〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 OR, THE Excise-Man. Showing The Excellency of his Profession, how and in what it precedes all others; the Felicity he enjoys, the Pleasures as well as Qualifications that inevitably attend him, notwithstanding the opprobrious Calumnies of the most inveterate Detractor.  
Discovering his Knowledge in the ARTS, MEN and LAWS.  
In an Essay.  
By EZEKIEL POLSTED, A.B.  
— Nor shall my Muse descend  
To Clap with such who Knaves and Fools commend,  
Their Smiles and Censures are to me the same,  
I care not what they praise, or what they blame.  Dryden in Juvenal. 
LONDON, Printed and Sold by John Mayos, at the Golden Cross in Thames-street near Queenhithe. 1697.   

To the Honoured 

Sir Stephen Evans, Kts.  
Sir John Foche, Kts.  
Francis Parry, Esqs  
William Strong, Esqs  
Edward Clark, Esqs  
Foot Onslow, Esqs  
John Danvers, Esqs  
Philip Meadows, Esqs  
Thomas Everard, Esqs   Chief Commissioners and Governors for the Management and Receipt of His Majesty's Revenue of Excise within the Kingdom of England, etc.  
Honoured Sirs,  
WEre not your Candour and Clemency as eminently distributed to every Criminal, as are Your piercing Judgements to discover him, he must be possessed with a more than shivering Ecstasy, that should presume to accost You with the present Dedication: For though the following Paper appears in great Necessity of such Patrons, yet that it should be petitioned by so perfect a Stranger, and that without a Licence, might create a Wonder beyond the belief of the most Credulous. Notwithstanding, Ingratitude having been ever esteemed the Epitome of all Vices, and, consequently, the Gild of the former, being much more eligible, with all imaginable Submission, I crave Leave to present You with the grateful Sentiments of the Kingdom for Your Impartial Administration, whereby You have taken a Charter of the People's Hearts, never to be cancelled.  
I shall not be guilty of an Additional Presumption, by descending to Particulars, but most humbly implore a Pardon for subjoining, that Your Endeavours have been vigorous beyond a Precedent, in Your equally asserting His Majesty's and the Country's Rights, by encouraging any thing that has but the Tincture of Probity and Ingenuity, and wholly exploding and discountenancing that Rigour, which has been usually perpetrated under the specious Pretext of Law: These are so publicly known, and such uncommon Actions, as will be Registered in every unprejudiced Breast, till Time itself shall have an End; by which we find You acquiesce in the Opinion of the Great Agesilaus, who dying in his Voyage from Egypt, forbade any Statue in memorial of Him, saying, He had left those Actions behind him, as would render it wholly insignificant.  
These being such great Verities as admit not of a Contradiction, we have Reason to be assured, That by Your extraordinary Management, the Excise, like the Athenian Ship, by being so often mended, will in a short time arrive to that perfection, that there never will be found a rotten or imperfect Stick: And therefore pray, That Health (which gives the only Relish to all Your outward Enjoyments) and Prosperity, may be Your constant Slaves and Lackeys; That a continued Succession of all Terrestrial Felicities may ever court You; And that You may ever move as Refulgent Stars in the Orb You are placed, for the encouragement of Ingenuity, and destruction of every Action that might carry the Epithet of Ill: And althô 'tis usual to wish You many Years, yet I shall wish You but ONE:  
— Sed Annus  
Hic, mea si valeant Vota, Platonis erit.  
I am (Honoured Sirs) Your most humble and Obedient Servant, Ezekiel Polsted. Lond. Calend. Januar. An. 1697.   

TO THE Gentlemen Employed in the REVENUE OF EXCISE.  
Gentlemen,  
THE many Reflections which have been cast on your Persons and Profession, induced me to an exact Examination of their Merit, and finding them to be wholly the Result of Malice and Ignorance, I could not avoid this Public Confession of it.  
But this is not all, Your particular Favours to me, command a much greater Acknowledgement than Expression is capable of giving, yet I think, myself sufficiently happy, that I have an opportunity of telling the World so, and consequently, that your Favours and my Gratitude are equally illimitable; which Consideration has wholly occasioned this Trouble, and therefore the innumerable Censures that must inevitably attend it, are extremely below my Concern; for I must own, that I shall receive them with an extraordinary Pride, since it must be thought too, it was wholly for your sakes.  
The following Vindication then, such as it is, I present you with, and though it might possibly be thought to want one itself, or that your Innocency is such, as to render it altogether insignificant, yet I must aver, that I can very calmly receive the former, provided the latter does not as unanswerably intervene: Tho' considering that the Illiterate make up the greatest part of Mankind, I presume it not impertinent sometimes to answer them in their own Terms; for all the Reflections in the following Paper, are only bestowed on such, who are so maliciously extravagant in giving them.  
I am extremely sensible of my detaining you too long from your Ravishing Felcities, and therefore shall say nothing to the Gentle Reader, but only acquaint him, and all the World, that your innumerable Obligations have created such grateful Sentiments, as shall meet with a Duration that can never terminate, as being  
Gentlemen, Your humble Servant, Ezekiel Polsted. Lond. Calend. Januar. 1697.   

ON THE Author and Subject.  
Bravely begun, and bravely ended too,  
The Arts receive their Character from you;  
They gratefully attend you, since th' EXCISE,  
Exact Perfection in itself implies:  
Arithmetic is short, in vain we strive  
To find, that which no Rule could ever give;  
Addition here a quick Substraction meets  
As to the happy Persons, as the Sheets;  
For by the bold Attempt we must submit,  
That to your Fame whatever can be writ,  
Like 
* Decimal Arithmetic.  Right-Hand Ciphers only lessens it.  John Morgan— Junior de Wenalt in Com' Brecon.  

ALIUD, TO THE Officers of the Excise.  
WE owned your Power, and the Pleasures too  
That, as their Centre, ever meet in you;  
But your monopolising Sense affords  
A Ravishment, beyond the Power of Words:  
To Silence thus Consigned, I must obey,  
And only 〈◊〉 say, that I can nothing say.  Henry Vaughan silurist.  

〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 OR, THE Excise-Man.  

CHAP. I.  
THere is nothing that is a greater Subject of Admiration, or has created more Wonder in me, than the great Difference and unreasonableness of some persons attaining, and others again missing, Preferment; and the variety of Methods conducing thereunto: it often waiting upon some without either Endeavour or Merit, and as often flies those who are most excellently qualified in Both.  
I confess I could never guests at the Causes of this so seemingly great a piece of Injustice, unless they may be applicable to one of the two subsequent (I beg pardon for calling them) Reasons.  
First then, If you'll believe the Astrologers, there are some that are unfortunate even in their Nativity, or (as they call it) Diis inimicis atque iratis, vel malo astro natus, born under an unlucky Planet; so that notwithstanding all their Care and Industry, Misfortunes and they are yoked, and under a necessity of being made inseparable Companions. This seems to be an unreasonable Imposition, and the Persons that so unfortunately groan under it, are not to be accounted culpable, since the rigour of their Fate has made it indispensible.  
Secondly, If the Cause is not thus infallibly obligatory, another may be the result of Inadvertency or Fear, (either of which may be reckoned our own Crime) which may occasion us the missing that Critical Minute, which the Philosophers say if it be not embraced, never presents itself more— Stat sua cuique dies. Every one has his time.  Aest as non semper fuerit componite nidos— 
Strike while the Iron is hot, and you anvil our what you pleaese; whereas once cold, you meet with an Impossibility to effect that, which before you might have perfected with the greatest sacility.  
Well then! our Excise-Man being thus much refin'd from common Earth, and consequently having been so fortunate as to escape the first, and so prudent as to seize the last, he is listed in the large (excuse me for the presumption of Sensible) Roll of His Majesty's Officers: when he is no sooner accosted with Expressions suitable to their Authors; That he is the perfection of Scandal and Infamy, the general result of a Broken Shop, and Intellerable Burdens, which the world has been already too much troubled with.  
To satisfy the Rational part then, were the following lines thought of, that they may be assured, that that Employment is not managed by those, who are beyond exception contradictory to (at least) common sense; Or are such perfect strangers to any pleasure the World is Capable of giving, but far Exceed any particular sort (if not all) Mankind.  
And this will instantly convince them, since it's never opposed but by the Ignorant (Ars non habet inimicum praeter Ignorantem) who not only know them not, but are not capable of doing it; and indeed nothing less can be Expected from those who are not unfitly compared to one of their Barrels, that is wholly Empty, for they cannot come into Competition with an Eighth.  
In short, these are the most capable of Magistracy in the Famous and Learned Norcia (a Town in the Apennineses 25 miles from Rome and belongs to a Cardinal) of which 
* Sup. to Dr. Burnet's Let. p. 79.  a late Author gives this incomparable Character, That though it lies within the Pope's Territories, yet no Man can have a share in their Jurisdiction, that can Write or Read: So that their Government, which consists of four Persons, is always in the hands of (Li quatri illuerati) the four Illiterate.  
Oh! Jam satis est o he! 'Tis certainly high time to conclude, and, were I capable, ought to Apologise for pretending to  him, who cannot without regret view any Man whom Fortune seems to favour; who cannot with any Satisfaction endure the praising any but himself, whose torments are antarctiek to all other Disturbances, since he makes felicity the cause of his Infelicity, and any Man's welfare, the Occasion of his Sickness; whose good Opinion none can purchase, but at the Extravagant Rate of being eternally undone; and shall therefore conclude with the Epigrammatift—  Captivum Line te, tenet Ignorantia duplex, Scis nihil, & nescis te quoque Scire nihil. 
Twice ignorant you are, 'tis Strange yet true, Nothing you know, and yet most wretched you Know not, that ever yet you nothing knew.   

CHAP. II.  
AS it's very observable, there was never any Emhusiast that set up for immediate Revelations, deriving thereby a pretended Authority to utter his Nonsensical and Atheistital Notions, but has acquired some Proselues (either weak Women or weaher Men) let them he ever so Absurd and Ridiculous; And as there was never any Mountebank or Empiric in Physic, let him be as Empty as his Urinal, and as void of Learning, as a Jockey of Honesty, yet this Catholic Blockhead, what by his French Mustachoes and broken English, has gained some Patientest to maintain the Plush-jacquet of the Cobbling Doctor, so its indubitable, that let an Aspersion be cast on any Officer, by the most insitid Brute of the Creation, he shall not only meet with almost innumerable Abettors, but be held in eternal Admiration for his ingeaious Pnn, whereas its connection is the same our Poet speaks of.  
So have I seen the Pride of Nature's Store,  
The Orient Pearl chained to the Sooty Morr;  
So hath the Diamonds Bright Ray been set  
In night, and wedded to the Nigro jet,  
Like Dolphins ranging in the shady Wood,  
And Savage Boars are Swimming on the Flood.  
So that, although it meets with as great a Contrariety as the expectation of the Smokes descending (it being a perfect contradiction, and Heterogeneous in nature) yet it would make one stagger, to see how he values himself upon his lucky thought, and happy reflection, whereas there was nothing a fit Subject for laughter and detestation.  
I remember a Story of an Ingenious Gentleman, whose Coat happening to be made something too short, our Wit immediately censured it, the Gentleman told him it would be long enough before he should have another, which he admiring 
* Nihil est quin male narrando possit depravarier.  resolved to make it his own by a repetition in another Company; and told them, it would be a great while before he should have another, leaving out the word long, wherein the whole (if there was any) Wit lay; yet, I say, meets with no small admiration, because it flows from such inspired Lips, whereas he considers not the Rationale, which is indigna digna habenda sunt quae Herus facit: So that it being generally the result of the flattery of an inferior (to gratify a more ignorant Superior) we shall look upon it as such, and equally value it as that King did his Councillor, who to humour his Sovereign, saw that invisible Star.  
Whether these merit the name of Men of Parts, that shall thus admit of such an Imposition, we shall not here dispute; but that it generally prevails, may not only be proved by what has been said, but even out of the Ancients themselves: Aristippus by his Extraordinary Qualification in that Art, gained the good Opinion of Dionysius far more than Dyon the Syracusan could by his Plain dealing; as did also Cleo beyond Calisthenes with Alexander.  
That these with the Androgeni in Pliny are as variable as Thought, or with Wax receive any Impression, may be allowed of, if we consider, that they take even a suggestion for granted though it be Malice in the Abstract; and are so prodigiously Weak, as not to know, that it is only pretended to by those, who have an Eternal Dependence; nay, this often arrives to that excess, that it frequently exposes them to the Epithet of Ridiculous: Thus Carysophus laughed because his Master Dionysius did, though he knew not for what; which he seeing, demanded the Cause: Carysophus replied, I think that which creates Laughter in you, is worth Laughing at. Thus Clysophus when Philip of Macedon halted because of the Gout, he dissembled the same Imperfection. Accordingly, what you deny he forswears; what you affirm, he justifies; if you weep he is sad; if you laugh he is merry; and all this while in reality neither, but in obliging those on which insinuating observance their subsistence does depend.  
It cannot but be acknowledged, that I have dwelled much too long on this subject, but it so often and immediately concerning the Persons I am pretending to vindicate, I hope an excuse will be easily admitted of, and shall therefore Conclude with his Character in Brief: He is before hand with your thoughts, and able to suggest them unto you. He will commend to you first what he knows you like; and hath always some absurd. Story or other of your Enemy, and then wonders how your two opinious should so jump together in one Man.  
These look upon their Betters with a Scorn,  
And thus their Cloudy-heads are highly born,  
And so by Straws are emptied heads of Corn.   

CHAP. III.  
THat there can be any thing more intolerable than unmerited Reflections is so palpably True, that it would be altogether impertinent to enforce its Demonstration: And although in such a large Community, it would be almost next to an Impossibility to expect, that every one should be exempted from them; yet since the Majority at least must be allowed to be so, he must arrive to a more than ordinary Degree of Assurance, that should therefore conclude the same of the Whole. So that a single (suppose a bad) Action perpetrated by a particular Member, is no more to be attributed to the Society, than that the profligate Life of one Person should be supposed to be allowed of, and tolerated by the Religion he outwardly makes a Profession of; which continually explodes and detests it, since he is hourly endeavoured to be unmasked and detected, by all the Care and Inspection Imaginable.  
I shall therefore acquiesce, as suppose it allowed of, by the Unprejudiced, that each one bears the Scandal that is the infallible Result of his own particular Crimes. And here only observe, That the general Objection to their Happiness is, that they are Vagabonds, Out-Comers, Ubiquitarians, etc. and consequently think it not improper to affirm, that abstracting the Pleasures, Profits and Qualifications hereafter specified, that inevitably attend our Excise-Man; yet there is somewhat more to be said in his Vindication, and that therefore the Objection is naturally Frivolous, False and Erroneous.  
We all know that standing Lakes and Pools are never clear or wholesome, and those destructive Fogs and Mists, which ever proceed from them, have always no small influence upon the adjacent Inhabitants, whereas those pleasing (because rapid) Streams, being in perpetual Motion, wholly remove the Cause which infallibly engenders their Contagion.  
Again, we are positive, by ocular Demonstration, that Trees themselves cannot possibly bear such delicious Fruit where they were Originally fixed, as when they are transplanted; and the most bewitching Perfumes are wholly insignificant, and render not their Odeurs without the motion of being rubbed and chafed. And we also all know that the fixed Stars are not of that account or esteem, as those that have continual Motion.  
But our Excise-Man knows an additional rejoinder in his own Vindication, which being very pertinently expressed by the Epigrammatist, 
Owen l. 7. v. 100  I presume there is no necessity of Apologizing for its Quotation.  

Illa mihi Patria est, ubi pascor, non ubi nascor:  
Illa ubi sum Notus, non ubi Natus eram.  
Illa mihi Patria est, mihi quae Patrimonia praebet;  
Hic, ubicunque habeo quod satis est, habito.   

