twelvemonth, thou hast lost thy complexion, by too much study. Why thou shalt be an heir and rule the roost of half a shire, if thy Father would but die once, come to the Assizes with a band of janissaries to equal the grand Signior, all thy tenants shall at their own charge make themselves fine & march, like Cavaliers with tilting feathers gaudy as Agamemnon's in the play after whom thou like a St George on horse back, or the high Sheriff, shalt make the Country people fall down in Adoration of thy crupper & silver stirrup, my right worshipful. A pox on buckram and the luggage in it, papers defiled with court hand and long dashes or secretary lines, that straddle, more than Frenchmen, and less wholesome to the client! Is thy head to be filled with Proclamations rejoinder & hard words beyond the alchemist? Be ruled, and live like a fine Gentleman, that may have hawks, and hounds, and whores; and horses, and than thou art fit Company.  Court. 
You talk wildly; I would you saw your error; that place all your happiness upon such course delights I should degenerate, and too much forfeit my education.  Saek. 
Education? he has got a tune; I do not think but thou wilt leave thy law, And exercise thy talon in compassing some Treatises against long-hair & drinking that most unchristian weed, yclept Tobacco: preach to the Punies of the Inn sobriety & abstinence from shaving of lewd Bailiffs that will come shortly to your chamber doors & there with reverence entreat your worships come forth and be arrested: precious tadpoles: I would not willingly despair of thee; for thy Land's sake and cause I am thy Countryman: one generous vagary, if thou wert wise, would break some bodies heard, within a seven night, & than thou art lord of all; have but the grace to dine with me at the Tavern, and I'll tell thy Friends, there is some hope.  Court. 
My Friends.  Sack. 
Thy Father is in Essex, if he live, he will, purchase Rumford if he die sooner, than the Town's our own, Spend but an acre a day and thou mayest live till all the world be weary of thee; between, us too, what think you of a wench?  Court. 
Nothing.  Sack. 
You mean, one wench between us too is nothing; I know a hundred leverets; things that will bound like a dancer on the rope, and kiss thee in thy natural Complexion; a sinner that will climb thee like a squirrel.  Court. 
And crack me as a nut; I have no kernel to spare for her sweet tooth.  Sack. 
That was a metaphor; he is not desperate.  Court. 
Buy 'my dear Captain.  Sack. 
Why farewell Countryman. I may live to see thy conversion. Exit.  Enter Footman. Court. 
How does my Uncle.  Foot. 
He desires presently to speak with you at his lodging.  Court. 
I'll attend him. Exeunt.  Enter Underwit and Thomas. Vnd. 
And hast thou been careful of all those things I gave in charge to be provided?  Tho. 
There is a note of the particulars.  Vnd. 
'tis very well done, Thomas, let me see, Inprimis.  Tho. 
The Captain will not fail to be with you Sir, he was not at his lodging, and enquiring at the horn Tavern, I heard he had been there with two or three citizens that owed him money.  Vnd. 
That he owed money too.  Tho. 
'tis all one I think; Sir; for when Captains have not pay, Creditors may pay themselves, here they said, he did mollify the heart of the haberdasher, & drank himself a little mellow ere they parted which gave me some hope I might find him ere night, at the devil, where indeed I fetched him out of the fire, and gave him your letter.  Vnd. 
And the gold too.  Tho. 
That was the first word He read, if you had written it in text, he could not have found it out so soon, his eye was no sooner on the inside, but his arm flew out with an open month, and his very fingers ends cried give me the gold which presuming to be weight he put into his hocus-pocus a little dormer under his right skirt, and so taking his word to come down and turning over your horse to him, with some caution, not to be drunk and forget your, worship, I took my leave and went about my Inventory.  und 
These things are very right Thomas, let me see now the books of Martial discipline.  Tho. 
I bought up all that seem to have relation to war and fighting.  Vnd. 
That was well done; well done; Item the Sword-salve.  Tho. 
Sir if you be hurt you need go no further than the blade for A surgeon.  Vnd. 
The Buckler of faith.  Tho. 
You had the sword before, Sir.  Vnd. 
A book of Mortification.  Tho. 
I Sir, that is A kind of killing, which I thought very necessary for A Captain.  Vnd. 
Item the Book of Cannons; Shakespeare's works. Why Shakespeare's works?  Tho. 
I had nothing for the Pike men before.  Vnd. 
They are plays.  Tho. 
Are not all your musterings in the Country so, Sir? pray read on.  Vad. 
Bellarmine's Controversies, in six Tomes.  Tho. 
That I took upon the stationer's word, who had been A pretty scholar at Paul's; for the word Bellarmine, he said, did comprehend war, weapons & words of defiance Ill words provoke men to draw their swords and fighting makes an end of the business and all this is controversies, pray go on Sir.  Vnd. 
Two pair of Tables; Tables? for what?  Tho. 
Oh Sir for tick-tack; you know it was in my note, which though I doubted at first yet considering you were newly made A Captain I conceive it was fit you should learn to set & order your men.  Vnd. 
Tactics man; thou didst mistake: they are books of war.  Tho. 
You cannot know these from books as they are painted I warrant you.  Vnd. 
Why dost thou think these will make A Soldier.  Tho. 
Not of themselves, Sir, and therefore I provided; please you read on Sir.  Vnd. 
Parson's resolutions; & Feltham's Resolves.  Tho. 
All is nothing, I know Sir without resolution.  Vnd. 
Somma totalis 23. 19. and 7. thou hast undone me.  Tho. 
If you do not like the penny worths; 'tis but the charges of myself and a horse again to London: I will lose but the three odd pounds nineteen shillings & sevenpence. It may be you do not understand these Authors; when the Captain comes, he will expound them to you.  Vnd. 
What a Coxcomb have I to my man? but I dare not be angry with him, well, carry them into my study; Thomas. Exit.  Enter Device. Dev. 
My most honoured Captain.  Vnd. 
My complete Monsieur Device: This is a grace to us; you come to visit your Mistress my cousin:  Enter Lady, Sister, & Dorothy. 
And see as if by instinct, she had knowledge of your approach, she is come to meet you: shall I never get opportunity with that she waiter. If I get her with child my man Thomas shall marry her.  Enter Thomas. Tho. 
Sir the Captain is newly alighted.  Vnd. 
Get a bottle of sack up to my chamber presently.  Lad. 
You are a Gentleman of your word.  Sist. 
And such a Gentleman is to be trusted:  Dev. 
He is an Infidel Madam, that will break his word with A Lady.  Sist. 
I suspect servant you have many Mistresses.  Dev. 
Nor by this white hand, I must acknowledge there are some Ladies in the court in whose eyes & opinions I am favoured; I cannot obscure myself from their observations: but my heart with contempt of all other endearments, is only devoted to your service.  Sist. 
Is it not a charge to dress yourself in such varieties of Ribbons every day?  Dev. 
Is that your scruple? 'tis the mode to express our fancy upon every occasion; to show the turn, or present state of our hopes or fears in our affections. Your colours, to an understanding lover, carry the interpretation of the heart, as plainly as we express our meaning one to another in Characters. Shall I decipher my colours to you now; here is Azure & peach. Azure is constant, and peach is love; which signifies my constant affection.  Lad. 
A pretty Moral.  Dev. 
It saves the trouble of writing, where the Mistress and servant are learned in this Amorous Blazon, yesterday I wore fuille-mote; greedeline; and Isabella; fuille-mote is withered, greedeline is absent, and Isabella is beauty: which put together expressed, I did wither or languish for your absent beauty.  Sist. 
But is there any reason for their distinctions?  Dev. 
Yes Lady for example, your fuille-mote is a withered leaf; which does moralize decay; your yellow is joy, because:—  Lad. 
Why yellow Sir is jealous.  Dev. 
Noah it is your lemon colour, a pale kind of yellow is jealous; your yellow is perfect joy: your white is death, your milk white Innocent, your Black mourning, your orange spiteful, your flesh colour lascivious, your maid-blush envy, your red is defiance, your gold avaritious, your straw, plenty, your grass green, hope; your sea green Innocent, your violet, religious; your willow, forsaken.  Sist. 
we may then commit a solecism & be strangely interpreted by some curious expounders in the rash election and wearing of our colours, I perceive.  Lad. 
'tis pity but there should be some books written for our instructions in this Art.  Dev. 
Your Hieroglyphic was th' Egyptian wisdom. Hebrews had their cabal; the Romans had their symbol; and impreze, & Emblem, but these are absolute. Your modern Invention of Character, an Alphabetical key trite and conspicuous your motto or rebus, too open, and demonstrative but the science and curiosity of your Ribbons, is not only instructive but an ornament, and the nearest commentator of love, for as love is entertained first by the eye, or, to speak more plain, as the object affected is took in first by these optics, which receive the species of things coloured & beautified, so it is answerable to nature that in the progress of our passion we should distinguish by our eye the change or constancy of our affections, in Apt, and significant colours.  Sist. 
You have taken pains, to study this learned Blazon.  Dev. 
It is the only gentile knowledge; or Philosophy in the world: I will undertake to open any man or woman's heart:—  Lad. 
Heaven for bid.  Dev. 
Tell the most secret imaginations & designs, conclude every passion and scruple if they be but careful to observe the Artificial Method of their Colours.  Sist. 
Why this may be a way of fortune telling too.  Dev. 
You say right Lady. Physiognomy & Chiromancy are but mere trifles your geomancy mere conjectural, the erection of your scheme circumstantial, and fallible: but your quaint a la Mode wear of your fancy, more than Astrological.  Lad. 
'tis a kind of divinity.  Dev. 
You say true Madam, & comes near to prophetical, if the minds of Ladies and Gentlemen were elevated to the sublime consideration.  Sist. 
What pains he takes to be ridiculous? Aside.  Dor. 
This Gentleman has a notable fancy, and talks Poetically.  Sist. 
Yes; yes; he can make Verses.  Dor. 
Well I have red Authors in my days and knew the length of the Poets in my time too which was an Hexameter, and which A Pentameter, but the wits are not, as they have been, right and straight.  Sist. 
Why Dorothy.  Dor. 
Why because wind is the cause of many things, now if the wind be not in the right corner, it is, the ill wind, the proverb speaks of, which blows nobody good; for when vapours and wind fly up into the head it cannot be in two places at one time and that is the reason your men of most wit do seldom love A woman. But here comes my Master and Sir Francis.  Enter Sir Richard; Sir Francis and Master Courtwell. Sir Rich. 
This is a double honour to us Sir Francis; I shall want language, but not A friendly heart, to entertain you and your noble Kinsman. What my exquisite Cavalier Device? 'tis to no purpose. I see, to remove into the Country, to save charges and be quiet, the whole City will come hither, if I stay: I have no stomach to my court knight. Aside.  Fran. 
I hope Madam, you will be no Enemy to my Kinsman.  Lad. 
