THE MEMOIRES OF Monsieur Du Vall: CONTAINING THE HISTORY OF HIS LIFE and DEATH Whereunto are Annexed His last Speech and Epitaph.  
— Si quis  
Opprobriis dignos latraverit, integer ipse,  
Solventur risu tabulae.—  Horat. 
LONDON, Printed for Henry Brome, at the Gun near the West-End of St. Paul's, 1670.   

THE LIFE and DEATH OF Claude Du Vall.  
Claude Du Vall was born Anno 1643. at Domfront in Normandy, a place very Famous for the Excellency and Healthfulness of the Air, and for the Production of Mercurial Wits: at the time of his Birth (as we have since found by Rectification of his Nativity by Accidents) there was a Conjunction of Venus and Mercury, certain Presages of very good Fortune, but of a short Continuance. His Father was Pierre Du Vall a Miller, his Mother Marguerite de la Roche a Tailor's Daughter. I hear no hurt of his Parents, they lived in as much Reputation and Honesty, as their Conditions and Occupations would permit.  
There are some that confidently aver he was born in Smock-Ally without Bishopsgate; that his Father was a Cook, and sold boiled Beef and Pottage: But this report is as false as it is defamatory and malicious; and 'tis easy to disprove it several ways: I will only urge one Demonstrative Argument against it. If he had been born there he had been no Frenchman, but if he had not been a Frenchman, 'tis absolutely impossible he should have been so much beloved in his Life, and lamented at his Death by the English Ladies.  
His Father and Mother had not been long married, when Marguerite longed for Pudding and Mince Pie, which the good Man was fain to beg for her at an English Merchants in Roven: which was a certain sign of his inclination to England. They were very merry at his Christening, and his Father without any grumbling paid also then the Fees for his Burial▪ which is an extraordinary Custom at Domfront, not exercised any where else in all France, and of which I count myself obliged to give the Reader a particular Account.  
In the days of Charles the ninth of that name, the Curate of Domfront (for so the French name him whom we call Parson and Vicar) out of his own head began a strange Innovation and Oppression in that Parish; that is, he absolutely denied to baptise any of their Children, if they would not at the same time pay him also the Funeral Fees; and, what was worse, he would give them no reason for this alteration, but only promised to enter Bond for himself and his Successors, that hereafter all persons paying so at their Christening, should be buried gratis: What think ye the poor people did in this case? they did not pull his Surplice over his Ears, nor tear his Mass-Book, nor throw Crickets at his head; no, they humbly desired him to alter his Resolution, and amicably reasoned it with him; but he being a capricious fellow gave them no other answer, but, What I have done, I have done: take your Remedy where you can find it, 'tis not for men of my Coat to give an Account of my Actions to the Laity. Which was a surly and quarrelsome Answer, and unbefitting a Priest. Yet this did not provoke his Parishioners to speak one ill word against his Person or Function, or to do any illegal Act. They only took the regular way of complaining of him to his Ordinary, the Archbishop of Roven. Upon Summons he appears, the Archbishop takes him up roundly, tells him he deserves deprivation, if that can be proved which is objected against him, and asks him, What he has to say for himself? After his due reverence, he answers, that he acknowledges the Fact, to save the time of examining Witnesses, but desires his Grace to hear his Reasons, and then do unto him as he shall see cause. I have been, says he, Curate of this Parish these seven years, in that time I have one year with another baptised a hundred Children, and buried not one. At first I rejoiced at my good Fortune to be placed in so good an air: But looking into the Register Book I found for a hundred years back near the same Number yearly baptised, and not one above five year old buried. And, which did more amaze me, I find the number of the Communicants to be no greater now than they were then: this seemed to me a great mystery, but upon further inquiry I found out the true cause of it, for all that are born at Domfront were hanged at Roven. I did this to keep my Parishioners from hanging, encouraging them to die at home, the burial duties being already paid.  
The Archbishop demanded of the Parishioners, Whether this was true or not? they answered, that too many of them came to that unlucky end at Roven. Well then, said he, I approve of what the Curate has done, and will cause my Secretary in perpetuam Rei Memoriam to make an Act of it; which Act the Curate carried home with him, and the Parish cheerfully submitted to it, and have found much good by it; for within less than twenty years there died fifteen of natural Deaths, and now there die three or four yearly.  