My Country is wherever my Bread I get,  
Not where I was Bred, but where I have Meat:  
Where I am known not Christened; there I dwell  
(And no where else) wherever I do well.    

CHAP. IU.  
BEfore we come to demonstrate the particular Excellencies that inevitably attend the Person and Employment of our Excise-Man, above the lowest dregs of Men, the Vulgar, and the Felicity he enjoys, notwithstanding the severest Censures of the most Critically Censorious; it may not be amiss to observe, that there might be something ab initio particularly respecting him; 
Haec Homo.  For as some compare his Head to the Round Heavens, his Eyes to the Sun and Moon, his Hairs to the Trees and Grass; his Flesh to the Earth; his Veins to the Rivers, and his Bones to the precious Gems, Metals and Minerals, which are the Riches of the Earth; so some have been led to imagine, that his Body was not made in all the Geometrical Proportions that are or can be thought of, but as a Demonstration of the Excellency of our Excise-Man, who should make the greatest use of them.  
For all Numbers and Proportions of Measure, whether Inches, Cubits, Feet, etc. are derived from the Members and Dimensions of Him, some few of which may not be impertinently subjoined.  
First then, Let us see how a Circle was thought of; for let but the Hands fall somewhat straddling a little with the Legs, the Extremes of the Fingers, Head and Toes, make as exact a Circle as you are capable of making with your Unerring Compasses, where you may, if you please, make the Navel the Centre.  
Again, A Geometrical Square is a Superficial Figure made up of four equal Sides or Angles: Now for a Demonstration of this Figure from Man's Body, it is but stretching out your Hands as far and directly upon a Plane as possible from each side, the Body being exactly upright, and the Feet closed together.  
Lastly, A Triangle is a Figure containing three Sides: Now if the Body be placed directly upright, and a Line drawn from each extended Hand, to the Feet enclosed, it makes an exact Triangle.  
Several other Geometrical Figures might be deduced from Humane Bodies, but since Prolixity is never obliging, and not at all correspondent to my present Design, (which wholly aims at Brevity) I shall now wave it, and leave the curious Enquirer to his further Examination of the rest.  
Thus ab Origine, we find  
His Excellencies were designed:  
Geometry must Him confess  
The Centre of each Happiness;  
For as their Patron, Him alone  
The Mathematics wait upon.   

CHAP. V.  
THere is nothing of Excellency but is attended with difficulty, for where any thing is obtained without it, it forthwith ceases to be excellent; Can every Mechanic be a Proficient in the succeeding Arts, who would esteem them Excellent? And could every Illiterate be a Philosopher, its excellency would quickly terminate in a mean Opinion: Can every ignorant Rustic attain to a perfect knowledge in the Mathematics, its Excellency would be converted into Contempt; So that difficulty being an inseparable Attendant on every Art that can properly assume the Epithet of Excellent, it is the chiefest cause of its Estimation; whereas otherwise, the Excellency that now deservedly waits upon them, would quickly dwindle away, and they be rendered wholly despicable, if not Scandalous, and altogether unworthy to be attained, much less to be had in the least Esteem or Veneration.  
For Demonstration then, that they have climbed over the chiefest Excellencies that infallibly attend the following Arts, we do positively affirm, That if an Excellent inspection into the general parts of the Mathematics will create estimation, if an absolute knowledge of Vulgar and Decimal Arithmetic will produce Commendation: Or, if a great proficiency in Geometry will merit Admiration, our Excise-Man claims them all by Undeniable Prescription.  
He can tell you that the Mathematics in General, Are those Arts and Sciences which carry along with them the irresistible force of Demonstratien; which are instanced in the following Particulars, viz. Arithmetic, Geometry, Music, and Astronomy.  
We cannot exclude him from a Competent knowledge in them all, but must aver an excellency in the two first: And shall therefore only tell you here, that he knows Arithmetic to be an Art of Numbering well; and if you would be fully satisfied herein, Consult the Books already expo'sd by many Eminent Gaugers on it.  
As for Geometry, he can tell you that it is an Art of due proportion or Measuring (the Earth) and that it contains three kinds of Magnitude (according to that Exquisite Artist Mr. Hunt in his Gauger's Magazine) viz. Lines, Surfaces, and Solids, Nature not admitting of any more; Length, Breadth, and Depth, taking up the whole of Space.  
He tells you a Line hath only Length whose Boundaries are points; a Surface hath Length and Breadth, whose Boundaries are Lines; and that a solid hath length, breadth, and depth, or thickness, whose Boundaries are Surfaces.  
He further informs you, that every of these three kinds of Magnitude is Measured by some known kind of Magnitude, that is Homogenial, or like to itself, viz. A line is Measured by a line, as one lineal Inch, etc. a Surface by a Surface, as one Square, Inch, etc. and a Solid by a Solid, as one Solid Inch, etc.  
And when it is known how many Lineal Inches are contained in a Line, Square in a Surface, or Solid in a Solid, then is the Quantity or Content of either of these Magnitudes said to be known.  
Thus far in General, and I must beg the Suspending of your Expectations of Particulars, until I acquaint you, that notwithstanding our Excise-Man's prudence, obliged him not to omit the grasping this critical opportunity, yet he was not Ignorant of the impossibility of arriving to any allowable proficiency in these incomparable Speculations, without a correspondent Genius, and natural Inclination; for he knows very well, that what Cicero said of Poetry (and which himself found too true in his Intolerable O Fortunatam natam me Consul Romam) that it was not possible to be a Poet by Rule or Precept; so is it here, for without an agreeable Instinct, he can never advance to any perfection in them, in regard they carry Demonstration along with them; and amongst all the Histories the world has ever produced, we can find very few (if any) that have proved themselves any way eminent without it; for as they inform us, that as Socrates after he had learned the Art of Poesy by Theorems, yet was he not ever capable of making one verse: So cannot we find the incomparable Euclid any way famous, take him out of his own Element. This we see also sufficiently demonstrated in Mark the Son of the unparallelled Cicero, who notwithstanding his Father's severe Injunctions, admirable Instructions, together with the assistance of Athens the than most Celebrated Academy of the Universe; yet I say, not being possessed with this innate tendency, he proved in the end but a Subject of Contempt and Scorn.  
Our Excise-Man then finding this Sufficiently grafted in him, he Cheerfully proceeds.  
Tho Critics, like the Dog Snarl at the Stone,  
Condemning that which is too hard a Bone  
For their thin Chaps to deal with— all withstand  
Abusing most, what they leastVnderstand.  
I had here (according to promise) intended a particular Extract of his Excellencies in the preceding Arts, Demonstrating his Management of Common-Brewer, Distiller, and Victualler, out of the Incomparable Stentography of the Honoured Mr. Everard, the Exquisite Magazine of Mr. Hunt, the Ingenious Gauger's Practice of Mr. Ward, and all others who have arrived to any Eminency in those Inimitable Qualifications: But shall at present suspend my intentions herein, in regard I find this part increasing too considerably on my Hands, and only here observe, that were the knowledge of most of his Censuring Critics herein questioned, their answers would be wholly as impertinent as the Question of the following Norcian.  
A young Gentleman in the time of Popery, coming from the University, his Father had an extraordinary desire to know what Proficiency he had made, and in order thereunto desires an Eminent Monk to satisfy his Curiosity therein by a Particular Examination, who being (no doubt) very sensible of his own parts, boldly accosts with,  M. 
What was Latin for a Priest?  S. 
Sacerdos, which was denied, and affirmed to be Sapientia, because of his great Wisdom.  M. 
What is Latin for a Cat?  S. 
Felis, which was contradicted, and told Asper, because of her Sharp Nails.  M. 
What is for Fire?  S. 
Ignis, but he was assured it was Letitia, for what can produce more Gladness in cold Wether?  M. 
What is for Water?  S. 
Aqua, no says the Monk, it is Abundantia, because of the abundance of it in Sea and Land.  
Lastly, he asked him what was Latin for a Barn? the Scholar replying Horreun, was confronted and told Gaudium, for what greater Joy than a Barn full of Corn: Well! this heat being over, the former was applauded for his profound parts, and the latter discarded for his Ignorance; who thereupon took a Cat, and tying a Fire-Brand to her tail, threw her into the Monk's Barn, and cried out, O Sapientia, Sapientia, Asper currit cum Letitia, & si non veneris cum abundantia, munquam intrabis in gaudium tuum; who for getting his Elaborate Latin, was immediately ruined.  
But not to be Impertinently prolix, I shall conclude, that since there is nothing of Excellency but is attended with Difficulty, as has been demonstrated, and that since he has wholly overcome the difficulties that wait on the preceding Arts, I must not say he is therefore Excellent, but I must aver (fiat Justitia & ruat coelum) he merits a far greater Character than he or they desire, but Marmoreo Licinus tumulo jacet, at Cato parvo, Pompeius' nullo, quis putet esse Deos? 

Licinus doth in Marble Sleep,  
A Common Urn doth Cato keep,  
Pompey's Ashes may catch cold,  
That there are Gods, let Dotards hold.     

CHAP. VI  
HAving thus, with all the Brevity imaginable, run over some of those extraordinary Qualifications that attend our Excise-Man, and his Excellency in the preceding Arts, I shall subjoin some few Lines in relation to his knowledge of Men; for he knows very well, that though the reading of Books cannot but be owned to be extremely advantageous, if rightly understood, yet he also knows it to be wholly useless, without putting the Notions it insinuates into practice; which reading of Men consists chief (at lea●t in my Opinion) in a regular Behaviour on all Emergencies, that he does not ignorantly impose on others, and that he is not impertinently imposed on himself: For the bare reading of an allowed Maxim, is wholly throwing away those Minutes which an Heathen reckons to be highly culpable 
(a) Exordium Justini ad Antoninum Imperatorem. ; Otii mei reddendam rationem Cato putat. He might very well blush to hear Vespasian tell him, Amici! diem perdidi. For it is not to understand, but to perform; not to know, but execute; not to read, but practice, which one can be properly called a Man for; the former being but the Shell, the latter the Kernel. And as that Lethargic Soul must of necessity lie wholly fallow that reads not at all, so it must be naturally consequential, that he that does, and exerts not himself according to its authentic Dictates, and vigorously prosecute that knowledge into Action, lies under an extravagant want of being manured, and can be taken no otherwise than a Contemplative Blockhead.  
Well then! As 'tis plain that ou● Excise-Man knows what to do, so also is it as plain that he does it too; and that this may infallibly appear, I shall briefly instance in the great regard he has to (that contemned, and almost lost thing called) Justice, which he hourly demonstrates towards 

(1) The KING.  
(2) The SUBJECT.    
He exercises the first in a continued and unsnaken Fidelity, on which as neither Affection can prevail, so neither must Malice (which generally attends Mankind) attempt an alteration in him: For (abstracting the guilt of that hellish Vice called Perjury) the very baseness; of the Action, and thoughts of being guilty of abhorred Ingratitude, (which is allowed to be the very Epitome of all other Crimes) sufficiently terrifies him: For as he very well considers with what detestable Ignominy Humphrey Banister lies, for betraying the Duke of Buckingham, notwithstanding the many Favours the Duke had conferred on him, and his Protestations of concealing him. So he also very well knows what Trophies, and Immortalising Fame attend the Ashes of Hubert Burgh 
(a) Baker's Chronicle in King John. , who was Governor of Dover Castle to King John, when Lewis of France came to storm it, and take the Town; who finding it difficult to be done by Foree, he sent a Messenger to Hubert, whose Brother Thomas he had a little before taken Prisoner, that unless he would surrender the Castle, he should presently see his Brother Thomas put to death with exquisite Torments before his eyes: But this Threatening moved not the Fidelity of Hubert at all, who more regarded his Trust, than his Brother's Life. Then Lewis sent again, offering him a great Sum of Money; neither did this move him, for he had resolved to preserve his Loyalty as inexpugnable as his Castle.  
But this Fidelity our Excise-Man boasts of in his Duty, implies also an industrious performance of it; for he is very well satisfied, that to be Faithful, and not Diligent, is a Contradiction: For though a Man may be honest in all he does, yet he is not honest for not doing all, and consequently by his falling short of industriously performing his Duty, he lies under the indelible Character of being ; and he knows that though others may command their Time, it being, as they call it, their own; yet he is satisfied he cannot, in regard he is paid for it, and consequently becomes accountable.  
Besides, he is not ignorant what Plautus assures him of, (for if he had, he must not have ever pretended to the Name he bears) Qui è nuce nucleum esse vult, srangit nucem; there is no Sweet without its Sweal; no Gain without Pain; he must crack the Nut, that will ea● the Kernel. And also what eternal Scandal the Greeks 
(a) Seneca bre●. vir.  lie under by Seneca, that spent their time in such unprofitable, as well as impertinent Disputations, as, How many Rowers Ulysses had? Which Homer writ first, his Iliads or Odysseys? So that they spent their Lives laboriously in doing nothing, their Conceits being such, that if they kept them to themselves they could yield them no Fruit; and if they published them to others, they would only appear more learnedly troublesome: Or, as Terence upbraids them with Quid? Credis dormienti haec tibi confecturos Deos? Do you think to lie in Bed, and have your work done?  
To be short; He concludes that these are Lessons adapted only for those who are subject to the Ferula, or Men much more ignorant, and consequently may be tolerable in them, but in him it would be altogether unpardonable: For as some Men have sinned in the Principles of Humanity, and must answer for not being Men, so he offends if he be not more; Magis extra vitia, quam cum virtutibus 
(a) Dr. brown's Vulg. Err. ; No Lustre is expected from the minor Stars: but if the Sun should not illuminate, it were a Sin in Nature.   