Sister I present this Gentleman; observe & cherish him; he has been in the university.  Sist. 
Any degree Sir?  Court. 
Only bachelor, forsooth.  Sir Rich. 
If he win you to marriage; Lady quicksilver.  Sist. 
He will be Master of his Art.  Sir Rich. 
My vote is for him.  Dev. 
I like not the induction of this Rival.  Sir Rich. 
He studies the law: and that is the next high way to preferment, Sister.  Sist. 
Indeed it is the high way in which some deliver up their purses: he may climb to scarlet, but that he has too good a face:  Dev. 
Sir, I hope—  Sir Rich. 
Troth do not Sir; I mean trouble yourself, he is too bashful to prevail upon your spirited Mistress. let's leave them.  Enter Engine. Engine. 
Sir Richard.  Sir Rich. 
More Customers; Master Engine, welcome. your presence was expected in the Country.  Eng. 
'twas my Ambition with some intents to serve you, Sir, please you vouch safe your privacy, I bring affairs worth your entertainment; I have rid hard.  Court. 
What Cavalier is this uncle?  Fran. 
He is the inventor of new projects cousin, they say, and patents; one that lives like a moth upon the common wealth.  Court. 
He looks like one.  Sir Ric. 
You will excuse me gentlemen. Make much of Sir Francis madam. Exit.  Fran. 
we'll leave my Nephew and your Sister madam: And take A turn in the garden. Exit. with Lady.  Sist. 
You may be confident.  Dev. 
I do not like the fancy in his hat: that Gules is war and will be ominous. Exit.  Court. 
I must seem a modest coxcomb now to preserve my Uncle's Character.  Sist. 
The Gentleman is turned Statue, bless me how he stares upon me, and takes root? I think it moves, and now to earth is fixed again; oh how it walks and sadly marches this way? Is't not a ghost? he'll fright me; oh; sweet Sir, speak if you can and say who murdered you: it points at me: my eyes, ungentle eyes to kill so at first sight, I'll have my looks Arraigned for't & small cupid shall be judge who for your sake will make me blind, as he is.  Court. 
Lady  Sist. 
The man is alive again and has A tongue, discretion guide it; he but sent his soul forth of an Errant; 'tis returned; now we shall have some sentences.  Court. 
Such, are the strange varieties of love, Such heats, such desperate colds—  Sist. 
No more winter if you love me; unless you can command the coal pits; we have had a hard time of it already, for want of fuel  Court. 
I'm all turned ears, and, Lady, long to hear you;  
But, pressing to you, doubt I am to near you.  
Then I would speak but cannot, nought affords  
Expression, the Alphabet's too poor in words.  
He that knows love knows well that every hour  
Love's glad; love's sweet—  Sister 
And some times sour;  
These words would go well to a Tune, pray let's hear you sing: I do not think but you can make; me A Jointure of four Nobles a year in ballads, in lamentable ballads, for your wit lies Tragical, did not you make the Lady's downfall? you express a passion rarely, but pray leave your couplets, and say something in blank verse before you go.  Court. 
Before I go; breathe not that killing language;  
There is no Sun but in your eyes: and when I once take leave of those Celestial beams 'tis darkness through the world.  Sist. 
Oh; pitiful; if I were a widow then you'd keep me waking for fear I shut my eyes, and your discretion lose the way home.  Court. 
Where stretched on sable ground, I down shall lay  
My mournful body, and with folded Arms:  
Hear sadder notes upon the Irish harp;  
And while my Footman plays; sigh out my part,  
And drop division with my brinish tears.  Sist. 
This must be lamentable music sure.  Court. 
But I will find an Art to cure this wound;  
For I with fancies pencil, will so draw  
Your picture in the table of my heart  
Your absence shall but like dark shadows stand,  
To set you of, and see you, Lady better  
Than love will let me when I look upon you.  Sist. 
Could this be true and meant, sweet Sir, to me;  
I should be kinder than the gentlest spring  
That warms the world, & makes fierce beasts so tame  
And trees to swell themselves to cheerful green  
More jocund than the proudest Choir of birds,  
whate'er they be, that in the woods so wide  
Do sing their merry catches.  
Sure he does but counterfeit. Aside.  Court. 
Oh now I see that love  
Is sweet; as flowers in their fragrant birth,  
Gentle as silk; and kind as clouds to earth.  Sist. 
One rhythm more and you undo my love for ever, out upon it; Peddlers French is a Christian language to this. I had rather you should put me a case out of Littleton: they say you are a pretty lawyer.  Court. 
tenant par la curtesy d'Angliterre, est son home prent samme selfe en fee simple est fee tail general en selfe comme heire de la tail especial & ad Issu per la mesme feme male ou female apes on nife soit Issue apres mort ou en diu de la feme debie la baron tiendra la terra durant sa vie per le ley d'Angliterre.  Sist. 
Nay here is enough in conscience: what a noise this confusion of Languages makes; this is almost as good as A bear baiting, hark you Sir, you are never like to recover me by law.  Court. 
You are not the first sweet Lady; has been overcome in common law.  Sist. 
Not by ten thousand, Sir: Confessed, but I have no mind to come to Issue with A lawyer: when he should consider my case at home, he'll be at West minster teaching men their statutes! no; no; I will not marry a Judge.  Court. 
Why Lady.  Sist. 
They are casual things and men that hold such strange opinions, they are not safe; no, not in their own lambskins.  Court. 
Lady you may be misinformed; Astraea hath not quite left the earth and the Abuses of some, which shame the calling, are but like patches of beauty on the face of law to set the Native whiteness off.  Sist. 
Farewell; Sir; you are in love with a bar'd Gown, not beauty; if you will follow my learned counsel, leave it. This young thing is a fool or a fine fellow. Exit.  Court. 
she kicks and stings out like a colt unweighed. Her wit's a better portion than her money I would not love her, yet, if I could help it. (My Uncle and his Mistress) I'll not hinder them. Exit.  Enter Sir Francis and the Lady. Lad. 
It is no honour, Sir, if Armed with so much eloquence, you overcome A woman; I blush to say I love you now too much. I wish you would release what your Sweet charms won from my tongue: I shall repent my promise.  Fran. 
Make me not miserable after so much blessing. Why, madam, it is upon honourable terms since not upon the first attempt, but, after a tedious siege to your fair love, you give up what shall enrich us both: It were A sin to fear you can retract what both our lips have sealed, and lose a happiness so near & so secure; your husband holds his pleasure of early hunting constant, and when he pursues his timorous heart tomorrow morning, Cupid will wait, to bring me to Elysium, your bed, where every kiss will new create us.  Lad. 
You must be wise in your excuse to quit his importunity.  Fran. 
Leave that to me. I were not worth the name of him that served you to lose my glorious hope for want of such a thin Device; In your thought wish me prosperous & I am fortified against the power of fate to separate us; and when thou art with in the Amorous Circle of mine Arms, we will make laws to love, teach time new Actions, or chain him with the cordage of his hair; like a tame thing to wake and watch our pillow; and be our pleasure's sentinel.  Lad. 
I see my husband, 'tis not safe he should observe us. be wise & constant. Exit.  Fran. 
All that's sweet attend thee. So; I am sailing now to my own Indies: and see the happy coast too; how my wings do spread to catch the wind which comes to cover them. And the green sea enamoured on my bark, doth leap to see how cupid sits, at the helm & steers my soul to his new world.  Enter Sir Richard and Engine. Sir Rich. 
A monopoly, say you, for periwigs?  Fran. 
been visiting your grounds?  Sir Rich. 
My hounds rather, Sir Francis, and some horses, that takes up my Country recreations; 'tis Supper time.  Eng. 
Is't not a rare design? and by such Art and reasons I can name most beneficial to the common wealth, preventing the diseases which some unwholesome hair breeds in men's heads. It will be worth our agitation Sir, & you after the rate of every thousand per Annum milked out of the common purse into your own, may easily defalk to me a hundred for my first projection; did I not love you, Sir, I could make coin of other able men that would be glad to multiply their money.  Sir Rich. 
Sir I thank you, but have no mind to thrive upon abuse of my PRINCE's favour, nor the people's curse. Here is a Gentleman; Sir Francis Courtwell, perhaps, will undertake it.  Fran. 
What; Sir Richard?  Sir Rich. 
A monopoly for composing and selling of periwigs.  Fran. 
Excuse me Sir, I dare not deal in them; do not you hear things of this nature questioned?  Eng. 
How Sir questioned?  Fran. 
There's one among the rest, I cannot hit upon his name in fair election to be hanged, one Engine.  Eng. 
Oh Sir.  Fran. 
What ail you Sir?  Eng. 
A megrim in my head.  Enter Servant & Thomas. Sir Rich. 
Who's there? look to Master Engine here, he faints, & send to your Lady for some cordial waters presently.  Tho. 
There is a sovereign well hard by, has done strange cures, please you; I'll throw him into that. Exit.  Sir Rich. 
Though I distaste his business, I would not he should miscarry here, you frighted him. 'tis supper time, I shall expect your company in the morning, Sir Francis: I have a pack of dogs will make the forest ring.  Fran. 
I'll carefully attend Sir: as early as you please I love the sport too.  Sir Rich. 
I wish we had all pleasures to delight you; but nothing wants in my true love to serve you.  Fran. 
Yet I must cuckold him, I cannot help it.  Exeunt.  

Actus tertius. Scaena prima.  Sir Richard and his Lady in Bed Enter Thomas (with Sir Richard's boots.) Tho. 
Sir.  Sir Rich. 
Who is that? Thomas?  Tho. 
The sun is up before you Sir, here be your boots.  Sir Rich. 
That's well.  Lad. 
Prithee do not rise, it is hardly day, Sirrah, who bid you call him so early? Sir Richard will not rise yet.  Tho. 
I cannot help it, 'tis none of my fault.  Lad. 
Where is Dorothy.  Dor. 
Here, madam; what make you up so soon, Thomas.  Tho. 
Oh Mistress Dorothy 'tis even long of you for between sleep and wake your remembrance came to me this morning, and Thomas was up presently.  Sir Rich. 
You must excuse me; I mean to kill a brace of hares before you think 'tis day. Come, on with my boots. Thomas; And Dorothy go you to Sir Francis chamber tell him the day grows old & I am ready: our horses & our merry hounds expect us. Exit Dorth.  Lad. 
Any excuse to leave me.  Sir Rich. 
You may take your ease in bed still Madam, I'll not lose one morning, that invites so pleasantly, to hear my Dogs, for a new maidenhead. 'twas for these sports and my excess of charge I left the Town; besides the City fogs and steam of brickhills almost stifled me. This Air is pure, and all mine own.  Tho. 
My Lady means she would have you get another Heir Sir for your land, though, it be against my Master the young Captain yet she speaks but reason and now, I talk of the Captain, Sir. would you had given him council.  Sir Rich. 
