The EXTRAVAGANT POET Novel.    

THE Extravagant POET.  
A Comical NOVEL, Wherein is Described his many Pleasant Follies.  
Translated out of French, by G. R. Gent.  
Printed for B. M. at the Sign of Pegasus, at the Foot of Parnassus his Hill, 1681.   

THE Extravagant POET.  
UPon a certain time, as I went out of my Lodging in a Morning, with a design to go a Walking, merely for a little Divertisement, and to pass away a few Melancholy Love-fits; it was my Fortune, to light into a little blind Tavern; and being set down upon a Bench, I began to say to myself (after a languishing manner, with a deep and far-fetched sigh): Ah, my dear Colombine, thou art the only Object of my Affections, and ever shall be so, in spite of all the rigour of my hard fate. But having no sooner uttered these words, but the Boy of the House (who heard me speak such words as these) began to take me for a Poet; and asked me, Whether I were not an Acquaintance of such a Person, who did very often Eat at that House? And withal told me, That he had made most excellent Verses: of which, he told me, That he had given him a very fine one to present to his Mistress: And so, as soon puts a paper, greasy enough, into my hand, which looked as if it had been bound about Bacon; but with this charge, That I should not Foul it. So taking it into my hand, and opening it, I found it to be an Elegy upon a General of the Army: which made me as soon to Reply, (without any show of Laughter to the Boy, whose name was Cascaret) That those Verses were very agreeable to the subject that they were composed for; and that (without all doubt) they were the Works of some great Personage.  
Yes indeed, replied Cascaret: And I will assure you, I have a great deal of kindness for him, and should be very sorry to Disoblige him in any thing, or to draw him any Wine that should be Flat, or Troubled; or any thing but the very Best in the House was still, and so should always be at his Service.  
All this is very well, I replied: But is not this person (whom you so much applaud) gotten into your Debt for his Diet.  
Yes, a little (said the Boy) but that signifies but little; for I have a very good Pledge for it, therefore I fear it the less. And at the same time (by me) pulls out of a Cupboard, a great bundle of Papers, in which were written many Verses; but the greatest part so imperfect, and so much clothered or defaced with one thing or other, that one could make very little Sense of any of them.  
There were Inscriptions of several things; as namely, An Elegy for Dorothy; A Complaint of Damon a Coeliste; A Crostick upon the Name of— An Heroic Poem for Monsieur Rondeau. At the End; Rhymes, Epigrams, Sonnets, Epithets, Stanzes, Madrigals, and a many of other things; but not one of all, that was there, was finished: But some were begun in the Middle, others at the End, where they should have Finished their Discourse: All which made me very much admire the Excellency of the Poet, and the great Judgement of Cascaret, the Boy of the Tavern.  
But (as I was going out of the House) it was my hap to espy (at a great distance in the Street) a man all alone Talking very busily to himself, and sometimes Laughing, nodding with his Head, and sometimes making Motions with his Arms; insomuch, that few Parts about him were idle. He was clad in a White-Sattin Doublet, pincked; his Breeches of Black Cloth, called Drap de Berry; a Roupille, or Upper-Garment, like a Cloak, was made of a Mask-coloured Serge, (made at a Place in France, called d' Aumale); a Grey Hat, called a Castor; Yellow Silk Stockings, and a pair of very light Shoes; which made me for to behold him with Admiration, not knowing what to judge of so strange a Personage. But Cascaret, who had Brought or Conducted me to the Door, told me, That that was the Poet, of whom he had informed me; which caused me for to go in again, to the intent that I might have a little Conference with him, because by this time he was already at the Door: So we Kissed each other. But I found him to be so very troublesome at that time, that I could not possibly speak two Words together to him, without an Interruption: Yet, notwithstanding all this, I used all possible Means to get myself acquainted with him, that I might divert myself a little sometimes in his Company; for which cause we obliged each other for a Rendezvouz the next Morning, in the same Place: So, both Parties being agreed, he told me, That he slept but very little, that he might the better mind the Completing of those Works he had to do, the Composition being great; therefore, he should be very Early.  
So coming next Morning to the Place appointed, I found my Poet up Early enough, and staying for me: And so, this rare Personage having laid many of his Galemafreys upon the Table, upon a Carpet, such as it was, in as great State as could be, I was Conducted into the Room where they were; but seeing them to be of no greater Value, than those which I had already seen in the Hands of Cascaret, I thought it convenient for that time, to dissemble my Thoughts, and to make inquiry after some Verses, which would assuage the Cruelty of a Cruel Mistress; making the Complaints of an Unhappy and Unfortunate Lover. Upon which, he promised me, that the same Day before Night, I should not fail to have them finished in their last Perfection: Telling me withal, That he was, one of the Nimblest of all Parnassus' Disciples; for he hath been sometimes so encumbered with so much Business of this kind, that to give every one Content in a very short time, he hath been obliged to make many, far beyond the Imaginations of the greatest Potentates: For within these Four Days, he had Composed above Thirty Thousand of all sorts, which were to be sent to great Personages, into strange Countries. And so swore by the Faith of a Poet, that I should receive of him all the Satisfaction that could be promised by a Person, who made the choicest, and best Works, that were to be made: For he wrought by the same Rule and Order, that the best Composers, and most illustrious Authors, both Ancient and Modern, wrought by; and therefore, when I should know him well, I would have a very great Esteem for him.  
But Hunger called for a Breakfast; which was as soon called for, and a Ragou made, that we might break Fast together: But whilst the Poet was a babbling about his Galemafreys, our Ragou was grown cold: Wherefore, the Poet runs away to the Kitchen, and brings some Fire upon a Shovel; but instead of putting the Fire into the Chafing-Dish, he threw it into the Dish, to the Meat; which caused me to burst out into a Laughter. But he told me, That the great Business he had in his mind, did hinder him from taking notice of such small things as this was. So that, by this first Interview that we had the one with the other, the Poet gave me many Testimonies of his great Love to me, without knowing of me: But we made our Reciprocal Promises of giving one another a Visit: he gave me a Note of his Name, and Place of his Abode, in print; upon which we parted at the present.  
But some Days after, having a Fantasy to go to this Parnassus, I found his Host, but not himself; who told me, That he was gone to walk abroad, that he might ruminate and collect some pretty Fancies together, for the Composing of a Book of Songs; for which he was Paid in part beforehand, by those that had Employed him. But I answered the Woman; For all that I can see, the Works that he makes aught to be very Excellent, that he is not afraid to put them to public View, and to pass the Censures of all Men, without Control or Molestation. To which she answered; That there were a great many good Poets, that were not in nothing nigh so good an Esteem as he was; for his Company is always almost every Day desired, and sought after by many honest Men, and those of Fashion too: For it is he, that furnishes the Blind, and the Lame with all their New Tunes and Airs, which are so much praised and extolled in all your Victualling-Houses, as well as in your great Taverns, and other Places of Entertainment. But as she was going to tell me more, in comes our Poet; who with a hundred Compliments and Reverences, to the very last Point of Impertinent Importunities, he Conducted me into his Chamber; where he made as many more Ceremonies, turning and winding a great many Papers over, in testimony of abundance of Business upon his Hands; and that he was as eager about it, as a Poltroon, or heavy Cowardly Fellow, that was very earnest to go Fight. And so, taking of his Ink-Horn, but not finding of a Pen at Hand, as he looked for, he takes a Penknife, and cuts and points one of his Nails, which was of an excessive Length, resembling more the Beak of a Horn, than the Nail of a Man: This he cloven at the End, in form of a Pen, and run it into his Ink-Horn, till he had made it moist; and then takes out a piece of Paper, already made foul, and tumbled; and thereon writes Five or Six Verses, which he very much praised and applauded them, in the Reading of them over and over several times. The First of which was this, so near as I do remember:  
Charmante, mais sire Inhuman.  
Thou Charmest me, but O Inhuman Sister!  
So, seeing no Hopes of getting any thing better from this my Extravagant Poet, I took his Paper, and bid him the Good Night; and so went away strait to my Lodging: But being arrived at my Lodging, I was much astonished to find my Poet there as soon as myself, quite out of Breath, and blowing as if he had been out of is Wits, puffing, and looking as if he had been a Bookseller, that had lost his Book; his Business was so very great, making all the Petitions and Requests, that might be, to me, that I would but give him the Paper again that he had given me, to copy out some Verses of great Consequence, which were written on the Backside of my Paper, which he had Composed for me: Telling me, That it was impossible for him ever to get them into his Memory again, if once razed out thence. So, considering his earnest Importunity, I granted his Request, and gave him his Paper again: But as soon as he once had gotten it into his Hands again, it was impossible for me to be gone from him, he did so importune me with one thing or another; one time with the strange Strength of Imagination, or else all was lost that he had so long and often occupied his Senses about, and a deal of such like Stuff. But as I had read in the Paper, that he was so very much troubled about, and found the thing that he so much wanted, only to begin thus:  
Le beau berger Philemon, etc.  
Or in English:  
Philemon, the brave Shepherd, etc.  
So that, by This, & what I had gathered from his Hostis, obliged me to believe him to be a new Bridge Poet, which was almost capable of making me break my Correspondence with him; and to rally no more with him, and his Folly; as finding him to be none of what I expected him, that is to say, an Author of some Fame and Consideration. But yet however, for my Humours sake, I was resolved to make him some Visits, although it was but for Divertisement: Thereby hoping, that what by the Sight and Discourse of him, I might find a Remedy against some Fits of the Melancholy, which I was very subject to; so that, when I was minded to divert myself a little, I might make my Poet's Lodgings serve me instead of an Academy: the which, I did very often, for those Reasons above said. But by Chance coming one Morning, and finding of his Chamber-Door, as it were by the Latch, I went in without knocking, he being still in his Bed; and making my Approaches near to his Bedside, perceiving his Eyes to be wide open, I gave him a Salute, with a Good Morrow, Sir; and so set myself down upon a lame Stool, that stood by his Beds-Head, waiting when he would return me any Answer; and so, staying above half an Hour by him, without his perceiving of any one to be by him; making it my only Delight, in watching of his Motions to hear him murmur and mutter some Words between his Teeth, not to be understood at all; and then again, sometimes he would squeeze out a Noise much like unto a Swarm of Bees, coming out of their Hives in a Confusion: but yet betwixt while, I could hear a Voice a little more Intelligible; but after such a Broken Fashion, that there was not the least Order or Method in any Subject that he spoke of; yet he would sometimes speak (it may be) two or three Words to some very good Sense, fetched from some, as good Sentences: but as soon again quitting of that Subject, and entering into another. This (says he) may very well pass, and take its Turn upon the Theatre. But as soon he Contradicts himself, and says: But, What will or shall I do, or not do? And again, with another Contradiction, he says: And, Why not? My Veins are strong enough: And, What Poetical Fervency is there to be seen in another, that is not in me? Or, What do you find more, at this present, in any of all these, than in myself? As namely, these Measures: De Corneille, de L'Estoille, de La Serre, Boyer, Pibrac, Beys, Desportes, Molierr, Hardy, Malherbe, La Calprenede, Ronsard, de Ouvillr, Boisrobert, Chevalier Montfleury, Tristau, Boursault, Scudry, Menage Racyne, Boileau, de Subligny; and many others, whose Compositions or Works serves only to be gazed at by Five or Six Hundred Persons at a time; who finding themselves to be shut into some Place, in the; Hostel de Bourgogn, or elsewhere; (which may be properly some great House, which now serves for a Playhouse) and mine, which are produced with no less Boldness and Courage than these, and will draw no fewer Spectators, than all Passengers; although they were so many in number, that a good large Park would have much ado to hold them all. Therefore, come let us put all to the Hazard; put forward our Deserts, and we may be admired by all: For I will sooner lie down, and Dye, than not to have my Name appear in Red Letters, in the Corners of every Street; as well as any of all these, so very much esteemed Authors, which are so much boasted of in the World. Come, I have employed so many Years already, in the Composing of Strains, and the Songs of Bacchus. But as it is the usual Saying, Paris was not all built in one Day; therefore, come this may serve very well for a Piece of Three Acts. However, not so now; for we must suffer one to be a little Ridiculous, and to make Sport: But these others are Heroical; and therefore, proper to be inserted in some Great Work. Those there, are Alexandrians; and therefore, strong enough. But let us see, what we shall do; but look here, this cannot be bad for a satire.  