CHAP. VII.  
HAving thus far considered our Excise-Man as a Servant, let us now take a short Survey of him as a Subject, and here we shall find him an absolute Enemy to the talking (the a great Lover) of the Government; For he knows the Persons as well as the Government of Kings to be Sacred, and are not to be censured by every Insect, that crawls only by the influence of their Rays, they being that Primum Mobile that wholly occasions the moving of all Inferior Being's.  
He knows it to be nice and Dangerous to think (much more talk) meanly of these Earthly Deities, since they are sisted from that common Bran that wholly moulds up other Mortals; He is positive in the Excellency of the advice a Gentleman gave when Prisoner for not observing it, Vincula da Linguae, vel tibi Lingua dabit.  
Quae supra nos nihil ad nos, is of a long standing, and although spoken by an Heathen, yet its observation had saved many Christian beads; he has read Suetonius, and from thence tells you, that in the Reign of Tiberius Nero Caesar, a certain Droll, seeing a Corpse passing by to Burial, he stopped the Hearse, and lifting up the Dead Body, desired him to tell Augustus, that the Legacies which he left the People were not yet paid; Whereupon Tiberius commanded him to be brought, and having paid him his due, Executed him immediately, and desired him to tell Augustus so himself.  
Thus you see the Persons and Actions of Kings are not to be jested with, since Destruction is the inevitable Consequent, which his continued observation of the madness and folly of it in others, has fully covinced him off: Feliciter Sapit, qui alieno periculo Sapit: The best way of buying Wit, is with other men's Money: He is satisfied the Country Man was very much in the right in the following Story.  
A Person of Quality walking the Fields, and staying too long, a considerable Fresh increased a Brook (which he was necessitated to repass) beyond its wont Limits, and observing a Ploughman in the adjacent Field, called for the assistance of his Horse. Upon which the Ploughman approached, and demanded what he was? The Gentleman replied, He was Sir H. W. And what more? replied the Rustic, The Gentleman subjoined, That he was Justice of the Peace, Deputy-Lieutenant, etc. And what else? says our Countryman. Why, in short, says the Gentleman, I am also Parliament-Man for the County. Oh! Are you so, (says the Ploughman) than you shall stay there for me; For I will have nothing to do with State-Affairs.  
And as our Excise-Man is wholly satisfied in relation to the Government in general, so has he full Contentment under his present Circumstances in particular; and thankfully embraces whatever his Superiors suppose necessary for him. And indeed there is a necessity in a Man of Prudence for it; for though we'll allow Merit aught, yet is it altogether impossible it should always meet Preferment: For as 'tis an allowed Axiom, Fortuitum est nasci à Principibus; so is it here, he having (as is before mentioned) nothing but his Critical Minute for it. Besides, the Numbers in this Age are extravagantly numerous that lie under an Equality, and those of Places are no way answerable to those of the Persons meritoriously pretending to them; so that for him to repine, (who has already attained a considerable Form in it) would make him beyond the degree of Ridiculous.  
Again, We cannot allow of every Person that thinks himself deserving, to be in reality so; for though in the Sphere he at present moves in, he does it with an allowed Approbation, yet since none is so ignorant but knows, that there is a considerable difference between Ruling and Obeying, the former requiring a total alteration of the Man from what he was when the latter; which his Superiors being sensible of, (who are much more competent Judges of Him, than Himself) possibly at present think it not for his Advantage; hence is it that many ingenious Men meet with a Stet. But our Excise-Man never thinks of Advancement till his Commissioners do, and receives it then with an Ex Mero Motu; and if they should, his chiefest Ambition is to climb up to their good Opinion, on which only he values himself: So that he is not intoxicated with that ambitious Madness, as to covet that which he is no way capable of performing. Or, with Phaeton, rather hazard the burning of the whole World, than miss the gratifying his wild and irrational Inclinations. He knows Solon, one of the wise men of Greece, complains of a young Nobleman of Athens, That if he could but have plucked out of his Head the worm of Ambition, and heal him of his greedy desire to Rule, that then there could not be a Man of greater Virtue than he.  
And as he is not Ambitiously inclined, much less is he guilty of Envying the good Fortune of others; nay, though possibly, less deserving than himself. Envy is defined by some to be the hatred of another's felicity in respect of Superiors, because they are not equal to them; in respect of Inferiors, lest they should be equal to them; and in respect of Equals, because they are equal to them: but our Excise-Man, Sorte sue contentus, envies none of their Places, but their Parts and Virtues; of which notwithstanding he becomes a daily Emulator; and in all other things he follows the Advices of the Poet,  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  
Contented is he with his Lot,  
What others have, he covets not.  
But lastly, (which indeed is high time to come to) he feeds not himself up with that which is highly improbable, if not altogether impossible to come to pass; and indeed it would make Heraclitus himself burst, to observe what ridiculous Fancies some persons entertain of their future Grandeur, when the possibility of it is no otherwise grounded, than that of the poor Priest's, who being asked why he was going to Rome from his own Country? Replied, It was because the Pope being dead, he did not know but that he might be chosen Pope.   

CHAP. VIII.  
HIther to have we (with all the Brevity we were capable of expressing) considered our Excise-Man's Behaviour, in relation to the KING; let us now take a short Survey of that respecting the Subject, and that 

First, To those under his Inspection.  
Secondly, To those who are not.    
First, Concerning those under his Inspection, I shall briefly insinuate, That our Excise-Man being assured, that as Justice is painted without Eyes, to demonstrate that she never makes any distinction of Persons, so (as he has read out of Quintilian) he knows there were several Images of Judges erected in Athens without Hands, to show that they should not be corrupted with 
(a) Vid. Godwin.  Bribes. The first, he is sensible is prejudice to the Person offending, the second to himself, unjust in taking, and both Perjury 
(b) In justitiae paena comes.  in performing; which Consideration has such a powerful Influence over him, that he is even shy of a Familiarity: For though Humanity obliges him to a common Respect, yet Prudence denies an Intimacy; the Censure of the World being now arrived to that extravagant pitch, as to draw positive Conclusions from very uncertain Premises. I mean a bare word, a confirmation of its reality, though indifferent in its intention. Besides, he knows if he should once prove false, (as he highly must if thus guilty) the odds are very unequal, but they will too; that lie not under such invincible Obligations: so that if that Theological Maxim 
(a) Male partum male disperit. , That things wrongfully got, have a very uncertain Assurance, convinces him not; yet that Political one of Seneca is absolutely prevalent, That it is a great Fault to believe every one, and a great one too to trust One 
(b) Credendum nec omni, nec nulli. , which makes him in this Case to acquiesce with Chaucer, when he tells us, 
— As Proverbs do say,  
Three may keep Counsel, if Twain be away.   
For since he knows the generality of Mankind frequently verify the Adage of Alterâ ma●u fert lapidem, panem ostendit alterâ, he is resolved to follow our Poet's advice, 
— Hic murus aheneus esto  
Nil conscire sibi, nullâ pallescere culpâ. Hor.   
Secondly, As our Excise-Man is not Rigorous, so is he not Timorous in the execution of his Office: The first intimating an immoderate Severity, the last a bale 
(a) Degeneres animos timor arguit.  Pusillanimity. He is not to be biased by his excited Passions, nor hectored by Affronts and Clamour. He considers the Loser, claims the privilege of Speaking, but not of Prating. He allows their ask Questions moderately, but not making Solutions scandalously: Such Persons ever calling all things into question, but are not capable of approving any thing; which Consideration leads him to the remembrance of the Adage, That he that will allow himself to be a Sheep, must also allow himself to be eaten by the Wolves.  
I would not be here mistaken, as if our Excise-Man should be guilty of opprobrious and railing Terms, generally predominant, No; But he either moderately convinces them with the severest Scrutinies of Reason, or (to those not susceptible of such) answers them with Silence. He knows such Language becomes only Billingsgate, and not any there, but the weaker Sex. He concludes it very much beneath a Man (much more an Excise-Man) to be guilty of such scandalous Actions, so extravagantly contradictory to those common Rules of Civility, he is so strictly charged, as well as desires to be observant of. He is satisfied those who offer such base Scurrility, appear absolute Reprobates to every thing that can be called modest or good, and consequently dispense with each Action that exhibits the Epithet of Scandalons. He is positive the Undiscerning Crew, being uncapable of satisfaction in rational Answers, he will give them none at all: so that though he cannot deny but it must administer disturbance to the Giver, yet he is resolved it shall not to the Receiver: And when an Injury is done him, and 'tis not in his power to revenge himself of it, he than dissembles, and takes no notice of it; but when it is, he generously forgives it. He remembers the Story of the Earl of Carnarvan, who being in a Coffee-house, and accidentally falling into discourse with a Doctor of Physic, the Doctor told him he lied; The Earl, though a Person of much Honour and Courage, without taking any offence at it, mildly replied, Doctor, I had rather take the Lie of you a thousand times, than Physic once.  
And also that of Bishop Cooper, who having a froward Wife, lest her Husband should prejudice his health by his overmuch Study, when he was compiling his famous Dictionary, one day (in his absence) got into his Study, and took all the Notes he had been gathering in eight years, and burned them; where of when she had acquainted him, he only said, Woman, thou hast put me to eight years' study more. So that he is resolved that nothing shall interrupt that Current of Courtesy and Civility he at first imblbed, which he knows, is not punctuality of Behaviour; I mean, that which consists in certain modish and particular Ceremonies and Fashions in , Gesture, Mien, Speech, or the like, is not using such Discourses, Words, Phrases, Studies, Opinions, Games, etc. as are in fashion in Court with Gailants, Ladies, etc. this is a constrained Formality, not Civility; a complying with the Times, not with Persons; and varieth with the Age or Season frequently, according to the Fancy of mechanic Persons in their several Professions: whereas the Rules of Civility, founded upon Prudence and Charity, are to Perpetuity unchangeable; and consists 
(a) Vid. Ob. on Education, 222.  in not expressing by Actions or Speeches any Injury, Disesteem, Offence, or undervaluing of any other, in being ready to do all good Offices, and ordinary kindness for another, and receiving no Injuries or Offences from others, i. e. in not resenting every Word or Action, which may (perhaps rationally) be interpreted to be Disesteem or undervaluing. But, 

Jam fatis est— ne me Crispini scrinia Lippi  
Compilasse putes, verbum non ampliùs addam. Horace.   

But 'tis enough— lest you should think that mine  
Are Holland's Volumes, I'll not add a Line.     

CHAP. IX.  
BUT to return: As our Excise-Man trusts them not with a Secret, so dare he not to venture them in relation to their Occupation; for Concealments are as natural to a Retailer, as a Cittern is to a Barber, or Burnt-Brandy to Madam B— which rather than miss, he would hazard the Plagues of Europe, or (which is the same thing) the mercy of the French King: And, I presume, it would be no Solecism, or (I was going to say) an Affront, to affirm them terms Synonimous, they ever reckoning it no breach of the Principles of Honesty to cheat the Excise-Man, but rather a Duty incumbent to secure that which they call their own. The result of this Consideration exerts his diligence, and consequently concludes, Qui quaerit inveniet, He that will have an Hare for Supper, must hunt in the morning. He knows Labour and Diligence to be the Mistresses of all commendable Arts, without which, none ever yet arrived to any Character in the Commonwealth that may be called considerable. Scaliger and Aquinus (too the most considerable Pillars and Standards of Learning in the Universe) never got that considerable Eminency, but by Watching and Labour. And Croesus himself got not his Riches by lying still. Nay, it gives a great addition to its sweetness; for as Hunger is the best Sauce, so Labour creates the best Palate.  

— Tu pulmentaria quare  
Sudando—   

— Any Meat  
Is Venison if obtained by Sweat.   
Or (I beg pardon, but cannot avoid it) the consideration of the aunt's diligence, is no small Incitement to him, thus described by Horace, Lib. 1. Ser. 1.  

— Sicut  
Parvula (nam Exemplo est) magni Formica laboris  
o'er trahit quodcunque potest, atque addit acervo,  
Quem struit, haud ignara ac non ineauta futuri.   

Thus Englished by Mr. Brome.  
Just like the Ant, (for that's their Pattorn) small  
In bulk, but great in thrift, who draws in all  
That e'er she can, and adds it to her store;  
Which she foreseeing Want had heaped before,  
And in the Rage of Winter keeps within,  
To feed on what her Providence laid in.   
It is observed by the Naturalists, that Natura nihil fecit frustra, and from thence Dr. Brow●e 
(a) ●ulg. Errors.  contradicts the common Notion of the Camelion's living by the Air; for to what purpose should that Animal be by Nature supplied with Guts, Stomach and Tongue, if it fed upon that Airy Aliment which has not a necessity of, or indeed an occasion for, them? So to what purpose should she have delivered a Soul into the Body which hath Arms and Legs, (only Instruments of Action) but because it was intended the Mind should make use of and employ them; and though Atlas has the whole World in possession, yet is he obliged to bear it too.  
Another Inducement our Excise-Man has for exercising this Industry, is what he has read in Plautus, Videte quaeso, quid potest pecunia! Assem habeas assem valeas; He knows a Man shall be valued and esteemed according to what he hath. He hath read the Story of one of the Emperors of Turkey, when some of his Flatterers attempting to make him believe his Beard commànded Adoration, and was worth the World. Upon which (to demonstrate the Almighty Power of Money) he commanded it to be shaved, and sent to the Market with this Proclamation, That the Grand Signior's Beard was exposed to a Barter; but (as the Historian tells us) it went not so far as a Penny, and would not buy a Pound of Meat. I cannot avoid Horace's account of its force, and if you'll forgive me this once, I can assure you I have almost done with my Fragments of Latin, etc.  

— Omnis enim Res,  
Virtus, fama, decus, divina humanaque pulchris  
Divitiis parent: quas qui construxerit, ille  
Clarus erit, fortis, Justus, Sapiens, etiam & Rex,  
Et quicquid volet.—  
Horace, lib. 2. sat. 3.   

For every thing, Divine and Humane too,  
Virtue, Wit, Comeliness, and Honour, do  
Submit their Necks to Riches splendid Sway;  
Which whosoever heaps together, may  
Be Noble, Valiant, Just, and Wise, nay King,  
Or (if 'twere possible) an higher thing.   
A third Encouragement for our Excise-Man's Diligence, is the Consideration of the Mutability of all Sublunary Affairs, and since no Mortal is so firmly fixed but may (nay frequently does) meet with Vicissitudes, he is certain of a much more uncertainty: For though that wheeling Goddess is not unsitly compared to the Moon, in her variety of Distributions to all, yet to him she is ever in her last Quarter, immediately ready for her wont Change. Public Places having many Mutations incident to them, which miss all other ways of living, and consequently he waits in a continual expectation of it. And as he remembers the Advice of Juvenal 
(a) Vulgus sequitur Fortunam & odit damnatos.— , If once a Man falls, all will down with him; so is he not ignorant of the Advice of Henry the Great of France, when having promoted a Person of low degree to be Chancellor, who thereupon had his own lively Effigies (made in a curious piece of Arras Hang) standing upon the uppermost part of Fortune's Wheel, which he having showed the King, You would do well, said the King, to pin the Wheel fast, lest it should turn again.  
This foresight of his Discharge, is no small Spur to him for the laying up an honest Provision against it, and therefore is not unmindful of the Adages, That as 'tis 
(b) Must non uni sides antro— Eras.  good to have two Strings to one's Bow, so is it also to make 
(c) Non semper erunt Saturnalia. Sen.  Hay while the Sun shines. But there is a further Consideration that obliges him to an indefatigable Diligence; for if Poverty drowns the most towering parts, and makes even Youth 
(d) Nil habet infoelix paupertas du●ius in se Quam quod ridiculos komines faeit.  ridiculous, it must of necessity follow, that it must be the very abstract of all Misfortunes, when accompanied with Infirmities and old Age, he being then arrived to his Ne plus ultra, and consequently to an impossibility of recovering his neglected Minutes. And he knows that since all Men are not born under those fortunate Planets, as to have a Competency procured for them, he is resolved creditably to secure one, before the vigour of his Youth shall meet with an abatement, this being his only Harvest time, which he must wholly depend on in the Winter of his Age; and in regard he remembers it a common Conclusion, That a young Servingman is generally an old Beggar; he sleeps not without joining with the Opinion of Horace:  
Ille gravem duro terram qui vertit aratro:  
Perfidus hic caupo, Miles, Nautaeque per omne  
Audaces Mare qui currunt: hac ment laborem  
Seize serre, senes ut in Oria tuta recedant,  
Aiunt, quum tibi sunt congesta cibaria—  
Hor. Ser. 1.  
Thus Englished by Mr. Creech— as I remember  
The Soldier sights, the busy Tradesman cheats,  
And finds a thousand tricks, and choice deceits.  
The heavy Blow contents the labouring Hind,  
The Merchant strives with every tide and wind;  
And all this Toil to get vast heaps of Gold,  
That they may live at ease when they are old.  
When they have gotten store for numerous Years,  
They may be free from Want, and from its Fears.  
These are some of those prevailing Arguments which induce our Excise-Man's diligent performance of his Duty; and not questioning but the meanest Capacity apprehends that by that word, I mean a faithful execution of it, as is instanced before; I shall not trouble the Reader with Repetitions, but shall descend to the last as well as chiefest Argument intended, and that is, that his great Master (to whom he is responsible for his well-being) is not defrauded; and though the former Reasons may in some sense be allowable, yet they cannot in the strict Rules of Probity, unless they meet conjunctively with this. 'Tis He only allows him that Competency he enjoys, by a frugal management of which, he may not only live without any other dependence, but 
(a) Add pdrum parvo magnus accrwus eris.  secure an Asylum for futurity. And it would certainly be the highest piece of Ingratitude (than which the Heathens 
(b) Ingratum dixeris & omnia dixisti.  reckoned nothing worse) in him, if he made not this his chiefest Aim and Resolution, since Ingratus, qui beneficium accepisse se negat quod accepit; Ingratus, qui id dissimulat; rursum Ingratus, qui non reddit: at omnium Ingratissimus est qui oblitus est.   