To what.  Tho. 
Before he took this huffing trade upon him to have been a man of peace, I mean, a Justice, nature has made him fits for both a like; he is now at charge to keep a Captain Schoolmaster: he might have saved the quarterage of his Tutor if I had been his clerk, and then the in come that broken heads bring in; and New years' gifts from soadred virgins and their she Provincials whose warren must be licenced from our Office.—  Sir Rich. 
Away you prating knave; what is he ready?  Enter Dorth. Dor. 
Alas he's almost dead.  Sir Rich. 
How dead?  Dor. 
He has been troubled with a fit of the stone Sir, all this night poor Gentleman, he groans & sweats & cannot:—  Sir Rich. 
What?  Dor. 
Make urine Sir.  Tho. 
I heard my Lady has an excellent receipt to cure the stone. she is a piece of a rare surgeon.  Sir Rich. 
Wellaway and get the horses ready; sirrah; or I shall ride you and your wit together.  Tho. 
Alas any fool may ride me, but I would fain see any man ride Mistress Dorothy. Exit.  Dor. 
How Sirrah.  Sir Rich. 
I am sorry I must leave such a companion but more lament the cause, I wish him health: my presence cannot serve him, morrow wife, I will not lose my sport. Exit.  Dor 
Nor she; when you are gone; my Lady does expect another bunts up  Dad. 
Now I must trust thy service.  Dor. 
You shall not doubt me; Madam; and to assure you my faith, I have a suit to your ladyship, whose grant, were there no other bonds upon me, would tie me to everlasting silence.  Lad. 
What is't; but name it and I shall soon confirm thee  Dor. 
Our Captain of the train band has been offering to chaffer Maidenheads with me; I must confess I can affect the fool. upon good terms, & could devise to noose my Amorous woodcock if you assist me privately, and dare trust me with some Jewel of price, that is not known, which shall be faithfully restored, madam.  Lad. 
I that dare trust my honour with thee, shall not suspect thy faith in any treasure else, choose from my cabinets, but, prithee, draw the curtains while I expect this friend, I needs must hide my blushes thou mayst discover from my gallery window when they are horsed, I tremble, to consider what I have promised.  Dor. 
Tremble to meet a ghost; you are more fearful than a Virgin; madam; why this sets me a longing, but I'll watch: this is the timorous world of flesh & blood. Exit.  Enter Sir Richard. Lad. 
Alas what do you mean? retire for heaven's sake: my husband is not gone, I heard his voice yet, this rashness will undo my fame for ever, should he return.  Sir Rich. 
how's this? retire for heaven's sake, my husband is not gone, I heard his voice this will undo my same. It was my wife and this is sure my bed chamber. she looks out.  Lad. 
I have undone myself, it is my husband.  Sir Rich. 
My forehead sweats; where are you; madam; whom did you talk too; or take me for? Ha; asleep already; or do I dream; I am all wonder; madam.  Lad. 
Nay; nay kill him; if it please you; sweet heart, I cannot abide a blackamoor Feigns sleeping.  Sir Rich. 
How's, this? wife.  Lad. 
Help, help, dear husband strangle him with one of my lute strings; do, do, do.  Sir Rich. 
If she be asleep: she was nor wont to talk thus, She has had some hideous dream, she spoke to me, too. Who should I strangle sweet heart, with a lute string?  Lad. 
The king of Morocco I think.  Sir Rich. 
It is so, she dreams, what strange Chimaeras we fancy in our sleep: I were best wake her, madam, Madame.  Lad. 
Oh Murder, Murder.  Sir Rich. 
Sweet heart, madam, wake.  Lad. 
What's that?  Sir Rich. 
'tis I.  Lad. 
Sir Richard? ôh, you have delivered me from such a dream I quake to think upon it.  Sir Rich. 
I must confess you frighted me at first.  Enter Dorothy. Dor. 
My Master come back? if he had found the sick Sir Francis here.  Sir Rich. 
How, now, art thou frighted, too.  Dor. 
Frighted quoth 'a; o madam; the key of the closet, quickly, I must have some cordial water for Sir Francis I fear this fit will kill him.  Lad. 
Alas good Gentleman make haste.  Dor. 
His appearance would betray all Thus prevented. Exit.  Lad. 
Nay sweet heart, you shall not leave me till I told what a cruel dream I had, methought a king of blackamoors was in love with me, and having, by flattering courtship drawn me to his bed chamber, by my consent, or force, swore to enjoy me. I knew not by what reasons to divert the Ravisher; but told him that I heard thy voice, I bid him if he loved his life retire, for thou wouldst, (dear,) revenge my honour, but he pursuing me, I cried out murder and having ne'er a sword, I counseled thee to strangle him with a lute string; for which cruelty of mine methought he threw an Arrow at me, which if thou hadst not waked me as thou didst would, as I slept; with my strong fears have killed me.  Sir Rich. 
This was the king of Morocco; well, I am glad I came to take away thy fright.  Lad. 
But, sweet, you left me, with a resolution to hunt this morning, have you done already?  Sir Rich. 
The thieves prevented me, my stable has been robbed tonight, two geldings & my roan nag are vanished.  Lad. 
How?  Sir Rich. 
Nay do not thou vex, I have sent Hue and cry that may overtake them; but come I'll leave thee to thy glass, and visit Sir Francis, now she is returned. How does your Noble guest? Enter Dorothy.  Dor. 
He is pretty well, Sir He has voided one stone since and now finds ease.  Sir Rich. 
'tis well, attend your Mistress. Exit.  Lad. 
Oh wench, I had almost undone myself, come on the other side, reach me that petticoat. I le tell thee the story as I make me ready. Exeunt.  Enter Sister and Device. Sist. 
Is it possible you can talk thus, and be no Scholar?  Dev. 
I have traveled in my fancy: took the Air about the world with the muses, and do for my recreation of wit, compose some wonders in Verse, Poetical Essays: as one upon report of a heat that was in Egypt.  Sist. 
Let's hear them.  Dev. 
In Countries I have been;  
Under the equinoctial, where I have seen  
The Sun disperse such a prodigious heat  
That made our sieve-like skins to rain with sweat:  
Men would have given, for an Eclipse, their lives  
Or one whisper of Air, yet each man strives  
To throw up grass, feathers; nay women too  
To find the wind, all falls like lead, none blue,  
The dog star spits new fire, till't came to pass  
Each eye became his neighbours' burning glass.  
Lean men did turn to Ashes presently  
Fat men did roast to lean Anatomy.  
Young women's heat did get themselves with child  
For none but they themselves, themselves defiled.  
Old women naturally to witches turned  
And only rubbing one another, burned.  
The beasts were baked, skin turned to crust they say  
And fishes in the river boiled away  
Birds in the Air were roasted, and not burned  
For, as they fell down, all the way, they turned.  Sist. 
Most excellent.  Dev. 
I have seen Larks in that motion at fire with an Engine of packthread perpendicular.  Sist. 
What would they have given for a shower in those Countries'.  Dev. 
Now you talk of a shower, you shall hear another Copy of Verses that I made of a mighty rain which fell once in the Indies.  Sist. 
That you made? if you will venture your lungs let me hear some more impossible stories to pass away the time.  Dev. 
Heaven did not weep, but in its swelling eye  
Whole seas of rheum and moist catarrhs did lie  
Which so bespauld the lower world men see  
Corn blasted, and the fruit of Every tree,  
Air was condensed to water 'gainst their wish  
And all their fowl was turned to flying fish,  
Like watermen they thronged to ply a fair  
And thought it had been navigable Air.  
Beasts lost the natural motion of each limb.  
Forgot to go with practicing to swim.  
A trout now here, you would not think How soon  
ta'en ready, dressed for the Empress of the Moon.  
The fixed stars, though to our eyes were missing  
we knew yet were by their continual hissing  
Women were Mermaids sailing with the wind,  
The greatest miracle was fish behind.  
But men were all kept chaste against their wish  
And could commit but the cold sin of fish.  Sist. 
And that sin would puzzle all the civil lawyers in the Kingdom. Sins of the flesh they are perfect in, they know well enough what belongs to Adultery & simple fornication: but you would much improve and oblige the practice of the court if you could bring this sin of fish under their commission. But now I hope the rain is over; and we shall have fair weather.  Dev. 
Now can I tell you Lady, what a. strange frost was in one part of the world  Sist. 
I shall cry out fire if you do: I'd rather have some discourse to keep me warm.  Dev. 
Or how the whole world was troubled with the wind colic.  Sist. 
No more Earth quakes I beseech you: some friends of mine lost a great deal of Land the last term & for aught I know, 'tis never to be recovered. Why all these Verses you have honoured me to hear, were translated out of French.  Dev. 
You say very true Lady.  Sist. 
Noah, Noah; they are out of Spanish as I remember.  Dev. 
I think it be out of Spanish indeed.  Sist. 
Or else out of the Italian.  Dev. 
troth madam; I know not which very well.  Sist. 
And yet you made them: some Gentlemen have the faculty to make Verses, and forget what Language, was the Original. 'tis a la Mode, I confess, Sir.  Dev. 
There is the mischief in Poetry; A man might have told a hundred lies in prose upon his own name and never miscarry, but leaving these lewd Rhymes, Lady, how do you like the Novice that Sir Richard commended.  Sist. 
Master Courtwell?  Dev. 
Is he not a pretty chrisom; I could not Choose but laugh to observe in what rural deportment he came to salute you that should have made his address in these postures:—  Sist. 
It is enough, Sir, I apprehend what you would do: the truth is, touching that thing in black; I do not love him.  Dev. 
I know 'tis impossible.  Sist. 
Why is it impossible? The man is a pretty indifferent meaning man but I must have one of a more Active spirit: Noah, Noah; the man is a coward.  Dev. 
He looks like one.  Sist. 
I put him to it, he dares not fight, and he that expects my favour to so high a degree as Marriage, must be none of my Lord mayor's whifflers; he must be valiant in Arms; I am not taken with a ring or a carcanet as some avaricious Ladies: he that presents me with the sword of his rival, is more welcome than all the silken soft natured 600. a year widgeons that will be baffled in their best clothes; and go down into the Country every vacation, like Attorneys to be beaten against the next tear me, & get damages by it. But I forget some affairs that concerns me, & take my leave: your deserts upon me are eminent and many; and for all your noble services, I will promise you nothing, you apprehend me.—  Dev. 
'tis too much, sweet Lady.  Sist. 
I am so weary I can stay no longer with you. Exit.  Dev. 
You make me over happy, so; so; the matters done. I may visit my friends; hum! well thought upon, I shall leave her Joys without any bound to entertain me, if I first beat this foolish rival of mine, and present her with his sword; she assures me he dares not fight: it shall be so, thus with one baffling and disarming him I shall secure my Mistress; and get the reputation of a fighting Cavalier, which may save me many knocks here after, among men of strong faith, that shall hear how much honour I have else where taken up upon the ticket. Exit.  Enter Underwit & Sackbury. Vnd. 