He spoke all these Words without touching any one bit of Paper, making only some Signs with his Fingers; with which he sometimes touched his Forehead so hard, as if he had been going to cleave his Brains asunder.  
But having ended his Discourse, he pulls out a Tinder Box from under his Beds-Head, with which he struck Fire, and lighted a Wax-Candle, or Size: But it so chanced, that a little Spark of Fire fell on his Hand, and burned him a little, with which he let all fall to the ground: But I stooped to take up his Light, and gave it to him into his hand; but in so doing, I perceived him to be a little surprised at the Sight of me; by which means I came to know, that he had thought himself all alone in his Chamber, all this time: But so soon as he perceived me to be there, he begun to ask me, What I made there so late in his Quarters? I told him again, That I needed but to go to Bed, to make it Early in the Morning; for it is but just now the Clock hath struck Seven: Besides, the Day being so much advanced, I am subject to admire you, for looking after any other Light; being assured, that you cannot doubt, but that the one Light, will infallibly extinguish the other. You are in the right of it, (says the Poet); but this may serve to seal my Letters, when I have written them; therefore, pray let him burn, and not put him out. But tell me, I pray, what it was, that moved you to come hither into this Place? I do believe, you know your Friend to be Ungrateful, and that she acts the Rude, because you endeavour to please her too well; making her too much discourse of Love's Adventures; so that, you have furnished her (it may be) with so much, that she hath or will Compose a great Romance of your Flaeurettes: But if she had but been an Apprentice in my Science a little, she might have been persuaded to have Sighed a little, and have shed some Tears, although but faintly: For we should speak some few Words, and make them but a very easy show of our Motion towards them; and scarcely give Permission to those that would Caress us, to let us pass amongst Women for Babblers; although we seem to be very Eloquent, and study to Compliment in the French Tongue, and seemingly to have our Spirits occupied but in a very light and tender Passion; nor make show of Abiding, but for a moment of time, and not serve them with a too long Discourse, accompanied with Emphasis. This I have learned to my Cost; for the Prolixity, that I have used sometimes to my Mistress, hath rendered me very unhappy in my Love.  
She that I loved so dearly, (continued my Poet) was a little merry Grig, who gave me many a Nocturnal, or Nightly Assignment, where I always came; but never could have the Power to come to her, or join with her; for she stayed always in her Chamber, and I upon the Pavements; where very often times I have received some very ill Influences upon my Body by the Neighbourhood; who probably took me for the Conveyance of a House of Office, and so emptied all their chamberpots upon me: Do but see, how my clothes are accommodated with it, (says he, showing me a great Spot with his Finger, that was in his Cloak, which hung one part of it upon a Chair of Straw, and the other part upon the Floor): And as I went to take a Turn round this Cartaw-Lodgings, I could get nothing; for it should seem, the Place was accustomed to receive all such kind of Filth; therefore, I had often a Design of Retiring myself, and so to leave her: Well knowing, by a thousand of these Tricks, which were very disagreeable to me, that it was altogether impossible for me to gather a Rose, that was so environed about with Prickles.  
So, feeling in his Pocket, he pulls out a little tiny Box, which I imagining to have been his Tinderbox: I told him, That his Candle was still burning; but without harkening to me at all, he opens his Box, and pulls out a short Pipe, as Black as the Devil, and fills it with Tobacco, lights it; and so, approaching to me in this manner, he blows such a thick Smoke of his Tobacco in my Face, that I had much ado to see him: His Face was so besmothered also with the same Perfume. And then he told me, That he would compare his Mistress to his Pipe; reciting this Subject of Tobacco, in these following Verses:  
Do but see how the Candle rises  
The Tobacco that I will burn:  
And let my Thoughts go free;  
And she participate of my Ease.  
The Air which served me for a match—  
And of my Pipe to make a Flambeau;  
Which, to my Taste, seems to be Ambrosia.  
And in the Smoke, which I do make,  
I do divert my Fantasy.  
Imagining it to make a Thousand Portraitures, etc.  
Phillis, like Tobacco I esteem you;  
With both I have been surprised:  
For both of you reign over my Spirits:  
Of both I am become your Victim.  
But if you will settle this a little stronger;  
Phillis, I will not have all the Fault,  
Of quitting the Ardure of my Pipe.  
Your Eyes have given me the Trespass;  
And in the Flambeau of my Pipe,  
I will extinguish all your Charms.  
You use then to take this kind of Perfume, (says I to him.) Yes, (replies he) and I am so accustomed to this Smoke, that once upon a time, wanting Tobacco, I was forced to cut the Bottom of my Pocket, that smelled of it, and to fill my Pipe with it. But I had rather take it alone in my Chamber, than amongst a Company of Coal-Carriers, and Porters, in Places where they do dispose of themselves; which, one may, by good Right, call it a Forest of Fens, or Rendezvouz of Vagabonds, which do assemble themselves in this Place of their Conveniency, where Rudeness serves for an Ornament to a Rustic Company of Black Fellows, in their Melancholy Debauches, which assemble themselves, in order to attend the best and properest Hour to go, and (as they say) beat the Pavements; which is, as we say, go a Padding, or Pilfering. These (says he) are a certain sort of Men, which are much of the Nature of Owls; which care not to be seen abroad at any time, but in the Night.  
But, Are not you afraid of being Rob, in going into this Forest, (than said I to him?) No, (replied he) I rather fear the having some of my Bones broken by these Thiefs, for not having that about me, which may give them Content. But in a word, I had rather take my Tobacco in my Chamber, where I can smoke with Honour, and without Fear: For which Cause, I learned the other Day an Air, which was very proper to be sung in such sorts of Assemblies: I have never put it in use yet; but it is good enough; and hear it.  
We are Swallowers of good Beer,  
Which, with Tobacco of a Thousand sorts,  
We turn the Barrel upside down;  
Which gives us a full Career.  
Fie upon those, that drink by halves;  
But those that will be drunk, are our Friends.  
But his Favours still continuing to me, he shows me a Manuscript, which lay upon his Table; saying, Take this, and go sit you down by yonder Window, and divert yourself, whilst I am busy in devising of some Thing of worth: it will be worth your Reading; and so we may be both employed. So I took the Paper: and when I had opened it, I found in it as followeth, etc.  

Theodore: OR, An Assembly of Felons, or Thiefs, with their Ladies of Pleasure.  
THeodore was a Young Man, of a Family good enough; and the Wisdom of his younger Years made show of no less Success to those that had the Charge of his Education; and that they hoped▪ all their Labour and Travel would have a happy End: For which Cause, all honest Endeavours were used. But the Youth had no sooner attained to the Age of Sixteen Years, but he began to change his Mind, and to take other Measures, than those of his Tutor, and to frequent lewd and debauched Company; and amongst these, he found out one, who went by the Name of Rondrille, a very Felon, or Thief, who made it his business to go a Pilfering in the Night, in the Streets: And on the New-Bridge, and elsewhere in Paris, this Thief made show, as if he had known this Youth in the Army in Catalogne, and saluted him by the Name of de La Breech: To which the Youth answered very freely, That he was overjoyed, to be taken for one, that had been seen in any Noble Action, or to pass for any such Man. But all this time, he least thought, that these Fellows were only the Searchers of good Fortunes; and that their Business was only, how to draw him into their Cabal, by entertaining him at several Feasts and Entertainments, to bring him into Love with their Company, that he might taste of the Pleasures of their vicious, debauched, and unregulated Lives.  
For this purpose, they had a lusty Fellow, but lame, whose Name was Rustaut; one, who had served in the Company of the Germans. This Man being a resolute Person, was, by common Consent, made their Protector; who, so soon as he saw Theodore, called for Bondrille, and asked him, If that Youth were in the Humour to be Enrolled in their Company? To which Bondrille made Answer, That according to the Dispositions that he had already seen in him, he thought, that he much desired it, as being (as he thought) a little in love with it: However, this is a New Pigeon; and therefore, may do well to be put into the Flight, amongst the rest. Then pray, (says Rustaut) take you care, that he be well instructed; for he seems to be a Youth of good Fashion; and I hope, in time, to do something that is good with him. So Rustaut turning himself towards the Youth, Saluted him with a Civility agreeable enough, So the next Morning, being the Day of their Assembly, Rustaut prayed him to be with them, to break his Fast in Rustaut's Lodgings; which Theodore (for we will leave for a time, to call him by the Name of de La Breech) promised him to do: And so accordingly, he came with Bondrille to Rustaut's Lodgings; where they found him as a Precedent, sitting in the midst of a many very well liking Personages, and seeming to be of very good Fashion; who talked to him with Hat in Hand, giving of him Reasons of all that he demanded of them: And at the same time, they put many things into his Hands, amongst which was both Gold and Silver of divers sorts; some of the Pieces being of your light or false Money; which Rustaut did not much question, nor trouble himself to put it to a Trial, because he knew, that his Emissaries did receive it, without looking on it; and therefore, they were not obliged to give it him, as such as had been put to the Test.  
So presently, they begin to talk of other Business, and of their Trade, and how to excite one another to go forward in so weighty a piece of Work, whereof every one was not capable of understanding it. But the Table being covered, every one began at the same time; and in order to let their Hands, their Eyes, and Teeth to keep time alike; so they all began to drink a Health to the right Owners or Employers of what they were eating of: For, as it is to be guessed at, it was all stolen Goods; therefore, it was all one whom they drank to. But, in the Height of their Combat in Bacchus' Cause, they were interrupted, not with Pots and Glasses, of which there were enough; but by a Burger, who addressed himself to Rustaut, with a Note from an unknown Hand: And this is the Tenor of the Note.  
The Note that came to Rustaut, from an unknown Hand, etc.  
THe Bearer of this Note, is a Worthy Person, and one who deserves to be obliged; and I dare promise you, that he will reward you well, after he hath received the Favour from you, which I demand of you for him; which is, to put him again (by your Care) into the Possession of a Cloak of Black Spanish-Cloath, laced with Black Silk Lace, and an Emerald set in a Gold-Ring; and about fifteen Francs in Money, which was taken from him about Nine a Clock last Night, upon the Bridge of Nosterdame, or our Ladyes-Bridge. This I pray you, not to fail me in: And then to persuade yourself, although I pass with you for an unknown Person; yet I am capable of Serving, or Refusing, etc.  