CHAP. X.  
Since than our Excise-Man is satisfied, that the generality of Mankind (I mean those constant Defrauders) are what Aexander was wont to say of Antipater, That outwardly he did wear a white Garment, but that it was always lined with Purple; that is, fair in their Speech, but foul in their Actions. It follows then, as a natural result of the Premises, that he only things of ease, but works on; and though it may be his chance to succeed Industry itself, he concludes not therefore that they ought to be confided in, since he knows no Barber shaves so close, but another may find some work. Neither shall the consideration of their having often commuted for it, be any Remora to his Search, they having another Consideration too, viz. some hopes of retreiving their former Losses, by continued Fallacies. Nay, though their refunding has been succeeded with sufficient Admonitions of forbearing the like Practices, yet they will not, or cannot hear, the former for the precited Reason, and the latter (I mean still among those common Cheats) for that of the Epigrammatist: 

Non potis est Proclus digitis emungere Nasum  
Namque est pro Nasi mole ●usilla marus:  
Non vo●●ille Jovem sternutans, quip nec audit  
Sternu● mentum tam procul aure sonat.   

Proclus with's Hand his Nose can never wipe,  
His Hand too little is his Nose to gripe:  
He sneezing calls not Jove, for why he hears  
Himself not sneeze, the found's so far from's Ears.    
Being thus resolved, he embraces every Opportunity, and lets not any thing miss him for want of Circumspection and Care. He is watchful to an Excess; and if he sleep, it is as the Naturalists observe of the Hare, i. e. with his Eyes open; for he always considers, that Foxes when sleeping have nothing fall into their mouths.  
He is satisfied this alone will not be sufficiently prevalent, and therefore has ever an Assistant incognito, which he never discevers but when necessitated; and he knows it a great piece of Imprudence, (Quid non mortali pectora cogis Auri 
(a) Virg,  sacra same's?) as well as Ingratitude, not to return a suitable encouragement; for he that gives thee a Capon, aught to have a Leg and a Wing. But though he disputes not the frequent occasion of it, yet he knows there is not a continual necessity, and therefore its allowance is agreed on with Restrictions: For notwithstanding two Eyes is said to see better than one, yet he had rather (considering the predo. minant Infidelity, especially in relation to an Excise-Man's Secrets) trust one of his own, than thrice the number that are not, if with a possibility it can be performed without them; and ever remembers the Rule, That what thou sanst do thyself, rely not on another.  
Our Sinner being thus detected, has made himself subject to the offended Law, and consequently to the mercy of our Officer, who has ever a great regard to distinguish between the Circumstances of the Person and Offence: This he makes his chiefest study, he ever perceiving it an esteemed Qualification. He knows Compassion a natural Attendant on Poverty, and it would be wholly unpardonable in him (who ought to be a leading Example of it) not to give an unquestioned Demonstration of it upon every necessitated Opportunity. He allows it insignificant, to offer at a Supply from those, who have a daily occasion of begging one He owns it ridiculous, to struggle for satisfaction from those who cannot give it their own Belly. He is satisfied it is highly culpable, warrantably to sink those who are already crushed, or to offer the making himself fat, by their lean and inconsiderable Incomes. He concludes it very impertinent, to patch up his Fortunes from those, who, to his hand, are out at heels, or to cover himself with their Nakedness. He denies not but that Cruelty is the rigorous effect of an evil-disposed Will, and the Fruit which is reaped from Injustice: And if it is dormant in the cankered Breast, he is resolved it shall not in his that is sound. He confesses the Offender has committed a Fault, and he acknowledges he should commit a greater in not extenuating the Mulct: And that it is equally scandalous to expect Impossibilities, I mean, from the former in making, and the latter in expecting Reparation. He has read, That the most Ignoble Beast is ever the most Cruel; and that the Noble Lion passes by that submissive Prey, which the unpitying Tiger unmercifully destroys. The frequent Observation of this in others, is sufficient to make any but him an absolute Pythagorean, and allow a Metempsychos●… of Panther's Souls into the Bodies of much more cruel Men: These he abominates, 〈◊〉 will totally abandon, since they are not adm●●●ted to have an humane Composition.  
For Veins of Flint are everywhere dispersed,  
In slender Branches thro' his Iron Breast.  
Or, as Withers puns it: 
No Kind so Unkind to their Kind we find  
As Mankind unto Mankind is Unkind.   
Yet he knows too, that that which cannot be made into Butter, may be made into Cheese: But since 'tis ever allowed, that it is as great Cruelty to spare all, as to spare none, our Excise-Man is resolved upon his former Distinction, and that therefore the Capable are not to be thrown into an immediate Oblivion, knowing that thereby he would wholly contradict the very intention of the Law, which exhibits Fines, Penalties and Forfeitures in Terroren●; Inops Aadacia tuta est, having no relation to him, and will therefore prove a vain and successless Excuse: For notwithstanding the Law pardons the Poor, (that is tacitly, because they have nothing) yet it does not therefore follow that it should forgive the Rich, or those who have enough, it falling not under the Rules of Charity or Compassion, to an exact observation of which, our Excise-Man lies under an indispensible Obligation. Besides, he supposes it equally Criminal to hurt the Innocent, and to let the Nocent go free, where there is something conveniently to be spared. He that dances must pay the Fiddler, and he that conceals must produce. He that mixe●●ust pay for it, and then no doubt will be witty, beyond the assistance of Cambridge or Oxford, since Wit bought is better than Wit taught; so that as he that confesses may be hanged, so he that denies must commute.   

CHAP. XI.  
HAving given you some few of those Remarks I have made on our Excise-Man's Behaviour towards those under his Inspection; I come now to instance his Demeanour towards those who are not, which ought to be particularised in a triple Capacity, viz. to his Superiors, Equals and Inferiors: But in regard this would occasion a Volume alone, and consequently swell beyond the intended Brevity of these Papers; and since also many of these Observations would interfere with those already delivered, I shall refer the Reader to the numerous Books on that Subject, especially that Complete Tract of Education of Young Gentlemen 
(a) Printed at the Theatre. , (which is our Exeise-Man's admired and inseparable Vade Mecum) and content myself with the bare hinting some few he lies under a necessity of observing, quatenus an Excise-Man.  
Let Fortune throw him into what Company soever, he is sure not to be profane; he knows it Capital to reflect on Earthly Majesty, and to have mean apprehensions, much more expressions, of that tremendous Arbiter and Disposer of us his speaking Worms, that can with the same ease reduce them to their pristine Chaos, as he then allowed them a Creation. I say he is satisfied, that he who thinks there can be no Jest, without the addition of an Oath, and consequently the profaning his Name, who, in a minute, may cast the whole Creation in an Ague-fit, is far beyond the assistance of Helebore itself, it being a certain Indication of a confirmed madness: And instead of the Excise, is fit only to be an Inhabitant of Poneropolis, a City built by 
(a) Plut. Mor.  Philip King of Macedon, who having assembled the most profligate Wretches, and those whom he imagined beyond the reach of Admonition, put them into this City which he built on purpose, and called it the City of the Profane.  
The Spanish Proverb says, Tell me his Company, and I'll tell you the Man; his choice is ever for the best: For he knows, that as the Profane can only assist him in his Damnation, so the Poor can never help him at all; and he concludes, that as either of them are to be avoided, so is also the Company of Fools, who can be no way serviceable towards the improvement of his Intellectuals, which he presumes to be the designed Origin of Society. And although his Place may inevitably cast him amongst them, yet he is ever upon his Guard, and, with the Persians, fights flying; and indeed there seems a necessity of his being well armed, to clear himself of the greatest part of the World's Composition; and it is his whole study to make himself a Separatist herein, for he knows in relation to the first, that Contamination is an infallible Incident, since the defiled Fly that feeds on dung, has ever its correspondent colour. To the second he is satisfied against ordinary Company, since the meanness of the Commodity makes it for every Body's money. And in respect to the last, he concludes, that as it is no advancement of his Qualifications, so must it of necessity immerge those he was so happy in before, Scandal and Infamy being its inseparate Attendant; nay, he is satisfied out of Seneca, 'Tis only keeping children's company, who will never arrive to men's estate, Nam inter catera mala hoc quoque habet stultitia, semper incipit vivere—  
He is very sensible of the Deference payable to those who move in an uncommon Sphere, and though in strictness he may imagine he does, yet he is not so extravagantly Ignorant, as to suppose his Intimacy with the Gentlemen of the Country wherein he is sent (which is wholly occasioned by their Condescension) should imply a parity: He is (its true) a Gentleman by his Place, but they by Descent, and he knows very well that one Post may destroy that Gentility he pretends to, whereas theirs admits of a duration equivalent with time itself. He is satisfied it lies in the Power of his Masters with or without Reason to reduce him in statu quo; whereas an extenuation of their quality supposes an Impossibility: and that it may be palpably evident that their Circumstances no way admit of a Competition (abstracting the certainty that attends them, and the incertainty that follows him) and consequently that a submissive regard is perfectly obligatory; he considers, That (as 'tis allowed by all) it may sometimes fall in the way of the most Indigent to do him a kindness, it must certainly happen often in the Power of the Rich to perform that which he will not imagine altogether acceptable.  
And since this cannot admit of a Contradiction, our Excise-Man, of consequence, allows of this Regard to be a part of Prudence as well as his Duty; for it would be an Infallible Demonstration of a Soul totally Eclipsed that should not offer a suitable respect to those who not only command it by all the Injunctions both Sacred and Profane, but very frequently proves that Tenth which gives Life and Motion to all inferior Orbs, and is the efficient cause of the Elevation of those Persons and Parts, by a certain and progressive Advancement, that have any way demonstrated themselves meritorious of it.  
Besides, it has always been observed that an obliging submission and condescension has been ever the discriminating Character and Distinction of a Gentleman, for those of the greatest minds and best Extractions, are ever the most obliging and humble; whereas those of the most abject Spirits are the most Insulting and Imperious; Alexander the 
(a) Ladies Calling. 66.  Great, though Terrible in the Field, yet was of a gentle complaisant Conversation. Familiarly treating those about him: Yet Crespinus, Narcissus, Nymphidius, and others Enfranchised Bond men we find insolently Trampling upon the Roman Senators and Consuls. So that among the Innumerable other Arguments for its observation, he pays it, to avoid the Censure of being imagined of the Dunghill strain.  
Who like so many Empty Pitchers may,  
By the Lugged Ears be carried any way.  
I say this Humility is so firmly fixed in him, that he might be thought Superior to that that's Common, for he very well remembers the Roman History from whence he is assured, That this winning virtue was so Conspicuous and Charming in Cincinnatus, that though he concealed himself by digging in a Garden, it sent him quickly thence and gave him the preferment of Dictator.  
But this submission in his Behaviour to Superiors ought to be carried much further, it being his Duty in a double capacity, for as it is required from every Person in general among Christian as well as Ethnic Communities; he has a further obligation for the Performance of it, I mean the Injunctions and Positive Commands of those Commissioners to whom he is obliged for his Employment. 'Tis their reiterated orders to Demonstrate an obliging Complacency to all, but an especial Submission to the Gentlemen they meet with in their admired Perambulation; Nay, this particular has been so often inculcated by private Orders and Printed Directions, that were we not apprehensive of a daily necessity for its Remembrance, we should with Submission imagine it lay under the Gild of a Repetition. This then becomes his Duty under a double Notion, the former as a Man, the latter as an Officer; and for the non-performance of the Dictates and Obliging Maxims of the First, he will find himself Discarded of Humane Society; and his neglecting the orders of the Last, will infallibly Discharge him of that Incomparable Dependence. Nam Pericula, Labores, Dolores, etiam optimus quisque suscipere mavult, quam deserere ullam Officii partem. Cicero.   

