A New-Years-Gift FOR TOWZER.  
Being a Strange and Monstrous Beast sent from Pluto by his Ambassador Belphegor to R. L. S. having Twelve Heads, and on every Head a Thousand Horns; With a Description of the Beast, and an Explanation of the several Names of the Heads of the Monster.  
UPon the intimation of Belphegor, at a grand Consult held in Pluto's Infernal Palace, the Black Hall of Erebus, of the great and many Services, a certain instrument of his black Highness had done for the good of his said Highness, and for the benefit and advancement of the Affairs of his Kingdom, in disturbance of the peace, tranquillity and unity of the People where he dwells, by Talking and Writing; it being now a time, in which his sooty Highness used to gratify his ready Servants, he caused Belphegor to take a certain Beast out of his own Stable, for a Present to be sent to R.L.S. his dearly beloved instrument, to show his gratitude, and to encourage his said Instrument and Operator to proceed; and an Order was, by the said Counsel, drawn up, for a Pass for Belphegor, to go as Pluto's Ambassador, to present this Strange infernal Hobby-Horse (on which Pluto sometimes used himself to ride, when he went a Maggot-hunting) on the upper Stage of the World, to his beloved R.L.S. which rare beast was received, by the said useful instrument of his infernal Highness, with great respect, at the hands of his Ambassador Belphegor, acknowledging the high honour done him by many humble Remonstrances, promising to continue, to the utmost of his power, his most humble Servant. And having feasted Belphegor with the fumes of Cit and Bumpkin, and some other the like Regalios, and returned as a Present to his dark Highness, 3000 Observations in 82 Volumes, with an humble Petition for a Licencers Place in Tartarus, and a promise how diligent he would be in his Office, he dismissed Belphegor to his satisfaction, and he caused his Strange Beast, or 12 headed Monster to be locked up in his Aviary or Birdcage, in which he used to keep his harmonious, airy Notions, against whose Wires he used to rub the St. Gyles' cat's Noses, and where he causes him to be daily fed with Dissenters Livers, and Protestant Hearts, and where he is to be seen by all the World for a Penny a time, twice a Week, but on holidays at a Groat or Six Pence.  
This Beast is of a Motley Breed being begot by Cerberus on Pope Joan; it has much the shape of his Father, somewhat bodied like a Dog, but spotted like a Leopard, with the Claws of a Lion, and Tail of a Bear; instead of Three Heads he has a whole Jury of Twelve, on one great Neck like a Bulls. He has somewhat of his Dam in some of his Heads, having a Masked Face, and a kind of a Romish Voice, belonging to most of them. He is perpetually in motion, almost night and day, and ever since the Squire has had him, he flies about his Cage like a Squirrel: He desires very much to have some of the Breed, and has sent to the Tower, by Madam Celiers, for some of the Monsters there kept, that they may copulate to have Issue, and that he might have something new to show his infernal Highness, when he shall appear before him. The conditions of this Beast are somewhat Strange, for he will fawn on his Master like a Spaniel; but if he sees a Whig or Protestant Dissenter, he grows outrageous, and so turbulent and restless, barking, roaring and chattering, that he is enough to affright one that does not know him; his heads sleep by turns, some of them are ever on the Watch, making faces and grimaces, turning themselves into several mimical postures and shapes. He is very cruel where he can fix his Paws, and will devour 10 men at a Meal, if he could come at them. He hides his Claws like a Cat, till he can seize his Prey, and then he seldom let's go without drawing Blood. Do but whistle the Tune of a Parliament, he pricks up his Ears, stretches out his Tail, his hair stands Tail up an end, he ruffs the Wind like a Wild Bull, and runs about as if he were mad; but if you name Ignoramus, being some Spell that works upon him, he falls a farting, that you may hear him from the upper end of Holborn as far as Wapping: He has several other Qualities too tedious to rehearse: but when he is best pleased, he runs butting with his 12000 Horns against every object; show him but a Pamphlet, and he runs at it with might and main, his Heads are harder than a Roman Ram, and for a Wakeman Bribe he has promised the F. Ambassador to lend it to his Master to beat down the Walls of Luxenburgh; but he is first, as an Essay of his Strength, to overthrow a thing called Government at home, which is very strong and well-set and at which he is continually butting, though as yet he has been able to effect little; some having exposed against his Horns whole Reams of Paper, defended by Charms wrote in Ink, and Printed upon them, which oftentimes sets him on his Tail, to observe another opportunity. His general name is Towzer, (some call him Trinkelo): some say he is a Mongrel, some a Mastiff, some a Bull-Dog, others that he is but a Whiffling Cur, but I have already told you his Extraction, though I cannot tell you who first gave him the name of Towzer. His 12 Heads have 12 several names, and are of several Natures, which I shall explain to you, belonging to the Dog Towzer, under which name all are comprehended.  
