe it doth stagger a great many people, and the French especially. But that, said the Captain, for all your pretensions of being a Merchant, I believe you are one of his Agents, who with the Bills of Exchange you told us of▪ are going into England to hold intelligence, and sow jealousies; that is a sort of Merchandise which you have of late Traded with very much in all parts of the World: but it may be e'er long we shall hear, that you are broke by the discovery of your Correspondence. And I hope those English people, those dull English, who you think you can cheat and out-wit at your pleasure, will be so wise as to see your tricks and Arts, and to understand that the gold you are so liberal of to some of them, is only to gild the chains you intent to put upon them all. I am satisfied, if they knew you, but half so well as I do, or had but seen your kindness to the Province of Vtrecht after it had been wheedled into a surrender, they would have little reason to trust to your kindness. Mounsieur said the Frenchman what is all this to the English.  
Sir, said the Captain, I think it is a fair warning to the English to stand upon their Guard, and to endeavour to put themselves out of the danger of falling under the kindness of the French.  
Pray Mounsieur said the French Merchant (being a little cooled with the rough humour of the Captain) what are those usages which the Province of Vtrecht complain of.  
Look you here said the Captain, with that he pulled a little book out of his Pocket, written in French entitled Advis fidele aux veritables Hollondois, all this is true and more than this I know to be true, when your gallant Duke of Luxemburgh and the surintendant Robert had broken their Backs with Quarter, and Plunder, and Payments, and Confiscations, and the Devil and all, the Marquis de Lovois sends them a Letter of Consolation, a cup of Comfort, an Egg broken into a pale of Water, which you shall hear if you have patience.  
Messieurs, I'ay receu vostre Lettre 23 du mois pass, etc. but because, Sir, said he, you understand and speak English so well as to make you pass for any thing, if you can but leave your Shrug and your Jernies and Bongres, I will not trouble the Company with a Language I do Love as little as it may be they understand, and therefore I will endeavour to teach the Marquis to speak English, for he is a Civil obliging complaisant person.  
Messieurs, I have received your Letter of the 23 d. of the last past, by which I have seen all the reasons which you represent, to make me understand, that the City and Province of Vtrecht are not in a condition to satisfy the Demands, which Mounsieur Robert hath made. I do easily Judge that you cannot do it without great trouble, but since necessity has no Law, and that the Armies of the King must be maintained, you ought to accommodate yourselves to the said Sieur Robert, so as to furnish what he demands, otherways it is impossible, but you must fall into a most grand desolation, and to mend the matter, the honest Sieur Robert tells them in short, that since they made such an impossibility to raise the money demanded, he would cause fire to be set to the four quarters of the City, and he would light it in the middle himself, (a fin de reduire en Cendre une ville, qui u ' estoit qui a charge & inutile au Roy men Maistre) to the end I may reduce a City into ashes which is unprofitable, and a charge to the King my Master. Is this true or not Sir.  
Mounsieur, said the Frenchman, but what is all this to the English?  
Sir, answered the Captain, I think it is a fair warning to the English to stand upon their guard, and to endeavour to put themselves out of the danger of coming under the power of the French, and if possible, to put the French out of the power of putting them in danger.  
Why Sir, replied the other, the French have no designs upon you, but only as your own fears and apprehensions persuade you.  
What cried the Captain, the French without designs? you shall as soon find a Monkey without tricks: From the Onion Porridge-man to the Marshal you are all Politicians and designers. You have, you say, an hundred Sail of Ships, and two hundred thousand Men, and you have no designs nor ever had I warrant you to make yourselves Masters of Flanders, Germany, Holland, and England at last. But by your favour Sir, you must pass through fire as well as water before it comes to that.  
Well Mounsieur, said the Frenchman, I hope for all this that there will be a Peace, and it may be I have some reason for my conjecture, I assure you we Merchants are in hopes, that you will not enter upon a War which must be so great a hazard and charge to the Nation. Sir, said the Captain, you offer fair, but I cannot imagine why you should be so troubled for the charge of the War, (though, I hope it will come to your share at last to defray it) unless you are afraid we should so impoverish ourselves by a War, that when you come to visit us we should not be worth the Plundering, and London would be good for nothing, but a second Fire as Robert said of Vtrecht: and for my own particular, and I hope all true English hearts are of the same tough old metal, you shall first try how you can digest our Steel and Iron before you taste of our gold and silver.  
I found my two Gentlemen were running into a heat, and therefore I thought it better to make a tack (as the Boat then did) to some other discourse, which we presently did, and so past the time till we came to Dover Peer.  
As we parted the Mounsieur bid us adieu, and with the grace of a shrug particular to his Nation, he told me he should be obliged infinitely, if he had the good fortune and honour to meet me upon the Exchange. Farewell said the Captain, and have a care I do not meet you scattering your Bills of Exchange in the wrong place, and taking up News to send into France, in lieu of which you will return us suspicious of your own making, to set us together by the ears at home, that so you may be secured from us broad.  
The Frenchman gave him a look full of indignation, and away he went to take post immediately for London, I was extremely pleased with the rugged honest conversation of this Captain; and therefore desired, if his affairs would permit, that we might be Companions for that night at Dover, where I had some little affair, he willingly consented to my proposition, and so together we went to an Inn, where we had no sooner taken a Room, but in come two Gentlemen of my Relations, who had promised to meet me there, I was very much pleased at their arrival, and after mutual civilities passed, and that we had like English men made some provision for Supper, without ever ask what we should pay for it, and got a bottle of good Canary (for my Captain would drink no French Wine) we presently fell to chat.  