CHAP. XII.  
NOw although, as was intimated, those Gentlemen may be so Condescending as to allow of, and encourage a Familiarity; yet our Excise-Man embraces it with a great deal of Discretion and Caution; which produces a positive Resolution in him, that it shall not administer an occasion of Negligence in his Duty; to which he has a resolute regard, and of which nothing shall create a diminution. He joyfully allows of the freedom they are pleased to admit of, but with a reserved subserviency to that Absolute Necessarium to which he is cemented by all the prevailing Obligations imaginable, and he is then (with his usual Submission) subsequently Theirs. He has read Plutarch, and from him, remembers it was a remarkable Instance of the Prudence of Ulysses, who going into the Regions of departed Souls, would not exchange so much as one word with his Mother there, 'til he had first obtained an Answer from the Oracle, and dispatched the business he came about; and then turning to her, he afforded some small time for a few Questions of much less moment and concern. He owns the admittance to be no small addition to his Reputation, but when it interferes with the Minutes he is accountable For in relation to his Duty, he knows too, it is a great substraction from it, and which, as is prerecited, would entitle him to the indelible Character of being unjust.  
This Consideration produces a prevailing Argument against immoderate Drinking, and moderate (I know not whether that Word can be allowed) Gaming; since they wholly discompse him for the Duties of the subsequent day. I shall not rob my Common-place Book for Precepts or Examples against them in relation to him, (for it is not our Concern to censure others) but cannot avoid the incerting what Mr. Howell tells us in relation to the first 
(a) howel's Letters. , That by the ancient Laws of Spain, if a Woman could have proved her Husband to have been thrice Drunk, she might have immediately pleaded it as a sufficient Argument for a Divorce. And what St. Augustine subjoins, Ebrietas est blandus Daemon dulce venenum, suave peccatum; quod qui habet scipsum non habet, quod qui facit peccatum non facit, sed ipse est peccatum—  
And although our Excise-Man, upon some emergent Opportunities, may be prevailed to nibble at the former, yet he eternally shuns the latter; the Inconveniences that inevitably attend it being innumerable, especially relating to him, who hat neither Money or Time, to throw away upon such an unaccountable and impertinent Vice; and shall therefore only insist with what Scandal and Infamy it was branded with by the Ancients (not to question whether our Moderns have not had much more reason) as appears by the Law of Aurelius Alexander Emperor of Rome, That whatever Person should be taken Gaming, should be looked on as a Recorded Frantic. as not having a competent discretion for Self-government: And for some such Reason the Noble Cobilon being sent to Corinth, for the obtaining a mutual League and Friendship 
(a) Corn. Agrip. de Van. Scien.  between them and the Lacedæmonians, when he saw the Captains and Senators playing at Dice, he returned without doing any thing, saying, That he would not so much defile the Glory of the Spartans', as that it should be said they had made a League with Gamesters.  
And since these Vices seem to imply all others, they being the Basis and Foundation on which all imaginable Enormities raise their Superstructure, I shall not mention any other, but briefly incert his Reasons of Abhorrence against the last, which he observed out of the best 
(b) Obadiah Walk●r.  Educator, and the worst Educated he has read; and are  
First, It creates an acquaintance with low, base, unworthy Company.  
Secondly, Learning from them sordid and unmanly Arts, as Sharking, Cheating, Lying, Equivocating, which is by them called Out-witting.  
Thirdly, Loss of Time and Money.  
Fourthly, Great engagements of the Passions, which is the most effectual and speedy means to obliterate any good Thought, and introduce the Superiority of the Beastial Part.  
Fifthly, Learning, or at least patiently enduring those abominable Swear, Curse, Blaspheming, etc.  
Sixthly, Danger from other men's Passions, the general Result of Play-quarrels, being Murders, Duels, etc.  
And in fine, Est Ars Mendaciorum, Perjuriorum, Furtorum, Litium, Injuriorum, Homicidiorumque Mater: & est verè malorum Daemonum inventum.  
Another Caution our Excise-Man observes on the Friendship of his Superiors, is, That it shall not administer an occasion of discovering a Con●ealment, I mean of disclosing a Secret; and therefore he is sure of ever following the Rule of Pythagoras, which was, to check the too early Loquacity of his Scholars, by imposing on them five years' silence from their first Admission. And 'tis observable, that Nature has given us two Eyes and two Ears, and but one Tongue, (and that doubly barracadowed by Lips and Teeth) that we might hear and see at least twice as much as we speak. He knows it would be the highest piece of Injustice to declare that, which was not only attended with an Injunction, but a promise too of a Reservation. He finds how infamous and scandalous it was among the Romans, to be called Homo Rimarum; and particularly remembers that Heroic Answer of Metellus their General, who being asked, What his next Design was? Replied, That if he thought his Shirt was privy to any part of his Council, he would immediately pluck it off and burn it: And though their Capitol was preserved from the Gauls by the Geese that fed therein, yet could they not be persuaded to carry a Goose 
(a) Corn. Agrig. de Van. Scien.  for their Shield, by reason they were an Emblem of Eternal Prating: And he is very well assured, that the Divulger of a Secret delivered by a Friend, (especlally a Potent One) will be imagined the same as a Treasonable Discovery to a Prince, Who always loves the Treason, but ever hates the Traitor: And consequently, will find it attended with as direful Effects; which makes him ever shy of receiving any, and consequently confirms him in the Opinion, that it was well said by 
(a) Plutarch's Morals.  Philippides the Comedian, who being asked by King Lysimachus, What he desired might be imparted to him? Replied, Any thing but a Secret.  
But as he is far from declaring Secrets, so he is much further from a Repetition of the most common Conversation: for there is none that has travelled a days Journey, but knows very well, That a Gentleman may express a merry Reflection, without meaning any harm; whose Repetition would not only create an everlasting Feud, and an immediate separation of the most intimate Friendship, but has arrived to the degree of Murder itself: Such a loquacious Person merits not the protection of any Civil Government, but a dwelling (pardon the word) among the most Barbarous Infidels, if they would be so unwise and unhappy to receive Him; so that herein he wholly remains in the Opinion of Themistocles, who being offered to be taught the Art of Memory, replied, He much more admired the Art of Forgetfulness.  
His obliging Behaviour, and charming Mein, being universally distributed, he is sure to avoid the espousing any particular Party or Interest; the Inconveniences of which are so extravagantly numerous, that they are far beyond the Art of Rhetoric to discover: For he is assured upon their Reconciliation, (which cannot be long deferred) to find them both unanimously joined to surther his prejudice; as the presumed Origine of their Separation, and declension of that Native Intimacy which otherwise (they pretend) might have met with an Eternal Cement, for which Reason he ever shuns (though frequently provoked to) that cowardly Vice, Detraction: For besides that it is the Reverse of Charity, (the whole design of the first being to conceal, as well as that of the last, to discover the Excellencies of any) he can conclude nothing his own that has been once expressed, and consequently speaks well (or nothing) of those who no way merit it; and cloisters up those Sentiments he conceives may admit of a misrepresentation, or disobliging construction.  
This Consideration must also induce him to resolve, That notwithstanding his prevailing Circumstances even necessitate him to a large Acquaintance, yet he is positive in his paucity of Friends, (and those chosen with the most mature and sedate Deliberation and Judgement he is capable of) since they may insensibly entangle him, and irrecoverably twist him in their Quarrels. This sewness he observes has been highly recommended to him by the Ancients, since at the most they never mentioned them but by 
(a) Plut. Mer. Vol. 1.  Pairs: Thus Nisus and Vrialus, Hercules and Hylas; Achilles, Patroclus; Pylades, Orestes; Titus, Gesippus, with innumerable others: So that though a Friend is a sociable Creature, yet he affects not an Herd; and his being usually called and esteemed another Self, is a convincing Argument that the Number TWO, is the adequate and complete measure of Friendship: For as Briareus, who with his hundred hands, was daily obliged for his bare subsistence, to feed Fifty Stomaches, could thrive no better than ourselves, who supply a single one with Two; so no one of many Friends can boast of any other Privilege, but that of being a Slave to many, and an equal Sharer in all their Disquietudes.  
I know this Paucity has been sufficiently censured by many, especially in the Excise; it being (as they object) absolutely necessary, that an Officer have many Friends, if it be only to keep him in, or reinstate him upon a Discharge: But if it be considered, that the management of this Revenue lies wholly in the hands of those who are positive in their Resolutions of encouraging Ingenuity, and that Merit only shall recommend any to their good Opinion; I say, if it be considered with what extraordinary Vigour they have turned off and expunged the Ignorant and Dishonest; even against a prevailing Interest; no Man that is endowed with the contrary Qualification, need doubt a Preferment from those who have ever esteemed that the only Recommendation.  
However, if upon distance of Place a Solicitor may be thought requisite, I see not why he may not appear under the Notion only of an Acquaintance, and consequently our Officer is no way necessitated to make an addition to his confined Number of Friends, which commands an Intimacy that is altogether Sacred.   

CHAP. XIII.  
THE next (though chiefest) Particular our Excise-Man resolves on, is, that he runs not in Debt; he is satisfied that those extravagant Expressions of Friendship he finds in his present place of Residence, meets with a correspondent duration, and continues no longer than himself, a remove of 20 Miles making it to vanish, as if they had been stranger than strangers, and utterly unknown before; for he that but a day since saluted him with— SIR, YOUR MOST, HUMBLE SERVANT, I should be extremely Ambitious of seeing you at my House, where you will find a Glass of as good, though I say it, as any in Town, wholly devoted for your Service; Why don't you come to my Shop? I protest I'll use you very kindly, I will not desire to get a Farthing by you, Try me for once: I have often admired at your great strangeness, your Predecessor and I were extremely intimate, and I served him with the best Cloth, Stuff, etc. the Country could afford, though there is a small Reckoning, between us still, an inconsiderable Drib remaining; yet if I never see him again, 'tis not the first Loss I have had— But pray where is he— I am sure he came to Town clad in windowed Rags, which demonstrated him to spring from an Illustrious House, the Sun sbining through him. Nay, he was so bare, that a Louse might have broke her Neck from the best Suit in his possession; whereas I trusted him in mere Civility, when no Body would: And my Kindnesses were so excessive, that I vow I got not a Penny by him, I letting him have my Goods as they cost me out of my own Pocket. His Wife too had many things unknown to him, and was so ungenteel as to go away, and never take her leave: But that small Sum my Wife lent her in ready Money, vexes me really more than all the rest: For God's sake, Sir, when did you hear from them? Can you put me in a way? I declare the best Gloves in Town are so very much at your Service, that I will send for them immediately.  
I say, He that but just now admired even the shadow of your Shoestrings; nay, that could never be himself, or enjoy the least Satisfaction upon your Absence, and so much doted on your Person and Parts, that he was ever sure to secure you at least for a Sundays Dinner, he certainly finds now to accost him with Ungrateful Rascal, a Pitiful Beggarly Fellow. And, in fine, reiterates with all his Elocution, the Rhetorical Flourishes he was graciously pleased to bestow upon his Predecessor. All this being the Result of one of his Three Fundamental Points, which he ever esteems as Sacred. The first is, because he supposes it an Impossibility now to get any more from him. The second is, because they think it their Duty to load the absent Excise-Man with all the scurrilous Reflections their acquaint Parts are capable of expressing: Or (which is certainly his securest Reason) because he took not up his constant Discharge upon every individual Payment, without which, our Excise-Man concludes it a Doomsday-Book, and himself therefore in eternal danger: For this he is certainly assured of, that his crossing the Book is no discharge of the Debt, some keeping two Books, and one of them fairly Seven Years after he has seen put in execution, upon his having no Acquittance, or upon the bare presumption of its being lost: But this being detected by its Production, it would make a Stoic burst to hear his Excuse— I Vow, Wife, this Idle Boy, this Rascal of an Apprentice of ours, has certainly abused this Honest Gentleman; I am sure I remember something of it, he or you, my Dear, have forgot to cross the Book, and consequently have necessitated me to commit an Incivility, which I was never known (as all my honest Neighbours can attest) to perpetrate before.  
The Result of the whole is, That our Excise-Man is even affrighted from being Lavish in his Expenses, and therefore is sure to exercise a suitable moderation in them; for he knows very well, That although the Goddess Diana gave heretofore, in the City of Ephesus, to such Debtors as could fly into her Temple, Freedom and Protection against their Creditors, yet he knows too that Her Power having met with a Cessation, there remains not an Asylum for him, but a Ludgate or a Compter. He has that positive regard to the worth of a Penny, that nothing but Necessity shall extort it. The Misery, nay the Pleurisy of Griefs, as well as the Scandal that always attend its Want, are infallible Arguments for him to be more than parsimonious. A prudent Frugality is recommended to all, but to him even Covetousness itself cannot be accounted any Crime, since he has a Regiment of convincing Motives to it that do not any way concern the rest of Mankind. And as 'tis observed that there are particular Cates ordained by Nature as peculiar to the Temperaments and Constitutions of the particular Inhabitants of that Climate under which they are fixed, so he satisfactorily embraces an Earthen Cup, as most agreeable to his Mould, and never aims at those (to him) insipid, because gilded Fopperies, which terminate in a Gaol: 
For if his Drink but a cold Moisture have,  
No other charming Qualities doth crave;  
And with a rich Contentment can resign  
To others all the Pleasures of the Vine.   
But knowing that the enlarging on this Topick, would interfere with what has been, as well as what is to be said, I shall here reduce the whole, and conclude with Two Particulars.  
As a Man, he knows what Nature, by the smallness of his Mouth and Throat, has entrusted with him, that he should eat but little, and has therefore given a correspondent place of Reception; and, as an Officer, he is advised by Providence to devour less, considering the Scantness of his Fortunes, and (which is more) the frequent Vicissitudes that inevitably attend them, an Ordinary therefore of 8 d. is esteemed by him Extraordinary, and he ever departs with the same Satisfaction, as if with Heliogabalus, he had impoverished the Seas, dispeopled the Air, and wholly extirpated the very Species of all Terrestrial Animals, to gratify a sensual and insatiate Palate, and therefore very much prefers a Dinner with Camillus, or the Curii, before that of a Bestial and Intemperate Sardanapalus— He knows it would be Ridiculous in him to be Nice, whose Prudence expects a daily Revolution of in Stain quo: And he is sure to perform himself what he finds commanded in Suetonius by Julius Caesar, who, to repress extravagant Diet, not only set a Guard upon all Butcher's Shops, etc. but sent his Officers to particular Houses; to take away (though at their Tables) such Dishes as either escaped them, or were esteemed superfluous; and that even from those who were qualified for the greatest Affairs of State, and this he concludes obligatory from him who has nothing certain but uncertainty. In short, his Table is not furnished much unlike to what the Poet describes of Oberon's: 
A little Mushroom Table spread,  
Whose Viand's but of Barley Bread;  
Or Yellow Corn of Parkie Wheat,  
With some small Sandy Gritts to eat.  
His choice Bits with and in a Trice,  
He makes a Feast less Great than Nice;  
And willingly takes what is sent,  
He crowns the Grace-Cup with Content.   
The second Excess our Excise-Man's Prudence commands him to avoid, is that of Apparel. And here I shall not play the Divine, by offering those convincing Arguments and prevailing Motives, which engage all Mankind to a strict observance, it being much above my Province: But shall only insinuate some few Notions which peculiarly relate to him, to keep within his proper Bounds and Limits, and which even necessitate him to a Compliance, by all the Obligations imaginable. Our Excise-Man remembers it is no small Addition to the great Character of Augustus Caesar, when it is recorded, That he never wore any thing about him but what was Home-made, and of the spinning of his own Family; and he cannot think it a Diminution of his Credit, that his Attire suits with his Circumstances, which are plain and simple. He knows how ridiculous he must prove, if, with the Bird of Paradise, his Feathers should be much more valuable than the Carcase; or with the Cinamon-Tree, that the Bark only is esteemed, and the Tree itself of little or no use. A tolerable Gaiety in others, would be altogether intolerable in him; and his only Ambition is to front a Winter, and arrive to the Character of Decent. He knows that Credit is compared to the Chastity of a M— which, if once broke, is ever after lost; and, if not kept up, is like a Palace, which for want of Repair falls to Ruin. And as it is his chief design to secure it, so he knows there is no way for the exact performance of it, but to cut his Coat according to his Cloth, by which he knows he shall be disengaged from Dependence, and lying at the Mercy of the Merciless; for Providence has given us Freeze, and courser Garments, when our necessitous Circumstances cannot, or may not aspire to Satins, and all to continue us in our pristine Liberty and Freedom: For besides the Scandal and Universal Censures that must attend the dressing beyond one's Quality, the dread of being responsible in a Gaol sufficiently deters him; A place which is the Grave of the Living, the House of meager Looks, and destructive Smells; a place that teacheth Wisdom much too late; the Dunghill of the Law, where the Ruins of the Gentry, and heaps of decayed Bankrupts inseparably meet. In fine, 'tis the University of 
(a) Anonymous.  poor Scholars, where only Three Things are studied, to Pray, Curse, and Writ Letters.  

I.  
BUT stay— Apollo with your Sacred Nine,  
If Power ye have descend,  
And your Assistance lend;  
If as ye boast ye are Divine,  
Inspire with an uncommon Line  
(Uncommon! Nay, your chiefest Excellence,  
Your chiefest Eloquence)  
That it might with the Subject equally transcend.   

II.  
HE that ne'er Pegasus bestrid  
May show his untaught Skill;  
And he that never did  
Ascend the Sacred and admired Hill,  
May sometimes stumbling wittily rehearse  
The Excellencies of the Universe;  
For he that trots in Prose, may surely walk in Verse.   

III.  
HEnce than ye sweeting Pleasures of the Blow  
That only Labour know,  
Who Cheveron their Mother Earth,  
And by their Furrows cannot grieve,  
Like Nero, they behold their place of Birth,  
And thus exclude  
Filial Gratitude,  
As never to believe  
That she must them again receive.   

iv  
ADieu ye Toiling Sons of Trade,  
That only the Cursed Plague of Business find,  
No Cultivating of the Mind,  
When all the Arts they want  
Which yet we cannot grant,  
Are Impositions on the Ignorant,  
These Statute-Slaves are made.   

V  
HEnce ye Alarms of the Vermilion God,  
Farewell the Crimson Shield,  
And the loud Actions of the Field,  
That lay the greedy Dust with drops of Blood,  
Whose Excellence abounds  
In dreadful Sounds,  
And Summum Bonum is in Wounds.   

VI  
WHile with inventive Brain  
We must advance to an Harmonious Strain,  
And since the Subject doth inspire,  
We only the EXCISE admire,  
Where Business, Pleasure, Wit agree,  
As if the Three  
Here met with their admired Monopoly.    

