A POEM AGAINST MARRIAGE;  
Directed to that Inconsiderable Animal, called Husband.  
Husband! thou Dull unpitied Miscreant,  
Wedded to Noise, to Misery, and Want;  
Sold an Eternal Vassal for thy Life,  
Obliged to Cherish, and to Heat a Wife:  
Drudge on till Fifty; at thy Own Expense  
Breath out thy Life in one Impertinence;  
Repeat thy loathed Embraces every Night,  
Prompted to Act, by Duty (not Delight:)  
christian thy froward Bantling every Year,  
And carefully thy Spurious Issue Rear:  
Go once a Week to see the Brat at Nurse,  
And let the Young Imposter drain thy Purse:  
Hedge-Sparrow-like, what Cuckoos have begot  
Do thou maintain, Incorrigible Sot.  
O! I could curse the Pimp that could do less,  
He's beneath Pity, and beyond Redress:  
Pox on him! let him go; what can I say.  
Anethemas on him are Thrown away;  
The wretch is married, & has known the worst,  
And now his Blessing is, he can't be Cursed.  
Married! O Hell and Furies! name it not,  
Hence, hence you Holy Cheats; a Plot, a Plot.  
Marriage is but a Licenced way to Sin,  
A Noose to catch Religious Woodcocks in:  
Or the Nickname of some Malicious Friend,  
Begot in Hell to Prosecute Mankind.  
'Tis the Destroyer of our Peace and Health,  
Mispender of our precious Time and Wealth;  
The Enemy to Wit, Valour, Mirth, all  
That we can Virtuous, Good, or Pleasant call.  
By Day 'tis nothing but an endless Noise;  
By Night the Echo of Forgotten Joys:  
Abroad the Sport and Wonder of the Crowd,  
At Home the hourly breach of what we vowed  
In its Opium to our Lustful Rage,  
Which sleeps a while, and wakes again in Age.  
It heaps on all Men much (but useless) Care,  
Forthwith more Trouble, they less Happy are;  
It checks Youth, shortens life, & taints the mind,  
Our Senses pales, and strikes our Reason blind.  
Ye Gods! that Man by his own Slavish Law,  
Should on himself such Inconvenience draw:  

If we would Wiser Natures Laws Obey.  
Those chalk him out a far more pleasant way,  
She bids freely Look, Like, and Enjoy.   
Therefore when lusty Youth & Wine conspire  
To Flame the Blood unto a Generous Fire;  
We must not think the Gallant will Endure  
The Durient Raging of his Calenture:  
Nor always in his single Pleasures Burn,  
Tho' Nature's Handmaid, some time serves the turn:  
No, he must have a sprightly youthful Wench,  
In equal floods of Love, his flame to quench;  
One that will hold him in her Clasping Arm,  
And in that Circle all his Spirits Charm:  
That with New Motion, and unpractised Art,  
Can raise his Soul, & then vein-snare his Heart.  
Hence springs the Noble, Fortunate, and Great,  
Always Begot in Passion, and in Heat:  
But the Dull Offspring of the Marriagebed,  
What is it? but a Humane shape in Lead:  
A Slothful Lump Engendered of all Ills,  
Begot like D— against the Parents Wills.  
If it be Cuckoldized, it's Doubly Spoiled,  
The Mother's Fear's Entailed upon the Child.  
Thus whether Illegitimate, or Not,  
Cowards and Fools in Wedlock are Begot:  
Let no Ennobled Soul himself Debase,  
By Lawful Ways to Dasterdize his Race;  
But if he must Pay Nature's Debt in Kind,  
To check the growing Danger, let him find  
Some willing Female out; What tho' she be  
The very Scum and Dregs of Infamy:  
Tho' she be Linsey-Woolsey, Bawd & Whore,  
Close-stool to Venus, Nature's Common-shore,  
Impudence, Folly, Brandy, and Disease,  
The Sundays Crack for Suburb Prentices;  
What then? she's better than a Wife by half,  
And if thou'rt still Unmarried, thou art safe.  
with whores thou canst but venture, what is lost.  
May be Redeemed again with Care and Cost;  
But a Damned Wife, Inevitable Fate,  
Destroys, Soul, Body, Credit, and Estate.  
Finis.