Stand right to your files,— Make even your ranks,— Silence— Front to the right hand,— As you were,— To the right hand about,— By the left hand, as you were,— Ranks— To the right, double— Ranks as you were,— Ranks to the left double,— Middle men to the right hand double the front,— Middle men to the right entire, double the front— Files to the right,— To the left,— To the right hand— Counter march to the right— To the left— Wheel about.—  Sack. 
Rantan! enough, you must not, waste your lungs at once; march fair and make a Captain. When these words of command are rotten, we will sow some other military seeds; you bear a brain and memory.  Vnd. 
I hope so.  Sact. 
And now you are chosen a Captain for the Country, you must give good example to your soldiers, and cherish nature: after excercise you must drink sack; sack is a fortifier. Come we'll to the Town.  Vnd. 
With all my heart; Enter Master Court.  
Here is one Master Courtwell let us take him with us.  Sack. 
My costive Countryman; he's an Anabaptist, he will not drink, and yet he kissed the cup oft; last night, methought, when his mistress drank to him. we'll try; how is't, my man of moral breeding?  Court. 
My man of war, Tresbone; your servant, Captain.  Sack. 
Why this was spoke like one of us, canst do't again? thy voice is more Authentic, sounds as I have heard a Cavalier in a Tavern; or like the merry Master of the dragon. Small Neptune, that controls the rich Canaries when he commands the Tritons of his cellar; scud and bring wine you varlets, with a flavour for my Nobility; we were conspiring to go to the Tavern.  Court. 
I'll make one Gentlemen; to waste away some melancholy.  Sack. 
Spoke boldly like an Argonaut.  Court. 
I am not now in London; upon a hall day marching with the punies Twenty of us in a Teem, to Westminster in our torne gowns embroidered with strand dirt, to hear the law.  Sack. 
Is not thy Father dead? thou talkest so well? how I was cozened 'in thee; come a way.  Enter Thomas. Vnd. 
here's my man Thomas.  Sack. 
Now the news, Sir Tristram?  Tho. 
Oh; the Gentleman is mad.  Vnd. 
What Gentleman?  Tho. 
Why Master Engine, that did faint last night.  Vnd. 
With fear of being hanged for his projections.  Court. 
My Uncle told me of him.  Sack. 
Send him to Bedlam then; what makes he here? clean straw & a good whip are held restoratives.  Tho. 
He walks and talks the madliest, twenty midwives are nothing to him, he drowns all their noise his tongue is twenty rings of bells; and yet he seems so merry.  Enter Engine. Eng. 
Save you Gentlemen; Gallants; cavaliers; how far travel you? methinks you are finely accommodated: are you a doctor Sir?  Sack. 
No; but I can tell you; how to purge if it please you.  Eng. 
You say very well; troth Gentlemen you must pardon me; cry you mercy: your name is Captain Underwit.  Vnd. 
Yes, Sir: but my Mother came of the Overmuches by the Peake: she broke my Father's heart, and Sir Richard buried her. Things must be as please the Stars.  Eng. 
What think you; of the Blazing Start in Germany according to Ptolemy? 'tis very strange; does the race hold at Newmarket for the cup? when is the cooking, Gentleman there are a parcel of rich jewels to be sold now if a man had money: I do mean to build a very fine house next summer, and fish ponds. What did you hear of the new play? I am afraid the wits are broken, there be men will make affidavit, they have not heard a good jest since Tarleton died: pray may I crave your name Sir?  Court. 
My name is Courtwell Sir.  Eng. 
In your ear, I have a cast of the best Marlens in England: but I am resolved to go no more by water, but in my coach: did you ever see the great Shipp?  Sack. 
I have been one of the twenty that have dined in her lantern.  Eng. 
It may be so, she is a good sailer; but, I'll tell you one thing, I mean to have the best pack of hounds in Europe, Sir Richard loves the sport well, and then if I can but find out the reason of the load stone, I were happy and would write non ultra.  Sack. 
The philosopher's stone were better in my opinion: have you no project to get that?  Court. 
That has startled him; I doubt this fellow does but counterfeit. Aside.  Vnd. 
What think you of the Dromedary, that was to be seen on the back side of the Bell?  Eng. 
I have seen a stranger beast.  Sack. 
So have I; I have seen you before now, Sir.  Eng. 
Why then I'll tell you; the strangest beast that ever I saw was an ostrich that eat up the Iron-mines: but, now you talk of birds, I saw an elephant beat a tailor in the fencing school, at his own weapon.  Tho. 
The Spanish needle?  Eng. 
He did out eat him in bread, and that was miraculous, I have seen a catamountain once, but all was nothing, to the Lady, that turned round & threaded needles.  Court. 
Troth Sir I think you have turned round too, and are not settled yet.  Eng. 
Now you talk of settling I knew a Gentleman, that was borne to a great fortune, sold all his land, went to sea in a Hollander, was taken by a dunkirk, at 7. years and stole away in a English bottom after that, saw both the Indies, for all this, was taken by a Turkish man of war put into the Galleys, and, for aught I hear by credible report, is not settled yet.  Tho. 
Sure he is a great Scholar; a man cannot understand him.  Vnd. 
His brains are out of tune.  Eng. 
Now you talk of music; there is no man in the world loves music better than I: I'll give you the reason: I have been deaf almost this half year; it came with a cold sitting up at Primero.  Court. 
Now you talk of a cold, it puts me in mind of the new Device of fire, for brewing & baking: had you no hand in that project?  Sack. 
Again he is startled: come he shall to the Tavern with us and confess all; if he does not strip his soul stark naked to us; say I am no fortune teller.  Vnd. 
What think you of a cup of medium wine?  Sack. 
That will spoil all: please you to honour our society? we are going to Indulge at the Tavern.  Eng. 
Oh the neat's tongues & Asparagus that I have eaten at the stillyard! But of all things in the world I do not love a black cat, next a brewer's cart, there is nothing will stay a man so much in the night as a Constable; one word before you go and I beseech you give me your opinion clearly; was not the Morocco Ambassador, a very fine Gentleman for a Pagan?  Sac. 
Yes sure; and the Lead mines in Derbyshire hold still. Marry for the Allome businesses— But come, will you walk?  Eng. 
I do use to go a foot some times, but when I ride; and than I must confess there's no striving with the stream: you were in London lately they say the people are more affected to bear-baiting then in former time.  Court. 
There are some of late are drawn like bears to a stake but for your own part the gout and the grand pox are all one to you: what price bears meat in the shambles?  Eng. 
Flesh rises and falls; as it uses to do; Sir: But a Country life is the best when all is done: are we all of one religion? what think you of a bridge from Lion Key to Flandres, you may guess I talk at random, Gentlemen, but you must not interpret all foolish discourse a distemper of the brain; Lords would take it for a scandalum magnatum, and your Ladies would be Angry too; now you talk of Ladies.  Enter Sir Francis and the Lady. Sack. 
By no means Master Engine: that Gentleman loves you not. Come, I le bring up the Rear, where is Thomas?  Exit with the rest. Tho. 
I'll follow Sir; I would give my 4. marks a year that I could talk like that mad Gentleman; he's here, and there, and everywhere: how will his tongue run when his cogs are oiled? they'll drench him. Exit.  Fran. 
Although I missed a happiness, I your nimble wit that secured both our honours: you have an excellent instrument to your Gentlewomen.  Lad. 
Oh she delivered so toth' life, how you were troubled with the stone, at first I did believe't myself, and think of the sad consequence: but time is precious now; although our stars have not been yet propitious to our meeting, I'll try my Art tonight to make them shine with happy influence on our loves.  Sir Fran. 
Most excellent, Madam; how?  Lad. 
I'll not engage your visit to my chamber, since the first proved so unfortunate, but come to yours.  Sir Fran. 
This night? won't your husband be at home?  Lad. 
Yes.  Sir Fran. 
You enjoy but one Bed?  Lad. 
Without witchcraft Sir. I have a stratagem to delude my husband and all his jealous waking eyes: A plot that cannot fail, if you dare but expect me.  Sir Fran. 
I grow immortal with my hopes, and fancy more than the world's most glorious Empire, in my first embrace, I should run back into an infant once again, and by degrees and time, grow up to meet so vast a happiness: Ages in expectation spent were poor and easy sufferings weighed against this triumph. methinks I am not man, but something of a more exalted essence, humane Nature hath not Capacity to understand and own these precious blessings.  Lad. 
No more rapture, but with the confidence of a lover, spread your equal thoughts, and in your heart and Arms Prepare an entertainment for that guest that hath no life nor name but what you give. A kiss, and leave our souls to think upon the joys this night attends us.  Sir Fran. 
Sullen day  
Do not tire now 'tis down hill all the way.  Exeunt severally.  

Actus quartus Scaena prima.  A Catch Sung, after which Enter Thomas with a Cloak and a Sword. 

COme let us throw the dice who shall drink,  
Thine is twelve and his since sink.  
six and four is a cast,  
Six and three not too fast.  
Come aloft sink trey,  
Since ace fair play,  
Cator duce is your throw sir,  
Cator ace they run low sir.  
Two deuces we see,  
deuce Ace is but three.  
Oh where is the wine, come fill up his glass,  
For here is the man that has thrown Amsace.   Tho. 
They are all drunk already, and such a confusion in their heads and tongues: my Master kisses the next man and calls him Mistress Dorothy, Master Courtwell possessed with the spirit of defiance to Cupid is ready to beat him for being in love. My Projector's dead drunk in a chair, and the Captain peeping into his mouth like a tooth-drawer and pouring down Sack, which he feels not, but his chaps shut again like a spring-lock, till he return with a key to open his teeth to pour in the next health.  Enter Master Courtwell. Court. 
My Cloak and Sword Drawer.  Tho. 
'tis here sir.  Court. 
Thou art a pretty fellow; there's half a crown, say I am gone Thomas.  Tho. 
You are a petty well.  Enter Underwit and Captain. Vnder. 
What shall's do with him? this Engine burns like Aetna.  Cap. 
Throw him into the River.  Vnder. 
he's able to mull the Thames. Well for mine own part, would Mistress Dorothy were here to open her files.  Court. 
Did not you name a woman?  
I will have no mention of any thing that's Female.  Exit. Vnder. 
May not a man talk of sack?  Cap. 
Sack is a sovereign medicine.  Vnder. 
Oh very sovereign.  Enter Musicians. Cap. 
It is hic & hac sack, both for he and she. Stay, is my Countryman gone? come my Apollo's, my Orpheus', or my Bacchus his Minstrels; which to leave poetical expressions, in broader phrase, is Tavern fiddlers, some of your Tunes my masters, do you hear?  Musi. 