CHAP. XIV.  
THus have I hinted to you some few Remarks in relation to our Excise-Man's Qualifications in the ARTS and MEN, I should now demonstrate his Excellency in the knowledge of the LAWS; without which, he is ●●t●●fied he is like those who are eternally muffled up in Blindness, and are wholly ignorant how to direct their motion, since they know not when they err. He knows this to be the certain and infallible Guide, and to be ignorant herein, implies an Ignorance in all. The Law is like a second Sun, which enlightens his Road, and hereby wholly creates a Progression, which is both safe and pleasant: This, is it that procures an undaunted Boldness in the prosecution of his Business; and this is it that secures him from the treacherous designs of the most malevolent; so that he is ever found an Intellectus Agens, till he has planed those knotty Points which seemed to be his only Rubs, and rests n●● with the least satisfaction, 'til he has made that Conquest which should not admit of another Rally: But for the preretited Reasons shall at present wave Particulars, and descend to demonstrate some few of those Excellencies, as well as Pleasures and Advantages, that inevitably attend the Employment of our Excise-Man, and consequently shall bring him from his Study, and trace him abroad in all his ravishing Felicities.  
The first-Advantage then, which I shall insist on, that follows our Excise-Man's Profession, is, That it is not to be purchased with Money: They have a Competency (at least) without paying for't, a considerable Income for nothing expended, and a Fortune very much above that which can be termed Mean, for seeking it. It has been ever held, That nothing can be done without that glittering as well as bewitching Oar, Gold, which is said to be that General Charm, which nothing can resist; that absolute Necessarium, that nothing can be begun or perfected without it. In short, It is allowed that there cannot be any living, without that Saint-seducing Metal, which we here find perfectly contradictory; Our Excise-Man having a Complete Maintenance without Charge; a Sufficiency without Dependence; and a pleasant Subsistence without a Bribe.  
But secondly, It is confessed that Poverty dejects the most Ambitious Thoughts, and he that before could with Ovid's Giants 
(a) 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. , have stormed even Heaven itself, appears now the most contemptible on Earth. He that could charm the World with the most Rhetorical Flourishes imaginable, and, with Amphion, captivate and entrance the Dullest of Souls, is now become mute. And he that just now blushed at the thoughts of an Ill Action, fears not 
(a) 〈…〉.  now its Perpetration, with all its dreadful Concomitants. On the contrary, it is acknowledged, That Abundance and Contentment are very rarely yoked, but Care is ever their inseparable Page; for whoever is possessed with it, is either perplexed with the Avarice of acquiring more, or the extravagant trouble of securing that already in their possession, so that we find a Mean the most estimable; for Extremes have violent Ends, and in their greatest Glory are destroyed, since like Fire and Powder, they are no sooner met but are consumed: And as the most stately Hills produce but little, and are parched by the too near vicinity of Phabus' scorching Rays, so must we own, that those Valleys are but barren, whose distance from his reviving heat we find to be extraordinary; so that they are as sick that surfeit with too much, as they that starve with nothing; and consequently we may conclude, That as the East and West upon the Globe are divided only by a Mathematical Point, so Happiness and Misery with all Extremes are still contiguous, a Mean was ever held the safest: And he was no Fool, that wished his Fate had confined him between an High-Constable, and a Justice of Peace, that he might enjoy a perfect Mediocrity; for the Rich are exposed to the Envy, and the Poor to the Contempt of all. This is our Excise-Man's Felicity, who having neither Poverty or Riches, cannot be dejected by the former, nor puffed up with the latter. This is our Excise-Man's happiness, who being possessed of a true Mean, is above the Plague that Penury attends, and below the gilded Miseries of Grandeur, who having the desired Competency, is not troubled with the Afflictions of the first, nor afflicted with the Troubles of the last.  
This then being that state of Life which has been ever coveted by all the thinking part of Mankind, we cannot deny but our Excise-Man fully enjoys: And though his Fifty is not Five hundred, yet he is satisfied the difference is but a cipher, which he reckons of no value, especially since it exhibits not (that which every one seems desirous of) Contentment, upon which Consideration he hath a great regard to and value for his Employment, and consequently doth wholly acquiesce in the Opinion of Horace, Lib. 2. Ode 10.  
Wise they, that with a cautious Fear  
Not always thro' the Ocean steer;  
Nor, whilst they think the Winds will roar,  
Do thrust too near the Rocky Shoar:  
To those that choose the Golden Mean,  
The Waves are smooth, the Skies serene.  
They want the Baseness of the Poors retreat,  
And also th' envied Houses of the Great.   

CHAP. XV.  
I Proceed to the Third Advantage that attends him, which is Travel; the Excellency of which, and the great Encomiums on it, may be sufficiently seen in almost innumerable other Books: For there is scarce any of our Voyagers, or Foreign Itinerants, that have exhibited any thing of Memorables to the Public, but have largely dilated on it, and some of them with that bewitching Language, and captivating Arguments, that they have directly charmed many Proselytes, who finding its Reality confirmed by Ocular Demonstration, have asserted again the like to others, who are thereby willingly engaged to the same Performances, and so ad infinitum.  
I shall not expatiate upon every particular Advantage that immediately attends it, as the procuring and continuing Health, Reading of Men, and the remarkable Observables they continually meet; Nor the several Pleasures that infallibly attend them, they having no relation here, and besides too troublesome in the Transcription: But shall only observe, they generally have made that of Foreign the greatest, if not the whole Subject of their Panegyrics, which has been ever with me the great Product of Admiration, to see a Spark, after many years Travel, to the extravagant Expense both of Money and Time, to have learned nothing but to Swear handsomely, Wh— genteely, and Drink completely; and, if they had ever any thing, forgot that, and return much worse than they went, for want of a prudent management of their Time, and improvement of it by a sufficient Bottom, before their admired Voyage: 
For Travelling creates no Sense we know,  
Dunces come back as genuine as they go.   
And ask them a particular Description of any Rarity they met with, their whole Discourse tends to no more than what is thus expressed by another Poet, 
There was a Mouse went up a Wall,  
When she fell down she had a Fall.   
Not that I would pretend to a Diminution of the Excellency of Foreign Travel, but allow it an extraordinary Form in the qualification of a Complete Gentleman, not abstracting Domestic; which ought to have the first share, at least, in it, and to be the very Prologue and Foundation to all his future Accomplishments: For let any pretend to what Education they please, in my opinion he will show himself but ignorantly bred, that shall only be capable of giving an account (which very few can that) of another, and know nothing of his own Country: For although the unknowing part of the World may imagine, that there are no extraordinary Curiosities but what may be seen abroad, yet if they please to suspend their present thoughts, and alleviate somewhat of their innate Prejudice and Partiality, and take a narrow Scrutiny and Trial, they will find it inferior to none: 

Insula praedives, quae toto vix eget orbe, etc.   

A wealthy Island which no help desires,  
Yet all the World Supply from her requires;  
Able to glut King Solomon with Pleasures,  
And furseit great Angustus with her Treasures.    
And again: 

Anglia, Mons, Pons, Fons, Ecclesia, Foemina, Lana.   

England is stored with Mountains, Bridges, Wool,  
With Churches, Rivers, Women Beautiful.    
Or, to express it by a more modern Prose Author, she is the Churches first Daughter, having the first Christian King, and out of whose Bowels sprung the first Christian Emperor, that little World, so self-sufficient, 
(a) 〈…〉.  that she seems to thrust away from her all the World besides, as being a perfect Substantive, that can stand by herself. Besides, it may be positively affirmed, That there is not any pretended Advantage that accrues abroad, or any Observable, but may be equalised, if not excelled, at home; for is he covetous of the Company of Learned Men, no Foreign Place can pretend to a Competition? Is he desirous to see the Miracles of Nature, it cannot be excelled by any; Or is he ambitious of viewing Noble Structures, Fields, Gardens, Fruits, etc. he cannot sinned them so absolutely reign in their excellency any where, so great as in England.  
Nature herself does here in Triumph ride,  
And makes this Place the ground of all her Pride,  
Whose various Flowers cheat the rasher Eye,  
In taking them for curious Tapestry.  
A si●ver Spring down from a Rock does fall,  
That in a Draught would serve to water all  
Upon the edges of a grassy Bank,  
A Tuft of Trees grow circling in a Rank;  
So fair, so fresh, so sweet, so green a Ground,  
The piercing Eye of Heaven yet never found.  
So sweet the Air, so moderate the Clime,  
None sickly lives or dies before his Time.  
Heaven sure has kept this spot of Earth uncursed,  
To show how all things were created first.  
O fortunata & omnibus Terris beatior Britannia! Te omnibus Coeli ac soli ditavit Natura, Tibi nihil inest quod vitae offendat, Tibi nihil deest quod vita desideret, ita ut alter Orbis extra Orbem poni ad delicias humani generis videaris. Oh happy and blessed Britain! above all other Countries in the World, Nature hath enriched thee with all the Blessings of Heaven and Earth; nothing in thee is hurtful to Mankind, nothing wanting in thee that is desirable: inasmuch that thou seemest another World plated besides, or without the great one, merely for the delight and pleasure of Mankind. Thus also the Poet: 
Quicquid amat luxus, quicquid desiderat usus,  
Ex Te proveniunt vel aliunde Tibi.   
Thus having given some small Hints of the great Advantages that attend the knowing of our own Country, I shall as briefly acquaint you who is the only competent Judge of it, and that excels any in this extraordinary Qualification; for there is no Rarity, as Situation, Division, Honourable Titles, Historical Remarks, or Character of any County in general, or Town in particular, but our Excise-Man perfectly enjoys, and can give an immediate satisfaction and account of; and that this cannot be denied, shall be proved by the following Instance, among many others, that might have been as properly inserted.   

CHAP. XVI. Gloucestershire  

DIVISION.  
IT is divided into Thirty Hundreds, and therein Twenty six Marke-Towns, Two hundred and eight Parish-Churches, and in the Diocese of Gloucester.   

PARLIAMENT-MEN.  
It elects Eight Members; for the County Two; for the City of Gloucesttr Two; Tewksbury Two; Cirencester Two.   

HONOURABLE TITLES.  
This City gave the Title to a Duke, the youngest Son of King Charles I. but he expiring in the Year 1662. it now gives that Title to the eldest Son of George Prince of Denmark; and Berkley Castle, gives the Title of Earl to George Lord Berkley.   

SCITVATION.  
This County hath Worcester and Warwick-shires on the North, Oxford and Wiltshire on the East, Somersetshire on the South, Herefordishre with the River Wye on the West, the River Seaverne running through it.  

Natural and Artificial Rarities.  
(1.) There is not any exceeds the River Seaterne for Breadth of Channel, Swiftness of Stream, or Multiplicity of Fish. There is in it (says M●●m●bury) a daily Rage and Fury of the Waters, raising up the Sands, winding and driving them into Heaps, and sometimes overflowing its Banks, covering the bordering Grounds, though immediately retiring. Unhappy is the Vessel it taketh full upon the side, but the Watermen hearing it, they prepare themselves to meet it, by which they cut the Waves, and avoid the danger. This encounter of the Salt and Fresh Water is called the Higre or Eager, for the keenness and fierceness thereof, which is occasioned (saith Bruannia Baconica) by the several Tides, which immediately meeting, force it up with that Extremity, that it very usually swims (as I may call it) over the Water Six Foot, which comes in at Gloucester all at once, of which hear an old Poet: 
— Until they be embraced  
In Seavern's Sovereign Arms, with those tumultuous Waves  
Shut up in narrower Bounds the Higre wildly raves,  
And frights the straggling Flocks, the neighbouring Shores to fly  
Afar as from the Main it comes with hideous cry.  
And on the angry Front the curled Foam doth bring  
The Billows 'gainst the Banks which fiercely it doth fling.  
Throws up the siimy Oar, and makes the scaly Brood  
Leap madding to the Land, affrighted from the Flood.  
Or'eturns the toiling Barge whose Steersman doth not launch,  
And thrusts the surrowing Beak into her dreadful Paunch.   
(2.) The Cathedral Church of Gloucester is a beautiful Building, and consist; of a continued Window-work, wherein is the famous Whispering-place, thus described: If you speak here against a Wall softly, another shall hear you voice (30 or 40 Feet) better than he that's near you: I suppose (says Sir Francis Bacon) there is some Vault, or Hollow, or Isle behind the Wall, and some passage to it, toward the further end of that Wall, against which you speak; so as the voice of him that speaketh, slideth along the Wall, and then entereth at some passage, and communicateth with the Air of the hollow, for it is somewhat preserved by the plain Wall, but that is too weak to give an Audible Sound, till it hath communicated with the Back Air.    

HISTORICAL REMARKS.  
In this Church lies Robert Duke of Normandy, eldest Son to William the Conqueror, in a painted wooden Tomb, in the midst of the Choir, whose Eyes were burnt out in Cardiffo Castle in Glamorganshire (where he was kept Prisoner 26 years) by Brass Basins. And here also the unhappy Ring Edward II. lies buried, under a Monument of Alabaster, who, in the 20th year of his Reign, was deposed by Parliament.  
This County (saith Dr. Fuller) did breed a Plaintiff and Defendant 
(a) Worthies, pag. 2. , which betwixt them (with many Altercations) traversed the longest Suit I ever read of in England; for a Sum t was commenced between the Heirs of Sir Thomas Talbot, Viscount Lisle, against the Heirs of the Lord Berkley, about certain Lands in the County; the Suit began in the end of the Reign of Edward IU. and was depending until King James the First's time, when it was compounded after the expiration of One hundred and forty Years.  
He finds that in the 17th Year of Queen Elizabeth's Reign, the 24th of February, at Tewksbury in this County, a miraculous thing happened after a Flood: In an Afternoon there came down the River Avon a great number of Flies and Beetles, such as in the Summer Evenings use to strike Men on the face, a Foot thick on the Water, so that in credible men's Judgements, there were within a pair of Butts length, about One hundred Quarters of those Flies; the Milis were quite damned up with them for the space of four days; they were cleansed, by digging them out with Shovels: from whence they came is yet unknown, but the day was cold, and an hard Frost.  
These are some few of the many Observables our Excise-Man makes in his pleasing Travels, and were it not for enlarging these Papers beyond their intended Limits, I could from him exhibit the particular Description, Government, Customs, Natural, as well as Artificial Rarities, of every particular Village; and therefore shall only add, that of consequence he must be the most competent Judge of making a Geographical Description of every Road, that instead of Miles, can tell you the very Steps; and the most exact Historiographer when nothing worthy of Remark can miss his Observation.  
He is— but Time denies to tell thee what,  
Sum all Perfections up, and he is that.    

CHAP. XVII.  
HAving somewhat largely insisted on the Excellency of our Excise-Man in relation to Domestic Travel, and his exact Knowledge of every particular Place in his own Country, it may not be amiss to subjoin a few Lines of that Vtile dulci, those Pleasures as well as Profits (which are supposed to be the Epitome of all humane Wishes) that indubitably attend him as a natural Consequent of the Premises.  
No sooner is our Excise-Man possessed with all things that can properly make him so, and Aurora's ruddy Cheeks produce the Childbirth of a day, but he anticipates Sols more resplendent Rays, by suing out a Writ of Divorce against the bewitching Charms of Death-resembling Morpheus, and is immediately caressed with all the Pleasures of a Country Life— 
No War disturbs his rest with fierce Alarms,  
No angry Seas offend,  
He shuns the Law, and those ambitious Charms  
Which great Men do attend.—   
This is the Life with which the World began, and has been ever held in an extraordinary Veneration; and has also been particularly observed to be more natural and familiar with Us, than with any other whatsoever: And were it possible to give it is prower Character, we ought to look on Calen and Hypoorates impertinent, and their A●●o●ts●● wholly unnecessary; Schola Salerni might have burned their gingling Distiches, since here we find them altogether useless: And if by chance a Symptom should appear, every Tree, Field or Hedge produces a Panpharmacon, that Remedium in omnes Morbos, which the more Simple Druggist's never can. Nay, 'tis Demonstration, that it is so in the opinion of the general part of Mankind, in regard that let their Avocations be ever so urgent, their Circumstances ever so ordinary, yet they will cert●●●●● attempt a short enjoyment of it, as their proper Asylum for renewing that health (which almost was arrived unto a desperation) by a much more lively Air.  

