New News FROM TORYLAND, etc.  
GReat News from Whitehall— Great News from Samm's Coffeehouse— Great News from the Pall-mall— Run ye Rogues— Run ye Whores— The Rat-Catcher's just going off— Cancaro— What an Age do we live in? What! will ye ne'er ha' done, Gentlemen? Here's— Noise and Din, Clamour and Fury, Raging and Storming, Heyday!— Here's Thou Fool, and Thou Knave Thou Rogue, and Thou Rascal Thou liest, and Thou liest Hei-go-mad!— Tantivishire is all in a flame with Thunder and Lightning— anathemas and Excommunications;— Toryland is so dismally harassed with Tempests and Hurricanes, that a Dissenter can hardly keep his Hat upon his Head, or his Cloak upon his Shoulders.— Here are Your Thompson's, Your Prologue-makers, and Ballad-makers, Your Heraclitus', and Roger's, and the Devil and all— Nay, here's Conjuring too, downright Conjuring in the Language of Trithemius, Tory, Whigg, Fanatic, Tantivyman— Come up here i'the name of Sando●phon, and Adarniel, Hautzeviv, and Tzautzeviv— And what's the meaning of all this? For a Company of Poltrons, and Paper-wasters, to get money, and disorder the Kingdom. Who would not be the Danae of an Observator to be courted in Golden Showers, and all to please the wanton Fancies, or Politic. Ends of some sort of People with the Harlotry of his prostituted Peneus  
Imprimis Received l. s.  By a Note into Lumbardstreet, Guineys' 100 00 00 Item, For burlesquing the Popish plot, and the King's Evidence from the Lords in the Tower 050 00 00 Item, For defending the Protestant Faith better than the Sons of the Church can do, from Cambridge 250 00 00 Item, More from Oxford 200 00 00 Item, More from Norwich 170 00 00 Item, More from Salisbury 090 00 00 Item, More from Bristol 100 00 00 Item, More by Madam Johannas' yearly Tribute 150 00 00 Summa totalis 960 00 00  
Now mingle all this Money well together, and tell me whether any Vintner or Coffee-man, Mercer, Taylor, or Haberdasher, be so quicksighted in this Town, as to pick out the Popish from the Protestant Money? or if he should, whether any would be so scrupulous, as to refuse it for the sake of the two Cross Sceptres? But what's the pretence all this while? The fairest in the World, even Loyalty itself; which by virtue of a certain Crimson Charm, these State-Pharisees would so engross to themselves, as if all true Loyalty were confined within the Circle of a Scarlet Stayband. Had it not been for an Observator and an Heraclitus, Heaven knows what had become of the Kingdom ere this. Had not they stood in the Gap, and raised monstrous Plots, horrid Contrivances, desperate Inventions, and providentially discovered them, when they had done; had not they Erected vast Bulky Piles of Surmises, Leviathan Fears and Jealousies all over the Nation, and then pulled 'em down again, the Land had been overwhelmed with Fanaticism, and deluged with Liberty and Property. God forbid Gentlemen, but Faction and Disloyalty should be punished with the utmost Rigour of the Law; But for the Loyalty of the greatest part of the Nation, and most considerable for Wealth and Trade, to be blasted and tainted with the venomous breath of Mercenary Scandal and Reproach, what is this but the greatest Disloyalty i'the World, to unrivet the Affections of the People, and Eloin their Allegiance from their Sovereign? Certainly, were Disloyalty such a General Crime, it could not be the bleating of a Feeble Observator, or a Shatter-brained Heraclitus, that could stem the Torrent of Universal Resolution. But to come to the point; if Disobedience to the King's Law be an Act of Disloyalty, as no man will presume to deny, I find none more guilty than these Primroses of Loyalty themselves. For the King's Positive Law enjoins, That no person or persons shall presume maliciously to call or allege of, or object against any other person or persons, any Name or Names, or other words of Reproach any way tending to revive the Memory of the late Differences, or the Occasions thereof.  
But contrary to this Law, now, put but your Nose into any Company, What's such a one? A Whigg, G— damn him. What's such a one? A Fan. G—rot him. What's such a one? A Tantivy-man. That's well, He's one of Us. What's such a one? A Tory. The Devil take me, if I did not think him an honest Fellow by his looks. Sbud, these Whigs, and these Fans, they have different Faces from other men. Then cries one, Would they were all at the bottom of the Sea. Another wishes for a Discreet Plague, to separate the Sheep from the Goats. Now what is this, but to embroile common Friendship and humane Society? which once unhinged, farewel Law; and farewel all Allegiance. Yet upon this Foundation the Observator rears the Fabric of all his weekly Ribble-rabble. whigs he will have, and whigs he must have, and who can blame him? For, quo he, no Whig, no Guiney.  