But when Rustaut had made an end of Reading his Letter, he begun to stand, and muse a little by himself; imagining, that this Burgor might, by some Subtlety or other, have invented and written this Note himself, only after the Report of the Vulgar, and ignorant People; or else some certain People might be commanded to stop the Thiefs, and would not, as favouring their Actions, in hopes to share the Cake with them. But on the other side, he thought it a great Presumption of this Burgor, to throw himself, like a lost Body, into the middle of his Enemies, without being backed or set on by some great and extraordinary Might and Strength: Besides, he considered, that it might be a dangerous thing, to make a Discovery in such a Rancounter as this; and if so it might happen, that he might come to those that should be ordered to carry them to the Prison, and from thence to the Bar, to be forced to beg their Pardon, or their Lives; and to caress sometimes those that sought only the Means to take them at the greater Advantage, and betray them at one time or other, and cause them early or late, to fall into the Paws of the Wolf, such as they called their Sheep.  
These Diversities of Cogitations, put Rustaut into a strange Perplexity of Spirit, at the present: But, at the last, in Imitation of the Old Woman, which gave a Wax-Candle to St. Michael, and (at the same time) gave another to the Devil; answering those that asked her, why she did so, To get me a Friend in Heaven, and another in Hell. So he was resolved in all he could, to keep the Note, sooner than all his other Doubts; and so took a Resolution of rather serving an unknown Person, than (at length) to run the hazard of knowing him so well: And so, turning himself about to the Burgor, told him, although but softly; We may do you reason to the Two first Articles, comprised in your Demands; but for the Third, it is only Wine for the Company; and therefore, Silver-Mony is never found amongst us, in case of a Restitution. I shall very freely forgive my Money, (says the Burgor) with all my Heart (to Rustaut, for Joy of the Hopes that was given him, of having the rest of his Things again) and yet my Money shall be but (as it were) a taste of the Thankfulness, that I intent to make you. Then go (says Rustaut) about your other Business, and come hither again about Two Hours hence, and you shall have your Desire; for I will go, and take care about it. But first, May we not take Leave to drink a Health to a Stranger, and then I shall go, and acquit myself of this Business; and so, Here's to you; and you may, if you please, do me Reason, or Pledge me.; This being said, he caused two great Glasses to be filled with Wine, which were reciprocally emptied: After which, the Burgor prayed Rustaut to give him leave to send him in some Bottles of better Wine: But, as honest Men are always suspected in such Company, Rustaut desired to be excused, giving him Thanks. So the Burgor retired, till the Time appointed was come.  
When the Burgor was gone forth, Rustaut began to speak to the whole Band that was there, after a Majestical manner, saying; Children, Which of you can give me any Tidings of that which was last Night, upon the Bridge of Nosterdame, and have not given me an Account of it? At which Words, the Intermixed Discourse, which made such a Confused Noise in that Place, was as soon Converted into as great a Silence; as if every one had been struck Dumb, or had lost their Tongues; the Guilty not daring to declare, and the Other fearing to be accused of a Fault they had not committed; choosing rather to be silent, than speak, except it came to be excused with a Heat. But when Rustaut saw that, he looked as if his Eyes had been all in a Flame of Fire; and, Cocking up the Brims of a Broad Hat, which he always wore, continued his Chiding, and said; Is there any Rascal here, that dares affront me, and cozen his Comrades in this manner? Where is the Brigadier? So, What Apartment had they Yesterday, for their Quarters? Whom were they, that had this Side for their Station? But, What is this here? But, Will no Body make me any Answer? It must be for all this, when you have made yourselves both Deaf and Dumb, that this certain Cloak, and certain Ring, must be found, if the one were already converted into the Covers of Chairs, and the other if it were beaten into Leaves, and those Leaves already applied for the Gild of the Leaves of some Books; yet these must be found, and restored. And to show you, gentlemans, that my Discourse is not without ground, but that I have a very good Foundation for what I say, see this Note, (throwing of the Writing down upon the Table, to them all, saying;) Gentlemen, This Letter (without all doubt) was sent from some Body, whom we ought to give Respect unto the Orders, or else we shall assuredly be forced to pay for the Prize that we have taken: Wherefore, pray think of our Preservation betimes, and the Preservation of the Goods of Violence from all such as may put a Scandal upon us, and our Society. With that, up riseth Bondrille, and another called Brindestoc, and goes immediately out of the Chamber, without speaking one word in Obedience to the Commands of Rustaut; which did but a little surprise our Youth La Breech, to see a Man, who could scarcely go without the Help of his Staff, make those tremble at his Commands, who could make others Gallop at the Sight of them, for very Fear.  
With that, so soon as they were gone out, Rustaut addressed himself to La Breech, saying; That that Person, which was gone out with Bondrille, was the Nimblest, and and most Activest Man, in all the whole Company, and brought in much Profit into our Society: For, in the Markets, he will counterfeit the Countryman; and in the Hall, a Practitioner; that is, amongst the Lawyers, he is clad like a Student; and when amongst the Great Ones, he is clothed like a Gentleman: But in any of these Places, he seldom miscarries. For if he sees any thing that is proper or fit for his purpose, his Hand is upon it as soon as his Eyes have discovered; and if he doth but lay his Clutches on it, he assuredly brings his Prey along with him. He will furnish his Companions with Blades for their Swords, which he buys for nothing; for if he comes to a Cutlers with an empty Scabbard by his Side▪ he will be sure to have one, whilst the Cutler is looking for another to show him: And so likewise, it is his Custom too in men's Lodgings: and if he finds no Body in his way, he will take up that which he thinks to be the Best; then bidding them very softly Farewell. And so, with a wonderful Stupidity; and not like some, that sleeps upon the Brink of a Precipice; or as some others, that will rather fly with all Might and Main, as far from the Danger as they can, which makes them to be looked upon as Thiefs. But, on the contrary, when he hath marched some Thirty Paces very modestly with his Booty, instead of minding his Pace to gain ground, for fear he should be followed or stopped, he will turn Tail about, and set his Face towards the Place from whence he came out: And if he sees any Body in pursuit of him, he goes softly up to them, and so passes by on the one side of them; and so saves himself, and his Prey together. Sometimes, he will put on a Pettycoat over his own clothes, a Scarf over his Head, and a Mask before his Face; and so, in this Disguise, he will attack the Burgors in the Streets, in clear Day; making them pay him Tribute, as they go along. Passengers, as they go by, imagining it to be only a Contention betwixt Man and Wife; and therefore, will not meddle in their Affairs. He carried out one Evening two Fancies made of Oziers', and clothed them in light Garments, and so disposed of them in the Corner of the Street; and then went, and demanded a Purse of a Man, which as soon delivered it; because (as he said) he could not hold combat with Three at a time, which appeared all very suitable to his Sight.  
One of the Company, called Beauliou, which was lately come from serving the King, under the Discipline of a Committee, began to inform Rustaut, That there were many of the Brotherhood, which he could not see; ask, Where they were? To which he answered him thus: Thy very good Friend, La Boline, being so well known in the Town for a Boulineux, he is gone to Range the Country, with a design of changing his Calling, and to betake himself to Play; for he is the most Subtle of the Hand. But, as it is always a Truth, that the Affairs of a Man cannot always prosper, or stand in the same Degree, as they are in when we undertake them: So it is fallen out here of late: For, within these few Days last passed, it was his Fortune to take some certain Pieces of Gold out of a Cup of a Churchman's, pretending only to have changed them for a less: But he was Coffered up, or Imprisoned, in true English; notwithstanding all that he could allege for himself, that the Church was a Refuge for Sinners, and the like. La Forest, and Du Buisson, after they had a little while used the Highways about Normandy, and thereabouts, had the Fortune to be hurt at the Cross of the Shooters, and are since dead of their Wounds, (that is, they are Hanged, and so Dead.) Longevin la Jeunesse, and La Fleur are gone to Fence against the Bottom of the Sea, with Wooden-Swords; (that is, they are gone to the Galleys.) I understand you now, (says Beaulieu) for you will say, They are gone to take my Place. But for the following of St. John, St. Charles, and St. Andrew lafoy Balaffre, (replied Rustaut) they are Martyred with the Blows given them with the Knees, and are inchased at the Surgeons; (that is, being Martyred with the Knees: It is a Custom in France, when a Man is Hanged, that he may be quickly out of his Pain, the Hangman thumps him on the Breast with his Knees; and being inchased, they were begged for Anatomies; and this is the Meaning of it.) And La Ramce was called aside, and tied from his Meat in England: But, as they were leading him out towards Tyburn, which is the Place of Execution out of the City of London: This Fellow believing, that the People of that Country were of another Understanding, than that of France, he prayed those that guarded him to this Fatal Place, that they would permit him to make a Step over into his own Country; for he had something of Consequence to say to his Father before he died; making them to believe, that they ought not to deny any thing to their Patient: But his Request was not heard, because he spoke to those that were deaf in his Cause. Therefore, (says Rustaut) there is nothing more certain than this; for when the Measure is full, it must be emptied: Our poor Young Man had by this time made many a fair Escape already; and, amongst the rest, he had the good Fortune one Evening, being perceived a breaking in through a Wall, he was immediately beset by the Archers of the Gust, or the Sheriff's Watch; which enclosed him so quickly, that he by a Subtlety mingled amongst them; so that they mistook the one for the other, seizing of their own Comrades for the Thief, which they had away towards the Prison, whilst he got away, and made his Escape to my Lodging, & no Body espied him running away: So I put him into his Bed, with his clothes on, and a Nightcap on his Head; whilst the other was haled to the Prison-Door, and well beaten: But when they found their Mistake, insomuch that they knew the Party in hand to be one of their own Company; then they began to hunt as fast for the Thief, judging him not to be far off, because they had not seen any Body run away: so they pursued their Game too into my Chamber, where they found their Man in Bed; whom I told them, was my Kinsman, and he was very Sick: And what served me better than all the rest▪ was three Porringers of Blood, which I had sent for into the Town, the Blood being still upon the Table; insomuch that my Lie passed for a perfect Truth, and the Archers took it for no less; and so took their Leave of me: Telling me withal, That if they had not found the Hat and Cloak lying on the Ground, they should have taken this Encounter for an absolute Allusion.  
Therefore, (says Rustaut) I would advise all the Brotherhood, be they Travellers or others, that they, above all things, be sure to keep a fair Correspondence of Love and Friendship with the Officers of Justice, or the Executioners, and their Deputies: So that, they may be sure to have a Kindness done them in time of need, when there is an occasion. That is Truth, (says Beaulieu, laughing) for such an one may save a Man's Life, when he is Condemned to be Hanged, by putting the Nose of a pair of Bellows down his Throat, like a piece of Cinnamon; and so it may hinder him from Expiring. No, (says Rustaut, Laughing also) that is not it; but they can put a Slice of Bacon on the Patient's Shoulder, before they put the Prince's Arms to it; besides many other Favours, when the Patient's ill Fortune hath destined him to their Discretion.  
So, when Rustaut had ended his Discourse, the Cloak was brought, with the Ring, to be put into the Possession of him that was the Master; who came in very shortly after, and received them both, according to Promise. So the Burgor made Rustaut a Present; but he was long deliberating, whether he should, or should not receive it, as not being accustomed to part with any thing that he had gotten, till now, so easily; neither did he ever make any Acquisition, but only against the Prepriators, in any Degree whatsoever: But however, for fear that the Burgor should see him make Ceremonies, and Compliment with him, and so might carry away his Present again, he as civilly took the Present, and dismissed the Burgor.  
