THE PARLIAMENT MENDED, OR ENDED; OR, A Philter and halter for the two Houses. PRESCRIBED By their Doctor Mercurius Elenticus. The Doctor's Profession. Here's a Drink, so Sovereign, 'Twill helps us to a King again: Here's a Cordial of such force, It roots the Army, Foot and Horse. And here's a Caudle, out of pity For the famed Cuckolds of the City. Here's a Vomit, I pr●ferre To the bloody crew at Westminster: Take it, since I so freely give ye, 'Twill make you once more fill your Privy: You are not squeamish I suppose When I remember Atkins hose: Be not angry at my tricks, You know we are all Empirics. WESTMINSTER, Printed at the sign of the Traitor's head, and are to be sold right over against the House of Commons. 1648. THE PARLIAMENT MENDED, or Ended, etc. Nought can let out your rancour-vile, but steel and Cupping glasses Ye most degenerated crew, made up of Knaves and Asses: The Sword which you have tempered, to destroy Our King and Church, will prove your own annoy: And 'tis but Justice of high heaven, You to your Foes, a prey are given: You were our Fate, But must not be our State. Where the Word of a King is, there is Power, and, who shall say, What dost thou. Now struggle Traitors, 'tis in vain, to hope to sway yet longer, The Devil is tied up. GOD, will be stronger: Your ruin, is inevitable yet You dare not your own fear's before you set, Then fall together; If you live we die, If you our States, then farewell Monarchy. Yet seven Weeks, and we Shall your Destruction see. Where the Word of a King is, there is Power, and, who shall say, What dost thou. HAving been a Practitioner in the Art of Physic these many years in the Lo● Country's, where I have approved my skill, for the curing of Apoplexies, Fevers, Aches, V●rdigo's, Gangrenas, Spleenitick people and Madness, with very good approbation, and fortunate success, I resolved no longer to hid myself from my native Country, but to return into England, that so my own people might be the better for me the residue of my years; but now being arrived I cannot but stand amazed, and as if I had beheld another Gorgonhead me thinks I am converted into stone, for the face of things here are so changed, since the time I set forward for my travail, that me thinks, it is no more like the Garden of the world (once worthily called so) than the Thessalian hills are compared with Temp●; sure some Circe hath taken up her abode here, and practiseth her metamorphosing Charms, for I encounter with none but beasts, men (I suppose when I left them) and now I cannot but curse myself that ever I passed the Seas hither where I am like to starve for want of practice, since the minds of the men of this Climate have need of cure and not their bodies, Paracelsus, Dioscorides, Galen, yea or the Inventor of Physic Aesculapius, might sit here and practise upon themselves; but since it is my ill hap to be here now, and that I cannot evade it, I have be thought myself of a way, at least to vanquish hunger, I perceive the vulgar, are generally Infected, and desperately overrun with a * Disease called Parliament, disease never heard of till the year 1641; and therefore I shall make semblance to have skill both in the original of the cause & the taking away the effects, jack pudding. Pudding. Here Sir, O master would I were amongst the butter-boxes, again, the fair haired Flemings, here you are like to get nothing by your skill, nor by any tricks. Dr. Never fear jack I shall get wealth, and fame to boot and for that purpose I will have a stage erected by Cha●ing Cross, on which I will divulge my skill unto all passers by, get thou the copies of these bills speedily printed, that performed, clap them up in every corner of the City, and in the most open places of the suburbs, the first medicine I undertake to heal with, is called. A Sovereign drink, which whosoever shall taste but six spoonfuls of it, brings into a Loyal temper, and discovers unto him the goodness and excellencies of his King. The Receipt. Let him take three Spoonfuls of the excellent juice, extracted from the famous herb, so much lauded in scripture called Loyalty, with a good quantity of the root of the herb Grace, and thereto an handful of obedience, as much Christian pity, and true Faith, with a dose of humility; mix all these together and boil them over the soft fire of Zeal according to Knowledge, in an equivolent Number of tears taken from the clear fountain of a repentant heart, and let all boil till they be coagulated and then take, and keep. A purge peculiarly to be administered to the members of the junto, and prescribed only for them and their use. For that the Junto, have this seven years confined, themselves to one place, & have not taken their progress into the country thereby to refresh their ever working and troubled spirits, with the odoriferous, & sweet smelling air and withal have been so unprofident and careless of their own health, as to suffer a large and noisome Privy to have it evacuation, nearly under their nostrils: I have therefore being very Zealous of their preservation, and how corrupt their bodies are even almost as fowl as their Souls, have devised them this thorough Purgation, which I am certain if timely taken, will be for their exceeding profit. The Receipt. Let them