But to return to Du Vall, 'twill not I hope be expected that I should in a true History, play the Romancer, and describe all his Actions from his Cradle to his Saddle, telling what childish Sports he was best at, and who were his play-fellows; that were enough to make the Truth of the whole Narration suspected, only one important Accident I ought not to omit.  
An old Friar, counted very expert in Physiognomy and Judicial Astrology, came on a time to see Pierre du Vall and his Wife, who had then by extraordinary good Fortune some Norman Wine, that is, Cider in their house, of which they were very liberal to this old Friar, whom they made heartily welcome, thinking nothing too good for him.  
For those silly people, who know no better, count it a great honour and favour, when any Religious Person, as a Priest or Friar are pleased to give them a visit, and to eat and drink with them. As these three were sitting by the fire, and chirping over their Cups, in comes Claude, and broke the Friar's Draught, who fixed his eyes attentively upon him, without speaking one word for the space of half an hour, to the amazement of Claude's Parents, who seeing the Friar neither speak nor drink, imagined he was sick, and courteously asked him, Brother, what ails you? are you not well? why do you so look upon our Son? The Friar having roused himself out of his Ecstasy, Is that Stripling, says he, your Son? to which after they had replied, Yes: Come hither Boy, quoth he, and looking upon his head, he perceived he had two: Crowns, a certain sign that he should be a Traveller TWO This Child, says he, will be a Traveller, and he shanever during his life, be long without money; and wherever he goes, he will be in extraordinary favour with Women of the highest Condition. Now from this Story, the certainty of Physiognomy and Judicial Astrology is evidently proved, so that from henceforward, whoever shall presume to deny it, ought not to be esteemed a person in his right Wits.  
Pierre and Marguerite looked upon the Friar as an Oracle, and mightily rejoiced at their Son's Fortune; but it could not enter into their imagination, how this should come to pass, having nothing to leave him as a Foundation to build so great a Structure upon.  
The Boy grew up, and spoke the Language of the Country fluently, which is, Lawyers French; and which (if I should not offend the Ladies in comparing our Language with theirs) is as much inferior to that at Paris, as Devonshire or Somersetshire English to that spoken at white-hall.  
I speak not this to disgrace him, for could he have spoke never so good French, it is not in such high esteem there as it is here; and it very rarely happens that, upon that account alone, any great man's Daughter runs away with a Lackey.  
When he was about thirteen or fourteen years old, his Friends mustered their forces together to set him up in the World, they bought him shoes and stockings, for (according to the laudable Custom of that Country of inuring their Youth to hardship) till than he had never worn any; they also bought him a Suit of the Brokers, gave him their Blessing, and twenty Sous in his Pocket, and threw an old shoe after him, and bid him go seek his fortune: This throwing of an old shoe after him was looked upon as a great piece of Prodigality in Normandy, where they are so considerable a Merchandise; the Citizen's Wives of the best Quality wearing old shoes chalked; whence, I suppose, our Custom of wearing white shoes derives its Original.  
His Friends advised him to go to Paris, assuring him he would not fail of a Condition there if any could be had in the World; for so the French call Paris. He goes to Roven, and fortunately meets with Post-horses which were to be returned, one of which he was proffered to ride gratis, only upon promise to help to dress them at night: And, which was yet more fortunate, he meets several young English Gentlemen with their Governors going to Paris, to learn their Exercises to fit them to go a wooing at their return home, who were infinitely ambitious of his Company, not doubting but in those two day's travels, they should pump many considerable things out of him, both as to the Language and Customs of France; and upon that account they did very willingly defray his Charges.  
They arrive at Paris, and light in the Fauxbourg St. german, the Quarter wherein generally the English lodge, near whom also our Duke Vall did earnestly desire to plant himself. Not long after by the intercession of some of the English Gentlemen (for in this time he had endeared himself to them) he was admitted to run on errants, and do the meanest Offices at the St. Esprit in the Rue de bouchery: A house in those days betwixt a Tavern, and an Alehouse, a Cooks-shop and a Bawdy-house; and, upon some of those accounts much frequented by the English his Patrons. In this condition he lived unblamably during some time, unless you esteem it a fault to be scabby, and a little given to filching, qualities very frequent in persons of his Nation and condition.  