Do you mean Master Adson's new airs sir?  Cap. 
ay sir. But they are such fantastical airs as it puts a Poet out of his wits to rhyme to them but let me hear—  Music 
—  Cap. 
No I do not like that?—  Musi. 
—  Cap. 
Nor that: no, no, no, neither:  Musi. 
An't please your worship Master Captain our boys can sing songs to these.  Cap. 
No, no, saving your presence, your boys have nothing surreverence but love songs, and I hate those things monstrously to make things appear better than they are, and that is but Deceptio visus, which after some embracing, the parties see presently what it is.  Music 
—  The Captain sings and reels, Then Phillips all the while with his fingers. (after speaks.) Cap. 
ay, ay, this thumping tune I like a life; a Song, a song to it.  

Song.  
The Juice of Spanish squeezed grapes is it  
That makes a dull brain so full of wit,  
So Lemonado's clear sparkling wine  
The grosser wits too doth much refine,  
Than to be foxed it is no crime,  
Since thickest and dull brains it makes sublime.  
The Stilyard's Rhenish wine, and Devils white,  
Who doth not in them sometimes take delight?  
If with mimic gestures you'll keep you from sadness  
Then drink lusty Claret, 'twill make you in madness.  
And then to settle you no hopes in beer,  
But wholesome pots of Scotch ale though 'tis dear.   Cap. 
But hark you child, you say in your song the devil's white, you have been ill catechised boy, for a white Devil is but a Poetical fiction, for the devil bless us child is black.  Boy. 
No Captain, I say white wine at the Devil.  Cap. 
That's true, that's a good boy indeed— Underwit, lend me a piece, lend me a piece to give these harmonious men— There,— and now be gone my masters; without noise, for I will have no more fiddle-faddles for my money; no tunes of supererogation after the musical bill is paid,— Exit Music.  
Come hither Thomas, do you think I am drunk?  Tho. 
Truly Captain, I cannot tell.  Cap. 
You cannot tell, there's your ignorance, drink is a vice I am as little given to as another, for I do abhor it in myself, I do wonder how any reasonable man can be drunk, etc.— man can be drunk, therefore every wise man take counsel and example by me, and he may see very plainly what an odious thing it is, for you must follow your Leader, and Virtue which is an ancient—  Tho. 
Virtue an Ancient?  Cap. 
ay, an ancient old Gentlewoman, that is grown very poor, and nobody knows where she dwells, very hard to find her out, especially for a Captain, you will find it very difficult for a Lieutenant, but we will endeavour the best we can. You see my courses, I have traveled to find her out, and I could never yet see her at a bawdy-house?  Vnd. 
Who is this to be seen at a bawdy-house?  
To the Right-hand— Countermarch.  Tho. 
He talks of virtue sir.  Vnd. 
Virtue? she never comes there, why do you think she should be there Captain?  Cap. 
Why? because she is an old Gentlewoman, and might keep the house.  Tho. 
Alas Captain Mistress Virtue is poor and lean.  Cap. 
Nay then she is not fit to be a bawd; but tell me, did you ever see her, or if so, did you ever—  Vnd. 
No, but 'twas none of my fault. I know not what I may do in time, when she understands the words of command.  Tho. 
He does not mean Mistress Dorothy; but Captain, I would fain know the reason why your Bawds are so fat still?  Cap. 
A plain case, they lie fallow and get heart, than they keep themselves so in health, and so soluble with stewed prunes, and then sipping of sack is a great matter to fatten them. But they are as good people as a man can keep company withal, and bring up the young gentlewomen so virtuously; I came into one of their houses t'other day for a career, and I found the bawd very sick upon her deathbed, very religious, and much given to repentance, for those poor sins she had committed; when she had taken order for her soul, she told me the young Gentlewoman I looked for was in the next room, & desiring her upon her blessing to give me content, she turns her to the wall, and gives up the Ghost very privately, because she was loath to trouble us.  Vnd. 
By your relation Captain, these appear to be very good people what if we went to visit one of these Matrons? I have a great mind to exercise  Sack. 
Why you speak like an understanding Soldier & one that may come to something in the end, therefore let us march on.  Vnd. 
March on to Venus' wars.  Sack. 
For you know, Thomas that the spider & the Bee do something, but I have forget what it is.  Vnd. 
'tis no matter, come let us go.  Sack. 
Go? no more but go, though I be a Captain if I have not commission in this employment,—  Tho. 
What then Captain?  Sack. 
Why then I cannot go.  Tho. 
Very right. Exit.  Vnd. 
Do you hear Captain? for all this; I have a great mind to a wench, and a wench I must have, if there be one above ground; ôh, ôh; London; London. Thou art full of frank tenants, give me London shall we wheel about thither, yet?  Sack. 
Give you London? will not cheapside serve your turn or the exchange?  Enter Thomas. Tho. 
Oh Gentlemen, Master Engine is truly bewitched.  Vnd. 
Why, what's the matter?  Sack. 
Bring the witch and Master Engine before us.  Tho. 
He does vomit the strangest things yonder.—  Sack. 
Did not I say, murder will out?  Tho. 
I think he has eaten and drunken nothing but monopolies: and, being too hard to be digested they all come up again, I must hold his head. Within :Oh  Sack. 
Did not I tell you something would come out?  Tho. 
Pins; Pins; they lay cross his throat, I told you he was bewitched? hay day cards and dice, and with them the devil is a gamester. And pays the box soundly, now; now; now: Within :Oh.  Vnd. 
What's that.  Tho. 
'tis something clammy; ôh 'tis Soap.  Sack. 
Soap? give a man leave to wash his mouth.  Vnd. 
Does not the lime burn his throat Thomas?  Tho. 
Alas poor Gentleman, something now again is ready to strangle him, I think they are Hides, & the horns stuck in his gullet, well strained! what a foul stomach he has: Within :Oh.  Sack. 
Open his mouth, thrust down a pottle pot.  Tho. 
I have Sir; and it is come up full of medium wine. If you have any charity come and help to hold his head: now again.  Eng. 
Oh; Oh; Oh:  Vnd. 
'tis very straying Captain; the man is certainly enchanted.  Eng. 
Oh; Oh.  Tho. 
Master Master; heigh! will you take Tobacco in the Roll? here is a whole shiplading, variety of Bermoda's and one little two penny paper of Verina's, with a super subscription, to my very Friends of the custom house.  Sack. 
Put up that for a relic, Thomas: and open it upon high days to clear the fore eyes of your Spanish Merchants, Thomas; no more, but call the Drawer, an understanding Drawer and one writes Orthography & do you pay the Reckoning.  Enter Drawer. 
Sirrah I charge you set A padlock on the chamber door: there is a dangerous fellow must be brought to his purgation and look all the goods that he hath vomited be forth coming. While we discreetly go and inform the Magistrates: at your peril Sirrah, at your peril: Seal up the door and do you pay the Reckoning.  Vnd. 
Sir Richard is a Justice; there's your money, and yet we need not pay; the Gentleman hath left enough for the Reckoning in the next room.  Draw. 
I have made him fast; you're very welcome Gentlemen: all is paid in the portcullis. Exeunt.  Enter Master Courtwell and Sister. Sist. 
I'll walk no further; if you have a Secret to impart, you need not fear this place. The trees, and hedges will not listen, what is the business? I hope your phlegmatical stock of verse is spent.  Cour. 
Why then in prose the worst that I can speak; I do not love you Lady.  Sister 
How? you have not trained me thus far to tell me that?  Court. 
You are.—  Sist. 
You do not mean to quarrel, now you have betrayed me to the field, and beat me, Sir?  Court. 
What is there in your face more, to attract me, than that red cow's complexion? why the devil do you think, I should dote upon your person? that thing when she is stroked gives milk.  Sist. 
By that I understand, all this is in revenge, because you think I did neglect you: pray, Sir, tell me, and tell me seriously; put the case that I should love you: could you love again?  Court. 
In troth, I think I could not.  Sist. 
Do you but think:  Court. 
I will bind it with an oath before the parish.  Sist. 
What reasons?  Court. 
I shall be loath to say your eyes are twinkling stars again your lips twin cherries, and out blush the rubies; your Azure veins vie beauty with the Saphire: or that your swelling breast are hills of Ivory pillows for Jove to rest his Amorous head. When my own conscience tell me that Bunn-hill is worth a hundred of them, and but High gate compared with them is a paradise, Noah I thank you.  Sist. 
But how come you so cured? you were a passionate, I may say, fool, in hope you will deserve it: what physic took you, that hath thus restored you?  Court. 
A little sack had power to cure this madness.  Sist. 
I hope you are not sober yet; the humour may change when you have slept.  Court. 
I'll rather stitch my eye lids up with sisters-thread, and stare perpetually.  Sist. 
When you may see me again.  Court. 
I think I shall not, unless it be to wonder when you are in that Ivy bush; that face cut upon taffeta, that cream & prunes so many plumbs in white broth, that Scutcheon of pretence. powdered with Ermines. How sell you grapes? your hair does curl in bunches: your lips look like the parson's glebe; full of red, blue, and yellow flowers; how they are chapped and look like trenches made to drain the meadows?  Sist. 
This rudeness is beyond the manner of a Gentleman.  Court. 
I cannot help it and I hope you think so.  Sist. 
But if your passion have not drowned all reason; I pray let us part civilly.  Court. 
With all my heart, I dare then take my leave too.  Sist. 
Who is that.  Court. 
Where.  Sist. 
Behind that tree.  Court. 
You have no plot t'accuse me for a rape? 'twas at the worst, but felony with cherries, that look as if they had been a fort night gathered:  Sist. 
I know you'll bring me home in courtesy.  Court. 
Not I; I will not trust myself and you: fare well Lady: do you see that bull?  Sist. 
Yes Sir.  Court. 
That is a happy beast.  Sister 
Why happy Sir?  Court. 
He writes no verses to his Mistress, is not cozened nor forsworn: to get her favour, bestows no rings, nor empties his exchequer to appear still in new rich suits but lives free upon the stock of nature, yet loves none. Like the great Turk, he walks in his Seraglio and doth command which Concubine best pleases, when he has done, he falls to graze or sleep, and wakes, as he had never known the dun, white, red, or brinded Cow.  Sist. 
You are unmanly.  Court. 
Nay, I know you will rail now: I shall like it: call me a scurvy fellow, proud, and saucy, and ill bred crooked clown, I'll hear. This, rather than live upon your pity, and yet do not: For if you rail too men that know you can dissemble, may believe you love me, and 'tis not my Aim.  Sist. 
You are a fine man  Court. 
I am in my best clothes.  Sist. 
I perceive 'tis true now, what the world says of you, and yet 'tis strange.  Court. 
'tis strange it should be otherwise.  Sisst. 
You give your tongue a licence, nor will I hope your malice should spare me a broad, that have so prodigally abused a Lady's fame that deserves nobly from you; but you men care not whose name you blast with a loose Character, so you maintain your pride of Talk.  Court. 
