PROPOSAL FOR The Farming OF LICENCE TO USE No Conscience AT ALL.  
LONDON, Printed in the Year, MDCLXIII.   

A PROPOSAL, etc.  
SInce this Nation cannot be ignorant that we of the Faithful Honest Party for many years last passed, have wasted our Patrimonies, have sat up whole nights, and myriads of nights, swearing, and smoking, and drinking, and soaking in Sack and in Ale, both raw and buttered; all which we did upon design to promote the Common Good: And since it is apparent, that many of us have no reward for these most meritorious Services, insomuch that our great spreading Plumes are shriveled, and moultered into one single yard of 4 d. Ribbon; that our Pockets instead of money are fain to hold the dirty scraps of Bread and Cheese; that our Swords, like the dreadful Weapon of Captain Bessus, are by our Enemies merely eaten up into knives, that our  in general are so bedanbed with distillations from the Pint-pot, that they smell more strong than a Brewer's Apron: We out of an Heroic Indignation can no longer patiently endure these most ungodly persecutions, but humbly implore, that the means hereafter proposed may be listened and yielded to, that there may be some Alleviation of our miseries, and that we may once more be restored to our transcendent Nobilitating Elements of Sack and Ale, whereby our drooping Spirits will be again set afloat, to the utter confusion of all the Small-Beer Presbytetians, Anabaptists, Fifth-Monarchy-men, and Quakers, and of all the Coffee-drinking-Commonwealths-men, and Harringtonians.  
Our Proposal and Petition is, That whereas this Nation through our assiduous endeavours does now abound with the Honourable Gentle Qualities of drinking, swearing, whoring, cheating, etc. no person for the future may indulge either his pleasure or profit, by exercising himself in any of them, unless he has a special Warrant or Licence by some eminent Assembly of us met to this purpose, under the notion and title of Commissioners, etc. Which Commissioners being to be composed of eight or ten of those Damme-blades, who own the profession of the Sword, as many Cheats and Broken Gamesters of any common Dicing-Ordinary, with some of the rank Flesh-flies and Smell-Smocks, and other strong Drunkards of the Town, shall have power under the Farm-rent of 200000 l. per annum to the State, to make every man compound according to the rates here under specified, for his particular liberty to drink, whore, swear, lie and cheat, and act other the like extravagancies.  
That such a number of Commissioners being found out and nominated, may be authorized to set up one public Office at the— Tavern in Covent-Garden, or elsewhere, with power to constitute under-Officers, as Registers, Clerk, Porter, etc. and that the said Commissioners may have a common Seal, known by the name of The Great Seal of the Commissioners and Farmers of the Liberty of having no Conscience; engreven either with a Die Slurrant, or a Tongue Swearant, or a Mouth Spuant, or a Plush-coat Pawnant, it matters not which; and with this Motto, Lucribonus odor exre Qualiber.  
〈…〉 man impose the Rates here under speeified.  

