News from Bedlam, Or, Tom of Bedlams OBSERVATIONS, UPON Every Month and Feastival Time in this present Year, 1674.  
With his General Judgement of the State thereof, and what is like to Happen in several parts of the World, with the Grand Causes thereof.  
Calculated chief for the Meridian of Great Bedlam, and the Cross Walks in moorfield's, where the Pole is Elevated many Miles above Sense or Apprehension.  
By Tom of Bedlam, Knight of the Frantic Horn, and Student in Mathematical Gimcracks, Whimsies, Antics, and others rare Chimaeras.  

Stand back kind Friends, I pray now let me Come,  
Now each have Writ their Minds, why not Mad Tom:  
My Wits shall Dance like to a Gravesend Wherry,  
To please the Wise and make mad People Merry.   
With Allowance.  
LONDON, Printed for B. H. 1674.  
Tom of Bedlam.   

The Explanation of the Pictur.  
HAd I the Art, to Use the Poet's Pen,  
So to impart sound Wit to other Men;  
I would advise them, to be Wise and Wary,  
And not like me, in all things to miscarry.  
My Wits and Fancy, through the World do Fly,  
And in my Thoughts, I seem to scale the Sky,  
Supposing Luna's dry, and fain would Drink,  
Calls for her Pot, but like me, hath no Chink.  
I wind my Horn that jacob's Staff doth hold,  
And see the Stars all glittering like Gold;  
One my Cross staff, a Quadrat you may see,  
But I forgot to set down each Degree:  
Upon my Horn, you see an Owl doth sit,  
Th' Emblem of most that Almanacs have Writ.  
A Scutcheon here's, presented by two Horns  
That stand a cross, like Madman's Coat of Arms:  
For want of Horns, my Case I do deplore,  
Instead of these, I wish Ten Thousand Score;  
One single Horn here doth supply those Twain,  
Which hath two Vents, like to a Madman's Brain.  
Two Creatures strange, on either side appears  
To catch at Momus, when he Scoffs and Jeers:  
Another placed over the Crest on high,  
Declares his Spongy Brains are almost dry,  
A Triangle born up by three Cross Straws,  
Shows plain enough the Breach of Reason's Laws.  
My Colours quite above my Heed I Flourish,  
In the Despite of those that are most Currish:  
My Globe's the Earth, which highly I commend,  
Even from my Birth, and unto it I bend;  
My feathered Plumes towards the Sky are spread,  
In have Ten Thousand Cratchits in my Head.   

To the Reader.  
IF thou Look big, and Read with scornful Eye,  
I must proclaim thee full as Mad as I,  
The silliest things we know do oftenest Hit,  
And best Authors own more to Luck than Wit.  
The World's a Bedlam, all Men run astray.  
But every one goes Mad a several Way.   