How is this? it is confessed I have talked in my time and talked too much, but not too much of you; for I but seldom thought of such a woman, or any other.  Sist. 
Nay Sir I am satisfied, you can talk your pleasure.  Court. 
Have I not done it, too?  Sist. 
Yes by your own report, and with a Lady so much in virtue & in birth above you? & therefore I expect not your modest language of me.  Court. 
Stay. This moves me; I never took a pleasure yet to lie with Lady's fames: or ever thought that sport lie in the tongue; such humours are for men: that live by Brothel offices, let me but know who hath traduced me to you thus, he shall be known no more.  Sist. 
I'll not be guilty Sir: of any murder; when we meet again and you in better humour I may tell you: so farewell Gondarino, nothing's lost when you turn woman hater. Exit.  Court. 
She has vexed me, if we two make a matrimony after this rate, the devil is like to dance at our Wedding. Enter Device.  Dev. 
he's here, alone too, and the place most opportune! how shall I begin. Master Courtwell, do you love any friend of mine?  Court. 
Not to my knowledge, Sir, I should be sorry.  Dev. 
Do you not love a Gentlewoman, Sir?  Court. 
If she be a friend of yours, I'll take the first occasion to neglect her, for your sake.  Dev. 
It will become your wisdom, and your safety.  Court. 
What mischief have you done to your face?  Dev. 
My face?  Court. 
You look so scurvily, come hither thou new monster, with more feet than a caterpillar what time of the day is it? you that move upon so many wheels, say Monsieur, are you not a walking clock; I have a mighty mind to see you took in pieces.  Dev. 
I do not like this: you cannot put me, Sir, together again.  Court. 
I will not take the pains, why do you smile now?  Dev. 
At your conceit, to think I was o'clock I am a watch; I never strike, he's valiant. Aside.  Court. 
You have pretty colours their are these your Mistresses.  Dev. 
If you did know the mystery you would applaud them: you have read Lieure de B'azone, what mean you?  Court. 
I will bestow them upon some fore-horse; they will become a Country team rarely.  Dev. 
Morr▪ dieu! why you dare fight it seems, and I was told, you were no Cavalier: A very dream, a wedge for men to break their swords upon, I shall never trust fame again for your sake.  Court. 
Thou never did'st cozen me.—  Dev. 
I was never so Illiterate in a man.  Court. 
For I did ever think thou durst not fence but at a complexion, a glistering vapour: a thing of clothes, and fit for Chambermaids to whet their wits upon: but now resolve either to have your skin flayed off; or fight with me for troubling my present meditations.  Dev. 
Why Sir if you be serious I shall quit that prejudice you have upon my valour look you Sir I can draw, & thus provoke I dare chastise you, too cause I was merry I am not bound to feed your spleen eternally with laughter, yet I am not Ignorant what an advantage, Sir, your weapon gives you in length.  Court. 
we'll change why this is honour in thee. They measure and Device gets both weapons.  Dev. 
Now, Sir, keep of.  Court. 
Sure thou art not so base.  Dev. 
I never cozened you, do you remember? these two will guide me on the rope.  Court. 
You mean to dance then.  Dev. 
Yes but with quicker time than you I hope can follow. Thus I begin; fa la, la. Exit.  Court. 
What a heathen coward is this? how the rogue trips like a fairy: to the town with them, he has been a footman sure I have not breath enough to overtake him, & 'twill be dark presently if I lose the sight of him; I'll search the Town and if I find him not there, pursue him with hue and cry, and after hang him. Exit.  Enter Sir Francis: (A Taper prepared.) Fran. 
The sun, whose busy eye is still Employed a spy upon our Actions, tired with waiting is drowsy gone to bed, about whose pillow night hath hung all her wings, & set up Tapers as if the day were timorous like a child and must have light to sleep by, welcome all the hours that govern pleasure, but be slow when you have blessed me with my wishes, time and love shall dwell like twins, make this your bower and charm the air to sweetness, and to silence: favour me now, and you shall change your states: Time shall be old no more, I will contract with destiny, if he will spare his wings, to give him youth and beauty, that we may find every minute a fresh child of pleasure: love shall be proud to be no more a boy but grow to perfect strength and hold consistence: for when two active lovers meet so happy as we whose equal flames do light Embraces 'twill be no weight to number many years in our delights and think all age a blessing: but language is too narrow to express what I expect, 'tis fit my soul retire till she present herself, and if it can measure my hoped-for Joys with thoughts prepare to entertain the happiness. Exit.  Enter Dorothy (with a light) to Sir Richard & his Lady, (in bed) Dor. 
I have set already my design a moving to take my Captain, Underwit, who in wine was late more fierce upon me; in the mean time I cannot choose but laugh at the Device we hope to cheat my Master with sure the devil is a great friend to women that love men! He doth so furnish us with quaint inventions: presently after supper, she began her sit of tooth ache, and did counterfeit so naturally; but since she went to bed she almost raved by turns; I heard her at it.  Lad. 
Oh oh; whose's there.  Dor 
'tis I for sooth, I heard you groan and I have not the heart to sleep, shall I watch by you?  Lad. 
Oh no! get you to bed, make fast the chamber: I cannot endure.—  Dorothy puts out the candle at the door and returns. Sir Rich. 
Dear heart, be patient.  Lad. 
ay, you have your homilies of patience, but if you had my pain, it would make you mad, oh; oh.  Sir Rich. 
I'll send for the french tooth drawer in the morning.  Lad. 
There is no rack nor torture like it, oh; what shall I do; I shall never sleep again.  Sir Rich. 
Which tooth is it.  Dor. 
The sweet one you may be sure troubles her  Lad. 
This, this; oh that there.—  Sir Rich. 
They are happy that are old and have no teeth.  Lad. 
Oh take heed; now it shoots up to my head.  Sir Rich. 
Thou makest my headache with thy noise.  Lad. 
If you knew what I suffer, your head would ache, in deed, I must rise and walk in the chamber, there's no remedy.  Ser Rich. 
You'll catch more cold.  Lad. 
Oh Noah; dear life do not cross me; if you were in my torment, you would rise; and try any thing, for a little ease It cannot be worse the pain sure came with a cold and who knows but another cold may cure me.  Sir Rich. 
I prithee come to bed again.  Lad. 
So, so do not trouble me. I am now in some little ease it is a heavenly thing to be going.  Sir Rich. 
Dost thou hear?  Lady 
Your noise will bring my pain back again, if you knew what a vexation it is for me to speak you would not put me to it so, if you do talk I will not answer a word more. Exit.  Sir Rich. 
Well! by this no light I'll to London tomorrow. I see 'tis possible a woman's Tooth may be as trouble so me, as her tongue  Dor. 
Oh; oh.  Sir Rich. 
I cannot choose but pity her: that any woman should hold so much pain in a hollow Tooth!  Dor. 
If my Master touched with so much compassion should rise and force me to bed to him, I must not cry out a rape. 'tis at the worst on my side, but fornication in my own defence.  Sir Rich. 
Prithee come to bed.  Dor. 
Oh; oh; oh:  Sir Rich. 
The music at a convocation of cats, at a witch's upsitting is the spheres to this caterwauling. I will thrust my head into the pillow, as Diana did, in the bush when the bear was coming, and then I shall not hear her.  Dor. 
Oh! this is a kind of purgatory for the sins of the flesh: if she should fall asleep with the other knight; it is not possible I should hold out till morning that which would fright away an ague hath put me into a fever: I shall have the tooth ache in deed with counterfeiting. I have known some men taught the Stammers so, my gums do murmur, there is fear all over my flesh she will stay too long, and then,—  Ser Rich. 
Vh; uh:  Dor. 
Oh; oh; I'll shift places to show more distraction at the worst my noise shallbe within his reach it may give her warning to return too. Exit.  Enter Lady to Sir Francis( asleep) a table Ink & paper set out. Lad. 
I am full of fears and my own motion frights: me this furious love is a strange pilot: Sir where are you, ha; asleep? can any dulness that is not death possess a Gentleman so valiant in desires, when he expects to meet his Mistress? how I blush to raise him? was I not worth thy waking expectation, farewell: yet something like a chain that's fastened to my poor heart restrains me, ink and paper: Writes.  
I'll leave him a short monument of his shame & my neglected love. He knows my hand, farewell forgetful lover. Exit.  Fran. 
What? have I slept? some witchcraft did betray my eyes to so much darkness, yet my dream was full of rapture such as I with all my waking sense would sly to meet; methought I saw a thousand cupids slide from heaven and landing here made this there scene of Revels clapping their golden feathers, which kept time while their own feet struck music to their dance as they had trod and touched so may Lutes: This done with in a cloud formed like A throne, she to whom love had consecrate this night my Mistress, did descend, and coming towards me my soul that ever wakes, angry to see my body made a prisoner, & so mocked, shook of the chains of sleep, lest I should lose essential pleasures for a dream. 'tis happy: I will not trust myself with ease and silence. But walk and wait her coming that must bless me. Forgive me you bright Stars, and do not frown that I have not attended as became one that must live by your kind Influence. Not yet appear? she did command I should with confidence expect her; Ha! what's here? this Character was not visible before; 
"That man's too much composed of phlegm  
" Will lose his Mistress, for a dream.  'tis hers. I know she has been here; Oh fatal! and finding me asleep scorned to uncharm my dull and cursed silence, this distracts me. Have I so long, with so much Art and Study laboured this hour and obtained, what my ambition looked at, her consent, and when the tree itself bowed down Its golden fruit and tempted me to gather, must I make myself uncapable & be guilty of so black so base a forfeit? I could tear my eye lids off, that durst let in a mist so dark and so destroying: must I sleep at such a time? that the devil must be over watched too? this hour hath blasted such a hope as the Earth never teemed with nor the spring gave up in smiling blossoms to the breath of those sweet winds that whisper from the west, a tale of triumph to the year, I could dissolve, with cursing of my Lethargy. How shall I look upon her face, whose love and bold adventure I have thus rewarded? but passion will not cure my wound which must bleed till I see her, and then either cease blessed by her pardon; or dismiss a life though just, too poor a sacrifice to her Anger. Where shall I hide myself and shame for ever? Exit.   

Actus quintus. Scaena prima.  Enter Sister & (presently after) Master Courtwell. Sist. 
I cannot forget my careless Gentleman; his neglect & reproaches have wrought strangely upon me; he's here.  Court. 
Is there not a weasel crept in to your chamber, Lady.  Sist. 
A weasel Sir?  Court. 
Yes, a Monsieur suck-egg.  Sist. 
Do you take my chamber for a hen's nest, Sir?  Court. 
there's a Thing that calls himself Device, one that will break the heart of a post-horse to continue a hand gallop with him, your a la mode, your fighting fairy, feathered footed servant, when saw you him?  Sist. 
