NEW NEWS OF A Strange Monster FOUND IN STOW WOODS NEAR BUCKINGHAM, OF Human Shape, with a Double Heart, and no Hands; a Head with Two Tongues, and no Brains.  
THere is a Letter lately printed, said to come from an assured Hand, in Answer to a Letter from a Freeholder in Buckinghamshire, concerning the late Election of the Knights of the Shire of the County of Bucks; which because some False Passages in it should not abuse you and the World, I shall give you a true Relation of some things upon my own knowledge.  
Sir R.T. now much better known, and equally trusted by the Name of Sir Timber, in the time of the late Usurper, cut a Chip out of his own Block, and made a Trencher of it, (he began early to deal in Timber) and with it waited upon the Usurper with great Diligence and Observance; and when any Fovours did appear ready to drop from his Highness' Bountiful Nose, he was always in readiness with his Obsequious Instrument to intercept the falls, and with great Care did pocket up those Pearls, not doubting but with them to piece up his broken Fortunes, and not be forced to Compound with his Creditors at Six Shillings the Pound, as afterwards he did: But his Master dying, and his hopes thereby disappointed, and the King returning, to Sir Richard's great Grief and Amazement, he quickly shifted the Scene, and being well trained up by his old Master, he took up his Principle Hypocrisy. And let the World go how it would, he thought that a fruitful Ingredient to a thriving Trade. The first Trial of Skill he made was this: The Convention being dissolved, he thought it his Interest to fall in with the King's Party, and to ingratiate himself with a worthy Gentleman of it, Sir William Teringham. Sir Richard went in his behalf to the Duke of Buckingham, (with whom he had some little Acquaintance when the Duke was in his Troubles) and did procure a Letter from the Duke to the Town of Buckingham, in the behalf of Sir William Teringham, to be chosen Burgess of the Town for the ensuing Parliament, and promised to deliver it himself, and negotiate with the Town in the behalf of the said Sir William; and because he would make his Addresses more acceptable, he did procure on Mr. Burton, a Creature of his own, who then lived in the Town, to let the Burgesses know he would build them a Town-Hall; and that they might have good Evidence of the truth of that Promise, great store of Timber was sent into Mr. Burton's Yard, and all hands were set at work for this Castle in the Air. After this Prologue, down came the Doughty Knight to Act his part, with the Duke's Letter in his Pocket, as his Credentials; but finding that Sir William Smith's Loyalty had engaged all the Burgesses for him, and that Sir Timber (for now you may so call him) was like to hue out no Burgeship for himself, in case he delivered the Duke's Letter in the behalf of his Friend Sir William Teringham, he pocketed up the Letter (as he had done the usurper's Pearls) which, as if it had been spirited into some Foreign Plantation, was never heard of more. Let us observe his proficiency in Hypocrisy as we go, from a Servant to, and Rebel with the Usurper, without any Recantation he immediately turned Cavalier, procured the Letter for Sir William Teringham: but when he found that would not promote but destroy his Design, he as quickly deserted and betrayed his new pretended Friend, and hocust the Letter into his Enchanted Castle.  
And yet finding that his Timber would not build up his Interest in that Town, unless he could prevail with Sir William Smith, to drive a Pin for him, he made use of divers of Sir William Smith's first Wives Relations (who was Sir Alexander Denson's Daughter, and thereby Sir Timber's near Kinswoman) to importune Sir William not to join with any other, but to permit Sir Timber to be his Partner; but all this would not have done, Mr. Dormer would have been too hard for him, if the Timber Argument had not prevailed above the 300 l pretended to be deposited by Mr. Dormer, and 300 l more promised by Sir William Smith. This Pamphleteer must needs deal with the Devil, or one of the lying Spirits of Ahab's Prophets was crept into him, otherwise, he could never have forged so notorious a Lie, both of the Dead and the Living: And I am persuaded Sir Timber himself, who wants neither Deceit nor Impudence, hath not Brass enough to face so wooden a Lie, which hath as little Sense as Truth. Six Hundred Pounds is such a Sum as would easily have broken his Timber Engine! Fallible Men seldom let go such Birds in hand. Well, upon this wooden Horse our Knight rides to Parliament, and that he might have some colour to appear there, he procured a Red Ribon to make him a Knight-Errant; but when he found it did in flame the Reckoning, although he went by Cheering, he returned by Weeping Cross: But he was resolved, per fas & nefas, to pick up his Crumbs. When he came first into Parliament he was much to seek, but a he had pretended to be, so he set up at first for a Royalist, but quickly perceiving his Error, and that that poor Party was like to get nothing, he betook himself to his old Friend the Trencher, and that Venom which he had sucked from his old Master the Usurper, or licked up under his Table, he threw about the House of Commons for NUISANCES; and never left vomiting his Poison until he got an Antidote of 
* Place in the Custom-house.  How he came by it to this day is not known, but most People think he got it by Enchantment, and that Satan, who was his Devil Father, when he was named Timber, helped him to it. This Potion was no sooner down, but it wrought as vehemently the other way, and he befouled the House with such stinking Matter, that they were forced to throw him out, otherwise they had all been in great danger of being poisoned. You have heard of some who have been possessed by the Devil, have vomited up Ink-horns, Pins, and Stones, etc. but this wooden Knight hath outdone them all. By virtue of the said Potion he hath shit out a mighty Fabric, by the help and assistance of a new sort of Sacrilege; for he hath stolen away the Parsonage-House that the Enchanted Castle might be all of a Piece, and that as the Foundation was laid by Treachery, it might be covered by Sacrilege. But this Potion hath served him as the Devil serves Witches, gives them great Gifts, but they are still Beggars: So this hath given him a great House, but taken away his Understanding. For never since he took it hath he spoken either Sense or Truth. If any other can be found like him, the Devil may take them both, and he shall find them more accomplished, and like himself, than any who have ever yet arrived at his Palace. I cannot close my Letter, until I have told you a little Story. Sir William Smith had a Tenant who owed him about 200 l this Tenant had a Sister who usually did lie in Sir Timber's Chamber, and when the said Potion wrought, and made his Belly ache, she came and laid a Plaster of warm Guts to the place, and after a while it gave him ease, and he lay very still and quiet all the Night. At other times she gave him a Clyster, and when she was out of Order, he gave her another: This kind interchange procured some advantage to the Brother. For Sir William Smith coming kindly to visit Sir Timber, being his Neighbour, immediately after he was married, and having some discourse with him in private, about the Tenant's Debt, the said Sir Timber, contrary to all Humanity and the Rules of Hospitality, swore in Court (I was by and heard, otherwise could not have delivered it) that Sir William Smith should tell him, At that time when he came to visit him, that for 50 l he had released the whole Debt; this I have heard Sir William protest, and I believe it was notoriousty false; but had it been true to betray the private Discourse of a Neighbour, who in kindness came to visit him, could have been done by none but a Man who had taken the Devil's Potion. Let every one beware of him, for it is safer coming into a Pest-house than his.  
This Narrative is known to Hundreds of People, and needs no other Evidence, but the Declaring of it, which I held myself bound in Conscience to do, for the vindication of Truth; but I will be deposed I never heard Sir William Smith speak one word of it but this, That he had no such Discourse with Sir Timber in private, as he swore in public.  
FINIS.