This being no sooner ended, but in comes an old Man to Rustaut, named Angleberge, and was accompanied by another old Man, that was Lean and Dry, and as free from Moisture (almost) as a Stockfish, in full hopes of marrying a Maid, as he had been informed of, that was very Rich, and one who had served already a long time for the Production of Mankind, and the Propagation of Human Society: And this he spoke aloud, without fear of putting himself, or any of the Company to the Blush. Why, how now Lucas, (says one to this old Man, for so was his Name) What! Do you Court a Mistress without any Compliment, or Formality at all? With that a great lusty, fat, jovial Fellow, whose Name was Roger, and one who had accompanied this old Man thither, replied, saying; That one could not choose, but use more Ceremony than this to a Simple Girl, who never had the Wit to be gotten with Child; and therefore, he must not expect to gain this so easily, who was fitter for him by many degrees, than another, by reason she was fitting to govern his House, and Houshold-Affairs.  
But Rustaut, who was near of Kin to this Damosel, whose Name was Jacqueline, having heard the Demands that Lucas made to have his Kinswoman; and seeing him to be in a better Habit, than he was accustomed to be in; and withal, knowing of him to be a Crier of Strong-Waters about the Street, he answered him thus: My old Friend, It is certainly the Custom, for Lovers to put themselves into their best Accoutrement, when they come to appear before their Mistresses; and it is as certain, that an ample, and well made Beard, which you now have, was (not long since) so heavy, that it covered almost all your Face; although it is now abated, shows a great Disproportion in your Years; she not having much more than one Quarter of your Age; so great is the Disparity of your Years: So that, by the Course of Nature, you will be ready enough of yourself, to sound your own Retreat, rather than to make it your Business to charge yourself with an Equipage, which can stand you in no other stead, but only to hasten your Dispatches into another World. This Buxom Girl, that you look after, were fitter for a young Husband, and would agree much better with one that hath not nothing near so many Years over his Head, as you have. And besides, a young Woman is like an old Clock, which never Goes well, except it be often Wound up: But an old Man is like a Vessel of sour Wine: For you have not above a Turn of Hair of the colour of a Baracan, which looks on both sides of your Jaws, like two Whisks, which are only to make clean clothes; and the Hair of your Head looks like a Cap of a flesh Colour; and your Nose resembles more the Neck of an Alimbeck, that is always dropping; and you are as wetted, as if it had reigned out of a Glass on your Stomach; and you are upon the very Brink of the Streams of Forgetfulness: and you may travel a great way, before you arrive at the Fountain of Pleasures; it being (as it were) in Retrograde against you: And when you come there, you may chance to have the Cheat put upon you there also; for, How can you expect to have a Wife to yourself, that is accustomed to serve others? And now, What can you think of these Affairs, (says Rustaut, turning himself towards Roger, who had very diligently harkened to all their Discourse; and made Answer to it thus:) Why truly, I think, (says he, Laughing) that Lucas may be like one of those Cowardly Soldiers, which dares not give the Assault, till the Breach be wide open: And Jacqueline makes Love like the Wolves, who always make their Choice of the Ugliest Males.  
But, in spite of all these Reasons, and the Jars of them all, Lucas and Jacqueline pledged their Faith to each other in Marriage; and it was stupiltulated betwixt them both, that she should have a Dowry of One Thousand Crowns, to be raised upon the Goods and Estate of Lucas, although he could not name to the Value of One Farthing, of his own proper Estate. And as for that Jacqueline, her Riches consisted most in many good Acquaintance; which, she swore, was worth a great deal of Money: But withal, she was very ill Clad; of which, Lucas complained very much. But Roger answered him, That it was a very good Commodity: For, (says he) you must undress her quite, before she goes to Bed with you.  
But at length, the Match was signed, and the Ceremony of Marriage accomplished, and the Feast provided; which was some gross Meat, and some as delicate Intermesses; and all was to be at an old Creator of Love, otherwise a Bawd, called Ragonde, the most Experienced of all the Trade: And for her better Traffic, she had made Choice of a House in a By-place, and in a Quarter of the Town; where very seldom, or never any honest Man went, except by Accident, or for a Wager. She used Divinations, lending of Money, treating of Marriages, and traded in Brokery: But particularly, in Girls or, Whores; of which sort, she had always a sufficient Number in her House; of whose Virginity, she had already taken the first Tribute; but ceased not, every Day, to raise some new Impost upon them: For this cunning Gipsy knows so well her Trade, that she can tell how to Accommodate them with Roach-Allom, Salt of Saturn, le Consolida Major, with other Ingredients, which she by her Subtlety made use of. So that, she could oftentimes sell one Maidenhead in the same Person, for as good as it was at the very first. And, in the mean time, she ordered her Affairs so well, that the Thiefs (for the most part) brought all, or the greatest part of their Booty to that Place, or some such like; which always made the more Water come to her Mill: and withal, the Burgors could live more secure, and at their Liberty.  
But the Pensioners of Ragonde, seeing of Jacqueline coming, they all went out to meet and salute her; they being (as it were) then all undressed, and in such a Confused manner, that it would have frighted any indifferent Beholder to have seen them: For the one had a Bigen, so bedaubed with the Yolks of Eggs, that you would have thought her Head to have been wrapped up in a Namlet: Others held a Box of Pumade, or the Shells of Vermilion: Another had her Hands so besmeared with the Paste of Almonds, that she could not tell what Countenance to make: Another had her Face cicatriced, by having received an unfortunate Blow, (you may guests how) which she always, when Dressed, covered with false Hair: Others, having no Neck clothes, showed great Bunches, all swelled, which by Day they kept bound up with Bands, that they might not be seen. But the most Ridiculous of all, was to see a great foul Beast, with a piece of Sponge tied to her Busk with the End of a Lace; which made Rustaut ask her, If she were cleaning of herself with Sweet Water? To which, Roger, taking the word out his Mouth, answered; That he had rather smell Piss, than that sweet Angle-Water, (as he called it); and that, in his Opinion, seeing the Sponge hanging so near her Navel, he guest that it might be employed rather about her Inferior, or uncomely Parts, than about any thing else. At which, every one fell a Laughing, But a little after, all these Courtesans were dressed in a little better Fashion, and each appeared in their best Lustre they could; and the Guests appeared there, was all such as by hazard came thither: For, in that Lodging, every one was as well received, as if he had been in his own proper Lodging. And Ragonde, to do them the more Honour, seeing a great number of People, made them all sit down to Table with them; where some fell to Eating, without saying of Grace before Meat; of which Rustaut, the better to counterfeit the Judicious, told some of the Company of it: At which, one of his own Disciples said a sorry Grace; at the which, he declared himself to be at the very End of his Science; and that he could never, in all his Life-time, attain to any more, than what he had now done. And yet, you have made a Shift to retain this still by rote, replied Roger. Another said; If we were not accompanied with the Pottages, I would willingly know, why we do not use this Ceremony at Breakfast? It is (says another to this Twattle Basket) to hinder the Intrusions of the Daemons, or Goblins now, which will scarcely come to trouble you at that time; because they have often heard say, by those that do prepare themselves for that Exercise, That they are so Hungry, that they could eat the Devil Raw, if they had him.  
So, by and by, every one began his Discourse, according as his Fancy excited him to it: So that, by this time, there was such a Medley of confused Noise between both Sexes, that none could tell scarcely, what the other said.  
One of the Damosels, named Cloris Jolygarcette, who was of Ragondes bringing up, and one of the first Rank in her Assembly, says to La Breech, that was eating as fast as he could: My Dear, I think that an Alliance betwixt us, were more Reasonable, than that, speaking of the Old Man, and his Bride. Why not? truly, (replied he) the Difficulty would not be great neither to make it; for I could find in my Heart, to love thee already: For such a Liquorish Bit as thou art, would serve me to break my Fast upon.  
By this time, Roger, who had heard all this Discourse betwixt the two Jollyest of the whole Band, told her; That she might do well, to prefer those Advantages to another; and that they would give her one of a more flourishing Age: For she did not so much as look nor regard those brave Ancient Fellows, says Roger.  
But Ragonde, when she knew ●hat this Discourse made for her, began to lift up her Voice so well as she could, for the Disability of her Stomach, which was only sustained by the Help of some Glasses of Wine, which she swallowed, which otherwise could hardly have subsisted: Yet being (as it should seem) somewhat heated with Wine and Anger together, she took Roger by the Shoulder to put him out of Doors; telling him, That she would be Respected in her own Lodigngs. But another old Hag, whose Name was Quintine, of a more amiable Humour, as being the Mother of Angilberd, who was also come to the Feast, stood up, and appeased her; telling her, That they were both Young enough to see the Production of Lucas ' s Children to the Third Generation, by this Marriage now Consummated.  
So, this Stir being appeased▪ and as Roger, who had lighted▪ the Flambeau of all this Discord, went to drink a Health to Ragonde, they heard a great Noise in the Street; and Ragonde, believing it to have been the Commissary, with his Attendance, who was coming to visit her Magazines, began to pray some of the Company to be as Modest as they could, in their Countenance and Carriage: But, without harkening to her Discourse, they betook themselves to the Rout, with all the Might and Main they could. And so, rising from the Table in a Confusion, some run to save themselves in the Garret, and others in the Cellar; and some, who knew neither Door nor Passage, nor how to save themselves in any Place; these put themselves under the Protection of a Servant-Maid, who conveyed them into a common Place of Safety; and so returned into the Chamber, where she stayed without Fear, because she had been often accustomed to these Alarms. But, on the other side, they thought the House had been besieged: For they without, continued knocking in such a Manner and Force, as if they would have beat down the Door, or else have beat him in pieces; which obliged Ragonde, to put herself out of the Window of an empty Chamber, where she had conveyed herself for fear: and for fear of the worst, she made haste down, and cried out a main, A Wedding, a Wedding! Vivat, Vivat! and so sent her Maid directly to open the Door to her new-come Guest; which proved to be Bondrille, Brindestoc, Beaulieu, and others, all her very good Friends, and Rustaut's Officers; who served as a Convoy, to a Broach full of Legs of Mutton, which one of them had civilly taken up from a Rosissier, or (as we say) out of a Cook's-Shop, ready Roasted, and conveyed them safe (with a great deal of Hazard) to that Place; after having made many Turnings and Windings, to lose the Sight of the Cook, who had pursued them very close at the Heels, for a great while together.  
But by the Arrival of this Troop from Abroad, our dispersed Troops at Home, began to take Heart, and to Re-assemble themselves again; and so began to place themselves in Order at the Table, which was now much better Furnished, than before it was, and also better beset with Company; insomuch, that this supply of Meat, made every one begin to think of disbursing for Wine, of which they had quickly good store; for they filled a great many Bottles, of the which they began every one to Drink heartily, and some whole Bottles at a Health; so that in a short time, there was little Distinction to be made in that Assembly: For the Fair and the Foul, the White and Brown, the Gentlewomen, Towns-women, or Country-women was all one, all were joval Dames alike; so were the Thiefs, Pickpockets, Gentlemen, and Beggars were also mingled at this time: that it seemed to be according to the sayings of Socrates, that for the better Establishing of a Society, says, That every Man should Imagine himself to be the Husband of each Woman, and every Woman to be the Wife of all those Men. At which words, one of the Company being one of the most Rejoiced or Frollicksom, began to look about her, saying, That if there were any eunuchs in the Company, they ought to be Expulsed out of the Company as useless, and rotten Members, which to be cut away for the Preservation of the rest of the Body, that was sound and good; to which Roger Answered, That those Men were very good Coverers, for it never Reigned where they Wrought; that is a Truth says she, But they are very bad Arithn eticians, for they cannot Multiply, and they are as troublesome in their Conferences, for they never come to a Conclusion. At the same time, another who sought to lay hold on something, always began to tell one, who was in her Year of Novice, or the beginning of her Practice; that he had heard one say, That she was a Cuclet, to which she Answers, I do admire how you come to know that already; for it is not long since my Whether go you? or, Stay for this time here, or the like, was by me. O but (replied he) you should have made him Answer to this half Term thus; And, I pray, How do you call the next Week? for the People of Monasteries change often their Names and Habits. So he finding, that he had not to do with a Fool, he left her, and addressed himself to another Cocket, whose Name was Diana; and told her, That one of the Company, (pointing at them with his Finger) had assured him, that it was not long since, the best of her Employment was Shelling of Beans; and that she could not go in high-heeled Shoes, as being only accustomed to wear only Sabous, or Wooden-Shoes, having never wore any thing else, till now of late; and that her Right Name was Friacrine.  
