PLAINDEALING OR, A Second Dialogue between Humphrey and Roger, As they were returning home from Choosing Knights of the Sheir to Sat in PARLIAMENT.  Roger. 
WEll overtook Neighbour, I see you are not a man of your word; did not you promise me when we last met, that you would Vote for our old Members that sat in the last Parliament, to be Knights of the Shire, to sit in the Parliament at Oxford?  Humphrey. 
I thought to do so, but by my brown Cow, I have been over-persuaded to the contrary by my Landlord and his Chaplin Mr. Tantivie, and a pestilent fine man, I think they said he was a Courtier, that lay at my Landlord's house, and what with Arguments and Wine, they drew aside my heart, and made me Vote against my Conscience.  Rog. 
'Twas ill done neighbour Numps, but all their Artifices would not do, we have carried it by some hundreds, for our old Members, that stood so bravely for their Country.  Hump. 
I am glad on't with all my heart, for to tell you truly, tho' my Landlord had my voice, the old Members had my heart, and i'll never do so again.  Rog. 
I hear most of the Counties in England are of the same mind, and all the Burgess-Towns, Cities, and Corporations; but what arguments could they use to alter thy mind?  Hump. 
First I say, They made me continually drunk, and then my Landlord used me so very civilly, and gave me so many good words, and fine promises, what a kind Landlord he would be, that I forgot all your Instructions; and methought he had invincible Arguments to persuade me.  Rog. 
What were they?  Hump. 
Nay, I have forgot them, but I thought no Counsellor at Law nor any Bishop, could have contradicted them: I now remember one Argument that took with me; you know I was ever for the King, and he told me the King did not love the Old Parliament-men, and therefore I should not Vote for them: But I being bold, asked him how he knew that?  Rog. 
What said he then?  Hump. 
Why he laid me as flat as a Flounder, that is, he fully convinced me, for, said he, if the King had loved them, he would not so soon have Dissolved them, I think that was demonstrable.  Rog. 
'Tis no matter tho' the King did not love them, they loved you and your Country, and you should so far have loved yourself, as not to have betrayed your own Interest. What said the Courtier?  Hump. 
Faith he said not much to me, but I suppose he had said enough to my Landlord.  Rog. 
And was this all your Landlord said to you? had you nothing to say for yourself? you spoke rationally the last time we were together.  Hump. 
Nay, I was forward enough to speak I'll assure you; And I told them, I was sure our old Members would be for the rooting up of Popery, and would stand stiffly against Arbitrary Government.  Rog. 
What said they then?  Hump. 
My Landlord laughed at me, and told me I had been among the Presbyterian whigs, and bid me have a care of being cheated into Rebellion, by those two words, Popery an Arbitrary Government: Then he shown me a printed paper, I think he called it, The Mistress of Iniquity, which showed as plain as the Nose on my face, that in 41, they did as we do just now, and that by that means they brought one K. to the Block, and so they would now do by our present Sovereign; God bless him.  Rog. 
Alas! alas! and that frighted you, did it?  Hump. 
Frighted me, ay marry did it, & I think 'twould affright any honest Man; you know I was always a Kings-man, and I would be taught to join with those, or give my Vote for such, who under the notion of crying against Popery and Arbitrary Government, would pull down the King and the Bishops, and set up a Commonwealth again.  Rog. 
Well Nump, I believe thee to be an honest Man, and there be many in this Land of thy condition, that are not of any great reach in policies and tricks of State-Mountibanks, and so may be easily persuaded upon false grounds, to betray your Country, your liberties, lives, and Religion.  Hump. 
Nay, that was not all, he then read another printed Paper, with an hard name, I think it was Hercules riding, or something of Jest and Earnest, which he laughed hearty at, and me thought there were some things called Quirks, which made a gingling and noise in my Ears, that I thought there was some Spell in it, for it seemed to join with Mrs. Iniquity, to make all the Presbyterians Traitors, and most of the people of England mad and factious.  Rog. 
There is as much heed to be given to those Pamphlets, as to the gingling of Morrice-bells: They are hired to set the people together by the ears, and are Papists in Masquerade; things set up to affright the people out of their senses, with the buy-leave of 41; Wise Men see thorough them, Honest men are not affrighted at them, & Fools and Knaves only are led aside by them.  Hump. 
But don't we do now as formerly, before the last Wars? done't we run just in the same steps as they did? who caused all the late bloody do? as those Pamphlets would make us believe?  Rog. 
I cannot tell what they mean by Roads and Highways: pray Hodge, we are now riding in the High-road to the next Market-Town; before the last Assizes, in this very Road 3 or 4 Highwaymen road in it too, and robbed several persons, & committed many villainous Murders, and were at last caught and Hanged for it; now therefore, because we are riding in the same Highway, must we Honest men be accounted Thiefs, Robbers, and Murderers, & all other who travel this Road? that's an hard case.  Hump. 
You say right Neighbour Hodge, tho' the Gallows stands in the Highway, we need not run our Heads against it, nor do any thing to deserve it.  Rog. 
But to speak plain to your capacity neighbour, if the Court be corrupt, and that those who should do justice and maintain truth, who should only seek the good of the King & his Kingdom, (for the ones good is inseparably the others) and should Act According to Laws; do notwithstanding all things quite contrary, and by Unjust and Undue, Unlawful, & Sinister ways & means, seek to oppress and enslave the people, and to set up Arbitrary Government, and the Religion of Rome, to maintain their own Greatness and Interests; shall not the People who feel the Burden and groan under the Oppression, and having no other way of Redress but a Parliament, desire and Petition for one, and cry out against such Illegal and Unjust Proceed, but presently they must be termed by these Fellows; Seditious, Factious, and such as would Dethrone the King, and pull down the Bishops? Then all men must hereafter be afraid to Speak, to Vote, or to Petition, against Grievances, lest they should be termed Rebels, Villains, and Traitors: and to run the same Road of Forty One.  Humph. 