The Restauration of his Majesty, which was in 1660. brought multitudes of all Nations into England, to be spectators of our jubilee; but more particularly it drained Paris of all the English there, as being most concerned in so great a happiness: One of them, a person of Quality, entertained Du Vall as his Servant, and brought him over with him.  
What fortunes he ran through afterwards, is known to every one, and how good a proficient he was in the laudable qualities of Gaming and making Love. But one Vice he had which I cannot pardon him, because 'tis not of the French growth, but Northern and ungenteele, I mean, that of drinking; for that very night he was surprised, he was overtaken.  
By these Courses (for I dare not call them Vices▪) he soon fell into want of Money to maintain his Port; That, and his Stars, but chiefly his own Valour, inclined him to take the Generous way of Padding; in which he quickly became so famous, that in a Proclamation, for the taking several notorious Highwaymen, he had the honour to be named first.  
This is the place where I should set down several of his Exploits, but I omit them, both as being well known, and because I cannot find in them more ingenuity than was practised before by Hind and Hannum, and several other mere English Thiefs.  
Yet, to do him right, one Story there is that savours of Gallantry, and I should not be an honest Historian if I should conceal it.  
He, with his Squadron, overtakes a Coach which they had set over night, having intelligence of a booty of Four Hundred Pounds in it: In the Coach was a Knight, his Lady, and only one serving Maid, who perceiving five Horsemen making up to them, presently imagined that they were beset, and they were confirmed in this apprehension, by seeing them whisper to one another, and ride backwards and forwards: The Lady, to show she was not afraid, takes a Flageolet out of her pocket and plays; Du Vall takes the hint, plays also, and excellently well; upon a Flageolet of his own, and in this posture he rides up to the Coach side. Sir, says he, to the person in the Coach, your Lady plays excellently, and I doubt not but that she Dances as well; will you please to walk out of the Coach, and let me have the honour to Dance one Corant with her upon the Heath? Sir, said the person in the Coach, I dare not deny any thing to one of your Quality and good Mine; you seem a Gentleman, and your request is very reasonable: Which said, the Lackey opens the Boot, out comes the Knight, Du Vall leaps lightly off his Horse, and hands the Lady out of the Coach. They Danced, and here it was that Duke Vall performed marvels; the best Master in London, except those that are French not being able to show such footing as he did in his great, riding French Boots. The Dancing being over, he waits on the Lady to her Coach; as the Knight was going in, says Du Vall to him, Sir, You have forgot to pay the Music: No, I have not, replies the Knight, and putting his hand under the seat of the Coach, pulls out a Hundred pounds in a bag, and delivers it to him: Which Du Vall took with a very good grace, and courteously answered, Sir, You are liberal, and shall have no cause to repent your being so; this liberality of yours shall excuse you the other Three Hundred Pounds; and giving him the word, that, if he met with any more of the Crew, he might pass undisturbed, he civilly takes his leave of him.  
This Story, I confess, justifies the great kindness the Ladies had for Du Vall; for in this, as in an Epitome, are contained all things that set off a man advantageously, and make him appear, as the phrase is, much a Gentleman. First, here was Valour, that he and but four more durst assault a Knight, a Lady, a waiting Gentlewoman, a Lackey, a Groom that rid by to open the Gates, and the Coachman, they being Six to Five, odds at Foot ball; and besides Du Vall had much the worse cause, and reason to believe, that whoever should arrive, would range themselves on the Enemy's party. Then he showed his Invention and Sagacity that he could sur le Champ, and without studying, make that advantage of the Ladies playing on the Flageoler. He evidenced his Skill in Instrumental Music, by playing on his Flageolet; in Vocal by his Singing; for, (as I should have told you before) there being no Violins, Du Vall sung the Corant himself. He manifested his Agility of Body, by lightly dismounting off his Horse, and with ease and freedom getting up again, when he took his leave, his excellent Deportment by his incomparable Dancing, and his graceful manner of taking the Hundred Pound; his Generosity in taking no more, his Wit and Eloquence, and readiness at Repartees, in the whole Discourse with the Knight and Lady, the greatest part of which I have been forced to omit.  
And here (could I dispense with truth and impartiality, necessary Ingredients of a good History) I could come off with flying Colours, leave Du Vall in the Lady's Bosoms, and not put myself out of a possibility of ever being in favour with any of them.  
But I must tell the story of the Sucking-Bottle; which, if it seem to his disadvantage, set that other against it which I come from relating. The adventure of the Sucking-Bottle was as follows.  