The first Head is called Hodge, and he no sooner hears himself called upon, but he presently opens his Mouth, and belches out Rogue, Rascal, Villain, Traitor, Whig, Dissenter, Rebel, with a thousand the like Names: This Head Towzer made use of to invent Cit and Bumpkin to abuse both City and Country; 'tis a Clownish name under a gentle garb, and seems as full of Courtship as of ill manners; can when he pleases, give good words, as well as ill speeches; this Head has the face of a Buffoon on one side, and of a Statesman on the other, and has a double row of Teeth in his mouth, with which he chews Plots, till they come out of his Mouth all Mealy, as if they had been in the Meal-Tub. Speak of a Popish Plot and he seems mealy mouthed, and licks the Five Jesuits Speeches into the Shape of Innonency; speak of a Presbyterian Plot, and Hodge gapes and shows you on the Top of his Tongue in great Letters branded Forty Eight, and slaps a Pottle of Foam on your Face, enough to poison you.  
The second Head of Towzer is named Don Rugiero Knight of the Lying Oracle: It is a long name, having one of the Seven deadly Sins for his Godfather: This is a most useful Head, for without it Towzer could do nothing. He much admires himself in this virtuous Head, and values himself much upon his ingenuity; 'tis a kind of a Gygantine Head, erected with as much Pride and Gravity as a Bon of Spain: he is still belching out Lies, Stories, Untruths mixed with many Fables, Romances, De Quevedoes, with some Blasphemies intermixed. There is in it a great Talkative Devil which will not leave chattering from one end of the Week to the other, and yet hardly speaks one word, of truth in all that time.  
The next head is called Observator, (near of Kin to the Knight of the Craving Fob, which is a far more cogent argument for plaguing the world with his Pamphlets than all the Loyalty he boasts of) and this I assure you the Beast Towzer is not a little proud of, carrying it alof in the air, though it has but the brains of a Butterfly. Twice a week this head speaks, he has not spoken above 82 times in all his life, but then he claws away the whigs, and the Protestant Dissenters, and is almost continually crying between whiles Bew Waw, Waw, 41, 41 have a care of 41. This Observator has very little, but sharp eyes, he can see through a Millstone, and spy a mote no bigger than the claw of a Flea, in a Dissenters Conscience. This head has a Devilish swallow, ten thousand Non-conformists will not fill his Gorge, and swarms of Presbyterians are no more to him then a few Sprats in a Whale's belly. He keeps a continual Watch upon the motion of a Whigs tail: they can scarce piss for him, and nothing can be done in Town or Country but he observes it: he holds this head sa high as the Dragon on Bow, and is something like him, often varying his point, yet hard as Iron, not to be wrought upon by sense or reason. Old Nick allows this head a pension of Silver Sops, to make him long wound, or else they say he had long since lest yelping. Upon his Tongue lies a thick foam of Malice and Revenge, which is a kind of Man-bane, and is as poisonous as Aconite. There is a certain laughing fellow, with his two men Jest and Earnest, that with sponges wipes it from his mouth, which they squeeze into a Dialogue to poison the people.  