Tom of Bedlams Observations for the Year, 1674.  
I Tom of Bedlam in this Iron Age,  
Adventure once upon the public Stage,  
Having lain close in Bedlam many a Year,  
Come at last quite void of Wit and Fear.  
I see the Learned Write, to show their Wit,  
But still their Art doth oftener fail than Hit.  
Mad in my mind to hear the People cry,  
New Almanacs, new Almanacs come buy;  
I thought to Write to show my simple Skill,  
In nimble turning of the Gray-Goose quill:  
I mention not any strange Prodigy,  
Nor tamper with doubtful Astrology.  
Others there are whose Books will show their name,  
Which do not treat of Nuns and beauteous Dames;  
They spend their time in gazing at the Stars,  
And tell us both of Peace and open Wars;  
They count the Planets, say they are uneven,  
And by Arithmetic find 'em just seven:  
Twelve Signs they have appointed to Man's Body,  
This makes four a piece, the writer was a Noddy:  
Twelve times twelve Signs in London men may view,  
You'll then conclude, all that they writ's not true.  
I tell you not the Moons each several name,  
Nor name the Stars for fear of gaining blame;  
Nor the Eclipses, nor no Home-bread Charms,  
Except it be young Women in men's arms:  
Nor Full, nor Change, nor both, nor any neither,  
Of Frost, of Snow, nor Hail, nor Cloudy weather.  
All that is written may not pass for Lies,  
If't be not Truth, you'll find it orherwise:  
— I'm sure 'tis Truth, Laugh and Read it over,  
You'll find 'tis Sixteen hundred seventy four.  
Marvel not that no Months I here do place,  
Nor yet Weekdays, I have too little space.  
Eclipses certainly there'l be somewhere,  
And thirteen Moons within this present year.  
Four Terms likewise will be at Westminster,  
To ease their Purses, that do love to Jar;  
Where not a Lawyer will forsake his Fee,  
Instead of one, he rather will take three.  
Twelve Months also, for so my Keeper says,  
In them Three hundred sixty and five days:  
Let me remember, lest I should be shent,  
This Year Shrove-Tuesday falleth before Lent;  
There is a day of which I can divine,  
Wherein each Lad doth chose a Valentine:  
From Easter day, two holidays do follow,  
Young Men and Maids, of Sports will hoop & hollow  
The first of Maʒ, by some fair Stars I find,  
Young Men and Maids together will prove kind:  
Tall towering Maypoles in each Town shall stand,  
And many Villages within this Land;  
Garlands of Flowers decked, with Ribonds fine,  
Glistering aloft, when th' glorious Sun doth shine:  
Where Pan the Piper plays unto the Rout,  
And every Lad doth lead his Lass about;  
To dance a Hay, a Round, a Jige,  
In twenty weeks, her Belly is full big;  
But what strange Physic makes her thus to swell?  
Beshrew my Muse, if I at all can tell.  

Observations upon Whitsuntide.  
THere is another time of Sport beside,  
By Youngers, called, Welcome Whitsuntide;  
do presage byth' Stars that shine so clear,  
Young Men & Maids, shall make both mirth & cheer.  
Green Trees shall flourish in some country Towns,  
Bumkins will scorn then to be called Clowns;  
Then Pan appears, their pleasant Sports to see,  
And on his Pipe doth play most merrily:  
After each Lad and Lass, their work have done,  
Unto the green Tree strait away they run;  
Where every Lad doth take his Lafs byth' hand,  
Amongst the Rout the which about doth stand.  
Upon her Lips he doth Imprint a Kiss,  
To meet him half the way she will not miss:  
Sweet Music of all sorts doth then abound,  
Then hand in hand, they dance the Tree around;  
Then part asunder and Caper so high,  
A Man would think they'd Leap into the Sky;  
They Leap and Skip, being in a merry strain,  
They meet and Kiss, then Kiss and part again:  
Each Lad his Gift o'th' Music doth bestow,  
To please his Lass in this Triumphant show:  
Poor Tom stands by, beholding this same Sport,  
That far surpasses all Delights o'th' Court;  
Wishing himself a Partner in that Bliss,  
That he might Court the Maids and also Kiss.  
 twenty Weeks be past, I'll lay a Pot,  
Some Maids prove sick, if their Bellies swell not;  
Some Lad is forced to make his Lass his Bride,  
For his sweet Dancing at last Whitsuntide.   

Observations upon the four Quarter days.  
I Do observe that plain it doth appear,  
Four Quarter-days there are within the Year,  
Which brings to Landlords great joy and content,  
When as kind Tenants pays to them their Rent.  
March the Twenty Five, I understand,  
Is Quarter-day throughout this Famous Land.  
The Twenty Five of June, as I hear tell,  
Is Quarter-day, that pleaseth Landlords well;  
This Year on September, the Twenty Nine,  
Landlords receive their Rents, and drink good wine.  
And upon December, Twenty and One,  
This last Quarter like the rest is gone.  
Poor Tenants case, much I do lament,  
Which by no means great dangers can prevent:  
I do bewail my own, and others Crimes,  
Not gaining Coin in these sad Iron Times:  
When greedy Lions come unto their Doors,  
And gapes for Coin, and sound at him Roars:  
Come Fellow? Now come pay to me my Rent,  
Or else to Prison strait thou shalt be sent:  
When as the tenant these proud words doth hear,  
His very heart gins to quake with fear.  
Then first of all his Goods are strained upon,  
Not having left a Bed for to lie on;  
His Wife and Children, tender, sick, and poor,  
Half naked, straight are all turned our o'th' door;  
Her Husband then in a Prison is Confined,  
To end his days, to please the Landlord's mind.  
I Tom of Bedlam to such Landlords tell,  
That their Reward shall be to Fry in Hell.   

