A new PLAY Called canterbury His Change of Diet. Which showeth variety of wit and mirth: privately acted near the Palace-yard at Westminster. Inth uth 1 Act, the Bishop of Canterbury having variety of dainties, is not satisfied till he be fed with tippets of men's ears. 2 Act, he hath his nose held to the grindstone. 3 Act, he is put into a bird Cage with the Confessor. 4 Act, The Jester tells the King the Story. Printed Anno Domini, 1641. THE FIRST ACT. Enter the Bishop of Canterbury, and with him a Doctor of Physic, a Lawyer, and a Divine; who being set down, they bring him variety of Dishes to his Table, CAnterbury, is here all the dishes, that are provided? Doct. My Lord, there is all: and 'tis enough, wert for a PRINCE's table, there's 24. several dainty dishes, and all rare. B, Cant. Are these rare: no, no, they please me not, Give me a Carbinadoed cheek or a tippet of a cock's comb: None of all this, here is meat for my Pallet. Lawyer. My Lord, here is both Cock and Pheasant, Quail and Partridge, and the best varieties the shambles yield. B. Cant. Shambles, I am not tied to such a strait, Give not me common things, that are in the shambles; Let me have of the rarest dainties, dressed after the Italian fashion. Divine. My Lord, here are nothing but rarities; please you to give me leave to crave a blessing, That your Lordship may fall too and eat. My Lord, is it your pleasure I shall. B. Cant. you vex me, He knocking there enter divers Bishops with muskets on their necks, bandoliers, and swords by their sides. Ho, ho, come away, These Rascals torment me. Bishop. What is the matter my Lord: wherefore do you call us. Cant. call you quoth I: It is time to call I think, when I am fain to wait: Nay call and ask, yet cannot have what I desire. Bishop. What would you have my Lord? Cant. Them fellows, bring them to me. Doct. What will your Lordship do with me. The Doctor is brought to him. Cant. Only cut off your ears. Doct. That would be an unchristian action, a practice without a precedent. O cruelty, tyranny! Hold me, hold me, or else I die: He cuts of his ears. Heavens support me under this tyrant. Cant. Come Lawyer, your two ears will make me. He cuts of the lawyer's ears. That is almost a little dish for rarity. Divine. Will your Lordship be so cruel. Then he cuts of the Divines ears. Our blood will be required at your hands. Cant. This I do, to make you examples, That others may be more careful to please my palate. Henceforth, let my servants know: that what I will, I will have done, whate'er is under heaven's Sun. He sends them all away, and commands the ears to be dressed for his supper, and after a low curtsy, follows himself. Exeunt. The second Act. Enter the Bishop of Canterbury into a carpenter's yard by the water side, where he is going to take water, and seeing a grindstone, draweth his knife, and goeth thither to whet it, and the Carpenter follows him. Carpenter. What makes your Grace here, my Lord. Cant. My knife is something dull friend: Therefore I make bold to sharpen it here, Because an opportunity is here so ready. Carp. Excuse me, Sir, you shall not do it: What reason have you to sharpen your knife on my stone: you'll serve me, as you did the other three? No, stay! I'll make you free of the grindstone, before you go away. He ties his nose to the grindstone Cant. Oh man what do you mean. Carpen. Hold down your head, it will blood you bravely; By the brushing of your nostrils, you shall know what the paring of an ear is, Turn Boy. The Carpenters boy turns the stone, and grinds his nose. Cant. O hold, hold, hold. Turn, qd. I, here is turning indeed, such turning will soon deform my face: O I bleed, I bleed, and am extremely sore.. Carp. But who regarded hold before, remember the cruelty you have used to others, whose blood cries out for vengeance. Were not their ears to them, as precious as your nostrils can be to you If such dishes must be your fare, let me be your Cook, I'll invent you rare sippets. jesuit. Right Reverend Sir, What makes your Grace In such a sad condition? Enter a jesuit, a Confessor, and washeth his face with Holy water, and bind up his sore in a cloth. B. Cant. 'tis sad indeed, time was, when all the land was swayed by me: But I am now despised, bound fast, and scorned you see? What shall I do for ease. jesuit. I'll try conclusions for you; I'll go in to him, & to his wife; I'll woo them both, I'll speak them fair, I'll tell them things they never knew, & if I can, I will procure your liberty: That so your Grace, may escape this danger. B. Cant, There will be great difficulty in it? What shall I do, my joys are gone; My face defaced, and all my comforts left. jesuit. Fear not, there is yet hope: comfort yourself. I have a force, may chance, make Rome to flourish: That your grey hairs, may once more sit in Glory, Which England little dreams of. The Carpenter ties the Bishop, and leads him away. The third Act. Enter the Bishop of Canterbury, and the jesuit in a great Bird Cage together, and a fool standing by, and laughing at them, Ha, ha, ha, ha, who is the fool now. Carpenter's wife. O good husband, put in these Cormorants into this Cage; They that have cut of ears at the first bout, God knows what they may cut off next: put them in, put them in. Cant. What mean you by this, He takes the Cage, and puts them into it. Carpenter. Only to teach you to sing. Iesuite. Alas. we cannot sing, we are not Nightingales. Carpen. wife. Come, come, husband; we'll make them sing, before they come out again: A Blackbird, and a Canary-bird, will sing best together. Cant. Why should they be so strict to us. Iesuite. Yet if we still abide it: though we die, we die in honour, Our merits we shall leave for others' wants, when we are gone. Carpen. Mirth quoth I: If Tower-hill and Tyburn had their due, We should have less Jesuites, and fewer Masspriests? There is many a man, that have merited a rope, That have not yet met with an halter. Exeunt, The fourth Act. Enter the King and his Jester. jester. O my King ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I cannot forbear laughing. King. Why what is the matter Sirrah; jester. O the strangest sight, that ever I saw, They have put the B. of Canterbury, & the Confessor into a Cage together. Did you ever see the like, The one looks like a Crow, and the other like a Magpie: I waited long to hear them sing, and at last they did, King. What note did they sing, jester. What note, I am sure it was 9 Notes and an half lower than they use to sing at Court. King. What was the Song, Iest. One sung thus: I would I was at Court again for me, Than the other answered, I would I was at Rome again with thee King. Well sirrah, you will never leave your flouts. Jest. If I should, my Liege, I were not fit to be a Jester. Exeunt. The Gig between a Paritor and the fool. PAritor, What news sir, what news, I pray you know you, Fool, Correction doth wait sir, to catch up his due. Par. His due sir, what's that, I pray you tell me, Fool' not blue cap, nor red cap, but cap of the See, Par. What caps are these pray you, shall I never know, Fool' The caps that would us, and our Church overthrow, They both sing, O welladay, welladay, what shall we do then. we'll wear tippet fool caps, and never undo men. Paritor, Did you never hear pray, of Lambeth great Pair. Where white puddings were sold for two shillings a pair. Fool, Yes Sir I tell you I heard it and wept, I think you are broke e'er since it was kept, Par. Broke I am not, you fool I am poor. Fool, your master is sick you are turned out of door, They both sing, O welladay, welladay, etc. Paritor, I might have been jester once as well as you, Fool) you jested too much, which now you do rue, Par. wherein have I jested, like a fool in place, Fool, to work projects for such, who practice disgrace, Par. you fool will not profit make any thing done, Fool, such profit make fools, son after to run, Both together, O welladay, welladay, etc. FINIS.