Rates to be observed in all Compositions for Liberty of having no Conscience.   per annum. For Liberty to swear in general. 06 00 00 For grand thundering Oaths in particular. 04 00 00 For small mimical Oaths: as when we swear by our Honour, or Virginity, or Truth, or Reputation, or Honesty, or Conscience, or Fatih: or by any such abstracted Notional Fiction, which never was, nor never will be in esse. 02 00 00 For Cursing in general. 05 00 00 For sine small ingenious Curses. 01 00 00 For loud Curses. 04 00 00 For Imprecations, as, God damn my Soul, the Devil suck my Soul through a Tobacco-Pipe, etc. 03 00 00 For Congratulations when friends meet, and say, God confound your Soul (Dick) for a Son of a Whore; how dost do? When didst thou see Mistress Susan at the sign of the— 04 00 00 For the privilege of Lying or Romancing. 05 00 00 For being drunk with Sack. 02 00 00 For being drunk with Ale, (unless with Cock-Ale, or China-Ale) 09 00 00 For a Licence to compile & sing gross bawdy songs 02 00 00 For lying with common Park whores. 03 00 00 For debauching Citizens Wives, etc. 06 00 00 For belying honest Women, saying, That such a Lady loves me, and such a Lady gave me so many pair of Silk Stockine, or such a Ring, or such a Suit of Laced Linen, or so much money for satisfying her Appetite. 12 00 00 For the privilege of being a rank Cheat in general. 20 00 00 For Dodging at Cards in particular, as, for Cutting or Shuffling with a broad Card, or a smooth Card, or a crooked Card. 02 00 00 For a Liberty to play at Cribbage, or Put, and one and thirty with six or seven Cards. 02 00 00 For Slurring, or Knapping, or striking a Die out of hand. 04 00 00 For Palming and Fingering a Die. 03 00 00 For holding one or two Dice at the top or a Dice Box, which we Gamesters call Topping. 04 00 00 For having our consent to use all sorts of false-dices, as Quater Deux aces, Cinq trey aces, Size quater Deuxes, Bar size asses, high Fullams, low Fullams, etc. 05 00 00 For privilege to borrow money upon Parol: with an honest intention never to pay. 04 00 00 For a Liberty to baffle a young Coxcomb out of his money, or Watch, or so. 03 00 00 For the precious faculty of borrowing a Cloak of a Civil Person, under pretence of rainy Wether, or foul Linen, with a resolution to pawn it at the nex● Brokers. 02 00 00 For a privilege to break any oath or promise whatsoever, upon any motive or consideration. 01 00 00 For making it a common practice to retreat out of Taverns with sword in hand, promising to pay next time. 02 00 00 For common bilking of a bawdy house when money is gone, and no Dinner to be had any where else. 01 06 03 For making it a practice to kiss women in the street when a sudden drunken motion pricketh forward. 01 00 00 For having a Liberty to huff up and down, and, pretend to Land and Estate, talking of Tenants, Rents, Servants, Horses, Dogs, etc. 05 00 00 For having a liberty to drop shillings in the street, thereby to draw in silly Prentices and Country Fellows to be choosed of their single money. 01 00 00 For liberty to set up or hold a Leaguer or society of Band, Whore, & Hector; such as we see represented in the Comedy called, The Knave in Grain. 10 00 00 Item, For a Liberty to Coin, or take a Purse, when money is to be gotten no other ways. 20 00 00  
That immediately Proclamation may be made, That all Hectors, Low-Country-Captains, Broken Citizens, Gentlemen of the Highway, Cheats, Drunkards, Swearers, Cursers, Wenchers, Liars, etc. shall appear before the said Commissioners at the place appointed as aforesaid, and there compound according to the precedent rates, for their illegal and unchristian ways of profit, pleasure, and vain glory.  
That as the said Commissioners shall have power to assets the said Rates 〈…〉, and other privileges; so when any of the Brethren are fallen into adversity, they shall have authority to allow a competent sum to any of them, for a Radix, or punclum Saliens to their future Fortunes.  
That in some Cases the Commissioners shall have liberty to gratify and reward the Gallantillo's for any notable Action done, so it come within the limits of their inspection.  

Rewards for brave and Generous Actions.  As where a man drinking the King's Health, flings his Hat in the fire, though the Hat be worth but 2 s. 6. d. 02 00 00 Item, Where the Fort being known to be full of most consuming Wildfire, is yet entered by some Eager-couraged man. 04 00 00 Item, Where a man in Cupid's Battles has lost the use of his Limbs, and has his Nose Motheaten with the L●es Venerea. 06 00 00 Item, Where a Gentleman kills any Sergeant or Bailiff; (which Generation in all future times shall be by us accounted as Woolferthod, qui gerunt Capita Lupina.) 10 00 00 Item, Where a company of Swa-shado's beat the Watch. 15 00 00 Item, Where a man inspired with Bacchanalian fury breaks the windows of a whole street. 02 00 00 Item, If he do it with his hands, and his hands are cut with the Glass. 05 00 00  
Et ubi cadem est ratio, ibi erit eadem Lex.  