But another, whose Name was Philipotte; but because she would have a more Gallant Name, she was named Silvy: This took the Discourse upon herself, because there was a Discourse about her Quality and Greatness; and, as if she had been mounted upon her great Horse, replied, and swore, That those had undertaken to talk on that Fashion, knew full easily, that she was a Gentlewoman of good Fashion; and had paid a good Price for her Letters of Testimony. That is a Truth indeed, (replied the abovesaid Roger, speaking into the Air, like a Buffoon, or as he made himself, a Fool) that there were many, as he had heard say, that could say as well as himself, That she was Noble: And if she did want a more sufficien Testimony than this, she might apply herself to some sweet and loving Notes, which he had sent her, whose Superscriptions were thus; A Mademoiselle, Houst-Houst, a La Mothepress de Trouliput. But as she had her Spirits at that time very slat, and stood as one speechless, she could not revenge herself upon Roger by any thing, but by making an ugly Face at him: But, by this time, Diana was come into the Light, and began as furiously to attack Simonette, otherwise called Lovyson du Marais, the same which Roger had shown; and at this they joined with the above-known Silvia; insomuch that these Three being become Enemies by the Force of the Wine, they began so furiously to pull Quails, that in a little time they were obliged to quit the Field and Combat, leaving the Place of Battle covered with their clothes, some of brave Gaze, Musline, Taffities, and other Silks; insomuch, that about Daylight, the pieces of Ribbond, and other things, which before had served to dress, and make them fine, lay all here to be seen in pieces: So that, at last, they were fain to cover themselves with what was left of their clothes, which was torn almost as small as their scarves: And their Quoiffs hung down to their Heels, which made look more like Witches, than Courtesans; for they were obliged to put Patches upon their Faces, as big as Silkworms, and as long, to serve for Plasters to cover the Scratching of each other, which were given in this Battle. Rustaut would have undertaken to have interposed himself betwixt them, and so to have made them Friends again: But Ragonde undertook the Charge, and made them Reciprocally give each other Satisfaction upon the Field; insomuch, that they should all be acknowledged for Gentlewomen. But then Roger, who had not only been the Author and Beholder of their Combat, but was also a Witness to their Agreement; and so, to express his Joy for the same, told them, That he would give them an Elegy, or a Song, which he began after a rude and ridiculous Fashion: But yet after his manner, the Verses were convenient enough for the Occasion; which are as followeth.  
To the end that we may finish all Contentions,  
That swims above all Good Conditions:  
A Maid, so soon as she is entered into the Commerce,  
Ought not to dispute above her Quality:  
For Love's Children are all in Equality,  
And will not be suffered in a Controversy.  
This Piece concluded, and every one having again taken his Place, they began a fresh to fall a Drinking, and a Discoursing; where Mademoiselle Cloris, who had an indifferent good Voice, began to sing.  
Learn you first the Use of Wine,  
Phillis, for it is a Beveridge Divine;  
Which will increase your Glory:  
If you can charm the Heart with your Divine Apparel,  
When you have learned how to Drink,  
You may make up all Breaches and Trespasses:  
For your fine Eyes will give a better Lustre,  
And you may look more coily there;  
And make you Slaves every where,  
Without using these Famous Warriors,  
Who come from their Onions and Radish,  
And manage your Affairs for Lorilles.  
And now, What think you of my Song Cupidon, with your wide Chaps, (says Cloris to Roger, who gad listened very attentively to her all the while?) Why, (says he) I think it is very like you: she is displeased; I know it already by Rote; and would Join with you in Consort, if my Faucet could but be Accommodated to your Voice; but I can neither lead on my Party, nor bate of my Measure. But this young Sleeper may (says she, speaking of Theodore, who looked up with a kind of Lecherous Eye) be better for my turn. Yes, I believe (says Roger) if he had his Spigot in your Faucet, called a Croperpice, he might turn it easy enough, if not too easily; feeling for the Corners of it, as a Shoemaker doth a Pair of Boots, when he stuffs them: But you answer not a word to this. But with this, she replied to Theodore: Up my Lecherous Friend; for I suppose, you harken to all this Discourse, but for your better Instruction. A-ho! says Theodore) it will take up a great deal of Time for a Apprentice to Learn a Trade so well, that he shall outdo his Master: But when you please, that I shall teach ou to study the Metamorphosis upside down, I will be Andromede, and you shall be Perseus. Do but behold this Knave, (saith she aloud, Laughing with a full Mouth): They say (says she) that he doth not know what is a troubled Water; and yet he is the nimblest Stallion in all our Stable. But Lucas all this while was like one stupid, who spoke not one word, nor moved at the Table so well as the others: But when Ragonde saw it, she cries out; Why, how now Mr. Bridegroom? What, Can you make Money of nothing? For by your sad and heavy Countenance, you are able of yourself to put us all into the Dumps: Come, warm yourself well with your Wine, and cheer up a little Mrs. Bride, your Spouse: What, Would you have her to leap about your Neck? But if she should, it would be contrary to the Custom: Besides, she is too Modest, and dares not now, since she is Married, so much as look upon a Man without Blushing. But this Old Fool Lucas, being entered a little into Jollity, replied; That he had seen her continually Twattling with one or other; and therefore, is now more Reserved than she used to be; for she admits of none, but French and Strangers. But as concerning the Affairs you spoke to me about,— Me (says Roger, who having by this time learned, that she was English- Born, says to her,) If this may pass for a Stable, you may also pass for one of the best Geldings in it: And besides, having so good a Stallion as this, you may both together Engender very good Colts. But there are more Days than Weeks; therefore, you must give a little Rest. All this is Truth, (Replied Ragonde to him) and yet you have already well beaten the Wood, since you were Conjugally bound to Jacqueline in Marriage: And besides, you ought always to consider, that a Place not well Victualled, is easily Taken by the Enemy. But she said for Answer; That if she had not been Married, she must never have drank Wine; Wherefore, it was rather to have the Entertainment of a Woman, than for Carnal Actions: And that he believed his Wife to be wiser, than to go about by Force to take that Purity from him, which he had so long preserved entirely to himself. But this being overheard by Ragonde, and the rest of the Company, who began all very heartily to laugh at such a Discourse as this; at which the Old Belldam began to sing thus upon this Subject, as followeth:  

Ragonde's Song for Lucas.  
When thou art in Hell,— Biss,  
The Old Man Lucifer,— Biss,  
Will ask out of what Move  
They have hunted this Falcon,  
Which hath not led his Life  
Neither amongst Wine nor Women?   
But stay a little then, (cries La Breech to another young Gentlewoman of the Gang, which Ragonde had there to be Broken up) you have stolen away my Heart, and I will feel in thy Belly to find him again. But the Woman was very much troubled, that he should be so Insolent, as to offer such a rude Discourse before those Girls: But Roger takes up the Word, and asked, If there were any Body in that Place, that had their Ears more chaste, than all the rest of their Bodies? But as they were at that time, become all good Friends again, she made him answer; That there was none but very honest Girls with her now, Laughing: But that their Government was a little Scandalous, whilst Angilberd began to sing the Song of Du-pont and Guimbarde, upon which Quintine sung Prosperity to Lubeine, and his Loyal and Noble Friends; and then every one in Course gave his Song as he pleased; as some for Bacchus, some for Mars, and some in favour of Vulcan's Wife: So that, every one gave a Song as they pleased, except Bondrille, who could not possibly sing, because he had his Mouth always full; which was espied by one, who loved Rallying as her Life; who says: Come on, my brave Cavalier, now is your turn to sing; but you are above the Potter now. Why, that were good for a Dance, says he) but do not speak one Word more of Dancing above the Potter; for thereof I am suspected: And besides, I am Tall enough, and need not to be stretched. After this Answer given, which was Merry enough for the Matter it concerned. But this foolish Giglet, that thought to Laugh always, replied; That he was a very fit and proper Personage, to study Youthfulness in the Doctor's School. Which words, by a Misunderstanding, very much offended Bondrille; insomuch, that he rose from the Table in a great Heat, with a design to have evilly entreated her; but she fled amain, and he pursued after to catch her; and when he had over-taken her, he went to pull her by the Ears, and as he went to lay hold on them, he found none; which made him return almost choked with Laughter to the rest of the Company, to relate his Adventure. That is very good, (cries Roger) and a most excellent Commodity for a Comb to pass without Molestation: And so consequently, each had something or other to say of Gallantry, about the Loss of the Ear. Some counselled her to put some pieces of Carton coloured for Ears; but to take heed of letting them fall, for fear that People in the Street should cry after her, Madam, take up your Ears before you go. Another made a kind of a Moral Discourse, by way of Reflection upon this silly Fool, and her Talk; either as much discoursed her manner of Life; saying, That she would not be exempted one Day or other, from serving for a Model in the Academy of Death. But another made answer, That when that Holiday came, they would Consume her. But Ragonde, to reproach this Lady without Ears, told her; That she would not have her to Dress herself in the Mode, but with Coronets only. With that stood up one of the bravest of the whole Company; who was dressed in a Coronet, with a few light Hairs over it; and ruffled out in a Dozen of small Curls, or Trusses, saying, Hold there, Governess; for I have taken part elsewhere. With that our Gentlewoman without Ears, being a little freed of her Fears, and pretty well come to herself again, would begin to enter the List to babble again; saying, That she would take a new Party also, and would make her Quarters in Normandy, and had already given Earnest for a Place in the Coach that goes to Rouen. What then, you think to do some strange Matters in that Country, (replies Roger) which is the only Rendezvouz of those Girls which are out of Trade, and Communes with these that are here; or else, it may be, you imagine to draw great Profits from the Portugals and Flemmines: But, by the Faith of Roger, thou wilt sooner cause all the People in the Town to fly from thee, when thou comes there without thy Ears, if they do but come to know it sooner, than thou wilt be able to induce one to follow thee by all thy Charms.  
But one whose Name was Thibaut, being Drunk, took an Occasion to quarrel with Quintine, calling her Old, dressed up in Old clothes. That is Truth, (says she) thou Old Cuckold: At which he seemed to be very much troubled, and began to strike Quintine; which, when Ragonde saw, she began to be angry, and put him away, seeing him much in Drink, that she might appease the Noise. But Roger seeing one of the Company endeavouring to bring him in again, called to him, and bade him have a Care; For if she should chance to fall upon you by the way, (says he) he might enganger the cleaving of you in two with his Horns.  