The name of the next head is Puss Flogger, he seems to be somewhat younger than the rest, yet some say it is at least 40 years old, and that it was given him by the women; but of late Towzer having worried the St. Gyles' Cats, who came a Caterwauling to him, when he was grown past Action, they give him that name. It has a very Tyrannical look, and something like Bonner, when he whipped the man in his Coal hole: Speak to him and he presently spits in your face, and shows a row of sharp teeth like saws, and cries, Put the Laws in Execution, whip the Dissenting Cats, Claw 'um away with Ropes and Halters, Fire & Faggot: Against the Popish Successor come he has got a petition drawn & ready printed by N. T. to be general Whipmaster of the Heretics.  
The next head was named by Towz●rs own self, all the other heads put on it the title of Guide to the inferior Clergy: This has a kind of a Pedants face, very proud, self conceited, foolish, and ridiculous, and upon it a square Cap; he nods gravely if he sees a young Gown man, speaks sentences, and if he be a Tantivy, gently licks him over the face: He draws Rules with his mouth, and barks continually of the Church of England, but when he gapes he shows Rome in his Throat, and a Pope & Cardinals in Procession;  
Then the 6th. head eminently shows itself above the rest, called the Popish Masquerader. This is a very Devil in a Doublet, with a black Mask before his face, with a Cankered tongue: ●olling out of its mouth, with a thousand little State flies sucking its venom, which they disperse buzzing in Sam's Coffee House: on his forehead is writ in Capital Letters, A Church of England Christian: he has a great Roman nose which snout he thrusts out of his Masque. If he sees a Jesuit he barks, A Divine. If he sees a Nonconformist Minister he falls a howleing Rebel, Traitor, & Devil, with such Hellish & hideous roars, that he out does Cerberus: He has three forked Tongues, one p●a●e in Mode and Figure of the Church of England established by Law: The other hisses with a gentle note, against Rome hardly to be heard; the other howls, curses and Banns Calvin, and his adherents: He is often given to belching of Presbyterian Plots, and the sight of a certain Doctor makes him disgorge, I know not how many things called sham's, to cover a Popish Plot. He is still slavering at the mouth, and they say he wants wormeing, which none dares undertake, unless the Devil would hold his Tongue with a pair of pincers, for it cuts like a saw, being harder than a file, sharp as a razor, with this he licks up a Man's good name, and grinds it with Slander. He often chews the Cud like a clean beast: and ruminates on a word till it becomes trite: True-Protestant he sends up with Hyckups, and g●pes sometimes as if he had the Pip: He has six sets of Teeth, with which he grinds the Protestant Pamphleteers to powder: A set of Protestant Booksellers and a packet from Rome with a Protestant Observator in sippits is an Oglio he much feeds on till he surfeits, and then the next day he is sure to vomit nothing but Ink gall, and vinegar: Sometimes he grins, but 'tis always at some unlucky accident, or at a Lie of the Loyal Intelligences making; which he will with his foreteeth dissect most artificially. His mouth is as good as a Microscope, it will magnify a gnat to the bigness of a Pegasus, and shred you out an Address, till 'tis heardly to be fathomed. He is apt to bark in his sleep, and if any body awakens him, he falls on howling & disturbs the whole Town again. Nothing will quiet him but the name of a Parliament, and then he shrinks his head into his belly, and turns into the Netherlands.  