Justice here left her last Impression when  
She fled from the defiled Abodes of Men.   Ovid Metam. 
And as this Life extremely contributes towards that inestimable Gem, Health; so its excellency would further appear, if we had leisure to enlarge upon the several Topics, as their living in those unenvied Shades, and the only retirement from the crowd and noise of thronged Towns and Cities, (where nothing else is found but that which must be called confused) but I cannot omit the saying something of the Pleasures our Excise-Man daily meets with, in the fruition of such an happy Life.  
'Tis here (and only here) he meets those verdant shades that suffer (if not force) him to think of himself, where he not only misses every thing that can pretend to create an intermission of Thought without his Licence, but even finds incomparable Inducements and Assistants towards its performance: The sight of those pleasing Walks, the regularity of those ambitious Trees that screen us from the Sun's most violent and scorching stays, and (with Ovid's Giants) not only possess the Earth, but make a hold Attempt at Heaven.  
These charming Woods exiling Phoebus Rays,  
Where no rude Eawn, or wanton Sylvan plays;  
No Beast makes here his Den, no Wind can blow  
With all its force to hurt an hallowed Bough.  
Together with the hearing the bewitching, though natural Harmony of those flying Choristers of the Wood; I say, he that his Stars has (with our Excise-Man's) been so propitious to, as to enjoy these Felicities of our Earthly Paradise, and cannot glut his Five Senses, can never be allowed One, but a place in the lowest Form with the Unthinking Mob; but our Excise-Man even hugs himself into an improvement of those Qualifications he had so happily before.  
But as the too long enjoyment of the most charming Varieties palls our Appetite, which will quickly create our mean Opinion of them without a small Divorce; so our Officer, if he had the greatest inclinations to a longer possession of them to occasion this Surfeit, yet his Business even necessitates him to a more unconfined fruition of larger Varieties.  
He cannot advance himself, but he is instantly met with that general Gaol Delivery of all the vigorous Seeds and Flowers, lately in custody of the pinching Frost; the sight of whose bewitching hue, infallibly creates a Ravishment, a much too mean a word for such Enchantments; these are also attended with embroidered Fields and Meadows, paved with the beauteous Violet and Primrose, wherein he quickly views poor Strephon descant on the great Perfections of his too cruel Phillis.  

(I.)  
TELL me ye Heathen Deities above,  
Can there be greater than the God of Love?  
And oh! Commanding Cupid speak,  
Is there any that you prise,  
Like that in Celia's Eyes?  
Within whose Bosom lies the Milky Way,  
And in whose Smiles the Sunshine of the Day.   

(2.)  
Most Glorious Stamp of Humane Race,  
We yet can see  
Not one of them so Great as Thee;  
All Hail then mighty Princess: Now  
At the Altars of your Eyes,  
I bleed a Sacrifice,  
And were the Indies mine, I would submit  
Quickly to lay its Treasures at your Feet.   

(3.)  
See how the Ruby Roses,  
See how they upon your Cheek  
A fresh Ingrafture seek;  
See, see, how Gay they, Celia, look,  
And all things Serene appear,  
Only because you're here,  
And though bright Sol be present, I must say  
You are the Light and Splendour of the Day.   
'Tis here only he may perceive Bounteous Ceres in all her State and Glory, and Sail with Pleasure in a prodigious Sea of Corn, without the hazard of drowning, till its quality meets with a total Alteration. Here only we enjoy that Beatus Ille which Horace so much doted on, and all admire but those that never had it: Those crystal Fountains, stately Hills, embroidered Vales, and those muttering as well as struggling Rivulets, are certainly able to create a Total Eclipse upon the Dullest of Souls, and to entrance the meanest of Faculties into an unaccustomed Admiration: 
Whose Streams on purling Pebbles Murinure keep,  
Which may invite and summon Gentle Sleep;  
Where Waves call Waves, and glide along in Ranks,  
And prattle to the Water-edging Banks,  
And gives a Gentle Kiss to every Sedge  
She overtaketh in her Pilgrimage.   
These the Bustling Town would fain pretend to also by their Gardens and Rivers, which is no more than Aping the Country by a forced Hypochrisy; which makes no small Addition to the excellency of our Rural Enjoyments, and serves no more than a Foil, to make a greater Illustration of her Beauty.  
We might further insist on the many other Pleasures that attend a Country Life, as Hunting, Hawking, etc. but these being wholly out of the way of our Excise-Man, (to whom only we confine our Discourse) we shall wave it here, though cannot avoid the description our Poet gives of that part of it, which infallibly accompanies him.  
— The Country we behold  
Decked in her Parl'ment Robes, and richest Mould  
A Native Mint shines in each S.  
Behold the Earth made Paradise! Below  
A Constellation doth of Roses grow;  
Whole Clouds of Violet's wave, whose annual Spice  
Offers an Everlasting Sacrifice:  
Mantles of Pinks (like Rainbows) do display  
Their Beams, and Lilies make a Milky-way.  
See how th' adopted Boughs are thatched, whose Main  
By Phoebus Curling Irons are crisped again:  
And by the Cutwork which from thence it made,  
Checquers the Ground thr● Twilight of a Shade.   

CHAP. XVIII.  
AND as the Pleasures that attend this bewitching Life, are far above the mean Description of a Pen that is not capable of admiring enough, much less the describing; so the Profit, that is the infallible Result, aught at least to be somewhat regarded, and a little insisted on.  
Here is a Theme that requires a much more accurate Pen than mine, which as it never pretended, so owns itself wholly incapable, even so much as insinuating those Pleasures and Advantages that here daily court and follow him, but upon the same account one speaks of, upon his attempt of describing that, which would not (like our present Subject) admit of it.  
Staffs cannot go, and yet enable him  
That wants Assistance to his feeble Limb;  
Tho Whetstones cannot cut at all, they may  
Do service, and make Knives as sharp as they  
Themselves are blunt; And they who cannot Ring,  
By Jangling may Toll better Ringers in.  
I shall therefore only briefly subdivide the Profit that attends him into two Particulars, viz. First, That of the Person, in respect of Pecuniary Advantages: And secondly, That of the Mind, respecting the exercising it in the Art of Contemplation and Reflection, in both which you will find he exceeds the rest of Mankind.  
First, Our Excise-Man is the only Person that can possibly enjoy these Pleasures without Expense; for what others purchase at a dear Rate, he receives with Interest; for whereas they are necessitated to pay for their Pleasures, he is paid for them: And whereas the generality of Mankind, who have an extravagant fruition of them, are undone in their possession, you will certainly find him made; so that he thrives, when others decay; he is happy, when others are miserable; and Rich, where others receive a Beggary: So that he only can be properly said to enjoy them without an Interruption, or grating Dissatisfaction; or that which is much more intolerable, the being accountable for them in a Goal  
Secondly, The extraordinary Advantages he receives by Contemplation and Reflection, are not to be forgotten; the Profits of which need not here be enlarged on, since a Reverend and Learned 
* R. D. Occasional Reflections.  Author has exactly performed it: so I shall only say here, that he improves every Object, for he well knows that as Natura nihil ficit frustra, in relation to their inward qualities for the good of Mankind, so he also considers, that the least of them administers an improvement of the outward; for the most minute Object affords naturally such Reflections, as are also extraordinary advantageous to the improving the inward Faoulties of the Mind; He considers how scandalous, as well as mean it is, to contradict the very Intention of his Creation, which he undoubtedly does, that does not still persist in Knowledge, and daily advance those Qualifications Providence has been so favourable as to endow him with; for he that does not increase them, and passes his Life without improving them. aught certainly to have the rest of his Life taken from him. The World (says Dr. Browne) was made to be inhabited by Beasts, but studied and contemplated by Man: 'tis the Debt of our Reason we own to GOD: and the Homage we ought to pay for not being Beasts, without this, the World is still as though it had not been, or as it was before the Sixth Day, whereas yet there was not a Creature that could conceive, or say there was a World. The Wisdom of GOD receives small Honour from those Vulgar Heads that rudely stare about, and with a gross Rusticity admire his Works; those highly magnify Him, whose judicious enquiry into his Acts, and deliberate research into 'tis Creatures, return the Duty of a devout and learned Admiration: For the bare sense of Sight, makes no distinction between Us, and the irrational Brute; there being no outward Object, but what is as visible to those (if not more) than to the Rational; and 'tis the improving the Facul●i●● of the Soul, that aught to give us the discriminating Character or Men, which is hourly performed, and that (as any considerate Man will find upon trial) from the most slight and meanest occasions, and opportunities imaginable.  
Among the innumerable Reflections on these outward Objects, which he da●ly meets with, I shall ●●iefly in sinuate a few, that you may guests at the rest; not 〈◊〉, that you may conclude his Thoughts never to be idle, or the excellency of his Jedgme●t 〈◊〉 that is 〈◊〉 capable methodically to digest them; but that he does it too, and draws such natural Inferences and Conclusions from this Art of Occasional Reflection, which he infallibly finds both profitable and pleasure.  
He sees not a Swallow, but it ●●ts him in mind of ungratesul Persons, who (like that unacknowledging Birth) are of no use to us, but leave us, when they have served their own turn.  
He views not the Tulip, or Marygold, but he immediately has displayed a Flatterer in his thoughts; for as 'tis the natural quality of those Flowers to open and shut with the San, so it is with him, to follow its motions, and never attend it but when shining prosperously.  
A Mole he beholds not, without having a particular Eye to the Avaricious; neither can he look on the Circle in a Stream, that never ceaseth to enlarge itself, without a Reflection on the same effects of Ambition.  
He meets not the dispatching Post on his way, but he presently considers that his Life hastens with an equal (if not greater) Expedition, and therefore commands an Improvement of it: Neither doth he look on a Glow-worm, but he presently shapes in his Imagination a true Idea of the most formal Hypotrite, whom he concludes to appear with the same deluding Splendour.  
These are some few of the many Inferences he continually draws from those outward Objects that inevitably attend him, which we might enlarge on even to a Volume.  
But stay— His Worth exceeds our Poet's store,  
I can't commend till he deserves no more  
It far transcends all our Magnetic Praise,  
Who writes him well may well deserve the Bays.   

CHAP. XIX.  
BUT lest there should be any thing that is really charming in itself, or that which can be properly said to be capable of yielding any Pleasure below, which our Excise-Man does not enjoy in a very great degree; or lest the rough and tedious ways, and solitary course of living, should be said to extenuate the Pleasures he meets with in a Rural Life; or that this satisfaction should be somewhat palled by a continued enjoyment of them, and consequently that there should be any variety the Fates allow of, as agreeable to the active Inclinations of rational Mortals, that should not infallibly attend their Favourite, we shall lead him from his Country, to his ambulatory Enjoyments of the City.  
Our Excise-Man in his late Privacy cannot lie long concealed; for what by his obliging Behaviour, and extraordinary Qualifications, hourly demonstrated in these his Country Retirements, with a due observation of those Obligations he lay under, by an exact performance. of the Trust reposed in him, he is taken notice of above, and admired below, which produces an immediate Resolution of his being no longer hid in Woods and Fields, but to be a more public Pattern (I must not say less, and cannot more) for the rest of Mankind.  
And here I might particularise the several Pleasures and Advantages that inevitably attend him in it, as improving the Understanding by the Company of ●earned Men, etc. And though as 〈◊〉 just now insta●e'd, the Advantages of Contemptation: and Reading (which follow a Country Life) are extraordinary, yet this is the certain place for exercising it; the ●●st being but the Theoric, and this the Practic Part: for Conversation (which is chief found in a City Life) exhibits growth and perfection to that Understanding which was but dunged in the Country. It might be further affirmed, That here only is sound that 〈…〉 of Language, which qualifies a Person for the greatest of Employments and Addressee, and that (as some are so unkind to justify) they live in the Country not only Unknown, but Unknowing too: Action (as I said before) being the chiefest part of Knowledge, and that is no where to be demonstrated more that in the City; which he will also find to be the chiefest, if not the only place where a Porson can infullildy meet Preferment and Honour 〈◊〉 for the obscurity of a Rural Life, produces a very great presumption of a Neaples Vltra, if happily he can keep himself there● And 'tis most certain that there are many extraordinary Qualifications lie ●usting and dormant in the Country, which might find (as well as give) great Advantages to the Government they live under, if they embraced a more public Character by a city Life.  
But my natural Humour and Inclination command me net to proceed, which admires only a Retirement, and abominates all things that look like Confusion; and lest the Reciting should wheedle me into another extravagant Ecstasy and Admiration, I shall for bear enlarging any more in●t, and give it leave only to insinuate, That although those advantageous Pleasures may merit and entrance our Affection, yet 
* Dr. Burnet's Travels. p. 188.  when one arises from a great Meal, no Delicacies, now much soever they may tempt him at another time, can provoke his appetite; so freely confess, that the late sight and remembrance of Rural Enjoyments, have so whetted my Defites, that I cannot digest the admiring or describing any other, without Regret and Surfeit. And indeed they have been so extravagantly intrancing, that though the Diversions the City affords, might at some other time be tolerably captivating in my opinion, yet upon this Hint, I cannot allow them the least room or entertainment; which Suggestion obliges me to an Apology, and to atone for the Injury done my Inclinations, but especially to the Country, by contradicting the first, and by offering so much to the prejudice of the last; for the intolerable Presumption that there should be any Life that could be admitted in Competition with it: And supposing no greater Satisfaction can be given her, (the former having been mentally performed) I shall conclude with her Excellency in the words of the Poet: 
Nature does only here in Triumph vide,  
And makes this place the ground of all her Pride,  
Where every Tree a fruitful Issue hears  
Of each Variety that Mortals cheers:  
And all the Shrubs with sparkling Spangles show  
Like Morning Sunshine tinsilling the Dew;  
Here in green Meadows sits Eternal May,  
Pursling the Margins with perpetual Day;  
And that so double-guiled, as that no Night  
Can ever Rust th●enamel of the Light;  
The sportive Shepherds of rich Flocks rehearse,  
And to their pleasant Pipes chant Rural Verse,  
Seeking his angry Godhead to appease,  
Whom only wealthy Flocks and Herds can please:  
Here chequered Flowers in the Meadows spring,  
And here the Birds their untaught Notes do sing  
With Glory here, Flora the Earth arrays  
With Violets she embroiders all the Ways.    

CHAP. XX.  
I Descend to the next Particular intended to be mentioned in relation to the Excellency of our Excise-Man's Office, which is, that it even necessitates him, or (if you'll have it so) commands him to be diligent, and consequently he is absolutely delivered from (that Devil's Cushion, and Banc of Mankind) Idleness, whether he will or no; for though Necessity makes the Old Wife Trot, it will make him Gallop for the exact performance of that Duty he is so well rewarded for, by lying under a● obligation of being good; for while our imagination's are exercised by a continual Var●●, of differing Objects, they are entertained with that which is at least very near it, if not excellent: so that this banishment of Idleness, delivers them from all the beginnings, as well as steps and degrees, of that which may be termed bad; for it is generally observed, that there is often but very little space of time between doing of nothing, and doing of ill.  
And here I shall not impertinently enlarge, by the robbing of Poet; of Sentences, for the exposing of this Vice, as that of Pho●ylides: 

〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉   

Of all Mankind 'tis the Belief,  
That every I dle Man's a Thief.    
Or that of Hesiod: 

〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.   