By this time Ragonde begins to approach Theodore, for to Caress him; but he as quickly flings himself from her: Telling her, That the very Strength of her Breath would poison him, if his were not well fortified by the Quantity of Wine which he had drank; which served as an Antidote against the Infection of it: For, to say the Truth of it, she was Ptysical, and did throw out such Glanders, so thick and ugly, that it would have turned any reasonable Stomach of either Man or Beast: For one would have thought, that all that she did either Eat or Drink, did convert itself into this filthy Excrement; and that the only passage for it out of her Body, was through her Eyes and Nose.  
But the most Charming amongst all those brave Dames, that showed themselves in that Place, was one Clytie; but the most false Mistress of the Sun, who Adored none so much as an Alchemist: But she quickly put herself out of the Company, to follow a Woman whom she served underhand: feigning themselves to go to the Market, came and whispered him in the Ear: But in their Absence, it was known, that but a little before, she was a little Snotty Girl; who used in time of Vintage, to go and work in the Country; and so continued in the Village for to gather Hops, and such like, till she came to be in Love; and since that, she undertook to counterfeit, or make the Gentlewoman; which she did so well, that in those sweet Combats, she carried away the Prize from all the rest of her Trade; having her Witty and comely Gestures strong enough to move and invite any Man, if he were not quite stupefied and senseless, without having occasion to use any other little Wheedling ARTS, for to invite Gentlemen, Courtiers, Merchants, Lawyers, Scholars, and any others, were all welcome; who, by the Example of Layis, that Famous Sicilian, who was oftener weary, than satisfied with her Lust; and that her House was no more without Gallants, than a good Tavern without Drinkers: And he must of necessity be a Stranger to the Town, that did not know her.  
But in this meanwhile, Jacqueline had taken a Disgust against her Husband Lucas; and so, making her Excuse to go out to Piss, and runs quite away; insomuch, that he could not tell what was become of her, neither did he put himself to any great trouble to know: But finding every one begin to Rail, and Jeer at him, he also went his way without speaking one word at all: And when Night came, some went to their Beds, and some abroad to their Good Fortunes here and there, where they could find it: And when the Morning was come, those that had stayed at Ragonde's lodgings, had their Stomach up before their Eyes were well open; & so began to gather the Fragments together that were left over Night; and so make Griladoes for Breakfast, as fast they could.  
But the Coming-in of Bondrille with Three or Four Cloaks upon his Back, as if he had been afraid, that his Limbs should have been stiff, or numbed with Cold, put them into a little Perplexity, having his Spirits a little troubled, because they went out Four of them together, and none but himself was returned of all the Night-Company, who had traced the Town about; notwithstanding he had waited at the Corners of the Streets for them so long, till his Legs were almost shrunk into his Body again. But by and by, comes one of them with a great Sackful of Goods, which he had brought from a Coach, aiding of the Passengers, as though he had been one of their Company, to place Them, and their Affairs; and so made his Escape away. Soon after this, came another with the Backpart of a Cloak, which he had cut from a Man's Back in a Crowd, leaving only the two Fore-lapets' hanging like a pair of Hanging-Sleeves. But the last of all, was the greatest Wonder of all; for he came all Cut and Mangled, by getting out of a Cellar, where he was shut in to have been kept till Day, that they might have conveyed him to Prison in the Morning, for having visited some Lodgings, which he should not have done, to have been found as he was at the Visit.  
But Bondrille, seeing all of his Comrades met again, he began to reassume his good Humour, and to take his turn; and to talk of his Comrades, and their different Subtleties: For (says he) our Congregation is for the most part, Composed of a sort of Men, which are good Takers up; but bear amongst us the Name of Soldiers of the Short-Sword: And when they have served their Apprenticeships, they go here and there, at their own Fantasy, either to Cut a Purse, or any such like Actions as this, which belongs to their Calling. Sometimes they go into the Tennis-Court; where, tossing some few Balls, they take up a good Cloak, and lay down an Old one in the Place; and so get away as far as they can, acting the Drunkard, for fear of being seen and pursued; and to be tossed in like manner, if they should be taken: So likewise, if they come where they are playing at Bowls, they seldom miss doing of something; for whilst they measure a doubtful Cast, what is to be gotten, is their own lawful Goods: And so, at the Season of Swimming, when Men are in the Water, they are making away the clothes, and leave the Swimmers to heat themselves without clothes. So that, by these little Contrivances with the Times, they become fit for any greater Actions, as they shall be employed about. And so, when they are capable of such great Undertake, than we enrol them Comrades, and Night-walkers; of which Night-walkers, the one of them the last Winter, got more himself alone, than Six others could do in Two Years: For, he would go into the Streets himself, with a Flambeau lighted in his Hand; and if any one would follow him for the Benefit of the Light, when he found themselves alone in a convenient Place, he having an Exstinguisher in his Pocket for the purpose, he as soon puts out his Flambeau, and then leaps upon the Neck of the Man, and makes him pay him well for his Pains he has taken. But we have lost this brave Man out of our Society; for they have drawn his Soul out of his Body, as they would draw Water out of a Well, (That is, with a Rope) and now, at this time, the Wind blows under his Feet: (That is as much as to say, He hangs upon a Gibbet.)  
Another of the Company, who is at present in the Country; which they call the Great Leper, by reason of his Great Agility: He is counted a brave Fellow also; for within these few Days, he emptied the Pockets of Two Gentlemen as they were a Hunting, Mounted on their brave Coursers; but he took them with so much Subtlety one by one, pretending to mind some thing that was amiss in the Furniture of their Horses, which they did not perceive, and so knew not what he did.  
So, we have Women also, (says Bondrille) which we call Encroachers; whose Business is only, for the most part, to visit the Markets, and other Assemblies; when the Thickness of the Crowd will give them leave to fish in Troubled Waters. Others will go to light a little Fire in a House, where they make as if they were near Neighbours; and the other Day she went to look for Chambers to be Let; and, under pretence of selling some things she had to sell, she took all that lay open, and could be with Conveniency conveyed away. And these good Pieces are not only Faithful Keepers of what you bring to them; but also are Reformers of our Acqusitions: And in that they are as quick as any thing can be, to disguise any thing that is put into their Charge to dispose of; for they will so rarely disguise any thing, that it will be a very hard matter for any one to know his own Goods again, although they see it before their Eyes: Of which I am a Witness; for a little before I was Enrolled in the Brotherhood, it was my Hap to Lodge one Night with some of my Friends, in the House of one of these Work-women; and giving her my Cloak, which I did usually wear, praying her to adjust it Handsomely for me; meaning only, that she should make it Clean, and no more: But on the Morrow-Morning I found my Cloak lined with another Stuff, which she caused to be put in; the Cap was turned up-side down, and Silk-Buttons in the place of a Silver-Galoon, with which it was bound; insomuch, that I had already handled him Three or Four times, in looking for him on all sides; but not knowing of him, till she put me out of my pain, by showing of me what she had done, and the Work-man-ship she had bestowed on it.  
But that which surpassed all the rest for Subtlety, was one whom we called the Giboubeuse. She usually goes about the Town with a Sackful of Straw, till she could espy a Place where she might make a better Fortune; and having found this, she would go in, and lay down her Pack for a better, and so be gone; as she did not many Days ago, when she went into a Silkman ' s-Shop, and there lays down a Child in the place of a Bundle of Satin.  
But to Conclude (says Bondrille) we live like the Bohemians, who without buying of any thing, want nothing that is necessary for them. And as our Quarters are in divers Places, so we have Correspondents every where assuredly true to us.  
And then he began to discourse of his Exploits in the Wars, telling them, That he had met with a Knowing Magician, who had predicted to him; That he should Die in the Middle of a Medley of People; and that his Grave should be in the open Fields: Of which he was not much Cozened; for some short time after this, he was taken in the Plains of Long-Boyau, doing of his Exercise; he was Killed in the Middle of a great Assembly, who was in a Confusion to see the Spectacle; and so, presently after, they carried him out to the great Highway, where an Old-Wile served to circled him.  
So some of our short Swordmen have Acquaintance amongst your Burgors-Sons, who may serve to defray Charges every where; as being assured of the Supplies out of their Purse upon all Occasions, if we can but make any thing of a Difference amongst them, in hopes that their Purse or Pockets may be emptied by the Arm of those which carry your Cutlasses; because when they fall into any Treaties, it is only of this kind; where their Discourse is only of Cutting off of Heads, or Cutting their Bodies in pieces; promising them to take a severe Revenge upon all their Enemies, if they should be as strong as the Great Mogul; or, at the least, they say, They will make them come to a very Honourable Composition. But these Advocates do oftentimes find their Practices so good, that they never desire to see the End of the Controversies: But, on the contrary, they frame new Differences underhand, to the End that they may drink the oftener; for in such Medleys as these, they make the best Reparations for the Belly.  
And again, if they do make them believe, that they will Kill one another in cold Blood, making a great Stir and Combustion; yet all they do in this great Stir, is but to beat one another with the Flat Sides of the Sword, or Bulls-Pisle, or a Cudgel, according to the Quality of the Offence that hath been committed by our Duelists, or their Seconds.  
But to say no more of this Company; for they are an open Bank, fit for the Extirpation of Men, which should do Service in the Public: For they never Fight, but with the Quart-Pot; whilst these young foolish Fellows expect every moment to see the Overthrow of their Enemies, by these false brave Fellows, who call themselves by the names of the Repairers of Wrongs and Outrages, giving themselves great Names and Titles; whereof a Knight is the least amongst them, in all their Order; and making more Saints of this their Order, than there are in an Almanac.  
But this Liberty, which had been so openly taken by them at Ragonde's House, began now to be much Retrenched by the Complaint of the Neighbourhood; which made the Short-Sword-Men, and the Spinners of Wool, to remove and withdraw: Insomuch, that in the House before, where there was nothing in it that was Good, but Evil; for it created more Mischief, than the BOX of Pandora. But now, there is nothing to be seen, but the Amintas, Mariannes', Partheniaes', the Amaranthes, Fanchons, and Clorindes; and these but rarely visited by some young, joyful Youths, who had never Courted the Ladies, but in a Romance; and this only but to make them a little bolder, when they found the occasion to appear before their Mistresses, whom they thought fit to be made their Wives.  
And, in brief, you heard nothing now spoken of, but Flattering, and some Love-toys; and Ragonde herself incloistered in a small Room, beholding these new Miracles of Nature; so great was the Reformation: And her Business now, was only to show them the Methods, which properly belonged to the Exercises which they intended to profess; as namely, how to hold their Countenance before a Looking-Glass, to set their Hair in divers Fashions; and so consequently, to dress and set themselves out in the best Manner they can; and sometimes, to bite their Lips, to make it show more like unto Artificial Coral; pinch their Cheeks, to make the Paint show the better; and to glance with the Eye to the purpose, very handsomely, and a hundred such little Tricks as these, to make them set off the better, and handsomer to see to. To all which, the Pommade, Jessemy-water, Orange, False Water, False Pearls, and Ribbons of all Colours, are not forgotten for the Adornment of these pretty Creatures, who called themselves all Sisters; and Old Ragonde, they called their Good Woman.  
But Theodore, who had made Love to Mademoiselle Cloris, continued still to see her always at Ragonde's House, and to Live with her, and other Ladies of Pleasure, in a continual Debauchery, leading a very lewd and unregulated Life; which lasted a long time, in spite of all his Friends could do, with all the Demonstrances that they could make him to the contrary; insomuch, that the Scandal of his Vicious Life was known every day more and more: So that, his Friends at last acquainted him, That if he would sail against Wind and Tide, he must expect to run the Hazard of falling upon very dangerous Shelves, which would (without all doubt cast him away; for that the Debauches were only a Gilded Pill, which, whosoever did suffer himself to be carried away by it, would (without all doubt) in time find the Bitterness of it at last. But their Policy was so well ordered, that within some few Hours after, most of all these loose, and ill living People were taken, and secured by the Officers of Justice, and most Prisons were filled with them; of which, Ragonde, and her Pensioners were not exempted.  