That no man be admitted to compound for having no Conscience at abovesaid, before he hath subscribed the solemn Protestation following:  
I. A. B. do heresol mnly protest, that I judge myself bound, as I am a Gentleman well descended, not to yield myself a Captive to the Jaws of Poverty, nor to attend the leisure or delay of any honest employment, but rather to cheat, rob, or Hectorize, or plough my maintenance out of the lust of any lose Woman, whether she be Maid, Wife or Widow, of the City or Country. That as I am a good Orthodox Commonwealthsmen. I am obliged to keep up the Honourable Customs of drinking, savearing and smocking, and to confound all vile fanatics with the fierce Gunpowder of swelling Oaths, and with most pregnant much courage drawn from the operation and energy of Sack: And though I do intent to carry a pretty plausible Gentile Outside, yet my Resolutions art, for ever to banish the thoughts of Real Honour, or Conscience, or Religion, as mere fantastical Ideas, and Chimaerical Notions supra nos, and so nihil ad nos.  
Also I do believe, that the Constitution of this Honourable Society of Commissioners, is very agreeable to our present necessities; and that 'tis therefore grounded on Reason supr' amount to that of any positive Law, and so ought inviolably to be observed.  
That no person taking this Protestation, and compounding as abovesaid, shall be questioned for any of the precedent Misdemeanours in any Court Spiritual or Temporal; but shall be discharged upon proof made of the said Composition, Ousur Manstrans d' Escript South Seal deal dits Commissioners.  
That Letters Congratulatory may be sent to the Pope, to certify the actual approbation of the English for his taking tribute from the Stews; seeing that upon the same grounds is built the Superstructure of this Honourable Assembly of Commissioners, etc. with the Revenue and Profits accrueing to the State thereby.  
That no Common Players (truly so called) be obliged or compelled to compound according to the Rates abovesaid, because they were long ago virtually incorporated into this Society by the Statute.  
That if any man fear to be Rob, or Cheated, or to have his Wife whored, etc. in case he repair to the said Commissioners, they shall execute the Office of Malipiero Cutpurse, and for a small sum of money shall secure him, by good pledges, from any such loss or damage.  
That for the future no person or persons, having compounded as above said, shall be branded with any names of ignominy or scandal, as heretosore; but that such as are common Hectors, Cheats, Padders, or Coiners, shall be called, Ingenious Persons that live by their Wits: and such as are notorious Sots and Drunkards, shall be characterised to be Good well-meaning honest Fellows: and such as are grand Horners and Fornicators, shall modestly be termed, Amorous Persous: and those who are given to lying, shall be called Romancers or Historians.  
That if any man who has compounded as abovesaid, lose 35.6. d. at any Gaming Ordinary, it shall be lawful for him to look sour, and curse exceedingly, and swear to the next man he meets, that he has lost 5 l. and to the next man, that he has lost 10 l. and to the next man, that he his lost 20 l. and so under pretence of the said fictitious loss, to thrust along with any Company into a Tavern, and come off .  
That the Commissioners shall and may appoint several private Committees at confiding le-houses, etc. to give in intelligence of young Novices and Bubbles, that have no more wit or brains then to be cheered; what sums of money are moving upon the Road; what City-Madams there are of easy wanton inclinations; what Tailors and Tradesmen are gisted with a photophoria, or sulness of Faith; where is the best Liquor, be it Wine, Ale, Cider, Chocolatta, etc.  