Indeed Neighbour 'tis hard, not to wince when the Beast is hurt; yet I have basted my Horse for doing it.  Rog. 
Such Asses would these Fellows have English men to be; still to be subject to their Tyrannical Cudgels▪ but God be thanked, the Nation generally are of another mind, and what ever these Trumpets of 41, sound in the ears of the vulgar, there is no such complexion in the Affairs now on foot, as in those of 41, excepting what lies on their part; and in that also I think there is this disparity, that we have a more evident cause of complaint, our Grievances being more than ever, and especially by that of the first Magnitude, the apprehension of a Popish Successor.  Hump. 
Nay, I had that up too, and then Mr. Tantivy took me in hand as to that, and made it a clear case, that 'twas no better than downright Treason, to deprive the D. of the Crown, or to put a Bar in the way of his Succession: nay, he used the Presbyterians old Text to me, as I heard they made use of it in 41, to a quite contrary sense, Curse Meroz, and sufficiently baned all such as Enemies to the Church of England, as was against his succession, whatever religion he's of.  Rog. 
I wonder that Mr. Tantivy expects to get by it, to be made a Prior or an Abbot: does he imagine a Popish Successor will not bring in his own Religion? sure he can't be such a fool: or is he so very fearful of the dissenting Protestants, that he will adventure the setting up of the Mass, rather than shake hands with a Presbyterian? and yet we see many of the Clergy, and those of the leading Cards, of Mr. Tantivy's opinion: which is beyond my apprehension.  Hump. 
I do believe Mr. Tantivy will never burn for his religion that's my opinion, but I assure you, he fe●●s no more the coming in of popery, than I do going to Bed.  Rog. 
Some men are wilfully blind, & such may be the first that would repent the bringing in such a Successor, as the Men of Norfolk, who set up Queen Mary, were the first that had the honour to be her Martyrs.  Hump. 
I am sufficiently convinced, that a Popish K. of Engl. will not be very acceptable, and that we should be in danger of turning Papists and Idolaters, or of being burnt for Heretics: I don't much care to have my name in a New Book of Martyrs, with my picture encompassed with Faggots and Flames, I am affrighted at the thoughts of it.  Rog. 
And yet you put it to the venture, in voting for one you know not, one set up on purpose by interest, to put by our good & trusty old Members.  Hump. 
I confess I deserve to be half-hanged; but good Neighbour, what is this Arbitrary Government so often spoke of? my Landlord asked me what it was, and in good faith I could not answer him, but Mr. Tantivy said, it was the Government of a proud, malapert, Arbitrary, Presbyterian Clergyman in every Parish, and that the people are setting up again.  Rog. 
So all the Tantivies in England interpret it, but Neighbour, I'll tell you what I mean by it in a Word, It is a Government of the Prince or Monarch, by his own will, without circumscription of Laws, & then Good-bye to all the people's privileges and properties, and our long-kept Liberties, so dear to all true Englishmen, & then you may be made the prince's slaves, to bear the burdens of his Janissaries, and not dare to complain, not suffered to call any thing your own, to pay Taxes, Impositions, Gabells, Excise, at your Prince's pleasure, and not by your own consent: The Prophet Samuel very lively describes such an Arbitrary King, to the Israelites, in the 8th. C●a. of the first Book of Samuel. He is such a one that will take your Sons to be his Servants, to attend on his Chariots and his Coaches, and to be his Footmen and Lackeys, whether you will or no; your daughters to be his Cooks and Drudges. He will take your Field●, your Corn, your Houses, and all you have at his pleasure; and to satisfy the rapacious h●m●ur of his Courtiers and Concubines: He will feed his Servants with your bread, and  them by your labour and ●oyl, what you sweat for they shall enjoy. He will rule you with an Army, with Captains of thousands, of hundred and fifties, and you shall not dare to complain of Oppression, and this Neighbour, is the true Character of Arbitrary Government.  Hump. 
O Neighbour, my heart trembles! what a Rogue was I to Vote at Random, when our all lies at stake: I did not think we had put such a Trust into the hands of our Parliament-men; I thought, alas! as many do, that we chose only for Form-sake, and that they were only called to Parliament to give the King money, and to do what he would have them; and we have paid so many Taxes already, and given so much money, that I wished in my heart there would be no more Parliaments in my days.  Rog. 
You see you were mistaken, 'tis the greatest trust that can be put into the hands of men, when we send to the Parliament our Representatives, for we entrust them with our Religion, Lives, Liberties, and Property, all we have; for they may preserve them to us, or give them from us, and therefore Neighbour, we ought to be careful in whom we put this great trust, and not to be persuaded by our Landlord, or by any flatrering Courtier or Horn-winding Tantivie of them all, to choose those whom we know not, and are not well assured of, and that we dare not Confide in.  Hump. 
I hope generally these who are now chosen to Sat at Oxford, are Men ●f sound Loyalty to their Prince, and of the Established Religion of the Church of England, of honest Principles, and lovers of their Country.  Rog. 
Such as fear not the Calumny of Pamphleting Whifflers, and will, if they may be permitted, heal our Breaches, maintain our Religion, and secure our Property, and privileges: And God in Heaven bless them, and prosper their good Endeavours, and so Neighbour Good-night.  Hump. 
And let all good people say Amen: Farewell.  
FINIS.   

London, Printed for T. B. in the Year, 1681.