And now, see what comes by too much frequenting of such Houses and People as are so debauched. But Ragonde, who had a little before made her Lodging upon the Rampire of the Town, which (in her Thoughts) was a Place of least Scandal: But however, she found to her Cost, that where the Sick-Man moves, his Distemper goes along with him always.  
But, in short, it was ordained, That the greatest Part our Debauched Girls should be sent to some Islands newly Discovered; for which purpose they were Embarked before the Lover, to be sent down the River to Rouen: But many of them were in Hopes of being Rescued by the People in Power of that Town, as they went along, for the Service that they had rendered them in times past.  
But some of them, being more vain, said; If a Turk's Man of War should come Crusing out of the Straits, it might happen, that the Ship where they were might be taken, and so some of them might be presented to the Grand Signior; and she thought her Deserts might make her to be Honoured with his Handkerchief, or a better Thing: So good a Conceit had she of herself and Actions.  
But, at length, they all took their Leave of the Queens-Court, the Red-House, Chaillot, of Passy, of Soresne, of Boulogne, St. Cloud; and above all the rest, of their so much beloved Lodging, the Sign of the Great State, where they had often been better Regarded, than now they were. And so, following on their Course till they came to Poissy, where at the same time many Thiefs were Executed; some on the Wheel, some Hanged, and others sent to the Galleys; to the end, that they might root out all those Disturbers of their Public Peace and Tranquillity, and that all People might Live in Security, both in Town and Country.  
And now, behold! this was the Unhappy End of those, who, by leading of a Vicious Life altogether, without Control or Order, had made themselves the Authors of their own Disgraces, and were not looked upon by any, but according to the petulant Humours of the People.  
But Theodore had escaped this Danger by means of some of the Archers that were his Friends; who, for the means of some Money, so far favoured him, that he got home to his Friends and Parents; where he now exercises an Honest Employ, living according to his Birth amongst good People of Honour, and in a good Repute.  
Now, let all those that are become Libertines like him, by any Accident whatsoever, learn to labour by his Example, if they do really intend to hinder the Triumphs of an Evil over themselves in this manner; that they may not be a Witness themselves one Day, of their Enemy's Joy for their Miscarriages.  

Underneath was written this EPIGRAM:  
True Fanfrons, that wears a Sword;  
Free Catchers of all that the World could afford;  
Who by your rare Virtues, have brought Imitations to see the Day:  
But if you have a mind to do better, you may.  
Since at the last, Theodore imitates your Life;  
You ought at last, to imitate his, when your Time serves.    
☞ The Matter (said I, when I had read it over to the Poet) is very Rare, and the Style smooth enough: wherefore, it is (without all doubt) a Piece of your own Composing.  
Pardon me, (says he) for it is a Friends of mine, who gave it to me to Correct it: But truly, I had rather leave it as it is, than to spoil the Works of another.  
Why, (says I to him) you are able to give a Lustre to any Work, sooner than do it Wrong.  
I do not doubt that at all, (replied he): But, to speak without Vanity, I call that a Thing Spoilt, which another (it may be) calls a Good Reformation. And I am also persuaded, that any Man, loving of his Progenitors, cannot like it well, if by Hazard, he should beget a Crooked Child; and another, to make him Straight, should take his Bunch or Crookedness away: This is, in effect, than such a Deformity. Wherefore, I had rather not run the Hazard at all, than to make myself disliked of by my Friend. And besides, It is not my Business to work in Prose.  
But there are some Verses in it, (I replied to him.)  
But he made me Answer, That they came not from him; neither were they of his Composition.  
But you have made very Good Ones in taking of Tobacco, (says I to him.)  
But he made me Answer, That there was nothing less.  
But I told him, I had heard them Rehearsed, and found them to be very agreeable; and that I had from time to time, diverted myself in the Hearing, and Seeing of them.  
〈◊〉 at the same time, I saw upon his Table a great Lute; which made me say to him: Sir, for aught that I can see, you are endued with a great many good Qualities, and are able to give a Lustre to all your other Works, by adding a sweet Harmony to their Force.  
And you, Sir, (says he) Methinks, are of a very easy Belief, that you can be so easily persuaded to believe a Supposition, as to rest satisfied by seeing of the Glove, and not the Hand: It is a hard matter for a Man to judge by the outward Appearance, what is withinside: For in a word, to tell you the Truth, This Study of a Lute, which you see, is only to put in some things of mine; which are at your Service, if you please.  
At the same time, he pulls out from under his Beds-Head a Shirt of Cloth, which was Fine enough; but so Old, and full of Holes, that he could not lie in it at Night, for fear of tearing it to pieces. But putting in of his Left-Arm into the Sleeve, he put his Right-Arm into a Hole of the Shirt, thinking it had been the other Sleeve; and so came presently out of his Bed, and went to the Table; and there fell a Writing, till the Cold made him leave his Pen. And after this he goes, and opens his Study, or Belly of the Lute; out of which, he pulled a Lac'd-Band, laced with divers sorts of Lace; with a pair of Cuffs so deep, that they might reach from the Wrist to the Shoulder; with a Periwig, that was neither White nor Red, but between both: Which, when I saw it, I asked of him, If he meant to dress himself like a Courtier?  
To which he answered, muttering with his Lips, That he would have been better accommodated with his Hair than he was, if the Rogue had not run away with his Periwig, which he carried him to mend a Place in it, where the Hair was cut away, and to cure a Figure of an Ostriches Egg. But truly (says he) this should not have served for a Scabbard for my Head, if I had not been a little too Familiar: And this made me to know, that I should sometimes pretend, but always know every thing: Wherefore, if you should be obliged to make an Answer, be sure that you do it so, that it may be pleasing: For the Old Saying is; If a Thing be well Given, it may be well Taken.  
But (says I) this kind of Discourse is a little Obscure and Intricate; for there is none knows the Meaning of it, but yourself.  
With that he replies: If you please to hear me, I will tell you how the Accident came: For, as it was my Hap to be one Evening with a Great Personage of the Court, who was then in an indifferent good Humour, and asked me many pleasant Questions; to which I made him Answer after a jesting way, or (as they say) like a Buffoon; which made him as often to laugh heartily. But at last, he asked me, If I were not aiding at the Funeral of one of my Brothers; telling me, That that very day they had Hanged a Poet. To which it was my Hap to make him for Answer, That I never did see any one Executed, but one Gentleman, who had his Head out off; naming the Person; not thinking in the least, that the Party who died by the Edge of the Sword, was any thing akin to him: But he as soon cut off my Words, by throwing a Silver-Candlestick, with a Burning Wax-Light in it, at my Head; which Burning Candle was so entangled in my Hair, that the greatest Part of my Hair was burnt, before I could get the Gandle out of it: Besides, I was in as much trouble how to get away, for fear of my Life; for he pursued me with a Sword drawn in his Hand. And this is the main Reason, why I wear a Periwig. And another Reason is this: It fortuned, that not long since, I would have Rescued a Man out of the Hands of some that were leading some poor People to the Hospital; for which they fell upon me, and hurt my Head, as you see; for the Plasters remain upon it yet.  
But, by this time, my Poet had almost Dressed himself after his Fashion; and we began to walk abroad together: But upon the Stairs, I Chanced to look back, and spied him with but one Stocking on; which I gave him Notice of, and so he went back to put it on: and then came, and found me at the Street-Door, where I stayed for him. But we had not gone far, but a Man of his Acquaintance meets him, and first Salutes him, and then asked of him, How he had passed the Night away?  
Without sleeping, (says he) but in the most agreeable Divertisements that ever Man had; for, I believe, (says he) that the Nine Sisters were never Inspired with so brave Spirits, nor endued with so many pleasant Thoughts, as I was: Neither was it possible, that ever I should have attained to the Enjoyment of such a happy Night's Divertisement, if their Spirits had not left them, to Court and Caress me, to the great Envy of one or other.  
Ha, Alas! (says the other) I was not so Happy as you; for I have blowed all this Night; and that Daemon, or Devil, that Inspires us in our Cursed Philosophy, was far off from Caressing me; for he made a Cruset set very well fitted with le Lain, Antimony, the Stains of Ice, or Orpine, live Sulphur, Sanders, and other Drugs that were necessary; to which I had already given them all the Degrees of Heat: So that, within two Days, it would have been Gold of the Highest Pitch, that would have endured Trial without Dimunition: But it broke, and was like to have spoilt my Face into the Bargain.  
But by this their Discourse, I came to understand, that my Poet's Friend was an Alchemist: But I seemed to know nothing at all, nor to take any notice of what they said. So, continuing their Discourse together, saying at last:  
Whither go you, my Friend?  
I go (says the Poet) to look out something of Divertisement and Refresh for a Lover, (meaning Me) that is wholly crossed in his Love; for by Vows and Promises, all is changed into an Evil Success, instead of being Recompensed according to his Deserts, for his Civility and Faithfulness: Therefore, I am going to try if I cannot make him quickly forget that Ingratitude.  
Why then, (replied the other) you are like the Witches, that can do, and undo that which they have done. For my part, I really thought, that it had been the Poet's Part to have inflamed Love, and not to i'll it with Cold. But if I may pass my Thoughts of Love, I do believe it to be a Distemper, which is only cured by Mirth, and not by Melancholy; because it is a Passion of the Soul, which (when it is inflamed therewith to the Highest, it) deprives us of Reason, and makes us go astray besides ourselves, like brute Beasts or Vagabonds▪ But, in brief,—  
" Patience, (says the Poet, who broke off the others Discourse, saying;)" That he should see him Laugh heartily by and by; and I wish, that the first Flash of Lightning, that proceeds out of its Fiery Region, may destroy the Mount of Parnassus, if I do not Cure our Lover before he be many Hours older, by showing him his Parallels, or those that were in his Condition.  
And so, by little and little, discoursing as we went, we came at last to the Hospital, where they put those that are besides their Wits: And so, addressing of themselves by common Voice and Consent, to the Governor of the Place, asked of him, If they might not see those that were thus Distracted, or Fools? To which the Governor, who was an Ancient, yet Venerable Man enough answered, That they might And so brought them into a little Hall; and first shows them a Looking-Glass, to see themselves; giving them to understand, that it is not good to Insult too much over the Misfortunes of others.  
But this Ancient Man brought us into a little Court, where the Diseased were shut up in little Rooms asunder: At which, the Poet began to cry out; Stay here! Gad, it is sufficient, it suffices me; for I have seen the greatest Part of all their Fooleries: And I think, that these Separations would do well, if they were but big enough to be an Enclosure for the greatest Part of the World, to shut up Fools in: For there are but very few People, who are not tainted with that kind of Disease.  
Which Discourse made the Governor laugh a little; and making a Sign with his Head, to show that he approved of our Discourse. But I as soon espied a Great Man, who looked very Pale and Wan; and cried out without ceasing, with all his Force, That there was no Mercy for him at all! I have defaced That which God made; for I have eaten Heaven and Earth!  