My fighting servant, has he beaten you Sir? perhaps he thought you were his rival: surely I saw him not since yesterday.  Court. 
by'r Lady how many mile is it to the next Cutler? the rogue has pawned or sold my sword.  Sist. 
Do you hear Sir? I can tell you now what Lady; it was you did abuse so  Court. 
I abuse a Lady? Tell me the slave reported it; I hope it will prove this Monsieur if ere we meet again;— Who was it?  Sist. 
Upon condition Sir you will requite me but with one Gentle favour.  Court. 
Any thing.  Sist. 
You must sit down and hear me then, while at a distance, thus deliver.  Court. 
'tis more state.  Sist. 
I am most unfortunate.  Court. 
For what dear Damosel?  Sist. 
And wronged by a Gentleman I loved.  Court. 
Can he be a Gentleman that dares wrong so much love and beauty? what 's the offence?  Sist. 
He will not love again.  Court. 
And you would have the stubborn man corrected?  Sister 
I would be revenged, if I know how, and honour him, should do me justice.  Court. 
Name the man: I'll do it.  Sist. 
I cannot.  Court. 
How.  Sist. 
Yet turn your face: alas! it is yourself: I have your word to punish him.  Court. 
Sweet Lady I am well acquainted with the worthy Gentleman, but will not kill nor strike him: for I know he has just reason not to love you, you, of all your sex; he told me so.  Sist. 
His reason?  Court. 
Was in these words, suppose you hear him speak it. Now do you sit; Lady; when I consider you to a perfect form of what we can call handsome with all your attributes of soul and body where no Addition or detraction can by Cupid's, nicer critics find a fault, or Mercury with your eternal frame & then consider what a thing I am to this high Character of you; so low so lost to noble merits, I despair to love a Mistress cannot love again.  Sist. 
This is as much dissembled modesty.  Court. 
No let it all alone, I have other reasons, Lady, among my papers, to love, or to be in love is to be gulled, that's the plain English of Cupid's latin besides, all reverence to the calling, I have vowed never to marry: and you know, love may bring a man to 't at last and therefore my fine gewgaw, do not abuse me.  Sist. 
How can I when you will neither love me nor marry me?  Court. 
I was not made for a husband.  Sist. 
But I would make you.  Court. 
I know what you would make me.  Enter Servant. Serv. 
Monsieur Device if you be alone would present his service to you.  Court. 
Is he come?  Sist. 
Do me but one favour, I'll recant my love, I will not have so much as one good thought of you, I will neglect you, Sir, but for three minutes.  Court. 
I'll have patience so long. he hides.  Sist. 
Admit him. I will be revenged on somebody? now Sir: Enter Device.  Dev. 
 brought you a weapon Lady.  Sist. 
Me, what to do Sir.  Dev. 
'tis justice I present it to your feet, whose love Armed me to vindicate your honour.  Sist. 
My honour?  Dev. 
This is but the first of my valour in your cause; if you affect these monuments, I'll make you up an Armoury: mean time receive my service with this sword; if he provoke me to fight with him again; I'll cut his hand off and bring it with me, to present the next.  Sist. 
Whose hand dear Servant?  Dev. 
He is not worth the naming, alas; this does not deserve your knowledge; only think what I dare do, when your bright name is questioned: and I in time may merit to be called the darling of your Virgin thoughts.  Sister 
Pray stay; my name traduced? who was so impudent? do me the grace to let me know on whom your valour has been exercised.  Dev. 
Why upon the formal thing, called Courtwell, I would call him Gentleman, but that I have baffled him; you need no other witness then his sword: She shuts the door .With the fine holiday hilt.  Sist. 
Look you Sir I have made fast the door because I mean before you go, to have a satisfaction for the base Injury you have done me.  Dev. 
I done you Injury?  Sist. 
Not that I value Courtwell whom you would pretend has been too saucy with my honour, but cause I scorn to own a goodness should depend upon your sword or vindication: I'll fight with thee myself in this small volume against your bulk in folio.  Court. 
Excellent wench.  Dev. 
I was your champion, Lady.  Sist. 
I had rather have no fame then have thee name it; thou fight for a Lady's honour, and disarm a Gentleman? thou fence before the Pageants & make room for the porters, when like Elephants they carry once a year the city Castles: or go a feasting with the drum or school boys to the bank side & save the bears a whipping that day: come Sir I mean to have about with you.  Dev. 
At what weapon?  Sist. 
This, and none other, Sir.  Dev. 
I'll rather bleed to death then lift a sword in my defence▪ whose inconsiderate brightness may fright the roses from your Cheeks, & leave the lilies to Lament the rude divorce: but were a man to dare me, and your enemy, my rage more nimble than the Median shaft should fly into his bosom, and your eye change Anger into smiles, to see me fight and cut him into a ragged staff.  Court. 
I cannot hold no longer; you have got a stomach Sir with running, I'll try how you can eat a Sword.  Dev 
Have you an ambush Lady; I'll cry out murder, 'tis two to one. Fair play!  Court. 
Let me but cut one leg off to mar his running.  Dev. 
Hold: let me speak.  Court. 
What canst thou say for thy baseness?  Dev. 
Some men love wit, and can without dishonour endure a jest; Why? do you think I knew not you were here & but observed to see my humour? I came to wait upon you with your sword.  Court. 
How came you by it? Confess before this Lady.  Dev. 
Dost think her wit's so limber to believe I could compel it from thee, 'twas a trick, a mere conceit of mirth, thou shalt have mine: Dost think I stand upon a sword? I'll give thee a case of pistols, when we come to London; and shoot me when I love thee not: pox on it, thou apprehendest me well enough.  Court. 
But I am not satisfied, do you love this Gentlewoman?  Dev. 
Hum;  Court. 
You will resolve Sir.  Dev. 
As may become a stranger; I will not lose thy friendship for all woman kind.  Court. 
He dares, not own you.  Sist. 
I easily forgive him: I should hate myself if I depended on his pity.  Court. 
Thou art a noble wench: shall we leave of these Jigs, and speak our minds in earnest by these twin lips, I love thee extremely.  Sist. 
Swear by your own.  Court. 
They shall be mine: Monsieur, for your penance you shall along & witness.  Sist. 
What I pray.  Cou. 
The priest shall tell you, come, we have both dissembled, we do love one another.  Sist. 
'tis not possible.  Court. 
Unless you will deny me in the church. I have vowed to lie with you this night: Device, amble before, and find the Parson out; we will be friends, and thou shalt be her Father.  Dev. 
I must maintain my honour, or be beaten.  Co. 
Come we'll have no more acquaintance.  Sist. 
Very pretty! I may deceive you yet for all your confidence.  Court. 
If the sky fall, we'll have the darks to supper. Exeunt.  Enter Lady Sir Francis and Dorothy. Lad. 
It was a strange neglect, Sir.  Fran. 
I confess it, and not deserve to live for it, yet if you but knew my sufferings.  Lad. 
Let her be Judge.  Fran. 
By no means madam.  Lad. 
You may trust her knowledge.  Fran. 
This is worse than a whipping now, these Ladies have no mercy on a delinquent; I must stand to it; there is no tyrant to a chambermaid, made judge in such a case; I'll give a limb to be quit now; but if she choose, I am a cripple for this world.  Dor. 
Is it possible? A man and such a beast?  Fran. 
So: I must to the shambles.  Lad. 
What punishment can be equal to the offence?  Dor. 
He looks with some compunction for his fault, troth, madam, such another night: and try whether he'll sleep again.  Fran. 
Merciful wench; if we piece again; it shall be a good turn in thy way.  Lad. 
My husband is resolved this day for London. It is his humour, or else worse, suspicion: there's no pretence for him to stay behind.  Dor. 
You have made ill use of your time Sir Francis; I know not how to help you; seven years hence you may have such another opportunity.  Lad. 
Watch if my husband come not this way, Dorothy, well Sir, though your transgression deserve no pardon, yet I am charitable upon condition.  Fran. 
Any thing, madam: this shows excellent in you. No penance shall displease, so you absolve me. Bid me to climb some rock or pyramid, upon whose narrow spear you have advanced my peace, and I will reach it, or else fall lost to the world in my contempt.  Lady 
You speak gloriously, the condition that assures your pardon, is only this, that you conclude, here, all your loose desires, with a resolve never to prosecute or hope to enjoy me:  Fran. 
Call you this charity, let me rather lose your pardon, than ever be thus Divorced: bind me never to see you, (and yet that were cruelty) then, charm me to forget that I am man, or have a heart, and you a beauty which your absence can as well make nothing, as divide from my adoring It is not cure but killing to prescribe I never must enjoy you, if you have resolved death upon me, let it be when we like lovers have embraced.  Lady 
It is not possible.  Fran. 
nothing in love can be impossible to willing minds. I'll tell you, madam, Sure the devil has forsworn the flesh, there may be a plot, I have it. An excellent rare Device, if you but favour it: your husband is immediately for London I must in modesty ride with him; you are left behind.  Lad. 
How can that profit you?  Dor. 
What a deal of submission these foolish men trouble us women with, that are more forward to be friends again, than they?  Fran. 
I will counterfeit a fall.  Lad. 
A fall?  Fran. 
ay, from my horse, observe me then.  Dor. 
My confederate I hope by this time is at the gate inquiring for Sir Richard very formally from the old Knight his Master & good Lady: the follow has wit to manage it.  Fran. 
My Footman shall pretend himself the surgeon to attend me; is't not rare? stand but to it fate in this and if I fail I will sit down a convert and renounce all wanton hope hereafter. Dearest madam if you did mean this honour to me before let not your loving thoughts freeze in a minute; my genius is a prophet.  Dor. 
Sir Richard, madam, is coming this way.  Fran 
Shall I hope again  Lad. 
I will not say you shall despair.  Fran. 
You bless me. Exit.  Dor. 
My business is on foot, your Jewel madam will credit much the cause.  Lad. 
we will with draw; and let me know how you, have cast the plot. Exeunt.  Enter Sir Richard (opening a letter) & Footman. Sir Rich. 
From thy Master? his name?  Foot. 
Sir William Litleland.  Sir Rich. 
I do not know him.  Foot. 
His name is well known in Lincolnshire near the fens; there were of his family Ancient Gentlemen before the conquest, some say, ever since the flood,  Sir Rich. 
Little Land?  Foot. 
But he has now more land than 3. of the best of the sheer, thank the dutch men that have drunk up all the water.  Sir Rich. 
They water— drinkers?  Foot. 
Why not, as well as eat dry land? they are lined with butter; Sir; they fear no dropsies.  Sir Rich. 