The next is a Pe●t-head with a whimsical face, something like that usually Car'vd at the end of a Violin, or a base Viol, and he is called Fiddler: he is always making of mouths in Symphony; he observes his Crotchets, and sometimes sings a Santas beyond Ela. He pricks up his ears, & shakes his horns, if he hears the name of old Nol. He is given to play too much of one Time Forty One which he squeeks out with a hideous noise and turning up his nose like a Bull after he has smell to the tail of a Cow. He has all the motions of a Jack pudding, and his Chaps make as good Music as the gridiron & tongs. He loves to be a ●ir●d and pointed at, though his voice is grown very hearse of late, in singing Absolom & Achitophel. He loves much to have a Fidleing Dialogue in his Mouth, and naturally whisles Questions and Answers.  
The Title of the next is Cr●c● fart, and is ever making a noise like a Cart wheel that wants greasing. He has an horrible stinking breath, and smells worse than a Jakes that is new emptied. His Chap are blown up like a bladder, out of which he squeezes Papistical farts, to blow away the Protestant cause, and now and then he pours out whole peals against an Ignoramus Jury: He is like Boreas ever blustering, and looks as big at a Criminal Printer, as Aeolus himself. At first at the Cracking of his farts the people were afraid, thinking at thundered, but since they have been used to it, they are no more concerned then at Hooting of an Owl. The Hawkers (a certain kind of squeaking Animals) adore this head and worship it like the golden head of daniel's Image, gathering his farts together in paper sheets, which they vent for brass farthings.  
The next Head, once glorious and brisk, now hangs on o●e side, as if listening for the coming of S. George on Horseback out of the North; This Head is called the Press-Inqu●sitor. He has been very sick of late, being given over by the State-Quacks; dying Yexes appearing: But this Head being shaved by a Jesuitical Razor, and a Cap of quilted Hops put Plaster wise upon it, the poor thing gins to leer a little on one side. The Name of a Protestant Printer, or a private Press makes him start: One Mad ●n Joan is now his best Nurse since he could do no good on the Printers Wife, for she denied him a Sop in the Pan which he longed for. He hath made a League with the Pope's Printer, and both sometimes drink together out of the Hoof of an Ass: He is apt to dream, and then in his sleep acts the part of a ●ust-asse among the Printers, but when he awakes and finds it a Dream, he grows sick and falls a spewing.  
The next is an indefatigable Head that never winks, and is called the Pope's Secretary. He writes Dialogues, Appeals, Histories, Observations, and a thousand other things— with his Tongue; at the end of which he carries a Goose-quill, like the sting of a Wasp; this he dips into a hole in his nether Chap, filled with Infernal Ink, mixed with Venom of Toads, Spiders, and Asps, and then draws Characters, Satyrs, and Observations on Dissenters. He is an Head of Dispatch; and will do more in an hour, than Coleman could in three months. He was born with his Goose-quill in his mouth, which is perpetually wagging, and writes faster than he who wrote with his feet. He is to dictate for the Secretary of State, when the Pope sets up his Throne in the Western Island, and till than he is fain to write for a small Pension. He employs several under-Scribes that are lodged in a certain Office called N●wgate, who sometimes turn his Railing into Dogril.  
The next Head of this Monster is of Kin to the last, and is called the Dissenters Register. He is a very filthy Beast, and has a very black Tongue, foul with licking of Sinks, Dunghills, Jakes, and Leistals; He lives upon Carrion; and is so greedy, that with his Teeth he d●gs persons out of their Graves: He seeks after Rottenness; and a wicked or unclean saying makes him laugh again; He has an excellent memory, and can quote you all the abominations since Adam. He has them by rote, and can sing them Dialogue-wise: 'Tis a snarling Cur, and snaps at every Body. He understands the Language of the Beast, and would have Obscenity to be placed among the Liberal Sciences; he has for all that but an hanging look, and gins to be troubled with a Lethargy.  