At which, I asked the Governor, What the Meaning of that Extraordinary Discourse should mean? Who told me, That that Man had Eaten up the Revenues of a Piece of Ground, and all the Householdstuff that was left him, to the very Tester of his Bed, which now was all he had left of all his Goods; at which he became Distracted, and so took up these Words; and continues them ever since in his Mouth.  
And so we came against another, who cried out as loud and fast; That the first that came aught to set him at Liberty, by Releasing of him out of that Place; for he was no more a Fool, since he came in again of himself, uncompelled.  
To which I made Answer, That this Man spoke nothing, but what was very good Sense.  
To which the Governor replied; Frieud, do not mistake yourself; for there is more of Malice than Folly, in his Case: For the Business why he tarries here, is only this; He having on a time Lain with his Daughter, for which he was put into Prison; and had undoubtedly Died for it, but that he Counterfeited himself Distracted; and so was Committed into this Place, to Sequester himself from the Hands of Justice.  
Then the Poet, who had been all this time without speaking of one word, asked the Governor; If there were not some, that were Distracted for Love?  
To which he Answered, Yes; for the greatest Part of the Men that were in for that very Distemper, returned afar; if they do but speak of a Woman, they presently cry My Love, my Heart, my Dear, my Soul! I Burn, I Dye! and the like: And all this, is but to nourish up a Company of Twattling, Foolish Women, who believe all they say to be True; and vaunt it abroad, that they have made so many Slaves.  
And so, showing him a little Lodging that was all full of Cobwebs; and told him, That there had been one that had lain there for several Years: But, at last, came one of his Friends to see him, who asked me Leave to go into his Lodge to him, to make a small Collation with him, which I readily agreed to; so they emptied several Bottles of Wine together; which made me fear, that the Strength of the Wine might trouble his Brains: But, on the contrary, he was so well fortified, and his Senses so well settled, that after Three day's Examination, he was found a very Competent Judge, and fit to be sent out. Before he parted, he writ this against Wall; which is here Visible for him that should come next, although it be now almost all Defaced.  
Then our Poet began to look at it nigh at hand; and for his better Perusal, he wiped it over with the Corner of his Cloak, that he might Read it the better: But, contrary to his Expectation, he found a Draft of Cupid in Debauch, his Bow and Arrows thrown down, and all in Disorder; and over his Head these Two Verses written.  
Thou Son of Love, I am thine no more; All that thou dost, is superfluous Shower.  
And underneath was this Song written, in imitation of this Tyrant over our Souls.  
The Wine alone shall furnish me with Flame;  
For Bacchus▪ hath brought me under his Laws,  
And made him throw his Arrows to the Ground:  
Ask but another Glass,  
To make him as Drunk as his Carcase.  
All his Troops are on the Rout with the Wind;  
And he has drank so much, that he is quite Blind:  
For since he hath thrown his Belt away,  
We see him lie sleeping all the Day.  
For with the Juice of the Bottle called Wine,  
He hath quenched his Flambeau called Divine.  
Callet, I Renounce thy Love, as Folly▪  
Such Pleasures makes me Melancholy▪  
I abhor it, when thereon I think.  
But he is my Friend, that taught me to Drink,  
And drove Envy from my Memory;  
And Revived my Senses, and Spirit● like to Die.  
But our Poet quickly pulls an Ink-horn out of his Pocket, with which he writes these Verses upon a piece of Paper; saying, That this was a good Matter to furnish him with; for it was capable of passing a new thing, when he had a little ordered it after his own Fashion.  
But our Blower began to think it now his time to speak; therefore, he asked the Governor, Where they put the Alchemists?  
But he answered him; That he never saw any such there; for either the Fire of Raymond alone, or the Mercury and Minerals consumed them; or else, at the least, it sends them starknaked to the Incurables; and so we have none of their Company.  
But I was presently informed by the Governor, of a Young Man, who had many Papers in his hand, walking from one End of the Course to the other, as if he had been Rapt into some very profound Thoughts of great Concernment.  
This is (says he) a Poet, who was Committed to my Charge the other Day by a Courtier, more Fool than himself; who accused him of writing some Verses that touched him, wherein he is not so much as named: Wherefore, I leave him at his Liberty, as you see; and have often sent him away, but he as often returns again to me, as if he had some other Pretensions here; and here he will stay in spite of me, as if the House had been only built for the Commodity of the Poets. But, for my own part, I was very Joyful to see that my Poet stayed, having marked his Design that he had to put the Trick upon me: But all this time, I did not so much as let him know any thing, that I understood the Meaning of the least of all his Intrigues; neither would I break off with a Person, who had served me so often for very rare Divertisements, as he from time to time had done.  
So the Governor caused us to see several other distempered Persons, and told us of all the several sorts of their Distempers.  
And this done, we took our Leaves of the Governor. But, for myself, I had almost every day some kind of Divertisement or other with my Poet; till it fell out, that I had a Journey to go into the Country; which made me be a long time from seeing of him, who was my only Object of Delight.  
But our Poet continued still to do something or other, be it Good or Bad, as his own proper Fantasy led him, either to the Praise or Dispraise of a Part, or a Whole, without knowing the Virtue or Folly of the Person he writ of▪ But, Right or Wrong, he made Verses, and carried them to Men's Houses, as if it had been the Gazette. And some gave it the same Esteem, which did a little blind his Ambition; he believing all they said to be Truth, because they made him some small Presents.  
But it fortuned, at a time, that he came to a House, where I was an Attendant in the Family; and joining of himself with me by hazard, not knowing of me at first, he gave me some Eulogies, and Glorious Epithets; more for my Quality that I was in, than for my Personage: Not dreaming to find me there, he prayed me very earnestly to Present to the Lord I served, some of his Works. But I desired to be excused; telling him, That if I should Present it, there would come no Profit by it; for my Lord was not of a Liberal Humour in that, or such like Matters.  
It may be, (says my Parnassi●n▪ whispering in my Ear) that he is of the Humour of some, who had rather give a Hundred Pistols to a Lady of Pleasure, than a Tester, or Two Shillings to a Poet.  
But I answered him; That if he would know the Truth of it, my Lord doth Compose some things himself; and what he doth, is very Excellent: Therefore, any thing that is presented to him, must be the Finest, and best of Works; or else, they may happen to far no better, than an Old Italian Poet did, who presented him with something, as he thought, to be very Rare; which my Lord took, and carried it to his Desk; and from thence, instead of Money, (for which the Poet waited) he brought another thing of the like Nature, being of his own making, and gave it to the Poet; saying, Volte pour, volte Patramie: And this was all the Reward he got.  
Our Poet had still the same Suit of Spanish-Cloath, and Satin-doublet, pinked: Whether it was that he was not Proud, or that he was too Proud, I do not know; but his Cloak had been lined with Plush; which was plain to be seen by the pieces that remained, which were big enough to have covered a Pair of Slippers.  
But as he was talking to me in the middle of the Court, he was presently surrounded by a great many Footmen, and the like, which knew him, and of what Trade he was; and asked him for some of his Works, which he as readily promised them: Which, when I saw it, I told him; That he had taken a very ill Place to walk in, and that it was a bad Market: And withal, That a Poet ought not to be so Familiar, as to declare all to the Common Sort▪ of People; and that he (being a Poet) had to do with Persons of Quality, who would not suffer Comparisons with others; especially, in Business of Consequence.  
That is Truth, (says he) but Persons of our Profession, love an entire Familiarity; and you need not to doubt, but that all manner of Public Persons ought to have their Faces enlightened by every one; but more especially by the Poets, who make up one Part of their Pulgibery in this World; for the Accomplishment of which, they are obliged very often to do it: For oftentimes, it so falls out, that they are fain to make as many Gestures, as a Dog that hath lost his Master, and seeks out the means to join himself with another. But if that fails, he shall find one Wooden-faced Fellow or other of Porters, that will shut the Door against his Nose; or else, it may be, make him sit Two or Three Hours (as they say) to look to the Muleat the Gate, whilst (it may be) they lose another better Occasion in another Place. And all this is done with a little ugly-made Face, which cost them nothing.  
But if a Spunger, or Hanger-on do but chance to Caress, and make much of a Song, (says our Poet) he is straight counted for a Gallant Man: The Gentleman (they'll say) hath Means enough; and he is importuned to go, and Eat with the Great Ones: For they'll swear, they cannot tell how to Live without seeing of him; for he is one of the best Wits of the Times, and a Person who (by his Behaviour) might (in his Travels) be a Guest to be Entertained by Monarches, for his Noble Parts: But if he make but a little of his Necessities known; Why, they will say, Such an one is a Licker of Trenchers: And they shall throw all the Quibbles they can, and shall employ the whole Morning in inventing one Foolery or other, to pay him for his Dinner; or they will let him Languish and Die with Thirst, before they will give him to Drink, if he be at Table; notwithstanding he should ask for it oftentimes: And after all, at last, he shall be obliged to Rise and take it himself at the Side-Table: And then, it may be, he shall find some Affront, or other put upon him, at his Return to the Table again.  
Wherefore, (in a word) we ought as much as we can with our Conveniency, to love the Servants as well as the Master; and not to follow the Maxims of some Flatterers, who will cause the Servants Portion to be lessened, and have Water put into their Wine: And afterwards, are obliged to run in the Street, with a Company of Laqueyes after him, crying a Vinegar-Merchant, and a Cutter of Dishes. Such can never want Scoffers after them, as they walk the Streets.  
But with this Poet was the Alchemist, of which I have already spoken. But, to Regulate him the better, and to fit him for a little Discourse of his Calling, I led him into an Arbour, where we might stay whilst a Breakfast was a preparing for us; and, in the mean time, I began to question the Alchemist, concerning the Transmutation of Metals: To which he seemed to be a Man very quick and ready at his Answers, as any simple ignorant Person could be; who would undertake to hold an Argument in Theology, that was the greatest Fool of all those, that ever did undertake to look or study for the Phylosophers-Stone: For his Brains were only Infected with the Fumes, of the Minerals, on which he practised. And so, finding no more Satisfaction in my Alchemist, than in my Poet, I thought it now but high time to come to a Conclusion with them Both.  
But in the mean time, our Poet was surprised with an Extreme Heat of Parnassus' Fury, and called a-main for Pen and Paper; and when he had walked a Turn or two, he steps a side, and there writes,  
Illustrious Reflection! Great and Famous mersonage!  
Tituler,—  
But he could go no farther; for the Greatest of his Works showed him a Poet either at the Beginning, or in the Middle of his Works; but, as for the Conclusion, the greatest Part of it was only the Fragments of some scattered Works of others.  
☞ But here our Rejoicing had end: For I knowing very well, that my frequenting of such Persons, could be no way Profitable, but Prejudical to me: Wherhfore, I sought all honest Pretences, to take my Leave, and to be rid of them; promising them all the Favours and Kindnesses, that I was able to make or express to them, for their Service.  
And so Ends the▪ Extravagant Poet.  
FINIS.   

Books Printed for R. Bentley, and M. Magnes this Year, 1680.  

Plays.  
SErtorius, a Tragedy; by J. Bancroft, Gent.  
Theodosius, or the Force of Love.  
Soldiers Fortune, a Comedy.  
Caesar Borgia, a Tragedy.  
Mr. Limberham, or the Kind-Keeper; by J. Dreyden. Esquire.  
Murder of the Duke of Gloucester.  
King Learc.   

Novels.  
Pilgrim.  
Palais-Royal.  
Essex and Elizabeth.  
Amours of Madam.  
The Emperor and the Empire Betrayed.   

In the Press.  
Father Lamberg's History of Lutheranism.