— 'Twas ever said,  
The Idle Man deserves not Bread.    
With many others that might be easily instanded; but shall only here observe, that it was held so notoriously scandalous by the Ancients, that we find in Justin 
* Lib 32. , that the Dacians, as an eternal Stamp of Infamy, were necessitated by a Law of Oler their King, to expiate their Sloth, by laying their Feet where they should rest their Heads; and to perform those Offices and Services to their Wives, which their Wives were accustomed to do to them. He knows that Erasmus in his Adages, calls a Slothful Man, Mulieris Podex: What a shame than is it to be worse than Animal Irrationale! Nihil est sordidius (saith Antoninus Pius) nihil cruddius quam si Rempublicam two arrodunt, qui nshil in eam suo labore conserunt.  
Again, Charity has been ever esteemed the Principal of Virtues, both by Ethnics and Theologists; and though the Church of Rome, through the extremity of her Blindness, pretend; to engross that Heaven-engaging Virtue to herself, yet if her Inducements, by Merit, be considered, our Excise-Man's and Hers, will not any way admit of a Competition, since we find his Principles are founded on the true Notion and Ends of Charity, by his spontancous Contributions: So that although he has not, with Her, erected Colleges, and other Pompous Structures, whose Grandeur outvies the most eminent Pieces of Architecture in the Universe; yet his Asylum for the Afflicted, his Competency for the Distressed, and his Relief for the Aged, who any way deserved it in their Vigour, are to all conspicuous, and will reinain as Trophies to their Honour: 
Whilst the Celestial Orbs in Order roll,  
And turn their Flames about the steadfast Pole.   
But lastly, If we consider Man in his Complex, in his best and worst Sense, and take him in his Youth or Age, he will not merit Estimation; for it matters not whether the Eyes of Reason were never opened, or whether they have been and are closed, since they cannot see; and it's evident that is of no validity, if the Chin be white, whether it be with, or without Hair; since the Madness and Folly of 16, and the Dotage and Distempers of 60 are equivalent. Man we own to be that rational Commander of all Terrestrials, that Universal Monarch, who almost annihilates those Individuals with a Glance, who therefore cringe, and most spontaneously obey; Man is not denid to be that Spark of Heaven, that mortal Angel, that commands a Dread upon appearance, yet must it be allowed that this only is a Dept to him that boldly justifies himself to be so, and therefore, though he is a glorious Qrb, yet lies he under an Eclipse in Youth and Age, in which he ever must conceal his Glory.  
If then Mankind contains the Excellencies of the whole Universe in Epitome, it must consequently exhibit an amazing Excellency to the Excise, that receives only the most excellent part of Him, by rejecting the Impertinencies of Nonage, as useless Animals fit only for the Cradle, by admitting none but the robust and sensible, and by excluding that weak and decrepit Clas, who only claim the privilege of being troublesome.  
But had I Virgil's Verse, or Tully's Tongue,  
Or raping Numbers like the Thracian's Song,  
I have a Theme would make the Rocks to dance,  
And surly Beasts that through the Deserts prance,  
High from their Caves, and every gloomy Den,  
To wonder at the Excellence of Men.   

CHAP. XXI.  
THus have you had a brief and lame Account of the Excellencies of our Excise-Man in the knowledge of the Arts, Men and Laws; together with the many Advantages, as well as Pleasures, that naturally result from that Employment, and consequently are inseparable Attendants on Him; I must now crave leave to subjoin some sew Queries, and shall make no other Apology, then  
— Non seri● semper.  

Quest. 1. Whether he ought not to be supposed a great Scholar, since he is continually poring on his Book?  
Quest. 2. Whether there is not some Assinity between him and Diogenes, since they equally affect the Tub?  
Quest. 3. Whether he understands not Art Notoria, since he brings all things to a Circle?  
Quest. 4. Whether he is not a great Admirer of the Old Philosophy, since he utterly abominates a Vacuum?  
Quest. 5. Whether he must not be a very grave Person, that affects Solidity?  
Quest. 6. Whether he must not be a prosound Man, that takes the depth of every thing?  
Quest. 7. Whether he must not be extremely happy, that so well knows that which is called Content?  
Quest. 8. Whether our Excise-Man is not an extraordinary honest Man, since he does all things upon the Square?  
Quest. 9 Whether he can be said to be extravagant, that ever walks within Compass?  
Quest. 10. Whether he ought not to be thought an excellent Astronomer, since he so often consults the Stars?  
Quest. 11. Whether he can Err, that ever walks by Rule?  
Quest. 12. Whether he ought not to be reckoned well-skilled in Geography, that instead of Miles, can tell you the very Steps?  
Quest. 13. Whether if in Luto there's Pluto, he ought not to be supposed very Rich, since he is continually searching the bottom of it?  
Quest. 14. Whether he is not excellently skilled in Music, since he so well understands the Base?  
Quest. 15. Whether he can do any thing amiss, since he does all things by Warrant?  
Quest. 16. Whether he affects not the Clergy, since he infallibly allows a Tenth?  
Quest. 17. Whether he is not a good Philosopher, since he must be an allowed Peripatetic?  
Quest. 18. Whether he can be banished, that is never at home?  
Quest. 19 Whether he can want, that has Victuallers enough?  
Quest. 20. Whether he can be thought Idle, that is always in Motion?  
Quest. 21. Whether he can be an ordinary Man, that is a Man of Figure?  
Quest. 22. Whether he ought not to be highly esteemed, since he is a Man of great Account?  
Quest. 23. Whether he is not a qualified Poet, that is so excellently versed in Measures?  
Quest. 24. Whether if a Mean be the most desirable in all our Actions, he is not extremely qualified, that is conversant therein continually?   
Thus in jocose and serious Terms we find  
Th' Excise-Man far transcends all human kind;  
For he that every charming Science knows,  
Can never the triumphant Garland lose.   

CHAP. XXII.  
I Have now finished my intended Essay on the Excellency of our Excise-Man, and although it be far short of what might have been done in more time, and by a better Pen, and consequently an Apology might be here expected both by himself, as well as the Reader, (the former for performing it no better, and the latter for attempting it a● all;) yet I shall only tell the first, that although my time would not suffer me to discover more, nor my Ability all, yet I have delivered some of his Perfections; which if true, than I must inform the last, that it was a Law among the Parthians, that whenever a Notorious Malefactor was brought on the Stage, a severe Scrutiny was made into the Actions of his whole Life; and if, upon the total, the number of his good Deeds exceeded those of his ill, he was ipso facto quitted: If therefore this demands a Pardon, I shall not endeavour an additional Trial of the Reader's Patience, but only subjoin some few Lines, relating to our Excise-Man's Demeanour under the greatest of his Afflictions, I mean when his unhappiness has arrived to that Extremity, as the receiving his Discharge, and that under a double Notion, viz. when he is.  
1. Guilty. 2. Innocent.  
In relation to the first I shall only say, that he is extremely sersible of his Miscarriages, and his innate Modesty is so extravagantly prevalent, that he immediately chalks out a new (though honest) way of subsisting, not having the Brow to make his appearance for, and consequently dares not attempt, a re-establishment.  
But secondly, Our Excise-Man (as is prerecited) boasts of an Accomplishment, which he ever highly esteems, and is this, That no Misfortune can be a Sorprize: He knows that Tottering Goddess (who glories chiefly in her Fickleness) delights in nothing but Vicisatudes; he has read the Poets, who assure him, that She is the Rectress of all our Actions, and Arbitress of all sublunary Affairs, and is therefore in a continual preparation for Her Motion; for since Diadems themselves find no duration, but are frequently attended with variety of Mutations, he cannot expect an Exemption; for our Life is compared to a Game at Dice, where we ought to throw for what is most commodious for us, but to be content with our Casts, let them be never so unfortunate; we cannot make what Chances we please turn up, if we play fair, this lies out of out power: that which is within it, is to accept patiently what Providence shall allot us, and so to adjust things in their proper places, that what is our own, may be disposed of to the best advantage; and what hath happened against our Will, may never give occasion of offence to us: Nay, he is satisfied it frequently proves most advantageous to him; for although Innocence may be attacked, yet can it never be vanquished. He knows the Cypress the more weight is imposed on it, the more it grows, and flourishes by being depress'd● and the fragrant Camomile retitlers a great increase of her bewitching Odours, by being trod and trampled on. Examples amongst the Ancients he finds to be numerous: Thus the banishmort of Diogenes was the occasion of his being a Philosopher; and when Zeno heard that the only Ship he had left, was sunk by an unmerciful Tempest, with all the rich Cargo that was in her, he broke out into this Exclamation, Fortune! I applaud thy Comrivance, who by this means hast reduced me to a Threadbare Cloak, and to walk in the Piazza of the Stoics. He knows our Bodies are compounded of those Materials which command a daily Revolution, and we should never know the real and intrinsic value of that first and choicest of Blessings, Light, did it not sometimes meet with a Cessation, and continually attended with a subsequent Darkness. If these Alterations than are daily represented to us, they are therefore become familiar, and consequently cannot admit of a Surprise but to the Vulgar, who are not qualified with any Perception but what is instantly ocular: How then can it be rational to admire, if that melts, whose Nature is Liquefaction? if that burns, which is combustible? if watery Humidities conglaciate? if the determination of Quicksilver is Fixation? that of Milk, Coagulation? and that of Oil, or all unctuous Bodies, Incrassation? And so by a parity of Reason, if that perisheth, whose Law of Constitution was to be made, that it might be attended with Contingencies; nothing therefore can seize him that can contradict his expectations, nay, they are never frustrated but when they meet him not. Theseus in Euripides seems to be excellently well prepared for Events: 
This wholesome Precept from the Wise I learn,  
To think of Misery without Concern:  
My meditating Thoughts are always spent  
Either on Death, or else on Banishment.  
Foresight of Evils doth employ my Mind,  
That me without Defence they may not find;  
And though in Ambuscade the mischief lies,  
Kill me it may, but shall me not surprise.   
To prosecute this a little farther: It's plain, Industrious Nature instructs us, and inculcates this fixed and steady preparation, and that from the most minute Objects imaginable; the very Trees, Plants and Vegetables evidently demonstrate this wheeling Instability; since its visible that not any of their Leaves remain, but in Autumn lose their Verdure, and are swept away by every Blast of Boreas: Thus their Sap retires, which immediately commands a deadness, and dejected nakedness in the most glorious of their Limbs; which by the Approach and sweet Caresses of the Spring, are attended with all their pristine life and splendour: And we yearly see the embroidered Summer, that exhibits those bewitching Pleasures which appear so grateful to Humane Race, to be continually succeeded by the Snowy Peruque, and the most dismal Concomitants of a melancholy and barren Winter.  
These Accidents then being inevitable and universal, our Excise-Man's Resolutions are irrevocably sedate and ready; and consequently to him they never can prove unexpected or novel: He is extremely sensible of the mutability of all Terrestrials, and joins with Euripides, when he tells us, 
From small Beginnings our Misfortunes grow,  
And little Rubs our Feet do overthrow;  
A Smile is quickly changed into a Frown,  
Low things go up, and lofty things go down.   
The natural Consequent of the Premises our Excise-Man knows to be, that they shall not therefore in the least deject him, since conscious thoughts can never attack him, nor possesses he a tainted Breast: Innocence is the noblest Remedy, and the greatest comfort in, and infallible Cure of our innumerable Afflictions; and though his Fortunes may (nay must) be chequered, yet his Life and Actions are all white and innocent, which therefore create a boldness not any way to be extenuated. He fronts the Perfecution with an undaunted and unalterable Brow, and smiles at the severest Censures of the Malevolent; this is it that buoys him up in the most impetuous Tempest, and makes the Castle of his Breast to be ever inexpugnable: He knows these Changes to be naturally incident, and therefore as he is in a continual expectation of them, so does he unchangeably receive them, and remembers that none but the unthinking Crew can be hereby east down, and none but Fools repine. Thus Pindar: 
The Gods unequal have us Mortals vexed,  
For to one Good, two Evils are annexed:  
They pay a single Joy, with double Care,  
And Fools such Dispensations cannot bear.   
If then these Revolutions must of Necessity attend him, he concludes too they must of Necessity be born with: He knows it then to be a most excessive weakness, to lie impatiently concerned under a Load that is not (nor was not) any way to be avoided; and therefore submissively receives them without an alteration, and consequently adheres to Plutarch: 
If Fortune prove extravagantly kind,  
Above its Temper do not raise thy Mind;  
If She disclaims thee like a jilting Dame,  
Be not dejected but be still the James;  
Like Gold unchanged amidst the hottest flame   
Our Excise-Man's being thus prepared for all imaginable Events, produces also this consequential Inference, That he is not poor or miserable. He foresaw the Happiness was not to be durable, and did therefore prepare for its departure. He embraced the Critical Minute so, as to survive when it vanished. He concludes that that Person must be very stupid, that while Fortune smiles lays not up a Reserve (since it is as much virtue to hear a good Fortune as an ill) for its Reverse; and to be now in want, is a demonstrative Argument of his want of Sense before; so that to be out at Heels at last, was to be out of his Wits at first; since he is thereby become miserable, and consequently the subject only of disdain and scorn: For it's daily visible, that Poverty creates a separation of the greatest Acquaintance, and the total destruction of the most cemented Intimates; for he that a month before wanted to know your Commands, utterly shuns you now, as if that Corpse must be infected with the Plague, that is accompanied with Rags; and you may as well go naked, as to have Breeches, and nothing in them: 'tis in this only the Friendship of the Age consists. And this he is assured of, that if once he is thus reduced, not one (nay not one of those on whom he has heaped the utmost of his Favours) will be seen with him, or speak in his Vind cation: so it seems, that he that is poor, must be consequently bad, and guilty of all the intolerable Enormities imaginable. If you are once bruised, you must heal yourself; and your Groans will be drowned with their transporting Acclamations. If you are shipwrecked by a storm of Tears, you may have your own Sighs to blow you right again. If you are once levelled with the ground, you must raise yourself, or lie there, and be trampled on; so that if once the Destinies do triumph over us, not any Mortal fails. If once our Stage of Life proves Tragical, we shall never change the Scene by the assistance of any adjacent Actor, or Spectator, but be miscrable to the latest Epilogue; and only thereby become the fittest Object for that poor comfort of Calamity, Pity. But I have sufficiently dilated on this Topick in the preceding Discourse, and already largely showed you our Excise-Man's Sentiments herein, so I shall here wave its further prosecution.  
The conclusive Deduction is, That our Excise-Man is not abusive to those who even occasioned his most  Discharge; nor has he hard thoughts of those Gentlemen who thereupon performed it: Respecting the former, he knows, that though they have done him an Injury far beyond any Reparation, a Prejudice above the reach of Satisfaction, and a Wrong which could not be supported with Patience by any but himself, and no one's Charity but his could pardon; yet his unspotted and unstained Innocence fortifies, and is the universal Arsenal which infallibly provides him with the most powerful Arms to hinder his being vanquished. He smiles at the petty Intrigues of these Diminutives, who therefore dread his Presence, which creates a Sweat beyond a Bagnio, and whose Knees are mutual Anvils, that beat a Desperation, whilst be triumphantly sits unsullied like the Lily, and thus enthroned, reigas in untainted Innocence.  
In relation to the latter, he concludes, That as no compacted Dust can be infallible, so the most towering parts and knowing Mortal, have not escaped an Imposition from the subtle, though abominable Artifices of those who no way merit the Character of Men; and since their Intentions are always guided by the striclest Rules of Probity and Justice, he therefore cannot censure the result, though it is not immediately attended with the real Consequent of it. Besides, he sees them frequently detected, and consequently a small space of time will produce its desired Effects, and himself therefore reestablished. In the mean time his Behaviour is ever modestly submissive, and with a sedate Contentment waits a suitable Retaliation of his most inoffensive Behaviour, and survives, in hope of its being crowned with an agreeable success. And indeed it is the only happiness of him that is deprived of all other; for Hope is the greatest Antidote against Despair, and the infallible Cordial against all impending Miseries; and although it be exceedingly deceitful, yet it is of this good use to us, that while we are travelling through this life, it conducts us an casier and more pleasant way to our Journeys END.   
FINIS.