It happened another time, as Du Vall was upon his Vocation of Robbing, on Black-Heath, he meets with a Coach richly fraught with Ladies of Quality, and with one Child who had a Silver Sucking-Bottle; He robs them rudely, takes away their Money, Watches, Rings, and even the little Child's Sucking-Bottle: Nor would, upon the Child's tears, nor the Lady's earnest intercession, be wrought upon to restore it; till at last one of his Companions (whose Name I wish I could put down here, that he may find friends when he shall stand in need of them) a good natured person (for the French are strangers both to the name and thing) forced him to deliver it. I shall make no reflections upon this story, both because I do not design to render him odious, or make this Pamphlet more prolix.  
The noise of the Proclamation, and the Rewards promised to those who should take any therein named, made Du Vall retire to France. At Paris he lives highly, makes great boastings of the success of his Arms and Amours in England, proudly bragging, He could never encounter with any of either Sex that could resist him. He had not been long in France, but he had a fit of his old disease, Want of Money, which he found to be much augmented by the thin air of France; and therefore by the advice of his Physicians, lest the disease should seize upon his Vitals, and make him lie by it, he resolves to transport himself into England; which accordingly he did: For, in truth, the air of France is not good for persons of his constitution, it being the custom there to Travel in great Companies well Armed, and with little Money; the danger of being resisted, and the danger of being Taken is much greater there; and the Quarry much lesser than in England; For if by chance a Dapper Fellow with fine black Eyes, and a white Peruke, be taken there, and found guilty of Robbing, all the Women in the Town don't presently take the Alarm, and run to the King to beg his life.  
To England he comes, but alas! his Reign proves but short; for, within few months after his return, before he had done any thing of great glory, or advantage to himself, he fell into the Hands of Justice, being taken Drunk at the Hole in the Wall in Chandois-street: And well it was for the Bailie, and his men, that he was Drunk, otherwise they had tasted of his prowess; for he had in his pocket three Pistols, one whereof would shoot twice, and by his side an excellent Sword, which managed by such a hand and heart, must without doubt have done wonders. Nay, I have heard it attested by those that knew how good a Marksman he was, and his excellent way of Fencing, that had he been Sober 'twas impossible he could have killed less than ten. They farther add, upon their own knowledge, he would have been cut as small as herbs for the Pot, before he would have yielded to the Bailie of Westminster; that is to say, he would have died in the place, had not some Great person been sent to him to whom he might with Honour have delivered his Sword and himself. But taken he was, and that too a bon March, without the expense of blood or Treasure, committed to Newgate, Arraigned, Convicted, Condemned, and on Friday jan. 21. Executed at Tyburn in the 27th. year of his Age, (which number is made up of three times nine) and left behind him a sad instance of the irresistible influence of the Stars, and the fatality of Climacterical years.  
There were a great Company of Ladies, and those not of the meanest Degree, that visited him in Prison, interceded for his Pardon, and accompanied him to the Gallows; a Catalogue of whose Names I have by me, nay, even of those who when they visited him, durst not pull off their Vizours for fear of showing their Eyes swollen, and their Cheeks blubbered with Tears.  
When I first put Pen to Paper, I was in great indignation, and fully resolved, nay, and I think I swore, that I would Print this Muster-roll. But upon second Thoughts, and calmer Considerations, I have altered my fierce Resolution, partly, because I would not do my Nation so great a Disgrace, and especially that part of it, to which I am so entirely devoted. But principally because I hoped milder Physic might cure them of this French Disease, of this inordinate Appetite to Mushrooms, of this degenerous Doting upon Strangers.  
After he had hanged a convenient time, he was cut down, and by Persons well dressed, carried into a Mourning Coach, and so conveyed to the Tangier Tavern in St. Giles', where he lay in State all that Night, the Room hung with black Cloth, the Hearse covered with Scutcheons, eight Wax-Tapers burning, as many tall Gentlemen with long black Cloaks attending; Mum was the word, great silence expected from all that visited, for fear of disturbing this sleeping Lion: And this Ceremony had lasted much longer, had not one of the Judges (whose Name I must not mention here lest he should incur the displeasure of the Ladies) sent to disturb this Pageantry. But I dare set down a mark, whereby you may guests at him; 'Tis one betwixt whom and the Highwaymen there's little love lost, one who thought the Filou lay in State enough in not being buried under the Gallows.  