His Observations upon the first Week of Christmas.  
UPon December, dated the Twenty Five,  
Who ever at that Day shall be Alive;  
The Week before shall see much Cattle slain,  
The Bodies upon Christmas to sustain.  
I do Presage, and eke prognosticate,  
There will be Feasting, both Early and Late;  
With Cards and Dice, throughout this Land shall be  
In great esteem, with High and Low degree:  
Four Kings together to each House shall come,  
And be esteemed both of all and some;  
And shall be seen all in one Company,  
And much admired of all the standers by.  
Four Queens likewise, with their best Habits on,  
The more to please the Eyes o'th' lookers on:  
Then four brave Fellows, decked in Colours fine,  
Wait them upon, but yet they drink no Wine;  
You may know them from amongst twenty score,  
For by their carriage, they are Knaves all four:  
And every three of these, ten Followers have,  
All decked with Colours very Fine and Brave.  
I should first have begun with the New Year,  
But I poor Tom, was dreaming of good Cheer;  
How that Tenants send their Landlord's Gifts,  
That need them not, both these and other shifts;  
Each Messenger a Gift doth then receive,  
Of Gloves and Ribonds, which their Lord doth give.  
They stay and Dine, and Sup, before they part,  
God bless such Lords that wins the Tenant's heart:  
Tenants will Thrive under such Landlords, when  
They rack not Rents, but are kind loving men.   

Of the four Quarters of the Year.  
NOw if Diana certainly wear Garters,  
This present Year will surely have 4 Quarters,  
Winter, Harvest, Summer, and Spring time,  
Excuse poor Tom that knows not how to Rhyme;  
In these Quarters such varieties there be,  
Of Railers of each Sex, and each Degree:  
Which caused a Frenchman for to break his Nose,  
Also the Tears to trickle down his Hoose:  
In this Conflict brave Gallent men shall die,  
When it come to pass, you'll know't as well as I.   

Of the Twelve Months, first of January.  
I Have observed by great Care and Trust,  
The days herein are One and Thirty just;  
This Month gins the first day of the Year,  
When men and women dance and make good cheer.  
Great Fires I'm sure, will be in great request,  
Strong Ale and Beer will surely be oppressed:  
Warm Beds, hot Broths, good Cheer is all in fashion,  
Both in London, and throughout this Nation.  
Cook's shops and Ordinaries, are now in motion,  
The Gallants at the Wine show great devotion:  
Shopkeepers every one will wear his Gown,  
Both in the City, and in each Free Town.  
And let me now, to speak the truth be bold,  
The Wether seems not hot, but extreme cold:  
There's one thing more the which I greatly fear;  
Faggots and Coals will be exceeding dear.   

Februaries Observation.  
I Have observed by eating Pork and Pease,  
This present Month hath Eight and Twenty days;  
One thing remarkable, I'll not let pass,  
The second day is called Candlemass,  
The twenty four is Mathias.  
This Month resembles the last Month before,  
Trading gins for to Revive the Poor  
Shopkeepers, now do gather by their Gain,  
And to the Poor do then Return again;  
They fill their Shops expecting a rich Spring,  
To vent their Wares great Profit home to bring.  
One thing byth' way, to note, I'll now be bold,  
The Wether seems to be exceeding cold:  
Methinks I see a strange Outlandish Fire,  
That's kindled betwixt a Nun and a Friar:  
'Tis pleasant sport when Mars and Venus be,  
United both by this Afinity:  
Both Friars and Nuns, they all creep close together,  
To Fast, and Lose, or both, or chose you whether.  
The zealous Monks, that seem to be most pure,  
As I love Life, do love a Lass I'm sure.   