That it being the misfortune of many Hectors, Drunkards and Lechers, who pretend to sufferings for Loyalty, to 〈◊〉 poor, so that their Coats (whether Plush or Cloth) their Horses, Watches, Rings, Swords, Boors, with other Vestments, Appendants, and 〈◊〉, were 〈◊〉 to he Mortgaged in Ale houses, in Taverns, and Brokers Wardrobes; there may be so much money immediately deposited by the State as will redeem them; to the end that such worthy Personages may no longer look like the Epitomes of a Sh●p-wrack, or old-hatcht Hilts, here a spot of Silver; and there a spot of Rust.  
That it shall not be lawful for any Doorkeeper at a Playhouse to deny entrance to such persons as have compounded as above said; in case any one of the persons swear God Dammee with a clear and audible voice eight times; and also in case he call the said Doorkeeper Son of a Whore, and kick him one and twenty times.  
That the Commissioners and their Composition-men may have free privilege to baffle, out-talk, cut-sweat, and outface any of those Maidenly meal-mouthed people whom they call fanatics, or any who dares mention the word Conscience, or pronounce a Text of Scripture in their company: That in case any one persist in such babble or impertinence, they may lawfully kick or stab him: or upon the most moderate terms spit or throw a glass of drink in his face; and so with solemn censure excommunicate him out of the pale of their Society.  
That the said Commissioners may he licenced to hold this following Opinion as probable and Orthodox: Videlicet:  
That Satan being nothing else but a certain Accumulation or Primitive stock of Evil, whatsoever wickedness is perpetrated by Mortals, must necessarily be a substraction from his Essence; and the more men sin and transgress, the more they diminish and spend upon his substance; till at length when their concupisce thial spongy Natures have sucked up all iniquity, it is impossible there should any Devil be left at all, in regard he will be totally devoured, swallowed up, and extinguished.  
And that upon this sublime consideration, the said Commissioners and their Proselytes may be looked upon as friends to Religion, because they take the readiest course to vanquish and annihilate her oldest and greatest Antagonist.  
That in case all, or the most essential part of these Proposals are not granted us our credits with Tailors and Taverns will be clearly bankrupt; and our wants having bereaved us both of our Periwigs and Linen, Nature, Necessity and Desperation, will oblige us to grow sullen and Religious, and to fall into some melancholy Sect, like that of the Quakers, wholly opposite to Hectorizing, and most Antipodian to the Town Gallantry: in which condition, 'tis very probable we shall become Factious, and shall study bitter Invectives, and dangerous Principles against the Government, etc.  
That therefore we ought to be considered, and our Proposals yielded to, not only in regard of services past, but of inconveniences to come. And we further more promise, That whatsoever we do, within the limits abovesaid, shall all be unto Loyal ends, as far as the nature of things will permit: so that when we drink our liquor with a gasto, when we cheat, or coin, or take a Purse; when we kiss, embrace, hug, and— to an high ecstasy of pleasure; when we swear like Gentlemen of Rank, Curse, Damn, Sink, take our Swings in all manner of Rants, carnalities and debauches, though we enjoy the sensual earthly part of them, yet shall we ever dedicate the pure notional abstracted Ideas of them to the prosperity of that glorious Interest, for which (in the Battles of Cupid and Bacchus) we have so long contended. And we shall always endeavour to blast the thin effeminate Souls of the fanatics with the strong Hantgant of Sack and Tobacco, which does stream in a powerful mixture and coagulation from between our jaws. Nor will we be remiss in striving by all means imaginable to explode the Heretical Opinion in the Politics, called Democracy, as a Device which we find to be built upon inconsistent contradictory Foundations, viz. Rotation and the Balance: For upon sensible experience we know, that when Rotation is in the Head or Brain, there can be no balance in the heels.  
Finally, if nothing else will avail, we will combine to spew and piss out the fires which lies rak't up in the mischievous Embers of Civil diffention. Not do we care though they make a great Hissing when we first go about in, because the said Embers, being totally extinguished, we do propose to ourselves to dance and tumble, and frolic it in the ashes. Anonymous.  
FINIS.