This story of lying in State seemed to me so improbable, and such an audacious mockery of the Laws, that, till I had it again and again from several Gentlemen who had the curiosity to see him, I durst not put it down here for fear of being accounted a notorious Liar.  
The night was stormy and rainy, as if the Heavens had sympathised with the Ladies, and echoed again their Sighs, and wept over again their Tears.  
As they were undressing him, in order to his lying in State, one of his Friends put his hands in his pocket, and found therein the Speech which he intended to have made, written with a very fair hand; a Copy whereof (though I have with much cost and industry procured) I do freely make it public, because I would not have any thing wanting in this Narration.   

DU VALL's SPEECH.  
I Should be very ungrateful (which amongst Persons of Honour, is a greater Crime than that for which I die) should I not acknowledge my Obligation to you, fair English Ladies. I could not have hoped that a Person of my Nation, Birth, Education, and Condition, could have had so many and powerful Charms, to captivate you all, and to tie you so firmly to my interest; that you have not abandoned me in distress or in prison, that you have accompanied me to this place of Death, of Ignominious Death.  
From the Experience of your true Loves I speak it; nay I know I speak your Hearts, you could be content to die with me now, and even here, could you be assured of enjoying your beloved Duke Vall in the other world.  
How mightily and how generously have you rewarded my little Services? Shall I ever forget that universal Consternation amongst you when I was taken, your frequent, your chargeable Visits to me at Newgate, your Shrieks, your Swoonings when I was Condemned, your zealous Intercession and Importunity for my Pardon?  
You could not have erected fairer Pillars of Honour and respect to me, had I been a Hercules, and could have got fifty Sons in a Night.  
It has been the Misfortune of several English Gentlemen, in the times of the late Usurpation, to die at this place upon the Honourablest Occasion that ever presented its self, the endeavouring to restore their Exiled Sovereign: Gentlemen indeed, who had ventured their Lives, and lost their Estates in the Service of their Prince; but they all died unlamented and uninterceded for, because they were English. How much greater therefore is my Obligation, whom you love better than your own Countrymen, better than your own dear Husbands? Nevertheless, Ladies▪ it does not grieve me, that your Intercession for my life proved ineffectual; For now I shall die with little pain, a healthful body, and I hope a prepared mind. For my Confessor has showed me the Evil of my way, and wrought in me a true Repentance; witness these tears, these unfeigned tears. Had you prevailed for my life, I must in gratitude have devoted it wholly to you, which yet would have been but short; for, had you been sound, I should have soon died of a Consumption; if otherwise, of the POX.  
He was buried with many Flambeaux, and a numerous train of Mourners, most whereof were of the Beautiful Sex: He lies in the middle I'll in Covent-Garden Church under a plain white marble stone, whereon are curiously engraved the Duke Valls Arms, and under them written in black this Epitaph.   

DU VALL's EPITAPH.  
HEre lies Du Vall: Reader, if Male thou art,  
Look to thy Purse; if Female, to thy Heart.  
Much havoc has he made of both: For all  
Men he made stand, and Women he made fall.  
The second Conqueror of the Norman Race,  
Knights to his Arms did yield, and Ladies to his Face:  
Old Tiburn's Glory, England's Illustrious Thief,  
Du Vall the Lady's Joy, Du Vall the Lady's Grief.   

The AUTHOR'S APOLOGY WHY HE Conceals his NAME.  
SOme there are without doubt, that will look upon this harmless Pamphlet as a Libel, and invective Satire; because the Author has not put his Name to it. But the Booksellers Printing his true Name, and place of abode, wipes off that Objection.  
But, if any Person be yet so curious as to inquire after me, I can assure him I have conjured the Stationer not to declare my Name so much as to his own Wife: not that I am ashamed of the Design, no, I glory in it; nor much of the manner of Writing; for I have seen Books with the Author's Names to them not much better written; neither do I fear I should be proud if the Book takes, and crest-faln if it should not; I am not a Person of such a tender Constitution. Valeat res ludicra, si me Palma negata macrum, donata reducat opimum. But upon other pressing and important Reasons. Though I am resolved not to be known, yet I intent to give you some account of myself, enough to exempt me from being so pitiful and inconsiderable a fellow, as possibly some incensed Females may endeavour to represent me.  