His Observations for March.  
SEveral varieties of strange Alterations in this Month, cometh to pass in divers places of the World, either in Europe, Asia, Africa, or America, if it happen that Mars and Luna be in conjunction; for some will be so deep in love with their Idols, that they dote upon, though they have Eyes they will not see, and Ears yet they will not hear, having Noses but smell nothing, Wit and perceive nothing, having a Heart but can feel nothing; which seemeth by my Astrological Rules gathered out of the Learned writings of those most Excellent and never to be forgotten Authors, Jack adam's, Hobbedibooby, and Poor Robin: That Old Men that have Young Wives will be made Cuckolds, Youths be befooled, Beauty betrayed, Wealth will be wasted, and Virtue will be dishonoured; and that Lambs, Pigs, Calves, Geese, Ducks, and Chickens, shall either live till they be at their full Age, or be killed to eat whilst they are young; and also that a Horse is no Man, or a Cock no Hen, a Goose no Gander, and a Bull no Cow, and a Bear is no Sow.  
The Wether oft will alter with the Wind,  
And those can nothing see that are stark Blind.  
Brave News ariveth ●rom beyond the Seas,  
Which English Men, and English hearts doth please:  
The Dutch so stout, before our Fleet doth bend,  
They'll have the Rout, and thus this Month doth end.   

April's Observations.  
THis Month the Earth beginneth green to show,  
Adorned with Grass & Flowers, that thereon grow  
Soft and sweet showers, upon the Earth doth fall,  
Rejoicing the hearts of Men and Beasts, and all.  
Sweet singing Birds do make such Harmony,  
With most sweet Notes, and warbling towards the Sky;  
Pleasing to God, and also to Mankind,  
No Music like to this to please the mind:  
Part of this Month, perhaps it may prove warm,  
But a good Fire will do a man no harm.  
By reason that March is not in April, it produceth these and the like effects, that some will dance the Trenchmore without a Piper, and some can take no rest for sleeping, nor eat a full meal after their Belltes be full, nor run fast when they are not able for to stand: nor a Scolding woman to be quiet for fourtéen hours in every day: Nay, more it teacheth a Fool to flattery, a Knave to lie, a Wench to dance, it makes a Soldier valorous, a Courtier wanton; it will make a Wiseman a fool, and a Fool quite out of his wits.  
Young Lawyers now, shall lay aside their Books,  
And tempted be by some fair Venus Looks:  
Mars will be angry, and will draw his Sword,  
Vulkin to him small sucker will afford:  
Cupid from Venus shall the Trevant play,  
And's sound whipped for shooting his Shafts away.   

Mays Observations.  
This Month gins jovially, Old Men and Women rejoice because they put their  to Grass, young Men embrace their Swéet-hearts, going a Maying; the first day in the morning is so cold, that the young men cover the Maids with several green Gowns, and to secure their own hands from the cold, thrust them into the Maid's bosoms: The first day is spent in Varieties of Sports, as I told you before. Some News more than ordinary this Month doth produce; First, there will be such a f●ll of 〈◊〉, that except they be young and fat, very little money will be bidden for them; Hackney Horses will hardly be worth their meat, many houses hath such Dogs, that no Beggar dare come near their doors; no sooner is the Mouse at the Cheese, but the Cat hath her by the back; some Maidmarians will be gotten with Child in their sleep, and the Hobby-horse will be mad that the fool must be the Father. There is great talk of setting up several new Taverns, but it is Tobacco that will vent the old Sack; much Giberish is spoken, so that our own Mother Tongue is quite forgotten; Usurers are half mad for lack of Vent for their Money; Law was never more out of use, nor men more out of Money; Women put Men quite out of Countenance, a Pot of Al● will be worth a Penny, and the Knave of Clubs will still make one in the Stock.  
This Month doth end when June it doth begin,  
Of some one side the Knave o'th' Clubs will win;  
There is more Knaves by Sea and Land,  
Then all the World beside can well withstand:  
A due sweet May, and eke fair Maids farewel,  
Good Friars, I pray, let Nuns pass to their Cell.   

Junes Observation.  
THis Month produceth a most strange difference between December, January, and this Month; for those that used then to cry Sprats, Oysters, fresh Herrings, and grey Pease, do mou