She has been absent these two years, the occasion her dislike and disaffection to a Gentleman whom I confess, I did severely urge her to marry, if she have lived with you, as my late intelligence informs me in the nature of a Servant, which is beneath my wish and her condition, I hope upon this knowledge, you will with consider of her quality she being my only child and heir to my fortunes, use her like a Gentlewoman: and though my pears have made me unfit for travel I do Intend upon the return of my daughter, whom I shall receive as a new blessing from you, to express myself for your favour  
Your true Friend and Servant WILLIAM LITTELAND.  
My maid Dorothy A knight's daughter & heir? do you know your young Mistress?  Foot. 
I shall be happy to see her, with a Letter and token from her Lady Mother.  Sir Rich. 
I pray trust me to deliver it.  Foot. 
ay, With all my heart, Sir; you may command.  Sir Rich. 
Thomas, pray entertain this Footman in the buttery: let him drink & refresh himself and set the cold chine of beef before him he has run hard.  Tho. 
That will stay his stomach indeed; but claret is his only binder.  Foot. 
Sack while you live after a heat, Sir.  Tho. 
Pease you, I'll show you the way to be drunk. Exit with Footman.  Sir Rich. 
To my loving daughter? may not this be a trick? Enter Underwit.  
By your favour madam; Captain, gather you the sense of that Letter, while I peruse this, you know Mistress Dorothy?  Vnd. 
I have had a great desire to know her, I confess, but she is still like the bottom of the map, Terra incognita, I have been a long time hovering about the Magellan straits but have made no new discoveries.  Sir Rich. 
Ha! This is no counterfeit; I dare trust my own Judgement; 'tis a very rich one I am confirmed, and I will seal them up again. My Lady's Woman Sir William Littleland's daughter and heir? what say you now of Mistress Dorothy?  Vnd. 
A great deal better than I did, and yet I have loud her this half year in a kind of way, of my conscience, why may not I marry her?  Sir Rich. 
This Jewel was sent by her Mother to her.  Vnd. 
Dear Uncle conceal it till I have talk with her, oh for some witchcraft to make all sure.  Sir Rich. 
I like this well: she's here.  Enter Dorothy. Vnd. 
I vow, Mistress Dorothy; if I were immodest, it was the mere impudence of my sack, and not my own disposition but if you please to accept my love now by the way of marriage I'll make you satisfaction, like a Gentleman in the point of honour.  Dor. 
your birth and estate is too high and unequal for me, Sir.  Vnd. 
What care I for portion or a face, she that has good eyes, has good— Give me virtue.  Dor. 
You are pleased to make your mirth of me.  Vnd. 
By this ruby nay; you shall wear it in the broad eye of the world; dost think I jest?  Dor. 
Sir Richard:—  Vnd. 
If he were ten Sir Richard's, I am out of my wardship  Dor. 
How he flutters in the limebush: it takes rarely. Aside.  Vnd. 
What a necessary thing were a household chaplain? Exit.  Sir Rich. 
So; so; the wench inclines, I will hasten my journey that I may appear with more excuse, when they are married in my absence. Exit.  Enter Master Courtwell, Sister and Device. Court. 
Come we are fast enough, and now I have thee, I'll tell the all the fault I find, thou hast a little two much wit, to be a wife: it could not be too nimble for a Mistress. There is a part of your penance still behind Device; you would pretend to be a poet, I'll not disgrace the name to call thee one, but let me have times against we go to bed, Two anagrams that weigh an ounce with comment, and after that, in verse your affidavit that you do wish us joy, and I'll discharge you.  Dev. 
'tis time I were at study then.  Exit Device. Court. 
About them, your double congee, and depart with silence: now prithee tell me who reported I had wronged a Lady? Was it not thy revenge to make me Angry?  Sist. 
It was indeed Now tell me; why at the first approach seemed you so modest? you have confidence to spare, now.  Court. 
Troth I came not with any wooing purpose: only to please my Uncle, and try thy wit and that converted me. Enter Tho.  Tho. 
Did you see my Master Captain Underwit?  Court. 
Yes he's talking with a priest and Mistress Dorothy.  Tho. 
Her Father's Footman is here, she is a knight's daughter and heir, but she doth not know it.  Sist. 
I think so?  Court. 
Where's my Uncle?  Tho. 
A mile on his way to London, by this time with Sir Richard, I long to see my Master. Exit.  Court. 
we shall want Company to dance.  Enter Lady. Sist. 
My Sister.  Court. 
If you please madam, you may call me, Brother, we have been at, I john take thee Elisabeth, a posset and four naked thighs in a bed tonight, we'll bid fair earnest for a boy too.  Sist. 
'tis even so madam; the Priest has done it  Lad. 
Nay then all joys attend you; if this had been known, it might have, stayed Sir Richard, and your Uncle one day more.  Enter Underwit, Dorothy, Sackbury, Thomas. Vnd. 
Room for another couple.  Tho. 
In hell, my Master is married.  Lad. 
My husband left some letters, and a token was sent you Mistress Dorothy, you did Ill to obscure yourself so much, you shall not want hereafter all respects that may become you.  Dor 
madam I know not what you mean.  Cap. 
She will not take it upon her, yet.  Vnd. 
There is the sport Enter Device.  Dev. 
Oh madam, news; Ill news; an Accident which will blast all your mirth, Sir Francis;—  Court. 
What of him.  Dev. 
Has broke;—  Court. 
His neck?  Dev. 
You guess very near it, 'tis but, his shoulder has saved that Joint; a fall from his horse they say hath much endangered him.  Court. 
My Uncle hurt? Exit.  Lad. 
He has kept his word; now if he counterfeit handsomely.  Vnd. 
Monsieur Device, I must entreat a courtesy: you have wit and I will have a Masque to entertain my new Father in Law Sir William Littleland; Mistress Dorothy now my wife is his only daughter & heir  Dor. 
Who has gulled you thus? I am no Knights daughter.  Dev. 
Give you Joy Captain  Vnd. 
she is still loath to confess it.  Enter Sir Francis; Master Courtwell, Lady, Sister, Sackbury. Fran. 
If you love charity; a bone setter.  Lad. 
He counterfeits rarely, where is Sir Richard.  Fran. 
He rid before, but I sent my Footman, to tell him my misfortune; oh; madam.  Lad. 
This is better than the tooth ache; he carries it excellently.  Fran. 
Ask me no torturing questions, I desire Madame a little conference with you, I'll thank the rest if they will with draw.  Court. 
Let's leave him.  Vnd. 
we'll to my chamber, Captain.  Sack. 
You have a mind to examine the business privately.  und 
No, good Captain you may be present, come; Thomas, thou shalt be witness too. Exeunt.  Lad. 
They are gone, you feign most Artificially, let me embrace you.  Fran. 
Oh take heed.  Lad. 
What's the matter.  Fran. 
'tis no dissembling, madam; I have had a fall indeed: a dreadful fall, I feel it, I think my horse saw the devil in some hedge, ere I had rid three furlongs: gave a start, pitched me off his back like a bar and broke a flint with my shoulder, I think; which struck fire too there was something like it in my eyes; I am punished.  Lad. 
But is this serious, are you hurt indeed?  Fran. 
Hurt? I have broke my shoulder, feelingly, and I am of opinion when I do enjoy you, madam, I shall break my neck: that will be the next; I'll take this for a warning and will leave of in time.  Lad. 
It makes me tremble.  Fran. 
I will be honest now, and so forgive me, is not the surgeon come yet?  Lad. 
Heaven hath cured us both.  Fran. 
I am not cured yet, oh for the bone setter, if ever I counterfeit again.  Lad. 
There is a blessing fall'n upon my blood: your only thoughts charm had power to make my thoughts wicked, and your conversion disenchants me: may both our lives be such as heaven may not grieve, to have showed this bounty.  Enter Courtwell and the rest with Sir Richard. Court. 
Sir Richard; Madame:  Lad. 
You may enter now, Sir.  Sir Rich. 
I do not like this Stratagem, Sir Francis must not here practise his court tricks, I will not trust my wife's surgery:  Enter Surgeon. 
he's come; Sir Francis is led out.  
How is it noble Sir Francis; best with draw, I'll see him dressed myself.  Vnd. 
madam and Gentleman; Mistress Dorothy will not acknowledge she is a knight's daughter she swears she knows no Littleland.  Dor. 
Till it appear to whom, this Gem was meant, deaf madam, be you treasurer, I confess I have wealth enough in such a noble husband.  Lad. 
It shall belong to thee; be honest Dorothy, and use him well.  Dor. 
With my best study, madam;  Sack. 
Where is this Footman you talk of?  Tho. 
He pretended letters to carry two miles off to a kinsman's of his Masters and return presently: he drunk 3. or 4. beer glasses of Sack and he run away so lightly.  Dor. 
His reward shall overtake him.  Vnd. 
Will you have her; she'll do you service, Captain at a low Country leager or thou Thomas I le give thee a copyhold.  Tho. 
You have one life to come in that lease yet, I thank you I am free, and that is Inheritance. For aught I know she may serve us both.  Sack. 
Come you may persuade her to take it upon her for your credit, the gullery is yet with in these walls let your shames go no further, the wench may prove right; she may.  Enter Sir Richard. Lad. 
What news from Sir Francis.  Sir Rich. 
Wife I heartily ask thy forgiveness: I had jealous thoughts, but all is right again.  Lad. 
I will deserve your confidence.  Sir Rich. 
No great danger, his blade bone dislocated: the man has put every thing in his right place  Vnd. 
Do you hear Sir Richard, we are married.  Sir Rich. 
'tis well done 'tis to my mind, send you Joy;  Vnd. 
Come hither Dorothy.  Dor. 
My Mother died, I have it by tradition, so, as soon as I was borne my Father but no Knight, is now in the Indies a poor Merchant that broke for 20000.  Sir Rich. 
The ships may come home, ha;  Dor. 
You had best use me well now we are married, I will be sworn you forced me to the church and thrice compelled me there to said, I Dorothy— The parson's oath and mine, for aught I know may make it half a rape.  Sir Rich. 
There is no remedy we can prove no conspiracy; and because I have been gulled myself, get her with child; my do is barren, at birth of her first baby I'll give thee a hundred pieces.  Vnd. 
That's somewhat yet: when charge comes on, thy hand, a wife can be but a wife: it shall cost me 500. but I'll make thee a lady in earnest.  Enter Sir Francis and surgeon. Sir Rich. 
How is it Sir Francis.  Fran. 
My Surgeon says no danger: when you please I may venture Sir to London.  Sir Rich. 
Noah hast now.  Court. 
Not tonight, Sir, we must have revels, and you salute my bride.  Vnd. 
And mine.  Tho. 
A knight's daughter and heir.  Fran. 
May all Joys thrive upon your jove's; than you are cozened of your Mistress Monsieur, but your nephew knows I have met with my match if not put to the worst.  Sir Rich. 
Come we lose time.  Fran. 
Preserve your Marriage faith: a full increase of what you wish confirm your happiness.  Exeunt. 
FINIS.