I was bred a Scholar, but let none reproach me with it, for I have no more Learning left than what may become a well-bred Gentleman. I have had the opportunity (if not the advantage) of seeing all France and Italy very particularly, Germany and the Spanish Netherlands en passant. I have walked a Corant in the hands of Monsieur Provost, the French Kings Dancing Master, and several times pushed at the Plastron of Monsieur Filboy le vieux. Now I hope these qualities, joined with a white Peruke, are sufficient to place any person horse de la porteè, out of the reach of Contempt.  
At my return from France, I was advised by my Friends to settle myself in the world, that is, to Marry; when I went first amongst the Ladies upon that account, I found them very obliging, and as I thought coming. I wondered mightily what might be the reason could make me so acceptable, but I afterwards found 'twas the sent of France which was then strong upon me; for according as that perfume decayed, my Mistresses grew colder and colder.  
But that which precipitated me into ruin, was this following Accident: Being once in the Company of some Ladies, amongst other discourses we fell upon the comparison betwixt the French and English Nation▪ And here it was that I very imprudently maintained even against my own Mistress, That a French Lackey was not so good as an English Gentleman. The Scene was immediately changed, they all looked upon me with anger and disdain; they said I was unworthy of that little breeding I had acquired, of that small parcel of wit (for they would not have me esteemed a mere Fool, because I had been so often in their Company) which nature had bestowed upon me, since I made so ill use of it as to maintain such Paradoxes. My Mistress for ever forbids me the House, and the next day sends me my Letters, and demands her own, bidding me pick up a Wife at the Plow-tail, for 'twas impossible any woman well-bred would ever cast her eyes upon me.  
I thought this Disgrace would have brought me to my grave, it impaired my health, robbed me of my good humour. I retired from all Company as well of Men, as of Women, and have lived a Solitary melancholy life, and continued a Bachelor to this day.  
I repented heartily, that at my return from my Travels, I did not put myself into a Livery; and in that Habit go and seek Entertainment at some great man's house; for 'twas impossible but good must have arrived to me from so doing. 'Twas a la mode to have French Servants, and no person of Quality but esteemed it a disgrace, if he had not two or three of that Nation in his Retinue: so that I had no reason to fear but that I should soon find a Condition.  
After I had insinuated myself into one of these houses, I had just reason to expect (if I could have concealed myself from being an English man) that some young Lady with a great Portion, should run away with me, and then I had been made for ever. But if I had followed bad Courses, and Robbed upon the high way, as the Subject of this History did, I might have expected the same civilities in Prison, the same intercessions for my Life; and if those had not prevailed, the same glorious Death, lying in State in Tangier Tavern, and being embalmed in the Lady's Tears, And who is there worthy the Name of Man, that would not prefer such a Death, before a mean, solitary and inglorious Life.  
I design but two things in the writing this Book, one is that the next Frenchman that is hanged, may not cause an uproar in this Imperial City, which I doubt not but I have effected.  
The other is much a harder Task, to set my Countrymen on even terms with the French, as to the English Ladies Affections: If I should bring this about, I should esteem myself to have contributed much to the good of this Kingdom.  
One Remedy there is, which possibly may conduce something towards it.  
I have heard that there is a new Invention of Transfusing the Blood of one Animal into another, and that it has been experimented by putting the blood of a Sheep into an English man. I am against that way of Experiments, for should we make all English men Sheep, we should soon be a Prey to the Lovure.  
I think I can propose the making that Experiment a more advantageous way. I would have all Gentlemen, who have been a full year, or more out of France, be let blood weekly, or oftener if they can bear it; mark how much they bleed, transfuse so much French Lackeys blood into them, replenish these last out of the English Footmen, for 'tis no matter what becomes of them. Repeat this Operation toties quoties, and in process of time you'll find this Event: Either the English Gentlemen will be as much beloved as the French Lackeys, or the French Lackeys as little esteemed as the English Gentlemen.  
But to conclude my Apology, I have certainly great reason to conceal my Name; for if I suffered so severely for only speaking one word in a private Company, what Punishment will be great enough for a relapsed Heretic, publishing a Book to the same purpose? I must certainly do as that Irish Gentleman, that let a scape in the presence of his Mistress, run my Country, shave my head, and bury myself alive in a Monastery, if there be any charitable enough to harbour a person guilty of such heinous Crimes.  
FINIS.