The first question you may be sure was, What News? and the Captain was in great haste, what shall we have a War with France. Sir, answered one of my Friends, men's opinions are various as their Interests, but here is his Majesty's Speech, which it may be is news to you; and if you please to read it you may make your conjecture. Cousin said I, you mistake, if you think it news, or if in less than a weeks time we do not see in Paris every thing of moment that passes at London: The French trade in Aleppo Pigeons; nay if we will believe them, they would persuade us, that they can tell beforehand what will be done.  
That is an excellent way of intelligence said the other Gentleman; but for my part I look upon it as a French artifice, and I am confident that that trick of pretending to know every thing amongst us has done them considerable service, for certainly it has given occasion for those jealousies, which now break out amongst us, as if there were a secret intrigue betwixt the French and us, in order to some strange design, and nothing will beat it out of some People's heads, but that this War is only for a colour. Sir said the Captain here came over with us one of their Whisperers, Pistol-droppers, News-makers', and away he is posted for London to fill some people's heads with Proclamations of Peace, Popery, Arbitrary Government, etc. and others pockets with French money to swear it is true, they have Letters from France that confirm it.  
Cousin said I, if the French can accomplish this either way they have done their business. I assure you there is nothing they dread like a War with England. I saw it upon several posts in Paris a severe Prohibition so much as to mention such a War, but if they can drive it off with these reports, by disuniting the King and his Subjects, they are lucky people and safe enough, and if they can make a Peace under hand, though they give as much money for it as would almost maintain the War, yet they have their aim.  
Well said the Captain I doubt nothing, I am assured from a good hand, that before I get to London some resolution will be taken. I told you some Stories of the French, but I have more of their pranks to acquaint the people with. Honest Captain and fellow Traveller, said I, God send you good luck, I dare say you will bestow your Skill upon the French with a good will, but Cousin said I, pray what's the matter. Sir, replied he they were wise that could tell you; and for my part I have little curiosity, and less acquaintance with State affairs, but some people I find are displeased: But prithee what's that to us, let us drink and be merry, and let the world go which way it will: By your favour Sir, said the Captain, there are some people that are displeased because they resolved before hand to be so with every thing, but I presume, that you and every Englishman are so far concerned, that if you do not look about you, the French will e'er long spoil both your Mirth and Drinking, what mean you (answered the other) I hope they will not spoil our Drinking, by Cutting our Throats, as they say the Danes did, which brought in the Custom of Pledging, or being Pledge when one drunk. Sir, said the Captain, you may Live and Drink, and be Merry in that Hope, but for my part. I do not intent to trust them. I had rather Cut some of theirs fairly, for I hate to have my Weasand slit, unless it be in the Field.  
Well, honest brave Captain, said I, your ill usage, makes you in a rage against the French, and you think the Quarrel moves too slow, but, Sir, you must consider, this is an Affair of great weight, and it is not good to make more haste than speed. Sir, said he, the greater weight should make the motion more quick; you do not seem to understand the worth of time, nor the brisk humour of the French, and therefore I have nothing to say to you, but I hope other People do and will consider it. Come, come, says my Cousin, what have we to do with these matters, it was never well since there were so many little Statesmen, and polit Politicians.  
I believe most people are satisfied of the necessity of a War, to reduce the World to the Old Balance, and FRANCE amongst the rest, that so she may be easy to her Neighbours, and they safe from her, and what would any body desire more? 'Tis true there have been some Jealousies, which have clogged the Wheels of this great Affair, but I can assure you, when I came out of Town, it was generally hoped that a little time would bring all people to a good understanding, Councils to Unity, and the Affair to a happy Period.  
Sir, said the Captain, this is a word of Comfort, for I dare assure you, that the great hopes of FRANCE are grounded upon our Divisions, which they are not so ill Husbands, but they know how to improve, I heard one of them the other day say, that he thought that of the great Turk Solyman, might be applied to the English, who will be of one mind (as he said, the Christian Princes would) when all the fingers of his Hand were United into one.  
Come Captain, said I, Unity, Secrecy, and Expedition added to our Courage, and Power, may do much, and I doubt not, but the necessity which seems to be upon us will make them all meet; the Cause is good for it is not for Sovereignty, but for Safety, not for Glory but Security, and to preserve the Protestant Religion, our Lives, Liberties, and Estates, from the Rapine and Ambition of the French, and he is no true Englishman who will not hearty venture his Life and Fortune, in such a lawful War.  
Upon which, Supper came in, and we having talked ourselves into a good opinion of eating, we gratified our Palates as well as the place would afford, and not long after every one retired to his Apartment, where I believe the Captain dreamt of Drums, and Trumpets, and Cannons, and Granado's Storms, and Battles, for he made a horrible noise in his sleep lying in the next Room to me, for my part, like a person not much concerned I slept, as hearty as the Soldier would permit me, who gave me several Alarms; and I can no more tell, what I dreamt, than I can tell certainly what all men long so much to know, that we shall have a War with FRANCE, or such a Peace as shall be Safe and Honourable for ENGLAND and all Christendom.  
FINIS.