take twelve ounces of Loyalty, a Vegetable to be found in each corner of the pleasant Garden, called the word of God, with a good quantity of Order and Discipline, with as much of Law and ●ustice; a pound of Penitence, with Competency, of the ancient Religious practices; mix all these together, with a hand not spotted with Rebellion, murders, oppressions, cruelties, and Impieties, and boil them in a Cauldron filled with their own tears of Contrition, and then it being gathered to a jelly, box it up, and preserve it for your use; this receipt will without fail, restore you to your first and pristine Purity; and you may yet be called a Parliament. Another receipt in case the other fail. Take each of you a good hempen halter strongly and surely twisted (and each of you after you have well dined (For it is not good to go to hell with an empty stomach) adorn each of your thick necks with the aforesaid Bracelets, that done you that have a mind to step into Charon's boat unseen, and have studies replenished with books only for fashion sake, enter into them, and there casting up your eyes search out the most conveniently exalted beam, to which by the aid of a joint stool●, fasten your hempen jnstrument, and having performed these necessary ceremonies without praying to God, who abhors you, or calling on the Devil, who longs to embrace you, put yourselves to the mercy of the throttle, and without fail it will prove your perfect cure, Probatum est. Another. But if it shall so happen (as in all probability it may) that you shall be out of conceit with such a speedy cure, alleging that because your charity forbids you to take the Executioners trad e from him, who hath these many years so we I thriven under you, take another more-Gentleman like prescription. Take each of you an ounce of white Mercury, as much Aqua fortis, half an ounce of Stibium, boil all these together in an Ass' hoof (for it is as speedy and dangerous as ever was the Centauris blood, the terror of the great Alcides) till it shall be commixed into one jelly, than each of you share as much of it as will cover a sixpence, and mingle it with your usual beveridge, and take the opinion of the Horse Doctor it will cozen you of your leprous souls & in as small a time as you may be voting no further addresses to the King, that a Declaration be drawn up against him, taxing him for murdering his Father, or while you may vote a whole County out of their lives and Estates, but if this fail or that you are yet resolved to hold up your house, till your fingers are chopped of, harken to your Doom. The Doctor's Doom, upon the Rebellious Iunt●. Fatal juno, is near unto you The stars conspire, for to undo● you: Grim Saturn laughs, the other six Have set a period to your tricks. Mercury waiteth with his rod To waft you to the Stygian God: jove whose great Acts, the Poets sing, Hath past his Vote, to have a King. Tritonia waits to see you drop Er' she ascend to Latin●s ●op. Only the Cyprian Queen is sad And is in sable vestments clad, All sorrowful, for why by you Whores thrived and Cockoldry was due. Mars, is Armed cap-a-pe, For to bring in your destiny. Apollo girt with bea●●s about, Hath sent the fell Erinys out. The JUNTOES, Distraction. See how their colours come and go● Behold their tossing to and fro, Their smothered sighs▪ and large complaints, Their Beastly Rage, and shameles●e 〈◊〉 How pale they look, and how forlorn Their bodies, into shadows worn; Their trepidations, and their tears, To these add their infernal fears. Ye The spain sisters, now rejoice And lift up your exalted voice, Clio, do thou in History For aye, writ down their infamy. In such an high and haughty tone All may abhor Rebellion. Thus have I prescribed, two never failing Purgations; very meet to be used by our Honourable junto, and which I am certain will endubitably, cure them of their fears, and the kingdom of their Ague fits, and now because the whole Nation are desperately sick of this cruel kill disease▪ called Parliament, I shall out of mere pity and compassion to my languishing Countrymen, prescribe them this medicine then which none can afford them speedy and safe cure. The Receipt. With speed draw yourselves into one body of defence of your Religion, your King, and your Laws, conjure all your fellow Commoners to rise as one man, which done, and you in warlike equipage, let Surrey men be your precedent, and Declare that you are lost, if there be not an OLD KING and a NEW PARLIAMENT; draw up a Declaration, which may inform the world how your King hath been dethroned and Imprisoned, your Church Demolished and devasted, your Parson Murdered and your Estates Sequestered▪ your Laws perverted, and vacated, by these who at the first pretended to be Reformers, and Patriots, then reinthrone your King stand by him till he call a Parliament, of knowing (but men) See the Fathers, I mean the Reverend Bishops of the Church replaced in their former Sees and lay not down your swords till this late cursed Rebellion, hath been punished, and all things to their first purity restored. This is your cure, and only this, Can bring you to your former bliss: This if you neglect to do: All good forever bid adun: Your baseness, o'er the world will Ring; Without a God, without a King: FINIS.