The last Head looks almost like an Irish Evidence, and squints as bad upon the Peace of the Government; 'Tis a bold, saucy, impudent, malapert Head; and is called Tory: He makes a rumbling noise like a Wheel-barrow: his mouth is full of Oaths and Curses; and God damn me is his hourly Litany; He has a prodigious mouth, and a great head, which is stuffed with Rodomontades; Whig is his Eternal Enemy which he hates as much as Cain did his Brother, and whom he would devour if he could come at him. He is a very carnivorous Cannibal; and would make an Irish Meal of all the Whigs in Christendom. Name Geneva and he grows mad, and troublesome to all his Brother-Heads: Rome is the only Antidote for his Distemper, which he adores as the Elephant does the Moon. He loves neither Parliaments, nor Juries; and cries out, the King is as Absolute as the great Turk. He is of a Torrid and cruel Aspect, yet they say he is a mere Coward. He loves not Magna Charta. The Names of Property, Rights, and Privileges of the People, will put him into a fit of yelling not A. P— t. for Sr. R. Kt. and Bt. cause that's to be kept private until a meet season to divulge it (which is not to be stopped by any means, but by slinging a Sirreverence into his mouth,) and then he falls on sputtering as if you had done him an injury. He loves to gulp down Healths, and then to belch up Faction: There is a flame steaming from his mouth, which he calls the Bane of Heretics. He makes a great noise, and looks always as if he was drunk: He would be thought to roar like a Lion, but his Voice resembles the Braying of an Ass: He loves noise and confusion, and greedily desires to set the World together by the Ears; He cries up the Bishops, and the Church of England, but secretly receives Sops from Jesuits and Priests, and hopes only in the Pope and a Popish Successor.  

This TOWZER is, who is a Monster grown;  
Has now Twelve Heads, who once had half a one:  
At first appeared like a Cub of Bear or Ape;  
But now you see's licked himself to shape:  
Sure, 'Tis monstrous or 'tis STRANGE at least,  
So many Heads should stand upon one BEAST.  
One Halter once he broke, and ran away,  
Two Halters now will hardly make him stay;  
Take up the Protestant Puss, and safely house her,  
For on hot scent runs the Hell hound Towzer.   

POSTSCRIPT.  
That we may fully inform the Reader how Suitable this great present is in Humours and Qualities to the Person which the Beast is presented unto; I have recited this following description which was sent after him, during the Session of the last Parliament, that sat at Westminster.   

A HUE and CRY  
AFter a Strange old Yorkish-Tike, full of Black and Blue, Red and Yellow Spots, of a Motley, Dun, Brindle, Ill-livered Colour, neither Mastiff, Mongrel, Tumbler, Lap-Dog, nor Setter, Bull-Dog or Bear-Dog, Woolf-Dog or Sheep-biter, But all of them: Of a Strange amphibious Nature, lives on land or on water, in Court or in Kennel, run away from his Master about the twenty sixth— seen on Saturday last behind a Coach between Sam's Coffe-house, and Madam Celliers. Whoever hath or shall take him up, have especial care of him, (unless you know his ill qualities) for he has a thousand Dog-tricks (viz.) to fetch for the Papists, carry for the Protestants, whine to the King, dance to Noll's fiddle, fawn on the Courtier, leap at their Crusts, wag his tail at all bitches, hunt counter to the Plot, Tongue-Pad the Evidence, and cringe to the Crucifix; but above all this, he has one damned old trick of slipping the Halter: If there be any that can give notice of this dangerous Cur, to the men in Authority (who hath been several days in Grand Quest after him) or bring him (if he be not already) to the sign of the Pope's Demi-Culverin, next door to the Masquerade Committee, in the Street of St. Lud. or to the Tantivy Abhorrers, at the Levitical-Club-house, in Ave-Mary-Alley, so that he may be tied up from his meat, for the good of the Public, he will do his Country good service, the Protestants Right, the Law Justice, the K. a kindness, undeceive the Church, and himself a mighty favour in obtaining the marks Royal, of a Loyal true English man, a right good Protestant, and a hearty lover of his K. and Country; all which shall be paid him down (on the spot) for his honest care and pains.    

LONDON: Printed for E, Harrison, 1682.