This King in his Proclamation against vicious, debauched and profane Persons, dared in the 12th Year of his Reign, is pleased to declare his Royal Will and Pleasure to this effect  
There are likewise another sort of men, of whom we, have heard much, and are sufficiently ashamed, who spend their time in Taverns, Tippling houses and Debauches, giving no other Evidence of their affection to Us, BUT IN DRINKING OUR HEALTH, and inveighing against all others, who are not of their own dissolute Temper; and who in truth have more DISCREDITED OUR CAUSE, by the Licence of their Manners and Lives, than they could ever advance it by their Affection or Courage. We hope that they will hereafter become Examples of Sobriety and Virtue. For the more effectual reforming these men who are a Discredit to the Nation, and unto any Cause they pretend to favour and wish well to, We require all Mayors, Sheriffs, Justices, to be vigilant in their Prosecution, etc.  
But in contempt of all this, 'tis now, Damn me won't ye drink the King's Health? Damn me drink it, or I'll throw the Glass in your Face▪ Now it being certain that Loyalty does not consist in drinking Tavern Healths, it follows then, that the Peek is not between Loyalty and Disloyalty, but between Huzzah-Loyalty, ranting, roaring, damning, swearing Loyalty, and sober, serious, solid, and temperate Loyalty. And that's the Loyalty that 〈…〉 the King and Kingdom, though there were 〈…〉 drop of Claret i'the Nation.  
His Majesty himself was pleased to declare in His Gracious Declaration about Ecclesiastical Affairs, p. 5▪ (and the sayings of Princes are not without a coercive Awe among prudent Persons) That while he was in Holland, he was attended by many grave and learned Ministers from England, who were looked upon as the most able and principal Assertors of the Presbyterian Opinions, and to Our great satisfaction and comfort found them persons full of affection to Us, of Zeal for the Church and State, and neither Enemies to Episcopacy or Liturgy, but modestly to desire such alterations in either, as without shaking the Foundations might best allay the present Distempers,  
Sir Matthew Hales left them this Encomium, Many of the Presbyterians had merited highly in the business of the King's Restauration, and at least deserved, that the terms of Conformity should not be made stricter than they were before the War.  
One would think now that the King might be believed. No: if the King don't understand his own business, the Observator and Heraclitus do: For Mr, L'Estrange confidently avers in one of his late Observators, that the 
* See the King's Speech to the Lords July, 27. 1660. for hastening the Act of Oblivion.  Presbyterians had no hand in bringing in the King, ('tis a wonder he did not deny his own name, and shift off Tonge that way, and so have spared his silly Shammer shamm'd.)  
Therefore the Presbyterians are Traitors, and Fanatic▪ and the Kingdom is to be dispeopled with their utter Extirpation. What a loyal Orlando Furioso is this, thus to tilt against the public Declaration and Judgement of the King himself, and the Oracle of his Laws. As if he were a Guide to the supreme Magistrates of the Kingdom, as well as the inferior Clergy.  
After all this Gentlemen, pray consider Whether they that will not be confined to any Laws, Proclamations or Declarations themselves, are proper Persons to vent their Buffoonery against the pretended Disloyalty of others.  
But what's become of the Popish Plot all this while? Oh! The Triumvirate of Whigg-hunters are better employed, than to mouth against that Cerberus has had a Sopp, and is engaged to be quiet; Nay he does as good as confess, he believes nothing of it. For in his Observator, N. 92. says Whigg, You always take the pains as much as in you lies to hide the Plot, To which Tory replies, Not the tenth part upon my faith, as I have done to find it out. Truly 'twas pity a man should be so be Be-gadburyed in his old Age. Surely never did so wonderful a Cataract befilm the Eyes of Mortal Man before▪ He could find out a blind Plot in a Meal-Tub, but could not see a Plot that was visible to the whole Nation. However since His Majesty and his two Houses of Parliament had found it out, he might have had so much manners, as to have believed his Prince, and his Acts of public Justice, as well as the Lords i'the Tower. The to'ther's a professed Papist, and he swears there is no Popish Plot, upon the Credit of Madam Bawd, and her Condemn'd-Fellow-Jayl-Birds in Newgate. An ill requital of delayed Justice, For such Tenants at Will, to feed the Press of a hungry Varlet with weekly Lies, and Forgeries. The third a Pusillanimous Mortal, that lies snarling at present only against the Evidence, hoping to come in for a snack in the next Tower Guinnies, when they shall think him to have credit, or wit enough to serve their turn.  
And these are the Loyal Persons, that one would have thought might have chosen a Nobler Theme, to have decried the reiterated Perjuries, Forgeries, and Subornations of the Papists; to have turned their fury against the Scandalous and public Vindications of their Treasons and Conspiracies, to have maintained their Sovereign's Honour, and the Justice of his Supreme Courts of Judicature, and not to leave both him and them exposed to the malevolent inferences and impudent insinuations of his Capital Enemies.  
Now what says that Backbiter in Ordinary to the Devil, Heraclits? E'en what you please, 'tis such a pitiful Wight, that he is scarce worth taking notice of. He may serve for some Zany to a Mountebank, to jest off Medicines for the Toothache to the Rabble in Southwark. Or else couple him with some blind Fiddler, and send 'em together about the Country to go snips at Wakes and Hobnayle Weddings. For, Faith, Wine's ill bestowed upon him here in London, that does not deserve the weekly Wages of a Peny-post-man, for a Months Brain-Work; were he only mere Fool he might deserve Commiseration, and the reversion of a Changelings Place in some Country Alms-House; but the Serpenting Mixture being more predominant, he cannot expect it. However some good Friend of his would do well to advise him to give off in time, before his snuff quite stink.  
As for Mr. All-Conceit. alias Mr. Steers man of the Hen-peckt Frigate, most men are of opinion, he had better have stocked his Shop with the Saints Everlasting Rest, than thus to the shame of his Trade, and the public disturbance, to run every day Scaperloytering after a Pennyworth of Lousy Farce, and the restless, and Pragmatical Employment of being a Silly Libeler, and Common Accuser; an Employment more fit for a Rascally Informer, or some such Retainer to the Gallows. An Employment from which, such Revolters from their Substantial Livelyhoods, can in the end expect no other kindness, than a Recommendation to the Under-Beadles Place i'the Company, or to be Tip-staffed over the water to keep a Coffeehouse i'the ●●les.  
And now what may the world think of these People, that so tamely, and so easily surrender their belief, and admiration to the Charms of Quirk and Quibble; or that can be so blind, as not to perceive with what different aims from their Pretensions they drive on their designs, and that so apparently, that there need no more than the Flashes of their own fury to discover 'em.  
In the first place there is that Wizard, Gadburies' Astrological Jargonrie, Printed for the Loyal Company of Stationers themselves, stuffed from the beginning to the end with nothing but lies, and Popish Vindication; and yet neither the Loyal Observator, nor the Loyal Heraclitus take any notice of it.  
Here are Castlemains Memento's, and Staffords Memoires, publicly Printed, and Sold by Protestant Booksellers, to the dishonour, and scandal of the King and Parliament, and yet neither the Loyal Observator, nor the Loyal Heraclitus take any cognizance of it.  
The Journeymen Prologue and Epilogue-makers openly deride the Discoveries of Heaven in the Play Houses, and yet neither the Loyal Observator, nor the Loyal Heraclitus have one word to say.  
There is hardly any public Meeting or Assembly of the People, wherein the bold Emissaries of Pope and Devil do not barefaced act their parts, and make the Grand Plot▪ and intended Parricide of Gods anointed, the subject of their merry Sarcasms, and the Themes of their Philistine Paeans. Popery struts along the Streets openly by Noonday Sun, and Treason sneers ye in The Face, and twits ye with the effusion of Holy Martyrs Blood.  
Can the Sons of the Church of England so Passively hear the Reformed Religion abroad, and all its pious Professors derided, and their Reputation blasted by a Vermin of a Figure-Caster, and not give one gentle admonition to their Great Guide, to bestow one cast of his Office upon so infamous an Enormity?  
These considerations should cause a Recoil of over hasty and passionate thoughts; which, were they seriously fixed upon the present Confusions of the Nation, it is impossible that the Libels, the Rhymes, the Ballads, the Pamphlets, that at such an unfortunate Conjuncture overflow the Nation, and spit their quotidian Venom against the Dissenters, so numerous a Body of the King's Liege People, and so deeply engaged by all the ties of common Interest, to oppose, and with all their might withstand the Enemies of their Prince and Sovereign, Defender of their Faith, as their own and the Capital Enemies of the Kingdoms Quiet, should ever be imagined to be the inventions of Loyalty, or that the Owners and Contrivers should be guilty but of so much Allegiance, as will outweigh a Mustard Seed, let their pretences be never so zealous or highflown. The Romish Policy keeps to no Maxim of Christ so close, as to that of a Divided House cannot stand; Nor have the Roman Pontiffs studied the Arts of National disturbance so long, but that they well know, that the Protestant Interest in England is not to be destroyed but by Self-destruction, which they who under pretence of Loyalty make it their business to farther advance, it were to be wished they would keep their Loyalty to themselves, or practise it in some other Country, under some more undeserving Prince.  
FINIS.